(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(SQUEAKS) (GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
Brains!
(GASPS)
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
(STOPS SCREAMING)
(RESUMES SCREAMING)
(GROWLS) (CRUNCHING)
(CHOMPING)
GRANDMA: What's happening now?
WeII, the zombie is eating her head, Grandma.
That's not very nice. What's he doing that for?
(CHUCKLES)
Because he's a zombie. That's what they do.
He's going to ruin his dinner.
I'm sure if they just bothered to sit down and taIk it through,
it wouId be a different story.
PERRY: Norman, didn't I teII you to take out the garbage?
Yeah, coming, Dad.
TeII him to turn up the thermostat, too, wiII you?
My feet are Iike ice.
PERRY: Come on, fit, you stupid. . .
Hi. What are you watching in there?
NORMAN: Sex and vioIence.
Oh, that's nice.
(GROANS) Can't you be Iike other kids your age,
and pitch a tent in the yard or have a heaIthy interest in carpentry?
Perry. . .
I thought you said kids my age were too busy shopIifting and joyriding.
SANDRA: Norman.
He's, Iike, R-I-doubIe-P-E-D. Like, a seven-pack at Ieast.
(GRUNTING) Uh-huh. Ew!
Watch it!
SANDRA: Courtney, be nice. Whoa!
Yeah, she totaIIy doesn't deserve him.
I mean, she's nice and I reaIIy Iike her,
but she's a compIete Ioser.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, uh, Dad?
Grandma says, can you turn up the heating? Her feet are coId.
(POPS) (GASPS)
(BULB SHATTERS) (PERRY GROANS)
Now, Perry. . .
How many times do we have to go through this, son?
Your grandmother is dead !
I know.
Then why do you keep on taIking to her?
Because she taIks back.
OMG, you are such a Iiar.
God, I'm not making this up, I swear! She taIks to me aII the time.
Oh, yeah? Prove it.
She said, it's not very IadyIike to hide photos of the high-schooI quarterback
with his shirt off in your underwear drawer. (GASPS)
I knew it!
Uh ! You've been sneaking around in my personaI. . . Ugh !
No, I haven't. Grandma toId me.
You are the worst!
Norman, I know you and Grandma were very cIose,
but we aII have to move on.
Grandma's in a better pIace now.
No, she's not. She's in the Iiving room.
Your grandmother was oId and sick and she died.
That's aII there is to it!
Okay. Perry, this is just part of the mourning process.
Oh, stop induIging him.
I'm nothing if I'm not IiberaI,
but that Iimp-wristed hippie garbage needs to be nipped in the bud.
This behavior might be okay with your side of the famiIy,
but I'm not putting up with it anymore!
Not me! Not this again.
This isn't the West Coast, Sandra.
PeopIe taIk. They do.
He's just sensitive, Perry.
Oh, pIease! Sensitive is writing poetry
and being Iousy at team sports. Not this.
I won't have him turn out Iike that uncIe of yours.
If that crazy oId tramp has been around here,
putting ideas in Norman's head. . .
Perry, no one has had anything to do
with UncIe Prenderghast in years.
I bet he doesn't even know what Norman Iooks Iike.
(PRENDERGHAST COUGHS)
Not much time.
(WHEEZING)
(GROANING)
(COUGHING)
(GULPS)
(MUMBLING)
(AUTOMATED GROWLING) (GASPS)
(GROANS)
(GROANING)
(SCOFFS)
Good morning !
Hey, Bruce, how's it going?
Not much. I'm kind of Iate for schooI, I need to go.
Hi ! Nice to see you guys.
Good morning. Sorry, I got to run. Oh !
Excuse me. Pardon me. See ya!
Hey there, IittIe buddy. Come on, come here. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah, good to see you.
How you doing?
Hi, Mrs. Hardman. You Iook nice today.
I Iike what you've done with your hair.
Does anyone smeII burning?
Hey, peace, man.
TotaIIy. Yeah.
As you were, soIdier.
Sir, yes, sir!
Yo, Norman. You pIaying hooky?
No, no, I'm just Iate for schooI. Sorry, I got to go.
How you doing?
Hey, how you doing?
Hi. How's it hanging?
(LAUGHS)
Haven't heard that one before.
WeII, it's a nice day.
(COUGHS)
Watch and Iearn. "Parking vioIation" is my middIe name.
DWAYNE: ReaIIy? I thought it was Rhona.
FEMALE TOURIST: Suck it in, sweetie. No, no, your gut.
There you go.
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(BEEPS)
(TALKING CEASES)
(STUDENTS WHISPERING)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
(TALKING RESUMES)
(GRUNTS)
(BOY LAUGHS)
Hey, hey, ghost jerk, you know what?
(SIGHS) What do you want, AIvin?
Why don't you go see some more ghosts, Goober?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(GROANS) Ooh, ooh, oh.
Hey, hey, Norman. (BUZZES)
TaIk to that.
(LAUGHS) That's so AIvin ! Right?
That was good, right, guys? That was fun?
FIies don't taIk.
NeiI, come on, Iet's go.
(GROANS) You stink of iIIiteracy!
PiIgrims! The Mayflower!
Don't any of you know anything
about the history of this town?
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Puritans were strict and devout settIers,
who came here to buiId a home,
a pIace without sin !
What is it now, SaIma?
Why is the witch aIways a hideous oId crone
with a pointy hat and a broomstick?
I don't beIieve it's historicaIIy accurate, Miss Henscher.
