1 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,166 JUST GOT OFF WITH NBC. GUESS WHAT. 2 00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:15,458 You don't have to audition. 3 00:00:15,458 --> 00:00:16,375 NO SHIT? 4 00:00:16,375 --> 00:00:17,750 YOU JUST HAVE TO GO IN AND MEET. 5 00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:18,875 AND I DON'T HAVE TO READ? 6 00:00:18,875 --> 00:00:21,041 AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ. All right. 7 00:00:21,041 --> 00:00:23,333 I'M THINKING IT'S TIME TO STOP TAKING THE MEDS. 8 00:00:23,333 --> 00:00:26,500 IT WOULD BE A HUGE MISTAKE TO STOP NOW. 9 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:27,959 I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. 10 00:00:30,792 --> 00:00:31,709 AAH! 11 00:00:31,709 --> 00:00:33,709 THIS SCRIPT ISN'T GOING TO YOU. 12 00:00:33,709 --> 00:00:35,709 IT ISN'T GOING TO FOX. 13 00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:38,583 THE ONLY PLACE IT'S GOING IS IN OUR SUITCASE HOME. 14 00:00:38,583 --> 00:00:39,709 OKAY. 15 00:00:39,709 --> 00:00:42,542 YOU DON'T PURSUE IT BEHIND OUR BACKS. 16 00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,250 IT'S OVER. 17 00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:45,750 OH, MY GOD. 18 00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:47,375 THIS ONE FOUND A WINNER. 19 00:00:47,375 --> 00:00:48,375 I READ IT LAST NIGHT. 20 00:00:48,375 --> 00:00:49,709 I DON'T WANT TO EVEN SHOOT A PILOT. 21 00:00:49,709 --> 00:00:51,792 I WANT TO GO STRAIGHT TO SERIES. 22 00:00:51,792 --> 00:00:53,083 HOW SOON CAN THEY START? 23 00:00:55,375 --> 00:00:58,083 [ TYPEWRITER CLICKING, BELL CHIMES ] 24 00:01:01,291 --> 00:01:03,166 [ WIND WHISTLING ] 25 00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:11,250 [ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] 26 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,041 [ GUNSHOT ] 27 00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:49,542 Carol: HEY, KIDS. 28 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:50,750 HELLO. 29 00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:52,083 THIS IS A NICE SURPRISE. 30 00:01:52,083 --> 00:01:55,583 SO, THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS. 31 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:56,875 HAPPENED. 32 00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:58,709 [ LAUGHS ] RIGHT. 33 00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,583 APPARENTLY, NOBODY WANTED TO SEE OUR TRICKS. 34 00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:01,750 [ LAUGHS ] 35 00:02:01,750 --> 00:02:05,625 ANYWAY, WHILE I'VE GOT YOU -- 36 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,125 AND DON'T BITE MY HEAD OFF... 37 00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:09,625 THIS BETTER NOT BE GOING WHERE I THINK IT'S GOING. 38 00:02:09,625 --> 00:02:11,583 I JUST WANT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION. 39 00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:12,583 RIGHT. 40 00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:14,458 AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CONVERSATION 41 00:02:14,458 --> 00:02:17,750 WHERE WE AGREED WE WOULD NEVER, EVER HAVE THIS CONVERSATION? 42 00:02:17,750 --> 00:02:21,417 THAT WAS BEFORE CASTOR SAW YOUR SCRIPT. 43 00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:24,542 OH. HE "SAW" IT! 44 00:02:24,542 --> 00:02:27,000 [ High-pitched voice ] I SWEAR! I DIDN'T SHOW IT TO HIM! 45 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,041 THAT'S THE OCTAVE YOU USUALLY LIE IN. 46 00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:30,125 [ Normal voice ] HONEST. 47 00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:32,208 HE WAS SNOOPING AROUND MY DESK. 48 00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:35,291 HE SAW IT AND READ IT, AND -- HELLO! -- 49 00:02:35,291 --> 00:02:36,625 HE LOVED IT. 50 00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:37,625 REALLY? 51 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,250 LOVED IT. 52 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,125 OF ALL THE THINGS I'VE SHOWN HIM, 53 00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:43,166 IT'S THE ONLY ONE HE WANTS TO DO. 54 00:02:43,166 --> 00:02:44,667 SO YOU DID SHOW IT TO HIM. OH, SO WHAT? 55 00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:46,458 [ SIGHS ] 56 00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,083 I HAD TO! 57 00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:50,041 MY JOB IS ON THE LINE! 58 00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:51,583 HE HATES EVERYTHING. 59 00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:52,917 YOUR THING? 60 00:02:52,917 --> 00:02:54,667 HE DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO SHOOT A PILOT. 61 00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:56,667 HE WANTS TO GO STRAIGHT TO SERIES. 62 00:02:56,667 --> 00:02:58,709 I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. I DON'T. 63 00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:00,500 THAT JUST MEANS WE GET TO SKIP LIMBO 64 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,166 AND GO STRAIGHT TO HELL. 65 00:03:02,166 --> 00:03:03,375 OKAY. HOW ABOUT THIS? 66 00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:06,000 WHAT IF WE JUST BUY THE SHOW FROM YOU? 67 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,959 WE'LL HIRE SOMEONE ELSE TO RUN IT. 68 00:03:07,959 --> 00:03:09,667 YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE HERE. 69 00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:11,125 NO. NO, NO. IT'S OUR SHOW. 70 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:12,959 IF ANYONE'S GONNA RUN IT, IT'LL BE US. 71 00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,834 WELL, YOU KNOW I'D LOVE THAT. 72 00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:16,000 FORGET IT! 73 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,250 WE'RE GOING HOME. 74 00:03:18,250 --> 00:03:20,000 TO DO WHAT? 75 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,000 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOU GET THERE? 76 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,625 TRY TO GET ANOTHER SHOW ON? 77 00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:27,166 AND EVEN IF YOU DO, YOU'LL MAKE, WHAT, SIX EPISODES 78 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,291 OF SOMETHING NO ONE WILL EVER SEE? 79 00:03:29,291 --> 00:03:30,500 WELL, ENGLAND. 80 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:31,709 EXACTLY. 81 00:03:31,709 --> 00:03:33,083 SO, ARE JUST SUPPOSED 82 00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:35,166 TO IGNORE THE DISASTER OF THE LAST 10 MONTHS? 83 00:03:35,166 --> 00:03:38,375 WE FINALLY GOT OUT OF THIS ONE. 84 00:03:38,375 --> 00:03:40,917 I AM NOT GOING BACK INTO THE BURNING BUILDING. 85 00:03:40,917 --> 00:03:42,542 I DON'T CARE. 86 00:03:42,542 --> 00:03:46,166 LET THE FUCKING CAT DIE. 87 00:03:55,709 --> 00:03:56,625 WHERE ARE YOU? 88 00:03:56,625 --> 00:03:59,333 I DON'T KNOW. 89 00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:05,500 MAYBE IT COULD BE DIFFERENT WITH A DIFFERENT SHOW. 90 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:09,500 MM. 91 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,500 I THINK IT'S LIKE TOSSING THOSE RINGS AT THE FUN FAIR. 92 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,583 EACH TIME, YOU'RE SO SURE YOU'LL GET IT. 93 00:04:15,583 --> 00:04:16,959 RIGHT. 