[keys clacking]
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS STARING AT?
- THAT DICK WHISTLE ANDREW LESLEY.
- ANDREW LESLEY'S HERE?
I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO TELL YOU I LOVED YOUR SCRIPT.
- YOU DID NOT.
- WHAT AN ASSHOLE. - WHICH ONE?
- TAKE YOUR PICK.
- THIS NETWORK HAS NEVER HAD A WOMAN IN THAT JOB.
DON'T YOU THINK IT WOULD-- - WHAT ABOUT HELEN BASCH?
- UH, WOW.
SHE ACTS LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED, BUT COME ON.
I BROKE UP HER MARRIAGE.
YOU THINK SHE'S GONNA WANT ME AS HER NUMBER TWO?
- CALL YOUR AGENT.
SELL YOUR SHOW. MAKE THE MONEY.
- I'M SORRY.
- THE FBI'S BEEN INVESTIGATING HIM FOR STEALING MONEY
FROM HIS CLIENTS.
- LARRY? - HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE WITH HIM?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW MUCH? ALL OF IT.
- OH, SHIT. - MOTHERFUCKING SON OF A BITCH.
- MAY HE REST IN PEACE. - WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?
[keys clacking]
[wind blows]
[quirky music]
â™ª â™ª
[gunshot]
[birds chirping]
[lively musical ringtone]
[groaning]
â™ª â™ª
MM?
- HI, HONEY, IT'S BETH. DID I WAKE YOU?
- MM. - OKAY, LISTEN.
I'VE BEEN GETTING TONS OF CALLS FOR A COMMENT.
- ABOUT WHAT?
- THE MONEY THING.
- THE WHAT?
- THE MONEY THING.
LARRY PENZEL? STEALING YOUR MONEY?
- OH, JESUS, RIGHT.
OH, FUCK ME.
- OKAY, SO I'VE WRITTEN A SHORT STATEMENT FOR YOU.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH IT.
"FOR 17 YEARS, LARRY PENZEL WAS MY BUSINESS MANAGER
AND PERSONAL FRIEND."
- EVIL SACK OF SHIT.
- "I CAN CONFIRM THAT HE MISAPPROPRIATED
A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF MONEY FROM ME."
- HOPE THEY'RE RAPING HIM IN HELL.
- "HOWEVER, THERE ARE OTHER VICTIMS OF HIS FRAUD
WHO LOST MUCH MORE THAN I DID."
- IS THAT TRUE? - I DON'T KNOW.
"MY SYMPATHIES GO OUT TO MR. PENZEL'S WIDOW AND CHILDREN."
- NO, THEY DON'T.
- "THEIR LOSS IS MUCH GREATER THAN MINE."
- BULLSHIT. - ANY OTHER THOUGHTS?
- I HOPE HE COMES BACK TO LIFE, GETS ASS CANCER, AND DIES AGAIN.
- ALL RIGHT, LET ME GIVE IT ANOTHER PASS.
[water running]
[faucet shuts off]
- OH, NO. - WHAT?
- "WHAT?" - THEY'RE NOT THE SAME.
- ANOTHER CHECKED SHIRT COULDN'T TELL THEM APART.
[cell phone rings]
- EILEEN. HELLO?
- HI, GUYS, ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER?
- YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
- SO, LOTS TO REPORT.
I SET UP ALL OUR NETWORK MEETINGS FOR FRIDAY.
I FIGURE WE'LL DO THEM IN A ROW, BANG, BANG, BANG,
AND THEN GO FOR LUNCH AND SEE WHERE WE ARE.
- SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.
- OKAY, SEE YOU FRIDAY!
EVERYBODY WANTS YOU. THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN!
- BYE. - THANK YOU.
WHAT?
- YOU REALLY WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN?
- FINANCIALLY I THINK WE'D BE FOOLISH NOT TO.
IT MIGHT BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME. YOU DON'T KNOW.
- DARLING, WHY ON EARTH WOULD IT BE DIFFERENT?
- LET'S AT LEAST HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.
THEY'LL SAY WHATEVER WE WANT TO HEAR.
- LOOK, THEY CAN'T ALL BE DEVIOUS FUCKWITS.
- YES, THEY CAN!
