Jesus, I'm raising five kids and I didn't miss last week.
What's your excuse?
(CLATTERING)
(SIGHS) Carl!
I tried to get your drugs, but V has her cabinet locked up.
And she's making me buy them now.
- I may have found a liver. - Really? Where?
Your older sister, Sammi.
A transplant? Oh, Frank.
- I want to give you my liver. - Really?
- You okay? - I could be better. You know, it's...
- Different? - Different, yeah.
The Gallaghers moving up the food chain.
- So when do you plan on doing it? - How do I start?
Bam, you drop trou and expos-ay some sex-ay.
Does this make you cray?
Uh... Um.
So I invited my brother out to dinner with us tonight.
- They have single malt flights. - Oh, no, no, no. Not tonight.
Get it so I can drink vicariously through you.
- Here we go. Almost there, brother. - Right by your right hand. Okay?
Yeah.
I'm not telling him, ever. This did not happen.
Oh, yes it did. And it's gonna happen again, addict.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
You let some dude finger you last night on the L?
You make it sound so filthy. And he's not just any dude.
- No, he's your boyfriend's brother. - I know.
- Your boss's brother. - I know, okay? I can't explain it.
I can. Remember Shawn? Did speedballs in front of Carl?
You stayed with him for what, five months?
And then it was Jason, right? Jason with the anger issues.
I mean, if you consider stabbing a guy for jumping the line
- at the Cracker Barrel an issue. - Yeah, I get it.
And then there was Jimmy Steve. The lying, married car thief.
Fi, this job is a good thing for you.
It was a mistake, okay? It's over.
It better be. I can't be over here Dr. Phil-ing your ass.
- I got to go to the Alibi. - This early?
Yeah, it saves Kev from having to pay Kate overtime.
Is he still freaking out about the babies?
And the bar. Payroll taxes are due next week.
Business license has to be renewed, utilities.
- Has anyone seen my lip gloss? - Well, hi, Debs.
- Carl! - What?
You're supposed to make Liam breakfast.
- It's not my job. - It is your job.
Relax, relax. Here, more nutritious than makeup.
Made a big sale yesterday. Ten thousand units.
"Congrats, Fiona! Great job! We're so proud of you!"
What?
He's still not talking to you. Lunch.
You know, I used to be your sister, not just an ATM.
- I like that top. You look cute. - Not trying to look cute.
- I could walk you to school today. - I'm not in the first grade.
We just haven't talked that much lately.
And maybe that's my fault. I haven't been around as much.
- Yeah, don't you have to get to work? - I can be late. Hey.
Whatever you're going through, guess what? I did too.
Got plenty of time to grow up. It's okay to just be a kid.
- (DOOR CLOSES) - (SIGHS)
Careful you don't pass out with all the blood rushing
from your big head to your little head.
- (BOTH LAUGHING) - Ow...
I was beginning to wonder when I'd get your motor revving.
(CHUCKLING)
Okay, I'm gonna go see if they're ready yet.
(EXHALES)
Um...
How soon do I go under the knife? The transplant. How soon?
Uh, assuming your donor passes the cross match
and oral glucosamine tests without issue, then...
She'll pass. She's my daughter.
Then we'll have everything we need from a medical standpoint.
What does that mean?
You don't have health insurance.
That's what the ER is for.
They don't do transplants in the ER.
We're gonna have to put you on a wait list
with one of the few doctors who perform transplants pro bono.
Unfortunately, that list is pretty long.
- Weeks? - More like years.
- Years? - A couple, unless it's dire.
Dire? Well, um, I'm dying.
So are the thousands of others on the pro bono list.
How much?
If I pay for the operation myself, how much?
Transplant surgery is a very complicated procedure
involving more than a dozen specialties
and many different departments of the hospital.
Okay, it's a shakedown.
Our glorious health care system at work.
How much?
All in, 150 grand, give or take 10,000.
