1
00:00:02,572 --> 00:00:04,074
Come on, Carl, step on it.
2
00:00:04,075 --> 00:00:05,742
Drive on the sidewalk
if you have to.
3
00:00:05,743 --> 00:00:08,078
Hey, I'm your partner...
I will get us there.
4
00:00:08,079 --> 00:00:10,113
But you should have just
used the bathroom at Abe's.
5
00:00:10,114 --> 00:00:12,482
I like going at my mom's house.
6
00:00:12,483 --> 00:00:13,917
She's at work, and it's quiet.
7
00:00:13,918 --> 00:00:15,452
Plus, I grew up
with that toilet.
8
00:00:15,453 --> 00:00:17,120
We know each other's secrets.
9
00:00:17,121 --> 00:00:18,755
Easy, easy!
10
00:00:18,756 --> 00:00:20,457
Stay with me, buddy.
We're almost there.
11
00:00:20,458 --> 00:00:22,125
Carl, I'm not gonna make it.
12
00:00:22,126 --> 00:00:23,726
Hey, d-don't you
let go on me, man!
13
00:00:23,727 --> 00:00:25,695
Don't you let go on me!
14
00:00:35,772 --> 00:00:37,873
Mom, what are you doing home?
15
00:00:37,875 --> 00:00:38,875
I live here.
16
00:00:38,876 --> 00:00:40,443
What the hell are you doing?
17
00:00:40,444 --> 00:00:42,178
I came to borrow
your Better Homes & Gardens.
18
00:00:42,179 --> 00:00:44,480
What do you think?
19
00:00:44,481 --> 00:00:47,116
So you're the one who's been
Goldilocks-ing around my house
20
00:00:47,117 --> 00:00:48,451
while I've been at work.
21
00:00:48,452 --> 00:00:50,420
You know, if you're gonna nap
in somebody's bed,
22
00:00:50,421 --> 00:00:52,321
you need to make it
when you're done.
23
00:00:52,322 --> 00:00:53,790
I tried.
24
00:00:53,791 --> 00:00:55,790
You know I can't get
the corners as tight as you.
25
00:00:55,792 --> 00:00:57,659
No one can.
26
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:01,030
Wait, what are you
doing home anyway?
27
00:01:01,031 --> 00:01:02,298
Shouldn't you be at work?
28
00:01:02,299 --> 00:01:03,799
What, are you my parole officer?
29
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:07,203
I got to keep you updated on
my whereabouts and my doings?
30
00:01:07,204 --> 00:01:09,071
What? I'm just asking.
31
00:01:09,072 --> 00:01:10,839
I retired, okay?
32
00:01:10,841 --> 00:01:12,240
Since when?
33
00:01:12,242 --> 00:01:14,510
Since I decided to stop working.
34
00:01:14,511 --> 00:01:16,078
All these years
in the cafeteria,
35
00:01:16,079 --> 00:01:17,580
you just woke up
one day and decided,
36
00:01:17,581 --> 00:01:19,582
"I've sloppied my last joe."
37
00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:20,616
Maybe I did.
38
00:01:20,617 --> 00:01:21,584
What's it to you?
39
00:01:21,585 --> 00:01:22,551
I don't know.
40
00:01:22,552 --> 00:01:24,119
Maybe I want to say
congratulations.
41
00:01:24,121 --> 00:01:25,588
There, you said it.
42
00:01:25,589 --> 00:01:27,989
Now, unless you're gonna give me
a gold watch, beat it.
43
00:01:27,991 --> 00:01:29,992
All right, all right, I'm going.
44
00:01:29,993 --> 00:01:31,993
Leave the Homes & Gardens.
45
00:01:31,995 --> 00:01:34,028
I'm sick of you stealing
my magazines.
46
00:01:34,030 --> 00:01:36,265
Sorry, "Dr. Izzian Lahiri."
47
00:01:36,266 --> 00:01:37,266
Yeah.
48
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:39,068
Hey, he's not gonna read it.
49
00:01:39,069 --> 00:01:41,235
He can barely speak English.
50
00:01:44,708 --> 00:01:47,909
I hate my home,
and I don't have a garden.
51
00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:51,479
Oh.
52
00:01:51,481 --> 00:01:52,614
Hey, Mama Biggs.
53
00:01:52,615 --> 00:01:54,348
What you doing home?