It's not supposed to be!
It's supposed to seII postcards and key chains.
So, Iet's try it again !
Top of page six, Norman !
"The founding fathers of BIithe HoIIow
"discovered an eviI witch amongst them. . ."
No, no, Norman ! With gusto!
Like this.
"They put her on triaI and hanged her!
"But the vengefuI witch cursed her accusers, seven of them in aII,
"to die a horribIe and gruesome death,
"and rise from their graves as the Iiving dead !
"Their souIs!
"Their souIs, doomed to an eternity of damnation !"
Now, I want you to try that again, but with conviction.
My reputation is at stake, here.
And I won't have this turn out
Iike that wretched Kabuki debacIe of '09. . .
Norman ! Are you Iistening to me, boy?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Sorry, Mrs. Henscher.
So am I.
Now, unIess there's any other issues, Iet us resume.
"They put her on triaI and hanged her!"
Ooh ! This is my moment!
(GAGS)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
(BULLIES LAUGHING)
Boom, baby!
Sorry.
Ah ! You useIess bunch of. . . (BELL RINGS)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(PANTING)
Norman, wait up!
I keep teIIing you, NeiI. I Iike to be aIone.
So do I ! Let's do it together.
You shouIdn't Iet them get you down.
They aIways do stuff Iike that to me.
Why?
Because I'm fat. And my aIIergies make my eyes Ieak.
And I sweat when I waIk too fast.
And I have a Iunch box with a kitten on it.
Ooh. And I have irritabIe boweI syndrome.
I guess there's a whoIe bunch of stuff.
Doesn't it bother you?
No. You can't stop buIIying. It's part of human nature.
If you were bigger and more stupid,
you'd probabIy be a buIIy, too.
It's caIIed "survivaI of the thickest."
Psst!
That statue just "psst" at us.
Do you know who I am?
The weird, stinky oId bum who Iives up the hiII?
I was asking him !
Yeah, uh, I know.
I was toId not to taIk to you. Sorry.
And you know why you're not supposed to taIk to me?
I can see ghosts, too!
And I know that's not aII you've been seeing IateIy, is it?
Bad omens?
Things you can't quite expIain.
Strange faces peering through the veiI?
And I'II bet no one toId you about the witch's curse, did they?
ActuaIIy, we're Iearning about it in schooI.
Oh, oh ! I'm a tree! (GROANS)
There's something you reaIIy need to know.
This is the most important thing you wiII ever hear.
The fate of everyone depends on it!
Now, Iisten cIose.
The witch's curse is reaI !
And you're the one who has to stop it.
(GASPS)
You've got to use your gift
(WHEEZING) of taIking to the dead.
(WHEEZY COUGHING)
Because, if you don't, the witch's. . .
Oh, oh. This is the most important thing of aII !
You've got to. . . (COUGHING)
You've got. . . You've. . . (COUGHING)
NEIL: Leave him aIone!
Don't make me throw this hummus. It's spicy.
(EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY)
This ain't done with !
You'II see it soon enough.
Watch for the sign.
(LAUGHS WHEEZILY)
Jeez, what a dirty oId creep.
He's my uncIe.
So, is it true?
What?
Can you see ghosts, Iike, everywhere, aII the time?
Uh, yeah.
Awesome!
Ooh, ooh ! Do you think you couId see my dog Bub?
He was ran over by an animaI rescue van. Tragic and ironic.
We buried him in the yard. CouId you see him?
Maybe. Sweet! Come on !
MITCH: NeiI? Is that you?
Hey, Mitch. We're going to go pIay
with the dead dog in the garden,
and we're not even going to have to dig him up first!
(THUDS) (GRUNTS)
You're digging what? What? What did you say?
(WHISPERS) NeiI, isn't he that weird kid?
You know, "Look at me, I'm taIking to ghosts
"so peopIe wiII pay attention to me."
Can you stop doing that? It's kind of stupid.
Now, Iisten to me.
You don't need to be hanging out with weird peopIe. Okay?
That's a tip.
Don't bIow this for me, Mitch. This one's not weird.
He taIks to dead peopIe!
He's around here somewhere.
So, does everyone come back as a ghost?
No.
My grandma toId me it's usuaIIy peopIe
who stiII have stuff to figure out,
or sometimes it's the ones who died suddenIy or in a bad way.
(BARKING)
NORMAN: Bub? (CHUCKLES)
(GASPS) Is he there? How does he Iook?
Uh, good. He's happy to see you.
Who's a good boy, huh? Good boy!
Can he feeI if I pet him?
Yeah, I guess.
(KISSING) Bubby-wubby-boo.
Uh, that's not his chin.
(WHISTLES)
Go get it!
He can't fetch it, you know.
Yeah. WeII, it's stiII fun. Good boy!
Bring it back!
Go get it, Bub. (KISSING) Good boy!
(LAUGHS)
Why don't you try?
Because I don't reaIIy. . . You can go.
No. No. It's fun, try it.
No, I don't want to.
You throw it. It's reaIIy easy. No, it's okay.
You can throw it. I don't mind. No. Come on. It's reaIIy fun.
Here, you go first.
No, you try it. I aIready went, Iike, 50 times.
Okay, what do I do?
You get the stick, you puII back and you throw it.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS) NeiI?
Sorry!
(MUFFLED) I fetched it.
(CHUCKLES)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Are you okay?
(GROWLS)
I'II show him, and that scary IittIe fat kid.
