1 00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:16,000 They want us to refocus the show on the Boys, and less on you and Morning. 2 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,458 They think Stoke is a breakout star. 3 00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:22,625 MATT: With the hair? It always comes down to the fucking hair. 4 00:00:22,625 --> 00:00:24,083 I'm sure it's just swollen. 5 00:00:24,333 --> 00:00:26,000 It'll come down. 6 00:00:26,333 --> 00:00:28,250 It already came down. 7 00:00:28,250 --> 00:00:30,625 It's a cheek implant! It's supposed to be up! 8 00:00:31,083 --> 00:00:32,291 Is it terrible? 9 00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:37,333 Why don't you, uh, go over to the set so we can see it in the light. 10 00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:38,500 Okay. 11 00:00:39,083 --> 00:00:41,750 (CHUCKLING) Yeah, 'cause light's gonna help. 12 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,458 500 feet, Labia! 500 feet! 13 00:00:44,458 --> 00:00:46,000 BEVERLY: How long has she been stalking you? 14 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,250 I met her when she was like, eight. 15 00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,041 She was one of those Make-A-Wish kids. 16 00:00:50,041 --> 00:00:51,041 Oh, my God. 17 00:00:51,041 --> 00:00:52,542 I slept with her once. (GASPS) 18 00:00:52,542 --> 00:00:53,709 Once! Oh, God. 19 00:00:53,709 --> 00:00:56,709 She was 18, and really cute, 20 00:00:56,709 --> 00:00:58,083 once her hair grew back. 21 00:00:58,500 --> 00:00:59,917 I believe you will burn in hell. 22 00:00:59,917 --> 00:01:01,917 Ah, what're you going to do? 23 00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:10,208 (WIND WHISTLING) 24 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,333 (WIND HOWLING) 25 00:01:16,917 --> 00:01:18,834 (TYPEWRITER CLACKING) 26 00:01:43,583 --> 00:01:44,959 (GUNSHOT) 27 00:01:57,208 --> 00:01:58,750 (CLEARS THROAT) 28 00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:02,917 Hi. Jesus! Fuck! 29 00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:04,959 I was hoping you wouldn't come home yet. 30 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,250 The cookies aren't ready. 31 00:02:06,834 --> 00:02:08,125 How the hell did you get in here? 32 00:02:08,125 --> 00:02:10,125 The laundry room window was open. 33 00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:12,959 You know, you should talk to Rosa, 'cause that's not smart. 34 00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,291 Okay, the fact that you know my housekeeper's name 35 00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:19,291 may be the scariest thing out of a lot of scary things! 36 00:02:19,291 --> 00:02:21,291 You want milk with your cookies? No! 37 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:22,917 Beer? 38 00:02:24,750 --> 00:02:25,625 (SIGHING) Sure. 39 00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,834 So is this place a rental? 40 00:02:32,834 --> 00:02:35,417 'Cause it doesn't really feel like you. 41 00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:38,083 Yeah, it's a rental. 42 00:02:38,083 --> 00:02:39,125 (WATER RUNNING) 43 00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:40,667 It's closer to the studio. 44 00:02:40,667 --> 00:02:42,166 That makes sense. 45 00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:45,375 'Cause the commute to your beach place is nuts. 46 00:02:45,375 --> 00:02:48,000 Whenever I drive out there to sit in front of your house, 47 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,500 the traffic... Oh, my God. 48 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:53,000 It's, like, "This is almost not worth it." 49 00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:55,709 Where are your clothes? Why? 50 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:59,875 Why? Because you're standing here in my house, naked. 51 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:03,125 I'm not naked. I like to leave a little mystery. 52 00:03:03,125 --> 00:03:05,917 Yeah, it's like Agatha Christie down there. 53 00:03:05,917 --> 00:03:07,291 I can take them off if you want. 54 00:03:07,291 --> 00:03:12,458 No! I want you to put the rest of your shit on and go. Go! 55 00:03:13,083 --> 00:03:17,000 Why are you being so mean? I'm making you cookies. 56 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,291 I'm not being mean! I'm tired and I want to go to bed. 57 00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:22,166 Alone! 58 00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,375 You are being mean. 59 00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:26,792 I have cancer. 60 00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:30,875 You had cancer. 61 00:03:31,834 --> 00:03:35,333 And you survived and you're healthy and that's awesome. 62 00:03:36,208 --> 00:03:38,583 And it's why I feel okay saying to you, 63 00:03:38,583 --> 00:03:42,417 "Get the fuck out of my house, you crazy looney-tunes freak!" 64 00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:44,000 (OVEN DINGS) Ooh, my cookies. 