1 00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,672 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:05,773 - "YOU COULD DISAPPEAR AND NO ONE WOULD NOTICE. 3 00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:07,041 A FRIEND"? 4 00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:08,476 SO YOU CAN SLEEP WITH ME IN PRIVATE, 5 00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,844 BUT YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME IN PUBLIC? 6 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,146 - THE REASON THAT I KEEP BRINGING UP OUR KISS 7 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,981 IS BECAUSE... - OH, BLOOD ON THE BOOBS. 8 00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:15,883 - I LIKE LIKE YOU. - AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, 9 00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:18,686 I GOT THE ATTENTION I WAS LOOKING FOR. 10 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,921 - * WALKED ALONG, I WALKED ALONG * 11 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:24,592 * I SANG YOUR SONG AND I TRIED TO READ YOUR MIND * 12 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:27,461 - GOT SOME FRESH-SQUEEZED LEMONADE FOR YOU GIRLS. 13 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:30,698 - FOR 15 YEARS, MY MOTHER'S FORM OF PARENTING 14 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,032 WAS TO PEERENT. 15 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:35,569 SHE WAS ALL ABOUT CROSSING INAPPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES. 16 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,705 SO THE FACT THAT SHE WAS ACTING APPROPRIATE 17 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,874 FELT...SUSPICIOUS. SOMETHING WAS DEFINITELY UP. 18 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:43,144 - OH, I FORGOT THE CUPCAKES. 19 00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,445 both: CUPCAKES? 20 00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,147 - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOUR MOM? 21 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,382 [gasps] THINK SHE HAS CANCER? - MAYBE. 22 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,118 IT WAS 95 DEGREES IN NOVEMBER, 23 00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:52,786 AND THERE WAS A FUNK IN THE AIR. 24 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,188 MAYBE AN EARTHQUAKE WAS ABOUT TO HIT. 25 00:00:57,258 --> 00:01:01,362 UNFORTUNATELY, IT WAS ANOTHER NATURAL DISASTER-- 26 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:06,200 MY MOM'S BFF ALLY. 27 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,768 - WHAT'S UP, LIL' BITCH? 28 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,137 - [shrieks and laughs] 29 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,938 OH... 30 00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:13,141 [both laughing and shrieking] 31 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:14,842 - I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED THE EARTHQUAKE. 32 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,215 [laughter] 33 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:23,451 - WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME ALLY WAS COMING TO VISIT? 34 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:24,918 - OH, I DIDN'T TELL YOU? 35 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,887 - MY SUSPICIONS WERE CORRECT. 36 00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,323 MY MOM WAS BUTTERING ME UP TO CUSHION THE BLOW. 37 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,260 - [makes squeaky sound] MAN, DID ALLY BLOW...HARD. 38 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,462 - YOU GONNA SAY HI OR WHAT? - WHAT. 39 00:01:34,462 --> 00:01:36,930 - HI, ALLY. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING LATELY? 40 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,833 - I DON'T KNOW, A LITTLE "E," SPECIAL "K." 41 00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:41,302 [laughter] 42 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,903 BASICALLY WHATEVER I CAN GET MY HANDS ON. 43 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,172 OOH! 44 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:48,509 OR WHATEVER CAN GET ITS HANDS ON ME. 45 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,678 - HI. [giggles] 46 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,948 - AH... SO TALK TO ME, LADIES. 47 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,185 NOW THAT BUZZKILL'S OUT OF TOWN, 48 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,752 WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR THIS WEEKEND 49 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,188 IN SUBURBAN HELL? 50 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:02,055 - IS BUZZKILL YOUR DAD? 51 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,625 - I DESPERATELY NEED AN ALLY INJECTION. 52 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,560 - AND YOUR KID NEEDS A MAKEOVER. 53 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,563 I'D TRY TO KILL MYSELF TOO IF I LOOKED LIKE THAT. 54 00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,098 - KID GLOVES, AL. 55 00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,100 [whispering] IT'S STILL A SENSITIVE SUBJECT. 56 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:14,568 - GOTCHA. GOTCHA. 57 00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,070 I AM THE QUEEN OF TREADING LIGHTLY. 