Ready. The tests will be done by four.
Come get me, and we'll celebrate.
My daughter and I are very close.
(DOOR CLOSES)
- Three bucks a shot. - Since when?
It ain't our fault you got a herd of kids on the way.
And it's not our fault that Stan
never took care of the asbestos upstairs.
But guess who has to pay for it?
Asbestos isn't so bad.
I got lots of it in the ceiling at my house, and look at me.
VERONICA: Tell that to the city.
If we don't get it removed, they're gonna shut us down.
- Removal company wants six grand. - Might as well be six million.
Fucking candy striper giving a look like I'm a fucking degenerate.
Egyptian royals, Incas, King Arthur, they all kept it in the family.
We probably still would if Oedipus hadn't ruined it for all of us.
So fine, cast the first stone. But let me ask you.
If we all came from just Adam and Eve in the beginning,
well, you do the math.
Frank, can you please keep the nonsense rambling down to a minimum?
Some of us have problems that we're trying to figure out.
When you need 150 grand just to live,
we'll talk about problems.
You could burn your house down for the insurance money.
That's what my Uncle Doris did.
Yeah, and he almost burned down the entire neighborhood.
Too much accelerant.
But they never got the charges to stick.
Jewish lightning.
The most inspired of our Hebrew brethren's contribution to society.
You don't even own the damn house.
What about Sheila's house?
You could split the dough with her. She got insurance?
Yeah.
Yeah, I saw the policy when I was looking for Eddie's will.
Frank, if you're gonna smoke that, at least give me a hit.
She's never gonna go for it.
Well, wait, wait. Who says we have to tell her?
Frank, you are not gonna burn down that nice woman's house.
No, not burn down.
She's got liability.
One big accident, and her insurance has to pay up.
- Cartesian dualism. - Descartes.
- Categorical... - Imperative. Kant.
- We're gonna ace this test, bro. - All right.
We got to jet. You ready to go?
I got to grab my pants out of the dryer.
- Right now? - Yeah. I'll be right behind you.
All right.
- Hi. - Hi.
What the fuck?
Yo! You at least leave me some quarters?
Fuck.
Ron?
Hey, Sheila?
Sheila?
(STRAINING)
(GRUNTING)
Cock suck, fuck, motherfuck, fuck, fuck!
- You're disrupting the midterm. - Oh, sorry, I'm a few minutes late.
Six minutes.
Yeah, I know. I just got locked out of my dorm room.
Right, because this chick, she pulled my laundry
out of the dryer early, and my jeans are still wet.
I'm not asking for the time I missed, just the time I have left.
- It doesn't work that way. - Why not?
I'm not gonna argue about this.
Look, I studied my ass off for this test, okay?
Just let me in, and I will prove it to you.
I'm sorry.
Don't be a fucking prick. Just let me take the damn test.
(WOMAN WHIMPERING)
What the fuck is this?
How many blowjobs did you give yesterday?
Ten blowjobs.
- How many tugs? - Five.
That's on top of two guys who shelled out for a belly ride.
You send her home with a measly 200 bucks?
Sasha sets the price.
Well, Sasha needs to find out my wife's a hooker, not a slave.
(WOMAN CHUCKLES)
Okay? Okay. Now this is happening.
Out! Get out! Let's go!
Yes. Put it on and let's go.
Hey, come on, you deserve better than this.
I don't care if you're mid-pump. Come with me.
You want to get paid a little more
for putting a stranger's dick in your mouth?
- Come on, ladies. Move, move. - (OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
You can clean it off later. I don't care if it's sticky. Go!
Come on. Come on, get out. Let's fucking go.
Yes, yes, yes, put that on. Fuck me. Hi, guys. Let's go!
Look at all your happy customers, huh?
No one's getting laid till they get paid.
I tell Sasha.
Yeah, tell him to go fuck himself.
Are you kidding me? This is barely a sprain.