65 00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:46,834 (SIGHS IN EXASPERATION) 66 00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:49,250 All right, I'm calling the police. 67 00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,208 If you don't want to be here when they come, you should go now. 68 00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:52,667 Okay. 69 00:03:54,291 --> 00:03:56,500 I love you so much. I know. 70 00:03:56,792 --> 00:03:58,375 No one will ever love you like I do. 71 00:03:58,375 --> 00:03:59,417 Mmm-hmm. 72 00:03:59,417 --> 00:04:02,375 I mean it. I would die for you. 73 00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:05,083 Yeah, but you didn't. 74 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:15,250 So, how're we doing here? 75 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:18,000 Almost done. It just has to set. 76 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,458 And this is really going to work? 77 00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:23,291 Absolutely. These men are wizards. They can do anything. 78 00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:27,083 It is going to work, right? 79 00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:29,250 Oh! Got me. 80 00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:32,417 Beverly, this is my kid brother Rob. Feel free to hit him. 81 00:04:32,417 --> 00:04:35,208 Oh! So you're not one of the special effects' wizards? 82 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:37,500 Oh, no, no, no! No, I just drove her in. 83 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,166 What do you say we take a look at this on camera? 84 00:04:41,417 --> 00:04:45,125 (LAUGHING) Whoa. She is really feeling those pain pills. 85 00:04:45,125 --> 00:04:46,291 Sorry? 86 00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:47,875 "Kid brother?" 87 00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:52,667 She stopped telling people I was her kid brother 20 years ago. 88 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,959 You're not really, are you? What? 89 00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:56,125 Younger? 90 00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:57,834 Yeah, I am. Three years. 91 00:04:57,834 --> 00:05:01,458 Hey, I don't have a team of doctors working on me full time. 92 00:05:01,959 --> 00:05:04,792 (SIGHING) On the other hand, both my cheeks are in the right place. 93 00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:06,291 (CHUCKLES) 94 00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:12,834 Well, it's insane. Why does she do it? She's so beautiful. 95 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:14,291 Sure... Now. 96 00:05:15,083 --> 00:05:16,709 (BOYS LAUGHING) 97 00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:19,250 You see, you just missed. Let me go again. Let's go again. 98 00:05:22,792 --> 00:05:24,458 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 99 00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:29,583 Yo. MAN: Hold for Merc Lapidus. 100 00:05:29,583 --> 00:05:31,417 (GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION) 101 00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:34,500 MERC: Matty! Mercky! 102 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,500 (LAUGHING) So, listen, you know that Man of the Year thing 103 00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:38,667 you're gonna be giving me? 104 00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:40,417 Do you know what you're gonna say yet? 105 00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:43,041 No. Not yet. I still got a couple weeks, right? 106 00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:44,625 Yeah, yeah. 107 00:05:44,625 --> 00:05:48,500 By the way, if you're doing any jokes, maybe don't mention the bald thing? 108 00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:52,667 I'm thinking of getting these microplugs, I'd rather not shine a light up there, 109 00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:54,083 if you know what I mean. 110 00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:57,959 What're you talking about? You don't need microplugs. You look great. 111 00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:01,333 Ah, you're sweet. Listen, there was one other thing. 112 00:06:02,542 --> 00:06:03,875 Sure. 113 00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:06,000 We've started talking about what we wanna promote for sweeps. 114 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:11,000 And we really want to make a push for Pucks! So we need something big. 115 00:06:12,083 --> 00:06:15,542 Maybe you can get that kid to grow his hair a little longer. I'd watch that. 116 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:19,583 (LAUGHING) Funny. Here's what I'm thinking. 117 00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:25,291 Any chance you could get one of the other Friends to do a guest spot? 118 00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:27,500 Yeah. Here's what's a little weird. 