94 00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:18,417 BUT, BELIEVE ME, 95 00:04:18,417 --> 00:04:23,083 YOU'RE NOT GONNA WALK AWAY WITH A STUFFED GIRAFFE HERE. 96 00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:25,417 YOU JUST HAVE TO WALK AWAY. 97 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,208 I WANT A GIRAFFE. 98 00:04:29,208 --> 00:04:31,250 [ CHUCKLES ] 99 00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:33,792 I KNOW YOU DO. 100 00:04:33,792 --> 00:04:37,875 AND IN THIS TOWN, IF YOU CAN WIN A GIRAFFE... 101 00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:44,375 RIGHT, BUT [SIGHS] THIS TOWN -- 102 00:04:44,375 --> 00:04:46,166 IT'S NO GOOD FOR US. 103 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:47,917 IT NEARLY DID US IN. 104 00:04:47,917 --> 00:04:50,083 THAT IS TRUE. 105 00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:55,291 WE'VE WORKED SO HARD TO GET BACK TO A GOOD PLACE. 106 00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,083 AND IT'S A VERY GOOD PLACE. 107 00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:09,750 WE DO SO MUCH BETTER AT HOME. 108 00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:13,583 I AGREE. 109 00:05:13,583 --> 00:05:16,458 [ CHUCKLES ] 110 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,500 THANK YOU. 111 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,750 MMM. 112 00:05:25,750 --> 00:05:27,834 IS THAT A GIRAFFE? 113 00:05:27,834 --> 00:05:30,333 IT JUST MAY BE. 114 00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:33,000 [ CHUCKLES ] 115 00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:38,750 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU. 116 00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,417 OH, SHOOT. MY PHONE WAS OFF. 117 00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:41,500 WHY? 118 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,458 I WAS GETTING WAXED. 119 00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:46,542 IF IT RINGS, IT STARTLES HER, AND THEN -- BLGGGH! 120 00:05:46,542 --> 00:05:47,458 WHAT'S GOING ON? 121 00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:48,834 CASTOR CALLED A BIG MEETING. 122 00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:49,875 FOR WHEN? 20 MINUTES AGO. 123 00:05:49,875 --> 00:05:51,000 WHAT?! 124 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,000 IT WAS TOTALLY LAST MINUTE. 125 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,166 EVERYONE'S ALREADY IN THERE, EVEN ELLIOT. 126 00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:54,000 ELLIOT'S HERE?! MM-HMM. 127 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,917 JESUS CHRIST! 128 00:05:56,917 --> 00:05:58,166 BUT IT'S NOT JUST US. 129 00:05:58,166 --> 00:06:02,208 ALL NETWORK TV IS -- 130 00:06:02,208 --> 00:06:05,041 [ CHUCKLES ] So Sorry. 131 00:06:05,041 --> 00:06:06,834 I didn't know. 132 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,458 Keep going. 133 00:06:10,166 --> 00:06:12,291 [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 134 00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:20,834 [ BOOK THUDS ] 135 00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,542 WHERE WAS I? 136 00:06:26,542 --> 00:06:27,792 UH, "ALL NETWORK TV IS..." 137 00:06:27,792 --> 00:06:28,792 RIGHT. 138 00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:30,875 ...DYING. 139 00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:34,917 NETWORK TV IS DYING. 140 00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:38,834 EVERY YEAR, OUR RATINGS GET LOWER. 141 00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:40,208 CABLE IS KILLING US. 142 00:06:40,208 --> 00:06:42,709 THE INTERNET IS KILLING US. 143 00:06:42,709 --> 00:06:46,000 WE'RE CANCELING SHOWS AT AN UNPRECEDENTED RATE. 144 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,208 AND WHAT DO WE DO? 145 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,166 WE SIT AROUND WITH OUR HEADS UP OUR ASSES 146 00:06:50,166 --> 00:06:51,291 SAYING, "I DON'T SMELL ANYTHING. 147 00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:52,709 DO YOU?" 148 00:06:52,709 --> 00:06:56,250 WE PUT OUT A PRODUCT THAT'S PREDICTABLE AND STALE, 149 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,291 AND WE WONDER WHY NO ONE'S WATCHING. 150 00:06:59,291 --> 00:07:00,917 SO NOW THAT YOU'VE DEPRESSED THE SHIT OUT OF US, 151 00:07:00,917 --> 00:07:02,083 WHAT WOULD YOU DO? 152 00:07:02,083 --> 00:07:05,083 OKAY. WE NEED TO LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE. 153 00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:08,625 WE NEED TO MAKE BOLD MOVES, CHANGE THE PARADIGM. 154 00:07:09,542 --> 00:07:11,333 WHAT'S THE HOTTEST THING RIGHT NOW? 155 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:12,959 KARDASHIANS. ZOMBIES! 156 00:07:12,959 --> 00:07:14,291 CLOSE. 157 00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:16,834 WHY ARE WE SO OBSESSED WITH ZOMBIES? 158 00:07:16,834 --> 00:07:18,417 THEY'RE SCARY. 159 00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:20,166 RIGHT! WHY? 160 00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:21,583 'CAUSE THEY'RE ZOMBIES? 161 00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:23,458 THEY'RE SCARY 'CAUSE THEY'RE UNPREDICTABLE! 162 00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:24,500 YES! 163 00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,583 YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY'RE GOING TO ATTACK. 164 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:26,500 THAT'S WHAT I WANT. 165 00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,041 YOU WANT TO DO A ZOMBIE SHOW? 166 00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:29,458 YOU KNOW, THERE ARE ACTUALLY 167 00:07:29,458 --> 00:07:31,959 A COUPLE OF REALLY STRONG ZOMBIE SCRIPTS. 168 00:07:31,959 --> 00:07:35,583 NO! CHRIST! I'M NOT SAYING WE DO ZOMBIES. 169 00:07:35,583 --> 00:07:39,834 I'M SAYING WE BECOME ZOMBIES. 170 00:07:41,208 --> 00:07:42,625 ALL RIGHTY. [ CHUCKLES ] 171 00:07:42,625 --> 00:07:45,291 WE NEED TO BE UNEXPECTED, STARTLING, DANGEROUS! 172 00:07:45,291 --> 00:07:47,583 AND HOW DO YOU PROPOSE WE DO THAT? 173 00:07:47,583 --> 00:07:48,500 ALL RIGHT. 174 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:53,417 START BY THROWING AWAY THE "WHEN." 175 00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:56,458 "WHEN'S THE SHOW ON?" DOESN'T MATTER. 176 00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,458 WE'RE LIVING IN A WORLD WHERE YOUR TV 177 00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:00,458 IS BECOMING YOUR COMPUTER IS BECOMING YOUR iPAD 178 00:08:00,458 --> 00:08:01,583 IS BECOMING YOUR PHONE. 179 00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:04,542 WHEN THE SHOW'S ON IS IRRELEVANT. 