[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪ ANDY: COMING TO YOU FROM THE
HISTORIC LARGO THEATER IN LOS
ANGELES, IT'S "CONAN"!
I'M ANDY RICHTER.
TONIGHT, KYRA SEDGWICK.
AND NOW, HERE HE IS, CONAN
O'BRIEN!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CONAN: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
TONIGHT I DECIDED TO COME OUT
WITH GREAT DIGNITY.
AND I THINK MISSION
ACCOMPLISHED.
THAT'S ALL I'LL SAY.
I THINK I LOOKED GREAT.
WE HAVE A TERRIFIC PROGRAM
TONIGHT.
KYRA SEDGWICK.
I ALWAYS LOVED TALKING TO KYRA
SEDGWICK.
SHE HAS A NEW SHOW AND I'LL BE
TALKING TO HER AND ANDY RICHTER
JOINING ME.
ANDY, DID YOU SEE THAT I CAME
OUT TONIGHT WITH GREAT DIGNITY?
ANDY: I ACTUALLY WASN'T
WATCHING.
I WAS PUTTING MY PHONE AWAY.
CONAN: IT'S -- THE SHOW IS SO
SHORT.
AND THE PART WHERE I COME OUT
FEELS LIKE KIND OF CRUCIAL.
THIS IS THE CRUCIAL PART OF THE
SHOW.
ANDY: RIGHT.
CONAN: AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
YOU WEREN'T EVEN PAYING
ATTENTION.
ANDY: MAYBE IT WAS DEFERENCE
BECAUSE IT'S TOO HARD TO LOOK
AT YOU LIKE THE SUN, YOU KNOW?
LIKE MAYBE IT'S -- LIKE TOO
MUCH WHEN YOU STEP OUT FROM THE
CURTAIN ALL THAT MAGNETISM AT
ONCE?
I WASN'T PUTTING MY PHONE AWAY.
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS.
CONAN: I'M GETTING MORE ENERGY
AND GOODWILL FROM THE CARDBOARD
CUTOUTS THAN FROM YOU RIGHT
NOW.
ANDY: WELL, THEY DON'T KNOW YOU
AS WELL AS I DO!
[LAUGHTER]
CONAN: GUESS WHAT?
THEY'RE GETTING TO.
ANDY: THAT IS TRUE.
CONAN: IT'S BEEN A COUPLE OF
MONTHS NOW AND THE CUTOUTS ARE
LIKE MAN, HE'S NEEDY.
WELL, HERE'S SOMETHING I DID
WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
HERE IN LOS ANGELES COVID
VACCINES ARE BEING SLOWLY
DISTRIBUTED TO PEOPLE 65 AND
OLDER.
BUT ACCORDING TO A RECENT
ARTICLE, SOME PEOPLE UNDER 65
IN L.A. ARE STILL TRYING TO GET
THE VACCINE AT ANY COST.
THESE PEOPLE ARE BEING CALLED
VACCINE CHASERS.
YEAH.
NOW, TYPICALLY THESE PEOPLE
LINE UP AT VACCINATION SITES
FOR HOURS HOPING THERE MIGHT BE
AN EXTRA DOSE AVAILABLE AT THE
END OF THE DAY.
NOT ONLY THAT, SINCE THIS IS
L.A., SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ARE
GOING AS FAR AS SENDING IN
AUDITION TAPES TO BE CONSIDERED
FOR EARLY VACCINATION.
YEAH.
WE ACTUALLY GOT OUR HANDS ON
SOME OF THESE VACCINE AUDITION
TAPES.
YEAH.
UNBELIEVABLE.
CHECK THEM OUT.
>> HI, JOCELYN MARKS, STEWART
TALENT.
AND I AM AUDITIONING TO GET A
VACCINE.
>> HI.
I'M JEFF MATTHEWS.
AND I'M AUDITIONING FOR THE
VACCINE WITH SOME OF MY
IMPRESSIONS.
