1 00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:09,667 [keys clacking] 2 00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:10,917 [typewriter dings] 3 00:00:10,917 --> 00:00:14,834 Welcome to day 37 of The Box. 4 00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:15,959 - Twice in one week. - It's my new favorite show. 5 00:00:15,959 --> 00:00:18,208 [Matt] Liking those numbers, huh? 6 00:00:18,208 --> 00:00:20,000 [Elliot] Liking them? They're what I think about 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,875 when I'm screwing my wife. 8 00:00:21,875 --> 00:00:24,875 I really think we need to cut this whole bit with the boat. 9 00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:25,667 - No, you can't do that. - You can't. 10 00:00:25,667 --> 00:00:26,834 You need the boat bit. 11 00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:27,875 Darling, sometimes you have 12 00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:28,834 to let the words go. 13 00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:30,166 - Do we? - [pencil snaps] 14 00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,000 Where are we on my fucking window? 15 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,208 You're an actor. 16 00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,458 Act like there's a window. 17 00:00:34,458 --> 00:00:35,625 You're a producer. 18 00:00:35,625 --> 00:00:36,834 Go fuck yourself. 19 00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:38,000 Let's do it. 20 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,500 You don't need to mark it again? 21 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:40,917 No, no, no, I'm good. Let's go. 22 00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:42,333 - Okay, on three. One, two-- - Mm-hmm. 23 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,959 - Wait, is it on three? - [blow lands] 24 00:00:43,959 --> 00:00:46,333 - Good news? - You know that guy 25 00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:48,000 who got my part in the NBC pilot? 26 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,834 Anthony Powner Smith. 27 00:00:49,834 --> 00:00:50,542 Just had a kickboxing accident. 28 00:00:50,542 --> 00:00:53,542 Paralyzed! 29 00:00:53,542 --> 00:00:54,458 Oh, my God. 30 00:00:54,458 --> 00:00:56,500 Well, temporarily-- but long enough 31 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:57,875 that he can't do the pilot. 32 00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:00,875 You won't leave your house. 33 00:01:00,875 --> 00:01:02,583 You're stoned before breakfast. 34 00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:03,083 And you look like... 35 00:01:03,083 --> 00:01:05,166 I look like what? 36 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,208 You look like what I imagine you'd look like 37 00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,333 - if you'd never left Michigan. - [gasps] 38 00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,291 [Kenny] Mr. Lapidus, Matt LeBlanc, 39 00:01:10,291 --> 00:01:12,875 he's kind of having a sex thing with Danika. 40 00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:15,500 Do me a favor, Kenny. 41 00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:18,917 Switch the live feed to Danika's box. 42 00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:20,041 Are you sure? 43 00:01:20,041 --> 00:01:21,291 Absolutely. 44 00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:23,000 I take full responsibility. 45 00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:27,709 [Merc] Ah, that's nice. 46 00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:35,750 [keys clacking] 47 00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:37,417 [typewriter dings] 48 00:01:38,625 --> 00:01:41,625 [wind blows] 49 00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:49,583 ♪ quirky music ♪ 50 00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:54,709 ♪♪♪ 51 00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:14,375 [gunshot] 52 00:02:23,125 --> 00:02:24,000 - Have you seen this? - What? 53 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,792 The Matt LeBlanc show? Oh, yeah. 54 00:02:25,792 --> 00:02:27,000 It's unbelievable. 55 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,125 What the hell was he thinking? 56 00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:31,500 What was who thinking? 57 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,625 Are you kidding? 58 00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:34,041 How have you not seen it? 59 00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:35,333 Mm? 60 00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:38,500 Mm. 61 00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,834 Mm! 62 00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:43,709 Jesus, it's fucking everywhere! 63 00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:45,792 - [intercom beeps] - [Patty] Elliot Salad on one. 64 00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:46,667 Shit. 65 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,083 Uh... 66 00:02:49,083 --> 00:02:50,417 tell him you can't find me. 67 00:02:50,417 --> 00:02:52,125 Then get me Roger Riskin! 68 00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:53,834 [man over intercom] Helen Basch on one. 69 00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:55,583 Shit. 70 00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:58,208 Uh, tell her I'm in a meeting. Any luck? 71 00:02:58,208 --> 00:03:00,333 I tried Malibu. I tried his ranch. 72 00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:01,667 Try the vineyard. 73 00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:02,500 Voice mail. 74 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:03,667 Fuck! 75 00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,166 Well, keep trying. [phone clicks] 76 00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:08,291 [buzzing] 77 00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:10,375 [birds chirping] 78 00:03:15,458 --> 00:03:17,750 [phone ringing] 79 00:03:17,750 --> 00:03:20,291 Booth. 80 00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:20,917 Yes, he is. Hold on. 81 00:03:20,917 --> 00:03:23,375 Helen Basch for you. 82 00:03:25,959 --> 00:03:26,667 Hello. 83 00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:29,834 What kind of swirling vortex 84 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,041 of fuckup are you running over there? 85 00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:35,041 No, no, no, no, no, you're not putting this on me. 86 00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:37,875 It's not my job to keep his dick in his pants. 87 00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:40,834 It's your job not to put it on television. 88 00:03:40,834 --> 00:03:42,625 Who's watching the fucking monitors? 89 00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:45,000 Believe me, that putz is long gone. 90 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,458 I canned his ass so fast. 91 00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:49,875 Yeah, well, you're the one who put him in that booth. 92 00:03:49,875 --> 00:03:51,959 - This is on you. - Bullshit. 93 00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:53,875 Who made me hire LeBlanc in the first place? 94 00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:56,709 Oh, no, you don't. 95 00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,917 I gave you a whole list of hosts. 