- OKAY, HOW ABOUT THIS? WE TAKE THE MEETINGS.
- AND SHOVE THEM?
- IF WE CAN FIND ONE THAT WE BOTH AGREE
WON'T CRUSH OUR SOULS,
THEN WE'LL CONSIDER DOING THE SHOW.
OTHERWISE, BACK IN THE DRAWER IT GOES.
- I'LL TAKE THOSE ODDS. - THANK YOU.
I LIKED THE OTHER SHIRT BETTER. - I KNOW.
YOU'RE WEARING IT.
- HOW BAD IS IT?
- WELL, ON ONE HAND, EVEN WITH THE EMBEZZLEMENT,
YOU'RE STILL A WEALTHY MAN.
- AND THE OTHER HAND? - TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
IF YOU MAINTAIN YOUR CURRENT RATE OF SPENDING,
YOU'LL RUN OUT OF MONEY BY THE TIME YOU GET HERE.
- 2019?
FUCKING OTHER HAND.
- THE PROBLEM IS YOU HAVE VIRTUALLY NO CASH.
EVERYTHING'S TIED UP IN NON-LIQUID ASSETS:
REAL ESTATE, AUTOMOBILES, A DINOSAUR EGG?
- YEAH, IT'S PRETTY AWESOME.
IT'S, LIKE, THIS BIG WITH SPOTS ON IT AND--
- WHAT WE NEED TO DO
IS CONVERT SOME OF THAT TO INCOME-GENERATING CAPITAL.
- MEANING WHAT, SELL SHIT?
- RIGHT.
WHAT WE ALSO NEED TO DO
IS LOOK AT REDUCING YOUR EXPENSES.
OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE FIXED COSTS THAT ARE UNAVOIDABLE.
- INSURANCE, MEDICAL,
THE MORTGAGE ON YOUR FATHER'S CONDO.
- UM, THAT ONE'S NOT IN STONE.
- YOU'RE PREPARED TO EVICT YOUR FATHER?
- I'M JUST SAYING LET'S KEEP IT IN OUR BACK POCKET.
- ALL RIGHT. UH, CHILD SUPPORT, ALIMONY--
- ACTUALLY, THAT ONE'S GOING AWAY.
MY EX-WIFE'S GETTING REMARRIED.
- WELL, THAT'S A SIZABLE SAVINGS.
CONGRATULATIONS.
- DO WE KNOW WHEN THAT'S HAPPENING?
- NO, BUT I CAN FIND OUT.
- TAKING THAT OFF THE BOOKS WILL BE A BIG HELP, BIG.
- SEE? IT'S NOT ALL THE OTHER HAND.
- IT'S A START.
WE ALSO NEED TO TALK ABOUT SOME OF YOUR MORE, UH,
DISCRETIONARY EXPENSES.
WHO IS JOSE PADILLA?
- HE'S THE GUY WHO SWEEPS MY BEACH.
- AND IF HE DIDN'T?
- WHO'S GONNA DO IT?
- SEE, THAT'S THE KIND OF THING WE MAY NEED TO ELIMINATE.
- WOW, THAT SEEMS PRETTY DRASTIC.
- WELL, LET'S THINK ABOUT IT.
ALL RIGHT, UM, THERE'S THE VINEYARD.
- NO, NO. NO, THAT'S INCOME-PRODUCING.
I MAKE MONEY ON THE WINE.
- ACTUALLY, AARON RAN THE NUMBERS.
- FOR WHAT YOU'RE SPENDING TO OPERATE THE VINEYARD--
NEW EQUIPMENT, INSURANCE, SALARIES--
IT'S ACTUALLY COSTING YOU ABOUT $1,100 A BOTTLE.
- I-I CAN'T SELL THE VINEYARD.
FIRST OF ALL, MY NAME IS ON THE LABEL.
PLUS I GOT, LIKE, $15,000 WORTH OF SWEATSHIRTS AND T-SHIRTS
AND HATS WITH MY LOGO ON IT.
NO, NOT SELLING IT.
IT'S OFF THE TABLE.
- ALL RIGHT, THERE'S THE PLANE.
- NO. - IT'S A HUGE--
- NO, THE PLANE IS OFF THE TABLE.