"SO YOU WANT THE VACCINE?
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE VACCINE!"
>> HI, DENNY RICHARDSON, NO,
I'M NOT TECHNICALLY A DOCTOR.
I DID PLAY ONE ONCE IN A SMALL
ADULT FILM.
>> ELI BRIGHT, SPECIAL SKILL.
STANDUP COMEDY.
>> YOU KNOW, MEN AND WOMEN GET
COVID VERY DIFFERENTLY.
>> SO I ACTUALLY BROUGHT SOME
WIGS.
THEY'RE FROM MY IMPROV STUDIO.
BEFORE IT BURNT DOWN.
THIS ONE IS COOL.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE -- NO, YOU
KNOW WHAT?
I'M SO SORRY.
>> PIME BARRY DIESEL -- I'M
BARRY DIESEL.
NO RELATION.
I'M A STAGE COMBAT EXPERT.
PROFICIENT IN SUCH STYLES AS
PUNCHING.
STAFF WORK.
SWORD PLAY.
AND THROWING A BANANA IN SLOW
MOTION.
>> HI.
I'M KATHY ALMAMATO.
PLEASE GIVE ME THE VACCINE.
SORRY.
SORRY, I'M DOING AN AUDITION!
>> WE'RE HUNGRY!
>> CAN YOU JUST KEEP IT DOWN?
>> YOU NEVER FEED US!
>> ROOMMATES.
>> AND A LAB COAT WHICH IS
PRETTY GREAT, RIGHT?
AND I WILL DO NUDITY.
>> OW!
>> WHITE PEOPLE TAKE THE
VACCINE LIKE THIS.
ALL RIGHTY THEN!
CONAN: SINCE BEING SWORN INTO
OFFICE, JOE BIDEN HAS HAD A LOT
OF CHALLENGES FACING HIS
PRESIDENCY.
AND AS YOU HAD GUESSED NOT
EVERYONE IS HAPPY WITH HOW HE'S
MEETING THEM.
FOR MORE ABOUT THAT, PLEASE
WELCOME THE HOST OF THE POPULAR
CONSERVATIVE PODCAST THE RIGHT
TRUTH, MR. DARREN TOOTH.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW, DARREN.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, CONAN.
I APPRECIATE THE CHANCE TO
ADDRESS WHAT IS SHAPING UP TO
BE THE WORST PRESIDENCY IN
AMERICAN HISTORY.
CONAN: OK.
WELL, ALREADY THAT FEELS A
LITTLE STRONG, DARREN.
WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?
>> WHERE DO I START, CONAN?
WITH BIDEN AS PRESIDENT WE HAVE
6.7% UNEMPLOYMENT.
OK?
WE GOT AN IMPEACHMENT TRIAL
RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.
AND WE GOT THE HIGHEST COVID
DEATH RATE IN THE WORLD.
AND THAT NUMBER IS GOING UP
EVERY DAY.
CONAN: YEAH, OK.
FAIR ENOUGH.
BUT HOW CAN YOU ATTRIBUTE ALL
THAT TO BIDEN?
HE'S ONLY BEEN PRESIDENT FOR
TWO WEEKS.
>> EXACTLY.
AND IF BIDEN CAN DO THAT MUCH
IN DAMAGE IN TWO WEEKS, IMAGINE
WHAT THE NEXT FOUR YEARS ARE
GOING TO BE LIKE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
BETTER YET DON'T IMAGINE IT.
UNLESS YOU WANT TO PUKE.
CONAN: ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S -- THAT'S BEING A LITTLE
DRAMATIC.
OK?
>> OH, IS IT?
IS IT DRAMATIC TO LOVE MY
COUNTRY, CONAN?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TUCK MY
TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN, ATLAS
AND SHRUGGED, INTO BED EVERY
NIGHT AND TELL THEM THAT
THEY'RE SAFE WHEN I'M
STRUGGLING NOT TO BARF MY
BRAINS OUT BECAUSE THERE'S A
FENCE AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE?
