1
00:00:16,866 --> 00:00:17,986
Hello!
2
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:24,960
Hello!
3
00:00:32,022 --> 00:00:33,842
(Speaking indistinct)
4
00:00:33,431 --> 00:00:35,332
Please don't kill me.
5
00:00:35,399 --> 00:00:37,234
I just have to go
to the bathroom,
6
00:00:37,301 --> 00:00:39,035
and the toilet
in our home is broken.
7
00:00:39,103 --> 00:00:41,171
Why you not just say so, mon?
8
00:00:41,239 --> 00:00:43,640
'Cause you were waving that
skinny sword in my face.
9
00:00:43,708 --> 00:00:45,342
And I know that the clients
sometimes don't like
10
00:00:45,409 --> 00:00:46,776
the outside help
to use inside stuff.
11
00:00:48,512 --> 00:00:50,780
Is that Sabrina?
12
00:00:50,848 --> 00:00:52,515
(Chuckles)
13
00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:54,818
Oh, my God.
14
00:00:54,886 --> 00:00:56,720
Is this guy sleeping
with this girl?
15
00:00:56,787 --> 00:00:58,421
I Hope not...
That's his daughter.
16
00:01:18,009 --> 00:01:19,809
♪ Whoo ♪
17
00:01:19,877 --> 00:01:24,147
♪ here we go, oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, oh. ♪
18
00:01:29,253 --> 00:01:33,156
Oh, this apple
tastes like plastic.
19
00:01:33,224 --> 00:01:35,091
It is plastic, maw maw!
20
00:01:35,159 --> 00:01:37,494
Oh! That's one of Hope's toys.
21
00:01:37,561 --> 00:01:40,797
Is it too much to ask the kid to
keep her toy food off the floor?
22
00:01:40,865 --> 00:01:42,332
How am I supposed
to tell
23
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,367
what's real food
and what's fake?
24
00:01:44,435 --> 00:01:47,437
How about you just don't
eat food off the floor?
25
00:01:47,505 --> 00:01:49,873
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
26
00:01:52,643 --> 00:01:54,010
Hey, check this out.
27
00:01:54,078 --> 00:01:56,179
I picked this up
from my new rich client.
28
00:01:56,247 --> 00:01:57,814
That's her father.
29
00:01:57,882 --> 00:01:59,449
Sabrina's rich.
30
00:01:59,517 --> 00:02:02,285
That must be why she knows
so much about cheese.
31
00:02:02,353 --> 00:02:04,854
Jimmy:
Hey!
32
00:02:04,922 --> 00:02:06,323
Sabrina is gonna join us
for dinner.
33
00:02:06,390 --> 00:02:07,657
You guys ordered enough pizza,
right?
34
00:02:07,725 --> 00:02:09,192
Oh, yeah, tons.
That'll be great.
35
00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:10,293
Oh, yeah, sounds
great. Fun.
36
00:02:10,361 --> 00:02:11,394
What's this?
37
00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:12,662
Our toilet's broken.
For a while
38
00:02:12,730 --> 00:02:13,863
we thought it was
low-flow,
39
00:02:13,931 --> 00:02:15,432
but then it turned
out to be no-flow.
40
00:02:15,499 --> 00:02:17,634
Oh, well, I'm happy
to kick in what I can.
41
00:02:20,905 --> 00:02:22,772
(Hope fussing)
Oh, I'll go get her.
42
00:02:26,644 --> 00:02:28,945
Jimmy, look at this picture.
43
00:02:29,013 --> 00:02:30,213
Whoa.
44
00:02:30,281 --> 00:02:31,648
Where'd you get that?
45
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,183
Her dad's a new client.
46
00:02:33,250 --> 00:02:34,918
He owns the kind of house Jean-
Claude van Damme would live in.
47
00:02:34,986 --> 00:02:36,319
She's filthy rich.
48
00:02:36,387 --> 00:02:38,655
She's just pretending
to be lower, lower, lower
49
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:39,990
middle class just like us.
50
00:02:41,525 --> 00:02:43,493
Hey, what if she's
a rich actress
51
00:02:43,561 --> 00:02:45,929
and she's doing research on
how to play a poor person?
52
00:02:45,997 --> 00:02:49,599
Nah, she's too short
to be an actress.
53
00:02:49,667 --> 00:02:52,068
Look, whatever her reasons are,
we should just respect them.
54
00:02:52,136 --> 00:02:55,205
If we ask, it'll just make
things uncomfortable and weird.
55
00:02:55,272 --> 00:02:56,806
What's weird?
56
00:02:56,874 --> 00:02:58,942
Al Yankovic.
57
00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:00,710
(Doorbell rings)
Pizza's here.
58
00:03:09,487 --> 00:03:11,421
Sabrina:
Hey, aren't you my gas man?
59
00:03:11,489 --> 00:03:13,223
During the day I am.
60
00:03:13,290 --> 00:03:14,924
I got 14 kids.
61
00:03:14,992 --> 00:03:17,160
Oh, bingo!
Found another quarter.
62
00:03:17,228 --> 00:03:18,595
Where are we, Tyler?
