1
00:00:33,390 --> 00:00:35,620
Oh, come on
2
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:39,430
Save room for my love
3
00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:44,130
Save room for a moment to be with me
4
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:46,770
Save room for my love
5
00:00:46,940 --> 00:00:48,840
Save a little
6
00:00:49,010 --> 00:00:50,380
Save a little for me
7
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,570
Oh, I'm so full.
8
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:56,950
You were right,
I shouldn't have eaten all that bread.
9
00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:59,780
Want to split a dessert?
10
00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:05,390
You okay? You seem a little off.
11
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:09,000
Yeah, I'm just trying to think about
what I want.
12
00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,460
Yeah, me too.
13
00:01:10,630 --> 00:01:14,030
Why don't we just say it at the same time?
One, two, three...
14
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,500
- I want a divorce.
- Crème brûlée.
15
00:01:33,550 --> 00:01:35,780
- You can't get away.
- Aah!
16
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,420
It's okay, that's my fault.
17
00:01:38,590 --> 00:01:41,290
Come on, let's get you to bed
before your parents get home.
18
00:01:41,460 --> 00:01:43,730
No puppy eyes, you little maniac.
19
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:45,660
Go brush your teeth.
20
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,800
Aren't you gonna say anything?
21
00:02:22,270 --> 00:02:27,370
Almost 25 years of marriage
and you have nothing to say?
22
00:02:32,950 --> 00:02:34,380
Robbie.
23
00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,780
Hey, Robbie, have you seen
Molly's homework?
24
00:02:36,950 --> 00:02:38,650
Get out.
- Oh, my God.
25
00:02:38,820 --> 00:02:40,520
Close the door.
Um...
26
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:46,060
Okay, Robbie, I'm really sorry,
and I didn't see anything.
27
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,360
Oh, my God.
28
00:02:52,470 --> 00:02:55,400
You're not talking, and you know
that only makes me talk more.
29
00:02:55,570 --> 00:02:58,510
But maybe that's good, you know?
Because maybe I'll just say it.
30
00:02:58,670 --> 00:03:02,700
Maybe... Maybe I'll just tell you
I slept with someone.
31
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,010
David Lindhagen. From work.
32
00:03:13,190 --> 00:03:15,780
- You met him at the Christmas party.
- Please stop.
33
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,290
The last person in the world
I'd wanna hurt is you.
34
00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:19,980
If you keep talking, I'm gonna get out.
35
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,790
I think the fact that I did it,
it just shows how broken we are.
36
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,060
- Okay.
- How much we really... Cal.
37
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,900
Oh, my God! Cal!
38
00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:38,850
Are you okay?
39
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:44,820
I'll leave tonight. I'll sign whatever you want.
Just please stop talking about it.
40
00:03:47,050 --> 00:03:48,950
Okay.
41
00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:09,780
I'm sorry you had to see that.
42
00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:12,000
No, you know, I should have knocked.
43
00:04:19,790 --> 00:04:23,780
Just for the record,
I think about you while I do it.
44
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,890
- Robbie.
- I have this picture of you...
45
00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:28,790
...and I look at it the whole time.
- Stop it.
46
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:32,030
I love you, Jessica.
47
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,430
I am actually begging you to stop it.
48
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,830
And I know you're 17,
and I know I just turned 13...
49
00:04:38,010 --> 00:04:40,270
...which is the same age
as your little brother.
50
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,530
But soon our age difference
won't even matter.
51
00:04:42,710 --> 00:04:46,910
Which is good, because I'm pretty sure
you're my soul mate.
52
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,650
Okay, um...
53
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,450
- Listen, Robbie...
We're home.
54
00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:53,210
- Shit.
- Hey.
55
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,710
Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Weaver, how was...?
56
00:04:55,890 --> 00:04:57,720
Oh, my God. Uh, what happened?
57
00:04:57,890 --> 00:05:00,860
Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce,
and I jumped out of the car.
58
00:05:01,030 --> 00:05:03,160
- Cal. Honey...
Well...
59
00:05:03,330 --> 00:05:05,360
- Kids good? Everybody good?
Dad?
60
00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:08,020
Oh.
- Oh. Hey, I didn't see you standing there.
61
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,790
- You're getting a divorce?
Well, yes.
62
00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:12,940
Uh, so, Jess,
did Molly get through dinner okay?
63
00:05:13,110 --> 00:05:14,370
Yeah, yeah, she's...
64
00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:17,530
- You jumped out of a moving car?
- I jumped out of a moving car.
65
00:05:17,710 --> 00:05:20,040
Did she fight you on broccoli?
- No, she didn't.
66
00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:21,370
She always fights me.
67
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:24,210
- Sorry you had to find out this way.
- Sorry you jumped out of a car.
68
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,790
- I'm sorry if she fought you.
- It's okay.
69
00:05:26,950 --> 00:05:27,980
I don't have any money.
70
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:29,920
Uh, sweetheart? Let's go to bed, okay?
71
00:05:30,090 --> 00:05:33,580
Listen, why don't you grab your coat?
I'll drive you home. All right.
72
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,930
I don't care. I love him. I really do.
73
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,460
And, given the opportunity...
74
00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:41,570
Yes, I would have his babies.
75
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:45,430
Seriously? Conan O'Brien?
You would do Conan O'Brien?
76
00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:46,870
Oh, my God, yes.
77
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,870
Ew. Friend to friend, ew.
78
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:54,080
I don't know. Your life is so PG-13.
79
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,740
- My life is not PG-13.
- Oh, it so is.
80
00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,280
- No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
81
00:05:59,450 --> 00:06:02,950
You've never left L.A. You pass the bar,
you're gonna be what, a patent lawyer?
82
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:07,290
Probably married to that human Valium,
Richard. I just...
83
00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:09,450
Listen, I worry about you, is all.
84
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:26,810
So much potential...
85
00:06:26,980 --> 00:06:30,940
...and you've resorted to fantasizing
about Conan "Ginger Junk" O'Brien.
86
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,140
- He's funny.
- He looks like a carrot, honey.
87
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,810
Who looks like a carrot?
88
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:40,160
Hi. Who looks like a carrot?
89
00:06:40,330 --> 00:06:42,350
Conan O'Brien.
90
00:06:42,530 --> 00:06:45,620
My friend Hannah here
thinks he's sexy.
91
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,460
That's weird, I think that your friend
Hannah is sexy.
92
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,700
Oh, my God. You did not just say that.
93
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,000
How old are you?
94
00:06:53,170 --> 00:06:55,470
- What are you, a lawyer?
- Yeah. A little bit.
95
00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,110
Come on.
- I know.
96
00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,040
- You are? Is she?
- Gonna be.
97
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,840
Don't you think you're a little old
to use cheesy pickup lines?
98
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:04,880
- Objection. Leading the witness.
- Ha, ha.
99
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,350
You're wearing that
like you're doing it a favor.
100
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,150
- Oh, God.
- That's a line.
101
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:13,380
Me sitting there for the past two hours not
being able to take my eyes off you is fact.
102
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:17,220
I mean, there's lots of beautiful women
in this bar. Your friend included. Hi.
103
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:18,620
I love you.
104
00:07:19,370 --> 00:07:22,730
But I can't take my eyes off of you.
That's a fact, it's not a line.
105
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,800
I find you very attractive.
106
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,500
Do you find me attractive?
107
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,840
- She does.
- I don't.
108
00:07:29,010 --> 00:07:30,810
- Tsk. You do. She does.
- Yes, she does.
109
00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:32,340
- I don't.
- You do.
110
00:07:32,510 --> 00:07:34,140
- You do.
- I don't.
111
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,040
- Hannah, can I buy you a drink?
- No.
112
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:37,740
- You say no a lot, don't you?
- No.
113
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,250
Oh, boy. Permission
to approach the bench?
114
00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:41,480
Seriously?
115
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:44,820
Just, come on, let me deliver
my closing argument.
116
00:07:45,490 --> 00:07:46,890
Sure. Proceed.
117
00:07:47,060 --> 00:07:50,290
- Hannah, we live in a physical world, right?
Uh-huh.
118
00:07:50,460 --> 00:07:53,300
- And you're going to age, right?
- Mm-hm.
119
00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:54,530
I guarantee you this:
120
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:58,370
You're never gonna regret going home
with that guy from the bar that one time...
121
00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:00,370
...that was a total tomcat in the sack.
122
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,410
But I can't guarantee
that you won't not regret it.
123
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:06,670
- That was a double negative.
- You're a double negative.
124
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:09,950
Okay. Hannah, can I buy you a drink?
125
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,980
Okay. You know what?
It's time to go home.
126
00:08:13,150 --> 00:08:14,180
Really?
- Mm-hm.
127
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,350
That's forward of you, but okay. I'll do it.
128
00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,190
I TiVoed Saw III.
129
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:21,260
So should I get my car or yours?
Should I pull the car around?
130
00:08:21,430 --> 00:08:22,760
You been drinking? I'll drive.
131
00:08:22,930 --> 00:08:25,760
- Liz?
Coming.
132
00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:02,760
- I'll have to call Nanna.
- Huh?
133
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,030
Oh. Noth...
134
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,380
So Stanford, huh?
135
00:09:14,580 --> 00:09:18,110
Good for you. That's great.
I know your dad's really proud.
136
00:09:18,290 --> 00:09:20,650
Yeah. Yeah, he's...
137
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:25,750
- Are you sure you're okay?
- David Lindhagen, God.
138
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,560
Okay.
139
00:09:42,340 --> 00:09:44,870
I'm sorry. Sorry about that.
140
00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:47,310
It's okay.
141
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,410
Um...
142
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,040
- Mr. Weaver?
- Hmm?
143
00:09:53,220 --> 00:09:54,280
Um...
144
00:09:55,260 --> 00:10:00,660
You're the nicest dad that I babysit...
145
00:10:01,060 --> 00:10:02,930
Of all the, um...
146
00:10:03,430 --> 00:10:04,620
You're really nice.
147
00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:07,160
- That's very nice.
- And, um...
148
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:12,430
...I like Ms. Weaver,
I like her a lot. Okay?
149
00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:16,410
But if she wants to divorce you...
150
00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:18,680
...then I think she's batshit crazy.
151
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:19,870
Mm.
152
00:10:20,050 --> 00:10:23,710
- Sorry.
- Okay. Okay.
153
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,680
I hope this doesn't make you
uncomfortable.
154
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,910
- I've developed, like, a little crush...
- Could you do me a favor?
155
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:36,590
Would you not mention to your parents
that Mrs. Weaver and I are, you know...
156
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,790
It's something we wanna tell them
on our own, okay?
157
00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:41,800
Yeah.
158
00:10:42,270 --> 00:10:44,600
Thank you, I appreciate that.
159
00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:45,900
Have a good night.
160
00:10:58,490 --> 00:11:00,250
See you soon
161
00:11:06,090 --> 00:11:08,060
Another vodka cranberry?
162
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:09,490
I'm sorry. What?
163
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:12,500
Another vodka cranberry?
- Oh, yeah. Yes, thanks.
164
00:11:12,670 --> 00:11:15,430
It's no surprise
165
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,770
I've been by this place
a million times, never come in.
166
00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:20,600
It's nice, lot of pretty girls.
167
00:11:20,770 --> 00:11:23,040
Nowhere
168
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:24,940
This is my life
169
00:11:26,580 --> 00:11:30,280
- Hey, guess what.
- What?
170
00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:34,150
My wife is having intercourse
with someone who is not me.
171
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,160
Um, I'm sorry to hear that.
172
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:42,490
Oh. Thank you. That is very nice
of you to say. Very, very nice.
173
00:11:43,860 --> 00:11:47,960
She just told me.
I just found out, so I'm a little raw. It's...
174
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,270
Ah, okay. Well, you're not listening.
175
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,270
Okay.
176
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:58,970
You wouldn't ignore me
if I were David Lindhagen.
177
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:03,540
My wife doesn't ignore David Lindhagen.
178
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,650
She screws him.
179
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:08,880
Screws him.
180
00:12:10,460 --> 00:12:12,790
They make this, like, gurgling sound,
it's like:
181
00:12:16,460 --> 00:12:18,450
Gay.
182
00:12:24,340 --> 00:12:25,670
- Hey, Cal.
Hey.
183
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:27,470
Hey.
184
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,100
Oh, I just, uh... I got the report
on the end-of-year financials.
185
00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:35,280
- Good. Good, good. Really great.
- Oh, good.
186
00:12:35,450 --> 00:12:37,180
You killed this quarter.
187
00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:38,550
Okay.
188
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,310
Cal, seriously.
- All right.
189
00:12:41,390 --> 00:12:43,380
- Okay.
Seriously.
190
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:46,960
Who told you
that Emily and I are getting divorced?
191
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,990
- You're getting a divorce?
- Yeah.
192
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,660
Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.
We all thought it was cancer.
193
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,030
- Oh.
- Thank God, man. Ha-ha-ha.
194
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:00,540
Yeah, just my relationship.
195
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,570
- Thank God.
- Oh...
196
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:06,840
Divorce.
197
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,410
- I'm so lucky.
- You are.
198
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:14,680
- I have to go pick out furniture now.
Okay, okay. You go for it.
199
00:13:17,790 --> 00:13:19,550
It could have been cancer, buddy.
200
00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:22,160
Hey, everyone, it's just a divorce.
201
00:13:22,330 --> 00:13:23,630
All right, buddy.
202
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:26,230
Thanks. Feels good.
203
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:46,040
Cal? I just wanted to say...
204
00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:47,710
Shit.
205
00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:54,460
Can I back that thing
out of the driveway for you?
206
00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:57,430
- Oh, no. I'll be fine.
- You have trouble in reverse, is all.
207
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:02,260
When I get settled, the kids can come
and take a look at my new place.
208
00:14:05,310 --> 00:14:08,170
I think I'm having a midlife crisis,
maybe.
209
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:10,970
Can women have midlife crises?
210
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:15,280
In the movies it's always men having them
and buying ridiculous yellow Porsches...
211
00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:16,970
...but, you know, I'm not a man.
212
00:14:17,150 --> 00:14:18,550
Be sure to fertilize all this.
213
00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:23,450
We got married so young, Cal.
And now I'm 44.
214
00:14:23,690 --> 00:14:26,090
And it's so much older
than I thought I'd be.
215
00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:28,900
There's a turnoff valve
for the sprinklers over there.
216
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:31,550
Last week, when I told you
that I had to work late...
217
00:14:31,730 --> 00:14:34,260
...I went to see the new Twilight movie
by myself.
218
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,670
I don't know why I did that.
219
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,670
And it was so bad, Cal.
220
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,970
It keeps raining, you might
wanna turn off the automatic setting.
221
00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:46,770
And we haven't been us.
Not for a long time.
222
00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:50,080
And I don't know when you and I
stopped being us.
223
00:14:50,250 --> 00:14:51,840
I mean, do you?
224
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,810
Maybe it's when
you screwed David Lindhagen.
225
00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:23,380
Nobody wants to be alone
226
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,860
The heart beats happy when it has a place
227
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:39,060
And if it doesn't have a home
228
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,270
It can come into my space
229
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:52,240
So you can be the one I love
230
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:56,040
I can be the one you long for
231
00:15:56,220 --> 00:16:00,080
You can be the one I want
232
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:02,480
Hey.
233
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,820
Sorry I'm late,
I had to pick something up at Macy's.
234
00:16:04,990 --> 00:16:07,260
Oh. Don't even worry about it.
- A chardonnay.
235
00:16:07,430 --> 00:16:08,830
I'm just glad you're here.
236
00:16:10,660 --> 00:16:11,860
Wow.
237
00:16:12,770 --> 00:16:16,330
I don't know. I don't know what happened.
Tough couple of days.
238
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:21,540
You know
when you don't see something coming...
239
00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:24,270
Claire said I can't be friends
with you anymore.
240
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:25,810
What?
241
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:28,640
She said we had to choose
between you and Emily.
242
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:31,220
I chose you.
243
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,440
But she said no.
244
00:16:37,690 --> 00:16:39,420
It's cologne.
245
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,250
Bernie?
246
00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:48,220
- Are you breaking up with me, Bernie?
- There's a gift receipt in there also.
247
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:50,230
Bernie?
248
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:53,070
Bernie. Bernie.
249
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:57,010
I can be the one you long for
250
00:16:57,180 --> 00:16:59,040
You can be the one
251
00:17:01,780 --> 00:17:04,720
You know a word
that is not used very often anymore?
252
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,380
"Cuckold. "
253
00:17:06,550 --> 00:17:08,150
I'm a cuckold.
254
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:12,450
David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
He made a cuckold out of me.
255
00:17:12,630 --> 00:17:14,990
He slept with my wife.
256
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,600
And I didn't know about it.
257
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:20,390
And that is the definition of cuckoldom.
258
00:17:20,570 --> 00:17:24,160
David Lindhagen took my wife
and slept with her.
