1
00:00:07,162 --> 00:00:09,029
Look at all these people.
2
00:00:09,030 --> 00:00:10,564
Exercising in
the middle of the day,
3
00:00:10,565 --> 00:00:12,566
drinking their free-range,
cold-pressed nut juice.
4
00:00:12,567 --> 00:00:13,868
(chuckles)
5
00:00:13,869 --> 00:00:15,501
I mean, don't they have jobs?
6
00:00:15,503 --> 00:00:18,906
It's gotta make you wonder
who's funding this lifestyle.
7
00:00:18,907 --> 00:00:20,107
Rich parents?
8
00:00:20,108 --> 00:00:21,508
Ex-husbands?
9
00:00:21,509 --> 00:00:22,943
The Illuminati?
10
00:00:22,944 --> 00:00:24,645
The who?
11
00:00:24,646 --> 00:00:27,081
Exactly.
12
00:00:27,082 --> 00:00:29,917
DISPATCHER: All units, we have
a 10-37 at Cicero and Irving.
13
00:00:29,918 --> 00:00:31,584
Possible stolen vehicle.
14
00:00:38,727 --> 00:00:40,794
Should we get that?
15
00:00:40,795 --> 00:00:42,629
I suppose we should.
16
00:00:44,332 --> 00:00:46,367
RAMIREZ: Car 2686 responding.
17
00:00:46,368 --> 00:00:49,003
Ah, looks like Ramirez
beat us to the punch.
18
00:00:49,004 --> 00:00:51,071
Well, just as well,
we got our hands full here.
19
00:00:51,072 --> 00:00:52,238
(chuckles)
20
00:00:53,074 --> 00:00:54,508
Unbelievable.
21
00:00:54,509 --> 00:00:56,277
All these people
on permanent vacation
22
00:00:56,278 --> 00:00:58,711
while we're working like dogs.
23
00:00:58,713 --> 00:01:00,714
Ain't that the truth?
Hey, you want a snow cone?
24
00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:02,716
I would.
25
00:01:02,717 --> 00:01:04,718
Hey. Your feet, my treat.
26
00:01:04,719 --> 00:01:07,253
Car 2607 responding.
27
00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:11,691
Hey, I'll get a jump
on our paperwork.
28
00:01:12,994 --> 00:01:14,761
Or not.
29
00:01:24,706 --> 00:01:27,707
I forgot to tell Carl
what flavor.
30
00:01:30,445 --> 00:01:32,011
Ah, he'll surprise me.
31
00:01:34,549 --> 00:01:37,351
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
32
00:01:37,352 --> 00:01:40,287
♪ La, la-ba-dee-da ♪
33
00:01:40,288 --> 00:01:43,724
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
34
00:01:43,725 --> 00:01:44,959
♪ I see love ♪
35
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,427
♪ I see love ♪
36
00:01:47,429 --> 00:01:50,197
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
37
00:01:50,198 --> 00:01:51,681
♪ I see love ♪
38
00:01:51,682 --> 00:01:55,810
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
39
00:02:03,839 --> 00:02:05,073
(sighs)
40
00:02:05,074 --> 00:02:06,641
What is the matter
with the Internet?
41
00:02:06,642 --> 00:02:07,641
Tell me about it.
42
00:02:07,643 --> 00:02:09,010
Leave out one letter
43
00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:10,478
and you're seeing things
you can't un-see.
44
00:02:10,479 --> 00:02:14,481
Made that mistake looking up
"grandfather clocks."
45
00:02:15,751 --> 00:02:18,319
No, I meant the signal's down.
46
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:19,954
And you left that website up.
47
00:02:19,955 --> 00:02:22,889
It's forever frozen here
and in here.
48
00:02:23,792 --> 00:02:26,393
All right, Molly,
cancel the credit cards.
49
00:02:26,395 --> 00:02:28,428
Is this about the $600 boots?
50
00:02:28,430 --> 00:02:29,197
What?
51
00:02:29,198 --> 00:02:30,397
What?
52
00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:33,601
No, my wallet got stolen.
53
00:02:33,602 --> 00:02:35,470
Oh... Oh... Oh, bummer.
54
00:02:35,471 --> 00:02:37,004
Did you call the cops?
55
00:02:39,174 --> 00:02:40,174
I had everything in there.
56
00:02:40,175 --> 00:02:41,142
My driver's license,
57
00:02:41,143 --> 00:02:43,177
my Social Security card,
lottery ticket.
58
00:02:43,178 --> 00:02:44,445
Maybe I won, maybe I didn't.
59
00:02:44,446 --> 00:02:46,346
We'll never know.
60
00:02:46,348 --> 00:02:47,547
Where'd they steal it from?