63
00:03:18,662 --> 00:03:21,965
That puts you up
to ten dollars and 18 cents,
64
00:03:22,033 --> 00:03:23,800
so you still need $2.68.
65
00:03:23,868 --> 00:03:25,368
That's excluding tip,
66
00:03:25,436 --> 00:03:27,270
which I assume you will be.
67
00:03:27,338 --> 00:03:29,472
It's too bad we don't
have a credit card.
68
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:32,442
This would be a good time for
one of us to have a credit card.
69
00:03:37,481 --> 00:03:39,582
How much do we save
if we lose the sausage?
70
00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:40,583
Buck and a half.
71
00:03:45,122 --> 00:03:46,156
Lose the sausage.
72
00:03:47,992 --> 00:03:49,826
Getting your sausage
repossessed. Whew.
73
00:03:49,894 --> 00:03:52,595
I bet rich people never have
to feel that sting.
74
00:03:52,663 --> 00:03:55,832
You should just take some money
out of your new toilet jar.
75
00:04:00,171 --> 00:04:03,239
You're saying we should take
the money we're saving
76
00:04:03,307 --> 00:04:05,975
for a new toilet
and spend it on pizza?
77
00:04:06,043 --> 00:04:07,710
Yeah, okay.
78
00:04:07,778 --> 00:04:09,279
I guess
we could do that.
79
00:04:09,346 --> 00:04:13,183
Or, and this is just
a suggestion, but maybe
80
00:04:13,250 --> 00:04:15,351
you could pay for it
since you're rich.
81
00:04:15,419 --> 00:04:17,654
That's right, we
know you're rich.
82
00:04:17,721 --> 00:04:22,292
I bet you could use your fancy
gold credit card with a limit
83
00:04:22,359 --> 00:04:26,463
of a thousand dollars and buy
all the pizzas in Natesville!
84
00:04:36,941 --> 00:04:38,441
You were right.
85
00:04:38,509 --> 00:04:40,443
This is uncomfortable
and weird.
86
00:04:43,493 --> 00:04:45,827
Okay, first of all,
I do not have money.
87
00:04:45,895 --> 00:04:47,229
My family does.
88
00:04:47,296 --> 00:04:48,897
What happened,
did daddy cut you off?
89
00:04:48,965 --> 00:04:50,232
Were you doing heroin?
90
00:04:51,501 --> 00:04:53,735
What? We don't know
how deep this lie goes.
91
00:04:53,803 --> 00:04:56,304
I cut myself off.
92
00:04:56,372 --> 00:04:59,007
I'd would rather live like crap
on money that I earned myself
93
00:04:59,075 --> 00:05:00,709
than live like a princess
on money
94
00:05:00,777 --> 00:05:01,910
that somebody else gave me.
95
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:05,280
(Both laughing)
96
00:05:06,883 --> 00:05:08,617
That is the dumbest thing
I ever heard.
97
00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,218
Money you don't
have to work for
98
00:05:10,286 --> 00:05:11,620
is the best kind.
99
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,622
It's like getting paid
for not having a job.
100
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,223
It's the best kind of job
not to have.
101
00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:17,425
Well, that explains why
we've never met your family.
102
00:05:17,493 --> 00:05:19,027
You're embarrassed by us.
103
00:05:19,095 --> 00:05:19,715
No, no!
104
00:05:19,716 --> 00:05:22,197
If anything, I'm embarrassed
of my family.
105
00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:25,066
You really expect us to believe
that you're more embarrassed
106
00:05:25,134 --> 00:05:26,501
of your family
than you are by us?
107
00:05:26,569 --> 00:05:28,336
We don't have a pot to pee in.
108
00:05:28,404 --> 00:05:30,205
Actually, I do.
It's in the garage.
109
00:05:30,273 --> 00:05:33,608
Okay, we have one pot
to pee in. Either way...
110
00:05:33,676 --> 00:05:35,610
- I have two. The other one's in the truck.
- See what I mean?
111
00:05:35,678 --> 00:05:37,045
There's no way you
cannot be embarrassed by us.
112
00:05:37,113 --> 00:05:39,714
Fine. If you think I'm hiding
you from my family,
113
00:05:39,782 --> 00:05:41,716
I will take you to meet
my father tomorrow.
114
00:05:41,784 --> 00:05:43,351
- Deal.
- No time for dry cleaning.
115
00:05:43,419 --> 00:05:44,753
Get your church clothes
and the febreze
116
00:05:44,821 --> 00:05:46,121
and meet me in the backyard.
117
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,059
(Gunshot)
118
00:05:52,795 --> 00:05:54,963
Pull!
119
00:05:55,031 --> 00:05:56,464
(Chuckles)
120
00:05:56,532 --> 00:05:57,732
(Sabrina clears her throat)
121
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,601
Sabrina!
Hey, baby.
122
00:05:59,669 --> 00:06:04,072
Daddy, this is my friend, Jimmy,
and his daughter, Hope,
123
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,574
and his parents,
Burt and Virginia.
124
00:06:05,641 --> 00:06:07,175
Oh, it's nice to meet you.