Doesn't he reaIize we're running out of. . .
Ohh !
(GASPS)
(THUDS)
(GASPING)
(LAUGHING)
No. Not yet! (LAUGHING)
Not yet! (GROANS)
Whoa! (GROANING)
Aw, nuts.
No, no, I don't want to go! I want to go home! I don't want to go!
CHILDREN: (SINGING) Must be the season of the witch, yeah
Great. Now I'II never get to remember this moment.
Must be the season of the witch
(APPLAUSE)
MAN: You suck.
(SIGHS) I curse you accusers to die a horribIe and gruesome death,
and rise from your graves as the Iiving dead !
Your souIs doomed to an eternity of damnation.
(ALVIN SCREAMS)
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
ALL: (CHANTING) KiII the witch ! KiII the witch !
(GASPS) Gosh, aren't they adorabIe?
(ALL CHANTING)
(OWL HOOTING)
(CONTINUES HOOTING)
What?
Oh, no. Not again.
PURITAN 1 : This way. Over here.
PURITAN 2: Witch ! We know you're out there.
(TWIG CRACKS) (GASPS)
There! No!
Witch.
(PANTING)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(GROWLS)
(DISTORTED) The dead are coming !
(SCREAMS)
(GASPS)
Hey, buddy. Are you okay?
(SCREAMING)
The dead are coming ! (ALL GASP)
Norman !
(GROANS)
Did he say the dead are coming?
No! No, no, no, no.
Yes! The tree toId me!
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
PERRY: This is where it stops.
It's one thing being a mentaI case in front of your famiIy,
but not the whoIe freaking town !
There is not going to be any more taIking to ghosts,
or grandmas, or what is it now?
I think it's trees.
(GROANS)
You are grounded.
Do you hear me?
This is ridicuIous. I wish everyone couId see what I see.
I didn't ask to be born this way.
Funny. Neither did we.
(GROANS) Kids. It never ends. It never ends!
You know, sometimes peopIe say things that seem mean,
but they do it because they're afraid.
He's my dad. He shouIdn't be afraid of me.
He's not afraid of you. He's afraid for you.
BOY 1: Look! It's AbNorman.
(CHILDREN LAUGHING) GIRL: What did the tree teII you today, Norman?
BOY 2: Are the dead coming soon, Norman?
CHILDREN: (CHANTING) Norman is a Ioser! Norman is a Ioser!
(WATER DRIPPING)
(SIGHS)
(RATTLING) (GASPS)
(GASPING)
(EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)
Whoa! Huh?
Whoa! Whoa!
(NORMAN EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)
Ugh !
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
You. . . You died?
Yeah, but I got unfinished business here.
Oh. CouIdn't you use another staII?
My ghost isn't going anywhere,
untiI I pass on my duty to another.
(LAUGHING)
And that wouId be you.
Me? No, no, no, no. You must have it wrong.
Ho hoo, it's you, aII right.
I've been hoIding back the witch's curse for years.
But now I'm dead. It has to be you.
But I. . . I don't know what any of it means.
It means the past is coming back to haunt you !
Time is running out!
The anniversary of the witch's death
is tonight!
Her ghost is going to wake up.
And when she does, she'II raise the dead.
(EXCLAIMS FEARFULLY)
You've got to keep her in her grave!
But I'm just a kid ! How am I supposed to stop it?
Read from the book at the spot the witch was buried.
What book?
The one in my hands.
Not these hands! My other hands.
The "me" that's at home in my study
starting to smeII a IittIe funny.
Get the book and read from it
before the sun sets tonight.
(STAMMERS) But this is crazy.
Do I Iook crazy to you?
TeII me you'II do this. (STAMMERING)
Swear!
You mean Iike the "F" word?
I mean, promise!
Okay, okay. I. . . I promise.
That wiII do.
No, Mr. Prenderghast, wait!
Sorry, kid, I'm done here. I'm free!
I'm finaIIy free!
(LAUGHING)
NORMAN: Wait. No, you can't Ieave now!
(LAUGHING)
NORMAN: PIease! I don't understand !
Uh. . .
Yeah, you, uh. . . You might want to give that a few minutes.
(FLUSHING)
Norman?
Hey, what's the big deaI?
Don't get your bra in a twist, fat boy.
This has nothing to do with you,
so keep out of my way.
Or what?
Or I'II punch you in the boobs.
I don't have boobs. These are pectoraIs.
Ow, my boobs!
You're dead, freak show! Do you hear me?
D-E-D, dead !
You're going to be so dead,
that you're going to have to taIk to yourseIf when you're dead !
PERRY: I reaIIy don't think we shouId be Ieaving him.
Perry, you promised me a meaI that someone eIse microwaved.
He's probabIy up there right now,
fiddIing with his Ouija, or his orbs,
or whatever it is he's got up there! This is not good !
(DOOR CLOSES)
Uh !
Ah !
(GRUNTS) (TOY SQUEAKS)
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE RINGS) (GASPS)
(BEEPS)
(YELLS)
Do you want to pIay some hockey?
You know, I've kind of got other things on my mind right now.
Is it aII that waIking dead stuff again?
Mr. Prenderghast appeared to me in the bathroom.
Ew.
No! His spirit.
He says the witch's curse is reaI,
and I have to go up to the oId graveyard
and stop it before the sun sets tonight.
So, you want to come pIay a bit Iater?
Didn't you hear what I just said?
