1
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:21,043
[JOHN LEGEND'S "SAVE ROOM"
PLAYING]

2
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:35,429
<i>Oh, come on</i>

3
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:39,231
<i>Save room for my love</i>

4
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:43,933
<i>Save room for a moment to be with me</i>

5
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,578
<i>Save room for my love</i>

6
00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:48,646
<i>Save a little</i>

7
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,180
<i>Save a little for me</i>

8
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,375
Oh, I'm so full.

9
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,750
You were right,
I shouldn't have eaten all that bread.

10
00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:59,588
Want to split a dessert?

11
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,196
You okay? You seem a little off.

12
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:08,801
Yeah, I'm just trying to think about
what I want.

13
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:10,265
CAL:
Yeah, me too.

14
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:13,838
Why don't we just say it at the same time?
One, two, three...

15
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:17,306
- I want a divorce.
- Crème brûlée.

16
00:01:28,521 --> 00:01:30,785
[MOLLY SHRIEKING]

17
00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:33,187
[JESSICA BABBLING]

18
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:35,589
- You can't get away.
- Aah!

19
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:36,786
[GLASS BREAKING]

20
00:01:36,963 --> 00:01:38,225
It's okay, that's my fault.

21
00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:41,094
Come on, let's get you to bed
before your parents get home.

22
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,531
No puppy eyes, you little maniac.

23
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,466
Go brush your teeth.

24
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,602
Aren't you gonna say anything?

25
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:27,172
Almost 25 years of marriage
and you have nothing to say?

26
00:02:32,752 --> 00:02:34,185
Robbie.

27
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,580
Hey, Robbie, have you seen
Molly's homework?

28
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,451
ROBBIE: Get out.
- Oh, my God.

29
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:40,320
ROBBIE: Close the door.
JESSICA: Um...

30
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:45,861
Okay, Robbie, I'm really sorry,
and I didn't see anything.

31
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,160
[WHISPERS]
Oh, my God.

32
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:55,207
You're not talking, and you know
that only makes me talk more.

33
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:58,310
But maybe that's good, you know?
Because maybe I'll just say it.

34
00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:02,505
Maybe... Maybe I'll just tell you
I slept with someone.

35
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,819
David Lindhagen. From work.

36
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:15,586
- You met him at the Christmas party.
- Please stop.

37
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,094
The last person in the world
I'd wanna hurt is you.

38
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:19,788
If you keep talking, I'm gonna get out.

39
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:22,594
I think the fact that I did it,
it just shows how broken we are.

40
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:26,865
- Okay.
- How much we really... Cal.

41
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,702
Oh, my God! Cal!

42
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,650
Are you okay?

43
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,620
I'll leave tonight. I'll sign whatever you want.
Just please stop talking about it.

44
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:48,759
Okay.

45
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,427
[CAL GRUNTS]

46
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,580
ROBBIE [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
I'm sorry you had to see that.

47
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,808
No, you know, I should have knocked.

48
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,684
[SIGHS]

49
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:23,585
Just for the record,
I think about you while I do it.

50
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,697
- Robbie.
- I have this picture of you...

51
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,595
...and I look at it the whole time.
- Stop it.

52
00:04:29,869 --> 00:04:31,837
I love you, Jessica.

53
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,235
I am actually begging you to stop it.

54
00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:37,638
And I know you're 17,
and I know I just turned 13...

55
00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:40,074
...which is the same age
as your little brother.

56
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:42,339
But soon our age difference
won't even matter.

57
00:04:42,515 --> 00:04:46,713
Which is good, because I'm pretty sure
you're my soul mate.

58
00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:48,451
Okay, um...

59
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,255
- Listen, Robbie...
EMILY: We're home.

60
00:04:51,424 --> 00:04:53,016
- Shit.
- Hey.

61
00:04:53,526 --> 00:04:55,517
Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Weaver, how was...?

62
00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:57,526
Oh, my God. Uh, what happened?

63
00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,666
Mrs. Weaver said she wanted a divorce,
and I jumped out of the car.

64
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,960
- Cal. Honey...
CAL: Well...

65
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,161
- Kids good? Everybody good?
ROBBIE: Dad?

66
00:05:05,338 --> 00:05:07,829
EMILY: Oh.
- Oh. Hey, I didn't see you standing there.

67
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:09,599
- You're getting a divorce?
CAL: Well, yes.

68
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:12,745
Uh, so, Jess,
did Molly get through dinner okay?

69
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:14,174
Yeah, yeah, she's...

70
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:17,339
- You jumped out of a moving car?
- I jumped out of a moving car.

71
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,849
EMILY: Did she fight you on broccoli?
- No, she didn't.

72
00:05:20,019 --> 00:05:21,179
She always fights me.

73
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:24,016
- Sorry you had to find out this way.
- Sorry you jumped out of a car.

74
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,590
- I'm sorry if she fought you.
- It's okay.

75
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:27,783
I don't have any money.

76
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,723
Uh, sweetheart? Let's go to bed, okay?

77
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:33,388
Listen, why don't you grab your coat?
I'll drive you home. All right.

78
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,735
I don't care. I love him. I really do.

79
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:39,269
And, given the opportunity...

80
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,372
Yes, I would have his babies.

81
00:05:41,541 --> 00:05:45,238
Seriously? Conan O'Brien?
You would do Conan O'Brien?

82
00:05:45,411 --> 00:05:46,673
Oh, my God, yes.

83
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,679
Ew. Friend to friend, Ew.

84
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,880
I don't know. Your life is so PG-13.

85
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:57,547
- My life is not PG-13.
- Oh, it so is.

86
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,089
- No, it's not.
LIZ: Yes, it is.

87
00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:02,750
You've never left L.A. You pass the bar,
you're gonna be what, a patent lawyer?

88
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:07,093
Probably married to that human Valium,
Richard. I just...

89
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:09,257
Listen, I worry about you, is all.

90
00:06:25,284 --> 00:06:26,615
So much potential...

91
00:06:26,786 --> 00:06:30,745
...and you've resorted to fantasizing
about Conan "Ginger Junk" O'Brien.

92
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,948
- He's funny.
- He looks like a carrot, honey.

93
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,616
JACOB:
Who looks like a carrot?

94
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,960
Hi. Who looks like a carrot?

95
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,158
Conan O'Brien.

96
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:45,429
My friend Hannah here
thinks he's sexy.

97
00:06:45,605 --> 00:06:48,267
That's weird, I think that your friend
Hannah is sexy.

98
00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:51,501
Oh, my God. You did not just say that.

99
00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:52,803
How old are you?

100
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,277
- What are you, a lawyer?
- Yeah. A little bit.

101
00:06:55,448 --> 00:06:56,915
JACOB: Come on.
- I know.

102
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,846
- You are? Is she?
- Gonna be.

103
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:01,646
Don't you think you're a little old
to use cheesy pickup lines?

104
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,688
- Objection. Leading the witness.
- Ha, ha.

105
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:07,155
You're wearing that
like you're doing it a favor.

106
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,953
- Oh, God.
- That's a line.

107
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:13,189
Me sitting there for the past two hours not
being able to take my eyes off you is fact.

108
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:17,029
I mean, there's lots of beautiful women
in this bar. Your friend included. Hi.

109
00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,428
I love you.

110
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:22,539
But I can't take my eyes off of you.
That's a fact, it's not a line.

111
00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:24,608
I find you very attractive.

112
00:07:25,044 --> 00:07:26,306
Do you find me attractive?

113
00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,640
- She does.
- I don't.

114
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,612
- Tsk. You do. She does.
- Yes, she does.

115
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,148
- I don't.
- You do.

116
00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:33,945
- You do.
- I don't.

117
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,849
- Hannah, can I buy you a drink?
- No.

118
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,546
- You say no a lot, don't you?
- No.

119
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:40,055
Oh, boy. Permission
to approach the bench?

120
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:41,284
HANNAH:
Seriously?

121
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,624
Just, come on, let me deliver
my closing argument.

122
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,697
Sure. Proceed.

123
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:50,097
- Hannah, we live in a physical world, right?
HANNAH: Uh-huh.

124
00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:53,102
- And you're going to age, right?
- Mm-hm.

125
00:07:53,272 --> 00:07:54,330
JACOB:
I guarantee you this:

126
00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:58,170
You're never gonna regret going home
with that guy from the bar that one time...

127
00:07:58,344 --> 00:08:00,175
...that was a total tomcat in the sack.

128
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,212
But I can't guarantee
that you won't not regret it.

129
00:08:03,382 --> 00:08:06,476
- That was a double negative.
- You're a double negative.

130
00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:09,752
Okay. Hannah, can I buy you a drink?

131
00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,789
Okay. You know what?
It's time to go home.

132
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:13,983
JACOB: Really?
- Mm-hm.

133
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,151
JACOB:
That's forward of you, but okay. I'll do it.

134
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,990
<i>HANNAH:
I TiVoed Saw III.</i>

135
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:21,065
So should I get my car or yours?
Should I pull the car around?

136
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,565
You been drinking? I'll drive.

137
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:25,568
- Liz?
LIZ: Coming.

138
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:51,687
[SIGHS]

139
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:02,568
- I'll have to call Nanna.
- Huh?

140
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,836
Oh. Noth...

141
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:06,569
[CLEARS THROAT]

142
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,181
So Stanford, huh?

143
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,914
Good for you. That's great.
I know your dad's really proud.

144
00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,456
Yeah. Yeah, he's...

145
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:25,554
- Are you sure you're okay?
- David Lindhagen, God.

146
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,364
Okay.

147
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,041
[SIGHS]

148
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,673
CAL:
I'm sorry. Sorry about that.

149
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,117
It's okay.

150
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,213
Um...

151
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,849
- Mr. Weaver?
- Hmm?

152
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:54,083
Um...

153
00:09:55,061 --> 00:10:00,465
You're the nicest dad that I babysit...

154
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:02,731
Of all the, um...

155
00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,429
You're really nice.

156
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:06,963
- That's very nice.
- And, um...

157
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:12,238
...I like Ms. Weaver,
I like her a lot. Okay?

158
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:16,211
But if she wants to divorce you...

159
00:10:16,515 --> 00:10:18,483
...then I think she's batshit crazy.

160
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:19,675
Mm.

161
00:10:19,852 --> 00:10:23,515
- Sorry.
- Okay. Okay.

162
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:27,488
I hope this doesn't make you
uncomfortable.

163
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:30,719
- I've developed, like, a little crush...
- Could you do me a favor?

164
00:10:30,896 --> 00:10:36,391
Would you not mention to your parents
that Mrs. Weaver and I are, you know...

165
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,595
It's something we wanna tell them
on our own, okay?

166
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,606
Yeah.

167
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:44,406
Thank you, I appreciate that.

168
00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:45,703
Have a good night.

169
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,116
[GRAM RABBIT'S "LOST IN PLACE"
PLAYING]

170
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,053
<i>See you soon</i>

171
00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,866
BARTENDER:
Another vodka cranberry?

172
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,291
I'm sorry. What?

173
00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:12,301
BARTENDER: Another vodka cranberry?
- Oh, yeah. Yes, thanks.

174
00:11:12,471 --> 00:11:15,235
<i>It's no surprise</i>

175
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,571
I've been by this place
a million times, never come in.

176
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,405
It's nice, lot of pretty girls.

177
00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:22,843
<i>Nowhere</i>

178
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,744
<i>This is my life</i>

179
00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:30,082
- Hey, guess what.
- What?

180
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:33,953
My wife is having intercourse
with someone who is not me.

181
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:36,961
Um, I'm sorry to hear that.

182
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:42,294
Oh. Thank you. That is very nice
of you to say. Very, very nice.

183
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:43,492
[SCOFFS]

184
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:47,765
She just told me.
I just found out, so I'm a little raw. It's...

185
00:11:48,307 --> 00:11:50,070
Ah, okay. Well, you're not listening.

186
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:51,470
[SCOFFS]

187
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:54,078
Okay.

188
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,775
You wouldn't ignore me
if I were David Lindhagen.

189
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,344
My wife doesn't ignore David Lindhagen.

190
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,456
She screws him.

191
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:08,686
Screws him.

192
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:10,089
[WOMAN LAUGHING]

193
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,594
They make this, like, gurgling sound,
it's like:

194
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,426
[JACOB GURGLING]

195
00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:18,259
Gay.

196
00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:25,474
- Hey, Cal.
CAL: Hey.

197
00:12:25,644 --> 00:12:27,271
BOSS:
Hey.

198
00:12:28,447 --> 00:12:31,905
Oh, I just, uh... I got the report
on the end-of-year financials.

199
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,082
- Good. Good, good. Really great.
- Oh, good.

200
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,983
You killed this quarter.

201
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:38,350
Okay.

202
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,116
BOSS: Cal, seriously.
- All right.

203
00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:43,184
- Okay.
BOSS: Seriously.

204
00:12:43,462 --> 00:12:46,761
Who told you
that Emily and I are getting divorced?

205
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,795
- You're getting a divorce?
- Yeah.

206
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:52,797
[CHUCKLES]

207
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:56,465
Amy heard you crying in the bathroom.
We all thought it was cancer.

208
00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,837
- Oh.
- Thank God, man. Ha-ha-ha.

209
00:12:59,011 --> 00:13:00,342
Yeah, just my relationship.

210
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:03,107
[BOTH LAUGHING]

211
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,375
- Thank God.
- Oh...

212
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:06,643
Divorce.

213
00:13:06,819 --> 00:13:08,343
[BOSS LAUGHING]

214
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,216
- I'm so lucky.
- You are.

215
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:14,485
- I have to go pick out furniture now.
BOSS: Okay, okay. You go for it.

216
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,025
[BOSS LAUGHS]

217
00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:19,359
It could have been cancer, buddy.

218
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,962
Hey, everyone, it's just a divorce.

219
00:13:22,134 --> 00:13:23,431
MAN:
All right, buddy.

220
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:26,036
Thanks. Feels good.

221
00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:29,597
[TRUCK DOOR CLOSES]

222
00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:30,833
[CAL SIGHS]

223
00:13:42,288 --> 00:13:45,849
Cal? I just wanted to say...