180 00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:07,041 YOU DON'T GO, "WHEN'S THAT YouTube VIDEO ON?" 181 00:08:07,041 --> 00:08:09,125 IT'S JUST ON. 182 00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:11,875 SO, FORGET THE WHEN. 183 00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:18,417 FORGET "NIGHTS" AND "TIME SLOTS" AND "LEAD-INS." 184 00:08:18,417 --> 00:08:21,250 SO, HOW ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHEN -- 185 00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,500 FORGET THE WHEN! 186 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,667 [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] WHAT -- WHAT WHEN? 187 00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:30,083 WHAT I MEAN IS, HOW WILL THEY KNOW WHAT'S ON? 188 00:08:30,083 --> 00:08:32,083 THEY WON'T. 189 00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:34,208 THAT'S THE BEAUTY! 190 00:08:34,208 --> 00:08:38,250 WE'VE GOT TO ESCAPE THE TYRANNY OF THE SCHEDULE. 191 00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,458 GET RID OF ALL OF IT! 192 00:08:43,542 --> 00:08:45,125 [ GRUNTING ] 193 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,125 JESUS. 194 00:08:49,125 --> 00:08:50,583 DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. 195 00:08:50,583 --> 00:08:54,458 FROM NOW ON, WE PROGRAM ANYTHING AT ANY TIME. 196 00:08:54,458 --> 00:08:57,000 COMEDY, DRAMA, REALITY -- MIX IT THE FUCK UP. 197 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,250 MAYBE ONE NIGHT, FOUR HOURS ALL ABOUT BEES! 198 00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:01,667 BEES? BEES! 199 00:09:01,667 --> 00:09:02,834 THE NEXT DAY, PEOPLE WILL BE ALL, 200 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:04,458 "DID YOU SEE THAT FUCKING THING ABOUT THE BEES?" 201 00:09:04,458 --> 00:09:06,208 THE SHEER BALLS OF IT! 202 00:09:06,208 --> 00:09:07,375 UH, HELP ME OUT HERE. 203 00:09:07,375 --> 00:09:09,041 WHAT ARE THE BEES DOING? 204 00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:10,834 ARE THEY FUNNY BEES? 205 00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:12,667 ARE THEY KILLER BEES? 206 00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,583 DO THEY HAVE A TALENT? 207 00:09:14,583 --> 00:09:15,792 I DON'T KNOW. WHO GIVES A SHIT? THEY'RE BEES. 208 00:09:15,792 --> 00:09:16,834 THEY'LL DO WHATEVER BEES DO. 209 00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:17,709 THE POINT IS, 210 00:09:17,709 --> 00:09:19,250 PEOPLE ARE GONNA TUNE IN TO FIND OUT 211 00:09:19,250 --> 00:09:20,208 WHAT THE HELL WE'RE DOING NEXT. 212 00:09:20,208 --> 00:09:22,291 IT'S TOTAL WATER COOLER. 213 00:09:22,291 --> 00:09:24,875 OH! AND EVERYTHING'S LIVE. 214 00:09:24,875 --> 00:09:25,959 THE BEES ARE LIVE? 215 00:09:25,959 --> 00:09:27,917 MAYBE! HOW FUCKING GREAT WOULD THAT BE? 216 00:09:27,917 --> 00:09:28,875 [ WHIMPERS ] 217 00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:30,917 PEOPLE, WE GOT TO THROW AWAY THE RULES. 218 00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:33,208 LIKE, WHO SAYS ONE SHOW HAS TO END 219 00:09:33,208 --> 00:09:34,792 BEFORE ANOTHER ONE CAN START? 220 00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,542 HOW DO YOU -- WAIT. WHAT NOW? 221 00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:37,458 OKAY, SAY YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME COOKING SHOW. 222 00:09:37,458 --> 00:09:38,834 THIS WOMAN'S COOKING AND COOKING, 223 00:09:38,834 --> 00:09:39,750 AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, 224 00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:41,625 THE BAD GUY FROM ONE OF OUR DRAMAS 225 00:09:41,625 --> 00:09:44,291 RUNS IN WITH A FUCKING GUN AND HOLDS HER FUCKING HOSTAGE! 226 00:09:44,291 --> 00:09:46,750 MEANWHILE, SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING! 227 00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:48,750 THE ACTUAL WOMAN FROM THE COOKING SHOW DOESN'T KNOW? 228 00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:50,583 RIGHT! SHE'S LIKE, "AAH! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!" 229 00:09:50,583 --> 00:09:52,208 AND PEOPLE ARE TWEETING AND TWITTERING -- 230 00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:54,125 "YOU GOT TO WATCH THIS! TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON!" 231 00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,917 THEN, ONE OF THE COPS FROM THE DRAMA 232 00:09:55,917 --> 00:09:58,041 RUNS IN AND SHOOTS HIM -- I MEAN, ACTUALLY SHOOTS HIM. 233 00:09:58,041 --> 00:09:59,750 WE'RE SHOOTING ONE OF OUR ACTORS? 234 00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:00,834 SO WE'LL HAVE TO PAY HIM MORE. 235 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,375 YOU KNOW THERE ARE ACTORS WHO WILL DO IT. 236 00:10:02,375 --> 00:10:04,583 SO WE SHOOT HIM, THEN THE POLICE RUN IN -- 237 00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:06,583 THE REAL POLICE -- AND IT'S NEWS. 238 00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:08,583 THEN WE CUT TO OUR NEWS GUY. 239 00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:10,500 THAT'S WHEN OUR NEWS SHOW STARTS. 240 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:14,041 WE MAKE THE NEWS, THEN WE REPORT THE NEWS, 241 00:10:14,041 --> 00:10:15,834 AND NO ONE'S GONNA REPORT IT BEFORE US 242 00:10:15,834 --> 00:10:18,333 BECAUSE WE'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. 243 00:10:18,333 --> 00:10:21,083 IT'S TV FOR A NEW CENTURY. 244 00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:24,709 AND THAT'S WHY THEY'RE GONNA WATCH US AND NOT THE OTHER GUYS. 245 00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:28,458 HOW ABOUT THAT, MY ZOMBIES?! 246 00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:30,917 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 247 00:10:45,083 --> 00:10:46,333 SO HE WAS CRAZY. 248 00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:47,959 YEAH. 249 00:10:51,458 --> 00:10:53,834 HEY, MATT. 250 00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:55,125 BERTA NISSICK. 251 00:10:55,125 --> 00:10:56,458 HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. 252 00:10:56,458 --> 00:10:58,375 ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET BEFORE. 253 00:10:58,375 --> 00:11:00,417 I WAS THE JUNIOR JUNIOR CASTING PERSON 254 00:11:00,417 --> 00:11:01,750 ON "MARRIED WITH CHILDREN." 255 00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:02,875 OH, WOW. 256 00:11:02,875 --> 00:11:04,375 OH, YOU PROBABLY DON'T REMEMBER, 257 00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:06,125 BUT YOU HIT ON ME AT THE WRAP PARTY. 258 00:11:06,125 --> 00:11:07,125 [ CHUCKLES ] 259 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,250 OKAY. 260 00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:10,375 SO, THIS SHOULD BE FUN. 261 00:11:10,375 --> 00:11:11,542 I'M GONNA READ WITH YOU. 262 00:11:11,542 --> 00:11:13,166 SO IF THERE'S ANYTHING 263 00:11:13,166 --> 00:11:14,875 YOU WANT ME TO DO OR DON'T WANT ME TO DO... 264 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,125 WAIT. WHAT? WHAT? 265 00:11:16,125 --> 00:11:18,542 UH [CHUCKLES] I'M NOT READING. 266 00:11:18,542 --> 00:11:19,500 WHAT? 267 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,667 NO, MY AGENT SPOKE TO SOMEONE, 268 00:11:21,667 --> 00:11:24,750 AND IT WAS ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTOOD THAT IT'S JUST A MEETING. 