119 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,917 A couple weeks ago, you were cutting my part down to nothing, 120 00:06:29,917 --> 00:06:32,750 and now you're calling, asking me for favors... 121 00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:35,625 Hey! Hey! Hey! It's all for the good of the show. 122 00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:39,500 Totally get that. But right now, I'm also thinking about the good of me. 123 00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:43,083 Okay, how about this? You get me one of the Friends, 124 00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:47,125 and I give you my word, all of our Pucks! promotion will be about you. 125 00:06:47,125 --> 00:06:48,709 And not about the hair. 126 00:06:49,291 --> 00:06:50,583 No hair. 127 00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:52,667 I said no hair. 128 00:06:54,417 --> 00:06:56,166 All right. Let me make a few calls. 129 00:06:56,166 --> 00:07:02,125 (LAUGHS) Great. And hey, listen we gotta do lunch again soon. I miss you, you bastard. 130 00:07:02,125 --> 00:07:04,542 Absolutely. Any time. I'd love it. 131 00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:08,041 Asshole. Douche bag. 132 00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:14,166 SEAN: All right. Here's our lovely Morning Randolph before, 133 00:07:14,166 --> 00:07:15,875 looking a tad blue-ish. 134 00:07:15,875 --> 00:07:18,458 And here, $40,000 later, 135 00:07:18,458 --> 00:07:20,875 is how she's going to look on TV. 136 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,625 (PEOPLE EXCLAIM IN AWE) 137 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:27,917 Seriously, you guys, thank you. You saved my life. 138 00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:31,417 Well, it's all in a day's work, if you've got a very strange job. 139 00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:32,417 All right. Catastrophe averted. 140 00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:34,917 Why don't we all get back to work. 141 00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:39,625 Isn't that amazing? 142 00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,583 Yeah. 143 00:07:41,834 --> 00:07:43,458 Rather blasé. 144 00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:46,291 Uh... I was in Lost in Space. 145 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:49,375 We weren't actually "lost in space." 146 00:07:49,375 --> 00:07:50,458 Ah! 147 00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:52,875 I didn't see it. 148 00:07:52,875 --> 00:07:54,083 Really? Hmm. 149 00:07:54,083 --> 00:07:56,000 I've seen all your movies. 150 00:07:57,792 --> 00:08:00,083 Hey, can I talk to you for a sec? 151 00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:01,458 Sure. What's up? 152 00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:03,583 My brother thought you were great. 153 00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,125 And he doesn't like anyone. 154 00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:06,625 A man after my own heart. 155 00:08:06,625 --> 00:08:09,792 Anyway, he wanted to know if you're available, so I said I'd suss it out. 156 00:08:09,792 --> 00:08:11,667 So this is me sussing. 157 00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:15,083 (SIGHING) Ooh! Good... Goodness. 158 00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:19,959 Why don't we suss over here. 159 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:21,834 Oh. Gotcha. 160 00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,000 I think your brother's very nice, 161 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:32,542 but I'm not doing anything till I'm certain what's happening with 162 00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:35,917 me and Sean. 163 00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:40,875 Oh, wow. Okay, sure. Absolutely. 164 00:08:41,917 --> 00:08:43,291 No problem. 165 00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:46,625 Aw. 166 00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:51,500 BEVERLY: I'm getting pity looks from Morning! 167 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:52,792 Pity looks! 168 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,208 My life has hit a new low. 169 00:08:55,208 --> 00:08:56,417 Aw. 170 00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:57,500 I don't need them from you, too! 171 00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,792 I'm sorry! I just... 172 00:08:59,792 --> 00:09:02,000 Look, I think it's great you're waiting for Sean. 173 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,250 But I gotta say, at a certain point, 174 00:09:04,250 --> 00:09:08,166 don't you think it's, maybe, time to think about... 175 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,041 (SIGHS) 176 00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:11,625 Moving on? Mmm. 177 00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:14,125 Are we going to have the "moving on" conversation again? 178 00:09:14,125 --> 00:09:17,542 Which, by the way, coming from you, is so steeped in irony... 