96 00:03:58,917 --> 00:04:01,625 You gave me a stack of obituaries. 97 00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:03,834 They weren't all dead. 98 00:04:03,834 --> 00:04:06,083 All right. 99 00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:07,959 Enough with the finger-pointing. So now what? 100 00:04:07,959 --> 00:04:08,417 Dump him. 101 00:04:08,417 --> 00:04:10,375 Are you crazy? 102 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,583 We don't need that asshole. 103 00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:16,000 This show's been a hit in 41 countries without him. 104 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,291 No, it's the one thing I've got that's working. 105 00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:20,500 - I'm not screwing with it. - It's already screwed. 106 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,250 America can't unsee what they saw. 107 00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:26,875 America saw Ruby shoot Oswald. They'll get over it. 108 00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,083 Look, I'm just gonna say one thing, 109 00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:30,166 and I-I'm not pointing fingers. 110 00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:31,750 This never would've happened 111 00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:33,875 if we had gone with Art Fleming. 112 00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:36,333 Art Fleming's been dead for 20 years! 113 00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:38,125 Jesus, is it that long? 114 00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:40,542 What am I looking at? 115 00:04:40,542 --> 00:04:42,000 Just watch. 116 00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,792 Oh... 117 00:04:45,792 --> 00:04:47,083 [gasps] 118 00:04:47,083 --> 00:04:50,417 Oh...my... 119 00:04:50,417 --> 00:04:51,542 Mm-hmm. 120 00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:52,709 No...oh. 121 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:53,917 No. 122 00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:56,291 No, no, no. 123 00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:57,000 Please tell me he's not gonna take it-- 124 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,000 Oh, he took it out! 125 00:04:59,000 --> 00:04:59,834 There's more. 126 00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:00,792 Mo-more? 127 00:05:00,792 --> 00:05:03,333 Oh. [gasps] 128 00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:07,417 Oh! Good Lord. 129 00:05:07,417 --> 00:05:09,792 Look at him go. I swear I just saw a spark. 130 00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:12,041 Not over. 131 00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:13,625 N-no. 132 00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,291 No. 133 00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:16,792 No. Oh! 134 00:05:16,792 --> 00:05:19,959 No. 135 00:05:19,959 --> 00:05:21,959 Ah! Tell me it's over. 136 00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:23,208 Did he shake it yet? 137 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,458 - Just did. - It's over. 138 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:27,041 Oh. Oh! 139 00:05:27,875 --> 00:05:30,333 It just passed 15 million views. 140 00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:31,750 That's more than watch the fucking show. 141 00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:36,667 It's already bigger than that chicken getting bar mitzvahed. 142 00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:37,500 That really made me laugh. 143 00:05:39,834 --> 00:05:41,917 He had a little yarmulke. 144 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,458 Patty, call Roger again! 145 00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:45,625 Tell him I know that little shit's 146 00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:46,667 - not in a meeting! - [Patty] Okay. 147 00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:49,834 Pepsi just pulled out, and Ford is waffling. 148 00:05:49,834 --> 00:05:51,041 God damn it. 149 00:05:51,041 --> 00:05:53,000 Maybe we should preempt tonight. 150 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,250 - And run what? - I'd run the tape. 151 00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,041 - [intercom buzzes] - [Patty] Roger's supposedly 152 00:05:57,041 --> 00:06:00,500 still in a meeting, and Elliot Salad's on one. 153 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:01,834 Again. 154 00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:02,792 [phone clicks] 155 00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:03,875 Elliot. 156 00:06:03,875 --> 00:06:05,834 Tell me we can fix this. 157 00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,166 We're on it. 158 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,041 You hear that we lost Pepsi and Ford? 159 00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:10,667 I heard Ford was waffling. 160 00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:13,250 Well, whatever comes after waffling, they just did. 161 00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:14,208 Also Kraft Mayonnaise. 162 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,375 Well, that makes sense. 163 00:06:17,375 --> 00:06:18,583 It's visceral. 164 00:06:18,583 --> 00:06:22,333 Oh, and we just had a call from the FCC. 165 00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:25,542 They're raising questions about the integrity of the game. 166 00:06:25,542 --> 00:06:27,000 Well, I've got Legal making sure 167 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,250 he didn't actually break any rules. 168 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:29,583 The rules? 169 00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:32,041 Nobody understands those fucking rules. 170 00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,458 This is about perception. 171 00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:34,709 It looks like he broke the rules. 172 00:06:34,709 --> 00:06:39,083 It looks like he broke the rules all over that box! 173 00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:41,083 Mm. 174 00:06:41,083 --> 00:06:43,208 - [intercom beeps] - [man] Helen Basch on one. 175 00:06:43,208 --> 00:06:46,208 She says pick up or she's coming over with a bat. 176 00:06:46,208 --> 00:06:47,709 Fuck. 177 00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:49,250 - [phone clicks] - Good timing. 178 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:50,500 My meeting just ended. What can I do for you? 179 00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,375 How about you invent a time machine, 180 00:06:53,375 --> 00:06:54,875 go back to yesterday, 181 00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:57,041 and cock-block your fucking client? 182 00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,834 - Saw it, did you? - I saw it. 183 00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:01,458 I think it's safe to say everyone but Andrea Bocelli 184 00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:03,917 and that blind dog on YouTube saw it. 185 00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:05,166 What blind dog on YouTube? 186 00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:08,000 Oh, I'll send you the link. It barks "Georgia on My Mind." 187 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:08,667 Mm. 188 00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:10,583 Look, Matt feels terrible. 