1
00:00:38,041 --> 00:00:41,291
[narrator] Perhaps you've read
the story of Quasimodo,
2
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,000
the monstrous bell-ringer of Notre-Dame.
3
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,541
But more likely, you haven't,
4
00:00:46,625 --> 00:00:51,375
because who still reads about
medieval France and all that bullshit?
5
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,208
Well, don't worry,
6
00:00:55,291 --> 00:00:59,458
because we're gonna tell you
the story of the real Quasimodo.
7
00:00:59,541 --> 00:01:01,000
[sheep bleats]
8
00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:05,958
[narrator] All you need to know
is that 13th-century France sucked.
9
00:01:06,041 --> 00:01:10,541
It was a time of plague, poverty
and torture chambers,
10
00:01:10,625 --> 00:01:15,958
where one often found themselves
impaled by dangerous objects.
11
00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:17,208
[meows]
12
00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:22,625
[narrator] Unless you were a king
who could just dismiss your wife
13
00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,166
when you tired of her…
14
00:01:26,875 --> 00:01:32,916
or a pope humbly entrusted
with the sacred offerings of his flock.
15
00:01:35,333 --> 00:01:40,375
And the last thing you'd want is to get
trapped between these two powerful pricks,
16
00:01:40,458 --> 00:01:44,250
which is exactly
where Quasimodo found himself,
17
00:01:45,041 --> 00:01:48,083
an ill-advised place for a nobody.
18
00:01:48,833 --> 00:01:51,875
In fact, he's quite fucked.
19
00:01:52,791 --> 00:01:55,583
And this is his story.
20
00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:03,375
[friend] Quasi!
21
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:05,708
Quasi!
22
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:11,750
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
23
00:02:12,458 --> 00:02:14,625
Quasi! Quasi.
24
00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:18,208
Holy shit. What is your problem?
25
00:02:18,291 --> 00:02:19,500
Come on. We're gonna be late.
26
00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,083
We are not gonna be late.
27
00:02:21,166 --> 00:02:24,541
When you grow up in a bell tower,
you have a knack for keeping time.
28
00:02:24,625 --> 00:02:26,017
[grunts] You with your bell towers.
29
00:02:26,041 --> 00:02:27,666
- Yeah.
- Hey, slow down.
30
00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,892
- Oh, now you want me to slow down?
- Yeah. Slow down. Come on.
31
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:33,076
- You're the one who's in such a rush.
- Let's walk together, huh? Like friends.
32
00:02:33,458 --> 00:02:34,708
It's a great morning.
33
00:02:34,791 --> 00:02:37,791
It's springtime. The flowers are in bloom.
34
00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:40,125
The air smells of peat and sweet cloth.
35
00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:42,041
Whatever. I'll take your word for it.
36
00:02:42,125 --> 00:02:43,375
Aw, why so crispy, huh?
37
00:02:43,458 --> 00:02:44,500
[laughing]
38
00:02:44,583 --> 00:02:46,208
[spits] Hunchback.
39
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,750
[grunts]
Hey, you know what your problem is?
40
00:02:48,833 --> 00:02:52,291
Is it that I've got a fatty deposit
the size of a giant gourd on my back?
41
00:02:52,375 --> 00:02:54,833
No. It's that you've given up on humanity.
42
00:02:54,916 --> 00:02:56,416
You have given up on love.
43
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:59,750
Duchamp, you can't give up
on something you've never had.
44
00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,291
Well, I'm no soothsayer,
45
00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:05,375
but I think this is the springtime where
things turn around for my little buddy.
46
00:03:05,458 --> 00:03:07,041
- Weirdo!
- Freak!
47
00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:08,291
[Quasi grunts]
48
00:03:08,375 --> 00:03:09,375
Morning.
49
00:03:12,625 --> 00:03:14,833
Hey, "Pope Week." [laughs]
50
00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:16,458
"The coronation of the new queen."
51
00:03:16,541 --> 00:03:17,833
These are exciting times.
52
00:03:17,916 --> 00:03:19,636
Remind me to buy
more papal lottery tickets.
53
00:03:19,708 --> 00:03:22,791
Oh, come on, Du. Don't waste your money.
Nobody wins those things.
54
00:03:22,875 --> 00:03:25,000
[sighs] Somebody's gotta win.
Why can't it be me?
55
00:03:25,083 --> 00:03:26,958
Confession with the pope.
56
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,458
- Du, you're being ridiculous.
- [vendor] Croissant!
57
00:03:29,541 --> 00:03:30,875
Hey. Croissant?
58
00:03:30,958 --> 00:03:32,083
[Quasi] Non.
59
00:03:32,166 --> 00:03:33,375
- Croissant?
- Non.
60
00:03:33,458 --> 00:03:35,000
- Come on. Croissant?
- Non.
61
00:03:35,083 --> 00:03:36,333
Croissant?
62
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:37,666
No!
63
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:38,875
Deux croissants.
64
00:03:38,958 --> 00:03:40,184
[normal] I said I didn't want one.
65
00:03:40,208 --> 00:03:41,458
They're both for me.
66
00:03:41,541 --> 00:03:44,208
[passerby] Hey! Eat shit, asshole!
67
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:45,291
Good morning, officer.
68
00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:46,375
[vendor] Croissant?
69
00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:49,142
Why don't you duck
when they throw stuff at you?
70
00:03:49,166 --> 00:03:51,927
- What do you mean? I'm already ducked.
- I guess that's a good point.
71
00:03:53,625 --> 00:03:56,083
[sighs] Back to the daily grind.
72
00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:58,583
[prisoners screaming]
73
00:04:03,041 --> 00:04:05,125
Repent for your sins!
74
00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:07,166
[screams]
75
00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,416
Hey, Pascal.
76
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:09,958
Hey! Good morning, Du.
77
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,041
Good morning, Quasi.
78
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,375
[grunting]
79
00:04:12,458 --> 00:04:14,083
Stefan, how was that date?
80
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,375
Incroyable!
81
00:04:15,458 --> 00:04:18,083
And things got very romantic.
82
00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:19,291
[laughs]
83
00:04:19,375 --> 00:04:20,625
- You devil. [laughs]
- Yeah.
84
00:04:20,708 --> 00:04:21,791
Matisse, what's up?
85
00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:24,000
[chuckles] Embrace your savior!
86
00:04:24,083 --> 00:04:25,416
[grunts]
87
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:26,559
- [shushes]
- [prisoner screams]
88
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:28,833
No, it doesn't hurt that bad. [laughs]
89
00:04:28,916 --> 00:04:30,250
Oh, Monday, Monday, right?
90
00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:31,333
Yep.
91
00:04:31,416 --> 00:04:33,333
Quasi, you're late.
92
00:04:33,416 --> 00:04:34,958
I know for a fact that I'm not.
93
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,916
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
You grew up in a bell tower.
94
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,000
[imitates crying]
95
00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:41,125
Yeah, 'cause I grew up in a bell tower.
96
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:42,583
Oh, you gonna take mouth with me?
97
00:04:42,666 --> 00:04:44,458
[groans] He gets me so mad sometimes.
98
00:04:44,541 --> 00:04:45,541
Don't get worked up.
99
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:48,750
Fucker's gonna start with me on a...
On a fuckin' Monday of all things.
100
00:04:48,833 --> 00:04:52,125
Hey, you may think you're hot gruel
'cause you invented that rack,
101
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,541
but around here,
you're just another monkey wrench.
102
00:04:54,625 --> 00:04:55,916
Remember your place, Hunchback.
103
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,125
Settle down, Lucien.
104
00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:58,601
I'm sure the king wouldn't wanna hear
105
00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:02,291
that Quasi was bringing his rack
somewhere else, like Espagne.
106
00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:03,416
[whistles] Michel!
107
00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:06,101
- Why do you let that guy push you around?
- I don't know.
108
00:05:06,125 --> 00:05:07,892
- Don't let him push you around.
- I know. [stammers]
109
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:11,000
Dipshits, this is Michel,
your new guinea pig.
110
00:05:11,083 --> 00:05:12,976
You're gonna be torturing him
for the next couple weeks.
111
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,458
- Get down there, shorty.
- [grunts]
112
00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,875
- [whip cracks]
- [prisoner screams]
113
00:05:15,958 --> 00:05:17,208
Hey. Look at this little guy.
114
00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:18,375
[Duchamp laughs]
115
00:05:18,458 --> 00:05:19,666
- Bonjour. Bonjour.
- Bonjour.
116
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:20,791
Bonjour.
117
00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,708
- [screams continue]
- Bonjour.
118
00:05:22,791 --> 00:05:23,791
- Oh.
- [Michel laughs]
119
00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:26,000
Hey, go easy on this one.
He's your third this month.
120
00:05:26,083 --> 00:05:28,791
See if you can keep
his arms attached to his body.
121
00:05:28,875 --> 00:05:30,309
- Don't worry about it.
- Never happen.
122
00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:31,541
All right. Back to work.
123
00:05:31,625 --> 00:05:34,458
Hey,
more fire ants in that guy's dick hole.
124
00:05:34,541 --> 00:05:36,301
All right, Michel.
You ready to get tortured?
125
00:05:36,375 --> 00:05:37,958
- Yes, sir!
- Yeah, come on up.
126
00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:40,208
- [Duchamp] There you go.
- [Michel] This isn't too bad.
127
00:05:40,291 --> 00:05:42,208
- Get yourself comfortable.
- Ooh, this is nice.
128
00:05:42,791 --> 00:05:45,000
- Come on in here.
- Okay. Here we go.
129
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,684
My God,
his feet don't each even reach the end.
130
00:05:46,708 --> 00:05:47,833
- Come on.
- That's good.
131
00:05:47,916 --> 00:05:49,416
- Get the arms up here.
- Ah.
132
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:50,875
There we go.
133
00:05:50,958 --> 00:05:53,041
- All right. How are you? You okay?
- Good. [whoops]
134
00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:54,458
We're gonna start easy.
135
00:05:54,541 --> 00:05:56,101
First time working in the torture chamber?
136
00:05:56,125 --> 00:05:58,500
Yep. Just making a couple extra francs
for culinary school.
137
00:05:58,583 --> 00:06:00,083
Oh, a chef! Good for you.
138
00:06:00,166 --> 00:06:01,541
- Yeah.
- Okay, straps too tight?
139
00:06:01,625 --> 00:06:02,875
No. Go as tight as you need.
140
00:06:02,958 --> 00:06:05,583
You got a real can-do attitude.
I like that, Michel.
141
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,517
I actually can't believe
you pay people to do this.
142
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:10,333
Huh, well, we used to test the devices
on real heretics,
143
00:06:10,416 --> 00:06:12,541
but those guys said everything hurt.
144
00:06:12,625 --> 00:06:13,791
- Am I right?
- Heretics.
145
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:15,291
- Heretics.
- Heretics.
146
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:17,666
[screams] Ow. Oh!
147
00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,500
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
148
00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:21,708
The first time can be
a bit of a shock to the system.
149
00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:23,541
That's okay. [chuckles]
150
00:06:23,625 --> 00:06:24,985
So you guys psyched for Pope Week?
151
00:06:25,041 --> 00:06:26,083
Oh, my God. Here we go.
152
00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:27,976
- Another Pope Week guy.
- Pope Week? I love Pope Week.
153
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,541
[cheering]
154
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,500
[cardinal] Thank you for coming here
on this beautiful day.
155
00:06:34,583 --> 00:06:37,083
And on behalf of Pope Cornelius…
156
00:06:37,166 --> 00:06:40,000
[crowd cheering, applauding]
157
00:06:41,166 --> 00:06:43,750
…bless you for
the indulgences you've bought.
158
00:06:43,833 --> 00:06:46,583
This will save you in the eyes of God.
159
00:06:46,666 --> 00:06:47,726
[crowd cheering, applauding]
160
00:06:47,750 --> 00:06:51,666
Now, who wants to see an exorcism?
161
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:55,125
[cheering]
162
00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:57,500
Care to participate, Your Grace?
163
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:58,416
Christ, Claude.
164
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,833
Just give these mouth-breathers
what they want.
165
00:07:00,916 --> 00:07:03,000
[cheering continues]
166
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:07,750
May the Lord extend his peaceful hand
upon all of you.
167
00:07:07,833 --> 00:07:09,875
[crowd] And also with you.
168
00:07:09,958 --> 00:07:11,250
Now split that bitch.
169
00:07:12,041 --> 00:07:13,041
Brother Giuseppe.
170
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:15,250
Thanks be to God, Your Grace.
171
00:07:17,583 --> 00:07:21,166
Be gone, foul behezrahoth!
172
00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,916
- [crowd cheering]
- Would you mind?
173
00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,416
[prisoner] No, no, no, no. No, no, please!
174
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:28,416
- No!
- [cheers]
175
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,500
[prisoner screams]
176
00:07:29,541 --> 00:07:31,458
What is this papal visit next week?
177
00:07:31,541 --> 00:07:32,541
France.
178
00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:37,166
[groans] The French are pigs.
They all stink and eat garbage.
179
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:40,750
And the royals,
always marrying their own family.
180
00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:43,125
They all have 11 fingers
and never stop bleeding.
181
00:07:43,208 --> 00:07:45,083
They're all disgusting, my lord.
182
00:07:45,166 --> 00:07:47,958
Goddamn,
how I hate that pompous ass, King Guy.
183
00:07:48,041 --> 00:07:49,416
Postpone it.
184
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:52,125
It's scheduled with
the coronation of the new queen.
185
00:07:52,208 --> 00:07:53,291
- New queen?
- [Claude] Mmm.
186
00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:55,517
I told him he wasn't allowed
to divorce his first wife.
187
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:58,500
He had her killed. A bit of a work-around.
188
00:07:58,583 --> 00:08:00,625
Now he's married his English cousin.
189
00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:01,708
[prisoner screams]
190
00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:05,416
The new union will form a powerful
alliance between France and England.
191
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,708
Oh, he'll be even more insufferable.
192
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:09,166
[Giuseppe] Damn you, Satan!
193
00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:10,166
[prisoner screams]
194
00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:11,083
[cheering]
195
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:13,583
Goddamn it. This will never come off.
196
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,333
Say,
have you heard the joke about the bed?
197
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,500
No.
198
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,708
It hasn't been made yet.
199
00:08:22,791 --> 00:08:27,000
[laughing]
200
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:44,541
Say,
have you heard the joke about the cookie?
201
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:45,916
No.
202
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,125
It's crummy.
203
00:08:47,208 --> 00:08:52,375
[laughing]
204
00:08:54,291 --> 00:08:55,291
[grunts]
205
00:08:55,375 --> 00:08:56,541
Guards!
206
00:08:57,208 --> 00:08:59,583
Boil my jester in oil.
207
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,250
No, no!
208
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:06,000
- No, no. No! No. No!
- [guard] Come on.
209
00:09:06,583 --> 00:09:07,708
[jester] No!
210
00:09:07,791 --> 00:09:09,125
[chuckles]
211
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,291
- Good morning, my king.
- [door closes]
212
00:09:11,375 --> 00:09:15,500
Breakfast today is wine from
the Rhône valley and fresh Belon oysters.
213
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:19,458
And where do your oysters come from,
my pet?
214
00:09:19,541 --> 00:09:21,333
Your Highness,
we have a very busy day today.
215
00:09:21,416 --> 00:09:22,476
[person sighs, clears throat]
216
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:25,083
Oh. Hello. [sighs]
217
00:09:34,666 --> 00:09:36,416
Good morning, milady. [chuckles]
218
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:37,958
Good morning, Henri-Francoise.
219
00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:41,375
[Henri clears throat]
220
00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:42,791
As I was saying, sire,
221
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,416
we have a meeting with the tax collectors
to discuss the springtime levies.
222
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,976
And, of course, we have to prepare
for the arrival of the pope.
223
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,291
Oh, Cornelius?
224
00:09:51,375 --> 00:09:53,958
I hate that Gorgonzola-eating bastard.
225
00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:55,708
My liege, if you hate the pope,
226
00:09:55,791 --> 00:10:01,208
why not fabricate a papal decree demanding
a 200% increase in tithes from the people?
227
00:10:01,791 --> 00:10:04,375
Your outraged subjects will run him
right out of the country.
228
00:10:04,458 --> 00:10:06,291
Well, look at that, Henri-Francoise.
229
00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:11,416
My new ornament wishes to discuss
the affairs of France.
230
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:13,333
[laughing] Yes.
231
00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:15,333
How adorable.
232
00:10:15,416 --> 00:10:16,833
- My liege.
- Leave us.
233
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,333
Sire, as queen,
is it not my duty to suggest...
234
00:10:20,416 --> 00:10:21,416
Leave us!
235
00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:23,791
As you wish.
236
00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:28,041
My queen.
237
00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:30,958
[clears throat]
238
00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:33,541
[whoops]
239
00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:36,708
I was not told
she was going to speak so much.
240
00:10:36,791 --> 00:10:39,833
- [door closes]
- She's a regular smarty pantalons.
241
00:10:39,916 --> 00:10:43,458
Indeed, but a small price to pay
for a powerful alliance.
242
00:10:43,541 --> 00:10:47,791
A rather large price to pay for someone
who never wanted to be married again.
243
00:10:47,875 --> 00:10:49,166
Yes, well. [chuckles]
244
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:53,916
But do look into that
phony-papal-decree idea, because why not?
245
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,916
Excellent idea, Your Highness.
246
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:57,583
Enjoy your oysters.
247
00:10:58,750 --> 00:10:59,833
Bring me some salt!
248
00:11:00,416 --> 00:11:01,416
[door closes]
249
00:11:02,958 --> 00:11:04,375
I need some salt!
250
00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:05,958
[slurps]
251
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:07,750
[faint screaming]
252
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:08,833
[whip cracks]
253
00:11:09,375 --> 00:11:11,333
- Hey! All right. Just stop!
- [guard] Move it!
254
00:11:11,416 --> 00:11:12,625
- Stop!
- [guard] All right.
255
00:11:12,708 --> 00:11:14,916
Okay. Don't have to be so rough.
256
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,166
Hey, uh, why are the oysters up there?
257
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:19,125
[Quasi] Oh, it's the food of kings.
258
00:11:19,208 --> 00:11:21,166
Lucien thinks it displays superiority.
259
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:23,375
You know what he should do
is get better oysters.
260
00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:25,125
I mean, those are crap.
261
00:11:25,208 --> 00:11:26,791
- Belon oysters…
- [Quasi gasps]
262
00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:27,915
…that's the food of kings.
263
00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:29,541
Oh, you've had Belon oysters?
264
00:11:29,625 --> 00:11:30,833
Once, when I was a boy.
265
00:11:30,916 --> 00:11:34,416
It was like they were lifted from the sea
by nautical angels.
266
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:38,791
[screams, whimpers]
267
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,958
Okay,
that was 15% torque on the upper straps.
268
00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:46,500
- [pants]
- Michel, go on about the oysters.
269
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:47,625
Describe their taste.
270
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:50,958
[exhales] Crisp, clean, salty.
271
00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:53,958
- Aw, that sounds fantastique.
- [Michel strains, grunts]
272
00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:55,892
[Lucien]
Hey, enough with the chatter down there.
273
00:11:55,916 --> 00:11:56,916
[prisoner screaming]
274
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,625
You know, if I was king,
there'd be Belon oysters on every table.
275
00:12:01,708 --> 00:12:03,041
[laughing]
276
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:04,291
A king for the people.
277
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,708
That's a good one, you weird little loser.
278
00:12:06,791 --> 00:12:07,791
Now get back to work.
279
00:12:07,875 --> 00:12:09,833
[prisoners screaming]
280
00:12:09,916 --> 00:12:14,625
Has Lucien ever shared his oysters
with anyone here?
281
00:12:14,708 --> 00:12:16,208
[torturers] No!
282
00:12:16,291 --> 00:12:20,791
If he's gonna eat oysters in front of us,
shouldn't he bring enough for everybody?
283
00:12:20,875 --> 00:12:22,000
[torturers] Oui!
284
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:24,375
Hey, you know what?
Put a sock in it, Quasi.
285
00:12:25,750 --> 00:12:28,833
[chanting] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
286
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:32,916
[all] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
287
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,041
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
288
00:12:36,125 --> 00:12:39,083
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
289
00:12:39,166 --> 00:12:41,541
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
290
00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:43,958
- Shut up! All of you!
- [chanting continues]
291
00:12:44,041 --> 00:12:45,041
All right.
292
00:12:45,125 --> 00:12:47,291
You want oysters?
I'll give you oysters up...
293
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:48,458
[gasps] My queen.
294
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,208
- [chanting stops]
- [torturers clamoring]
295
00:12:51,291 --> 00:12:52,375
[torturer] Oysters.
296
00:12:52,458 --> 00:12:56,333
Your Highness, may I ask what brings you
to our, uh, humble place of work?
297
00:12:57,250 --> 00:13:01,125
It's a queen's duty to familiarize herself
with all aspects of the kingdom.
298
00:13:01,208 --> 00:13:02,375
I should like a tour.
299
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:03,750
Of course, Your Majesty.
300
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:08,458
Would be my privilege
to escort you around the premises.
301
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:12,375
Perhaps it would be best for me
to receive it from your superior.
302
00:13:13,666 --> 00:13:14,750
That one.
303
00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:18,416
Holy shit. She's pointing at me.
304
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,041
[laughs] Yeah, right.
305
00:13:20,125 --> 00:13:22,434
- Shut up. Shut up. Don't joke.
- I'm... I'm serious. [stammers]
306
00:13:22,458 --> 00:13:27,000
Uh, begging your pardon, my queen, but
that torturer is in no way my superior.
