- NAH, YOU GUYS. THAT'S COOL, THAT'S COOL!
- MMM. MAN, ROBBIE IS LOVIN' ALL THAT ATTENTION.
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
- I BET HE DOES HIS SIGNATURE FLIRT MOVE.
- FLIRT MOVE?
- YEAH YOU KNOW, THE GIGGLE CHIN.
IT'S WHERE HE GIGGLES
AND THEN HE PUTS HIS FIST UP TO HIS CHIN.
- I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER SEEN ROBBIE DO ANYTH--
[LAUGHTER]
- WELL. - ALL RIGHT.
- YES. - WELL PLAYED.
- GIGGLE CHIN.
OOH, SUNFLOWER SEEDS.
- I GUESS I'M SHARIN' TODAY.
- HEY, WHY ARE ALL THOSE KIDS PAYING ATTENTION TO ROBBIE?
- THEY LOVE THE VIDEO HE POSTED ON THE SLAP.
- WHAT VIDEO DID HE POST ON THE--
- HI!
DON'T WORRY. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.
I'M DOING THIS ON PURPOSE.
[LAUGHS] TA-DO!
- IT'S TA-DA.
- TA-DA!
- WHY ARE YOU TAP DANCING?
- 'CAUSE I'M AUDITIONING FOR A NEW MUSICAL
AND I HAVE TO TAP DANCE.
- AH. - HEY!
PEOPLE ARE TALKING TO ROBBIE. THAT'S SO WEIRD.
- YEAH, THEY'RE ALL EXCITED ABOUT HIS VIDEO ON THE SLAP.
- WHAT IS THIS VIDEO?
- SHOW HER. - ALL RIGHT.
- AND I CAN ALSO DO IT WITH THIS FIST.
[LAUGHTER]
- UH, WHAT DID HE CALL THE VIDEO AGAIN?
- "THE HAMBONE KING."
- HAMBONE?
DID YOU SAY "THE HAMBONE KING?"
- YEAH, WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE THIS.
- WHAT'S HAMBONE MEAN?
- WHO CARES?
- LOOK.
[TAPPING, MUSIC PLAYING]
- UM. [CLEARS THROAT]
- [GASPS] THAT'S SO FUN!
- YEAH, IT MUST TAKE A LOT OF PRACTICE.
- WELL, WHAT ELSE IS ROBBIE GONNA DO?
[BELL RINGS]
- I, UH, I GOTTA GET TO SIKOWITZ'S CLASS.
- WE DON'T HAVE SIKOWITZ TODAY.
- IT'S A DIFFERENT SIKOWITZ!
- WHAT'S HER DEAL? - NOT SURE.
YOU KNOW MY PROBLEM WITH THESE SUNFLOWER SEEDS?
- SO FIRST YOU'RE GONNA STEAL MY SEEDS
AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA CRITICIZE?
- YES.
IT'S TOO MUCH TROUBLE TO OPEN 'EM.
- I'LL OPEN 'EM.
- UM, CAT? - WHAT?
- BABY, NOBODY WANTS TO EAT SUNFLOWER SEEDS
THAT HAVE BEEN TAP DANCED ON THE FLOOR.
- OOH. PRE-CRACKED SUNFLOWER SEEDS.
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
- THIS MAN IS NUTS. - [LAUGHS]
- ♪ HERE I AM ONCE AGAIN ♪
♪ FEELING LOST, BUT NOW AND THEN ♪
♪ I BREATHE IT IN TO LET IT GO ♪
♪ AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW ♪
♪ OR WHAT IT WILL COME TO ♪
♪ IF ONLY SOMEBODY COULD HEAR ♪
♪ WHEN YOU FIGURE OUT HOW, YOU'RE LOST IN THE MOMENT ♪
♪ YOU DISAPPEAR ♪
♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR DREAM IN ACTION ♪
♪ YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO FADE YOU'LL BE THE MAIN ATTRACTION ♪
♪ NOT A FANTASY JUST REMEMBER ME ♪
♪ WHEN IT TURNS OUT RIGHT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION ♪
♪ TOMORROW YOU'LL BE EVERYBODY'S FASCINATION ♪
♪ IN MY VICTORY, JUST REMEMBER ME ♪
♪ WHEN I MAKE IT SHINE ♪♪
♪♪
- OKAY, SO TELL ME. HOW DO GIRLS PUT ON SKIRTS?