269 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,083 AH. 270 00:11:26,083 --> 00:11:27,125 UM... 271 00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:30,500 WELL, THAT'S NOT THE INFORMATION WE GOT. 272 00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,625 [ CHUCKLES ] 273 00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:33,000 ANDREW AND THE EXECS ARE IN THERE, 274 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,000 WAITING FOR YOU TO READ. 275 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,375 WELL, THAT'S NOT HAPPENING. 276 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:38,250 OKAY. 277 00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,834 UM, JUST GIVE ME A SEC. 278 00:11:39,834 --> 00:11:41,375 [ CLICKS TONGUE ] YEAH, WHATEVER. 279 00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:42,792 YEAH, I'M CALLING MY AGENT. 280 00:11:42,792 --> 00:11:44,208 GOOD. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. 281 00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:45,166 OKAY. GOOD. 282 00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,333 [ Chuckling ] YEAH. 283 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,375 HEY, IT'S MATT LeBLANC. IS HE THERE? 284 00:11:52,375 --> 00:11:54,208 CAN YOU REACH HIM? 285 00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:56,625 NO, NO. I NEED HIM NOW. 286 00:11:56,625 --> 00:11:57,750 'CAUSE I'M AT FUCKING NBC, 287 00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,583 ABOUT TO GO INTO A FUCKING MEETING, 288 00:11:59,583 --> 00:12:01,208 AND THEY THINK I'M FUCKING READING, 289 00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:02,333 WHICH I AM FUCKING NOT! 290 00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:04,417 LISTEN, AS SOON AS YOU HEAR FROM HIM, 291 00:12:04,417 --> 00:12:06,333 YOU HAVE HIM CALL ME ON MY CELL. 292 00:12:08,375 --> 00:12:13,125 MONSIEUR LeBLANC, WHAT A CLUSTERFUCK. 293 00:12:13,125 --> 00:12:15,500 WE WERE TOLD YOU WERE GOING TO READ. 294 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,333 NO. THE WHOLE DEAL WAS I'M NOT GONNA READ. 295 00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:20,417 BUT THEN WE HEARD THAT YOU WERE. 296 00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:21,583 NO. [ SCOFFS ] 297 00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:23,458 HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? I DON'T KNOW. 298 00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:26,000 IT'S MORTIFYING. I AM MORTIFIED. 299 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,000 I AGREE. 300 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,375 [ SIGHS ] 301 00:12:28,375 --> 00:12:29,625 SO, WHAT DO WE DO? 302 00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,917 I DON'T KNOW. THEY'RE WAITING. 303 00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,458 YOU KNOW, IF IT WERE JUST UP TO ME, 304 00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:35,625 I WOULD GIVE YOU THE PART IN A HEARTBEAT, 305 00:12:35,625 --> 00:12:37,250 BUT IT'S THE FUCKING SUITS. 306 00:12:37,250 --> 00:12:38,959 IT'S BECOMING A PISSING MATCH. 307 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,542 OKAY, LOOK, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS THING. 308 00:12:41,542 --> 00:12:43,917 BUT, NO, I'M NOT READING. 309 00:12:45,917 --> 00:12:47,417 IN ALL FAIRNESS -- 310 00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:49,375 AND I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T TELL YOU THIS -- 311 00:12:49,375 --> 00:12:52,417 THERE IS ANOTHER ACTOR THEY'RE VERY KEEN ON. 312 00:12:52,417 --> 00:12:53,417 WHO? 313 00:12:53,417 --> 00:12:54,917 I CAN'T SAY. 314 00:12:54,917 --> 00:12:55,917 CAN I? NO. 315 00:12:55,917 --> 00:12:56,959 NO? NO. 316 00:12:56,959 --> 00:12:59,417 HE CAME IN YESTERDAY, 317 00:12:59,417 --> 00:13:02,083 AND HE WAS FINE IN A TOTALLY BORING WAY YOU'D EXPECT 318 00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:04,041 IF YOU KNEW WHO I WAS TALKING ABOUT. 319 00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:05,917 [ IMITATES SNORING ] [ LAUGHS ] 320 00:13:05,917 --> 00:13:07,417 BUT IF YOU DON'T READ TODAY, 321 00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:09,166 THEY'RE GONNA GIVE THE PART TO HIM. 322 00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:11,375 PLUS, HE'S A LOT CHEAPER THAN YOU. 323 00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:12,542 A lot. 324 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,917 PLEASE. 325 00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:15,625 I BESEECH YOU. 326 00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:18,917 [ SIGHS ] 327 00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,125 NO. 328 00:13:25,125 --> 00:13:26,250 NO. 329 00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:27,625 I'M NOT GONNA EAT THEIR SHIT. 330 00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:29,000 OH, COME ON! 331 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,125 WE ALL HAVE TO EAT SHIT NOW AND THEN. 332 00:13:31,125 --> 00:13:33,583 YOU JUST HAVE TO EAT IT UNTIL THE SHOW'S A BIG HIT -- 333 00:13:33,583 --> 00:13:34,792 THEN THEY'LL HAVE TO EAT YOURS. 334 00:13:34,792 --> 00:13:37,333 IT'S CALLED "SHOW BUSINESS." 335 00:13:37,333 --> 00:13:39,917 NO. I'M SORRY. 336 00:13:39,917 --> 00:13:42,166 GOOD LUCK WITH THE PROJECT. 337 00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:48,709 SO YOU JUST WALKED OUT? 338 00:13:48,709 --> 00:13:49,792 HEY, AT A CERTAIN POINT, 339 00:13:49,792 --> 00:13:51,875 SOMEONE HAS TO SAY NO TO THESE ASSHOLES. 340 00:13:51,875 --> 00:13:55,250 IT'S A VERY STRANGE DAY WHEN YOU'RE MY HERO. AWW. 341 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,208 SO, DO WE KNOW WHO THE OTHER GUY IS WHO'S GETTING THE PART? 342 00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:58,250 NAH. 343 00:13:58,250 --> 00:13:59,500 THEY WERE JUST USING THAT TO GET ME TO READ. 344 00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,375 THERE PROBABLY ISN'T EVEN ANOTHER GUY. 345 00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,583 REALLY? 346 00:14:02,583 --> 00:14:03,834 HERE'S WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. 347 00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:05,750 RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE TELLING EACH OTHER 348 00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:07,583 THEY DIDN'T WANT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE. 349 00:14:07,583 --> 00:14:11,917 THEN THEY'LL OFFER IT TO SOME BIG MOVIE GUY LIKE NICOLAS CAGE, 350 00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:14,834 WHO YOU KNOW ISN'T GONNA DO TV, 351 00:14:14,834 --> 00:14:16,125 BUT HE'LL JERK THEM AROUND FOR A WHILE, 352 00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:19,083 THEN COME BACK AND SAY [GASPS] HE WON'T DO TV. 353 00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,542 THEN THEY'LL GO TO, LIKE, 354 00:14:20,542 --> 00:14:23,667 SOME BIG BROADWAY STAR WHO NOBODY'S FUCKING HEARD OF, 355 00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,458 AND HE WON'T WANT TO LEAVE NEW YORK, 356 00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:27,208 WHICH ONLY MAKES THEM WANT HIM MORE. 357 00:14:27,208 --> 00:14:29,250 SO THEY'LL OFFER TO SHOOT IT IN NEW YORK, 358 00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:31,208 BUT THEN THE BROADWAY GUY WILL DECIDE 359 00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,375 HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO TV. 360 00:14:32,375 --> 00:14:34,750 THEN THEY'LL JUST GIVE IT TO DYLAN McDERMOTT. 