58 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:20,374 - THIS WAS COMING FROM A WOMAN WHO HAD SIMPLY REFERRED TO ME 59 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,543 AS "LIL' BITCH" SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN. 60 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,777 - DON'T WORRY, LIL' BITCH, 61 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:26,747 I KNOW HOW WE CAN FIX YOUR PITY PARTY. 62 00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,949 WE'RE GONNA THROW A KICKASS KEGGER 63 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,685 AND SHAKE THINGS UP AROUND HERE! 64 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,521 - YES! - NO WAY! 65 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:36,924 THERE IS NO WAY WE ARE HAVING A PARTY. 66 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:39,527 - THINK ABOUT THE RED CUP PHOTO OPS! 67 00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:40,894 - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. 68 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,830 ALLY IS LIKE A HURRICANE OF TROUBLE. 69 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,766 EVERY TIME SHE COMES TO TOWN, I END UP AT CHILD SERVICES. 70 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,402 - YOU LIKE PONIES, LIL' BITCH? 71 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,538 COOL. WE'RE GONNA BET ON SOME. 72 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,375 WANT TO SEE SOMETHING COOL? 73 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,944 I JUST TURNED THIS APPLE INTO A PIPE. 74 00:02:56,944 --> 00:03:00,648 OH! 75 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,283 ROBERT AND I WERE JUST ON THE COUCH 76 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,618 PLAYING SIT & SPIN. 77 00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:07,388 - OKAY, NO PARTY, BUT WHAT ABOUT A SIMPLE KICKBACK? 78 00:03:07,388 --> 00:03:08,822 10, MAYBE 12 PEEPS? 79 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,024 - WITH ALLY, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SIMPLE. 80 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,126 [ringtone plays] 81 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,262 HEY. 82 00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,430 - WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW? 83 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,632 - KNOW WHAT? - THAT YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY. 84 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,133 - WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT? 85 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,370 - IT'S ON YOUR STATUS UPDATE, AND I CAN READ. 86 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,004 - I'LL CALL YOU BACK. 87 00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,906 MOM! 88 00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:28,309 MOM, ARE YOU LOGGED IN TO MY HOME PAGE? 89 00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,310 - MM-HMM. - LOG OUT. 90 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,412 NOW! 91 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,547 - AS YOUR MOTHER, IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY 92 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,016 TO MONITOR YOUR INTERNET ACTIVITY... 93 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,386 AND MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT CHATTING UP ANY BARNEYS. 94 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,689 [laughter] 95 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,023 - WAIT, WHAT'S A BARNEY? 96 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,358 - I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE. 97 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,527 WE ARE NOT HAVING A PARTY. - JENNA, 98 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,095 STOP BEING SO UNGRATEFUL! 99 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:51,365 YOUR AUNT ALLY IS BEING VERY GENEROUS AND OPEN WITH YOU. 100 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,867 - THE ONLY THINK OPEN ABOUT ALLY WERE HER LEGS. 101 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,103 ALLY IS NOT MY AUNT, AND WHILE I APPRECIATE 102 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:58,939 THE GESTURE OF HER GIFT, I DON'T WANT IT. 103 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:03,311 [ringtone playing] SO I WILL NOT BE ATTENDING 104 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,645 OR PARTICIPATING. 105 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:09,082 I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS PARTY. 106 00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,618 HEY. 107 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:13,487 - J-TOWN! HEY, I GOT THE INVITE FOR YOUR PARTY. 108 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,155 WHAT TIME SHOULD I BE THERE? 109 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:18,659 - HIS NAME IS RICKY SCHWARTZ. 110 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,628 - HE'S A BARNEY. - HE'S JUST NOT PHOTOGENIC. 111 00:04:20,628 --> 00:04:22,330 - 9:00-ISH. 112 00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:23,564 - DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY GOOD BEER, OR SHOULD I BRING SOME? 113 00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,132 - NAH, WE GOT THAT COVERED. 114 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:28,135 BUT WHAT'S YOUR FAVE? 115 00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:31,038 - UH...GERMAN. - ME TOO. 116 00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,340 SEE YOU AT 9:00. 