DO YOU DO IT ONE LEG AT A TIME LIKE PANTS
OR DO YOU JUST JUMP RIGHT IN?
- ONE LEG AT A TIME! - I JUMP RIGHT IN.
- EXCUSE ME, ROBBIE SHAPIRO? - YES?
- THIS IS FOR YOU. IT'S A SPECIAL
TEMPURA ICE CREAM DESSERT JUST FOR ROBBIE.
IT'S FREE.
- OOH! CAN I HAVE ONE?
- NO.
- SO GOOD, BUT WHY THE FREE DESSERT?
- BECAUSE YOU ARE THE HAMBONE KING!
- OH, YOU, UH, YOU SAW MY VIDEO?
- YES, ON THESLAP.COM.
YOU HAMBONE LIKE A CHAMPION!
- OH.
- [GRUNTING]
- KWAKOO, DON'T BE SHY. COME OVER HERE.
KWAKOO, JUST ASK HIM.
- MR. HAMBONE KING? - OH.
- MAY I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?
- [LAUGHS] THAT'S SO CUTE!
- SURE YOU CAN, KWAKOO.
- [LAUGHS]
- HERE YOU GO.
- BYE BYE, HAMBONE KING.
- [SIGHS]
I'M GONNA GO TO THE RESTROOM.
- HUH. WONDER WHY IT'S CALLED A RESTROOM.
- YEAH, IT'S NOT LIKE PEOPLE TAKE NAPS ON TOILETS.
- MY GRANDMA DOES.
- SO DOES MY BROTHER. UP TOP! [LAUGHS]
- OH HEY, WHAT'S UP, BOY AND GIRL?
- OH! HEY! - HE NOTICED OUR GENDERS!
- WANNA COME SIT WITH US? - NO.
- HEY! ROBBIE SHAPIRO?
- YEAH?
TH--TH-- THAT'S MY DESSERT, WHAT ARE YOU--
- YOU ORDER THAT?
- NOW YOUR DESSERT'S ON THE WALL.
- WHAT WAS THAT FOR? - 'CAUSE YOU'RE A LIAR.
- YOU'VE BEEN GOIN' AROUND CALLIN' YOURSELF
THE HAMBONE KING. HE'S THE HAMBONE KING.
- ME. - HIM.
- NOT YOU. - HIM.
- LOOKS LIKE ROBBIE'S GOT SOME TROUBLE.
- YEAH. DO YOU WANNA SPLIT SOME SOUP?
- HAVEN'T YOU GUYS SEEN ROBBIE'S HAMBONE VIDEO?
- YEAH. WE'VE SEEN IT. - MADE ME SICK.
- JAROLD COULD HAMBONE BETTER THAN YOU
WHEN HE WAS NINE YEARS OLD.
- WAIT. WHO'S JAROLD?
- I AM. - HE IS.
- ALL DAY.
- MY BROTHER DRINKS MILK ALL DAY.
AND HE'S ALLERGIC TO DAIRY, SO NOT GOOD.
- LISTEN, FELLAS. I DON'T WANT ANY TROUBLE.
- WELL, YOU GOT IT.
- OUTSIDE. YOU AND ME.
- I'M NOT GONNA GO OUT INTO THE NIGHT WITH THE TWO OF YOU.
- I GUESS YOU NEED TO BE CONVINCED.
- GIVE HIS GIRL A TORNADO.
- WHAT'S A TORNADO?
EW! THAT WAS SO WEIRD!
- OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, SHE'S NOT MY GIRL.
UNLESS YOU WANNA BE?
- I'M GOOD.
- YOU BETTER COME OUTSIDE.
- OR ELSE HE'S GONNA GIVE HER ANOTHER ONE.
- LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE.
- ANDRE! JADE!
ROBBIE WENT OUTSIDE ALONE WITH THOSE TWO BOYS.
- DON'T WORRY. WE GOT HIS BACK. COME ON.
- DUDE!
- FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HOLD UP!
IF YOU BOYS WANNA FIGHT ROBBIE, YOU GOTTA FIGHT ME TOO!
