1 00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:14,250 Decision's made. Merc's out. 2 00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:15,792 When are you going to tell him? 3 00:00:15,792 --> 00:00:19,333 I thought I'd wait till after his Man of the Year thing. 4 00:00:19,834 --> 00:00:21,166 That's nice. Also that way, 5 00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:23,041 we can empty out his office while he's there. 6 00:00:23,041 --> 00:00:24,709 Do you know who you're going to go with? 7 00:00:24,709 --> 00:00:26,375 We've got a very short list. 8 00:00:26,375 --> 00:00:27,500 Right. 9 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:28,750 And your name's at the top of it. 10 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,917 Uh, I'm about to leave for my date. 11 00:00:30,917 --> 00:00:33,917 Okay. If you don't want me to go, 12 00:00:33,917 --> 00:00:35,291 I won't go. 13 00:00:35,875 --> 00:00:37,125 Go. 14 00:00:39,625 --> 00:00:41,291 LABIA: LeBlanc residence. 15 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,375 Is Matt there? 16 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,917 Oh, hi, Diane. It's Labia. 17 00:00:45,542 --> 00:00:47,166 MATT: No! 18 00:00:49,667 --> 00:00:51,166 Fuck! 19 00:01:00,834 --> 00:01:02,291 (WIND WHISTLING) 20 00:01:02,709 --> 00:01:04,083 (WIND HOWLING) 21 00:01:05,125 --> 00:01:07,417 (TYPEWRITER CLACKING) 22 00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:33,125 (GUNSHOT) 23 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,750 How can I take this job? 24 00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:44,333 How? I can't do that to him. 25 00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:47,250 It sounds like they're doing it to him whether you do it or not. 26 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,709 No, I know, but... I, I, I... 27 00:01:49,709 --> 00:01:51,000 This is your dream! 28 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,125 It's what you've been working for your entire career. 29 00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:56,208 I know, but... 30 00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:58,834 He would never understand. 31 00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:01,792 I don't think our relationship could survive it. 32 00:02:02,125 --> 00:02:03,959 So? So! 33 00:02:03,959 --> 00:02:06,291 A couple weeks ago you were prepared to end it 34 00:02:06,291 --> 00:02:09,250 and there wasn't even a dream job on the table. 35 00:02:11,542 --> 00:02:13,917 He's never going to leave her, is he? (SIGHS) 36 00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:18,125 No. 37 00:02:18,458 --> 00:02:19,792 (SIGHS) 38 00:02:19,792 --> 00:02:24,417 Because she's a fucking saint, a fucking blind saint. 39 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,583 Hmm. What? 40 00:02:28,166 --> 00:02:29,625 What? 41 00:02:29,625 --> 00:02:31,291 That "Hmm." 42 00:02:32,959 --> 00:02:35,542 What "Hmm"? Uh, no, no. 43 00:02:35,959 --> 00:02:37,625 I said that she's a fucking saint, 44 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,792 and you went "Hmm", 45 00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:43,333 like maybe she's not such a fucking saint. 46 00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:49,625 Oh, no, it was just an "Hmm." 47 00:02:49,625 --> 00:02:54,166 Like, "Hmm, go on." So... Hmm. 48 00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:55,500 Go on. 49 00:02:55,959 --> 00:02:57,792 What aren't you telling me? Nothing. 50 00:02:58,333 --> 00:02:59,458 Tell me. 51 00:02:59,959 --> 00:03:02,959 You... Well... You've never moved this fast in your life. 52 00:03:02,959 --> 00:03:04,333 So, you need to tell me. 53 00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:08,000 Look, I know nothing! It was just an... Hmm. 54 00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:10,125 You like poison ivy? 55 00:03:10,125 --> 00:03:11,500 There's plenty of it up there. 56 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:13,166 Oh, oh, oh! 57 00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:22,166 CAROL: That's a cliff. (LAUGHS) 58 00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:23,709 Oh! Uh... 59 00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:26,917 Come on, ya. Come on, come on! 60 00:03:26,917 --> 00:03:29,375 Oh, what are you gonna do? Huh? 61 00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,834 I got ya. (PANTING) 62 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,875 She's fine! Keep moving. 63 00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:37,875 Tell me. 64 00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:40,166 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 65 00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:45,667 She's having an affair with Matt. 66 00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:46,875 Who? 67 00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:50,000 Saint Jamie. 68 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:53,875 Is having an affair? 69 00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:56,333 With Matt LeBlanc. 