OK.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I CAN FEEL A LITTLE BIT OF PUKE
IN THE BACK OF MY THROAT RIGHT
NOW.
CONAN: THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
LISTEN, WE GET IT.
WE GET THAT YOU'RE UPSET.
THERE'S A FENCE AROUND THE
WHITE HOUSE.
BUT THE FENCE IS THERE BECAUSE
TRUMP SUPPORTERS HAVE BEEN
THREATENING VIOLENCE.
>> LET'S LOOK AT THE FACTS,
CONAN.
FACT.
BIDEN PROMISED CHANGE.
CONAN: YEAH.
>> AND YET TOM BRADY IS IN THE
SUPER BOWL AGAIN.
FACT.
BIDEN PROMISED TO PROTECT THE
AFRICAN-AMERICAN COMMUNITY AND
YET WE'VE ALREADY LOST SICILY
TYSON AND HANK AARON.
WHAT IS HE PLANNING NEXT?
CONAN: IT'S SAD THAT THEY'RE
GONE --
>> FACT.
STOP INTERRUPTING.
I JUST SAW A STORY THE OTHER
DAY ABOUT SOME PEOPLE THAT
FOUND A BEAR SWIMMING IN THEIR
HOT TUB.
IS THAT WHAT JOE BIDEN'S
AMERICA IS GOING TO LOOK LIKE?
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
HANDLE THAT.
I'M GOING TO GET SICK.
CONAN: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET
SICK.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
DON'T GET SICK.
>> I'M NOT GETTING SICK RIGHT
THIS SECOND BUT I COULD EASILY.
THAT WAS A FALSE ALARM.
THAT WAS JUST -- THAT WAS A
BURP.
CONAN: DARREN, THAT'S
RIDICULOUS.
YOU AREN'T GOING TO THROW UP
AND BEARS IN HOT TUBS HAVE
NOTHING TO DO WITH BIDEN'S
COMPETENCE AS A PRESIDENT.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT YOU'RE REALLY
STRETCHING.
>> WHY DO I KEEP SEEING PHOTOS
OF BERNIE SANDERS SITTING
AROUND IN HIS MITTENS DOING
NOTHING?
HE'S ON THE SUBWAY.
IN A HOCKEY PENALTY BOX.
HE'S GOOFING OFF IN THE WAITING
ROOM FROM THE MOTHER SKF
BEATLEJUICE.
-- FROM THE MOVIE
"BEATLEJUICE."
HOW CAN HE PASS A COVID BILL
WHEN HE WAS HANGING OUT WITH
BEATLEJUICE?
CONAN: THOSE ARE MEMES YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT.
IT'S A MEME.
YOU KNOW WHAT A MEME IS?
>> ATLAS, GET THE BUCKET,
DADDY'S TALKING ABOUT THE
PRESIDENCY AGAIN!
CONAN: DARREN, I REALIZE YOU
HAVE YOUR POLITICAL BIASES, ALL
RIGHT?
AND YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR
CONSERVATIVE AUDIENCE HAPPY BUT
JOE BIDEN IS ENTERING OFFICE
FACING EXTRAORDINARY
CHALLENGES.
SO WHY DON'T WE ALL GIVE HIM A
LITTLE TIME TO ENACT HIS AGENDA
BEFORE YOU TEAR DOWN HIS
PRESIDENCY?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
THAT'S A FAIR POINT.
CONAN, I GOT TO SAY THANK YOU.
WHAT YOU JUST SAID ABOUT BIDEN
REALLY MAKES ME THINK A LOT.
CONAN: I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
>> IT MAKES ME THINK A LOT
ABOUT BLOWING CHUNKS ALL OVER
MY PODCAST STUDIO!
CONAN: OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
STUPID!
>> OH, WHEN DID I HAVE
CHEERIOS?
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
COAST IS CLEAR.
NO, IT'S NOT!