259
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:30,240
Thought I did everything right.
Got married, had kids, the house.
260
00:17:30,410 --> 00:17:33,380
What do I get for it? I get cuckolded.
261
00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:37,880
David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
He made a cuckold out of me.
262
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:40,810
Welcome to my spaceship
263
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,750
It's beautiful forever
264
00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:48,530
Can you give me five minutes?
265
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:53,360
The heart's a lonely hunter
266
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:54,930
Interesting.
267
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,040
Hey. Jacob Palmer.
268
00:18:04,210 --> 00:18:06,440
- Cal Weaver.
- Let me buy you a drink, Cal.
269
00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:09,480
- Thanks, I have a drink.
- Sit. I'd like to buy you a drink.
270
00:18:10,450 --> 00:18:11,470
Okay.
271
00:18:13,390 --> 00:18:14,410
Guess what.
272
00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:17,110
- My wife is having an affair with...
- David Lindhagen.
273
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:20,460
David Lindhagen. I know.
274
00:18:20,630 --> 00:18:22,420
- How do I know that?
- I don't know.
275
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,500
I'm a total stranger. How would I know
something so intimate?
276
00:18:25,670 --> 00:18:27,860
- Lindhagen screwing with your wife too?
No.
277
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,670
- Hmm.
You wanna know why I know that?
278
00:18:33,170 --> 00:18:34,200
Okay.
279
00:18:34,370 --> 00:18:38,170
It's all that I've heard, Cal, for the past
two nights. It's all anybody's heard.
280
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:42,910
You're going around and you're badgering
people with this sad-sack loser sob story.
281
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,480
- I don't understand why.
- I don't need this crap.
282
00:18:45,650 --> 00:18:47,420
- Cal, sit down.
- All right.
283
00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:52,120
Look, I know that it sounds harsh,
but it's true.
284
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:55,190
And you need to hear the truth. Okay?
285
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:56,390
Okay.
286
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,360
Cal, would you take that straw
out of your mouth? Please.
287
00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:02,000
That looks like
you're sucking on a tiny schwantz.
288
00:19:02,170 --> 00:19:05,260
Is that what you want?
Is that the message you wanna send?
289
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,340
- No one's thinking that.
Really?
290
00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:13,110
- So permission to speak candidly, sir.
- Uh, think you've already gone there.
291
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,480
You're sitting there
with a Supercuts haircut...
292
00:19:15,650 --> 00:19:19,240
...getting drunk on watered-down
vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl...
293
00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:22,480
...and you're wearing a 44
when you should be wearing a 42 regular.
294
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:25,680
Honestly, I don't know if I should
help you or euthanize you.
295
00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:30,190
Cal, you got a kind face.
296
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,130
You got a good head of hair.
You seem like a nice guy.
297
00:19:34,470 --> 00:19:38,060
I wanna help you. I'm gonna help you
rediscover your manhood.
298
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,530
Do you have any idea,
like, where you lost it?
299
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,040
- A strong case could be made for 1984.
Well.
300
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:51,810
We're gonna find it.
301
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,650
We are. I promise you.
302
00:19:56,190 --> 00:19:58,520
And I promise you this too, Cal:
303
00:19:58,690 --> 00:20:00,460
When we're done...
304
00:20:00,730 --> 00:20:02,920
...this wife of yours...
305
00:20:03,430 --> 00:20:07,260
...she's gonna rue the day
she ever decided to give up on you.
306
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:11,030
That's my offer.
307
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:13,470
You in or you out?
308
00:20:14,270 --> 00:20:16,270
Why are you doing this?
309
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,000
Maybe you remind me of someone.
310
00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:22,010
You in or you out?
311
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:26,350
I'm in.
312
00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,320
Hey, fancy face, you wanna go?
313
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,520
Okay.
314
00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:40,260
Century City Mall, food court,
3:00, Thursday.
315
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:43,870
After you, hon.
316
00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:48,670
Good night, fancy face.
317
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,550
She will rue the day.
318
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,950
Set you guys up with some snacks
over here. TV's already on.
319
00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:06,850
You okay?
320
00:21:07,390 --> 00:21:09,290
Mm. Yeah. You?
321
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,390
Mm.
322
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:12,730
Can I tell you something?
323
00:21:14,170 --> 00:21:15,570
Love sucks.
324
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:21,540
Yeah.
325
00:21:21,710 --> 00:21:23,470
You in love, buddy?
326
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,080
Well, if you must know...
- Ding-dong.
327
00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:28,650
- Oh, hey, Jess. Thanks for coming by.
- Hey. Yeah.
328
00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:30,180
What is she doing here?
329
00:21:30,350 --> 00:21:34,750
Guys, I have to step out for a couple
of minutes. Okay? All right? Okay.
330
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,120
Mom wants you to stay
while she's out hooking.
331
00:21:37,290 --> 00:21:38,520
- What?
What?
332
00:21:38,690 --> 00:21:42,060
Oh. Um, the place is nice, Mr. Weaver.
333
00:21:42,230 --> 00:21:44,090
Thanks.
That's a very generous adjective.
334
00:21:44,260 --> 00:21:45,990
- Honey.
I don't need a babysitter.
335
00:21:46,170 --> 00:21:48,530
She's only four years older.
You need to know that.
336
00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:51,600
- She needs to know that.
- I know, I know, I know.
337
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:53,500
Man, are you growing up.
338
00:21:53,670 --> 00:21:56,160
Look at him. It's unbelievable.
He's in love already.
339
00:21:56,340 --> 00:21:57,370
Oh.
340
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:01,610
Molly. Say bye to Daddy.
341
00:22:01,780 --> 00:22:05,310
- Wait, where are you going?
- I'm taking a class.
342
00:22:05,650 --> 00:22:09,210
- That is great, Mr. Weaver.
- Thank you.
343
00:22:09,390 --> 00:22:13,490
This is a difficult time for you, right?
And it's important to try new things.
344
00:22:13,660 --> 00:22:17,460
Even things that you haven't
considered trying before.
345
00:22:17,630 --> 00:22:22,090
Mm-hm. Yup. Molly, I'm going.
346
00:22:22,270 --> 00:22:25,070
Okay. That's my princess. Bye. Thanks.
347
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:28,300
- But wait. Dad.
Bye, guys. See you in a bit.
348
00:22:29,110 --> 00:22:32,200
Hey, Tiger.
349
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,810
- I love you so, so much.
- Jeez, Robbie.
350
00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:40,890
I love you so much. Please?
351
00:22:43,890 --> 00:22:46,120
What the hell am I doing?
352
00:22:47,060 --> 00:22:49,120
What am I doing?
353
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,260
Hey, uh, everybody.
354
00:22:53,430 --> 00:22:55,590
Everybody. Uh, if I could...
355
00:22:55,770 --> 00:22:57,830
Thank you. A little toast.
356
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,910
I would like to thank you all for coming
to Hannah Banana's goodbye party.
357
00:23:02,710 --> 00:23:04,570
And to my...
358
00:23:04,740 --> 00:23:06,640
- ... Hannah Banana.
Ha, ha.
359
00:23:06,810 --> 00:23:09,480
You go into your cave
and you study your butt off.
360
00:23:09,650 --> 00:23:14,850
Because if you do, I just know
that you are gonna kick that bar's butt...
361
00:23:15,820 --> 00:23:18,690
...out of here. You know?
- Yeah.
362
00:23:18,860 --> 00:23:21,450
It reminds me of an old story
my law professor told me...
363
00:23:21,630 --> 00:23:23,820
Oh, dear God. Cheers, everyone.
364
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,090
Cheers.
365
00:23:26,270 --> 00:23:27,290
Hey, Liz.
366
00:23:27,470 --> 00:23:31,670
Listen, when my girl here passes...
367
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,470
...I'm gonna have another
little celebration right here...
368
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,840
...and I hope you can make it,
because it's gonna be a special night.
369
00:23:39,010 --> 00:23:40,570
Okay.
370
00:23:45,590 --> 00:23:47,880
- Did you hear that?
Hear what?
371
00:23:48,050 --> 00:23:52,250
- You heard that? "Special night"?
Yeah. Yeah.
372
00:23:53,460 --> 00:23:54,790
You think he's gonna propose?
373
00:23:56,460 --> 00:23:59,060
At the El Torito Grill? God, I hope not.
374
00:23:59,230 --> 00:24:00,360
Why, do you want him to?
375
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:03,900
I don't know, he's nice.
376
00:24:04,070 --> 00:24:06,830
"He's ni... "? Hannah.
377
00:24:07,370 --> 00:24:08,970
He's a sweetheart. Look at him.
378
00:24:09,140 --> 00:24:10,400
- He bcc'd you?
- Right, yeah.
379
00:24:11,540 --> 00:24:15,140
All right. Hannah, look at you.
Look at you.
380
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:18,440
If you end up with that,
what am I gonna end up with?
381
00:24:18,620 --> 00:24:21,750
- Shut up. Come on.
- That shit's depressing.
382
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:25,950
All right. You know what?
I have to not big-sister you. It's fine if...
383
00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:27,150
Jesus, really?
384
00:24:27,330 --> 00:24:30,160
No. No. Not my life. Not my life.
I'm going. Okay?
385
00:24:30,330 --> 00:24:33,770
So call me if you need anything. Bye.
386
00:24:33,930 --> 00:24:35,400
You're awful. Bye.
387
00:24:35,570 --> 00:24:37,630
Thank you for coming.
388
00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:10,360
Um...
389
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,540
- You're late.
- Yeah. Sorry.
390
00:25:14,710 --> 00:25:16,440
- Sbarro's?
- No, thanks.
391
00:25:16,610 --> 00:25:19,130
Let me ask a question.
How much you got for clothes?
392
00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:20,370
Um...
393
00:25:20,550 --> 00:25:22,950
- What happened to your feet?
- What do you mean?
394
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,950
- These are my 407 s.
- Oh, they're 407 s.
395
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:27,610
- Can I see them?
- Yeah.
396
00:25:27,790 --> 00:25:29,780
- These offer a lot of support.
- Right.
397
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,450
Whoa. Come on.
398
00:25:32,090 --> 00:25:34,320
- What, are you in a fraternity?
- Are you insane?
399
00:25:34,490 --> 00:25:36,460
You could have hit somebody.
What was that?
400
00:25:36,630 --> 00:25:38,790
- I'm asking a question. You in a frat?
- No.
401
00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:40,490
- Are you Steve Jobs?
- What?
402
00:25:40,670 --> 00:25:43,730
Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire
owner of Apple Computers?
403
00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:45,000
- No.
Oh.
404
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:48,730
Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right
to wear New Balance sneakers ever.
405
00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:51,970
- Come on.
- Mm... Oh...
406
00:25:55,950 --> 00:25:57,250
Okay. All right.
407
00:25:57,420 --> 00:25:59,890
One of the best parts
about being a guy your age...
408
00:26:00,050 --> 00:26:02,990
Frankly, there aren't many, so you
should really take full advantage of it.
409
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:04,180
Uh-huh.
410
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,350
- Is that you can rebuild your entire
wardrobe with like 16 items.
411
00:26:07,530 --> 00:26:08,650
Credit card.
412
00:26:20,470 --> 00:26:21,500
What?
413
00:26:27,150 --> 00:26:29,480
You see, the problem
is that your head has like...
414
00:26:29,650 --> 00:26:31,710
Like the proportions
of a Styrofoam peanut.
415
00:26:36,460 --> 00:26:39,450
The skin under your eyes is starting
to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sac.
416
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,790
It does.
417
00:26:51,470 --> 00:26:52,530
Where are your wallets?
418
00:26:55,980 --> 00:26:58,140
- I'm set for jeans.
- You're not set for jeans.
419
00:26:58,310 --> 00:27:00,580
- These are fine.
They're not fine.
420
00:27:00,750 --> 00:27:03,310
- You have a mom butt.
- Why don't we just go to the Gap?
421
00:27:06,050 --> 00:27:07,990
You know what? They have a s... Okay.
422
00:27:08,150 --> 00:27:10,180
What are you doing?
423
00:27:14,030 --> 00:27:17,590
Cal, be better than the Gap.
424
00:27:18,030 --> 00:27:20,190
Be better than the Gap.
425
00:27:20,370 --> 00:27:21,890
Say it.
426
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,840
I'm better than the Gap.
427
00:27:27,770 --> 00:27:28,900
- Come on.
- God.
428
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:31,100
- Stop slapping me. Really.
Okay.
429
00:27:31,780 --> 00:27:33,300
You're beautiful.
430
00:27:34,210 --> 00:27:36,680
He likes to slap me in the face.
431
00:27:36,850 --> 00:27:38,820
- What are you doing later?
- Ha, ha. I don't know.
432
00:27:38,990 --> 00:27:40,510
- I do.
- Do you?
433
00:27:40,690 --> 00:27:42,520
- I know exactly what you're doing.
- Oh, ha, ha.
434
00:27:42,690 --> 00:27:43,920
Seriously? Seriously?
435
00:27:44,090 --> 00:27:45,610
- You ask her out like that?
- Yeah.
436
00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:47,890
And that worked?
437
00:27:48,730 --> 00:27:49,890
Yeah.
438
00:27:50,060 --> 00:27:52,730
Feeling kind of stupid, but...
439
00:27:54,170 --> 00:27:55,530
Wow.
440
00:27:55,700 --> 00:27:57,760
Look at you.
441
00:27:57,970 --> 00:27:59,270
Feel like I'm going skiing.
442
00:28:00,210 --> 00:28:02,940
- Would you sleep with him?
- Jesus. God.
443
00:28:03,110 --> 00:28:05,940
- Yeah, probably.
- Wha...?
444
00:28:06,650 --> 00:28:08,310
You would?
445
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,310
That's... What?
446
00:28:13,550 --> 00:28:15,150
What are you even saying?
447
00:28:15,690 --> 00:28:17,350
You see what just happened, Cal?
448
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:21,120
Soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany
started doubting whether she wanted to.
449
00:28:21,290 --> 00:28:24,260
That's the meanest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
450
00:28:24,430 --> 00:28:26,020
No. This is.
451
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:32,530
Your wife cheated on you because
you lost sight of who you are as a man...
452
00:28:32,710 --> 00:28:36,230
...as a husband, and probably as a lover.
453
00:28:36,410 --> 00:28:38,540
You're right, that's meaner.
454
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,850
Let's talk about how many women
you've been with.
455
00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,750
- Sexually?
- Yeah, no. I mean break-dance fighting.
456
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:50,180
One.
457
00:28:52,090 --> 00:28:53,620
No. Not at one time.
458
00:28:56,030 --> 00:28:57,090
How many total?
459
00:28:59,100 --> 00:29:00,570
Don't say it. Don't say it.
460
00:29:00,730 --> 00:29:02,330
We met in high school, okay?
461
00:29:02,500 --> 00:29:04,630
Oh, boy. You're kidding me.
462
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,160
One woman? That's great.
463
00:29:07,340 --> 00:29:09,070
- Emily is beautiful.
- I guess.
464
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,370
She was gorgeous.
She was one of those women...
465
00:29:11,540 --> 00:29:15,310
...that could be wildly sexy
and unbelievably cute all at the same time.
466
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,110
We had a little blip senior year...
467
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,680
I literally stopped listening at "Emily. "
468
00:29:19,850 --> 00:29:22,120
I think we should start approaching
women tonight.
469
00:29:22,290 --> 00:29:24,050
Are you ready to go?
470
00:29:25,490 --> 00:29:26,960
I miss my wife.
471
00:29:30,630 --> 00:29:32,030
Hi.
Hi.
472
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:33,860
How are you?
- Good. How are you?
473
00:29:34,030 --> 00:29:35,970
I'm great. I'm Jacob. What's your name?
474
00:29:36,140 --> 00:29:38,540
- Oh. Amy Johnson.
- Amy Johnson.
475
00:29:39,970 --> 00:29:41,910
- I'm Jacob Palmer. How you doing?
- Uh, great.
476
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:43,470
Good.
- I'm Cal.
477
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,110
No. Not yet.
478
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:48,580
- Sorry. Amy, can I buy you a drink?
- Uh-huh.
479
00:29:48,750 --> 00:29:49,840
Keep her company?
480
00:29:50,020 --> 00:29:52,480
- I'd be happy to.
- Lf he gets handsy, let me know.
481
00:29:54,190 --> 00:29:56,520
I wouldn't touch you
if my life depended on it.
482
00:30:00,430 --> 00:30:03,690
- Uh, what was your name?
- Cal Weaver.
483
00:30:03,860 --> 00:30:06,230
Cal Weaver.
- No relation to Dennis Weaver.
484
00:30:06,630 --> 00:30:09,660
- Uh... Uh...
- McCloud.
485
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,430
McCloud was a show in the '70s
that...
486
00:30:12,610 --> 00:30:14,870
You're not talking about McCloud
again, are you?
