1 00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:10,178 - LAST SEASON ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,945 - IN THE COURSE OF A RELATIONSHIP, 3 00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:13,881 IF THINGS DIDN'T EVOLVE, THEY THREATENED TO GO EXTINCT. 4 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,116 I'M WORRIED THIS COLLIN THING 5 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,984 MIGHT BE MORE THAN JUST A FANTASY. 6 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,220 - EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW YOUR PARENTS ARE BROKE. 7 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,588 AAH! [thud] 8 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,323 - YOU HAVE TO HAVE A GUARDIAN OVER 18. 9 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:24,592 - DO YOU WANT HER? - YES! 10 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,860 - SOLD! SADIE'S YOUR NEW BABY. 11 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,330 - I LOVED BEING PRESIDENT, AND YOU RUINED THAT FOR ME. 12 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,731 - END IT WITH COLLIN OR TELL MATTY. 13 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,300 all: SURPRISE! 14 00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:36,104 - YOU BREAKING UP WITH ME? - I'M SO, SO SORRY, MATTY. 15 00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:38,372 I'M SO SORRY. - WE WEREN'T TAKING SIDES, 16 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:40,274 BUT WE ARE NOW. AND WE ARE NOT ON YOURS. 17 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,743 - I'M SORRY, J. YOU'RE SUSPENDED. 18 00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,745 - I RUINED FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE OF YOU. 19 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,914 - IT IS ALL ON YOU, JENNA. - I HAD HIT ROCK BOTTOM. 20 00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:49,016 I WANTED MY LIFE BACK. - MATTY, THIS MY FRIEND BAILEY. 21 00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:50,684 - I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE 22 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,354 THAT YOU WERE COOL WITH ME ASKING BAILEY. 23 00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:54,722 - HOW 'BOUT YOU GUYS HAVE THIS DANCE? 24 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,056 - DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE STILL OPEN. 25 00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,758 - AND I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE CLOSED. 26 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:00,594 I WANNA BE THAT GIRL WHO DOESN'T NEED A BOY TO BE HAPPY, 27 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,497 BECAUSE I'LL KNOW HOW TO DANCE ALL ON MY OWN. 28 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:10,871 - DECIDING WHO I WANTED TO BE WAS SO LIBERATING, 29 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,606 SO EMPOWERING. 30 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,608 MEN, SENSING MY INNER STRENGTH, 31 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:15,843 FLOCKED TO ME. 32 00:01:15,943 --> 00:01:18,446 MOTHS TO MY FLAME. 33 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:21,149 WHEN I DECIDED I DIDN'T NEED MEN, 34 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:23,451 THEY ALL DECIDED THEY NEEDED ME. 35 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,486 THEY CRAVED EVERY THOUGHT IN MY HEAD 36 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,988 AND EVERY INCH OF MY BODY. 37 00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:30,491 [sultry music] 38 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,626 HE WORKED HIS WAY DOWN MY TORSO, 39 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,828 AND WHEN HE GOT TO MY CENTER OF NEED, 40 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,830 IT FELT SO GOOD. 41 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,499 OH, SO GOOD. 42 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,000 [moans] 43 00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:44,037 - IT'S SENIOR YEAR! GET IT! 44 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,906 - OH, SHE GOT IT. 45 00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,408 - OH. 46 00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,914 - OHH! OH, OVER-SQUIRTED. 47 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:55,349 STICKY FINGERS. 48 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:56,850 DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS? - LACEY! 49 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,219 - MOM! - GET OVER IT, YOU TWO. 50 00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,388 EVERYONE MASTURBATES. 51 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:01,822 IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T CAUGHT YOU 52 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,491 RUBBING ONE OUT AT YOUR LAPTOP, MISTER. 53 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,659 - UH...SO, JENNA, 54 00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:08,596 SENIOR YEAR, HUH? SENIORS RULE THE ROOST. 55 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,398 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN THIS YEAR. 56 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:11,732 - IT WAS SUCH A BLAST. 57 00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,767 WELL, UNTIL MY MORNING SICKNESS. 58 00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,102 HONEY, A HOODIE? 59 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,670 AREN'T SENIOR PICTURES TODAY? 60 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,439 - THIS IS HOW I ALWAYS LOOK. 61 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,274 - IT'S NOT REALLY A LOOK. 62 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:21,509 HOW ABOUT EARRINGS? 63 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,644 A LITTLE MAKEUP, A COLORFUL TOP-- 64 00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,413 YOU'LL STAND OUT A LITTLE MORE. 65 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,115 - I DON'T WANT TO STAND OUT. - BUT IT'S SENIOR YEAR. 66 00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,651 ARE YOU DEPRESSED ABOUT BEING SINGLE? 67 00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,221 - NO. I LIKE BEING SINGLE. 68 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:34,788 I'M GETTING TO KNOW MYSELF AGAIN. 69 00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,590 - YEAH. WE SAW, HONEY. 70 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,126 HEY, BETTER BEAT AROUND YOUR OWN BUSH 71 00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:40,928 THAN GET INTO BOY TROUBLE, HMM? 72 00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:42,230 - OKAY, I'M OFF TO HOME DEPOT, 73 00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:45,433 GONNA GET A LOCK FOR THAT DOOR. 74 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,468 - LET ME TAKE YOU SHOPPING FOR SOME CUTE CLOTHES. 75 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,604 OUR LAST BACK-TO-SCHOOL SHOPPING EVER. 76 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,841 SOME CUTE JAMMIES FOR SENIOR SLEEPOVERS, 77 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,243 SOMETHING PEPPY FOR HOMECOMING, 78 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,810 PROM-- - MOM. 79 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,779 IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. PACE YOURSELF. 80 00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,281 - COME ON. 81 00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,082 JUST A QUICK TRIP TO THE MALL AFTER SCHOOL. 82 00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,251 - OKAY, FINE. 83 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,785 ONLY IF YOU LET GO 84 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:08,088 OF YOUR COMPLETE MAKEOVER AGENDA. 85 00:03:08,256 --> 00:03:10,758 - DONE. 86 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,093 - I'D COME A LONG WAY FROM SOPHOMORE YEAR. 87 00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:14,895 FROM BEING RANDOM SUICIDE GIRL 88 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,530 WHO HOOKED UP WITH MATTY MCKIBBEN, 89 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,266 BUT ENDED UP DATING JAKE ROSATI, 90 00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,700 TO RANDOM SUICIDE GIRL 91 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,269 WHO STUPIDLY CHEATED ON MATTY MCKIBBEN 92 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:22,970 WITH AN EPIC DOUCHEBAG, TO, WELL... 93 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:25,573 JUST A RANDOM GIRL AGAIN. 94 00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:28,476 IT WAS A REFRESHING START TO A NEW STIGMA-FREE YEAR. 95 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,278 - HEY, HAMILTOE! 96 00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,912 HEARD YOU WERE CAUGHT PEARL FISHING 97 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,947 IN YOUR RED LOBSTER THIS MORNING. 98 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,716 - DID I REALLY NEED TO TELL MY MOTHER 99 00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,286 NOT TO TELL HER FRIENDS ABOUT MY TENDER BUTTONING? 100 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:39,620 - HOW EMBARRASSING. 101 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,389 MUST MAKE YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF. 102 00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,424 BETTER LUCK THIS TIME. 103 00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,393 [pop music blasts on radio] 104 00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:46,827 - NICE WHEELS. 105 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,297 - YOUR TWEETING MUST REALLY BE PAYING OFF. 106 00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:50,731 - BETTER THAN YOUR TWATTING. 107 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,933 FYI, YOU'RE LOOKING A LITTLE BRASSY. 108 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,468 PROBABLY BEST NOT TO BUY YOUR BLONDE 109 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,304 AT THE 99 CENT STORE. 110 00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:59,006 ALTHOUGH IF YOU EMBRACE IT AND GET MATCHING TRAMP STAMPS 111 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,908 AND IMPLANTS, YOU'LL BE ALL SET 112 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:02,710 FOR YOUR LUCRATIVE POST-HIGH SCHOOL CAREER 113 00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:05,078 HANGING FROM POLES AT THE SPEARMINT RHINO. 114 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,315 YOU'RE WELCOME. 115 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:08,849 - [sighs] WOW. 116 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,918 THE BIATCH REALLY IS BACK. 117 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,486 - SHE'S SO SNATCHY. 118 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,021 both: LOVE HER. 119 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,323 - ALREADY I WAS FEELING 120 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,157 THE CORE EMOTIONAL DRAMA OF SENIOR YEAR-- 121 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,727 THE SADNESS OF DOING SOMETHING FOR THE LAST TIME EVER 122 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,395 MIXED WITH THE THRILL OF KNOWING 123 00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:24,665 YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO DO ANY OF THIS [bleep] AGAIN. 