[MUSIC]
- NO. NO.
UGH, NO.
HEY! NO.
- HEY, TORI. - HI.
- AH. HEY, HI.
- WHATCHA DOING?
- THANKS.
- HEY, WHAT UP, GIRL, YOU GOT A NUMB TONGUE?
- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S A TIME OUT, MISTER.
- NO, NO TIME OUT.
DON'T YOU PUT ME IN THE BACKPACK.
I'M SERIOUS, ROB.
- HEY, WHAT GOES ON?
- WE'RE GONNA GO GET SOME ICED COFFEE.
- I THOUGHT CAFFEINE MAKES YOU VIBRATE.
- SOMETIMES IT'S NICE.
- OH, A MASSAGE HELMET.
A STYLISH HELMET THAT MASSAGES YOUR HEAD.
THAT SOUNDS FUN, RIGHT?
- HMM... - IT COULD BE.
- OH, IT SHOULD. - NO, IT'S AWFUL.
- I HATE HELMETS. - THAT'S NOT GOOD OF AN IDEA.
- IT'S A BAD THING.
- OH.
- WHY IS SHE ALL... - 'CAUSE IT'S ONLY THREE DAYS
UNTIL TRINA'S BIRTHWEEK.
- HER BIRTHWEEK?
- YOU MEAN HER BIRTHDAY?
- YEAH, YOU DON'T KNOW MY SISTER.
SHE THINKS ONE DAY ISN'T ENOUGH CELEBRATION
SO SHE CALLS IT HER BIRTHWEEK.
NOW IF I DON'T GET HER AN AMAZING PRESENT,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO LISTEN TO HER COMPLAIN ABOUT IT
FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, CHILL DOWN.
WE'LL HELP YOU THROUGH THIS.
- TOTALLY. - YEAH.
OKAY. - THE PERFECT PRESENT FOR TRINA.
- SOMETHING AMAZING.
(Rex) - JUST GET THE MASSAGE HELMET.
OH, MY RIBS!
♪ HERE I AM ♪
♪ ONCE AGAIN, FEELING LOST ♪
♪ BUT NOW AND THEN ♪
♪ I BREATHE IT IN TO LET IT GO ♪
♪ AND YOU DON'T KNOW ♪
♪ WHERE YOU ARE NOW ♪
♪ WITH WHAT IT WILL COME TO ♪
♪ IF ONLY SOMEBODY COULD HEAR ♪
♪ WHEN YOU FIGURE OUT HOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE LOST IN THE MOMENT ♪
♪ YOU DISAPPEAR ♪
♪ YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR DREAM IN ACTION ♪
♪ YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FADE, YOU'LL BE THE MAIN ATTRACTION ♪
♪ NOT A FANTASY ♪
♪ JUST REMEMBER ME ♪
♪ WHEN IT TURNS OUT RIGHT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION ♪
♪ TOMORROW YOU'LL BE EVERYBODY'S FASCINATION ♪
♪ IN MY VICTORY ♪
♪ JUST REMEMBER ME ♪
♪ WHEN I MAKE IT SHINE ♪
[MUSIC]
- SUGGESTIONS FOR BIRTHWEEK PRESENTS FOR TRINA.
OKAY. ANDRE, START US OFF.
- CHEESE.
LET'S NOT DO CHEESE.
- ROBBIE?
- LOTION.
OR VARIOUS LOTIONS.
- GROSS. CAT?
- WELL, FOR MY LAST BIRTHDAY, I THOUGHT MY PARENTS
WERE GONNA GET ME A BIKE, BUT WHEN I GOT HOME FROM SCHOOL,
MY BROTHER WAS TRYING TO CUT OFF HIS HAIR.
SO MY MOM STARTED YELLING AT-- - JADE.
- YEAH? - WHAT SHOULD I GET TRINA?
- TALENT.
- OH, JADE IS SO PRETTY.
- THREE, TWO, ONE.
- DOES ANYONE HAVE A GOOD IDEA
ABOUT A PRESENT FOR TRINA?
- YOU PEOPLE GIVE ME A RASH.
