- Ho, ho, and ho!
- Hi, hi, and hi!
Ha ha ha!
- Ehh!
- All right, young lovers of learning and short pants.
- I do love short pants.
- Yeah, guess what I love. - What?
- Slapping perky redheads.
- Now, Jade, don't be a Christmas grunch.
- Ha-ha, grunch-- that's my word.
- I can't calm down! - It's not the end of the world!
- Yeah, it is. It's absolutely the end of the world.
- You have all of next semester to make it up.
I don't care. I'm just going to give up music.
Just forget it. Forget everything!
- Ho, ho, ho, and jingle bells.
- No, Andre, don't you dare-- - oh!
- Oh, you did it.
- I bet that jingled his bells.
- I'm sorry, but all y'all can just keep the Christmas
spirit to yourselves.
- Andre, you got a beef with Christmas?
- I love Christmas beef!
Every year, my brother steals a Chuck roast and then rubs it--
- cat! - Hey! Hey.
You woke me up.
- Ooh, sorry, Beck.
Certainly wouldn't want to keep you awake during my class.
- Thanks. You're the best.
- Now, before I get my-- wha-pa!-- Teacher on--
- Andre, why the sour puss?
- Yeah, why the sour puss?
- I don't really want to talk about it.
- Andre wrote a Christmas song for his creative music class.
- And it was a really great song.
- But his teacher gave him--
- don't say it out loud!
- Ok. - A "d"!
Agh, I said it out loud.
- A "d"?
- I've always gotten "a"s in music.
How does a person go from an "a" to a "d"?
- Happened to me in eighth grade.
- Well, I'm sorry, Andre.
Now, yo!
- Whoa! Whoa. Wow, wow.
- Why Becky so sleepy?
- There's a stupid cricket in my rv.
So I can't sleep because it chirps all night long.
- So just call one of those bug murderers.
- Uh, they're called exterminators.
- Yeah, why sugar-coat it?
- Hey, sikowitz. - Yes, what is it, boy?
- I have your Hollywood arts secret Santa assignment.
- ♪ Ooh, who am I buying a gift for this year? ♪
Courtney Van cleef?
Oh, no, that kid's a freaky little weirdo.
- She's my sister.
- I know.
I don't why your parents didn't stop with you.
Could I place switch secret Santa assignments with someone?
Come on, please? Tori?
- Sorry, I didn't sign up for the secret Santa thing.
- Yeah, none of us did.
- Why not?
- 'Cause it's stupid.
- Why should we buy gifts for random people
we don't care about?
- I mean, what's the point?
- All right.
You kids need a big fat dose of Christmas spirit
rammed into your teenage hearts.
So theresuch, as your teacher, I require you to participate
in-- shh-- secret Santa.
- Aw, no ad-libbed complaining.
I'll text you all your secret Santa assignments.
And I expect you all to give very good, very creative gifts.
- And what if we don't?
- Whoever gives the worst gift
will have to join me on Christmas Eve
for Christmas yodeling.
- What's Christmas yodeling? - Dude! - Tori!
- ♪ Here I am, once again ♪
♪ feeling lost but now and then ♪
♪ I breathe it in to let it go ♪
♪ and you don't know where you are now ♪
♪ or what it will come to if only somebody could hear ♪
♪ when you figure out how, you're lost in the moment ♪
♪ you disappear ♪
♪ you don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action ♪
♪ you're never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction ♪
♪ not a fantasy ♪
♪ just remember me when it turns out right ♪
♪ 'cause you know that if you live in your imagination ♪
♪ tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination ♪
♪ in my victory ♪
♪ just remember me when I make it shine! ♪
- Ok, Mr. Santa claus.
Let's see what you got.
- ♪ Well, have a very jolly Holly, merry Christmas... ♪
- Whoo!
Show me that north pole shuffle.
Uh-oh, what's wrong, buddy?
Switch off.
Aah! Aah!
Aah, get him off!