117 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,510 OKAY, FINE. 118 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,712 I GUESS I'LL HELP OUT WITH THIS PARTY, 119 00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,180 UNDER ONE CONDITION-- 120 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,350 WE HAVE TO GET GERMAN BEER. 121 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,084 - FINALLY ONE OF MY FRIENDS THROWS A PARTY, 122 00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,486 AND I'M ON HOUSE ARREST. 123 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,455 - WE'LL GIVE YOU THE PLAY BY PLAY TOMORROW. 124 00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:48,556 - IF YOU LEAVE YOUR iCHAT ON, 125 00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:49,623 I CAN BE YOUR VIRTUAL PARTY POLICE 126 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,724 AND MONITOR ANY NASTINESS 127 00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,526 THAT MIGHT OCCUR IN YOUR BEDROOM. 128 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,363 - YES! YOU CAN TOTALLY HEAT OFF ANY SEXCRETIONS 129 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,497 THAT MIGHT HIT JENNA'S BED. 130 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:59,367 GOD FORBID WE HAVE TO CRASH ON THAT SHIZNET. 131 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:02,570 [ringtone playing] 132 00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:05,939 RICKY SCHWARTZ. RICKY SCHWARTZ! 133 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:09,042 HELLO? - HELLO, BEAUTIFUL. 134 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,611 - DON'T "BEAUTIFUL" ME. 135 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:13,481 - I CAN'T HELP IT. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. 136 00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,949 SO, HEY, IS IT COOL IF I BRING MY CREW TO YOUR BESTIE'S PARTY? 137 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,385 - ARE THEY CUTE? 138 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:18,986 - THEY'RE IN THE BAND. - OH. 139 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:22,122 OKAY, WELL, NO KIKI. 140 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,757 - IS MY MUFFIN JEALOUS? 141 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:27,060 - NO. WE JUST WANT THIS TO BE A CLEAN PARTY. 142 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,128 AND SHE'S A DIRTY GIRL. 143 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,263 I KNOW YOU DIGITIZED HER. 144 00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:33,300 - WHOA, WHOA. SLOW DOWN, LITTLE LADY. 145 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,802 THESE HANDS DO NOT ROAM. 146 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:37,237 I'VE GOT MINE RESERVED FOR YOU. 147 00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,407 SEE YOU SOON? - OR LATER. 148 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,875 I'M CO-HOSTING. CIAO. 149 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,477 EVERYONE WHO'S EVERYONE IS COMING! 150 00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,846 OKAY, ARE YOU READY TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE? 151 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,581 'CAUSE YOU'RE CROSSING OVER A NEW BOUNDARY. 152 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,483 YOU'RE NOT JUST A PARTY-GOER, 153 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:52,686 YOU ARE NOW A PARTY GIVER! 154 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,488 - IF MY PARTY IS EPICALLY AWESOME, 155 00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:58,426 MAYBE MATTY WILL FINALLY SEE ME AS GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL. 156 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,896 MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TELL MATTY NOT TO COME. 157 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,232 - YEAH, IT FINALLY COOLED OFF. 158 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,435 HAVE A DRINK AND GET READY TO BE 159 00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:10,203 THE HOSTESSES WITH THE MOSTESSES. 160 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,441 OH, NO, KEV, WE'RE NOT DOING MUCH. 161 00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,543 WE'RE ABOUT TO GO TO BED. 162 00:06:15,543 --> 00:06:18,746 OH, IS IT THAT EARLY? 163 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:21,148 - WHAT'S UP WITH THE LONG FACES? 164 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:24,017 LOOKS LIKE A SARAH JESSICA PARKER CONVENTION IN HERE. 165 00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:26,319 - TO HAVE A PARTY, WE SORT OF NEED PEOPLE. 166 00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,522 - GOD, YOU GUYS ARE SO NEW. 167 00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,458 - [chuckles] THIS IS A GOOD SIGN. 168 00:06:30,458 --> 00:06:33,026 THIS MEANS THAT THE PEOPLE THAT ARE COMING ARE COOL, 169 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,028 AND THEY KNOW THE PROTOCOL. 170 00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,197 - NO ONE WORTH TOKING WITH SHOWS UP BEFORE 10:00. 171 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,466 EVER. 172 00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:41,068 UGH, LIL' BITCH, 173 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,803 YOU CAN'T HOST A RAGER LOOKING LIKE THAT. 174 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,305 DO-OVER. NOW. 175 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:50,711 ALL RIGHT... WE'RE GONNA TAPE YOUR GIRLS UP. 176 00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:54,648 - AND GIVE THE BOYS SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. 