54
00:01:56,285 --> 00:01:59,087
* La, la-ba-dee-da *
55
00:01:59,088 --> 00:02:01,990
* La, la-ba-dee-da *
56
00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:05,460
* For the first time
in my life *
57
00:02:05,461 --> 00:02:06,695
* I see love *
58
00:02:06,696 --> 00:02:09,131
* I see love *
59
00:02:09,132 --> 00:02:11,933
* For the first time
in my life *
60
00:02:11,934 --> 00:02:13,654
* I see love *
61
00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:17,495
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
62
00:02:25,738 --> 00:02:28,374
It's funny... I never pictured
your mom as the retiring type.
63
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:30,143
I always figured when
the time was right,
64
00:02:30,144 --> 00:02:32,978
someone would throw water on
her, and she'd just melt away.
65
00:02:34,247 --> 00:02:36,949
I know... she loved working
at the school cafeteria.
66
00:02:36,950 --> 00:02:39,818
And she could rock a hairnet.
67
00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:41,187
So how does she seem?
68
00:02:41,188 --> 00:02:42,488
I mean, is she excited?
69
00:02:42,489 --> 00:02:43,790
Is she making plans?
70
00:02:43,791 --> 00:02:45,158
Is she gonna travel?
71
00:02:45,159 --> 00:02:47,359
Ooh, maybe she'll move
to Florida.
72
00:02:48,561 --> 00:02:49,795
Yeah, well, if she does,
73
00:02:49,796 --> 00:02:51,230
it'll give those
old geezers in Boca
74
00:02:51,231 --> 00:02:52,898
something to bitch about
besides the humidity.
75
00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:55,667
So are you gonna
throw her a party?
76
00:02:55,669 --> 00:02:58,803
Molly, we don't know for sure
that she's moving to Florida.
77
00:02:58,805 --> 00:03:00,406
No.
78
00:03:00,407 --> 00:03:01,807
For... for the retirement.
79
00:03:01,808 --> 00:03:03,075
I mean, you're her son.
80
00:03:03,076 --> 00:03:04,609
Don't you think you should
plan something?
81
00:03:04,611 --> 00:03:06,012
I'm not good
at that kind of thing.
82
00:03:06,013 --> 00:03:07,278
Oh, it's easy.
You just...
83
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,515
invite her friends from work,
you get a sheet cake,
84
00:03:09,516 --> 00:03:11,417
you sing her
"For She's a Jolly Good Fellow,"
85
00:03:11,418 --> 00:03:12,651
the monster's appeased,
86
00:03:12,652 --> 00:03:15,854
then the villagers are safe
until the next harvest.
87
00:03:15,856 --> 00:03:18,591
You know what,
a party is a great idea.
88
00:03:18,592 --> 00:03:19,592
Well, thank you.
89
00:03:19,593 --> 00:03:20,860
No. Thank you.
90
00:03:20,861 --> 00:03:22,760
You're gonna make my mother
very happy.
91
00:03:22,762 --> 00:03:24,163
Let me know if you need me
to pick up
92
00:03:24,164 --> 00:03:25,498
that cake that you order.
93
00:03:25,499 --> 00:03:26,832
Wait, wait, wait, wait, what?
94
00:03:26,833 --> 00:03:28,666
You're a good daughter-in-law.
95
00:03:29,702 --> 00:03:31,237
What the hell just happened?
96
00:03:31,238 --> 00:03:33,972
You got duped by a dope.
97
00:03:41,213 --> 00:03:42,548
Surprise!
98
00:03:42,549 --> 00:03:43,715
Hey.
99
00:03:43,717 --> 00:03:45,017
If you're with the
health department,
100
00:03:45,018 --> 00:03:46,919
you need to give
us 48 hours notice.
101
00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,887
We know the law.
102
00:03:48,888 --> 00:03:51,857
No, it's Molly Flynn.
103
00:03:51,858 --> 00:03:53,859
I-I taught here for,
like, ten years.
104
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:55,092
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
105
00:03:55,094 --> 00:03:56,128
Miss Flynn?
106
00:03:56,129 --> 00:03:57,095
Taught fourth grade?
107
00:03:57,096 --> 00:03:59,731
Teacher of the Year?
108
00:03:59,732 --> 00:04:02,300
Green salad with a scoop
of tuna on the side?
109
00:04:02,302 --> 00:04:04,369
Ah.
Oh, hey, honey.
110
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:05,536
How you doing?