307
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:29,166
The way he speaks to you
tells me otherwise.
308
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,101
- She's coming downstairs. [shushes]
- Oh, my God.
309
00:13:36,125 --> 00:13:38,041
[whispers]
There's a queen coming down here now.
310
00:13:41,291 --> 00:13:42,351
- Don't look at her.
- Okay.
311
00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:43,976
- Don't look.
- It's hard. She's really hot.
312
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,375
Oh, my God.
I can't believe she's coming down here.
313
00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:52,791
[groans] Oh, my.
314
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,041
Smell is exceptionally rancid down here.
315
00:13:57,708 --> 00:13:59,416
Torturer, stand.
316
00:14:00,416 --> 00:14:01,833
[Quasi] Mmm. [clears throat]
317
00:14:02,416 --> 00:14:04,791
You seem to have the ear
of your fellow workers.
318
00:14:04,875 --> 00:14:08,291
I am just a humble subject of the king,
milady.
319
00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:09,791
Raise your head, torturer.
320
00:14:15,875 --> 00:14:16,958
What is it you do here?
321
00:14:17,041 --> 00:14:18,625
I work this machine.
322
00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:22,625
Is this not the rack I hear so much about?
323
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:24,541
'Tis, my queen. 'Tis.
324
00:14:25,041 --> 00:14:26,125
Hmm.
325
00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:30,041
How is it that you were chosen to man
the king's most effective torture device?
326
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:31,750
I invented it, milady.
327
00:14:31,833 --> 00:14:33,375
You invented it?
328
00:14:33,458 --> 00:14:36,416
Yeah, in an attempt to straighten my back,
329
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:40,500
but it didn't quite unfold
as I had wished.
330
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:43,083
[both laugh]
331
00:14:43,166 --> 00:14:46,375
Smart and witty.
Seems you are very talented.
332
00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:48,416
[chuckles] You are too kind, my queen.
333
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:52,791
Perhaps you'd have more success
if you adjusted the flywheel.
334
00:14:52,875 --> 00:14:55,125
Say, 20 degrees?
335
00:14:55,208 --> 00:14:59,000
Then you'd have the benefits of both
horizontal tension and vertical tension.
336
00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:01,041
Uh, okay. Yeah!
337
00:15:01,541 --> 00:15:04,291
That is a brilliant observation, my queen.
338
00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:06,125
I will implement that immediately.
339
00:15:06,208 --> 00:15:09,250
- You will?
- Yeah, "absolutement."
340
00:15:10,625 --> 00:15:13,500
Not only are you a good speaker
but a good listener.
341
00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:15,708
A unique combination, torturer…
342
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:18,208
Modo. Quasi Modo.
343
00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:21,333
It's been a pleasure, Quasi.
344
00:15:21,416 --> 00:15:23,041
I very much like your rack.
345
00:15:23,125 --> 00:15:24,250
And I yours.
346
00:15:24,333 --> 00:15:26,000
- [Michel gasps]
- [Quasi] I mean...
347
00:15:26,083 --> 00:15:29,041
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
348
00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:35,458
What I meant to say was I very much
appreciate all your suggestions, my queen.
349
00:15:35,541 --> 00:15:36,916
Of course.
350
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,000
Carry on.
351
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:39,208
Yeah. Yeah.
352
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,250
[whispers] Are you kidding me?
353
00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:46,166
Oh.
354
00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:47,500
That was crazy!
355
00:15:47,583 --> 00:15:49,041
Oh, my God.
356
00:15:49,125 --> 00:15:50,125
[screams]
357
00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,666
[shushing]
358
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:52,750
[shushing]
359
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,583
[patrons chattering, laughing]
360
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,541
[Quasi] All right. It's really good.
361
00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:04,458
Yeah. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. A toast.
362
00:16:04,541 --> 00:16:06,916
Here is to our new friend, Michel.
363
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:08,708
[cheers] Hear, hear.
364
00:16:09,208 --> 00:16:10,208
[Michel chuckles]
365
00:16:10,291 --> 00:16:13,375
I actually got you the job. Hmm?
You could've mentioned that.
366
00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:15,416
Du, I never had a chance.
367
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:16,666
Seems like you forgot.
368
00:16:16,750 --> 00:16:17,809
Are we ignoring the fact that
369
00:16:17,833 --> 00:16:20,708
there was definitely sexual tension
between you and the queen?
370
00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:22,958
- [laughing]
- What?
371
00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:24,041
The new guy.
372
00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:27,625
That's ridiculous. She's the queen. Hello.
373
00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:29,291
Michel, let me explain something.
374
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:33,500
The queen could have any dragon slayer,
wizard or chevalier in the kingdom.
375
00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:36,125
Why would she care about a twisted,
lonely weirdo?
376
00:16:36,208 --> 00:16:38,708
- Okay, that's a little harsh.
- I'm just making a point.
377
00:16:38,791 --> 00:16:40,708
Plenty of royals have kinky fetishes.
378
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,726
Remember that king
that used to have sex with chickens?
379
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,333
Chicken a la king? Yeah.
380
00:16:44,416 --> 00:16:46,017
- That would make him the chicken.
- [both laugh]
381
00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:47,875
Yeah. That does make me the chicken.
382
00:16:47,958 --> 00:16:49,125
Cluck, cluck, motherfucker.
383
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,916
Michel, I am a loser.
384
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,583
I have never known the touch of a woman,
and I never will.
385
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:58,958
Don't be so hard on yourself.
The guys in the torture chamber like you.
386
00:16:59,041 --> 00:17:01,125
You got a loyal best friend
in Duchamp right here.
387
00:17:01,208 --> 00:17:02,791
[laughing] Easy now, okay?
388
00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:05,583
We may be hut mates,
but we're not best friends.
389
00:17:05,666 --> 00:17:07,750
Yeah, those labels are kind of weird.
390
00:17:07,833 --> 00:17:09,291
[chuckles] What are we, schoolgirls?
391
00:17:09,375 --> 00:17:12,333
[all laughing]
392
00:17:12,416 --> 00:17:13,791
[bartender] Who wants a drink?
393
00:17:13,875 --> 00:17:15,791
- Hey, Blouin, my friend.
- Duch!
394
00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:17,351
You still selling papal lottery tickets?
395
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:19,500
Yeah, but I'll warn you.
I already have the winner.
396
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:22,583
How could that be when I'm about to buy
the winning ticket? [laughs]
397
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:23,666
Okay.
398
00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:25,166
- Give me ten more!
- Ten more.
399
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:27,375
- Du, why are you wasting your money?
- [chuckles]
400
00:17:27,458 --> 00:17:29,541
I'm about to win
an audience with the pope.
401
00:17:29,625 --> 00:17:30,833
Right.
402
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:32,791
And on the night of her coronation,
403
00:17:32,875 --> 00:17:35,500
I'm gonna make dirty love
to the queen in the rack.
404
00:17:35,583 --> 00:17:38,583
[all laughing]
405
00:17:39,416 --> 00:17:41,291
You can get executed for even saying that.
406
00:17:41,375 --> 00:17:43,333
[all laughing]
407
00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:44,416
[laughing stops]
408
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:45,500
[laughs]
409
00:17:55,791 --> 00:17:57,434
Did you change something?
You look different.
410
00:17:57,458 --> 00:17:58,541
Me?
411
00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:00,375
- Your hair maybe?
- My hair? No.
412
00:18:00,458 --> 00:18:02,666
- Did you get taller?
- I wish. [chuckles]
413
00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:04,500
[speaking French]
414
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,541
Hey, has the lottery drawing happened?
415
00:18:06,625 --> 00:18:08,041
Do you see me on that stage yet?
416
00:18:08,125 --> 00:18:10,166
- [fanfare plays]
- [Henri grunts, clears throat]
417
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:15,166
On behalf of King Guy XXIV,
welcome to the papal lottery.
418
00:18:15,250 --> 00:18:16,958
[cheering]
419
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:21,375
A preliminary and lesser event leading up
to the coronation of your new queen.
420
00:18:21,458 --> 00:18:23,333
- [Duchamp laughing]
- [crowd cheering]
421
00:18:31,125 --> 00:18:32,291
[Henri] Winner of the lottery
422
00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:35,541
shall have his private confession heard
by the pope himself.
423
00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:38,083
- [mouthing words] Yes. You.
- [crowd cheering, whooping]
424
00:18:39,291 --> 00:18:42,017
Quasi, it's not too late. You can buy
tickets right up to the drawing.
425
00:18:42,041 --> 00:18:44,375
Take it from
the unluckiest person in France,
426
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,375
you might as well
throw your money in a hole.
427
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,958
[Duchamp scoffs, sighs]
428
00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:51,250
You know what? [sighs]
429
00:18:51,333 --> 00:18:53,791
Here. Take this. Consider it a gift.
430
00:18:53,875 --> 00:18:55,083
I don't want a gift.
431
00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:56,583
Please. I insist.
432
00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,791
Du,
don't act like this is such a big thing.
433
00:18:58,875 --> 00:19:00,291
Take it. On me.
434
00:19:00,375 --> 00:19:02,351
All right. If I take this thing,
will you stop bugging me?
435
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,750
- You got it. [laughing]
- [grunts]
436
00:19:04,833 --> 00:19:05,958
- Okay?
- Okay.
437
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:07,916
- Great. Enjoy it. [chuckles]
- Thanks.
438
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,800
- Hope you have a winner. Yeah, right.
- Yeah.
439
00:19:09,833 --> 00:19:13,375
Without further ado,
Simone, the number, please!
440
00:19:13,458 --> 00:19:15,041
[fanfare plays]
441
00:19:15,708 --> 00:19:16,708
[clears throat]
442
00:19:16,791 --> 00:19:19,458
And the winning number is:
443
00:19:19,541 --> 00:19:24,125
J, seven, two, two,
444
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:26,416
four, six.
445
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,875
[groans] Merde. [groans]
446
00:19:28,958 --> 00:19:30,625
Oh! Oh!
447
00:19:30,708 --> 00:19:35,458
That's me! It's me! [cheers, laughs]
448
00:19:35,541 --> 00:19:37,041
[laughs]
449
00:19:37,125 --> 00:19:38,458
You're a woman.
450
00:19:38,541 --> 00:19:40,500
The pope won't grant audience to a woman.
451
00:19:40,583 --> 00:19:42,500
[all laughing]
452
00:19:43,666 --> 00:19:46,625
Oh, my goodness gracious. Give me a break.
453
00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:49,184
All right, Simone. New number, please.
454
00:19:49,208 --> 00:19:52,500
[fanfare plays]
455
00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:56,500
- The new number: F, four, three…
- Oh. Oh.
456
00:19:56,583 --> 00:19:59,250
[Henri] …three, three,
457
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:01,250
one.
458
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:03,791
[groans] Merde, merde, merde!
459
00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:07,208
F, four, three, three, three, one?
460
00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:08,291
No one?
461
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,791
Quasi, you won.
462
00:20:10,875 --> 00:20:12,958
- Huh? What?
- Quasi, you won.
463
00:20:13,791 --> 00:20:14,791
I won?
464
00:20:14,875 --> 00:20:15,875
[Michel] You won!
465
00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:18,291
Quasi's the winner!
466
00:20:18,875 --> 00:20:20,708
We got a winner here!
We got a winner here!
467
00:20:20,791 --> 00:20:22,833
- Quasi's the winner! [whoops]
- [crowd cheering]
468
00:20:22,916 --> 00:20:24,041
[Michel] Quasi, you won!
469
00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:25,500
Well, congratulations!
470
00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:26,833
Bring the lucky fellow up here.
471
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:34,541
[crowd chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
Quasi! Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
472
00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:36,666
Quasi! Quasi!
473
00:20:36,750 --> 00:20:38,791
A woman and a hunchback.
474
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:40,625
What's next? A Saxon?
475
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:43,125
[laughing]
476
00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:44,208
Simone, right?
477
00:20:44,291 --> 00:20:45,416
You're not Saxon, are you?
478
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:46,833
No. Okay, right.
479
00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:49,208
[chanting continues]
480
00:20:52,875 --> 00:20:55,666
Hey, I wanna be tortured by a superstar!
481
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:57,708
Hop on up, Michel. Here.
482
00:20:58,291 --> 00:20:59,791
[chanting continues]
483
00:20:59,875 --> 00:21:00,875
Get in here.
484
00:21:00,958 --> 00:21:04,625
[laughs] Wow, it's so great you won!
I've never won anything in my life!
485
00:21:04,708 --> 00:21:05,750
Give it your all!
486
00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:09,458
[screaming]
487
00:21:09,541 --> 00:21:12,083
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
What the hell's going on around here?
488
00:21:12,166 --> 00:21:13,583
I'll tell you what's going on.
489
00:21:13,666 --> 00:21:15,666
[chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
490
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,517
- Oysters!
- [Lucien] Not again with the oysters!
491
00:21:17,541 --> 00:21:20,833
- Shut up!
- [chanting continues]
492
00:21:22,291 --> 00:21:23,291
Silence!
493
00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:24,935
- [chanting stops]
- [torturers clamoring]
494
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,625
[torturer] Oysters.
495
00:21:26,708 --> 00:21:29,166
The king wishes to meet the hunchback.
496
00:21:32,416 --> 00:21:34,250
You're gonna meet the pope and the king?
497
00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:36,416
Good fortune smiles upon you, my friend.
498
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,000
Good thing I gave you my ticket.
499
00:21:38,083 --> 00:21:41,125
Oh, wait. No, Du, of course.
You should take the ticket. You bought it.
500
00:21:41,208 --> 00:21:43,541
No, no. It's cool.
I mean, I gave it to you, so…
501
00:21:43,625 --> 00:21:45,392
- Technically it's mine, but whatever…
- No, no, no.
502
00:21:45,416 --> 00:21:46,583
No, Du, take the ticket.
503
00:21:46,666 --> 00:21:47,750
I didn't even want this.
504
00:21:47,833 --> 00:21:50,583
Oh, no, no. You know what?
You take it. Have a good time.
505
00:21:50,666 --> 00:21:52,583
- Get me in the next one, okay?
- [both chuckle]
506
00:21:52,666 --> 00:21:53,916
The king awaits!
507
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:55,916
- [Quasi sighing]
- Okay.
508
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,083
- Are we cool?
- Totally cool, man. Have a good time.
509
00:21:58,166 --> 00:21:59,250
Okay, merci.
510
00:21:59,333 --> 00:22:00,250
Yeah. Quasi.
511
00:22:00,333 --> 00:22:02,916
[chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
512
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,500
Give him one for the serfs!
513
00:22:04,583 --> 00:22:06,750
I'll give him one for the torture chamber.
514
00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:08,625
Go, Local 85!
515
00:22:08,708 --> 00:22:09,708
[all] Yeah!
516
00:22:09,750 --> 00:22:12,500
[chanting] Quasi! Quasi! Quasi!
517
00:22:12,583 --> 00:22:13,791
Knock, knock!
518
00:22:19,541 --> 00:22:23,500
Now you say, "Who's there?", sire.
519
00:22:23,583 --> 00:22:26,041
I have to participate?
520
00:22:26,125 --> 00:22:27,333
[chuckles] Yeah.
521
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,250
Who is there?
522
00:22:30,333 --> 00:22:32,208
King Guy. [chuckles]
523
00:22:32,291 --> 00:22:33,791
- What?
- No.
524
00:22:34,291 --> 00:22:37,291
You say, "King Guy, who?", sire.
525
00:22:37,375 --> 00:22:39,041
Oh, I really don't get it.
526
00:22:39,125 --> 00:22:40,666
Guards, tar him!
527
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:42,166
- No, no!
- [guard] All right.
528
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,833
- Wait.
- Okay, fine.
529
00:22:43,916 --> 00:22:45,250
- Feather him.
- What?
530
00:22:45,333 --> 00:22:47,416
- No, no!
- Ooh, I have an idea.
531
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,750
What about a little of both?
Could be a fun new thing.
532
00:22:49,833 --> 00:22:50,833
Please, sire.
533
00:22:50,916 --> 00:22:53,458
It would be wrong
to orphan this man's children.
534
00:22:53,541 --> 00:22:54,583
Fine, then.
535
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:56,625
- Kill the kids too.
- No!
536
00:22:56,708 --> 00:22:58,208
- No!
- Kidding!
537
00:22:58,291 --> 00:23:00,875
Guards, go easy on the tar.
538
00:23:00,958 --> 00:23:02,184
- No, no, no.
- [guard] Easy now.
539
00:23:02,208 --> 00:23:04,458
- No!
- [guard] Come on, Jester.
540
00:23:04,541 --> 00:23:05,791
Happy, my queen?
541
00:23:05,875 --> 00:23:06,916
[jester] Do something!
542
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,541
[Henri] Yes. [laughs]
543
00:23:08,625 --> 00:23:12,541
Your Majesty,
I present the torturer, Quasi Modo.
544
00:23:14,833 --> 00:23:15,666
[laughs]
545
00:23:15,750 --> 00:23:18,541
Quasi Modo, my little friend.
546
00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:24,083
The queen tells me that as a tormentor,
you're unparalleled.
547
00:23:24,166 --> 00:23:26,041
Sire, are you aware that he is the one
548
00:23:26,125 --> 00:23:28,750
who invented
your most successful torture device?
549
00:23:28,833 --> 00:23:31,041
You mean my mother-in-law?
550
00:23:31,125 --> 00:23:33,833
[laughing]
551
00:23:33,916 --> 00:23:35,375
[Henri laughing]
552
00:23:35,458 --> 00:23:36,809
- I'm joking, of course.
- [Quasi laughs]
553
00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:38,458
Of course, you are. Very funny, sire.
554
00:23:38,541 --> 00:23:44,541
So, Mr. Modo,
what's it feel like to be a winner?
555
00:23:44,625 --> 00:23:45,726
- [groans]
- [Quasi clears throat]
556
00:23:45,750 --> 00:23:47,500
- Oh.
- Um.
557
00:23:47,583 --> 00:23:50,208
Um, really good… [chuckles] …Your Majesty.
558
00:23:50,291 --> 00:23:52,291
Really good, indeed.
559
00:23:52,375 --> 00:23:55,000
- Come. Sit. Feast with your king.
- [Henri chuckles]
560
00:23:55,083 --> 00:23:56,333
Yes. Yes.
561
00:23:56,416 --> 00:23:57,875
Mind your manners, pig.
562
00:23:59,583 --> 00:24:01,041
[King Guy] Please, please. Sit.
563
00:24:04,208 --> 00:24:07,375
Enjoy! Eat! Drink!
564
00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:11,916
[grunting]
565
00:24:12,750 --> 00:24:13,750
[moaning]
566
00:24:13,833 --> 00:24:15,666
Hmm. Quite hungry.
567
00:24:15,750 --> 00:24:18,000
- [Quasi grunting, chewing]
- Mmm.
568
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:23,625
The queen tells me
that you're very fond of oysters.
569
00:24:23,708 --> 00:24:25,916
Well, I've never actually tried them.
570
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,666
Never actually tried one? Oh.
571
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,416
Then you must try the food of kings.
572
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:36,916
Fresh Belon oysters.
573
00:24:37,583 --> 00:24:41,750
[chanting]
Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters.
574
00:24:42,833 --> 00:24:43,833
[slurps]
575
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:49,500
[slurps]
576
00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:53,083
[swallows]
577
00:24:57,375 --> 00:24:58,750
Sweet baby Jesus.
578
00:24:59,958 --> 00:25:00,958
Have another.
579
00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:03,250
Another oyster, my king?
580
00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:05,208
Please, call me Guy.
581
00:25:05,291 --> 00:25:07,583
- Okay. Thank you, Guy.
- [slams fist]
582
00:25:07,666 --> 00:25:09,750
How dare you call the king of France
by his name?
583
00:25:09,833 --> 00:25:11,476
- Guards, off with his head!
- [Quasi] What?
584
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:14,416
- You told him to do that.
- Kidding. Kidding.
585
00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:16,291
[laughing]
586
00:25:16,375 --> 00:25:18,500
Did you see the look on his face? Hilar!
587
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:21,041
[Henri laughing] Yes. Good one, sire.
588
00:25:21,125 --> 00:25:27,791
Catherine, I wish to speak to Quasi alone
about things you would not understand.
589
00:25:27,875 --> 00:25:28,916
So leave us.
590
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,000
What things?
591
00:25:30,083 --> 00:25:31,375
Male things.
592
00:25:31,458 --> 00:25:34,916
Foreskins, Adam's apples,
hemorrhoids and the like.
593
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,708
Many women suffer from hemorrhoids.
594
00:25:36,791 --> 00:25:38,583
- In fact, last week...
- Leave us!
595
00:25:41,083 --> 00:25:42,083
Hmm.
596
00:25:46,291 --> 00:25:49,375
My new queen likes to speak
of hemorrhoids.
597
00:25:49,458 --> 00:25:51,958
- Sexy. [laughing]
- [slurps]
598
00:25:52,041 --> 00:25:55,583
Quasi, I would like you to kill the pope.
599
00:25:55,666 --> 00:25:57,000
[gulps]
600
00:25:57,083 --> 00:25:59,000
[choking, coughing]
601
00:25:59,083 --> 00:26:00,375
Are you all right?
602
00:26:02,208 --> 00:26:03,250
- Can you...
- Should I do...
603
00:26:03,333 --> 00:26:04,693
- Do something.
- What should I do?
604
00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:06,351
- Should I pound his hump or...
- [Quasi coughs]
605
00:26:06,375 --> 00:26:07,583
- I don't know.
- Is there...
606
00:26:07,666 --> 00:26:09,767
There may be goblins in there.
I don't know what's in there.
607
00:26:09,791 --> 00:26:11,083
- Get out of the way.