177 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,719 ALL RIGHT, PULL, PULL, PULL... 178 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,288 AND THEN BITE. BITE IT! BITE IT HARD. 179 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,090 BITE IT. YOU GOT IT? OKAY. 180 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,726 [tape ripping] 181 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,228 AND UP! BOOM. 182 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:11,164 - WOW! TOTALLY GIVES THE ILLUSION SHE'S GOT A BOD! 183 00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,767 - AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE CLEAVAGE, 184 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,636 I HAVE A DRESS YOU CAN WEAR. 185 00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:18,238 [giggles] 186 00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,207 - I'M NERVOUS. 187 00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:23,376 - POP THIS. 188 00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,712 - BUT I'VE ALREADY HAD TWO DRINKS. 189 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,847 - DON'T BE A WUSS. IT'S A BETA BLOCKER. 190 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,650 IT'LL JUST CALM YOU DOWN. 191 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,151 - GOT ANY TIPS FOR ME? 192 00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:34,221 - WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME. 193 00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,322 - * COME ON AND GET IT * 194 00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:36,724 * COME ON AND GET IT * 195 00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:40,227 * PUT IT IN YOUR FACE AND YOU WON'T REGRET IT * 196 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,229 * YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT * 197 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:44,197 * YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT ABOVE IT * 198 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,099 * * 199 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:48,035 * COME ON AND GET IT * 200 00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:50,571 * * 201 00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:51,972 * I'M TOO EXCITED * 202 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,041 * COME ON AND GET IT * 203 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,743 [doorbell rings] 204 00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:59,279 * PUT IT IN YOUR FACE AND YOU WON'T REGRET IT * 205 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,148 * YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT * 206 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,050 * YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT ABOVE IT * 207 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,418 * * 208 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:14,427 - [raspy snort] 209 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:17,865 - WAS IT POSSIBLE THAT MY MOTHER LET A GUY SLEEP IN MY BED? 210 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,601 DUMB QUESTION. OF COURSE IT WAS. 211 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,339 - FUN PARTY, LIL' BITCH. 212 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,577 GET A LITTLE DRINK IN YOU AND THE GIRL GOES WILD. 213 00:08:29,577 --> 00:08:31,845 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY WILD? 214 00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:35,282 - WHEN YOU TOOK THAT KID OUT WITH YOUR TONGUE... 215 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,416 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU. 216 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,257 - FUNNY THING ABOUT GETTING DRUNK? NOTHING. 217 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,994 FOR SIX HOURS, I WAS WALKING AND TALKING, 218 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,663 AND THE MEMORY WAS NONEXISTENT IN MY BRAIN. 219 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:53,266 I WAS SPIRAL CITY IN EVERY SENSE. 220 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,702 TAMARA WASN'T ANSWERING HER PHONE, 221 00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,904 SO I NEEDED A CYBER-FORENSIC ASAP. 222 00:08:56,904 --> 00:09:00,974 BECAUSE ACCORDING TO ALLY, I'D GOTTEN SOME ACTION. 223 00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:03,076 AND APPARENTLY, SO DID MY HOME PAGE. 224 00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,623 - LEAVE A MESSAGE. 225 00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:18,391 T, IT'S ME...AGAIN. 226 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,628 I REALLY NEED TO DOWNLOAD. CALL ME BACK. 227 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,865 - GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER NOW. 228 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:28,535 WE HAVE GOT FIVE HOURS UNTIL YOUR DAD GETS HOME. 229 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:29,937 - UGH. 230 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:35,743 - SO, UM... THIS GUY I MADE OUT WITH, 231 00:09:35,743 --> 00:09:38,211 WAS HIS NAME MATTY? - I DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME. 232 00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,080 - ANYTHING YOU DO REMEMBER? 