487
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:18,270
Here we go, huh?
To all of our fallen homeys.
488
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,940
Well, I'm the fourth of five sisters.
489
00:30:21,110 --> 00:30:23,210
- No. That's boring.
- Oh.
490
00:30:23,380 --> 00:30:26,980
Not for your sisters,
but for my purposes, it's not gonna work.
491
00:30:27,150 --> 00:30:29,950
- Okay.
- I have this friend.
492
00:30:30,260 --> 00:30:34,560
And he thinks that you're way too pretty
to be interesting and that's hogwash.
493
00:30:34,730 --> 00:30:37,990
- All right. You wanna get out of here?
- Uh, sure.
494
00:30:38,160 --> 00:30:39,260
Giddyup.
495
00:30:39,430 --> 00:30:41,730
Am I boring you? I'm totally boring you.
I'm...
496
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:43,370
How are you doing this, like...
497
00:30:43,540 --> 00:30:47,170
...wildly sexy but unbelievably cute
thing that you're doing?
498
00:30:47,340 --> 00:30:49,100
Uh...
- It's weird.
499
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,300
- You wanna get out of here?
- Yeah.
500
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:53,600
- Okay.
Cool.
501
00:30:53,780 --> 00:30:56,980
So Molly, who's 6 at the time,
can't find Mr. Bobo.
502
00:30:57,150 --> 00:30:58,910
We're looking all over.
503
00:30:59,090 --> 00:31:02,750
It's in the kitchen.
Mr. Bobo was in the kitchen the whole time.
504
00:31:03,890 --> 00:31:05,820
Wanna get out of here?
505
00:31:05,990 --> 00:31:07,720
Have a good night.
506
00:31:09,230 --> 00:31:10,590
- Let's get out of here.
- Yeah.
507
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,160
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.
508
00:31:12,330 --> 00:31:14,360
- Let's get out of here.
Absolutely.
509
00:31:14,530 --> 00:31:15,900
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.
510
00:31:16,070 --> 00:31:17,470
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.
511
00:32:06,790 --> 00:32:07,810
Shit.
512
00:32:10,690 --> 00:32:14,650
- You have a second?
- Hey, David. No. Because I'm swamped.
513
00:32:14,830 --> 00:32:17,350
You've been avoiding me.
- No. I haven't.
514
00:32:17,530 --> 00:32:21,130
You ran in the other direction when you
saw me coming down the hall yesterday.
515
00:32:21,300 --> 00:32:24,000
- You're very fast, by the way.
- I ran track in high school.
516
00:32:24,170 --> 00:32:26,140
That must be it.
517
00:32:26,940 --> 00:32:30,310
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
about you and Cal.
518
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,440
- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.
519
00:32:32,610 --> 00:32:34,080
I like you, Emily.
520
00:32:34,250 --> 00:32:36,310
Do you have any idea
how much I like you?
521
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,680
Hey, David, you know,
I really have a lot to do.
522
00:32:38,850 --> 00:32:41,250
I had no intention of falling
for a married woman...
523
00:32:41,420 --> 00:32:44,550
...but all of a sudden we're having
lunch and I'm this accountant...
524
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,250
...who's waking up every morning
excited to go to work.
525
00:32:47,430 --> 00:32:51,060
And that just does not happen
for accountants. Ever.
526
00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:53,030
I checked with other accountants.
527
00:32:53,200 --> 00:32:55,460
David, you know what?
You've been a great friend.
528
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,760
You noticed last month when I got
my hair trimmed and that was huge.
529
00:32:58,940 --> 00:33:00,410
But look, trust me. You know...
530
00:33:00,570 --> 00:33:04,170
I am saving you from disaster, because
you're asking to pre-board the Titanic.
531
00:33:04,340 --> 00:33:06,210
Do you really want any part of this?
532
00:33:06,380 --> 00:33:07,850
Do I really want any part of this?
533
00:33:09,220 --> 00:33:11,550
- Emily? Your report's ready.
- Okay.
534
00:33:14,220 --> 00:33:16,520
Okay, people. Here it is.
535
00:33:16,690 --> 00:33:20,460
The Scarlet Letter
by Nathaniel Hawthorne.
536
00:33:20,630 --> 00:33:25,430
A romance set in Salem in the 1600s.
It is about sin.
537
00:33:41,750 --> 00:33:46,010
Forced to wear the scarlet A
to punish her adulterous behavior.
538
00:33:46,190 --> 00:33:50,680
Dimmesdale's A is inflicted upon himself
in the form of a...
539
00:33:50,860 --> 00:33:52,480
Mr. Weaver.
540
00:33:52,660 --> 00:33:54,750
Mr. Weaver.
541
00:33:54,930 --> 00:33:57,660
Are we interrupting?
542
00:33:57,830 --> 00:34:01,270
You wanna talk about
The Scarlet Letter, Ms. Tafferty?
543
00:34:01,470 --> 00:34:02,730
All right.
544
00:34:02,900 --> 00:34:07,340
Well, the A they're both wearing...
545
00:34:07,510 --> 00:34:10,410
...I think it stands for "asshole. "
546
00:34:10,580 --> 00:34:11,800
Wanna know why?
547
00:34:11,980 --> 00:34:14,140
Because they fell in love...
548
00:34:14,310 --> 00:34:17,150
...and love is for stupid assholes.
549
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,910
And this book is just about
a bunch of assholes...
550
00:34:20,090 --> 00:34:22,050
...who fell in love, like assholes...
551
00:34:22,220 --> 00:34:24,920
...then had to die, like assholes.
552
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,420
I'm sorry about all the "assholes. "
553
00:34:29,830 --> 00:34:31,890
You know what else might work?
A swear jar.
554
00:34:32,060 --> 00:34:34,530
You know, a quarter per curse word.
555
00:34:34,700 --> 00:34:36,400
Yeah, we'll definitely try that.
556
00:34:36,570 --> 00:34:38,160
All right. Could help.
557
00:34:38,340 --> 00:34:40,460
- Take care.
- Thanks.
558
00:34:44,110 --> 00:34:46,980
- Seriously?
- Sorry.
559
00:34:47,150 --> 00:34:50,710
Hey, I have to go back to the office.
You're gonna have to wait for me there.
560
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,250
Fine.
561
00:34:54,220 --> 00:34:57,090
They're still making kids read
The Scarlet Letter, huh?
562
00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:58,750
Yep.
563
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,550
You'd think somebody would have
written something better by now.
564
00:35:17,780 --> 00:35:20,410
I guess I should take that down, huh?
565
00:35:21,180 --> 00:35:22,200
I guess.
566
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:31,380
So how is he? You know.
567
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,890
I mean, I...
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Forget it. Just ignore me.
568
00:35:36,060 --> 00:35:37,530
- Forget I ever...
- He's out a lot.
569
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,090
- A lot?
- Yeah.
570
00:35:41,270 --> 00:35:42,790
Like...
571
00:35:43,970 --> 00:35:47,230
Like "a lot" a lot,
or just like a little?
572
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:48,930
A lot.
573
00:35:50,310 --> 00:35:53,640
Well, that's good. That's really good.
574
00:35:58,420 --> 00:36:01,390
- Wanna get takeout tonight, honey?
- I mean, he's sad.
575
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,720
I can tell that he's sad.
Even though he looks better...
576
00:36:05,890 --> 00:36:11,850
...I can still tell that he's not happy,
you know?
577
00:36:13,230 --> 00:36:17,360
Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah.
578
00:36:20,940 --> 00:36:23,240
I guess I'm pretty sad too.
579
00:36:23,410 --> 00:36:25,040
I know.
580
00:36:25,210 --> 00:36:27,240
I heard you crying the other night.
581
00:36:28,650 --> 00:36:30,110
Didn't know what to do.
582
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:35,080
Oh, Robbie, baby, you're 13,
you're not supposed to know what to do.
583
00:36:35,250 --> 00:36:36,280
I tried Googling it.
584
00:36:36,460 --> 00:36:38,790
- You did not.
- Yep. I did.
585
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:42,450
- Well, what did you Google?
- I searched "Mom crying in bed. "
586
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,290
What did Google say?
587
00:36:45,460 --> 00:36:50,490
Just a bunch of weird videos
of moms in bed.
588
00:36:50,670 --> 00:36:53,070
Ugh. Oh, God. Okay.
All right, that's enough. No more.
589
00:36:54,570 --> 00:36:56,510
Do those parental controls work at all?
590
00:36:57,110 --> 00:36:58,130
They work for me.
591
00:36:58,780 --> 00:37:02,440
Because you're a disgusting teenager,
that's why.
592
00:37:03,850 --> 00:37:04,870
Hey.
- Oh, hey.
593
00:37:05,050 --> 00:37:08,920
- Bill wants to see you before you take off.
- Oh. Uh, David, this is my son, Robbie.
594
00:37:09,090 --> 00:37:11,490
Robbie, this is David.
595
00:37:11,660 --> 00:37:15,180
- Um, we work together.
- How you doing, buddy?
596
00:37:19,230 --> 00:37:21,220
- You all right to wait a little bit?
- Yeah.
597
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,100
Okay. Thanks, David.
598
00:37:36,980 --> 00:37:41,010
So, Robbie, I hear
you're quite the soccer player.
599
00:37:45,790 --> 00:37:48,390
So, David, I hear
you broke up my parents' marriage.
600
00:37:49,300 --> 00:37:53,060
- You are David Lindhagen, right?
- Lindhagen.
601
00:37:53,230 --> 00:37:56,430
- Yeah. Here's the thing, Lindhagen.
- Hagen.
602
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:57,630
Whatever.
603
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,570
In the end, she winds up
back with my dad.
604
00:38:00,740 --> 00:38:03,900
He's a better guy than you are
in every category.
605
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:07,010
And she still loves him.
He's not gonna give up on my mom...
606
00:38:07,180 --> 00:38:09,650
...like I'm not gonna stop
sending Jessica messages...
607
00:38:09,820 --> 00:38:11,720
...that make her feel uncomfortable.
608
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:13,880
Hey. You ready to go, honey?
609
00:38:14,050 --> 00:38:17,680
- Can we order Chinese for dinner tonight?
Yeah. Sure, honey.
610
00:38:18,690 --> 00:38:20,350
Hi, David. Get your stuff.
611
00:38:20,530 --> 00:38:22,190
- Bye, David.
See you.
612
00:38:30,370 --> 00:38:32,630
You're not gonna be able
to feel your arms.
613
00:38:32,810 --> 00:38:34,500
I'll be fine.
614
00:38:35,070 --> 00:38:36,300
Jesus Christ.
615
00:38:36,510 --> 00:38:38,910
Look, let's face it, Cal, all right?
616
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:43,450
The war between the sexes is over,
and we won, okay?
617
00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:47,910
We won the second women started doing
pole dancing for exercise.
618
00:38:48,090 --> 00:38:50,610
But even though we won,
they still deserve our respect.
619
00:38:50,790 --> 00:38:54,420
Make them feel beautiful, listen to
their problems, open the door for them.
620
00:38:54,590 --> 00:38:56,390
Would you put on some clothes, please?
621
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,830
- I'm sorry, is this bothering you?
- No, it's not.
622
00:38:59,030 --> 00:39:02,430
My schwantz is in your face.
If it's not bothering you, we got a problem.
623
00:39:02,940 --> 00:39:05,200
- Okay, it bothers me.
- I don't care.
624
00:39:05,370 --> 00:39:08,310
You gotta take control
of your manhood, pal. You know?
625
00:39:08,470 --> 00:39:10,270
You want something, you take it.
626
00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:13,140
You don't like something, you say it.
I take what I want.
627
00:39:13,310 --> 00:39:15,970
David Lindhagen certainly took
what he wanted, didn't he?
628
00:39:16,150 --> 00:39:17,620
And I can guarantee you this:
629
00:39:17,780 --> 00:39:21,450
He is opening the car door
for your wife right now.
630
00:39:21,620 --> 00:39:22,640
What, you passing out?
631
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:26,620
Oh, boy.
632
00:39:38,570 --> 00:39:40,940
- I think you're ready, pal.
- For what?
633
00:39:41,110 --> 00:39:45,240
To talk to a pretty lady,
and take her home and show her your gift.
634
00:39:45,410 --> 00:39:46,940
No. No, I'm not.
635
00:39:47,110 --> 00:39:48,840
You're ready as you're ever gonna be.
636
00:39:49,010 --> 00:39:52,040
You play your strengths, pal.
That's all any of us can do.
637
00:39:52,220 --> 00:39:54,690
I'm mysterious.
638
00:39:55,090 --> 00:39:56,610
I'm, you know, good in bed.
639
00:39:57,890 --> 00:40:00,860
And you are a, uh...
640
00:40:01,030 --> 00:40:02,960
...you know, stable and employed adult.
641
00:40:03,130 --> 00:40:04,530
Jesus.
642
00:40:04,700 --> 00:40:07,030
You see this lady over here at 9 o'clock?
643
00:40:09,170 --> 00:40:10,360
You want me to hit on her?
644
00:40:10,540 --> 00:40:12,500
No, I wanna hit on her.
The one behind her.
645
00:40:12,670 --> 00:40:13,700
Oh.
646
00:40:13,870 --> 00:40:15,310
She's a fox, right?
Mm-hm.
647
00:40:15,470 --> 00:40:19,140
You think she came to a crowded bar
to have a quiet drink alone? She's hunting.
648
00:40:19,310 --> 00:40:24,410
She's just looking for an opportunity
to settle for a responsible and stable adult.
649
00:40:24,620 --> 00:40:26,240
And I'd like her to settle for you.
650
00:40:26,420 --> 00:40:28,850
Oh. Well, thank you for the ego boost,
but you know what?
651
00:40:29,020 --> 00:40:30,780
Just because I've watched you
pick up women...
652
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:32,790
...doesn't mean I know how
to pick up women.
653
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,860
- Ever see Karate Kid?
- What does that have to do with anything?
654
00:40:36,030 --> 00:40:38,790
When he's teaching him to wax on and off
but really to fight?
655
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,230
You want me to fight someone?
656
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,130
What's the first thing I do
when I go up to a girl? I buy her a drink.
657
00:40:43,300 --> 00:40:46,600
Yes, always. Without fail.
You buy her a drink.
658
00:40:46,770 --> 00:40:49,470
Even if she doesn't want one,
you insist.
659
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:51,540
- And do I talk about myself?
- Never.
660
00:40:51,710 --> 00:40:53,230
Never about yourself, always her.
661
00:40:53,410 --> 00:40:55,280
- Because bar banter?
- Is boring.
662
00:40:55,450 --> 00:40:58,440
So you put the impetus on her.
She has to be the interesting one.
663
00:40:58,650 --> 00:41:01,310
"Impress me.
Impress me with how interesting you are. "
664
00:41:01,490 --> 00:41:04,510
It's a big game. Game.
Creepy, creepy little game you play.
665
00:41:04,690 --> 00:41:06,280
- That's judgmental, isn't it?
- Mm-hm.
666
00:41:06,460 --> 00:41:08,550
At the end of the night
do I ask them to come home?
667
00:41:08,730 --> 00:41:11,860
No, you tell them to come home.
They have no choice in the matter.
668
00:41:12,030 --> 00:41:16,370
It is your choice and they are so overjoyed
to have had the opportunity...
669
00:41:16,770 --> 00:41:20,710
...to make sweet, sweet love to you.
670
00:41:21,210 --> 00:41:22,700
Oh, my God.
671
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,210
You did, you Miyagi'd me.
672
00:41:25,810 --> 00:41:26,970
Honk.
673
00:41:27,210 --> 00:41:28,910
Take your ring off. Let's go.
674
00:41:34,420 --> 00:41:38,690
Just no talking about your kids, your job,
David Lindhagen, don't you dare.
675
00:41:38,860 --> 00:41:40,380
Shut up, shut up. Just shut up.
676
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:41,580
- Hello.
Hi.
677
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:42,950
Hi. Hi.
678
00:41:43,130 --> 00:41:45,290
- Who are you?
- Hey. I'm Kate.
679
00:41:45,460 --> 00:41:48,330
- Kate, you mind if I introduce you to my...?
- I'm Cal.
680
00:41:48,730 --> 00:41:50,700
- I got this. Pleased to meet you.
- Hi.
681
00:41:50,870 --> 00:41:53,360
And this is my friend Jacob.
He was just leaving.
682
00:41:53,870 --> 00:41:55,570
- Oh.
- Oh.
683
00:41:55,740 --> 00:41:58,300
So that's one way to treat people.
684
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:04,850
So can I buy you a drink, Kate?
685
00:42:05,020 --> 00:42:08,320
- Oh. No, thank you.
- I'm gonna buy you a drink anyway.
686
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,580
Grey Goose, right?
687
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:15,230
Rocks. Two limes?
688
00:42:15,730 --> 00:42:16,750
I'm five years sober.