- BUT-- - MOVE ON.
- I THINK WE SHOULD DISCUSS THE POSSIBILITY
OF LIQUIDATING THE CAR COLLECTION.
- FUCK YOU.
- OKAY.
- SO THAT'S NOT ON THE TABLE?
- NOT EVEN NEAR THE TABLE.
- BUT YOU'RE PREPARED TO EVICT YOUR FATHER?
- NOT ONE OF THOSE CARS IS AN ASSHOLE.
- LET'S KEEP GOING.
- WE'RE SHOWING YOU SPENT $126,000
ON A SINGLE BOTTLE OF BRANDY ONCE OWNED BY AL CAPONE?
- A LITTLE PIECE OF HISTORY.
- CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PARTING WITH IT?
- I DRANK IT.
- AH. - I WAS DRUNK. IT WAS THERE.
AS A BUSINESS DECISION, IT'S HARD TO DEFEND.
- [sighs] I DON'T KNOW.
THIS DID NOTHING FOR ME.
- I AGREE. IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL LIKE US.
- I LIKED IT. - REALLY?
- I LIKE THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN THE CHARACTERS.
I LIKE THE PHYSICAL COMEDY. IT FEELS FRESH.
- BUT DO WE REALLY WANT TO DO A SHOW WITH PUPPETS?
- PUPPETS?
OH. - [knocking]
UH, HELEN BASCH IS HERE TO SEE YOU?
- HELEN'S HERE? OH, MY GOD, SEND HER IN.
- "AM I INTERRUPTING?" SAID THE WOMAN
WHO'S CLEARLY INTERRUPTING.
- [laughs]
PLEASE, INTERRUPT AWAY.
[laughter]
SO, INTRODUCTIONS.
OBVIOUSLY, HELEN BASCH. ANDY BUTTON.
- HI, CAN I HAVE A RAISE? TOO SOON?
[laughter]
- AND MYRA LICHT.
- ACTUALLY, MYRA AND I
MET LAST YEAR AT THE ASPEN COMEDY FESTIVAL.
- OKAY.
- AND NOW LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE--
- WHAT?
- GOING TO BE WORKING TOGETHER.
- YES, CAN'T WAIT. SO EXCITED.
- MM.
- YOU GOT QUITE THE CREW HERE.
[all chuckle]
- ALL RIGHTY, HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS GIVE US A FEW MINUTES?
- SO NICE MEETING YOU. TOTALLY KIDDING ABOUT THE RAISE.
SORT OF. [laughter]
- I'LL SEE YOU BOTH SOON.
- BYE-BYE.
- OH.
- OH, MY GOD. I TOTALLY THOUGHT SHE WAS--
- SHE'S NEVER SAID, AND WE'RE ALL AFRAID TO ASK.
- WELL, SOMETHING'S GOING ON IN THERE.
IF SHE'S NOT HAVING ONE, SHE DEFINITELY ATE ONE.
[laughter]
- SO, SIT, SIT, SIT.
WE ARE ALL SO THRILLED YOU ARE HERE.
- AW, THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF THE WAY.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM?
- OH, SURE.
I WISH I'D BROUGHT PEANUTS.
[both laugh]
OKAY, BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, I AM SO SORRY.
IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND UNDO IT, I WOULD.
THERE IS NO EXCUSE.
I WAS YOUNG. I WAS NAIVE.
OKAY, THOSE ARE BOTH EXCUSES. [chuckles]
BUT IT WAS MY FIRST REAL JOB.
HE WAS POWERFUL AND EXCITING,
AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
- NOPE.
- HOW MANY ELEPHANTS ARE IN HERE?
[both laugh]
- MORNING. - MORNING.
- ONE SEC.
- HEY. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- MATT LEBLANC IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
- THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP.
- THE WHAT?
- SO, TO WHAT DO WE OWE THE PLEASURE
OR WHATEVER IT IS WE'RE ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE?
- WE'D OFFER YOU A SEAT, BUT, UM--
- YEAH, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SHITTY COUCH?
- WE KNOW WHEN WE CAME BACK FROM LONDON, IT WAS GONE,
SO, UH, PULL UP A BOX.
WHAT'S UP?
- I KIND OF NEED A FAVOR.