- A RASH? WHAT KIND OF RASH?
[TEXT RING]
- UGH, IT'S MY GRANDMOTHER AGAIN.
- WHO ELSE WOULD CALL YOU?
- SHH.
HI, MAMMAW.
UGH, ANOTHER COMPUTER PROBLEM?
NO, MAMMAW, I WAS NOT BEING SARCASTIC.
MAMMAW, DON'T-- WHAT?
MAMMAW, DON'T HANG UP ON ME.
- WHAT'S YOUR GRANDMOTHER BUGGING ABOUT?
- OH. SHE BOUGHT A STUPID COMPUTER
AND SHE CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO WORK IT,
SO SHE CALLS ME LIKE EVERY FOUR MINUTES
FOR TECH SUPPORT.
- OH, THAT'S CUTE. - IT'S NOT CUTE.
I WAS AT HER HOUSE FOR THREE HOURS LAST NIGHT
AND I HAVE TO GO BACK AGAIN TONIGHT.
OH, WILL ONE OF YOU COME WITH ME?
- SURE, I LOVE OLD PEOPLE.
IT'S SO CUTE HOW THEY SHAKE WHEN THEY POUR THEIR JUICE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES ME THINK OF?
- WHAT? - NOTHING.
NOW WHAT AM I GONNA GET TRINA FOR HER BIRTHWEEK?
- HOW ABOUT A BOBBLEHEAD THAT LOOKS LIKE ME?
- MY DAD'S A COP.
- MOVING ON.
[MUSIC]
- ALL RIGHT.
BEFORE I TAKE YOU IN THERE,
I SHOULD WARN YOU. - ABOUT?
- MY GRANDMOTHER. SHE CAN BE... CRITICAL.
- THAT'S OKAY. I TAKE CRITICISM REALLY WELL.
- NO, YOU DON'T.
- WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- JUST THAT YOU DON'T TAKE CRITICISM VERY WELL.
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST KICK ME IN THE FACE?
- I'M SORRY, I TAKE IT BACK.
- OKAY.
[DOORBELL]
(Mammaw) - I HAVE A GUN!
- MAMMAW, IT'S ROBBIE.
- HELLO, ROBBIE.
- HI, MAMMAW.
THIS IS MY FRIEND, CAT.
- NICE TO MEET YOU, MRS. SHAPIRO.
- YOU TOO, SWEETHEART.
YOU'RE SO PRETTY.
COME IN, COME IN.
SHE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
- NO. - GOOD, YOU CAN DO BETTER.
[MUSIC]
- ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
- I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T SEE.
- LOOK IT!
- SHOES? - BOOTS.
FAZZINI BOOTS.
- OW.
- TRINA HAS BEEN DYING FOR THESE.
I HAD TO GO TO 11 DIFFERENT STORES BEFORE I COULD...
- HELLO.
- HEY. - WHAT'S UP, TRINA?
- OKAY, WHAT HAS TWO THUMBS AND IS ALREADY HAVING
A FANTASTIC BIRTHWEEK?
THIS GIRL.
CHECK OUT MY KICKS.
FAZZINI BOOTS.
GOT 'EM AT SIMONE'S ON SALE.
- AW. - OH, DON'T BE SAD.
YOU COULD BORROW 'EM, AFTER I'M DEAD.
MOM, I GOT FAZZINI BOOTS.
MOM... MOM!
- YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO COME UP WITH ANOTHER PRESENT.
- I KNOW THAT.
- GOT A CHEESE GUY THAT COULD PUT TOGETHER...
- I'M NOT GIVING HER CHEESE.
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP AND ACCEPT THE FACT
THAT I'M NOT GONNA FIND ANYTHING GOOD
AND TRINA IS GONNA HATE ME FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HIT ME IN THE HEAD.
- HELP ME.
- ALL RIGHT.
HOW ABOUT A SONG?
- A SONG, AS A PRESENT FOR TRINA?
- YEAH.
YOU CAN WRITE IT, PERFORM IT YOURSELF,
YOU KNOW, DO IT UP REAL BIG.