- [grunts]
608
00:26:11,166 --> 00:26:12,583
[groans, grunts]
609
00:26:13,333 --> 00:26:15,250
- Good show, sire. Good show.
- [Quasi groans]
610
00:26:15,833 --> 00:26:19,000
Um, I'm sorry, Your Majesty.
611
00:26:19,083 --> 00:26:20,458
You want me to do what?
612
00:26:20,541 --> 00:26:22,708
At your private confession,
613
00:26:22,791 --> 00:26:27,500
I want you to assassinate the pope
in the name of France.
614
00:26:27,583 --> 00:26:29,000
But it's the pope.
615
00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:31,833
He's a danger to France
and a total asshole.
616
00:26:32,583 --> 00:26:34,208
- Henri.
- [Henri grunts]
617
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,000
Sire. [sighs]
618
00:26:37,041 --> 00:26:42,083
These are actual depictions
of the pope having sex with Saracen women.
619
00:26:42,166 --> 00:26:43,000
[gasps]
620
00:26:43,083 --> 00:26:44,726
[King Guy]
Yes, and these are all very real.
621
00:26:44,750 --> 00:26:46,541
Bestiality!
622
00:26:46,625 --> 00:26:47,833
Oh, mon Dieu!
623
00:26:47,916 --> 00:26:48,916
[King Guy] Butt stuff.
624
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,333
[Quasi] Oh, my gosh.
625
00:26:50,416 --> 00:26:51,416
Is that mud?
626
00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:52,500
It's not mud.
627
00:26:53,125 --> 00:26:54,125
It's not mud.
628
00:26:54,208 --> 00:26:56,625
- [Quasi] What's this?
- [King Guy] Felching. It's awful.
629
00:26:56,708 --> 00:26:58,250
It looks like she's praying.
630
00:26:58,333 --> 00:26:59,708
God is not in there, my friend.
631
00:26:59,791 --> 00:27:01,041
He must be killed.
632
00:27:01,125 --> 00:27:03,500
[sighs]
Your Majesty, why have you chosen me?
633
00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:06,791
God chose you when you won the lottery.
634
00:27:06,875 --> 00:27:11,541
And God knows
that only you can take him by surprise.
635
00:27:11,625 --> 00:27:15,458
Yes. In the confessional, there will be
a dagger hidden under the bench.
636
00:27:15,541 --> 00:27:18,583
You will drive that dagger
into the pope's heart.
637
00:27:19,666 --> 00:27:22,458
[sighs] Your Majesty, I cannot do this.
638
00:27:22,541 --> 00:27:26,666
You will,
or you will be executed as a traitor.
639
00:27:27,500 --> 00:27:30,333
And we'll kill
that best friend of yours too.
640
00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:31,500
My best friend?
641
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:33,958
That jolly fat fellow
with whom you share your hut.
642
00:27:34,625 --> 00:27:37,416
Does the name Duchamp ring a bell?
643
00:27:37,916 --> 00:27:39,333
Pun intended.
644
00:27:39,416 --> 00:27:40,791
[both laughing]
645
00:27:40,875 --> 00:27:42,795
[chuckles]
I would hardly say we're best friends.
646
00:27:42,833 --> 00:27:44,541
We're more like coworkers or hut mates.
647
00:27:44,625 --> 00:27:46,833
You see,
he needed a place to live closer to town...
648
00:27:46,916 --> 00:27:48,750
Who gives a fuck?
649
00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:50,833
You will assassinate the pope,
650
00:27:50,916 --> 00:27:54,375
or you and your hut mate
will be drawn and quartered,
651
00:27:54,458 --> 00:27:57,458
and your limbs will be taken
to the four corners of France!
652
00:27:57,541 --> 00:28:00,958
Do I make myself clear, Hunchback?
653
00:28:03,625 --> 00:28:04,625
[slurps]
654
00:28:06,333 --> 00:28:07,333
[Quasi grunts]
655
00:28:09,333 --> 00:28:11,291
I am so psyched I gave you my ticket.
656
00:28:11,375 --> 00:28:12,583
[sighs]
657
00:28:12,666 --> 00:28:15,125
- Are you gonna kill him?
- He can't do that. It's the pope.
658
00:28:15,208 --> 00:28:17,583
- You could run away.
- No, the king would find me.
659
00:28:18,083 --> 00:28:21,041
And he said
he's gonna draw and quarter Duchamp.
660
00:28:21,125 --> 00:28:23,208
- Why me?
- He thinks we're best friends.
661
00:28:23,291 --> 00:28:25,458
- We're not best friends.
- That's what I said.
662
00:28:25,541 --> 00:28:26,791
I have many best friends.
663
00:28:26,875 --> 00:28:28,208
Oh, is that so?
664
00:28:28,291 --> 00:28:30,083
- Yeah, that is so.
- Okay.
665
00:28:30,166 --> 00:28:32,083
There's Jerome from Champagne.
666
00:28:32,166 --> 00:28:33,000
Oh, wow.
667
00:28:33,083 --> 00:28:35,291
I didn't realize
you'd ever been to Champagne. Hmm.
668
00:28:35,375 --> 00:28:36,291
Jerome's cool!
669
00:28:36,375 --> 00:28:37,375
No, he sounds cool.
670
00:28:37,458 --> 00:28:39,041
- He's a butcher.
- Oh, wow.
671
00:28:39,125 --> 00:28:40,458
He also trades silks.
672
00:28:40,541 --> 00:28:41,583
He's been to the Orient?
673
00:28:41,666 --> 00:28:42,666
Several times.
674
00:28:42,750 --> 00:28:44,458
Oh, wow. He's so well-traveled.
675
00:28:44,541 --> 00:28:46,208
And next time, he's bringing me with him.
676
00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:48,875
Sounds like this Jerome from Champagne
is your best friend.
677
00:28:48,958 --> 00:28:50,125
I didn't say that.
678
00:28:50,208 --> 00:28:51,791
I don't believe in labels. Same as you.
679
00:28:51,875 --> 00:28:54,208
[chuckles] Are you Quasi Modo?
680
00:28:54,291 --> 00:28:55,500
Yeah, I guess so. [chuckles]
681
00:28:55,583 --> 00:28:59,000
Well, Mr. Celebrity,
do you want a Black Death shot?
682
00:28:59,833 --> 00:29:01,666
- Yeah, sure. [chuckles]
- [patron] Mm-hmm.
683
00:29:01,750 --> 00:29:04,083
Um. Uh, cheers, ladies. [chuckles]
684
00:29:04,166 --> 00:29:05,500
- [laughs]
- [Quasi] Thanks.
685
00:29:05,583 --> 00:29:07,833
[grunts] Oh, that's tasty.
686
00:29:07,916 --> 00:29:09,458
[laughs] Will you sign my bosom?
687
00:29:09,541 --> 00:29:11,083
- What?
- Are you for real?
688
00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:12,666
What is going on here?
689
00:29:15,208 --> 00:29:17,708
- [laughs]
- How'd you get so clean, by the way?
690
00:29:17,791 --> 00:29:18,958
- The river.
- [both laugh]
691
00:29:19,041 --> 00:29:20,666
[clears throat] Excuse me, ladies.
692
00:29:20,750 --> 00:29:23,916
My name is Duchamp,
and I am Quasi's hut mate.
693
00:29:24,500 --> 00:29:26,083
- [scoffs]
- Uh-uh.
694
00:29:26,166 --> 00:29:27,958
- No. Bye.
- [Duchamp] Oh.
695
00:29:28,041 --> 00:29:29,166
[grunts]
696
00:29:30,250 --> 00:29:32,291
That'll be three francs
for the Black Death shots.
697
00:29:32,375 --> 00:29:34,375
- I didn't even drink 'em.
- Three francs!
698
00:29:34,458 --> 00:29:35,541
[sighs]
699
00:29:35,625 --> 00:29:36,625
Fine.
700
00:29:37,250 --> 00:29:39,458
Why don't you send the bill
to Jerome from Champagne?
701
00:29:39,541 --> 00:29:41,083
- Maybe I will.
- Okay.
702
00:29:41,166 --> 00:29:42,166
Asshole.
703
00:29:45,333 --> 00:29:47,791
All right,
I think that's probably pretty hot.
704
00:29:47,875 --> 00:29:50,184
Yeah, that looks pretty good to me.
I think you can stop now.
705
00:29:50,208 --> 00:29:53,500
You and your main mother-plucker
over here.
706
00:29:53,583 --> 00:29:55,208
- What?
- [horse whinnies]
707
00:30:10,458 --> 00:30:11,583
What is this?
708
00:30:11,666 --> 00:30:13,833
Where are the cheering throngs?
709
00:30:14,333 --> 00:30:16,125
Who is in charge of marketing?
710
00:30:16,208 --> 00:30:18,458
But what about that though? Nice, right?
711
00:30:23,541 --> 00:30:25,500
- Makes me look fat.
- [sighs]
712
00:30:25,583 --> 00:30:26,708
And look at that fop.
713
00:30:27,750 --> 00:30:29,541
Does he expect us to stay at the castle?
714
00:30:29,625 --> 00:30:31,666
[Claude]
Either that or the local monastery.
715
00:30:31,750 --> 00:30:32,750
Benedictines?
716
00:30:32,833 --> 00:30:34,250
Cistercians.
717
00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:35,583
Vow of poverty.
718
00:30:35,666 --> 00:30:37,000
[raspberry] Hard pass.
719
00:30:37,916 --> 00:30:40,166
Tell me there's at least
a welcome committee of whores.
720
00:30:41,208 --> 00:30:42,791
'Twas a joke, Claude.
721
00:30:44,333 --> 00:30:45,541
By the way, Your Grace,
722
00:30:45,625 --> 00:30:49,000
you should know that the winner
of the papal lottery is a hunchback.
723
00:30:49,083 --> 00:30:50,875
A hunchback? No! Change it.
724
00:30:50,958 --> 00:30:52,083
It's all planned out...
725
00:30:52,166 --> 00:30:54,500
Do you have any idea
the questions he'll have for me?
726
00:30:54,583 --> 00:30:56,500
[lisping]
"Holy Father, can you fix my hump?"
727
00:30:56,583 --> 00:30:58,916
"Is not my very existence proof
there is no God?"
728
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:01,208
I don't want to get into
that whole hornet's nest.
729
00:31:01,291 --> 00:31:02,958
We should proceed, Holiness.
730
00:31:03,041 --> 00:31:05,875
We must prepare for
your banquet with the king.
731
00:31:05,958 --> 00:31:07,416
Do you think he'll try to poison me?
732
00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:08,666
I don't know.
733
00:31:08,750 --> 00:31:10,583
I'll tell you what I do know.
734
00:31:10,666 --> 00:31:12,291
You're eating for two tonight.
735
00:31:12,375 --> 00:31:14,791
So no filling up on stuffed olives
and the like.
736
00:31:14,875 --> 00:31:15,916
Oh, don't mind me.
737
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,916
- I'll just walk the last bit.
- [grunts]
738
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:22,750
[grunting]
739
00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:26,666
- [sighs]
- [ball rattles]
740
00:31:33,500 --> 00:31:36,041
- I feel sorry for the chicken.
- [fanfare plays]
741
00:31:36,125 --> 00:31:38,541
[clears throat] Your Royal Highness,
may I present to you...
742
00:31:38,625 --> 00:31:40,375
He knows who I am.
743
00:31:42,791 --> 00:31:43,791
Guy.
744
00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:46,000
Cornelius.
745
00:31:46,083 --> 00:31:47,750
Guillotine.
746
00:31:47,833 --> 00:31:49,875
- Cornholio.
- [laughs] Yes.
747
00:31:52,208 --> 00:31:53,208
Oh.
748
00:31:53,291 --> 00:31:55,875
Still overdoing it with that same parfum?
749
00:31:55,958 --> 00:31:57,208
What do you call it? Wet sheep?
750
00:31:57,291 --> 00:31:59,375
And I see you're still wearing none.
751
00:32:00,375 --> 00:32:04,125
Please, meet my new bride,
Queen Catherine.
752
00:32:04,208 --> 00:32:05,250
Your Holiness.
753
00:32:05,333 --> 00:32:06,958
Ooh. Hotchy motchy.
754
00:32:07,958 --> 00:32:10,000
- How long have you two been married?
- Two weeks.
755
00:32:10,083 --> 00:32:11,875
Has he shown you his third nipple?
756
00:32:11,958 --> 00:32:13,708
It seems you know each other well.
757
00:32:13,791 --> 00:32:16,166
We were classmates together at université.
758
00:32:16,250 --> 00:32:17,250
I didn't know that.
759
00:32:17,291 --> 00:32:19,750
And therein lies
the problem with arranged marriage.
760
00:32:19,833 --> 00:32:20,833
[clears throat]
761
00:32:20,916 --> 00:32:22,750
Dinner is served.
762
00:32:22,833 --> 00:32:24,958
- I hope you like everything.
- [both laugh]
763
00:32:25,041 --> 00:32:26,208
Ooh!
764
00:32:31,541 --> 00:32:33,000
[Henri] Sire. [clears throat]
765
00:32:35,291 --> 00:32:39,541
So, Catherine, congratulations
on your coronation ceremony.
766
00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:41,500
You'll be wearing something daring,
I hope.
767
00:32:41,583 --> 00:32:45,583
I don't know that it will be daring,
but thank you, Holy Father.
768
00:32:45,666 --> 00:32:47,333
I'm honored that you will be attending.
769
00:32:47,416 --> 00:32:52,208
Oh, he's never one to pass up a crowd
or to soak said crowd for donations.
770
00:32:52,291 --> 00:32:53,291
Guilty.
771
00:32:53,333 --> 00:32:56,083
Uh, I'm sorry.
I only drink wine from a goblet.
772
00:32:56,166 --> 00:32:57,625
Oh, we don't have goblets.
773
00:32:57,708 --> 00:32:59,625
Oh, not a problem.
I'll just take a chalice.
774
00:32:59,708 --> 00:33:01,791
We don't have "chali" either.
775
00:33:01,875 --> 00:33:03,416
Well, what do you have then?
776
00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:07,250
That crystal fucking wine glass
that's right there on the table.
777
00:33:07,333 --> 00:33:08,416
Fine. I won't have wine.
778
00:33:08,500 --> 00:33:09,583
Fine. Don't.
779
00:33:09,666 --> 00:33:11,000
I shan't.
780
00:33:11,791 --> 00:33:12,791
[smacks lips] Mmm.
781
00:33:14,541 --> 00:33:19,041
Cardinal Claude,
I think I prefer you in that seat.
782
00:33:19,125 --> 00:33:20,916
You, man. Stand up.
783
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:22,541
- Claude, sit in that seat.
- Huh?
784
00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:23,541
[Henri grunting]
785
00:33:23,625 --> 00:33:24,916
Pause.
786
00:33:25,541 --> 00:33:27,000
That is where my man sits.
787
00:33:27,083 --> 00:33:29,041
- Henri-Francoise, sit down.
- Very good, sire.
788
00:33:29,125 --> 00:33:31,833
That is where the pope wishes
his man to sit.
789
00:33:31,916 --> 00:33:33,666
You, up. Claude, sit.
790
00:33:33,750 --> 00:33:34,750
[Henri groans]
791
00:33:35,250 --> 00:33:38,000
Stand now, or I shall lop your head off.
792
00:33:38,083 --> 00:33:38,916
Oh.
793
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,750
Henri-Francoise, sit!
794
00:33:40,833 --> 00:33:43,250
I am the pope. Sit.
795
00:33:43,333 --> 00:33:45,208
- [Henri groans, grunts]
- [Claude] Okay.
796
00:33:45,291 --> 00:33:49,458
Are we really doing this again
in my country?
797
00:33:49,541 --> 00:33:50,875
They're all my countries.
798
00:33:50,958 --> 00:33:54,125
The only reason you're here is
so you can horn in on her coronation.
799
00:33:54,208 --> 00:33:57,267
And you're only coronating because you
don't have the sack to rule this country
800
00:33:57,291 --> 00:33:58,958
without your new wife's big army.
801
00:33:59,041 --> 00:34:01,375
Please, gentlemen. Let's enjoy the feast.
802
00:34:01,458 --> 00:34:05,916
Why don't you take your papal supremacy
and shove it up your funny fucking hat?
803
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,583
I will not sit here
and let you take potshots at my hat!
804
00:34:09,166 --> 00:34:10,166
Bring it on, bitch!
805
00:34:11,375 --> 00:34:15,041
Uh, did you hear the one about the peanuts
that were walking down the street?
806
00:34:15,125 --> 00:34:17,416
- Stand aside, goose man.
- [jester] They got assaulted!
807
00:34:17,500 --> 00:34:18,708
[shouts]
808
00:34:18,791 --> 00:34:20,125
[both grunt]
809
00:34:20,208 --> 00:34:22,625
[both grunting, straining]
810
00:34:23,500 --> 00:34:24,833
Do not break this up!
811
00:34:26,458 --> 00:34:27,458
Yes, sire. Oh!
812
00:34:27,541 --> 00:34:31,500
[grunting, straining continues]
813
00:34:31,583 --> 00:34:33,208
Break this up right now!
814
00:34:33,291 --> 00:34:34,517
[grunting, straining continues]
815
00:34:34,541 --> 00:34:36,021
- Okay, go, go!
- [guard] Yes, my Lord.
816
00:34:38,083 --> 00:34:38,958
[grunts]
817
00:34:39,041 --> 00:34:40,750
- [grunting, hissing]
- [Henri] Oh! No, stop.
818
00:34:40,833 --> 00:34:43,083
[stammers] No, no, no, no.
819
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,291
I totally kicked your ass.
820
00:34:45,375 --> 00:34:47,791
After all these years,
you're still a dick!
821
00:34:47,875 --> 00:34:49,541
Claude, we're leaving now!
822
00:34:50,708 --> 00:34:52,666
Guard! Open that door.
823
00:34:53,625 --> 00:34:55,791
Guard, do not open that door.
824
00:34:56,666 --> 00:34:58,958
Open that door,
or I will send you to hell.
825
00:34:59,708 --> 00:35:02,166
Open that door,
and I'll make you a eunuch.
826
00:35:02,250 --> 00:35:03,333
[guard whimpers]
827
00:35:04,333 --> 00:35:05,333
[exclaims]
828
00:35:07,708 --> 00:35:08,708
Enjoy hell.
829
00:35:08,791 --> 00:35:09,875
[gasps]
830
00:35:10,958 --> 00:35:13,833
- [Duchamp] You ready for Confession Day?
- [Quasi] I don't know.
831
00:35:13,916 --> 00:35:16,583
Just relax.
This is a day like any other day.
832
00:35:17,208 --> 00:35:18,583
- Okay.
- Let's do this.
833
00:35:20,625 --> 00:35:22,541
[prisoners screaming]
834
00:35:22,625 --> 00:35:24,041
Quasi! Quasi.
835
00:35:24,875 --> 00:35:26,475
What will you confess to the pope today?
836
00:35:26,541 --> 00:35:28,375
Are you gonna ask for a new back?
837
00:35:28,458 --> 00:35:31,267
Oh, yeah, like a thick back or a wide back
or a skinny back or a tall back, maybe?
838
00:35:31,291 --> 00:35:33,041
Or perhaps a new face.
839
00:35:33,125 --> 00:35:35,125
Because your face
is not the face that people want.
840
00:35:35,166 --> 00:35:36,541
No mom would like that face.
841
00:35:36,625 --> 00:35:38,142
They'd be like,
"Put it back in my vagina."
842
00:35:38,166 --> 00:35:40,541
Okay. Settle down.
Move away. Let him through.
843
00:35:40,625 --> 00:35:43,000
Move back. Go to work.
Give him some space.
844
00:35:43,083 --> 00:35:46,666
Hey! I made my very special
Confession Day fondue.
845
00:35:46,750 --> 00:35:47,791
Have a taste.
846
00:35:47,875 --> 00:35:49,041
[Duchamp] Oh! Mm-hmm.
847
00:35:49,125 --> 00:35:50,601
- [prisoners screaming]
- [Michel chuckles]
848
00:35:50,625 --> 00:35:53,916
Mmm. Mon Dieu, that's good fondue.
849
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,791
Sacrebleu. That's great fondue!
850
00:35:56,875 --> 00:35:58,041
All right, all right.
851
00:35:58,125 --> 00:36:00,291
The pope is gonna be here any minute,
so look alive.
852
00:36:00,375 --> 00:36:02,250
Torturers, I want heads-up torturing.
853
00:36:02,333 --> 00:36:04,708
Hey, shitbrain! Make that infidel bleed.
854
00:36:04,791 --> 00:36:07,625
Uh, this is more of
a psychological torture station.
855
00:36:07,708 --> 00:36:08,875
Then make him cry!
856
00:36:08,958 --> 00:36:10,208
Okay.
857
00:36:10,291 --> 00:36:12,166
Michel, the pope's gonna crank the rack.
858
00:36:12,250 --> 00:36:15,333
Uh, if it doesn't hurt, then you gotta
zhuzh it up a little bit.
859
00:36:15,416 --> 00:36:17,226
You know? Play it up.
[imitates screaming] Okay?
860
00:36:17,250 --> 00:36:19,583
- Yeah! I can do that.
- [gasps] He's coming!
861
00:36:19,666 --> 00:36:22,000
- Oh! Okay, this is it. This is it.
- Oh, oh.
862
00:36:22,083 --> 00:36:23,541
- Okay. Okay.
- [Lucien] Okay, places!
863
00:36:23,625 --> 00:36:24,625
Okay, go.
864
00:36:35,208 --> 00:36:36,583
- Oh, my.