OH, LIKE A SHOE LACE OR
SOMETHING.
I DON'T KNOW WHEN I ATE A SHOE.
CONAN: I'M NOT BUYING ANY OF
IT.
GOING -- GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING
ELSE?
ARE YOU GOOD?
>> I'M EMPTY.
CONAN: ALL RIGHT.
WHAT A WONDERFUL SEGMENT.
WE HAVE --
>> NOW I'M EMPTY.
CONAN: OK.
WHAT CAME UP THAT TIME?
>> YOUR OLD HAIRCUT.
CONAN: ALL RIGHT.
LISTEN, WE HAVE A TERRIFIC
SHOW.
KYRA SEDGWICK IS GOING TO BE
JOINING US IF SHE'S --
CONAN: MY GUEST TONIGHT WON A
GOLDEN GLOBE AND EMMY AWARD FOR
HER WORK ON "THE CLOSER" AND
HER NEW SERIES "CALL YOUR
MOTHER" AIRS WEDNESDAYS AT 9:30
P.M. ON ABC.
PLEASE WELCOME THE LOVELY, THE
TALENTED, I'M THRILLED SHE'S
WITH US, SHE'S ONE OF MY
FAVORITES, KYRA SEDGWICK.
KYRA, I LOVE SEEING YOU.
WE'RE ALL SEPARATED DURING
COVID.
AND THEN TODAY I'M DRIVING TO
WORK.
AND I'M LIKE I GET MY KYRA
TIME.
SO THANK YOU.
KYRA: OH, MY GOSH.
THAT'S SO NICE.
IT'S SUCH A LONG TIME.
AND SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.
EVEN UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES.
CONAN: YEAH.
THIS IS NICE.
WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL -- IT LOOKS
LIKE I'M TALKING TO YOU -- AND
YOU'RE IN AN ART MUSEUM.
KYRA: I KNOW.
IT'S CRAZY.
I'M REALLY A LUCKY GIRL.
I LIVE IN -- I HAVE A PLACE IN
LOS ANGELES.
CONAN: BEAUTIFUL.
KYRA: YEAH.
THIS IS -- THIS IS MY PLACE IN
LOS ANGELES.
AND YEAH.
I GET TO SEE THE GREEN.
I MEAN, JESUS --
CONAN: IT'S NICE.
KYRA: IT'S REALLY NICE.
CONAN: AND ALL OF US, WE'RE ALL
GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING.
WE'RE AT HOME.
OR I GET -- MY BIG THING EVERY
DAY IS I GET TO COME TO THIS
ABANDONED THEATER AND DO THE
SHOW.
BUT OTHER THAN THAT, IPE AT
HOME.
AND FEELING KIND OF TRAPPED.
I UNDERSTAND YOU GOT OUT.
YOU ACTUALLY WENT OUT FOR AN
EVENING OF FUN.
HOW DO YOU DO THAT RIGHT NOW?
KYRA: I DID.
WELL, I GOT INVITED TO GO TO
THIS COMEDY SHOW AT MAGIC
CASTLE.
AND SO I WENT TO MAGIC CASTLE
--
CONAN: AND IT'S OUTDOORS,
RIGHT?
KYRA: IT'S OUTDOORS BUT IN YOUR
CAR SIX FEET APART AND YOU TUNE
IN TO A RADIO STATION.
AND I THOUGHT THIS IS HORRIBLE.
THIS IS GOING TO BE TERRELL.
BUT THEN PEOPLE CAME OUT AND
THEY WERE SO FUNNY.
AND THEY WERE SO AMAZING AND
SHERI SHEPARD WAS THERE AND
ALSO ONE OF YOUR WRITERS.
LORI --
CONAN: LOREY KILMARTIN.
KYRA: LORI WHO WAS FANTASTIC
AND ALL THE OTHER THINGS THAT
ARE INCREDIBLY WEIRD ABOUT IT.
FIRST OF ALL, IT CAN'T HAVE
BEEN EASY FOR THESE GUYS.