224
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,515
Shit.

225
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:54,261
Can I back that thing
out of the driveway for you?

226
00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:57,230
- Oh, no. I'll be fine.
- You have trouble in reverse, is all.

227
00:13:57,903 --> 00:14:02,067
When I get settled, the kids can come
and take a look at my new place.

228
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,977
I think I'm having a midlife crisis,
maybe.

229
00:14:08,147 --> 00:14:10,775
Can women have midlife crises?

230
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:15,083
In the movies it's always men having them
and buying ridiculous yellow Porsches...

231
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,778
...but, you know, I'm not a man.

232
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,355
Be sure to fertilize all this.

233
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:23,257
We got married so young, Cal.
And now I'm 44.

234
00:14:23,495 --> 00:14:25,895
And it's so much older
than I thought I'd be.

235
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,700
There's a turnoff valve
for the sprinklers over there.

236
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:31,359
Last week, when I told you
that I had to work late...

237
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:34,062
<i>...I went to see the new Twilight movie
by myself.</i>

238
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,471
I don't know why I did that.

239
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,474
And it was so bad, Cal.

240
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:42,773
It keeps raining, you might
wanna turn off the automatic setting.

241
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:46,577
And we haven't been us.
Not for a long time.

242
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:49,880
And I don't know when you and I
stopped being us.

243
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:51,647
I mean, do you?

244
00:14:52,124 --> 00:14:54,615
Maybe it's when
you screwed David Lindhagen.

245
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,427
[ENGINE STARTS]

246
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:21,085
[LATE NIGHT ALUMNI'S
"YOU CAN BE THE ONE" PLAYING]

247
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,187
<i>Nobody wants to be alone</i>

248
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:26,347
[ALL CHATTERING]

249
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,662
<i>The heart beats happy when it has a place</i>

250
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,863
<i>And if it doesn't have a home</i>

251
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:47,076
<i>It can come into my space</i>

252
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:52,048
<i>So you can be the one I love</i>

253
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:55,846
<i>I can be the one you long for</i>

254
00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:59,889
<i>You can be the one I want</i>

255
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,286
Hey.

256
00:16:02,561 --> 00:16:04,620
Sorry I'm late,
I had to pick something up at Macy's.

257
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,061
CAL: Oh. Don't even worry about it.
- A chardonnay.

258
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:08,631
I'm just glad you're here.

259
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:10,294
[CAL SIGHS]

260
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:11,663
Wow.

261
00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:16,132
I don't know. I don't know what happened.
Tough couple of days.

262
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:21,345
You know
when you don't see something coming...

263
00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:24,073
Claire said I can't be friends
with you anymore.

264
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:25,614
What?

265
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:28,446
She said we had to choose
between you and Emily.

266
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:31,020
I chose you.

267
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,249
But she said no.

268
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,225
It's cologne.

269
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,058
Bernie?

270
00:16:44,536 --> 00:16:48,028
- Are you breaking up with me, Bernie?
- There's a gift receipt in there also.

271
00:16:48,907 --> 00:16:50,033
CAL:
Bernie?

272
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,871
Bernie. Bernie.

273
00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:56,811
<i>I can be the one you long for</i>

274
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,847
<i>You can be the one</i>

275
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,418
[THIEVERY CORPORATION'S "THE HEART'S
A LONELY HUNTER" PLAYING]

276
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:04,522
CAL: You know a word
that is not used very often anymore?

277
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,180
"Cuckold."

278
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,950
I'm a cuckold.

279
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:12,257
David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
He made a cuckold out of me.

280
00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:14,797
He slept with my wife.

281
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,400
And I didn't know about it.

282
00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:20,197
And that is the definition of cuckoldom.

283
00:17:20,372 --> 00:17:23,967
David Lindhagen took my wife
and slept with her.

284
00:17:24,143 --> 00:17:25,440
[CAL GROANS]

285
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:30,048
Thought I did everything right.
Got married, had kids, the house.

286
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,184
What do I get for it? I get cuckolded.

287
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:37,685
David Lindhagen cuckolded me.
He made a cuckold out of me.

288
00:17:37,856 --> 00:17:38,880
[JACOB WHISTLES]

289
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,616
<i>Welcome to my spaceship</i>

290
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:45,558
<i>It's beautiful forever</i>

291
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,332
Can you give me five minutes?

292
00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:53,169
<i>The heart's a lonely hunter</i>

293
00:17:53,338 --> 00:17:54,737
Interesting.

294
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,842
Hey. Jacob Palmer.

295
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,246
- Cal Weaver.
- Let me buy you a drink, Cal.

296
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:09,285
- Thanks, I have a drink.
- Sit. I'd like to buy you a drink.

297
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,279
Okay.

298
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:14,216
Guess what.

299
00:18:14,393 --> 00:18:16,918
- My wife is having an affair with...
- David Lindhagen.

300
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:20,261
David Lindhagen. I know.

301
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,229
- How do I know that?
- I don't know.

302
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:25,302
I'm a total stranger. How would I know
something so intimate?

303
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,666
- Lindhagen screwing with your wife too?
JACOB: No.

304
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,034
[LAUGHS]

305
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,472
- Hmm.
JACOB: You wanna know why I know that?

306
00:18:31,643 --> 00:18:32,803
[COUGHING]

307
00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:34,002
Okay.

308
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:37,979
It's all that I've heard, Cal, for the past
two nights. It's all anybody's heard.

309
00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:42,712
You're going around and you're badgering
people with this sad-sack loser sob story.

310
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:45,288
- I don't understand why.
- I don't need this crap.

311
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,220
- Cal, sit down.
- All right.

312
00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:51,928
Look, I know that it sounds harsh,
but it's true.

313
00:18:52,097 --> 00:18:54,998
And you need to hear the truth. Okay?

314
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:56,191
Okay.

315
00:18:56,368 --> 00:18:59,166
Cal, would you take that straw
out of your mouth? Please.

316
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,806
<i>That looks like
you're sucking on a tiny schwantz.</i>

317
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:05,068
Is that what you want?
Is that the message you wanna send?

318
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:08,145
- No one's thinking that.
JACOB: Really?

319
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:12,916
- So permission to speak candidly, sir.
- Uh, think you've already gone there.

320
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,280
You're sitting there
with a Supercuts haircut...

321
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:19,049
...getting drunk on watered-down
vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl...

322
00:19:19,224 --> 00:19:22,284
...and you're wearing a 44
when you should be wearing a 42 regular.

323
00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:25,487
Honestly, I don't know if I should
help you or euthanize you.

324
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:29,992
Cal, you got a kind face.

325
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,933
You got a good head of hair.
You seem like a nice guy.

326
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,868
I wanna help you. I'm gonna help you
rediscover your manhood.

327
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:43,337
Do you have any idea,
like, where you lost it?

328
00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:46,847
- A strong case could be made for 1984.
JACOB: Well.

329
00:19:50,556 --> 00:19:51,614
We're gonna find it.

330
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,459
We are. I promise you.

331
00:19:55,994 --> 00:19:58,326
And I promise you this too, Cal:

332
00:19:58,497 --> 00:20:00,260
When we're done...

333
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,727
...this wife of yours...

334
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:07,069
...she's gonna rue the day
she ever decided to give up on you.

335
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,834
That's my offer.

336
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,275
You in or you out?

337
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,070
Why are you doing this?

338
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:17,806
Maybe you remind me of someone.

339
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:21,817
You in or you out?

340
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:26,152
I'm in.

341
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,129
Hey, fancy face, you wanna go?

342
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,329
Okay.

343
00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:40,062
Century City Mall, food court,
3:00, Thursday.

344
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,670
After you, hon.

345
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,475
Good night, fancy face.

346
00:20:52,884 --> 00:20:55,352
She will rue the day.

347
00:20:56,888 --> 00:20:59,755
Set you guys up with some snacks
over here. TV's already on.

348
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,017
[MOLLY SHRIEKS]

349
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:04,026
[BURNHAM'S "AUTOMATIC"
PLAYING ON TV]

350
00:21:05,631 --> 00:21:06,655
You okay?

351
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,099
Mm. Yeah. You?

352
00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,196
Mm.

353
00:21:11,370 --> 00:21:12,530
Can I tell you something?

354
00:21:13,972 --> 00:21:15,371
Love sucks.

355
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:18,236
[LAUGHS]

356
00:21:18,410 --> 00:21:19,843
[SIGHS]

357
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:21,343
CAL:
Yeah.

358
00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:23,276
You in love, buddy?

359
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:25,882
ROBBIE: Well, if you must know...
- Ding-dong.

360
00:21:26,051 --> 00:21:28,451
- Oh, hey, Jess. Thanks for coming by.
- Hey. Yeah.

361
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,985
What is she doing here?

362
00:21:30,155 --> 00:21:34,558
Guys, I have to step out for a couple
of minutes. Okay? All right? Okay.

363
00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:36,921
Mom wants you to stay
while she's out hooking.

364
00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:38,323
- What?
CAL: What?

365
00:21:38,497 --> 00:21:41,864
Oh. Um, the place is nice, Mr. Weaver.

366
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:43,899
Thanks.
That's a very generous adjective.

367
00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:45,798
- Honey.
ROBBIE: I don't need a babysitter.

368
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:48,337
She's only four years older.
You need to know that.

369
00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:51,408
- She needs to know that.
- I know, I know, I know.

370
00:21:51,576 --> 00:21:53,305
Man, are you growing up.

371
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,969
Look at him. It's unbelievable.
He's in love already.

372
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,172
Oh.

373
00:21:58,750 --> 00:22:01,412
Molly. Say bye to Daddy.

374
00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:05,113
- Wait, where are you going?
- I'm taking a class.

375
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:09,018
- That is great, Mr. Weaver.
- Thank you.

376
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:13,290
This is a difficult time for you, right?
And it's important to try new things.

377
00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:17,265
Even things that you haven't
considered trying before.

378
00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:21,896
Mm-hm. Yup. Molly, I'm going.

379
00:22:22,074 --> 00:22:24,872
Okay. That's my princess. Bye. Thanks.

380
00:22:25,043 --> 00:22:28,103
- But wait. Dad.
CAL: Bye, guys. See you in a bit.

381
00:22:28,914 --> 00:22:32,008
Hey, Tiger.

382
00:22:36,088 --> 00:22:38,613
- I love you so, so much.
- Jeez, Robbie.

383
00:22:38,790 --> 00:22:40,690
I love you so much. Please?

384
00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:45,925
What the hell am I doing?

385
00:22:46,865 --> 00:22:48,924
What am I doing?

386
00:22:50,202 --> 00:22:51,226
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

387
00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:53,064
MAN:
Hey, uh, everybody.

388
00:22:53,238 --> 00:22:55,399
Everybody. Uh, if I could...

389
00:22:55,574 --> 00:22:57,633
Thank you. A little toast.

390
00:22:57,809 --> 00:23:01,711
I would like to thank you all for coming
to Hannah Banana's goodbye party.

391
00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:04,379
And to my...

392
00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,449
- [IN GOOFY VOICE]... Hannah Banana.
ALL: Ha, ha.

393
00:23:06,618 --> 00:23:09,280
[IN NORMAL VOICE] You go into your cave
and you study your butt off.

394
00:23:09,454 --> 00:23:14,653
Because if you do, I just know
that you are gonna kick that bar's butt...

395
00:23:15,627 --> 00:23:18,494
...out of here. You know?
- Yeah.

396
00:23:18,663 --> 00:23:21,257
It reminds me of an old story
my law professor told me...

397
00:23:21,433 --> 00:23:23,628
Oh, dear God. Cheers, everyone.

398
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:25,895
ALL:
Cheers.

399
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:27,095
RICHARD:
Hey, Liz.

400
00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:31,470
Listen, when my girl here passes...

401
00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:35,274
...I'm gonna have another
little celebration right here...

402
00:23:35,447 --> 00:23:38,644
...and I hope you can make it,
because it's gonna be a special night.

403
00:23:38,817 --> 00:23:40,375
Okay.

404
00:23:45,390 --> 00:23:47,688
- Did you hear that?
LIZ: Hear what?

405
00:23:47,859 --> 00:23:52,057
- You heard that? "Special night"?
LIZ: Yeah. Yeah.

406
00:23:53,265 --> 00:23:54,596
You think he's gonna propose?

407
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,862
At the El Torito Grill? God, I hope not.

408
00:23:59,037 --> 00:24:00,163
Why, do you want him to?

409
00:24:00,338 --> 00:24:01,771
[CHUCKLES]

410
00:24:02,407 --> 00:24:03,704
I don't know, he's nice.

411
00:24:03,875 --> 00:24:06,639
"He's Ni..."? Hannah.

412
00:24:07,179 --> 00:24:08,771
He's a sweetheart. Look at him.

413
00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:10,209
- He bcc'd you?
- Right, yeah.

414
00:24:11,349 --> 00:24:14,944
All right. Hannah, look at you.
Look at you.

415
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:18,248
If you end up with that,
what am I gonna end up with?

416
00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:21,551
- Shut up. Come on.
- That shit's depressing.

417
00:24:21,726 --> 00:24:25,753
All right. You know what?
I have to not big-sister you. It's fine if...

418
00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:26,955
Jesus, really?

419
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:29,965
No. No. Not my life. Not my life.
I'm going. Okay?

420
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:33,571
So call me if you need anything. Bye.

421
00:24:33,738 --> 00:24:35,205
You're awful. Bye.

422
00:24:35,373 --> 00:24:37,432
Thank you for coming.

423
00:25:08,907 --> 00:25:10,169
CAL:
Um...

424
00:25:12,444 --> 00:25:14,344
- You're late.
- Yeah. Sorry.

425
00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:16,242
- Sbarro's?
- No, thanks.

426
00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:18,939
Let me ask a question.
How much you got for clothes?

427
00:25:19,117 --> 00:25:20,175
Um...

428
00:25:20,352 --> 00:25:22,752
- What happened to your feet?
- What do you mean?

429
00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:25,754
- These are my 407s.
- Oh, they're 407s.

430
00:25:25,924 --> 00:25:27,414
- Can I see them?
- Yeah.