- [Quasi gasps]
865
00:36:40,041 --> 00:36:42,250
[gags] Jesus H. Christ.
866
00:36:42,333 --> 00:36:44,416
[gagging]
867
00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:45,833
God.
868
00:36:45,916 --> 00:36:48,333
[groans] Good God, it stinks in here.
869
00:36:48,416 --> 00:36:49,458
Can we speed this up?
870
00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:50,741
- Of course, Your Grace.
- Yes.
871
00:36:57,875 --> 00:36:59,375
Very painful, yes.
872
00:36:59,958 --> 00:37:01,833
Oh, that... Thus, the stink, yes.
873
00:37:01,916 --> 00:37:03,250
Stinky eggs.
874
00:37:03,333 --> 00:37:06,041
Pontiff,
may I introduce my finest employee
875
00:37:06,125 --> 00:37:09,000
and your confessee, Quasi Modo? [chuckles]
876
00:37:09,541 --> 00:37:10,625
[Quasi clears throat]
877
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:13,166
[Quasi] Your Holiness.
878
00:37:13,250 --> 00:37:16,125
Quasi, my faithful lamb.
879
00:37:16,625 --> 00:37:18,458
God has told me so much about you.
880
00:37:18,541 --> 00:37:20,625
- He has?
- He's told me everything.
881
00:37:20,708 --> 00:37:23,208
- Your Holiness, I would never ever...
- Now, listen to me.
882
00:37:23,291 --> 00:37:25,251
We're going to do
this confession quick and dirty.
883
00:37:25,333 --> 00:37:27,125
No requests to deflate that hump
884
00:37:27,208 --> 00:37:29,250
or blessings for your uncle's cat
or what have you.
885
00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:32,041
- Okay.
- Hmm, get a load of stretch over here.
886
00:37:32,541 --> 00:37:33,916
Are you an infidel as well?
887
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:36,125
No, uh, just a culinary student.
888
00:37:36,208 --> 00:37:38,625
In fact, I made these in your honor.
889
00:37:38,708 --> 00:37:40,291
Éclairs au chocolat.
890
00:37:40,375 --> 00:37:42,291
[gasps] My favorite!
891
00:37:42,375 --> 00:37:43,708
Claude, Claude, come quickly.
892
00:37:51,666 --> 00:37:52,750
[smacks lips]
893
00:37:52,833 --> 00:37:53,833
Still here.
894
00:37:53,916 --> 00:37:54,916
Good enough for me.
895
00:37:59,750 --> 00:38:00,750
[smacks lips]
896
00:38:02,208 --> 00:38:03,750
Fuck me.
897
00:38:03,833 --> 00:38:05,625
That is divine!
898
00:38:05,708 --> 00:38:07,875
Oh! Mmm. [smacks lips] Mmm.
899
00:38:07,958 --> 00:38:09,666
One thousand blessings upon you.
900
00:38:09,750 --> 00:38:11,041
Thank you, Your Grace.
901
00:38:11,125 --> 00:38:12,458
Thank you. [chuckles]
902
00:38:12,541 --> 00:38:14,666
This must be that rack
I've heard so much about.
903
00:38:14,750 --> 00:38:15,583
'Tis.
904
00:38:15,666 --> 00:38:17,500
Mind if I give it a crank?
905
00:38:17,583 --> 00:38:19,916
'Twould be an honor, Your Grace.
906
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:21,291
Look at me. I'm a torturer.
907
00:38:21,375 --> 00:38:22,833
[Lucien chuckles]
908
00:38:22,916 --> 00:38:24,416
[Quasi] Get him clamped in here.
909
00:38:24,500 --> 00:38:25,791
[Pope Cornelius] Ooh. Ah.
910
00:38:25,875 --> 00:38:26,875
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Yeah.
911
00:38:26,958 --> 00:38:30,416
Okay, so,
pull it thusly and push like this?
912
00:38:30,500 --> 00:38:32,208
- [screams]
- Not yet, not yet.
913
00:38:32,291 --> 00:38:33,416
- The other way.
- Yes.
914
00:38:33,500 --> 00:38:34,875
- Yeah.
- Very, very good. Oh!
915
00:38:34,958 --> 00:38:36,125
Oh.
916
00:38:36,208 --> 00:38:37,750
[screaming]
917
00:38:37,833 --> 00:38:39,208
[torturers cheering]
918
00:38:39,291 --> 00:38:40,958
Ah! [chuckles]
919
00:38:41,041 --> 00:38:43,833
- [Quasi] Yeah, tortured! Well done.
- [Pope Cornelius] Mmm, mmm.
920
00:38:43,916 --> 00:38:45,291
Time for the confession!
921
00:38:46,041 --> 00:38:48,833
Oh, so sorry.
I would've loved to have stayed longer.
922
00:38:53,791 --> 00:38:54,625
- Hey! What...
- Yeah?
923
00:38:54,708 --> 00:38:55,625
You couldn't introduce me?
924
00:38:55,708 --> 00:38:57,976
Du, I'm in the middle of a situation here.
What are you talking about?
925
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,125
You introduced Michel!
926
00:38:59,208 --> 00:39:00,476
Well, I actually introduced myself.
927
00:39:00,500 --> 00:39:03,041
Okay, I've had enough of you,
Mr. Éclairs au chocolat.
928
00:39:03,125 --> 00:39:04,416
Come along, Hunchback!
929
00:39:05,291 --> 00:39:06,851
Duchamp Rousseau, what is your problem?
930
00:39:06,916 --> 00:39:08,750
Don't you have to kill somebody?
931
00:39:09,541 --> 00:39:11,125
You're a real asshole, Duchamp.
932
00:39:12,208 --> 00:39:14,000
- [prisoners screaming]
- [whip cracks]
933
00:39:18,375 --> 00:39:19,375
[sighs]
934
00:39:34,625 --> 00:39:36,541
Enough monk-y business.
935
00:39:37,875 --> 00:39:39,125
Leave us!
936
00:39:54,041 --> 00:39:55,041
[both laugh]
937
00:39:55,083 --> 00:39:57,541
You know that feeling
when your father's on his deathbed,
938
00:39:57,625 --> 00:39:59,458
and you're about to be crowned king?
939
00:39:59,541 --> 00:40:00,791
No, I don't, sire.
940
00:40:00,875 --> 00:40:03,458
It's a tingling feeling.
I'm feeling it right now.
941
00:40:03,541 --> 00:40:06,541
Oh, yes. I can only imagine.
942
00:40:07,458 --> 00:40:08,708
[sighs]
943
00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:21,541
- [gasps]
- Are you going to start?
944
00:40:21,625 --> 00:40:23,916
Or am I just going to sit here
diddling my crosier?
945
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,166
Oh, I... Uh, yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry.
946
00:40:26,750 --> 00:40:28,791
Your Grace, is God all-knowing?
947
00:40:28,875 --> 00:40:30,166
Do I shit in the woods?
948
00:40:30,250 --> 00:40:31,791
I don't know. You tell me.
949
00:40:31,875 --> 00:40:34,000
- I do. It's divine.
- Oh.
950
00:40:34,083 --> 00:40:37,125
Though, I cannot say how pleasant
for the poor chap who has to wipe my ass.
951
00:40:37,208 --> 00:40:41,958
Um, Your Holiness, I have been tasked
with something horrible,
952
00:40:42,041 --> 00:40:44,250
and you're the only person
who can help me.
953
00:40:44,875 --> 00:40:47,625
Hunchback, I want you
to assassinate the king.
954
00:40:48,833 --> 00:40:49,833
[speaking French]
955
00:40:49,916 --> 00:40:52,333
God made a mistake
giving you a hunched back.
956
00:40:52,958 --> 00:40:56,833
He will straighten out your back
in exchange for this one very small task.
957
00:40:56,916 --> 00:41:00,059
He wants you to kill the king tomorrow at
the public square in front of his people.
958
00:41:00,083 --> 00:41:01,708
Uh, Your Holiness, I-I...
959
00:41:01,791 --> 00:41:04,750
Listen to me, Hunchman, and hear me well.
960
00:41:04,833 --> 00:41:08,125
Disobey me, and God will send you
directly to Hunchback Hell
961
00:41:08,208 --> 00:41:10,625
alongside that oafish
best friend of yours!
962
00:41:10,708 --> 00:41:13,041
Duchamp? No, we're just hut mates.
963
00:41:13,125 --> 00:41:16,833
Uh, he needed a place to live
closer to town. I was short on rent.
964
00:41:16,916 --> 00:41:20,166
I don't give a resounding fuck
about your housing arrangements!
965
00:41:21,416 --> 00:41:24,750
Ah, I see you found the jewel-encrusted
dagger I had placed in your booth. Good.
966
00:41:24,833 --> 00:41:27,875
Now, don't let the door hit you
on the hump on the way out.
967
00:41:30,750 --> 00:41:31,750
[gasps]
968
00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:44,375
Merde.
969
00:41:47,708 --> 00:41:49,583
You bastard magnifique.
970
00:41:49,666 --> 00:41:52,166
Someone's getting a lot more vassals
to rule over.
971
00:41:52,250 --> 00:41:54,666
Thank you, sire. I hope they're English.
972
00:41:54,750 --> 00:41:55,750
[both laugh]
973
00:42:01,458 --> 00:42:05,583
Oh, do you think he'll wail like a maiden
when he finds him dead?
974
00:42:05,666 --> 00:42:07,083
God, I hope so.
975
00:42:10,458 --> 00:42:14,208
Holy shit,
I have to take a holy shit. [groans]
976
00:42:15,500 --> 00:42:17,208
[farting] Quickly.
977
00:42:17,291 --> 00:42:18,458
[groans]
978
00:42:19,250 --> 00:42:20,791
Bring me the hunchback.
979
00:42:20,875 --> 00:42:21,875
Yes, sire.
980
00:42:30,791 --> 00:42:32,375
[exclaims]
981
00:42:32,458 --> 00:42:37,500
You have exactly five seconds
to explain why the pope is still alive.
982
00:42:37,583 --> 00:42:38,666
- Un.
- Well...
983
00:42:38,750 --> 00:42:39,916
- Deux.
- But...
984
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,750
- Quatre!
- What about trois?
985
00:42:41,833 --> 00:42:44,125
- Cinq!
- [stammers] There was no weapon!
986
00:42:44,208 --> 00:42:45,666
- No dagger.
- What?
987
00:42:45,750 --> 00:42:49,208
There was no dagger in the confessional.
I didn't have anything to kill him with.
988
00:42:50,541 --> 00:42:53,000
[scoffs] I placed it there myself,
my liege.
989
00:42:53,083 --> 00:42:55,583
There was nothing there. You can check.
990
00:42:55,666 --> 00:42:59,125
Probably thieves. [chuckles]
You know France and its thieves.
991
00:43:00,666 --> 00:43:03,726
Yes, well, France certainly has thieves,
doesn't it? Especially in confessionals.
992
00:43:03,750 --> 00:43:05,208
Enough!
993
00:43:05,916 --> 00:43:09,791
You have left me
with unfinished business, Hunchback.
994
00:43:09,875 --> 00:43:11,666
[stammering] I can make it up to you.
995
00:43:12,166 --> 00:43:15,166
I'm just spitballing here.
I mean, this is probably the bad version.
996
00:43:15,250 --> 00:43:19,125
But perhaps we could wait
and try again later.
997
00:43:19,208 --> 00:43:22,541
Say, oh, next Christmas.
998
00:43:22,625 --> 00:43:27,333
Can... He would never see that coming.
Can you imagine how surprised he'd...
999
00:43:27,416 --> 00:43:29,583
- Excellent idea.
- 'Tis?
1000
00:43:29,666 --> 00:43:32,875
Excellent idea, indeed.
1001
00:43:33,583 --> 00:43:39,250
Tomorrow at our public appearance
in the square, you will kill the pope.
1002
00:43:39,333 --> 00:43:44,375
Then my guards will subdue you, proving
the power of the throne over the church.
1003
00:43:44,875 --> 00:43:47,708
And then we'll reward you with wives
and money and land
1004
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:49,333
and just send you on your way.
1005
00:43:49,958 --> 00:43:55,166
Yeah. No. I feel like
there's some holes in that plan.
1006
00:43:55,250 --> 00:43:58,666
You will kill the pope tomorrow,
or I will slit your throat myself!
1007
00:43:58,750 --> 00:43:59,750
[gulps]
1008
00:43:59,833 --> 00:44:00,875
Leave us.
1009
00:44:02,500 --> 00:44:05,958
I'm assuming you'll have him
publicly executed thereafter, sire?
1010
00:44:06,041 --> 00:44:07,666
Oh, yes.
1011
00:44:07,750 --> 00:44:10,708
If I can kill my former wife
for flapping her gums,
1012
00:44:10,791 --> 00:44:13,208
I can certainly kill one little hunchback.
1013
00:44:13,291 --> 00:44:16,208
[cackles] Yes! Yes!
1014
00:44:16,291 --> 00:44:18,458
[both cackling]
1015
00:44:20,208 --> 00:44:21,208
Good show, sire.
1016
00:44:21,291 --> 00:44:24,166
After the coronation,
and with the pope out of the way,
1017
00:44:24,250 --> 00:44:26,166
my power will be unchecked!
1018
00:44:26,250 --> 00:44:31,416
And then my new wife
will find herself quite expendable.
1019
00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:34,250
[cackles] She's done for!
1020
00:44:34,333 --> 00:44:36,416
I thought so. I think so.
1021
00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:38,583
I love it. I love it. Top shot.
1022
00:44:38,666 --> 00:44:40,791
But let's keep that between ourselves.
1023
00:44:40,875 --> 00:44:43,750
[chuckling] Yes. Of course, of course.
Of course, we will.
1024
00:44:44,708 --> 00:44:46,958
[chuckling] Yes. Yeah.
1025
00:44:47,041 --> 00:44:49,791
[chuckling]
1026
00:44:50,666 --> 00:44:53,166
Let's have another guard kill this guard.
1027
00:44:53,250 --> 00:44:54,625
Yes, sire. Guard!
1028
00:44:55,958 --> 00:44:56,958
Yes, my lord.
1029
00:44:57,041 --> 00:44:58,458
Kill him.
1030
00:45:01,916 --> 00:45:02,916
I'm sorry, who?
1031
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:04,833
- Him.
- Arnaud?
1032
00:45:04,916 --> 00:45:06,000
I don't know his name.
1033
00:45:06,083 --> 00:45:08,392
No, I couldn't, my lord.
I have known Arnaud my entire life.
1034
00:45:08,416 --> 00:45:09,708
We came up together as squires.
1035
00:45:09,791 --> 00:45:11,666
I don't care if he's your brother.
Kill him.
1036
00:45:11,750 --> 00:45:13,559
Well, he's not my brother.
He is my brother-in-law.
1037
00:45:13,583 --> 00:45:15,184
He's married to my youngest sister,
you see.
1038
00:45:15,208 --> 00:45:16,625
- I have an idea.
- Hmm.
1039
00:45:16,708 --> 00:45:20,833
Would it be easier if we got a third guard
to come in and kill both of these guys?
1040
00:45:20,916 --> 00:45:22,125
Oh, whoops! Here we go.
1041
00:45:22,208 --> 00:45:23,666
[grunting]
1042
00:45:26,958 --> 00:45:28,500
Well. [chuckles]
1043
00:45:28,583 --> 00:45:29,833
[sniffles] That was easy.
1044
00:45:29,916 --> 00:45:30,958
That'll be all.
1045
00:45:31,041 --> 00:45:32,291
Long live the king. [sobs]
1046
00:45:32,375 --> 00:45:34,166
- [Henri] You may go.
- Thank you.
1047
00:45:34,250 --> 00:45:36,250
[Arnaud groaning]
1048
00:45:36,333 --> 00:45:37,791
[grumbles]
1049
00:45:39,625 --> 00:45:42,208
When a job is once begun,
do not stop until it's done.
1050
00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:45,041
- Mother used to say that.
- [groaning continues]
1051
00:45:45,875 --> 00:45:50,500
[Arnaud screams, groans]
1052
00:45:50,583 --> 00:45:52,500
- [grunts]
- [blood spilling]
1053
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:56,208
[guard pants, breathes shakily]
1054
00:45:56,291 --> 00:45:58,125
- Good work.
- Okay.
1055
00:45:59,583 --> 00:46:00,458
Best to your sister.
1056
00:46:00,541 --> 00:46:03,375
Huh, seems like a nice fellow.
1057
00:46:03,458 --> 00:46:05,125
Yeah, huh. Quite nice.
1058
00:46:05,208 --> 00:46:06,708
[ensemble playing flute music]
1059
00:46:08,875 --> 00:46:11,375
Did I mention I'm incredibly psyched
I gave you that ticket?
1060
00:46:11,458 --> 00:46:13,958
Yeah, you know the pope plans
on damning you to hell too.
1061
00:46:14,041 --> 00:46:15,083
We're not best friends!
1062
00:46:15,166 --> 00:46:18,000
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Jerome from Champagne, I get it.
1063
00:46:18,083 --> 00:46:21,750
Quasi! I'm not usually this guy,
but I gotta know.
1064
00:46:21,833 --> 00:46:23,541
What'd you confess to the pope?
1065
00:46:23,625 --> 00:46:25,291
- [music stops]
- [chattering stops]
1066
00:46:26,541 --> 00:46:27,791
[chuckling] Um…
1067
00:46:29,708 --> 00:46:36,166
Uh, well, I told him, "Pope,
my biggest sin is that I party too much."
1068
00:46:36,250 --> 00:46:38,083
- [laughs]
- [crowd laughing]
1069
00:46:38,166 --> 00:46:39,875
[laughing continues]
1070
00:46:40,750 --> 00:46:42,750
You party too much. I love it.
1071
00:46:42,833 --> 00:46:45,250
Hey, how about a song for Quasi?
1072
00:46:45,333 --> 00:46:47,125
[crowd cheering]
1073
00:46:48,875 --> 00:46:52,000
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
1074
00:46:52,083 --> 00:46:55,625
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
1075
00:46:55,708 --> 00:46:59,166
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
1076
00:46:59,250 --> 00:47:02,375
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
1077
00:47:02,458 --> 00:47:05,916
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
1078
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:09,041
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
1079
00:47:09,125 --> 00:47:12,583
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
1080
00:47:12,666 --> 00:47:15,333
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
1081
00:47:15,416 --> 00:47:16,958
Now all the guys who fuck sheep.
1082
00:47:17,041 --> 00:47:20,208
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
1083
00:47:20,291 --> 00:47:23,083
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
1084
00:47:23,166 --> 00:47:24,625
♪ Sonnez les matines ♪
1085
00:47:24,708 --> 00:47:26,750
[singing continues in distance]
1086
00:47:35,458 --> 00:47:36,541
[sighs]
1087
00:47:46,166 --> 00:47:47,666
[sighs]
1088
00:47:50,583 --> 00:47:52,083
[sighs]
1089
00:47:54,125 --> 00:47:55,125
[grunts]
1090
00:47:55,666 --> 00:47:57,541
[groans]
1091
00:48:05,666 --> 00:48:08,666
[flute music playing]
1092
00:48:15,875 --> 00:48:16,875
[clamoring]
1093
00:48:17,416 --> 00:48:19,125
Who's there? Who's there?
1094
00:48:19,208 --> 00:48:20,267
Stay away. I have no money.
1095
00:48:20,291 --> 00:48:23,011
I'm not afraid to fight. I have a flute.
I will shove it up your ass.
1096
00:48:24,625 --> 00:48:26,083
[gasps] Milady.
1097
00:48:28,833 --> 00:48:31,875
Never such a sad song have heard I.
1098
00:48:32,541 --> 00:48:36,625
What stank-laden cloud
engulfs your gamy heart?
1099
00:48:36,708 --> 00:48:40,291
I cannot say. I've been forbidden.
1100
00:48:40,375 --> 00:48:41,750
Who forbade you?
1101
00:48:41,833 --> 00:48:44,041
I cannot tell you. I am forbidden.
1102
00:48:44,125 --> 00:48:45,666
Who forbade you to do that?
1103
00:48:45,750 --> 00:48:48,333
I cannot discuss it. I was forbode.
1104
00:48:48,416 --> 00:48:51,208
I hear you, but who did the forbaying?
1105
00:48:51,291 --> 00:48:53,916
I'm... I can't talk about it.
1106
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,000
- Please, let's have a sit.
- Oh.
1107
00:49:01,791 --> 00:49:03,583
I know your predicament.
1108
00:49:03,666 --> 00:49:05,541
- You do?
- Yes.
1109
00:49:05,625 --> 00:49:08,291
The king has commanded you
to commit papacide.
1110
00:49:08,375 --> 00:49:11,083
[chuckles] Your Majesty,
that's just half of it.
1111
00:49:11,166 --> 00:49:13,541
And after you carry out that task,
he's going to kill you.
1112
00:49:13,625 --> 00:49:15,833
Oh, fuck!
1113
00:49:15,916 --> 00:49:19,208
Okay, he didn't tell me that part.
Well, that's bad news.
1114
00:49:19,291 --> 00:49:22,833
No, I was talking about how the pope
also ordered me to kill the king.
1115
00:49:22,916 --> 00:49:24,708
- Say what?
- Yeah.
1116
00:49:24,791 --> 00:49:25,916
Oh, my.
1117
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,625
[laughing]
1118
00:49:28,708 --> 00:49:31,250
[both laughing]
1119
00:49:40,375 --> 00:49:41,666
[both grunting]
1120
00:49:41,750 --> 00:49:44,250
[grunting, laughing continues]
1121
00:49:46,291 --> 00:49:47,583
But why are we laughing?