- NO. - MAYBE LET HIM ASK FIRST?
- THANK YOU. - FINE.
WHAT?
- I NEED YOU TO TALK TO ANDREW LESLEY.
- FUCK OFF. - [laughing] NO WAY.
- LOOK, HE WON'T LET ME DO HIS PILOT
'CAUSE HE THINKS I'M STILL DOING OUR PIECE OF CRAP.
- OH, THANK YOU.
- YOU GOT TO CONVINCE HIM OURS IS DEAD.
HE'LL LISTEN TO YOU GUYS. YOU GOT THE HISTORY.
- NO, FORGET IT.
THERE IS NO WAY WE ARE SPEAKING
TO THAT SMUG, DUPLICITOUS, TALKING SCARF.
- I WAS ABOUT TO SAY "WHEN PIGS FLY OUT OF YOUR ASS,"
BUT I'VE SEEN WHAT YOU EAT, SO IT'S NOT AN IMPOSSIBILITY.
- COME ON! I'M DESPERATE HERE.
THEY WANT ME TO SELL MY VINEYARD!
- YOU HAVE A VINEYARD?
- I NEVER GAVE YOU A BOTTLE? both: NO.
- WELL, YOU ARE DEFINITELY GETTING A BOTTLE
AND A SWEATSHIRT AND A HAT.
- I'M EXCITED.
- IF YOU NEED MONEY SO BADLY,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST SELL YOUR PLANE?
- THE PLANE IS OFF THE TABLE!
WHAT I NEED IS WORK.
LOOK, I REALIZE WHAT I'M ASKING,
BUT IT'S A FEW MINUTES OF YOUR TIME,
AND IT WOULD MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME, COME ON.
- FINE, WE'LL CALL HIM. - YOU GOT TO DO IT IN PERSON.
- FUCK OFF. - IN PERSON? NO FUCKING WAY.
- MY AGENT CALLED HIM. MY MANAGER CALLED HIM.
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK OVER THE PHONE.
IT'S GOT TO BE FACE-TO-FACE.
- NO. - FUCK OFF.
- IF YOU DO THIS FOR ME,
I WILL TAKE YOU TO A GOLDEN GLOBES GIFTING SUITE.
- SAY MORE.
- WAIT, WAIT.
SO YOU DIDN'T MAKE HIM BREAK UP WITH ME?
- I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A YOU.
- AND YOU DIDN'T MAKE HIM FIRE ME?
- I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE IF I'D KNOWN.
DOES THAT HELP?
- SO HE DID ALL THAT JUST TO STOP SEEING ME?
OH, MY GOD!
- LOOK, I GET THAT YOU LOVED HIM,
AND I KNOW THIS IS HARD TO HEAR,
BUT ED WAS AN EMOTIONALLY STUNTED, COMPULSIVELY LYING,
EVIL SACK OF SHIT.
- HE SEEMED SO NICE.
- HEY, AT LEAST YOU GOT OUT. I'M STILL PAYING HIM ALIMONY.
[scoffs] - [chuckles]
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
UH, WHAT WAS YOUR ELEPHANT?
- OH, I HEARD YOU WERE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB,
AND I WAS GONNA CONVINCE YOU TO STAY.
- AH.
[chuckles]
[phone rings]
- GOOD AFTERNOON, ANDREW LESLEY'S OFFICE.
PLEASE HOLD.
- HELLO, WE'RE-- - SEAN AND BEVERLY LINCOLN.
WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU.
ANDREW, THEY'RE HERE.
- OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT YOU! IN MY OFFICE!
MY MENTORS!
YENZ, HOW MUCH DO I TALK ABOUT THESE TWO?
- ALL THE TIME. - ALL THE TIME.
- WELL, WE TALK ABOUT YOU A FAIR BIT TOO.
- OH.
COME IN, COME IN, COME IN, COME IN,
COME IN, COME IN, COME IN, COME IN.
SIT, SIT, SIT.
I APOLOGIZE FOR THE SOFA. IT'S TEMPORARY.
THE ONE I ORDERED IS TAKING FOREVER.
[snores]
HEADS WILL ROLL. [laughs]
OH, LOOK OUT FOR THE HEADS.