70 00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:58,875 (CHUCKLES) 71 00:03:58,875 --> 00:04:01,500 No. No! 72 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,083 Oh, my God. No! 73 00:04:04,083 --> 00:04:07,250 You knew this and you didn't tell me? 74 00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:10,542 What about all the shit with our show you don't tell me? 75 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:13,542 That's work! This is my life! 76 00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:17,875 I know! But if I told you, you'd tell Merc! 77 00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:20,250 I have to tell Merc! You can't tell Merc! 78 00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:21,583 If you tell Merc, 79 00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:27,750 this whole thing will blow up and Matt will kill me. 80 00:04:29,041 --> 00:04:31,000 (WHISPERING) You must keep this to yourself. 81 00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,375 Yeah, I can't do that. 82 00:04:36,291 --> 00:04:39,375 If you tell Merc, I swear I'll... 83 00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:42,917 I will tell him 84 00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:45,125 that you've been having secret meetings with that... 85 00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:47,125 That Salad person, 86 00:04:47,125 --> 00:04:50,917 and that you knew he was getting fired before he did 87 00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:52,333 and you didn't tell him. 88 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,417 Ha! 89 00:04:58,792 --> 00:04:59,917 (GRUNTS ANGRILY) 90 00:05:01,291 --> 00:05:02,625 Fine. 91 00:05:02,875 --> 00:05:04,083 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 92 00:05:05,208 --> 00:05:06,500 Understood. 93 00:05:07,792 --> 00:05:08,959 (SIGHS) 94 00:05:10,458 --> 00:05:12,792 Jamie Lapidus and Matt LeBlanc. 95 00:05:12,792 --> 00:05:14,792 Un-fucking-believable. 96 00:05:15,542 --> 00:05:18,458 For all I know, it's already over. 97 00:05:18,458 --> 00:05:22,250 Last I heard he was having a thing with his stalker. 98 00:05:22,542 --> 00:05:23,792 Jesus! 99 00:05:23,792 --> 00:05:26,792 A stalker and his boss's blind wife. 100 00:05:26,792 --> 00:05:28,792 That guy'll stick it anywhere. 101 00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:30,333 No offense. 102 00:05:35,208 --> 00:05:36,834 (PHONE RINGING) 103 00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:41,875 Yo. 104 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,625 Matt? Stanford Shamiro. 105 00:05:43,625 --> 00:05:44,917 Hey. What's up? 106 00:05:45,375 --> 00:05:47,667 I just got a call from Diane's lawyer. 107 00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:49,750 What'd that prick want? 108 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,959 Please tell me you weren't entertaining your stalker 109 00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:53,667 at your house last night. 110 00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:56,542 Okay, I was not entertaining her. 111 00:05:57,208 --> 00:05:58,750 Technically, yeah, she was here. 112 00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,041 But I was throwing her out when Diane called. 113 00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:02,792 So she broke in again? 114 00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:05,250 Uh, technically, no. 115 00:06:05,667 --> 00:06:08,750 So, why don't you tell me what did happen. Technically. 116 00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:12,166 All right, the other night, I was pretty hammered, 117 00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:13,375 and I called her up... 118 00:06:13,375 --> 00:06:15,000 Diane? No. 119 00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:18,125 You called up your stalker. Right. 120 00:06:18,709 --> 00:06:21,208 The one we got the restraining order for. 121 00:06:21,792 --> 00:06:22,959 Yeah. 122 00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:25,000 Did you have sexual relations with her? 123 00:06:25,667 --> 00:06:27,959 Hmm... Does anal... 124 00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:29,375 Yeah, it counts. 125 00:06:29,375 --> 00:06:31,291 Then technically, yes. 126 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,291 You should know Diane's gonna try and have 127 00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:35,333 your visitation rights terminated. 128 00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:38,125 Meaning, what, I'd never get to see my kids? 129 00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:39,542 If the judge agrees. 130 00:06:39,542 --> 00:06:40,667 That's bullshit! 131 00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:42,458 We gotta fight this. 132 00:06:42,458 --> 00:06:44,875 Uh, can I take off my lawyer hat for a minute? 133 00:06:44,875 --> 00:06:46,208 Yeah... 134 00:06:46,208 --> 00:06:48,208 I'm talking to you now as a friend... 135 00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:51,709 You're going to need a much better lawyer. 