- THAT'S NOT BAD.
THAT IS-- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE A SONG.
- THINK-- WHAT HAS TWO THUMBS
AND KNOWS HOW TO HELP A FRIEND WRITE A SONG?
THIS GUY.
[MUSIC]
- NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.
YOU JUST-- YOU JUST CLICK ON THAT LITTLE SQUARE
IN THE UPPER RIGHT CORNER TO OPEN A WINDOW.
- I DON'T WANT TO OPEN A WINDOW.
IT'S ALREADY TOO COLD IN HERE.
- THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.
- MAURY, TURN UP THE HEAT!
(Maury) - NO!
- MAMMAW, A WINDOW IS JUST THIS LITTLE--
- WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO YOUR HAIR?
- WHAT? YOU MEAN THE COLOR?
- DO YOU HATE YOUR MOTHER?
- I LOVE MY MOTHER.
- SO HOW DO I E-MAIL THIS TO MY DOCTOR?
- E-MAIL? THOSE ARE YOUR SYSTEM PREFERENCES.
WHY WOULD YOU E-MAIL A DOCTOR YOUR SYSTEM PREFERENCES?
- MAURY, ROBBIE IS SCREAMING AT ME!
(Maury) - I'M HUNGRY!
- TURN UP THE HEAT!
- NO!
- WHY DOES HE DO THAT TO ME?
- OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS?
[MUSIC]
- I LOVE THAT, BUT YOU REALLY THINK WE'RE GONNA BE ABLE
TO HAVE A WHOLE SONG READY BY TRINA'S BIRTHDAY?
- NO WORRIES, AND I'LL GET A BANGING BAND HERE,
SOME GIRLS TO BACK YOU UP,
LIGHTS, IT'LL BE THE CHIZ.
- WHAT IS CHIZ ANYWAY?
- I THINK IT'S A GERMAN SAUSAGE.
LET'S GET BACK TO THE LYRICS.
- NO, I CAN'T WRITE LYRICS.
JUST PLAY MORE STUFF ON YOUR THINGY.
- I'LL HELP YOU.
JUST TELL ME SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT TRINA.
I SAID, TELL ME SOME OF YOUR--
- I HEARD YOU.
- COME ON, DIG DEEP.
- OKAY, OKAY, UM...
OH, HOW ABOUT SHE'S THE WHOLE REASON
WHY I GOT INTO HOLLYWOOD ARTS?
- NOW YOU'RE DIGGING.
- YAY, I'M DIGGY.
- ALL RIGHT, NOW, WHEN YOU THINK OF TRINA,
WHAT'S THE FIRST WORD THAT POPS IN YOUR HEAD?
- CRAZY.
- BUT, I LOVE HER.
- HAVE YOU TOLD HER THAT LATELY? - NO.
WAIT, ARE YOU SURE THIS STUFF IS GONNA HELP US WRITE A SONG?
- LET'S SEE.
♪ YOU MIGHT BE CRAZY ♪
♪ BUT HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY ♪
♪ THAT I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ AND THAT YOU'RE THE REASON THAT I... ♪
[VOCALIZING]
- YOU'RE GOOD.
[MUSIC]
- I'M HOME.
- HAPPY BIRTHWEEK!
- MOM.
OH, DAD.
- MAKE A WISH.
- OKAY.
- OH!
- WHERE'S TORI? - OH, OVER THERE.
- WITH A SPECIAL SURPRISE.
- WHOA! HEY!
- YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
- WHAT IS GOING ON?
- JUST RELAX.