361 00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:37,208 AND THAT'S WHY I WANT TO GO HOME. 362 00:14:37,208 --> 00:14:39,417 RIGHT. BUT IN THE MEANTIME, YOU'RE HERE. 363 00:14:39,417 --> 00:14:43,542 SO...TO THE THREE OF US IN WHAT WAS, ON THE WHOLE, 364 00:14:43,542 --> 00:14:45,208 A FAIRLY SHITTY EXPERIENCE... [ LAUGHS ] 365 00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:46,458 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] SORRY. 366 00:14:46,458 --> 00:14:48,083 HOLD THAT THOUGHT. 367 00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:49,583 YOU WERE UP TO "SHITTY EXPERIENCE." 368 00:14:49,583 --> 00:14:50,542 HELLO? 369 00:14:50,542 --> 00:14:53,208 SEAN, HI. IT'S EILEEN. 370 00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:57,959 DID CAROL RANCE OFFER YOU A SERIES PICK-UP, NO PILOT? 371 00:14:57,959 --> 00:14:58,875 YES. 372 00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:00,709 You've got to tell me these things. 373 00:15:00,709 --> 00:15:02,208 KIM SALLY HEARD ABOUT IT. 374 00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:05,542 SHE'S WILLING TO MATCH IT AND KICK IN A BIG PENALTY. 375 00:15:05,542 --> 00:15:06,875 WHAT? 376 00:15:06,875 --> 00:15:07,792 IT'S EILEEN. 377 00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:09,041 FOX IS WILLING TO OFFER US 378 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,875 A SERIES PICK-UP WITH A BIG PENALTY. 379 00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:13,041 THE PENALTY BEING WE WOULD HAVE TO DO IT. 380 00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:14,792 EILEEN, I'M SORRY. 381 00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:17,125 WE SAID NO TO CAROL, AND IT'S NO TO KIM. 382 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,375 IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 383 00:15:20,083 --> 00:15:22,125 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] [ SIGHS ] UNBELIEVABLE. 384 00:15:23,834 --> 00:15:25,500 HELLO. 385 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:26,500 HI, SWEETIE. 386 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:28,417 HI. I'M OUT TO DINNER. CAN I CALL YOU BACK? 387 00:15:28,417 --> 00:15:29,959 NO. NO? 388 00:15:29,959 --> 00:15:32,041 ELLIOT SALAD READ YOUR SCRIPT. 389 00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,250 HE REALLY LIKED IT. 390 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:37,333 HE SAID IT WAS THE ONE SANE THING CASTOR SAID. 391 00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:40,583 I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE EVEN HAVING THIS CONVERSATION AGAIN. 392 00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:42,000 IT'S ELLIOT SALAD! 393 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,917 How do I say no to Elliot Salad? 394 00:15:44,917 --> 00:15:48,250 I DON'T CARE. WITH CROUTONS, BUT SAY IT. 395 00:15:48,250 --> 00:15:49,250 WHAT'S HAPPENING? 396 00:15:49,250 --> 00:15:50,417 WHAT'S... 397 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:51,542 ELLIOT SALAD READ THE SCRIPT, 398 00:15:51,542 --> 00:15:53,417 AND NOW HE WANTS TO DO IT. 399 00:15:53,417 --> 00:15:54,458 SHE SAID -- I heard. 400 00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:55,709 PUT BEV ON. 401 00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:57,166 SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. SWITCH. 402 00:15:57,166 --> 00:15:58,208 [ SIGHS ] SERIOUSLY? 403 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,250 BEV, HI. 404 00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:04,333 WE HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN TO KNOW EACH OTHER THAT WELL... 405 00:16:04,333 --> 00:16:05,333 OR AT ALL. 406 00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:06,625 Okay, sure. 407 00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:09,625 BUT CAN I JUST SAY, AS YOUR AGENT -- 408 00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:12,000 OUR AGENT? SHE'S OUR AGENT? KIND OF. 409 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,834 WHAT ABOUT STANLEY? HE'S OKAY WITH IT. 410 00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,458 IT'S LIKE WAKING UP FROM A COMA. 411 00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:16,959 Bev, listen to me. 412 00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:19,875 YOU'VE GOT TWO NETWORKS COMPETING FOR YOU. 413 00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:21,125 IT'S A BIG DEAL. 414 00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:22,125 NOT TO ME. 415 00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:23,500 PUT HER BACK ON. SWITCH. 416 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,041 JESUS CHRIST. 417 00:16:25,041 --> 00:16:26,417 JUST PUT ME ON SPEAKER. 418 00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:28,375 YOU'RE ON SPEAKER. All right. 419 00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:30,875 WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO GET YOU TO STAY HERE? 420 00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:33,583 Name it. I will make it happen. 421 00:16:33,583 --> 00:16:34,625 YOU WANT SOMEONE 422 00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:37,625 TO BRING YOU TEA AND CRUMPETS EVERY AFTERNOON? 423 00:16:37,625 --> 00:16:39,375 I WILL DO IT PERSONALLY. 424 00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:41,041 YOU -- YOU NEED MORE RAIN? 425 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:42,750 WE GOT MACHINES FOR THAT. 426 00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,667 What do you want? 427 00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:45,750 JUDI DENCH? 428 00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:48,583 THERE ARE WAYS TO GET HER HERE. 429 00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:49,709 WHAT'S SHE OFFERING YOU? 430 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,500 JUDI DENCH, APPARENTLY. 431 00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:52,667 FOR WHICH PART? 432 00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:54,667 I THINK IN GENERAL. 433 00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:56,458 ALL RIGHT. PUT ME ON SPEAKER, TOO. 434 00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:58,417 [ SIGHS ] 435 00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:01,500 Carol, hi. It's Eileen. 436 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:02,792 CAROL: Hi, sweetie. 437 00:17:02,792 --> 00:17:05,583 Kim is prepared to match whatever you're offering, 438 00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:06,667 and you know Kim. 439 00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:08,000 Yeah, I know Kim. 440 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,500 She was my assistant for four years. 