136 00:06:51,709 --> 00:06:53,875 'Cause the one you've got... 137 00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:56,625 I don't know how the fuck he's going to get you out of this. 138 00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,041 (SIGHS) 139 00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:06,041 Wow! 140 00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:09,792 Seriously, wow! Yeah? 141 00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:13,250 I'm telling you. You look fucking... Wow. 142 00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:16,000 (LAUGHS) What are you doing with an old shitbird like me? 143 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,500 Are you kidding? 144 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:20,291 You're my Man of the Year. (CHUCKLES) 145 00:07:21,792 --> 00:07:23,208 It's your big night. 146 00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,125 What's the matter? What? 147 00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:28,709 You look... I'm fine. All good. 148 00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:29,959 All right. 149 00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:32,250 Is this ever going to change? 150 00:07:32,250 --> 00:07:34,250 What? This. Us. 151 00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:37,291 I mean... Here we are. Again. 152 00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:40,458 It's your big night, and I can't be there with you. 153 00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:42,667 You'll be there. Not with you. 154 00:07:42,917 --> 00:07:44,667 You're going to come down off that stage, 155 00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:47,333 and I can't kiss you, I can't... 156 00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,625 (EXCLAIMS) 157 00:07:48,625 --> 00:07:51,041 Am I always going to be this invisible person? 158 00:07:51,041 --> 00:07:52,959 Well, you think I like it this way? 159 00:07:53,291 --> 00:07:55,625 You think I don't want to be with you all the time? Come on! 160 00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:57,792 What do you want me to do? The woman's blind. 161 00:07:57,792 --> 00:07:59,417 She's fucking Matt LeBlanc! 162 00:08:00,125 --> 00:08:01,583 Who's fucking Matt LeBlanc? 163 00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:06,166 Your blind wife is having an affair with Matt LeBlanc. 164 00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:07,750 (LAUGHS) 165 00:08:09,917 --> 00:08:13,083 Bullshit. I swear to God, it's true. 166 00:08:16,291 --> 00:08:19,166 Are you kidding me? It's been going on for months. 167 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:20,750 Jesus Christ. 168 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,000 Yup. 169 00:08:22,834 --> 00:08:25,125 (GASPING) I can't breathe. 170 00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:27,417 Seriously, I cannot breathe. 171 00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,709 You can breathe. 172 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,291 I can't breathe well! 173 00:08:31,875 --> 00:08:33,667 (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) 174 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:42,500 Wow. Look at you all dressy dressed. 175 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,542 I got this for my sister's funeral. 176 00:08:45,875 --> 00:08:47,375 Pretty. 177 00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:50,250 No, if anything it looks more like the other cheek than it did before. 178 00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:51,667 And you really can't tell? 179 00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,125 You really can't. It's amazing. 180 00:08:53,125 --> 00:08:55,417 Just promise you're done messing with your face. 181 00:08:55,417 --> 00:08:58,208 I swear, I'm done messing with my face. 182 00:09:00,208 --> 00:09:01,542 What? 183 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,625 (SIGHS) Oh, Christ, kill me now! 184 00:09:04,625 --> 00:09:08,375 Sean! Andrew! Where aren't you? 185 00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:10,208 This is my friend, Morning Randolph. 186 00:09:10,208 --> 00:09:11,250 Hello. We've met. 187 00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,709 So, what brings you here? 188 00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:16,709 I actually just signed a deal with Merc, 189 00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,959 so I thought I'd better come and kiss the ring. 190 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,917 You're doing television now? I know. 191 00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:23,917 I came up with this great idea for a show. 192 00:09:23,917 --> 00:09:25,959 It's about this British couple 193 00:09:25,959 --> 00:09:27,709 who bring their hit comedy to the States 194 00:09:27,709 --> 00:09:29,542 and how they end up getting divorced, 195 00:09:29,542 --> 00:09:32,041 but still have to work together. 196 00:09:32,041 --> 00:09:33,250 You're... 197 00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:35,625 You're fucking kidding me, right? I know! 198 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,750 It took me, like, five seconds to come up with it. 199 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:42,667 Oh, look, there's Bev and Rob. 200 00:09:45,458 --> 00:09:47,333 Oh, God, 201 00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:51,083 it's so hard seeing her with someone who's not you. 202 00:09:51,917 --> 00:09:55,250 Just saying Bev and Rob feels so wrong. 