Oh, like you've got a medical degree.
Hey, I handled enough personal liability claims
to know what a six-figure payout looks like.
This is two grand tops.
I need 150.
Well, then you better bring me a mangled femur, or lose an eye.
Better yet, lose both eyes.
You know, you walk in, empty sockets, we got us a winner.
- Jesus, Frank. - What?
Jesus. I'm sorry.
- It does this sometimes. - Would you just go on? Get out.
The hospital needs at least 50,000 down
before they'll even schedule the operation.
They take down payments?
What are they gonna do if you don't pay up the rest, repo the liver?
Lou, I'm dead without this.
Fifty grand? Okay, we're talking, like, partial paralysis.
Burns over at least 30 percent of your body.
Hey, if you don't have the stones to hobble yourself,
find someone who'll do it for you.
(SHOOTING, SHOUTING FROM VIDEO GAME)
You're just the man I'm looking for.
- What happened to you? - I need your help.
Took a hammer to V's stash, stole some pills. They're upstairs.
No, no, no, not that... They're upstairs?
I'll get them later.
I want you to break my leg.
(CHUCKLES)
I need the insurance money.
It's the only way I'll be able to pay for the transplant.
You want me to hurt you?
It's life or death.
If you love me, son, you'll do this.
Can I put it on YouTube?
Sh...
No.
Just one push.
What if I land on my head?
Just stick your leg over the track and let it get run over.
- What about the third rail? - What's a third rail?
Fucking Obamacare.
What kind of a system do we live in?
You have to cripple yourself to stay alive.
- I could get the sledgehammer. - No, that's all right.
Mrs. Jesudian has a table saw.
Forget it. Where are those perk-me-ups?
You said life or death.
Kev has an old lawn mower. It could run over your foot.
You're a good man, son. The pills?
Under the bed.
(FRANK SIGHS)
So, yeah, Matty and I spent the whole night like that, spooning.
You see Billy Fergus? Ellie said he's here.
It was really sweet. He made me breakfast.
Wake me up when you get to the good part.
You clean out your cabbage patch with Purell afterwards?
What?
It keeps you from getting knocked up.
Gets the little swimmers so drunk, they can't find the egg.
Um... No. Well, sex, we didn't have it.
- Matt said that we should... - I got your frappucino, Holly.
It better be caramel.
Okay, go.
- Who's that? - Sam? Seth?
Who cares? I tell him what to do, he does it.
Why?
He thinks I'll maybe give him a quickie in the bathroom.
He's lucky I let him be seen near me.
There's Billy. How do I look?
- Slutty. - Thanks.
Wait, Holly. Is it bad that Matty said it wasn't the right time?
He said that? "It's not the right time"?
What does it mean?
I don't know. I've never had a guy say that.
Yeah, I know I promised it to you.
Look, I'm gonna get you your money.
(PHONE RECEIVER CLATTERS)
Liquor distributor?
No, it's Stan's son asking for his monthly $500 that I don't have
for a bar that's in the black.
Or the red, or whatever one it is where you're totally fucked!
Are you gonna pay for something else?
- Trying to get me drunk? - You're already drunk.
I got bills. Pay for something.
Hey, line up a shot for the Abe Lincoln of mouth whores.
Excuse me?
I emancipated my wife and her fellow cum guzzlers.
Gonna do to the Russians what they've been doing to my girls.
- Bring them to their knees. - MAN: Why?
Your wife wouldn't even be in this country
if the Russians hadn't smuggled her in originally.
That gives them the right to pay her next to nothing, huh?
We're thirsty.
Good thing there's a sink in the fucking bathroom, huh?
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
- Well, how do they get away with it? - Get away with what?
Forcing them to work for so cheap.
Guns and beatings, mostly.
I mean, look, what choice do they have? They got no ID.
They barely speak the language. They're fresh off the boat.
Sasha can pay them whatever the fuck he wants.