Cap Collins.
125
00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:08,877
How are you? Hi.
126
00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:11,046
Daddy, are you shooting
mom's favorite China again?
127
00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:13,081
She's traveling the world
with half my money.
128
00:06:13,149 --> 00:06:15,183
I should at least get to do
something fun, huh?
129
00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:16,384
(Chuckles)
130
00:06:16,452 --> 00:06:18,787
Mackenzie, gravy boat.
Pull!
131
00:06:21,257 --> 00:06:23,258
Bitch loved her gravy.
132
00:06:23,326 --> 00:06:26,928
Here, honey, break this
for me, would you?
133
00:06:26,996 --> 00:06:28,063
There you go.
134
00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:30,265
This is quite a house.
135
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:31,299
$6.3 million.
136
00:06:31,367 --> 00:06:32,934
Nobody asked how much it cost.
137
00:06:33,002 --> 00:06:34,402
It's impolite
to talk about money.
138
00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:36,571
No, baby, it's impolite to ask
about money.
139
00:06:36,639 --> 00:06:38,039
That's why I tell people,
140
00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:40,108
so they won't be impolite
by asking, huh?
141
00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,178
You know what would be fun?
142
00:06:43,246 --> 00:06:44,980
Shooting this China with
the gun that killed Lincoln.
143
00:06:45,047 --> 00:06:45,981
I'll be right back.
144
00:06:46,048 --> 00:06:47,515
Excuse me.
145
00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:48,683
You see?
146
00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:49,918
He's embarrassing.
147
00:06:49,986 --> 00:06:51,653
All he wants
to talk about is money.
148
00:06:51,721 --> 00:06:53,822
I'd talk about money, too,
if I had as much as he does.
149
00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:54,923
Me, too.
150
00:06:54,991 --> 00:06:56,157
I'd take it out,
I'd wave it around,
151
00:06:56,225 --> 00:06:57,092
I'd staple it
to my forehead...
152
00:06:57,159 --> 00:06:58,193
Whatever's fun.
153
00:06:58,261 --> 00:06:59,294
(Laughter)
154
00:06:59,362 --> 00:07:00,295
Lobster?
155
00:07:00,363 --> 00:07:01,630
Thank you.
156
00:07:05,635 --> 00:07:07,636
Never had lobster before.
157
00:07:07,703 --> 00:07:08,536
Mmm.
158
00:07:10,172 --> 00:07:12,207
I found my new favorite food.
159
00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:13,608
Sayonara, chipwich.
160
00:07:13,676 --> 00:07:14,809
Mmm.
161
00:07:14,877 --> 00:07:15,810
You got a little bit
of sauce on your shirt.
162
00:07:15,878 --> 00:07:17,846
Oh, stink.
163
00:07:17,914 --> 00:07:19,214
Oh, oh, no,
you know what?
164
00:07:19,282 --> 00:07:21,392
We got a bathroom if you want to
just go ahead and rinse that off.
165
00:07:21,393 --> 00:07:23,318
Oh, no, I'm just
getting the taste out.
166
00:07:23,386 --> 00:07:25,754
Lobster doesn't grow on trees.
167
00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:26,922
I think.
168
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:29,491
Who knows what goes on
under the sea?
169
00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:33,161
I'll help you.
170
00:07:38,367 --> 00:07:39,567
I'll be right back.
171
00:07:39,635 --> 00:07:41,503
Okay.
172
00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:58,553
(Gasps)
173
00:08:06,762 --> 00:08:07,929
Sabrina...
(Clears throat)
174
00:08:07,997 --> 00:08:09,664
Don't forget your sister's
party is Saturday.
175
00:08:09,732 --> 00:08:13,134
Here, please buy
something nice to wear.
176
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:14,636
You should come,
too, Jimmy.
177
00:08:14,704 --> 00:08:16,071
Bring Hope.
178
00:08:16,138 --> 00:08:17,539
Sabrina's sister, Susan, has
a daughter about the same age.
179
00:08:17,606 --> 00:08:20,008
I'm sure they'll hit it off.
180
00:08:20,076 --> 00:08:21,142
Sounds great,
thank you.
181
00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:25,513
Ah, why are you
so reluctant
182
00:08:25,581 --> 00:08:27,282
to let me show you
that I love you?
183
00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:29,551
(Sighs)
184
00:08:29,618 --> 00:08:31,380
We are not going to
that party, Jimmy.
185
00:08:31,381 --> 00:08:33,588
Oh, come on.
It'll be fun, and besides,
186
00:08:33,656 --> 00:08:35,991
I like the idea of Hope
having wealthy friends.
187
00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:37,659
She'll get
all their old clothes
188
00:08:37,727 --> 00:08:39,527
and she'll learn about
the stuff rich people do,
189
00:08:39,595 --> 00:08:42,764
like yachting and how
valet parking works.
190
00:08:42,832 --> 00:08:44,299
Please don't guilt
me into this.
191
00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:46,568
All my snobby high school
friends are going to be there.