111
00:04:05,538 --> 00:04:06,705
Good, good.
112
00:04:06,706 --> 00:04:09,341
Uh, anyway, the reason
I'm here is
113
00:04:09,342 --> 00:04:11,776
because you are both invited
to a party.
114
00:04:11,778 --> 00:04:12,911
Oh, hey.
Ooh.
115
00:04:12,912 --> 00:04:14,378
Yeah, to celebrate
Peggy's retirement.
116
00:04:15,415 --> 00:04:17,749
Yay.
117
00:04:17,750 --> 00:04:19,784
Party.
118
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:22,287
Is this some sort of joke?
119
00:04:22,288 --> 00:04:23,555
No, but it is a secret.
120
00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:25,323
So don't tell
the one-eyed janitor,
121
00:04:25,324 --> 00:04:27,758
'cause he's not invited.
122
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,728
Look, tuna scoop,
123
00:04:29,729 --> 00:04:31,229
I don't know
what Peggy told you,
124
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:33,031
but she didn't retire;
she got fired.
125
00:04:33,032 --> 00:04:34,866
What?
Yep.
126
00:04:34,867 --> 00:04:37,502
That woman was the worst person
I've ever had to deal with.
127
00:04:37,503 --> 00:04:40,738
And I used to work
the chow line at Joliet.
128
00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:43,441
When she started working here,
129
00:04:43,442 --> 00:04:46,276
she was warm, friendly,
just like us.
130
00:04:48,012 --> 00:04:50,515
But once she got promoted
to griddle master,
131
00:04:50,516 --> 00:04:52,616
the power went
straight to her head.
132
00:04:52,618 --> 00:04:54,318
Oh, I remember that.
133
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,054
There was a couple months
where she insisted
134
00:04:56,055 --> 00:04:57,255
we call her "the Griddler."
135
00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:58,223
Ugh.
136
00:04:58,224 --> 00:05:00,158
She was horrible.
137
00:05:00,159 --> 00:05:03,194
She would peck away
at every minor flaw you had.
138
00:05:03,195 --> 00:05:05,563
Do you have any idea
what it's like to live
139
00:05:05,564 --> 00:05:07,165
under that kind of scrutiny?
140
00:05:07,166 --> 00:05:09,800
I married into
that kind of scrutiny.
141
00:05:09,802 --> 00:05:12,470
It became such a hostile
work environment,
142
00:05:12,471 --> 00:05:13,805
we went to the principal.
143
00:05:13,806 --> 00:05:14,871
She had to go.
Mmm.
144
00:05:14,873 --> 00:05:17,275
Your mother-in-law
learned a hard lesson
145
00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:19,243
about cafeteria life.
146
00:05:19,244 --> 00:05:22,813
Fly too high, and the
heat lamps gonna get ya.
147
00:05:25,249 --> 00:05:26,784
That's a good one.
148
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:30,387
So it-it was time for her
to tapioca out of here.
149
00:05:33,057 --> 00:05:34,457
Yours was better.
Mmm.
150
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,259
It was better.
151
00:05:37,828 --> 00:05:39,197
Mike!
152
00:05:39,198 --> 00:05:40,498
In here.
153
00:05:40,499 --> 00:05:42,365
Ooh, you better sit down.
154
00:05:43,868 --> 00:05:44,868
Okay.
155
00:05:44,870 --> 00:05:45,836
'Cause this is big.
156
00:05:45,837 --> 00:05:47,337
This is juicy.
157
00:05:47,339 --> 00:05:49,006
And I don't like throwing
around the word "bombshell,"
158
00:05:49,007 --> 00:05:50,874
but bombshell.
159
00:05:51,876 --> 00:05:53,376
Well, what is it?
160
00:05:53,378 --> 00:05:55,746
Okay, here we go.
161
00:05:55,747 --> 00:05:58,382
Your mom did not retire.
162
00:05:58,383 --> 00:06:00,417
She was fired.
163
00:06:06,857 --> 00:06:09,160
And...?
164
00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,127
And?
165
00:06:10,128 --> 00:06:11,629
Are you kidding me?
166
00:06:11,630 --> 00:06:12,963
Your mom was fired.
167
00:06:12,964 --> 00:06:14,564
She lied right to your face.
168
00:06:14,566 --> 00:06:16,099
Eh, she does that.
169
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:18,869
That's it?
170
00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:20,037
That's all you're gonna give me?