203 00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:58,083 Bev and Rob. Bev and Rob. 204 00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:00,917 Excuse me. Hmm. 205 00:10:01,583 --> 00:10:03,375 Bev! Rob! 206 00:10:05,083 --> 00:10:09,250 I've been that cocksucker's friend for 20 years. 207 00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:10,750 Twenty years. I know. 208 00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:12,000 He's on my network. 209 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,959 I know. And when she went blind, I could have walked out. 210 00:10:14,959 --> 00:10:17,125 But I fucking stuck by her. 211 00:10:17,125 --> 00:10:18,959 She does not deserve you. 212 00:10:20,375 --> 00:10:21,709 I guess I'm the blind one. 213 00:10:22,375 --> 00:10:24,208 Oh, and by the way? 214 00:10:24,542 --> 00:10:26,959 I think sometimes she can actually see a tiny bit. 215 00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:28,583 No! I'm telling you. 216 00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:30,417 Like vague shapes and shadows. 217 00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:32,500 And she calls herself blind. 218 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:33,792 What a bitch. 219 00:10:33,792 --> 00:10:35,166 How could she do this to me? 220 00:10:35,625 --> 00:10:38,458 I'm probably not the best person to ask. 221 00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:41,000 If you were mine, believe me... 222 00:10:41,375 --> 00:10:43,667 Well, guess what. I am yours. 223 00:10:44,625 --> 00:10:46,792 What? What are you saying? 224 00:10:46,792 --> 00:10:49,375 Oh, yeah. I am so going to dump her ass. 225 00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:50,917 What do you think of that? 226 00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:54,041 I think yeah! Do it! Dump it! 227 00:10:54,041 --> 00:10:57,458 (CHUCKLES) Dump it, dump it, dump it. 228 00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:02,458 (SCOFFS) Here we go. 229 00:11:03,583 --> 00:11:05,625 Okay, creepiest smile ever. 230 00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:07,125 Is it too Wallace and Gromit? 231 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,917 I don't know who that is, but yeah. 232 00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:11,667 Oh, God, that's his Wallace and Gromit smile. 233 00:11:11,667 --> 00:11:13,834 Oh, yeah. No, that's not a good thing. 234 00:11:13,834 --> 00:11:16,625 SEAN: Hey, how are you? Nice to see you. 235 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,125 (CLEARS THROAT) 236 00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:32,709 Champagne? ALL: Oh, yes. 237 00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,291 You can do this. 238 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,667 Just knowing they're both here... 239 00:11:44,667 --> 00:11:45,750 I know. 240 00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:48,709 But you're going to smile like nothing's wrong 241 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,500 because you are the Man of the Year. 242 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,375 And these people are paying $10,000 a table 243 00:11:54,375 --> 00:11:55,750 just to see that smile. 244 00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:58,208 Not the ones in the back. 245 00:11:58,792 --> 00:12:00,291 Do we know yet who bought the cheap ones? 246 00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:01,750 I'm getting you a list. 247 00:12:03,375 --> 00:12:05,667 Mister Salad! 248 00:12:06,417 --> 00:12:08,083 So... 249 00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:11,667 You finally decided to grace us with your presence. 250 00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:14,208 You know me, I like to make an entrance. 251 00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:16,458 Congratulations, sir. Well deserved. 252 00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:17,709 Thank you, my friend. 253 00:12:17,709 --> 00:12:21,041 Can you believe this guy flew 3,000 miles just for me? 254 00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,375 He's the best. 255 00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:25,083 So, any big plans while you're out here? 256 00:12:25,083 --> 00:12:27,458 Nope. This weekend's all about you. 257 00:12:27,959 --> 00:12:30,250 MERC: (LAUGHS) You're gonna make me cry. 258 00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:41,542 Who's that? 259 00:12:41,959 --> 00:12:45,208 Morning's brother, Rob. He's her date. 260 00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:48,750 What do you mean, her date? 261 00:12:48,750 --> 00:12:51,709 Well, they're kind of a thing. 262 00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:58,709 You shitting me? I shit you not. 263 00:13:02,709 --> 00:13:04,917 And this is okay by you? Why not? 264 00:13:04,917 --> 00:13:08,917 I told her we had to move on, and she believed me. 265 00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:10,917 Why would you do that? 266 00:13:10,917 --> 00:13:13,625 Well, you had a little something to do with it. 267 00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:16,250 Aw, Christ, you're still on that? 268 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,792 You fucked my wife. 269 00:13:18,792 --> 00:13:20,333 Five months ago. 270 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:23,166 Right. I can't believe I'm still dwelling on it. 271 00:13:23,166 --> 00:13:24,959 I feel like such an asshole. 