441 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,291 I don't care what Kim wants. 442 00:17:12,291 --> 00:17:15,834 Elliot wants this to happen, so it is going to happen. 443 00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:18,208 NO, IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. 444 00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:19,417 THEN HANG UP. 445 00:17:19,417 --> 00:17:21,125 JUST HANG UP. HANG THE FUCK UP. 446 00:17:21,125 --> 00:17:22,333 WE'RE HANGING UP. 447 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:23,625 Don't hang up. Don't hang up! Don't hang up. 448 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:24,625 BYE. Don't hang up! 449 00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:25,875 NOW TURN THEM OFF. 450 00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:27,458 ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING PHONES. 451 00:17:27,458 --> 00:17:29,667 STARTING NOW, IT'S A NO-PHONE DINNER, YES? 452 00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:30,709 AGREED. DONE. 453 00:17:30,709 --> 00:17:33,667 [ CELLPHONE RINGTONE PLAYS ] HANG ON A SEC. 454 00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:34,834 WHAT'S UP? 455 00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:37,041 YOU SITTING DOWN? YEAH. 456 00:17:37,041 --> 00:17:38,333 THEY BLINKED AGAIN. 457 00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:40,000 WHO BLINKED? NBC. 458 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:40,959 MEANING? 459 00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,542 YOU GOT THE SHOW. 460 00:17:42,542 --> 00:17:45,166 [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] 461 00:17:48,041 --> 00:17:51,375 GOT TO SAY, I AM NOT GOING TO MISS THIS PLACE. 462 00:17:51,375 --> 00:17:52,375 OH, I KNOW. 463 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,959 OF ALL THE ROOMS WE'VE EVER BEEN IN, 464 00:17:54,959 --> 00:17:57,083 THIS MAY BE MY LEAST FAVORITE. 465 00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:59,583 AND WE'VE BEEN IN ANNE FRANK'S HOUSE. 466 00:17:59,583 --> 00:18:00,542 [ LAUGHS ] 467 00:18:00,542 --> 00:18:04,166 [ TYPEWRITER CLICKING, BELL CHIMES ] 468 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,917 Merc: [ LAUGHS ] 469 00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:07,792 [ Cockney accent ] LOOK WHO'S HERE. 470 00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:08,625 IT'S FISH AND CHIPS. 471 00:18:08,625 --> 00:18:10,709 BLOODY HELL. FUCK ME. 472 00:18:10,709 --> 00:18:12,291 COME HERE, YOU. 473 00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:13,458 REALLY? STILL? 474 00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:14,709 COME HERE. 475 00:18:14,709 --> 00:18:16,250 [ LAUGHS ] 476 00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:18,125 [ Normal voice ] AH! 477 00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:20,083 AH, YOU KNOW, THIS IS SO WEIRD. 478 00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,959 I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU TWO. WHY? 479 00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:24,542 WE GOT TO MAKE SOME MORE TV TOGETHER. 480 00:18:24,542 --> 00:18:26,500 [ Laughing ] WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? 481 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,208 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS -- 482 00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,125 YOU NEED SOMEONE LIKE ME TO RUN INTERFERENCE, 483 00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:31,917 KEEP THE IDIOTS OUT OF YOUR HAIR. 484 00:18:31,917 --> 00:18:34,375 THIS MAY BE MY FAVORITE MOMENT SO FAR. 485 00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,583 I'M TELLING YOU -- SOMEONE'S GOT TO PROTECT YOU 486 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,291 FROM THOSE ASSHOLES AT THE NETWORK. 487 00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:39,792 WHERE WERE YOU WHEN WE MET YOU? 488 00:18:39,792 --> 00:18:41,917 [ LAUGHS ] 489 00:18:41,917 --> 00:18:43,083 UNFORTUNATELY, 490 00:18:43,083 --> 00:18:45,125 WE'RE HEADING BACK TO LONDON TOMORROW. 491 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,625 WELL, WHAT ABOUT "PUCKS"? 492 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,667 OVER. 493 00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:50,458 NO! I LOVED THAT SHOW. 494 00:18:50,458 --> 00:18:51,959 DID YOU? 495 00:18:51,959 --> 00:18:55,333 WELL, AT LEAST THAT COCKSUCKER LeBLANC'S OUT OF A JOB. 496 00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:56,834 THAT'S ONE GOOD THING. 497 00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:58,208 ACTUALLY, SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU, 498 00:18:58,208 --> 00:18:59,959 BUT HE'S STARRING IN A BIG NBC PILOT. 499 00:18:59,959 --> 00:19:01,667 REALLY? 500 00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:02,792 MM, SOME DRAMA. 501 00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:03,917 SUPPOSED TO BE THEIR HOT NEW THING. 502 00:19:03,917 --> 00:19:05,667 OH. 503 00:19:05,667 --> 00:19:08,750 GOOD FOR HIM. 504 00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:16,125 ALL RIGHT, KITCHEN'S DONE. WHAT NEXT? 505 00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,291 ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH WITH AMERICAN PLUG? 506 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,959 CHUCK IT. CONSIDER IT CHUCKED. 507 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,709 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] OH, GOD. 508 00:19:21,709 --> 00:19:23,166 THE CAR'S HERE ALREADY? 509 00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,333 HI. 510 00:19:29,333 --> 00:19:30,792 I CAME TO SAY GOODBYE. 511 00:19:30,792 --> 00:19:32,667 AND... 512 00:19:32,667 --> 00:19:34,333 AND NOTHING. 513 00:19:34,333 --> 00:19:38,000 I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU A HUG BEFORE YOU GO. 514 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,166 I'M SAD. 515 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,667 I KNOW. 516 00:19:44,667 --> 00:19:47,417 I'M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH. 517 00:19:47,417 --> 00:19:49,500 I'M GONNA MISS YOU, TOO. 518 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:50,834 I REALLY AM. 519 00:19:50,834 --> 00:19:52,417 SUSAN SARANDON READ YOUR SCRIPT. 520 00:19:52,417 --> 00:19:53,834 WHAT? WHAT? 521 00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:56,667 OH, GOD. I WASN'T GONNA SAY IT. IT JUST POPPED OUT. 522 00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:58,208 LET GO OF ME. 523 00:19:58,208 --> 00:19:59,417 DON'T BE MAD. 524 00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:02,667 SHE READ IT AND REALLY WANTS TO DO IT. 525 00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:05,709 SUSAN SARANDON. I LOVE SUSAN SARANDON. 526 00:20:05,709 --> 00:20:07,083 AND SHE LOVES THE PART. 527 00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:09,000 SHE'S NEVER DONE A SERIES. 528 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,875 SHE SAID THIS IS WHAT SHE'S BEEN WAITING FOR. 529 00:20:11,875 --> 00:20:14,542 COME ON. SUSAN SARANDON. 530 00:20:14,542 --> 00:20:16,291 OH, PLEASE! 