189 00:07:10,583 --> 00:07:14,041 He knows this was a massive lapse of judgment. 190 00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:15,208 He'd love to speak to you and explain. 191 00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:16,792 Fine, patch him in. 192 00:07:16,792 --> 00:07:19,083 Uh, 193 00:07:19,083 --> 00:07:20,000 we can totally do that. 194 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,417 [stammers] Except, um, at the moment-- 195 00:07:21,417 --> 00:07:23,667 You haven't even talked to him, have you? 196 00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:25,000 As of right now, I believe I have not. 197 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,083 Well, when you do, 198 00:07:27,083 --> 00:07:30,667 he better have a fucking miracle of an explanation, 199 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,792 because I need a really good reason not to fire his ass. 200 00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:35,750 [phone clicks] 201 00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:39,208 [cell phone buzzing] 202 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,417 Why are we still discussing this? 203 00:07:45,417 --> 00:07:46,959 Just get rid of him. 204 00:07:46,959 --> 00:07:48,709 Not till I hear his side of it. 205 00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:50,667 Who cares about his side? 206 00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:52,250 If this were any other game show-- 207 00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:54,458 what if you saw a video of Alex Trebek 208 00:07:54,458 --> 00:07:56,458 jerking off on some contestant? 209 00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,792 "What is not on my face," Alex? 210 00:07:58,792 --> 00:08:00,750 There's no show without him. 211 00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,000 He's the show! 212 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:02,583 Bullshit. 213 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,333 The show's the show. 214 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,166 Look at Millionaire. 215 00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:08,333 Regis left years ago and it's still going strong. 216 00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,125 Who knows who's hosting it now? 217 00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:11,792 Not Art Fleming. 218 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:12,583 [phone clicks] 219 00:08:12,583 --> 00:08:14,709 [cell phone buzzing] 220 00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:19,291 [thud] 221 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:22,458 [muffled buzzing] 222 00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:27,750 [line trills] 223 00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:31,166 - [groans] - [buzzing continues] 224 00:08:31,166 --> 00:08:33,792 - [phone clicks] - Mm. 225 00:08:33,792 --> 00:08:35,500 Hi, honey, it's Beth. 226 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,000 - Mm. - So it's a clusterfuck. 227 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,166 What? 228 00:08:39,166 --> 00:08:39,667 You, last night. 229 00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,333 What? 230 00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:45,458 You know, I'm gonna conference Roger in. 231 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,166 [phone clicks] 232 00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:48,792 [Roger] Hey, bud. 233 00:08:48,792 --> 00:08:50,000 What's going on? 234 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,500 We've got a bit of a problem here. 235 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:53,959 With what? 236 00:08:53,959 --> 00:08:56,166 That little show you did last night? 237 00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:57,500 Ah, you watched my show? 238 00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,875 Oh, pretty much everyone watched your show. 239 00:08:59,875 --> 00:09:00,583 Huh? 240 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,166 - The girl? - What girl? 241 00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,291 Box number two? 242 00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:05,750 Without the pants? 243 00:09:07,959 --> 00:09:09,583 How do you know about that? 244 00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,291 Um, 'cause I'm looking at it right now. 245 00:09:12,291 --> 00:09:14,000 - You're looking at it? - From the feed. 246 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,375 - What feed? - The 24-hour feed? 247 00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:19,291 [Beth] You know how at the end of every show, you say, 248 00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:23,875 "Remember to follow us live online, 24 hours a day"? 249 00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:26,542 That's what that means. 250 00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:27,667 - [Beth] Yup. - Yup. 251 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,375 Oh, shit. 252 00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:30,458 Where is it? 253 00:09:30,458 --> 00:09:32,083 Oh, it's pretty much everywhere. 254 00:09:32,083 --> 00:09:33,000 If you go to your kitchen, 255 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,083 your microwave's probably showing it. 256 00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:35,709 [sighs] Fuck. 257 00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:38,458 [groans] 258 00:09:38,458 --> 00:09:41,458 - [keys clack] - Holy crap. 259 00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:42,667 What's he doing? 260 00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:44,500 Just watch. 261 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,959 Whoa. 262 00:09:45,959 --> 00:09:48,375 You could see that thing from space. 263 00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:51,500 [oh!] 264 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:55,291 [chuckling] Oh, my God! 265 00:09:55,291 --> 00:09:58,250 Oh, my God! 266 00:09:58,250 --> 00:09:59,667 [gasps] Oh, my God! 267 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:00,083 You're welcome. 268 00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:02,291 No. 269 00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:04,500 Rosa just showed up. Shit. 270 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:05,500 Rosa? 271 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:06,834 My maid. 272 00:10:06,834 --> 00:10:08,750 Is it Tuesday again? 273 00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:12,417 Uh, yeah, it's been happening every week right around now. 274 00:10:12,417 --> 00:10:14,750 Shit! She's getting out of the car. 275 00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:16,959 Is this some kind of murdering maid? 276 00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:20,000 Probably. I haven't paid her in, like, four weeks. 277 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,250 - Why? - 'Cause I've been 278 00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:22,709 saving up to buy a pony. 279 00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:24,500 - I'm broke! - That broke? 280 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,750 Yes, that broke. 