272 00:13:24,959 --> 00:13:26,750 You are an asshole. 273 00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:30,333 You love her. Get over yourself. 274 00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:31,959 It's not that simple. Oh... 275 00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:39,750 Yeah, it is. 276 00:13:44,959 --> 00:13:47,083 (PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 277 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,834 Hey. 278 00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,709 I thought I could smell Joey. 279 00:13:57,667 --> 00:13:58,875 Too much? 280 00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:01,792 No. I like a man who can wear Cinnabon. 281 00:14:03,959 --> 00:14:05,500 So... 282 00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:08,709 Sean and I were just talking about assholes. 283 00:14:08,709 --> 00:14:11,792 Oh, so that's what guys talk about when we're not around. 284 00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,333 (CHUCKLES) 285 00:14:13,667 --> 00:14:16,333 I was telling him to stop being one. 286 00:14:17,125 --> 00:14:19,333 And I realized the last time you and I were together, 287 00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:21,792 I kind of was one. 288 00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:24,625 No argument from me. 289 00:14:25,542 --> 00:14:27,959 And then I never called you, 290 00:14:27,959 --> 00:14:29,667 which makes me an even bigger one. 291 00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:32,291 Again, we're on the same page. 292 00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:34,208 Anyway... 293 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,000 I'm sorry. 294 00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,166 Thank you. 295 00:14:40,542 --> 00:14:41,709 I don't want to mess this up. 296 00:14:41,709 --> 00:14:43,208 Then don't. 297 00:14:43,208 --> 00:14:44,917 Okay. 298 00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:50,917 I may need you to keep reminding me. 299 00:14:50,917 --> 00:14:52,500 I'll stay on top of it. 300 00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:55,667 Sounds good to me. 301 00:14:55,667 --> 00:14:57,166 (APPLAUSE) 302 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,917 (MUSIC STARTS AGAIN) 303 00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,083 So? 304 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,458 Really? Here? Now? 305 00:15:12,458 --> 00:15:14,333 I gotta move on this. 306 00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:15,709 (SIGHS) 307 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:21,458 Elliot, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this offer. 308 00:15:21,458 --> 00:15:26,291 I really do. And I'll probably end up kicking myself, but... 309 00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:27,875 Eh, eh, eh. 310 00:15:27,875 --> 00:15:30,583 If it's the money, we're prepared to... 311 00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:32,583 Oh, God, no, it's not the money. 312 00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,083 You're prepared to what? 313 00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:36,917 No, no, don't tell me. 314 00:15:36,917 --> 00:15:38,959 It's not the money. 315 00:15:39,417 --> 00:15:40,458 It's Merc. 316 00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:42,458 I can't do it to him. 317 00:15:42,458 --> 00:15:45,542 Look, loyalty's one thing. But unless you're fucking him... 318 00:15:45,542 --> 00:15:46,917 I'm fucking him. 319 00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:49,125 Aha. 320 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,709 No. (LAUGHS) 321 00:15:52,917 --> 00:15:54,917 I'm more than fucking him. 322 00:15:55,417 --> 00:15:59,667 I'm not sure what that means, but it sounds like he's a lucky man. 323 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,959 I mean, we're serious. 324 00:16:02,625 --> 00:16:03,959 Oh. Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 325 00:16:03,959 --> 00:16:08,166 Well, for what it's worth, I'm a big believer in second marriages. 326 00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:10,500 This would be his fourth. 327 00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:12,625 Mazel tov. 328 00:16:12,959 --> 00:16:15,000 (OPERA SINGER SINGING) 329 00:16:46,333 --> 00:16:48,333 (WHISPERING) Are you going to eat your olives? 330 00:16:48,333 --> 00:16:49,792 No. 331 00:16:53,166 --> 00:16:54,125 (INAUDIBLE) 332 00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,500 (CROWD APPLAUDS) 333 00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:46,792 MATT: But more than anything else, 334 00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:49,667 Merc Lapidus has a big heart. 335 00:17:49,667 --> 00:17:52,542 Those hugs of his? They don't come from here, 336 00:17:52,959 --> 00:17:54,250 they come from here. 337 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:57,667 Ladies and gentlemen, please help me welcome 338 00:17:57,667 --> 00:18:02,083 our Man of the Year, and my boss, Merc Lapidus. 