531 00:20:16,291 --> 00:20:18,583 YOU KNOW BY THE TIME THEY'RE DONE WITH US, 532 00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:20,542 IT'S NOT GOING TO BE SUSAN SARANDON. 533 00:20:20,542 --> 00:20:22,750 SHE'S JUST SAYING SUSAN SARANDON TODAY. 534 00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:24,750 OOH, LOOK -- A CARROT. 535 00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:27,917 BUT ONCE WE'RE IN, IT'S, "OH, SORRY. 536 00:20:27,917 --> 00:20:31,625 "SUSAN CAN'T DO IT. BUT YOU KNOW WHO WE CAN GET? 537 00:20:31,625 --> 00:20:33,542 "SOMEONE SHITTY 538 00:20:33,542 --> 00:20:34,792 WHO'S TOTALLY WRONG FOR THE PART." 539 00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:38,542 YOU WATCH -- IT'LL END UP BEING... 540 00:20:38,542 --> 00:20:39,709 THIS CUP. 541 00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:42,291 SHE'LL RING US UP ONE DAY. [ Nasally ] "HOLD FOR CAROL." 542 00:20:42,291 --> 00:20:44,375 AND SHE'LL BE ALL... [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 543 00:20:44,375 --> 00:20:47,041 [ As Carol ] "YOU GUYS, GUESS WHAT -- 544 00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:50,000 "THE CUP WANTS TO DO YOUR SHOW. THIS IS HUGE. 545 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,500 THE CUP TURNS DOWN EVERYTHING!" 546 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,917 [ Normal voice ] AND WE'LL BE, "UH, THE CUP?" 547 00:20:54,917 --> 00:20:57,000 AND SHE'LL SAY, [As Carol] "SERIOUSLY? 548 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:58,583 "YOU DON'T KNOW THE CUP? 549 00:20:58,583 --> 00:21:02,250 FROM 'WHERE'S MY SAUCER?' AND 'ME AND THE SPOON.'" 550 00:21:02,250 --> 00:21:05,417 [ Normal voice ] YEAH, AND SUDDENLY, WE'LL BE DOING A SHOW 551 00:21:05,417 --> 00:21:07,000 STARRING A FUCKING CUP, 552 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,250 WHO YOU JUST KNOW 553 00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:11,250 IS GONNA WANT TO MAKE LOTS OF VERY CUPPY CHANGES 554 00:21:11,250 --> 00:21:14,542 BECAUSE IT NEEDS TO MAKE IT ITS OWN. 555 00:21:14,542 --> 00:21:16,417 [ SIGHS ] 556 00:21:18,125 --> 00:21:19,375 DID SUSAN SAY WHAT SHE LIKED ABOUT IT? 557 00:21:19,375 --> 00:21:20,792 OH! [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 558 00:21:20,792 --> 00:21:22,542 [ CUP THUMPS ] 559 00:21:23,667 --> 00:21:25,458 HEY. CAME TO SAY GOODBYE. 560 00:21:25,458 --> 00:21:26,542 AND THAT'S ALL? 561 00:21:26,542 --> 00:21:28,083 UH, YEAH. 562 00:21:30,166 --> 00:21:31,625 YOU SEE? 563 00:21:31,625 --> 00:21:32,667 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 564 00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,417 THIS IS WHAT SAYING GOODBYE LOOKS LIKE. 565 00:21:34,417 --> 00:21:36,750 IT'S JUST SAYING GOODBYE -- 566 00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:39,333 NO HIDDEN AGENDAS, NO LAST-DITCH EFFORTS. 567 00:21:39,333 --> 00:21:41,417 SUSAN SARANDON WANTS TO DO OUR SHOW! 568 00:21:41,417 --> 00:21:42,333 "PUCKS"? 569 00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:43,333 NO, THAT OTHER SCRIPT. 570 00:21:43,333 --> 00:21:44,709 OOH. I WORKED WITH HER. 571 00:21:44,709 --> 00:21:45,917 SHE'S AMAZING. 572 00:21:45,917 --> 00:21:46,959 IF YOU COULD GET SUSAN SARANDON... 573 00:21:46,959 --> 00:21:49,250 WE'VE GOT HER. 574 00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:51,709 PROBABLY GOOD YOU'RE GOING HOME. 575 00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:52,917 [ SIGHS ] [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 576 00:21:52,917 --> 00:21:55,125 [ CUP THUDS ] SHIT. THAT'S THE CAR. 577 00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:57,083 WHAT ARE WE FORGETTING? 578 00:21:57,083 --> 00:21:58,250 OH, GOOD. 579 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:00,417 I'M SO GLAD I CAUGHT YOU BEFORE YOU LEFT. 580 00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:02,709 Eileen: HI, GUYS. 581 00:22:02,709 --> 00:22:04,125 I'VE GOT BIG NEWS. 582 00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:06,166 CBS WANTS IN. 583 00:22:06,166 --> 00:22:08,125 THAT'S THREE NETWORKS. 584 00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:10,458 WELL, ONLY ONE IS GETTING IT. 585 00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:13,166 CBS IS GUARANTEEING THEM A KILLER TIME SLOT. 586 00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,875 YOU DON'T HAVE A KILLER TIME SLOT. 587 00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:16,959 THAT'S WORTH A LOT. 588 00:22:16,959 --> 00:22:19,208 I GOT THEM SUSAN SARANDON. 589 00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:20,375 [ LAUGHS ] 590 00:22:20,375 --> 00:22:22,083 SUSAN SARANDON'S NOT DOING TELEVISION. 591 00:22:22,083 --> 00:22:23,125 THANK YOU. MNH-MNH. 592 00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:25,000 SHE'S GOT THREE MOVIES LINED UP. 593 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,000 WHAT ABOUT GOLDIE HAWN? 594 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,250 OOH! SHE'S GREAT. 595 00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:31,333 SHE'S A CLIENT. 596 00:22:31,333 --> 00:22:33,125 STOP CASTING. 597 00:22:33,125 --> 00:22:34,375 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] MM. 598 00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:35,500 [ SIGHS ] 599 00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:36,959 KIM SALLY FROM FOX. 600 00:22:36,959 --> 00:22:38,208 HI, HONEY. 601 00:22:38,208 --> 00:22:40,500 I'M ACTUALLY WITH THEM NOW. 602 00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:41,583 NOT WITH ME. 603 00:22:41,583 --> 00:22:44,041 I'VE ALSO GOT CAROL RANCE HERE. 604 00:22:44,041 --> 00:22:45,166 KIM WANTS TO COME OVER, TOO. 605 00:22:45,166 --> 00:22:46,375 Beverly: NO! 606 00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:47,500 THIS IS FUN. 607 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:48,583 DON'T WORRY. 608 00:22:48,583 --> 00:22:49,834 I'LL CALL BACK IF ANYTHING CHANGES. 609 00:22:49,834 --> 00:22:52,000 NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE. 610 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,709 [ TELEPHONE RINGING ] 611 00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:05,166 AREN'T YOU GOING TO GET THAT? 612 00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:07,750 WE NEVER USE THAT PHONE. IT CAME WITH THE HOUSE. 613 00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:09,917 IT'S NEVER RUNG THE WHOLE TIME WE'VE BEEN HERE. 614 00:23:09,917 --> 00:23:11,417 WE DON'T EVEN KNOW THE NUMBER. 615 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,667 I'M SORRY. I CAN NOT NOT ANSWER A PHONE. 616 00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:21,291 [ BEEPS ] HELLO. 617 00:23:21,291 --> 00:23:23,000 MAN: Hi. I'm calling from CBS. 618 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,083 I have Les Moonves for Sean and Beverly. 619 00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:29,500 UH, SEAN AND BEVERLY ARE RIGHT HERE. 620 00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:31,542 You're on with Les. 621 00:23:31,542 --> 00:23:34,000 HI. IS THIS SEAN AND BEVERLY? 622 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,583 UH, IT'S LES MOON-- 623 00:23:35,583 --> 00:23:37,166 [ ALL GASP ] 624 00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:38,291 WE HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH. 625 00:23:38,291 --> 00:23:39,500 ARE YOU CRAZY? 