1122
00:49:47,666 --> 00:49:49,708
[sighs] Things have gotten dark.
1123
00:49:51,250 --> 00:49:55,250
I've learned the king's previous wife was
killed when she overstepped her position.
1124
00:49:56,458 --> 00:49:59,041
I fear I am bound for the same fate.
1125
00:49:59,125 --> 00:50:01,500
- Non.
- Oui.
1126
00:50:01,583 --> 00:50:04,000
Sounds like we're both royally screwed.
1127
00:50:04,083 --> 00:50:05,083
Well…
1128
00:50:06,291 --> 00:50:08,541
maybe we can solve
your immediate problem first.
1129
00:50:08,625 --> 00:50:12,666
[groans] Why bother? I don't matter.
I'm a nobody.
1130
00:50:12,750 --> 00:50:18,791
You are not a nobody.
You are Quasi: inventor, problem solver.
1131
00:50:18,875 --> 00:50:22,833
Someone as resourceful as you can
certainly come up with a solution to this.
1132
00:50:22,916 --> 00:50:23,916
Come.
1133
00:50:24,666 --> 00:50:25,666
Walk with me.
1134
00:50:26,375 --> 00:50:27,583
Let us conspire.
1135
00:50:27,666 --> 00:50:28,666
Oh.
1136
00:50:32,041 --> 00:50:34,208
♪ Frère Jacques
Frère Jacques ♪
1137
00:50:34,291 --> 00:50:36,333
♪ Dormez vous?
Dormez vous? ♪
1138
00:50:36,416 --> 00:50:38,583
♪ Sonnez les matines
Sonnez les matines ♪
1139
00:50:38,666 --> 00:50:40,750
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
1140
00:50:40,833 --> 00:50:47,833
♪ Ding dang dong ♪
1141
00:50:49,750 --> 00:50:52,375
[crowd laughing, cheering]
1142
00:50:54,416 --> 00:50:56,000
- Hey!
- Hey, where you been?
1143
00:50:56,083 --> 00:50:58,458
I was outside walking and thinking.
1144
00:50:58,541 --> 00:51:00,125
Let's drink and forget your troubles.
1145
00:51:00,208 --> 00:51:03,291
No, I have a plan.
1146
00:51:04,041 --> 00:51:05,791
You came up with this plan
all by yourself?
1147
00:51:05,875 --> 00:51:07,208
Yeah, why wouldn't I have?
1148
00:51:07,291 --> 00:51:09,416
- Seems to work for everyone.
- Yes, it does.
1149
00:51:09,500 --> 00:51:12,041
Gets me off the hook
from killing the king and the pope
1150
00:51:12,125 --> 00:51:15,375
and, in the end,
Duchamp looks like a hero.
1151
00:51:15,458 --> 00:51:19,041
- I really like that part, a lot!
- Yeah.
1152
00:51:19,125 --> 00:51:21,500
- Thanks for thinking of me, Quasi.
- Of course.
1153
00:51:21,583 --> 00:51:22,791
After all, you are my…
1154
00:51:23,791 --> 00:51:24,791
hut mate.
1155
00:51:24,875 --> 00:51:26,916
Yeah. Of course. Hut mate. Right.
[laughs] Yeah.
1156
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:30,666
Yeah. Yeah. Big day tomorrow.
Let's do this.
1157
00:51:30,750 --> 00:51:32,333
[Duchamp] Yeah.
1158
00:51:32,416 --> 00:51:34,916
[spectators cheering]
1159
00:51:39,041 --> 00:51:42,375
And in closing, God smiles upon France,
1160
00:51:43,125 --> 00:51:47,458
in spite of the sins of its people,
its endlessly heavy sauces,
1161
00:51:47,541 --> 00:51:49,916
and the incompetence of its king.
1162
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,458
Oops, I said the quiet part out loud.
1163
00:51:52,541 --> 00:51:55,916
Eh, glory be to God and bless you.
1164
00:51:59,791 --> 00:52:01,000
Subjects.
1165
00:52:01,083 --> 00:52:05,041
By the divine right of kings,
I am the hand of God.
1166
00:52:05,125 --> 00:52:07,666
And after this week's coronation,
1167
00:52:07,750 --> 00:52:12,000
God will make France
the most powerful kingdom in the world.
1168
00:52:13,583 --> 00:52:15,625
Top shot, sire. Top shot.
1169
00:52:15,708 --> 00:52:18,041
That all sounds lovely. Yes, yes, yes.
1170
00:52:18,125 --> 00:52:19,125
But, remember,
1171
00:52:19,208 --> 00:52:23,708
God allows the king to serve,
but he uses my mouth to convey the law.
1172
00:52:23,791 --> 00:52:25,000
Very important distinction.
1173
00:52:25,083 --> 00:52:27,791
I bet he uses your mouth
for more than that.
1174
00:52:28,750 --> 00:52:31,791
How about I put the foot of God
up your royal ass?
1175
00:52:31,875 --> 00:52:35,083
[King Guy] How about you try
in that dress of yours?
1176
00:52:35,166 --> 00:52:37,583
[Pope Cornelius]
I couldn't miss your whole ass.
1177
00:52:37,666 --> 00:52:38,833
Am I right, people?
1178
00:52:38,916 --> 00:52:40,875
- You have syphilis.
- [gasps]
1179
00:52:41,708 --> 00:52:43,791
- Oh, it's the hunchback.
- Ah.
1180
00:52:43,875 --> 00:52:46,166
Let's bring up the papal lottery winner.
1181
00:52:46,250 --> 00:52:48,458
Indeed, indeed.
Bring up the lottery winner.
1182
00:52:49,125 --> 00:52:50,750
[grunting]
1183
00:52:50,833 --> 00:52:52,916
- [grunting continues]
- [King Guy] Oh.
1184
00:52:53,625 --> 00:52:55,750
Oh, no. He's a madman.
1185
00:52:55,833 --> 00:53:00,166
[gasps] Oh. Lord help us.
He seems quite insane and dangerous.
1186
00:53:00,750 --> 00:53:04,666
Ah, somebody better stop me
before I kill someone.
1187
00:53:04,750 --> 00:53:06,458
- [grunts]
- Hold on.
1188
00:53:07,208 --> 00:53:08,375
[screams]
1189
00:53:08,458 --> 00:53:10,750
Not so fast, hunchbacked infidel.
1190
00:53:10,833 --> 00:53:12,500
- What's this?
- [both grunt]
1191
00:53:12,583 --> 00:53:14,625
- [Quasi grunting]
- [spectators screaming]
1192
00:53:16,041 --> 00:53:17,625
[grunting continues]
1193
00:53:19,250 --> 00:53:22,458
Oh, God. There's no coming back from this.
1194
00:53:22,541 --> 00:53:24,458
What the fuck?
1195
00:53:24,541 --> 00:53:25,875
I've subdued him.
1196
00:53:25,958 --> 00:53:32,000
[groans] I think you did more than that.
I think you killed me.
1197
00:53:32,083 --> 00:53:33,083
[groans]
1198
00:53:33,166 --> 00:53:34,375
[spectators clamoring]
1199
00:53:34,458 --> 00:53:37,708
Long live Pope Cornelius and King Guy!
1200
00:53:37,791 --> 00:53:42,958
Four more years. Four more years.
Four more years.
1201
00:53:43,041 --> 00:53:44,583
[spectators chanting] Four more years.
1202
00:53:44,666 --> 00:53:48,500
Uh, this corpse is an affront
to your combined excellencies.
1203
00:53:49,208 --> 00:53:53,500
I will take it back to my place
and pound it to a pulp with a rock.
1204
00:53:53,583 --> 00:53:55,208
[spectators chanting] With a rock!
1205
00:53:55,291 --> 00:53:59,416
So be it.
Let the hero dispose of the body.
1206
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:02,458
You must have been scared.
1207
00:54:02,541 --> 00:54:04,291
No. You must have been scared.
1208
00:54:04,375 --> 00:54:06,458
No, I believe it is you who was scared.
1209
00:54:06,541 --> 00:54:08,625
- [chanting continues]
- [Quasi grunts] Ow.
1210
00:54:10,375 --> 00:54:12,125
[Duchamp whispers] Come on. Hurry. Hurry.
1211
00:54:20,208 --> 00:54:21,208
[groans]
1212
00:54:23,500 --> 00:54:25,833
[grunting]
1213
00:54:25,916 --> 00:54:28,416
Did you hear those people cheering for me?
That was amazing!
1214
00:54:28,500 --> 00:54:31,125
Okay, listen, we need to dispose
of these clothes
1215
00:54:31,208 --> 00:54:32,833
and make sure we weren't followed.
1216
00:54:32,916 --> 00:54:34,000
Buddy, it worked.
1217
00:54:34,083 --> 00:54:36,500
The cow guts, the fake knife,
it all worked!
1218
00:54:36,583 --> 00:54:38,142
It was a great plan. You should be happy.
1219
00:54:38,166 --> 00:54:40,791
Oh, I'm not really looking forward
to the next part of the plan.
1220
00:54:40,875 --> 00:54:42,708
You only have to stay here
for, like, a year.
1221
00:54:42,791 --> 00:54:44,916
You promise you'll come by regularly
with supplies
1222
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:46,541
and news of the outside world?
1223
00:54:46,625 --> 00:54:47,625
Absolument.
1224
00:54:47,708 --> 00:54:51,166
How about I bring back
a giant sack of Belon oysters?
1225
00:54:51,250 --> 00:54:53,041
Oh, come on. Where are you gonna get that?
1226
00:54:53,125 --> 00:54:54,541
[laughing] That's a good point.
1227
00:54:54,625 --> 00:54:55,666
[sighs]
1228
00:54:55,750 --> 00:54:57,017
You know what? At the very least,
1229
00:54:57,041 --> 00:54:59,958
tonight, I'll come back
with some hog anus and trough water!
1230
00:55:00,041 --> 00:55:02,416
Really? [laughs] That's my favorite.
1231
00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:04,750
- Oh, and how about a bell? Want a bell?
- No.
1232
00:55:04,833 --> 00:55:06,375
I'll bring you a bell. Come on.
1233
00:55:06,458 --> 00:55:08,916
- Okay. Okay.
- All right.
1234
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,000
- You can't ring it, though.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
1235
00:55:11,083 --> 00:55:13,958
Hey, it's gonna be okay. Hang in there.
1236
00:55:15,375 --> 00:55:16,375
Okay.
1237
00:55:17,583 --> 00:55:21,250
Hey, extra rare on the hog anus, please.
Just show it to the flame.
1238
00:55:22,125 --> 00:55:23,125
[sighs]
1239
00:55:28,958 --> 00:55:31,000
[person cheering]
1240
00:55:32,083 --> 00:55:33,916
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey. Hey.
1241
00:55:34,541 --> 00:55:36,083
- How's he doing?
- He's doing great.
1242
00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:37,500
I stashed him in the cave.
1243
00:55:37,583 --> 00:55:39,083
- He's moody. The yoozh.
- Uh-huh.
1244
00:55:39,166 --> 00:55:40,416
How's the action around here?
1245
00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:42,250
Pretty good. Lots of talk about today.
1246
00:55:42,333 --> 00:55:43,333
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1247
00:55:43,416 --> 00:55:44,416
Anyone talking about me?
1248
00:55:44,458 --> 00:55:48,666
- Oh, hey. Terrible about Quasi. So sad.
- Very sad.
1249
00:55:48,750 --> 00:55:50,916
Oh, yeah. Super sad. Super sad. Super sad.
1250
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:54,458
Um, by chance, has anyone offered
to buy me a drink tonight?
1251
00:55:54,958 --> 00:55:56,291
For what?
1252
00:55:56,375 --> 00:55:58,166
My role in today's events?
1253
00:55:58,250 --> 00:56:00,333
Oh, yeah. You were on stage, weren't you?
1254
00:56:00,416 --> 00:56:02,416
Yeah, yeah. I subdued Quasi.
1255
00:56:02,500 --> 00:56:05,000
Mmm, I remember him stabbing himself.
1256
00:56:05,083 --> 00:56:06,166
No, I subdued him.
1257
00:56:06,250 --> 00:56:08,458
- Are we talking about the same event?
- Yes!
1258
00:56:08,541 --> 00:56:11,458
Laurent,
do you remember Duchamp subduing Quasi?
1259
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:13,416
- Non.
- Okay.
1260
00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:14,875
Shots, please.
1261
00:56:14,958 --> 00:56:15,958
Hey, there.
1262
00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:18,541
Did you see what happened to your friend,
the hunchback, today?
1263
00:56:18,625 --> 00:56:20,875
Did you see
who saved the pope and the king today?
1264
00:56:20,958 --> 00:56:23,666
Yeah, some guy.
Seemed pretty unremarkable.
1265
00:56:23,750 --> 00:56:26,291
Like, one of those faces
you forget about immediately.
1266
00:56:26,375 --> 00:56:29,583
Screw that guy. I wish the hunchback
stabbed those bastards.
1267
00:56:29,666 --> 00:56:30,666
Right?
1268
00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:32,833
- To the hunchback.
- To the hunchback.
1269
00:56:32,916 --> 00:56:34,291
- [laughing]
- [chuckles] Yeah.
1270
00:56:34,875 --> 00:56:37,041
- To the hunchback. Right.
- [Blouin] How about another?
1271
00:56:41,416 --> 00:56:43,541
Yeah, that's pretty good.
Who's that cool guy?
1272
00:56:43,625 --> 00:56:48,875
Yeah, it looks like a young Marco Polo
if his face got slammed with a hammer.
1273
00:56:48,958 --> 00:56:51,166
What's it feel like
to stand straight up and down?
1274
00:56:51,250 --> 00:56:53,750
[growling]
1275
00:56:53,833 --> 00:56:56,791
Who is that? Who goes there?
Who is that? I have a stick.
1276
00:56:56,875 --> 00:56:58,000
[laughs] Gotcha.
1277
00:56:58,083 --> 00:57:00,791
[sighing] Oh, God. For crying out Pete.
1278
00:57:00,875 --> 00:57:01,875
Oh, no.
1279
00:57:02,375 --> 00:57:05,833
Ugh. I fear I've been reading far too much
Beowulf lately. I am so sorry.
1280
00:57:05,916 --> 00:57:07,958
- [Quasi] My Queen.
- Please, stand.
1281
00:57:08,041 --> 00:57:11,000
Any man who has your courage
need not kneel to me.
1282
00:57:15,083 --> 00:57:19,416
Ah. You smell
of refreshingly aromatic fragrances.
1283
00:57:19,500 --> 00:57:21,750
And you of stinky ones.
1284
00:57:21,833 --> 00:57:24,416
[sniffs, sighs]
1285
00:57:26,083 --> 00:57:27,083
[Quasi sighs]
1286
00:57:27,166 --> 00:57:28,833
- What are you painting?
- Mmm?
1287
00:57:29,666 --> 00:57:32,791
Oh. I call that a selfie.
1288
00:57:32,875 --> 00:57:34,750
Why would anyone make a picture
of themselves?
1289
00:57:34,833 --> 00:57:37,958
I don't know,
but it is strangely satisfying. [laughs]
1290
00:57:38,041 --> 00:57:40,767
Sometimes you have to do it, like,
five times before you get it right.
1291
00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:43,166
But when you do, it's a good feeling.
1292
00:57:43,250 --> 00:57:44,291
I see.
1293
00:57:44,375 --> 00:57:47,041
Well, the king and pope
believe you are dead
1294
00:57:47,125 --> 00:57:50,000
and seem content with that
given the secrets that you held.
1295
00:57:50,791 --> 00:57:53,125
- Your plan worked.
- Our plan.
1296
00:57:55,375 --> 00:57:58,000
Um, I've spoken to my family in England,
1297
00:57:58,083 --> 00:57:59,843
and they will help us get out
of the country.
1298
00:57:59,916 --> 00:58:01,583
Yo-You will not be queen?
1299
00:58:01,666 --> 00:58:04,791
The king's sole intention is
to expand his power.
1300
00:58:05,416 --> 00:58:07,250
After that he'll have no use for me.
1301
00:58:07,875 --> 00:58:10,250
He is merciless, self-centered, and petty.
1302
00:58:11,791 --> 00:58:13,625
You'd make a far better king than he.
1303
00:58:13,708 --> 00:58:15,791
[laughing]
1304
00:58:16,416 --> 00:58:18,625
Okay, my queen. That's a good one.
1305
00:58:18,708 --> 00:58:23,750
It is true! I saw your oyster rebellion.
You are a leader.
1306
00:58:23,833 --> 00:58:24,833
[chuckles] No.
1307
00:58:24,916 --> 00:58:28,083
I just believe everyone should have
the opportunity to eat oysters.
1308
00:58:28,166 --> 00:58:30,666
And I see your kindness.
1309
00:58:30,750 --> 00:58:32,708
That is why I am drawn to you.
1310
00:58:33,541 --> 00:58:35,166
That's a lot to digest.
1311
00:58:35,250 --> 00:58:36,625
Oh, speaking of which,
1312
00:58:37,125 --> 00:58:38,666
- I brought some food.
- Oh.
1313
00:58:38,750 --> 00:58:40,166
Including, of course,
1314
00:58:40,750 --> 00:58:42,708
- Belon oysters.
- [Quasi laughs]
1315
00:58:42,791 --> 00:58:43,958
Let's sup.
1316
00:58:44,041 --> 00:58:45,041
Aha!
1317
00:58:45,083 --> 00:58:46,416
[laughs, inhales sharply]
1318
00:58:46,500 --> 00:58:47,541
[sighs]
1319
00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:49,166
[Quasi grunting]
1320
00:58:49,250 --> 00:58:50,500
Oh, yes.
1321
00:58:51,083 --> 00:58:52,166
[sighs, chuckles]
1322
00:58:55,458 --> 00:58:56,458
[grunts]
1323
00:58:58,791 --> 00:59:01,791
[Quasi, Catherine laughing]
1324
00:59:04,416 --> 00:59:08,750
You're right. This is strangely satisfying
and validating.
1325
00:59:08,833 --> 00:59:10,500
[both laughing]
1326
00:59:11,750 --> 00:59:14,166
I don't want to, but I must go now.
1327
00:59:14,250 --> 00:59:15,750
- No, please don't.
- I have to.
1328
00:59:15,833 --> 00:59:16,833
No!
1329
00:59:19,041 --> 00:59:21,125
- Mmm.
- [Quasi groans]
1330
00:59:21,208 --> 00:59:23,833
- Thank goodness I got that ticket.
- [Catherine sighs]
1331
00:59:23,916 --> 00:59:25,541
- [Quasi] Oh, yeah.
- [gasps]
1332
00:59:27,791 --> 00:59:31,208
[crying]
1333
00:59:34,416 --> 00:59:37,041
Mmm. That was my ticket.
1334
00:59:37,791 --> 00:59:40,791
I deserved that ticket, and he took it.
1335
00:59:40,875 --> 00:59:42,083
He took my ticket from me.
1336
00:59:42,166 --> 00:59:44,041
He's a ticket-taker, that's what he is.
1337
00:59:45,083 --> 00:59:46,083
Mmm.
1338
00:59:50,500 --> 00:59:52,583
[groans]
1339
00:59:53,458 --> 00:59:55,875
That is delicious Cabernet.
1340
00:59:58,583 --> 00:59:59,875
Whoo.
1341
00:59:59,958 --> 01:00:02,083
Hey, did you throw that bottle?
1342
01:00:04,375 --> 01:00:06,625
[groans, pants]
1343
01:00:07,208 --> 01:00:08,333
Duchamp?
1344
01:00:08,416 --> 01:00:11,583
Oh, hey. Hey, you kids. Get out of here.
1345
01:00:11,666 --> 01:00:13,958
These stupid kids,
they're just throwing bottles at doors.
1346
01:00:14,041 --> 01:00:15,500
Those little sons of bitches.
1347
01:00:15,583 --> 01:00:17,291
There's no respect for anything.
1348
01:00:17,375 --> 01:00:18,458
Fuck you!
1349
01:00:18,541 --> 01:00:20,125
How's the hero doing, eh?
1350
01:00:20,208 --> 01:00:21,291
Yeah, you know, it's okay.
1351
01:00:21,375 --> 01:00:22,375
You did the right thing.
1352
01:00:22,458 --> 01:00:25,041
I never had a good feeling
about that creepy hunchback.
1353
01:00:25,125 --> 01:00:26,916
- You want a sip of my bladder?
- No, no, no.
1354
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:29,080
Just take a pull of my bladder.
Suck it. Take a suck.
1355
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:30,500
- I'm cool. I'm on the clock.
- No?
1356
01:00:30,583 --> 01:00:31,750
Bladder.
1357
01:00:31,833 --> 01:00:34,958
- I know, it's funny. It's a funny word.
- Right? It's a good thing you said...
1358
01:00:35,041 --> 01:00:36,375
Hey, you know something else?
1359
01:00:36,458 --> 01:00:37,791
I gave him that ticket.
1360
01:00:37,875 --> 01:00:40,250
I know. And you got him the job
at the torture chamber.
1361
01:00:40,333 --> 01:00:41,791
I got him a job at torture chamber.
1362
01:00:41,875 --> 01:00:44,958
You're better off with that guy dead,
Duchamp. That guy was dragging you down.
1363
01:00:45,041 --> 01:00:47,458
You know what? He gets everything
handed to him, that guy.
1364
01:00:47,541 --> 01:00:50,666
He always comes up smelling like roses,
you know?
1365
01:00:50,750 --> 01:00:53,708
Well, if you consider being dead
coming up roses, you know…
1366
01:00:53,791 --> 01:00:55,833
Well, let me tell you something.
He's not dead.