179 00:09:17,542 --> 00:09:21,125 Hey! No need to get mean. Let's keep it hikey here. 180 00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:22,417 Sorry. 181 00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:26,458 So how is the brother? Is he cute? 182 00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:29,333 Oh, I'd say way past cute. 183 00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,250 Like hot? 184 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,125 Not that I noticed, but oh, my God! 185 00:09:33,125 --> 00:09:37,542 Oh! Oh! Then maybe one date. One date! 186 00:09:37,542 --> 00:09:41,125 A cup of coffee with a guy is hardly moving on. 187 00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:43,417 No! Nope, nope, nope. (SIGHING) 188 00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:48,041 Meanwhile, has Sean been doing any moving on? (CHUCKLES) 189 00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:50,208 Tell me! 190 00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:58,083 I found out he had a little thing with Morning. 191 00:09:58,083 --> 00:10:00,625 Shut the front door! (GASPS) 192 00:10:00,625 --> 00:10:03,333 Apparently, it was just one time. 193 00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:08,250 That is crazy. And now she's trying to fix you up with her brother? 194 00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:14,625 How wild would it be if Sean ended up with Morning and you ended up with the brother? 195 00:10:14,625 --> 00:10:17,959 Oh! I am so going to make that a show! 196 00:10:17,959 --> 00:10:19,417 Oh, come on! (SCOFFS) 197 00:10:19,417 --> 00:10:24,250 A husband and wife get divorced and hook up with a brother and sister? 198 00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:27,750 If somebody pitched me that, I'd buy it in the room. 199 00:10:27,750 --> 00:10:30,917 Ooh! Unless you and Sean want to write it. 200 00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:33,834 I mean it! 201 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:39,583 I will guarantee you six on the air, right here on this trail! 202 00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:46,917 Lisa Kudrow! Hey! It's Matt LeBlanc. 203 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,458 Hello? 204 00:10:51,458 --> 00:10:54,625 Oh, you didn't say anything, so... How are you? 205 00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:59,000 Well, "fine" is good. Better than not fine. 206 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:04,000 So, uh, listen, you know I've got this little TV show, right? 207 00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:07,000 Well, I do. 208 00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,000 Now, I know you're really, really busy, 209 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,500 but any chance you might want to do a guest thing? 210 00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:17,625 Apologize? For what? 211 00:11:20,709 --> 00:11:22,125 I said that? 212 00:11:22,834 --> 00:11:24,125 Was I drunk? 213 00:11:24,875 --> 00:11:27,792 No, I'm not saying that makes it okay, but... 214 00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:33,250 Well, if I said that... 215 00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:36,291 Okay, okay, no, I believe you, I said it. 216 00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:40,625 Well, I am incredibly sorry. 217 00:11:43,291 --> 00:11:49,875 Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. I don't know what more I can say. I apologize. 218 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:54,750 But, seriously, a person can't make an innocent comment one time? 219 00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,917 Jesus, when did I say that? 220 00:11:59,917 --> 00:12:06,542 David. David. David. I don't know what joke you're talking about. 221 00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:08,834 Tell me what I said to you. 222 00:12:11,583 --> 00:12:13,333 How is that anti-Semitic? 223 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,166 Oh! No, I can see that. 224 00:12:19,041 --> 00:12:22,333 You got to admit though, it's still kind of funny. 225 00:12:22,625 --> 00:12:26,458 Mr. Perry! How the hell are you? 226 00:12:26,959 --> 00:12:30,041 So, listen, you know I have this little show, right? 227 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:31,750 I was wondering... 228 00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:34,875 Who said you're not the first one I called? 229 00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:37,083 Schwimmer's an asshole! 230 00:12:37,792 --> 00:12:39,709 I never said you were an asshole. 231 00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:41,959 No, I did not! 232 00:12:42,417 --> 00:12:43,875 I did not. 233 00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,750 I don't know, he was probably high. 234 00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:53,208 If I said you were high, I was obviously kidding. It was a joke. 235 00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:58,875 So you and Schwimmer still talk a lot. 236 00:13:02,417 --> 00:13:04,917 Um... Carol from the network called. 