61
00:02:47,549 --> 00:02:48,549
Straight off the dashboard
62
00:02:48,550 --> 00:02:50,018
of my squad car.
Oh...
63
00:02:50,019 --> 00:02:51,952
So it was a classic
smash-and-grab, huh?
64
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,988
(sighs)
65
00:02:53,989 --> 00:02:55,990
It was more of a grab
than smash.
66
00:02:55,991 --> 00:03:00,228
The window was open,
'cause there was a nice breeze.
67
00:03:00,229 --> 00:03:02,530
So, wait, you were in
the car when it happened?
68
00:03:02,531 --> 00:03:05,198
No. Of course he wasn't, Mom.
69
00:03:06,669 --> 00:03:09,904
Nah, he was in the car.
70
00:03:09,905 --> 00:03:12,639
I swear, I only closed my eyes
for a couple of seconds.
71
00:03:12,641 --> 00:03:14,041
You fell asleep?
72
00:03:14,043 --> 00:03:17,044
Well, no. I wouldn't
call it sleep, exactly.
73
00:03:17,046 --> 00:03:19,112
More like a ten-minute blink?
74
00:03:19,114 --> 00:03:20,248
How the hell would I know?
75
00:03:20,249 --> 00:03:21,549
I wasn't wearing a watch.
76
00:03:21,550 --> 00:03:24,217
Good thing. They probably
would have stole that, too.
77
00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:27,755
Where was Carl?
78
00:03:27,756 --> 00:03:29,122
Was he also blinking?
79
00:03:29,124 --> 00:03:30,757
No.
80
00:03:32,227 --> 00:03:34,161
He was out
getting us snow cones.
81
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:36,997
MOLLY: Okay.
82
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,466
We just want you to know
83
00:03:38,467 --> 00:03:41,234
that we're just glad
that you're okay.
84
00:03:41,236 --> 00:03:43,637
And I'm keeping the boots.
85
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:56,516
Okay, so it wasn't
your best day.
86
00:03:56,518 --> 00:03:58,519
It was humiliating.
87
00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,088
Hey, this is not all on you.
88
00:04:00,089 --> 00:04:02,290
Okay? This is an indictment
on modern society.
89
00:04:02,291 --> 00:04:04,192
I mean, what kind of a world
is this that a police officer
90
00:04:04,193 --> 00:04:06,728
can't sleep safely
in his own squad car?
91
00:04:06,729 --> 00:04:09,530
I never should've been
sleeping in my squad car.
92
00:04:09,531 --> 00:04:11,465
That's another way
to look at it.
93
00:04:12,668 --> 00:04:14,335
When I first
came out of the academy,
94
00:04:14,336 --> 00:04:16,370
they paired me
with this old timer, Perzecki.
95
00:04:16,372 --> 00:04:17,438
Kept a pillow in his car.
96
00:04:17,439 --> 00:04:18,906
Put it under his arm
when he drove
97
00:04:18,907 --> 00:04:20,608
and under his head
when he took a nap.
98
00:04:20,609 --> 00:04:23,845
He even named it:
"Officer Down."
99
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:26,813
I would have gone
with "Captain Memory Foam."
100
00:04:28,217 --> 00:04:30,450
Mmm-kay.
101
00:04:30,452 --> 00:04:32,320
I used to think
that guy was a joke.
102
00:04:32,321 --> 00:04:33,888
Now look who the joke is.
103
00:04:33,889 --> 00:04:35,322
Hey, come on, now,
you're not that bad.
104
00:04:35,324 --> 00:04:36,958
Is that what
I'm going for now, Carl?
105
00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:38,059
"Not that bad"?
106
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,161
I was asleep in a squad car.
(sighs)
107
00:04:40,162 --> 00:04:42,562
It could have been so much
worse than a stolen wallet.
108
00:04:42,564 --> 00:04:43,831
By the grace of God,
109
00:04:43,832 --> 00:04:46,166
I didn't get a penis
drawn on my face.
110
00:04:46,168 --> 00:04:48,368
God is good.
111
00:04:49,638 --> 00:04:52,140
What happened to us?
112
00:04:52,141 --> 00:04:53,508
Where are those gung-ho rookies
113
00:04:53,509 --> 00:04:56,576
that wanted to grab the world in
a choke hold and never let go?
114
00:04:56,578 --> 00:04:57,578
(chuckles)
115
00:04:57,579 --> 00:04:58,812
Those were good times, huh?
116
00:04:58,814 --> 00:05:00,882
Hey. Remember that chop shop
we busted up on Melvina?
117
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:01,949
Yeah.
118
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:03,684
Didn't even call for backup.
Hm-mmm.