[GAS HISSING]
[MUSIC]
- ♪ I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A SCENE ♪
♪ I DON'T WANT TO LET YOU DOWN ♪
♪ I TRY TO DO MY OWN THING ♪
♪ AND I'M STARTING TO FIGURE IT OUT ♪
♪ THAT IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ KEEP IT TOGETHER ♪
♪ WHEREVER WE GO ♪
♪ AND IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, WELL, WHATEVER ♪
♪ EVERYBODY NEEDS TO KNOW ♪
♪ YOU MIGHT BE CRAZY ♪
♪ HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY ♪
♪ THAT I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON ♪
♪ THAT I'M NOT AFRAID TO FLY ♪
♪ AND IT'S CRAZY ♪
♪ THAT SOMEONE COULD CHANGE ME ♪
♪ NOW NO MATTER WHAT IT IS ♪
♪ I HAVE TO DO ♪
♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO TRY ♪
♪ AND YOU NEED TO KNOW ♪
♪ THAT YOU'RE THE REASON WHY ♪
♪ I DON'T EVEN CARE WHEN THEY SAY ♪
♪ YOU'RE A LITTLE BIT OFF ♪
♪ LOOK 'EM IN THE EYE, I SAY ♪
♪ I CAN NEVER GET ENOUGH ♪
♪ 'CAUSE IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ KEEP IT TOGETHER ♪
♪ WHEREVER WE GO ♪
♪ AND IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ OH, WELL, WHATEVER ♪
♪ EVERYBODY NEEDS TO KNOW ♪
♪ YOU MIGHT BE CRAZY ♪
♪ HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY ♪
♪ THAT I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON ♪
♪ THAT I'M NOT AFRAID TO FLY ♪
♪ AND IT'S CRAZY ♪
♪ THAT SOMEONE COULD CHANGE ME ♪
♪ NOW NO MATTER WHAT IT IS ♪
♪ I HAVE TO DO ♪
♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO TRY ♪
♪ AND YOU NEED TO KNOW ♪
♪ THAT YOU'RE THE REASON WHY ♪
♪ IF IT WAS RAINING ♪
♪ YOU WOULD YELL AT THE SUN ♪
♪ PICK UP THE PIECES ♪
♪ WHEN THE DAMAGE IS DONE ♪
♪ YOU SAY IT'S JUST ANOTHER DAY ♪
♪ IN THE SHADE ♪
♪ LOOK AT WHAT A MESS WE MADE ♪
♪ YOU MIGHT BE CRAZY ♪
♪ HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY ♪
♪ THAT I LOVE YOU ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON ♪
♪ THAT I'M NOT AFRAID TO FLY ♪
♪ AND IT'S CRAZY ♪
♪ THAT SOMEONE COULD CHANGE ME ♪
♪ NOW, NO MATTER ♪
♪ WHAT IT IS I HAVE TO DO ♪
♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO TRY ♪
♪ AND YOU NEED TO KNOW ♪
♪ THAT YOU'RE THE REASON WHY ♪
[CHEERING]
- YEAH!
[APPLAUSE]
- HAPPY BIRTHWEEK, TRINA.
- THANKS.
SO, WHERE IS MY PRESENT?
[MUSIC]
- ARE YOU KIDDING ME? - NO. WHERE'S MY BIRTHWEEK PRESENT?
- MOM, DAD,
COULD YOU PLEASE TAKE ANDRE AND EVERYONE OUTSIDE?
- BUT IT'S RAINING.
- HERE'S AN UMBRELLA.
- THIS WAY, EVERYONE.
DON'T BREAK ANYTHING. - NO PROMISES.
THE SONG WAS YOUR PRESENT.
- HOW MUCH DID IT COST?
- IT DIDN'T COST MONEY.
- THEN IT'S NOT A PRESENT.
- OH, YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE.
- I'M NOT THE ONE WHO DIDN'T GET HER SISTER
A PRESENT FOR HER BIRTHWEEK.
- I WROTE A SONG FOR YOU, I REHEARSED IT.
THE PEOPLE-- I PERFORMED IT FOR YOU.
- YEAH, I THINK YOU WERE A LITTLE FLAT
ON THAT LAST CHORUS.
AH, CAN'T HIT YOUR SISTER DURING HER BIRTHWEEK.
[MUSIC]
- THAT'S A COOL WATCH.
[THUNDER CRASHING]
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE NOT DEEP ENOUGH
TO APPRECIATE A GIFT THAT TOTALLY CAME FROM MY HEART.
- A SONG IS NOT A GIFT.
- IT IS, TOO.
- CAN I WEAR A SONG? NO.