Not anymore. Now they got me.
- I'll be right back. - Where are you going?
I'm gonna... pick something up from the Home Depot.
- Now? - (PHONE RINGING)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Sasha wants meeting.
What did I tell you, huh?
Russians waving the white flag already.
You do know what happened to Lincoln in the end, right?
You kidding? I could barely get through the opening credits.
(PHONE RINGING)
Okay.
- You knew you had a test? - Yes, but I got locked out of my...
A midterm?
Yeah, yeah. I was only a few minutes late.
And you knew what time the midterm was scheduled to begin?
Yeah.
Yet you weren't there on time.
I think that's been established.
And everyone else was?
I don't know. I didn't count heads.
Look, um, I just want a chance to take the test.
You can take ten points off, whatever you have to do.
It really wasn't my fault that I was late.
Okay. I mean, stuff just happens sometimes, right?
Okay, listen, you know,
what if a student needed CPR or was choking,
and I stopped to save his life? I mean, what then?
Well, instead of some hypothetical dying student,
I'd suggest we consider a live one.
- Jay Santos. - Who?
Runner up for the Glind Scholarship you received
that allowed you to attend this university.
I don't know where Jay Santos is, but if he were here,
I'm sure of one thing.
He would've been on time for his midterm.
Think of this as a learning experience, Philip.
Things do happen, so we have to anticipate that they might.
I'm sure next test, you'll leave plenty of extra time
and arrive early.
(ALARM BLARING)
(SHOUTS)
Hey!
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
Come on!
(PANTING)
(SHOUTING FROM OUTSIDE)
(COCKS GUN)
(TRUCK REVERSE BEEPING)
(WOMAN SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
- Sasha. - Huh?
- Oh. - Wait, you're Sasha?
You are smaller than I thought you would be. Hmm.
Ditto.
Okay, look, it's 20 percent raise on bumping uglies, 30 percent on BJs,
and whatever happens in the ass stays in the ass.
I don't know what that means.
That means the ladies pocket tips for extras, not you.
Hmm. You a tough negotiator?
You need girls.
True.
Hey... (SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
They grew up near Chernobyl, so got a discount.
Come on.
I'm flexible on those numbers.
Your girls are tired and stretched out.
Go fuck yourself.
Hi.
- Big birthday coming up. - (GASPS)
You remembered.
Well, you put it in my calendar. Huge letters, double underline.
What do you want to do to celebrate?
I was thinking of low keying it this year.
Really? For the big 3-0?
(LAUGHING) Asshole.
4-0?
Said the boyfriend who apparently never wants to get laid again.
- What's he doing here? - What else?
He's putting his greatest talent to work.
- Which is? - Weaseling money out of my dad.
- So birthday. - (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Uh, sorry, what?
MIKE: I mean, I could jump out of a cake in nothing but a thong.
Sorry, it's one of the kids.
- Everything okay? - Yeah, I just...
I'll let you deal with whatever's going down at Chez Gallagher.
Let me know what you wanna do, and we'll make it happen.
All right.
Hey.
Right in here. Here we go, guys.
- Who are they? - Told you, had to run an errand.
This is what you picked up at Home Depot?
Mickey's not as dumb as he looks. Illegals are desperate for work.
And a few bucks is a fortune for these guys. It's a win-win.
- What's your name again? Nombre? - Mi nombre? Paco.
Paco, get behind the bar. Grab a mop, okay?
You two, come with me.
You guys know what asbestos is? Good. Come on.
- (OVERLAPPING CHATTER) - Tell them to shut the fuck up!
You take jobs away!
Yeah, I know. And I will think of something!
They say you are stupid, fucking idiot!
- Well, what did you say back? - That you also have small dick!
Jesus Christ, what happened to a man's home being his fucking castle?
Three things. This is my home. You do have a small dick.
And you started this all because you thought your wife
is worth more than a couple of bucks a lay.