431
00:25:27,592 --> 00:25:29,583
- These offer a lot of support.
- Right.

432
00:25:29,761 --> 00:25:31,251
CAL:
Whoa. Come on.

433
00:25:31,897 --> 00:25:34,127
- What, are you in a fraternity?
- Are you insane?

434
00:25:34,299 --> 00:25:36,267
You could have hit somebody.
What was that?

435
00:25:36,434 --> 00:25:38,595
- I'm asking a question. You in a frat?
- No.

436
00:25:38,770 --> 00:25:40,294
- Are you Steve Jobs?
- What?

437
00:25:40,472 --> 00:25:43,532
Hold on a second. Are you the billionaire
owner of Apple Computers?

438
00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:44,800
- No.
JACOB: Oh.

439
00:25:44,976 --> 00:25:48,537
Okay. Well, in that case, you got no right
to wear New Balance sneakers ever.

440
00:25:49,581 --> 00:25:51,776
- Come on.
- Mm... Oh...

441
00:25:55,754 --> 00:25:57,051
Okay. All right.

442
00:25:57,222 --> 00:25:59,690
JACOB: One of the best parts
about being a guy your age...

443
00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:02,793
Frankly, there aren't many, so you
should really take full advantage of it.

444
00:26:02,961 --> 00:26:03,985
Uh-huh.

445
00:26:04,162 --> 00:26:07,154
- Is that you can rebuild your entire
wardrobe with like 16 items.

446
00:26:07,332 --> 00:26:08,458
Credit card.

447
00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,266
[VELCRO RIPS]

448
00:26:20,278 --> 00:26:21,302
What?

449
00:26:26,952 --> 00:26:29,284
You see, the problem
is that your head has like...

450
00:26:29,454 --> 00:26:31,513
Like the proportions
of a Styrofoam peanut.

451
00:26:36,261 --> 00:26:39,253
The skin under your eyes is starting
to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sac.

452
00:26:42,801 --> 00:26:44,598
It does.

453
00:26:49,874 --> 00:26:51,102
[VELCRO RIPS]

454
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:52,334
Where are your wallets?

455
00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:57,941
- I'm set for jeans.
- You're not set for jeans.

456
00:26:58,116 --> 00:27:00,380
- These are fine.
JACOB: They're not fine.

457
00:27:00,552 --> 00:27:03,112
- You have a mom butt.
- Why don't we just go to the Gap?

458
00:27:05,857 --> 00:27:07,791
You know what? They have a s... Okay.

459
00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:09,984
What are you doing?

460
00:27:13,832 --> 00:27:17,393
Cal, be better than the Gap.

461
00:27:17,836 --> 00:27:19,997
Be better than the Gap.

462
00:27:20,171 --> 00:27:21,695
Say it.

463
00:27:23,241 --> 00:27:24,640
I'm better than the Gap.

464
00:27:27,579 --> 00:27:28,705
- Come on.
- God.

465
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,905
- Stop slapping me. Really.
JACOB: Okay.

466
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:33,107
You're beautiful.

467
00:27:34,019 --> 00:27:36,487
He likes to slap me in the face.

468
00:27:36,655 --> 00:27:38,623
- What are you doing later?
- Ha, ha. I don't know.

469
00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:40,314
- I do.
- Do you?

470
00:27:40,492 --> 00:27:42,323
- I know exactly what you're doing.
- Oh, ha, ha.

471
00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:43,722
CAL:
Seriously? Seriously?

472
00:27:43,895 --> 00:27:45,419
- You ask her out like that?
- Yeah.

473
00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,690
And that worked?

474
00:27:48,533 --> 00:27:49,693
BOTH:
Yeah.

475
00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:52,530
Feeling kind of stupid, but...

476
00:27:53,972 --> 00:27:55,337
TIFFANY:
Wow.

477
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,566
Look at you.

478
00:27:57,776 --> 00:27:59,073
Feel like I'm going skiing.

479
00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:02,741
- Would you sleep with him?
- Jesus. God.

480
00:28:02,914 --> 00:28:05,747
- Yeah, probably.
- Wha...?

481
00:28:06,451 --> 00:28:08,112
You would?

482
00:28:08,286 --> 00:28:11,119
[CHUCKLING]
That's... What?

483
00:28:11,289 --> 00:28:13,189
[CAL LAUGHING]

484
00:28:13,358 --> 00:28:14,950
What are you even saying?

485
00:28:15,493 --> 00:28:17,154
You see what just happened, Cal?

486
00:28:17,328 --> 00:28:20,923
Soon as you opened your mouth, Tiffany
started doubting whether she wanted to.

487
00:28:21,099 --> 00:28:24,068
That's the meanest thing
anyone's ever said to me.

488
00:28:24,235 --> 00:28:25,827
No. This is.

489
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,332
Your wife cheated on you because
you lost sight of who you are as a man...

490
00:28:32,510 --> 00:28:36,037
...as a husband, and probably as a lover.

491
00:28:36,214 --> 00:28:38,341
You're right, that's meaner.

492
00:28:40,685 --> 00:28:42,653
Let's talk about how many women
you've been with.

493
00:28:43,288 --> 00:28:46,553
- Sexually?
- Yeah, no. I mean break-dance fighting.

494
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:49,988
One.

495
00:28:51,896 --> 00:28:53,420
No. Not at one time.

496
00:28:53,598 --> 00:28:55,657
[JACOB CHUCKLING]

497
00:28:55,834 --> 00:28:56,892
How many total?

498
00:28:58,903 --> 00:29:00,370
Don't say it. Don't say it.

499
00:29:00,538 --> 00:29:02,130
We met in high school, okay?

500
00:29:02,307 --> 00:29:04,434
Oh, boy. You're kidding me.

501
00:29:05,443 --> 00:29:06,967
One woman? That's great.

502
00:29:07,145 --> 00:29:08,874
- Emily is beautiful.
- I guess.

503
00:29:09,047 --> 00:29:11,174
She was gorgeous.
She was one of those women...

504
00:29:11,349 --> 00:29:15,115
...that could be wildly sexy
and unbelievably cute all at the same time.

505
00:29:15,286 --> 00:29:16,913
We had a little blip senior year...

506
00:29:17,088 --> 00:29:19,488
I literally stopped listening at "Emily."

507
00:29:19,657 --> 00:29:21,921
I think we should start approaching
women tonight.

508
00:29:22,093 --> 00:29:23,856
Are you ready to go?

509
00:29:25,296 --> 00:29:26,763
I miss my wife.

510
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:31,834
JACOB: Hi.
AMY: Hi.

511
00:29:32,003 --> 00:29:33,664
JACOB: How are you?
- Good. How are you?

512
00:29:33,838 --> 00:29:35,772
I'm great. I'm Jacob. What's your name?

513
00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,340
- Oh. Amy Johnson.
- Amy Johnson.

514
00:29:38,510 --> 00:29:39,602
[AMY LAUGHS]

515
00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:41,712
- I'm Jacob Palmer. How you doing?
- Uh, great.

516
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,279
JACOB: Good.
- I'm Cal.

517
00:29:43,448 --> 00:29:44,915
JACOB:
No. Not yet.

518
00:29:45,083 --> 00:29:48,382
- Sorry. Amy, can I buy you a drink?
- Uh-huh.

519
00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:49,645
Keep her company?

520
00:29:49,821 --> 00:29:52,289
- I'd be happy to.
- If he gets handsy, let me know.

521
00:29:52,457 --> 00:29:53,822
[CAL LAUGHS]

522
00:29:53,992 --> 00:29:56,324
I wouldn't touch you
if my life depended on it.

523
00:30:00,231 --> 00:30:03,496
- Uh, what was your name?
- Cal Weaver.

524
00:30:03,668 --> 00:30:06,034
AMY: Cal Weaver.
- No relation to Dennis Weaver.

525
00:30:06,437 --> 00:30:09,463
<i>- Uh... Uh...
- McCloud.</i>

526
00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:12,235
<i>McCloud was a show in the '70s
that...</i>

527
00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:14,674
<i>You're not talking about McCloud
again, are you?</i>

528
00:30:14,846 --> 00:30:18,077
Here we go, huh?
To all of our fallen homeys.

529
00:30:18,249 --> 00:30:20,740
Well, I'm the fourth of five sisters.

530
00:30:20,919 --> 00:30:23,012
- No. That's boring.
- Oh.

531
00:30:23,188 --> 00:30:26,783
Not for your sisters,
but for my purposes, it's not gonna work.

532
00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:29,756
- Okay.
- I have this friend.

533
00:30:30,061 --> 00:30:34,361
And he thinks that you're way too pretty
to be interesting and that's hogwash.

534
00:30:34,532 --> 00:30:37,797
- All right. You wanna get out of here?
- Uh, sure.

535
00:30:37,969 --> 00:30:39,061
Giddy up.

536
00:30:39,237 --> 00:30:41,535
Am I boring you? I'm totally boring you.
I'm...

537
00:30:41,706 --> 00:30:43,173
How are you doing this, like...

538
00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:46,970
...wildly sexy but unbelievably cute
thing that you're doing?

539
00:30:47,145 --> 00:30:48,908
JORDYN: Uh...
- It's weird.

540
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,105
- You wanna get out of here?
- Yeah.

541
00:30:51,282 --> 00:30:53,409
- Okay.
JORDYN: Cool.

542
00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:56,782
So Molly, who's 6 at the time,
can't find Mr. Bobo.

543
00:30:56,955 --> 00:30:58,718
We're looking all over.

544
00:30:58,890 --> 00:31:02,553
It's in the kitchen.
Mr. Bobo was in the kitchen the whole time.

545
00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:05,629
Wanna get out of here?

546
00:31:05,797 --> 00:31:07,526
Have a good night.

547
00:31:09,033 --> 00:31:10,398
- Let's get out of here.
- Yeah.

548
00:31:10,568 --> 00:31:11,967
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.

549
00:31:12,136 --> 00:31:14,161
- Let's get out of here.
WOMEN: Absolutely.

550
00:31:14,339 --> 00:31:15,704
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.

551
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,273
- Let's get out of here.
- Okay.

552
00:32:06,591 --> 00:32:07,615
Shit.

553
00:32:07,792 --> 00:32:09,419
[PHOTOCOPIER BEEPING]

554
00:32:10,495 --> 00:32:14,454
- You have a second?
- Hey, David. No. Because I'm swamped.

555
00:32:14,632 --> 00:32:17,157
DAVID: You've been avoiding me.
- No. I haven't.

556
00:32:17,335 --> 00:32:20,930
You ran in the other direction when you
saw me coming down the hall yesterday.

557
00:32:21,105 --> 00:32:23,801
- You're very fast, by the way.
- I ran track in high school.

558
00:32:23,975 --> 00:32:25,943
That must be it.

559
00:32:26,744 --> 00:32:30,111
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
about you and Cal.

560
00:32:30,281 --> 00:32:32,249
- No, you're not.
- No, I'm not.

561
00:32:32,417 --> 00:32:33,884
I like you, Emily.

562
00:32:34,052 --> 00:32:36,111
Do you have any idea
how much I like you?

563
00:32:36,287 --> 00:32:38,482
Hey, David, you know,
I really have a lot to do.

564
00:32:38,656 --> 00:32:41,056
I had no intention of falling
for a married woman...

565
00:32:41,225 --> 00:32:44,353
...but all of a sudden we're having
lunch and I'm this accountant...

566
00:32:44,529 --> 00:32:47,054
...who's waking up every morning
excited to go to work.

567
00:32:47,231 --> 00:32:50,860
And that just does not happen
for accountants. Ever.

568
00:32:51,035 --> 00:32:52,832
I checked with other accountants.

569
00:32:53,004 --> 00:32:55,268
David, you know what?
You've been a great friend.

570
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,568
You noticed last month when I got
my hair trimmed and that was huge.

571
00:32:58,743 --> 00:33:00,210
But look, trust me. You know...

572
00:33:00,378 --> 00:33:03,973
<i>I am saving you from disaster, because
you're asking to pre-board the Titanic.</i>

573
00:33:04,148 --> 00:33:06,013
Do you really want any part of this?

574
00:33:06,184 --> 00:33:07,651
Do I really want any part of this?

575
00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:08,843
[KNOCKING]

576
00:33:09,020 --> 00:33:11,352
- Emily? Your report's ready.
- Okay.

577
00:33:14,025 --> 00:33:16,323
TEACHER:
Okay, people. Here it is.

578
00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:20,260
<i>The Scarlet Letter
by Nathaniel Hawthorne.</i>

579
00:33:20,431 --> 00:33:25,232
A romance set in Salem in the 1600s.
It is about sin.

580
00:33:25,403 --> 00:33:26,529
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

581
00:33:41,552 --> 00:33:45,818
TEACHER: Forced to wear the scarlet A
to punish her adulterous behavior.

582
00:33:45,990 --> 00:33:50,484
Dimmesdale's A is inflicted upon himself
in the form of a...

583
00:33:50,661 --> 00:33:52,288
Mr. Weaver.

584
00:33:52,463 --> 00:33:54,556
Mr. Weaver.

585
00:33:54,732 --> 00:33:57,462
Are we interrupting?

586
00:33:57,635 --> 00:34:01,071
<i>You wanna talk about
The Scarlet Letter, Ms. Tafferty?</i>

587
00:34:01,272 --> 00:34:02,534
All right.

588
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:07,144
Well, the A they're both wearing...

589
00:34:07,311 --> 00:34:10,212
...I think it stands for "asshole."

590
00:34:10,381 --> 00:34:11,609
Wanna know why?

591
00:34:11,783 --> 00:34:13,944
Because they fell in love...

592
00:34:14,118 --> 00:34:16,951
...and love is for stupid assholes.

593
00:34:17,121 --> 00:34:19,715
And this book is just about
a bunch of assholes...

594
00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,859
...who fell in love, like assholes...

595
00:34:22,026 --> 00:34:24,722
...then had to die, like assholes.

596
00:34:26,564 --> 00:34:29,226
I'm sorry about all the "assholes."

597
00:34:29,634 --> 00:34:31,693
You know what else might work?
A swear jar.

