Downloaded from YTS.MX
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
Ugh.
I can't fight it anymore, Sam.
And I know it's not right.
Because I don't know if it's love or lust.
I just can't deny what I'm feeling or who I am.
What do you want me to do?
I want you to let it go and feel
love and intimacy on a whole nother level.
But Samantha, I-- No!
I felt tongue.
Cut!
Cut.
I felt something.
It was called my acting instincts.
How about you use yours?
Trenyce?
That was amazing, so why'd you stop?
My contract specifically says no tongue.
OK?
So if you don't come over here and handle that situation,
I walk.
Girl, nobody wants your washed up ass.
OK.
We'll stop.
All right.
So here were go.
OK.
This is the film, right?
We're in show business.
Mm-hmm.
And you're a professional actress, right?
Look.
I didn't sign up for this, OK?
You signed a contract.
Page 64.
They kiss.
Look.
I didn't know when it said kiss that-- you know,
I feel a lot of germs, OK?
You know, when I feel the germs-- look,
I'm a professional.
OK.
And being a professional means that sometimes you
have to kiss your co-star.
Co-star?
Does that look like Will Smith to you?
You don't look like Halle Berry either.
You have one more time to say something--
OK.
Quiet, sweetheart.
Go get some coffee, all right?
OK.
Anyway.
Trenyce, I need you to focus.
I need you to look at me.
Pretend I'm a camera.
OK.
Here's your closeup, right here.
Get out of here.
Listen.
This is my vision, right?
Mm-hmm.
It's film noir, but it's-- it's the Dutch version of noir,
whatever that word is.
OK?
And this is an exploration of love
that crosses gender, that crosses race.
You know?
It's the human experience.
Think "Crying Game" with ovaries.
All right?
And I need you not to massacre my masterpiece,
OK, because of a kiss.
Now, reality check, sweetheart.
You haven't had a good role in years.
I'm doing you a favor.
OK?
The last thing you did was "Wild Things 17," the cougar version,
and you got fired.
So I need you pull it together, pop a Tic Tac,
and make it happen.
10-1.
Everybody take five.
Star, you know I only drink water at room temperature.
39 degrees is way too cold.
You think 42 would be better?
What is this, my therapist or my psychic?
Hello?
Oh my god.
OK.
Let's try something else, maybe.
There yo go.
OK, no.
Not a-- we're not saluting the sun.
So, something else.
Maybe try something sitting here.
Just give me a little bit more--
A little more?
Maybe a little bit of leg?
No.
Just try to sit.
Uh huh.
OK.
There you go.
All right.
A little more?
Uh, n-- uh, no--
Yeah.
I've got more.
Mmm.
Yeah, see, no.
Uh, this is not porn.
This is for the Sunday paper.
So this situation you have going on, that's got to get
tucked in, OK?
I don't know what it is, but it's got to be put away.
It's not going to work.
Well, see, I was thinking that, a, uh--
a more provocative pose would help--
Oh.
That's why you're not paid to think.
Snap out of it.
Come on.
Let's go.
I don't have time for this.
Tuck that in.
Hello?
Hey, girl.
What?
Oh.
Oh, baby. Ah!
Oh!
-Ooh! -Ah!
Ah!
Oh, yeah, baby.
Ooh.
Oh, give it up.
Ohh, my god.
Ohh!
Ah!
Gary.
Oh.
Cut.
Cut!
I just need a couple of days.
Fly to town for a funeral.
Los Angeles.
How much was he worth?
How much?
Damn, that much, huh?
Yeah.
That's what they tell me.
Woo.
How much you about to get?
I don't even know yet.
Lucky, isn't it?
No, no, no, no, no.
I don't need three weeks off, I just need six days.
What the hell do you mean I've been replaced?
You not gonna sells any underwear like this.
Look at that?
Yeah.
Don't speak.
OK.
Yeah, just a little bit more.
Excuse me.
Um, we're in the middle of a shoot right now.
Excuse me.
Hello.
Look.
He is busy.
Yes, but I will have him call the office
as soon as he's finished.
OK.
Bye.
You know, you're going to have to tell
that young little secretary of yours
to stop calling my house ever 15 minutes.
She's just doing her job, Alex.
Well, she's getting on my nerves.
I don't trust her.
And you need to leave that company.
I mean, they only have you working on black campaigns,
and it is the most stereotypical BS.
Rapping fried chickens.
Really?
Yeah.
And that rapping fried chicken paid
for this big house and that $30,000 ring on your finger.
Am I talking about money?
Oh my god.
Are we really going to have this conversation?
Have some sympathy.
My friend just passed.
I guess we all just grew apart after college.
Does that include your little boyfriend?
Oh, come on, Jackson.
You still on that after all these years?
So tell me why he keeps writing bogus articles about me, then.
Did you ever think that maybe he's just doing his job?
Or maybe he's just mad that I'm with you now?
Don't look at me like that.
I have nothing to say to you.
Of course not.
Yes, sir.
Yep.
I'll have it to you by Thursday.
Yeah.
That should be plenty enough time before we go to print.
How about you just stay here and finish up?
You can't afford to miss another deadline.
I haven't seen your friends since our wedding,
and I really want to pay my respects to Dennis.
They'll understand.
You and him were so close.
You know, I want to be there for you.
Yeah, well, it'll be fine.
I mean, I'll even drive to save money.
It's only like three hours away.
That's a long way to drive by yourself.
Yeah, but it'll give me some time
alone to think about things.
I'll be fine.
There he is.
What's up, bro?
How are you?
It's been a long time, man.
Good to see you.
You too, man.
You look good, man.
So do you.
Aight.
Hi.
I'm--
Yo, who that?
Huh?
Who that?
Oh, um, I'm sorry.
That's-- that's Hanna, um, my secretary.
Where Alice at?
Well, she couldn't get off work.
She had a deadline.
So you bring your secretary, huh?
Yeah, man.
I've got a whole lot of work to do this weekend,
so, you know, I brought her to help out.
You OK?
I'm good, man.
I'm just not really a funeral dude, man.
It's crazy that we're burying one of our good friends--
crazy.
Need to smoke a joint?
Brett, have some respect, man.
You know Dennis though, man.
He was always talking about investing
in high-return stocks, mutual funds.
I'm glad he got it to pay off for him.
Yo, when the last time you spoke to him?
He called me about eight months ago.
Again, dog, when was the last time you actually spoke to him,
like on the phone?
Well, uh--
Checking your voicemail don't count, man.
Yeah.
What kind of friends were we?
Excuse me.
What's happening?
Hey, man!
What are you doing?
Ugh.
What?
Cheesy hat, two white girls.
Him.
Salt and pepper thugs.
Yeah.
Wipe me down.
Friends, family members, loved ones.
We come here not to mourn death, but to celebrate
life-- life of a man who lived it all the way.
He lived it all the way turned up.
Now, Dennis knew that God is a part of every aspect of life.
And through faith, He will see you through all trials,
tribulations, persecutions, tax evasions,
wayward text messages, uh-- well, Dennis knew--
Now, what in the hell is that?
Where is his wife?
He will give you that--
I know his ass ain't divorced yet.
Stop cussing in church.
This is not a church.
You're going to Hell.
I'll meet you there.
Shh.
Shhhh.
Hallelujah.
Yeah.
At this time, we're going to call a close college
friend of Dennis's, who's going to say some kind
words about this-- this special man.
Welcome Steven Stylz.
Thanks.
You know, I sit here looking at this little urn,
knowing that the cremated remains of our friend
is in here.
And you can never really prepare for something
like this-- maybe in a perfect world, but this ain't that.
We all haven't talked or seen each other in a while.
I guess time and distance kind of got in the way.
Dennis was instrumental in bringing us
all together back in college.
He-- he always seemed to be able to find
a silver lining in everything, you know?
Find that positive to counter that negative.
He wasn't a Christian, either.
No.
He was actually disgusted with what
he called ritualistic practices--
judgments and contradictions.
But--
Did he just say my boy wasn't a Christian?
Yeah.
He-- my boy going to Hell, man.
Love.
He was a loving man that embraced life
in all of his challenges.
And I know as he plummeted that 15,000 feet to his death,
he didn't scream.
No.
Mm-mm.
He had a smile on his face, because he
knew he was just on to another journey of discovery, one
that not even a parachute could prevent.
I just wish I could be as strong as you.
We gonna miss you, D.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Greetings, everyone.
My name is Veronica Stevens, Esquire,
and I'm the custodian to Dennis Lawson's estate.
First off, I would like to thank you all for being here.
I'm sure that some of you had to travel from very far distances.
And that's only a testament for the love
that you have for Mr. Lawson.
Hey.
Anybody ever tell you you're like Megan Good?
Don't.
Don't do that.
Well, she's sexier, anyway.
Now.
Mr. Lawson's family has already been
informed of their portion of the inheritance.
Mr. Lawson's estate was worth more than $13 million.
Damn!
Damn.
The remaining portion of the estate goes to the names
as follows.
Aaron Andrews, Jamal Fauret--
Woo.