124 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:25,933 - BEING THE BE-WOC-- BIG WOMAN ON CAMPUS-- 125 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,901 HAS ME IN MANIC-PANIC MULTITASK MODE. 126 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,703 AS CLASS PRESIDENT, I AM RESPONSIBLE 127 00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,439 FOR THE SENIOR SLEEPOVER, WHICH IS JUST TWO NIGHTS AWAY. 128 00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:33,341 IT IS A HUGELY B.B.F.D.! 129 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,875 THEN THERE'S PEP RALLY, SPIRIT WEEK, 130 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,244 PLUS I HAVE TO CRANK UP MY GPAs, RETAKE MY S.A.T.s, 131 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:38,746 MY S.A.T. IIs, THREE MORE APs-- 132 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,948 EVEN FOR A QUANT, THAT IS A LOT TO DIGEST. 133 00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:43,517 MY INFO-OVERLOAD IS INCHING TOWARD INFO-BESITY. 134 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:46,520 - WELL, GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOO. 135 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,889 - THEO, COLE. ARE YOU GETTING THIS? 136 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,091 THIS MAGIC MOMENT WILL NEVER, EVER HAPPEN AGAIN. 137 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,893 - "MAGIC"? WHAT MAGIC? 138 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,628 THIS CROWD'S A CHEESY SLICE OF BASIC 139 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,398 DRIPPING ONTO THE FLOOR OF SOME PIZZA PARLOR IN TUSTIN. 140 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,533 - IT'S LIKE MALL OF AMERICA ON THE BEACH. 141 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,801 WHO WANTS TO REMEMBER ANY OF THIS SICK [bleep]? 142 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,202 - IT'S LIKE SOMEONE THREW UP 143 00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:03,804 THE CAST OF GLEE ON OUR BLEACHERS. 144 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,839 both: IT'S SICK! - OKAY, ENOUGH! 145 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,376 I DIDN'T RECRUIT YOU GUYS TO FILM THE BLAIR BITCH PROJECT. 146 00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,544 NOW GET TO WORK, OR I WILL STRAP YOU DOWN 147 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,380 AND MAKE YOU WATCH IT GETS BETTER VIDEOS 148 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:16,149 UNTIL YOU BLEED EMPATHY. 149 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,518 - WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH THOSE GUYS? 150 00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:18,986 - BECAUSE THEY'RE GOOD. 151 00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:19,987 THEIR LAST SHORT FILM, BEING GAY IS GAY 152 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:21,722 ACTUALLY MADE IT INTO FESTIVALS. 153 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,857 DEALING WITH TALENT IS A NIGHTMARE. 154 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,292 UGH. 155 00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,461 STILL NOT USED TO THIS JAKE-OVER. 156 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:28,729 SO NOT LOVING IT. 157 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,197 - REALLY? I KIND OF DO. 158 00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,732 IT'S COMPLICATED. 159 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,401 KIND OF HOT. 160 00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:35,736 - UGH. 161 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,071 - * SHE - JAKE! 162 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,640 WOULD YOU PLEASE BE SO KIND 163 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,542 AS TO PUT THE GUITAR AWAY FOR THE CLASS PHOTO, 164 00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,010 WHICH IT IS MY PRESIDENTIAL DUTY 165 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,413 TO REMIND YOU, IS NOT AN ALBUM COVER. 166 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,548 - OH, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE PUT ON HER BOSSY PANTS THIS MORNING. 167 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,317 [laughs] - OKAY, EVERYBODY NEEDS TO SIT! 168 00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,685 COME ON! COME ON! 169 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,987 ARE YOU WALKING THROUGH MOLASSES, PEOPLE? 170 00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,423 MOVE YOUR FEET! 171 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:56,757 YOU'RE DOWN THERE. 172 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,025 - I HADN'T SEEN MATTY ALL SUMMER. 173 00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:00,594 SO SEEING HIM TODAY, I FELT... 174 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,596 LIKE WHAT I FELT DIDN'T MATTER ANYMORE. 175 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,466 I HAD MY CHANCE WITH MATTY, AND I HAD BLOWN IT. 176 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,768 IT WAS TIME TO BE AN ADULT AND DEAL WITH THE PRESENT. 177 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,103 MATTY HAD MOVED ON. HE WAS SPOKEN FOR. 178 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,439 END OF STORY. 179 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:14,274 - HI. 180 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,444 - HEY. HOW WAS YOUR SUMMER? 181 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:17,478 - UM... 182 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,979 SOCCER CAMP WAS VERY INTENSE. 183 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,981 YEAH. BUT GOOD. 184 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,650 I KIND OF MISSED REGULAR CAMP THOUGH. 185 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,184 YOU KNOW, SEEING YOU THERE-- - OKAY! 186 00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:25,453 ENOUGH CHITCHAT. 187 00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,020 TIME TO GET THIS MOMENT FROZEN FOREVER. 188 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,288 - OKAY. 189 00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:33,160 - I CAN'T BELIEVE MING'S GONE. 190 00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,495 IT WAS SO SUDDEN. 191 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,263 - I KNOW. IT SUCKS. 192 00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:38,766 - WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THE END OF THE MING DYNASTY? 193 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:42,703 - SO MANY EPIC CHANGES OVER ONE SHORT SUMMER... 194 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,205 THAT IT WAS REASSURING TO SEE SOME THINGS 195 00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,207 HADN'T CHANGED AT ALL. - YOU'VE CHANGED. 196 00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:50,878 THE OLD LISSA WOULD NEVER, EVER MISS SENIOR PICTURE. 197 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,112 - I CAN'T HELP IT. 198 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,647 WE'RE TRYING TO GET HOME. 199 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,982 AFRICA IS, LIKE, REALLY FAR AWAY. 200 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:55,983 [distant gunshots] 201 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:57,485 - WHAT'S THAT NOISE? 202 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,852 - THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF GUERRILLAS HERE-- 203 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,220 THE ONES THAT LIKE BANANAS 204 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,222 AND THE ONES THAT CARRY MACHETES. 205 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,592 BUT IT'S ALL BEEN SO WORTH IT, 206 00:07:04,692 --> 00:07:06,494 BRINGING THE LORD TO-- 207 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:07,861 OH, NO, THEY'RE COMING! 208 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,963 - WHO? - THE GUERRILLAS! 209 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:12,132 [screams] - JUST THROW THEM A BANANA. 210 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:13,366 YOU BETTER BE BACK IN TIME FOR CHEER! 211 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,035 I NEED YOUR VOTE FOR CAPTAIN! 212 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,805 AND FIX YOUR HAIR IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THE PICTURE. 213 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,808 [rock music] 214 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:28,849 * 215 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,720 * PIE WITH THE MAKER'S HEAD 216 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,889 * THE EDUCATED SIN 217 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:39,993 * OH MY GOD, I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND * 218 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:43,564 * WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND 219 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,966 - WHO ARE YOU? - OH, HEY. 220 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,434 HOW'S IT GOING? I'M EVA. 221 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,769 WHO ARE YOU? 222 00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,805 - I'M, UH--JUST-- VALERIE MARKS. 223 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,441 GIRL FRIDAY/YOUR NEW BFF. 224 00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,844 DO I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE? 225 00:07:56,944 --> 00:07:58,612 - I DON'T KNOW, DO YOU? 226 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,981 I'M THE NEW GIRL AND I'M STARTING MY SENIOR YEAR, 227 00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,717 AND I WILL TAKE AS MANY FRIENDS AS I CAN GET. 228 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,553 MAYBE WE'LL HAVE CLASS TOGETHER. 229 00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,054 - [gasps] OH. 230 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,390 SWEET THING, NO, NO, I'M ON THE FACULTY. 231 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:11,892 - OH, OKAY. 232 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,662 YOU JUST SEEM SO YOUNG. - NO. I KNOW, I KNOW. 233 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,830 IT'S WHY I RELATE SO WELL WITH ALL THE KIDS. 234 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:17,831 OOH, COME SIT WITH ME. 235 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,166 - OKAY. 236 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:24,037 [cell phones chiming and ringing] 237 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:28,876 - OMFG, CAN WE ALL PLEASE FOCUS? 238 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,410 THIS FOREVER IS GOING TO BE A NEVER 239 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:33,614 IF WE DON'T GET THIS TOGETHER! 240 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,182 CLASS RANKINGS? 241 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,017 HOW DID THIS GET OUT? 242 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,251 THIS WIKI-LEAKING IS GOING TO 243 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,720 CAUSE SERIOUS WIKI-TWEAKING. 244 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:40,754 [gasps] 245 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,422 I'M 17! OH, THANK GOD. 246 00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:45,025 TUFTS AND BRANDEIS ARE TOTALLY IN MY BALLPARK! 247 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,894 OR MAYBE I'LL REACH FOR U. PENN. 248 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,029 OR PRINCETON OR--WAIT. 249 00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,230 JENNA, WHERE ARE YOU? 250 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,132 - SADIE'S NUMBER THREE. YUCK. 251 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,400 JAKE'S 19. 