- UM, WOULD IT BE OKAY IF THEY FOUGHT JUST YOU? 'CAUSE--
- HEY, IDIOTS.
- YES? - 'SUP?
- MY BOY HERE DON'T WANNA FIGHT SHAPIRO.
[CROWD MURMURS] - THEN, AH, HOW COME
WE'RE NOT ALL BACK IN THERE EATIN' SUSHI?
- 'CAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE OURSELVES A HAMBONE OFF!
[CROWD CHEERS]
- MY THIRD GRADE TEACHER'S NAME WAS MR. BONEOFF.
HE DIED.
- COME ON. LET'S HAMBONE!
[CROWD CHEERS]
- JADE? BRING ME THAT CRATE.
- CAT? BRING HIM THAT CRATE. - 'K, 'K.
- WHERE'S TORI?
- MAYBE SHE'S IN THE RESTROOM NAPPING.
- ALL RIGHT.
STANDARD INTERNATIONAL HAMBONE RULES APPLY.
CALL IT. - QUARTER.
- YEAH. WE KNOW IT'S A QUARTER.
- HEADS OR TAILS. - WHO CAN TELL?
IT WAS FLIPPIN' THROUGH THE AIR SO FAST!
- HE CALLS HEADS. - YAY HEADS!
- IT'S TAILS. JAROLD GOES FIRST.
- COME ON JAROLD. YOU CAN TAKE HIM.
- COME ON, YOU GOT IT.
YEAH! YEAH! COME ON!
- READY? HAMBONE!
[CROWD CHEERS]
- GO ROBBIE!
[CROWD CHEERS]
- AH!
[CROWD GROANS]
- OH YEAH! - YEAH BABY!
- JAROLD WINS! THE REAL HAMBONE KING!
- YEAH! [CROWD CHEERS]
- [GROANING]
- BOOM!
- COME ON, ROB. LET'S GO BACK INSIDE.
- NO!
- ROBBIE, COME ON!
- YEAH, WE'LL GET YOU SOME ICE FOR YOUR, UH... INJURIES.
- NO, JUST-- JUST LEAVE ME HERE ON THE DIRTY GROUND
WHERE I BELONG.
- OKAY.
[SIREN WAILS]
[CAR HONKS]
[SAD MUSIC PLAYING]
- HEY.
- WHO'S THERE?
- A FRIEND.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
- SURE. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HAMBONING?
- TOO MUCH.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[TAPPING]
- ROBBIE.
- COME ON, MAN, IT'S...
[TAPPING CONTINUES]
COME ON, ROB. IT'S NOT SO BAD.
- [WHIMPERS]
- OKAY, BIG DEAL, YOU LOST A HAMBONE COMPETITION.
- [SQUEALS]
- IT'S OVER.
AND IT'S NOT LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD SAW IT.
- UH-HUH! IT'S ALL OVER THE INTERNET.
- HOW'D IT GET ON THE INTERNET?
- I MIGHT HAVE UPLOADED IT.
- WHY DO YOU GUYS NEED SLIPPERS?
- GRAB THE CAT. - YUP.
- [GASPS, LAUGHS]
YAY! I'M A KITE!
- ENJOY.
- NOW YOU CAN TAP TILL YOUR FEET FALL OFF.
- [LAUGHS]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- JUST OPEN IT!
- HEY. - WHY ARE YOU HERE?
- ANDRE TEXTED ME AND SAID ROBBIE GOT HURT.
SO I BROUGHT A WATERMELON.
- WHY?
- ROBBIE LOVES WATERMELONS. - WA-WA.
- OKAY.
SOMEBODY TURN ON THE TV.
- I'LL DO IT, BUT ONLY 'CAUSE I WANT TO.
- WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?
- [SIGHS] JUST WATCH.
- OH DARN.
LOOKS LIKE THERE'S NO PLACE FOR ME TO SIT.
OH WELL.
- [GROANS]
- AW, THAT LITTLE GIRL LOOKS JUST LIKE TORI.
- THAT LITTLE GIRL IS TORI.
SEVEN YEARS AGO.
- FOR REAL? - THAT'S GROSS.
- WOW, YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.
- THAT'S SOME TOP-NOTCH HAMBONING.
- WE WERE TOP-NOTCH.
- WHO WAS THE LITTLE BOY?
- JAROLD.