598
00:34:31,869 --> 00:34:34,337
You know, a quarter per curse word.

599
00:34:34,505 --> 00:34:36,200
EMILY:
Yeah, we'll definitely try that.

600
00:34:36,374 --> 00:34:37,966
All right. Could help.

601
00:34:38,142 --> 00:34:40,269
- Take care.
- Thanks.

602
00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:46,782
- Seriously?
- Sorry.

603
00:34:46,951 --> 00:34:50,512
Hey, I have to go back to the office.
You're gonna have to wait for me there.

604
00:34:50,688 --> 00:34:52,053
ROBBIE:
Fine.

605
00:34:54,025 --> 00:34:56,892
<i>They're still making kids read
The Scarlet Letter, huh?</i>

606
00:34:57,328 --> 00:34:58,556
Yep.

607
00:34:58,729 --> 00:35:02,358
You'd think somebody would have
written something better by now.

608
00:35:17,582 --> 00:35:20,210
I guess I should take that down, huh?

609
00:35:20,985 --> 00:35:22,009
I guess.

610
00:35:29,961 --> 00:35:31,189
So how is he? You know.

611
00:35:32,363 --> 00:35:35,696
I mean, I...
Oh, no. I'm sorry. Forget it. Just ignore me.

612
00:35:35,867 --> 00:35:37,334
- Forget I ever...
- He's out a lot.

613
00:35:38,769 --> 00:35:40,896
- A lot?
- Yeah.

614
00:35:41,072 --> 00:35:42,596
Like...

615
00:35:43,774 --> 00:35:47,039
Like "a lot" a lot,
or just like a little?

616
00:35:47,645 --> 00:35:48,737
A lot.

617
00:35:50,114 --> 00:35:53,447
Well, that's good. That's really good.

618
00:35:58,222 --> 00:36:01,191
- Wanna get takeout tonight, honey?
- I mean, he's sad.

619
00:36:02,126 --> 00:36:05,527
I can tell that he's sad.
Even though he looks better...

620
00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:11,657
...I can still tell that he's not happy,
you know?

621
00:36:13,037 --> 00:36:17,167
Yeah. Well, you know. Yeah.

622
00:36:20,745 --> 00:36:23,043
I guess I'm pretty sad too.

623
00:36:23,214 --> 00:36:24,841
I know.

624
00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:27,041
I heard you crying the other night.

625
00:36:28,452 --> 00:36:29,919
Didn't know what to do.

626
00:36:30,087 --> 00:36:34,888
Oh, Robbie, baby, you're 13,
you're not supposed to know what to do.

627
00:36:35,059 --> 00:36:36,083
I tried Googling it.

628
00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:38,592
- You did not.
- Yep. I did.

629
00:36:38,763 --> 00:36:42,255
- Well, what did you Google?
- I searched "Mom crying in bed."

630
00:36:42,967 --> 00:36:45,094
What did Google say?

631
00:36:45,269 --> 00:36:50,297
Just a bunch of weird videos
of moms in bed.

632
00:36:50,474 --> 00:36:52,874
Ugh. Oh, God. Okay.
All right, that's enough. No more.

633
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:54,204
[EMILY GAGS]

634
00:36:54,378 --> 00:36:56,312
Do those parental controls work at all?

635
00:36:56,914 --> 00:36:57,938
They work for me.

636
00:36:58,583 --> 00:37:02,246
Because you're a disgusting teenager,
that's why.

637
00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:03,478
[LAUGHS]

638
00:37:03,654 --> 00:37:04,678
DAVID: Hey.
- Oh, hey.

639
00:37:04,855 --> 00:37:08,723
- Bill wants to see you before you take off.
- Oh. Uh, David, this is my son, Robbie.

640
00:37:08,893 --> 00:37:11,293
Robbie, this is David.

641
00:37:11,462 --> 00:37:14,989
- Um, we work together.
- How you doing, buddy?

642
00:37:19,036 --> 00:37:21,027
- You all right to wait a little bit?
- Yeah.

643
00:37:21,205 --> 00:37:23,901
EMILY:
Okay. Thanks, David.

644
00:37:36,787 --> 00:37:40,814
So, Robbie, I hear
you're quite the soccer player.

645
00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:48,190
So, David, I hear
you broke up my parents' marriage.

646
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:52,866
- You are David Lindhagen, right?
- Lindhagen.

647
00:37:53,037 --> 00:37:56,234
- Yeah. Here's the thing, Lindhagen.
- Hagen.

648
00:37:56,407 --> 00:37:57,431
Whatever.

649
00:37:57,608 --> 00:38:00,372
In the end, she winds up
back with my dad.

650
00:38:00,544 --> 00:38:03,707
He's a better guy than you are
in every category.

651
00:38:03,881 --> 00:38:06,816
And she still loves him.
He's not gonna give up on my mom...

652
00:38:06,984 --> 00:38:09,452
...like I'm not gonna stop
sending Jessica messages...

653
00:38:09,620 --> 00:38:11,520
...that make her feel uncomfortable.

654
00:38:11,689 --> 00:38:13,680
Hey. You ready to go, honey?

655
00:38:13,858 --> 00:38:17,487
- Can we order Chinese for dinner tonight?
EMILY: Yeah. Sure, honey.

656
00:38:18,496 --> 00:38:20,157
Hi, David. Get your stuff.

657
00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:21,992
- Bye, David.
DAVID: See you.

658
00:38:30,174 --> 00:38:32,438
You're not gonna be able
to feel your arms.

659
00:38:32,610 --> 00:38:34,305
I'll be fine.

660
00:38:34,879 --> 00:38:36,107
Jesus Christ.

661
00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:38,714
JACOB:
Look, let's face it, Cal, all right?

662
00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:43,252
The war between the sexes is over,
and we won, okay?

663
00:38:44,588 --> 00:38:47,716
We won the second women started doing
pole dancing for exercise.

664
00:38:47,892 --> 00:38:50,417
But even though we won,
they still deserve our respect.

665
00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:54,223
Make them feel beautiful, listen to
their problems, open the door for them.

666
00:38:54,398 --> 00:38:56,195
Would you put on some clothes, please?

667
00:38:56,367 --> 00:38:58,631
- I'm sorry, is this bothering you?
- No, it's not.

668
00:38:58,836 --> 00:39:02,237
<i>My schwantz is in your face.
If it's not bothering you, we got a problem.</i>

669
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:05,004
- Okay, it bothers me.
- I don't care.

670
00:39:05,176 --> 00:39:08,111
You gotta take control
of your manhood, pal. You know?

671
00:39:08,279 --> 00:39:10,076
You want something, you take it.

672
00:39:10,247 --> 00:39:12,943
You don't like something, you say it.
I take what I want.

673
00:39:13,117 --> 00:39:15,779
David Lindhagen certainly took
what he wanted, didn't he?

674
00:39:15,953 --> 00:39:17,420
And I can guarantee you this:

675
00:39:17,588 --> 00:39:21,251
He is opening the car door
for your wife right now.

676
00:39:21,425 --> 00:39:22,449
What, you passing out?

677
00:39:24,962 --> 00:39:26,429
Oh, boy.

678
00:39:26,597 --> 00:39:29,589
[ALL CHATTERING]

679
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:40,742
- I think you're ready, pal.
- For what?

680
00:39:40,911 --> 00:39:45,041
To talk to a pretty lady,
and take her home and show her your gift.

681
00:39:45,216 --> 00:39:46,740
No. No, I'm not.

682
00:39:46,917 --> 00:39:48,646
You're ready as you're ever gonna be.

683
00:39:48,819 --> 00:39:51,845
You play your strengths, pal.
That's all any of us can do.

684
00:39:52,022 --> 00:39:54,490
I'm mysterious.

685
00:39:54,892 --> 00:39:56,416
I'm, you know, good in bed.

686
00:39:57,695 --> 00:40:00,664
And you are a, uh...

687
00:40:00,831 --> 00:40:02,765
...you know, stable and employed adult.

688
00:40:02,933 --> 00:40:04,332
Jesus.

689
00:40:04,502 --> 00:40:06,834
You see this lady over here at 9 o'clock?

690
00:40:08,973 --> 00:40:10,167
CAL:
You want me to hit on her?

691
00:40:10,341 --> 00:40:12,309
No, I wanna hit on her.
The one behind her.

692
00:40:12,476 --> 00:40:13,500
CAL:
Oh.

693
00:40:13,677 --> 00:40:15,110
JACOB: She's a fox, right?
CAL: Mm-hm.

694
00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:18,942
You think she came to a crowded bar
to have a quiet drink alone? She's hunting.

695
00:40:19,116 --> 00:40:24,213
She's just looking for an opportunity
to settle for a responsible and stable adult.

696
00:40:24,422 --> 00:40:26,049
And I'd like her to settle for you.

697
00:40:26,223 --> 00:40:28,657
Oh. Well, thank you for the ego boost,
but you know what?

698
00:40:28,826 --> 00:40:30,589
Just because I've watched you
pick up women...

699
00:40:30,761 --> 00:40:32,592
...doesn't mean I know how
to pick up women.

700
00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:35,664
<i>- Ever see Karate Kid?
- What does that have to do with anything?</i>

701
00:40:35,833 --> 00:40:38,597
When he's teaching him to wax on and off
but really to fight?

702
00:40:38,769 --> 00:40:40,031
You want me to fight someone?

703
00:40:40,204 --> 00:40:42,934
What's the first thing I do
when I go up to a girl? I buy her a drink.

704
00:40:43,107 --> 00:40:46,406
Yes, always. Without fail.
You buy her a drink.

705
00:40:46,577 --> 00:40:49,273
Even if she doesn't want one,
you insist.

706
00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:51,347
- And do I talk about myself?
- Never.

707
00:40:51,515 --> 00:40:53,039
Never about yourself, always her.

708
00:40:53,217 --> 00:40:55,082
- Because bar banter?
- Is boring.

709
00:40:55,252 --> 00:40:58,244
So you put the impetus on her.
She has to be the interesting one.

710
00:40:58,456 --> 00:41:01,118
"Impress me.
Impress me with how interesting you are."

711
00:41:01,292 --> 00:41:04,318
It's a big game. Game.
Creepy, creepy little game you play.

712
00:41:04,495 --> 00:41:06,087
- That's judgmental, isn't it?
- Mm-hm.

713
00:41:06,263 --> 00:41:08,356
At the end of the night
do I ask them to come home?

714
00:41:08,532 --> 00:41:11,660
No, you tell them to come home.
They have no choice in the matter.

715
00:41:11,836 --> 00:41:16,170
It is your choice and they are so overjoyed
to have had the opportunity...

716
00:41:16,574 --> 00:41:20,510
...to make sweet, sweet love to you.

717
00:41:21,011 --> 00:41:22,501
Oh, my God.

718
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,014
You did, you Miyagi'd me.

719
00:41:25,616 --> 00:41:26,776
Honk.

720
00:41:27,017 --> 00:41:28,712
Take your ring off. Let's go.

721
00:41:34,225 --> 00:41:38,491
Just no talking about your kids, your job,
David Lindhagen, don't you dare.

722
00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:40,186
Shut up, shut up. Just shut up.

723
00:41:40,364 --> 00:41:41,388
- Hello.
JACOB: Hi.

724
00:41:41,565 --> 00:41:42,759
Hi. Hi.

725
00:41:42,933 --> 00:41:45,094
- Who are you?
- Hey. I'm Kate.

726
00:41:45,269 --> 00:41:48,136
- Kate, you mind if I introduce you to my...?
- I'm Cal.

727
00:41:48,539 --> 00:41:50,507
- I got this. Pleased to meet you.
- Hi.

728
00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:53,165
And this is my friend Jacob.
He was just leaving.

729
00:41:53,677 --> 00:41:55,372
- Oh.
- Oh.

730
00:41:55,546 --> 00:41:58,106
So that's one way to treat people.

731
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:04,651
So can I buy you a drink, Kate?

732
00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:08,121
- Oh. No, thank you.
- I'm gonna buy you a drink anyway.

733
00:42:10,327 --> 00:42:12,386
Grey Goose, right?

734
00:42:12,563 --> 00:42:15,031
Rocks. Two limes?

735
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:16,557
I'm five years sober.

736
00:42:17,601 --> 00:42:19,933
- What can I get for you?
- Nothing. Nothing.

737
00:42:20,104 --> 00:42:22,538
Go away, we're good.
Please don't come back ever.

738
00:42:24,742 --> 00:42:29,406
- Ahem. So, what do you do, Cal?
- I don't know. What do you do, Kate?

739
00:42:30,114 --> 00:42:31,809
- I asked you first.
- I asked you second.

740
00:42:31,982 --> 00:42:34,246
[KATE LAUGHS]

741
00:42:34,418 --> 00:42:35,817
Seriously, what do you do?

742
00:42:35,986 --> 00:42:37,544
Seriously, what do you do?

743
00:42:40,190 --> 00:42:42,055
Are you really not going to tell me
what you do?

744
00:42:42,226 --> 00:42:43,750
Ah...

745
00:42:45,496 --> 00:42:48,294
- Uh, okay, I'm a teacher.
- Boring.

746
00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:52,264
Come on, you gotta keep it interesting.
Interest me.

747
00:42:52,436 --> 00:42:53,733
Uh...

748
00:42:53,904 --> 00:42:56,805
- I studied at Oxford for five years.
- Boring!

749
00:42:56,974 --> 00:43:01,001
Wow. Teacher with an alcohol dependency
who studied at Oxford.

750
00:43:01,178 --> 00:43:03,738
Blah, blah, blah. Bleh.

751
00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:05,108
England. Yuck.

752
00:43:05,282 --> 00:43:06,909
I think my friends just got here.

753
00:43:07,084 --> 00:43:09,609
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

754
00:43:09,787 --> 00:43:12,449
- Okay, I'm in corporate insurance.
- Oh, God.

755
00:43:12,623 --> 00:43:13,988
I have children, plural.

756
00:43:14,158 --> 00:43:16,149
My wife was cheating on me
with Lindhagen...

757
00:43:16,627 --> 00:43:19,460
...which I wasn't supposed to tell you.
Nice to meet you.