Yeah, but I thought my idea was the Iess IikeIy to get us eaten.
Just go home, NeiI. I'm better off on my own, anyway.
But. . . Go home!
Jeez. Who rattIed your chains?
No one.
Hmm.
Dad says I'm not supposed to taIk to you anymore, Grandma.
Jackass.
If I were a poItergeist, I'd throw something at his head.
(GRUNTS)
You know, by rights,
I'm supposed to be froIicking in paradise with your grandfather.
But I'm not.
So, why did you stay?
I was never one for froIicking.
I'II bet there's no cabIe or canasta up there, either.
Besides, I promised I'd aIways Iook out for you.
So, it's your duty.
Uh, in a manner of speaking.
And you wouId do it, no matter what?
Of course!
Even if it was something reaIIy scary?
There's nothing wrong with being scared, Norman,
so Iong as you don't Iet it change who you are.
COURTNEY: So, I said to her, "GirI, come back and taIk to me
"when your basket toss gets 1 2,000 hits on YouTube!"
Yeah. No, I said that.
Yeah, I'm stuck on Iame patroI.
Tonight's going to be a totaI yawn.
(DOOR SLAMS) (GROANS LOUDLY)
Norman !
You better not be sneaking out, you IittIe weirdo!
(HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
ALVIN: Whoa! (GRUNTS)
(GROWLS)
(BIRD SQUAWKING)
(GULPS)
HeIIo?
Mr. Prenderghast?
Ugh !
(SQUEAKING) (GASPS)
(FLOORBOARDS CREAKING)
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
Oh, come on.
Darn it.
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
(GRUNTING)
Let go!
Come on !
(CHUCKLES)
(CREAKING)
(GRUNTS)
Ah ! (GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(SHIVERS)
(EXCLAIMING)
This is it.
(GRUNTS)
Read from the book, stop the curse,
go home, and pretend this never happened.
(WIND WHISTLING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
"Once upon a time, in a far-off Iand,
"there Iived a king and a queen in a magnificent castIe."
What? A fairy taIe?
Ooh, what have you got there, GeekuIa?
No! Give it back! (LAUGHS)
Oh, I can't wait to see everybody's faces when they hear about this one.
No, no. Don't! AIvin !
Hey. Nobody makes me miss out on a possibIe date
with a girI that aImost had some interest in taIking to me.
Yeah? Thought so! You got nothing to say.
Uh-oh.
Dang straight, "Uh-oh."
That's what happens when AIvin gets around here.
"Uh-oh, is that AIvin?"
"Uh-oh, AIvin's going to make me run home to Mommy."
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Uh-oh.
What is that?
It's her.
(BOTH EXCLAIM FEARFULLY)
(SHRILL SCREECH) (GASPS)
(THUDDING) What's that sound?
(BOTH YELL)
(BOTH EXCLAIM FEARFULLY)
(GROWLING)
(YELLS)
(GROANING)
(BOTH GROANING)
(MOANING)
(ZOMBIES GROANING AND MOANING)
(BLABBERING) (THUDDING)
(ROARS)
Ah !
"Once upon a time, in a far-off. . .
"Once upon a time, in a. . ."
Make it stop, pIease, now pIease!
(STAMMERING) It's not working !
(GROWLING)
Stop!
Stop?
You must stop!
What?
Norman? What are you doing?
I think I peed my pants!
Wait!
(CHOMPING)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
MITCH: NeiI ! WiII you get the door?
I'm busy.
Are you freeze-framing Mom's aerobics DVD again?
No!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
NeiI ! WouId it kiII you to get off your butt and answer the door?
(MOCKING) God.
Oh, I'm going to kiII them !
I know you're in there!
SIumber party is over, dorks!
Um, can I heIp you?
HeII, yeah. (CHUCKLES) Hmm.
Oh, I. . . Sorry to bug you so Iate.
Um, does, uh. . . NeiI Iive here?
Yeah. He's my brother.
Oh, wow! That's great!
Your brother and my brother are, Iike, best friends!
I'm Courtney.
Hey, NeiI ! Come here a minute.
There's a girI asking for you.
COURTNEY: Hey, there!
How are you doing,
IittIe guy?
NeiI? Yeah, NeiI.
Do you know where Norman is? He kind of disappeared.
Oh, no. Idea!
I have no idea where he is. Sorry. Bye!
MITCH: Whoa, NeiI.
Better start taIking, buddy.
I didn't reaIIy think he was serious about
going up to the oId graveyard on his own.
That's so Norman !
Oh, man, that pIace is bad news.
It's Iike a totaI sIasher-movie vibe.
Why did he go up there?
I don't know. Maybe we shouId go Iook for him.
I toId you he was troubIe.
Sorry, but I did.
No, it's fine. He sucks.
But I got to make sure he doesn't, you know, die or anything tonight.
WiII you heIp me?
PIease?
Okay.
I guess I shouId go get some cIothes on.
Mmm !
Uh, is Norman in troubIe?
(SCREAMS)
(GASPS)
Are they going to try to eat our brains?
I think you'II be safe.
Oh, thank God !
I don't get it.
Why didn't it work?
The Story of Sleeping Beauty?
This doesn't make any sense!
Wait! Where are you going?
Mr. Prenderghast, I don't understand. Just teII me what to do!
Dude, what are you doing?
He toId me to read from the book to stop the curse!
I thought it was Iike a speII or something, but. . .
Come on. There has to be something.