192
00:08:46,635 --> 00:08:48,203
Look, maybe you hate
being around rich people,
193
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:50,472
but I deserve the chance
to learn to hate them, too,
194
00:08:50,539 --> 00:08:51,406
and so does Hope.
195
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:55,043
This is so warm.
196
00:08:55,111 --> 00:08:57,212
You could cook on this.
197
00:08:57,279 --> 00:08:59,948
And it shoots water up
for cleaning.
198
00:09:00,016 --> 00:09:03,184
Cleaning what?
199
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,353
Oh.
200
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:06,688
But then don't
you get all...?
201
00:09:06,756 --> 00:09:08,089
(Air blowing)
202
00:09:08,157 --> 00:09:10,158
Oh!
203
00:09:11,827 --> 00:09:12,961
(Laughing)
204
00:09:13,029 --> 00:09:14,496
(Air stops blowing)
205
00:09:14,563 --> 00:09:16,264
Yeah, I got that in Japan...
The toilet of the future.
206
00:09:16,332 --> 00:09:19,968
That thing is so comfortable,
I started to pee sitting down.
207
00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:22,170
Our old toilet made me want
to pee standing up.
208
00:09:22,238 --> 00:09:25,306
Well, this cost $2,000.
209
00:09:25,374 --> 00:09:26,508
Well, we're in the market
for a new toilet,
210
00:09:26,575 --> 00:09:28,176
but our cars don't cost
that much.
211
00:09:28,244 --> 00:09:30,078
Our cars don't smell
this good either.
212
00:09:30,146 --> 00:09:31,079
What is that?
213
00:09:31,147 --> 00:09:32,213
Jasmine.
214
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,015
Has an air freshener.
215
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:35,683
Ah.
(Sniffs)
216
00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:36,851
Ah.
217
00:09:36,919 --> 00:09:38,620
Those Japanese know
how to live.
218
00:09:38,687 --> 00:09:39,854
Mmm.
(Sniffs)
219
00:09:42,925 --> 00:09:45,660
Remember, rich people don't
like to hear the word no,
220
00:09:45,728 --> 00:09:47,028
and since that's the
only word you know,
221
00:09:47,096 --> 00:09:48,563
best just keep
it zipped.
222
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,065
Virginia: And FYI, when
you hide behind a piece
223
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,599
of furniture,
people know you're pooping.
224
00:09:51,667 --> 00:09:52,901
(Gibbering)
225
00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:54,269
Guys, easy.
226
00:09:54,336 --> 00:09:55,403
She doesn't understand
what you're saying.
227
00:09:55,471 --> 00:09:56,571
Yes, she does,
she's at that age
228
00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:58,039
where she understands
everything.
229
00:09:58,107 --> 00:09:59,707
Her tongue hasn't grown
into her head yet.
230
00:09:59,775 --> 00:10:01,676
That's why she
can't talk so good.
231
00:10:01,744 --> 00:10:03,011
She'll be fine.
232
00:10:03,079 --> 00:10:04,813
It's me I'm worried about.
233
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,381
How do I look?
234
00:10:06,449 --> 00:10:08,483
Well, I wouldn't say
you're classically handsome,
235
00:10:08,551 --> 00:10:11,920
but you're kind of attractive
in an offbeat kind of way.
236
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:12,767
I meant the clothes.
237
00:10:12,768 --> 00:10:14,522
They're fine, but don't
do anything stupid.
238
00:10:14,590 --> 00:10:17,258
If they serve filet "miggnon,"
then don't ask for ketchup;
239
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:18,793
ask for steak sauce.
240
00:10:18,861 --> 00:10:21,196
This party could be all of our
tickets to champagne wishes
241
00:10:21,263 --> 00:10:23,231
and caviar dreams.
242
00:10:23,299 --> 00:10:24,666
(Cooing)
243
00:10:24,733 --> 00:10:27,035
(Doorbell rings)
244
00:10:27,103 --> 00:10:28,770
Virginia:
"Dear Virginia and Burt,
245
00:10:28,838 --> 00:10:32,107
"please accept this
toilet as a gift.
246
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:35,944
"It was flown business class
all the way from Japan.
247
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:39,614
"I'm told sitting next to
it, was Mr. Barry Bonds.
248
00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,683
Enjoy,
cap Collins."
249
00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:45,687
Who gives someone
a $2,000 toilet as a gift?
250
00:10:45,754 --> 00:10:47,655
Rich people, that's who.
251
00:10:47,723 --> 00:10:49,057
Do not screw this up.
252
00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:50,358
You understand me, don't you?
253
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:55,263
She understands me.
254
00:11:02,006 --> 00:11:03,574
Sissy!
255
00:11:03,641 --> 00:11:05,609
I am so glad you made it.
Ooh...
256
00:11:05,677 --> 00:11:07,511
It's gonna
be so much fun.
257
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:09,980
Yeah, it's very nice of you to
let daddy throw you this party.
258
00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:13,817
It gives him a chance
to hit on all our friends.
259
00:11:13,885 --> 00:11:16,253
Here's a riddle for you, baby:
What has two thumbs,
260
00:11:16,321 --> 00:11:17,888
a net worth of almost
$20 million,
261
00:11:17,956 --> 00:11:19,656
and wants to have sex with you?