339 00:18:02,625 --> 00:18:04,166 (CROWD CHEERING) 340 00:18:11,125 --> 00:18:12,250 Matt LeBlanc! 341 00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:14,208 Let's hear it for a real friend. 342 00:18:19,709 --> 00:18:25,750 Wagner once said, "Joy is not in things, it is in us." 343 00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,333 Clearly Wagner never owned his own jet. 344 00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:31,041 (CROWD LAUGHING) 345 00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:36,041 Seriously, I think everyone here tonight knows what he meant. 346 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:41,458 All the trappings of success mean nothing. 347 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,291 It's about finding the joy in what we do. 348 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:48,250 And I love what I do. 349 00:18:49,291 --> 00:18:51,166 They call it the industry. 350 00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:52,542 But looking around here tonight, 351 00:18:52,542 --> 00:18:56,166 it's clear that we're more than just an industry, 352 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,625 we're a family. 353 00:18:59,625 --> 00:19:01,166 Six years ago, 354 00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:05,333 when I found out that I had cancer, 355 00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:11,583 the outpouring of support was overwhelming. 356 00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:15,291 And then later, when our network became number one 357 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:19,291 after being last for so many, many years, 358 00:19:20,208 --> 00:19:22,792 I felt that same response. 359 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:28,291 In good times and in bad, you have been there for me. 360 00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:31,208 I'd like to thank all of you 361 00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:34,709 for the love and friendship 362 00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:40,542 and, yes, the joy that you've given me all these years. 363 00:19:40,542 --> 00:19:43,417 I may be your Man of the Year, but right now 364 00:19:43,417 --> 00:19:46,667 I feel like the luckiest man in the world. 365 00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:48,208 Thank you. 366 00:19:55,291 --> 00:19:57,291 Thank you very much. Thank you. 367 00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,375 (PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY) 368 00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:08,917 Oh! Your speech was fantastic. 369 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,792 Yeah? Oh, my God. 370 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:13,709 Funny and moving and so smart. 371 00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:16,750 You are one class act. 372 00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,709 I gotta piss like a racehorse. 373 00:20:18,959 --> 00:20:20,208 Okay. 374 00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:21,417 (SIGHS) 375 00:20:34,041 --> 00:20:35,250 Awesome speech. 376 00:20:35,875 --> 00:20:37,667 (URINATING) 377 00:20:47,208 --> 00:20:49,041 You put that in my wife? 378 00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:51,125 Okay, you don't want to do this here. 379 00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,959 Don't tell me what I want! Watch it! 380 00:20:53,291 --> 00:20:56,709 Oh, sorry! Jesus Christ! Are you crazy? 381 00:20:58,166 --> 00:21:00,041 MERC: Hey, LeBlanc, you smell like piss! 382 00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,000 Wait, what? Fucking lunatic! 383 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,166 Oh, God... 384 00:21:03,166 --> 00:21:04,750 Aw, don't run away! 385 00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:06,250 I got more. 386 00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:08,208 Found another one! 387 00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:10,291 How many does she need before we can go home? 388 00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:13,250 Could be a while. She's a bit of a gift bag whore. 389 00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:15,792 Seven! It's almost an illness. 390 00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:17,875 You'll get used to it. 391 00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:21,291 Get him the hell away from me! C'mon, let's just go. 392 00:21:21,291 --> 00:21:23,917 You don't get to screw my wife and then walk away! 393 00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:26,083 Oh, yeah? How about you? 394 00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:28,208 How 'bout the fact that you've been screwing... 395 00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:30,959 What is her name? 396 00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,709 Carol. Carol! 397 00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,667 How 'bout the fact that you've been screwing Carol? 398 00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:36,875 You son of a bitch! 