758
00:43:19,630 --> 00:43:22,565
- What were you supposed to tell me?
- I don't know. I don't know.

759
00:43:22,733 --> 00:43:26,726
I was supposed to say that you are the
perfect combination of sexy and cute...

760
00:43:26,904 --> 00:43:29,839
...which is actually something
that I used to say to my wife.

761
00:43:30,007 --> 00:43:32,168
But now it's become corrupted.

762
00:43:32,343 --> 00:43:35,312
And I have 18 layers of clothes on.

763
00:43:35,479 --> 00:43:38,710
I'm wearing a shirt and a tie
and a sweater and a suede jacket...

764
00:43:38,882 --> 00:43:41,043
...that just seals in all the heat.

765
00:43:41,218 --> 00:43:42,810
Seals in all the juices.

766
00:43:42,987 --> 00:43:47,686
It's all sweat under here.
This is just sweat from here down.

767
00:43:47,858 --> 00:43:52,522
This sweater, this is called slim cut,
but it feels like a scuba suit.

768
00:43:52,696 --> 00:43:55,062
And I'm looking at your breasts.
What's that about?

769
00:43:56,266 --> 00:43:58,996
You think I'm the perfect combination
of sexy and cute?

770
00:43:59,169 --> 00:44:01,399
That's what you picked up
from what I just said?

771
00:44:01,572 --> 00:44:03,301
Mm, mm.

772
00:44:03,474 --> 00:44:05,874
[KATE MOANING]

773
00:44:08,078 --> 00:44:10,273
- So this is my crappy apartment.
- Oh. Ooh.

774
00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:13,780
Dumpy. That I had to move into
after my wife left me.

775
00:44:13,951 --> 00:44:15,612
I love how you're being so honest.

776
00:44:15,786 --> 00:44:18,084
- You like that?
- It's so different. It's so hot.

777
00:44:18,689 --> 00:44:20,418
Okay. Okay.

778
00:44:20,591 --> 00:44:22,218
KATE: Aah! Ha, ha.
- Wow! Wow!

779
00:44:22,393 --> 00:44:23,758
- More.
- Okay.

780
00:44:23,927 --> 00:44:25,656
CAL: Wanna hear something really hot?
- Mm-hm.

781
00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:28,855
I've only had sex with one woman.
In my entire life.

782
00:44:29,033 --> 00:44:30,500
- Honest or not honest?
- That's honest.

783
00:44:30,668 --> 00:44:31,930
[KATE SHRIEKS THEN LAUGHS]

784
00:44:32,102 --> 00:44:34,502
More! Tell me more.

785
00:44:34,672 --> 00:44:36,731
I'm a little worried you have AIDS.

786
00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:41,937
Just a little. Just a little bit.

787
00:44:42,112 --> 00:44:44,842
It's okay, I'm not worried.

788
00:44:45,015 --> 00:44:47,711
[BOTH MOANING]

789
00:44:47,885 --> 00:44:49,580
Oh, my God, this is so much fun.

790
00:44:51,722 --> 00:44:52,950
What do you wanna do with me?

791
00:44:53,757 --> 00:44:54,781
Oh...

792
00:44:54,958 --> 00:44:57,950
I wanna show you off to my ex-wife
and make her really jealous.

793
00:44:58,128 --> 00:44:59,857
[KATE SHRIEKING AND LAUGHING]

794
00:45:00,030 --> 00:45:01,088
[CAL SHRIEKS]

795
00:45:01,265 --> 00:45:03,028
CAL:
Whoa, man.

796
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,691
Phew. Ha, ha.

797
00:45:08,639 --> 00:45:10,231
You gonna call me?

798
00:45:10,407 --> 00:45:11,431
Okay.

799
00:45:11,608 --> 00:45:12,632
Yeah.

800
00:45:26,657 --> 00:45:29,490
Wow, that is a great dress.
Where'd you get that?

801
00:45:29,660 --> 00:45:31,787
Thank you. A store in Beverly Hills.

802
00:45:31,962 --> 00:45:33,395
CAL:
Really? Beautiful.

803
00:45:33,564 --> 00:45:35,156
WOMAN:
It was a gift from my grandmother.

804
00:45:35,332 --> 00:45:36,629
- Really?
WOMAN: It's a Krugerrand.

805
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:37,960
It's from South Africa.

806
00:45:38,135 --> 00:45:39,693
I love it.

807
00:45:42,339 --> 00:45:45,001
[GABBY & CAL SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY]

808
00:45:45,175 --> 00:45:47,166
And I told him never to assume
anything.

809
00:45:47,678 --> 00:45:52,047
And I've been to Maine, so that's a
sixth state. So I've been to six states.

810
00:45:52,249 --> 00:45:54,683
- Oh, I love Maine.
SOPHIA: Oh, yeah, it's beautiful.

811
00:45:54,852 --> 00:45:57,013
- Have you been to Waterville?
- I have, yeah.

812
00:45:57,387 --> 00:45:59,855
[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

813
00:46:01,091 --> 00:46:03,116
[BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

814
00:46:03,293 --> 00:46:04,487
Greece, Italy.

815
00:46:04,661 --> 00:46:05,855
Greece, Italy?

816
00:46:06,029 --> 00:46:07,223
Wanna get out of here?

817
00:46:07,397 --> 00:46:08,796
- You're driving.
- I am.

818
00:46:08,966 --> 00:46:10,365
[LISA CHUCKLES]

819
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:22,670
I have never experienced that
in my life.

820
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,010
- Pretty great.
- Are most women like that these days?

821
00:46:26,183 --> 00:46:28,515
- God bless technology.
- God bless it.

822
00:46:28,685 --> 00:46:32,712
I went and met this girl the other night.
She was heckling me the whole time we...

823
00:46:32,890 --> 00:46:36,155
<i>I felt like I was doing it with the two
old guys from The Muppet Show.</i>

824
00:46:36,326 --> 00:46:38,817
- Ha-ha-ha. Statler and Waldorf.
JACOB: I was into it.

825
00:46:38,996 --> 00:46:42,796
And she was like, "Look at this frown
on your face. What is that?

826
00:46:42,966 --> 00:46:46,197
You're so serious. What, it's serious
to kiss me? It's supposed to be fun.

827
00:46:46,370 --> 00:46:48,895
Oh, my God, if it's gonna be hard work,
why don't you just stop?"

828
00:46:49,072 --> 00:46:52,303
[CAL LAUGHING]

829
00:46:52,876 --> 00:46:54,844
[LINE RINGING]

830
00:46:55,012 --> 00:46:56,036
<i>HANNAH [OVER PHONE]:
Hello?</i>

831
00:46:56,213 --> 00:46:58,681
Hey. Hot guy from the bar
who hit on you is here.

832
00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:00,248
Tsk. Liz, I'm studying.

833
00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:03,545
You should be studying the ceiling
of his bedroom.

834
00:47:03,720 --> 00:47:05,187
<i>I am eating a caramel apple.</i>

835
00:47:05,355 --> 00:47:08,153
In what world, honey?
Please, turn around. No.

836
00:47:08,325 --> 00:47:11,192
Come on, take a break.
It'll be good for you to get out.

837
00:47:11,361 --> 00:47:12,385
And by get out...

838
00:47:12,563 --> 00:47:16,431
...I mean have hot guy from the bar knock
you into his headboard until you see God.

839
00:47:16,900 --> 00:47:18,060
What is wrong with you?

840
00:47:18,235 --> 00:47:19,930
You should be studying the curve
of his...

841
00:47:20,103 --> 00:47:21,331
Okay, goodbye, Liz.

842
00:47:21,505 --> 00:47:23,598
That too much? Hello?

843
00:47:24,441 --> 00:47:27,433
BERNIE: Look, I gave him the cologne
like you told me to...

844
00:47:27,611 --> 00:47:30,546
...and I don't think we should really
just dance on his grave.

845
00:47:30,714 --> 00:47:34,548
WOMAN: I just thought you'd wanna know
what I heard about your old pal Cal.

846
00:47:35,385 --> 00:47:37,376
What about Mr. Weaver, Mom?

847
00:47:37,554 --> 00:47:43,424
Um, just, apparently, Mr. Weaver
has become a real ladies' man.

848
00:47:43,594 --> 00:47:45,084
- What?
- Claire.

849
00:47:45,262 --> 00:47:48,026
CLAIRE:
She should know. She babysits for him.

850
00:47:48,198 --> 00:47:52,066
She's almost an adult. Lots of young
women in and out of his apartment.

851
00:47:52,236 --> 00:47:53,498
BERNIE:
She's too young for this.

852
00:47:53,670 --> 00:47:56,104
I don't like this S-E-X talk in front
of the K-l-D-S.

853
00:47:56,273 --> 00:47:59,401
CLAIRE: First of all, they can spell.
Second of all, I'm just saying.

854
00:47:59,576 --> 00:48:01,441
I think we were right in choosing Emily.

855
00:48:01,612 --> 00:48:03,910
[BELL RINGS]

856
00:48:21,765 --> 00:48:23,756
JESSICA: Oh, um...
- Why are you following me?

857
00:48:23,934 --> 00:48:26,494
Madison, I just had a question for you.

858
00:48:26,670 --> 00:48:28,331
Okay, Jessica, what's up?

859
00:48:28,505 --> 00:48:30,132
It's kind of on the personal side.

860
00:48:30,307 --> 00:48:31,365
Yep, my lips are:

861
00:48:31,541 --> 00:48:33,941
[BARKING]

862
00:48:36,313 --> 00:48:38,076
Seals. My lips are seals.

863
00:48:38,248 --> 00:48:39,647
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

864
00:48:39,816 --> 00:48:40,840
[CHUCKLES]

865
00:48:41,018 --> 00:48:42,349
Okay. Um...

866
00:48:42,519 --> 00:48:46,683
My question, and I don't mean to be blunt
or insulting, but let's just call it what it is.

867
00:48:46,857 --> 00:48:48,984
You're always sleeping
with older guys, right?

868
00:48:49,159 --> 00:48:51,286
- Always.
JESSICA: Oh, um...

869
00:48:51,461 --> 00:48:55,795
So my question for you, Madison,
is, um, how do you do that?

870
00:48:55,966 --> 00:48:59,697
I mean, how do you get them to see you
as not just a kid in high school, you know?

871
00:48:59,870 --> 00:49:02,361
But as someone that's mature,
and old, and that's...

872
00:49:02,539 --> 00:49:05,303
Well, first off, I have a huge rack.

873
00:49:05,475 --> 00:49:06,806
Uh, yes, you do.

874
00:49:06,977 --> 00:49:08,501
You don't have a huge rack.

875
00:49:09,212 --> 00:49:10,338
No.

876
00:49:10,514 --> 00:49:12,846
- Wait, how old is he?
- Old.

877
00:49:13,617 --> 00:49:15,175
MADISON:
Like really old?

878
00:49:15,352 --> 00:49:16,376
[CLEARS THROAT]

879
00:49:16,553 --> 00:49:19,351
- Like parent-old.
- Nasty, Jessica.

880
00:49:19,523 --> 00:49:21,718
Yeah, because
that's what I was thinking, right?

881
00:49:21,892 --> 00:49:23,359
MADISON: Rock on.
- Thank you.

882
00:49:23,527 --> 00:49:26,655
MADISON: You are so dirty.
- Yes, I know.

883
00:49:26,830 --> 00:49:28,730
Oh, okay. You gotta force his hand.

884
00:49:28,899 --> 00:49:30,127
You know what I mean?

885
00:49:30,300 --> 00:49:31,790
Go TMZ on his ass.

886
00:49:32,836 --> 00:49:35,134
- Not following.
- A dirty picture.

887
00:49:35,339 --> 00:49:37,899
- Oh. Oh.
- Make this face:

888
00:49:38,075 --> 00:49:39,372
[MOANS]

889
00:49:39,776 --> 00:49:42,040
- Jeez, Madison. Stop.
MADISON: What?

890
00:49:42,212 --> 00:49:47,650
You put that on his radar and he won't see
you as a little girl anymore, that's for sure.

891
00:49:50,988 --> 00:49:53,980
[ALL CHATTERING]

892
00:50:02,699 --> 00:50:06,533
- Hey, what's going on?
- Hey. We don't know.

893
00:50:19,082 --> 00:50:20,379
ROBBIE:
Behold.

894
00:50:20,550 --> 00:50:23,178
Jessica Riley, you are my soul mate.

895
00:50:23,353 --> 00:50:25,184
- The love of my life.
STUDENTS: Ha-ha-ha.

896
00:50:25,355 --> 00:50:28,756
I have marked myself with a scarlet J
for you, Jessica.

897
00:50:28,925 --> 00:50:30,187
Get down from there.

898
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:34,956
ROBBIE: Nathaniel Hawthorne... Are you mad?
- I am your babysitter. You get down.

899
00:50:35,132 --> 00:50:36,793
Oh, my God.

900
00:50:37,434 --> 00:50:39,425
- What are you thinking?
- Like the scaffold?

901
00:50:39,603 --> 00:50:42,094
Took me like four weeks to make it.
It has wheels.

902
00:50:42,272 --> 00:50:44,069
JESSICA:
This has got to stop, Robbie.

903
00:50:44,241 --> 00:50:46,971
- You'll learn to love me, I promise.
- No, I won't.

904
00:50:47,144 --> 00:50:50,238
- Because I'm four years younger?
- Because I love somebody else.

905
00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:53,410
Who is he?

906
00:50:53,583 --> 00:50:54,845
He's older.

907
00:50:55,819 --> 00:50:58,253
And I didn't want my parents to find out.

908
00:51:00,123 --> 00:51:02,148
You know I'll kill him if he hurts you.

909
00:51:02,325 --> 00:51:04,293
Yeah, I know.

910
00:51:05,262 --> 00:51:07,127
Okay, Robbie, this has to stop.

911
00:51:07,564 --> 00:51:09,464
Okay? No more.

912
00:51:11,068 --> 00:51:12,330
Grow up.

913
00:51:12,502 --> 00:51:13,662
I'll see you around.