252 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,768 - I WISH OUR CLOSENESS IN RANK 253 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,403 CARRIED OVER INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP. 254 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,205 OH, LOOK. THERE'S FRED. NOT BAD. 255 00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,940 AND MATTY--WHOA! 256 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,609 HE IS WAY HIGHER THAN I THOUGHT. 257 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,043 CHECK IT OUT, JENNA. 258 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,678 - OKAY, BUT WHERE AM I? WHY AM I NOT ON HERE? 259 00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,314 - MAYBE YOU'RE ON THE NEXT PAGE. 260 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:11,785 OR THE NEXT ONE. 261 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,453 - OH, MY GOD. 262 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,122 - IT'S NOT THAT BAD. 263 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,890 - T, I'M 137! 264 00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,192 - NOW SMILE. 265 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,162 [camera shutter clicks] 266 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,897 - NOT A PRETTY PICTURE. 267 00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:27,400 - [laughs] 268 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,736 I'M SORRY. 269 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:30,237 I THOUGHT YOU WERE PULLING MY LEG. 270 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,272 I GUESS IT'S INVOLUNTARY MUSCLE TWITCHING. 271 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:33,306 SAY IT AGAIN. 272 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,407 - COLLEGE? 273 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:37,210 - HUH... OH, JENNA. 274 00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,879 DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOU HAVE 275 00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,147 A CHANCE AT GETTING INTO COLLEGE 276 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,815 WITH YOUR LOW CLASS RANK? 277 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,550 WITH YOUR 139? 278 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,285 - 137. - OH, EXCUSE ME. 279 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:46,887 LET'S GET M.I.T. ON THE PHONE. 280 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,656 - AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING? 281 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:49,957 - WHOA, I AM, J. 282 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,224 IT'S CALLED TOUGH LOVE, 283 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,760 AND I'M ONE TOUGH LOVER. 284 00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:54,962 OKAY, LET'S START WITH YOUR COMPLETE LACK 285 00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,464 OF PARTICIPATION IN JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING, 286 00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,933 AND YOUR EMBARRASSING S.A.T. SCORE? 287 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,102 THOUGH, IN YOUR DEFENSE, YOU WERE STONED. 288 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,637 - IT WAS JUST ONE BAD SEMESTER. 289 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,939 - OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHO OUR WIKILEAKER IS. 290 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,240 I WILL HUNT HIM DOWN 291 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,809 AND SMOKE HIM OUT OF HIS FOXHOLE, 292 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,945 BUT I ACTUALLY THINK HE-- OR SHE, OR ZHE-- 293 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,748 I'M TRYING OUT SOME GENDER NEUTRAL PRONOUNS THIS YEAR. 294 00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:17,350 ANYWAY, I THINK THEY MAY HAVE DONE YOU A FAVOR 295 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,286 BY GIVING YOU A REALITY CHECK. 296 00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:20,921 I MEAN, EVEN MING GOT HER ACT TOGETHER, 297 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,656 GOING OFF TO ARIZONA TO BOARDING SCHOOL, 298 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,124 SO SHE CAN GET INTO A DECENT COLLEGE. 299 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:25,292 - IT'S IN VERMONT. 300 00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,827 - [whispers] I HEARD IOWA. 301 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,161 MAYBE THEY RELOCATED HER. 302 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,830 - WHO? - [whispers] THE ASIAN MAFIA. 303 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:34,334 ALL WE GOT WAS A LETTER FROM HER PARENTS AND THIS. 304 00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:37,470 [suspenseful music] 305 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,506 JENNA. 306 00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:41,141 LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR BRAND. 307 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,542 - MY BRAND? - IT'S YOUR ONLY SHOT 308 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,444 AT PIQUING A COLLEGE'S INTEREST. 309 00:10:44,544 --> 00:10:45,813 I KNOW WHAT MY BRAND IS-- 310 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:47,981 EMPATHETIC HIPSTER WITH DEEP THOUGHTS 311 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:51,284 AND DISTRACTINGLY SEXY LEGS WHO SPOONS OUT SO MUCH SUGAR 312 00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,286 NO ONE NOTICES ME MAINLINING THE MEDICINE. 313 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,455 BUT WHAT'S "JENNA HAMILTON"? 314 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,124 HMM? WHAT MAKES HER SO SPECIAL? 315 00:10:57,224 --> 00:10:58,992 - I HAVE NO IDEA. - OH, WELL. 316 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,728 YOU CAN ALWAYS REPEAT YOUR JUNIOR YEAR. 317 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,063 - WHAT? - AND APPLY YOURSELF THIS TIME. 318 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,198 AND REFRAIN FROM HAVING ANOTHER PSYCHOTIC BREAKDOWN 319 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,735 AND KNIFING PEOPLE WHO CARE FOR YOU IN THE HEART-- 320 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,203 THAT WOULD BE ME, IN CASE YOU NEED A CLUE. 321 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,538 - HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE? 322 00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:12,873 WILL YOU EVER FORGIVE ME? 323 00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,809 - OF COURSE, JENNA. I'M A MASOCHIST. 324 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:19,446 ANYWAY, ANOTHER YEAR WOULD IMPROVE YOUR ACADEMIC STANDING, 325 00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:22,082 AND WE WOULD HAVE FUN TOGETHER. 326 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,151 - I THINK I'LL JUST GO FORWARD WITH MY SENIOR YEAR. 327 00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:26,253 - THEN HAVE I GOT A TO-DO LIST FOR YOU-- 328 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,288 RETAKE YOUR SATs, 329 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,622 FINISH YOUR TWO INCOMPLETES, 330 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,759 GO OUT FOR A SPORT, JOIN SOME CLUBS, 331 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,994 BUILD YOUR RESUME, DEFINE YOUR BRAND, 332 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,796 AND DROP TO THE FLOOR AND GIVE ME TEN. 333 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,298 - YOU WANT ME TO DO PUSH-UPS FOR COLLEGE? 334 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,801 - NO, STRICTLY FOR MY ENTERTAINMENT. 335 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:43,170 YOU GOT ME FIRED. YOU THINK I DON'T HOLD GRUDGES? 336 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,072 - I MEAN, I GET THAT I MESSED UP LAST YEAR-- 337 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,307 BUT ALL THIS STUFF I HAVE TO DO TO PAD MY RESUME? 338 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,475 WHERE DO I START? 339 00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,277 - YOU SHOULD JOIN CHEER SQUAD. 340 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,278 - ARE YOU JOKING? 341 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,612 - WE NEED AN EQUIPMENT MANAGER. 342 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:54,081 WRANGLE A FEW POM-POMS, 343 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,448 YOU GOT YOUR FIRST EXTRACURRIC ON YOUR APP. 344 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,684 - THANKS, BUT NO THANKS. - YOU'RE 137. 345 00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,620 AND I NEED AN ALLY ON THE TEAM TO BUFFER ME FROM SADIE. 346 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:03,791 AND BY THE WAY, WTF WAS SHE TALKING ABOUT? 347 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:06,059 YOUR PARENTS CAUGHT YOU TIPTOEING THROUGH THE TULIPS? 348 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,195 - WHY IS EVERYONE MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL 349 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,297 OUT OF SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE DOES? 350 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,165 - NOT EVERYONE. - OH, PLEASE. 351 00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,334 - JAKE SATISFIES ALL MY SEXUAL NEEDS. 352 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,836 - OH, HOW NICE FOR YOU. 353 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,337 - THOUGH I AM CURIOUS. 354 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:21,041 WHEN YOU...DO... YOU KNOW? 355 00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:23,276 - CRACK THE CODE, T. - FINE. 356 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:24,677 DO YOU HAVE ORGASMS? 357 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:26,346 - WHY ELSE WOULD I DO IT? 358 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:29,883 - SO, LIKE, NORMAL BIG Os OR BIGGER BIG Os? 359 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,952 I'M JUST CURIOUS HOW THEY COMPARE TO MINE, 360 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,286 AND WHAT I'VE READ ON WIKIPEDIA 361 00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,222 AND VARIOUS AND SUNDRY SEX BLOGS. 362 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,824 - TAMARA, HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN ORGASM? 363 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,259 - WITH JAKE OR IN GENERAL? - EITHER. 364 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:41,528 - ALL THE TIME. I'M PRETTY SURE. 365 00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:44,364 - YOU'D KNOW IF YOU'D HAD ONE. 366 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,099 [door squeaking] 367 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:52,840 - [whispers] IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CLIT. 368 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,277 [Jake playing guitar] 369 00:12:57,377 --> 00:13:00,848 * 370 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:03,716 - WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP? 371 00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:06,219 I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE. 372 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:07,620 - WHAT ABOUT A STUDY BREAK? 