262
00:11:19,724 --> 00:11:21,458
This guy, right here.
263
00:11:21,526 --> 00:11:22,793
(Cap and woman laughing)
264
00:11:22,861 --> 00:11:26,797
- And who is this cutie?
- This is Hope.
265
00:11:26,865 --> 00:11:30,467
It just so happens I have a
little girl about the same age
266
00:11:30,535 --> 00:11:33,270
in the family room
watching yo gabba gabba.
267
00:11:33,338 --> 00:11:35,839
Oh, that's great. Yo gabba gabba
is Hope's favorite show.
268
00:11:35,907 --> 00:11:37,975
♪ Ah... ♪
269
00:11:38,042 --> 00:11:41,111
♪ we gotta jump, shake,
shimmy them out... ♪
270
00:11:41,179 --> 00:11:43,547
Those are the real
yo gabba gabba guys.
271
00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:46,049
We don't allow
Madison to watch TV,
272
00:11:46,117 --> 00:11:49,186
but daddy gave a million dollars
to Muno's favorite charity,
273
00:11:49,254 --> 00:11:50,487
so they stop by
once in a while.
274
00:11:50,555 --> 00:11:52,189
♪ Let's get the sillies out... ♪
275
00:11:54,325 --> 00:11:57,327
Honey. I got a surprise for you.
276
00:11:58,630 --> 00:12:00,998
It's breakfast for dinner.
277
00:12:01,065 --> 00:12:04,001
A sausage log cabin
with a waffle roof.
278
00:12:04,068 --> 00:12:06,303
Maw maw:
I want my old toilet back.
279
00:12:06,371 --> 00:12:08,405
Virginia:
This one is better.
280
00:12:08,473 --> 00:12:10,107
Burt, I'm sorry,
I'm trying to get maw maw
281
00:12:10,175 --> 00:12:11,475
to try the new toilet.
282
00:12:11,543 --> 00:12:13,310
Wrap mine up.
I'll eat it in the morning.
283
00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:15,312
No, maw maw, you cannot
go in the tub.
284
00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:17,014
Maw maw:
I can't hold it any longer!
285
00:12:17,081 --> 00:12:18,849
Virginia:
Then get on the new toilet!
286
00:12:20,785 --> 00:12:22,486
But if you eat it in the morning
287
00:12:22,554 --> 00:12:23,821
it won't be
breakfast for dinner.
288
00:12:23,888 --> 00:12:25,489
Maw maw:
Stop pushing me!
289
00:12:25,557 --> 00:12:26,423
It'll be
leftover-breakfast-for-dinner
290
00:12:26,491 --> 00:12:27,724
for breakfast.
291
00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:29,126
That's not special.
292
00:12:29,194 --> 00:12:30,027
You can't make me...
293
00:12:30,795 --> 00:12:31,929
Oh...
294
00:12:31,996 --> 00:12:33,897
It's glorious.
295
00:12:33,965 --> 00:12:35,866
So warm.
296
00:12:35,934 --> 00:12:39,036
Permission to increase my fiber.
297
00:12:39,103 --> 00:12:41,471
See? Isn't it nice?
298
00:12:41,539 --> 00:12:44,074
You wouldn't believe
this guy's house.
299
00:12:44,142 --> 00:12:46,009
And get this, he
served us lobster.
300
00:12:46,077 --> 00:12:47,878
Maw maw:
Fancy.
301
00:12:47,946 --> 00:12:50,180
Virginia: And it's not like he
knew we were coming over, either.
302
00:12:50,248 --> 00:12:52,249
He just had lobster,
ready to eat.
303
00:12:52,317 --> 00:12:54,151
On a Thursday.
304
00:12:59,290 --> 00:13:02,059
My wife developed a taste
for the good life.
305
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:04,695
I need the biggest lobster
this toilet money can buy.
306
00:13:07,265 --> 00:13:09,166
Sorry, Mr. Pinchers,
307
00:13:09,234 --> 00:13:11,435
but my marriage is on the line.
308
00:13:11,502 --> 00:13:13,537
Don't worry, though,
it's going to be a fair fight.
309
00:13:13,605 --> 00:13:14,938
I'll boil the water,
310
00:13:15,006 --> 00:13:16,373
I'll take those rubber bands
off your claws,
311
00:13:16,441 --> 00:13:18,442
and whoever winds up in the pot,
winds up in the pot.
312
00:13:18,509 --> 00:13:19,643
So, Jimmy,
what do you think about
313
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:20,878
the current
economic situation?
314
00:13:22,513 --> 00:13:27,484
Oh, uh, don't get me started
on that economic situation.
315
00:13:27,552 --> 00:13:28,986
(All laugh politely)
316
00:13:29,053 --> 00:13:30,854
I'm just worried about
what's going on in Greece.
317
00:13:30,922 --> 00:13:32,356
I mean, it's gonna
affect the euro.
318
00:13:32,423 --> 00:13:34,157
I think it's pronounced gyro.