Steven Stylz, Gary Devon, Lisa Turner,
Storm Cruise, Ebony Jackson--
Mm-hmm.
-And Trenyce Monroe.
She's rich.
Why is she in the will?
Was rich.
Last but not least, Brett Goldman.
Now, I have a recording from the deceased.
Recording?
It's on?
OK.
Good.
Hey guys.
Now, hopefully you will never have to hear this,
but, if you're listening to this, chances are I'm dead.
It could be from skydiving, snorkeling, biking,
or bungee jumping-- who knows.
As you all know, I'm quite the adventurer-- or, in this case,
was.
I prepared my will early because of this.
You know, since college, I've been
trying to get us all together again so we could just kick it
like old times, but, uh, none of you returned phone calls.
Wait a second.
I'm calling Brett right now.
See?
You sent me to voicemail, as usual.
If you'd have done a better job of keeping in touch,
you'd have known about the fortune
I've made investing in the social networking industry.
It has been a successful venture.
At the same time, you know, success
is-- it's nothing without friends
and loved ones to share it with.
But, still, I've had the time of my life without you.
All of us have grown apart over the years,
so receiving your inheritance will
be contingent on one thing.
All of you-- I mean all of you-- must
spend five days together at my home bonding
and catching up like old times.
Now, I know it may kill some of you, but hey, if you die,
you get nothing.
Once that task is complete, my will will be read.
Peace.
Now.
That was recorded a year ago.
Each and every one of you is going
to have to stay in Mr. Lawson's house for a period of time.
Hm?
Should one of you decide that you want to leave,
you immediately forfeit your portion of the inheritance,
therefore disqualifying all other participants.
There will be cameras set up all around the house.
Wait.
So you mean to tell me that nobody
gets anything if one of us leaves?
Well, that's what the will stated.
And I will do everything in my power
to make sure that that is strictly enforced.
You know, if you want my opinion,
I really don't think that any of you so-called friends
deserve a dime.
But that's not really my call, so, I
guess I'll see you in five days.
She can't be serious.
And she didn't blow out them candles.
Yo, Storm.
Yo, get yourself a sandwich, bro.
Good--
Get yourself a sandwich.
-Good luck with that, Miguel. -I don't need luck.
I've got Jesus.
OK, OK.
Hi.
Um, see you inside?
Storm.
Damn, girl.
So what's up?
Oh my god.
What?
I was just, sitting up here thinking
there ain't nothing wrong with us
picking up where we left off.
OK.
Well, if I remember correctly, you
were picking your face off the floor.
OK.
And if I remember correctly, while was
my face was on the floor, you was on top of me,
jocking me because I was hot.
Remember?
Yeah.
As long as your song was in the top 10, which was one week.
Two.
Oh.
Two weeks.
Oh.
Two.
Aftermath-- beat him.
Usher-- beat him.
Jay-Z-- beat him.
Remember that?
Nu-uh.
No? You don't remember that?
No.
OK.
Selective ass memory.
Gum.
Nourishment.
Nourishment?
Brett, I'm 30 years old, man.
I think it's time for me to think about settling down.
Cheating and getting caught will do that to you.
Hey baby.
What you doing up?
Y'all are like three hours ahead.
Yeah.
I know.
So, what are you doing?
Oh, just trying to go to sleep.
Mmm.
Are you naked?
Uh, yeah.
Great.
Cause I have a surprise for you.
Hey babe.
Hey.
How you doin'?
I missed you.
Yeah.
I-- I missed you too.
How'd you get back so early?
Surprise.
Yeah?
Hold up-- look.
Hold on, hold hold.
What the hell?
Aaron!
It's not what it looks like.
I promise you it's not what it looks like.
How could you do this to me?
I just fell asleep in the room.
I fell asleep.
It's my man's girl.
I don't even know her.
I should smack the brown off of you.
You go and get this Puerto Rican, Latin,
Brazilian, disease-having chick--
This Kitty girl. This Kitty girl.
And you bring her in our bed, in my home?
How dare you?
Baby, you know I love you.
You're my woman.
I'll kick your ass.
He's just not going to quit, huh?
Dude, you know they don't belong together.
You know we dated.
Aaron, he started dating the girl five years after you all
broke up-- five years.
You were never friends.
You were just roommates.
And let me remind you, you damn near killed each other.
That was because dude was bringing a different jump off
into the dorm room every night.
Are you kidding me?
All I'm hearing is headboards banging.
You know how hard it is to sleep through that?
That's probably what got Lisa.
Brett, go call your wife.
Go call Alex.
What?
Call your wife, man.
Pssh.
So, Ebony, I've heard so much about you over the years.
Oh, and I've read so much about you.
You know, it really is a shame that something like this
had to happen to bring us all back together.
Mmm.
You should call me.
Oh, I have, several times.
Mmm.
I heard you have two salons now.
I know.
That's true.
Two going on three-- almost the same number of straight to DVD
movies you did last year.
Wow.
You always did have a knack for hair.
Mmm.
That, I did.
Yeah.
And you always did have an knack for pretending--
pretending to have talent, pretending to have a man,
pretending to be rich.
Oh, come on, girl.
You know I'm playing with you.
Come here.
I am happy to see you.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi ladies.
Oh, how you doin'?
And what big hands you have, and feet, too.
You guys look great together.
Thank you.
So you finally got somebody to jump the broom with you, huh?
Yeah.
She got me.
Anyway, Trenyce, I love the last two movies you did.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, you mean those movies that went straight to DVD?
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
This is Storm.
I think you may have graduated before she transferred in.
Oh, OK.
Nice to meet you.
Well, I'm going to grab myself another drink.
Would you ladies care for anything?
I'm good. Thank you.
No.
Nuh uh.
All right.
So your square ass finally got him to propose, huh?
Well, that's good news for you, Storm.
As you can see, athletes can commit to marriage.
I am not looking for marriage-- just the rent check.
Girl, I'm so jealous, but he's a great catch.
Thank you.
But I'm not sure about marriage.
He's just so set in his ways.
Mmm.
So what, girl?
He's rich.
Athletes suck.
And so do you.
Ebony.
Oh, Lisa, she know I'm just playing with her.
Come here, Storm.
Give me a hug.
You know I'm just playin' with you, girl.
Jamal.
Oh, oh-- you get that side pocket, there?
He good.
-What's up, man? -What's up?
How you doin'?
How's the rapping thing going, man?
Amazing, dog.
We and Dark trying to get the deal done now, baby.
We expecting an all out bidding war on this.
Let's get money, son.
Wow.
That-- that much interest, huh?
You're talking about platinum artists.
Yeah, but do you really need bodyguards?
I mean--
Do I really need bodyguards?
Dog, I'm out here rapping about stuff the government don't
want us to know nothin' about, man.
The Illuminati.
Dog, the government don't want me spittin' nothin' like that.
They want me talking my old stuff, dumb stuff,
like "Booty Shots," dog.
I'm telling you, it was crazy.
I'm a role model now, man.
I'm telling you, son, the Darkchild sees this, baby.
But you haven't been hot since the '90s.
Now, classic old school acts, I mean, they've got fan bases.
But, come on, man.
Be realistic.
I mean, you're drinking Andre.
Did he just come over here and try to cut-- classic?
Dog, what do I look like to you, huh?
I'm not a classic old school act.
Yo, I still get mobbed in the mall for autographs.
Why you think they here?
Huh?
Exactly.
Speechless.
Classic.
There's nothing classic about me.
You can say that again.
Excuse me.
Classic.
Classic my ass.
That doesn't matter.
I just want to be close to you.
As soon as I find a house, you can come stay permanently.
For now, just stay in Miami until I get things situated.
I don't understand.
Why do we need a house?
Why can't we just rent an apartment?
We never know what's going to happen anyway.
What are you trying to say?
Nothing, just that things change.
Look.
Ain't nothin' wrong with getting traded, Lisa.
Baby, I know.
I'm just saying that I want to be next to you.
I'll think about it.
Babes, come on.
You can be so disrespectful sometimes.
It was really nice to meet you.
Oh.
I don't think we've officially met.
I'm Storm.
Hi Storm.
Hanna.
And this is Ebony.
It's so nice to meet you guys.
I'm sure this is all wonderful for you
guys, being reunited and all.
Wonderful?
It's for a damn funeral.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Ebony.
I didn't mean it like that.
It's just that I saw you guys all reminiscing before,
and it kind of brought me back to my college years.
So did you guys all go to Howard?
Yeah, we all did.
Many moons ago.
Mmm.
So, uh, if you don't mind me asking,
what made you go to a historically black college?
I'm black.
OK.
It's a miracle.
Aaron.
All these people we got in the house-- man,
you finally ended up in a room alone.
Oh, please.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
I'm just having a glass of wine.
Oh.
I need your new address so I can send you an invitation.
An invitation?
For what?
My wedding, remember?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever.
Ugh.
Right.
So you never got married, huh?
Never got married.
Maybe one day.
Nothing serious over the years?
You know what?
There was this one girl, a long time ago.
I just wasn't smart enough to hold on to her.
Mmm.
Cheated, huh?