CAN I EAT A SONG? NO.
CAN I FLAUNT A SONG AND MAKE ANYONE JEALOUS?
NO. YOU FAILED.
- HERE, I AM SO SORRY THIS IS ALL I GOT YOU.
- WHAT IS THIS?
- A FLASH DRIVE WITH THE SONG ON IT.
- HOW MANY GIGS? - I DON'T KNOW-- EIGHT?
- KINDA SMALL.
[MUSIC]
- BUT THE MOST SURPRISING PART OF THE PLAY
HAPPENED AT THE END
WHEN THE MONSTER GOUGED OUT PRICILLA'S EYES,
WHICH, FOR WHATEVER REASON, I FOUND REALLY FUNNY.
QUESTIONS?
- I HAVE TWO QUESTIONS.
- OKAY, NO QUESTIONS, GREAT, I'M DONE.
- THANK YOU, JADE, FOR THAT DISTURBING REPORT.
ROBBIE, YOU'RE UP.
- RIGHT.
HELLO, EVERYBODY.
- HI!
- MY REPORT IS ON...
VAUDEVILLE.
NOW, IF YOU ALL LOOK AT--
OH, MY GOD.
- AWW, YOUR GRANDMOTHER WANTS TO CHAT.
- ROBBIE, ROBBIE,
CAN YOU SEE ME NOW?
- HI, MAMMAW. IS THIS IMPORTANT, 'CAUSE I'M KINDA IN THE MIDDLE OF--
- HOW DO I OPEN THE INTERNET?
- GRANDMA, GRANDMA, YOU'RE ON THE INTERNET.
WE COULDN'T BE VIDEO-CHATTING IF YOU WEREN'T ON--
- HEY, ROBBIE,
I SEE YOUR PUPPET.
ARE YOU STILL TAKING YOUR PUPPET TO SCHOOL?
- REX IS NOT A PUPPET!
- MAURY, ROBBIE STILL PLAYS WITH HIS PUPPET.
(Maury) - I'M IN THE BATHROOM!
- DOING WHAT?
- OH! AAH.
- ROBBIE, ROBBIE, ROBBIE!
[MUSIC]
- HEY, VEGA.
TORI. - WHAT?
- TRY THIS COFFEE AND TELL ME WHAT IT TASTES LIKE.
- HAZELNUT?
- I DON'T KNOW, I FOUND IT IN THE GARBAGE.
- HEY, TORI. HEY, TORI'S FRIEND.
- YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY HER FRIEND.
- SO, LISTEN--
- I'M NOT BUYING YOU A PRESENT.
- AH, YOU ALREADY DID.
THIS HAT.
- I DIDN'T BUY YOU THAT HAT.
- DID TOO.
WELL, INDIRECTLY.
SEE, I SOLD THE SONG
AND USED THE MONEY TO BUY THE HAT.
I KNOW MOST GIRLS CAN'T PULL OFF THE WHOLE HAT LOOK,
BUT MY HEAD HAS A PERFECT SHAPE, YOU KNOW, SO--
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SOLD THE SONG I GAVE YOU?
- WELL, YOU KNOW MY FRIEND MOLLY?
- LITTLE FEET, BIG THIGHS?
- MM-HMM.
HER UNCLE IS ONE OF THE MAIN DUDES AT DEVOLUTION RECORDS.
I PLAYED THE SONG FOR HIM AND HE, LIKE, FREAKED OVER IT.
- THE SONG I SANG FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
- YEAH! HE GAVE ME 500 BUCKS FOR THE RIGHTS.
AND GET THIS--
HE WANTS ME TO RECORD IT PROFESSIONALLY.
- YOU? YOU'RE GONNA SING IT?
- OF COURSE, HE THINKS IT COULD BE A HIT.
I TURNED YOUR TERRIBLE PRESENT INTO A NEW HAT
AND A GREAT OPPORTUNITY.
- BUT WAIT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT DOES HE KNOW
THAT I WAS THE ONE SINGING THE SONG AND NOT YOU?
- YOU KNOW, THAT DID NOT COME UP.