914
00:51:17,441 --> 00:51:20,433
[BELL RINGS]

915
00:52:01,985 --> 00:52:03,077
[YELLS]

916
00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:11,354
CAL:
Unh. Okay.

917
00:52:11,527 --> 00:52:12,687
[CAL GRUNTING]

918
00:52:12,862 --> 00:52:13,920
Okay.

919
00:52:58,408 --> 00:53:01,502
So you're seeing Mom tomorrow
at my parent-teacher thing.

920
00:53:01,677 --> 00:53:03,406
Yeah, no biggie.

921
00:53:09,452 --> 00:53:10,783
What's with all the moping?

922
00:53:11,421 --> 00:53:14,322
Uh, nothing. It's just...

923
00:53:15,491 --> 00:53:16,890
There's a girl.

924
00:53:18,428 --> 00:53:20,589
- A girl, huh?
- Uh-huh.

925
00:53:20,763 --> 00:53:21,889
You like her?

926
00:53:23,633 --> 00:53:25,225
I like Pringles.

927
00:53:25,401 --> 00:53:27,096
I mean, this girl...

928
00:53:27,804 --> 00:53:29,101
...she's incredible.

929
00:53:29,272 --> 00:53:31,365
She's my soul mate, you know?

930
00:53:31,541 --> 00:53:33,099
She doesn't even care.

931
00:53:33,576 --> 00:53:35,441
But she's your soul mate, right?

932
00:53:36,312 --> 00:53:37,438
Yeah.

933
00:53:38,014 --> 00:53:40,039
Well, you just don't give up on her,
right?

934
00:53:41,317 --> 00:53:43,308
Why not? You did.

935
00:53:46,022 --> 00:53:47,046
I didn't give up.

936
00:53:49,492 --> 00:53:51,926
Okay, it's more complicated than that.

937
00:53:52,228 --> 00:53:53,320
I'm a different guy now.

938
00:53:54,063 --> 00:53:56,327
You're not different.
You just have different clothes.

939
00:53:56,499 --> 00:53:57,830
It's not that simple, kiddo.

940
00:53:58,000 --> 00:53:59,934
- What kind of crap is that?
- Watch it.

941
00:54:00,103 --> 00:54:01,934
You love her or you don't. I know you do.

942
00:54:02,338 --> 00:54:07,207
I'm serious, Dad. I just need some
inspiration right now. All right?

943
00:54:07,376 --> 00:54:08,843
Go get her back.

944
00:54:12,949 --> 00:54:14,974
Wow, how old are you?

945
00:54:41,711 --> 00:54:43,474
EMILY:
Wow.

946
00:54:43,646 --> 00:54:45,671
You look great, Cal.

947
00:54:46,749 --> 00:54:49,115
Oh. Ha, ha.

948
00:54:49,285 --> 00:54:53,813
Well, it turns out I've been buying
the wrong size suit for like 20 years, so...

949
00:54:53,990 --> 00:54:57,517
Oh, well, whatever.
You, um... You look great.

950
00:54:57,894 --> 00:54:59,725
Thanks. You always look great.

951
00:54:59,896 --> 00:55:01,227
Oh, thanks.

952
00:55:16,812 --> 00:55:19,747
- So I spoke to Nanna yesterday.
- Yeah, me too. How'd she sound to you?

953
00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:23,852
Um... Like Nanna. She worries about us.

954
00:55:26,889 --> 00:55:27,947
What teacher is this?

955
00:55:28,124 --> 00:55:31,355
<i>Ms. Tafferty. She's the one he pulled
the Scarlet Letter asshole routine on.</i>

956
00:55:31,527 --> 00:55:33,791
Mm-hm.

957
00:55:33,963 --> 00:55:35,487
God, he's such a weird kid.

958
00:55:36,699 --> 00:55:38,064
- I kind of like him, though.
- Mm-hm.

959
00:55:38,234 --> 00:55:40,702
Yeah, me too.
Glad we switched babies at the hospital.

960
00:55:40,870 --> 00:55:43,668
Me too. That other one's in jail, probably.

961
00:55:43,839 --> 00:55:45,670
[EMILY CHUCKLES]

962
00:55:54,217 --> 00:55:56,048
So how's it going with David?

963
00:55:56,219 --> 00:55:59,086
Oh, you know, it, um...

964
00:56:00,289 --> 00:56:01,722
It wasn't, um...

965
00:56:03,226 --> 00:56:06,354
That didn't mean anything.

966
00:56:06,529 --> 00:56:08,759
- I mean, you know, if...
- No. No, I know.

967
00:56:13,803 --> 00:56:14,861
You seeing anybody?

968
00:56:15,438 --> 00:56:16,564
Me?

969
00:56:16,739 --> 00:56:18,639
Mm-mm.

970
00:56:18,808 --> 00:56:21,606
Oh, you know. Well, you hear things,
you know, so...

971
00:56:22,078 --> 00:56:24,410
No. No. Not real...

972
00:56:24,580 --> 00:56:25,979
You know me.

973
00:56:26,782 --> 00:56:27,806
[CAL CHUCKLES]

974
00:56:27,984 --> 00:56:29,212
Yeah, well...

975
00:56:32,622 --> 00:56:33,782
No.

976
00:56:41,163 --> 00:56:42,653
I miss you, Em.

977
00:56:46,302 --> 00:56:49,135
I made an effort when we were younger,
didn't I?

978
00:56:49,505 --> 00:56:54,101
I mean, miniature golf and dancing.
You were such a great dancer.

979
00:56:54,277 --> 00:56:57,075
I had to be.
You were such a good miniature golfer.

980
00:56:58,347 --> 00:57:01,942
I just... I don't know. I guess I got lazy.
I got...

981
00:57:03,152 --> 00:57:05,518
I got boring, is what I got.

982
00:57:05,688 --> 00:57:06,780
No.

983
00:57:07,623 --> 00:57:09,488
And I'm so mad at you.

984
00:57:10,293 --> 00:57:12,420
I'm really mad at you for what you did.

985
00:57:13,162 --> 00:57:14,925
But I'm mad at myself too.

986
00:57:18,601 --> 00:57:22,935
Because I should not have jumped
out of that car. I should've fought for you.

987
00:57:26,542 --> 00:57:28,942
Because you fight for your soul mates.

988
00:57:30,746 --> 00:57:33,237
Least, that's what my 13-year-old son
tells me.

989
00:57:34,383 --> 00:57:35,941
He's a really strange kid.

990
00:57:36,118 --> 00:57:37,608
He scares the shit out of me.

991
00:57:39,955 --> 00:57:42,389
I miss you too.

992
00:57:43,492 --> 00:57:44,823
[DOOR OPENS]

993
00:57:45,861 --> 00:57:47,226
Mr. And Mrs. Weaver?

994
00:57:48,531 --> 00:57:51,056
No way in hell.

995
00:57:51,634 --> 00:57:55,468
- Cal, what are you doing here?
- Oh, you two know each other?

996
00:57:55,638 --> 00:57:58,903
Yes. Yeah, right. We've met before, yes.

997
00:57:59,275 --> 00:58:02,904
- "We have met before"? Seriously?
CAL: Mm-hm.

998
00:58:03,079 --> 00:58:06,105
So I'd like to introduce you
to my wife, Emily.

999
00:58:06,282 --> 00:58:08,216
Hi, I'm Robbie's mom.

1000
00:58:09,518 --> 00:58:12,612
She's your wife again. How convenient.

1001
00:58:13,522 --> 00:58:17,686
So shall we enter?

1002
00:58:17,860 --> 00:58:19,293
- Okay.
- Why don't we?

1003
00:58:19,495 --> 00:58:21,258
CAL:
Yeah, let's do that.

1004
00:58:25,201 --> 00:58:28,568
I'm sorry. I'm playing catch-up.
How do you two know each other, exactly?

1005
00:58:28,738 --> 00:58:31,707
- Um...
- Um...

1006
00:58:31,874 --> 00:58:33,034
[SNAPS]

1007
00:58:33,209 --> 00:58:34,870
Maybe your husband should tell you.

1008
00:58:35,845 --> 00:58:42,512
We... I think we met at last year's
parent-teacher conference, wasn't it?

1009
00:58:42,685 --> 00:58:44,277
[LAUGHING]

1010
00:58:45,254 --> 00:58:49,156
Did I miss it? Did I miss the parent-teacher
conference thing last year?

1011
00:58:49,325 --> 00:58:51,555
Yeah. I don't remember.

1012
00:58:51,827 --> 00:58:53,920
Why don't we just, uh, focus on Robbie?

1013
00:58:54,096 --> 00:58:55,461
KATE:
Yes.

1014
00:58:55,765 --> 00:58:59,792
Yes, let's do that. Let's...

1015
00:59:01,637 --> 00:59:02,968
Let's focus on Robbie.

1016
00:59:09,478 --> 00:59:11,503
As you know,
Robbie's shining moment...

1017
00:59:11,680 --> 00:59:15,480
...was when he set a school record for
cursing in an eighth-grade English class.

1018
00:59:15,651 --> 00:59:17,448
[LAUGHS]

1019
00:59:21,824 --> 00:59:23,621
Asshole. Ha-ha-ha.

1020
00:59:23,793 --> 00:59:25,954
You're familiar with this word,
Mrs. Weaver.

1021
00:59:26,128 --> 00:59:28,392
Yes, I am. And I've spoken to Principal...

1022
00:59:28,564 --> 00:59:32,000
Asshole. As in someone who tells
a woman that he'll call and never does.

1023
00:59:32,054 --> 00:59:33,078
CAL:
Hmm.

1024
00:59:33,255 --> 00:59:36,190
Asshole. As in someone who uses
honesty to get a woman into bed with him...

1025
00:59:36,358 --> 00:59:38,724
...but is actually full of shit
like the rest of them.

1026
00:59:39,061 --> 00:59:41,461
- [WHISPERS] This is not about Robbie.
- Mm-mm.

1027
00:59:41,630 --> 00:59:46,431
Asshole. As in someone who allows
a woman to go downtown for 45 minutes...

1028
00:59:46,601 --> 00:59:48,034
...because he's nervous.

1029
00:59:48,203 --> 00:59:50,228
- All right, all right, all right.
- Ew. Ew. Oh.

1030
00:59:50,405 --> 00:59:51,804
CAL:
You know what? Know what? No.

1031
00:59:51,973 --> 00:59:53,463
Here's the deal.

1032
00:59:57,379 --> 00:59:59,142
- [WHISPERS] She's an alcoholic.
- Aah!

1033
00:59:59,314 --> 01:00:01,373
EMILY: Oh, God. Okay.
CAL: That's... I'm sorry.

1034
01:00:01,550 --> 01:00:03,040
- I'm sorry. God.
EMILY: I gotta go.

1035
01:00:03,218 --> 01:00:04,879
KATE: Aah!
- Oh, my God. Emily. God.

1036
01:00:05,687 --> 01:00:08,383
- Emily, Emily, wait.
- Leave me alone, Cal.

1037
01:00:08,557 --> 01:00:13,187
KATE:
I'm sober five years, asshole!

1038
01:00:14,563 --> 01:00:16,997
Okay, yeah, I did. I did.

1039
01:00:17,165 --> 01:00:20,157
I slept with our son's eighth-grade
English teacher.

1040
01:00:20,335 --> 01:00:21,700
EMILY:
I know. I know.

1041
01:00:21,870 --> 01:00:25,169
And I cheated,
so I have no right to be angry.

1042
01:00:25,340 --> 01:00:28,207
Not the point. When we were
married you were the only woman...

1043
01:00:28,377 --> 01:00:29,844
...that I had ever slept with...

1044
01:00:30,011 --> 01:00:32,878
...and now I have had sex
with nine different women... God.

1045
01:00:34,916 --> 01:00:36,816
Nine?

1046
01:00:36,985 --> 01:00:38,009
Nine?

1047
01:00:40,389 --> 01:00:41,686
Wow.

1048
01:00:44,860 --> 01:00:47,055
You showed me.

1049
01:00:52,033 --> 01:00:54,228
I wasn't trying to show you.

1050
01:00:56,004 --> 01:00:57,301
I was trying to move on.

1051
01:01:00,409 --> 01:01:02,309
But I don't want to.

1052
01:01:07,949 --> 01:01:10,213
You've always been the only one.

1053
01:01:13,255 --> 01:01:17,055
Tell her she's the perfect combination
of sexy and cute, asshole.

1054
01:01:22,330 --> 01:01:23,854
You said that to her?

1055
01:01:30,105 --> 01:01:31,970
I did, yes.

1056
01:01:33,241 --> 01:01:35,038
Who are you?

1057
01:01:42,918 --> 01:01:44,408
I'm your soul mate.

1058
01:01:45,754 --> 01:01:47,346
[ENGINE STARTS]

1059
01:02:00,869 --> 01:02:02,666
What a cliché.

1060
01:02:39,274 --> 01:02:40,741
RICHARD:
You, get over here. Come on.

1061
01:02:40,909 --> 01:02:43,036
Yeah, yeah, give it up. Give it up for her.

1062
01:02:43,245 --> 01:02:44,644
Aw.

1063
01:02:44,813 --> 01:02:46,212
I'm so proud of you, baby.

1064
01:02:46,414 --> 01:02:48,143
I had my doubts, of course.

1065
01:02:48,350 --> 01:02:49,578
[ALL LAUGH]

1066
01:02:53,321 --> 01:02:58,452
Hannah, I did tell you that tonight would
be a special night if you passed the bar.

1067
01:02:59,828 --> 01:03:00,852
So, Hannah...

1068
01:03:01,930 --> 01:03:07,266
...I would like to formally ask you...

1069
01:03:07,435 --> 01:03:09,665
...in front of all our friends
and colleagues...

1070
01:03:10,205 --> 01:03:13,834
...if you would like to become...

1071
01:03:14,309 --> 01:03:18,507
...a permanent lawyer at the firm
of Watkins, Goldberg and Schmidt? Huh?

1072
01:03:18,680 --> 01:03:21,148
How about that? Ha, ha. To you.

1073
01:03:22,050 --> 01:03:23,142
Whoo!