[all chuckle]
- ALL RIGHT.
- HERE WE GO.
- OH, MY GOD. - YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO--
- PLEASE, WE DO IT EVERY DAY.
ARE THESE YOURS? - DON'T BE MAD.
- YOU CAN JUST BUY THEM.
- I KNOW, BUT YOU LIKE THEM.
- YOU BAKED THESE? - MM-HMM.
- HE BAKED THESE.
- I TOLD HIM HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. MARMALADE?
THIS IS SUCH A TREAT.
OH, BY THE WAY, BRAVO ON THE SHOW.
WE HEARD YOU WERE CANCELLED. NOW YOU'RE NOT.
MORE EPISODES OF PUCKS! YAY.
- ACTUALLY, UH, THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
WHATEVER THEY'RE SAYING OFFICIALLY,
OUR SHOW IS DEFINITELY OVER.
- NO!
I THOUGHT THEY ORDERED SIX MORE.
- THEY DID, BUT IT WAS JUST A PLOY
TO KEEP MATT FROM DOING YOUR SHOW.
- THOSE BUGGERS.
GUESS I'M MORE IMPORTANT THAN I THOUGHT.
[both chuckle]
- I GUESS.
ANYWAY, THE POINT IS,
SINCE OUR SHOW IS DEAD, WE WANTED TO PUT IT OUT THERE--
- OH, WOW. AWKWARD!
I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED HIRING WRITERS YET.
- WHAT?
- YOU KNOW I THINK YOU'RE BOTH BEYOND BRILLIANT.
IT'S JUST NOT QUITE THE RIGHT FIT.
- NO, NO--
- I'M JUST GOING FOR SOMETHING A BIT YOUNGER.
- WE'RE NOT HERE LOOKING FOR WORK.
- WHATEVER YOU SAY.
- ACTUALLY, WE HAVE A SHOW THAT THREE NETWORKS
ARE COMPETING FOR.
- I'M SURE YOU DO.
- WE'RE HERE ON MATT'S BEHALF. - OH?
- HE FELT IT WAS IMPORTANT THAT YOU KNOW PUCKS! IS
REALLY FINISHED, SO YOU MIGHT RECONSIDER HIM FOR THE PART.
- OH. YEAH, THAT WON'T HAPPEN.
UNLESS HE'S LEGALLY FREE AND CLEAR,
THE NETWORK WILL NEVER GO FOR IT.
[whispers] AND, UH, JUST BETWEEN US,
I THINK WE CAN DO BETTER.
[chuckles]
LEMON CURD?
- IT WAS SO LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
SCONES FOR THE ROAD? - NO, THANK YOU.
- YEAH, FINE.
- YOU'RE FIRED.
- I'M WHAT? - NOTHING.
- HEY. HOW'S OUR GUY DOING?
- WELL, HE'S STILL STANDING.
[whistle blows]
- HE'S NO BECKHAM. - NOT EVEN VICTORIA.
- WHERE'S OLLIE? - WORK.
[whistle blows]
- SO WHEN'S THE BIG DAY?
- WHAT DO YOU CARE? YOU'RE NOT INVITED.
- REALLY? I WAS KIND OF HOPING TO GIVE YOU AWAY.
IS HE RUNNING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION?
- UH-HUH.
- WELL, AT LEAST HE'S GETTING EXERCISE.
SO, UH, YOU GUYS SET A DATE YET?
JUST ASKING. I'M EXCITED FOR YOU.
- NO, NO DATE. IF IT HAPPENS, IT HAPPENS.
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - IT MEANS...
IT MIGHT NOT HAPPEN. - WHAT?
- MICHAEL! HONEY, STAND UP!
SOMEONE'S GONNA TRIP ON YOU!
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT MIGHT NOT HAPPEN?
- [sighs]
LATELY IT JUST ISN'T FEELING LIKE SUCH A GREAT IDEA.
- THAT'S CRAZY. YOU GOTTA MARRY HIM.
IT'S--IT'S OLLIE! - YOU NEVER EVEN MET HIM.
- I KNOW, BUT YOU SAID HE'S SUCH A GREAT GUY.
- HE IS, BUT HE'S GOT ISSUES.
- WHAT KIND OF ISSUES?