JAROLD ARDBEG!
THE MEAN KID WHO OUT-HAMBONED ROBBIE TONIGHT!
- THAT PRE-TURD?
- HIS NAME IS JAROLD ARDBEG?
- WE WERE THE BEST BOY/GIRL HAMBONE TEAM
IN THE WESTERN UNITED STATES.
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO COMPETE IN THE NATIONALS.
- DO I HAVE TO HEAR THIS STORY AGAIN?
- SHH. - GO ON.
- JAROLD WAS JEALOUS OF ME BECAUSE EVERYONE KNEW
THAT I WAS BETTER AT HAMBONING THAN HE WAS!
IT DROVE HIM CRAZY!
HE STARTED BEING REALLY MEAN TO ME.
HE EVEN WAZZED IN MY YELLO KITTY PURSE.
AND THEN ONE DAY I-- [SIGHS]
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- I-- I-- I CAUGHT HIM HAMMING WITH SUSIE MCALLEN.
OH.
- ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT. WAIT A SECOND HERE.
IF YOU'RE BETTER THAN JAROLD,
THEN LET'S CHALLENGE HIM TO A HAMBONE OFF.
- YOU CAN AVENGE MY DEFEAT!
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. - YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
- PERFECT! - NO, NO, NO, NO.
I CAN'T.
I HAVEN'T HAMBONED IN YEARS!
BUT JAROLD HAS NEVER STOPPED!
IT'S HIS WHOLE LIFE!
I COULD NEVER BEAT HIM NOW!
- THEN TRAIN ME. TRAIN ME TO HAMBONE
BETTER THAN JAROLD ARDBEG.
- HOW BAD DO YOU WANT THIS?
- LIKE ON A SCALE OF ONE TO 10?
MAYBE EIGHT. EIGHT AND A HALF.
- THEN I'LL DO IT.
[ALL CHEER]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
- OKAY, ROBBIE.
YOUR RHYTHM'S A LITTLE LOOSE.
SO WE GOT TO TIGHTEN THAT UP.
- GOTTA TIGHTEN YOUR RHYTHM.
- OKAY. - NOW...
YOU AND I ARE GONNA DO THE HAMBONE ROUTINE
I TAUGHT YOU YESTERDAY BUT WE'RE GONNA DO IT
TO THE RHYTHM OF CAT'S TAP DANCING.
- FIVE. SIX. SEVEN. EIGHT.
- GOOD! GOOD!
LET'S KEEP IT GOIN'!
NICE!
WHY'D YOU STOP?
- I-- UM-- I NEED TO GET SOME AIR.
- THERE'S AIR IN HERE!
- I DON'T WANT YOUR AIR!
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY AIR?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
- NOTHING!
- WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
- I'M AFRAID! ALL RIGHT?
DO YOU WANNA HEAR ME SAY IT? DO YOU WANNA BREAK ME DOWN?
I'M AFRAID I'M GONNA LOSE TO JAROLD AGAIN
AND HUMILIATE MYSELF!
- YOU CAN BEAT HIM IF YOU WANT IT BAD ENOUGH!
- WHO ARE WE KIDDING?
HE'S THE BEST HAMBONER IN THE COUNTRY.
WHAT AM I?
- WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE?
A COWARD?
OR DO YOU WANNA BE THE HAMBONE KING AGAIN?
- I NEVER WAS THE HAMBONE KING.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
I WAS A FAKE! A JOKE!
I'M NOT EVEN WORTHY OF EATING HAM FROM A BONE!
- HUH?
- FORGET IT.
WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS? WHAT'S THE POINT OF ANYTHING?
I MEAN, THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION, IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE BAD WRITING!
- SO YOU WANNA QUIT?
YOU WANNA JUST WALK AWAY FROM A CHALLENGE
'CAUSE YOU'RE TOO SCARED AND NERDY?
- NERDY?
- I'M SORRY. THAT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
YOU HAVE TO TRY!
YOU HAVE TO DO YOUR BEST AND THEN, IF YOU LOSE,
AT LEAST YOU'LL KNOW THAT YOU GAVE HAMBONING
EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!
- IF I DO TRY MY BEST, DO YOU THINK I HAVE A SHOT
AT OUT HAMBONING JAROLD ARDBEG?