689
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,130
- What can I get for you?
- Nothing. Nothing.
690
00:42:20,300 --> 00:42:22,730
Go away, we're good.
Please don't come back ever.
691
00:42:24,940 --> 00:42:29,600
- Ahem. So, what do you do, Cal?
- I don't know. What do you do, Kate?
692
00:42:30,310 --> 00:42:32,000
- I asked you first.
- I asked you second.
693
00:42:34,610 --> 00:42:36,010
Seriously, what do you do?
694
00:42:36,180 --> 00:42:37,740
Seriously, what do you do?
695
00:42:40,390 --> 00:42:42,250
Are you really not going to tell me
what you do?
696
00:42:42,420 --> 00:42:43,950
Ah...
697
00:42:45,690 --> 00:42:48,490
- Uh, okay, I'm a teacher.
- Boring.
698
00:42:49,700 --> 00:42:52,460
Come on, you gotta keep it interesting.
Interest me.
699
00:42:52,630 --> 00:42:53,930
Uh...
700
00:42:54,100 --> 00:42:57,000
- I studied at Oxford for five years.
- Boring!
701
00:42:57,170 --> 00:43:01,200
Wow. Teacher with an alcohol dependency
who studied at Oxford.
702
00:43:01,370 --> 00:43:03,930
Blah, blah, blah. Bleh.
703
00:43:04,110 --> 00:43:05,300
England. Yuck.
704
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:07,100
I think my friends just got here.
705
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,800
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
706
00:43:09,980 --> 00:43:12,640
- Okay, I'm in corporate insurance.
- Oh, God.
707
00:43:12,820 --> 00:43:14,180
I have children, plural.
708
00:43:14,350 --> 00:43:16,340
My wife was cheating on me
with Lindhagen...
709
00:43:16,820 --> 00:43:19,660
...which I wasn't supposed to tell you.
Nice to meet you.
710
00:43:19,830 --> 00:43:22,760
- What were you supposed to tell me?
- I don't know. I don't know.
711
00:43:22,930 --> 00:43:26,920
I was supposed to say that you are the
perfect combination of sexy and cute...
712
00:43:27,100 --> 00:43:30,030
...which is actually something
that I used to say to my wife.
713
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,360
But now it's become corrupted.
714
00:43:32,540 --> 00:43:35,510
And I have 18 layers of clothes on.
715
00:43:35,670 --> 00:43:38,910
I'm wearing a shirt and a tie
and a sweater and a suede jacket...
716
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,240
...that just seals in all the heat.
717
00:43:41,410 --> 00:43:43,010
Seals in all the juices.
718
00:43:43,180 --> 00:43:47,880
It's all sweat under here.
This is just sweat from here down.
719
00:43:48,050 --> 00:43:52,720
This sweater, this is called slim cut,
but it feels like a scuba suit.
720
00:43:52,890 --> 00:43:55,260
And I'm looking at your breasts.
What's that about?
721
00:43:56,460 --> 00:43:59,190
You think I'm the perfect combination
of sexy and cute?
722
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,590
That's what you picked up
from what I just said?
723
00:44:01,770 --> 00:44:03,500
Mm, mm.
724
00:44:08,270 --> 00:44:10,470
- So this is my crappy apartment.
- Oh. Ooh.
725
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,980
Dumpy. That I had to move into
after my wife left me.
726
00:44:14,150 --> 00:44:15,810
I love how you're being so honest.
727
00:44:15,980 --> 00:44:18,280
- You like that?
- It's so different. It's so hot.
728
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:20,610
Okay. Okay.
729
00:44:20,790 --> 00:44:22,410
Aah! Ha, ha.
- Wow! Wow!
730
00:44:22,590 --> 00:44:23,950
- More.
- Okay.
731
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:25,850
Wanna hear something really hot?
- Mm-hm.
732
00:44:26,020 --> 00:44:29,050
I've only had sex with one woman.
In my entire life.
733
00:44:29,230 --> 00:44:30,700
- Honest or not honest?
- That's honest.
734
00:44:32,300 --> 00:44:34,700
More! Tell me more.
735
00:44:34,870 --> 00:44:36,930
I'm a little worried you have AIDS.
736
00:44:39,540 --> 00:44:42,130
Just a little. Just a little bit.
737
00:44:42,310 --> 00:44:45,040
It's okay, I'm not worried.
738
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:49,780
Oh, my God, this is so much fun.
739
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:53,150
What do you wanna do with me?
740
00:44:53,950 --> 00:44:54,980
Oh...
741
00:44:55,150 --> 00:44:58,150
I wanna show you off to my ex-wife
and make her really jealous.
742
00:45:01,460 --> 00:45:03,220
Whoa, man.
743
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:05,890
Phew. Ha, ha.
744
00:45:08,830 --> 00:45:10,430
You gonna call me?
745
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:11,630
Okay.
746
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:12,830
Yeah.
747
00:45:26,850 --> 00:45:29,690
Wow, that is a great dress.
Where'd you get that?
748
00:45:29,860 --> 00:45:31,980
Thank you. A store in Beverly Hills.
749
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:33,590
Really? Beautiful.
750
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:35,350
It was a gift from my grandmother.
751
00:45:35,530 --> 00:45:36,820
- Really?
It's a Krugerrand.
752
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:38,160
It's from South Africa.
753
00:45:38,330 --> 00:45:39,890
I love it.
754
00:45:45,370 --> 00:45:47,360
And I told him never to assume
anything.
755
00:45:47,870 --> 00:45:52,240
And I've been to Maine, so that's a
sixth state. So I've been to six states.
756
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,880
- Oh, I love Maine.
Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.
757
00:45:55,050 --> 00:45:57,210
- Have you been to Waterville?
- I have, yeah.
758
00:46:03,490 --> 00:46:04,680
Greece, Italy.
759
00:46:04,860 --> 00:46:06,050
Greece, Italy?
760
00:46:06,220 --> 00:46:07,420
Wanna get out of here?
761
00:46:07,590 --> 00:46:08,990
- You're driving.
- I am.
762
00:46:20,810 --> 00:46:22,870
I have never experienced that
in my life.
763
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,210
- Pretty great.
- Are most women like that these days?
764
00:46:26,380 --> 00:46:28,710
- God bless technology.
- God bless it.
765
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:32,910
I went and met this girl the other night.
She was heckling me the whole time we...
766
00:46:33,090 --> 00:46:36,350
I felt like I was doing it with the two
old guys from The Muppet Show.
767
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:39,010
- Ha-ha-ha. Statler and Waldorf.
I was into it.
768
00:46:39,190 --> 00:46:42,990
And she was like, "Look at this frown
on your face. What is that?
769
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:46,390
You're so serious. What, it's serious
to kiss me? It's supposed to be fun.
770
00:46:46,570 --> 00:46:49,090
Oh, my God, if it's gonna be hard work,
why don't you just stop?"
771
00:46:55,210 --> 00:46:56,230
Hello?
772
00:46:56,410 --> 00:46:58,880
Hey. Hot guy from the bar
who hit on you is here.
773
00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:00,440
Tsk. Liz, I'm studying.
774
00:47:00,610 --> 00:47:03,740
You should be studying the ceiling
of his bedroom.
775
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:05,380
I am eating a caramel apple.
776
00:47:05,550 --> 00:47:08,350
In what world, honey?
Please, turn around. No.
777
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:11,390
Come on, take a break.
It'll be good for you to get out.
778
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:12,580
And by get out...
779
00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:16,630
...I mean have hot guy from the bar knock
you into his headboard until you see God.
780
00:47:17,100 --> 00:47:18,260
What is wrong with you?
781
00:47:18,430 --> 00:47:20,130
You should be studying the curve
of his...
782
00:47:20,300 --> 00:47:21,530
Okay, goodbye, Liz.
783
00:47:21,700 --> 00:47:23,790
That too much? Hello?
784
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:27,630
Look, I gave him the cologne
like you told me to...
785
00:47:27,810 --> 00:47:30,740
...and I don't think we should really
just dance on his grave.
786
00:47:30,910 --> 00:47:34,740
I just thought you'd wanna know
what I heard about your old pal Cal.
787
00:47:35,580 --> 00:47:37,570
What about Mr. Weaver, Mom?
788
00:47:37,750 --> 00:47:43,620
Um, just, apparently, Mr. Weaver
has become a real ladies' man.
789
00:47:43,790 --> 00:47:45,280
- What?
- Claire.
790
00:47:45,460 --> 00:47:48,220
She should know. She babysits for him.
791
00:47:48,390 --> 00:47:52,260
She's almost an adult. Lots of young
women in and out of his apartment.
792
00:47:52,430 --> 00:47:53,690
She's too young for this.
793
00:47:53,870 --> 00:47:56,300
I don't like this S-E-X talk in front
of the K-I-D-S.
794
00:47:56,470 --> 00:47:59,600
First of all, they can spell.
Second of all, I'm just saying.
795
00:47:59,770 --> 00:48:01,640
I think we were right in choosing Emily.
796
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:23,950
Oh, um...
- Why are you following me?
797
00:48:24,130 --> 00:48:26,690
Madison, I just had a question for you.
798
00:48:26,870 --> 00:48:28,530
Okay, Jessica, what's up?
799
00:48:28,700 --> 00:48:30,330
It's kind of on the personal side.
800
00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:31,560
Yep, my lips are:
801
00:48:36,510 --> 00:48:38,270
Seals. My lips are seals.
802
00:48:41,210 --> 00:48:42,540
Okay. Um...
803
00:48:42,710 --> 00:48:46,880
My question, and I don't mean to be blunt
or insulting, but let's just call it what it is.
804
00:48:47,050 --> 00:48:49,180
You're always sleeping
with older guys, right?
805
00:48:49,350 --> 00:48:51,480
- Always.
Oh, um...
806
00:48:51,660 --> 00:48:55,990
So my question for you, Madison,
is, um, how do you do that?
807
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:59,890
I mean, how do you get them to see you
as not just a kid in high school, you know?
808
00:49:00,070 --> 00:49:02,560
But as someone that's mature,
and old, and that's...
809
00:49:02,730 --> 00:49:05,500
Well, first off, I have a huge rack.
810
00:49:05,670 --> 00:49:07,000
Uh, yes, you do.
811
00:49:07,170 --> 00:49:08,700
You don't have a huge rack.
812
00:49:09,410 --> 00:49:10,530
No.
813
00:49:10,710 --> 00:49:13,040
- Wait, how old is he?
- Old.
814
00:49:13,810 --> 00:49:15,370
Like really old?
815
00:49:16,750 --> 00:49:19,550
- Like parent-old.
- Nasty, Jessica.
816
00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:21,910
Yeah, because
that's what I was thinking, right?
817
00:49:22,090 --> 00:49:23,550
Rock on.
- Thank you.
818
00:49:23,720 --> 00:49:26,850
You are so dirty.
- Yes, I know.
819
00:49:27,030 --> 00:49:28,930
Oh, okay. You gotta force his hand.
820
00:49:29,090 --> 00:49:30,320
You know what I mean?
821
00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:31,990
Go TMZ on his ass.
822
00:49:33,030 --> 00:49:35,330
- Not following.
- A dirty picture.
823
00:49:35,530 --> 00:49:38,090
- Oh. Oh.
- Make this face:
824
00:49:39,970 --> 00:49:42,240
- Jeez, Madison. Stop.
What?
825
00:49:42,410 --> 00:49:47,850
You put that on his radar and he won't see
you as a little girl anymore, that's for sure.
826
00:50:02,890 --> 00:50:06,730
- Hey, what's going on?
- Hey. We don't know.
827
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:20,570
Behold.
828
00:50:20,750 --> 00:50:23,370
Jessica Riley, you are my soul mate.
829
00:50:23,550 --> 00:50:25,380
- The love of my life.
Ha-ha-ha.
830
00:50:25,550 --> 00:50:28,950
I have marked myself with a scarlet J
for you, Jessica.
831
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:30,380
Get down from there.
832
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:35,150
Nathaniel Hawthorne... Are you mad?
- I am your babysitter. You get down.
833
00:50:35,330 --> 00:50:36,990
Oh, my God.
834
00:50:37,630 --> 00:50:39,620
- What are you thinking?
- Like the scaffold?
835
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,290
Took me like four weeks to make it.
It has wheels.
836
00:50:42,470 --> 00:50:44,260
This has got to stop, Robbie.
837
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:47,170
- You'll learn to love me, I promise.
- No, I won't.
838
00:50:47,340 --> 00:50:50,430
- Because I'm four years younger?
- Because I love somebody else.
839
00:50:52,380 --> 00:50:53,610
Who is he?
840
00:50:53,780 --> 00:50:55,040
He's older.
841
00:50:56,010 --> 00:50:58,450
And I didn't want my parents to find out.
842
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:02,340
You know I'll kill him if he hurts you.
843
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:04,490
Yeah, I know.
844
00:51:05,460 --> 00:51:07,320
Okay, Robbie, this has to stop.
845
00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,660
Okay? No more.
846
00:51:11,260 --> 00:51:12,530
Grow up.
847
00:51:12,700 --> 00:51:13,860
I'll see you around.
848
00:52:09,850 --> 00:52:11,550
Unh. Okay.
849
00:52:13,060 --> 00:52:14,120
Okay.
850
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:01,700
So you're seeing Mom tomorrow
at my parent-teacher thing.
851
00:53:01,870 --> 00:53:03,600
Yeah, no biggie.
852
00:53:09,650 --> 00:53:10,980
What's with all the moping?
853
00:53:11,620 --> 00:53:14,520
Uh, nothing. It's just...
854
00:53:15,690 --> 00:53:17,090
There's a girl.
855
00:53:18,620 --> 00:53:20,780
- A girl, huh?
- Uh-huh.
856
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:22,080
You like her?
857
00:53:23,830 --> 00:53:25,420
I like Pringles.
858
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,290
I mean, this girl...
859
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:29,300
...she's incredible.
860
00:53:29,470 --> 00:53:31,560
She's my soul mate, you know?
861
00:53:31,740 --> 00:53:33,290
She doesn't even care.
862
00:53:33,770 --> 00:53:35,640
But she's your soul mate, right?
863
00:53:36,510 --> 00:53:37,630
Yeah.
864
00:53:38,210 --> 00:53:40,230
Well, you just don't give up on her,
right?
865
00:53:41,510 --> 00:53:43,500
Why not? You did.
866
00:53:46,220 --> 00:53:47,240
I didn't give up.
867
00:53:49,690 --> 00:53:52,120
Okay, it's more complicated than that.
868
00:53:52,420 --> 00:53:53,520
I'm a different guy now.
869
00:53:54,260 --> 00:53:56,520
You're not different.
You just have different clothes.
870
00:53:56,690 --> 00:53:58,030
It's not that simple, kiddo.
871
00:53:58,200 --> 00:54:00,130
- What kind of crap is that?
- Watch it.
872
00:54:00,300 --> 00:54:02,130
You love her or you don't. I know you do.
873
00:54:02,530 --> 00:54:07,400
I'm serious, Dad. I just need some
inspiration right now. All right?
874
00:54:07,570 --> 00:54:09,040
Go get her back.
875
00:54:13,140 --> 00:54:15,170
Wow, how old are you?
876
00:54:41,910 --> 00:54:43,670
Wow.
877
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:45,870
You look great, Cal.
878
00:54:46,940 --> 00:54:49,310
Oh. Ha, ha.
879
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:54,010
Well, it turns out I've been buying
the wrong size suit for like 20 years, so...
880
00:54:54,190 --> 00:54:57,710
Oh, well, whatever.
You, um... You look great.
881
00:54:58,090 --> 00:54:59,920
Thanks. You always look great.
882
00:55:00,090 --> 00:55:01,420
Oh, thanks.
883
00:55:17,010 --> 00:55:19,940
- So I spoke to Nanna yesterday.
- Yeah, me too. How'd she sound to you?
884
00:55:20,110 --> 00:55:24,050
Um... Like Nanna. She worries about us.
885
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,140
What teacher is this?
886
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:31,550
Ms. Tafferty. She's the one he pulled
the Scarlet Letter asshole routine on.
887
00:55:31,720 --> 00:55:33,990
Mm-hm.
888
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:35,680
God, he's such a weird kid.
889
00:55:36,890 --> 00:55:38,260
- I kind of like him, though.
- Mm-hm.
890
00:55:38,430 --> 00:55:40,900
Yeah, me too.
Glad we switched babies at the hospital.
891
00:55:41,070 --> 00:55:43,860
Me too. That other one's in jail, probably.
892
00:55:54,410 --> 00:55:56,240
So how's it going with David?
893
00:55:56,410 --> 00:55:59,280
Oh, you know, it, um...
894
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:01,920
It wasn't, um...
895
00:56:03,420 --> 00:56:06,550
That didn't mean anything.
896
00:56:06,720 --> 00:56:08,950
- I mean, you know, if...