Let me tell you from experience. She's not.
(YELLING IN RUSSIAN)
I don't know what the fuck you're saying! Oh, my God!
I don't know what that means!
Look, don't worry! We'll get a dick in you as soon as we can!
Fuck.
Hi.
Uh, is Mandy home?
- Dad? Dad? - FRANK: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You seen my happy pills? I can't find them anywhere.
Look what I got.
Bullitt?
Stole it from the store while the checkout guy was huffing out back.
You said it was your favorite.
Two keys to cinematic gold. Steve McQueen and fast cars.
You know, people said I resembled him as a young man.
Get comfortable. I heated you up some soup.
You really know how to take care of your old man.
Thank you, son.
- FRANK: Carl, what are you doing? - Almost ready. Just killing a roach.
Big fucking roach.
- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) - He's so nice and I really like him.
I think it's time we take it to the next level.
- How old are you now? - Thirteen.
What took you so long?
This is why I came to you. You get it.
Fiona wants me to stay a little girl forever.
So, what's stopping you?
He said he wasn't ready. What does that mean?
He's older?
- Mm-hm, he's 20. - Wow.
- Thanks. - He doesn't wanna get in trouble.
He needs to know that you're totally cool with it
and won't go running to the cops afterwards.
- The cops? - Statutory rape.
Some old school shit left over
from when women wore corsets and didn't carry mace.
- Hmm? - Sure you're ready?
- So let him know. - But how?
- Hey, babe, I'm out. - Watch.
Oh, again? I'm gonna be late for work.
Oh, come on, girl.
It's okay. I don't think I'd be able to do that.
- So just send him a selfie. - A selfie?
You know, a picture?
Okay. (CHUCKLES)
(SCREAMING)
- What do you think you're doing? - Making ramen. Want some?
- I told you to stop texting me. - Did you?
Uh-huh. What part of stop do you not understand?
What are you doing here?
Trying to get it through your thick skull that this is over.
- Is it? - Yes.
Well, I mean, you could've... (CLEARS THROAT)
You could've called, or texted.
Or used Facebook.
- I'm not on Facebook. - No?
(KNOCKING)
MIKE: Yo, Robbie, it's me.
- Did you know he was coming over? - No.
MIKE: I hear you moving around in there. Come on, open up.
Oh, my God. What are you doing?
- Mike's at the door. - Oh, well, don't answer it.
- MIKE: Robbie. - Coming!
(DOOR OPENING)
- Hey. - Hey.
Were you in the neighborhood?
Yeah, sorry. I probably should have called.
That's all right.
What's up?
Wanted to know what you went and saw Dad about today.
None of your damn business.
How much you ask him for, Robbie?
Can I get you a drink? Let me get you a drink.
You know the money he gives you comes right out of the company
that I bust my ass to make profitable?
That makes it my business.
I got a Red Bull and a half a Sprite,
but I can't vouch for how long it's been in there.
Dad takes the money he gives you out of his retirement account.
- Got water, but not the fancy kind. - Whatever's fine, I don't care.
Well, you sure you just don't want to look in the fridge?
- All right, that's fine. - Oh, wait. Got a bottle.
Bubbles. I know what you like, right?
Listen, I know you think that they're rich,
but they don't have nearly as much as you think they do.
Hey.
- You look good. - Yeah, my boyfriend thinks so.
- Boyfriend, huh? - What are you doing here?
Just saying hi.
You know I smashed up a bunch of car windows at school today?
- Hammer? - No, it was a pipe bender, actually.
Got chased by the cops. Well, campus security, but still...
- Did they catch you? - What do you think?
Anyway, it made me think of you.
Random destruction makes you think of me?
Yeah, it was, uh... It was beautiful.
What do you want?
I don't know. I, um...
I almost called you a couple of times.
I figured you were doing your own thing.
I just missed you.
Is your boyfriend here?
Hey, who are all those chicks in your living room?