Help me! Get off! Get off of me!
- Tori, quit playing with my mechanical Santa!
- Get him off! Get him off! Help!
Did you see that?
Santa tried to kill me.
- Will you quit acting childish
and help me bring the Christmas tree in?
- You bought a tree?
- Heh-heh, yep. - But I thought we were gonna
wait for mom and dad to get back in town.
- I do not need your negativity.
- Oh, yay! - Yay what?
Yay me?
- No. I just got a text from sikowitz.
I get to be secret Santa for Andre.
Look at my enormous Christmas tree!
- I'm looking.
Come help me pull it in!
- Man!
How big is this tree?
- It's not small!
- Hi! Christmas beef?
My brother made it. - Yum.
- Merry Christmas!
Heh. Hi!
Christmas beef? My brother made it.
Ha. Ha ha! Yay!
Have a beefy Christmas! Ha!
Hi! Christmas beef?
- Just give me anyone else!
- Jade, you are Tori's secret Santa, and that be that.
- Why do I have to-- - he said he's not gonna change it.
So just deal with it. Why don't you just deal with it?
Why don't you just deal with it?
- His heart is vibrating.
How much coffee have you drunk? - A lot. Like a lot.
I don't know, like, maybe seven cups. A lot.
Is there a problem?
- He's drinking coffee to stay awake at school
'cause of the stupid cricket
that's keeping him up every night.
- Lot of coffee!
Look, I don't want to be Tori's secret Santa.
- Too bad.
- Stop bouncing!
- I can't help it!
- Hey, trina, trina. - What?
- You want to see what I got Andre
for his secret Santa gift?
- No.
- Look.
It's a little ceramic guitar.
I made it at color me pot.
- I thought sikowitz said that your secret Santa gifts
have to be really special and creative.
- He did.
- Well, that's ugly and useless.
- No. It's cute.
And look.
You can pretend to play it, like...
♪ Tori gave me this Christmas present ♪
♪ and it's a tiny guitar ♪
Why are you walking away?
- 'Cause I'm embarrassed for you.
- ♪ That was mean ♪
- Hey, Andre! Christmas beef?
- Yeah, sure.
Wait. Who made it?
- My brother. - Mm-mm, nope.
No, thank you.
- Why not?
- Because last month, I ate his Thanksgiving sausage
and I'm still a mess.
- Ho-ho to the ho.
- What's up?
Ho!
- So Mr. music man, close your eyes
and get ready for the best secret Santa--
Cat Valentine!
Calling cat Valentine!
- I'm cat Valentine!
Who's calling? Ha ha ha.
- Your secret Santa.
- Oh, my god, yay! Ha ha ha.
- And your Christmas present is...
Your very own cotton candy machine!
- Whoa!
- That's right. This man, Larry Stein,
will follow you around all week
and give you all the cotton candy you want.
- Ha! Oh, my god, Robbie, thank you!
This is the best Christmas present ever!
Look, everyone!
Robbie got me a cotton candy machine with a man!
Ha ha. Come on, Larry!
Let's get to class!
Follow me! Ha ha ha ha!
- That's a legit secret Santa gift.
- Yeah. It is.
Bye.
- Ha ha ha!
Hurry, Larry!
- Why? Why is it so hard to think of a good gift for Andre?
- Oh. Ok.
Got the star on top, heh-heh.
Now help me decorate it.
- No. I have to figure out-- - I need your help, ok?
And Robbie's late.
- I can't think about anything
until I figure out what I'm get-- Robbie?
- Yeah, I invited him over to help decorate the tree.
- Since when are you and Robbie friends?
- Ugh, we're not.
I just, um-- I'm making him do stuff for me.
- And why would he agree to that?
- 'Cause I'm pretty.
- But--
- It's open!
- Hey, girls.
- Hey. - Hey, Robbie.
- How are the vega sisters doing on this fine December evening?
- There's 20 boxes of ornaments in the garage. Go get them.