119
00:05:03,685 --> 00:05:05,253
Just you, me 13 Albanians,
120
00:05:05,254 --> 00:05:07,388
and half a DeLorean.
121
00:05:07,389 --> 00:05:09,523
You know, we could
still be those guys.
122
00:05:09,525 --> 00:05:11,558
You think so?
123
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:12,759
I know so.
124
00:05:12,761 --> 00:05:13,761
Hmm.
125
00:05:13,762 --> 00:05:15,862
"Bad boys, bad boys,
126
00:05:15,864 --> 00:05:17,131
"whatcha gonna do
127
00:05:17,132 --> 00:05:20,133
when McMillan and Biggs
come for you?"
128
00:05:20,135 --> 00:05:21,536
Look at my arm.
129
00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:22,603
You gave me goose bumps.
130
00:05:22,604 --> 00:05:24,672
DISPATCHER: Robbery in progress.
131
00:05:24,673 --> 00:05:26,140
Shell station,
Division and North.
132
00:05:26,141 --> 00:05:28,709
This is 2607 responding.
133
00:05:28,710 --> 00:05:30,011
All right, let's roll.
134
00:05:30,012 --> 00:05:31,479
(whooping) Look at us!
135
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,581
Hey, if you had your perm
and I had my adult braces,
136
00:05:33,582 --> 00:05:34,949
I'd swear this was
ten years ago.
137
00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:36,917
(laughs)
138
00:05:41,390 --> 00:05:43,390
You are never gonna believe
what happened at work.
139
00:05:43,392 --> 00:05:45,292
You stayed awake all day.
140
00:05:45,294 --> 00:05:47,428
You're damn right I did.
141
00:05:47,429 --> 00:05:49,262
And I remembered
why I became a cop.
142
00:05:49,264 --> 00:05:51,965
Because you failed
the pipe fitter's exam.
143
00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:53,267
That,
144
00:05:53,268 --> 00:05:56,237
and I wanted to take
a bite out of crime.
145
00:05:56,238 --> 00:05:58,406
But today, crime...
146
00:05:58,407 --> 00:06:00,408
took a bite out of me.
147
00:06:00,409 --> 00:06:01,942
What is that?
148
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:03,910
Dog bite.
149
00:06:03,912 --> 00:06:05,579
Oh, my God.
150
00:06:05,581 --> 00:06:06,914
Yeah, I chased a purse snatcher
151
00:06:06,915 --> 00:06:08,716
over a barbed wire fence
into a junkyard,
152
00:06:08,717 --> 00:06:11,619
where we were both attacked
by a giant pit bull.
153
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:13,554
Everyone was biting everyone.
154
00:06:13,555 --> 00:06:15,622
And the day just got better
from there.
155
00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:18,225
I don't know
how that's possible.
156
00:06:18,227 --> 00:06:20,761
Well, anything's possible
when...
157
00:06:20,762 --> 00:06:23,430
when you give a damn.
158
00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:27,335
I don't love a high-five.
159
00:06:27,336 --> 00:06:30,270
But you, sir,
deserve a high-five!
160
00:06:30,272 --> 00:06:31,472
Thanks.
161
00:06:31,473 --> 00:06:32,939
The last one you gave me
was on our honeymoon.
162
00:06:32,941 --> 00:06:35,175
Well, you earned that one, too.
163
00:06:36,879 --> 00:06:39,580
So, uh...
164
00:06:39,581 --> 00:06:41,314
well, where-where is everybody?
165
00:06:41,316 --> 00:06:42,916
Oh, they went to the movies.
166
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,419
Really?
167
00:06:48,156 --> 00:06:50,925
I know that "really."
168
00:06:50,926 --> 00:06:53,027
What are you thinking,
we sneak upstairs?
169
00:06:53,028 --> 00:06:54,094
Hmm?
170
00:06:54,096 --> 00:06:56,463
No.
171
00:06:58,033 --> 00:06:58,965
(giggles)
172
00:06:58,967 --> 00:07:00,735
Table for two?
No!
173
00:07:00,736 --> 00:07:02,270
They're gonna be home
in 20 minutes.
174
00:07:02,271 --> 00:07:03,371
Well, then, we'd
better get started.
175
00:07:03,372 --> 00:07:04,437
You know what?
All right.
176
00:07:04,439 --> 00:07:05,573
Fine.
177
00:07:05,574 --> 00:07:07,741
Let me just set the timer,
just in case.
178
00:07:09,378 --> 00:07:10,645
Wait, how-how long
did you set it for?
179
00:07:10,646 --> 00:07:12,480
Oh. Um, you know what?
180
00:07:12,481 --> 00:07:14,114
Let's think positive.
181
00:07:25,894 --> 00:07:27,562
Man, we've been hitting
it hard all morning.