- No. No, I know.
897
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:15,060
You seeing anybody?
898
00:56:15,630 --> 00:56:16,760
Me?
899
00:56:16,930 --> 00:56:18,830
Mm-mm.
900
00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:21,800
Oh, you know. Well, you hear things,
you know, so...
901
00:56:22,270 --> 00:56:24,610
No. No. Not real...
902
00:56:24,780 --> 00:56:26,170
You know me.
903
00:56:28,180 --> 00:56:29,410
Yeah, well...
904
00:56:32,820 --> 00:56:33,980
No.
905
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:42,850
I miss you, Em.
906
00:56:46,500 --> 00:56:49,330
I made an effort when we were younger,
didn't I?
907
00:56:49,700 --> 00:56:54,300
I mean, miniature golf and dancing.
You were such a great dancer.
908
00:56:54,470 --> 00:56:57,270
I had to be.
You were such a good miniature golfer.
909
00:56:58,540 --> 00:57:02,140
I just... I don't know. I guess I got lazy.
I got...
910
00:57:03,350 --> 00:57:05,710
I got boring, is what I got.
911
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:06,980
No.
912
00:57:07,820 --> 00:57:09,680
And I'm so mad at you.
913
00:57:10,490 --> 00:57:12,620
I'm really mad at you for what you did.
914
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:15,120
But I'm mad at myself too.
915
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:23,130
Because I should not have jumped
out of that car. I should've fought for you.
916
00:57:26,740 --> 00:57:29,140
Because you fight for your soul mates.
917
00:57:30,940 --> 00:57:33,430
Least, that's what my 13-year-old son
tells me.
918
00:57:34,580 --> 00:57:36,140
He's a really strange kid.
919
00:57:36,310 --> 00:57:37,800
He scares the shit out of me.
920
00:57:40,150 --> 00:57:42,580
I miss you too.
921
00:57:46,060 --> 00:57:47,420
Mr. And Mrs. Weaver?
922
00:57:48,730 --> 00:57:51,250
No way in hell.
923
00:57:51,830 --> 00:57:55,660
- Cal, what are you doing here?
- Oh, you two know each other?
924
00:57:55,830 --> 00:57:59,100
Yes. Yeah, right. We've met before, yes.
925
00:57:59,470 --> 00:58:03,100
- "We have met before"? Seriously?
Mm-hm.
926
00:58:03,270 --> 00:58:06,300
So I'd like to introduce you
to my wife, Emily.
927
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:08,410
Hi, I'm Robbie's mom.
928
00:58:09,710 --> 00:58:12,810
She's your wife again. How convenient.
929
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:17,880
So shall we enter?
930
00:58:18,060 --> 00:58:19,490
- Okay.
- Why don't we?
931
00:58:19,690 --> 00:58:21,450
Yeah, let's do that.
932
00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:28,760
I'm sorry. I'm playing catch-up.
How do you two know each other, exactly?
933
00:58:28,930 --> 00:58:31,900
- Um...
- Um...
934
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:35,070
Maybe your husband should tell you.
935
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:42,710
We... I think we met at last year's
parent-teacher conference, wasn't it?
936
00:58:45,450 --> 00:58:49,350
Did I miss it? Did I miss the parent-teacher
conference thing last year?
937
00:58:49,520 --> 00:58:51,750
Yeah. I don't remember.
938
00:58:52,020 --> 00:58:54,120
Why don't we just, uh, focus on Robbie?
939
00:58:54,290 --> 00:58:55,660
Yes.
940
00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:59,990
Yes, let's do that. Let's...
941
00:59:01,830 --> 00:59:03,160
Let's focus on Robbie.
942
00:59:09,670 --> 00:59:11,700
As you know,
Robbie's shining moment...
943
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:15,680
...was when he set a school record for
cursing in an eighth-grade English class.
944
00:59:22,020 --> 00:59:23,820
Asshole. Ha-ha-ha.
945
00:59:23,990 --> 00:59:26,150
You're familiar with this word,
Mrs. Weaver.
946
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,590
Yes, I am. And I've spoken to Principal...
947
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:32,200
Asshole. As in someone who tells
a woman that he'll call and never does.
948
00:59:32,250 --> 00:59:33,270
Hmm.
949
00:59:33,450 --> 00:59:36,390
Asshole. As in someone who uses
honesty to get a woman into bed with him...
950
00:59:36,550 --> 00:59:38,920
...but is actually full of shit
like the rest of them.
951
00:59:39,260 --> 00:59:41,660
- This is not about Robbie.
- Mm-mm.
952
00:59:41,830 --> 00:59:46,630
Asshole. As in someone who allows
a woman to go downtown for 45 minutes...
953
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:48,230
...because he's nervous.
954
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,420
- All right, all right, all right.
- Ew. Ew. Oh.
955
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,000
You know what? Know what? No.
956
00:59:52,170 --> 00:59:53,660
Here's the deal.
957
00:59:57,570 --> 00:59:59,340
- She's an alcoholic.
- Aah!
958
00:59:59,510 --> 01:00:01,570
Oh, God. Okay.
That's... I'm sorry.
959
01:00:01,750 --> 01:00:03,240
- I'm sorry. God.
I gotta go.
960
01:00:03,410 --> 01:00:05,070
Aah!
- Oh, my God. Emily. God.
961
01:00:05,880 --> 01:00:08,580
- Emily, Emily, wait.
- Leave me alone, Cal.
962
01:00:08,750 --> 01:00:13,380
I'm sober five years, asshole!
963
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:17,190
Okay, yeah, I did. I did.
964
01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:20,350
I slept with our son's eighth-grade
English teacher.
965
01:00:20,530 --> 01:00:21,900
I know. I know.
966
01:00:22,070 --> 01:00:25,360
And I cheated,
so I have no right to be angry.
967
01:00:25,540 --> 01:00:28,400
Not the point. When we were
married you were the only woman...
968
01:00:28,570 --> 01:00:30,040
...that I had ever slept with...
969
01:00:30,210 --> 01:00:33,070
...and now I have had sex
with nine different women... God.
970
01:00:35,110 --> 01:00:37,010
Nine?
971
01:00:37,180 --> 01:00:38,200
Nine?
972
01:00:40,580 --> 01:00:41,880
Wow.
973
01:00:45,060 --> 01:00:47,250
You showed me.
974
01:00:52,230 --> 01:00:54,420
I wasn't trying to show you.
975
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:57,500
I was trying to move on.
976
01:01:00,600 --> 01:01:02,500
But I don't want to.
977
01:01:08,140 --> 01:01:10,410
You've always been the only one.
978
01:01:13,450 --> 01:01:17,250
Tell her she's the perfect combination
of sexy and cute, asshole.
979
01:01:22,530 --> 01:01:24,050
You said that to her?
980
01:01:30,300 --> 01:01:32,170
I did, yes.
981
01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:35,230
Who are you?
982
01:01:43,110 --> 01:01:44,600
I'm your soul mate.
983
01:02:01,060 --> 01:02:02,860
What a cliché.
984
01:02:39,470 --> 01:02:40,940
You, get over here. Come on.
985
01:02:41,100 --> 01:02:43,230
Yeah, yeah, give it up. Give it up for her.
986
01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:44,840
Aw.
987
01:02:45,010 --> 01:02:46,410
I'm so proud of you, baby.
988
01:02:46,610 --> 01:02:48,340
I had my doubts, of course.
989
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:58,650
Hannah, I did tell you that tonight would
be a special night if you passed the bar.
990
01:03:00,020 --> 01:03:01,050
So, Hannah...
991
01:03:02,130 --> 01:03:07,460
...I would like to formally ask you...
992
01:03:07,630 --> 01:03:09,860
...in front of all our friends
and colleagues...
993
01:03:10,400 --> 01:03:14,030
...if you would like to become...
994
01:03:14,500 --> 01:03:18,700
...a permanent lawyer at the firm
of Watkins, Goldberg and Schmidt? Huh?
995
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:21,340
How about that? Ha, ha. To you.
996
01:03:22,250 --> 01:03:23,340
Whoo!
997
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:29,710
What?
998
01:03:30,590 --> 01:03:33,490
- I ju... Um...
What, what is it?
999
01:03:36,660 --> 01:03:41,060
I thought that you were gonna propose
for some reason.
1000
01:03:42,470 --> 01:03:45,130
What?
- Yeah. I know. I'm just...
1001
01:03:45,300 --> 01:03:46,860
It's just, uh, I'm a little thrown.
1002
01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:48,230
I'm sorry.
1003
01:03:49,070 --> 01:03:54,370
I didn't realize that you thought
that we were there.
1004
01:03:54,540 --> 01:03:57,810
Oh, no. God, no. Don't be silly. I just...
1005
01:03:57,980 --> 01:04:00,610
I need some time, I think...
1006
01:04:00,780 --> 01:04:05,480
...to figure out how I feel about us,
you know?
1007
01:04:06,420 --> 01:04:09,410
Brrp. Long-term.
1008
01:04:11,090 --> 01:04:13,120
You need some time?
1009
01:04:14,330 --> 01:04:17,130
You need some time to figure out
how you feel about us? Okay.
1010
01:04:17,300 --> 01:04:18,320
Honey?
1011
01:04:22,270 --> 01:04:25,240
- Wow. Ha-ha-ha.
- Ha, ha. Wow.
1012
01:04:26,310 --> 01:04:29,300
- Ahem.
- Wow. Huh.
1013
01:04:29,480 --> 01:04:30,500
Wow.
1014
01:04:32,250 --> 01:04:34,770
This is actually really funny.
I'm just... Next level.
1015
01:04:34,950 --> 01:04:36,580
- Is this yours? Is this yours?
Yes.
1016
01:04:37,590 --> 01:04:39,820
Mm. Mm.
1017
01:04:39,990 --> 01:04:41,150
Honey?
1018
01:04:42,130 --> 01:04:43,790
- Is this gin?
Yes.
1019
01:04:46,460 --> 01:04:48,290
- There's, like, no water in that.
- Yeah.
1020
01:04:49,870 --> 01:04:52,160
Great.
- Mm. Aah, I hate gin.
1021
01:04:52,740 --> 01:04:54,830
Wow, you know what?
Thank you, Richard.
1022
01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:59,340
Honestly, thank you very much
for your job offer. I will consider it.
1023
01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:01,100
Hannah Banana.
1024
01:05:01,810 --> 01:05:04,470
Whoo! Ha, ha.
- Banana. Hannah.
1025
01:05:11,090 --> 01:05:13,320
Do you wanna buy me a drink?
Yes.
1026
01:05:13,490 --> 01:05:15,920
- It's nicer that way. Right?
You.
1027
01:05:41,950 --> 01:05:42,980
You remember me?
1028
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:45,340
Yeah.
1029
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:47,680
- You still find me attractive?
- Yes.
1030
01:05:47,860 --> 01:05:49,550
Still wanna take me home?
1031
01:05:51,030 --> 01:05:52,050
Yeah.
1032
01:05:54,830 --> 01:05:55,860
Let's go.
1033
01:06:30,530 --> 01:06:31,930
Just one look
1034
01:06:33,670 --> 01:06:36,000
And I fell so hard
1035
01:06:36,170 --> 01:06:37,330
Here.
1036
01:06:39,340 --> 01:06:41,870
I really like this song.
This was a good choice. Yeah.
1037
01:06:42,050 --> 01:06:44,380
- Good song. You never hear this song.
- Mm-hm. Mm-mm.
1038
01:06:44,550 --> 01:06:45,570
Love this song.
1039
01:06:48,620 --> 01:06:49,780
Cheers.
1040
01:06:51,790 --> 01:06:57,090
How good it feels
1041
01:06:57,260 --> 01:06:58,420
Ugh.
1042
01:07:00,260 --> 01:07:01,560
That's not my drink.
1043
01:07:01,730 --> 01:07:03,430
Your love
1044
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:05,790
Mm. Mm.
1045
01:07:06,740 --> 01:07:07,760
Ugh.
1046
01:07:10,170 --> 01:07:12,370
It's not my favorite. Thank you.
1047
01:07:14,610 --> 01:07:16,370
Forever
1048
01:07:18,450 --> 01:07:21,780
And always
1049
01:07:21,950 --> 01:07:24,920
- So is this how it normally works?
- What?
1050
01:07:25,090 --> 01:07:27,720
You put on the perfect song,
you make them a drink.
1051
01:07:27,890 --> 01:07:31,220
And I knew
1052
01:07:31,390 --> 01:07:32,830
And then you sleep together.
1053
01:07:33,030 --> 01:07:34,330
That you
1054
01:07:35,470 --> 01:07:36,990
Um...
1055
01:07:37,170 --> 01:07:38,190
Yeah.
1056
01:07:40,170 --> 01:07:41,800
I'm very nervous.
1057
01:07:42,610 --> 01:07:44,040
I'm getting that.
1058
01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:47,340
Okay. Because I know I seemed confident
back at the bar...
1059
01:07:47,510 --> 01:07:51,950
...but that was mostly just
because I was cold and wet...
1060
01:07:52,120 --> 01:07:54,610
...and trying to be dramatic
a little bit.
1061
01:07:55,450 --> 01:07:56,480
You're adorable.
1062
01:07:57,650 --> 01:07:58,680
No.
1063
01:07:59,060 --> 01:08:00,320
I am sexy.
1064
01:08:00,490 --> 01:08:02,620
- I am R-rated sexy.
- Mm-hm.
1065
01:08:02,790 --> 01:08:06,230
Okay, I know what happens in the PG-13
version of tonight, all right? I know.
1066
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:10,530
It's that I get really drunk
and then I pass out.
1067
01:08:10,700 --> 01:08:13,760
You cover me with a blanket,
kiss me on the cheek, nothing happens.
1068
01:08:13,940 --> 01:08:16,130
But that's not why I'm here.
1069
01:08:16,610 --> 01:08:21,170
I am here to bang the hot guy
that hit on me at the bar.
1070
01:08:22,810 --> 01:08:24,800
- Jacob.
- Jacob.
1071
01:08:26,080 --> 01:08:28,050
- Are people still saying "bang"?
- I do.
1072
01:08:28,220 --> 01:08:30,550
We are gonna bang. Hmm?
1073
01:08:30,720 --> 01:08:32,090
This is happening.
1074
01:08:32,860 --> 01:08:34,350
- Take off your shirt.
- Why?
1075
01:08:34,520 --> 01:08:38,120
Please, will you take off your shirt?
I can't stop thinking. I need to just...
1076
01:08:38,290 --> 01:08:40,560
- Okay, okay, okay.
- All right, okay, okay, okay.
1077
01:08:49,010 --> 01:08:50,170
Fuck.
1078
01:08:50,340 --> 01:08:53,330
Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped.
1079
01:08:55,410 --> 01:08:56,500
Can I...?
1080
01:08:57,550 --> 01:08:59,520
Aah. You have cold hands.
1081
01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:02,440
- Now you take off your dress.
- No.
1082
01:09:02,620 --> 01:09:05,450
- Yes.
- No. Not with that going on. No, thank you.
1083
01:09:05,620 --> 01:09:08,110
Is there dim lighting somewhere?
Oh, God.
1084
01:09:09,530 --> 01:09:12,760
Okay, so then what do we do?
What happens now? Like, logistically?
1085
01:09:12,930 --> 01:09:15,800
- What's your move?
- What do you mean, what's my move?
1086
01:09:16,000 --> 01:09:18,630
- What's your move? Your big move?
- I got lots of moves.
1087
01:09:18,800 --> 01:09:20,630
- What's your big move?
- I'm not telling.
1088
01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:23,330
- Tell me your move.
- You're not ready for the big move.
1089
01:09:23,510 --> 01:09:25,740
- Yes, I am.
- You can't handle the big move.
1090
01:09:25,910 --> 01:09:29,280
- Tell me your big move.
- I work Dirty Dancing into the conversation.
1091
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:33,150
Dirty Dancing?
1092
01:09:33,320 --> 01:09:35,410
- Can I sit down, please?
- Yeah.
1093
01:09:35,590 --> 01:09:37,310
- Can I put back on my shirt?
- No.
1094
01:09:37,490 --> 01:09:39,820
Why Dirty Dancing? What do we do?
Do we watch it?
1095
01:09:39,990 --> 01:09:44,190
You know the big move at the end where
Patrick Swayze picks up Jennifer Grey?
1096
01:09:44,360 --> 01:09:46,260
- Yeah.
- I can do that.
1097
01:09:47,630 --> 01:09:50,160
- Okay.
- So I tell girls I can do the move.
1098
01:09:50,330 --> 01:09:54,060
I put on the song "Time of Your Life. "
I do the big move.
1099
01:09:54,740 --> 01:09:56,500
And they always wanna have sex
with me.
1100
01:09:56,670 --> 01:09:59,660
Oh, my God. That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
1101
01:09:59,840 --> 01:10:02,110
I agree. But it works every time.