373 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,456 - I'VE GOT A MILLION THINGS TO DO. 374 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,124 - OH, THAT'S FUNNY, 375 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,493 'CAUSE I'VE ONLY GOT ONE THING ON MY MIND. 376 00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,564 - [sighs] 377 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,868 - * YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK I ALREADY KNOW THE DEAL * 378 00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:23,403 * YOU'RE FAITHFUL AND WILLING TO DO MY WILL * 379 00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:27,407 * IF I EVER NEED SOMETHING, YOU GO AND GET IT * 380 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,910 * IF I GOT SOMETHING NEW IN MIND YOU'RE DOWN WITH IT * 381 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:33,146 - [grunts] ALL DONE. 382 00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:36,683 THAT WAS GREAT. - YEAH, IT WAS. 383 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,421 - I NEED TO BE VALEDICTORIAN. 384 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,590 - WHY NOT BE HAPPY WITH NUMBER THREE? 385 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,425 - BECAUSE THAT'S COMPLACENCY, 386 00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,595 AND COMPLACENCY LEADS TO STUPIDITY AND OBESITY. 387 00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,197 - AND YOU'RE NEITHER, 388 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:52,499 SO MAYBE YOU COULD BE A LITTLE COMPLACENT. 389 00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:54,167 - [sighs] 390 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,368 - WOULD YOU BE MORE RELAXED? 391 00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,004 - I HATE BEING RELAXED! 392 00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,239 GOD, YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT, IT'S IRRITATING. 393 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,473 [knock on door] 394 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,911 - YOU GUYS ABOUT TO SCREW? 395 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,279 - CAN YOU GET OUT OF MY ROOM? WE'RE DOING HOMEWORK. 396 00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,148 - I'M GLAD YOU'RE GETTING IT REGULARLY. 397 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:10,617 YOU'RE A LITTLE LESS OF A BEAST. 398 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:11,919 DID SHE TELL YOU ABOUT JENNA 399 00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:13,820 RUBBING ONE OUT THIS MORNING? 400 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:16,089 LITTLE BITCH HAD A LITTLE ITCH. 401 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,124 [laughs] 402 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,926 - IF YOU GIVE US SOME PRIVACY, 403 00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:21,161 I'LL LET YOU USE THE CAR LATER. 404 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,198 - WE HAVE TEN PLACES TO GO BEFORE THEY CLOSE. 405 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,699 - MOM, YOU SAID THIS WOULDN'T TAKE LONG. 406 00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:28,001 I'VE GOT A MILLION THINGS TO DO, 407 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,536 INCLUDING COLLEGE APPS, A BIOLOGY QUIZ 408 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,104 AT THE END OF THE WEEK-- I AM NOT GOOD AT BIOLOGY. 409 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:32,772 - YOU'RE PUTTING TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON YOURSELF. 410 00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,274 YOU HAVE TO PRIORITIZE SHOPPING. 411 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,276 OH, SWEETIE, THERE'S SOMETHING HERE 412 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:37,510 I THINK YOU COULD USE. 413 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:38,946 - WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY USE? OH, GOD! 414 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,213 MOM! NO! 415 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,681 I DON'T NEED YOU MICROMANAGING ME. 416 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,683 THIS IS MY SENIOR YEAR. YOU ALREADY HAD YOURS. 417 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,052 SO PLEASE JUST LET ME HAVE MINE. 418 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,987 - OKAY, WELL, I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP. 419 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,555 - I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. 420 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:49,990 I DON'T NEED YOUR TIPS ON HOW TO DO MY HAIR, 421 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,491 WHAT SHOES TO BUY, HOW TO DRESS, 422 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,526 AND MOST CERTAINLY NOT HOW TO MASTURBATE. 423 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,229 - JENNA. 424 00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,732 - MATTY. 425 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:03,971 - LET'S PRETEND THAT YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME 426 00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:05,638 JUST YELL THE WORD "MASTURBATE," 427 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:06,606 AND THAT YOU'RE NOT WEARING FLORAL BOARD SHORTS 428 00:15:06,706 --> 00:15:08,208 INSIDE AN INDOOR MALL. 429 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,710 - DEAL. YOU DO REALIZE I'M WORKING? 430 00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,212 - OH. RIGHT. 431 00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,814 WHEN DID YOU START? - LAST WEEK. 432 00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:17,084 IT IS THE DUMBEST JOB EVER, BUT THEY RECRUITED ME. 433 00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:20,453 PLUS MY PARENTS HAVE BEEN REAL A-HOLES SINCE THE DIVORCE. 434 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,289 THEY KEEP HANGING ALL THIS MONEY STUFF OVER ME, 435 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,991 SO I FIGURED I'D MAKE MY OWN MONEY. 436 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,392 - GRANTED, I HADN'T SEEN HIM ALL SUMMER, 437 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,560 BUT THIS SEEMED SO UN-MATTY, 438 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,162 I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 439 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,331 HOW'S BAILEY? - SHE'S FINE. 440 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,566 I GUESS. I HAVEN'T SEEN HER IN A FEW MONTHS. 441 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,068 I'M PRETTY SURE SHE MOVED. 442 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,070 - YOU AND SHE-- 443 00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,838 - THAT FIZZLED PRETTY FAST AFTER PROM. 444 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,008 - OH, I THOUGHT YOU AND HER ARE-- 445 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:44,677 - I JUST WASN'T REALLY FEELING IT. 446 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,614 - IS THERE, LIKE, ANY STUFF ON SALE RIGHT NOW? 447 00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:50,150 - I HAVE NO CLUE. 448 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:53,020 THEY DON'T WANT ME ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MERCHANDISE. 449 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,821 - SO WHAT IS IT YOU ACTUALLY DO HERE? 450 00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:00,627 - AH, CODE RED. YEAH, CODE RED. 451 00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:13,106 - OKAY, WHAT WAS UP WITH MATTY BEING SINGLE ALL SUMMER? 452 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,042 AND WHY WAS IT BUGGING ME SO MUCH? 453 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,543 DID JAKE TELL YOU MATTY WAS SINGLE? 454 00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,111 - NO. - IT'S WEIRD. 455 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,047 I STILL THINK THERE'S SOMETHING BETWEEN US. 456 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,115 - YEAH, AFTER LAST YEAR'S LAMENTABLE LEGACY 457 00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,883 OF DECEIT, DOUBLE DEALING, AND DAMAGE, 458 00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:26,053 YOU THINK HE WANTS TO COME BACK FOR ANOTHER SERVING OF THAT? 459 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,620 YOU NEED TO GET YOUR HOUSE IN ORDER 460 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,122 BEFORE YOU THINK ABOUT GETTING A MAN IN YOUR LIFE. 461 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,290 - TELL ME ABOUT IT. 462 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,592 MAY I? 463 00:16:32,692 --> 00:16:34,627 - PLEASE. - OH. 464 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,696 I AM SO DONE WITH MEN. 465 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,098 AT LEAST HIGH SCHOOL BOYS. 466 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,432 I DON'T [bleep] WHERE I EAT. 467 00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,234 A HIGH SCHOOL GUY HAS A BETTER CHANCE 468 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,203 OF WINNING THE LOTTERY THAN HE DOES FINDING YOUR G-SPOT. 469 00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,571 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HEARD THAT. 470 00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,539 - SORRY, I WASN'T TRYING TO EAVESDROP. 471 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,608 IT'S JUST KIND OF LONELY BEING THE NEW GIRL, 472 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:51,078 AND YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE THE ONLY INTERESTING SENIOR GIRLS. 473 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:53,246 I MEAN, THAT BIG CHEERLEADER OVER THERE 474 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,414 SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME. 475 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:55,982 - I DON'T LIKE TO JUDGE, 476 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,617 AND AS CLASS PRESIDENT 477 00:16:57,717 --> 00:17:00,487 IT IS MY OBLIGATION TO PROTECT ALL OF MY CONSTITUENTS, 478 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,622 BUT SHE'S A "SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY" SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. 479 00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:04,524 - WELL, I'VE BEEN A VICTIM OF BULLYING, 480 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,094 AND I CAN'T REALLY HANDLE ANY MORE EMOTIONAL SCARRING. 481 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,829 - YOU WERE BULLIED? - WELL, PEOPLE GET JEALOUS. 482 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,532 I'M SURE YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE. 483 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:13,833 - WHERE ARE YOU FROM? 484 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,135 - I JUST MOVED HERE FROM THE CITY, 485 00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,804 FROM NEW YORK TO LIVE WITH MY DAD. 486 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,872 SO WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOUR MAN? 487 00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:21,641 - OH, PLEASE. HOW MANY HOURS DO YOU HAVE? 488 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,243 - IT'S COMPLICATED, BUT I'M TRYING TO STAY AWAY 489 00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:25,178 FROM GUY DRAMA AND FOCUS ON SCHOOL. 490 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,813 SPEAKING OF WHICH, HAVE YOU SEEN THE COLLEGE APPS? 491 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,548 I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START. - I DO. 492 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,317 NUMBER ONE, TAKE THE CHEER EQUIPMENT MANAGER POSITION. 