♪ andy: Coming to you from the largo theater in holly wude --
Andy: Coming to you from the largo theater in holly wude -- hollywood it's "conan"!
Largo theater in holly wude -- hollywood it's "conan"! I'm andy richter.
Hollywood it's "conan"! I'm andy richter. Tonight, sienna miller.
And comedian calvin evans.
And now, here he is, conan
o'brien!
Conan: Thank you.
O'brien! Conan: Thank you. Thank you very much.
Welcome again to our program.
Happy holidays, everybody.
I know 2020 has been difficult.
But we're near the corner.
I can feel it in me bones.
Yeah.
Talking like a pirate now.
That's how excited I am about
the holiday season of 2021.
And I should be excited.
The holiday season of 2021. And I should be excited. Wonderful show tonight.
Sienna miller, lovely,
talented, she's on the program.
Very funny comedian calvin
Talented, she's on the program. Very funny comedian calvin evans is on the show.
And backing me up all the way
Evans is on the show. And backing me up all the way occasionally talking behind my
back, saying stuff that's not
Occasionally talking behind my back, saying stuff that's not so kind, but still mostly my
Back, saying stuff that's not so kind, but still mostly my friend, andy richter, how are
So kind, but still mostly my friend, andy richter, how are you, andy?
Friend, andy richter, how are you, andy? Andy: Hi, conan.
You, andy? Andy: Hi, conan. I didn't hear anything you said
before the word "abbedy."
-- "andy.
Before the word "abbedy." -- "andy. Ngs I zone out until I hear
andy.
Like I'm a dog for my treat.
Andy. Like I'm a dog for my treat. Conan: I have two dogs and they
don't hear a word I say until I
say treat.
Don't hear a word I say until I say treat. And they're right there.
Say treat. And they're right there. Andy: That's me getting my
attention treat.
Conan: Don't do that.
Attention treat. Conan: Don't do that. It's creepy looking.
We have a lot to talk about
here.
First of all we're nearing the
Here. First of all we're nearing the end of 2020.
And that means it's time for
End of 2020. And that means it's time for one of our favorite annual
traditions on this show.
One of our favorite annual traditions on this show. That's right.
Traditions on this show. That's right. Our own resident crin file --
cinophile andy richter will
tell us about the best and rest
Cinophile andy richter will tell us about the best and rest of movies that came out this
Tell us about the best and rest of movies that came out this year.
Of movies that came out this year. -D
♪ andy: Did anything really come out this year?
Andy: Did anything really come out this year? ♪
Out this year? ♪ oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I saw that one where the lady
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I saw that one where the lady [beep] a fish.
Did that come out this year?
Conan: No.
Andy: Oh.
♪
conan: You know, andy, coming
into this new year, there's
Conan: You know, andy, coming into this new year, there's lots of things I'd like to
Into this new year, there's lots of things I'd like to leave behind in 2020.
Lots of things I'd like to leave behind in 2020. Andy: I agree t has been a
Leave behind in 2020. Andy: I agree t has been a rough year.
If only we could just flush it
Rough year. If only we could just flush it all away.
Conan: Ah.
All away. Conan: Ah. Interesting brand conscious
word choice, andy.
Because lucky for us,
Word choice, andy. Because lucky for us, continental the opportunity to
flush away something they want
Continental the opportunity to flush away something they want to leave behind in 2020 with
Flush away something they want to leave behind in 2020 with their new sweepstakes "the
To leave behind in 2020 with their new sweepstakes "the refreshingly clean slate."
Their new sweepstakes "the refreshingly clean slate." what a great way to start 2021
Refreshingly clean slate." what a great way to start 2021 fresh.
What a great way to start 2021 fresh. Conan: Right again, andy.
Fresh. Conan: Right again, andy. Everyone who participates will
have a chance to win up to
$21,000 for their own personal
Have a chance to win up to $21,000 for their own personal clean slate.
Will be donating $20.21 to
Clean slate. Will be donating $20.21 to united way for every entry up
to $1 million donation.
United way for every entry up to $1 million donation. Andy: It's a chance to win
To $1 million donation. Andy: It's a chance to win money and a to help a good
cause.
Money and a to help a good cause. We should enter.
Cause. We should enter. Conan: Good idea, andy.