171
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:21,839
I'm sorry,
but this is nothing new.
172
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,640
She spins every negative thing
in her life
173
00:06:23,641 --> 00:06:24,875
so it isn't her fault.
174
00:06:24,876 --> 00:06:26,110
But we don't call it lying.
175
00:06:26,111 --> 00:06:28,277
We call it "Mom's version."
176
00:06:30,047 --> 00:06:33,650
And in her defense, how else
is she gonna live with herself?
177
00:06:33,651 --> 00:06:35,619
Wait, n-n-no, we need to
confront her about this.
178
00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:37,120
I mean, by "we," I mean you,
179
00:06:37,121 --> 00:06:39,223
but I want to be there to watch.
180
00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:42,024
I am not confronting her.
181
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:43,727
Uh, why not?
182
00:06:43,728 --> 00:06:45,028
Well, I don't know.
183
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,063
Survival?
184
00:06:46,064 --> 00:06:47,130
Self-preservation?
185
00:06:47,131 --> 00:06:48,098
I'm scared of her?
186
00:06:48,099 --> 00:06:49,732
Take your pick.
187
00:06:49,734 --> 00:06:52,836
Well, I am not throwing
"Liar, liar,
188
00:06:52,837 --> 00:06:55,304
I didn't even retire" a party.
189
00:06:56,339 --> 00:06:57,707
Oh, yes, you are.
190
00:06:57,708 --> 00:06:59,576
As far as everyone's concerned,
she's retired.
191
00:06:59,577 --> 00:07:00,744
But it's not true.
192
00:07:00,745 --> 00:07:01,711
"But, but, but."
193
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,679
The truth has no place here.
194
00:07:04,748 --> 00:07:06,449
But we will give
my mother that party,
195
00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:08,984
she will be ungrateful,
and we will move on.
196
00:07:09,786 --> 00:07:12,556
How did you survive
your childhood?
197
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:13,657
What does it look like?
198
00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:15,591
Eating right and exercising.
199
00:07:29,305 --> 00:07:31,573
This is a very nice party.
200
00:07:32,976 --> 00:07:35,110
Boy, you're easy to please.
201
00:07:35,979 --> 00:07:38,580
These canapés are
quite delightful.
202
00:07:38,582 --> 00:07:41,283
Did you need 12 of 'em
to decide that?
203
00:07:44,754 --> 00:07:47,522
So what are your plans now?
204
00:07:47,524 --> 00:07:49,825
Why does everybody
keep asking me that?
205
00:07:49,827 --> 00:07:52,862
Well, we are
at your retirement party.
206
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,764
But I guess we can just
sit here in silence.
207
00:07:56,766 --> 00:07:58,701
I'll never retire.
208
00:07:58,702 --> 00:08:01,803
Three weeks after my pop stopped
working, he dropped dead.
209
00:08:01,805 --> 00:08:05,875
He was hiking the Grand Canyon
and didn't bring any water.
210
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:08,043
I guess what I'm saying is...
hydrate.
211
00:08:09,178 --> 00:08:11,280
I hate the taste of water.
212
00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:12,781
Of course you do.
213
00:08:14,584 --> 00:08:15,952
You should hear
your mom out there.
214
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:17,486
I think she actually believes
she retired.
215
00:08:17,487 --> 00:08:18,486
Molly, I'm telling you,
216
00:08:18,488 --> 00:08:20,456
in her little world,
she is retired,
217
00:08:20,457 --> 00:08:22,558
her podiatrist
is in love with her,
218
00:08:22,559 --> 00:08:25,361
and Anderson Cooper isn't gay.
219
00:08:25,362 --> 00:08:27,329
I can't imagine deluding
myself like that.
220
00:08:27,330 --> 00:08:29,331
I have to live honestly.
221
00:08:29,332 --> 00:08:30,666
Oh, really?
222
00:08:30,667 --> 00:08:32,534
So you were born
with that hair color?
223
00:08:32,536 --> 00:08:34,103
Yes.
224
00:08:34,104 --> 00:08:35,638
I was. That's...
225
00:08:35,639 --> 00:08:38,039
why I keep trying
to get back to it.
226
00:08:38,041 --> 00:08:41,743
And, uh, y-you were the one who
came up with "talk to the hand."
227
00:08:41,745 --> 00:08:45,648
Maybe not "came up with it,"
but I brought it to Chicago.
228
00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:47,583
Molly, look, I'm just...