- Hookers. - Hookers?
- Mickey's wife. Long story. - Okay.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Man, I almost forgot how good this feels.
Oh, God.
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
Shit. (CHUCKLES)
Sorry. I didn't mean for that to be a sprint.
Not getting any from the white bread sorority sluts?
It's not the same.
You got any cash on you?
Yeah, yeah. There might be something down there.
I don't know, I'm not exactly raking it
in bussing dishes at the student union.
Yeah, I need the morning-after pill.
Or not.
I think I'm ovulating. My tits are sore.
I could have just used one of those condoms.
The Kenyatta's Trojan Magnums would have slipped right off
of your skinny, little, white Johnson.
Ouch. Harsh.
- Six bucks? - Yeah.
So skip the pill.
Fuck you. You know how much an abortion costs now?
No, roll the dice.
You know, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world,
having a little ghetto rug rat running around.
- That's not funny. - I'm serious.
Yeah, that's just what I need. Raising your bastard kid in the hood
while you bang co-eds in the back of a robotics lab.
Not gonna be any co-eds or any robotics lab.
Why?
Well, the place is bullshit.
It's just like I said it would be.
- I'm bailing. - You're quitting?
You know how hard I worked to get you in there?
Then you go.
I don't think they'd accept my 1 .2 GPA.
- You can't just bail. - Drop it, okay?
You came to me, asshole.
Look, I'm sorry, all right? I felt like shit.
I thought this would be fun, not an interrogation.
So what, whenever you feel like shit or wanna quit,
you figure you're gonna hop on the L and come and knock me up?
That was my mistake. It won't happen again.
- Shithead. - Skank.
- You know, I hate being the bad guy. - But you're so good at it.
All right, think about what I said, yeah?
- Mm-hm. - All right. Thanks.
- You serious? Come on. - All right. Bye.
- Later. - Later.
- You're a motherfucker. - Wanna pick up where we left off?
- What is wrong with you? - I didn't ask him to come over.
Plus, you got off on it as much as I did.
- Excuse me? - Game recognizes game.
We're nothing alike.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - Hold on.
Oh, you mind if I take this? It's my girlfriend.
Don't ever come near me again.
(CAR ALARM CHIRPS)
(SIGHS)
(SCREAMING)
- What the fuck did you do to me? - I saved your life.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
(WHIMPERING) Oh, Jesus!
- Ready? - Wait, wait. Okay.
(SCREAMING)
Oh, God. Fuck. God.
- Help! Help! Someone, please, help! - Oh, God.
- My dad's fallen. He can't get up! - Oh, my God.
(COUGHING)
No, it's okay, it's okay. Just get it out. Get it out.
- Hey! - Hey, man.
- Look who it is! Lip! - How you doing?
How you doing, man? Straight from the ivory tower.
- Nice shiner. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
What, a professor clock you for being a smart ass?
Oh, no. I got in a fight. I could use a beer.
Yeah, yeah, and an ice pack. Take a seat.
(KNOCKING)
MATTY: Oh, the door's open.
- I'll be out in a sec. - Okay.
Hey, you. How you doing?
Oh, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie. Debbie, stop. Stop.
- Am I not doing it right? - No, what? What has gotten into you?
Why did you ask me over? I thought you liked the picture.
I mean, I deleted it.
Well, why?
Debbie, you're awesome. I have a great time with you, but...
No, no, it's okay. I'm not gonna run to the cops.
Yeah, this isn't about the cops. Maybe a little, but it's you.
No. That came out wrong.
- Don't you want to? - Sure, yeah. Yeah, someday.
- Well, why not now? - Because you're 13.
- So? - You're just too young.
I'm not a little girl. I'm ready.
- I know you think you are, but... - (SCOFFS)
Debbie, Deb, no. Please stay. Deb.