IT'S GOT TO BE SO WEIRD.
YOU'RE LIKE LITERALLY LOOKING
OUT ON A SEA OF CARS.
YOU CAN'T REALLY HEAR PEOPLE.
CONAN: RIGHT.
KYRA: BUT THESE PLASTIC
CLACKERS THAT ARE JUST LIKE --
YOU KNOW, HORRIBLE LIKE PLASTIC
NIGHTMARE THAT LIGHT YOU'RE
GOING TO THROW OUT AFTER YOU
USE IT.
CONAN: RIGHT.
AND IT MAKES A CLAPPING SOUND?
KYRA: A CLAPPING SOUND.
IN FACT --
[CLAPPING]
[LAUGHTER]
YOU'RE FUNNY TONIGHT.
BECAUSE IT'S NIGHTTIME.
CONAN: THANK YOU.
SURE.
KYRA: THE SUN COMING IN.
CONAN: EXACTLY.
THAT SOUNDS WEIRD.
KYRA: NO.
IT'S GOOD.
BELIEVE ME.
I CAN IMAGINE THAT IF I WERE
ONE OF THE COMEDIANS UP THERE,
THIS IS WHAT I WOULD -- IT'S
AWFUL.
BUT BETTER THAN NOTHING.
AND I'M SO CO-DEPENDENT, I'M
LIKE -- AND MY ARM IS LIKE
KILLING ME BY THE END OF IT.
CONAN: THAT'S HARD TO DO.
I WOULD THINK.
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN TALKING TO
YOU FOR A LONG TIME OVER THE
YEARS.
AND I'VE ALWAYS LOVED IT WHEN
YOU COME ON THE PROGRAM.
AND I REALIZED THAT THE
QUESTION MY PRODUCERS -- AND I
THINK EVERYBODY ALWAYS WANTS TO
ASK YOU IS THE SAME QUESTION
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
AND YOU MUST BE GETTING SICK OF
IT.
WHICH IS YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED --
YOU AND KEVIN BACON HAVE BEEN
MARRIED FOR SO MANY YEARS.
HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE
HAPPY?
WHAT'S THE SECRET?
AND I THINK -- DO YOU JUST BAN
THAT QUESTION NOW FROM
INTERVIEWS?
KYRA: NO.
I DON'T.
BECAUSE -- YOU KNOW, I HAVE A
FUNNY ANSWER.
AND THE ANSWER IS KEVE'S YOU
KEEP THE FIGHTS CLEAN AND --
KEV'S YOU KEEP THE FIGHTS CLEAN
AND SEX DIRTY.
AND SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE
IS NOT TAKE MARITAL ADVICE FROM
CELEBRITIES.
CONAN: YES.
KYRA: THAT'S MINE.
TO NOT ASK ME THAT QUESTION
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE -- BUT THE
TRUE ANSWER IS -- AND I'M JUST
GOING TO TELL YOU RIGHT NOW --
THE SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE
IS NOT HANGING OUT TOGETHER
24-7, 365 DAYS A YEAR.
CONAN: YES.
KYRA: LIKE -- YOU KNOW, ABSENCE
MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER AND
LIKE WHEN YOU'RE OUT IN THE
WORLD AND BRINGING THINGS BACK
INTO A MARRIAGE, THAT IS A GOOD
THING.
AS LONG AS IT'S NOT A THIRD
PERSON.
UNLESS YOU'RE INTO THAT STUFF.
CONAN: WHICH I AM.
WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT LATER!
KYRA: I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS
HAVE THIS, BUT LIKE AS WE'VE
BEEN MARRIED LIKE OUR BED HAS
GOTTEN BIGGER.
YOU KNOW, LIKE WE STARTED OUT
WITH A QUEEN FOR LIKE 20 YEARS.
WE'VE BEEN MARRIED 32 YEARS.