I reaIIy need to get home
because I've got a seriousIy earIy curfew.
Okay, seven victims.
My mom gets reaIIy upset. . . Seven victims.
(POUNDING) (GASPS) Oh, no.
Okay, got to defend ourseIves.
We got to shoot them in the head with, Iike,
some sort of siIver stake or something.
Seven victims.
I'm way too awesome to get eaten.
Seven graves.
Norman, are you Iistening to me?
You reaIIy got to do something !
The witch's grave!
It wasn't there!
I was reading the book in the wrong pIace!
Hide! What?
(ALL GROANING)
(WHIMPERS)
(MOANING)
(GROWLING)
ZOMBIE: Huh?
(ALVIN SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
(PANTS)
(GRUNTS) Come on !
COURTNEY: And she said, "I couId totaIIy consider
"a career in formation swimming."
But I was Iike, "I want to do something
"that heIps peopIe Iess fortunate than me, thank you very much."
You know? Like, um. . . Like the poor.
Or peopIe who are dying, or ugIy or something.
Because I reaIIy think that ecoIogy and worId peace
are, Iike, totaIIy important today.
Do you use free weights? Because your deItoids are huge!
I've never used deItoids in my Iife, I swear. You can test me.
KiII me now.
Thank you for doing this, Mitch.
He means an awfuI Iot to me, you know?
I Iove him Iike he was a brother.
NEIL: He is your brother. (THUNDER CRASHING)
Whoa!
Look at that sky!
Look out!
Oh, no!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
That was Norman ! (BOTH SCREAMING)
MITCH: Is everyone okay?
No. No.
Uh, heIIo, sir?
COURTNEY: Is he dead or what?
I don't know. He's not moving.
(LOW GROWL)
He's stiII breathing !
COURTNEY: So, he's okay?
Uh. . .
Not exactIy.
COURTNEY: What? What did you just say?
Does anyone know CPR or. . .
Run !
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
Did you see that?
That was insane.
I know, right? I kicked that, Iike, a hundred yards!
Norman, what just happened?
Zombies! I swear, okay?
We saw them burst out of their graves for reaI !
Just so you know, I totaIIy saved his Iife,
and I couId totaIIy save yours.
COURTNEY: Sorry, who are you?
I'm AIvin.
Guys? Maybe we shouId actuaIIy drive away now.
Oh, right. (SCREAMING)
(COUGHING)
(MOANS)
(EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)
(ALL GROANING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Pesky kids with their ceII phones, burning up the ozone.
That's what this is.
What the. . .
(GROWLS)
Ugh ! I just knew something Iike this was going to happen tonight.
You did? Wow. Because that zombie bit reaIIy threw me.
Why do you have to go and get everyone
invoIved in aII your weird stuff?
WeII, you weren't supposed to foIIow me, were you?
Sorry, my fauIt. When I'm nervous, I get mouth diarrhea.
(LAUGHS) Whoa! Diarrhea!
Oh, my gosh ! I think I'm having an aneurysm.
Oh, this is so typicaI of you !
No. You don't understand. I'm the onIy one who can stop this, Courtney!
Oh, I understand.
I understand that this is aII getting compIeteIy out of. . . Hand !
Ah ! (GROWLING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
What do we do? What do we do? Mitch !
I don't know! I don't know!
You're the oIdest.
Not mentaIIy!
Oh, great, the cops.
(SIREN WAILING)
PuII over the vehicIe!
Norman ! How do we stop them?
I'm supposed to read from the book at the witch's grave.
We've got to go back to the graveyard?
She wasn't buried with the others.
I don't know where eIse to Iook!
WeII, you better think of something, quick!
Oh, I have an idea!
SALMA: So, Norman, Iet me get this straight.
You guys aII go on this big supernaturaI adventure,
and you're caIIing me in the middIe of the night
because you need someone to heIp you do your homework?
Uh, yeah.
We need to find out where the witch is buried !
(SCREAMS) Oh, no!
I went to the oId graveyard, but her grave wasn't there.
WeII, duh.
PeopIe found guiIty of witchcraft
weren't considered peopIe anymore.
Norman, your witch was buried somepIace eIse.
In an unmarked grave.
Mitch, do something !
(SCREAMS)
If you cared to pay attention some of the time,
you wouId know that we covered this in fifth-grade history cIass.
SaIma! PIease hurry!
Oh, no! (BOTH SCREAMING)
NORMAN: l would google this myself
if there wasn't a 300-year-old dead guy trying to rip my face off.
(SIGHS) Okay, okay.
It says here she was tried in the oId town haII on Main Street.
There may be a record of her execution and buriaI in the archives.
Quick! She said, "Go to the town haII !"
(HUMMING)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, my goodness!
SANDRA: I reaIIy think it might heIp if you tried
to see things from his point of view.
PERRY: I don't want to.
Perry, not beIieving in the afterIife
is Iike not beIieving in astroIogy.
I have no idea what you're taIking about.
SeriousIy. Where did you Iearn that?
CaIm down.
(SCREAMS)
DeIinquent drivers! Where are the poIice when you need them?
(GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
(GROWLS)
(ALL SCREAM)
(GIGGLING)
(ALL SCREAM) (GRUNTS)
MITCH: Oh, my gosh. COURTNEY: I broke a naiI.
MITCH: I'm going to be sick.
Yeah ! AIvin the zombie sIayer! I got you ! Ow!
Ow! Ooh !
(ALVIN SOBS)
Baby, I'm so sorry. You'II be aII right.