LIP: It's 50 grand a year
for four years of frat parties, you know, intellectual circle jerks,
speed reading 300-year-old novels
that'll be forgotten the second the test is over,
all because, you know, we're told
we can't succeed in the world without a piece of paper.
You know, and it's bullshit. Bill Gates dropped out. Steve Jobs.
That's that center for the Blackhawks?
Yeah, you know, it just all one big collegiate scam.
I'm glad that place didn't turn you into an elitist prick.
No, still a Southside prick like all the rest of you.
Jesus Christ, Russian whores know how to run their mouths
when there ain't some dude's junk jammed in there.
Weren't you supposed to be at college or some shit?
Nope, packing up my Kant and Milton Friedman.
I'm done with all that crap.
Why'd you go over there in the first place?
To tell him to knock it off.
- Could have called. - You're taking his side?
Please, you wanted a hit, you little smack head.
- I did not. - Really?
Did you get that little tingle
when you stepped up to his front door?
Maybe.
What do you want me to say, that I'm self-destructive?
That liars and thieves and addicts turn me on?
That I don't know how to do a normal relationship?
Was that so hard?
The worst part
is I keep checking my phone to see if he's texted.
I mean, what the fuck is wrong with me?
Who the hell broke into my pills?
You were joking, right, about not going back to college?
Serious. I'm done.
I was hoping you were blowing off some steam.
Well, the truth is, it's not only up to me.
My grades suck.
But the only reason I'm going back there
is to pack my shit and split.
- So you quit. Then what? - I'll figure it out.
(SCOFFS)
What?
- Grow a pair. - Excuse me?
You heard me. Tough it out, man. What are you, a pussy?
It's like I said. It's not only up to me.
You're resourceful. You'll figure it out.
Look, Kev, this is the first good day I've had
since I left for that shithole.
Lip, do you want to end up like me?
Clawing for every penny,
praying that you can figure out some way to support your family?
Because that's what I'm going through.
I got bills up to my ass and let me tell you something.
It fucking sucks.
Well, you're resourceful. You'll figure it out.
All right. College is a racket, huh?
Well, guess what?
There's no one better at beating the system than you.
Hell, man, you got them to give you four fucking years for free.
Why don't you get your damn diploma,
spit in their faces and have a fucking future?
Kev, I am trying to drink my beer, enjoy being back home.
This isn't your home. It's where you grew up.
It's not where you're supposed to be.
And what, now you're the arbiter on where everybody's supposed to be?
Yeah, maybe, if I knew what arbiter meant.
I'm getting pretty damn tired of everybody telling me
where I should be and what I should be doing.
Then stop making them have to! Grow the fuck up!
Um...
- Thanks for the beers, Kev. - Yeah, you're welcome.
- GFY. - Yeah, TGIF.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Is Holly here? She's not answering her phone.
She left with some guy. Had a nose ring.
Made him look like a prize bull.
You wanna go somewhere?
- Where? - Bathroom, with me.
- Yes or no? - Okay.
Okay, son, I can take it from here.
Go. Vamanos. Hasta luego.
(KNOCKING)
- Oh, fuck, don't! - Frank?
- It's just me. - (EXHALES) Come on.
- Lights on or off? - Off, please.
- So have you done this before? - Um... Yeah.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Me, too.
So, uh... how do you want to do it?
Um, however you've done it before.
Okay, or we could do it how you've done it before.
- I'm gonna take my shirt off now. - Cool.
- I'm sorry. - What's wrong?
I can't do this. I can't do this.
That's okay. I think I already did.
Sorry I didn't come get you after your tests.
I had the accident.
When you never came back, I thought maybe you turned out
to be like all the other men in my life.
Not a chance.
- How's the pain? - It's okay.
Now that I'm here with you.
Did they schedule the transplant?
I'll have the money soon as Liberty Mutual cuts the check.
Um... Good news and bad news.
(CHUCKLING)
Okay, good?
I sent Chuckie to the neighbor's so we can be alone tonight.