229
00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:49,250
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
230
00:08:50,586 --> 00:08:52,555
It's great that you retired
231
00:08:52,556 --> 00:08:54,689
while you're still able
to enjoy...
232
00:08:56,525 --> 00:08:59,027
I'm sorry, is there
anything you enjoy?
233
00:08:59,029 --> 00:09:03,365
I've only ever really had
one passion... cooking.
234
00:09:03,366 --> 00:09:05,100
In bulk.
235
00:09:05,101 --> 00:09:07,635
Well, if that's the case, you
sure lucked into the right son.
236
00:09:07,637 --> 00:09:09,570
What are we talking about?
237
00:09:09,572 --> 00:09:12,741
About how happy
you make your mom.
238
00:09:12,742 --> 00:09:14,042
Yeah, he's one in a million.
239
00:09:14,043 --> 00:09:15,978
Always come to visit
when I'm not at home,
240
00:09:15,979 --> 00:09:18,512
and always tests the plumbing.
241
00:09:19,681 --> 00:09:21,016
Hey, now with your mom
being around,
242
00:09:21,017 --> 00:09:22,851
when we go over there
for your little bathroom breaks,
243
00:09:22,852 --> 00:09:23,951
we can stay for lunch, too.
244
00:09:23,953 --> 00:09:25,387
No, no, I like my routine.
245
00:09:25,388 --> 00:09:26,722
I eat lunch at Abe's,
246
00:09:26,723 --> 00:09:28,757
and that greasy food
sends me to my mother's.
247
00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:30,025
If I eat at Mom's,
248
00:09:30,026 --> 00:09:32,661
who knows where I'll
be when the muse hits.
249
00:09:32,662 --> 00:09:34,362
Hey, do you think
what's-his-name needs
250
00:09:34,363 --> 00:09:35,630
any help down at that diner?
251
00:09:35,631 --> 00:09:37,966
Maybe you could put in
a good word for me.
252
00:09:37,967 --> 00:09:39,267
To work at Abe's?
253
00:09:39,268 --> 00:09:40,868
Uh, n-n-no, y-you don't
want to do that.
254
00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:42,637
Why not?
255
00:09:42,638 --> 00:09:44,639
Because, as your tiara says,
you're retired.
256
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,641
Enjoy your golden years.
257
00:09:46,642 --> 00:09:47,943
At home.
258
00:09:47,944 --> 00:09:50,311
Away from people.
259
00:09:50,313 --> 00:09:53,848
I took 18 stitches pushing
your big head out my cervix,
260
00:09:53,849 --> 00:09:56,217
and you can't do
something nice for me?
261
00:09:56,218 --> 00:09:57,885
What do you call this?
262
00:09:57,887 --> 00:09:59,387
Boring.
263
00:09:59,388 --> 00:10:00,522
These are all your friends.
264
00:10:00,523 --> 00:10:01,556
Where are mine?
265
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:02,691
That's a good question, Ma.
266
00:10:02,692 --> 00:10:03,757
Where are your friends?
267
00:10:03,759 --> 00:10:05,760
What are you saying?
Nothing.
268
00:10:05,761 --> 00:10:08,263
Let's just get through
this joyous occasion.
269
00:10:08,264 --> 00:10:09,264
You ingrate.
270
00:10:09,265 --> 00:10:10,397
After all I've done for you,
271
00:10:10,399 --> 00:10:12,333
you can't put in
a good word for me
272
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,735
at that crappy diner?
273
00:10:13,736 --> 00:10:15,437
Oh, believe me, Ma,
if I could find a good word,
274
00:10:15,438 --> 00:10:16,403
I'd put it in.
275
00:10:16,405 --> 00:10:18,505
What is that supposed to mean?
276
00:10:18,507 --> 00:10:20,575
It means I don't want
to subject my friends
277
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:21,742
to the Griddler, either.
278
00:10:21,744 --> 00:10:24,244
I know about the cafeteria.
279
00:10:24,246 --> 00:10:25,547
You got fired.
280
00:10:25,548 --> 00:10:27,115
As usual, you don't know squat.
281
00:10:27,116 --> 00:10:28,449
I retired.
282
00:10:28,450 --> 00:10:30,651
And if somebody tells you
different, they're liars.
283
00:10:30,653 --> 00:10:31,986
No!
284
00:10:31,987 --> 00:10:33,120
You're the liar!