281 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,166 Then why not just let her go? 282 00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:29,542 I don't want to lose her. 283 00:10:29,542 --> 00:10:31,291 No, of course not. 284 00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:32,375 - [car door slams] - Oh, fuck! 285 00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:33,542 Here she comes. 286 00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:36,709 I'm gonna dead-bolt the door. 287 00:10:36,709 --> 00:10:37,125 What's happening? 288 00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:38,208 Shh! 289 00:10:38,208 --> 00:10:40,208 [keys jingling] 290 00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:42,375 - [thud] - Oh! 291 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,417 [panting] 292 00:10:43,417 --> 00:10:46,083 [laughing] Hey, Rosa. 293 00:10:46,083 --> 00:10:47,583 Hola. 294 00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:52,083 Uh, I was just looking for my, um, 295 00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:53,125 um... 296 00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:54,291 [Beverly] Dignity? 297 00:10:54,291 --> 00:10:56,542 [laughs] I... 298 00:10:56,542 --> 00:10:58,208 Jesus. 299 00:10:58,208 --> 00:10:59,834 Well, can't they just take the fucking thing down? 300 00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:02,333 Honey, it's the Internet. There is no down. 301 00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:05,250 So, uh, not to judge, but... 302 00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:06,500 what the hell were you thinking? 303 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,000 I don't know. 304 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,667 I guess I was thinking, 305 00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,458 "I sure wish I could get through that glass." 306 00:11:11,458 --> 00:11:12,917 [chuckles] 307 00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:13,750 Y-you're not getting how serious this is. 308 00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:15,917 Look, I had a few beers. She was hot. 309 00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:17,709 Realistically, how else was that gonna end? 310 00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:21,166 Well, it might end with you out of a job. 311 00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:22,208 Oh, come on. 312 00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:23,709 They're freaking out over there. 313 00:11:23,709 --> 00:11:25,500 It had nothing to do with their stupid game. 314 00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:27,583 They're saying it looks like 315 00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:31,667 you're giving one contestant 316 00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,250 preferential treatment. 317 00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:34,625 Fine. 318 00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:36,125 I'll whack off on all their boxes. 319 00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:38,917 Yeah, I'm not writing this down. 320 00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:40,625 Wait a minute, if they fire me, 321 00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,166 they still have to pay me, right? 322 00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:43,083 No. 323 00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:44,542 I thought we had a pay-or-play deal. 324 00:11:44,542 --> 00:11:45,375 There's a morals clause. 325 00:11:45,375 --> 00:11:47,000 A morals clause? 326 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:47,709 You never told me there was a morals clause. 327 00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:50,041 I never thought it would matter. 328 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,250 With me? 329 00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:52,583 You know what? 330 00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:53,834 If they want to fire me, then fuck 'em. 331 00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:54,709 You can't fuck 'em. 332 00:11:54,709 --> 00:11:55,875 Oh, I can fuck 'em. 333 00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:56,792 What about the money? 334 00:11:56,792 --> 00:11:57,667 Fuck the money. 335 00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,166 Never fuck the money! 336 00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:02,583 [exhales] 337 00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:03,458 You can't afford to fuck the money. 338 00:12:03,458 --> 00:12:05,333 You know that. 339 00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:08,458 So now what? 340 00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:09,875 Beth? 341 00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:11,667 Well, you start by releasing a statement 342 00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:14,250 accepting full responsibility for your actions. 343 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:15,375 Fine. 344 00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:16,834 You apologize 345 00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:18,750 to the network and to your fans. 346 00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:21,250 [Beth] You acknowledge you have a serious problem. 347 00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:23,375 And then you say you're going into rehab 348 00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:24,208 for sexual addiction. 349 00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:26,208 No! 350 00:12:26,208 --> 00:12:27,792 Look, this is bullshit. 351 00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:29,041 I'm calling the network. 352 00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,208 Do not call the network. 353 00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,250 We will handle it. 354 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:31,917 I'm calling Elliot Salad. 355 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,750 Do not call Elliot Salad. 356 00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:34,417 Why not? He loves me. 357 00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:36,291 Listen to me, 358 00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:38,083 do not call Elliot Salad. 359 00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:39,458 I'm calling Elliot Salad. 360 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:40,083 I'm begging you, 361 00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:42,500 do not call Elliot Salad! 362 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,792 You can't stop me from calling Elliot Salad. 363 00:12:44,792 --> 00:12:46,834 I'm calling Elliot Salad. 364 00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:47,750 [line clicks] 365 00:12:51,125 --> 00:12:53,959 [man over intercom] Matt LeBlanc on one. 366 00:12:53,959 --> 00:12:55,208 - [phone clicks] - Yeah? 367 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,041 I need Elliot Salad's number. 368 00:12:58,250 --> 00:13:00,917 What happened to me? 369 00:13:00,917 --> 00:13:03,667 I was important. 370 00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,458 I had a career. 371 00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:08,834 People brought me lunch. 