237 00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:06,291 Which one's Carol? 238 00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:09,709 (SIGHS) The one you always say, "which one's Carol?" 239 00:13:09,709 --> 00:13:12,250 She's right under Merc. Also literally. 240 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:13,667 Oh, right. 241 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:16,875 She was asking where you are on the Friends guest-star thing. 242 00:13:16,875 --> 00:13:19,792 (SIGHS) Jesus. I'm working on it. 243 00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:23,917 All right, well, she just needs to know so they can get started on promotion. 244 00:13:23,917 --> 00:13:27,625 Right, well, tell Carol she'll be the first to hear. 245 00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:30,291 Till then she can just back the fuck off. 246 00:13:30,625 --> 00:13:31,959 I may paraphrase. 247 00:13:31,959 --> 00:13:33,083 Mmm. Mmm. 248 00:13:42,625 --> 00:13:44,083 Is it diminishing at all? 249 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:47,625 Do you need more teeth? 250 00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,959 (CLEARS THROAT) Fuck! 251 00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:58,667 Anyway, I need a favor. 252 00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:01,834 I have to present this stupid award thing to Merc. 253 00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,500 Right. We just got the invitation. 254 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:04,667 We don't have to go to that, do we? 255 00:14:04,667 --> 00:14:06,834 Probably. It's a good cause. 256 00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:08,500 Which is? Some opera bullshit. 257 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:09,875 Ah. 258 00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:13,166 Anyway, I was wondering if you guys could write me a little something to say. 259 00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,792 Just some crap about Merc for when I present it. 260 00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:18,208 Uh, I suppose. It's not really what we do. 261 00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:22,083 Are you kidding me? You guys'll knock it out in two seconds. 262 00:14:22,083 --> 00:14:25,333 It just needs to be funny. Throw in some bald jokes. 263 00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:27,667 Whatever you come up with, it'll be great. You guys are amazing. 264 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,250 When do you need it? 265 00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:32,834 Sooner the better. You know, in case I don't like it, you can take another pass. 266 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:40,375 Hey, so I hear we're getting one of the Friends on the show? 267 00:14:41,250 --> 00:14:42,291 Yup. 268 00:14:42,291 --> 00:14:43,166 Awesome. 269 00:14:43,792 --> 00:14:45,166 Very cool, man. 270 00:14:45,166 --> 00:14:48,208 I can't believe we're gonna be working with one of the Friends! 271 00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,083 Hi, it's Matt LeBlanc for Jennifer. 272 00:14:55,208 --> 00:14:56,500 Oh, okay. 273 00:14:57,542 --> 00:15:00,792 Yeah, I just tried her cell and it doesn't seem to be in service anymore. 274 00:15:00,792 --> 00:15:02,542 Can you give me the new number? 275 00:15:02,875 --> 00:15:05,083 I'm sure she'd be fine with it. 276 00:15:06,709 --> 00:15:10,041 She gave me the old one, why wouldn't she want me to... 277 00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,166 Is Alison there? 278 00:15:14,041 --> 00:15:16,041 Oh, when did she leave? 279 00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:19,709 Have we met? 280 00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:22,417 Well, hello. 281 00:15:23,458 --> 00:15:25,125 Yeah, I can hold. 282 00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:29,375 Oh, shall we get some dinner in? 283 00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:31,250 Nah. We can blow through this. 284 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,333 Okay. 285 00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:34,667 So, they introduce Matt, he comes up on stage... 286 00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:35,875 Applause, applause, applause... 287 00:15:35,875 --> 00:15:36,834 Right. 288 00:15:36,834 --> 00:15:38,417 Then how about something like, 289 00:15:38,417 --> 00:15:44,792 "When I was first asked to present this award to our Man of the Year, 290 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:46,542 "I thought..." 291 00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:52,750 What? You thought what? 292 00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:54,875 That's all I've got. Ah. 293 00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:58,333 He should probably start off with something funny. 294 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,083 Definitely. Mmm-hmm. 295 00:16:10,458 --> 00:16:11,709 What are you thinking? 