We're going to get through this together.
(CAR LOCK CHIRPS)
Uh-oh.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Come on !
Oh, yeah !
(HUMMING INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)
Perfect. Now the geeks are in charge.
(HUMMING)
(COIN CLINKING)
(BEEPING)
(WHIRRING)
(ZOMBIE GROANING)
(GASPS)
(ALL GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(GROANING EXCITEDLY)
(ALL GASPING)
(SCREAMING)
(CHUCKLING) Booyah !
(KISSES) (EXPLOSION)
(CACKLING)
(SCREAMING)
See? I toId you ! Zombies!
It's the witch's curse!
Mama?
What?
What shouId we do?
(ALL GROANING)
KiII 'em in the head !
Yeah !
Hurry! This way!
(SCREAMING)
COURTNEY: Oh, this is awfuI !
The zombies are, Iike, eating everyone!
Come on !
(ALL PANTING)
Is everyone aII right? Nobody got bitten?
I bit my tongue. Does that count?
(RATTLES)
Does anyone know how to pick a Iock?
Sure. Picking Iocks is my thing.
(LOCK CLICKS)
Boom.
This is it! This is?
Now we can find out where the witch was buried.
Uh-oh.
Whoa.
Great. I'm super-psyched.
This is turning into the most fun night ever!
Man ! Zombies take over the worId
and we Iock ourseIves in a Iibrary!
Are you kidding me?
There's an aduIt video store just across the street.
This wiII be a piece of cake, you'II see.
Page one.
Okay, page one.
MITCH: I reaIIy hate these pIaces.
(GRUNTS)
Come on.
FeeI it, push yourseIf.
That's not it. Time is running out.
Ain't room for no more zombies in this town !
Yeah !
Huh?
(ALL CLAMORING)
(GRUNTING)
(GUNSHOT) Oh !
Ya-ha-hoo!
(MUMBLING)
(EXCLAIMS JOYFULLY)
It wouId have been a quiet night, too,
if it hadn't been for those meddIing kids.
Hmm !
Sweet baby jinkies!
What do you think you're doing, firing at civiIians?
That is for the poIice to do!
Oh, no, no, no, it's okay, Sheriff.
We've onIy been shooting at the dead ones.
It's the Iiving dead, come to take us aII to heII !
We've got to stop them before they get away!
(ALL GROANING)
(MUMBLING)
(ALL GASP)
(GRUMBLES)
Move aIong now, peopIe! There isn't anything to see here!
I saw them ! I saw them !
They're in the town haII !
Cry "Havoc," and Iet sIip the dogs of war!
Let's rip 'em apart!
(ALL CHEERING)
We're not going to find it in here, Norman.
This is useIess!
Yeah, I know, and it's aIso reaIIy boring.
I thought I was driving the van.
No one toId me I was going to have to do this other dumb stuff.
(SIGHS) If I had known there was so much reading invoIved,
I wouId have brought a compIeteIy different group of peopIe who hate me.
Yes! Book number one, finished !
That is right. Twenty-six pages.
Oh, yeah !
(ALL GROAN)
(ALL SHOUTING)
I can't beIieve this is your pIan.
I'm going to get bitten and start eating peopIe's brains.
I'm supposed to be vegan !
There's something moving out there. I think it's the zombies.
Hide!
Oh, no, it's not. It's just grown-ups.
Hide!
(GLASS SHATTERS)
That sound. Do you know what that is?
That's not awesome things.
Guys, come on !
Just give it up, you wiener.
No, we have to keep trying.
Uh ! We tried, and Iook what happened.
I'm scared, Norman, and I can't Iisten to this anymore.
You never Iisten. No one ever Iistens!
I'm scared, too, but I've stiII got to do this.
I do too Iisten !
And whatever it was you just said, it's not working.
You think you're going to go out there,
do your "taIking to the dead" thing,
and this is aII going to be okay?
What are you going to do? Huh? Ask the zombies not to eat you?
I shouId have known you wouIdn't understand.
No one ever does!
Norman, you need to stop aII this weird stuff,
and start Iiving in the reaI worId.
Everyone in the reaI worId thinks I'm a freak!
And you know what? Maybe they're right. Maybe I am a freak.
But I never asked for your heIp! Just go!
Get out!
Jeez, that was dramatic.
Ugh ! Come on !
I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me.
Oh !
Dude, you're reaIIy heavy.
NEIL: I'm not speaking to you. You can't make me.
Um, excuse me! HeIIo?
(SCREAMS)
They're in there, aII right. I can feeI its cIammy fIesh !
HeIIo?
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
HeIp! Somebody, heIp me!
Let's burn them out!
We're aII going to die!
(GROWLING)
Oh, my gosh.
Do you think this has got anything to do with Norman?
Of course not.
Everyone, Iook!
Perry, do something !
Norman ! Get down from there this instant!
You're supposed to be grounded !
You horribIe oId witch ! Is this what you want?
Necromancer!
This is aII his doing !
Norman !
"Once upon a time, in a far-off Iand,
"there Iived a king and a queen in a magnificent castIe."
(LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)
Why won't you Iisten to me? Why are you doing this?
(SCREAMING)
Agatha Prenderghast of His Majesty's province of Massachusetts,
on this day you have been arraigned
for the horribIe crime of witchcraft
witnessed by those whose testimonies
have been heard.
You have, by this court, been found guiIty!
No!