372 00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:11,333 They kissed my ass. 373 00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,458 Now look at it. 374 00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:15,000 It's just an ass. 375 00:13:19,417 --> 00:13:20,667 [cell phone ringtone playing] 376 00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:23,709 Do you need to get that? 377 00:13:23,709 --> 00:13:25,000 [ringtone continues] 378 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,041 Mm. 379 00:13:28,792 --> 00:13:30,291 It's like, 380 00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:33,750 I remember this one particular day. 381 00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:36,917 I was in New York for the up-fronts. 382 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,500 It was my first one. 383 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,583 I was so young. 384 00:13:41,583 --> 00:13:46,375 And...in that one day, 385 00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:50,458 I was in the room when they canceled the John Stamos show; 386 00:13:50,458 --> 00:13:54,458 I saw Brooke Shields 387 00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:57,500 in the lobby of my hotel; 388 00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,959 and that night, 389 00:13:59,959 --> 00:14:03,500 I blew Wilmer Valderrama 390 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:08,125 in the bathroom at the after party. 391 00:14:08,125 --> 00:14:13,166 It was just the most magical day. 392 00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,625 And I thought, 393 00:14:15,625 --> 00:14:17,667 "Oh, my God. 394 00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:22,583 Look at my life." [laughs] 395 00:14:22,583 --> 00:14:23,333 And now? 396 00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:26,500 Oh, my God. 397 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:29,625 Look at my life. 398 00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:37,333 By the way, 399 00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:39,750 thank you again for taking my watch. 400 00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:43,041 It looks really good on you. 401 00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:45,250 And I'm telling you it's worth 402 00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:48,083 so much more than four weeks' pay. 403 00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:49,041 [chuckles] 404 00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:52,000 You did very well, my friend. 405 00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:56,291 [sighs] 406 00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:59,625 Kelsey Grammer once called me "fetching." 407 00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,542 This is out. 408 00:15:02,542 --> 00:15:04,041 [intercom beeps] 409 00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:05,875 [woman over intercom] Matt LeBlanc on one. 410 00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,834 Shit. 411 00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:11,417 - [phone clicks] - Hello. 412 00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:13,542 Hey, Elliot. 413 00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:14,625 How's it going? 414 00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:16,500 I've been better. 415 00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,875 Yeah, look... 416 00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,583 [sighs] I don't know what to say. 417 00:15:19,583 --> 00:15:21,875 I am so sorry. 418 00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:23,959 It was beyond stupid. 419 00:15:23,959 --> 00:15:25,250 I cannot disagree. 420 00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:28,417 If I could undo it, I would. I swear. 421 00:15:28,417 --> 00:15:29,834 I feel terrible. 422 00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:31,458 Well, you should. 423 00:15:31,458 --> 00:15:33,583 What the hell was going through that brain of yours? 424 00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,417 Nothing. That's the problem. 425 00:15:35,417 --> 00:15:37,750 I just saw her, and she was there, and-- 426 00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:40,625 Yeah, well, I gotta say, I can't fault your taste in women. 427 00:15:40,625 --> 00:15:42,083 That girl is something. 428 00:15:42,083 --> 00:15:43,083 I know, right? 429 00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:45,875 And she was doing yoga. 430 00:15:45,875 --> 00:15:46,959 I hear you. 431 00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:48,458 There's something about a woman 432 00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:50,250 who can put her heels behind her ears. 433 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,583 Thank you. 434 00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:54,041 I mean, how do you say no to that? 435 00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:56,792 Funny thing, looking at you with that girl in the box 436 00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:59,417 took me back to something that happened to me 437 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,917 which was not entirely dissimilar. 438 00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:02,875 No kidding? 439 00:16:02,875 --> 00:16:04,291 This is years ago. 440 00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:05,208 Just off Times Square. 441 00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:08,291 Near Nathan's. You remember Nathan's? 442 00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:09,667 Sure. 443 00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:10,625 I was walking down the street. 444 00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:14,208 And I saw this woman in a phone booth. 445 00:16:14,208 --> 00:16:15,625 She was magnificent. 446 00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:18,709 A body to die for. 447 00:16:18,709 --> 00:16:21,667 Like a young Cyd Charisse. You remember Cyd Charisse? 448 00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:22,709 Totally. 449 00:16:22,709 --> 00:16:23,667 Singing in the Rain? 450 00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:25,083 The Band Wagon-- 451 00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:25,750 Band Wagon, sure. 452 00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:26,625 Anyway, it was 453 00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,333 a hot summer night, 454 00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:30,875 even hotter in that phone booth with the door closed. 455 00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:34,000 So I'm standing there, 456 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,625 watching her, 457 00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:36,834 kind of in the shadows. 458 00:16:36,834 --> 00:16:40,458 And I notice this one 459 00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,625 little bead of sweat 460 00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:46,500 slowly rolling down her bare shoulder. 461 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,291 And she turns, 462 00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:51,875 and her eyes catch mine. 463 00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:54,250 It was this charged erotic moment. 464 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:57,000 And much like you and your girl in the box, 465 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,875 it led to some, uh, 466 00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:00,709 self-pleasuring, 467 00:17:00,709 --> 00:17:03,709 if you catch my drift. 468 00:17:03,709 --> 00:17:04,792 I'm catching it. 469 00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:06,208 Of course, 470 00:17:06,208 --> 00:17:08,667 my situation was slightly different in that 471 00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:11,125 she had no idea what was happening. 