All contestants have to do is
right one thing from 2020 they
want to leave behind on a
Right one thing from 2020 they want to leave behind on a square of toilet paper, snap a
Want to leave behind on a square of toilet paper, snap a picture of it and share it on
Square of toilet paper, snap a picture of it and share it on instagram or at which timer and
Picture of it and share it on instagram or at which timer and explain why you're heffing it
Instagram or at which timer and explain why you're heffing it behind and -- you're leaving it
Explain why you're heffing it behind and -- you're leaving it behind and use the hashtag
Behind and -- you're leaving it behind and use the hashtag continental and sweepstakes for
Behind and use the hashtag continental and sweepstakes for a chance to win.
Continental and sweepstakes for a chance to win. Andy: I have something I want
A chance to win. Andy: I have something I want to leave hipped 2020 written on
a square of toilet paper.
To leave hipped 2020 written on a square of toilet paper. Conan: Wow.
A square of toilet paper. Conan: Wow. What a coincidence.
Me, too.
Let's show them at the same
time on three, huh?
One, two, conan!
Time on three, huh? One, two, conan! Andy: Conan!
Conan: Andy, what the hell?
[bell rings]
andy: I won.
I guess conan o'brien was right
Andy: I won. I guess conan o'brien was right answer.
Conan: Andy, you're fired.
Answer. Conan: Andy, you're fired. Andy: Great.
All thanks to cottonelle.
Enter the refreshingly clean
slate sweepstakes and you might
get to flush away 2020 just
Slate sweepstakes and you might get to flush away 2020 just like me.
Get to flush away 2020 just like me. Conan: Cha-ching.
Like me. Conan: Cha-ching. We have a great show.
Sienna miller will be joining
us.
Comedian calvin evans very
Us. Comedian calvin evans very funny.
We're taking a break.
Funny. We're taking a break. Pay those bills!
Conan: My guest tonight start
starred in factory girl,
"american sniper" and "american
Starred in factory girl, "american sniper" and "american woman."
now you can see her in the new
Woman." now you can see her in the new movie "wander darkly."
Now you can see her in the new movie "wander darkly." which is terrific.
Movie "wander darkly." which is terrific. It's available on demand.
Which is terrific. It's available on demand. Please welcome the beautiful
and talented sienna miller.
All the way from london.
And talented sienna miller. All the way from london. Hello, sienna.
Sienna: Hello, conan.
How are you?
Conan: I'm doing very well now.
You look stunning.
And you're just -- this looks
like a christmas card right
now.
Like a christmas card right now. You're beautiful.
Now. You're beautiful. And your background is
beautiful.
Sienna: Yeah.
Beautiful. Sienna: Yeah. I'm almost matching your
background which is extremely
festive as well.
Background which is extremely festive as well. I need some colored lights.
Festive as well. I need some colored lights. You've inspired me.
Conan: Well, you seem to be in
a lovely home.
I'm in an abandoned theater in
A lovely home. I'm in an abandoned theater in hollywood that's overrun with
rats.
Hollywood that's overrun with rats. So --
Rats. So -- sienna: Don't talk about your
crew that way.
Sienna: Don't talk about your crew that way. [laughter]
Crew that way. [laughter] conan: Now, you look -- you
look very -- like you're in the
Conan: Now, you look -- you look very -- like you're in the christmas spirit.
Look very -- like you're in the christmas spirit. Are you excited about christmas
Christmas spirit. Are you excited about christmas right now?
Sienna: I'm as much as one can
Right now? Sienna: I'm as much as one can be excited about anything this
year.
Be excited about anything this year. Yes.
Year. Yes. Conan: Yeah.
Sienna: Yes.
Christmas.
Conan: Tell me, because I know
that was not convincing.
Sienna: I know.
That was not convincing. Sienna: I know. Conan: And you're an actress.
And you couldn't pull that off
for 2020.
Which is --
For 2020. Which is -- sienna: Yeah.
Conan: I'm curious, you -- I've
Sienna: Yeah. Conan: I'm curious, you -- I've always thought that the perfect
christmas would be in london.
Always thought that the perfect christmas would be in london. Because it seems -- it's
Christmas would be in london. Because it seems -- it's charles dickens.
It's the perfect place to
Charles dickens. It's the perfect place to celebrate christmas.
Is it -- what are the
Celebrate christmas. Is it -- what are the traditions, what will you be
doing on christmas day that
Traditions, what will you be doing on christmas day that feels very british to you?