Great. Uh, what's the bad?
- We're not a match. - What?
The transplant lady said my white blood cells attacked yours.
- Why the fuck did they do that? - Oh, I don't know. I'm so sorry.
- Sorry? What the hell does...? Good does that do me?
I need a liver, not a goddamn apology.
- Frank. - Do you know what I've been through?
I shattered my leg in six places. I stopped drinking.
I know you're disappointed...
Just one small piece of liver, that's all I need.
But no. Thank you, God. Thank you for the cosmic fuck you.
- Even my own daughter isn't a match. - What?
Anything else you wanna throw at me?
How about a flesh-eating virus, huh? Wanna toss that in?
What did you say?
- What? - Your... daughter?
- I didn't say that. - Yes, you did.
No. Oh, fuck it. What's the use?
Hate me now, hate me later, you all hate me eventually.
And for what? What did I ever do to you?
You're my dad?
- I almost put you in my mouth. - I didn't ask you to do that.
You dry-humped my thigh for half an hour yesterday.
Dry-humping is not incest.
- Shit. - Get out.
What are you yelling about? I'm the one not getting a liver.
(PROLONGED SCREAMING) Get out!
Jesus. God Almighty. Okay.
- Get out! Now! Now! - Okay, okay, okay. No, I'm going!
- All right. Jesus! Jesus! - Freak! Fucking sick!
(SCREAMING)
And stay out!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
You guys all done? Muy bien. Where did you dump the asbestos?
You know what? Don't tell me. It's better that I don't know.
Here you go. One for each of you.
Don't send it all back home, okay? Thanks, amigos.
Hey, Paco, get a round of half shots for my friends here.
Make sure it's half shots, okay?
- Yo, Kev. - Yeah?
- You clean out that apartment yet? - Yeah, just got it cleaned out.
I'm gonna set up some flyers and see if I can rent it out.
I know how you can make a boatload more. Rent it by the hour.
Look, I got the labor force already.
All I need is clientele and a location.
You got both.
(DEBBIE SOBBING)
Debbie?
Hey.
What's going on?
(LOCK CLICKS)
- Hey, you okay? - (SOBBING)
What's going on? Come on, open up. Talk to me, please.
- Hey, what's going on? - My boyfriend.
- I messed up. - How?
You screwed up. That just proves you're a Gallagher.
(SOBS, COUGHS)
Let me let you in on a little secret.
I don't know what the hell I'm doing either.
Who doesn't know that?
I just wish I could skip the part
where I don't know the right thing to do
and get to the part where I do.
Me, too.
Thank you.
Water?
My kingdom for a lobe, amigo.
My kingdom for a lobe.
Didn't expect to see you again.
Do you know how many nights I laid awake, year after year
wondering where you were, if you ever thought about me?
Did you? Ever?
No.
I will now, though.
I'm sorry. I should've told you sooner.
I just didn't want to ruin what we had together.
- Ow. - (BOTH CHUCKLING)
- Come on, buy me a fucking beer. - Hey, hey.
I need a beer for my daughter here.
- I want a retest. - How long have you been out here?
A couple of hours. I didn't wanna miss you.
I wish you'd shown this concern for punctuality yesterday.
Is that your goal, to graduate students
who can punch a clock?
My goal is to graduate students who can manage
the organizational demands of the real world.
Okay, listen, listen.
I understand all of the demands of the real world.
Okay, it's just the demands of this place
that are taking me some time to figure out.
But I'm getting there.
I just need someone to say, "Fuck it.
This kid deserves a break."
I take it that's me.
- You got a blue book? - Yeah. Right here.
- Pen? - Yeah, I got three, just in case.
Then fuck it.
That's my high school graduation.
- Nice mullet. - (CHUCKLING) Yeah.
Oh, first wedding.
I wish I could have been there to walk you down the aisle.
You're here now.
Ignore that.
(English US - SDH)