1367
01:00:55,916 --> 01:00:57,625
[laughs] Can you believe that?
1368
01:00:57,708 --> 01:00:58,791
That's the bladder talking.
1369
01:00:58,875 --> 01:01:00,291
No, I'm serious. He's still alive.
1370
01:01:00,375 --> 01:01:02,916
- He's out at that old cave by the lake.
- Yeah.
1371
01:01:03,000 --> 01:01:06,375
Yeah. Don't say anything, though,
'cause loose lips take shits. [chuckles]
1372
01:01:06,458 --> 01:01:08,666
Wait, wait, wait. I saw him die.
1373
01:01:08,750 --> 01:01:13,541
[grunts] No, no, no. It was all bullshit.
It was a ruse.
1374
01:01:13,625 --> 01:01:15,125
You're telling me it was a charade?
1375
01:01:15,208 --> 01:01:17,500
It was a charade.
1376
01:01:17,583 --> 01:01:19,833
Yeah, oh, boy, okay. Hold on a second.
1377
01:01:19,916 --> 01:01:23,083
Everything's spinning. I gotta be careful
not to puke on my boots.
1378
01:01:24,291 --> 01:01:25,291
Okay, all right.
1379
01:01:26,291 --> 01:01:28,416
Good night to you too, you asshole.
1380
01:01:29,541 --> 01:01:30,541
[moans]
1381
01:01:33,625 --> 01:01:36,583
[moaning]
1382
01:01:36,666 --> 01:01:37,833
[twig snaps]
1383
01:01:37,916 --> 01:01:41,041
Duchamp. You'll never guess what happened.
[groans]
1384
01:01:41,125 --> 01:01:43,000
Oh, Duchamp, I've got great news.
1385
01:01:43,583 --> 01:01:44,583
[gasps]
1386
01:01:44,666 --> 01:01:47,750
Don't keep us waiting, Hunchback.
Tell us the great news.
1387
01:01:48,375 --> 01:01:51,166
Did you discover that your hump is filled
with gold bullion?
1388
01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:53,416
[all laughing]
1389
01:01:56,458 --> 01:02:01,375
Yes, Lucien, you're right.
The king will be very, very happy.
1390
01:02:01,458 --> 01:02:03,875
And this dickwad will finally get
what he deserves.
1391
01:02:03,958 --> 01:02:06,333
Why don't you do your little chant now,
huh?
1392
01:02:06,416 --> 01:02:09,625
Oysters. Oysters. Oysters. Oysters.
1393
01:02:09,708 --> 01:02:11,208
- Seize him.
- [Lucien laughs]
1394
01:02:20,208 --> 01:02:22,416
So, you have anything to say for yourself?
1395
01:02:22,500 --> 01:02:24,583
I thought I would start
by telling the truth,
1396
01:02:24,666 --> 01:02:26,916
- which is that who I was trying to kill...
- Silence!
1397
01:02:28,041 --> 01:02:31,291
How dare you question the power
of your king?
1398
01:02:31,375 --> 01:02:32,583
Or the glory of your pope?
1399
01:02:32,666 --> 01:02:34,500
- Gag him.
- Yes.
1400
01:02:34,583 --> 01:02:36,458
Put one of your balls in his mouth.
1401
01:02:36,541 --> 01:02:37,708
[grunts]
1402
01:02:37,791 --> 01:02:42,916
You're only alive so we can publicly
execute you tomorrow at the coronation.
1403
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,875
[King Guy laughs]
1404
01:02:44,958 --> 01:02:46,625
But in the meantime,
1405
01:02:47,250 --> 01:02:50,666
perhaps a stretch on the old rack
would be apropos.
1406
01:02:50,750 --> 01:02:51,791
Good idea, sire.
1407
01:02:51,875 --> 01:02:53,125
Is it?
1408
01:02:54,375 --> 01:02:57,958
Now, uh, I have no idea how this works.
1409
01:02:58,041 --> 01:02:59,958
Of course, you don't, you cake-eater.
1410
01:03:00,958 --> 01:03:04,666
Shall we see if we can't make his final
night of sleep a little less comfortable?
1411
01:03:04,750 --> 01:03:05,750
[both laugh]
1412
01:03:07,625 --> 01:03:09,791
[Quasi grunting]
1413
01:03:09,875 --> 01:03:11,041
Good show, Your Grace.
1414
01:03:11,125 --> 01:03:12,208
Was it?
1415
01:03:17,625 --> 01:03:18,625
[Lucien] Oh.
1416
01:03:18,666 --> 01:03:20,916
Oh, well, now, uh, aren't you something?
1417
01:03:22,041 --> 01:03:23,791
What's your name? Lorelai?
1418
01:03:24,375 --> 01:03:28,041
Oh, that is a lovely dress you're wearing.
So sheer.
1419
01:03:28,125 --> 01:03:30,250
What a funny thing to run into you
out here
1420
01:03:31,125 --> 01:03:34,000
picking elderberries
in such a gossamer gown.
1421
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:37,791
Is that a couple of eggplants,
or are you just happy to see me?
1422
01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:39,250
- I love eggplants.
- [gasps]
1423
01:03:39,333 --> 01:03:40,916
Oh. [chuckles] My queen.
1424
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:42,000
[grunts]
1425
01:03:42,083 --> 01:03:43,083
Oh, you must be lost.
1426
01:03:43,166 --> 01:03:46,916
Um, the perfume cellar is actually,
if you go down the hallway, it's…
1427
01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:49,625
My, look at this painting.
1428
01:03:50,541 --> 01:03:52,875
Look how red her cheeks are.
1429
01:03:52,958 --> 01:03:54,458
Scandalous.
1430
01:03:54,541 --> 01:03:56,958
They're not mine.
I found these in the... In the woods.
1431
01:03:57,041 --> 01:03:58,458
- Mmm.
- Um. So, no.
1432
01:03:58,541 --> 01:04:00,541
I bet you're here for gown storage.
1433
01:04:00,625 --> 01:04:02,105
That's actually the-the Gautier wing.
1434
01:04:02,166 --> 01:04:04,375
I'm not looking for gown storage.
1435
01:04:04,458 --> 01:04:05,458
Okay, well, then,
1436
01:04:06,166 --> 01:04:09,541
if you seek neither gown storage
nor the perfume cellar, then…
1437
01:04:10,833 --> 01:04:13,333
Well, then the only possible explanation,
1438
01:04:13,416 --> 01:04:15,958
- if I may be so bold… [snorts]
- [chuckles]
1439
01:04:16,041 --> 01:04:20,333
…is that you came to visit moi?
1440
01:04:20,416 --> 01:04:22,416
[laughing]
1441
01:04:23,041 --> 01:04:24,708
- [stabbing sound]
- [Lucien groans]
1442
01:04:25,250 --> 01:04:26,500
[grunts]
1443
01:04:28,416 --> 01:04:29,500
[grunts]
1444
01:04:29,583 --> 01:04:32,375
- [grunts]
- [Lucien screams, thuds]
1445
01:04:36,958 --> 01:04:38,791
I think you just fell for me.
1446
01:04:39,541 --> 01:04:42,125
- [door opens]
- [grunting]
1447
01:04:43,208 --> 01:04:46,250
Now I've got you right where I want you,
you filthy little thing.
1448
01:04:46,333 --> 01:04:47,500
[muffled] Catherine!
1449
01:04:47,583 --> 01:04:48,583
I'm joking.
1450
01:04:49,583 --> 01:04:52,208
- [Quasi groans]
- We must get you out of here.
1451
01:04:52,291 --> 01:04:54,125
Oh, please do.
1452
01:04:54,208 --> 01:04:56,958
I implemented the notes you gave me
on the rack,
1453
01:04:57,041 --> 01:04:59,500
and I must say,
they worked really, really well.
1454
01:04:59,583 --> 01:05:02,000
This thing hurts like a motherfucker.
1455
01:05:02,083 --> 01:05:03,708
Thank you, Quasi.
1456
01:05:05,041 --> 01:05:07,166
[Quasi grunts] I will repay you for this.
1457
01:05:07,250 --> 01:05:10,125
I swear on the souls of both my mothers.
1458
01:05:10,208 --> 01:05:11,625
[groans]
1459
01:05:11,708 --> 01:05:12,875
You had two mothers?
1460
01:05:13,666 --> 01:05:15,625
Yeah, they were Siamese twins.
1461
01:05:15,708 --> 01:05:16,791
I never knew 'em.
1462
01:05:16,875 --> 01:05:19,791
As a babe, they put me in a sack
and tossed me in the river.
1463
01:05:19,875 --> 01:05:23,166
My aunt was a Siamese twin.
Well, my aunts.
1464
01:05:23,791 --> 01:05:27,416
When I was a child,
they produced a hideously deformed baby
1465
01:05:27,500 --> 01:05:29,416
with their brother,
the vicomte de Gastineau.
1466
01:05:29,500 --> 01:05:32,375
- Uh-huh.
- And they threw the baby in the river.
1467
01:05:32,458 --> 01:05:33,583
Huh. That's weird.
1468
01:05:33,666 --> 01:05:35,041
Let me see your back.
1469
01:05:35,625 --> 01:05:37,416
Oh, no, it is not a pretty sight.
1470
01:05:37,500 --> 01:05:38,726
- Let me see your back.
- Milady.
1471
01:05:38,750 --> 01:05:40,458
Oh. Oh. As you wish, my lady.
1472
01:05:41,333 --> 01:05:43,833
- Mon Dieu!
- All right, it's not that bad.
1473
01:05:43,916 --> 01:05:46,750
- The mark of the Gastineau!
- Come again?
1474
01:05:46,833 --> 01:05:50,375
[laughs] Your birthmark is the mark
of the Gastineau.
1475
01:05:50,458 --> 01:05:51,791
Do you know what this means?
1476
01:05:51,875 --> 01:05:55,833
That I have a deformity
on top of my deformity?
1477
01:05:55,916 --> 01:05:57,750
You and I are
1478
01:05:58,416 --> 01:05:59,416
cousins.
1479
01:05:59,500 --> 01:06:04,333
Pfft! Non. Cousins? Impossible.
1480
01:06:04,416 --> 01:06:05,583
Oui, look.
1481
01:06:05,666 --> 01:06:06,666
[Quasi] Huh?
1482
01:06:07,500 --> 01:06:11,416
[gasps] Mon Dieu! It's just like mine.
1483
01:06:14,416 --> 01:06:16,958
I knew I was attracted to you
for a reason.
1484
01:06:17,041 --> 01:06:19,250
I thought it was your honor
and compassion,
1485
01:06:19,333 --> 01:06:24,000
but now I know
it's also because we share the same blood.
1486
01:06:24,083 --> 01:06:27,291
Yeah, I was attracted to you
'cause you're super hot.
1487
01:06:27,375 --> 01:06:32,208
But now that I know we're cousins,
it's really awesome.
1488
01:06:32,291 --> 01:06:33,416
[moans]
1489
01:06:34,083 --> 01:06:35,833
- Um, my mouth is…
- Hmm?
1490
01:06:35,916 --> 01:06:37,791
- Um, like this?
- Yeah.
1491
01:06:37,875 --> 01:06:40,416
Um, okay. [grunts]
1492
01:06:40,500 --> 01:06:42,041
- Mm-hmm. Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- [Quasi] Mm-hmm.
1493
01:06:42,125 --> 01:06:44,000
[both moaning]
1494
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:45,958
[Catherine] Oh, your hump is so hard.
1495
01:06:46,041 --> 01:06:49,958
- [Quasi] It seems to be getting harder.
- [moaning continues]
1496
01:06:50,041 --> 01:06:53,708
[snoring]
1497
01:06:56,916 --> 01:06:59,666
Sire, sire, it is time.
1498
01:07:00,166 --> 01:07:02,750
[mutters] What?
1499
01:07:02,833 --> 01:07:03,875
It's time.
1500
01:07:03,958 --> 01:07:06,875
Time for you to get out of my bedchamber.
1501
01:07:06,958 --> 01:07:10,208
No, sire, it's half past the cock's crow.
1502
01:07:10,833 --> 01:07:13,291
Half past the cock's crow?
1503
01:07:13,375 --> 01:07:16,416
Oh. We have a hunchback to kill.
1504
01:07:16,500 --> 01:07:17,875
Yes, I like it.
1505
01:07:17,958 --> 01:07:18,958
[King Guy chuckles]
1506
01:07:20,291 --> 01:07:21,333
[grunts]
1507
01:07:21,416 --> 01:07:24,958
I stood up too fast. I'm all désorienté.
1508
01:07:25,041 --> 01:07:26,208
Take it slow, sire.
1509
01:07:26,291 --> 01:07:28,000
- Come on, I will dress you.
- Thank you.
1510
01:07:28,083 --> 01:07:30,291
[moaning]
1511
01:07:34,500 --> 01:07:37,250
Oh, yes. [gasps]
1512
01:07:37,333 --> 01:07:39,541
[Quasi grunting]
1513
01:07:42,333 --> 01:07:44,208
Torture me with your body.
1514
01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:47,666
Yeah. Mmm. Okay.
1515
01:07:49,708 --> 01:07:52,125
[moans, gasps]
1516
01:07:52,208 --> 01:07:54,541
- You want another?
- Please.
1517
01:07:54,625 --> 01:07:58,291
We shall kill Mr. Modo before
he has a chance to blab of our plan.
1518
01:07:58,375 --> 01:07:59,666
[Pope Cornelius, King Guy shout]
1519
01:07:59,750 --> 01:08:02,625
Guy, what are you doing up?
It's half past the cock's crow.
1520
01:08:02,708 --> 01:08:06,041
I couldn't sleep,
so I decided to take a brisk walk.
1521
01:08:06,125 --> 01:08:08,791
I seem to remember you
being able to sleep through anything.
1522
01:08:08,875 --> 01:08:10,625
Well, what are you doing up?
1523
01:08:10,708 --> 01:08:16,833
I am going to administer last rites
to the prisoner, as is God's wish.
1524
01:08:16,916 --> 01:08:19,958
Oh, last rites. I've always wanted to see
what that's about.
1525
01:08:20,041 --> 01:08:23,916
Ooh, sorry. Final confession
is only between sheep and shepherd.
1526
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:25,041
Well, I want to know, too.
1527
01:08:25,125 --> 01:08:27,085
God would like you to fuck off
and go back to bed.
1528
01:08:27,125 --> 01:08:28,333
My dungeon, my rules.
1529
01:08:28,416 --> 01:08:29,833
[Pope Cornelius grunting]
1530
01:08:31,458 --> 01:08:33,166
- Um, question.
- Mmm.
1531
01:08:33,250 --> 01:08:36,666
If you and I are cousins,
does not that make me royalty?
1532
01:08:36,750 --> 01:08:41,375
Yes. You are in the line of kings.
1533
01:08:42,083 --> 01:08:44,583
Now, enter me with your royal member.
1534
01:08:44,666 --> 01:08:50,625
My lady, I'm new at this.
Enter you… where?
1535
01:08:55,250 --> 01:08:56,490
[King Guy] Qu'est-ce que c'est?
1536
01:09:01,416 --> 01:09:02,958
[Catherine moaning]
1537
01:09:03,625 --> 01:09:06,291
[Quasi moaning]
1538
01:09:11,791 --> 01:09:13,000
Oh, no!
1539
01:09:13,083 --> 01:09:15,666
- My queen!
- [panting]
1540
01:09:15,750 --> 01:09:17,166
Thank God you're finally here.
1541
01:09:17,250 --> 01:09:19,125
- What happened?
- [groans]
1542
01:09:19,208 --> 01:09:23,583
Well, he called to me with his siren song.
I was hypnotized.
1543
01:09:23,666 --> 01:09:26,166
I have heard tell
of the sweet song of the hunchback.
1544
01:09:26,250 --> 01:09:30,250
Then he strapped me here and left
hours ago. So many, many hours.
1545
01:09:31,708 --> 01:09:33,868
- [King Guy] Let's go!
- [Pope Cornelius] Out of the way!
1546
01:09:36,166 --> 01:09:39,041
Okay, fine.
1547
01:09:40,791 --> 01:09:42,000
Assholes.
1548
01:09:46,416 --> 01:09:49,041
That was something.
1549
01:09:49,125 --> 01:09:52,291
Indeed. Yes, you must be so relieved
that the queen is safe.
1550
01:09:52,375 --> 01:09:53,666
Of course, of course.
1551
01:09:53,750 --> 01:09:57,750
But you must be terrified with that
lumpy little maniac on the loose.
1552
01:09:57,833 --> 01:10:00,333
Why should I be terrified?
You should be terrified, not me.
1553
01:10:00,416 --> 01:10:04,083
I'm not terrified. You heard the queen.
He's long gone.
1554
01:10:04,166 --> 01:10:06,125
There's no way we're going to…
1555
01:10:06,208 --> 01:10:07,458
Catch him.
1556
01:10:07,541 --> 01:10:08,981
[Pope Cornelius] Ah, yes, of course.
1557
01:10:09,041 --> 01:10:11,291
So it's really no big deal then
if we never do…
1558
01:10:11,375 --> 01:10:13,041
Find him.
1559
01:10:15,250 --> 01:10:17,450
- [whispering] Find him and kill him.
- [whispering] What?
1560
01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:20,041
[whispering] Find that little shit
and kill him.
1561
01:10:20,125 --> 01:10:22,166
[whispering] You want me
to go take a shit?
1562
01:10:22,250 --> 01:10:23,583
Why? Do you have to?
1563
01:10:23,666 --> 01:10:25,541
- I don't have to.
- Then why would you?
1564
01:10:25,625 --> 01:10:29,541
Find him
and catch him so he does not speak.
1565
01:10:29,625 --> 01:10:31,375
Bind his ankles to his cheeks?
1566
01:10:31,458 --> 01:10:32,458
Quasi.
1567
01:10:32,500 --> 01:10:34,458
- Oh, the little hunchback?
- Yes.
1568
01:10:34,541 --> 01:10:38,291
You can't call them hunchback.
You have to say orthopedically challenged.
1569
01:10:38,375 --> 01:10:41,041
- My apologies. Yes.
- No, no, no, it's a whole, you know.
1570
01:10:41,125 --> 01:10:42,375
- [chuckles]
- [Claude] Yes.
1571
01:10:47,416 --> 01:10:49,416
[normal voice] Weird weather we're having.
1572
01:10:49,500 --> 01:10:53,708
[normal voice] I know, I know,
we were just saying that. So weird, weird.
1573
01:10:54,416 --> 01:10:55,833
[goat bleats]
1574
01:10:55,916 --> 01:10:56,916
[whistling]
1575
01:10:59,541 --> 01:11:01,958
Ah, garlic, I... Mmm.
1576
01:11:02,041 --> 01:11:03,841
You know what would be great?
Maybe some Brie.
1577
01:11:05,750 --> 01:11:07,791
Oh, these top shelves are so handy.
1578
01:11:10,041 --> 01:11:11,041
Michel.
1579
01:11:11,125 --> 01:11:12,416
Quasi.
1580
01:11:12,500 --> 01:11:14,375
Whoa, you are fuckin' tall, mon frére.
1581
01:11:14,458 --> 01:11:18,291
Things are very dangereuse, Quasi.
[speaking French]
1582
01:11:18,375 --> 01:11:21,791
Then it's dangereuse for Duchamp as well.
I need to warn him.
1583
01:11:21,875 --> 01:11:26,666
Let's rendezvous at Dupont Fork
in one hour.
1584
01:11:26,750 --> 01:11:29,583
I'm rendezvousing
with Queen Catherine there as well.
1585
01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:33,166
Name drop much? [chuckles]
1586
01:11:35,708 --> 01:11:38,041
[gasps] Duchamp! Mon Dieu!
1587
01:11:40,291 --> 01:11:42,458
Duchamp, I am so sorry.
1588
01:11:42,541 --> 01:11:44,125
[Duchamp groans]
1589
01:11:45,000 --> 01:11:46,583
Holy shit, it's bright.
1590
01:11:46,666 --> 01:11:49,041
- Du! Get up.
- [groaning]
1591
01:11:49,125 --> 01:11:51,625
- Oh, my fuckin' head.
- Get up!
1592
01:11:51,708 --> 01:11:52,708
Oh, God.
1593
01:11:52,791 --> 01:11:55,458
Oh, God.
What are you, weighing in at 19 stone?
1594
01:11:55,541 --> 01:12:01,041
Okay. My balance is... is... is... fakakte.
Okay. Oh, Jesus.
1595
01:12:01,125 --> 01:12:02,525
- Are you drunk?
- [Duchamp] Hold on.
1596
01:12:02,583 --> 01:12:04,559
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be in that cave?
1597
01:12:04,583 --> 01:12:09,125
Du, so many incredible things have
happened since we saw each other last.
1598
01:12:09,208 --> 01:12:10,333
Oh, yeah, let me guess.
1599
01:12:10,416 --> 01:12:12,708
You won another lottery,
and you rode a dragon
1600
01:12:12,791 --> 01:12:15,375
- to the top of Mont Ménage à Trois.
- No.
1601
01:12:15,458 --> 01:12:17,166
- You sixty-nined a unicorn.
- No.
1602
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:18,934
You slid down a rainbow
into a chocolate river.
1603
01:12:18,958 --> 01:12:20,226
- Okay...
- Where there was an orgy.
1604
01:12:20,250 --> 01:12:21,351
- Okay, Duch...
- With wizards.
1605
01:12:21,375 --> 01:12:24,500
No. I was captured by the king.
1606
01:12:24,583 --> 01:12:28,333
And then, my new lover,
Queen Catherine, freed me.
1607
01:12:28,416 --> 01:12:30,833
We're running away together
to the Amalfi Coast.