296 00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:12,917 Pizza or Thai? Thai. 297 00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:14,000 Hmm. 298 00:16:14,834 --> 00:16:16,625 Matt comes out... Applause, applause, applause... 299 00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:19,166 You know, you don't have to say "applause, applause, applause" each time. 300 00:16:19,166 --> 00:16:20,583 Okay. Clap, clap, clap. 301 00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:24,667 Maybe Matt goes, "What can I say about my good friend Merc Lapidus?" 302 00:16:24,667 --> 00:16:25,834 What can he say? 303 00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:27,458 I don't know, he's not our good friend. 304 00:16:27,458 --> 00:16:28,291 (SCOFFING) No. 305 00:16:28,291 --> 00:16:29,750 (SIGHS) 306 00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:33,125 All right, what do we know about him? 307 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,875 Well, he's lied to us repeatedly. Yeah. 308 00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:38,792 He destroyed our TV show. Absolutely. 309 00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:40,583 He's cheating on his wife. Yeah. 310 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,959 Ooh, he's only got one testicle. 311 00:16:48,834 --> 00:16:49,875 Does he? 312 00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:51,125 Carol told me. 313 00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:56,500 MATT: Look, Courteney, I understand. 314 00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,667 If you can't do it, you can't do it. Don't worry about it. 315 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:03,208 But while I got you, can you give me Jen's number? 316 00:17:06,709 --> 00:17:09,041 Why wouldn't she want to talk to me? 317 00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:12,959 It was funny! People laughed. 318 00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:18,000 I so did not pee on her Emmy. 319 00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:21,458 Because I would never do that. 320 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,000 Yeah, I pulled it out, but I never peed. 321 00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:28,041 Never. 322 00:17:28,709 --> 00:17:30,000 Never. 323 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:38,000 Well, if I dribbled, I'm sorry. But, come on, it was 10 years ago. 324 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,333 You really won't give me her number? 325 00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:43,083 Seriously? 326 00:17:44,917 --> 00:17:46,583 You really won't? 327 00:17:48,375 --> 00:17:50,667 (SCOFFS) Fuck you. 328 00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:53,166 No, I did not just say "fuck you." 329 00:17:57,959 --> 00:17:59,917 SEAN: All right, how's this? 330 00:17:59,917 --> 00:18:02,166 "Being a network president requires many things. 331 00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:04,291 "You need passion. You need perception. 332 00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,083 "But apparently, you don't need hair." 333 00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:07,250 (LAUGHING) 334 00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:09,083 That's good. I like it. Let's do it. 335 00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:10,875 Are you saying that just so we can get out of here? 336 00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:12,625 I want to go home! 337 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,917 You think I don't? 338 00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,667 We don't know how to write this shit. It's not what we do. 339 00:18:15,667 --> 00:18:16,750 I know that! 340 00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:18,125 Don't yell at me! 341 00:18:18,125 --> 00:18:19,542 Why did we agree to do this? 342 00:18:19,542 --> 00:18:20,917 Why do we agree to do anything? 343 00:18:20,917 --> 00:18:24,291 I hate us! I hate Matt! I hate Merc! 344 00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:27,291 (SIGHS) Why are we doing this without alcohol? 345 00:18:28,125 --> 00:18:29,917 What makes you think he has a bottle here? 346 00:18:29,917 --> 00:18:32,208 Oh, believe me, Jerry drinks. 347 00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:34,333 You know this for a fact? 348 00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:35,750 Sometimes he's drunk in the room. 349 00:18:36,375 --> 00:18:38,417 One of our writers is drunk in our writers' room? 350 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,333 You've never noticed? No. 351 00:18:40,333 --> 00:18:41,667 And you're okay with this? 352 00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:43,125 It's the only time he's funny. 353 00:18:43,792 --> 00:18:46,166 (GASPS) Bloody bastard! 354 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:47,208 What? 355 00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:48,834 He stole my pen. No. 356 00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:50,375 This is my pen. Are you sure? 357 00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:54,291 Yeah, I'm sure. I've been looking for it. This really pisses me off. 358 00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:56,208 But you're okay with him being an alcoholic? 