472 00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:12,792 When she looked down 473 00:17:12,792 --> 00:17:15,000 and saw what I was doing, she let out a-a scream. 474 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,625 It was so loud, you could hear it 475 00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:17,834 through the glass with the door closed. 476 00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:20,458 But that's all I needed. 477 00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:22,166 By the time the cops came, 478 00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,250 I was done, zipped up, and halfway down 46th Street. 479 00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:28,166 Wow. 480 00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:31,291 You don't see phone booths anymore. 481 00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:32,542 And they call that progress. 482 00:17:32,542 --> 00:17:33,625 Right. 483 00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:37,375 Anyway, the show. 484 00:17:37,375 --> 00:17:39,875 So...we're okay? 485 00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:42,041 Well, let us think about it. 486 00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:43,500 We'll discuss. 487 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,458 But I'm really glad you called. 488 00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:46,625 Me too. 489 00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:48,333 Thank you so much. 490 00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:51,625 [woman over intercom] Elliot Salad on one. 491 00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:53,792 [phone clicks] 492 00:17:53,792 --> 00:17:55,000 Fire him. 493 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,667 You sure? 494 00:17:56,667 --> 00:17:58,959 Yeah, that guy should not be hosting a family show. 495 00:17:58,959 --> 00:17:59,333 Gives me the creeps. 496 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,750 [cell phone ringtone playing] 497 00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,458 [chuckles] 498 00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,458 Yo. 499 00:18:09,458 --> 00:18:10,959 Bad news, bud. 500 00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:12,333 What? 501 00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:13,917 I just talked to Elliot Salad. 502 00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,875 He-he said he was gonna think about it. 503 00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:18,208 Well, he...thought about it. 504 00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:19,542 [sighs] 505 00:18:19,542 --> 00:18:21,458 Fuck! 506 00:18:21,458 --> 00:18:24,000 ♪♪♪ 507 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,291 - Well done. - That was great, thank you. 508 00:18:25,291 --> 00:18:27,750 [Sean] Thank you so much for coming in. 509 00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:29,083 I liked her a lot. 510 00:18:29,083 --> 00:18:30,208 She made some very smart choices. 511 00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:31,083 Mm. 512 00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:34,417 I thought she was a bit rumpy. 513 00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:35,959 As in? 514 00:18:35,959 --> 00:18:36,750 Too much rump. 515 00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,542 - Too much rump. - Mm. 516 00:18:38,542 --> 00:18:39,750 Switch seats with me. 517 00:18:43,417 --> 00:18:44,250 Who's next? 518 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,792 Uh, Anthony Powner Smith. 519 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,458 - No. No, no, no, no. - What? 520 00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:48,750 We had this conversation. 521 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:49,875 - Did we? - You know we did. 522 00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:51,041 It was the day you brought in your apple crumble. 523 00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:54,000 Mmm, I remember the crumble. 524 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,542 I'm sure you'll recall, 525 00:18:55,542 --> 00:18:57,750 as you were whipping your cinnamon cream, 526 00:18:57,750 --> 00:19:00,500 we had a vehement conversation about Anthony Powner Smith. 527 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:04,417 We were absolutely explicit about not bringing him in. 528 00:19:04,417 --> 00:19:05,375 He's a brilliant actor. 529 00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:06,208 - Absolutely. - Yes. 530 00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:08,792 No question, and... 531 00:19:08,792 --> 00:19:11,667 paralyzed, brilliantly paralyzed. 532 00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:14,750 Well, I'm sorry if you two have issues with hiring the disabled. 533 00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:15,750 Nothing to do with him being disabled. 534 00:19:15,750 --> 00:19:17,959 No, no, no, the whole conceit of our show 535 00:19:17,959 --> 00:19:20,166 is that everyone plays two very different parts. 536 00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:21,250 If he's in a wheelchair for both of them, 537 00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:24,750 that hardly makes him chameleon-like. 538 00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:28,291 Well, they'd obviously be different chairs. 539 00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:29,834 Look, it's five minutes 540 00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:32,000 out of your oh-so-busy lives. 541 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:32,959 Who knows? He might surprise you. 542 00:19:32,959 --> 00:19:34,250 By tap-dancing. 543 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:36,000 [gasps] That is wildly offensive. 544 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,083 You're wildly offensive. 545 00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:40,083 So, um, should I bring him in? 546 00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:41,417 - [Tim] Absolutely. - [Sean] Well, he's here now. 547 00:19:41,417 --> 00:19:43,500 [Beverly] Well, we can't not, um... 548 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:44,500 Anthony? 549 00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:45,750 [chair whirs] 550 00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:47,083 Hello, good people. 551 00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:48,375 - [Sean] Hello, ah. - [Tim] Welcome. 552 00:19:48,375 --> 00:19:49,917 [Beverly] Thank you so much for coming in. 553 00:19:49,917 --> 00:19:51,208 - [Sean] Ah. - [Beverly laughs nervously] 554 00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:51,875 Ah! Hang on. 555 00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:54,333 Bit of a snag. 556 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:57,375 [clears throat] 557 00:19:57,375 --> 00:19:59,917 I was going to say, I-- 558 00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:01,834 Almost. 559 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:02,792 It's all about the trajectory. 