285
00:10:33,122 --> 00:10:34,856
You always have been!
286
00:10:34,857 --> 00:10:37,558
You got fired because
you're bitter and toxic
287
00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:39,626
and nobody wants
to be around you.
288
00:10:41,028 --> 00:10:43,731
* For she's a jolly
good fellow *
289
00:10:43,732 --> 00:10:46,134
* For she's a jolly... *
290
00:10:46,135 --> 00:10:47,968
You and I are done.
291
00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:54,141
What happened?
292
00:10:54,142 --> 00:10:55,576
Mike just told off his mom.
293
00:10:55,577 --> 00:10:58,678
Oh, and I missed it?
294
00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:11,672
Let's not overdo it
with the coffee, Samuel.
295
00:11:11,673 --> 00:11:13,641
I don't know where
I'm landing after this lunch.
296
00:11:13,642 --> 00:11:15,009
Come on.
297
00:11:15,010 --> 00:11:16,543
Your mom's house is
right on our beat.
298
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:17,545
Nope.
299
00:11:17,546 --> 00:11:19,980
That commode is dead to me.
300
00:11:19,982 --> 00:11:22,350
Ah, you should
appreciate your mother.
301
00:11:22,351 --> 00:11:23,951
Mine is 4,000 miles away,
302
00:11:23,952 --> 00:11:25,953
but I can still feel her love
every day,
303
00:11:25,954 --> 00:11:27,488
like she's right beside me.
304
00:11:27,489 --> 00:11:28,990
Supporting me, comforting me,
305
00:11:28,991 --> 00:11:31,759
making me feel like I'm the most
important person in the world.
306
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,960
Yeah, well, the one they gave me
doesn't do that.
307
00:11:35,496 --> 00:11:36,831
You know, the only thing
that kept me
308
00:11:36,832 --> 00:11:38,299
in that abusive
relationship so long
309
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:39,834
was because of her cooking.
310
00:11:39,835 --> 00:11:42,136
You know?
She'd-she'd treat me like crap,
311
00:11:42,137 --> 00:11:44,438
and then think a five-cheese
macaroni casserole
312
00:11:44,439 --> 00:11:45,740
was gonna make it all better.
313
00:11:45,741 --> 00:11:48,708
And it did.
314
00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:50,978
Mike, you can't let this
go on forever.
315
00:11:50,979 --> 00:11:52,112
Okay? She's your mother.
316
00:11:52,114 --> 00:11:53,514
Yeah, well, if you're
so in love with her,
317
00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:54,548
you can give her a call.
318
00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:55,783
You know what started
this whole thing?
319
00:11:55,784 --> 00:11:58,052
She asked me to help
get her a job. Here.
320
00:11:58,053 --> 00:11:59,053
Seriously?
321
00:11:59,054 --> 00:12:00,254
What did you tell her?
322
00:12:00,255 --> 00:12:01,322
I can't have her working here.
323
00:12:01,323 --> 00:12:02,589
That woman is toxic.
324
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,839
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
325
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:21,408
It's been five days
since my last confession.
326
00:12:21,409 --> 00:12:23,610
Go ahead, my child.
327
00:12:23,611 --> 00:12:25,878
Father, this is
very hard for me.
328
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:29,149
How does a good-hearted person
who only means well
329
00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,618
become so prideful
and pigheaded?
330
00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:33,220
Well, we are all weak.
331
00:12:33,221 --> 00:12:34,554
But what is important
332
00:12:34,555 --> 00:12:35,989
is that you're
acknowledging your mistakes
333
00:12:35,990 --> 00:12:37,758
and are willing to repent.
334
00:12:37,759 --> 00:12:39,626
I'm not talking about me.
335
00:12:39,627 --> 00:12:41,927
It's my ungrateful son.
336
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,965
I sacrificed everything
for that boy,
337
00:12:44,966 --> 00:12:46,366
and how does he pay me back?
338
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:49,236
By saying I'm toxic
and horrible to be around.
339
00:12:49,237 --> 00:12:50,536
Can you believe that?
340
00:12:50,538 --> 00:12:54,174
That he would say it, or...?
341
00:12:54,175 --> 00:12:57,010
I'm not quite sure
what you're confessing.
342
00:12:58,045 --> 00:13:01,448
I guess the sin of
thinking my only child
343
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:04,484
might appreciate
all that I've done for him.
344
00:13:04,485 --> 00:13:05,852
That's not a sin.