Same old Aaron.
Lisa, I'm not that guy anymore.
That Aaron didn't know what he wanted.
This one does.
Watch out for a player.
What's happenin', man?
If it isn't Steven Sperm-berg himself.
Funny guy.
What's up, man?
How's life in Porn Valley treating you?
Oh, man, you know-- hot, sticky, and steamy.
Sup, bougie brats?
Come on, man.
Why you ain't return my phone calls?
Huh?
Phone calls?
When?
About three months ago for the Toys"R"Us campaign.
I submitted a commercial.
Come on, man.
I know you got my phone calls.
Well, you know, hey, man, they ended up
going with a more polished director.
And--
Shit, man.
I didn't even get to pitch it myself.
Gary.
You're a porn director.
You direct porn.
Tell me why would a toy store even
think of hiring a porn director for their commercials?
Hold on.
Don't start me out with all that play, OK?
I'm not a porn director.
I'm a director of erotica.
Get it right.
Well I'm sorry, man.
I had no control over it.
It's all right, man.
I'm used to it.
G, man.
You have been known to kill a couple careers, though.
Hold on, man.
I know you all still ain't gettin' out on me
about Jamal's video, man.
Man, it wasn't my fault.
Bro.
You destroyed him with that video.
Aww, man, hell no.
It was the song.
Look.
That brother asked me for something sex and urban,
and that's exactly what I gave him.
I mean, for Christ sakes, the name of the song
was called "Booty Shots."
Self-explanatory, and that's what
I gave him-- shots of booty.
OK?
G, I'm going to keep it all the way real with you.
I don't even know how y'all got that on air, bro.
It was soft core porn.
I'm keeping it all the way real with you.
Yeah.
Get out, man.
Come on, man.
I just got out of film school.
Well, just to let you know, he's still mad at you.
Aww, man, ain't nobody told him to write that whack ass song.
His career ain't never been the same since.
That's all I know.
Nuh uh.
Hey man, it was the song.
And the video.
Yo, I'm good.
People, shizzle.
I'm good.
Really Jamal?
Two bodyguards?
Should I have three?
What's your problem?
What's up, Aaron?
Huh?
Brett?
Why you laughin'?
You got the giggles?
Somebody tickle your Elmo?
Huh?
You.
Good.
I'm glad I'm here for your amusement.
Buy my album.
I might do.
What's up, gonorrhea-- I mean, Gary--
I mean, syphilis-- I mean, Gary?
The second one.
Oh, man.
I had it.
You a funny guy.
I know.
I always get it from Hammer, though.
He's funny.
You know what?
I see you still too legit to quit.
Yo, yo, yo, but you know what's even funnier?
Don't touch me.
Come on now, herpes.
Yo.
You know what's even funnier?
Every single time I see you, you've
got the same exact joke, dog.
Give us something new.
Come on-- something bigger than Hammer.
Come on. What you got?
-Something bigger than Hammer? -Yeah.
What-- what's bigger than Hammer?
Mmm.
Come on, shuck and jive.
Mmm.
MC Serch.
That's even worse.
Ooh, you reached way back for that one, didn't you?
That's even-- I reached way back, plus he's white.
Way back.
He's better than you.
Way back.
You haven't been hot since the '90s.
I'm over it.
Are you really?
Absolutely.
You sure?
I'm positive.
OK.
Like you-- positive.
Give me a few days and I'll come up with something.
All right.
Bye-bye.
Brett, I'm going back to the hotel.
Baby, what's wrong?
Your friends hate me is what's wrong.
They don't hate you.
They don't know you.
Yeah, and you refuse to tell them about us,
and that is just very disheartening, Brett.
I mean, it's like you are ashamed of me or something.
Hanna, hello.
I'm married.
What the hell are you thinking?
I know.
It's just that I finally thought we'd get to-- you know.
And we're so far away from everything,
and, I mean, you're not fooling anybody.
I-- I know you want me.
I mean, isn't that why you invited me here?
Yeah.
I mean--
Mm-hmm.
Listen.
Why don't you head back to the hotel.
OK.
OK?
And fax me over the proposal when you finish.
Fax you over the proposal?
Yeah.
Hmm.
Hey.
How you doin'?
I'll fax those over ASAP.
Mm-hmm.
Hi Brett.
Now, why your little girlfriend go running off so fast?
Is everything OK?
For the last time, drag queen, she's not my girlfriend,
she's my secretary.
Oh, OK.
Secretary.
OK, I get it.
So that means she works up under you, huh?
Nice lick.
Don't you have some bones to dig up in the backyard?
Some fire hydrants to sniff?
Well, you know, since you guys are all in town,
I wanted to extend an invite to you all
to come to, uh, my company's party on Tuesday.
Yo, a porn party?
Uh, no.
It's not a porn party.
I mean, it's-- there's going to be some people from
the industry there, but it's not like people are going to be
walking around butt naked on the dance floor,
like freaking off and shit.
Well, you know I heard that usually happens.
Look.
I just want to do something nice with y'all.
You know what I mean?
I mean, we just said our final goodbyes to Dennis,
and I just thought it'd be cool if we did something
to celebrate his life, you know?
Dogs, are you serious?
Yes, I am.
Now all of a sudden you want to celebrate my boy's life.
Man, you and Stylz live in LA.
Tell me something, dog.
When's the last time you even hollered at him?
Well, man, I'm sorry that skydiving and snorkeling
with sharks wasn't my thing.
What's your fuckin' point, man?
My fuckin' point is the only time
you ever hollered at my homie was when you wanted him
to invest in one of your little movies.
Now all of a sudden your ass want to come up in here
and celebrate his life and shit.
You need to keep it real, dog.
Man, you trippin'.
I ain't never asked him for shit.
As a matter of fact, man, I talked to Dennis all the time,
not unless I was in production or something.
In production?
Motherfucker, you a porn director.
It ain't rocket science.
You point the camera, shoot it, they screw,
money shot to the face.
Done deal, baby.
Everybody, Gary's a motherfucking genius.
Man, fuck you, bitch.
Fuck you, bitch.
You're the one sitting around all mad cause
you washed up like a motherfucker.
Ain't nobody buying those fake ass CDs.
It's cause of that whack ass video your punk ass shoot.
The fuck you want to do?
Chill. Chill.
Man, fuck you.
You lucky we in Dennis' house right now.
Chill, man.
Have some respect.
You're right.
It's the Jack Daniels.
We gotta be here for a week.
We can't leave.
Just make the best of it, man.
Y'all good?
Yeah.
You good?
Yeah.
We good.
You're right.
Gary.
Aight, man.
I'm good.
Psh.
Man.
That's good.
Aah.
That's nice.
Sorry.
Well, since everybody's here, why don't we go around and--
and, uh, tell everybody what we've been up to.
Trenyce, you want to start?
You would pick me first.
Yep.
Yeah, I-- I guess I just, um-- I've just
been so focused on my career that, um, I kind of lost
track of what's important.
Being here for this occasion is really hard for me.
Dennis was really good to me when we were together,
and I'll be the first to admit my career is not
what it used to be-- not as hot.
And, um, I've just been thinking that maybe--
maybe all the success I've had wasn't really worth--
you know, worth it.
Maybe I really missed out on something.
Too much information, huh?
We're your friends.
You should always feel comfortable talking to us.
Thank you.
I think I need a minute, OK guys?
Well, I'll go next.
Yeah.
Uh, toast to Dennis, our friend.
We miss him.
May he rest in peace.
Cheers.
As some of you guys all may know,
I happen to be a leading executive at one
of the top major ad agencies in the Northwest.
Um, my campaigns have generated millions of dollars,
I live in a beautiful home with a white picket fence.
Mm-hmm.
Don't forget your beautiful and dumb secretary
that works up under you.
Um, yes.
A great staff.
And, um, you know, life couldn't be better.
You know, I can't help but realize
that you didn't mention your beautiful wife, Alex.
I was just getting to her, yes.
Uh, my lovely wife, Alexandra.
She also shares in my happiness.
yeah.
Mm-hmm.
So life is pretty good for you, huh?
Definitely.
Are you sure?
Definitely.
Whatever.
Storm?
Your turn.
Me?
Um, life is life.
Um, I'm not doing anything with my major yet,
but I, uh-- my-- my life is interesting.
I just, um-- I'm always traveling and seeing
new places, eating new food, keeping up with fashion trends.
Um, I'm always working out.
I've got to keep my body in tip-top shape.
I'm just an adventurer.
A gold digger.
Uh, I'm still working on my writing.
I just wrote my first novel.
OK, your turn, Gary.
Oh, well.
This big shit is big shit.
Um, well, I'm about to close out and finalize my deal for like,
my first big budget motion picture.
Oh me too!
I'm serious.
Ebony, I'm serious.
I wish you'd shut the fuck up.
Uh, no.
But anyway, getting back to it.
I've got a producer involved with it, a big timer.
And, uh, all I need is A-list talent to go with it,
and I'll be on my way.
So y'all wish me luck, OK?
It's about to be my big shot.
Right on, man.
Right on.
Doggie style in 3D.