182
00:07:27,563 --> 00:07:29,229
What do you say we take a break?
183
00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:31,731
Hey, crime doesn't take a break.
184
00:07:31,733 --> 00:07:34,468
Look at this scumbag.
185
00:07:34,469 --> 00:07:35,969
Which one?
The one in black,
186
00:07:35,971 --> 00:07:37,672
hassling that homeless guy.
187
00:07:37,673 --> 00:07:39,106
(over P.A. speaker): Hey, punk.
188
00:07:39,107 --> 00:07:41,074
Leave him alone and put
your hands in the air.
189
00:07:41,076 --> 00:07:42,877
Oh! I'm sorry, Father!
190
00:07:42,878 --> 00:07:45,313
I didn't see the collar.
191
00:07:45,314 --> 00:07:47,047
You might want
to pull back a little.
192
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:50,451
Hey, crime doesn't pull back.
193
00:07:50,452 --> 00:07:52,587
Man, you can't just keep
putting "crime doesn't"
194
00:07:52,588 --> 00:07:54,188
before everything I say.
195
00:07:54,189 --> 00:07:56,057
I'm sorry,
I'm just so pumped up.
196
00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:57,792
I'm tellin' you, Carl,
getting my wallet stolen
197
00:07:57,793 --> 00:07:59,826
was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
198
00:07:59,828 --> 00:08:01,495
Hey, listen, I love
the new wide-awake Mike.
199
00:08:01,496 --> 00:08:03,197
But we need
to be smart about this.
200
00:08:03,198 --> 00:08:04,865
I wouldn't've drank
that second cup of coffee
201
00:08:04,866 --> 00:08:06,866
if I knew we weren't
taking pee breaks.
202
00:08:06,868 --> 00:08:08,101
Carl, eleven o'clock.
203
00:08:08,103 --> 00:08:09,470
No, no, I got a tiny bladder.
204
00:08:09,471 --> 00:08:11,104
I can't wait till 11:00.
205
00:08:11,106 --> 00:08:12,672
No, no, the punk on the bike.
206
00:08:12,674 --> 00:08:14,642
Am I crazy, or does that look
like the guy that's been pulling
207
00:08:14,643 --> 00:08:16,444
all those second-floor
B and E's?
208
00:08:16,445 --> 00:08:17,912
There's only one
way to find out.
209
00:08:17,913 --> 00:08:19,379
(over P.A. speaker):
Hey, you, on the bike.
210
00:08:19,381 --> 00:08:20,648
Pull over to the sidewalk.
211
00:08:20,649 --> 00:08:21,781
(sirens wailing)
212
00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:23,117
Got a runner.
213
00:08:23,118 --> 00:08:25,052
Son-of-a-bitch thinks
he can shake us
214
00:08:25,053 --> 00:08:26,454
by going down that narrow alley.
215
00:08:26,455 --> 00:08:28,221
We'll just go down a block,
head west, and we'll catch him
216
00:08:28,223 --> 00:08:29,756
on the other side.
Nah, too risky. We'll lose him.
217
00:08:29,758 --> 00:08:31,058
What?
218
00:08:31,059 --> 00:08:32,693
(tires squeal)
219
00:08:32,694 --> 00:08:34,061
Are you sure
we can fit down here?
220
00:08:34,062 --> 00:08:35,128
Nope.
221
00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,631
(tires squealing)
222
00:08:39,368 --> 00:08:41,701
Well, I'll be damned.
Weit
223
00:08:43,505 --> 00:08:45,473
(grunting)
224
00:08:45,474 --> 00:08:46,774
Could you watch the potholes?
225
00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:48,642
I told you, I gotta
go to the bathroom.
226
00:08:52,147 --> 00:08:53,247
Take the wheel!
227
00:08:53,248 --> 00:08:54,547
What?
228
00:08:54,950 --> 00:08:57,050
Ah!
Whoa!
229
00:08:57,052 --> 00:08:58,151
MIKE: I got him!
230
00:08:58,153 --> 00:08:59,887
(both laughing)
231
00:08:59,888 --> 00:09:01,488
Brakes, brakes, brakes!
232
00:09:09,464 --> 00:09:11,565
That...
233
00:09:11,566 --> 00:09:14,067
was awesome.
234
00:09:25,282 --> 00:09:26,382
So right before I nail him,
235
00:09:26,383 --> 00:09:27,482
I yell out the window and I go,
236
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,619
"You got the right
to eat asphalt!"
237
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,620
(cops laughing)
238
00:09:32,856 --> 00:09:34,389
I didn't hear you say that.
239
00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:37,460
Well, I-I thought of it
afterwards.
