♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick
♪ Kick Buttowski, Buttowski
♪ Kick
♪ Kick Buttowski
♪ Kick, Kick, Kick
♪ Kick Buttowski
♪ Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick
♪ Kick
♪ Kick Buttowski
♪ Kick Buttowski! ♪
DAD: Gather round, Buttowskis.
Time to draw names for our annual holiday gift exchange.
Pick a name, any name.
Oh, dear brother. I certainly hope I choose your name
so I can give you a wonderful present.
Like last year?
Oh, dear brother, I'm certainly glad I chose your name
so I can give you this wonderful present.
(LAUGHING)
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas.
DAD: Here you go, Kick. Pick a name, any name.
(GASPS) "Cousin Kyle?"
(ROARING)
Happy Holidays from me, your cousin Kyle.
It's snowing, which means I can go sledding with my cousin Kick.
I can also go caroling with Kick and make a gingerbread house with Kick
and put on a Christmas pageant with my puppets and Kick.
I forgot to tell you Aunt Sally's dropping Kyle off while she's at work.
But don't worry. Mom'll be here for Christmas.
And so will... (SINGSONG) I. With my cousin... (SINGSONG) Kick!
Great.
What are you doing with that bowl? Eating cereal?
This is our family gift exchange, Kyle. Why don't you draw next?
(GASPS)
(EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY)
Look who I got. "Kick."
Biscuits.
Oh, Brianna.
I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to trade names.
You could have Kyle, and I'll take...
Dad? No way. I'm already making a personal gift just for him.
It even smells like me.
(COUGHS)
No, I don't want to trade with you.
I've already made Mom these sweet "Brad Bucks."
Yeah, Brad. Good for Brad-related services.
Such as?
Such as... Dusting one piece of furniture.
Picking up one pair of dirty underpants off the floor.
Must be my underpants.
And, oh... This one's for you.
"Good for one Flying Adios." What's a "Flying Adios?"
Adios.
(LAUGHING)
Yeah, Brad Bucks!
Hmm... There must be something here I can give Kyle.
He does like puppets.
Blah blah blah blah.
And done.
Now, it's time for a little sledding action.
Blue Lightning, we've got a date with Dead Man's Drop.
Just you and me.
(DOOR BANGS)
(WHISTLING)
Was that a sled?
No.
I like sledding. Are you going sledding?
To me, snow is good for two things:
sledding and pretending we live in Ice Cream Land.
I, uh, I can't go sledding.
Why not? Are you allergic?
I'm allergic to salamanders, moss, and P.E. class.
I don't have a sled.
Really? Interesting...
Phew!
MOM: Really? Oh, Sally, that's terrible.
I can't believe you have to work on Christmas.
Oh, and on Kyle's first Christmas away from home.
We'll make sure this is a very special Christmas for him.
He'll love it.
What's going on in there?
Wow.
Ah, well, time to hit Dead Man's Drop.
I'm just going to snuggle up by the tree
and wait for jolly old Saint Nick.
He's like a little angel.
MOM: I can't believe you have to work on Christmas.
Oh, and on Kyle's first Christmas away from home.
We'll make sure this is a very special Christmas for him.
(SCREAMING) Why?
Blue Lightning, we'll have to postpone that date.
I'm gonna go buy Kyle an awesome present.
My Street-Legal Hovercraft fund should cover it.
We're closed today, boy.
This is an emergency.
Ha! A puppet emergency? This should be good for a laugh.
Come on in.
This is my trusty manservant, Tugg.
Say hello, Tugg.
So how may we help you?
I need to buy your best puppet.
(LAUGHING)
Our best puppet, he says. Did you hear that, Tugg?
What's so funny?
We sold our best puppet. Along with our second-best puppet.
In fact, we're clear sold out.
Sold out?
Man came in, bought everything we had for his son.
I'll bet that chap's having a very happy Christmas.
Thank you, Daddy. Don't judge me.
But it's Christmas Eve! What about that puppet?
The Golden Dragon?
It's very rare. Only one like it in all of Mellowbrook.
It's not for sale.
I'll pay cash.
It was very expensive.
I'll give you all I've got.
I told you, it's not for sale!
There's nothing you can give us for the Golden Dragon.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing!
(WHISPERING)
I see. The car's dead.
And frozen.
And buried under snow. I must have left the lights on.