399 00:21:36,875 --> 00:21:38,333 No! (CROWD GASPS) 400 00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:40,417 (GROANS) 401 00:21:45,375 --> 00:21:48,333 You fucking cocksucker! Fuck you! 402 00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:50,125 You are so fucking fired! 403 00:21:50,125 --> 00:21:52,125 (MOCKING) Oh, no! Fired from Pucks!? 404 00:21:52,125 --> 00:21:53,583 Keep laughing. For the rest of your life 405 00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:56,125 you're just gonna be the fat guy who used to be Joey! 406 00:21:56,125 --> 00:21:57,583 And you'll just be a fat guy! 407 00:21:58,709 --> 00:22:00,583 All right! Enough! 408 00:22:02,583 --> 00:22:05,083 This is what you get for screwing other peoples wives. 409 00:22:05,083 --> 00:22:07,792 I hope you're happy. Oh, I'm very happy. 410 00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:09,291 Jamie, are you happy? 411 00:22:10,291 --> 00:22:11,500 Yes. 412 00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:13,458 You... Oh! 413 00:22:13,959 --> 00:22:15,834 That's my wife! 414 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,917 Not the face! 415 00:22:18,917 --> 00:22:20,125 What's happening? 416 00:22:21,583 --> 00:22:23,291 Ah! 417 00:22:27,667 --> 00:22:28,792 (GROANS) 418 00:22:29,417 --> 00:22:31,458 Seriously, what is happening? 419 00:22:34,166 --> 00:22:36,458 Get the hell off me! 420 00:22:37,709 --> 00:22:38,667 Aha! 421 00:22:38,667 --> 00:22:40,041 Look out! He's got a bag. 422 00:22:42,041 --> 00:22:44,166 What are you going to do? Hit us with a spa certificate? 423 00:22:44,166 --> 00:22:46,166 I saw a candle in here that could do some damage! 424 00:22:46,166 --> 00:22:48,000 (GASPS) I didn't get a candle... 425 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,583 (GRUNTS) 426 00:22:49,583 --> 00:22:50,834 (CROWD GASPS) 427 00:22:50,834 --> 00:22:52,458 (GROANS) 428 00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:57,041 What the fuck? Let go of my fucking... 429 00:22:57,041 --> 00:22:58,709 (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN) 430 00:22:59,542 --> 00:23:00,709 What? What? 431 00:23:00,709 --> 00:23:02,709 My shoulder... Dislocated... 432 00:23:02,709 --> 00:23:04,542 Oh, Jesus. Does it hurt? 433 00:23:04,542 --> 00:23:05,709 Oh, fuck. 434 00:23:05,959 --> 00:23:07,875 How 'bout now? (MATT GROANS) 435 00:23:07,875 --> 00:23:10,250 Hey! Are you insane? 436 00:23:18,375 --> 00:23:21,542 Forget firing him! That whole show's dead! 437 00:23:21,542 --> 00:23:25,542 I want that pucking Fucks... Fucking Pucks! 438 00:23:25,542 --> 00:23:28,000 Shit! It's dead! It's off the air! 439 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,750 All right, stop. Breathe. 440 00:23:29,750 --> 00:23:31,208 I need you to breathe. I mean it! 441 00:23:31,208 --> 00:23:34,291 First thing Monday I don't care if I have to run cartoons in that slot! 442 00:23:34,291 --> 00:23:36,583 I want him off my network! 443 00:23:37,166 --> 00:23:39,458 Oh, God... What? 444 00:23:40,417 --> 00:23:42,333 There's something you need to know. 445 00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:43,542 What? What? What? 446 00:23:45,583 --> 00:23:46,750 Uh... 447 00:23:49,291 --> 00:23:51,291 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 448 00:23:52,375 --> 00:23:54,041 Elliot's going to call you. 449 00:23:54,917 --> 00:23:56,709 The board decided... 450 00:23:57,917 --> 00:23:59,834 You're out. 451 00:23:59,834 --> 00:24:01,542 Out? Out of what? 452 00:24:02,625 --> 00:24:03,917 Your job. 453 00:24:04,917 --> 00:24:07,542 After the whole talking dog thing 454 00:24:07,542 --> 00:24:09,375 and the way our season's been going... 455 00:24:09,375 --> 00:24:11,583 What? How do you know this? 456 00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:13,417 All of a sudden, you know all this crap! 457 00:24:13,417 --> 00:24:15,333 I'm getting canned! My wife's fucking around! 458 00:24:15,333 --> 00:24:16,917 What are you, some kind of witch? 459 00:24:16,917 --> 00:24:18,417 You need to calm down. 460 00:24:18,417 --> 00:24:20,166 I'm calm! Tell me! 461 00:24:21,041 --> 00:24:22,583 I heard it from Elliot. 462 00:24:24,667 --> 00:24:25,917 He told you? 463 00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:28,917 He told you before he told me? 464 00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:32,041 Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? 465 00:24:32,041 --> 00:24:33,583 He... 466 00:24:35,208 --> 00:24:36,667 He offered me your job. 467 00:24:43,625 --> 00:24:45,083 (WHIMPERING) 468 00:24:50,959 --> 00:24:52,583 Let's not do this here. 469 00:24:55,208 --> 00:24:56,458 Yeah, okay. 470 00:24:56,458 --> 00:24:58,208 (SCREAMING) 471 00:24:58,208 --> 00:24:59,458 Where are the bloody paramedics? 472 00:24:59,458 --> 00:25:02,125 You don't need paramedics. It's happened before. 473 00:25:02,125 --> 00:25:03,375 Just pop it back in. 474 00:25:03,375 --> 00:25:05,041 What do you mean pop it? I can't pop it. 475 00:25:05,041 --> 00:25:06,834 You got to! I can't pop it myself! 