1608
01:12:30,916 --> 01:12:33,416
And then,
it's off to Barcelona in wintertime.
1609
01:12:33,500 --> 01:12:34,791
Listen to yourself.
1610
01:12:34,875 --> 01:12:36,500
My new lover, Queen Catherine?
1611
01:12:36,583 --> 01:12:38,333
- Yeah.
- Barcelona?
1612
01:12:38,416 --> 01:12:40,583
Oh, I also learned
that I'm cousin to the queen.
1613
01:12:40,666 --> 01:12:41,666
Oh, come on!
1614
01:12:41,750 --> 01:12:43,291
Okay, look, we gotta go.
1615
01:12:43,375 --> 01:12:45,767
You're lucky the guards didn't grab you
at the cave last night.
1616
01:12:45,791 --> 01:12:47,125
I have no idea how they found me.
1617
01:12:47,208 --> 01:12:50,208
Only the queen, Michel,
and you knew about that cave.
1618
01:12:50,291 --> 01:12:52,500
But none of you
would ever tell anybody about that.
1619
01:12:52,583 --> 01:12:55,833
Well, I-I... I may have told one person.
1620
01:12:56,416 --> 01:12:57,666
What?
1621
01:12:57,750 --> 01:13:00,708
And that person may have been Lucien.
1622
01:13:00,791 --> 01:13:02,125
Why would you do that?
1623
01:13:02,208 --> 01:13:04,208
'Cause the plan didn't work.
1624
01:13:04,750 --> 01:13:07,333
I was supposed to be the hero,
but you were!
1625
01:13:07,416 --> 01:13:11,875
And then I went to the cave, and I saw you
in there with the queen, laughing.
1626
01:13:11,958 --> 01:13:14,916
So you told Lucien?
Didn't you realize what would happen?
1627
01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:16,208
That was my ticket.
1628
01:13:16,291 --> 01:13:19,000
Duchamp, you betrayed me.
1629
01:13:19,083 --> 01:13:22,125
I used to be the big swinging dick
in this relationship.
1630
01:13:22,208 --> 01:13:26,291
You were just sad, lonely Quasi,
and I was big, jolly Duchamp.
1631
01:13:26,375 --> 01:13:27,625
Everyone knew my name.
1632
01:13:28,125 --> 01:13:31,333
"How's it hangin', Champ?
What's up, Duch?"
1633
01:13:31,416 --> 01:13:34,083
I didn't have to be your friend.
I took pity on you.
1634
01:13:34,166 --> 01:13:37,333
Okay, well,
let me tell you something, Duchamp.
1635
01:13:38,625 --> 01:13:41,125
You may have once been
the big swinging dick,
1636
01:13:41,208 --> 01:13:44,500
but now that big swinging dick
has swung back in the other direction.
1637
01:13:44,583 --> 01:13:46,541
And I can tell you one thing for sure.
1638
01:13:46,625 --> 01:13:48,666
I never would have betrayed
my best friend.
1639
01:13:48,750 --> 01:13:51,000
Well, that's perfect,
'cause we're not best friends.
1640
01:13:51,083 --> 01:13:52,875
You put a knife in my back.
1641
01:13:56,041 --> 01:13:57,458
- [Quasi shouts]
- [guard] Get him!
1642
01:14:04,916 --> 01:14:05,916
Stop him!
1643
01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:07,791
[grunting]
1644
01:14:13,875 --> 01:14:15,583
- [grunting]
- [guard] Get him!
1645
01:14:21,708 --> 01:14:22,875
[grunts]
1646
01:14:25,958 --> 01:14:26,958
[guard shouts]
1647
01:14:34,916 --> 01:14:37,208
[shouts, groans]
1648
01:14:40,625 --> 01:14:41,791
[shouts]
1649
01:14:50,375 --> 01:14:51,458
Merde!
1650
01:15:06,166 --> 01:15:09,916
Let go of me! Let go of me!
Hey! Let go of me! [grunts]
1651
01:15:10,000 --> 01:15:11,041
[groans]
1652
01:15:13,208 --> 01:15:14,666
Get off of me!
1653
01:15:14,750 --> 01:15:17,583
Oh, God, I'm so hungover. Come on.
1654
01:15:24,291 --> 01:15:28,541
Behold, the best friend
to the criminal Quasi.
1655
01:15:28,625 --> 01:15:29,958
What? We're not friends.
1656
01:15:30,041 --> 01:15:32,416
I stopped him from killing the king.
I was the hero.
1657
01:15:32,500 --> 01:15:33,559
What are you talking about?
1658
01:15:33,583 --> 01:15:36,166
Up there on the stage. I stopped him.
1659
01:15:36,250 --> 01:15:37,500
Does anyone here remember that?
1660
01:15:37,583 --> 01:15:40,833
I definitely remember
the handsome hunchback.
1661
01:15:40,916 --> 01:15:43,166
Are you kidding me?
It happened right there.
1662
01:15:43,250 --> 01:15:45,416
Where is the hunchback?
1663
01:15:45,958 --> 01:15:47,041
I have no idea.
1664
01:15:47,125 --> 01:15:51,666
Well, perhaps a public torturing at
the coronation will refresh your memory.
1665
01:15:54,916 --> 01:15:58,583
Unless, of course,
the hunchback is here listening.
1666
01:16:00,416 --> 01:16:04,250
Perhaps he'd like to show himself
to save his best friend.
1667
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:09,291
I told you, he's not my friend.
I hate that twisted, creepy virgin.
1668
01:16:09,375 --> 01:16:10,726
[Quasi] He's not a virgin anymore!
1669
01:16:10,750 --> 01:16:13,416
Who said that? Show yourself.
1670
01:16:14,583 --> 01:16:16,267
- Enough. Take him away.
- [guard] Yes, sire.
1671
01:16:16,291 --> 01:16:20,333
Wait, hold on, okay, hold on. We can talk
about this, right? Hold on. Hold on.
1672
01:16:20,416 --> 01:16:23,541
[groans] Leave me alone.
Where are you taking me?
1673
01:16:23,625 --> 01:16:26,375
Stop! Stop it! [shouts]
1674
01:16:44,333 --> 01:16:45,333
[grunts]
1675
01:16:45,958 --> 01:16:46,958
Michel.
1676
01:16:47,041 --> 01:16:48,291
Ah, Quasi. How'd you see me?
1677
01:16:48,375 --> 01:16:50,684
What are you talking about? I see
your head sticking out of the bush.
1678
01:16:50,708 --> 01:16:51,833
You should try hiding.
1679
01:16:51,916 --> 01:16:54,601
I am hiding. I'm behind a bush.
It's like the tallest bush in the forest.
1680
01:16:54,625 --> 01:16:56,250
Yeah, okay, come on. We gotta go.
1681
01:16:58,041 --> 01:17:00,166
We have a long journey ahead of us.
1682
01:17:00,666 --> 01:17:02,541
Here, I think it's this way. Yeah.
1683
01:17:03,750 --> 01:17:05,791
Hey, I brought a little food
for our journey.
1684
01:17:07,750 --> 01:17:10,041
[gasps] You're bleeding.
1685
01:17:10,125 --> 01:17:15,250
Oh, yeah. It was a knife from the guards.
Stuck in the fatty deposit of my hump.
1686
01:17:15,333 --> 01:17:16,916
Thank goodness for this thing, huh?
1687
01:17:18,541 --> 01:17:20,083
[gasps] The queen.
1688
01:17:20,166 --> 01:17:21,166
Catherine.
1689
01:17:21,250 --> 01:17:22,890
I saw your friend's head above the brush.
1690
01:17:22,958 --> 01:17:24,291
I don't think it was me.
1691
01:17:24,375 --> 01:17:25,750
[sighs]
1692
01:17:28,666 --> 01:17:29,708
You guys weren't kidding.
1693
01:17:29,791 --> 01:17:31,291
[both moan]
1694
01:17:31,375 --> 01:17:34,000
Oh, my, you're particularly ripe today.
1695
01:17:34,083 --> 01:17:35,500
It's been a busy day.
1696
01:17:35,583 --> 01:17:36,875
[sighs]
1697
01:17:38,041 --> 01:17:39,708
Oh, my God. You're wounded.
1698
01:17:39,791 --> 01:17:42,708
Oh, no, no, no. I'm fine.
My hump stopped the guard's knife.
1699
01:17:42,791 --> 01:17:44,416
Thank goodness for your hump!
1700
01:17:44,500 --> 01:17:45,625
My hump is great!
1701
01:17:45,708 --> 01:17:48,083
Oh, now you're free
to go start your new life.
1702
01:17:48,750 --> 01:17:49,916
Here are your supplies.
1703
01:17:50,000 --> 01:17:52,541
But you're not coming?
1704
01:17:52,625 --> 01:17:54,333
They know you're alive.
1705
01:17:55,000 --> 01:17:57,625
If I go with you, they'll undoubtedly
find us and kill us both.
1706
01:17:58,541 --> 01:18:00,833
I will stay
and go through with the coronation.
1707
01:18:00,916 --> 01:18:02,916
The king killed his last wife.
1708
01:18:03,000 --> 01:18:06,333
He'll need me for a while
to solidify his alliance.
1709
01:18:06,416 --> 01:18:10,166
Before I become obsolete, perhaps
I can find a way to change my fortunes.
1710
01:18:10,250 --> 01:18:11,458
I cannot let you do this.
1711
01:18:11,541 --> 01:18:14,041
There's no other way. You must go now.
1712
01:18:14,541 --> 01:18:16,392
The ferryman waits for you
at Canard's Crossing.
1713
01:18:16,416 --> 01:18:18,250
He will go without you.
1714
01:18:18,333 --> 01:18:19,708
Here's some money.
1715
01:18:19,791 --> 01:18:20,791
Catherine.
1716
01:18:20,875 --> 01:18:22,583
You must go now. Please.
1717
01:18:22,666 --> 01:18:25,541
What about Barcelona?
1718
01:18:25,625 --> 01:18:28,166
Perhaps Barcelona is in our future.
1719
01:18:29,291 --> 01:18:33,041
But for now, farewell, Quasi.
1720
01:18:53,333 --> 01:18:54,333
We should get going.
1721
01:18:54,416 --> 01:18:57,125
- Where's Duchamp?
- Captured by the guards.
1722
01:18:57,208 --> 01:18:59,958
Captured? Well, we have to go help him.
He'll be tortured.
1723
01:19:00,041 --> 01:19:02,583
- There is nothing we can do.
- He's your best friend.
1724
01:19:02,666 --> 01:19:04,166
He is not my best friend!
1725
01:19:04,250 --> 01:19:05,851
Well, he gave you
the winning lottery ticket.
1726
01:19:05,875 --> 01:19:07,059
That sounds like a best friend.
1727
01:19:07,083 --> 01:19:09,892
He helped you fake your death to save
your life. That sounds like a best friend.
1728
01:19:09,916 --> 01:19:13,875
He betrayed me, and the last thing he said
when he was captured by the guards
1729
01:19:13,958 --> 01:19:15,333
was that he was not my friend.
1730
01:19:15,416 --> 01:19:18,500
And he called me a creepy, twisted virgin.
1731
01:19:19,583 --> 01:19:21,083
I am not a virgin anymore!
1732
01:19:21,166 --> 01:19:25,291
- Who'd you have sex with?
- Bonjour, read the room.
1733
01:19:25,375 --> 01:19:26,375
[gasps]
1734
01:19:27,375 --> 01:19:28,541
- Yeah.
- Quasi,
1735
01:19:28,625 --> 01:19:31,708
of course, Duchamp said mean things
about you so you wouldn't try to help him.
1736
01:19:31,791 --> 01:19:38,208
He said it to save you
because he is your best friend.
1737
01:19:42,333 --> 01:19:43,333
Fuck him.
1738
01:19:48,166 --> 01:19:50,583
[crowd cheering]
1739
01:20:00,875 --> 01:20:06,083
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the coronation of your new queen!
1740
01:20:06,166 --> 01:20:08,166
[cheering continues]
1741
01:20:13,416 --> 01:20:17,958
Why am I walking? I am the guest of honor.
I should be in a gilded carriage.
1742
01:20:18,041 --> 01:20:19,916
You're lucky you were even invited.
1743
01:20:23,333 --> 01:20:26,458
Sire, what have you heard
of the escaped hunchback?
1744
01:20:26,541 --> 01:20:30,000
No news. Apparently, he's in the wind.
1745
01:20:30,083 --> 01:20:33,250
Yes, he seems gone,
so you have nothing to worry about
1746
01:20:33,750 --> 01:20:35,916
until your husband leaves you
face down in a moat.
1747
01:20:36,000 --> 01:20:37,666
Oh, pretty flowers, yes.
1748
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:39,375
I beg your pardon, Holy One?
1749
01:20:39,958 --> 01:20:41,708
JK, JK.
1750
01:20:59,583 --> 01:21:01,708
And now, on to the entertainment.
1751
01:21:01,791 --> 01:21:03,833
We have a delightful opening act.
1752
01:21:04,666 --> 01:21:09,791
The torture and disembowelment
of the traitor Duchamp Rousseau.
1753
01:21:09,875 --> 01:21:12,208
[crowd cheering]
1754
01:21:12,291 --> 01:21:13,500
Get off of me.
1755
01:21:15,416 --> 01:21:18,083
[groaning] Get off!
1756
01:21:18,166 --> 01:21:19,625
[crowd member] You traitor!
1757
01:21:20,208 --> 01:21:21,875
That's Quasi's hut mate.
1758
01:21:21,958 --> 01:21:24,375
Um, apparently,
he needed a place closer to town,
1759
01:21:24,458 --> 01:21:27,098
and Quasi needed somebody
to share the rent or something like that.
1760
01:21:27,458 --> 01:21:30,375
This will all be over quickly
if you just tell us what we want to know.
1761
01:21:30,458 --> 01:21:34,458
Ha! I torture people for a living.
You guys are amateurs.
1762
01:21:34,541 --> 01:21:41,250
As you wish. I will ask you again.
Duchamp Rousseau, where is the hunchback?
1763
01:21:41,333 --> 01:21:44,916
Suck mon dick.
1764
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:47,083
[crowd jeering, laughing]
1765
01:21:48,500 --> 01:21:51,500
Well, that should be quite easy to do
1766
01:21:51,583 --> 01:21:53,875
with your scrotum nailed
to that tree stump.
1767
01:21:53,958 --> 01:21:55,541
- Guards.
- [cheering]
1768
01:21:55,625 --> 01:21:56,958
What?
1769
01:21:57,041 --> 01:21:59,708
[chanting] Scrotum! Scrotum! Scrotum!
1770
01:21:59,791 --> 01:22:01,375
Hold on a second, guys, hold on.
1771
01:22:01,458 --> 01:22:03,083
Scrotum! Scrotum! Scrotum!
1772
01:22:04,291 --> 01:22:06,000
[groaning]
1773
01:22:06,083 --> 01:22:08,625
Ow, ow, ow, okay, okay, hold on.
You don't have to do this.
1774
01:22:09,500 --> 01:22:11,916
- [shouting]
- [crowd groaning]
1775
01:22:12,000 --> 01:22:13,458
[groaning]
1776
01:22:13,541 --> 01:22:15,250
Ooh, I feel it in my balls.
1777
01:22:15,333 --> 01:22:16,625
I feel it in my throat.
1778
01:22:16,708 --> 01:22:17,708
And how does that feel?
1779
01:22:17,791 --> 01:22:20,458
[groans] Frankly, it tickles.
1780
01:22:20,541 --> 01:22:22,666
Ah, tickles. [chuckles]
1781
01:22:22,750 --> 01:22:24,500
Guards, prepare the disembowelment.
1782
01:22:24,583 --> 01:22:26,666
[cheering]
1783
01:22:28,458 --> 01:22:29,541
Oh, boy.
1784
01:22:29,625 --> 01:22:33,083
Your Majesty, surely we should not mar
our joyful celebration
1785
01:22:33,166 --> 01:22:34,166
with such barbarism.
1786
01:22:34,250 --> 01:22:37,375
Oh, poppet,
do let us have a little bit of fun.
1787
01:22:40,541 --> 01:22:41,958
[Quasi] Bonjour, assholes.
1788
01:22:44,833 --> 01:22:46,708
- [crowd gasps]
- [Duchamp gasps]
1789
01:22:46,791 --> 01:22:48,208
[Quasi grunting]
1790
01:22:48,291 --> 01:22:50,208
- [Henri] Oh.
- [crowd gasps, murmurs]
1791
01:22:50,291 --> 01:22:53,708
Why don't you "douchebaguettes"
pick on someone half your size?
1792
01:22:53,791 --> 01:22:54,958
[crowd cheering]
1793
01:22:55,041 --> 01:22:56,500
- Quasi!
- Hunchback.
1794
01:22:59,833 --> 01:23:01,458
Mon Dieu!
1795
01:23:01,541 --> 01:23:04,250
Did you nail his scrotum to a tree stump?
1796
01:23:04,333 --> 01:23:05,750
What is wrong with you people?
1797
01:23:05,833 --> 01:23:11,375
Hunchback, you've taken our bait.
You're far outnumbered. Guards!
1798
01:23:12,041 --> 01:23:13,666
[groans]
1799
01:23:13,750 --> 01:23:14,625
[crowd gasps]
1800
01:23:14,708 --> 01:23:16,000
[Michel shouts]
1801
01:23:16,083 --> 01:23:17,250
[guard shouts]
1802
01:23:17,333 --> 01:23:18,791
- Hi, guys.
- Michel!
1803
01:23:18,875 --> 01:23:20,791
- Is that your scrotum?
- Yeah.
1804
01:23:20,875 --> 01:23:22,416
[Catherine panting]
1805
01:23:23,041 --> 01:23:24,875
Hurry, Quasi. Release your friend.
1806
01:23:25,625 --> 01:23:28,083
- What?
- Yes, get me out of here. [groans]
1807
01:23:28,166 --> 01:23:30,351
- [Quasi] Hang on.
- Shoot me and your alliance dies, Guy.
1808
01:23:30,375 --> 01:23:32,416
Let's not shoot the queen then.
1809
01:23:32,500 --> 01:23:35,208
- We gotta go.
- There. That's it. [screaming]
1810
01:23:35,291 --> 01:23:36,601
- Hold on. [screams]
- [Michel] What?
1811
01:23:36,625 --> 01:23:37,791
- [crowd groans]
- Ooh.
1812
01:23:37,875 --> 01:23:39,666
Sire, shall we kill the others?
1813
01:23:39,750 --> 01:23:43,208
No. Capture them alive
so we can torture them together.
1814
01:23:43,291 --> 01:23:44,500
Of course, sire.
1815
01:23:44,583 --> 01:23:46,625
Send a warning shot.
Shoot over their heads.
1816
01:23:46,708 --> 01:23:49,000
- Yes, milord.
- Oh, boy. [shouting]
1817
01:23:49,083 --> 01:23:51,125
- [gasps] Ooh.
- [groans]
1818
01:23:51,208 --> 01:23:52,875
Get the nail out. [screams]
1819
01:23:53,708 --> 01:23:54,750
- [crowd screams]
- [grunts]
1820
01:23:54,833 --> 01:23:57,208
[both] No, Michel!
1821
01:23:57,291 --> 01:23:58,375
Why?
1822
01:24:00,166 --> 01:24:01,750
Whoops.
1823
01:24:01,833 --> 01:24:03,333
I said shoot over their heads.
1824
01:24:03,416 --> 01:24:05,458
I don't think any of us
thought he was that tall.
1825
01:24:05,541 --> 01:24:07,000
[panting]
1826
01:24:07,083 --> 01:24:08,625
Michel, hang in there.
1827
01:24:09,708 --> 01:24:13,583
In the seven-course meal of life,
this is my crème brûlée.
1828
01:24:14,625 --> 01:24:16,333
- So promise me something.
- Name it.
1829
01:24:16,416 --> 01:24:19,958
I've never seen the equal of
the friendship that you and Duchamp share.
1830
01:24:20,625 --> 01:24:25,000
You are best friends.
Promise me that you will be forever.
1831
01:24:25,083 --> 01:24:27,583
[sniffles]
I promise we will be best friends.
1832
01:24:27,666 --> 01:24:28,916
As do I.
1833
01:24:29,000 --> 01:24:30,875
Not BFs, but BFFs.
1834
01:24:30,958 --> 01:24:32,583
[both] Forever.
1835
01:24:32,666 --> 01:24:34,708
You know,
I'm not even sure that that was my arrow.
1836
01:24:34,791 --> 01:24:36,250
I saw it come out of your crossbow.
1837
01:24:36,333 --> 01:24:38,166
You know what? That was Gregor's. Gregor!
1838
01:24:38,750 --> 01:24:41,625
Duchamp, Michel helped me realize
1839
01:24:41,708 --> 01:24:43,958
that when you told Henri
that you were not my friend,
1840
01:24:44,041 --> 01:24:49,666
you were doing it to save me
because you are my friend.
1841
01:24:51,000 --> 01:24:54,500
No, I wasn't. I was fucking pissed at you.
1842
01:24:55,125 --> 01:24:57,406
But that would have been really cool
if I thought of that.
1843
01:24:57,791 --> 01:24:58,791
I'm... I'm sorry.
1844
01:24:59,375 --> 01:25:02,583
I'm not mad at you for what you did.
I'm mad at you for lying about it.
1845
01:25:02,666 --> 01:25:03,708
I'm really sorry, milord.
1846
01:25:03,791 --> 01:25:05,309
Sit in the carriage.
I'll talk to you later.
1847
01:25:05,333 --> 01:25:07,166
- What, now?
- Right now, yes. Go.