1102
01:10:03,050 --> 01:10:04,340
That would not work on me.
1103
01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:12,820
Oh, God, this is ridiculous.
I don't wanna do it.
1104
01:10:12,990 --> 01:10:14,010
Come on.
1105
01:10:14,190 --> 01:10:16,090
This is beyond ridiculous.
1106
01:10:16,260 --> 01:10:17,750
- Run and jump.
- No.
1107
01:10:17,930 --> 01:10:19,590
- Yeah. Come on.
- No, thank you.
1108
01:10:20,800 --> 01:10:22,560
Thank God I'm drunk. Here we go.
1109
01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:33,040
'Cause I've had the time of my life
1110
01:10:33,210 --> 01:10:37,740
And I owe it all to you
1111
01:10:44,120 --> 01:10:46,110
I've been waiting for so long
1112
01:10:46,290 --> 01:10:50,820
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me
1113
01:10:53,560 --> 01:10:56,190
Ahem. So do you prefer to do it here
or in the bedroom?
1114
01:10:56,370 --> 01:10:57,530
The bedroom is preferred.
1115
01:10:57,700 --> 01:11:00,460
Mm-hm. Yeah, okay. Let's go there.
1116
01:11:33,500 --> 01:11:35,200
This pillow...
1117
01:11:36,670 --> 01:11:39,940
...forms perfectly
to the shape of my head.
1118
01:11:42,250 --> 01:11:43,410
Yeah.
1119
01:11:48,280 --> 01:11:50,880
Is this one of those foam pillows
from Brookstone?
1120
01:11:52,260 --> 01:11:53,350
Yeah.
1121
01:11:53,660 --> 01:11:55,850
- Yeah? Oh.
- Yeah.
1122
01:11:56,790 --> 01:11:59,420
I always wondered
who buys those kind of...
1123
01:11:59,930 --> 01:12:02,960
The hot guy from the bar buys these.
Of course.
1124
01:12:03,170 --> 01:12:04,690
- Jacob.
- Mm-hm, Jacob. Sorry about that.
1125
01:12:04,870 --> 01:12:05,890
Good.
1126
01:12:07,100 --> 01:12:08,970
I'm sorry, continue.
1127
01:12:28,290 --> 01:12:33,160
You don't have one of those ridiculous, um,
massage chairs, do you?
1128
01:12:37,730 --> 01:12:38,930
- You do?
- No.
1129
01:12:39,100 --> 01:12:40,730
- Yes, you do.
- Yeah, I do.
1130
01:12:40,900 --> 01:12:43,430
- Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God.
- I don't. I don't. I do.
1131
01:12:43,610 --> 01:12:45,730
Who would have that?
I would. I have that.
1132
01:12:46,140 --> 01:12:47,730
- How much was it?
- Five thousand dollars.
1133
01:12:49,480 --> 01:12:51,110
Ask me how many times I've used it.
1134
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:53,440
- How many times have you used it?
- Twice.
1135
01:12:54,250 --> 01:12:55,950
That's $2500 a massage.
1136
01:12:56,120 --> 01:12:57,750
Twice.
1137
01:12:58,090 --> 01:13:01,220
- Where is it?
- It's in the garage.
1138
01:13:02,060 --> 01:13:03,530
Can I sit in the massage chair?
1139
01:13:08,360 --> 01:13:09,850
I hate it.
1140
01:13:10,970 --> 01:13:14,420
The Home Shopping Network.
But I'm addic... I buy... I'm just the worst.
1141
01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:16,090
- Do you have a Slap Chop?
- Yes.
1142
01:13:16,270 --> 01:13:18,260
- The knife that cuts through the penny?
- Yes.
1143
01:13:18,440 --> 01:13:21,240
- Ha-ha-ha. What else do you have?
- Coin Bears.
1144
01:13:21,410 --> 01:13:23,780
Coin Bears?
You don't have Coin Bears.
1145
01:13:23,950 --> 01:13:25,710
I have a whole set from each state.
1146
01:13:25,880 --> 01:13:27,310
You have 50 Coin Bears?
1147
01:13:27,480 --> 01:13:29,920
- They have a coin in their foot.
- You stay up nights.
1148
01:13:30,090 --> 01:13:31,680
I am wildly unhappy.
1149
01:13:33,290 --> 01:13:36,660
I'm trying to buy it,
and it's not working.
1150
01:13:36,830 --> 01:13:39,160
- Were you smart in school?
- A little bossy, yeah.
1151
01:13:39,330 --> 01:13:43,890
But I won a spelling bee
and my dad cried at the spelling bee.
1152
01:13:44,070 --> 01:13:45,970
- No way. That's nice.
- Mm-hm.
1153
01:13:46,140 --> 01:13:48,190
- What word did you win on?
- It was so stupid.
1154
01:13:48,370 --> 01:13:51,470
I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee.
1155
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:54,310
What, you think coffee and sleep
don't mix?
1156
01:13:54,480 --> 01:13:58,680
Well, they do if it's High Point.
It's decaffeinated.
1157
01:13:58,850 --> 01:14:01,210
And the flavor is marvelous.
1158
01:14:01,380 --> 01:14:03,780
Do you have that mold that makes cakes...?
1159
01:14:03,950 --> 01:14:05,010
I have calf pants.
1160
01:14:07,290 --> 01:14:09,850
I have pants just for my calves.
Calf pants.
1161
01:14:17,530 --> 01:14:19,000
Oh, my God.
1162
01:14:22,170 --> 01:14:24,070
Could you do me a favor?
1163
01:14:24,540 --> 01:14:26,060
- What?
- Will you do me a kindness?
1164
01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:27,680
Mm.
1165
01:14:27,840 --> 01:14:32,800
Will you ask me something personal
about myself?
1166
01:14:32,980 --> 01:14:36,010
Hmm. Okay, fine. I'll do it.
And then we bang.
1167
01:14:36,190 --> 01:14:37,450
Yes.
1168
01:14:37,620 --> 01:14:38,810
What's your mother like?
1169
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:44,680
My mom is very beautiful.
1170
01:14:44,860 --> 01:14:48,020
Um... Very vain.
1171
01:14:48,860 --> 01:14:50,460
Very smart.
1172
01:14:51,270 --> 01:14:52,560
Cold.
1173
01:14:52,770 --> 01:14:54,260
And your dad?
1174
01:14:55,240 --> 01:14:56,260
Um...
1175
01:14:57,610 --> 01:15:00,270
He died a long time ago.
1176
01:15:01,710 --> 01:15:03,540
He was such a sweet guy.
1177
01:15:03,710 --> 01:15:05,540
He was probably too sweet.
1178
01:15:08,220 --> 01:15:10,980
Very successful in business.
1179
01:15:11,150 --> 01:15:16,420
He made a lot of money,
which is why I have all this stuff.
1180
01:15:16,590 --> 01:15:18,390
But he was soft.
1181
01:15:19,460 --> 01:15:22,160
Just too soft, too sensitive.
1182
01:15:22,360 --> 01:15:26,730
And, you know, Dad,
he couldn't really handle my mother...
1183
01:15:26,900 --> 01:15:29,670
...and didn't really make an effort.
1184
01:16:01,040 --> 01:16:02,770
Hey, Jacob, it's Cal.
1185
01:16:03,040 --> 01:16:04,400
Where are you?
1186
01:16:04,610 --> 01:16:07,740
Remember the first woman I picked up,
that teacher?
1187
01:16:07,910 --> 01:16:09,570
Well, I have a story to tell you
about her.
1188
01:16:10,950 --> 01:16:13,810
It's been a week. I haven't heard
from you. Should I be concerned?
1189
01:16:13,980 --> 01:16:16,420
I am imagining you suffocating
under a pile of women. Call me.
1190
01:16:17,790 --> 01:16:19,950
Oh. Yeah, hey, it's me again.
1191
01:16:20,920 --> 01:16:23,320
Left like a hundred messages.
1192
01:16:25,960 --> 01:16:29,420
Listen, if this is a Miyagi thing,
I'm not getting it, so...
1193
01:16:30,470 --> 01:16:32,460
Call me back, please. Thanks.
1194
01:16:56,560 --> 01:16:59,390
Been to St. Louis?
No, I haven't.
1195
01:16:59,560 --> 01:17:03,520
I always dreamt of playing shortstop
for the St. Louis Cardinals, actually...
1196
01:17:03,700 --> 01:17:06,760
...but I couldn't hit a curveball,
so I did the next best thing.
1197
01:17:06,970 --> 01:17:08,530
Yeah, you became an accountant.
1198
01:17:08,700 --> 01:17:09,930
Right. Exactly.
1199
01:17:10,110 --> 01:17:12,730
I mean, the money's not as good,
but there's less travel.
1200
01:17:12,910 --> 01:17:13,930
Mm. Ha, ha.
1201
01:17:14,110 --> 01:17:16,480
- I was gonna be a ballerina.
- Really?
1202
01:17:16,650 --> 01:17:18,910
So tell me, what is it with women
and ballerinas?
1203
01:17:19,080 --> 01:17:21,410
I just pictured myself in the ballet.
1204
01:17:21,580 --> 01:17:24,210
It's not like I had
a lot of training or anything.
1205
01:17:24,390 --> 01:17:27,050
I mean, I actually never really
had a lesson...
1206
01:17:27,220 --> 01:17:30,680
...and, um, haven't seen a ballet.
1207
01:17:31,260 --> 01:17:32,750
You've never been to the ballet?
1208
01:17:32,930 --> 01:17:35,120
- Mm-mm.
Wow.
1209
01:17:35,300 --> 01:17:38,560
- I'd love to take you to the ballet.
- You'd love to go to the ballet?
1210
01:17:38,730 --> 01:17:42,100
I didn't say that. I'd love to take you
to the ballet. I'd drop you off.
1211
01:17:42,270 --> 01:17:45,240
Later on I'd pick you up
and we could go to a ball game.
1212
01:17:45,410 --> 01:17:46,500
Oh, I get it.
1213
01:17:49,750 --> 01:17:52,650
Ha, ha.
- I had a lot of fun tonight.
1214
01:17:54,380 --> 01:17:57,250
You like sushi?
I know this really great little sushi place...
1215
01:17:57,420 --> 01:17:58,440
I don't eat sushi.
1216
01:17:58,620 --> 01:18:01,020
- That we're never gonna go to
because I hate sushi.
1217
01:18:11,100 --> 01:18:13,030
Oh, hi. Hi, Jess.
1218
01:18:13,200 --> 01:18:15,730
Uh, this is my work friend, David.
1219
01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:17,430
David is an accountant.
1220
01:18:17,610 --> 01:18:19,730
David, this is Jessica, my babysitter.
1221
01:18:20,310 --> 01:18:21,370
Uh...
1222
01:18:22,680 --> 01:18:25,080
So, you know, everything looks great.
1223
01:18:25,250 --> 01:18:26,610
Spreadsheets.
1224
01:18:26,780 --> 01:18:28,270
Spreadsheets.
1225
01:18:31,820 --> 01:18:32,950
See you at work.
1226
01:18:33,120 --> 01:18:34,750
Yeah, see you at work.
1227
01:18:39,330 --> 01:18:41,020
So how was dinner?
1228
01:18:41,200 --> 01:18:43,490
- Oh, well, you know, it was just for work.
- Yeah.
1229
01:18:43,670 --> 01:18:47,190
- That's a really pretty dress.
- Thank you. What do I owe you?
1230
01:18:47,840 --> 01:18:51,030
Do you know that your kids
are the only ones that I babysit for...
1231
01:18:51,210 --> 01:18:54,840
...that wanna stay awake so that they
can see their dad when he gets home?
1232
01:18:55,940 --> 01:19:00,510
Yeah, I mean, they fight with everything
they have to keep their eyes open.
1233
01:19:00,680 --> 01:19:02,310
And don't get me wrong...
1234
01:19:02,480 --> 01:19:07,180
...no, your kids are really excited to see you
when you get home too, Ms. Weaver...
1235
01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:11,420
...but not a lot wanna stay up for Dad.
1236
01:19:14,200 --> 01:19:16,320
Honey, what are you trying to say?
1237
01:19:16,500 --> 01:19:17,560
Batshit crazy.
1238
01:19:17,730 --> 01:19:19,560
Jessica, uh, what...?
1239
01:19:19,740 --> 01:19:22,330
- Let me give you...
- I don't want your slutty money.
1240
01:19:22,500 --> 01:19:26,240
Sweetheart, what's the pro...?
What's wrong?
1241
01:19:27,980 --> 01:19:31,240
"Slutty money"?
1242
01:21:27,500 --> 01:21:28,520
Kids.
1243
01:21:31,500 --> 01:21:34,700
Kids. Ice cream.
1244
01:21:44,310 --> 01:21:48,370
I knew it. I knew it.
- Yeah. I'll be right back.
1245
01:22:02,830 --> 01:22:04,630
Oh, shit. Oh, God.
1246
01:22:17,110 --> 01:22:18,140
Hello?
1247
01:22:18,310 --> 01:22:20,180
- Hi, Cal.
- Hi.
1248
01:22:20,850 --> 01:22:22,180
Um...
1249
01:22:23,490 --> 01:22:24,680
So...
1250
01:22:24,850 --> 01:22:28,520
...I'm just calling, um...
1251
01:22:30,330 --> 01:22:33,160
...because I'm in the basement...
1252
01:22:33,330 --> 01:22:36,130
...and I'm trying to get
the water heater working, um...
1253
01:22:37,730 --> 01:22:41,360
...because the pilot light's out
and I don't know how to relight it.
1254
01:22:42,170 --> 01:22:43,760
So I'm sorry to bother you.
1255
01:22:43,940 --> 01:22:47,470
No, no. It's fine. That's fine. Call me...
1256
01:22:48,340 --> 01:22:50,570
I'm glad you called about this.
1257
01:22:50,750 --> 01:22:53,040
- I'll just walk you through it, okay?
- Okay.
1258
01:22:54,520 --> 01:22:58,750
All right, so there's a gray door.
You see the gray door?
1259
01:22:58,920 --> 01:23:02,020
- Yeah.
- Okay, just slide that down.
1260
01:23:03,290 --> 01:23:04,320
Okay.
1261
01:23:04,490 --> 01:23:07,590
There's a red button
with the word "push" on it.
1262
01:23:07,760 --> 01:23:09,730
I wrote the word "push" on it?
1263
01:23:10,230 --> 01:23:14,330
So you push it.
And you turn it to the right.
1264
01:23:14,500 --> 01:23:15,830
I got it.
1265
01:23:16,340 --> 01:23:18,240
And then just put the match in.
1266
01:23:21,310 --> 01:23:23,040
Oh, there it goes.
1267
01:23:23,710 --> 01:23:27,240
Just have to slide the gray door
down again and you're good to go.
1268
01:23:28,650 --> 01:23:29,950
Oh.
1269
01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:36,390
Well, thanks, Cal. I appreciate your help.
1270
01:23:36,560 --> 01:23:40,290
Oh, you know what? Just call anytime
with stuff like that. That's...
1271
01:23:41,700 --> 01:23:43,960
Oh, yeah. Uh...
1272
01:23:44,130 --> 01:23:45,460
Yeah. Oh.
1273
01:23:46,100 --> 01:23:47,300
Sure.
1274
01:23:48,000 --> 01:23:49,700
So I'll talk to you soon.
1275
01:23:50,370 --> 01:23:52,200
Yeah, and, um...
1276
01:23:54,410 --> 01:23:55,770
Thanks again.
1277
01:23:55,940 --> 01:23:58,540
No, that's... My pleasure.
1278
01:24:01,450 --> 01:24:02,880
Don't want you to blow up the house.
1279
01:24:06,090 --> 01:24:07,150
Bye.
1280
01:24:07,320 --> 01:24:08,450
Bye.
1281
01:24:27,040 --> 01:24:29,270
Dad, can we go to McDonald's?
Uh, no.
1282
01:24:29,440 --> 01:24:30,540
Why not?
1283
01:24:32,050 --> 01:24:33,340
Check it out.
1284
01:24:33,520 --> 01:24:35,610
Only reason they play them
is they're catchy.
1285
01:24:35,780 --> 01:24:37,650
- Thank you.
Here you go, sir.
1286
01:24:37,820 --> 01:24:39,310
Now, does it come in sheets...?
1287
01:24:39,490 --> 01:24:42,690
Oh, yeah, it's a 4 by 8.
Standard 4 by 8, your 3/4 inch stock. Yeah.
1288
01:24:42,860 --> 01:24:45,760
- Now, this is for my wife.
- Oh. That's nice.
1289
01:24:45,930 --> 01:24:47,120
It has curtains.
1290
01:24:47,300 --> 01:24:48,560
- Oh, hey, Cal.
Hey, Bernie.
1291
01:24:48,730 --> 01:24:50,430
Hi, Mr. Riley.