240
00:09:37,461 --> 00:09:38,861
But how cool
would that have been?
241
00:09:38,862 --> 00:09:41,464
Never thought
I'd say this, Biggs,
242
00:09:41,465 --> 00:09:42,899
but you're the real deal.
243
00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:44,466
You are "the police."
244
00:09:44,468 --> 00:09:46,669
Well, it's nothing
any of you wouldn't have done
245
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:51,040
if you loved this damn city
as much as I do.
246
00:09:51,041 --> 00:09:52,609
Yeah, congratulations.
247
00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:54,177
You wrecked a $50,000 squad car
248
00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:55,545
and almost killed us
in the process.
249
00:09:55,546 --> 00:09:57,714
Nice!
250
00:09:57,715 --> 00:09:59,983
Oh, my God.
251
00:09:59,984 --> 00:10:01,417
Are you okay?
Oh, it's nothing.
252
00:10:01,418 --> 00:10:02,385
Just a scratch.
253
00:10:02,386 --> 00:10:03,686
18 stitches.
254
00:10:03,687 --> 00:10:04,988
(Seely laughs)
255
00:10:04,989 --> 00:10:06,723
Hey, you should be proud
of your husband.
256
00:10:06,724 --> 00:10:08,491
He put his life
on the line today.
257
00:10:08,492 --> 00:10:09,659
Yeah, I know.
258
00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:11,961
I am. I am so proud.
259
00:10:11,962 --> 00:10:13,996
(harsh whisper): What the hell
is the matter with you?
260
00:10:13,998 --> 00:10:16,099
Carl called me
and told me what you did.
261
00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:18,101
Pretty sexy, huh?
262
00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:19,769
No! You know what's sexy,
263
00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:21,303
is you coming home
to me in one piece.
264
00:10:21,305 --> 00:10:23,306
Well, look, I gotta make
tough decisions out there.
265
00:10:23,307 --> 00:10:25,308
I don't have time
to call home and ask permission.
266
00:10:25,309 --> 00:10:26,342
SEELY: Yo, Biggs!
267
00:10:26,343 --> 00:10:27,543
Me and the boys,
268
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,645
we're taking you
out for a drink.
269
00:10:28,646 --> 00:10:29,846
Oh, that sounds good!
270
00:10:29,847 --> 00:10:33,782
Can I go?
271
00:10:35,786 --> 00:10:38,253
That's gonna leave
a nice scar, Biggs.
272
00:10:38,255 --> 00:10:40,155
Ah, no big deal.
It's not the first.
273
00:10:40,157 --> 00:10:41,691
Yeah, show 'em the one
you got on your thumb
274
00:10:41,692 --> 00:10:42,759
opening that can of tuna.
275
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,559
Mixed in the mayo
276
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:47,597
before I even went
to the hospital.
277
00:10:47,598 --> 00:10:49,132
You want to see a real scar?
278
00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:51,501
Check this out.
279
00:10:51,502 --> 00:10:52,735
Oh!
Oh!
280
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:54,470
Bullet wound?
Bite mark.
281
00:10:54,471 --> 00:10:56,406
Serving a warrant to
the one meth head in town
282
00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:57,839
who still had teeth.
283
00:10:57,841 --> 00:11:00,009
(laughing)
Come on, that's nothing.
284
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:01,276
Look at this.
285
00:11:01,278 --> 00:11:03,179
Look at that.
See that? Ooh... Oh! Oh!
286
00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:04,579
Domestic call.
287
00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:07,283
Some piece of crap's knocking
the snot out of his wife.
288
00:11:07,284 --> 00:11:08,985
So I pull him off her,
289
00:11:08,986 --> 00:11:10,720
and as I'm cuffing him,
290
00:11:10,721 --> 00:11:13,322
the broad stabs me
in the back with a steak knife.
291
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:15,358
See? That's what you get
for trying to help people.
292
00:11:15,359 --> 00:11:16,359
You know what?
293
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,560
Up to me, I'd say
294
00:11:17,561 --> 00:11:18,695
just let all the dirtbags
295
00:11:18,696 --> 00:11:20,063
kill all the scumbags.
296
00:11:20,064 --> 00:11:21,064
Problem solved.
297
00:11:21,065 --> 00:11:22,131
Yeah, and we go fishing.
298
00:11:22,132 --> 00:11:23,833
Yeah.
Hear, hear.
299
00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:24,934
Easy, now, let's not forget
300
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,368
we're still talking
about people here.
301
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,840
Well, I don't know what calls
you're taking, McMillan,
302
00:11:31,842 --> 00:11:34,711
but some days, I feel like
I'm working animal control.
303
00:11:34,712 --> 00:11:37,013
At least you can spay
and neuter an animal.