493 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,119 AND NUMBER TWO, LEARN HOW TO SCHEDULE. 494 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:35,021 YOU NEED A SEPARATE CALENDAR FOR EACH CLASS AND ACTIVITY. 495 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:36,689 AND MAKE SURE YOU SCHEDULE YOUR FREE TIME, TOO. 496 00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,358 SO YOU HAVE BLOCKS OF TIME FOR HOMEWORK-- 497 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,859 30 MINUTES IS OPTIMAL. 498 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,661 FOR EXERCISE I LIKE 20 MINUTES, 499 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:44,030 AND FOR SEX WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, TEN MINUTES TOPS-- 500 00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,665 - SHE'S INTENSE. 501 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,534 - THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GET ANYTHING DONE 502 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,136 WITH EVERY MOMENT OF MY LIFE SCHEDULED. 503 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,737 IT'S TOO OVERWHELMING. - I'LL HELP YOU. 504 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,205 - NO, THANKS. I'D RATHER DO IT ON MY OWN. 505 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,573 - SUIT YOURSELF. - I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU 506 00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,208 I EXPECT YOUR VOTE FOR CHEER CAPTAIN. 507 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,676 - WHO ELSE IS RUNNING? - IT DOESN'T MATTER. 508 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,278 IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN SCHOOL PRESIDENT, 509 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,947 VOTE FOR ME OR I'LL START IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS. 510 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:04,451 - EXCUSE ME. ON WHAT GROUNDS? - I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET. 511 00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:05,952 LUCKILY, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY 512 00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:08,455 SINCE YOU'VE DECIDED TO VOTE FOR ME. 513 00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,290 - HI, BLACKBULLYING. 514 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,024 - THAT'S YOUR OWN LITTLE LESSON ON HOW POLITICS 515 00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:14,026 WORK IN THE REAL WORLD. 516 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,962 YOU'RE WELCOME. 517 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,500 - THERE IS NO WAY I'M DOING THAT CHEER SQUAD. 518 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,535 THERE ARE PLENTY OF OTHER CLUBS I CAN JOIN. 519 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:25,538 [Ways To Phrase a Rejection by Drowners] 520 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,175 * 521 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:33,313 - * I WISH I'D KNOWN YOU HAD OTHER PLANS FOR ME * 522 00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:35,047 * ON THOSE THURSDAY NIGHTS AT SWEET PARADISE * 523 00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,784 * I WAITED PATIENTLY 524 00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:40,987 * BUT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR WAYS TO PHRASE A REJECTION * 525 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,223 * 526 00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,858 - DESPERATE TIMES CALLED FOR VERY DESPERATE MEASURES. 527 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,228 - IF THE SEX FIEND'S GONNA BE HANDLING THE POM-POMS, 528 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,563 I THINK REGULAR DIPS IN BLEACH AND VALTREX 529 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:51,964 WOULD BE PRUDENT. 530 00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:53,566 - WOULD RUIN THE POMS. 531 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,068 - I MEANT FOR JENNA. - ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE. 532 00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:58,205 IT'S TIME TO ELECT CHEER CAPTAIN. 533 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,873 NOW THESE BALLOTS ARE ANONYMOUS, SO REMEMBER, 534 00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,209 VOTE YOUR CONSCIENCE, 535 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:04,277 VOTE YOUR HEART, VOTE YOUR SOUL. 536 00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:05,778 - EVERYONE JUST VOTE FOR ME, 537 00:19:05,878 --> 00:19:08,215 AND LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH, OKAY? 538 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,383 - [pants] 539 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,084 I MADE IT! 540 00:19:12,219 --> 00:19:13,420 YAY! 541 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,087 - WHERE WERE YOU? - AFRICA. 542 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,656 IT WAS SO NEAT. 543 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:18,325 WE SPREAD THE WORD ALL OVER THE DARK CONTINENT. 544 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,793 - THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY NASTY STUCK IN YOUR HAIR. 545 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,230 - MY LITTLE BROTHER SPIT UP ON THE PLANE. 546 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,764 WE ADOPTED A LITTLE BROTHER. 547 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:27,300 HE WAS A HEATHEN, AND WE TOTALLY SAVED HIM. 548 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,835 YAY! 549 00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:32,772 - RACING ACROSS THE GLOBE TO MAKE CHEER PRACTICE-- 550 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:37,143 WOW, THAT SETS THE SCHOOL SPIRIT BAR SKY-HIGH. 551 00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:38,945 - UP WHERE JESUS IS. - MM-HMM. 552 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,146 GOOD WORK, LISSA. 553 00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,815 - THANKS. I'M HUMBLED. 554 00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,016 - ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, WRITE DOWN 555 00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,986 YOUR PICK FOR CHEER CAPTAIN. 556 00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:49,256 ANOTHER FOR LISSA. 557 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:51,458 GOOD CHOICE, TRINA. 558 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:54,093 WOW, THIS IS A TIGHT RACE. 559 00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,095 IN FACT, IT'S DEAD EVEN. 560 00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:59,666 - LISSA DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO BE CHEER CAPTAIN. 561 00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:01,368 - WELL, IF I'M CALLED TO SERVE, 562 00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:02,969 I GUESS I'D HAVE NO CHOICE. 563 00:20:03,069 --> 00:20:05,037 - JENNA, THE EQUIPMENT GIRL, 564 00:20:05,137 --> 00:20:06,439 MAY I HAVE YOUR BALLOT, PLEASE? 565 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,341 - I GET A VOTE? - NO, YOU DON'T. 566 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:09,442 YOU'RE JUST THE TEAM'S BITCH-SLAVE. 567 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,143 - ACTUALLY, YOU DO. 568 00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:14,146 THIS IS A DEMOCRACY, AND BITCH-SLAVES GET TO VOTE. 569 00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,721 - AND THE WINNER IS... 570 00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:24,991 DRUM ROLL, PLEASE. 571 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,260 JENNA, THERE'S A DRUM IN THERE. 572 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,766 - [clears throat] 573 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,639 [playing drum roll] 574 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,974 - THE WINNER IS... 575 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,209 LISSA! 576 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:44,377 LISSA IS YOUR NEW CHEER CAPTAIN. 577 00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:45,578 - YAY! - LISSA! 578 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:46,813 - YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? 579 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,214 TREACHERY! 580 00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:50,517 I BLAME YOU. AND YOU. 581 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:54,186 AND MOST ESPECIALLY YOU, YOU SLUNT! 582 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,722 THIS IS THE STUPIDEST, 583 00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:59,526 SADDEST, LAMEST CHEER SQUAD EVER! 584 00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:00,727 [whimpers] 585 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:03,129 [screams] 586 00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:05,898 - YEP, CHEER WAS DEPRESSING, 587 00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:08,067 AND MY SCHOOL SPIRIT WAS IN A FREE FALL. 588 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:10,670 I HAD A TON OF WORK TO DO, AND THE LAST THING 589 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:13,105 I WANTED TO DEAL WITH WAS SENIOR SLEEPOVER. 590 00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:14,574 - YAY, SENIOR SLEEPOVER! 591 00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:16,343 YOU ARE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN. 592 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:18,345 WHY AREN'T YOU IN YOUR JAMMIES? WHERE'S YOUR BAG? 593 00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:19,446 - I'M REALLY NOT FEELING UP TO IT. 594 00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,348 I WAS OKAY WITH BEING SINGLE. 595 00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:22,782 JUST NOT AT SENIOR SLEEPOVER. 596 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:24,351 AND NOT WITH MATTY THERE. 597 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:25,752 MAYBE BECAUSE PART OF ME 598 00:21:25,852 --> 00:21:27,454 ALWAYS THOUGHT WE'D BE GOING TOGETHER. 599 00:21:27,554 --> 00:21:31,658 - JENNA, THIS IS YOUR ONE AND ONLY SENIOR SLEEPOVER EVER. 600 00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:32,759 YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS IT. 601 00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,694 MINE WAS SO MUCH FUN. 602 00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:37,764 IN FACT, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE NIGHT YOU WERE CONCEIVED. 603 00:21:37,864 --> 00:21:39,466 - I THOUGHT IT WAS AT THE BONFIRE. 604 00:21:39,566 --> 00:21:41,133 - ROMANTIC VERSION, IT COULD'VE BEEN ANYWHERE, REALLY. 605 00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,470 THE BONFIRE, THE SENIOR SLEEPOVER, 606 00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:45,705 THE DRESSING ROOM AT CONTEMPO CASUALS. 607 00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:48,274 YOUR FATHER COULDN'T KEEP HIS HANDS OFF OF ME. 608 00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:51,678 I WAS HOT STUFF. I'D KILL TO GO BACK. 609 00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:55,047 - WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO IN MY PLACE? 610 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:56,483 YOU WOULDN'T. 611 00:21:56,583 --> 00:22:00,186 - OH, JUST WATCH ME. 612 00:22:00,286 --> 00:22:03,523 - MOVIES, CHECK. REFRESHMENTS, CHECK. 613 00:22:03,623 --> 00:22:05,958 SPRINKLERS OFF, CHECK. WHAT AM I FORGETTING? 614 00:22:06,058 --> 00:22:07,694 - TO RELAX. - I CAN'T BE LAX ABOUT ANYTHING! 615 00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:09,396 - I SAID, "RELAX." 