359 00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:57,125 We need the jokes. 360 00:18:58,709 --> 00:19:00,500 It's nice. Is it new? 361 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:01,625 Uh... 362 00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:04,291 "Y.C.O.M.T." 363 00:19:06,792 --> 00:19:08,667 Oh, it says that? Hmm. 364 00:19:08,667 --> 00:19:13,166 Ha! Guess it's not mine. Sorry, Jerry! 365 00:19:15,291 --> 00:19:18,166 Hello! There we go. 366 00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:19,291 This is expensive. 367 00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:21,083 You're thinking we shouldn't take it? 368 00:19:21,083 --> 00:19:24,750 I'm thinking, if I'd known he had this, I would have been in here a long time ago. 369 00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:41,750 (CLEARS THROAT) 370 00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,792 How's your mother? Wow. 371 00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:45,667 That wasn't random at all. 372 00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:49,959 I was just remembering, when we were trying to write that song for their anniversary, 373 00:19:49,959 --> 00:19:51,041 and how hard it was. 374 00:19:51,041 --> 00:19:52,417 Oh, God, right. 375 00:19:52,417 --> 00:19:54,458 And how we sang it at the party, 376 00:19:54,458 --> 00:19:57,959 and she kept looking at me with those "fuck you" eyes. 377 00:19:57,959 --> 00:20:01,000 Oh! She hated me. No. 378 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,375 Well... 379 00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:07,333 She always blamed me for splitting up you and Emmeline. 380 00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:11,000 BOTH: (IN SING-SONG) Emmeline! 381 00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:12,709 You did split us up. 382 00:20:12,709 --> 00:20:13,667 What? 383 00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,166 For which I am eternally grateful. 384 00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:23,709 She must be loving what's happened to us now. 385 00:20:23,709 --> 00:20:27,750 (CLICKS TONGUE) She probably would... 386 00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:29,417 If I'd told her. 387 00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:30,792 What? 388 00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:33,333 As far as she knows, we're still together. 389 00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:35,333 You did not! 390 00:20:35,333 --> 00:20:37,709 I wasn't about to give her the satisfaction. 391 00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:38,792 (LAUGHS) 392 00:20:39,375 --> 00:20:40,959 Doesn't she wonder where I am? 393 00:20:40,959 --> 00:20:45,166 No, of course she doesn't. That would mean I'd have to exist. 394 00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:52,291 BOTH: (IN SING-SONG) Emmeline! 395 00:20:58,125 --> 00:20:59,458 So... 396 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,792 You and Morning... Always a fun topic. 397 00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:07,125 Was it everything you'd hoped it'd be? 398 00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:08,917 I'm not going near that question. 399 00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:11,000 Oh, come on. 400 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:16,959 I'm imagining it was like driving some amazing German-built sports car. 401 00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:19,625 You're very aware of all the engineers and mechanics 402 00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:23,333 who've devoted themselves to creating this one perfect machine. 403 00:21:23,333 --> 00:21:26,625 Hmm. That and a vagina, and you've pretty much got it. 404 00:21:34,125 --> 00:21:35,208 So was it just that once? 405 00:21:35,208 --> 00:21:37,125 Yeah... No! 406 00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,583 No? Twice. 407 00:21:39,458 --> 00:21:40,709 Twice. 408 00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:44,125 And which time would you say was better? 409 00:21:45,458 --> 00:21:46,458 Why? 410 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,792 I'd like to think it was going downhill. 411 00:21:48,792 --> 00:21:50,500 Definitely downhill. 412 00:21:51,667 --> 00:21:52,709 Good. 413 00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:55,291 In fact, the second time... 414 00:21:56,625 --> 00:21:58,125 No. 415 00:21:58,125 --> 00:22:00,625 Go on! The second time... No... 416 00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:08,166 The second time was right after her whole cheek debacle. 417 00:22:08,166 --> 00:22:10,458 No! Oh! 418 00:22:10,458 --> 00:22:14,792 She was convinced she was going to be fired. I assured her she wasn't. 419 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:19,000 She was grateful. 420 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:20,250 This is horrible. 