(LAUGHING)
So what Tugg's saying is that we'll sell you the Golden Dragon
if you include your sled, so we have a way to get home.
What? You want me to give up Blue Lightning?
Well, that's the deal. Take it or leave it.
Well you can forget it. I really don't... think...
MOM: We'll make sure this is a very special Christmas for him.
Okay, looks like you have yourself a deal.
At least the storm let up.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
I love my Cousin... (SINGSONG) Kick!
(RATTLING)
(SHATTERING)
(WHISTLING)
(PANTING) Just can't make it.
(BELLS TINKLING)
Santa?
Oh, hi, Kick. Gunther?
What are you doing way out here?
(STRAINING)
Ah, it doesn't matter. Meet my new reindeer, Klaus.
(SNORTS)
Need a lift?
You might wanna hold on.
Uh...
(THUNDER CRASHING)
(EXCLAIMING LOUDLY)
Here's your stop, sir.
Thanks, Gunther.
Merry Christmas, Kick.
Merry Christmas to you, too.
On, Klaus. Away!
I made it. He's gonna love this thing.
No!
(SCREAMING) Why?
Merry Christmas, Mother.
Why...
Thank you, Bradley.
See? It even smells like me.
Yeah, I... I know.
Here you go, Brianna.
Oh, Mom. I just love it.
Ha!
Happy holidays, Son.
All right. Tickets to Tankini Lumberjacks on Ice!
Thanks, Dad. I got Tankini tickets on my body.
Ah!
Merry Christmas, Cousin Kick.
Kyle, I was supposed to get you a Christmas gift.
But I don't have anything. I blew it.
No, you didn't. That doesn't matter at all.
I'm just happy to spend Christmas with my favorite cousin.
Kyle! Mom.
They let me off work early.
You're just in time. I'm giving Kick his present.
A sled!
You said you didn't have one, so I made you one.
You made this? Out of what?
(WHISPERS) The boards holding up Brad's bed.
Kyle, I just thought of a present I could give you.
(EXCLAIMING) Sledding with you was the number one item on my Christmas wish list.
Glad you like it. Oh, I do.
I also like cookies. But not with raisins. Or nuts.
Do you like hand sanitizer?
I like vanilla pudding. And bunnies.
Once I saw a bunny eating vanilla pudding.
But that would be because I gave it vanilla pudding.
Do you like hedgehogs?
Tankini!
Tankini...
DAD:
♪ Buttowski winter trip
♪ Lots of mail when we get home
♪ Buttowski winter trip
Everybody.
♪ Buttowski winter trip Buttowski... ♪
(SIGHS) Well, you're all in for a real surprise.
It's a wintry retreat that's sure to please.
Ooh, a spa. How relaxing!
(GASPS)
Hot chocolate tea party.
Hot tub full of babes.
(GASPS) Row of snowmobiles.
Yep, it's an amazing lodge which we're not staying at.
(ALL GROANING)
Got a great deal on a cabin rental,
far, far away from any modern amenities.
(DAD HUMMING)
DAD: So, Kick, you are aware that the Cornice of Death,
the most treacherous snow-capped peak this side of Everest,
just happens to be right above our vacation cabin?
And hopefully you're also aware
that you're not allowed anywhere near it!
We're here.
Isn't it rustic? This trip is all about being close to nature.
No cell phones, no laptops,
no death-defying stunts. Just the Buttowskis.
And nature.
This stinks. What?
No way!
Let the adventure begin.
(SCREECHING) (SCREAMING)
Ah, just like the pioneers.
And where do the pioneers go to the bathroom?
(MUMBLING ANGRILY) Let the adventure begin... Stupid cabin!
(SCREAMS)
Well, excuse me!
How about I make us some tasty treats to have by the fire?
Ooh, the fire. Kick, go outside and fetch some firewood.
And I mean, nowhere near that mountain.
You got it, Dad.
Now, hand over the toboggan.
And the skis. The snowboard. Other snowboard...
That, too.
Some winter retreat!
"Kick, go fetch some wood. And nowhere near that mountain."
Can't even sneak a quick saucer ride down Cornice of Death.
(GRUNTING)
(SIGHS)
Feels like I've been walking for days.
Wonder where I am.
Cornice of Death!
(ECHOING)
I guess one little run wouldn't hurt.
(WHOOPING)
(GASPS)
Hey! Quit playing around, dillweed.