616 00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:11,398 - WHAT LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING? 617 00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:14,133 - [over loudspeaker] WELCOME TO SENIOR SLEEPOVER. 618 00:22:14,233 --> 00:22:16,202 WE'RE HERE TO HAVE FUN, BUT TO DO SO 619 00:22:16,302 --> 00:22:18,070 WHILE FOLLOWING THE RULES. 620 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,772 HERE ARE THE RULES-- 621 00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:21,307 NO ALCOHOL. [all cheering] 622 00:22:21,408 --> 00:22:22,609 NO SEX. 623 00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:24,977 ONE PERSON PER SLEEPING BAG. 624 00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:26,579 NO DOUBLE BAGGING. 625 00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:29,248 NO TEA BAGGING, NO BJs, 626 00:22:29,416 --> 00:22:31,951 NO JBs, NO JKs, 627 00:22:32,051 --> 00:22:34,621 NO KKs, NO LOLs. 628 00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:36,088 NO NUDITY. 629 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,791 NO MOTORBOATING, NO ROWBOATING, [all cheering] 630 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:41,428 NO WATER SPORTS AT ALL, WHATSOEVER. 631 00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:42,962 NO DUNKING THE BISCUIT, 632 00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:45,465 FLOGGING THE BISHOP, OR WINDING THE WIMPLE, 633 00:22:45,565 --> 00:22:47,600 NO REACH-AROUNDS, NO LICKETY SPLITS, 634 00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,335 NO SALAD-TOSSING, 635 00:22:49,436 --> 00:22:51,738 NO SNACKING BETWEEN MEALS. 636 00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:54,674 AND NO WARM WATERMELONS. 637 00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:57,309 GOT IT? NOW GET IT! 638 00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:59,646 [all cheering] 639 00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:01,280 - I DON'T GET IT! 640 00:23:01,448 --> 00:23:03,182 I'VE NEVER ASKED ANYTHING OF YOU, LISSA. 641 00:23:03,282 --> 00:23:04,717 SO JUST RESIGN, I'LL BE CHEER CAPTAIN, 642 00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:06,519 AND LIFE WILL GO ON. - I DON'T KNOW, SADIE, 643 00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:08,187 IT SEEMS WRONG. 644 00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:10,056 - WHAT'S WRONG IS YOU TAKING SOMETHING 645 00:23:10,156 --> 00:23:11,758 THAT ISN'T YOURS. 646 00:23:11,858 --> 00:23:13,460 - BUT PEOPLE VOTED FOR ME. 647 00:23:13,526 --> 00:23:15,094 I WAS CALLED. 648 00:23:15,194 --> 00:23:17,196 [cell phone chimes] 649 00:23:17,296 --> 00:23:18,531 HI. - LISSA. 650 00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,232 IT'S ME CALLING YOU 651 00:23:20,332 --> 00:23:23,035 TO TELL YOU TO GIVE THE [bleep] UP. 652 00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:29,075 - OH, GA-- 653 00:23:29,175 --> 00:23:31,377 KYLE! 654 00:23:31,478 --> 00:23:33,480 HAND CHECK! 655 00:23:36,816 --> 00:23:38,384 [over loudspeaker] NO VIDEO GAMES, 656 00:23:38,485 --> 00:23:40,019 NO HUNGER GAMES, 657 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,621 NO MONKEY BUSINESS, 658 00:23:41,721 --> 00:23:43,556 NO "PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY," 659 00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:47,359 AND NO PLUSHIES WHATSOEVER. 660 00:23:47,494 --> 00:23:51,097 - * SHE IS GORGEOUS, YOUNG, AND SWEET * 661 00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:54,701 * OH, OH 662 00:23:54,801 --> 00:23:56,636 - CAN I CAMP OUT WITH YOU GUYS? 663 00:23:56,736 --> 00:23:58,738 I ALREADY TOOK MY MUSCLE RELAXERS, 664 00:23:58,838 --> 00:24:00,707 SO I'LL BE OUT SOLID FOR, LIKE, 12 HOURS. 665 00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:02,308 - SURE. - HEY. 666 00:24:02,408 --> 00:24:04,010 I'M EVA. I'M THE NEW GIRL. 667 00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:07,113 I THINK WE HAVE THE SAME MATH CLASS TOGETHER. 668 00:24:07,213 --> 00:24:10,016 - OH. YEAH. WOW. MATH. 669 00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:11,851 I'M JAKE. - AND I'M MATTY. 670 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,386 THAT'S GOTTA BE ROUGH, SWITCHING SCHOOLS SENIOR YEAR. 671 00:24:14,521 --> 00:24:17,223 - DO YOU HAVE ANY ABSINTHE OR MELATONIN? 672 00:24:17,323 --> 00:24:19,726 I HAVEN'T SLEPT ON THE GROUND SINCE MY PARENTS MADE US 673 00:24:19,826 --> 00:24:21,528 SPEND THAT ONE SUMMER AT AN ASHRAM IN INDIA. 674 00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:23,963 - OH, YEAH. WOW, INDIA. 675 00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:25,532 - WE SMOKED OPIUM 676 00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:29,035 AND DID YOGA ALL DAY AND GOT REALLY DEEP INTO TANTRA. 677 00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,537 - I'VE HEARD OF THAT. 678 00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:31,804 - I'M TELLING YOU, 679 00:24:31,904 --> 00:24:34,173 TANTRA IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW 680 00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:36,142 FOR MIND-BLOWING SEX. 681 00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:38,377 TANTRA WILL RELEASE THE FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON 682 00:24:38,545 --> 00:24:40,146 IN YOUR VAGINA. 683 00:24:40,246 --> 00:24:41,347 - OKAY! 684 00:24:41,447 --> 00:24:43,049 TIME FOR EVERYONE'S FAVORITE 685 00:24:43,149 --> 00:24:44,917 HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL MASTERPIECES, 686 00:24:45,017 --> 00:24:46,919 FROM GREASE TO HAIRSPRAY! 687 00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:49,822 [upbeat music] 688 00:24:49,922 --> 00:24:51,558 * 689 00:24:51,624 --> 00:24:54,561 - PINK FLAMINGOS? WTF IS PINK FLAMINGOS? 690 00:24:54,594 --> 00:24:56,395 THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAIRSPRAY! 691 00:24:56,563 --> 00:24:58,665 - IT'S JUST A DIFFERENT JOHN WATERS MOVIE. 692 00:24:58,765 --> 00:25:01,333 IT'S PROBABLY THE SAME THING. 693 00:25:01,568 --> 00:25:03,670 - WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE 694 00:25:03,770 --> 00:25:07,139 IS A REAL THING. [cheerful music plays] 695 00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:08,675 - WELL, THIS IS DIFFERENT. 696 00:25:08,775 --> 00:25:12,579 - AT LEAST IT'S NOT A HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. 697 00:25:12,612 --> 00:25:13,813 OR TWILIGHT. 698 00:25:13,913 --> 00:25:15,648 DO YOU REMEMBER YOU MADE ME TAKE YOU 699 00:25:15,748 --> 00:25:17,116 TO SEE THAT? - OKAY. 700 00:25:17,216 --> 00:25:18,317 WELL, YOU MADE ME SIT THROUGH 701 00:25:18,417 --> 00:25:19,786 ALL THREE TRANSFORMERS MOVIES. 702 00:25:19,886 --> 00:25:20,853 - "OH, BELLA!" 703 00:25:20,953 --> 00:25:23,289 "EDWARD." "BELLA." 704 00:25:23,389 --> 00:25:25,257 - OKAY, I'M A HOPELESS ROMANTIC. 705 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,861 - WELL, DON'T BE A HOPELESS ONE. 706 00:25:28,961 --> 00:25:31,931 * 707 00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:33,766 OH! 708 00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:36,969 [crowd booing, screaming] 709 00:25:37,069 --> 00:25:38,104 - HEY, WATCH THE MOVIE! 710 00:25:38,204 --> 00:25:39,672 HEY! HEY! HEY! 711 00:25:39,772 --> 00:25:41,340 - WHAT IS THIS [bleep] SHOW 712 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:45,111 THAT IS LITERALLY A [bleep] SHOW? 713 00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,112 - OH, COME ON! 714 00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:51,383 [crowd booing] 715 00:25:51,483 --> 00:25:54,053 - YO! YO! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! 716 00:25:54,153 --> 00:25:56,623 - I SAID MOVIE MAGIC, NOT MOVIE TRAGIC! 717 00:25:56,656 --> 00:25:58,658 WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SWEET, ROMANTIC 718 00:25:58,758 --> 00:25:59,892 TEEN HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL COMEDIES? 719 00:25:59,992 --> 00:26:01,794 - YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT SICK MUSICAL COMEDY FETISH 720 00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:04,030 OF YOURS OUT BACK AND PUT A BULLET IN ITS HEAD. 721 00:26:04,130 --> 00:26:06,065 - THESE PEOPLE NEED SOME REAL JOHN WATERS IN THEIR LIVES. 722 00:26:06,165 --> 00:26:07,934 - YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE PEOPLE NIGHTMARES! 723 00:26:08,034 --> 00:26:09,168 both: OOH. 724 00:26:09,268 --> 00:26:10,436 - WELL, AT LEAST THEIR NIGHTMARES 725 00:26:10,536 --> 00:26:11,638 WILL BE INTERESTING INSTEAD OF SOME 726 00:26:11,671 --> 00:26:13,439 SICK HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL TRASH! 727 00:26:13,539 --> 00:26:15,675 - ARE THOSE CANNABIS LOLLIPOPS? 728 00:26:15,775 --> 00:26:17,944 NO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL ALLOWED! 729 00:26:18,044 --> 00:26:19,946 ARE YOU TRYING TO SPOIL THIS FOR EVERYONE? 730 00:26:20,046 --> 00:26:21,814 - WE HAVE PRESCRIPTIONS. - WE NEED IT FOR THE ANXIETY 731 00:26:21,914 --> 00:26:23,449 YOU'RE GIVING US RIGHT NOW. 732 00:26:23,549 --> 00:26:25,017 - PUT ON SOMETHING ELSE. 733 00:26:25,117 --> 00:26:28,054 PLEASE. 734 00:26:29,121 --> 00:26:30,857 both: BASKET CASE! 735 00:26:30,957 --> 00:26:33,325 - I'M NOT GOING TO BE THREATENED BY SOME ADOLESCENT PUNK 736 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,194 WITH A SMOLDERING GRUDGE, 737 00:26:35,294 --> 00:26:37,363 UNLESS YOU'VE GROWN SOMETHING ELSE YOU WANT TO CUT OFF. 738 00:26:37,463 --> 00:26:40,432 WHAT'S IN THE BASKET? 739 00:26:40,532 --> 00:26:41,500 - [screams] 740 00:26:41,668 --> 00:26:46,372 [cheers and applause] 741 00:26:46,472 --> 00:26:50,042 - [laughs] - HORROR IS NOT MY GENRE. 742 00:26:50,142 --> 00:26:53,045 - THEN LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 743 00:26:53,145 --> 00:26:54,981 COME ON. 744 00:27:02,689 --> 00:27:04,056 - [sighs] - WHAT'S WRONG? 745 00:27:04,156 --> 00:27:05,091 - EVERYTHING. 746 00:27:05,191 --> 00:27:06,592 EVERYTHING IS WRONG. 747 00:27:06,693 --> 00:27:08,094 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PRESSURE I'M UNDER? 748 00:27:08,194 --> 00:27:09,929 PHOTO FIASCO, FILTHY FLICKS, 749 00:27:10,029 --> 00:27:11,764 COLLEGE TRAPPLICATIONS, CHEER JEER-- 750 00:27:11,864 --> 00:27:14,133 ALL THIS TENSION IS BUILDING UP AND, NO OFFENSE, 751 00:27:14,233 --> 00:27:16,703 BUT THE BIG "O" HAS BEEN A BIG NO-SHOW 752 00:27:16,736 --> 00:27:18,470 IN THE JAKE AND TAMARA HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. 753 00:27:18,570 --> 00:27:20,139 - HUH? - JAKE, HOW MANY TIMES, 754 00:27:20,239 --> 00:27:22,909 IF YOU HAD TO GUESS, DO YOU THINK WE'VE HAD SEX? 755 00:27:23,009 --> 00:27:24,443 - A THOUSAND? - CLOSE. 756 00:27:24,543 --> 00:27:27,279 101. AND OUT OF THOSE 101 TIMES, 757 00:27:27,379 --> 00:27:28,948 HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU HAD AN ORGASM? 758 00:27:29,048 --> 00:27:31,117 - 101. DUH. 759 00:27:31,217 --> 00:27:32,618 IT'S PROBABLY MORE LIKE 125. 760 00:27:32,719 --> 00:27:33,886 SOMETIMES I HAVE A TWO-FER. 761 00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,254 WHY? HOW MANY HAVE YOU HAD? 762 00:27:35,354 --> 00:27:37,289 - MAYBE HALF. - SO LIKE 60? 763 00:27:37,389 --> 00:27:39,491 - ACTUALLY, HALF OF 101 IS ACTUALLY 50.5, 764 00:27:39,591 --> 00:27:41,160 HOW ARE WE SO CLOSE IN CLASS RANK? 765 00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:42,729 ANYWAY, NO. 766 00:27:42,762 --> 00:27:44,931 I HAVEN'T HAD 50.5 ORGASMS. 767 00:27:45,031 --> 00:27:46,899 MORE LIKE 50 HALF-GASMS. 768 00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:49,068 - "HALF-GASMS"? JESUS, TAMARA. 769 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:50,436 JUST TELL ME WHAT THE PROBLEM IS. 770 00:27:50,536 --> 00:27:54,406 - I DON'T KNOW. I'M NOT A SEXPERT. 771 00:27:54,506 --> 00:27:57,509 - WELL, LET'S FIGURE IT OUT. 772 00:28:01,848 --> 00:28:06,252 - AWFUL LOT OF STUFF GOING ON UP THERE. 