345
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:07,387
That just sounds
like being needy.
346
00:13:07,388 --> 00:13:10,290
Hey, I came here
for your absolution,
347
00:13:10,291 --> 00:13:11,458
not your opinion.
348
00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:13,259
Yes, but I can't
absolve you of anything
349
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:14,861
if nothing's your fault.
350
00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:17,731
I'd like to talk
to your supervisor.
351
00:13:17,732 --> 00:13:19,265
Is the monsignor around?
352
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:20,467
He's on a retreat, Peggy.
353
00:13:20,468 --> 00:13:22,102
It's just me.
354
00:13:22,103 --> 00:13:24,571
Well, then, maybe you need
to look at yourself.
355
00:13:24,572 --> 00:13:26,706
"Judge not, lest ye be judged."
356
00:13:26,707 --> 00:13:27,840
Matthew 7:1.
357
00:13:27,842 --> 00:13:29,943
"First take the log
out of your own eye,
358
00:13:29,944 --> 00:13:31,444
and then you will see clearly."
359
00:13:31,445 --> 00:13:33,413
Matthew 7:5.
360
00:13:33,414 --> 00:13:36,182
"Thou shalt not covet
thy parish's choir director."
361
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,451
Book of Peggy,
chapter one, verse one,
362
00:13:38,452 --> 00:13:41,621
phone call to the archdiocese.
363
00:13:41,622 --> 00:13:43,656
We're done here.
364
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:44,991
Hey, if you can't
stand the heat,
365
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,692
stay out of the box!
366
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:57,937
Hey.
367
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:59,038
How you doing?
368
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,006
Good.
369
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,407
Just watching the hockey game.
370
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:04,777
Well, it's not the same
watching it without your mom.
371
00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:05,711
You're right.
372
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:09,347
It is so much better.
373
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,983
Come on.
What?
374
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,585
It's quieter, it's less tense.
375
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:16,155
Nobody's calling me a jinx
when the other team scores.
376
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:19,491
Mike, I know that your...
377
00:14:19,493 --> 00:14:21,927
mother can be unpleasant,
378
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:24,563
and abrasive, and manipulative,
379
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:29,468
and vindictive,
and a liar, but...
380
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,036
I mean, there has to be
381
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,837
another side.
382
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:36,274
There has to be.
383
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:42,181
Baby, you haven't talked to
her in a week and a half.
384
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:43,682
Are you gonna tell me that...
385
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,117
that doesn't bother you at all?
386
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,584
Honestly, I'm fine with it.
387
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,054
I slept nine full hours
last night.
388
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,489
I didn't grind my teeth.
389
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:53,192
I dreamt I could fly.
390
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,594
I mean, you know,
I-I don't know what's going on,
391
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,196
but I-I couldn't be happier.
392
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,464
You're just riding the high
393
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,065
off of telling off
your horrible mother,
394
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,468
which I still can't
believe I missed, but...
395
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:05,170
It's time to make this right.
396
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:06,638
I don't have to make it right.
397
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,006
This is right.
398
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,708
Like when I quit
eating spicy food
399
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,076
and my heartburn went away.
400
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,445
Now that she's gone,
no more acid burps.
401
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:14,880
You know what?
402
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:17,716
I'll bet I could go back
to eating Mexican food.
403
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,418
So, what?
404
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,753
You're never gonna talk
to your mother again?
405
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,289
I'm not committing to nothing
until I eat a plate of nachos.
406
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,802
Hey.
407
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:40,772
Just so you know, by marriage
you're dead to me, too.
408
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,508
Peggy, I know you're upset.
409
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:44,709
Of course I am.
410
00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,044
My son humiliated me
411
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:47,512
at my own retirement party.
412
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:50,248
Because you didn't
actually retire.
413
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:51,715
What do you know?
414
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:53,952
I talked to the ladies
you used to work with
415
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,321
when I invited them to
your retirement party.
416
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:57,322
Which Mike ruined.
417
00:15:57,323 --> 00:16:00,392
Because you're not
really retired!
418
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:03,027
Okay? We are going
round and round here.
419
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,563
Why don't you go round
and round and out that door?
420
00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:06,731
Okay, fine.
421
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:07,799
I'll leave.
But you know what?
422
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,033
I'm gonna say something first.
423
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,602
If you spend your entire life
424
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:13,104
thinking that everyone
you meet is the problem,
425
00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:15,340
it just might be you
that's the problem.