- LIKE HOSTILITY ISSUES. HE CAN BE MEAN.
- MEAN. WHO ISN'T MEAN?
YOU'RE MEAN, I'M MEAN. COME ON.
- I'M TALKING MEAN.
SOMETIMES THERE'S A LOT OF RAGE THERE.
- [clicks tongue] DEFINE RAGE.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO THROW AWAY SOMETHING GOOD.
- EVEN IF HE'S SOMETIMES ABUSIVE?
- WHAT KIND OF ABUSIVE?
- WELL, NOT PHYSICALLY, BUT--
- THEN WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU TOLD HER TO GO BACK TO THE MAN WITH THE RAGE?
- SOMETIMES RAGE.
- OKAY, FORGET DIANE.
DO YOU REALLY WANT YOUR CHILDREN GROWING UP
IN THIS POTENTIALLY UNHAPPY SITUATION
WITH THIS ABUSIVE MAN?
- THE SAVINGS ARE SIGNIFICANT.
- FOR WHICH YOU'RE PREPARED TO CONSIGN THEM
TO A MISERABLE CHILDHOOD?
- IT'S CHILDHOOD. IT'S OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
- YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN GIVEN SPERM.
- LOOK, OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE
ON YOUR CHILDREN'S HAPPINESS,
BUT IT TURNS OUT YOU CAN.
THEY SHOWED ME A SPREADSHEET.
- I'M OUT.
OH, GUESS WHO WE SAW TODAY IN ALL HIS UNRELENTING SMARMINESS.
- YOU SAW ANDREW LESLEY? - UH-HUH.
- AND? - IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.
- WHAT?
- AS LONG AS YOU'RE LEGALLY CONTRACTED TO OUR SHOW,
THEY'RE NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU THE PART.
- UGH. "LEGALLY."
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
- UH, ENFORCEABLE BY LAW.
- [mumbles mockingly]
- THAT IS HARD TO ARGUE WITH.
- OH.
- WHAT'S THIS?
- I BROUGHT YOU A LITTLE THANK-YOU GIFT FROM MY VINEYARD,
EVEN THOUGH IT TURNS OUT THERE'S NOTHING TO THANK YOU FOR.
- "LEBLANC DE BLANC"? - EH?
- I'M GUESSING IT'S NOT A VERY COMPLEX WINE.
- WHY ARE YOU EVEN BOTHERING TO MEET WITH THOSE OTHER NETWORKS?
- BECAUSE IN ALL LIKELIHOOD,
WE'RE NOT GIVING OUR SHOW TO YOURS.
- WHAT? YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT TO US.
- BECAUSE WHY?
- WHAT ABOUT THIS?
- YEAH, THAT HASN'T EXACTLY PAID BIG DIVIDENDS
ON A PROFESSIONAL LEVEL.
- OKAY, HOW IS IT GOING TO LOOK TO MY NEW BOSS
IF MY BEST FRIEND GIVES HER SHOW TO SOMEONE ELSE?
- I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND?
- WELL, PROBABLY.
WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND? - UH...
I DON'T HAVE A BEST FRIEND BECAUSE I'M NOT SEVEN.
- YOU CAN BE VERY HURTFUL.
- [laughs]
- [laughs mockingly]
YOU'LL SEE.
- I'LL SEE WHAT?
- YOU'RE GONNA GIVE US THAT SHOW.
- BECAUSE YOU DID SUCH A BANG-UP JOB WITH OUR LAST SHOW?
- HA HA. NO, BECAUSE HELEN'S AMAZING.
SHE'S THE BEST EXECUTIVE I'VE EVER WORKED WITH.
- YOU REALIZE HOW LOW THE BAR IS?
- I DO, YES. I DO.
- HEY.
- ARE THEY READY?
- GUYS, COME GET YOUR STUFF. DADDY'S HERE!
UH, DON'T FORGET AIDEN'S GOT THAT,
UH, WHATCHAMACALLIT THIS AFTERNOON.
- OH, RIGHT.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- OH, YOU WANT SOME? - NO.
THEY'RE HIS VITAMINS. THEY'RE CHILDREN'S VITAMINS.
- REALLY GOOD.