Doing on christmas day that feels very british to you? Sienna: I can out do your
Feels very british to you? Sienna: I can out do your london with my 16th century of
thatted cottage in the
London with my 16th century of thatted cottage in the dickensian town of westwick
Thatted cottage in the dickensian town of westwick ham.
Dickensian town of westwick ham. I just told the world my
Ham. I just told the world my address.
Not that anyone cares.
Address. Not that anyone cares. Woo.
And -- it's a hobbit house.
It sort of looks like something
out of middle earth and I will
sit by the fire and drink red
Out of middle earth and I will sit by the fire and drink red wine and be in pajamas and eat
Sit by the fire and drink red wine and be in pajamas and eat and eat.
Wine and be in pajamas and eat and eat. Conan: That sounds fantastic.
And eat. Conan: That sounds fantastic. I have to say.
That sounds absolutely lovely.
And I can't believe you live in
-- you live in a of thatted
cottage.
-- You live in a of thatted cottage. That just makes me so happy.
Cottage. That just makes me so happy. It sounds like a fairy tale.
Sienna: It actually is.
It really is.
It's a fathery tale.
Conan: I've always heard that
in europe, every country has
their own little traditions.
In europe, every country has their own little traditions. I don't know what you do.
Their own little traditions. I don't know what you do. Are there any traditions that
you have because in america, we
just open the presents.
You have because in america, we just open the presents. And then we insult each other.
Just open the presents. And then we insult each other. What do you do in london or
growing up, certain games you
play?
Growing up, certain games you play? Or ways to pass the time?
Play? Or ways to pass the time? Sienna: In England, we open the
booze before the presents.
Conan: Nice.
Booze before the presents. Conan: Nice. Sienna: In a also leads to
catastrophic fights.
We do sit around the kitchen
Catastrophic fights. We do sit around the kitchen table and play a game called
name in a hat.
Table and play a game called name in a hat. Have you ever played that game?
Name in a hat. Have you ever played that game? Conan: No.
Sienna: Five famous names dead
or alive in a hat folded up and
on two teams and you pull --
Or alive in a hat folded up and on two teams and you pull -- conan: That's ok.
On two teams and you pull -- conan: That's ok. Sienna: Pull a name out of the
Conan: That's ok. Sienna: Pull a name out of the hat.
And I have to describe who the
Hat. And I have to describe who the name is without saying the
name.
Name is without saying the name. And as the rounds go on, you
Name. And as the rounds go on, you just get one word.
So by the time you have played
Just get one word. So by the time you have played three round you can say walking
stick and they go winston
Three round you can say walking stick and they go winston churchill because you've done
Stick and they go winston churchill because you've done -- walking stick.
Churchill because you've done -- walking stick. Cigar.
-- Walking stick. Cigar. Whatever.
Conan: So the first round you
would say walking stick.
Cigar.
Would say walking stick. Cigar. Sienna: Yes.
Conan: Yeah.
World war ii.
If you got my name, what would
you say?
If you got conan --
You say? If you got conan -- sienna: Funny.
Conan: Nice.
Sienna: Funny. Conan: Nice. Thank you.
Sienna: Awesome.
Charming.
Delightful.
Yeah.
Conan: Sienna, no one would get
it if you said that.
[laughter]
It if you said that. [laughter] you need to say -- you need to
say "thin lips.
You need to say -- you need to say "thin lips. Aging badly."
Say "thin lips. Aging badly." and people will go conan!
-- Yeah.
And people will go conan! -- Yeah. That's the way to do it.
You know, sienna, I've -- I met
you a long -- a long time ago,
I think I was one your first
You a long -- a long time ago, I think I was one your first talk show appearances.
Way back in the day.
Talk show appearances. Way back in the day. And you've always been very
stylish and sort of blazing a
trail.
Stylish and sort of blazing a trail. In my opinion, in style.
Trail. In my opinion, in style. You always look so fantastic.
Some people say that you're
responsible for the ugg craze.
Because you were one of the
Responsible for the ugg craze. Because you were one of the first people, famous people to
wear us -- uggs out and around.
First people, famous people to wear us -- uggs out and around. Sienna: With anything.
Wear us -- uggs out and around. Sienna: With anything. Once I discovered there was a
shoe that felt like a slipper
that you could wear on the
Shoe that felt like a slipper that you could wear on the street, there was no turning
That you could wear on the street, there was no turning back.