426
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:17,175
Now you sound like my priest.
427
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,510
And the mailman.
428
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,811
And that idiot at the deli.
429
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:20,945
I don't need a number.
430
00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,981
I know who I was in front of.
431
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,149
Okay, maybe I'm wrong.
432
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,919
Maybe it is
everyone else's fault.
433
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,554
That's what I've been saying!
434
00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:34,759
Look, Peggy, I get it.
435
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:35,993
Okay? I'm stubborn, too.
436
00:16:35,994 --> 00:16:37,295
Damn right you are.
437
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:38,496
And a bad cook.
438
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,565
I like where this is going.
439
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,267
The point is that
440
00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:46,337
I have learned to
admit when I'm wrong
441
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,806
and to accept
responsibility for it.
442
00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:50,941
'Cause I'd rather
be wrong and loved
443
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:53,243
than stubborn and alone.
444
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:57,348
Is any of this landing?
445
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,349
'Cause I-I can't
read that scowl.
446
00:17:00,217 --> 00:17:02,319
I heard you.
447
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,922
Well, then, call your son.
448
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,424
Trust me, you'll feel better.
449
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:09,425
From one stubborn gal
to another.
450
00:17:10,227 --> 00:17:12,263
You know what?
451
00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:13,631
You're right.
452
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:15,499
You and I aren't so different.
453
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,502
I don't know if I'd go that far.
454
00:17:18,503 --> 00:17:19,837
Stubborn,
455
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:22,006
always have to get our own way,
456
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,108
madly in love with my boy...
457
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:26,010
Ew.
458
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:27,878
I guess what they say is true.
459
00:17:27,879 --> 00:17:31,047
Sons do grow up
to marry their mothers.
460
00:17:31,982 --> 00:17:33,983
That's not true.
461
00:17:34,918 --> 00:17:37,053
God, that can't be true.
462
00:17:46,354 --> 00:17:48,490
* For she's a jolly
good fellow *
463
00:17:48,491 --> 00:17:51,625
* Which nobody can deny. *
464
00:17:51,627 --> 00:17:53,228
This is so much better.
465
00:17:53,229 --> 00:17:55,162
More intimate,
not so many strangers.
466
00:17:55,164 --> 00:17:57,999
Well, those strangers
were my family.
467
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,233
I didn't mean that.
468
00:17:59,234 --> 00:18:01,602
I meant strange, as in weird.
469
00:18:02,737 --> 00:18:04,505
This is the knife
you got to cut the cake?
470
00:18:04,506 --> 00:18:06,240
You told me to grab the one
off the counter.
471
00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:07,575
Never mind.
472
00:18:07,576 --> 00:18:09,943
I'm surprised you didn't
grab the can opener.
473
00:18:12,547 --> 00:18:13,548
See?
474
00:18:13,549 --> 00:18:16,217
This is nice.
475
00:18:16,218 --> 00:18:17,452
I'm sorry.
476
00:18:17,453 --> 00:18:19,120
I should have let you enjoy
your motherless high
477
00:18:19,121 --> 00:18:20,755
for a few more weeks.
478
00:18:20,756 --> 00:18:22,056
I got a taste.
479
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:25,226
I should be good
for another 35 years.
480
00:18:25,227 --> 00:18:26,494
I can't believe
I actually thought
481
00:18:26,495 --> 00:18:28,062
she was gonna apologize to you.
482
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:30,164
Ah, she did in her own way.
483
00:18:30,165 --> 00:18:32,366
Usually, she'd rub something
like this in my face.
484
00:18:32,367 --> 00:18:34,769
Now she's pretending
like it didn't even happen,
485
00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:37,171
which is a big step for her.
486
00:18:37,172 --> 00:18:39,172
Now we can cut the cake.
487
00:18:39,174 --> 00:18:40,608
That is the same knife.
488
00:18:40,609 --> 00:18:41,609
It's a different knife.
489
00:18:41,610 --> 00:18:42,576
She's retired.
490
00:18:42,577 --> 00:18:44,744
Live the lie.
491
00:18:44,746 --> 00:18:47,181
How about a big corner piece
for my boy?
492
00:18:47,182 --> 00:18:48,582
Not too big.
493
00:18:48,583 --> 00:18:50,357
All of a sudden
I got really bad heartburn.
494
00:18:50,358 --> 00:18:55,430
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/