1074
01:03:25,420 --> 01:03:26,512
[RICHARD CHUCKLES]

1075
01:03:27,722 --> 01:03:29,519
What?

1076
01:03:30,392 --> 01:03:33,293
- I ju... Um...
RICHARD: What, what is it?

1077
01:03:36,464 --> 01:03:40,867
I thought that you were gonna propose
for some reason.

1078
01:03:41,069 --> 01:03:42,093
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

1079
01:03:42,270 --> 01:03:44,932
RICHARD: What?
- Yeah. I know. I'm just...

1080
01:03:45,106 --> 01:03:46,664
It's just, uh, I'm a little thrown.

1081
01:03:46,841 --> 01:03:48,035
RICHARD:
I'm sorry.

1082
01:03:48,877 --> 01:03:54,179
I didn't realize that you thought
that we were there.

1083
01:03:54,349 --> 01:03:57,614
Oh, no. God, no. Don't be silly. I just...

1084
01:03:57,786 --> 01:04:00,414
I need some time, I think...

1085
01:04:00,589 --> 01:04:05,288
...to figure out how I feel about us,
you know?

1086
01:04:06,227 --> 01:04:09,219
Brrp. Long-term.

1087
01:04:10,899 --> 01:04:12,924
You need some time?

1088
01:04:14,135 --> 01:04:16,933
You need some time to figure out
how you feel about us? Okay.

1089
01:04:17,105 --> 01:04:18,129
Honey?

1090
01:04:18,306 --> 01:04:20,433
[LAUGHS]

1091
01:04:22,077 --> 01:04:25,046
- Wow. Ha-ha-ha.
- Ha, ha. Wow.

1092
01:04:26,114 --> 01:04:29,106
- Ahem.
- Wow. Huh.

1093
01:04:29,284 --> 01:04:30,308
Wow.

1094
01:04:30,485 --> 01:04:31,884
[HANNAH LAUGHING]

1095
01:04:32,053 --> 01:04:34,578
This is actually really funny.
I'm just... Next level.

1096
01:04:34,756 --> 01:04:36,383
- Is this yours? Is this yours?
MAN: Yes.

1097
01:04:37,392 --> 01:04:39,622
Mm. Mm.

1098
01:04:39,794 --> 01:04:40,954
RICHARD:
Honey?

1099
01:04:41,930 --> 01:04:43,591
- Is this gin?
MAN: Yes.

1100
01:04:46,267 --> 01:04:48,098
- There's, like, no water in that.
- Yeah.

1101
01:04:49,671 --> 01:04:51,969
RICHARD: Great.
- Mm. Aah, I hate gin.

1102
01:04:52,540 --> 01:04:54,633
Wow, you know what?
Thank you, Richard.

1103
01:04:54,809 --> 01:04:59,143
Honestly, thank you very much
for your job offer. I will consider it.

1104
01:04:59,881 --> 01:05:00,905
Hannah Banana.

1105
01:05:01,616 --> 01:05:04,278
LIZ: Whoo! Ha, ha.
- Banana. Hannah.

1106
01:05:10,892 --> 01:05:13,122
WOMAN: Do you wanna buy me a drink?
JACOB: Yes.

1107
01:05:13,294 --> 01:05:15,728
- It's nicer that way. Right?
HANNAH: You.

1108
01:05:41,756 --> 01:05:42,780
You remember me?

1109
01:05:44,125 --> 01:05:45,149
Yeah.

1110
01:05:45,326 --> 01:05:47,487
- You still find me attractive?
- Yes.

1111
01:05:47,662 --> 01:05:49,357
HANNAH:
Still wanna take me home?

1112
01:05:50,832 --> 01:05:51,856
Yeah.

1113
01:05:54,636 --> 01:05:55,660
Let's go.

1114
01:06:20,361 --> 01:06:23,353
[DORIS TROY'S "JUST ONE LOOK"
PLAYING ON STEREO]

1115
01:06:30,338 --> 01:06:31,737
<i>Just one look</i>

1116
01:06:33,475 --> 01:06:35,807
<i>And I fell so hard</i>

1117
01:06:35,977 --> 01:06:37,137
Here.

1118
01:06:39,147 --> 01:06:41,672
I really like this song.
This was a good choice. Yeah.

1119
01:06:41,850 --> 01:06:44,182
- Good song. You never hear this song.
- Mm-hm. Mm-mm.

1120
01:06:44,352 --> 01:06:45,376
Love this song.

1121
01:06:45,553 --> 01:06:47,282
[CHUCKLES]

1122
01:06:48,423 --> 01:06:49,583
JACOB:
Cheers.

1123
01:06:51,593 --> 01:06:56,895
<i>How good it feels</i>

1124
01:06:57,065 --> 01:06:58,225
Ugh.

1125
01:07:00,068 --> 01:07:01,365
That's not my drink.

1126
01:07:01,536 --> 01:07:03,231
<i>Your love</i>

1127
01:07:03,404 --> 01:07:05,599
Mm. Mm.

1128
01:07:06,541 --> 01:07:07,565
Ugh.

1129
01:07:09,978 --> 01:07:12,173
It's not my favorite. Thank you.

1130
01:07:14,415 --> 01:07:16,178
<i>Forever</i>

1131
01:07:18,253 --> 01:07:21,586
<i>And always</i>

1132
01:07:21,756 --> 01:07:24,725
- So is this how it normally works?
- What?

1133
01:07:24,893 --> 01:07:27,521
You put on the perfect song,
you make them a drink.

1134
01:07:27,695 --> 01:07:31,028
<i>And I knew</i>

1135
01:07:31,199 --> 01:07:32,632
And then you sleep together.

1136
01:07:32,834 --> 01:07:34,131
<i>That you</i>

1137
01:07:35,270 --> 01:07:36,794
Um...

1138
01:07:36,971 --> 01:07:37,995
Yeah.

1139
01:07:39,974 --> 01:07:41,601
I'm very nervous.

1140
01:07:42,410 --> 01:07:43,843
I'm getting that.

1141
01:07:44,445 --> 01:07:47,141
Okay. Because I know I seemed confident
back at the bar...

1142
01:07:47,315 --> 01:07:51,752
...but that was mostly just
because I was cold and wet...

1143
01:07:51,920 --> 01:07:54,411
...and trying to be dramatic
a little bit.

1144
01:07:55,256 --> 01:07:56,280
You're adorable.

1145
01:07:57,458 --> 01:07:58,482
No.

1146
01:07:58,860 --> 01:08:00,122
I am sexy.

1147
01:08:00,295 --> 01:08:02,422
- I am R-rated sexy.
- Mm-hm.

1148
01:08:02,597 --> 01:08:06,033
Okay, I know what happens in the PG-13
version of tonight, all right? I know.

1149
01:08:06,201 --> 01:08:10,331
It's that I get really drunk
and then I pass out.

1150
01:08:10,505 --> 01:08:13,565
You cover me with a blanket,
kiss me on the cheek, nothing happens.

1151
01:08:13,741 --> 01:08:15,936
But that's not why I'm here.

1152
01:08:16,411 --> 01:08:20,973
I am here to bang the hot guy
that hit on me at the bar.

1153
01:08:22,617 --> 01:08:24,608
- Jacob.
- Jacob.

1154
01:08:25,887 --> 01:08:27,855
- Are people still saying "bang"?
- I do.

1155
01:08:28,022 --> 01:08:30,354
We are gonna bang. Hmm?

1156
01:08:30,525 --> 01:08:31,890
This is happening.

1157
01:08:32,660 --> 01:08:34,150
- Take off your shirt.
- Why?

1158
01:08:34,329 --> 01:08:37,924
Please, will you take off your shirt?
I can't stop thinking. I need to just...

1159
01:08:38,099 --> 01:08:40,363
- Okay, okay, okay.
- All right, okay, okay, okay.

1160
01:08:48,810 --> 01:08:49,970
Fuck.

1161
01:08:50,144 --> 01:08:53,136
Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped.

1162
01:08:55,216 --> 01:08:56,308
Can I...?

1163
01:08:57,352 --> 01:08:59,320
JACOB:
Aah. You have cold hands.

1164
01:09:00,722 --> 01:09:02,246
- Now you take off your dress.
- No.

1165
01:09:02,423 --> 01:09:05,256
- Yes.
- No. Not with that going on. No, thank you.

1166
01:09:05,426 --> 01:09:07,917
Is there dim lighting somewhere?
Oh, God.

1167
01:09:09,330 --> 01:09:12,561
Okay, so then what do we do?
What happens now? Like, logistically?

1168
01:09:12,734 --> 01:09:15,601
- What's your move?
- What do you mean, what's my move?

1169
01:09:15,803 --> 01:09:18,431
- What's your move? Your big move?
- I got lots of moves.

1170
01:09:18,606 --> 01:09:20,437
- What's your big move?
- I'm not telling.

1171
01:09:20,608 --> 01:09:23,133
- Tell me your move.
- You're not ready for the big move.

1172
01:09:23,311 --> 01:09:25,541
- Yes, I am.
- You can't handle the big move.

1173
01:09:25,713 --> 01:09:29,080
<i>- Tell me your big move.
- I work Dirty Dancing into the conversation.</i>

1174
01:09:31,085 --> 01:09:32,950
<i>Dirty Dancing?</i>

1175
01:09:33,121 --> 01:09:35,214
- Can I sit down, please?
- Yeah.

1176
01:09:35,390 --> 01:09:37,119
- Can I put back on my shirt?
- No.

1177
01:09:37,292 --> 01:09:39,624
<i>Why Dirty Dancing? What do we do?
Do we watch it?</i>

1178
01:09:39,794 --> 01:09:43,992
You know the big move at the end where
Patrick Swayze picks up Jennifer Grey?

1179
01:09:44,165 --> 01:09:46,065
- Yeah.
- I can do that.

1180
01:09:47,435 --> 01:09:49,960
- Okay.
- So I tell girls I can do the move.

1181
01:09:50,138 --> 01:09:53,869
I put on the song "Time of Your Life."
I do the big move.

1182
01:09:54,542 --> 01:09:56,305
And they always wanna have sex
with me.

1183
01:09:56,477 --> 01:09:59,469
Oh, my God. That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.

1184
01:09:59,647 --> 01:10:01,911
I agree. But it works every time.

1185
01:10:02,850 --> 01:10:04,147
That would not work on me.

1186
01:10:07,255 --> 01:10:09,746
[BILL MEDLEY AND JENNIFER WARNES'
"THE TIME OF MY LIFE" PLAYING]

1187
01:10:09,924 --> 01:10:12,620
Oh, God, this is ridiculous.
I don't wanna do it.

1188
01:10:12,794 --> 01:10:13,818
Come on.

1189
01:10:13,995 --> 01:10:15,895
This is beyond ridiculous.

1190
01:10:16,064 --> 01:10:17,554
- Run and jump.
- No.

1191
01:10:17,732 --> 01:10:19,393
- Yeah. Come on.
- No, thank you.

1192
01:10:20,601 --> 01:10:22,364
Thank God I'm drunk. Here we go.

1193
01:10:23,271 --> 01:10:26,263
[SHRIEKING]

1194
01:10:26,441 --> 01:10:32,846
<i>'Cause I've had the time of my life</i>

1195
01:10:33,014 --> 01:10:37,542
<i>And I owe it all to you</i>

1196
01:10:43,925 --> 01:10:45,916
<i>I've been waiting for so long</i>

1197
01:10:46,094 --> 01:10:50,622
<i>Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me</i>

1198
01:10:53,368 --> 01:10:55,996
Ahem. So do you prefer to do it here
or in the bedroom?

1199
01:10:56,170 --> 01:10:57,330
The bedroom is preferred.

1200
01:10:57,505 --> 01:11:00,269
Mm-hm. Yeah, okay. Let's go there.

1201
01:11:13,654 --> 01:11:16,646
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

1202
01:11:33,307 --> 01:11:35,002
HANNAH:
This pillow...

1203
01:11:36,477 --> 01:11:39,742
...forms perfectly
to the shape of my head.

1204
01:11:42,050 --> 01:11:43,210
Yeah.

1205
01:11:48,089 --> 01:11:50,683
Is this one of those foam pillows
from Brookstone?

1206
01:11:50,858 --> 01:11:51,882
[JACOB SIGHS]

1207
01:11:52,060 --> 01:11:53,152
Yeah.

1208
01:11:53,461 --> 01:11:55,656
- Yeah? Oh.
- Yeah.

1209
01:11:56,597 --> 01:11:59,225
I always wondered
who buys those kind of...

1210
01:11:59,734 --> 01:12:02,760
The hot guy from the bar buys these.
Of course.

1211
01:12:02,970 --> 01:12:04,494
- Jacob.
- Mm-hm, Jacob. Sorry about that.

1212
01:12:04,672 --> 01:12:05,696
Good.

1213
01:12:06,908 --> 01:12:08,773
I'm sorry, continue.

1214
01:12:28,096 --> 01:12:32,965
You don't have one of those ridiculous, um,
massage chairs, do you?

1215
01:12:33,134 --> 01:12:34,499
[JACOB SIGHS]

1216
01:12:37,538 --> 01:12:38,732
- You do?
- No.

1217
01:12:38,906 --> 01:12:40,533
- Yes, you do.
- Yeah, I do.

1218
01:12:40,708 --> 01:12:43,233
- Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God.
- I don't. I don't. I do.

1219
01:12:43,411 --> 01:12:45,538
Who would have that?
I would. I have that.

1220
01:12:45,947 --> 01:12:47,539
- How much was it?
- Five thousand dollars.

1221
01:12:47,715 --> 01:12:49,114
[LAUGHING]

1222
01:12:49,283 --> 01:12:50,910
Ask me how many times I've used it.

1223
01:12:51,085 --> 01:12:53,246
- How many times have you used it?
- Twice.

1224
01:12:54,055 --> 01:12:55,750
That's $2500 a massage.

1225
01:12:55,923 --> 01:12:57,550
Twice.

1226
01:12:57,892 --> 01:13:01,020
- Where is it?
- It's in the garage.

1227
01:13:01,863 --> 01:13:03,330
Can I sit in the massage chair?