SO, UH, WHERE ARE WE WITH OLLIE?
- SERIOUSLY? AGAIN WITH OLLIE?
- I'M SORRY, I'M INVESTED.
SO--
- IT'S OVER. - OV--WH--
WHAT DO YOU MEAN OVER? - I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- BUT WE DECIDED YOU WERE GONNA GIVE IT A CHANCE.
- I GAVE IT A CHANCE. BOYS!
- OKAY, IS THIS STILL ABOUT THE ABUSIVE THING?
'CAUSE, NO OFFENSE, SOMETIMES YOUR EXPECTATIONS
CAN BE A LITTLE UNREALISTIC.
- AIDEN, MICHAEL, MOVE IT!
YOUR FATHER'S STARTING TO PISS ME OFF.
- SO THAT'S IT? IT'S JUST--JUST OVER?
- YEAH. OVER.
- OH, JESUS.
- ARE THOSE TEARS IN YOUR EYES?
- THIS IS VERY UPSETTING.
- HI, GUYS. SO SORRY I'M LATE.
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HEAD?
- OH, IT'S FINE. I JUST FELL OFF MY DESK.
- IF EVERYBODY'S HERE, THEY'RE READY.
- GREAT. AFTER YOU.
- WE LOVE THIS SHOW.
- OH, THAT'S VERY KIND. - OH, THANK YOU.
- IT'S FUNNY. IT'S CLEVER.
YOU CAN TOTALLY TELL THAT ENGLISH PEOPLE WROTE IT.
EVERYTHING YOU ALL DO IS SO SMART.
- AND YET YOU FELT YOU NEEDED YOUR OWN COUNTRY.
[laughter]
- EXACTLY.
- ONE QUESTION WE DO HAVE THOUGH,
THE DOUBLING, WHERE ALL THE ACTORS PLAY TWO PARTS...
- IT'S NOT QUITE A QUESTION YET.
- ARE YOU MARRIED TO THAT?
- HAPPILY.
- YEAH, WITHOUT THE DOUBLING,
IT'S REALLY JUST A SHOW ABOUT TWO FAMILIES.
- THE DOUBLING'S WHAT MAKES IT DISTINCTIVE.
- OR...GIMMICKY?
- I'M GONNA STICK WITH DISTINCTIVE,
BUT I'LL GO TO MY GRAVE REMEMBERING GIMMICKY.
[all chuckling]
- WE LOVE THIS. IT'S YUMMY.
IT'S DELICIOUS. I WANT TO EAT IT.
IT'S THAT DELICIOUS.
- OH, THANK YOU. - BON APPETIT.
- THERE ARE SOME GREAT PARTS IN HERE.
I THINK WE CAN ATTRACT SOME MAJOR TALENT.
- MM-HMM.
- ACTUALLY, UM, AFTER OUR EXPERIENCE ON PUCKS!,
WE'RE NOT REALLY KEEN ON GOING WITH BIG NAMES.
- GOT IT. TOTALLY HEAR YOU.
BUT SAY WE COULD GET SOMEONE LIKE, I DON'T KNOW,
ANTHONY HOPKINS FOR THE FATHER...
- UH, RIGHT, BUT HE WOULD BE A BIG NAME.
- NO, OF COURSE. I DON'T MEAN HIM PER SE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT AN ANTHONY HOPKINS TYPE.
- OH, WELL, THAT WOULD BE FINE.
- LIKE DONALD SUTHERLAND.
- AGAIN, THAT'S A BIG NAME.
- GOTCHA. I'M WITH YOU.
I--I JUST MEAN SOMEONE DONALD SUTHERLAND-ESQUE.
- OKAY. - LIKE CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER.
- AGAIN-- - YEAH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
- [chuckles]
I THINK WE DO.
- ALL RIGHT, SO THIS IS FANTASTIC.
IT'S SOPHISTICATED AND HILARIOUS,
AND YOU'VE BEEN HEARING THAT STUFF ALL DAY LONG.
- BUT NOT YET TIRED OF IT. [laughter]
- WELL, KUDOS ON BEING BRILLIANT.
NOW, WHAT QUESTIONS DO YOU HAVE FOR US?
- UM... - UH...
WE DIDN'T KNOW IT COULD GO THAT WAY.