773 00:28:06,352 --> 00:28:08,988 - A BUCKETLOAD OF STARS. 774 00:28:09,088 --> 00:28:12,925 - AND WE'RE JUST ON THIS TINY, SPINNING BALL OF CLAY. 775 00:28:13,025 --> 00:28:15,995 KIND OF MAKES ME FEEL LIKE ALL THIS 776 00:28:16,095 --> 00:28:17,429 COLLEGE STUFF I'VE BEEN STRESSING ABOUT 777 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:19,766 ISN'T THAT EARTH-SHATTERING. 778 00:28:19,866 --> 00:28:24,570 - THE LAST TIME I CHECKED, THE EARTH WAS STILL HERE. 779 00:28:24,670 --> 00:28:27,006 YEP. 780 00:28:27,106 --> 00:28:30,777 STILL ONE BIG OLD CHUNK. 781 00:28:32,311 --> 00:28:33,379 - YOU LIKE THAT? 782 00:28:33,479 --> 00:28:37,016 - NO. IT'S PORNY. 783 00:28:37,116 --> 00:28:39,919 - HOW ABOUT THAT? HUH? 784 00:28:40,019 --> 00:28:42,221 OH, COME ON, BABY, IT'S HOT, RIGHT? 785 00:28:42,321 --> 00:28:44,690 TAMARA, YOU GOTTA TELL ME-- 786 00:28:44,791 --> 00:28:46,959 - IT'S OKAY, JUST NOT THE TALKING. 787 00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:48,627 AND WILL YOU EASE UP DOWN THERE? 788 00:28:48,795 --> 00:28:50,629 YOU'RE NOT TOUCHING ANYTHING THAT HAS SENSATION. 789 00:28:50,797 --> 00:28:52,664 - [grunts] - [groans] 790 00:28:54,133 --> 00:28:55,802 - [over loudspeaker] WHAT WAS THAT? 791 00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:58,637 - IT'S NO USE! YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GET ME OFF! 792 00:28:58,805 --> 00:29:01,808 [laughter] 793 00:29:05,711 --> 00:29:08,280 - GOOD MORNING, PALOS HILLS SENIORS! 794 00:29:08,380 --> 00:29:10,549 THIS IS YOUR LIFE. 795 00:29:10,649 --> 00:29:12,819 TIME TO PUT THE SHAKE UP IN YOUR WAKE UP 796 00:29:12,885 --> 00:29:15,888 AND MAKE...IT...HAPPEN! 797 00:29:15,988 --> 00:29:17,824 - WELL, THIS IS AN EMBARRASSMENT OF GLITCHES. 798 00:29:17,924 --> 00:29:19,892 MY SECRET SHAME-OUT IS NOW A PUBLIC FLAME-OUT. 799 00:29:19,992 --> 00:29:21,894 - RELAX, TAMARA. NO ONE KNOWS IT WAS YOU. 800 00:29:21,994 --> 00:29:24,030 - "OH, JAKE." [groans] 801 00:29:24,130 --> 00:29:26,432 - I'LL CUT YOU, DUDE! 802 00:29:28,634 --> 00:29:30,502 YOU NEED TO LET GO OF SHAME 803 00:29:30,602 --> 00:29:32,471 AND JUST GET TO KNOW YOUR OWN BODY. 804 00:29:32,571 --> 00:29:35,407 - OH, NO, I AM NOT INTO TICKLING MY FANCY. 805 00:29:35,507 --> 00:29:36,708 - WELL, IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR OWN BODY, 806 00:29:36,843 --> 00:29:39,912 THEN HOW DO YOU EXPECT SOME GUY TO? 807 00:29:42,648 --> 00:29:44,683 - OH, YOU CAN CATCH. 808 00:29:44,851 --> 00:29:47,887 NOW SHOW ME IF YOU CAN ALSO FETCH. 809 00:29:47,987 --> 00:29:51,090 YOU SHOULD FEEL RIGHT AT HOME IN THERE. 810 00:29:51,190 --> 00:29:52,224 - MY LITTLE BROTHER'S HERE. 811 00:29:52,324 --> 00:29:53,725 COME AND MEET HIM. COME ON. 812 00:29:55,494 --> 00:29:56,929 HI, MOMMY. 813 00:29:57,029 --> 00:29:59,165 - HI, BABY. - WHERE'S YOUR LITTLE BROTHER? 814 00:29:59,265 --> 00:30:01,968 - OH, HE'S IN THE BACKSEAT. HE'S FINISHING HIS BOTTLE. 815 00:30:05,371 --> 00:30:07,907 - [British accent] THIS WATER IS SO LUXURIOUS. 816 00:30:08,007 --> 00:30:09,608 LIGHTLY CARBONATED, 817 00:30:09,708 --> 00:30:11,911 NATURAL BLACKBERRY ESSENCE, ELECTROLYTES-- 818 00:30:12,011 --> 00:30:14,246 GOD TRULY HAS BLESSED AMERICA. 819 00:30:14,346 --> 00:30:17,383 - HIS NAME IS MUGABO. BUT WE CALL HIM TYLER. 820 00:30:17,483 --> 00:30:18,417 - YOU MUST BE SADIE. 821 00:30:18,517 --> 00:30:20,052 LISSA SPEAKS SO HIGHLY OF YOU. 822 00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:21,787 - OKAY, YOU'RE LIKE 40. 823 00:30:21,888 --> 00:30:23,222 - [chuckles] ONLY 18. 824 00:30:23,322 --> 00:30:24,423 - WE THINK OF HIM AS JUST TWO MONTHS 825 00:30:24,523 --> 00:30:25,858 BECAUSE THAT'S WHEN HE MET US, 826 00:30:25,958 --> 00:30:28,560 WAS SAVED AND BORN AGAIN-- PRAISE BE. 827 00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,563 - WHAT RELIGION EXACTLY WERE YOU SAVED FROM? 828 00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:33,399 WORSHIPPING FERTILITY IDOLS? 829 00:30:33,499 --> 00:30:35,134 FIRE WALKING? 830 00:30:35,234 --> 00:30:36,969 - ACTUALLY MY FAMILY'S CATHOLIC, BUT I DID ATTEND 831 00:30:37,069 --> 00:30:39,205 THE ANGLICAN CHURCH WHEN I WENT TO SCHOOL IN ENGLAND. 832 00:30:39,305 --> 00:30:42,774 - AND WE ARE SO HAPPY TO HAVE TYLER IN OUR FOLD NOW. 833 00:30:42,875 --> 00:30:44,610 - I AM VERY MUCH LOOKING FORWARD 834 00:30:44,710 --> 00:30:46,812 TO A YEAR IN AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL. 835 00:30:46,913 --> 00:30:50,249 IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE. - [giggles] 836 00:30:50,349 --> 00:30:51,583 - WHILE SOME DREAMS WERE COMING TRUE, 837 00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:53,285 MY LIFE WAS A NIGHTMARE. 838 00:30:53,385 --> 00:30:54,887 EVEN LISSA HAD IT TOGETHER-- 839 00:30:54,987 --> 00:30:57,223 A WAY HIGHER CLASS RANK THAN ME, CHEER CAPTAIN, 840 00:30:57,323 --> 00:30:59,391 AND A VERY HOT CHARITABLE ENDEAVOR. 841 00:30:59,491 --> 00:31:01,227 I HAD TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM. 842 00:31:01,327 --> 00:31:03,829 THE FIRST ITEMS ON MY TO-DO LIST WERE PRETTY BASIC-- 843 00:31:03,930 --> 00:31:05,531 ONE, MAKE TO-DO LIST. 844 00:31:05,631 --> 00:31:07,566 TWO, SUCK IT UP. 845 00:31:07,666 --> 00:31:10,302 THREE, FOCUS. NUMBER THREE WAS HARD. 846 00:31:10,402 --> 00:31:11,803 'CAUSE I KEPT THINKING ABOUT HOW NICE 847 00:31:11,938 --> 00:31:14,373 IT WAS SLEEPING ON THE GRASS NEXT TO MATTY. 848 00:31:14,473 --> 00:31:17,343 NUMBERS FOUR, FIVE, AND SIX, CHOOSE COLLEGES TO APPLY TO, 849 00:31:17,443 --> 00:31:19,545 FILL OUT COMMON APPLICATION, WRITE ESSAY. 850 00:31:19,645 --> 00:31:21,047 IT WAS A LOT EASIER TO THINK ABOUT 851 00:31:21,147 --> 00:31:23,149 HOW MATTY SMELLED LIKE SOAP AND SWEAT AND-- 852 00:31:23,249 --> 00:31:24,984 WHAT WAS NUMBER THREE AGAIN? 853 00:31:25,084 --> 00:31:27,019 FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS. FOCUS. 854 00:31:27,119 --> 00:31:28,720 BUT IT WAS TOO OVERWHELMING. IT WAS TOO MUCH. 855 00:31:28,820 --> 00:31:29,721 IT WAS--IT WAS-- 856 00:31:29,821 --> 00:31:31,157 [groans] 857 00:31:31,257 --> 00:31:33,192 - OH, GOD, AGAIN! - OH, GOD, SWEETHEART! 858 00:31:33,292 --> 00:31:34,360 I THOUGHT YOU WERE GETTING A LOCK! 859 00:31:34,460 --> 00:31:35,594 - I'M PREPARING FOR COLLEGE! 860 00:31:35,694 --> 00:31:38,530 - AH, SO PROUD OF YOU, SWEETIE. 861 00:31:38,630 --> 00:31:40,866 AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT YOUR WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU. 862 00:31:40,967 --> 00:31:42,401 HMM? - YEAH. 863 00:31:42,501 --> 00:31:44,370 WELL, SO FAR, I'VE ONLY FILLED OUT MY ADDRESS. 864 00:31:44,470 --> 00:31:46,405 NEXT QUESTION IS "WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT?" 865 00:31:46,505 --> 00:31:47,974 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT? 866 00:31:48,007 --> 00:31:50,342 - YOU'RE GOOD AT LOTS OF THINGS. - LIKE WHAT? 867 00:31:50,442 --> 00:31:52,711 - LIKE TONS OF STUFF. LIKE... 868 00:31:52,811 --> 00:31:54,713 UH... 869 00:31:54,813 --> 00:31:56,448 - YOU'RE GOOD AT... 870 00:31:56,548 --> 00:31:57,683 BEING INTERESTING. 871 00:31:57,783 --> 00:31:59,785 - AND YOU'RE A GOOD WRITER. 872 00:31:59,885 --> 00:32:02,188 'CAUSE YOU'RE FUNNY AND SMART. 873 00:32:02,288 --> 00:32:04,523 "NAME SOMETHING YOU HATE AND WHY? 874 00:32:04,623 --> 00:32:06,658 "ANSWERING STUPID QUESTIONS FOR COLLEGES 875 00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:09,095 "I PROBABLY WON'T GET INTO 876 00:32:09,195 --> 00:32:12,999 BECAUSE I WAS STONED TAKING THE S.A.T.s"? 877 00:32:13,032 --> 00:32:14,533 - YOU CAN'T USE THAT, JENNA. 878 00:32:14,633 --> 00:32:15,834 WERE YOU REALLY STONED 879 00:32:16,002 --> 00:32:17,436 THE DAY THAT YOU TOOK THE SATs? 880 00:32:17,536 --> 00:32:18,837 - SADLY, NO. 881 00:32:19,005 --> 00:32:20,772 - JUST COME UP WITH FUN AND INTERESTING ANSWERS 882 00:32:20,872 --> 00:32:22,274 FOR THESE ESSAYS. - YEAH. 883 00:32:22,374 --> 00:32:23,875 A LITTLE ORIGINALITY IN YOUR ANSWERS 884 00:32:24,010 --> 00:32:25,211 WILL HELP YOU STAND OUT FROM A BUNCH 885 00:32:25,311 --> 00:32:27,013 OF BORING OVERACHIEVERS. 886 00:32:27,113 --> 00:32:28,347 - YOUR WORDS ARE YOUR OPPORTUNITY 887 00:32:28,447 --> 00:32:30,549 TO SHOW THESE COLLEGES WHO YOU ARE-- 888 00:32:30,649 --> 00:32:32,051 - AND WHO THEY'D BE MISSING OUT ON 889 00:32:32,151 --> 00:32:33,852 IF THEY CHOSE A SMARTER KID. 890 00:32:34,020 --> 00:32:36,355 - HMM. 891 00:32:36,455 --> 00:32:39,358 [laid-back music] 892 00:32:39,458 --> 00:32:47,399 * 893 00:32:56,442 --> 00:33:01,880 - * I'M NOT MYSELF I'M SO * 894 00:33:02,048 --> 00:33:04,216 - THEY SAY THAT THE FIRST STEP IN FIXING A PROBLEM 895 00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:06,218 IS TO ADMIT YOU'RE POWERLESS OVER IT. 896 00:33:06,318 --> 00:33:07,919 OR MAYBE THAT'S JUST WITH DRUGS AND ALCOHOL, 897 00:33:08,054 --> 00:33:10,556 I DON'T KNOW--BUT IT SEEMED RIGHT JUST THE SAME. 898 00:33:10,656 --> 00:33:12,691 I JUST HAD TO DO IT. 899 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:15,627 AND SUDDENLY IT JUST CAME SPEWING OUT, 900 00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:17,763 LINE AFTER LINE, PARAGRAPH AFTER PARAGRAPH. 901 00:33:17,863 --> 00:33:19,431 I'D HAVE TO CHANGE THE NAMES, BUT I COULD DO THIS. 902 00:33:19,531 --> 00:33:21,067 I WAS SUCCEEDING. 903 00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:22,268 BECAUSE, NOT TO TOOT MY OWN HORN, 904 00:33:22,368 --> 00:33:24,103 BUT I AM SORT OF INTERESTING. 905 00:33:24,203 --> 00:33:26,305 AND BEST OF ALL, I WAS FOCUSED. 906 00:33:26,405 --> 00:33:28,340 [knock on door] 907 00:33:34,746 --> 00:33:36,448 - HEY. 908 00:33:36,548 --> 00:33:38,250 - HEY. 909 00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:39,851 - HOPE THIS ISN'T WEIRD. 910 00:33:39,951 --> 00:33:41,453 [chuckles] 911 00:33:41,553 --> 00:33:43,322 BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE BEEN AT THIS DOOR. 912 00:33:43,422 --> 00:33:45,857 - YEAH. 913 00:33:45,957 --> 00:33:49,695 - SHOULD--SHOULD I GO BACK OUT AND COME TO THE FRONT? 914 00:33:49,795 --> 00:33:51,997 - THAT'D BE KIND OF WEIRD SINCE YOU'RE ALREADY HERE. 915 00:33:52,098 --> 00:33:54,100 - YEAH. 916 00:33:54,133 --> 00:33:55,534 - COME IN. 917 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,909 YOU CAN SIT DOWN OR WHATEVER. 918 00:34:04,009 --> 00:34:05,777 - ON THE BED? - YEAH. 919 00:34:05,877 --> 00:34:08,914 OR THE CHAIR OR SOMETHING. 920 00:34:11,217 --> 00:34:12,751 HE CHOSE THE BED. 921 00:34:12,851 --> 00:34:14,853 AND I HAD A FEELING MY NEW-FOUND FOCUS 922 00:34:14,953 --> 00:34:16,455 WAS ABOUT TO GO FUZZY. 923 00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,857 BUT MAYBE THAT WASN'T ENTIRELY A BAD THING. 924 00:34:18,957 --> 00:34:20,426 ALL WRITERS NEED A MUSE. 925 00:34:20,526 --> 00:34:22,628 MAYBE A LITTLE MATTY DISTRACTION ACTION 926 00:34:22,728 --> 00:34:24,796 WOULD FURTHER FUEL MY NEW LITERARY FIRE. 927 00:34:24,896 --> 00:34:27,299 PERHAPS IT WAS TIME FOR A LITTLE STUDY BREAK. 928 00:34:27,399 --> 00:34:30,602 - SO... 929 00:34:30,702 --> 00:34:34,206 COULD YOU HELP ME WITH MY ESSAYS? 930 00:34:34,306 --> 00:34:35,707 - HUH? 931 00:34:35,807 --> 00:34:38,744 - THESE STUPID COLLEGE ESSAYS ARE SO LAME. 932 00:34:38,844 --> 00:34:40,879 "WHAT AM I GOOD AT?" 933 00:34:40,979 --> 00:34:43,649 [laughs] HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? 934 00:34:43,749 --> 00:34:45,317 - THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE? 935 00:34:45,417 --> 00:34:47,553 YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR ESSAYS? 936 00:34:47,653 --> 00:34:50,156 - YOU'RE A PRETTY DECENT WRITER. - "PRETTY DECENT"? 937 00:34:50,256 --> 00:34:53,959 I SUDDENLY HAD A ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY FOR DISTRACTION ACTION. 938 00:34:54,059 --> 00:34:57,563 YOU KNOW, MATTY, I'VE GOT MY OWN COLLEGE ESSAY QUESTIONS 939 00:34:57,663 --> 00:34:59,498 TO ANSWER, AND MY OWN FUTURE TO WORRY ABOUT, 940 00:34:59,598 --> 00:35:02,501 BECAUSE, IN CASE YOU HADN'T HEARD, I'M 137. 