560 00:20:02,792 --> 00:20:03,834 Can we help? 561 00:20:03,834 --> 00:20:05,750 No, no, I've got it. 562 00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:07,625 Um, it's-- 563 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:10,208 Just, uh-- 564 00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:12,875 Happens all the time. 565 00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:14,208 You sure? We-- 566 00:20:14,208 --> 00:20:16,041 Oh, no, no, I can totally do it. 567 00:20:16,041 --> 00:20:17,041 [chair motor sputtering] 568 00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:20,875 Ah. There we go-- No, hang on. 569 00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:22,333 I made it a little worse here. 570 00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:27,291 Bloody fucker! 571 00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:30,208 This chair seems to expand in the heat. 572 00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,041 Well, it is a very narrow doorframe. 573 00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:33,709 Oh, it's ridiculously narrow. 574 00:20:33,709 --> 00:20:35,250 Runway models would get stuck there. 575 00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:36,333 [motor running] 576 00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:37,792 Are you sure we can't help? 577 00:20:37,792 --> 00:20:39,333 - No, I've got it! - No, no rush. 578 00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:40,417 We're-we're going nowhere. 579 00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:45,917 [motor running] 580 00:20:45,917 --> 00:20:49,333 [gasps, breathes heavily] 581 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,083 [sighs] 582 00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,750 That wasn't so hard, was it? 583 00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:56,750 Is your hand bleeding? 584 00:20:56,750 --> 00:20:58,166 Hmm? Oh. 585 00:20:58,166 --> 00:20:59,583 Hardly. It's fine. 586 00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:00,333 No worries. 587 00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:01,792 [Sean] So welcome. 588 00:21:01,792 --> 00:21:03,375 - So thrilled you could come in. - Wow, what a treat. 589 00:21:03,375 --> 00:21:05,500 - Huge fans. - Especially me. 590 00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,083 Oh, you're very kind. 591 00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:08,917 Say, uh, it's a wonderful script. 592 00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:10,625 Oh, thank you. 593 00:21:10,625 --> 00:21:11,542 [Anthony] It's very, very funny. 594 00:21:11,542 --> 00:21:14,458 Both, uh--both roles so... [smacks lips] 595 00:21:14,458 --> 00:21:15,750 so tasty. 596 00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,417 Uh, by the way, 597 00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:19,750 if there is any concern 598 00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:21,417 about the chair-- 599 00:21:21,417 --> 00:21:23,417 - What? The chair? No. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 600 00:21:23,417 --> 00:21:25,500 I can assure you that I will be out of it 601 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:27,333 by the time we're ready to shoot. 602 00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:31,083 Uh, that's wonderful, but, um, 603 00:21:31,083 --> 00:21:34,125 that is in only three weeks. 604 00:21:35,750 --> 00:21:38,792 Oh. 605 00:21:38,792 --> 00:21:39,375 Uh-huh. 606 00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:41,959 That's-that's a little 607 00:21:41,959 --> 00:21:43,458 sooner than I was told. 608 00:21:43,458 --> 00:21:46,542 But I'm sure I'll be fine by then. 609 00:21:46,542 --> 00:21:47,000 [clears throat] 610 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,291 Right, well, uh. 611 00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:51,166 Shall we-- shall we read a little? 612 00:21:51,166 --> 00:21:52,208 - [Beverly] Yes. - [Sean] Please. 613 00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:54,750 Maybe we can start with Reg, 614 00:21:54,750 --> 00:21:55,959 the scene with his daughter? 615 00:21:55,959 --> 00:21:56,709 - Reg it is. - Great choice. 616 00:21:56,709 --> 00:21:57,959 I'll be reading with you. Ready? 617 00:21:57,959 --> 00:22:00,041 Let's do it. 618 00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:03,417 "Dad, get down from there." 619 00:22:04,917 --> 00:22:10,750 ♪♪♪ 620 00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:24,834 What? 621 00:22:24,834 --> 00:22:26,875 Just wanted to say good-bye. 622 00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:29,542 And then I wanted to watch you leave. 623 00:22:29,542 --> 00:22:30,834 [scoffs] 624 00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:31,750 Dick. 625 00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:35,250 Aw, I'm gonna miss these little talks. 626 00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:37,333 Shame this didn't work out. 627 00:22:37,333 --> 00:22:40,208 But hey, we had a good run. 628 00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:44,083 You remember when all you wanted was a window? 629 00:22:44,083 --> 00:22:46,208 I don't need a window. 630 00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:47,959 I could throw you through a wall. 631 00:22:47,959 --> 00:22:51,041 [chuckling] Whoa, please, do it. 632 00:22:51,041 --> 00:22:53,250 That's just what your career needs. 633 00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:56,417 One more nail. [chuckles] 634 00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:57,583 Oh, oh-oh-oh. 635 00:22:57,583 --> 00:23:00,208 In case you were wondering, 636 00:23:00,208 --> 00:23:04,375 there's a camera on every one of those boxes. 637 00:23:04,375 --> 00:23:06,625 Who do you think decided to stay on you? 638 00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:14,125 You don't have the ball 639 00:23:14,125 --> 00:23:15,750 to do that. 640 00:23:15,750 --> 00:23:17,375 No? 641 00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:21,959 Well, then you killed your own fucking show. 642 00:23:21,959 --> 00:23:23,250 Well, I think we're gonna be all right. 643 00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:26,375 I just got word we're very close 644 00:23:26,375 --> 00:23:28,417 to signing Mr. Howie Mandel. 645 00:23:28,417 --> 00:23:29,083 Yeah? Great. 646 00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:30,417 That's right. 647 00:23:30,417 --> 00:23:34,041 It's time to pass the old baton. 648 00:23:34,041 --> 00:23:35,375 He probably won't touch it, 649 00:23:35,375 --> 00:23:37,959 but who can blame him? 650 00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,083 [Matt scoffs] 651 00:23:40,083 --> 00:23:42,583 Oh, by the way, 652 00:23:42,583 --> 00:23:44,667 let me know if you need any more boxes. 653 00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:47,875 ♪ light music ♪ 654 00:23:47,875 --> 00:23:50,417 And then watching him try to get out the door at the end. 655 00:23:50,417 --> 00:23:52,583 Longest 45 minutes of my life. 656 00:23:52,583 --> 00:23:55,500 Like watching Stephen Hawking thread a needle. 657 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:55,959 [laughs] 658 00:23:55,959 --> 00:23:58,917 Oh, look. 659 00:23:58,917 --> 00:23:59,750 Well, I'm out of here. 660 00:23:59,750 --> 00:24:01,667 We've been trying to call you all day. 661 00:24:01,667 --> 00:24:03,834 Yeah, I had to turn my phone off. 662 00:24:03,834 --> 00:24:05,750 Oh, my God, it's everywhere. 663 00:24:05,750 --> 00:24:07,417 [scoffs] You think? 664 00:24:07,417 --> 00:24:09,750 In the room, we've been calling it "Mattstergate." 665 00:24:09,750 --> 00:24:11,333 [both chuckle] 666 00:24:11,333 --> 00:24:13,417 - Just... - It's just a... 667 00:24:13,417 --> 00:24:14,875 - Once or twice. - A bit of wordplay. 