Street, there was no turning back. Because I -- I actually love
Back. Because I -- I actually love comfort.
I -- I'm going to show you a
Comfort. I -- I'm going to show you a secret.
This is very elegant on the top
Secret. This is very elegant on the top but look.
It's a track suit.
But look. It's a track suit. Conan: I like it.
So -- but I'm curious.
I think you wore -- I remember
-- I remember seeing a picture
of you looking very beautiful.
And you're wearing a short -- I
Of you looking very beautiful. And you're wearing a short -- I think a short skirt.
If I remember correctly.
Think a short skirt. If I remember correctly. And uggs with the short skirt.
And it worked.
But it felt like you -- you
just knew it would work when --
if someone described that to me
Just knew it would work when -- if someone described that to me I would say no, that's not
If someone described that to me I would say no, that's not going to work but it worked.
It was beautiful.
Going to work but it worked. It was beautiful. Sienna: Thanks.
I don't know how to respond to
that other than thank you.
I think I did just wear them
That other than thank you. I think I did just wear them with everything.
To the point where they would
With everything. To the point where they would collapse inward.
And -- with my back.
Collapse inward. And -- with my back. Because I've aged.
But still I wear them.
Conan: Well, my only question
is have you been compensated by
the ugg people?
Is have you been compensated by the ugg people? Because that's a very powerful
The ugg people? Because that's a very powerful company.
They make a lot of money.
Company. They make a lot of money. I'm hoping that they have cut
you in for a piece of the ugg
empire.
You in for a piece of the ugg empire. Because you deserve it.
Empire. Because you deserve it. Sienna: They have not.
They send me free boots.
Occasionally.
But no.
There is no slice of that pie.
So I think we should start the
make a sienna ambassador ugg
campaign.
Make a sienna ambassador ugg campaign. But --
Campaign. But -- conan: Yes.
Sienna: Yeah.
Conan: Yes. Sienna: Yeah. Conan: Sienna, if you would
like, I'm very powerful in show
business.
Like, I'm very powerful in show business. In america.
Business. In america. And -- well, parts of america.
A very small part of america.
I'm very powerful.
If you would like, I'll get
involved.
And I will secure you a piece
Involved. And I will secure you a piece of the ugg empire.
Sienna: Ok.
Of the ugg empire. Sienna: Ok. Yes, thank you.
Conan: You know, one thing you
and I both have in common is we
both have famously beautiful
And I both have in common is we both have famously beautiful hair.
Both have famously beautiful hair. And -- but mine has become very
Hair. And -- but mine has become very unkempt and ragged during the
quarantine.
Unkempt and ragged during the quarantine. Yours looks beautiful and I
Quarantine. Yours looks beautiful and I understand that you're quite
good at taking care of your own
Understand that you're quite good at taking care of your own hair.
Good at taking care of your own hair. That you have -- you know,
Hair. That you have -- you know, you're a talented hairstylist.
Is that true?
You're a talented hairstylist. Is that true? Sienna: I am a closet hair
dresser.
That sounds wrong.
Dresser. That sounds wrong. But you know what I mean.
And throughout lockdown, I was
the designated haircutter.
Not that that is the right
The designated haircutter. Not that that is the right phrase, either.
But I had to use kitchen
Phrase, either. But I had to use kitchen scissors because we didn't have
proper scissors but I gave some
Scissors because we didn't have proper scissors but I gave some pretty epic cuts to people.
Proper scissors but I gave some pretty epic cuts to people. And I've always cut my own
Pretty epic cuts to people. And I've always cut my own fringe and bangs I should say.
I can do a bit of that with the
Fringe and bangs I should say. I can do a bit of that with the scissor.
Conan: Wow.
Scissor. Conan: Wow. Sienna: I can -- yeah.
That thing.
When they twist it around and
they go -- which --
conan: Yeah.
They go -- which -- conan: Yeah. I've -- when I've grown my hair
Conan: Yeah. I've -- when I've grown my hair very long, they do that
sometimes to give it a little
Very long, they do that sometimes to give it a little twist at the bottom.
Sometimes to give it a little twist at the bottom. Sienna: Give it a little
Twist at the bottom. Sienna: Give it a little lightness on the end, yeah.