Hi, Mr. Riley.
1292
01:24:50,600 --> 01:24:51,620
- How's it going?
- Oh, good.
1293
01:24:51,800 --> 01:24:54,790
I'd love to catch up,
but I'm doing something to the house later.
1294
01:24:54,970 --> 01:24:56,300
Kind of in a rush.
1295
01:24:56,470 --> 01:24:57,960
Thanks for the cologne.
1296
01:24:58,140 --> 01:24:59,770
Do you know if this is chintz?
1297
01:25:01,280 --> 01:25:02,710
Hello?
Cal.
1298
01:25:02,880 --> 01:25:04,740
- Jacob.
- Oh, my God, it's alive.
1299
01:25:04,910 --> 01:25:07,350
Hey, sorry I kind of dropped off
the grid there, pal.
1300
01:25:07,520 --> 01:25:10,010
You left me in my hour of need,
my friend.
1301
01:25:10,190 --> 01:25:11,210
Yeah, well...
1302
01:25:11,390 --> 01:25:14,450
...I'm in a bit of a situation.
1303
01:25:14,620 --> 01:25:16,180
A pickle, if you will.
1304
01:25:16,360 --> 01:25:18,380
- I got no one else to call.
- Ha, ha.
1305
01:25:18,830 --> 01:25:20,800
- I met a girl.
- Oh, really?
1306
01:25:20,960 --> 01:25:24,230
I'm spending all this time with her
and she is a game changer.
1307
01:25:24,400 --> 01:25:26,420
She's a game changer? No way.
1308
01:25:26,600 --> 01:25:28,870
So much so I'm going to meet
her mother right now.
1309
01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:32,200
A mother and daughter. That's very
Wilt Chamberlain-esque, even for you.
1310
01:25:32,370 --> 01:25:33,860
- What is the matter with you?
- Ha, ha.
1311
01:25:34,040 --> 01:25:36,140
I don't know what to do.
I need some advice.
1312
01:25:36,310 --> 01:25:40,180
You might actually have to answer
some personal questions about yourself.
1313
01:25:40,350 --> 01:25:42,540
You gotta smile a lot.
You've gotta be charming.
1314
01:25:42,720 --> 01:25:43,840
Definitely don't be yourself.
1315
01:25:44,020 --> 01:25:45,850
That's what you've got for me,
don't be myself?
1316
01:25:46,020 --> 01:25:48,580
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Great. Thanks for nothing.
1317
01:25:48,760 --> 01:25:50,050
Do you wanna get a?
1318
01:25:50,990 --> 01:25:53,020
Do you wanna get a beer next week?
1319
01:25:53,200 --> 01:25:54,920
You have my number.
1320
01:25:55,100 --> 01:25:57,730
And, you know, don't worry about tonight.
You'll be fine.
1321
01:25:57,900 --> 01:26:00,420
- Good for you, by the way.
- See you, buddy.
1322
01:26:01,040 --> 01:26:04,060
Honk. You gotta get that fixed.
1323
01:26:05,840 --> 01:26:08,500
- Okay. All right.
- Let's go.
1324
01:26:31,600 --> 01:26:32,970
Va-jay-jay.
1325
01:26:49,480 --> 01:26:51,980
...out of this fourth inning
with just one run in.
1326
01:26:52,150 --> 01:26:56,490
He's right on the verge of
a big hit knocking him out of the game here.
1327
01:26:56,690 --> 01:26:59,630
He's staying in there,
very competitive today.
1328
01:27:19,550 --> 01:27:22,350
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.
1329
01:27:23,350 --> 01:27:25,950
No, leave him. Let him go.
He can handle it. Let him go.
1330
01:27:26,120 --> 01:27:28,420
Honey! Get out of my purse.
Stay out of my purse!
1331
01:27:28,590 --> 01:27:32,550
Do not take those keys! Do not take those
keys! I'm not letting you take those keys.
1332
01:27:32,730 --> 01:27:35,360
You're not following your father!
Stop it!
1333
01:27:35,530 --> 01:27:38,660
No! No! Let your father handle it.
You're not to see that man again!
1334
01:27:38,830 --> 01:27:39,960
That man's a pervert!
1335
01:27:40,140 --> 01:27:41,360
- Stay out of it!
- No!
1336
01:27:41,540 --> 01:27:43,130
Is that pervert sexting you?
1337
01:27:43,540 --> 01:27:44,560
Hey, baby.
1338
01:27:45,210 --> 01:27:46,300
What are you wearing?
1339
01:27:46,470 --> 01:27:49,600
Dad's here. I have to blindfold you.
1340
01:27:49,780 --> 01:27:52,370
- Why? What's he doing?
- Just come on.
1341
01:28:04,460 --> 01:28:05,760
Hate this. Bad.
1342
01:28:07,400 --> 01:28:09,360
Is this something
I'm gonna have to clean up?
1343
01:28:09,530 --> 01:28:11,470
Mom, no, don't worry about it. Keep going.
1344
01:28:11,630 --> 01:28:14,120
Honey, honey, I really can't see.
Mom, I got you.
1345
01:28:14,300 --> 01:28:16,830
Two. Right now we're on the ground.
One more step.
1346
01:28:17,010 --> 01:28:18,340
- Three.
- Three. Yay.
1347
01:28:18,510 --> 01:28:20,630
Mom, no more steps.
We're on the ground.
1348
01:28:20,810 --> 01:28:23,800
Mom, relax.
It's your husband, not al Qaeda.
1349
01:28:23,980 --> 01:28:25,000
Hi, Em.
1350
01:28:25,180 --> 01:28:27,650
Oh, hey. Can I take this off now, please?
1351
01:28:27,820 --> 01:28:29,650
- Nope, not yet.
- Oh, what's this?
1352
01:28:31,020 --> 01:28:32,680
- I hear you, gigglepuss.
- Do it.
1353
01:28:36,660 --> 01:28:39,060
May I have your attention?
1354
01:28:42,230 --> 01:28:47,000
Many years ago, in the hallway
of Woodside Middle School...
1355
01:28:47,170 --> 01:28:50,500
...Cal Weaver saw Emily Boyle
for the first time.
1356
01:28:50,670 --> 01:28:53,640
Cal, are you seriously gonna do this
in front of the kids?
1357
01:28:53,810 --> 01:28:54,830
Mm-hm.
1358
01:28:55,010 --> 01:28:58,210
If anything goes wrong I'm supposed to
take her upstairs and put the TV on loud.
1359
01:28:58,610 --> 01:29:01,670
All right. Well, we may as well wait
for your daughter.
1360
01:29:01,850 --> 01:29:04,510
- She's right here.
- No, no, no. I mean our other daughter.
1361
01:29:04,690 --> 01:29:05,980
Hello?
- Nanna.
1362
01:29:06,150 --> 01:29:08,550
- Hi, guys.
Hi, sweetheart.
1363
01:29:08,720 --> 01:29:10,450
Hi.
What's going on?
1364
01:29:10,630 --> 01:29:14,360
Oh, I don't know. Some game.
He won't let me take this dumb blindfold off.
1365
01:29:14,530 --> 01:29:16,120
- Cal?
- Is that him?
1366
01:29:16,560 --> 01:29:17,720
What are you doing here?
1367
01:29:17,900 --> 01:29:20,830
- What are you doing here?
- Wait, do you guys know each other?
1368
01:29:21,000 --> 01:29:22,990
- What's going on?
- What are you doing here?
1369
01:29:23,170 --> 01:29:25,330
Hey, Nanna.
- Hi, Robbie.
1370
01:29:25,510 --> 01:29:26,940
- Hey, Nanna.
- Hi, cutie.
1371
01:29:27,110 --> 01:29:28,470
Jacob, it's so nice to meet you.
1372
01:29:28,640 --> 01:29:31,170
I've heard so many wonderful things
about you from Nanna.
1373
01:29:31,350 --> 01:29:33,040
- I'm sorry, what's a Nanna?
I am.
1374
01:29:33,210 --> 01:29:35,340
I couldn't say Hannah.
How do you know my dad?
1375
01:29:35,520 --> 01:29:37,710
She couldn't say her H's at all.
1376
01:29:37,890 --> 01:29:40,910
Okay. I'm having trouble understanding
what's going on right now.
1377
01:29:41,560 --> 01:29:45,520
- Dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend.
No, it's not.
1378
01:29:45,690 --> 01:29:48,420
- I was bringing him over to meet Mom.
- No. No. No, no, no.
1379
01:29:48,600 --> 01:29:50,660
I wanna see the boyfriend.
- I can't breathe.
1380
01:29:50,830 --> 01:29:51,990
Can I take this off?
1381
01:29:52,170 --> 01:29:54,660
Cal, what are you doing
with a daughter that's grown up?
1382
01:29:54,870 --> 01:29:57,340
I was 17. That's why we had to get
married so young.
1383
01:29:57,510 --> 01:30:00,470
- You should have told me.
- Never wanted me to talk about my children.
1384
01:30:00,640 --> 01:30:04,040
- Um, I'm gonna go watch TV now.
- That's fine. Why don't you go do that?
1385
01:30:04,210 --> 01:30:05,580
- Yeah. Can I come?
- No.
1386
01:30:05,750 --> 01:30:08,050
So you guys, like,
really know each other, then.
1387
01:30:08,220 --> 01:30:10,840
Oh, screw it. This is ridiculous.
1388
01:30:11,020 --> 01:30:12,880
- Honey, he's really cute.
- No, he's not.
1389
01:30:13,050 --> 01:30:15,650
Look at you. You're really a mother?
I don't believe it, sister.
1390
01:30:16,160 --> 01:30:18,420
Let me get this straight.
So you guys are a thing.
1391
01:30:18,590 --> 01:30:20,990
You guys are a couple, right?
You guys are together?
1392
01:30:21,160 --> 01:30:23,150
- Yeah.
- No way. Break up right now.
1393
01:30:23,530 --> 01:30:25,290
- Daddy?
- Please don't call him that.
1394
01:30:26,100 --> 01:30:28,700
- Cal, that's not gonna happen.
- Then I will mess you up.
1395
01:30:28,900 --> 01:30:30,000
- Dad.
- Cal.
1396
01:30:30,170 --> 01:30:31,200
- Cal.
- Jessica?
1397
01:30:31,370 --> 01:30:32,400
Bernie?
1398
01:30:34,110 --> 01:30:35,240
Daddy, no.
1399
01:30:35,410 --> 01:30:38,350
I let her babysit for you,
you son of a bitch.
1400
01:30:39,110 --> 01:30:41,670
- She's only 17 years old.
- What are you talking about?
1401
01:30:41,850 --> 01:30:43,780
- Oh, God.
No idea what you're talking about.
1402
01:30:43,950 --> 01:30:45,080
- Aah!
Bernie.
1403
01:30:45,250 --> 01:30:48,380
Daddy, no. No, no, no. Stop it.
1404
01:30:50,530 --> 01:30:52,360
Dad.
Jacob! Oh, God.
1405
01:30:52,530 --> 01:30:54,090
Stop it. He didn't do anything.
1406
01:30:54,260 --> 01:30:56,030
- He doesn't know.
Is your back okay?
1407
01:30:56,200 --> 01:30:57,690
- Know what?
- Know what?
1408
01:30:57,870 --> 01:30:59,990
Is this some kind of a skit?
Because I'm lost.
1409
01:31:00,200 --> 01:31:01,230
- Argh!
No.
1410
01:31:01,400 --> 01:31:03,960
- Aah!
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy.
1411
01:31:04,140 --> 01:31:05,900
He didn't even know
that I'm in love with him.
1412
01:31:06,810 --> 01:31:08,280
- With who?
With him.
1413
01:31:08,440 --> 01:31:10,380
- You pointing at me?
- You pointing at him?
1414
01:31:10,550 --> 01:31:12,310
She's pointing at him? Oh.
1415
01:31:12,480 --> 01:31:15,310
Wait. My dad is the older guy
you've been seeing?
1416
01:31:15,480 --> 01:31:18,580
- I knew it. You...
- He doesn't know about the naked photos.
1417
01:31:18,750 --> 01:31:20,480
- What?
- Jessica.
1418
01:31:20,660 --> 01:31:22,420
You made him naked photos? Seriously?
1419
01:31:22,590 --> 01:31:26,220
- I'm gonna beat you till your brains fall out.
- Timeout, timeout. Hold on.
1420
01:31:26,390 --> 01:31:29,390
- But I love her.
- Jessica's the one you're in love with?
1421
01:31:29,560 --> 01:31:31,360
Excuse me, Emily?
1422
01:31:32,130 --> 01:31:34,500
- You left your sweater in my car.
- Oh.
1423
01:31:34,670 --> 01:31:36,230
- Who are you?
- David Lindhagen.
1424
01:31:38,140 --> 01:31:40,200
- David Lindhagen?
- David Lindhagen.
1425
01:31:41,440 --> 01:31:43,000
Okay.
1426
01:31:43,180 --> 01:31:45,270
- Is this a bad time?
- Yeah.
1427
01:31:45,450 --> 01:31:47,070
- Unh.
- Jacob.
1428
01:31:47,620 --> 01:31:50,240
Know how much pain and suffering
you caused my friend?
1429
01:31:50,420 --> 01:31:52,250
- Stay the hell away from my daughter.
- Ow.
1430
01:31:52,420 --> 01:31:54,120
You stay away from my daughter.
1431
01:31:54,290 --> 01:31:56,350
- I don't even know you.
Stop it.
1432
01:31:56,520 --> 01:31:58,820
Oh, my God. That is not...
What are you grabbing?
1433
01:32:01,800 --> 01:32:03,730
Really? Really?
- Come on.
1434
01:32:03,900 --> 01:32:06,590
Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me!
1435
01:32:06,770 --> 01:32:09,030
Come on, she's my daughter.
Stop it. Stop it.
1436
01:32:09,200 --> 01:32:10,230
I'll kill you.
1437
01:32:12,570 --> 01:32:13,910
So...
1438
01:32:14,110 --> 01:32:16,440
Okay, wait. Which one of you
is Lindhagen again?
1439
01:32:16,610 --> 01:32:17,700
Hagen.
1440
01:32:18,650 --> 01:32:21,210
I'm just gonna write,
"Domestic disturbance, all clear. "
1441
01:32:21,380 --> 01:32:22,540
Thank you, officer.
1442
01:32:23,620 --> 01:32:26,820
Just simmer down, okay?
We all have arguments.
1443
01:32:27,020 --> 01:32:30,720
But if you're gonna fight, just do it inside.
Keep it in the family, okay?
1444
01:32:32,830 --> 01:32:33,950
I will kill you.
1445
01:32:44,940 --> 01:32:45,960
Let's go.
1446
01:32:46,140 --> 01:32:47,270
- Daddy?
Now.
1447
01:32:47,680 --> 01:32:49,610
- Daddy?
- Now.
1448
01:33:21,840 --> 01:33:23,000
Cal.
1449
01:33:23,210 --> 01:33:24,370
Come on.
1450
01:33:24,880 --> 01:33:25,900
Honey.
1451
01:33:28,650 --> 01:33:32,090
This guy is a lowlife,
he is a womanizer.
1452
01:33:32,250 --> 01:33:35,020
- That's ironic.
- Excuse me?
1453
01:33:39,090 --> 01:33:41,820
I know him.
I have witnessed him in action.
1454
01:33:42,000 --> 01:33:45,960
- And you are not to see him anymore.
- Dad, I'm not gonna stop seeing him.
1455
01:33:46,130 --> 01:33:49,300
Okay. Okay. Well, then we have
nothing more to talk about.
1456
01:33:52,970 --> 01:33:54,870
- You're being unreasonable.
- Get out of my house.
1457
01:33:55,040 --> 01:33:56,340
This is not your house anymore.
1458
01:33:56,510 --> 01:33:59,280
Well, you made damn sure of that,
didn't you, sweetheart?
1459
01:34:13,560 --> 01:34:15,830
- Bye, Nanna.
- Bye, cutie.
1460
01:34:27,080 --> 01:34:28,600
She's all yours, David.
1461
01:34:30,080 --> 01:34:33,450
- Fantastic.
- Nice.
1462
01:34:41,760 --> 01:34:43,660
Go big or go home, right, bud?
1463
01:34:45,760 --> 01:34:47,160
Go home, Dad.
1464
01:35:44,320 --> 01:35:46,310
Did you see the headline today?
What?
1465
01:35:46,490 --> 01:35:49,250
It says that you should call your dad.
1466
01:35:49,420 --> 01:35:51,760
No, it says,
"Let's move on child obesity. " Ha, ha.
1467
01:35:51,930 --> 01:35:53,590
No, it doesn't.
1468
01:35:53,760 --> 01:35:56,750
I'm not gonna call him.
- No, it says you really should.
1469
01:36:35,440 --> 01:36:37,460
Can I get you another?