(SCREAMS)
(PANTING)
(GASPING FOR BREATH)
(RUMBLING) Harold, what's that loud noise?
It's just Kick, barreling down a mountain, pursued by an avalanche.
Dad! Mom! Is everyone okay?
DAD: No one's hurt, except for Kick.
Huh? But I'm fine.
Not for long, you're not.
(GULPS)
BRIANNA: This is just like you, Kick!
BRAD: Yeah, you do this on every vacation!
(WHOOPING)
DAD: Now, Kick, I need you to use your cell phone
and call for help.
Uh, Dad, you locked our phones in the car.
(SHEEPISH LAUGH) Now, now, now, now...
Let's not play the blame game.
No sense arguing over who confiscated the phones and locked them in the car.
What's important now is Kick getting us out of here.
All right, I'm sorry I got you stuck.
But I promise I'm gonna get you out.
If there's one thing I'm better at than being awesome,
it's fixing my mistakes. Awesomely.
(ALL PANICKING) We're doomed!
Okay, everybody, calm down.
People in our situation have been known to go mad,
succumbing to cabin fever. But not us. We're Buttowskis.
Just because we're trapped in a cold, cramped space,
with no way out and limited ventilation,
only a fraction of the necessary food...
There's no hope. This cabin is our icy tomb!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Okay, can't move the snow, so I gotta melt it. Fast.
And what melts snow?
(BLOWS) Heat.
(GIGGLING)
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
Excuse me, ladies. I need your hot tub for a family emergency.
Over there!
Uh-oh.
(KNOCKING)
Dillweed. Gotta hurry.
What melts ice?
And that's how you salt a...
KICK: Sorry, everyone!
Official emergency!
(SOBBING) Goodbye, old friends.
I can't take it! I can't take it!
I don't believe this...
I'm gonna die without ever having
a real girlfriend... Huh?
(WHISTLES)
Why, hello. I'm the Brad.
Esther? That's a lovely name. I...
What? Oh, just wanna be friends, huh?
(HUMMING HAPPILY)
(CHUCKLES) Yes, yes. I know you love when I stamp you.
Ah, salt. Good for so much more than slugs.
All right, come on, deer. Get out of the...
(GROWLING)
Okay, okay... Easy does it there.
Everybody's happy...
(ALL EXCLAIMING MANIACALLY)
(ENGINE REVVING)
Greatest snowplow ever!
Hey! Our massage tables!
They're not like regular tables.
Let's get him.
Our delicious treats! Get him!
Hey! He ruined both our hot tubs. Get him!
Hey! He ruined our checkout. Get him!
Get him! He ruined our resort!
Now and forever, you will be my truest love.
Forget me not, mail. Even if someone else
stamps you.
Here you go, Esther.
Thought you might enjoy this lovely steak dinner that I...
Hey! Who's this guy?
What's this?
Her number? How'd you get it so fast?
(GRINDS TEETH) I won't give her up without a fight.
(SCREAMS IN PAIN)
I am so gonna...
Ah, who am I kidding.
You're exactly what she needs right now.
Just, just cherish her? Okay?
Please, just cherish her.
(HUMMING HAPPILY)
Cheer up, everyone. I made cupcakes.
Have some cupcakes, Bradley.
Mom, those aren't cupcakes. They're old socks...
I said, have some cupcakes, Bradley!
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Help! Get us out of here. Mom's crazy! Help!
WOMAN: Get him! Don't let him get away!
(ALL SHOUTING)
Everyone, stop!
The ice is cracking. We all have to stay absolutely still...
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Hi, there.
(ALL GROWLING)
Okay, so I totally wrecked your lodge.
But I did it to save my family. Look at them!
Wouldn't you do anything, even destroy a ski lodge
to save these beautiful faces?
Okay, okay. Well, since there's clearly nothing I can do
to make it up to you... (ALL GROWLING)
I mean, I'm sure there's something.
More hot chocolate!
Hey, dillweed, we need more bubbles.
Kick, this is the best Buttowski winter trip ever.
We got in touch with nature...
Ah! And the perks of the lodge.
Dillweed, the babes need more bubblin'.
Isn't that right, babes?
(BOTH GIGGLING) Oh, Brad.
It's "Yeah, Brad," ladies. Yeah, Brad, indeed.
Hey! I told you we were through!
Live your own life!