- I THINK YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANNA BE!
- EVEN YOUR BOYFRIEND?
- OH GOD, NO.
SO?
- LET'S HAMBONE.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
- AND SWITCH!
NICE! LOOSEN THOSE WRISTS.
YES!
SLAP IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT! YEAH!
YES!
AND STOP!
YOU'RE READY. - HE'S READY.
- I'M READY.
- THANKS!
- WHEN HE BECOME A WORLD FAMOUS HAMBONE MAN,
YOU TALK ABOUT MY RESTAURANT WHEN YOU GO ON
THE JIMMY FALLON SHOW!
- HEY!
LOOKS LIKE SHAPIRO AIN'T GONNA SHOW UP.
- YEAH, WELL I SAY HEY, ROBBIE'LL BE HERE.
YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT.
- YOU REALLY THINK HE'S COMIN'?
- I HAVE NO IDEA.
- WELL HE'S LATE. ME AND THE KING GOTTA CATCH--
[CROWD CHEERS]
- HEY, IDIOTS!
YOU WANNA TALK OR HAMBONE?
[CROWD CHEERS]
- TORI VEGA. - WHAT UP, JAROLD?
- YOU STILL MAD ABOUT ME AND SUSIE MCALLEN?
[LAUGHS]
- YOU STILL PICK YOUR NOSE AND EAT IT?
- DON'T WASTE YOUR BREATH ON HER, KING.
- OH. HI, MERL!
I SEE YOU'RE STILL SNIFFIN' JAROLD'S BUTT!
- HEY! THAT WAS A DARE! - OH!
- EASY, BLONDIE, EASY.
- THIS HAMBONE BATTLE IS REALLY SCARY.
- WE'RE ABOUT TO WATCH TWO NERDS COMPETE BY SLAPPING THEMSELVES.
I THINK WE'LL BE OKAY.
- JAROLD CAN GO FIRST.
- ALL RIGHT. IT'S ON.
- [LAUGHS] LIKE A GAME OF MAHJONG.
- PLEASE. LET ME DO THE COOL TALK.
[CROWD CHEERS]
- GOOD LUCK, ROBBIE.
- READY? - I'M CERTAINLY READY.
- BRING IT.
- HAMBONE!
[CROWD CHEERS]
- YES! - YEAH!
CROWD: JAROLD! WHOO!
- YEAH!
- LOOK AT ROBBIE WORK!
- HE'S DOING GREAT. HE'S GONNA TAKE HIM!
CROWD: ROBBIE! COME ON!
YOU'RE GONNA WIN!
[CHEERING]
- [SCREAMS]
- YEAH, BABY! YES! YES! YES!
[CROWD CHEERS]
- WAIT! ONE SECOND!
YOU THREW THIS SUSHI AT HIM!
- DID NOT.
- DID TOO. YOU THREW IT AND MESSED UP HIS RHYTHM!
- I-- I CAN GO AGAIN. - NO WAY.
IT'S OVER. [LAUGHS]
- YOU CHEATED!
- STILL A SORE LOSER, VEGA?
SO, UH, ANY OF YOU OTHER PRE-TURDS
WANNA TAKE ON THE HAMBONE KING?
A-NO.
- HEY!
I'LL TAKE ON THE HAMBONE KING.
[CROWD CHEERS]
- WAIT, TORI, YOU HAVEN'T HAMBONED IN SEVEN YEARS!
- WELL, NOW I HAVE A REASON.
CALL IT.
- HAMBONE!
CROWD: GO TORI!
[CROWD CHEERS]
CROWD: YEAH TORI!
- [IN SLOW-MOTION] TORI!
[CROWD CHEERS]
- COME ON! YOU'RE UP!
- OH! WAIT!
- MISBONE! MISBONE!
[CROWD CHEERS]
- THE NEW HAMBONE KING!
- QUEEN! - QUEEN!
- HEY! HEY! HEY! - (ANGRILY) WHAT?! WHAT?!
- BLOW BACK!
[GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
- (SINGING) ♪ AND I THINK YOU'RE SWELL ♪
♪ I THINK YOU'RE SWELL ♪
♪ AND I THINK YOU'RE SWELL ♪♪
[DING] - MM!
TORI: HOW BAD DO YOU WANT THIS?