1470
01:36:38,540 --> 01:36:40,630
- What time is it?
2:30.
1471
01:36:41,710 --> 01:36:43,270
In the afternoon.
1472
01:36:43,780 --> 01:36:45,750
"Two-thirty" would have been sufficient...
1473
01:36:45,910 --> 01:36:49,580
...but thank you for the judgmental tone,
cocktail servant.
1474
01:36:50,380 --> 01:36:51,410
I'm sorry...
1475
01:36:53,520 --> 01:36:55,610
Sorry for being a dick.
1476
01:36:58,360 --> 01:36:59,920
Nice sweat suit.
1477
01:37:04,530 --> 01:37:05,560
What do you want?
1478
01:37:07,000 --> 01:37:09,600
- Uh, can I sit down?
- I don't know, can you?
1479
01:37:10,440 --> 01:37:14,030
Are we gonna be adults about this,
or we gonna...?
1480
01:37:14,210 --> 01:37:16,370
"Are we gonna be adults about this?"
1481
01:37:24,920 --> 01:37:28,950
- It would mean a lot to me if we could talk.
- Are you still seeing my daughter?
1482
01:37:31,230 --> 01:37:34,420
- Yes.
- Then I have nothing to say to you.
1483
01:37:35,530 --> 01:37:37,120
Been hanging out here a lot?
1484
01:37:37,570 --> 01:37:38,960
Sometimes.
1485
01:37:41,600 --> 01:37:44,590
You been missing a lot of work?
- I have a lot of vacation days.
1486
01:37:44,770 --> 01:37:47,040
You know what? You have a lot of nerve.
1487
01:37:58,190 --> 01:37:59,480
Do you wanna do your shot?
1488
01:37:59,650 --> 01:38:02,710
She probably spit in it,
so, no, thank you.
1489
01:38:06,060 --> 01:38:07,460
Your kids miss you, Cal.
1490
01:38:07,630 --> 01:38:10,290
You're hanging out with my kids?
That's great.
1491
01:38:10,460 --> 01:38:12,900
Teach Robbie how to objectify women.
He'll love that.
1492
01:38:16,600 --> 01:38:20,670
You know it's his eighth-grade graduation
next week.
1493
01:38:21,410 --> 01:38:22,670
You gonna go to that?
1494
01:38:22,880 --> 01:38:24,110
Of course I'm going.
1495
01:38:24,280 --> 01:38:28,410
I just didn't know. You haven't really been
around. I don't think he knows either.
1496
01:38:28,580 --> 01:38:31,580
I haven't been around for him?
That's what you're telling me?
1497
01:38:31,750 --> 01:38:33,810
You know,
he's not my biggest fan right now.
1498
01:38:33,990 --> 01:38:36,720
- He thinks I stole his soul mate.
- He worships you, Cal.
1499
01:38:36,890 --> 01:38:40,190
- Is the parental advice over? Because if so...
- I'm in love with her.
1500
01:38:42,830 --> 01:38:44,130
I love her.
1501
01:38:45,930 --> 01:38:48,800
I don't know what I was doing
before this.
1502
01:38:48,970 --> 01:38:54,030
And I don't know what to do about it.
It's not something I can really stop.
1503
01:38:54,540 --> 01:38:56,340
- Yeah?
Yeah.
1504
01:38:56,510 --> 01:38:58,240
- You love her? You love Hannah?
Yes.
1505
01:38:58,410 --> 01:39:01,940
Tell me about it.
Tell me how much you love her.
1506
01:39:02,380 --> 01:39:03,440
I'm just...
1507
01:39:04,450 --> 01:39:07,110
Look, Cal, it's not something
that I wanted, okay?
1508
01:39:07,290 --> 01:39:09,150
I looked at people who were in love...
1509
01:39:09,320 --> 01:39:11,720
...and I thought
the way that they were behaving...
1510
01:39:11,890 --> 01:39:14,290
...and the things that they were doing
and saying...
1511
01:39:14,460 --> 01:39:16,730
...they appeared pathetic, honestly.
1512
01:39:16,930 --> 01:39:20,420
And I spent all this time with you,
I'm trying to make you more like me...
1513
01:39:20,600 --> 01:39:23,040
...and it turns out I just wanna be...
1514
01:39:28,010 --> 01:39:29,340
I need that drink.
1515
01:39:29,510 --> 01:39:31,770
You gonna make me do this?
I gotta really do this?
1516
01:39:36,980 --> 01:39:39,980
I had Hannah when I was 17.
1517
01:39:40,590 --> 01:39:42,990
I taught her how to ride a bike.
1518
01:39:44,390 --> 01:39:46,830
I taught her how to drive a car.
1519
01:39:47,330 --> 01:39:49,990
And I'm glad for you.
1520
01:39:50,160 --> 01:39:54,120
I'm happy for you, that you've changed.
1521
01:39:54,540 --> 01:39:59,300
I think it's fantastic
that you're a better man.
1522
01:40:00,570 --> 01:40:02,600
But I've seen too much already.
1523
01:40:02,780 --> 01:40:07,270
- No. I know. I know too much.
I know. I know.
1524
01:40:08,920 --> 01:40:10,380
And it's Hannah.
1525
01:40:10,720 --> 01:40:12,690
And she's too good for you.
1526
01:40:13,420 --> 01:40:14,750
I agree.
1527
01:40:18,830 --> 01:40:21,390
I'm never gonna give you my approval.
1528
01:40:31,340 --> 01:40:33,430
You're a good dad, Cal.
1529
01:40:47,960 --> 01:40:49,150
Yep. Yep.
1530
01:40:49,320 --> 01:40:51,880
She spit. She spit in that.
1531
01:40:52,160 --> 01:40:53,960
Guys, I need you to pay attention.
1532
01:40:54,130 --> 01:40:58,430
Do not cut the line. I need everyone
to stay in your positions, okay?
1533
01:40:58,600 --> 01:41:02,930
Guys, check your ties.
Make sure everything is nice and neat.
1534
01:41:03,100 --> 01:41:04,800
Ladies, when you're on stage...
1535
01:41:14,980 --> 01:41:16,540
Mommy, look. Robbie's name.
1536
01:41:38,140 --> 01:41:40,070
Excuse me. Is this open?
1537
01:41:56,090 --> 01:41:57,820
How close?
- Yeah, that's fine.
1538
01:42:05,670 --> 01:42:07,190
Good afternoon.
1539
01:42:07,370 --> 01:42:10,460
Welcome, parents, family and friends.
1540
01:42:10,870 --> 01:42:14,830
We're so pleased to have you here
to celebrate this graduating class.
1541
01:42:15,680 --> 01:42:19,810
And now, to introduce
our first student speaker...
1542
01:42:19,980 --> 01:42:23,750
...our very own Kate Tafferty.
1543
01:42:26,820 --> 01:42:28,620
- She's pretty.
- Ugh.
1544
01:42:31,560 --> 01:42:36,360
Our first speaker is not only
the class salutatorian...
1545
01:42:36,700 --> 01:42:39,790
...but is also...
1546
01:42:41,300 --> 01:42:44,670
...one of the most spirited young men...
1547
01:42:44,840 --> 01:42:47,570
...I've ever had the pleasure of teaching.
1548
01:42:47,740 --> 01:42:51,440
Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Weaver.
1549
01:42:54,080 --> 01:42:55,210
- Whoo!
- Robbie!
1550
01:43:04,060 --> 01:43:06,460
Welcome, class of 2011.
1551
01:43:07,330 --> 01:43:10,730
Our time as middle schoolers
has come to an end.
1552
01:43:10,900 --> 01:43:13,530
We can't fight it anymore.
We're getting old.
1553
01:43:19,840 --> 01:43:23,400
All my life I wanted to grow up.
1554
01:43:23,880 --> 01:43:28,250
I wanted to grow older
so people would take me seriously.
1555
01:43:28,920 --> 01:43:32,370
It all sounded so good to me.
1556
01:43:32,750 --> 01:43:37,190
Growing up, getting a job,
getting married.
1557
01:43:37,890 --> 01:43:39,260
But...
1558
01:43:40,230 --> 01:43:41,630
...it's all a scam.
1559
01:43:42,560 --> 01:43:43,890
And love?
1560
01:43:45,270 --> 01:43:46,790
That's the biggest scam of all.
1561
01:43:49,370 --> 01:43:51,400
I was in love.
1562
01:43:52,070 --> 01:43:56,440
And I know that makes some of you laugh
because I'm only 13...
1563
01:43:57,610 --> 01:44:00,340
...but whatever. I was.
1564
01:44:02,020 --> 01:44:05,380
And I used to think, and really believe...
1565
01:44:06,620 --> 01:44:09,420
...that there was one true love
for everyone...
1566
01:44:09,920 --> 01:44:13,420
...and if you fought hard enough
for that person...
1567
01:44:13,590 --> 01:44:15,590
...your one true love
would always work out.
1568
01:44:16,630 --> 01:44:21,530
It sounded good to me when I was younger,
but it just doesn't work that way.
1569
01:44:23,240 --> 01:44:27,440
- There is no such thing as one true love...
- Stop.
1570
01:44:31,610 --> 01:44:34,080
Shit.
1571
01:44:34,250 --> 01:44:37,010
- Oh, boy.
- Okay.
1572
01:44:37,180 --> 01:44:39,520
All right. Ahem. Excuse me.
1573
01:44:52,400 --> 01:44:55,600
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1574
01:44:56,140 --> 01:44:58,700
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
1575
01:44:59,210 --> 01:45:01,300
I was wrong, Dad.
There's no such thing as...
1576
01:45:03,580 --> 01:45:04,840
I, uh...
1577
01:45:05,550 --> 01:45:06,670
Um...
1578
01:45:12,220 --> 01:45:16,050
Oh. Well, here's the thing:
1579
01:45:16,220 --> 01:45:18,820
My son's graduation speech sucks.
1580
01:45:20,330 --> 01:45:21,350
That's not a joke.
1581
01:45:22,460 --> 01:45:26,020
In fairness, I didn't know
where he was going with that.
1582
01:45:26,200 --> 01:45:27,860
But I think we can all agree...
1583
01:45:28,040 --> 01:45:33,630
...it was headed
in a kind of depressing, um, way.
1584
01:45:35,510 --> 01:45:38,710
My son... Not him, my actual son.
1585
01:45:38,880 --> 01:45:41,400
- Believes in grand romantic gestures.
1586
01:45:41,620 --> 01:45:45,050
He believes in the existence...
1587
01:45:45,220 --> 01:45:47,520
...of one's soul mate.
1588
01:45:48,890 --> 01:45:52,120
And it's easy to just look
at a 13-year-old and say:
1589
01:45:52,290 --> 01:45:56,490
"You don't know what you're talking about.
You are wrong. "
1590
01:45:56,660 --> 01:45:58,960
But I'm not so sure.
1591
01:46:03,000 --> 01:46:06,130
I met my soul mate
when I was 15 years old.
1592
01:46:06,710 --> 01:46:08,680
We went out for ice cream.
1593
01:46:08,840 --> 01:46:13,540
After, my dad started teasing me
about my first date, the way dads do.
1594
01:46:13,710 --> 01:46:16,580
And I told him, "Dad, it's no big deal.
1595
01:46:16,750 --> 01:46:22,120
I'm gonna be going out with a lot of
different girls on a lot of different dates. "
1596
01:46:22,290 --> 01:46:25,780
And that is the first time
that I ever lied to my father.
1597
01:46:29,200 --> 01:46:31,860
I met my soul mate
when I was 15 years old...
1598
01:46:32,030 --> 01:46:36,800
...and I have loved her
every minute of every day...
1599
01:46:37,370 --> 01:46:41,210
...since I first bought her
that mint chocolate chip cone.
1600
01:46:42,880 --> 01:46:47,640
I have loved her through the birth
of my three perfect children.
1601
01:46:48,780 --> 01:46:51,080
I have loved her
even when I've hated her.
1602
01:46:52,950 --> 01:46:55,080
Only married couples
will understand that one.
1603
01:47:00,630 --> 01:47:02,490
And I don't know if it's gonna work out.
1604
01:47:04,500 --> 01:47:06,520
I don't know what's gonna happen.
1605
01:47:08,570 --> 01:47:11,540
I'm sorry, Robbie, I can't give you that.
1606
01:47:12,470 --> 01:47:14,870
But I can promise you this:
1607
01:47:15,310 --> 01:47:17,370
I will never stop trying.
1608
01:47:18,750 --> 01:47:21,870
Because when you find the one...
1609
01:47:22,350 --> 01:47:23,870
...you never give up.
1610
01:47:29,620 --> 01:47:31,520
Do you have anything you'd like to say?
1611
01:47:33,360 --> 01:47:35,060
I still love you, Jessica.
1612
01:47:38,270 --> 01:47:39,730
And I love you, Emily.
1613
01:47:41,800 --> 01:47:45,030
I loved you ever since you first
changed my sister's diaper.
1614
01:47:45,210 --> 01:47:49,140
I loved you when you came into
my bedroom and I was under the covers...
1615
01:47:49,310 --> 01:47:51,140
- Stop him.
No, no.
1616
01:47:51,310 --> 01:47:53,610
- What's he talking about?
- I'm not ashamed of it.
1617
01:47:53,780 --> 01:47:55,810
Okay, we're good, we're good.
1618
01:48:04,860 --> 01:48:08,120
Oh, there's your mom. Let's go say hi.
1619
01:48:08,460 --> 01:48:09,620
Hey.
1620
01:48:09,800 --> 01:48:12,230
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
1621
01:48:12,400 --> 01:48:14,560
There she is. My perfect girl.
1622
01:48:14,740 --> 01:48:16,260
Hi.
1623
01:48:21,140 --> 01:48:22,670
Okay.
1624
01:48:23,810 --> 01:48:25,240
So I bought a firearm...
1625
01:48:26,750 --> 01:48:28,040
...from a shady Internet site...
1626
01:48:28,220 --> 01:48:30,310
...and I am prepared to shoot you with it.
1627
01:48:32,520 --> 01:48:34,110
Come here.
1628
01:48:40,530 --> 01:48:41,820
Take care of her.
1629
01:48:46,830 --> 01:48:48,770
This is gonna be fun.
1630
01:48:48,940 --> 01:48:51,000
This is gonna be fun.
1631
01:48:55,280 --> 01:48:56,710
I'm gonna talk to my friends.
1632
01:48:56,880 --> 01:49:00,710
Go hang with the other high schoolers.
Go ahead, see if I care. I don't care.
1633
01:49:35,350 --> 01:49:37,680
I'm really glad you came.
1634
01:49:37,850 --> 01:49:39,340
So am I.
1635
01:49:40,720 --> 01:49:43,020
You were a really good babysitter,
Jessica.
1636
01:49:44,830 --> 01:49:46,920
I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.
1637
01:49:48,230 --> 01:49:50,560
- I thought you weren't giving up.
I'm not.
1638
01:49:50,730 --> 01:49:52,160
But I just figure...
1639
01:49:52,370 --> 01:49:53,830
...you like my dad...
1640
01:49:54,000 --> 01:49:56,090
...and in a few years I'll look like him.
1641
01:49:56,270 --> 01:49:57,430
I'll come for you then.
1642
01:49:58,270 --> 01:49:59,740
That's not a bad plan.
1643
01:50:00,210 --> 01:50:01,270
But...
1644
01:50:02,010 --> 01:50:04,100
Well, until then...
1645
01:50:04,280 --> 01:50:08,410
...just a little graduation gift
to get you through high school.
1646
01:50:09,420 --> 01:50:10,910
Thanks.
1647
01:50:19,390 --> 01:50:20,450
So...
1648
01:50:22,000 --> 01:50:24,090
Can you...?
1649
01:50:24,260 --> 01:50:26,290
- Why...?
- Take care, Robbie.
1650
01:50:52,230 --> 01:50:54,490
Holy crap.
1651
01:51:03,470 --> 01:51:07,130
- He looks pretty happy.
- Yeah.
1652
01:51:07,940 --> 01:51:09,880
- God, I hate that haircut, though.
- Ick.
1653
01:51:10,040 --> 01:51:13,240
- I know. He looks like a sheepdog.
- Mm-hm.
1654
01:51:18,350 --> 01:51:22,520
Oh, my eyes! My eyes! My eyes!
1655
01:51:27,360 --> 01:51:29,350
It's been a really hard year.
1656
01:51:30,960 --> 01:51:32,020
How so?
1657
01:51:37,340 --> 01:51:39,900
Yeah, there were a couple little blips,
I guess.
1658
01:51:40,070 --> 01:51:43,070
- I know.
- I guess I just, you know...
1659
01:51:43,780 --> 01:51:47,080
Really what I want to say...
1660
01:51:49,420 --> 01:51:52,350
...is that I'm so glad you bought me
that ice cream.
1661
01:51:55,120 --> 01:51:57,390
Me too.