Conan: The -- you know, I think
Lightness on the end, yeah. Conan: The -- you know, I think it's -- it takes a lot of trust
to let someone -- I mean, I
It's -- it takes a lot of trust to let someone -- I mean, I don't even trust professionals
To let someone -- I mean, I don't even trust professionals to get near my hair.
Don't even trust professionals to get near my hair. But I would trufment you.
To get near my hair. But I would trufment you. You know, I -- I think -- I
would trust you.
I feel like I know you.
Would trust you. I feel like I know you. And I would let you cut my hair
someday if that were something
you were interested in.
Someday if that were something you were interested in. Sienna: How about when this
You were interested in. Sienna: How about when this whole shit show ends I could
come and give you a cut.
Whole shit show ends I could come and give you a cut. Conan: Are you referring to my
Come and give you a cut. Conan: Are you referring to my show?
Or the quarantine epidemic?
Show? Or the quarantine epidemic? Sienna: The covid restrictions.
[laughter]
conan: When it's over --
sienna: Live on air because
Conan: When it's over -- sienna: Live on air because you've now pledged that you
Sienna: Live on air because you've now pledged that you would let me.
You've now pledged that you would let me. So I'm going to hold you to it.
Would let me. So I'm going to hold you to it. Conan: Yeah.
I will.
I will fly to london to see
you.
Because I think any man would.
You. Because I think any man would. I will fly to london to see
you.
And you will cut my hair.
You. And you will cut my hair. We'll shoot it for the show.
Sienna: Great.
Conan: And then I'll sue you
and we'll both be suing each
other for a while.
And we'll both be suing each other for a while. And we'll be in the courts.
Other for a while. And we'll be in the courts. Sienna: You could get them to
fly us to an exotic location.
Conan: Yes.
Fly us to an exotic location. Conan: Yes. Yes.
Sienna: A haircut, it's going
to be straight out of lockdown
special.
To be straight out of lockdown special. Conan: I love that.
Special. Conan: I love that. Sienna: And we'll have a
reality show and screw ugg
because we will be making so
Reality show and screw ugg because we will be making so much money that way.
Because we will be making so much money that way. Conan: Yes.
Much money that way. Conan: Yes. Sienna: And it will be great.
Conan: You know what it will be
a version of "love island" only
where you cut my hair.
A version of "love island" only where you cut my hair. And obviously there's no sexual
Where you cut my hair. And obviously there's no sexual tension.
There is on my part but not on
Tension. There is on my part but not on your part and it's a version of
love island that sbt quite as
Your part and it's a version of love island that sbt quite as sauce -- that isn't quite as
Love island that sbt quite as sauce -- that isn't quite as saucy as sauce eye -- playoff
Sauce -- that isn't quite as saucy as sauce eye -- playoff island.
Saucy as sauce eye -- playoff island. >> I'll be lady macbeth and one
Island. >> I'll be lady macbeth and one pair of scissors, what will
happen?
Pair of scissors, what will happen? Conan: And then a lot of me and
Happen? Conan: And then a lot of me and the confessional with ragged
looking hair saying she did it
The confessional with ragged looking hair saying she did it again.
Looking hair saying she did it again. I was sleeping.
Again. I was sleeping. See you -- sienna came in and
she cut off a chunk on this
side.
She cut off a chunk on this side. I want to talk to you about
Side. I want to talk to you about "wander darkly."
I had the chance to talk to
diego luna about the film.
I got to see the film.
Diego luna about the film. I got to see the film. Diego gives a terrific
performance but your character
had to -- you just had to
Performance but your character had to -- you just had to really put it all out there.
Had to -- you just had to really put it all out there. In a way that I can't -- not
Really put it all out there. In a way that I can't -- not being an actor I can't even
imagine what that's like.
Being an actor I can't even imagine what that's like. Sienna: That's weirdly
Imagine what that's like. Sienna: That's weirdly catharsis in that kind of work
I don't know.
Catharsis in that kind of work I don't know. It's strange.
But it was hard.
It was hard and confusing and
disorienting and all of those
things.
Disorienting and all of those things. But I think I've explored grief
Things. But I think I've explored grief now at this point.
I don't know that I've got any
Now at this point. I don't know that I've got any more to show from that
perspective.
More to show from that perspective. I think I'm ready for some tap
Perspective. I think I'm ready for some tap dancing, reality, haircutting.