AND 21 YEARS IN THE MARRIAGE
KEV I THINK WE NEED A BETTER
BED.
A BIGGER BED.
AND I'M LIKE WHAT?
A BIGGER BED?
YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST THE
BEGINNING OF THE END.
AND I WAS LIKE REALLY FREAKED
OUT BY IT.
BUT WE GOT A BIGGER BED AND
LIKE OH, YEAH, BIGGER BED OF
THE THAT'S -- BIGGER BED,
THAT'S TRUE.
CONAN: MY WIFE WANTED TO TRY
BUNK BEDS AND I'M ON THE TOP
AND SHE IS ON THE BOTTOM AND NO
PHYSICAL CONTACT AND DOESN'T
WANT ME TOUCHING HER.
SO IT'S THE TOP BED, THE BUNK
BED AND THE UTILITY CLOSET
DURING THE DAY.
AND WE HAVE -- THAT'S HOW YOU
KEEP A MARRIAGE GOING.
KYRA: THAT'S THE SECRET.
CONAN: I DON'T KNOW WHY BUNK
CONAN: YOU GUYS HAD KIDS EARLY.
AND THIS IS SOMETHING THAT YOUR
NEW SHOW IS ABOUT.
"CALL YOUR MOTHER."
BECAUSE YOU -- I'M NOT AT THE
EMPTY NESTER STAGE YET.
KYRA: HOW OLD ARE YOUR KIDS?
CONAN: MY KIDS ARE -- MY
DAUGHTER IS 17.
KYRA: WHO?
CONAN: MY SON IS 15.
SO WE'RE GETTING THERE.
BUT I STILL CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE
IT.
KYRA: YEAH.
CONAN: BUT I KNOW YOU HAD KIDS
EARLY.
AND SO YOU'VE GOT -- YOU'RE
USED TO THIS IDEA OF IT'S
THINGS ARE QUIET.
KYRA: THINGS ARE QUIET.
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.
DEFINITELY.
AND IT DOESN'T SUCK.
I MEAN, I REALLY --
CONAN: YOU SHOULD TELL YOUR
KIDS THAT.
TELL YOUR KIDS YOU KNOW WHAT I
LOVE?
THE PART WHEN YOU WENT AWAY.
KYRA: NO.
NO.
IT'S -- IT -- IT REALLY IS A
HORRIFYING MOMENT WHEN YOU'RE
REALLY LEAVING?
YOU'RE REALLY LIVING R-LEAVING?
-- REALLY LIVING?
I BIRTHED AND YOU RAISED YOU
AND YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME?
YOU DO WANT THEM TO FLY AWAY
AND IT'S GREAT.
AND I HAD KIDS SO YOUNG.
I DIDN'T KNOW ANYONE WHO HAD
KIDS.
I -- NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO DO
A LOT OF THINGS THAT LIKE I
GREW UP IN THE 1970'S, YOU
KNOW, WHERE LIKE MOTHERS DIDN'T
WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND MAKE
THEIR KIDS BREAKFAST.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT UP AND I
DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT DRESSED
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT TO
SCHOOL.
I KNOW I DID.
BUT YOU KNOW, I JUST --
CONAN: YOUR MOTHER -- YOUR
MOTHER -- YOU FELT LIKE YOUR
MOTHER DIDN'T TEACH YOU THE
NECESSARY THINGS YOU NEEDED TO
KNOW?
KYRA: HERE'S THE THING.
I CAN'T GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT
THIS.
BECAUSE SHE IS WATCHING
TONIGHT.
AND I'LL TELL YOU THAT RIGHT
NOW.
SUFFICE IT TO SAY THAT LITTLE
THINGS LIKE WHEN TO GO TO THE
DENTIST AND LIKE WHEN TO WASH
YOUR HANDS, AFTER YOU USE THE
--
CONAN: SHE DIDN'T TELL YOU YOU
HAVE TO WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER
YOU USE THE BATHROOM?