Just what I've been waiting for.
As you all know, album dropping this fall.
If you don't know, now you know--
album dropping this fall.
Darkchild's producing.
No free copies-- buy this shit.
It's hot.
I ain't got to tell y'all that.
Anyway.
Check for it in stores real soon.
OK.
So as you all know, Jackson and I are engaged to be married.
Um, I'm in my last year of law school, so I think--
Well, with this new contract that I just signed,
Lisa don't need to work.
We're going to be moving to Toronto
in the next couple of weeks-- well, me first, then her.
Toronto's going to be a good look for me.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
Jackson, Jackson, Jackson.
We was talking to Lisa, bro.
This ain't "Sports Center."
You and your 16 ain't the topic at this table.
You ain't even part of our clan like that.
OK.
So, anyway, that's it.
Um, Aaron, you go.
Pssh.
I'm good, you know.
I'm still a sportswriter.
I'm still maintaining some integrity in my writing.
Right now, you know, I'm just taking inventory
on my personal life-- thinking about what I really want
and what I'm going to do to get it,
knocking down all obstacles, annihilating the competition.
OK, all right.
So the night is getting kind of late,
so we're gonna let Ebony go next.
What?
Oh, come on, now.
Y'all already know the deal.
I don't share my personal business with y'all.
Oh, come on, Ebony.
Stop being so closed off.
Talk.
Yeah, we friends.
We are all friends, but my job is to be all up
in y'all's business, not the other way around.
That's always been my role in the crew.
You all know the deal.
Girl, what is you so scared of?
When have I ever been scared?
OK.
You know what?
Fine. Fine.
This will be the first and the last,
so let's savor this moment.
OK, so what am I doing?
Um, well, I own two salons.
My family is beautiful.
Money is good.
The alimony check is fat.
The child support check is even fatter,
and the sugar daddy money is on point, OK?
So, life can't get any better for me.
The only reason why you have those two salons
is because of your divorce.
It's not like you worked for it.
Excuse me?
I just think that it's real ghetto of you
to brag about things you've acquired
by laying on your back.
Ooh.
I mean, you spent eight years in college-- eight years.
I mean, hell.
When I was there, you were in your second year,
and I still graduated before you.
I mean, I'm just saying, I know how hard
it is to work for something.
You should try it sometime.
OK.
Yeah.
You're real cute.
OK?
You real cute, and you a real big self-hating sellout.
Everybody clap for the motherfuckin' sellout.
Yeah.
Typical product of the ghetto.
Ghetto?
Bryant Gumbel, I will fuck you up, OK?
You know what?
Get off of me.
I'll take my shit.
I don't need this shit.
Fuck all y'all.
Hey, hey, hey.
Wait a minute.
If you leave, we not gonna get the money.
This shit ain't over, motherfucker.
Fuck y'all, fake asses.
God damn.
Fuck all y'all.
She's still got it.
Fuck all y'all.
She's still crazy as a motherfucker.
FEMALE SPEAKER: OK. All right.
OK. All right.
No, my-- my agent will call you.
No, it's fine.
It's fine.
I get it.
It's good.
All right.
Bye.
Jesus Christ.
Damn it.
Pretty nice-- you got the legs out.
With all those naked women you're around,
I would think this would be nothing.
Well, it's different for me now.
Yeah.
I'm more turned on by women that are fully dressed,
rather than seeing them naked.
Yeah.
It's a curse.
You're luck you don't got a turtleneck on right now.
I'd be standing at attention.
OK, so why are you keeping me from my text?
OK.
What's this?
It's a script.
And?
OK.
It's called "Strangers."
OK, it's a thriller about a psychiatrist,
a mysterious new lover, OK, and--
and a serial killer that's terrorizing the city.
Look.
It's a riveting tale about love, deceit, terror, you know,
that keeps you on the edge of your seat.
It keeps you on the edge of the seat, and keeps you satisfied.
Yet, it keeps you intrigued.
It keeps you going.
It-- it-- it's the shit.
I love it.
I believe in it, you know?
It's Oscar material.
OK.
Well, it sounds like something I'd be into.
I think-- yeah.
Please.
Tell me about the writer.
The writer.
Well, we-- you know.
It's really good.
This is one of several that he's pinned, and, uh, you know,
he's making a transition from one part of the industry
to-- to the next.
Oh, that's fine.
You know, TV writers usually transition well into film.
Ah.
We on the same page.
Mmm.
Uh, is there a director attached.
Yeah.
Yeah, new guy.
Um, really, really good.
Really smart, intelligent, has a unique eye.
I like him.
I dig him.
OK.
Has he done anything I know?
Mmm, uh, I don't know.
Uh, he hasn't done any features yet,
uh, but, uh, a lot of stuff with-- with Cinemax,
late night.
What's the writer's name?
Gary Devon.
You?
Nope.
No way.
Oh, come on, Trenyce.
You were-- you were just into it, just now.
Look.
It's good, and you need a new project.
Come on.
OK, fine.
I'll read it.
See?
Get off that Hollywood shit.
You might actually surprise me-- have something decent.
Hey.
And with a good director, it might
have a chance of actually being something.
What's the director's name?
Uh, Gary Devon.
Oh hell no.
Aww, come on, Trenyce. Come on.
Give a brother a chance.
Look.
It's a mainstream film.
It's an $8 million budget.
First of all, I can't believe you're
pitching a film at a time like this.
And secondly, nobody's going to give a porn director $8 million
to do a film.
Hey, with you attached, it's a possibility.
I'm not attaching my name with a porn director.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I'm a director of erotica, OK?
Hey.
"Riding Miss Daisy"?
Me.
"Tail of Two Titties"?
Me.
"Promiscuous"-- not "Precious."
Not that shit.
"Promiscuous"-- me.
Ugh.
Shit.
Off that Hollywood shit, all right.
Brett.
Keep it 100 with me.
What's going on with you and old girl?
Nothing, man.
Hey.
Hey, you.
Hi.
But I'm about to go to bed, man, so I'm
going to bid you two adieu.
Goodnight.
Yo, we gonna finish this conversation.
Sure, sure.
Ah, you know, I didn't think it was possible,
but you look even more beautiful today
than you did in college-- I'm serious.
No.
I'm going back to bed.
I just came out to get air.
No Jackson?
He's sleeping.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Me and Brett were going through some of these photos.
Hilarious.
Wow.
We all look the same.
Come on.
You know I look way better.
I got muscles now, I have a little swagger on me.
Ah.
Nice pic.
Yep.
So you ever think about me and you?
I used to.
Not anymore.
You broke up with me.
I moved on.
We're friends now.
I'm happy with that.
So you don't feel nothin'?
Aaron, OK.
I'm going to bed.
Lisa--
No.
Lisa, Lisa.
No.
Lisa.
Lisa!
What?
Look.
I'm sorry, all right?
I Really am.
I was young, I was dumb, but it was a long time ago.
I'm a grown ass man now.
And all I'm saying is I feel like a second opportunity has
presented itself for us and I want to show you that--
And what?
What do you want to show me?
What do you think that means?
What are you trying to say?
Aaron, no.
I'm getting married.
This cannot happen-- it won't happen.
Lisa, I know you feel something for me.
So what?
Just because you have a spur of the moment feeling
we're just supposed to act on it, just like that?
We're not in college anymore, Aaron.
We can't just make life-changing decisions at the drop of a hat.
You had your chance.
I'm getting married.
This is never going to happen.
I mean it.
Let me ask you this.
Are you happy?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll have it done by Monday.
Mm-hmm.
Um, you know what?
Let me-- let me call you back.
I think I have an idea.
Jamal, my brother.
What up?
What would you say if I told you
I could put you back into the spotlight.
Back into the spotlight?
Dogs, I never left the spotlight.
I've got an album about to drop, homie.
The Darkchild's hooking me up, remember?
I'm still very much in the spotlight.
Yes.
Yes, you are.
Uh, what I meant was you never expanded into endorsements.
Endorsements.
Yeah.
You see, all the rappers today, they all endorse products.
Mm-hmm.
Now, it's only natural that you,
who was one of the innovators of the industry,
should capitalize.
Exactly, dog!
That's what I've been saying for the longest, man.
Yeah.
I have a wide fan base very diverse.
I need to be doing endorsement.
So who am I endorsing?
What?
What, like Fubu?
Sean Jean?
Nike?
Who comin' at me, dog?
Because--
Well, listen.
The--
I'm-- I'm-- I know that--
What?
Ain't nobody thinkin' about y'all.
Is you going to cook for everybody?
Jamal, you know better.
Selfish.
Good morning, everyone.
Hey, Hanna.
You're right on time.
I am, and I have the projections and the layout
for the target demographic that you asked for.
Hey, that bacon's smelling good over there.
Why don't you throw some links on there, too?
Uh, you lucky I'm cooking this.
Boy, you always were able to cook.
I don't know why you can't keep a man.
And you know what?
I can't believe you were able to keep
a woman with that scorching case of herpes you got.
Stop lying, girl.
Nasty ass.
That-- that's a rumor.