[laughter]
Dancing, reality, haircutting. [laughter] I think it's done.
It's done.
Nothing more.
Conan: We have a clip.
We're going to show now from
"wander darkly" which -- in
which -- I think it's actually
a very good clip to show in
Which -- I think it's actually a very good clip to show in this moment.
A very good clip to show in this moment. Because it -- it encapsulates
This moment. Because it -- it encapsulates the extremes that your
character is driven to.
The extremes that your character is driven to. In this film.
Character is driven to. In this film. And again, this just gives you
a taste of some of the
intensity of the movie.
A taste of some of the intensity of the movie. And it's just -- like I say the
Intensity of the movie. And it's just -- like I say the tip of the iceberg.
Sienna: Yeah.
Tip of the iceberg. Sienna: Yeah. Conan: Let's show this clip
right now from "wander darkly."
>> you weren't there.
Right now from "wander darkly." >> you weren't there. Where do you go?
>> what happens -- you get
scared and disappear and --
>> that's it.
Scared and disappear and -- >> that's it. >> I can step into traffic now
and it wouldn't matter --
>> hey!
And it wouldn't matter -- >> hey! Hey.
It's ok.
>> what is this, like
purgatory?
What's happening to me?
Purgatory? What's happening to me? >> hold on to me.
Conan: Well, are you able to
film now in london?
Are you able to work now during
Film now in london? Are you able to work now during the pandemic?
Sienna: I'm shooting which is
The pandemic? Sienna: I'm shooting which is astounding.
And we have not shut down.
Astounding. And we have not shut down. And I've been at it from the
beginning of November.
And it's surreal.
Beginning of November. And it's surreal. I mean, everybody is in masks
and goggles and I don't know
what anybody looks like.
And goggles and I don't know what anybody looks like. And I would like to hug people.
What anybody looks like. And I would like to hug people. That's not happening.
But we are managing to make
this show which is -- which is
great.
This show which is -- which is great. Conan: This is -- and I'm just
Great. Conan: This is -- and I'm just -- we are doing the same thing
which is we're -- we have been
-- We are doing the same thing which is we're -- we have been making shows wearing masks,
Which is we're -- we have been making shows wearing masks, getting tested, and we're
Making shows wearing masks, getting tested, and we're starting to get used to it.
Getting tested, and we're starting to get used to it. Even though it's been months
Starting to get used to it. Even though it's been months and months.
But really looking forward to
And months. But really looking forward to this being over.
Sienna: Me, too.
This being over. Sienna: Me, too. Me, too.
Conan: Although I've had many
people tell me they -- even
when this is over, they don't
People tell me they -- even when this is over, they don't want me to hug them.
When this is over, they don't want me to hug them. So --
Want me to hug them. So -- sienna: Yeah.
Conan: Apparently that was --
Sienna: Yeah. Conan: Apparently that was -- apparently that was an issue
with me.
Apparently that was an issue with me. Well, it's just delightful to
With me. Well, it's just delightful to talk to you.
It really is.
Talk to you. It really is. And I want to make sure I
mention because it's a terrific
film "wander darkly" is now on
Mention because it's a terrific film "wander darkly" is now on demand on apple tv.
Film "wander darkly" is now on demand on apple tv. Prime video.
Demand on apple tv. Prime video. Or wherever you get your
movies.
And I hope you have a lovely
Movies. And I hope you have a lovely holiday in your tmatched hut
getting quietly imbibing and I
Holiday in your tmatched hut getting quietly imbibing and I look forward seeing when you
Getting quietly imbibing and I look forward seeing when you covid is over when you and I
Look forward seeing when you covid is over when you and I will be on a secluded island
Covid is over when you and I will be on a secluded island and you will cut my hair for a
Will be on a secluded island and you will cut my hair for a british reality show.
And you will cut my hair for a british reality show. Sienna: Done.
British reality show. Sienna: Done. Done!
Conan: All right.
You're going to regret saying
that.
Sienna miller.
That. Sienna miller. Thank
conan: Due to health
restrictions and leak of a
Conan: Due to health restrictions and leak of a studio audience we haven't been
Restrictions and leak of a studio audience we haven't been able to have standup copics
Studio audience we haven't been able to have standup copics perform on our show during the
Able to have standup copics perform on our show during the pandemic.