421 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:22,542 I resisted. So strong. 422 00:22:22,542 --> 00:22:25,208 She was persistent. (SCOFFS) What could you do? 423 00:22:25,208 --> 00:22:27,542 Eventually, she... 424 00:22:31,041 --> 00:22:32,458 Thanked you? Yeah. 425 00:22:33,333 --> 00:22:35,458 Orally? Might have been. 426 00:22:36,667 --> 00:22:39,375 What a romantic story! 427 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:00,667 So how about you? 428 00:23:02,041 --> 00:23:03,583 How about me what? 429 00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:07,166 Have you been "driving" anything lately? 430 00:23:07,583 --> 00:23:08,875 No! 431 00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:10,500 Really? No one? 432 00:23:12,542 --> 00:23:14,166 No. All this time? 433 00:23:15,542 --> 00:23:19,250 I've been saving myself for you, don't you know. 434 00:23:30,542 --> 00:23:31,917 If you don't kiss me soon... 435 00:23:32,875 --> 00:23:34,250 I'm thinking about it. 436 00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:35,333 Do it. 437 00:23:35,333 --> 00:23:36,375 Bossy. 438 00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:39,625 You like it bossy. I do. 439 00:24:01,583 --> 00:24:03,709 I've missed you, you fucker. 440 00:24:06,083 --> 00:24:07,709 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 441 00:24:13,166 --> 00:24:15,625 I don't know whether to savor every moment or just bash right through... 442 00:24:15,625 --> 00:24:16,959 I say bash! 443 00:24:40,333 --> 00:24:41,667 (MOANS) 444 00:24:46,959 --> 00:24:48,625 (BOTH GASPING) 445 00:25:03,291 --> 00:25:05,041 What? What's the matter? 446 00:25:08,125 --> 00:25:10,667 I keep seeing you with him. 447 00:25:10,667 --> 00:25:11,625 No. 448 00:25:14,500 --> 00:25:17,667 I thought I could... I thought I could... 449 00:25:17,667 --> 00:25:21,375 But I can't stop picturing you... 450 00:25:22,875 --> 00:25:26,667 The two of you, in his bed. Him, with all of his enormity. 451 00:25:26,667 --> 00:25:29,333 It's not that big. I've seen it! 452 00:25:29,333 --> 00:25:32,792 Unless it's one of those very special penises that gets much, much smaller 453 00:25:32,792 --> 00:25:34,667 when it gets erect. 454 00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:38,417 Oh, my God, who cares? It doesn't matter. 455 00:25:38,417 --> 00:25:41,166 Well, it clearly matters to me. 456 00:25:46,875 --> 00:25:48,166 I'm sorry. 457 00:25:49,709 --> 00:25:53,583 I love you, you know that. But I can't... 458 00:25:57,291 --> 00:25:59,041 I can't do this anymore. 459 00:26:25,208 --> 00:26:27,917 CAROL: Great, you guys. Thanks again for coming in. 460 00:26:27,917 --> 00:26:28,959 (CHUCKLES) 461 00:26:28,959 --> 00:26:30,250 (DOOR SHUTS) 462 00:26:30,250 --> 00:26:31,583 Yeah... I don't think so. 463 00:26:31,583 --> 00:26:34,250 What? I think it could be fun. Come on. 464 00:26:34,250 --> 00:26:35,917 A show about three little ghosts? 465 00:26:35,917 --> 00:26:38,166 It's a show about dead children. 466 00:26:38,166 --> 00:26:39,875 Well, I wouldn't put that in the promos. 467 00:26:39,875 --> 00:26:43,500 Ooh! Speaking of promos, where are we with Pucks! and the Friends thing? 468 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,083 They're shooting it today. Today? 469 00:26:45,083 --> 00:26:47,959 Keep me in the loop, why don't you? Which one did we get? 470 00:26:47,959 --> 00:26:49,542 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: On a bell. 471 00:26:49,542 --> 00:26:51,083 MAN: Speeding... (BELL RINGING) 472 00:26:51,083 --> 00:26:52,208 Action! 473 00:26:56,083 --> 00:26:58,750 You actually think your team can beat us? 474 00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:01,458 Your guys suck so much you should be called the Hoovers! 475 00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:02,583 Yeah! 476 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,959 Seriously, Lyman? Is that the best you've got? 477 00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:11,083 Yeah. It is. Yea 478 00:27:14,125 --> 00:27:15,166 DIRECTOR: Cut! 479 00:27:17,125 --> 00:27:18,792 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Moving on! 480 00:27:20,667 --> 00:27:22,500 Hey, man, thanks for doing this. 481 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:23,625 Hey, thanks for having me. 482 00:27:23,625 --> 00:27:25,291 Really great to see you again. 483 00:27:25,291 --> 00:27:26,625 Yeah. You, too, man. 484 00:27:26,625 --> 00:27:28,250 You know, you're like, the only one I don't keep in touch with. 485 00:27:28,250 --> 00:27:29,834 Seriously? Yeah. 486 00:27:29,834 --> 00:27:32,875 I still see Schwimmer. Courteney and I text all the time. 487 00:27:32,875 --> 00:27:34,417 Thanks. Really? 488 00:27:34,959 --> 00:27:36,208 Jen, too? 489 00:27:36,208 --> 00:27:39,166 Yeah. I housesit for her when she's in New York. 490 00:27:39,166 --> 00:27:42,583 Huh! Hey, you don't happen to have her cell number, do you? 491 00:27:43,333 --> 00:27:44,458 Um... 492 00:27:45,709 --> 00:27:48,667 You know, I gotta say, I feel a little uncomfortable giving it to you... 493 00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:49,834 Fuck you!