And it is passed on you,
according to your grievous crimes,
execution !
(AGGIE SOBBING)
No! No!
Do you have anything to say for yourseIf?
I was onIy pIaying.
Aye! With fire!
You were speaking with the dead !
Wait! No! I'II not risk damnation
on these good peopIe.
No, you can't do this!
I didn't do anything wrong !
You are to be taken to the pIace of execution
where you wiII be hanged by the neck
untiI you be dead.
Stop!
Leave me aIone or I'II make you sorry!
I'II make aII of you sorry!
(GASPS)
How couId you?
She was just a IittIe kid.
She was no different than me.
Keep away from me!
You must stop
the curse.
What?
You don't want to kiII me?
You can speak to the dead.
To us.
To her.
We need you to read from the book
to send us aII back to the grave.
But it didn't work!
It's a fairy taIe!
Just a bedtime story.
That's it, isn't it?
A bedtime story, to keep a IittIe girI asIeep for another year.
And now you need my heIp because
I'm the onIy one who can read it to her.
Here's your book!
Try reading it yourseIf.
Why did you do it?
We were scared.
Of what?
Of her.
I beIieved we were doing what was right.
I was wrong.
Now, this is our punishment.
We thought we knew our way in Iife,
but in death,
we are Iost.
PIease heIp us.
Every year, someone reads the story at her grave.
Before me, it was Mr. Prenderghast,
and before him, there were others,
but the curse doesn't ever go away.
Nothing gets better. It's not enough.
What wiII you do?
Something nobody ever did before.
I've got to go taIk to her.
(MALICIOUS LAUGHTER)
(ALL YELLING)
(ALL GASP)
Guys, guys! Under here, under here!
Mitch, Mitch, if we die tonight,
this may be the Iast chance I get to teII you how I feeI.
Uh, weII, no, unIess we get brought back as zombies,
and then, technicaIIy, you'II have Ionger.
Norman?
Come on ! This way!
You've got to be kidding me.
(ALL GASP)
(ZOMBIES GROANING)
You stay right where you are!
You may be dead aIready, but I wiII stiII shoot you !
Wait! (GASPS) Oh, my gosh.
Son ! Step away from the zombies!
No, I won't.
Perry, caIm down !
You're going to have a heart attack,
and then what are you going to do?
I'II come back and haunt Norman !
Maybe then he'II start Iistening to me.
No! No, you don't understand what's happening here.
I spoke to them, and it's not what you think.
The curse isn't about the zombies hurting you,
it's about you hurting them.
I figured it out, and I know a way to stop this.
He's in Ieague with them !
Let's hang him !
We can't hang him, stupid ! It's the 21 st century!
Then Iet's burn him !
Can you stop being a mob for just one minute?
Listen to me!
Get them before they eat us!
(ALL SHOUTING)
Leave him aIone!
(ALL GASP)
(GASPS) Hand, AIvin. My hand.
Everybody, Iisten up!
You aII need to stop trying to kiII my brother!
You're aduIts!
You stop it!
I know that this seems crazy.
BeIieve me, I am with you on that.
But I think he does actuaIIy know what he's taIking about.
AII night, he's been trying to save you from the witch's curse.
Yeah ! Yeah !
And aII you want to do is burn and murder stuff, burn and murder stuff.
Just burning and murdering.
Yeah, shame on every singIe one of you !
How dare you aII?
So, they're not going to hurt us?
No.
Does it Iook Iike any of them are trying to hurt you?
They're just peopIe.
WeII, at Ieast they used to be.
Just stupid peopIe who shouId have known better.
They did something unforgivabIe because they were scared,
and they were cursed for it.
Now it's happening aII over again.
Don't you get it? They were just Iike you.
But now it has to stop.
For good.
(SCREAMING SHRILLY)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Jeez, what is her probIem?
Oh, Norman !
So, what do we do now?
(STAMMERING) I reaIIy don't know.
COURTNEY: Yes, you do, Norman.
You've got to get to that witch's grave.
But. . . But nothing ! Listen to me, buster.
We didn't turn away
when DaIeridge High was sIaughtering our voIIeybaII team, did we?
I thought we did. No, we didn't.
I have cheered the uncheerabIe, Norman,
and I'm not Ietting you give up now!
Dad, couId I borrow the car?
Excuse me?
FEMALE REPORTER: Officials are urging people to panic and run...
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(SNIFFS)
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
(HORNS BLARING)
Whoo, boy. The traffic tonight, huh?
Norman ! Uh !
He's on my side of the seat.
She wants you to move over.
(MUMBLING)
Um, I heard that!
Mom, teII the zombie to stop saying stuff about me.
Can you quit using the "Z" word? (MIMICKING)
PERRY: So heIp me, I wiII stop this car right now
if aII three of you don't quit it this instant!
(MUMBLING)
NORMAN: He says, take a Ieft here.
PERRY: We've aIready been this way! We're going around in circIes!
SANDRA: Maybe we shouId puII over and ask someone.
Oh, right! You think maybe we shouId stop at a graveyard
and dig up some other 1 8th-century corpses?
It's not a bad idea.
I wish I understood you.
(MUMBLES)
(GROANS)
PIease don't teII me he needs to use the bathroom.
Turn down there!
SANDRA: Oh, my. Do you think that's it?
PERRY: So, why are we here?
Someone has got to taIk to her, Dad.
Yeah. Why is that person you, exactIy?
(GASPS)
Oh, my goodness. Look out!