304
00:11:37,014 --> 00:11:38,747
(laughter)
305
00:11:38,749 --> 00:11:40,450
Uh, are you listening
to yourselves?
306
00:11:40,451 --> 00:11:42,852
People respond to us
based on how we treat them.
307
00:11:42,853 --> 00:11:45,087
You catch more flies with honey.
308
00:11:46,223 --> 00:11:47,656
(laughter)
309
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:51,427
You keep catching flies,
McMillan.
310
00:11:51,428 --> 00:11:53,529
Hey, hey, hey.
Maybe, instead of a gun,
311
00:11:53,530 --> 00:11:55,364
you could carry a butterfly net.
312
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,034
Yeah, put on a big,
floppy sun hat
313
00:11:58,035 --> 00:11:59,267
and skip around the city.
314
00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:01,771
You know what? He actually has
one of those hats.
315
00:12:01,772 --> 00:12:03,472
No!
316
00:12:03,474 --> 00:12:05,641
Yeah, and the back of my neck
still looks like I'm 25.
317
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,043
You know what?
318
00:12:07,044 --> 00:12:08,344
I'm gonna call it a night.
319
00:12:08,345 --> 00:12:09,379
Aw, come on, Carl.
320
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:10,913
The guys are just bustin' balls.
321
00:12:10,914 --> 00:12:12,148
Let him go.
322
00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,516
He needs to get home
to make some herbal tea
323
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:15,618
and watch The Good Wife.
(laughter)
324
00:12:15,619 --> 00:12:16,753
Nice one.
325
00:12:16,754 --> 00:12:18,388
Although, you know,
326
00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,856
that show has not been
the same since Will died.
327
00:12:20,858 --> 00:12:22,225
Yeah.
Oh, that's right.
328
00:12:22,226 --> 00:12:24,259
That's right.
That's right.
329
00:12:30,567 --> 00:12:31,634
Oh, hey, Mike.
330
00:12:31,635 --> 00:12:32,802
Hey.
331
00:12:32,803 --> 00:12:34,904
Heard about your accident.
332
00:12:34,905 --> 00:12:36,171
That seems really scary.
333
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:39,274
Well, crime doesn't stop
for scary.
334
00:12:40,377 --> 00:12:41,477
Carl's right.
335
00:12:41,478 --> 00:12:44,112
It doesn't work every time.
336
00:12:44,114 --> 00:12:46,416
Well, if you're dumb enough to
break the law in front of a cop,
337
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,383
you get what you deserve.
338
00:12:48,385 --> 00:12:49,452
What are you...
what are you doing?
339
00:12:49,453 --> 00:12:50,586
Mmm. Don't worry about it.
340
00:12:50,587 --> 00:12:52,455
I told the family next door
341
00:12:52,456 --> 00:12:55,557
that there's a bunch of skunks
living under the porch.
342
00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:57,794
See, this is the problem,
right here.
343
00:12:57,795 --> 00:12:59,562
Mike, the skunks aren't real.
344
00:12:59,563 --> 00:13:01,597
I made it up so that I could
smoke weed on the porch.
345
00:13:01,598 --> 00:13:02,764
No.
346
00:13:02,766 --> 00:13:05,267
It's a blatant lack
of respect for the law
347
00:13:05,269 --> 00:13:07,036
and me.
Hey!
348
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:08,704
You can't do that!
349
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:09,672
Yeah, I can.
350
00:13:09,673 --> 00:13:10,706
I'm the police.
351
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:13,643
Give... it... back!
352
00:13:13,644 --> 00:13:15,244
I am flushing it.
353
00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:17,447
That is my stash!
354
00:13:17,448 --> 00:13:18,548
Citizen's arrest!
355
00:13:18,549 --> 00:13:20,416
Citizen's arrest!
356
00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:21,751
Get off me!
357
00:13:21,752 --> 00:13:23,118
You are assaulting an officer!
358
00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:26,054
Well, you assaulted
my doobie, brother!
359
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:27,789
Is that right?
Yeah, that's right!
360
00:13:27,791 --> 00:13:30,827
Well, you have the right
to remain here! (gasps)
361
00:13:30,828 --> 00:13:32,128
You can't handcuff me!
362
00:13:32,129 --> 00:13:34,464
You are not my boyfriend!
363
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:35,797
What the hell is going on?
364
00:13:35,799 --> 00:13:38,234
Your husband is being cruel,
and it's unusual.
365
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,502
(toilet flushes)
366
00:13:39,503 --> 00:13:41,970
Mike, why did you handcuff
my sister to the stairs?
367
00:13:41,972 --> 00:13:44,240
Well, because she broke
the law right in front of me.
368
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:45,808
What am I supposed to do,
ignore that?