319
00:13:35,260 --> 00:13:36,460
No?
320
00:13:36,527 --> 00:13:38,161
(Laughing)
So funny.
321
00:13:38,229 --> 00:13:41,531
Where is Sabrina?
322
00:13:43,201 --> 00:13:45,335
Come on, Virginia. You going
to stay in there all night?
323
00:13:45,403 --> 00:13:46,870
Virginia:
I'm not going to the bathroom.
324
00:13:46,938 --> 00:13:48,305
It's just so comfortable
I'm sitting here
325
00:13:48,373 --> 00:13:49,373
while I paint my nails.
326
00:13:53,311 --> 00:13:54,978
Oh, stupid baby.
327
00:13:55,046 --> 00:13:57,781
Left one of her food toys
in the kitchen again.
328
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,288
Just come to the kitchen
and eat something.
329
00:14:04,355 --> 00:14:07,090
Think of it as an investment
for more time in there later.
330
00:14:07,158 --> 00:14:08,325
Virginia:
Be out in a second.
331
00:14:08,393 --> 00:14:10,427
One more toenail,
one more lady-rinse,
332
00:14:10,495 --> 00:14:12,362
and I'll be good to go.
333
00:14:17,902 --> 00:14:19,770
(Ominous music begins)
334
00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:27,511
(Chomping sound)
Virginia: Ow!
335
00:14:27,578 --> 00:14:30,580
Damn it, Mr. Pinchers.
Not cool.
336
00:14:30,648 --> 00:14:32,449
(Crickets chirping)
337
00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:34,551
Nice going, Pinchers.
338
00:14:34,619 --> 00:14:35,986
Uh, don't give me that look.
339
00:14:36,054 --> 00:14:37,387
You know what you did.
340
00:14:37,455 --> 00:14:38,956
It's not his fault.
You're the one
341
00:14:39,023 --> 00:14:41,358
that brought a ferocious
sea creature into the house.
342
00:14:41,426 --> 00:14:43,193
Since when do we pay
a hundred dollars
343
00:14:43,261 --> 00:14:44,995
for food that can bite back?
344
00:14:45,063 --> 00:14:47,798
Since you had lobster
on a Thursday at Cap's house!
345
00:14:47,865 --> 00:14:49,499
Now suddenly
you're some society lady
346
00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:51,601
spending all day sitting
on a luxury crapper!
347
00:14:51,669 --> 00:14:53,637
Burt...
348
00:14:53,705 --> 00:14:56,573
Are you jealous of the toilet?
349
00:14:56,641 --> 00:14:58,308
Of course I am!
You love it!
350
00:14:58,376 --> 00:15:01,178
But not as much as I love you.
351
00:15:01,245 --> 00:15:04,648
I mean... just 'cause it can
detect a urinary tract infection
352
00:15:04,716 --> 00:15:06,383
and e-mail your doctor...
353
00:15:06,451 --> 00:15:07,651
You know what?
Sabrina was right.
354
00:15:07,719 --> 00:15:09,152
It's better to crap
on something you earned
355
00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:11,121
than to feel crappy on something
you didn't work for.
356
00:15:11,189 --> 00:15:13,390
Fine, fine!
We'll just sell it.
357
00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:15,425
That's still no good...
We'll just end up buying
358
00:15:15,493 --> 00:15:17,461
a bunch of other stuff
that I can't afford,
359
00:15:17,528 --> 00:15:18,829
like more stupid lobsters!
360
00:15:18,896 --> 00:15:20,397
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
361
00:15:20,465 --> 00:15:22,366
You and ten of your cousins
running around here,
362
00:15:22,433 --> 00:15:23,734
pinching everybody,
ruining everything!
363
00:15:25,703 --> 00:15:27,170
(Soft groan)
364
00:15:27,238 --> 00:15:29,673
I'm sorry, Mr. Pinchers,
I'm not mad at you.
365
00:15:29,741 --> 00:15:31,241
You're just being a lobster.
366
00:15:36,015 --> 00:15:37,882
Hey, where you been?
367
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:39,884
I need help talking
to rich people.
368
00:15:39,952 --> 00:15:41,953
Oh, God, see?
I told you they're all jerks.
369
00:15:42,021 --> 00:15:44,222
No, they've been completely
friendly and nice.
370
00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:47,458
At least I think.
I only get about 10% of what they say,
371
00:15:47,526 --> 00:15:49,761
and that's only because somehow
peanut butter came up. No,
372
00:15:49,828 --> 00:15:51,029
Jimmy, I don't want to.
373
00:15:51,096 --> 00:15:53,064
Come on, do it for Hope.
374
00:15:53,132 --> 00:15:55,366
Eh.
(Exhales)
375
00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:57,248
But we can't wait to do
Thanksgiving in Tahoe.
376
00:15:57,249 --> 00:15:57,702
Oh!
377
00:15:57,770 --> 00:16:00,171
It's gonna be so much fun
to teach the kids how to ski.
378
00:16:00,239 --> 00:16:02,674
Well, I can't wait to
watch your kids grow up
379
00:16:02,741 --> 00:16:05,009
to enjoy snow as much
as you have, Derek.