1848
01:25:07,250 --> 01:25:09,083
- I have a second request.
- Anything.
1849
01:25:09,166 --> 01:25:12,083
Please give me a proper
and thorough burial.
1850
01:25:12,875 --> 01:25:18,333
I don't want the animals eating me
for dinner. That would be ironic.
1851
01:25:19,875 --> 01:25:21,666
[Quasi sobs]
1852
01:25:21,750 --> 01:25:23,250
- No.
- No.
1853
01:25:23,333 --> 01:25:24,916
[both] No!
1854
01:25:25,416 --> 01:25:28,333
- [cackles]
- Well done.
1855
01:25:28,416 --> 01:25:33,375
Catherine, are you really in cahoots
with that hunchback?
1856
01:25:33,458 --> 01:25:35,416
Don't be so naïve, Guy.
1857
01:25:35,500 --> 01:25:38,583
Not only are they in "cahoosion,"
but she's clearly shagging the man.
1858
01:25:39,375 --> 01:25:40,791
That's impossible.
1859
01:25:40,875 --> 01:25:43,166
Oh, it's very possible.
1860
01:25:43,250 --> 01:25:47,708
- Oh! Hit that shit, Quasi. Hit that shit.
- [laughs] Yeah, right. Really?
1861
01:25:47,791 --> 01:25:50,208
No, sire, it's impossible.
1862
01:25:50,291 --> 01:25:53,708
Guards, take the hunchback's head.
1863
01:25:53,791 --> 01:25:55,250
[crowd gasps]
1864
01:25:55,333 --> 01:25:56,375
[grunting]
1865
01:25:56,458 --> 01:25:59,250
And use your dullest blade.
1866
01:25:59,333 --> 01:26:00,958
[cheering]
1867
01:26:03,541 --> 01:26:10,166
Such is the fate of the mangled,
lonely weirdo. Eh, Hunchback?
1868
01:26:10,250 --> 01:26:13,250
Un. Deux.
1869
01:26:15,500 --> 01:26:17,083
- Trois!
- [grunts]
1870
01:26:17,166 --> 01:26:18,375
Stop!
1871
01:26:18,458 --> 01:26:19,791
[crowd gasping, murmuring]
1872
01:26:19,875 --> 01:26:21,833
- He is royalty.
- What?
1873
01:26:21,916 --> 01:26:23,000
Fuck no!
1874
01:26:23,083 --> 01:26:26,125
The hunchback is
a member of the royal family.
1875
01:26:26,208 --> 01:26:30,083
He who lays a hand on him
shall pay the ultimate price.
1876
01:26:30,166 --> 01:26:31,916
Nonsense.
1877
01:26:32,625 --> 01:26:34,833
He bears the mark of the Gastineau.
1878
01:26:35,583 --> 01:26:36,958
[crowd gasps]
1879
01:26:37,041 --> 01:26:38,875
- Oh, look.
- Oh, but look at that. Yeah.
1880
01:26:38,958 --> 01:26:44,000
It can't be.
It must be dirt or a wine stain.
1881
01:26:44,083 --> 01:26:47,375
Are you sure it's not jelly?
Sometimes I get jelly on my shoulder.
1882
01:26:47,458 --> 01:26:51,291
Oh, he is of royal blood.
1883
01:26:53,166 --> 01:26:55,208
Oh, stand up and kill him anyway.
1884
01:26:55,291 --> 01:26:56,916
Wait, sire.
1885
01:26:58,291 --> 01:27:02,375
Is this how you treat a loyal subject who,
on your orders,
1886
01:27:02,458 --> 01:27:04,041
tried to assassinate the pope?
1887
01:27:04,125 --> 01:27:05,666
[crowd gasps]
1888
01:27:05,750 --> 01:27:06,875
I'm sorry, what's that now?
1889
01:27:06,958 --> 01:27:11,000
The king asked me to kill you,
oh, Holy One.
1890
01:27:11,083 --> 01:27:12,916
Guards, put his head on the stump.
1891
01:27:13,000 --> 01:27:14,500
Guards, hold.
1892
01:27:15,416 --> 01:27:21,208
Hunchback, are you saying
that the king ordered you to kill me?
1893
01:27:21,291 --> 01:27:23,166
- He did, Your Grace.
- [crowd gasps]
1894
01:27:23,250 --> 01:27:26,791
Just before you commanded me
to assassinate him.
1895
01:27:26,875 --> 01:27:27,875
[crowd gasps]
1896
01:27:27,916 --> 01:27:29,875
- You did what?
- [mutters]
1897
01:27:29,958 --> 01:27:32,458
That's enough. Papal guard, shoot his man.
1898
01:27:32,541 --> 01:27:33,750
What?
1899
01:27:33,833 --> 01:27:35,625
- [groans]
- [crowd gasps]
1900
01:27:35,708 --> 01:27:37,708
You just killed my man.
1901
01:27:37,791 --> 01:27:39,083
Oh, shit.
1902
01:27:39,166 --> 01:27:40,708
Guards, shoot his man.
1903
01:27:41,541 --> 01:27:42,791
[crowd gasps, screams]
1904
01:27:42,875 --> 01:27:45,625
Fuck you, Your Grace.
1905
01:27:46,291 --> 01:27:47,583
[groans, grunts]
1906
01:27:48,541 --> 01:27:52,833
Is this what you want?
Surely, you want more from a leader.
1907
01:27:52,916 --> 01:27:54,125
We're not sure!
1908
01:27:54,208 --> 01:27:55,500
And we know no other way!
1909
01:27:55,583 --> 01:27:56,875
There is another way.
1910
01:27:56,958 --> 01:28:00,791
I was once like you.
I thought I didn't matter.
1911
01:28:00,875 --> 01:28:05,000
But I've learned,
with the help of my friends…
1912
01:28:07,041 --> 01:28:08,125
that I do.
1913
01:28:08,208 --> 01:28:09,750
So do you.
1914
01:28:09,833 --> 01:28:10,875
He's kinda right.
1915
01:28:11,791 --> 01:28:18,750
If this sad, lonely hunchback
can sit at a table with the king
1916
01:28:18,833 --> 01:28:23,208
and dine on oysters, you can, too.
1917
01:28:23,291 --> 01:28:24,291
Oysters!
1918
01:28:24,333 --> 01:28:27,458
We can all eat oysters!
1919
01:28:27,541 --> 01:28:30,000
- [chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
- [chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
1920
01:28:30,083 --> 01:28:35,000
[crowd chanting] Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
1921
01:28:35,083 --> 01:28:38,208
So this is that oyster chant
I've been hearing about.
1922
01:28:38,291 --> 01:28:39,666
What a catchy little ditty.
1923
01:28:39,750 --> 01:28:43,375
[crowd] Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
1924
01:28:43,458 --> 01:28:45,083
Enough!
1925
01:28:45,166 --> 01:28:49,000
The next person to say "oysters"
will be disemboweled.
1926
01:28:50,125 --> 01:28:51,333
Oysters.
1927
01:28:51,416 --> 01:28:53,256
I want to say it was
that fellow in the green...
1928
01:28:53,291 --> 01:28:56,083
Oh! Who threw that?
1929
01:28:56,166 --> 01:28:58,166
- [both grunt]
- [Pope Cornelius] What, what? Oh!
1930
01:28:58,250 --> 01:28:59,625
[Catherine] Oh!
1931
01:29:00,666 --> 01:29:03,083
- As your king, I command you to stop.
- [clank]
1932
01:29:03,166 --> 01:29:04,458
Ow! Kettle in the stomach!
1933
01:29:04,541 --> 01:29:07,416
Eat shit, Guy! Quasi gets us!
1934
01:29:07,500 --> 01:29:09,416
Get control of your people.
1935
01:29:09,500 --> 01:29:11,666
How dare you come into my country and...
1936
01:29:11,750 --> 01:29:14,875
You know what? I've had just about enough
of you and your country.
1937
01:29:16,458 --> 01:29:17,458
[grunts]
1938
01:29:18,125 --> 01:29:19,184
- [shouts]
- [King Guy groans]
1939
01:29:19,208 --> 01:29:20,666
[crowd screams]
1940
01:29:21,583 --> 01:29:27,000
[groans] You can't stab me. I'm the king.
1941
01:29:27,083 --> 01:29:29,083
Well, now, you're a king on a stick.
1942
01:29:29,166 --> 01:29:30,458
[King Guy grunts]
1943
01:29:30,541 --> 01:29:31,642
- [crowd gasps]
- [Quasi grunts]
1944
01:29:31,666 --> 01:29:33,666
We all saw
that he was asking for it, right?
1945
01:29:33,750 --> 01:29:34,916
- I mean...
- [shouts]
1946
01:29:35,000 --> 01:29:36,625
- [gasps]
- [both gasp]
1947
01:29:37,500 --> 01:29:40,166
[groans] Goddamn it, I'm the pope.
1948
01:29:40,750 --> 01:29:42,916
Good luck finding a cool breeze in hell.
1949
01:29:43,000 --> 01:29:44,416
- [groans]
- [King Guy grunts]
1950
01:29:44,500 --> 01:29:49,250
None of this would have happened if
you weren't so jealous of my new alliance,
1951
01:29:49,333 --> 01:29:50,333
you prick.
1952
01:29:50,416 --> 01:29:51,666
You're the prick.
1953
01:29:52,166 --> 01:29:54,791
You were a prick when we dated,
and you're still a prick now.
1954
01:29:54,875 --> 01:29:55,875
- [crowd gasps]
- What?
1955
01:29:55,916 --> 01:29:57,333
[Stefan] Oh, poop!
1956
01:29:58,000 --> 01:29:59,666
I'm the prick?
1957
01:29:59,750 --> 01:30:03,500
You're the one who cheated on me
at université with Jacques Chouinard.
1958
01:30:03,583 --> 01:30:07,916
What? You cheated on me
at université with Jacques Chouinard.
1959
01:30:08,000 --> 01:30:09,125
What's happening?
1960
01:30:09,208 --> 01:30:14,208
- Who told you that? I loved you.
- [stammers]
1961
01:30:16,541 --> 01:30:19,250
And I… loved you.
1962
01:30:20,250 --> 01:30:22,041
[groans, grunts]
1963
01:30:22,125 --> 01:30:26,125
I still love you.
1964
01:30:26,208 --> 01:30:30,000
And I, you.
1965
01:30:30,833 --> 01:30:34,000
[grunting]
1966
01:30:39,416 --> 01:30:42,833
Whoa. That plot thickened a lot.
1967
01:30:43,791 --> 01:30:44,958
Du.
1968
01:30:45,041 --> 01:30:46,833
- Du! [grunts]
- [groans]
1969
01:30:46,916 --> 01:30:47,956
[Quasi] How you doing, Du?
1970
01:30:48,000 --> 01:30:50,791
[groans] Amateurs. They nailed me
1971
01:30:50,875 --> 01:30:52,875
- through the skin of the sack.
- So stupid.
1972
01:30:52,958 --> 01:30:55,142
A professional would have gone
right through the testicle.
1973
01:30:55,166 --> 01:30:57,250
Huh, I remember my first scrotum nailing.
1974
01:30:57,333 --> 01:30:58,767
- [chuckles] In fact…
- [laughing] Yeah.
1975
01:30:58,791 --> 01:30:59,934
…you were there, my old friend.
1976
01:30:59,958 --> 01:31:02,208
- I was, my old friend.
- Yeah.
1977
01:31:02,291 --> 01:31:04,250
- My old friend.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1978
01:31:04,333 --> 01:31:05,976
And I'm not just saying that
'cause of Michel.
1979
01:31:06,000 --> 01:31:08,166
- Ah.
- There is no Jerome.
1980
01:31:08,958 --> 01:31:10,708
You are my best friend.
1981
01:31:11,291 --> 01:31:12,500
And you mine.
1982
01:31:13,083 --> 01:31:17,041
I've never even been to Champagne.
I hear it's lovely.
1983
01:31:17,125 --> 01:31:18,375
- [sobs]
- [shushing]
1984
01:31:18,458 --> 01:31:21,833
Duchamp, we will go to Champagne together.
1985
01:31:22,458 --> 01:31:26,500
And we will drink much, much wine.
1986
01:31:26,583 --> 01:31:28,458
- [sobbing]
- [Quasi] Aw.
1987
01:31:30,916 --> 01:31:35,125
Subjects of France,
kneel before your new king.
1988
01:31:35,208 --> 01:31:37,583
- [crowd cheers]
- [crowd member 1] Yeah! King Quasi!
1989
01:31:39,500 --> 01:31:42,958
Come, Quasi. Your kingdom awaits you.
1990
01:31:43,041 --> 01:31:45,041
Go, go, my friend. [grunts]
1991
01:31:45,125 --> 01:31:47,166
We're not kneeling
because of the birthmark.
1992
01:31:47,250 --> 01:31:48,791
We like what he has to say.
1993
01:31:48,875 --> 01:31:50,333
[crowd cheering]
1994
01:31:50,416 --> 01:31:51,833
[crowd member 2] King Quasi!
1995
01:32:05,250 --> 01:32:06,583
Yeah!
1996
01:32:08,500 --> 01:32:12,541
[narrator] And so it was,
a new king was crowned.
1997
01:32:12,625 --> 01:32:16,750
A king unlike any France had ever known.
1998
01:32:17,458 --> 01:32:18,875
And the country flourished,
1999
01:32:19,875 --> 01:32:24,958
for it was ruled by a king and queen
who valued merit, virtue,
2000
01:32:25,041 --> 01:32:26,541
and decency.
2001
01:32:28,125 --> 01:32:31,291
A king and queen of the people.
2002
01:32:32,833 --> 01:32:34,166
- You like oysters?
- Of course.
2003
01:32:34,250 --> 01:32:36,291
Right, who doesn't? [laughs]
2004
01:32:39,166 --> 01:32:41,458
[clears throat] Hey. Hey.
2005
01:32:41,541 --> 01:32:42,750
- Yeah?
- Clean.
2006
01:32:42,833 --> 01:32:43,916
- Oh.
- Yeah.
2007
01:32:44,000 --> 01:32:45,458
- [speaking French]
- You got it.
2008
01:32:45,541 --> 01:32:47,250
- Down the hatch.
- Mm-hmm. [chuckles]
2009
01:32:48,458 --> 01:32:51,125
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm! Oh.
2010
01:32:51,208 --> 01:32:52,250
[speaking French]
2011
01:32:52,333 --> 01:32:54,166
- Food of kings.
- Yeah, yeah. And queens.
2012
01:32:54,250 --> 01:32:55,666
- Oh!
- Oh.
2013
01:32:55,750 --> 01:32:56,916
[all laugh]
2014
01:32:57,000 --> 01:32:58,000
Hold on a second.
2015
01:32:58,625 --> 01:33:01,333
- Oysters! Oysters!
- Oysters!
2016
01:33:01,416 --> 01:33:07,166
[all chanting] Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
2017
01:33:07,250 --> 01:33:10,041
Oysters! Oysters! Oysters! Oysters!
2018
01:33:10,125 --> 01:33:13,333
[narrator]
And their reign lasted many years,
2019
01:33:13,416 --> 01:33:19,333
and they conquered many foes
and ate many oysters.
2020
01:33:20,083 --> 01:33:23,250
But that is a different story.
2021
01:34:31,125 --> 01:34:32,934
Look at how these guys do it.
See how they do it?
2022
01:34:32,958 --> 01:34:34,726
- Here, do you wanna go?
- Oh, no, go. You're good.
2023
01:34:34,750 --> 01:34:36,101
- Okay.
- You're doing a great job.
2024
01:34:36,125 --> 01:34:42,208
May our dear friend, Michel Domeck,
forever rest in peace and find happiness.
2025
01:34:42,291 --> 01:34:44,583
Quasi, I think we need a bigger hole.
2026
01:34:44,666 --> 01:34:46,208
Oh, shit. Um…
2027
01:34:47,208 --> 01:34:48,791
Oh. Oops. [chuckles]
2028
01:34:48,875 --> 01:34:50,041
[Duchamp] Good?
2029
01:34:50,583 --> 01:34:51,833
Okay.
2030
01:34:51,916 --> 01:34:53,250
Okay, well…
2031
01:34:54,083 --> 01:34:55,083
We didn't quite get it.
2032
01:34:55,166 --> 01:34:56,541
Yeah, we're not good at this.
2033
01:34:56,625 --> 01:34:57,625
Not enough dirt.
2034
01:34:57,666 --> 01:34:59,166
- We got close, huh?
- Yeah, we did.
2035
01:35:54,708 --> 01:35:57,333
- [Kevin Heffernan] Action.
- Oh, can you bring a hollandaise sauce
2036
01:35:57,416 --> 01:35:58,416
for the hog anus?
2037
01:35:58,500 --> 01:36:00,708
Béarnaise sauce for the hog anus?
2038
01:36:00,791 --> 01:36:04,708
Oh, could you bring an au jus
for the hog anus, please?
2039
01:36:06,250 --> 01:36:07,684
- [Kevin Heffernan] All right, good?
- No.
2040
01:36:07,708 --> 01:36:11,583
Oh, could you bring some orange marmalade
for the hog anus, please?
2041
01:36:11,666 --> 01:36:15,500
Oh, could you bring some Cool Ranch
Doritos for the hog anus, please?
2042
01:36:16,291 --> 01:36:17,791
[sighs] Okay, now I'm done.
2043
01:36:17,875 --> 01:36:19,208
[crew laughs]
2044
01:36:19,291 --> 01:36:20,541
They know you're alive.
2045
01:36:21,125 --> 01:36:24,416
If I go with you,
they'll undoubtedly find me… [laughing]
2046
01:36:24,500 --> 01:36:25,875
…find us and kill us both.
2047
01:36:25,958 --> 01:36:28,638
- [Quasi] The king killed his last wife.
- I still have another line.
2048
01:36:28,708 --> 01:36:29,708
[Steve Lemme] Oh, sorry.
2049
01:36:30,375 --> 01:36:31,916
I find the horse very distracting.
2050
01:36:32,541 --> 01:36:34,125
He will go without you.
2051
01:36:34,208 --> 01:36:36,041
Now, here is some money.
2052
01:36:36,625 --> 01:36:39,708
But a word of caution.
Do not pay the ferryman...
2053
01:36:39,791 --> 01:36:42,416
- [Kevin Heffernan] Hold on a second.
- [set crew laughs]
2054
01:36:42,500 --> 01:36:44,291
[crew member]
I promise not to hit your nuts.
2055
01:36:45,541 --> 01:36:46,833
[crew laughs]
2056
01:36:46,916 --> 01:36:48,436
[crew member] I'm not aiming for them.
2057
01:36:49,458 --> 01:36:52,125
[crew laughs]
2058
01:36:52,208 --> 01:36:54,750
I'll give him one for the torture chamber.
2059
01:36:54,833 --> 01:36:56,458
- Oh, fuck.
- [crew laughs]
2060
01:36:56,541 --> 01:36:58,208
This is my second day. I…
2061
01:36:58,708 --> 01:37:01,333
It's not your second day.
I saw you in a previous scene.
2062
01:37:01,416 --> 01:37:03,750
- Cut. Fire him.
- [set crew laughs]
2063
01:37:03,833 --> 01:37:06,291
[Adrianne Palicki] Oh, oh. [laughs]
2064
01:37:06,375 --> 01:37:07,375
[crew chattering]
2065
01:37:07,458 --> 01:37:09,601
[Steve Lemme] Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Cramp, cramp, cramp. Shit.
2066
01:37:09,625 --> 01:37:11,875
Jerome's cool, and his face is straight.
2067
01:37:11,958 --> 01:37:13,291
Is that... Oh, really?
2068
01:37:13,375 --> 01:37:14,416
Yeah, mm-hmm.
2069
01:37:14,500 --> 01:37:16,000
[laughing] Okay.
2070
01:37:16,083 --> 01:37:18,541
[crew laughs]
2071
01:37:18,625 --> 01:37:20,125
A friend with a straight face?
2072
01:37:20,208 --> 01:37:21,934
- Come on. You don't have many of those.
- Yeah.
2073
01:37:21,958 --> 01:37:23,638
- I'll tell you that.
- Yeah, no... No shit.
2074
01:37:24,791 --> 01:37:26,541
[crew laughs]
2075
01:37:26,625 --> 01:37:30,583
I can't help but notice all these
important looks you're throwing at him.
2076
01:37:31,250 --> 01:37:33,000
What the fuck is going on over here?
2077
01:37:33,083 --> 01:37:36,000
He'll be even more insufferable. [laughs]
2078
01:37:36,083 --> 01:37:38,226
- [Kevin Heffernan] Stick with it.
- Okay, I can't look at him.
2079
01:37:38,250 --> 01:37:39,500
[Lucien] Hey, shitbrain.
2080
01:37:39,583 --> 01:37:41,125
Hey, shampoo model.
2081
01:37:41,208 --> 01:37:42,708
Hey, muscular old lady.
2082
01:37:42,791 --> 01:37:44,392
- [set crew laughs]
- [Lucien] Oh, it's Pascal.
2083
01:37:44,416 --> 01:37:47,791
And I, m-mine.
2084
01:37:48,291 --> 01:37:50,875
- [laughing] Oh. Oh, my.
- [set crew laughs]
2085
01:37:50,958 --> 01:37:54,125
♪ Ding dang dong
Ding dang dong ♪
2086
01:37:54,208 --> 01:37:55,208
[Kevin Heffernan] Cut!
2087
01:37:55,291 --> 01:37:57,583
[cheering]
2088
01:38:57,000 --> 01:38:58,791
[dogs barking]
2089
01:39:01,708 --> 01:39:04,750
[snarling]