- TRINA, HOW CAN YOU JUST DO THAT? YOU CAN'T--
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING] - GOT TO SCAMPER.
HEY, ARE YOU GONNA FINISH YOUR COFFEE?
- NO. JADE FOUND THIS IN THE...
YOU CAN HAVE IT.
THAT'S RIGHT, DRINK THE GARBAGE COFFEE.
- COME ON. - NO!
YOU SAID YOU WERE TALKING ME TO PLAY BABY GOLF.
- WE'LL ONLY BE HERE A HALF HOUR.
[DOORBELL]
- BUT YOUR GRANDMOTHER HATES ME.
- SHE DOESN'T HATE YOU.
- AAH! WHY DID YOU BRING THAT ONE?
- BYE. - STAY.
WHO IS THIS? - ROBBIE, THIS IS BRENDA,
MY FRIEND RONA'S COUSIN'S GRANDDAUGHTER.
BRENDA, THIS IS MY GRANDSON, ROBBIE.
- HI, IT'S GREAT TO MEET YOU.
WHY IS SHE HERE?
- SO YOU DON'T END UP WITH ONE OF THOSE.
- I'M LEAVING NOW. - NO, YOU'RE NOT.
- ROBBIE IS SO SMART.
HE'S HERE TO FIX THE INTERNET.
- YEAH, WHY DON'T I GO DO THAT?
- HEY, WHAT'S YOUR RUSH?
SPEND SOME TIME, GET TO KNOW BRENDA.
- MAMMAW!
- IS THAT A FACE?
[MUSIC]
- TRINA, YOU SET? - I AM SUPER SET.
- OKAY, THEN WE'RE GONNA PUT ONE DOWN.
- YES, LET'S PUT ONE DOWN.
- TRACK ONE.
- PLAYBACK. [MUSIC]
[OFF-KEY] - ♪ I DON'T WANNA MAKE A SCENE ♪
♪ I DON'T WANNA LET YOU DOWN ♪
♪ I TRY TO DO MY OWN THING ♪
♪ AND I'M STARTING TO FIGURE IT OUT ♪
♪ BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ KEEP IT TOGETHER ♪
♪ WHEREVER WE GO... ♪
[CONTINUES SINGING OFF-KEY]
[MUSIC STOPS]
- I'M NOT HEARING ANY MUSIC ANYMORE.
- UH, YEAH, YOUR VOCAL, YOU'RE NOT SOUNDING LIKE YOU DID
ON THE LIVE DEMO YOU PLAYED FOR ME.
- OH, RIGHT.
I WAS JUST TRYING IT A DIFFERENT WAY.
- OH, OKAY, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRY
SINGING IT LIKE YOU DID ON THE DEMO?
- YES, SIR.
NO PROBLEMO.
- GREAT, GREAT.
LET'S GO AGAIN.
- TAKE TWO.
[MUSIC]
[OFF-KEY] - ♪ I DON'T WANNA MAKE A SCENE ♪
♪ I DON'T WANNA LET YOU DOWN ♪
♪ I TRY TO DO MY OWN THING ♪
♪ AND I'M STARTING TO FIGURE IT OUT ♪
- CAN'T YOU MAKE HER SOUND BETTER?
- YUP.
[SINGING STOPS, MUSIC CONTINUES]
- YOU JUST TURNED OFF HER MIC.
- MM-HMM.
SOUND BETTER? - YEAH.
- A GIRL DOESN'T DYE HER HAIR THAT COLOR
UNLESS SHE HAS PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS.
- MY HAIR COLOR HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH MY PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS.
- DON'T YOU USE THAT TONE WITH ME, YOUNG LADY.
- WELL, YOU SAID A BUNCH OF MEAN THINGS TO ME.
MY MOM THINKS IT'S OKAY.
- WHY WOULD YOUR MOTHER ALLOW THAT?
OVER MY DEAD BODY, WOULD I LET MY GRANDSON EVER MARRY--
- WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!
- OH, NO, NO, NO!
OH, THIS IS BAD NEWS.
OH, NO.
- WHAT?
- WHAT'S WRONG, SWEETHEART?