233 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,484 MM... HE HAD ON GREEN SNEAKS. 234 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:47,788 - IT WAS POSSIBLE THAT MATTY HAD GREEN SHOES, 235 00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,690 BUT GREEN SEEMED MORE JAKE'S COLOR. 236 00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:54,728 - HEY, NO MORE SMOKING IN MY HOUSE. 237 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,196 - WHY IS MOM SO PISSED? 238 00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,498 - SHE'S NEVER BEEN ONE TO HANDLE A HANGOVER. 239 00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:01,068 AND I THINK WE SORT OF HAD A FIGHT LAST NIGHT. 240 00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,569 - WHAT'D YOU DO? 241 00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:03,937 - IT WAS JUST A MISUNDERSTANDING. 242 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,072 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 243 00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,173 - I COULDN'T WORRY. 244 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,208 I WAS ALREADY MAXED OUT ON THAT EMOTION. 245 00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:10,510 WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE TO YOU? 246 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,079 - BOOBS. 247 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,985 THEY'RE THE DORK'S. 248 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:22,022 [hip-hop music plays] 249 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,357 - COME ON, SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS. 250 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:27,594 - I CAN'T DO THAT. - BUT YOU WANT TO. 251 00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,763 - HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE GONNA KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF? 252 00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,564 - WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT? 253 00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:32,900 - RICKY... 254 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:36,003 - WHOO. JUST PUT YOUR TITS BEHIND THE GLASS 255 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,271 AND BE DONE WITH IT. 256 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:41,108 - OH, YEAH, PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS. 257 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:43,276 PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS. 258 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:46,213 all: PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS. PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS. 259 00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:49,082 PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS. [cheers and applause] 260 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:52,019 - OH, T, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY CUT OFF. 261 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:55,689 [all booing] 262 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,328 - IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY BOOBS? 263 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,630 - NO. - THEN WHY DID RICKY WALK AWAY? 264 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,132 - HE'S PROBABLY TRYING TO HIDE HIS BONER. 265 00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:08,168 - HE LOOKED UPSET. BONERS DON'T MAKE YOU UPSET. 266 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,903 GO TALK TO HIM. TELL HIM I'M WASTED. 267 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,538 - [chuckles] NO KIDDING. 268 00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,907 - TELL HIM I'M WASTED WASTED. 269 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,475 BUT KEEP YOUR EYES ABOVE THE BELT 270 00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,745 'CAUSE IF HE'S SPORTING WOOD, I WANNA BE THE FIRST TO SEE. 271 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,446 - I GOT YOUR BACK. 272 00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:25,819 HEY. 273 00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:29,622 - HEY. 274 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,592 [chuckles] 275 00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:35,028 OKAY... 276 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,163 WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE? 277 00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:39,399 - OH, JUST WATCHING THE SHOW. YEAH. 278 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,834 - WHAT SHOW? 279 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:45,605 - YOU. 280 00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:47,808 GUESS WHAT I AM DOING. 281 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:51,511 WIPING YOUR BOOB SMUDGE OFF THE GLASS. 282 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:54,414 AND I THINK I PDAed WITH MATTY. 283 00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:57,317 DID YOU SEE IT? CALL ME. 284 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:04,624 [laughs] 285 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,632 - WHOA, WHOA. PARTY FOUL 101-- 286 00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:13,867 JUST FLIP OVER THE CUSHION. 287 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:18,872 - OR...I COULD SIT ON IT TO COVER IT UP. 288 00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:22,810 - BUT SEE, NOW THERE'S A PROBLEM. 