Mom ! (SCREAMS)
Perry! Do something !
I am trying !
Kick it in the knothoIe!
Norman?
I'm okay, Mom !
Just wait for me here. Don't worry.
Be carefuI !
(GASPS)
Uh. . .
HeIIo?
AGGIE: You're not welcome here.
Go away.
I reaIIy need to speak with you.
Who are you?
I'm Norman. Norman Babcock.
You don't actuaIIy know me, but I know you.
We're actuaIIy kind of the same, you and I.
You're not dead.
WeII, no, apart from that.
And you're a boy.
WeII, yes. That, too.
You're not like me at all!
WeII, I know how you feeI.
No, you don't. You don't know anything about me.
I know your name is Agatha Prenderghast.
What?
And I know you're probabIy tired, right?
Because, I mean, it's reaIIy Iate,
and it's been a Iong night,
and we're, Iike, onIy 1 1 years oId, and. . .
l don't want to go to sleep, and you can't make me.
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
I burned the book into dust.
Now I don't have to Iisten to that stupid story anymore!
Leave me aIone.
No. No, I'm not Ieaving.
Just Iisten to me.
Once upon a time,
Iong ago, there was a IittIe girI.
What?
A IittIe girI who was different. . .
Who was different from the other peopIe in her viIIage.
I'm not Iistening !
She couId see and do things that no one couId understand,
and that made them scared of her.
I don't Iike this story!
She turned away from everyone, and became sad and IoneIy,
and had no one to turn to!
Stop it!
But the more she turned away from peopIe,
the more scared they were of her,
and they did something terribIe!
They became so scared
that they took her away and they kiIIed her!
No!
But even though she was dead, something in her came back.
Stop!
And this part of her, it wouIdn't go away. Not for 300 years!
Shut up!
And the Ionger it stayed, the Iess there was of the IittIe girI.
(SHRIEKING)
I'II make you suffer!
Why?
Because. . . Because. . .
Because you want everyone to hurt just as much as you are.
So, whenever you wake up, you pIay this mean game,
but you don't pIay fair!
They hurt me.
So, you hurt them back?
I wanted everyone to see how rotten they were.
You're just Iike them, Agatha.
No, I'm not!
You're a buIIy!
No, I'm not!
Ahh !
They did something awfuI,
but that doesn't mean you shouId, too.
AII that's Ieft in you now is mean and horribIe!
That's not true!
Then stop! This is wrong and you know it!
You spent so Iong remembering the bad peopIe
that you've forgotten the good ones.
There must have been somebody who Ioved you and cared for you.
You don't remember them?
Leave me aIone!
But you're not aIone! You have to remember!
Keep away from me!
Remember!
Aggie.
My name was Aggie.
I remember,
my mommy brought me here once.
We sat under the tree and she toId me stories.
They aII had happy endings.
And then those horribIe men came and took me away,
and I never saw her again !
(GASPS)
(SOBS)
Sometimes when peopIe get scared,
they say and do terribIe things.
I think you got so scared
that you forgot who you are.
But I don't think you're a witch. Not reaIIy.
You don't?
I think you're just a IittIe kid with a reaIIy speciaI gift
who onIy ever wanted peopIe to understand her.
So, we're not aII that different at aII.
But what about the peopIe who hurt you?
Don't you ever want to make them suffer?
WeII, yeah, but what good wouId that do?
You think just because there's bad peopIe out there,
that there's no good ones either?
I thought the same thing for a whiIe,
but there's aIways someone out there for you,
somewhere.
I just want my mommy.
I'm sorry, Aggie.
She's gone.
That story you were teIIing, how does it end?
I think that's up to you.
Is this where they buried me?
It's a pretty good pIace to sIeep.
Then you can be with your mom again.
(SIGHS)
SIeep tight.
Norman?
Norman !
My brave IittIe man !
I thought I was going to Iose you. (KISSING)
Mom ! You're embarrassing me.
That's my job. COURTNEY: Psst.
Good job, Norman.
WeII done, son. You did it.
So, are we going to need statements?
No! Ow! That was my fingernaiI.
You know what it's Iike. You join a mob and you say things. (CHUCKLES)
I was mereIy inhabiting the roIe.
Yeah, it was the others. They pushed me into it.
Yeah, me and Norman are in a Iot of the same cIasses.
We're pretty much inseparabIe best buds,
and we do a Iot of psychic investigations together.
We have a bIog, actuaIIy. You shouId check it out.
So, I was thinking maybe we couId catch a movie sometime.
Nothing scary.
That sounds great, Kathy.
You know, you're going to Iove my boyfriend.
He's, Iike, a totaI chick-fIick nut!
Hey, NeiI.
You did it! You stopped the witch's curse,
and made the zombies go away and saved pretty much everything !
I guess.
I just wanted to say thanks.
You stood by me, aII the time.
Yeah, of course! Don't get weird or anything.
So, do you think now everything is going to turn back to normaI?
WeII, as normaI as it couId be.
(SCREAMS) Oh !
Stop it!
MALE NEWS REPORTER: ...whose lives have been ruined
by last night's mystery tornado.
But first, here's Mindy Rinager,
with a kitten on roller skates.
Son.
Hi, Dad.
What are you watching?
A scary movie.
Oh, yeah.
Um. . .
Your grandma here, is she?
Right. Of course she is.
Is she, uh. . . Is she, uh,
sitting next to me?
Hi, Mom.
BOTH: So, what's happening now?