369
00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:47,210
Yes! You have for years.
370
00:13:47,211 --> 00:13:49,011
We pretend it's a skunk.
371
00:13:49,012 --> 00:13:51,280
Well, pretend time is over.
372
00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:53,149
I put my life
on the line out there.
373
00:13:53,150 --> 00:13:54,851
I can't have some
wigged-out hophead
374
00:13:54,852 --> 00:13:56,552
sparking up
right in front of me.
375
00:13:56,553 --> 00:13:58,287
You should have said something.
376
00:13:58,288 --> 00:14:00,122
I would've gotten edibles.
377
00:14:00,123 --> 00:14:01,524
Here.
378
00:14:01,525 --> 00:14:03,158
Next time, she goes to jail.
379
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:05,761
What, are you gonna go rough up
my mom and Vince now?
380
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,163
I should take you all downtown.
381
00:14:07,164 --> 00:14:08,531
See who turns on who.
382
00:14:08,532 --> 00:14:10,233
I'm calling my attorney.
383
00:14:10,234 --> 00:14:11,501
You don't need a lawyer.
384
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:12,502
I need more weed.
385
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,970
He's also my dealer.
386
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,246
Thanks for taking me to work.
387
00:14:23,247 --> 00:14:25,281
Well, odds are you're gonna do
388
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:27,483
some more pretty
heroic stuff today
389
00:14:27,484 --> 00:14:30,419
and then the guys are gonna want
to take you out drinking again.
390
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:32,621
Yeah, they love me.
391
00:14:33,423 --> 00:14:34,423
Why wouldn't they?
392
00:14:34,424 --> 00:14:36,192
Super Cop.
393
00:14:36,193 --> 00:14:38,194
You don't wait for the action
to come to you,
394
00:14:38,195 --> 00:14:39,428
you run to it.
395
00:14:39,429 --> 00:14:41,497
Molly, the light's turning red.
396
00:14:41,498 --> 00:14:42,932
Oh, thanks for the heads up.
397
00:14:42,933 --> 00:14:44,200
(engine revving)
398
00:14:44,201 --> 00:14:45,401
Hey, slow down.
399
00:14:45,402 --> 00:14:48,104
Crime doesn't slow down.
400
00:14:48,105 --> 00:14:49,972
Hey, that's my thing.
401
00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,440
Seriously, slow down.
402
00:14:51,441 --> 00:14:52,775
Why?
403
00:14:52,776 --> 00:14:53,776
Am I scaring you?
404
00:14:53,777 --> 00:14:55,344
Yeah, a little bit.
405
00:14:55,345 --> 00:14:56,946
(tires screech)
406
00:14:56,947 --> 00:14:58,281
What are you doing?
Pull over.
407
00:14:58,282 --> 00:14:59,715
We're in the middle of the road.
408
00:14:59,716 --> 00:15:01,250
Oh, no, no, no.
409
00:15:01,251 --> 00:15:03,386
Look down there.
Not just that.
410
00:15:03,387 --> 00:15:06,556
We're straddling
train tracks, amigo.
411
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:07,823
Huh?
412
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,258
You like the thrill of that?
413
00:15:09,259 --> 00:15:11,527
You taste the danger?
414
00:15:11,528 --> 00:15:13,429
Not really.
These tracks are out of service.
415
00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:15,764
There hasn't been a train
on 'em for 20 years.
416
00:15:18,201 --> 00:15:19,669
Guess that would
explain the tree
417
00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:22,572
growing in the middle
of the tracks.
418
00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:24,773
(horn honking)
419
00:15:25,776 --> 00:15:26,842
Come on, Molly.
420
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:27,944
There's somebody behind us.
421
00:15:27,945 --> 00:15:28,978
Let's go.
422
00:15:28,979 --> 00:15:29,979
Nope.
423
00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:31,013
We are gonna sit here
424
00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,348
in this uncomfortable situation.
425
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:33,349
I don't care.
426
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,184
I'm a loose cannon.
427
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,385
(honking continues)
428
00:15:41,725 --> 00:15:44,793
Okay. I think... I think
I proved my point.
429
00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:47,430
Sorry!
430
00:15:47,431 --> 00:15:48,864
Are we done here?
431
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,900
Are you done playing big hero?
432
00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:52,602
Look, I was just trying
to be a good cop.
433
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,537
I can't help it if people
are impressed by that.
434
00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:55,504
What people?
435
00:15:55,505 --> 00:15:57,006
Those idiots at work?
436
00:15:57,007 --> 00:15:58,174
You used to make fun of them.
437
00:15:58,175 --> 00:15:59,842
You said they gave cops
a bad name.