289 00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:24,711 YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE THE COUCH. 290 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:30,117 - JAKE... 291 00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:33,586 YOU ARE ONE OF THE NICEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER KNOWN. 292 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:37,457 HOW COME YOU'RE SO NICE? 293 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,360 YOU'RE LIKE A PUPPY. 294 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,962 - I DON'T THINK THAT'S A COMPLIMENT. 295 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,431 - IT IS, BECAUSE... 296 00:12:47,567 --> 00:12:49,536 I LOVE PUPPIES. 297 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:51,538 EVERYONE LOVES PUPPIES. 298 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,880 T, I'M WIGGING OUT. I JUST HAD PARTIAL RECALL. 299 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,181 I'M NOT SURE I GOT DOWN WITH MATTY 300 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,682 BECAUSE I THINK IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN JAKE. 301 00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,885 PLEASE CONFIRM OR DENY. I'M LOSING IT. 302 00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,522 - WHAT'S YOUR DEAL? [chuckles] 303 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,925 I'M GETTING FROSTBITE FROM YOUR COLD SHOULDER. 304 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,961 YOU REALLY CROSSED A LINE. 305 00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:16,864 I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU GAVE MY DAUGHTER DRUGS! 306 00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,732 - RELAX, THEY'RE PRESCRIPTION. 307 00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,135 IT'S NOT LIKE I PASSED HER A CRACK PIPE. 308 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,904 - SHE'S 15! 309 00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:25,538 - OH, DON'T GO ALL MARTYR ON ME. 310 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,875 WE WERE DOING WAY WORSE AT HER AGE. 311 00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,209 - YEAH, AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT ME. 312 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,344 EVER THINK THAT I DIDN'T WANT MY DAUGHTER 313 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,645 TO MAKE MY MISTAKES? 314 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,748 - SHE'S FINE. STOP OVERREACTING. 315 00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:38,751 - YOU KNOW-- [doorbell rings] 316 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:48,195 JENNA! DOOR! 317 00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:50,363 YOU NEED TO GROW UP. 318 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,900 AND PUT ON SOME CLOTHES. 319 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,602 [cans clattering] 320 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:03,243 - WELCOME. [chuckles] 321 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,580 - HI. 322 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,016 - BAD TIMING? - NOT AT ALL. 323 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,284 I WAS JUST ABOUT TO PUT MY HEAD IN THE OVEN. 324 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,086 - I JUST WANTED TO GIVE THIS BACK TO YOU. 325 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,088 - WHY DO YOU HAVE MY DAD'S SHIRT? 326 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,224 - YOU LOANED IT TO ME... 327 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,959 AFTER YOU PUKED ON MINE? 328 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:22,362 - I WHAT? - YOU DON'T REMEMBER? 329 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,331 DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID BEFORE YOU PUKED? 330 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,934 - DID I--GIVE YOU A KISS? 331 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,836 - NO. NO, YOU GAVE ME A LECTURE. 332 00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:31,338 - GOOD GOD, I'M SORRY. 333 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,140 - NO, NO, DON'T BE. LOOK, YOU WERE RIGHT. 334 00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,708 I NEVER SHOULD HAVE KISSED YOU AFTER DETENTION. 335 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,278 IT WAS A CRAPPY THING TO DO CONSIDERING I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. 336 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,780 THINK YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT IT? 337 00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:43,083 - FORGETTING THINGS WAS NOT MY PROBLEM. 338 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,217 ALREADY FORGOTTEN. 339 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,954 - GOOD. GOOD. SO YOU'RE GOOD. 340 00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:49,957 AND I'M GOOD AND WE'RE GOOD AND, UH... 341 00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:55,562 JUST FRIENDS. 342 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,531 OH, HAVE YOU SEEN A STANFORD HAT LAYING AROUND? 343 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,400 I GUESS MATTY FORGOT IT. ASKED ME TO PICK IT UP FOR HIM. 344 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,871 - NO, I HAVEN'T, BUT I WILL KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR IT. 345 00:15:04,871 --> 00:15:06,606 - THANKS. 