668 00:24:14,875 --> 00:24:16,083 Well, they fired me. 669 00:24:16,083 --> 00:24:17,041 - What? No. - Oh, my God. 670 00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:18,458 Get in. I don't want anyone to see me. 671 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:20,208 Might want to put up your top, then. 672 00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,083 It's nice out. 673 00:24:22,083 --> 00:24:24,875 Just get in. 674 00:24:24,875 --> 00:24:26,333 [Beverly] Uh, where are we going? 675 00:24:26,333 --> 00:24:28,125 [Matt] Anywhere but here. 676 00:24:28,125 --> 00:24:29,959 [Sean] I'm afraid we're due back in the room. 677 00:24:29,959 --> 00:24:32,083 [Beverly] And our car's here. 678 00:24:32,083 --> 00:24:33,291 I just got fired and my dick's online. 679 00:24:33,291 --> 00:24:35,583 Yeah, right, you win. 680 00:24:35,583 --> 00:24:38,458 ♪♪♪ 681 00:24:40,375 --> 00:24:43,000 You realize, when I die, 682 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,166 this is what they're gonna remember me for? 683 00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:46,834 After everything else, 684 00:24:46,834 --> 00:24:49,333 it'll be this one stupid thing. 685 00:24:49,333 --> 00:24:51,125 I know. 686 00:24:51,125 --> 00:24:52,041 It doesn't seem fair to all 687 00:24:52,041 --> 00:24:53,959 the other stupid things you've done. 688 00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:55,458 [scoffs] I'm serious. 689 00:24:55,458 --> 00:24:57,125 This is gonna follow me for the rest of my life. 690 00:24:57,125 --> 00:24:58,166 You don't know. Give it time. 691 00:24:58,166 --> 00:25:00,625 People forget. 692 00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:03,333 They're still talking about Janet Jackson's nipple. 693 00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:05,291 And that didn't squirt anything at anybody. 694 00:25:06,667 --> 00:25:08,792 You have ruined so many meals for me. 695 00:25:08,792 --> 00:25:10,166 It's such bullshit. 696 00:25:10,166 --> 00:25:12,375 There are people who've committed real crimes 697 00:25:12,375 --> 00:25:13,917 and aren't in jail. 698 00:25:13,917 --> 00:25:15,834 Uh, you realize you're not in jail either? 699 00:25:15,834 --> 00:25:16,959 Well, I can't go home. 700 00:25:16,959 --> 00:25:20,500 Because you have paparazzi in front of your house. 701 00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:22,375 Houses. 702 00:25:22,375 --> 00:25:23,500 Houses. 703 00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:25,208 [lively music plays on TV] 704 00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:27,375 Ugh, it's on. 705 00:25:27,375 --> 00:25:28,417 You-you don't have to watch it. 706 00:25:28,417 --> 00:25:30,583 Well, it's the last one I'm on. 707 00:25:30,583 --> 00:25:32,667 I should see it. 708 00:25:32,667 --> 00:25:36,709 Good evening, I'm Merc Lapidus, executive producer of The Box. 709 00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:37,500 Fuck me. 710 00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:40,000 The episode you're about to see 711 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,417 was filmed last night before the unfortunate incident 712 00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:45,500 I'm sure you're all aware of. 713 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,291 Scumbag. 714 00:25:47,291 --> 00:25:49,792 We considered postponing tonight's broadcast, 715 00:25:49,792 --> 00:25:52,375 but we felt it wouldn't be fair to the contestants 716 00:25:52,375 --> 00:25:53,458 or the millions of fans of the game. 717 00:25:53,458 --> 00:25:55,166 Be balder! 718 00:25:55,166 --> 00:25:57,291 We apologize to anyone who may have been offended 719 00:25:57,291 --> 00:25:59,083 by the images you saw today. 720 00:25:59,083 --> 00:26:02,083 They don't reflect the spirit of good, clean fun 721 00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:03,375 that this game represents. 722 00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:05,709 "Good, clean." They shit in those boxes. 723 00:26:05,709 --> 00:26:07,542 I hope you continue to join us as we move forward 724 00:26:07,542 --> 00:26:11,375 from this regrettable event. 725 00:26:11,375 --> 00:26:14,667 And now, without further ado, 726 00:26:14,667 --> 00:26:16,875 enjoy The Box. 727 00:26:16,875 --> 00:26:19,875 - [dramatic music playing on TV] - [announcer] Seven people... 728 00:26:19,875 --> 00:26:23,250 - [intercom beeps] - [Patty] Elliot Salad on one. 729 00:26:23,250 --> 00:26:24,125 [phone clicks] 730 00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:26,667 Holy shit. 731 00:26:26,667 --> 00:26:28,291 Are you looking at these overnights? 732 00:26:28,291 --> 00:26:30,834 Seriously, holy shit! 733 00:26:30,834 --> 00:26:33,208 We haven't seen numbers like this since 9/11. 734 00:26:33,208 --> 00:26:36,250 So now what? 735 00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:37,125 Oh, there's no question. 736 00:26:37,125 --> 00:26:38,250 He's back in? 737 00:26:38,250 --> 00:26:39,750 He was never out. 738 00:26:40,917 --> 00:26:41,875 [sighs] 739 00:26:41,875 --> 00:26:44,792 [cell phone ringtone playing] 740 00:26:46,959 --> 00:26:48,458 [Beverly] Phone! 741 00:26:48,458 --> 00:26:49,709 [grunts] 742 00:26:49,709 --> 00:26:51,834 [ringtone continues] 743 00:26:54,917 --> 00:26:55,667 Mm? 744 00:26:55,667 --> 00:26:56,083 You sitting down? 745 00:26:56,083 --> 00:26:58,125 Sort of. 746 00:26:58,125 --> 00:27:01,750 Numbers through the roof! 747 00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:02,458 No shit? 748 00:27:02,458 --> 00:27:04,917 All is forgiven. You're back. 749 00:27:04,917 --> 00:27:07,959 In fact, they're adding another night! 750 00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:08,792 Seriously? 751 00:27:08,792 --> 00:27:09,583 Yup! 752 00:27:09,583 --> 00:27:10,667 Get your ass down there. 753 00:27:10,667 --> 00:27:11,166 You got a show to shoot. 754 00:27:11,166 --> 00:27:14,542 Mm. 755 00:27:14,542 --> 00:27:15,542 We'll see. 756 00:27:15,542 --> 00:27:17,542 He has demands? 757 00:27:17,542 --> 00:27:19,375 What can I say? 758 00:27:19,375 --> 00:27:22,458 He appreciates the added value he now brings to the show. 759 00:27:22,458 --> 00:27:24,959 He masturbated in front of America. 760 00:27:24,959 --> 00:27:26,792 And America said, 761 00:27:26,792 --> 00:27:27,917 "Thank you." 762 00:27:27,917 --> 00:27:28,875 What does he want? 763 00:27:28,875 --> 00:27:30,291 He wants what? 764 00:27:30,291 --> 00:27:32,792 A guaranteed series with 13 on the air. 765 00:27:32,792 --> 00:27:34,834 Jesus Christ. 766 00:27:34,834 --> 00:27:36,500 [Helen] He wants to act. 767 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,291 Oh, and he wants one other thing. 768 00:27:38,291 --> 00:27:41,166 [hammer pounding] 769 00:27:41,166 --> 00:27:43,792 [tools scraping] 770 00:27:43,792 --> 00:27:45,625 [sighs] You wanted to see me? 771 00:27:45,625 --> 00:27:47,250 Yup. 772 00:27:52,750 --> 00:27:55,333 That's it. Just wanted to see you. 773 00:27:55,333 --> 00:27:57,166 You know, 774 00:27:57,166 --> 00:27:58,834 in the light. 775 00:28:02,333 --> 00:28:04,417 [announcer] As we open up The Box... 776 00:28:04,417 --> 00:28:08,291 [cheers and applause] 777 00:28:21,542 --> 00:28:24,000 Anybody got any Windex? 778 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,875 [laughter and applause] 779 00:28:31,625 --> 00:28:33,291 [man, shouting] Hey, Matt! 780 00:28:33,291 --> 00:28:35,750 [keys clacking] 781 00:28:35,750 --> 00:28:38,750 ♪ quirky music ♪ 782 00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:42,875 ♪♪♪