KYRA: LIKE I SAID WE WILL NOT
GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT THIS.
CONAN: YOU JUST DID.
YOU WENT INTO DETAIL.
KYRA: THE THING IS WHEN I WAS
23, AND I HAD THIS BABY, I WAS
LIKE NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW TO DO
ANYTHING.
I WAS 23, KEV WAS 30.
WE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING AND
ALSO WE KNEW -- THOUGHT WE KNEW
EVERYTHING.
SO WE LITERALLY BROUGHT THIS
BABY HOME.
AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO CHANGE A
DIAPER.
CONAN: YEAH.
KYRA: I'M NOT -- I'M NOT
EXAGGERATING.
CONAN: WE WENT FLEW THAT, TOO.
NO -- WENT THROUGH THAT, TOO.
NO ONE TELLS YOU ANY OF THIS.
KYRA: AND IN THE BEGINNING,
THEY'RE COMPLETELY FOLD NEED
EACH OTHER.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER THAT?
OR DID YOU -- DID YOU NOT --
CONAN: WHEN MY -- EACH TIME MY
WIFE GAVE BIRTH, I LEFT FOR A
PERIOD OF -- I THINK A YEAR
EACH TIME AND STAYED AT A
HOTEL.
AND THEN I CAME BACK WHEN I WAS
TOLD THE COAST WAS CLEAR.
THAT WAS MY WAY OF DOING IT.
KYRA: I KNOW --
CONAN: IT'S NOT TRUE.
BUT --
KYRA: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
CONAN: TRUST ME, I THOUGHT
ABOUT IT.
I THOUGHT ABOUT -- MAYBE I
COULD GO TO A HOTEL FOR A YEAR.
AND THEN COME BACK WHEN -- WHEN
MY CHILD IS WEARING LIKE A
LITTLE SAILOR SUIT AND LIKE
HELLO, FATHER.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
COME IN.
I BROUGHT YOU YOUR SLIPPERS.
KYRA: I DIDN'T -- THERE WAS A
TIME WHEN MY SON, MY FIRST KID,
HE STARTED TO, YOU KNOW, GET UP
OUT OF THE CRIB, YOU KNOW?
AT LIKE A VERY YOUNG AGE.
LIBE MAKE A YEAR INTO IT.
WHICH IS -- MAKE MAYBE A YEAR
INTO IT.
WHICH IS SOMETHING PARENTS FIND
OUT AND I DIDN'T KNOW -- IT
DIDN'T MEAN YOU PUT THEM IN A
BIG BOY BED WHICH IS WHAT I
THOUGHT.
OH, WELL, WE WERE LIKE OH,
WELL, HE'S 1 AND IT'S TIME TO
BE IN A BIG BOY BED.
AND WE PUT HIM IN A BIG BOY
BED.
LIKE A REAL BED.
AND WE WOULD GO DOWNSTAIRS AND
WE WOULD BE WATCHING TV AND WE
WOULD HEAR THIS GIANT -- FROM
UPSTAIRS.
AND WE GO UP THE STAIRS.
AND TRAVIS HAD FALLEN OUT OF
THE BED.
CONAN: SURE.
KYRA: AND LIKE OH, WELL.
PICK HIM UP AND PUT HIM BACK IN
THE BED.
AND DIDN'T EVEN THINK TWICE
ABOUT IT.
OH, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS,
RIGHT?
LIKE PEOPLE -- KIDS FALL OUT OF
BED.
IT WASN'T UNTIL MY STEPMOTHER
CAME OVER ONE DAY AND -- LOOK,
TRAVIS IN A THE BIG BOY BED AND
YOU DON'T HAVE BUMPERS ON THE
BED WHICH IS LIKE WHAT YOU DO
IN BETWEEN THE CRIB AND THE BIG
BOY BED.
YOU PUT -- AND LIKE OH, WHAT --
CONAN: WHAT ELSE WORKS IS DUCT
TAPE.