380
00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:08,212
(Snorting)
381
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,248
That must be so great driving
around in that convertible
382
00:16:10,316 --> 00:16:12,951
pretending like you have
a grown-up-sized penis.
383
00:16:13,018 --> 00:16:16,220
Your doctor did a very good job
fixing that deviated septum.
384
00:16:16,288 --> 00:16:18,456
Glad he decided to do more
work while he was at it.
385
00:16:18,524 --> 00:16:20,858
Boom! Boom! Bam!
386
00:16:20,926 --> 00:16:22,226
Badonkadonk!
387
00:16:22,294 --> 00:16:25,830
Hey, what the hell was all that?
388
00:16:25,898 --> 00:16:26,965
Oh, I know, right?
389
00:16:27,032 --> 00:16:28,700
I told you they were jerks.
390
00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,568
They were just talking
about their lives.
391
00:16:30,636 --> 00:16:33,037
You were acting
like a huge jerk.
392
00:16:33,105 --> 00:16:36,374
That poor guy, he had no
idea his wife wore a toupee.
393
00:16:36,442 --> 00:16:38,209
Jimmy, this is just like
high school.
394
00:16:38,277 --> 00:16:41,379
I just had listen to them brag
about their straight A's
395
00:16:41,447 --> 00:16:43,381
and their state champion
tennis teams
396
00:16:43,449 --> 00:16:45,550
and, you know,
who got in to what college.
397
00:16:45,618 --> 00:16:46,818
It's, like, who cares?
398
00:16:46,885 --> 00:16:48,553
Sounds like you do.
399
00:16:48,621 --> 00:16:50,421
You're insecure.
400
00:16:50,489 --> 00:16:52,156
Insecure?
401
00:16:52,224 --> 00:16:54,525
(Laughs)
What, about them?
402
00:16:54,593 --> 00:16:56,995
Yes! I mean, that's
why you lashed out.
403
00:16:57,062 --> 00:16:58,529
It's like when
my dad is
404
00:16:58,597 --> 00:17:00,798
in an argument and he knows
he's about to lose...
405
00:17:00,866 --> 00:17:02,166
He panics and
he punches you.
406
00:17:02,234 --> 00:17:03,835
Jimmy, this is
completely different.
407
00:17:03,902 --> 00:17:05,637
No, it's not... it's
exactly like that.
408
00:17:05,704 --> 00:17:07,005
- Just shut up!
- Aah!
409
00:17:07,072 --> 00:17:08,139
Aah...
410
00:17:08,207 --> 00:17:11,376
Eh? (Mumbles)
411
00:17:13,045 --> 00:17:14,812
Oh, my God.
412
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,814
(Exhales)
413
00:17:16,882 --> 00:17:18,316
You're right.
414
00:17:18,384 --> 00:17:19,617
(Wry laugh)
415
00:17:19,685 --> 00:17:21,653
It's, like, I get here,
416
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:24,222
and all I see are their-their...
417
00:17:24,289 --> 00:17:26,891
Their great jobs and...
And their babies
418
00:17:26,959 --> 00:17:29,961
and... how much shorter I am
than everybody else.
419
00:17:30,029 --> 00:17:31,429
You don't seem
that much shorter.
420
00:17:31,497 --> 00:17:33,364
Jimmy, I'm wearing
five-inch heels.
421
00:17:33,432 --> 00:17:36,668
I thought you looked
suspiciously normal- sized today.
422
00:17:36,735 --> 00:17:39,370
Do you know what it's like to be
the only one of your friends
423
00:17:39,438 --> 00:17:41,005
whose legs are too stubby
to jump far enough
424
00:17:41,073 --> 00:17:42,507
to stick to the velcro wall?
425
00:17:42,574 --> 00:17:46,411
No. I run more with
the velcro wallet crowd.
426
00:17:46,478 --> 00:17:48,646
Well, why does it
freak me out so much
427
00:17:48,714 --> 00:17:50,448
just because
somebody's better than me?
428
00:17:50,516 --> 00:17:53,718
I mean, other people
don't act that way.
429
00:17:53,786 --> 00:17:56,220
At work,
people don't lash out at me.
430
00:17:56,288 --> 00:17:58,456
Yeah, yeah. Wait.
431
00:17:58,524 --> 00:17:59,724
Wh-what?
Like, Frank
432
00:17:59,792 --> 00:18:01,292
doesn't lash out
at me, you know?
433
00:18:01,360 --> 00:18:02,727
Shelley doesn't
lash out at me.
434
00:18:02,795 --> 00:18:04,095
Barney doesn't
lash out at me.
435
00:18:04,163 --> 00:18:07,265
Hold on, why would
they lash out at you?
436
00:18:07,332 --> 00:18:09,233
I-I don't know, it's just...
Oh, my God,
437
00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:11,235
you think you're
better than them.
438
00:18:11,303 --> 00:18:13,871
That's-that's...
Not what I'm s...
439
00:18:13,939 --> 00:18:16,774
Okay, the thing is,
is that what...