- THEY CANCELED THE INTERNET.
- HUH?
- YEAH, LOOK.
YOU KNOW, BAD ECONOMY, LOW RATINGS,
THEY JUST CANCELLED THE WHOLE INTERNET.
SEE, IT SAYS RIGHT THERE ON THE SCREEN.
- AWW, THAT'S TOO BAD.
- THAT'S TERRIBLE.
- YEAH, IT'S A TRAGEDY.
BYE, MAMMAW. LET'S GO, CAT.
- HEY, WAIT, ROBBIE.
I MADE YOU A CHICKEN.
- GIVE IT TO BRENDA.
- BYE.
[MUSIC]
[OFF-KEY] - ♪ AND IT'S CRAZY ♪
♪ THAT SOMEONE COULD CHANGE ME ♪
♪ NOW NO MATTER WHAT IT IS I HAVE TO DO ♪
♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO TRY ♪
- NO, NO.
OH, NO, NO.
- BUT WHAT HAPPENED? I WAS FEELING THAT ONE.
YOU WEREN'T FEELING IT?
- OKAY, WHAT UP?
- OH, YOU WANT ME TO SING LOUDER?
- NO!
THAT LIVE DEMO YOU PLAYED FOR ME,
HOW COME YOU CAN'T SING LIKE THAT NOW?
- WELL...
- ARE YOU THE SINGER ON THE DEMO OR NOT?
- I'M GENETICALLY SIMILAR TO THAT SINGER.
- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT, I'M PULLING THE PLUG ON THIS.
- NO, NO, WAIT. - HEY, PULL THE PLUG, MAN.
WE'RE GOING HOME. - JUST WAIT A SECOND.
LET ME FIX THIS.
- HOW?
WHAT-- WHO ARE YOU GONNA CALL? - JUST SHUSH.
[MUSIC]
- ♪ I MIGHT BE CRAZY ♪
♪ HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOVE YOU? ♪
♪ YOU'RE THE ONLY REASON THAT I'M NOT AFRAID TO FLY ♪
- SHE KILLING IT OR WHAT? - SHE'S FANTASTIC.
- ♪ THAT SOMEONE COULD CHANGE ME ♪
♪ NOW NO MATTER WHAT IT IS I HAVE TO DO ♪
♪ I'M NOT AFRAID TO TRY ♪
- CAN I HAVE A COFFEE?
- NO!
- IT'S NOT GOOD.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
IT'S SO GOOD.
- BRING IT DOWN.
[MUSIC AND SINGING BECOME LOWER]
YEAH.
WHAT? SHUT UP.
DON'T PLAY WITH ME, MAN.
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
OKAY, WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
CUT IT, CUT IT.
- WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A TAKE.
- CUT THE SESSION, MAN. [MUSIC AND SINGING STOP]
- WHAT HAPPENED? ARE WE TAKING A BREAK?
- THAT WAS JESSE.
HE PLAYED THE SONG FOR BEYONCÉ AND SHE WENT NUTS OVER IT.
- SHUT UP! - SHE MIGHT WANNA RECORD IT.
- BEYONCÉ? - HE'S WITH HER RIGHT NOW.
- OH, MY GOD!
- WHAT'S HAPPENING OUT THERE?
- BEYONCÉ LIKES OUR SONG? - MY SONG.
BEST 500 BUCKS I EVER SPENT!
- HELLO?
- COME ON, MAN, LET'S GO MEET BEYONCÉ.
- CAN I COME? - NO!
- BUT I WANNA MEET-- - AREN'T YOU GONNA-- YO.
REALLY? THE LIGHTS.
- GUYS?
[MUSIC]
- GOING TO THE SLAP.COM IS LIKE...
- IT'S A SLAP.
- ...A WONDERFUL BOWL
OF HOT, FRESH MILK.
- THE SLAP.COM.
- IT'S LIKE BEING SLAPPED BY THE INTERNET.
- OKAY. - NO, THAT'S DISTURBING.
- YEAH.
- COULD I GET A RUBBER BAND?
- MMM!
- YOU FAILED.