346 00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,308 - SEE YA. - WEIRD. 347 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,777 IF MATTY WANTED HIS HAT BACK, WHY WOULDN'T HE CALL ME? 348 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:13,981 [door shuts] 349 00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:15,983 WHERE DID YOU GET THAT HAT? 350 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,517 - I FOUND IT IN THE HALL. 351 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,160 - [chuckles] ALL RIGHT. 352 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,861 YOU'RE PRETTY MESSED UP, HAMILTON. 353 00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:31,264 - YOU'RE ONE TO TALK. 354 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,234 - YEAH, WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? 355 00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:36,369 - YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT. 356 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,804 "I'M MATTY MCKIBBEN..." 357 00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:41,474 - OKAY... - "I PLAY SOCCER. I'M HOT. 358 00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:42,809 EVERYONE LOVES ME." 359 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:45,012 [laughs drunkenly] 360 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,846 - COME ON, THAT'S NOT COOL. 361 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,115 - WHY? IT'S TRUE. 362 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,516 YOU NEVER WANT TO BE SEEN WITH ME. 363 00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:53,720 BECAUSE I'M NOT COOL? 364 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:57,557 BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME? 365 00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,026 - THAT'S NOT IT. 366 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,527 WHY WOULD I BE HERE IF I DIDN'T LIKE YOU? 367 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,030 BECAUSE YOU LIKE TO PARTY. 368 00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,568 - WHATEVER. 369 00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,474 CAN I--CAN I PLEASE HAVE MY HAT BACK? 370 00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,744 - YOU HAVE TO EARN IT. 371 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,579 - FINE. THEN KEEP IT. 372 00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:29,256 - IN MY ATTEMPT TO REMEMBER THE NIGHT, 373 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:33,960 I DISCOVERED WHY SOME THINGS WERE CONVENIENT TO FORGET. 374 00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,735 [ringtone plays] 375 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,637 HELLO? 376 00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:46,139 - [whispering] ARE YOU ALIVE? 377 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:49,376 - BARELY. WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING? 378 00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,378 - I'M SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING PORTUGUESE, 379 00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:52,512 BUT I HAD TO CALL WHEN I SAW 380 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,214 THOSE CRAZY PARTY PICS THAT WERE POSTED. 381 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:56,116 - WHAT CRAZY PICS? 382 00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:57,317 - MING! 383 00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:00,320 - [loudly] I HAVE TO GO, GRANDMA. 384 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,222 YES, I'M STUDYING HARD. 385 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,357 [whispers] CHECK YOUR PAGE. 386 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,294 - * I CALLED JUST TO SAY * [ringtone chimes] 387 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,829 * I KNOW WHERE YOU'VE BEEN * 388 00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,998 - MY HEAD WAS THROBBING, 389 00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,767 BUT IT WASN'T JUST FROM LACK OF HYDRATION. 390 00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,904 IT WAS ALSO FROM EXCESSIVE HUMILIATION. 391 00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,839 AND THE QUESTION STILL REMAINED-- 392 00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,742 HAD I ATTACKED MATTY WITH MY TONGUE... 393 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,313 IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE? 394 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:29,015 AND DID I RUIN HIS SHOES? 395 00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:31,851 [computer chimes] 396 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,187 - * YOU FELL OVER ME * 397 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,889 * I FELL FOR THE LINE * 398 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,192 * * 399 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:44,831 NO...EFFING...WAY! 400 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,039 - SO I GUESS I'M GONNA GO. 401 00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,141 - BYE. 402 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,242 - WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 403 00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:58,445 - I DON'T KNOW. MY PARENTS', I GUESS. 