476 00:25:06,834 --> 00:25:08,917 I'm not going to pop it! You need a doctor to pop it! 477 00:25:08,917 --> 00:25:11,500 No, you don't! Just grab my arm, 478 00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:13,125 pull it out of the socket, then pop it back in! 479 00:25:13,125 --> 00:25:14,333 No! All you got... 480 00:25:14,333 --> 00:25:16,709 Oh, Jesus! Pop it! I'm beggin' you! 481 00:25:18,709 --> 00:25:20,333 (BOTH SCREAMING) 482 00:25:20,333 --> 00:25:21,959 Just do it, hurry. I can't! 483 00:25:21,959 --> 00:25:24,083 Just pop it! Pop it! 484 00:25:24,083 --> 00:25:25,375 ALL: Pop it! Pop it! 485 00:25:25,375 --> 00:25:27,417 Everyone stop saying pop it! 486 00:25:27,417 --> 00:25:29,166 Do you want me to do it? Oh, like you could do it! 487 00:25:29,166 --> 00:25:31,041 I could do it! All right, then do it! 488 00:25:32,041 --> 00:25:33,083 No! (SCREAMS) 489 00:25:33,333 --> 00:25:34,792 I can't do it! I'll do it. 490 00:25:35,083 --> 00:25:36,667 No! Not her! 491 00:25:37,083 --> 00:25:38,625 I'll do it. No! 492 00:25:39,917 --> 00:25:41,542 I can do it. 493 00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:45,500 (GROANING) 494 00:25:47,041 --> 00:25:49,166 (BOTH SCREAMING) 495 00:25:50,667 --> 00:25:51,667 (CRACK) 496 00:25:53,875 --> 00:25:55,375 (SIGHS) 497 00:25:57,917 --> 00:25:59,834 You think you're gonna be all right? Just... 498 00:26:02,959 --> 00:26:04,709 Listen to me. 499 00:26:04,709 --> 00:26:08,667 I turned him down. I didn't take it. 500 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,166 Why? 501 00:26:11,709 --> 00:26:12,917 Why? 502 00:26:12,917 --> 00:26:18,250 Because I would never do that to you. I love you. 503 00:26:19,208 --> 00:26:20,458 They're going to regret this. 504 00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:22,417 You're going to come back stronger than ever. 505 00:26:22,417 --> 00:26:24,542 I don't know... I know. 506 00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:27,583 I'm not saying it'll be easy. 507 00:26:27,583 --> 00:26:29,458 But we're going to get through this. 508 00:26:29,458 --> 00:26:30,875 Together. (SIGHS) 509 00:26:31,750 --> 00:26:33,542 You'll move in with me. 510 00:26:33,917 --> 00:26:36,250 How nice will that be, to finally... 511 00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:37,875 What? What are you talking about? 512 00:26:37,875 --> 00:26:40,041 I can't leave her now. 513 00:26:40,041 --> 00:26:41,458 What? 514 00:26:41,458 --> 00:26:44,083 I've got no fucking job! You want me to give her half my money? 515 00:26:47,250 --> 00:26:48,709 (TIRES SCREECH) 516 00:26:50,917 --> 00:26:51,959 Get out. 517 00:26:52,667 --> 00:26:53,792 What? 518 00:26:54,041 --> 00:26:55,709 Get out of my car. 519 00:26:57,417 --> 00:27:00,083 You serious? No. It's raining. 520 00:27:00,083 --> 00:27:01,875 (SCREAMING) Get out! 521 00:27:06,917 --> 00:27:08,917 Are you fucking crazy? 522 00:27:08,917 --> 00:27:11,583 I don't even know where the hell I am! 523 00:27:12,041 --> 00:27:13,834 It's downtown. 524 00:27:15,041 --> 00:27:16,750 (SCREAMING) 525 00:27:19,125 --> 00:27:20,792 So, opera... 526 00:27:20,792 --> 00:27:22,750 Apparently it gets kind of rough. (CHUCKLES) 527 00:27:25,333 --> 00:27:26,917 You were very brave tonight. 528 00:27:26,917 --> 00:27:28,458 Please. 529 00:27:28,458 --> 00:27:31,250 Merc Lapidus threw me around like a sock puppet. 530 00:27:31,709 --> 00:27:34,041 And yet you kept coming back for more. 531 00:27:34,041 --> 00:27:35,291 Like an idiot. 532 00:27:35,291 --> 00:27:37,750 I found it heroic. Hmm. 533 00:27:39,166 --> 00:27:42,000 And then with the arm popping. 534 00:27:43,125 --> 00:27:47,000 If writing doesn't pan out, you can always reconsider being a doctor. 535 00:27:47,709 --> 00:27:49,834 I could specialize in terrified medicine. (CHUCKLES) 536 00:27:51,083 --> 00:27:52,709 You'd be brilliant. 537 00:27:54,875 --> 00:27:56,166 Your poor face. 538 00:27:57,625 --> 00:27:59,166 It's seen worse. 539 00:28:00,375 --> 00:28:02,000 When he hit you... 540 00:28:03,875 --> 00:28:05,458 It was like... 541 00:28:06,875 --> 00:28:08,041 I just went... 542 00:28:08,041 --> 00:28:11,792 (SHUSHING) I'm fine now. I'm fine. I didn't even... 543 00:28:16,166 --> 00:28:17,250 (WHINING) 544 00:28:17,250 --> 00:28:18,834 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 545 00:28:20,834 --> 00:28:22,000 Please. 546 00:28:22,417 --> 00:28:24,375 Do not be sorry for that. 547 00:28:34,208 --> 00:28:36,166 Should we just leave? 548 00:28:36,166 --> 00:28:38,166 Oh, I'd say so. 549 00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:48,834 I think they're ready to go here. 550 00:28:49,917 --> 00:28:52,834 You guys coming, or are you gonna just make out all night? 551 00:28:54,625 --> 00:28:55,834 We're coming. 552 00:29:01,709 --> 00:29:03,166 Oh, wait. 553 00:29:08,166 --> 00:29:09,417 Seven. 554 00:29:09,417 --> 00:29:10,834 (CHUCKLES) 555 00:29:15,834 --> 00:29:18,458 ANDY: Listen to this. Daily Variety. 556 00:29:18,458 --> 00:29:21,208 Network prexy Merc Lapidus has chosen 557 00:29:21,208 --> 00:29:24,917 to step down from the post, effective immediately. 558 00:29:24,917 --> 00:29:26,875 Chairman Elliot Salad said, 559 00:29:26,875 --> 00:29:29,417 "It is with great regret that we must accept 560 00:29:29,417 --> 00:29:31,583 "the resignation of Merc Lapidus. 561 00:29:31,583 --> 00:29:33,750 "It's difficult to imagine this network without him." 562 00:29:33,750 --> 00:29:36,291 Lapidus stated, "I've chosen to go now 563 00:29:36,291 --> 00:29:39,083 "having accomplished everything I set out to do. 564 00:29:39,083 --> 00:29:41,750 "And I look forward to spending more time 565 00:29:41,750 --> 00:29:43,542 "with my wonderful family." 566 00:29:43,542 --> 00:29:44,917 MYRA: Hmm...