That ain't even-- dog, that ain't even true.
That's a rumor.
Why you spreading rumors?
Let's talk, man.
Follow me.
Y'all crazy.
I don't know why you startin' rumors, girl.
You know what?
You need to watch where you pointin' them eyes, OK?
You gotta watch where you pointin' that spatula.
You studio gangster.
Cause I'm the real deal.
This ain't one of your whack ass songs.
You keep talkin'. i'm telling you--
-Don't push me. -I'm telling you.
I'm telling you.
Don't push me. Boy, bye.
Bye.
You look great.
Oh, thank you.
OK. Here we go.
You ready?
Oh, yeah.
All right.
Now Jamal, this would do wonders-- wonders
for your career.
Hmm.
Brett, my deadline
was extended, so I'm going to try
to book a flight down there in a couple of days.
Hmm.
Yeah, I think margarine is the new way to the future.
Now, with you doing the jingle, it'll
open it up to a whole new market.
A whole new market.
Are y'all crazy?
You will be giving back.
The black community suffers from high blood pressure.
Butter is killing them.
Just think of the good you could do.
Tell him, Hanna.
Listen, you don't understand.
This could be like, so chic.
I mean, think about it for a second-- a health conscious
rapper lending health conscious lyrics
to a product that transcends race and culture.
I mean, it's-- it's genius.
Both of you motherfuckers is crazy.
I'm not rappin' about no damn butter.
Margarine.
Butter, margarine, what's the fuckin' difference?
You ain't about to kill my career.
Your career?
You kidding me?
I could easily be asking you to rap about fried chicken.
Man, fuck you.
Wh--
I'm outta here.
Oh.
What are we gonna do?
It's OK.
And you know what?
You-- you need to not leave your phone just laying around
anywhere, OK?
It ain't wise.
Here.
And give me my shit.
And you?
Me?
You know what?
Maybe I'll come back later.
You know what?
For the first time, I actually agree with you on something.
You go on and do that, partner.
Dog.
What's up with all the animosity?
Oh, I know.
I've got something you want.
Yeah, that's it.
I see you still upset about me and Lisa.
That's perfectly understandable.
Jackson, I see nothing has changed with you,
bro-- still suffering from delusions.
Funny.
I got the girl.
Look at you.
That has to be eatin' you up inside.
You dropped Lisa because you were out
trying to do your thing.
It may have been a long time ago, but women never forget.
In her eyes, I'm her fucking superhero.
You got a better chance at trying
to make the leap before you get Lisa back.
And guess what?
As of six months ago, she's no longer a virgin.
You know what, Jackson?
You don't love Lisa.
You only love what she represents.
And what's that?
Making you look good.
Your ex is doing jaw exercises on my balls.
How does that make you feel?
I guess it's no holds barred to the dating scene for you.
Back on the court, you're going to love this one.
Jackson Davis is on the move again.
The Renaissance man is involved in a three team trade,
sending the league's top journeyman to Milwaukee
from Toronto.
And hey, I get it.
You never wanted to become--
Hold up.
You might want to stick around for this one, partner.
-you haven't seen the court since you
were traded from Miami weeks prior, but Milwaukee?
Is that really any better?
That'll be what?
Six teams in 4 years?
-beer and cheese.
I can smell the stench already.
Good luck with that one, Action Jackson,
because the only action you're getting
is with the U-Haul company.
Dog, bundle up, because it get cold and shit in Milwaukee.
Dress warm.
That's a look at your sports here in Tinsel Town.
Coming up later tonight, we'll have
more on Action Jackson's next move to the Cheese State.
I'm Jamie Ricks signing off.
Opportunity knocks and then I'm back in the game.
And I'm explaining to think and then rhyming insane everywhere
I go.
Aren't you a little too old to still be rapping?
No, I'm not too old to still be rappin'.
You ever heard of LL?
Ice T?
Ice Cube?
They still doin' their thing.
Yeah, and they're also successful actors now, too.
I'm gonna be back on the charts in no time, OK?
You had one hit.
And I'm waiting on one phone call,
and when we finalize the deal, you gonna be back on my nuts,
because this album is going platinum.
Sweetie, even if your album goes platinum,
you could never afford me.
Yo.
I found it.
I found it!
Come here.
Found what?
Hey, man. What's that?
This is hilarious.
What you got, man?
You already know.
You having this for me?
-Yeah. -Thanks, guys.
Hey, man.
What you show them, man?
What is it?
It's gotta be something like--
Y'all ready?
Now, come on.
Damn. We're ready.
Come on.
Come on, sit, man.
Damn, boy.
Hurry up.
Oh, man.
This shit ain't funny, dog.
Y'all laughing at somebody without
me?
They don't know no better, man.
That shit's funny.
They don't know no better. That's genius.
Look.
Look, look, look.
Go to a two-shot.
Oww!
Look at that.
That's real shit.
It's that whack ass video, dog.
No, no, no, no, no.
Dolly right.
Ass!
Dolly right?
The fuckin' shot don't even match, dog.
What are you talkin' about?
Come on, man.
It was a limited budget, man.
Limited budget?
You was riding my career.
You couldn't even get no good strippers in there that day
because wanted to suck and fuck all the good ones.
Artistic integrity.
Come on, man.
Scorsese, nigga?
You talkin' about you want to be Scorskase?
Scorskase?
What the fuck you talking about man?
You the one who brought that shit to me.
I didn't even know he was until you talkin' about, yeah,
I want to be Scorskase.
It's artistic integrity.
Artistic integrity.
Right.
The fuckin' song is whack.
The song is not whack.
It's the video.
Look at them.
That's bullshit.
They're making jokes at the video.
You want to talk about, wear a Speedo,
dog, because Hammer did it in "Pumps and a Bump."
He's-- he's gay. He's gay.
So what?
-He don't know better. -So what?
He don't know what to do with all
that ass in the first place.
I'm tellin' you, I created a fuckin' masterpiece, man.
A masterpiece.
You got me lookin' like fuckin' Hammer.
-That was your choice. -That was your choice.
That was your choice.
I told you not to wear that goddamn thong.
Dog, you're whack, man.
You are whack.
You said fuck that, I'mma wear it.
You used my budget.
I'll just reinvent you.
You used my budget.
You used me to try to get some ass.
I swear, y'all just fucked up my buzz.
All this mirror and so little time.
Ah, Stylz, baby, we finna take over the world,
baby-- print abs, runway.
I'm a killer on the runway.
I get 'em down there and I give them the mannequin, like that.
I look like a-- a mannequin in Macy's, baby.
I'm ready, yo.
All I need is an endorsement.
I could endorse baby oil.
Oh, man.
I can hear it now.
Boom, boom chick.
Yeah.
Boom chick.
Mmm, mmm.
Mmm-chick.
Boom chick.
This is the baby oil song.
Watch me put it on, splash.
Watch me put it on, slash.
Splash.
This is the baby oil song.
Watch me put it on.
Yeah.
Baby oil.
Oh, that's nice.
That is nice.
I like that.
That's ni-- It's not what you think.
You know what?
You don't even have to explain.
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm.
Girl, you won't believe what his nasty ass in there doin'.
Getting a late start, are we?
No, not really.
I'm-- I'm five miles in.
Oh, five miles in.
So is this-- is this something new?
You didn't used to work out.
Oh, you know, I'm, uh, getting a little older,
so I gotta keep my body tight-- every part of it.
Hmm.
So what's new with you?
What have you been up to?
I'm good.
Thanks for asking.
You know, um, to be honest, I didn't
think that you'd remember me.
Why wouldn't I?
I must have left an impression on you.
Of course you did.
I-- I should be going.
Why?
You in a hurry?
Well you and I alone is probably not a good look.
Hey, you want to get your shoes.
Hmm?
Oh.
Have a good run.
Ooh!
Oh.
No. This-- just hear me out.
Just hear me out.
No.
The reason I love working with you and I love this film
is because you understand actors.
No.
This is what I signed up for.
Bitch, I'mma kill you.
Bitch, I'm crazy.
I'mma kill you.
Bitch, I'mma choke the shit outta you.
You think I'm playin' with you?
Hey.
What you workin' on, G?
You startled me, man.
What's up?
Just working on my visions for this script, dude.
I had to get my Tai Chi in.
Yeah, I hear you.
Hey, you remember when we were kids
and, uh, they used to tell us that if we work hard
and if we were dedicated, you can achieve your dreams
and achieve your goals, right? Yeah.
I remember.
Yeah.
Then you turn 30.
Nobody said it was going to be easy, either.
Ain't nobody said it was gonna be this hard either, bro.
Look.
Y'all can say whatever y'all want to about me in this house,
man, but nobody can ever say that they out-worked me.
I know.
You know?
I felt-- no, no.
She's beautiful.
And I love working with her.
To be honest, I miss her, and I miss the process.
No.
That's the vision I had.
That's the vision I have.
We have the same vision.
No.
I see this character-- I get it now.
I get-- I mean, I love-- I don't mind-- I'll kiss you.
I'll kiss I'll kiss anybody.
I'll kiss a woman.
It's fine.