404 00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,548 I [bleep] UP. 405 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,650 - CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET? 406 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,885 - YOU'RE A LESBIAN. 407 00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:08,188 I ALREADY KNEW THAT. - NO. 408 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:11,658 WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY IS MY MOM'S PRETTY EASY. 409 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:14,161 JUST APOLOGIZE TO HER AND MEAN IT, 410 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,163 THEN GIVE HER A COMPLIMENT. 411 00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:19,466 - YOU KNOW, LIL' BITCH, 412 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:21,768 YOU AREN'T AS ANNOYING AS YOU WERE A YEAR AGO. 413 00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,436 - THANKS? 414 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,839 - AND I'M SORRY I DRUGGED YOU. 415 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,008 AND THAT I PEED IN YOUR CLOSET. 416 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:32,579 LACE. 417 00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:35,215 - WHAT? 418 00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:37,384 - I AM SORRY. 419 00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:40,953 I SCREWED UP, AND IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. 420 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,728 MM...YOU GOTTA PUT ON SOME WEIGHT. 421 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:52,299 I CAN FEEL YOUR BONES. 422 00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:54,801 - I'M NOT THAT SKINNY. 423 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,536 - YES, YOU ARE. 424 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,506 IN FACT, I THINK YOU NEED TO GO TAKE YOUR KID OUT 425 00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,641 FOR A DOUGHNUT. 426 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,212 - I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU TOO. 427 00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:08,448 [laughter] 428 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,782 - KID? 429 00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:12,452 - CAN WE MAKE A DETOUR ON THE WAY HOME? 430 00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,455 - A DOZEN DOUGHNUTS? 431 00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,357 DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A BIT OVERKILL? 432 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:20,092 - NOT GIVEN THE SITUATION. 433 00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:23,230 - AW, HONEY, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. 434 00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,432 YOU GET TO A POINT WHERE YOUR FRIENDS, 435 00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:28,000 THEY AREN'T JUST YOUR FRIENDS ANYMORE. 436 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,602 THEY'RE FAMILY. 437 00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:35,041 TAMARA'S FAMILY, AND SHE'S-- SHE'S GONNA FORGIVE YOU. 438 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:42,048 [doorbell rings] 439 00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,616 - I'M SORRY. 440 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,456 T! 441 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:52,259 [doorbell rings] 442 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,026 [glass shatters] 443 00:20:00,099 --> 00:20:03,002 T! ALLY DRUGGED ME. 444 00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:06,639 I WOULD NEVER WILLINGLY MAKE OUT WITH RICKY SCHWARTZ. EVER! 445 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,343 - WHY, CAUSE YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HIM? 446 00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:11,511 'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME 447 00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:13,780 NOW THAT MATTY McKIBBEN LIKES YOU? 448 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,181 JENNA, WAKE UP! 449 00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,917 HE'S JUST USING YOU FOR SEX. 450 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,652 AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? 451 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,888 I'M SO GLAD I WROTE YOU THAT LETTER. 452 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,363 YOU'RE DEAD TO ME, JENNA HAMILTON. 453 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:34,534 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 454 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:37,804 - AND FOR THE FIRST TIME... 455 00:20:37,804 --> 00:20:40,072 I FELT DEAD TO ME TOO. 456 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:44,711 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... - * A LITTLE BIRDY TOLD ME * 457 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:45,812 * YOU'RE THE BIRTHDAY GIRL * 458 00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:46,813 * BUT DON'T EAT SO MUCH CAKE * 459 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,415 * THAT YOU WANNA HURL * 460 00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:51,284 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY. - ONCE MORE WITH FEELING. 461 00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:55,955 - [funny voice] WHAT'S A HAPPENIN', HOT STUFF? 462 00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,524 - JENNA, OVER HERE. 463 00:20:57,524 --> 00:20:59,459 - FRIENDS?