DUCT TAPE HOLDS THE BABY RIGHT
THERE.
I'M CURIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING.
YOU'RE DOING THIS SHOW "CALL
YOUR MOTHER."
AND ONE OF THE THINGS THAT IS
SO GREAT ABOUT DOING A
MULTICAMERA SHOW, SITCOM, IS
YOU HAVE AN AUDIENCE THERE.
AND THEY GIVE THAT YOU RUSH OF
ENERGY.
AND YOU WALK IN AND THEY'RE
THRILLED TO SEE YOU.
AND THAT'S WHAT -- EVEN WHEN
YOU'RE WATCHING THOSE SHOWS,
THE ENERGY OF THE AUDIENCE IS
WHAT HELPS SO MUCH.
AND I KNOW THAT YOU GUYS ARE
MAKING THIS SHOW.
AND -- VERY FUNNY COMEDY.
BUT YOU HAVE TO RELY ON YOUR
OWN INSTINCTS.
YOU CAN'T HAVE AN AUDIENCE.
KYRA: AND TO RELY ON YOUR OWN
INSTINCTS AND ALSO HAVE TO RELY
ON LIKE -- WELL, FIRST OF ALL,
YES, YOU DEFINITELY HAVE TO
RELY ON YOUR OWN INSTINCTS
WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT BE GOOD.
BUT ALSO YOU HAVE TO LIKE RELY
ON YOUR OWN EGO TO LIKE GET YOU
THROUGH THE DAY, RIGHT?
I MEAN, ARE YOU EXPERIENCING
THIS?
IT'S LIKE --
CONAN: OH, YEAH.
I HAVE SUCH A BIG EGO AND
YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S YOUR EGO THAT GETS YOU
THROUGH IT.
I HEAR HUGE LAUGHS IN MY MIND.
NOW, THEY PROBABLY WOULDN'T
EXIST IN REAL LIFE IF THERE WAS
AN AUDIENCE HERE.
BUT AS LONG AS MY DILUTION --
DELUSION IS WHAT'S KEEPING ME
GOING.
KYRA: GIVE ME SOME OF THAT
DELUSION.
CONAN: I GOT PLENTY LEFT OVER.
KYRA: COME ON.
I SPEND A LOT OF TIME GOING
LIKE YOU SUCK.
CONAN: I DON'T THINK YOU HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE SHOW,
"CALL YOUR MOTHER," AIRS
WEDNESDAYS AT 9:30.
ON ABC.
AND DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD TO BE
MAKING SOMETHING, THOUGH?
I KNOW THERE'S NO AUDIENCE.
BUT YOU'RE THERE.
YOU'RE MAKING SOMETHING.
YOU'RE MAKING SOMETHING FUNNY.
WITH PEOPLE THAT YOU LIKE.
AND THAT'S THE BLESSING.
TO ME, THAT'S THE BLESSING.
KYRA: IT IS A BLESSING.
IS IT IS SUCH A BLESSING AND
LUCKY TO BE ABLE TO DO IT AND
BE ABLE TO EMPLOY PEOPLE.
CONAN: SO WHAT I WOULD LIKE YOU
TO DO IS SOMETIME SOON ONCE WE
ALL GET VACCINATED AND I GET MY
SHOT AND YOU GET YOUR SHOT
BRING THE CLACKER AND DO --
[LAUGHTER]
I NEED JUST A LITTLE OF THAT.
I JUST NEED A LITTLE OF THAT IN
MY PLIFE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING
TO ME, KYRA.
I LOVE DISCUSSING THINGS WITH
YOU.
YOU'VE ALWAYS -- YOU'RE ALWAYS
A GREAT GUEST.
AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.
KYRA: THANK YOU.
TAKE GOOD CARE.
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
CONAN: GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HAVE A GIANT GLASS OF WATER.
KYRA: YEAH.
HERE IT COMES.
CONAN: ALL RIGHT.
THAT IS OUR SHOW.
WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
GOOD