No, I don't have a problem with that.
Who said life ends at 30 though, man?
Let me show you something, Gary.
Ain't nobody seen this, man-- no-- nobody.
This is the kind of modeling I do.
Oh, shit.
Yep.
A far cry from high fashion, huh?
Wow.
I ain't never been to Italy, man.
I ain't never been to Europe.
I ain't never left the country.
I'm a fraud, dude.
I'm for real, man.
Everybody expect me to be successful, so I exaggerate.
I ain't done half that stuff I tell y'all I do, man.
And then I gotta deal with everybody
thinking I'm gay because I'm good looking
and I keep myself up.
Hmm.
It's hard out here for a model, bro-- a male model?
Pfft.
Hmm.
You know you wouldn't even be saying
half this shit if Dennis was here.
You know that, right?
Probably not.
He always knew the right thing to say
to put everything back into prospective.
Yeah.
Bastard.
Wh-- OK.
All right.
OK.
But, I'm gonna call-- I'm gonna call--
I just thought I'd be further along
than where I'm at right now.
At least you still shooting movies.
I mean, so what if they booty flicks, man?
You still getting use out of your degree.
Dude, I've got an accounting degree,
and I can't add unless I'm counting push-ups and sit-ups.
Look at Ebony.
It took her six years to graduate
with a general studies degree, man.
You usin' yours.
Yeah, I guess you right.
It's just, man, I-- I just got so much more to offer.
I just need the right person to believe in me, man.
Well, if Dennis got the kind of bread they say he got,
we might be getting some money out of this.
Aww, man.
Somebody gonna mess it up and leave.
No, that ain't happenin', bro.
That is not happenin'.
I'm locking every door and window in this bitch.
I need this money.
Yeah, me too.
If I don't-- if I don't get a job soon,
I'm about to call you for "Amazing Booties Part Seven."
Get out of here, man.
You gonna be available, though, dude?
-No. -No?
-No.
You sure?
Absolutely.
A lot of money.
Not going to happen dot com.
OK.
I don't understand.
What sense does that make?
Why are we rushing to get a house?
Why don't we just take our time and rent an apartment?
Damn.
We ain't even gone down the aisle yet,
and you already actin' like the wife already.
Excuse me?
You don't have to marry me.
You can keep screwing your little groupies.
We have been through this a million times,
and I have told you a million times.
I'm done with that.
I told you a long time ago I was.
That's probably the reason why you don't want me in Toronto.
Milwaukee.
Milwaukee?
I got traded.
Again?
Yes, again.
You knew the type of life that I live when we got together.
Now you want to act all brand new.
I'm about to commit the rest of my life to you,
and this is how you gonna act?
I have a choice of women, but I chose you.
I'm glad to know about your abundance of choices.
Why do I bother?
What are you talking about?
Nothing.
You need to be happy I'm settling down
in the first place.
Please.
Happy.
No.
No, I just-- I still love you, you know,
and I'm just trying to deal with this, OK?
Look, I-- I don't know what to do, OK?
I just-- I still love you.
OK.
You know what?
It's-- it's fine, OK.
Whatever-- just what the fuck ever.
You OK?
Yeah.
Damn, Lisa.
You just be poppin' up on people.
So shouldn't you be upstairs with that hunk of man
that you've got?
Please.
How do you marry a man if you're not sure if he loves you?
Girl, easy.
You take that ring and you say I do.
You know how many women would die to be in your place
right now?
A lot, me included.
You have a man upstairs-- your man.
Goodnight.
Emotion.
Whew.
What the--
You up?
Hey.
Girl, what's wrong?
Nothing.
You feel like talkin'?
Oh, yeah, sure.
Come in.
Sit down.
Ah, OK.
Relax, OK?
It ain't even like that.
I'm strictly dickly.
You've been in Hollywood too long.
Maybe.
So, what's up?
Well, you know, I've never actually told anyone why
I got divorced.
And you know, I think that might be part of the reason
why I always get so angry whenever
the subject is brought up.
Oh, Ebony.
You have to stop being so guarded.
Look, it's OK.
You can talk to me.
OK, well this has to remain between us, OK?
Yeah.
Um, so, my ex just called.
And, um--
Good morning.
Too early to tell, but it could be, though.
Oh.
What's wrong?
Oww.
Ugh.
It's just a little muscle spasm.
Where?
Right here?
Yeah.
You going to be all right?
You gotta ice this down.
You know what?
Um--
And make sure you have those proposals ready for me.
Yeah, I can, um-- I can definitely
have those ready for you on time.
Come on.
Lisa and I are friends.
You're right.
What are we doing?
It's-- it's not cool.
It's not cool.
I gotta go.
OK.
To each his own, but letting a man
buy you sounds a little too much like prostitution to me.
Yeah, and dating a poor man sounds like poverty,
so, we're even.
Mmm.
I was raised that a man is supposed
to take care of a woman.
All right.
Damn, Lisa, I asked you to get me
some soy milk and organic carrots.
Please tell me you got the skinless chicken
breast and the dry seaweed.
Please.
I'm sorry, Stylz.
I forgot.
Do you want me to go back?
No, I'll just sit in the corner with my mandarin oranges
and vegetables until tomorrow.
Fuck!
I'm sorry.
What a diva.
So are you really going to cook all this?
Ebony's going to help me, but yes.
I should be ashamed.
Uh, you're a paralegal and you cook.
I'm just gorgeous.
Well, looks get a man, but good sex, good food,
and genuine love keeps them.
Mmm.
Well, you're going to have plenty of time
to test that theory after you walk down the aisle.
I just got to accept it, dog.
I want her back.
The thing is, I don't know if it's love
or it's just me being selfish.
Or you just not wanting Jackson to have her.
Dog, really?
It's true.
It's not?
Whatever, man.
You right, though.
Yeah, I know I'm right.
No.
It was just that I wasn't ready for that kind of relationship.
You mean you knew you'd have to give it up.
Please.
My parents were so strict.
They managed to keep my knees bonded together all
through college.
With what, duct tape?
No, harsh words and threats.
Aaron just got tired of it, and I can't say I blame him.
I just wasn't ready.
I mean, I was going through in college
what most girls go through in high school.
Or junior high, huh, Storm?
Say, you think, um, all of us being here was a good idea?
When I think about it, Dennis didn't
die for us to have a gathering of misfits.
Sometimes I think he was the only one in on the joke,
though.
Yeah.
Right.
Like he knew something we didn't.
Yeah, I hear that.
Cheers to Dennis.
Being the, uh, the loving and dedicated girlfriend
that I was, I dumped him as soon as he moved to Hollywood,
because people told me that, uh, I shouldn't be so attached.
The whole boyfriend thing didn't look good.
What kind of person am I?
Well, if I know Dennis, he's looking down right now
and wondering why you're crying, but he's especially
wondering why we're drinking this cheap bottle of wine
when he has a case of the finest downstairs.
Right?
Yeah.
He would find that funny.
It's been six years, and we couldn't be farther apart.
Now I realize Dennis really was the glue
that kept us all together.
Yeah.
And him dying to keep us all together was borderline genius.
I know it was in bad taste.
No, it wasn't.
Let's get one up, man.
It's been good seeing everybody.
Likewise.
For sure.
It definitely brings back some good memories.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Especially that memory about you, uh, banging out Ebony.
Brett.
I'mma bang you in your nose.
I told you not to bring that shit up.
Relax.
I never told anybody.
You-- what are you talking about?
My bad.
You banged Ebony?
Nigga, sit down!
Shh!
Damn!
Everybody was trying to hit that.
I told you to keep quiet, man.
I was trying to hit that-- a few times.
You--
It wasn't like that.
Look.
What hap-- was it good?
Are you serious right now?
Was it good?
Look what you just started.
Spill the beans.
Was it good?
Stylz, you know we can't tell you nothin'.
We boys, man.
Was it good?
Dog, I'll tell you the story, G-O-D
you not gonna say nothin'.
Not a word.
So this is what happened.
She comes by my dorm room one night,
right, to borrow a book she was too cheap to buy.
You know Ebony.
Damn.
So we get drunk, tore up, dog.
The next thing I know, in bed naked.
That was it.
Was it good?
Stylz--
Sorry.
Are you serious right now?
That ass.
Were you smashed?
Probably, but man, it was a long time ago.
Aww.
Come on, brother.
Come on.
Hey, I--
Everyone knows that when we men get drunk,
we remember everything there is, even
the details about one night stands.
Everything.
Aight.
It was good.
Ahh!
See?
Be quiet, man.
Oh, shit.
But it was a long time ago, man.
It only happened one time.
Mm-hmm.
It's funny how the story changes from X
to PG after some years gone by.
Aww, man, look.
Again, we talkin' six, seven years here, fellas.
I mean, a lot of the details from my memory really faded.
Even the one about Ebony's tongue sliding up and down
your--
Brett.
Are you serious right now?
For real. All right.
I know. I know.
OK. Look, look, look.
My vow to secrecy was upheld to this very day.
What are you talkin' about?
You just brought it out.
Let's just hope that Shamar Moore does the same.