941 00:35:02,601 --> 00:35:05,537 - OKAY. 942 00:35:06,638 --> 00:35:09,575 SORRY I ASKED. 943 00:35:18,917 --> 00:35:20,419 - TCBing-- TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS-- 944 00:35:20,519 --> 00:35:22,254 MEANT WAKING UP IN MY CLOTHES WITH A STIFF NECK 945 00:35:22,354 --> 00:35:23,755 AND FEELING A LITTLE DEJECTED 946 00:35:23,855 --> 00:35:25,291 THAT MATTY HAD COME TO ME FOR HELP 947 00:35:25,391 --> 00:35:29,261 WITH HIS ESSAY AND NOT FOR--WELL, ME. 948 00:35:29,361 --> 00:35:31,630 BUT AT LEAST I HAD GOTTEN SOMETHING ACCOMPLISHED. 949 00:35:31,730 --> 00:35:32,998 BABY STEPS. 950 00:35:33,098 --> 00:35:36,001 [melancholy music] 951 00:35:36,101 --> 00:35:38,637 * 952 00:35:38,737 --> 00:35:40,206 - OH, CRAP. 953 00:35:40,272 --> 00:35:41,240 [phone chimes] OH. 954 00:35:41,340 --> 00:35:43,775 OH, [bleep] ME. [spits] 955 00:35:43,875 --> 00:35:45,444 [chiming continues] 956 00:35:45,544 --> 00:35:46,845 - I HAD A REALLY PRODUCTIVE NIGHT. 957 00:35:46,945 --> 00:35:48,280 - JENNA, I'M A LITTLE BUSY. 958 00:35:48,380 --> 00:35:49,648 - WHY DO YOU SOUND SO UPTIGHT? 959 00:35:49,748 --> 00:35:51,683 - BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT DEALING 960 00:35:51,783 --> 00:35:53,952 WITH STUDENT HANDBOOK REVISIONS BECAUSE, APPARENTLY, 961 00:35:54,052 --> 00:35:55,821 I'M THE ONLY ELECTED OFFICIAL IN THIS SCHOOL 962 00:35:55,921 --> 00:35:57,456 WHO KNOWS HOW TO MULTITASK, 963 00:35:57,556 --> 00:35:59,225 NOT TO MENTION THE ONLY CHEERLEADER 964 00:35:59,258 --> 00:36:00,426 WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO WRITE A CHEER, 965 00:36:00,526 --> 00:36:02,594 AND THE ONLY AFS MEMBER WHO KNOWS 966 00:36:02,694 --> 00:36:04,062 THAT A BRAZILIAN EXCHANGE STUDENT 967 00:36:04,230 --> 00:36:05,764 CAN'T READ A SPANISH TEXTBOOK. 968 00:36:05,864 --> 00:36:07,899 OH, AND I'M THE ONLY GIRLFRIEND 969 00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:09,568 WHO TOLD A FOOTBALL FIELD FULL OF SENIORS 970 00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:11,337 THAT HER BOYFRIEND, WHO IS BARELY SPEAKING TO HER, 971 00:36:11,437 --> 00:36:12,504 CAN'T GET HER OFF! 972 00:36:12,604 --> 00:36:13,872 THAT IS WHY I'M SO UPTIGHT! 973 00:36:13,972 --> 00:36:16,742 - YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO CHILLAX. 974 00:36:16,842 --> 00:36:20,078 - I DON'T KNOW HOW! 975 00:36:20,246 --> 00:36:24,082 [toothbrush buzzing] 976 00:36:24,250 --> 00:36:25,717 - * WAKE UP EARLY IN THE MORNING * 977 00:36:25,817 --> 00:36:27,253 * AND I'M WAITING FOR THE SUN TO RISE * 978 00:36:27,353 --> 00:36:29,888 - OH. HELLO. 979 00:36:29,988 --> 00:36:33,091 - I HAD ME SOME CHEERY Os FOR THIS MORNING. 980 00:36:33,259 --> 00:36:35,794 - * WHOA, OH-OH 981 00:36:35,894 --> 00:36:37,729 * WHOA, OH-OH, SHINE THE LIGHT * 982 00:36:37,829 --> 00:36:39,731 - HEY. 983 00:36:39,831 --> 00:36:42,100 YOU KNOW, IF YOU WEREN'T BEING SATISFIED, 984 00:36:42,268 --> 00:36:43,369 YOU COULD'VE JUST TOLD ME. 985 00:36:43,469 --> 00:36:44,903 - I DID. - I MEANT 986 00:36:45,003 --> 00:36:46,305 NOT OVER A LOUDSPEAKER. 987 00:36:46,405 --> 00:36:48,307 - NOBODY KNOWS IT WAS US. 988 00:36:48,407 --> 00:36:49,608 - I SO DIDN'T NEED TO HEAR 989 00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:51,610 THAT YOUR SEX LIFE IS SEX DEATH. 990 00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:52,778 NOT SURPRISED. 991 00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:54,280 BUT STILL, KEEP THAT NASTINESS 992 00:36:54,346 --> 00:36:57,749 TO YOURSELF, PLEASE. 993 00:37:00,752 --> 00:37:03,455 - CLEARLY TAMARA'S GPS-ING OF HER G-SPOT 994 00:37:03,555 --> 00:37:05,391 WASN'T ENOUGH TO RELIEVE THE ONGOING TENSION. 995 00:37:05,491 --> 00:37:07,526 WHICH LEFT ME WONDERING IF I'D BEEN TOO HARSH 996 00:37:07,626 --> 00:37:09,395 WITH MATTY LAST NIGHT. 997 00:37:09,495 --> 00:37:11,963 HEY, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE WAY I HANDLED THINGS LAST NIGHT. 998 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:13,365 I'VE JUST GOT A LOT ON MY PLATE-- 999 00:37:13,465 --> 00:37:16,034 - YES, WE ALL DO. JENNA, IT'S COOL. 1000 00:37:16,134 --> 00:37:17,969 I GOTTA GET TO CLASS. 1001 00:37:18,069 --> 00:37:19,671 - SO WAS HE BLOWING ME OFF BECAUSE HE THOUGHT 1002 00:37:19,771 --> 00:37:20,739 I'D BLOWN HIM OFF? 1003 00:37:20,839 --> 00:37:22,408 I WAS CONFUSED. 1004 00:37:22,508 --> 00:37:23,909 BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO BE, 1005 00:37:24,009 --> 00:37:25,544 BECAUSE I WAS WORKING MY WAY DOWN THE LIST, 1006 00:37:25,644 --> 00:37:27,313 AND I HAD TO HURRY IF I WAS GONNA FIX MY LIFE. 1007 00:37:27,346 --> 00:37:28,880 [knock on door] 1008 00:37:28,980 --> 00:37:31,683 - IT'S ALMOST 7:00. AREN'T YOU GONNA EAT? 1009 00:37:31,783 --> 00:37:33,319 - I CAN'T, I HAVE TO FINISH THIS ESSAY 1010 00:37:33,352 --> 00:37:34,753 AND MAKE SURE IT CAPTURES THE ESSENCE OF MY BRAND. 1011 00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:36,855 - THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS. YOUR "BRAND"? 1012 00:37:36,955 --> 00:37:38,990 JENNA, YOU CAN'T FIX EVERYTHING OVERNIGHT. 1013 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:40,892 YOU NEED TO EAT. - BUT I HAVE TO WORK. 1014 00:37:40,992 --> 00:37:43,529 - WE'LL HAVE A WORKING DINNER. 1015 00:37:43,629 --> 00:37:45,364 - WE'RE IN, LIKE, THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. 1016 00:37:45,464 --> 00:37:47,866 - GOT A JOBSITE RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER, 1017 00:37:47,966 --> 00:37:50,035 BEST FOOD TRUCKS IN THE CITY, RIGHT HERE. 1018 00:37:50,135 --> 00:37:52,338 YOU'VE GOT KABOBS, YOU'VE GOT CHINESE. 1019 00:37:52,371 --> 00:37:55,674 OOH, BRATS AND BEER. 1020 00:37:55,774 --> 00:38:00,211 [cell phone vibrates] 1021 00:38:00,346 --> 00:38:01,580 - HI, JAKE. 1022 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,615 - HEY, SHOULD I COME OVER? - NOW? 1023 00:38:03,715 --> 00:38:06,785 I HAVE A LOT OF STUFF TO DO. LIKE, PILES OF STUFF. 1024 00:38:06,885 --> 00:38:09,555 I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO BRUSH MY TEETH. 1025 00:38:12,458 --> 00:38:14,426 - HMM. 1026 00:38:14,526 --> 00:38:16,528 THE BLUTWURST LOOKS GOOD, BUT THE WEISSWURST 1027 00:38:16,628 --> 00:38:18,096 LOOKS PRETTY KILLER, TOO. 1028 00:38:18,196 --> 00:38:20,532 OR WOULD YOU RATHER JUST GO WITH THE CLASSIC BRAT? 1029 00:38:20,632 --> 00:38:22,468 - I'M SORRY, WE DON'T SERVE PEOPLE 1030 00:38:22,568 --> 00:38:25,437 WITH STUPID HATS OR MAN-BUNS. 1031 00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:29,040 AND WAX IS FOR CANDLES, NOT MOUSTACHES. 1032 00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:32,811 YOU'RE WELCOME. 1033 00:38:32,911 --> 00:38:34,880 - SADIE? 1034 00:38:36,948 --> 00:38:41,019 - YOU BREATHE ONE WORD OF THIS, HAMILTOE, ONE WORD, 1035 00:38:41,119 --> 00:38:44,756 AND I WILL [bleep] YOU UP. 1036 00:38:49,395 --> 00:38:50,729 - AS I WATCHED SADIE HOCKING GERMAN WIENERS 1037 00:38:50,829 --> 00:38:52,130 IN THAT RIDICULOUS, MUSTARD-STAINED UNIFORM, 1038 00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:53,965 I REALIZED SOMETHING. 1039 00:38:54,065 --> 00:38:55,801 WE ALL HAD VERY FULL PLATES. 1040 00:38:55,901 --> 00:38:57,569 NOT JUST ME. 1041 00:38:57,669 --> 00:39:01,206 DAD, GIVE ME A MINUTE. 1042 00:39:01,306 --> 00:39:03,642 [gentle music] 1043 00:39:03,742 --> 00:39:07,446 * 1044 00:39:07,546 --> 00:39:09,948 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, HAMILPERV? 1045 00:39:10,048 --> 00:39:11,817 AND WHERE DIDN'T YOU SEE ME? 1046 00:39:11,917 --> 00:39:13,419 - WHAT'S GOING ON? I THOUGHT YOU WERE RICH AGAIN. 1047 00:39:13,485 --> 00:39:14,520 THE TWITTER THING? 1048 00:39:14,620 --> 00:39:16,054 - ARE YOU REALLY SO STUPID 1049 00:39:16,154 --> 00:39:18,524 THAT YOU BUY THAT ANYONE BESIDES KIM KARDTRASHIAN 1050 00:39:18,624 --> 00:39:21,860 CAN EARN MONEY FROM SOME STUPID TWITTER PLUGS? 1051 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:23,529 - THE WHOLE SCHOOL BOUGHT IT. - YEAH. 1052 00:39:23,629 --> 00:39:25,163 NOT A BRIGHT BUNCH. 1053 00:39:25,263 --> 00:39:27,065 IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, 1054 00:39:27,165 --> 00:39:28,734 BUT MY PARENTS ARE STILL POOR, 1055 00:39:28,834 --> 00:39:31,002 AND I'M STUCK WITH THAT PICKLED TROLL, ALLY, 1056 00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:33,472 AND I HATE ASKING HER FOR MONEY. 1057 00:39:33,572 --> 00:39:35,006 - WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE MERCEDES? 1058 00:39:35,106 --> 00:39:37,175 - OH, PLEASE. 1059 00:39:37,275 --> 00:39:39,210 [car chirps] 1060 00:39:41,647 --> 00:39:43,214 - COME ON. I NEED TO TAN. 1061 00:39:43,314 --> 00:39:45,751 - I'M NOT YOUR CHAUFFEUR. - ACTUALLY, YOU ARE. 1062 00:39:45,851 --> 00:39:48,353 IT'S THE REASON I LET YOU DRIVE MY SWEET BABY BENZ. 1063 00:39:48,454 --> 00:39:50,155 - ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT THE REASON. 1064 00:39:50,255 --> 00:39:53,358 YOU KNOW WHERE THE TANNING SALON IS. 1065 00:39:53,459 --> 00:39:54,726 DRIVE YOURSELF. 1066 00:39:54,826 --> 00:39:56,261 I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO. 1067 00:39:56,361 --> 00:39:58,530 - OH. 1068 00:39:58,630 --> 00:40:03,001 - AND BY THE WAY, I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID CAR ANYMORE. 1069 00:40:03,101 --> 00:40:04,936 - OH, SHUT UP AND BLOW. 1070 00:40:05,036 --> 00:40:06,037 - [exhales] 1071 00:40:06,137 --> 00:40:07,272 [car beeping] 1072 00:40:07,372 --> 00:40:08,373 THAT'S RIGHT. 1073 00:40:08,474 --> 00:40:10,341 [engine turns] 1074 00:40:10,442 --> 00:40:13,378 - DO YOU NEED A RIDE? 1075 00:40:16,114 --> 00:40:17,916 IF ANY OF US WERE EVER GOING 1076 00:40:18,016 --> 00:40:19,417 TO DEAL WITH WHAT WAS ON OUR PLATES 1077 00:40:19,518 --> 00:40:21,186 AND BECOME THE ADULTS WE WANTED TO BE, 1078 00:40:21,286 --> 00:40:23,254 WE WERE GOING TO HAVE TO BE SMART ABOUT IT. 1079 00:40:23,354 --> 00:40:27,192 THERE WAS STILL A BUNCH OF THINGS WE NEEDED TO LEARN-- 1080 00:40:27,292 --> 00:40:29,628 WE NEEDED TO LEARN WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP... 1081 00:40:29,728 --> 00:40:31,797 [hopeful music] 1082 00:40:31,897 --> 00:40:34,365 WHEN TO ACCEPT HELP... 1083 00:40:34,466 --> 00:40:37,769 AND MOST OF ALL, WHEN TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE. 1084 00:40:37,869 --> 00:40:42,140 * 1085 00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:44,610 HEY. 1086 00:40:44,710 --> 00:40:47,679 - COME ON IN. 1087 00:40:50,816 --> 00:40:52,551 I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS. 1088 00:40:52,651 --> 00:40:55,887 - IT'S COOL. I'M A "PRETTY DECENT" WRITER. 1089 00:40:55,987 --> 00:40:58,389 AND I'LL DO MY BEST TO MAKE YOU NOT SOUND LIKE A TEENAGE GIRL. 1090 00:40:58,490 --> 00:40:59,891 - [laughs] 1091 00:40:59,991 --> 00:41:02,260 - I'M SORRY IF I SOUNDED BITCHY EARLIER. 1092 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,362 I'VE BEEN KIND OF STRESSED. 1093 00:41:04,530 --> 00:41:09,901 - IT'S KIND OF A STRESSFUL YEAR. 1094 00:41:10,001 --> 00:41:16,608 * 1095 00:41:18,977 --> 00:41:20,211 NEXT ON AWKWARD... - HIDE ME 1096 00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:21,747 I DON'T WANT JAKE TO ASK ME WHAT I THINK OF THIS VIDEO. 1097 00:41:21,847 --> 00:41:24,115 I HAVE NO POKER FACE. - HOLD ON. 1098 00:41:24,215 --> 00:41:25,450 WHEN DID I SAY I WANTED TO BE A COUPLE? 1099 00:41:25,551 --> 00:41:26,752 I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT OVERTHINKING THIS. 1100 00:41:26,852 --> 00:41:29,120 - YOU'RE NOT? SO I LISTENED TO YOUR NEW SONG, 1101 00:41:29,220 --> 00:41:31,657 AND NO JK--IT'S THE REALS. - WE NEED TO TALK. 1102 00:41:31,757 --> 00:41:33,625 - IF HE WANTS TO TALK, WE'LL TALK--I'M NOT GONNA PUSH IT. 1103 00:41:33,725 --> 00:41:36,261 YOU KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN IGNORING ME, AND I'M JUST WONDERING WHY. 1104 00:41:36,361 --> 00:41:37,863 - THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU. 1105 00:41:37,963 --> 00:41:38,196 <<