REFRESHING! - [laughs]
- DO WE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
- UH, OKAY.
IT'S BEEN SUGGESTED THAT WE MIGHT WANT
TO ELIMINATE THE DOUBLING.
- WHY? I LOVE THE DOUBLING. THE DOUBLING IS THE KEY.
OTHERWISE IT'S JUST A SHOW ABOUT TWO FAMILIES.
- EXACTLY.
- UH, ANY THOUGHTS ON CASTING?
- I ALREADY TOLD THESE GUYS I SHOWED THE SCRIPT
TO SUSAN SARANDON, WHO WAS VERY HOT ON IT.
- I MENTIONED GOLDIE HAWN, ALTHOUGH SHE'S NO LONGER
A CLIENT, SO I THINK WE CAN DO BETTER.
- LOOK, WE'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT,
BUT ARE YOU DEAD SET ON GOING WITH BIG NAMES?
- UH, NO.
- I FEEL LIKE, WITH A SCRIPT THIS STRONG,
YOU DON'T NEED NAMES.
I MEAN, IF YOU LOOK AT JUST ABOUT ANY BIG COMEDY
FROM THE LAST 20 YEARS, THEY STARTED OUT
WITH REALLY GOOD ACTORS AND MADE THEM STARS,
NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
- INTERESTING. - HEY.
AND IF THE SHOW'S A HIT, YOU'LL END UP PAYING THEM JUST AS MUCH,
AND THEY'LL WIND UP JUST AS CRAZY, SO WHY START THERE?
THIS IS YOUR STAR.
- LOOK AT YOU, ALL SMUG. - NOT SMUG, HAPPY.
ALL RIGHT, 80% HAPPY, 20% SMUG,
WITH A LITTLE EXTRA SMUG IN RESERVE.
[elevator bell dings] OOH.
OH, COME ON, SHE'S FANTASTIC.
THERE'S NOTHING REMOTELY FUCKWIT ABOUT HER.
[elevator bell dings]
- SO, WAS I RIGHT? SHE'S GREAT, RIGHT?
[elevator bell dings] - SHE'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.
- AND?
- AND SHE CLEARLY GETS
WHAT'S GOOD ABOUT THE SHOW. [elevator bell dinging]
- SO?
[buzzer]
- WELL, COMPARED TO THE OTHER IDIOTS WE MET TODAY,
SHE'S OBVIOUSLY HEAD AND SHOULDERS--
- OH, JESUS, JUST TELL ME WE'RE GETTING THE FUCKING SHOW.
- [sighs]
I HAVE GRAVE MISGIVINGS, IT'S PROBABLY A HUGE MISTAKE,
AND I'M SURE THERE'LL COME A DAY WHEN I REGRET THIS.
- SO IT'S A YES! YAY!
[laughs]
- HEY, JOSE.
YOU KNOW I THINK YOU'RE FANTASTIC,
AND THIS HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
I MEAN, THIS BEACH IS--
[chuckles]
BUT UNFORTUNATELY I'M HAVING TO MAKE
SOME TOUGH FINANCIAL DECISIONS.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THE TRADES,
BUT THERE'S BEEN A WHOLE SCANDAL.
MY BUSINESS MANAGER TOTALLY FUCKED ME OVER, AND--
WELL, YOU CAN IMAGINE, IT'S BEEN A NIGHTMARE.
THEY WANT ME TO SELL MY PLANE. I MEAN, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
YOU GOT TO DRAW A LINE SOMEWHERE.
[chuckles]
BUT SADLY I DO HAVE TO MAKE SOME CUTBACKS.
SO I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR 18 YEARS.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, BUT TODAY NEEDS TO BE OUR LAST DAY.
IF YOU COULD JUST GRAB THAT LITTLE BIT OF SEAWEED SHIT
OVER THERE, I THINK WE'RE GOOD.
ALSO, I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S YOUR RAKE OR MY RAKE,
BUT BY ALL MEANS--HUH?
AND AGAIN, THANK YOU.
OH, THERE'S PART OF A DEAD SEAGULL OVER THERE.
IF YOU COULD JUST GRAB THAT, THAT'D BE GREAT, YEAH?
[keys clacking]
[quirky music]
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