- You said we'd have pizza first.
- Yeah, changed my mind. Ornaments-- get them.
- Roger dodger.
- And where are you going?
- Oh, I had some of cat's Christmas beef,
and I'm-- I'm kind of a mess.
- You know, she's just using you.
- I know.
But when we're done, she might hug me.
So I'm ok with it.
- That's so sad.
- Yeah.
Hey, I think something just moved in your bushes outside.
- Mr. busey, is that you?
My dad said that you're not allowed in our yard anymore.
- Aah!
- Ok now.
Stick your stupid arm right in there.
- Kk.
It's crushing my arm!
- What? It is?
- No, I'm just kidding, heh. It feels nice.
- Oh.
Kill me with a rock.
- Anthony!
Anthony, come on, please.
- Andre, the reason that you got a "d"
is that your Christmas song deserved a "d."
- Ok. All right.
You're the teacher and-- and I respect your decision.
- Thank you.
- What is the matter with you?! - Oh!
- I'm sorry! Anthony, wait.
I let my emotions get the best of me.
Anthony. I'ma work on this!
Anthony. Anthony!
- Mr. Robbie shapiro.
- Hey, Beck.
- Let's talk secret Santa.
- You're my secret Santa? - Merry Christmas, rob.
- You bought me a girl? Hoo-hoo.
- No. No.
You know how you always talk about that bully,
the one who used to beat you up when you were seven?
- Yeah. Christy vicaris.
Man, I hated that beefy little witch and her mean face.
- And you always say you'd kill
for just one chance to tell her off.
- Yeah?
- Robbie...
Christy vicaris.
- You found her? You're Christy?
- So you want to tell me off?
- Well... I did.
But now you're hot.
- Maybe you kids should go to jet brew and talk things over.
- Oh, I'm not paying $3 for a cup of coffee.
- Ooh, this'll buy coffee and "scawns."
- Scones. - Maybe in Canada.
- Merry Christmas, rob.
- Ew, your hand is sweaty. - I know.
- Here.
This is the most gigantic cup of coffee they sell.
- It's not enough.
- Look, that cricket's been keeping you awake
for over a month now. - Hi!
Secret Santa time!
- You mine or his?
- Yours. For you!
- Give it.
- Hey, guys. Um, can I ask you a--
- shut up! I'm opening a Christmas present.
- Grunch.
- Oh, my god, cat, you did not.
- Scissors. - They're special scissors!
- Ok.
- They're from a real movie.
- I cannot believe you got me these.
- What movie were they used in?
- "The scissoring."
- With that-- that one about the girl
who comes back from the dead and uses a pair of scissors
on her two best friends?
- Yep. - Starting with the pretty girl.
- Oh.
Um, anyway, you guys, I'm Andre's secret Santa,
and I have, like, no clue what to give him.
- Just get him a present.
- Oh, my god.
- Ok, help me, please.
I don't want to give him the worst present
and then have to go Christmas yodeling with sikowitz.
- Ha. - Two words.
- I bet they won't be helpful. - Your problem.
I was right.
- Hey.
So when do the decorations go on that thing?
- Soon. - First we have to flock it.
- You-- you have to what it?
- Flock it.
- I-- I don't understand.
- This is a flocking machine.
You use it to spray fake snow all over the tree.
- And that's called flocking?
- Sure is. - Uh-huh.
- Someone's at the door. Go get it.
- Jade. - Correct.
- What are you here for?
- You.
- Wait.
Do you have your new scissors with you?
- No.
Don't be shy.
Those are my old scissors.
- Ok. So what do you want?
- Merry Christmas.
- You're my secret Santa?
- Ho, ho.
- Ho.
So what's my gift?
- An idea for a present to give to Andre.
- You have an idea?
- A perfect one.
- Awesome. Tell me.
- Beg me.
- Come on. If you have an idea--
- Ok. How do I make it flock?
- You just press the red button right on top.
- Sorry.
- Please get me a flock rag.