438
00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:01,344
Well, that was before
they accepted me
439
00:16:01,345 --> 00:16:03,278
into Scar Club.
440
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,648
"Scar Club"?
441
00:16:05,649 --> 00:16:08,683
Are you listening
what comes out of here?
442
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,486
Look, Seely made up
that stupid name, not me.
443
00:16:11,488 --> 00:16:13,889
Look, I wasn't
trying to scare you.
444
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,092
I just wanted you
to be proud of me.
445
00:16:16,093 --> 00:16:18,694
When am I ever not proud of you?
446
00:16:18,695 --> 00:16:20,029
Well, you looked a little iffy
447
00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:21,664
when I told you
my wallet got stolen
448
00:16:21,665 --> 00:16:24,467
while Carl was out
getting us snow cones.
449
00:16:24,468 --> 00:16:27,436
Okay, it was not
your finest moment,
450
00:16:27,437 --> 00:16:30,139
but I've never not
been proud of you.
451
00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:34,110
I guess I could
pull back a little bit.
452
00:16:34,111 --> 00:16:37,013
You still gonna find me sexy
if I'm not Super Cop?
453
00:16:37,014 --> 00:16:38,347
Oh, yeah.
454
00:16:38,348 --> 00:16:39,949
I mean,
I didn't want to say anything,
455
00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:42,717
but Super Cop was
a bit of a selfish lover.
456
00:16:44,021 --> 00:16:45,287
(horn honking)
457
00:16:45,288 --> 00:16:47,123
Okay, come...
458
00:16:47,124 --> 00:16:48,457
There's plenty of room!
459
00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:50,593
Go around!
460
00:16:50,594 --> 00:16:52,628
Ooh, we got taillights out.
461
00:16:52,629 --> 00:16:54,196
Let's go.
462
00:16:54,197 --> 00:16:56,097
See if this punk's
feelin' lucky.
463
00:17:06,535 --> 00:17:09,203
Look at this. An extra large
coffee so I stay alert,
464
00:17:09,204 --> 00:17:10,705
and an apple for my snack.
465
00:17:10,706 --> 00:17:11,872
Or, as I like to call it,
466
00:17:11,874 --> 00:17:13,740
nature's snow cone.
467
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:15,609
I heard that was the banana.
468
00:17:15,611 --> 00:17:18,479
No, that's nature's burrito.
469
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,882
Oh, and... anybody grabs this
off the dashboard,
470
00:17:20,883 --> 00:17:22,182
they're taking me with it.
471
00:17:22,184 --> 00:17:24,552
Oh, like when they tie
a restroom key to a cinder block.
472
00:17:24,553 --> 00:17:25,920
(laughs)
473
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:27,053
Hold up there, chief.
474
00:17:27,055 --> 00:17:28,388
What?
475
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:29,523
You don't think I saw that?
476
00:17:29,524 --> 00:17:30,857
Empty your pockets.
477
00:17:33,695 --> 00:17:36,229
What?
478
00:17:36,231 --> 00:17:38,132
You know, the guy
who owns this store
479
00:17:38,133 --> 00:17:40,201
is trying to make a living
to support his family.
480
00:17:40,202 --> 00:17:42,369
When you steal from him,
481
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:43,771
not only are you
breaking the law,
482
00:17:43,772 --> 00:17:45,405
you're taking food
off of his table.
483
00:17:45,407 --> 00:17:47,040
Am I going to jail?
484
00:17:47,042 --> 00:17:48,643
That's up to you, little man.
485
00:17:48,644 --> 00:17:50,277
You want to keep going
down this path?
486
00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:51,645
No.
Good.
487
00:17:51,647 --> 00:17:52,980
So here's what we're gonna do.
488
00:17:52,981 --> 00:17:54,715
You come in here the rest
of the week, after school,
489
00:17:54,716 --> 00:17:56,651
and mop this guy's floor for him.
Yes, sir.
490
00:17:56,652 --> 00:17:57,785
And I'm gonna stop by every day
491
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,653
to make sure you're here.
Okay.
492
00:18:01,323 --> 00:18:03,690
Beat it. I don't want to see
you around here anymore.
493
00:18:03,692 --> 00:18:06,893
Except after school when
you're supposed to be mopping!
494
00:18:06,895 --> 00:18:08,696
Look at you.
495
00:18:08,697 --> 00:18:09,964
Teaching a kid a lesson
496
00:18:09,965 --> 00:18:11,831
and finding a way
to not eat that apple.
497
00:18:13,035 --> 00:18:14,868
I got my partner back.
498
00:18:14,870 --> 00:18:16,037
Pay for your coffee, Carl.
499
00:18:16,038 --> 00:18:18,271
All right. Honest mistake.
500
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:25,375
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/