No worries, man.
I ain't gonna say nothin'.
Stylz.
Not a word.
I don't talk in my sleep.
I'm serious, though.
For real.
I am too.
But you my hero.
You are-- this is Obama, and you right underneath.
Finally let me get my hands on this hair.
I hope you're not still tender-headed
like you used to be.
Ouch!
Oh, girl, be quiet.
That didn't hurt.
So, Mr. Baby Oil.
When you finally gonna come out the closet?
When me and your momma get done in there.
So you lucky.
OK, you lucky I need to go get some more moisturizer.
I'll be back, OK?
Mm-hmm.
Your yacky is showing.
Shut up.
She ain't to be trusted.
Why do you say that?
I'm just sayin'.
Stylz, tell me.
Yo, Rodney.
What's the deal, man?
I told everybody you was coming through, bro.
What's up?
Where you at?
Jamal.
I'm held up in Miami, my man.
I'm out here working on this crazy trio collaboration
with Jay-Z, Madonna, and Bono.
I need time, my dude, listen.
I've got a couple labels that's interested in you,
but first we got this little hurdle we got to get across.
You did some crazy record back in the day,
some video called "Booty Booty."
It's "Booty Shots." "Booty Shots"?
"Booty Shots," Jamal?
You leave me with "Booty Shots"?
I gotta market you, and you did a video called "Booty Shots"?
What was you thinkin'?
OK, OK.
No, I get it.
I get it, dog.
You know?
Listen.
I gotta redo this whole thing.
Listen.
Once I get them interested in knowing
that I'm producing the material for you,
then you might got a shot.
Yo, exactly, dog.
That's what I'm talking about, man.
The album's gonna be blazin', fool.
Yo.
I'mma burn your-- I'mma burn the studio down, man.
Say what?
You gonna burn a what?
Man, you ain't burnin' this down.
You see this, Jamal?
This is two and a half million dollars worth of equipment.
Look at this.
This is a million-dollar mixing board.
You not burning nothin' down, Jamal.
No, in a good way, dog.
When I'm done with it, Darkchild is no longer, dog.
It's gonna be Darkadult.
I'm growin' you, son.
I'm growin' your business, baby.
What?
You growin' me?
You growin' my music, my business?
Darkadult?
Huh?
What are you talkin' about, dude?
I've been in this game for 15 years.
I've sold 200 million records, my dude.
I done did Jay-Z, Beyonce, Michael Jackson,
Whitney Houston-- anybody you could think about.
I done did 'em already, Jamal.
You not growin' me.
I'm grown already.
I mean, yo, as long as the album's out, that's
all that matters, right?
What you need to be doing, Jamal,
is you need to be focusing on your lyrics,
getting your lyrics tight.
So when I get the call from the labels, and if they interested,
you'll be in Miami ASAP.
Miami it is, brother.
Peace.
Well, I don't know about y'all, but I've been waiting for this
all day.
I'm starting.
Hmm?
Why don't you go ahead and try that butter roll.
I gotta give it to you, Lisa girl.
This is delicious.
This chicken is just, oh my god.
Mmm.
It melts in your mouth.
How's your meat, Brett?
Delicious.
Mm-hmm.
I bet it is.
Speaking of little chickens, where's
your little intern, huh?
What's her name?
Monica Hoinski?
Administrative assistant, and she's working at her hotel.
Of course, she would be at the ho-tel.
You know, I see you're so preoccupied
with what's on my plate.
I'm curious as to what's missing on yours?
So, the food is really good.
I gotta hand it to you, Lisa.
I didn't know you were such a great cook.
There's a lot of things you never
got the chance to know about.
So Jackson, I didn't know you and Storm knew each other.
What?
Oh, he forgot to tell you?
Hmm?
Oh, yeah.
It was like, a couple years ago.
I think we may have met at like, a charity event or something,
but I didn't recognize her until--
And you gave her that real close look?
But I'm sure it was totally innocent.
Thanks for sharing, Ebony.
Yeah.
But I'm just curious.
Since you're being so forthcoming with information--
Mm-hmm.
Why you never informed me of you
and Aaron's little back story.
Uh, what are you talking about?
Aaron?
Yeah.
Brett knows.
Huh?
Dog, what the fuck?
So you fucked Aaron back in school while we were together?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Fucked?
Yeah, genius.
F-U-C-K. That is the definition of the word, isn't it?
Because last time I looked, its meaning
was when two people have meaningless sex.
Lisa, please, babe.
Just let me explain.
There is no explanation for you fucking someone
when you already had someone to fuck.
We wasn't fuckin'!
So?
You still fucked her.
Fucked?
Yes, god damn it.
Am I the only person that knows the meaning of the word fuck?
All these college-educated people at this god damn table,
and I am the only one who knows the meaning of fuck.
F-U-C-K!
Fuck!
Why the hell are worried about who he's screwin'?
Oh, you don't say shit.
Just keep screwing superhead.
I knew you was a freak and all and I was willing to accept it,
but damn.
Like, for real?
For real.
We had sex?
Eh.
I guess.
What?
You talk too damn much.
It wasn't me.
It was Gossip Girl over here.
I didn't say nothin'.
Yes you did.
Look how you actin'.
You lyin'.
Dog, I told you--
Not in the face.
I can't believe this shit.
You guys, this is a disgrace to Dennis.
We're supposed to be here to celebrate his life,
and you guys are fightin' like cats and dogs.
What the hell?
I know you ain't talkin' with your fake ass.
You're the one that dumped him to pursue some kind of career,
and you want to sit up here and-- and lecture us?
Man, you can't even read my god damn script, man.
You talkin' about relationships and gettin' together.
You a fuckin' hypocrite.
And you know what?
You never returned any of my calls
when your little acting career took off.
And it was because of you that his loony ass
was jumpin' out of airplanes in the first place.
Speak on it.
That's really funny, Ebony, because you felt cool enough
with me to tell me that your husband left you for a man.
Oh.
Wow.
Now that's fucked up.
Wow.
I can't believe that you said that.
Believe it.
Damn.
You put everybody else's business out there,
but you have secrets too.
Do you know what?
My marriage is my business.
And you want to sit there talking about secrets, Storm,
when your groupie escapades are legend.
Fuckin' ho.
Whatever.
And Stylz, you need to stop livin' a lie.
I ain't gay.
That's debatable.
But you know what?
I can't stand none of y'all motherfuckers.
And the fact that you brought my marriage into this
shit-- some bullshit.
No.
What's fucked up is you fucking my man.
I'm your man.
Shut up!
Oh.
You're a low-down heifer.
It was eight years ago.
We were in college.
I mean, everybody was screwin' around.
And it wasn't even really all that good,
because I can't even remember it.
So our friendship didn't mean anything to you?
Look, of course it did.
But look.
What do you expect me to do right now?
You didn't have to do it, Ebony.
I was drunk.
You do stupid shit in college.
Get over it.
You know, you'd think you have some decency about yourself,
but all you do is start trouble and treat people like shit.
Slut.
You know what?
Watch it.
OK?
Because for the record, I had just
met you bougie ass through Trenyce.
Ugh.
It's not like I knew we were going to be best friends.
Look, we had the makings of a friendship
when this shit went down.
Hmm.
You mean when you ass went down.
Shut up.
You know what?
I barely even remember it anyway.
Everybody trying to sit up here actin' all perfect.
We all got secrets-- me, Aaron, your punk ass, everybody
at this god damn table.
Fuckin' nerves.
And your shit stink too, Tiger Woods.
I'm gonna tell you one last time.
I don't know--
Shut up!
Well hello, everybody.
Speak of the devil.
Oh, man.
Oh, the side piece.
Why don't you pull your ho up a chair, Brett?
Um, I wanted to, uh, drop off the paperwork
for the ad campaign.
I told you to fax it.
Sorry.
I just finished, and I thought you'd want to see--
But what you don't understand about faxing it?
Rodney, dog.
What's up?
We're good, baby?
What's up?
Hi everybody.
Oh, shit.
Oh hell no.
Hey, guys.
I'm sorry.
Uh--
What is she doing here?
Now, Alex, baby, listen.
I can explain.
She's just here to help me with the proposal.
Baby, you don't need to come out the earrings.
No.
I know what this is.
No, no, no. It's good.
It's my people.
What?
Kick her ass!
Yo. Can we work something out?
Darkchild, yo.
Man, come on, dog.
Look.
This is my last shot, man.
Ugh!
Fuck!
I told you nothing happened.
You screwed her.
Yeah, but not this weekend.
You should have told me.
Told you what?
That's old.
You're totally overreacting.
We weren't even together then.
Look, Lisa.
Stop.
Look at me.
We have something.
Lisa, you are going to be my wife.
No.
I'm not.
I'm not marrying you.
I can't.
Leave.
Leave!
Just give me a second to talk.
Will you listen to me?
Alex, listen to me.
How could you?
You're acting as though I slept with her.
Give me one good reason to believe that you didn't.
I'm not going to lie, OK?
I thought about it.
But I didn't.
Alex, I didn't.
OK?