- Hey, man.
Hey, Beck. - Yeah, hey.
Hi. What?
- Bam. - Oh.
So you're my secret Santa. - True chizz.
Open it up. - Right.
You bought me a cricket?
- Nope. I caught you a cricket.
That's the one that's been living in your trailer
keeping you up every night.
- Shut up. How did you ca-- how did you catch him?
- Well, you mom let me into your place
after you left this morning.
And I used some peanut butter to lure him into that box.
- How did you know that crickets like peanut butter?
- Everybody likes peanut butter.
- Is that a cricket?
- Yeah. - Uh-huh.
- Can I have it?
- Sure.
- Courtney, merry Christmas from your secret Santa.
- What'd you get? - A cricket.
- That's hot.
Here comes Robbie with Andre's teacher.
- Oh, hurry. Go, go.
Ahem.
Check.
Hey, Anthony.
Hey.
Ok, everyone. You guys know Anthony,
one of the Hollywood arts' awesome music teachers.
- Here he is to my right.
Anthony.
- Well, earlier this week, he gave Andre Harris
a "d" on his Christmas song.
- Oh, man, now everybody knows.
- So we thought that you guys should hear
Andre's Christmas song and see what you think.
- ♪ Carolers singing ♪
♪ sleigh bells are ringing ♪
♪ it's that time of year ♪
♪ everyone's toasting chestnuts are roasting ♪
♪ christmastime is near ♪
♪ but something's missing and I'm wishing ♪
♪ wishing that you knew ♪
♪ how much it would mean to spend ♪
♪ this christmastime with you ♪
- Whoo-hoo! - Whoo!
- ♪ So if you feel it coming ♪
- ♪ on this special day ♪
♪ just trust your heart ♪
♪ don't let your head get in the way ♪
♪ 'cause it's Christmas ♪
- ♪ and the start of something new ♪
♪ but it's Christmas ♪
- ♪ and I hope you feel it too ♪
♪ candy canes and mistletoe ♪
♪ Jack frost nipping at your nose ♪
♪ but all of it means nothing ♪
♪ without you ♪
♪ just for a minute, you get a feeling ♪
♪ look up in the sky ♪
- ♪ Santa's here, so get in the spirit ♪
♪ just give it a try ♪
- ♪ children beaming and I'm dreaming ♪
♪ hoping that it's true ♪
♪ 'cause it would mean so much ♪
♪ to spend this christmastime with you ♪
- ♪ so if you feel it comin' ♪
♪ on the special day ♪
♪ just trust your heart ♪
♪ 'cause I can't wait ♪
♪ to hear you say that it's Christmas ♪
- ♪ and the start of something new ♪
♪ well, it's Christmas ♪
- ♪ and I hope you feel it too ♪
- ♪ everyone together sings ♪
♪ of silver bells and garden rings ♪
♪ but all of it means nothing ♪
♪ without you ♪
- ♪ no, no, no ♪
♪ 'cause it's not Christmas ♪
♪ without you, you, you ♪
♪ it's not Christmas without you! ♪
- Yeah, that's my girls.
- Merry Christmas, Andre, from your secret Santa.
- Whoo!
- All right.
Ok. - Heh.
- Maybe I was wrong about your song.
- So now you're going to change Andre's grade to...
- Well...
- Perhaps an "a"?
- An "a."
And when the gift-giving was over,
sikowitz realized that all the children gave each other
wonderfully creative Christmas presents
and that his gift, a used cricket,
to an awkward young girl,
was truly the worst Christmas present of all.
And so, on that Christmas Eve, he yodeled with crazy strangers.
- Ah!
- ♪ As long as you say it ♪
♪ so tell me that you love me ♪
♪ yeah ♪
♪ and tell me that I take your breath away ♪
♪ maybe if you take one more ♪
♪ then I would know for sure ♪
♪ there's nothing left to say ♪
- ♪ tell me that you love me anyway ♪
Mmm!
Beg me.