626 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:40,917 I'LL CALL HIM BACK AND SAY WE WERE DISCONNECTED. 627 00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:42,875 YOU HUNG UP ON LES MOONVES? I'M CALLING SUSAN SARANDON. 628 00:23:42,875 --> 00:23:43,959 TELL HER I SAID HELLO. 629 00:23:43,959 --> 00:23:46,250 HOW CAN WE LEAVE? EVERYBODY WANTS US. 630 00:23:46,250 --> 00:23:48,417 WHICH IS WHY WE SHOULD LEAVE. 631 00:23:48,417 --> 00:23:49,875 IT'S THE PERFECT TIME. Eileen: THERE WAS A PROBLEM WITH THE PHONE. 632 00:23:49,875 --> 00:23:51,917 I DON'T KNOW -- MAYBE THE ELECTRICITY WENT OUT. WHAT? 633 00:23:51,917 --> 00:23:55,542 WE HAVE SPENT A YEAR FEELING ABSOLUTELY POWERLESS. 634 00:23:55,542 --> 00:23:57,500 AS SOON AS WE SAY YES TO ONE OF THOSE FUCKERS, 635 00:23:57,500 --> 00:23:58,625 WE'RE RIGHT BACK THERE, 636 00:23:58,625 --> 00:24:02,250 BUT IF WE GO NOW, WITH ALL OF THEM FIGHTING OVER US, 637 00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:06,417 THAT'S AS GOOD AS IT GETS IN THIS TOWN. 638 00:24:06,417 --> 00:24:08,917 THIS IS THE GIRAFFE. 639 00:24:08,917 --> 00:24:11,500 UH-HUH. 640 00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:15,959 HEY, YOUR CAR'S HERE. WHAT SHOULD I TELL HIM? 641 00:24:15,959 --> 00:24:18,875 ...CALL HERE. RIGHT. 642 00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:20,583 WE'RE LEAVING. 643 00:24:21,875 --> 00:24:22,959 OH! 644 00:24:22,959 --> 00:24:24,625 REALLY? 645 00:24:24,625 --> 00:24:27,208 SHOULD WE, UH... 646 00:24:27,208 --> 00:24:28,625 GET LES MOONVES BACK ON THE PHONE BECAUSE IT WAS... 647 00:24:28,625 --> 00:24:29,667 NO, YOU'RE NOT -- I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 648 00:24:29,667 --> 00:24:30,959 ...IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I WANT TO TALK TO SUSAN. 649 00:24:30,959 --> 00:24:32,250 FUCK 'EM. 650 00:24:32,250 --> 00:24:33,709 [ LAUGHS ] 651 00:24:33,709 --> 00:24:36,250 GET OUT OF HERE. 652 00:24:52,959 --> 00:24:55,500 MR. SALAD! 653 00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:57,291 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE IN TOWN. 654 00:24:57,291 --> 00:24:59,125 [ CHUCKLES ] 655 00:24:59,125 --> 00:25:02,000 SO I'M STILL GETTING HUGS? 656 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:02,917 WHY NOT? 657 00:25:02,917 --> 00:25:04,917 AS I RECALL, LAST TIME WE SPOKE, 658 00:25:04,917 --> 00:25:07,000 YOU TOLD ME I COULD GO FUCK MYSELF 659 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,417 WITH CASTOR SOTTO'S DICK. 660 00:25:08,417 --> 00:25:10,208 AH, YOU FIRED ME. I WAS A LITTLE HURT. 661 00:25:10,208 --> 00:25:11,917 WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE. 662 00:25:11,917 --> 00:25:13,125 ANYWAY, UH, BE WELL. 663 00:25:13,125 --> 00:25:14,291 OH! 664 00:25:14,291 --> 00:25:15,458 I HEARD ABOUT MATT LeBLANC 665 00:25:15,458 --> 00:25:17,500 GETTING THAT BIG PILOT OVER AT NBC. 666 00:25:17,500 --> 00:25:18,917 WHAT? 667 00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:20,041 WHAT? YOU DIDN'T KNOW? 668 00:25:20,041 --> 00:25:22,125 SUPPOSEDLY, THEY'RE BUILDING A WHOLE NIGHT AROUND IT. 669 00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:23,667 ARE YOU KIDDING? I GOT TO SAY -- 670 00:25:23,667 --> 00:25:25,208 I WAS KIND OF SURPRISED YOU'D LET THAT HAPPEN. 671 00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:28,041 I MEAN, NOT MY BUSINESS ANYMORE, BUT HOW'S THAT LOOK? 672 00:25:28,041 --> 00:25:29,583 HE BOMBS WITH YOU GUYS, 673 00:25:29,583 --> 00:25:32,125 THEN GETS A BIG HIT ACROSS THE STREET? 674 00:25:32,125 --> 00:25:34,333 PEOPLE GET FIRED FOR THAT. 675 00:25:34,333 --> 00:25:36,500 AND IT'S NBC? 676 00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:37,792 MM-HMM. 677 00:25:37,792 --> 00:25:39,083 JESUS. 678 00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:40,542 AH! SORRY I EVEN MENTIONED IT. 679 00:25:47,875 --> 00:25:49,625 ELLIOT, HI. 680 00:25:49,625 --> 00:25:52,041 HAVE WE OFFICIALLY CANCELED "PUCKS"? 681 00:25:52,041 --> 00:25:53,709 UH, NO. 682 00:25:53,709 --> 00:25:55,125 YOU SURE? 683 00:25:55,125 --> 00:25:57,125 THE PAPERWORK'S STILL HERE ON MY DESK. 684 00:25:57,125 --> 00:26:00,250 PICK IT UP FOR SIX MORE. 685 00:26:00,250 --> 00:26:01,792 WAIT. 686 00:26:01,792 --> 00:26:04,875 YOU WANT TO PICK UP "PUCKS"? 687 00:26:04,875 --> 00:26:06,083 TODAY. 688 00:26:06,083 --> 00:26:09,083 BUT...YOU HATE "PUCKS." 689 00:26:09,083 --> 00:26:11,333 I HATE NBC MORE. 690 00:26:15,208 --> 00:26:17,125 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 691 00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:19,709 MONSIEUR LeBLANC! 692 00:26:19,709 --> 00:26:21,208 HEY! 693 00:26:21,208 --> 00:26:22,667 [ BOTH CHUCKLING ] 694 00:26:22,667 --> 00:26:26,000 HOW EXCITING. OUR LITTLE ADVENTURE BEGINS. 695 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,083 I KNOW. 696 00:26:27,083 --> 00:26:28,208 VERY COOL. 697 00:26:28,208 --> 00:26:30,834 YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO WONDERFUL IN THIS. 698 00:26:30,834 --> 00:26:33,083 [ INHALES DEEPLY ] I CAN ALREADY SMELL YOUR EMMY. 699 00:26:33,083 --> 00:26:35,542 [ SNIFFING ] NO, THAT WAS ME. 700 00:26:35,542 --> 00:26:36,917 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 701 00:26:36,917 --> 00:26:39,208 [ CELLPHONE RINGTONE PLAYS ] 702 00:26:39,208 --> 00:26:42,417 UGH. HANG ON A SECOND -- AGENT. 703 00:26:42,417 --> 00:26:45,208 HEY, UH, CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW. 704 00:26:45,208 --> 00:26:47,542 YEAH, I'M ALREADY HERE. 705 00:26:52,250 --> 00:26:54,750 ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? 706 00:26:54,750 --> 00:26:57,583 THEY CAN'T DO THAT. WE WERE CANCELED. 707 00:26:57,583 --> 00:27:00,250 WHAT DOES "NOT OFFICIALLY" MEAN? 708 00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:03,750 THAT'S BULLSHIT. 709 00:27:03,750 --> 00:27:07,333 OKAY, SO WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT THIS? 710 00:27:07,333 --> 00:27:12,083 I DON'T CARE. I'M DOING IT. THEY CAN'T STOP ME. 711 00:27:12,083 --> 00:27:13,500 OH. 712 00:27:21,291 --> 00:27:23,333 Beverly: HOW WONDERFUL IS THIS? 713 00:27:23,333 --> 00:27:25,333 IT'S WET! 714 00:27:25,333 --> 00:27:26,834 REMEMBER WET? 715 00:27:26,834 --> 00:27:30,583 MM, AND SLIPPERY, TOO. 716 00:27:30,583 --> 00:27:34,458 I'VE MISSED EVERY PRECARIOUS INCH OF IT. 717 00:27:34,458 --> 00:27:35,709 HARD TO BELIEVE THAT, YESTERDAY, 718 00:27:35,709 --> 00:27:37,458 WE WERE SITTING IN TRAFFIC ON THE 405. 719 00:27:37,458 --> 00:27:38,792 MM. 720 00:27:38,792 --> 00:27:42,250 OH, IT'S LIKE WAKING UP FROM SOME FEVER DREAM. 721 00:27:42,250 --> 00:27:45,417 WE'RE AWAKE, AND WE'RE HERE. 722 00:27:45,417 --> 00:27:47,834 AND I LOVE YOU. 723 00:27:47,834 --> 00:27:50,125 LOVE YOU, TOO. 724 00:27:50,125 --> 00:27:51,667 [ CHUCKLES ] 725 00:27:55,875 --> 00:27:59,458 MM. [ CHUCKLES ] [ CELLPHONE RINGING ] 726 00:28:01,333 --> 00:28:03,500 IT'S AN L.A. NUMBER. 727 00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:05,583 DON'T ANSWER IT. 728 00:28:05,583 --> 00:28:10,333 OH, DEAR GOD, DON'T ANSWER IT. 729 00:28:10,333 --> 00:28:12,166 [ RINGING CONTINUES ]