440
00:18:16,842 --> 00:18:18,710
Oh, come on, you got to give me
Frank; I'm better than Frank.
441
00:18:18,777 --> 00:18:20,178
No, you're not.
442
00:18:20,245 --> 00:18:22,346
You're smarter
and less creepy than Frank,
443
00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:25,750
but Frank is better at...
Not feeling superior to people.
444
00:18:25,818 --> 00:18:27,719
And so is Barney
and shelley and...
445
00:18:27,786 --> 00:18:29,053
Okay, fine, Jimmy, fine!
446
00:18:29,121 --> 00:18:30,521
Then everybody's
just better than me!
447
00:18:30,589 --> 00:18:32,990
Thank you very much
for pointing that out.
448
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:42,500
Hey.
449
00:18:42,568 --> 00:18:43,735
Listen...
450
00:18:45,537 --> 00:18:49,707
Uh... everybody you meet is gonna
be better than you at some stuff
451
00:18:49,775 --> 00:18:52,143
and worse than you
at other stuff.
452
00:18:52,211 --> 00:18:56,080
I'm sure everyone here is way
better than me at making money.
453
00:18:56,148 --> 00:18:57,248
(Chuckles):
You know?
454
00:18:57,316 --> 00:19:00,118
But I checked on my kid
ten times more
455
00:19:00,185 --> 00:19:05,089
than they have tonight, and so
I'm probably a better parent.
456
00:19:05,157 --> 00:19:07,458
But if you spend
your entire life
457
00:19:07,526 --> 00:19:10,294
comparing yourself
to everyone you meet,
458
00:19:10,362 --> 00:19:13,164
you're gonna drive
yourself crazy.
459
00:19:13,232 --> 00:19:15,333
(Exhales, chuckles)
460
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,401
I think I already did.
461
00:19:19,438 --> 00:19:21,139
Thank you.
462
00:19:24,042 --> 00:19:25,576
(Exhales)
463
00:19:27,479 --> 00:19:29,981
You're welcome.
464
00:19:30,048 --> 00:19:34,118
♪ There will always
be someone better than you ♪
465
00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:36,020
♪ ♪
466
00:19:36,088 --> 00:19:38,256
♪ even if you're the best ♪
I'm sorry.
467
00:19:41,059 --> 00:19:44,295
♪ So let's stop
the competition now ♪
468
00:19:45,931 --> 00:19:47,665
♪ or we will both ♪
469
00:19:47,733 --> 00:19:49,934
♪ be losers ♪
hey, guys.
470
00:19:50,002 --> 00:19:51,469
♪ ♪
471
00:19:51,537 --> 00:19:54,605
♪ I don't want to be laid down ♪
472
00:19:56,875 --> 00:19:59,343
♪ no, I don't want
to die knowing ♪
473
00:20:01,246 --> 00:20:04,916
♪ that I spent so much time
when I was young ♪
474
00:20:06,251 --> 00:20:10,655
♪ just trying to be the winner ♪
475
00:20:10,722 --> 00:20:14,091
♪ don't care
about being a winner ♪
476
00:20:14,159 --> 00:20:17,829
♪ or being smooth with women ♪
477
00:20:17,896 --> 00:20:21,332
♪ or going out on Fridays ♪
478
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,936
♪ being the life of parties ♪
479
00:20:25,003 --> 00:20:28,506
♪ don't care
about being harder ♪
480
00:20:28,574 --> 00:20:32,109
♪ or being daddy's favorite ♪
481
00:20:32,177 --> 00:20:35,646
♪ or if you think I'm a mimic ♪
482
00:20:35,714 --> 00:20:39,350
♪ or if I am a loser ♪
483
00:20:39,418 --> 00:20:42,753
♪ don't care
about being a winner ♪
484
00:20:42,821 --> 00:20:46,424
♪ or being smooth with women ♪
485
00:20:46,491 --> 00:20:49,861
♪ or going out on Fridays ♪
486
00:20:49,928 --> 00:20:53,598
♪ being the life of parties ♪
487
00:20:53,665 --> 00:20:57,168
♪ don't care
about being harder ♪
488
00:20:57,236 --> 00:21:00,605
♪ or being daddy's favorite ♪
489
00:21:00,672 --> 00:21:04,242
♪ or if you think I'm a mimic ♪
490
00:21:04,309 --> 00:21:06,611
♪ or if I am a loser ♪
491
00:21:06,678 --> 00:21:08,546
♪ no... ♪
492
00:21:08,614 --> 00:21:11,215
♪ no more ♪
493
00:21:11,283 --> 00:21:12,817
♪ ♪
494
00:21:15,888 --> 00:21:17,922
♪ no more ♪
495
00:21:20,025 --> 00:21:21,158
One...
496
00:21:21,226 --> 00:21:22,827
♪ No more. ♪
two...
497
00:21:22,895 --> 00:21:23,828
Three!
498
00:21:23,896 --> 00:21:25,963
Yeah!
499
00:21:26,031 --> 00:21:27,698
(Sabrina screaming happily,
crowd cheering, whooping)
500
00:21:27,766 --> 00:21:31,801
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com