We've been having problems in our marriage
for a long time now.
It's not a secret.
So you bring her here to embarrass me
in front of all of your friends?
Did you even think about our marriage?
Huh?
Did you?
I want a divorce.
Well, it looks like you all have made it
to the end of your journey.
It looks like you guys had one hell of a week.
Well, let's continue.
Hmm?
So by now, all of you
have bonded and reconnected.
Hopefully everybody survived.
Do you know how hard it's
going to be to keep this will a secret from you guys?
Well, let's get started.
Stylz, what can I say about you, bro?
So many good time, man, so many.
I know how much your modeling career means to you.
You put so much hard work and dedication to it, man.
The last I heard you was doin' Sunday
paper ads modeling drawers.
I knew it.
Nasty ass.
Need some baby oil?
That's good stuff, bro.
I leave you $250,000, man.
Keep pushing forward.
I know you'll make it.
Storm.
You're a beautiful woman, and don't
let anyone define who you are.
Last we talked, you were talking about writing a tell-all book.
I can only imagine the damage it's
going to cause to the NFL and NBA,
but, uh, the truth shall set you free, right?
In any regards, a career as a writer
will be a good look.
We need more African American women authors.
$250,000.
Which brings me to Jamal.
I love you, brother.
I really do, man, but I gotta let you know.
It's time to move on, bro.
You can't pop bottles of Andre and rap
about booty all your life.
You have a brilliant mind, and you
have the qualities to become a hip hop mogul.
Pass what you know on, man.
Maybe start a record company promoting positive music.
$250,000.
Yes!
Oh, and, uh, one more thing.
It was the song, not the video.
I told your ass.
I'm sorry.
I told you dog.
I told you.
It wasn't my fault.
Ebony, wow.
I only wish I was allowed to see what drama you probably
stirred up at my funeral.
You ever thought about starting a gossip column?
Hmm.
$350,000.
Wow.
$100,000, which
goes to pay off your school loans.
I didn't know a general studies degree was so expensive,
though.
Brett.
You're pretty well off, but it wouldn't be right
if I didn't leave you anything.
So in you and your wife's name, my attorney, Ms. Stevens,
will be donating $250,000 to the charity of your choice.
Brett, wipe the frown off your face, bro.
Prosperity will never come through greed.
Smile.
Hey, Aaron.
I always love the articles, bro.
I read your sports blog every Thursday.
It's pretty biased, but entertaining to say the least.
$250,000 to start your own sports website.
Good luck.
Oh, you might want to think about settling down.
Hey Gary.
You're one of the most gifted, creative people I know, man.
Your short films were good.
I even liked what you did with Jamal's video.
$1 million to make a good movie.
Aww hell no.
You have so much talent to show the world.
Just show it with no nudity.
The hell he talkin' about?
There's more to life than T&A, bro.
Good luck.
Lisa.
Out of everybody, you've always been the normal one.
You're such a beautiful woman.
You're going to make an incredible lawyer-- what
a combination.
The only thing left is finding the right man,
or him finding you.
$250,000.
Um, last, but certainly not least, Trenyce.
I loved you with all my heart, and the one thing I always
wanted for you was for you to achieve your dreams.
Don't ever think that I wasn't happy for you, because I am.
There isn't one movie that I didn't
watch or one not episode of your show that I didn't record.
I even bought that straight to DVD stuff.
What I'm trying to say is, uh, I'm your biggest fan,
and I will always love you.
$2 million.
And that concludes my presentation.
My man.
Come here, boy.
Let's take care, you hear?
You too, now.
Get some black girls on videos, now.
Here you come.
All right, Jawbone.
If you lookin' for a job--
I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.
-I think I'll be OK. -All right.
Cool.
Take care.
Bye.
Do you think I can have a ride?
Oh baby, I can give you more than a ride.
I want to give you a job.
OK.
Now see, I'm looking for a secretary,
but a different kind of secretary.
I'm going to tell you what it is, OK?
Just get in the-- in the car, here.
OK.
Well, I'm very good at what I do, so--
Oh, are you really?
We're going to see about that.
Keep in touch.
Yeah, you too.
What's up?
What do you want?
So, listen, OK?
I'm a bitch and I know it.
And you know, I never apologize for anything that I do.
Look girl, I'm sorry.
I was really out of line.
And look, I admire you so much, and our friendship
means so much to me.
Friends?
Friends.
Oh.
You know, I'm a work in progress.
Oh, yes.
Yes I am.
I know.
And he's not done with me yet, OK?
OK.
Now when you gonna let me get my fingers in all of this?
No, you ain't putting your fingers in my hair.
No.
What she say?
Well, put it this way.
I already booked one month at the Ritz Carlton.
We're going to work it out.
She's a good woman, man, she really is,
and I'd be a fool to lose her.
I guess I just got caught up with all
the attention I was getting.
Dog, you lucky you didn't sleep with that girl.
Yeah.
It ain't too late.
Just be good, bro.
You too, man.
Aight.
Like I said, it ain't too late.
Until next time.
All right.
So you gonna let me give you a ride?
No.
I'm going with Trenyce.
Lisa, I just want you to know that what I felt when I saw you
this weekend was real.
I'm not the same guy that I was back in school.
Look, you don't ever have to speak me again.
All I'm asking you is just forgive me for the past.
I will always love you.
The last couple of days have shed light on things--
a lot of good things, sweet memories.
But that's all they are-- memories.
I have to move forward.
You know, Jackson's not perfect, but he's a good man.
I gotta go.
I love you.
Don't say that.
Lisa--
No.
It's over.
Over the years,
I constantly tried to get us all together,
thinkin' that we could still kick it like old times-- keep
the same relationships, interact the same way.
It took me some time to realize that the past is called
the past for a reason/ I accepted that I needed to live
in the present and look forward to the future.
Why should you try to relive a moment in your life
you've already experienced, go places you've already been?
Life is about discovery.
I accepted that everybody moves on,
and I realized that that's not such
a bad thing-- my dysfunctional friends.
Brett.
He became vice president of his company
after record sales for his organic margarine campaign,
due, in part, to the jingle performed by Jamal.
Jamal gained a resurgence in popularity
because of the campaign.
He's working on a brand new album,
and he's currently on tour with Young MC and Vanilla Ice.
And Gary?
He's currently a sought after director in Hollywood
after directing the thriller "Don't Talk to Strangers."
And guess who signed on?
Trenyce.
To her amazement, she beat out Julia Roberts, Halle Berry,
and Meryl Streep, doing the Best Actress for her starring role
in "Don't Talk to Strangers."
Stylz?
Currently one of the most sought after male models
in the industry.
He still maintains he's street.
His new girlfriend believes him, and now, everybody else does.
Storm?
She wrote a tell-all book about her life and exploits.
It became a New York Times bestseller.
And Ebony eventually found love with an investment banker,
and engaged to be married.
And although no date has been set,
it sounds like a perfect time for everybody to reunite again.
And guess who's paying for the wedding?
Lisa.
It's cold in Milwaukee.
Yeah.
I missed you.
I can't believe you came.
Bundle up, bro.
I sure hope Ms. Stevens told them
they gotta show up once a year to get the rest.
Oh, yeah.
There's more money.
Booty shots, booty shots.
Hey, you see her right there?
Hey.
Hey, girl.
You've got a nice little back on you.
It's like a little bubble or something
I just want to chew it.
It's like a big ol' buddy.
Give me a shot of that.
Starin' at your biggity-back,
make me want to tiggity-tap, eat it
like some sugar swiggity-smack.
Crack.
Crunch, crunch, berry, plump rump very
all in my face and my face I bury.
All in it, fall in it, and I make a phone call
and I meet up with my homeboys in it.
Ladies, armed with a Guinness, time to handle business,
whip out the jimmy, serve it like tennis.
Or maybe like a waiter, but I can't wait.
So I put it on my plate and I serve it like a crepe.
Whip it, grab it, slap it, put that thing out,
no doubt I'mma stab it.
Chop it like a biscuit.
My fingers all sticky so now I gotta lick them.
Like mmm-mmm, that's good.
Keep your boots on, I'm gonna knock 'em like wood.
Booty shots, booty shots.
Give me that booty, girl.
Booty shots, booty shots.
I want that booty, girl.
Hop in my Benzo.
Or my Cadillac's down with that stick shift, dead roll.
No hands on in the clutch.
Back seat driver, hands on your butt.
Oh, I want to bite it.
Saddle up, pony, giddy up, I'mma ride it.
FEMALE SPEAKER You so nasty.
I told you what I wanted, you said I could have it.
Like two scoops of chocolate, booty
fluffed up like the head on broccoli.
Show me what you got.
Better up, give it up to me for a poke job.
If you ain't got no back, then step to the side
like you got sidetracked.
I sneeze at you, like I'm allergic to fat booties.
Gesundheit.
Booty shots, booty shots.
Let me get a sip of them booty shots, girl.
Booty shots, booty shots.
Uh.
Uhh.
Na-trizay.
We in the house.
I want to shout out to my momma, though.
Booty shots, booty shots.
I want that booty, girl.