Perform on our show during the pandemic. What if I sent a cameraman to
Pandemic. What if I sent a cameraman to their homes to safely shoot
them from a distance?
Their homes to safely shoot them from a distance? Here with a message to some of
Them from a distance? Here with a message to some of you out there, is a very funny
gentleman, calvin evans.
You out there, is a very funny gentleman, calvin evans. Calvin: I'm from chicago.
Gentleman, calvin evans. Calvin: I'm from chicago. Let me quarantine in l.A. And I
see a lot of plastic surgery
and I'll say this this not a
See a lot of plastic surgery and I'll say this this not a fan of this.
And I'll say this this not a fan of this. If you had an accident and
Fan of this. If you had an accident and putting something back the way
it was I understand but for
Putting something back the way it was I understand but for vanity reasons not a fan of it.
It was I understand but for vanity reasons not a fan of it. And the reason is I feel like
Vanity reasons not a fan of it. And the reason is I feel like we need ugly people.
I'm not saying that in a messed
We need ugly people. I'm not saying that in a messed up way.
I feel like ugly people advance
Up way. I feel like ugly people advance society by leaps and bounds.
Think about all the greatest
Society by leaps and bounds. Think about all the greatest people in history.
They all been ugly.
People in history. They all been ugly. Beautiful people they don't do
anything.
They just reap the benefits of
Anything. They just reap the benefits of being beautiful and we accept
them at face value.
Being beautiful and we accept them at face value. Literally.
Them at face value. Literally. Like angelina jolie.
Gorus woman.
So gorgeous nobody said to her
hey, your lips is chapped.
Don't even worry about it.
Hey, your lips is chapped. Don't even worry about it. Keep being beautiful.
But ugly people got to do
amazing things to reap those
same benefits.
Amazing things to reap those same benefits. Like for instance steve jobs.
Same benefits. Like for instance steve jobs. Weird you go will he looking
dude wears glasses he's setting
around thinking to himself what
Dude wears glasses he's setting around thinking to himself what if.
Around thinking to himself what if. That's what you have to do when
If. That's what you have to do when you're ugly and think about
stuff that don't exist so
You're ugly and think about stuff that don't exist so people can love you -- like
Stuff that don't exist so people can love you -- like you.
People can love you -- like you. Music in my pocket?
You. Music in my pocket? I-pads, he never would have
thought if he was something sex
with somebody.
Thought if he was something sex with somebody. Jeff bezos.
With somebody. Jeff bezos. Weird looking dude.
And thinking about what if I
could just stay my ugly ass at
home and shop?
Could just stay my ugly ass at home and shop? We have amazon change the way
Home and shop? We have amazon change the way we shop.
Do you understand what I'm
We shop. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Do you think of harriet tubman
Saying? Do you think of harriet tubman was beautiful she would have
saved as many slaves?
Was beautiful she would have saved as many slaves? Don't do that.
Saved as many slaves? Don't do that. If harriet tubman was beautiful
she would be a footnote about
some slave that had a bunch of
She would be a footnote about some slave that had a bunch of mixed kids.
Some slave that had a bunch of mixed kids. She wasn't.
Mixed kids. She wasn't. She was ugly and enslaved.
And she was looking around and
like yo, what if I left?
And she did.
Like yo, what if I left? And she did. She left and came back and left
and came back and saved
hundreds and thousands of
And came back and saved hundreds and thousands of slaves.
Hundreds and thousands of slaves. That was so unprecedented at
Slaves. That was so unprecedented at the time.
We forgot how she looked and
The time. We forgot how she looked and almost put on a $20 bill.
And then they print the $20 and
Almost put on a $20 bill. And then they print the $20 and who the hell is this?
Is this the only picture we
Who the hell is this? Is this the only picture we got?
What do you mean it's photo
Got? What do you mean it's photo shopped?
Look, if you sit at home and
Shopped? Look, if you sit at home and watching this and you're ugly,
stop worrying about your looks.
Watching this and you're ugly, stop worrying about your looks. Get up, go change the world.
Stop worrying about your looks. Get up, go change the world. I'm calvin evans.
This is my time.
Conan: Wise words, calvin.
And thank you very much.
♪
conan: Ok, everybody.
That's our last show for the
Conan: Ok, everybody. That's our last show for the holidays.
Have a great one.
Holidays. Have a great one. Stay safe.