1228
01:13:03,498 --> 01:13:06,490
[CHAIR HUMMING]

1229
01:13:08,169 --> 01:13:09,659
I hate it.

1230
01:13:10,771 --> 01:13:14,229
The Home Shopping Network.
But I'm addic... I buy... I'm just the worst.

1231
01:13:14,408 --> 01:13:15,898
- Do you have a Slap Chop?
- Yes.

1232
01:13:16,077 --> 01:13:18,068
- The knife that cuts through the penny?
- Yes.

1233
01:13:18,246 --> 01:13:21,044
- Ha-ha-ha. What else do you have?
- Coin Bears.

1234
01:13:21,215 --> 01:13:23,581
Coin Bears?
You don't have Coin Bears.

1235
01:13:23,751 --> 01:13:25,514
I have a whole set from each state.

1236
01:13:25,686 --> 01:13:27,119
You have 50 Coin Bears?

1237
01:13:27,288 --> 01:13:29,722
- They have a coin in their foot.
- You stay up nights.

1238
01:13:29,891 --> 01:13:31,483
I am wildly unhappy.

1239
01:13:31,659 --> 01:13:32,921
[BOTH LAUGHING]

1240
01:13:33,094 --> 01:13:36,461
I'm trying to buy it,
and it's not working.

1241
01:13:36,631 --> 01:13:38,963
- Were you smart in school?
- A little bossy, yeah.

1242
01:13:39,133 --> 01:13:43,695
But I won a spelling bee
and my dad cried at the spelling bee.

1243
01:13:43,871 --> 01:13:45,771
- No way. That's nice.
- Mm-hm.

1244
01:13:45,940 --> 01:13:47,999
- What word did you win on?
- It was so stupid.

1245
01:13:48,176 --> 01:13:51,270
[IMITATING LAUREN BACALL]
I love curling up with a rich cup of coffee.

1246
01:13:51,812 --> 01:13:54,110
What, you think coffee and sleep
don't mix?

1247
01:13:54,282 --> 01:13:58,480
Well, they do if it's High Point.
It's decaffeinated.

1248
01:13:58,653 --> 01:14:01,019
<i>And the flavor is marvelous.</i>

1249
01:14:01,189 --> 01:14:03,589
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Do you have that mold that makes cakes...?

1250
01:14:03,758 --> 01:14:04,816
I have calf pants.

1251
01:14:04,992 --> 01:14:06,926
[BOTH LAUGHING]

1252
01:14:07,094 --> 01:14:09,654
I have pants just for my calves.
Calf pants.

1253
01:14:09,830 --> 01:14:12,492
[BOTH LAUGHING]

1254
01:14:14,502 --> 01:14:15,901
[HANNAH SNORTS]

1255
01:14:17,338 --> 01:14:18,805
Oh, my God.

1256
01:14:21,976 --> 01:14:23,876
Could you do me a favor?

1257
01:14:24,345 --> 01:14:25,869
- What?
- Will you do me a kindness?

1258
01:14:26,047 --> 01:14:27,480
HANNAH:
Mm.

1259
01:14:27,648 --> 01:14:32,608
Will you ask me something personal
about myself?

1260
01:14:32,787 --> 01:14:35,813
Hmm. Okay, fine. I'll do it.
And then we bang.

1261
01:14:35,990 --> 01:14:37,252
Yes.

1262
01:14:37,425 --> 01:14:38,619
What's your mother like?

1263
01:14:39,527 --> 01:14:44,487
My mom is very beautiful.

1264
01:14:44,665 --> 01:14:47,828
Um... Very vain.

1265
01:14:48,669 --> 01:14:50,261
Very smart.

1266
01:14:51,072 --> 01:14:52,369
Cold.

1267
01:14:52,573 --> 01:14:54,063
And your dad?

1268
01:14:55,042 --> 01:14:56,066
Um...

1269
01:14:57,411 --> 01:15:00,073
He died a long time ago.

1270
01:15:01,515 --> 01:15:03,346
He was such a sweet guy.

1271
01:15:03,517 --> 01:15:05,348
He was probably too sweet.

1272
01:15:08,022 --> 01:15:10,786
Very successful in business.

1273
01:15:10,958 --> 01:15:16,225
He made a lot of money,
which is why I have all this stuff.

1274
01:15:16,397 --> 01:15:18,194
But he was soft.

1275
01:15:19,267 --> 01:15:21,963
Just too soft, too sensitive.

1276
01:15:22,169 --> 01:15:26,538
And, you know, Dad,
he couldn't really handle my mother...

1277
01:15:26,707 --> 01:15:29,471
...and didn't really make an effort.

1278
01:15:59,640 --> 01:16:00,664
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

1279
01:16:00,841 --> 01:16:02,570
<i>CAL [OVER MACHINE]:
Hey, Jacob, it's Cal.</i>

1280
01:16:02,843 --> 01:16:04,208
<i>Where are you?</i>

1281
01:16:04,412 --> 01:16:07,540
<i>Remember the first woman I picked up,
that teacher?</i>

1282
01:16:07,715 --> 01:16:09,376
<i>Well, I have a story to tell you
about her.</i>

1283
01:16:09,550 --> 01:16:10,574
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

1284
01:16:10,751 --> 01:16:13,618
<i>CAL: It's been a week. I haven't heard
from you. Should I be concerned?</i>

1285
01:16:13,788 --> 01:16:16,222
<i>I am imagining you suffocating
under a pile of women. Call me.</i>

1286
01:16:16,390 --> 01:16:17,414
[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

1287
01:16:17,591 --> 01:16:19,752
Oh. Yeah, hey, it's me again.

1288
01:16:20,728 --> 01:16:23,128
Left like a hundred messages.

1289
01:16:25,766 --> 01:16:29,224
Listen, if this is a Miyagi thing,
I'm not getting it, so...

1290
01:16:30,271 --> 01:16:32,262
Call me back, please. Thanks.

1291
01:16:56,364 --> 01:16:59,197
DAVID: Been to St. Louis?
EMILY: No, I haven't.

1292
01:16:59,367 --> 01:17:03,326
DAVID: I always dreamt of playing shortstop
for the St. Louis Cardinals, actually...

1293
01:17:03,504 --> 01:17:06,564
...but I couldn't hit a curveball,
so I did the next best thing.

1294
01:17:06,774 --> 01:17:08,332
Yeah, you became an accountant.

1295
01:17:08,509 --> 01:17:09,737
Right. Exactly.

1296
01:17:09,910 --> 01:17:12,538
I mean, the money's not as good,
but there's less travel.

1297
01:17:12,713 --> 01:17:13,737
Mm. Ha, ha.

1298
01:17:13,914 --> 01:17:16,280
- I was gonna be a ballerina.
- Really?

1299
01:17:16,450 --> 01:17:18,714
So tell me, what is it with women
and ballerinas?

1300
01:17:18,886 --> 01:17:21,218
I just pictured myself in the ballet.

1301
01:17:21,389 --> 01:17:24,017
It's not like I had
a lot of training or anything.

1302
01:17:24,191 --> 01:17:26,853
I mean, I actually never really
had a lesson...

1303
01:17:27,027 --> 01:17:30,485
...and, um, haven't seen a ballet.

1304
01:17:31,065 --> 01:17:32,555
You've never been to the ballet?

1305
01:17:32,733 --> 01:17:34,928
- Mm-mm.
DAVID: Wow.

1306
01:17:35,102 --> 01:17:38,367
- I'd love to take you to the ballet.
- You'd love to go to the ballet?

1307
01:17:38,539 --> 01:17:41,906
I didn't say that. I'd love to take you
to the ballet. I'd drop you off.

1308
01:17:42,076 --> 01:17:45,045
Later on I'd pick you up
and we could go to a ball game.

1309
01:17:45,212 --> 01:17:46,304
EMILY:
Oh, I get it.

1310
01:17:46,480 --> 01:17:49,381
[BOTH LAUGH]

1311
01:17:49,550 --> 01:17:52,451
EMILY: Ha, ha.
- I had a lot of fun tonight.

1312
01:17:54,188 --> 01:17:57,055
You like sushi?
I know this really great little sushi place...

1313
01:17:57,224 --> 01:17:58,248
EMILY:
I don't eat sushi.

1314
01:17:58,426 --> 01:18:00,826
- That we're never gonna go to
because I hate sushi.

1315
01:18:00,995 --> 01:18:03,088
[LAUGHS]

1316
01:18:10,905 --> 01:18:12,839
Oh, hi. Hi, Jess.

1317
01:18:13,007 --> 01:18:15,532
Uh, this is my work friend, David.

1318
01:18:15,709 --> 01:18:17,233
David is an accountant.

1319
01:18:17,411 --> 01:18:19,538
David, this is Jessica, my babysitter.

1320
01:18:20,114 --> 01:18:21,172
Uh...

1321
01:18:22,483 --> 01:18:24,883
So, you know, everything looks great.

1322
01:18:25,052 --> 01:18:26,417
Spreadsheets.

1323
01:18:26,587 --> 01:18:28,077
Spreadsheets.

1324
01:18:31,625 --> 01:18:32,751
See you at work.

1325
01:18:32,927 --> 01:18:34,554
Yeah, see you at work.

1326
01:18:39,133 --> 01:18:40,828
So how was dinner?

1327
01:18:41,001 --> 01:18:43,299
- Oh, well, you know, it was just for work.
- Yeah.

1328
01:18:43,471 --> 01:18:46,998
- That's a really pretty dress.
- Thank you. What do I owe you?

1329
01:18:47,641 --> 01:18:50,838
Do you know that your kids
are the only ones that I babysit for...

1330
01:18:51,011 --> 01:18:54,640
...that wanna stay awake so that they
can see their dad when he gets home?

1331
01:18:55,749 --> 01:19:00,311
Yeah, I mean, they fight with everything
they have to keep their eyes open.

1332
01:19:00,488 --> 01:19:02,115
And don't get me wrong...

1333
01:19:02,289 --> 01:19:06,988
...no, your kids are really excited to see you
when you get home too, Ms. Weaver...

1334
01:19:08,128 --> 01:19:11,222
...but not a lot wanna stay up for Dad.

1335
01:19:14,001 --> 01:19:16,128
Honey, what are you trying to say?

1336
01:19:16,303 --> 01:19:17,361
Batshit crazy.

1337
01:19:17,538 --> 01:19:19,369
Jessica, uh, what...?

1338
01:19:19,540 --> 01:19:22,134
- Let me give you...
- I don't want your slutty money.

1339
01:19:22,309 --> 01:19:26,040
Sweetheart, what's the pro...?
What's wrong?

1340
01:19:27,781 --> 01:19:31,046
"Slutty money"?

1341
01:20:58,639 --> 01:21:00,470
[DOORBELL RINGS]

1342
01:21:27,301 --> 01:21:28,325
EMILY:
Kids.

1343
01:21:31,305 --> 01:21:34,502
Kids. Ice cream.

1344
01:21:40,481 --> 01:21:41,641
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

1345
01:21:44,118 --> 01:21:48,179
MOLLY: I knew it. I knew it.
- Yeah. I'll be right back.

1346
01:22:01,435 --> 01:22:02,459
[CELL PHONE RINGS]

1347
01:22:02,636 --> 01:22:04,433
Oh, shit. Oh, God.

1348
01:22:05,139 --> 01:22:07,039
[BUZZING]

1349
01:22:09,243 --> 01:22:10,608
[CLEARS THROAT]

1350
01:22:16,917 --> 01:22:17,941
Hello?

1351
01:22:18,118 --> 01:22:19,983
<i>- [OVER PHONE] Hi, Cal.
- Hi.</i>

1352
01:22:20,654 --> 01:22:21,985
Um...

1353
01:22:23,290 --> 01:22:24,484
So...

1354
01:22:24,658 --> 01:22:28,321
...I'm just calling, um...

1355
01:22:30,130 --> 01:22:32,963
...because I'm in the basement...

1356
01:22:33,133 --> 01:22:35,931
...and I'm trying to get
the water heater working, um...

1357
01:22:37,538 --> 01:22:41,167
...because the pilot light's out
and I don't know how to relight it.

1358
01:22:41,975 --> 01:22:43,567
So I'm sorry to bother you.

1359
01:22:43,744 --> 01:22:47,271
No, no. It's fine. That's fine. Call me...

1360
01:22:48,148 --> 01:22:50,378
I'm glad you called about this.

1361
01:22:50,551 --> 01:22:52,849
<i>- I'll just walk you through it, okay?
- Okay.</i>

1362
01:22:53,020 --> 01:22:54,146
[CLEARS THROAT]

1363
01:22:54,321 --> 01:22:58,553
All right, so there's a gray door.
You see the gray door?

1364
01:22:58,726 --> 01:23:01,820
- Yeah.
- Okay, just slide that down.

1365
01:23:03,097 --> 01:23:04,121
Okay.

1366
01:23:04,298 --> 01:23:07,392
There's a red button
with the word "push" on it.

1367
01:23:07,568 --> 01:23:09,536
I wrote the word "push" on it?

1368
01:23:10,037 --> 01:23:14,133
So you push it.
And you turn it to the right.

1369
01:23:14,308 --> 01:23:15,639
I got it.

1370
01:23:16,143 --> 01:23:18,043
And then just put the match in.

1371
01:23:21,115 --> 01:23:22,844
Oh, there it goes.

1372
01:23:23,517 --> 01:23:27,044
Just have to slide the gray door
down again and you're good to go.

1373
01:23:28,455 --> 01:23:29,752
Oh.

1374
01:23:33,327 --> 01:23:36,194
Well, thanks, Cal. I appreciate your help.

1375
01:23:36,363 --> 01:23:40,094
Oh, you know what? Just call anytime
with stuff like that. That's...

1376
01:23:41,502 --> 01:23:43,766
Oh, yeah. Uh...

1377
01:23:43,937 --> 01:23:45,268
Yeah. Oh.

1378
01:23:45,906 --> 01:23:47,100
Sure.

1379
01:23:47,808 --> 01:23:49,503
So I'll talk to you soon.

1380
01:23:50,177 --> 01:23:52,008
Yeah, and, um...

1381
01:23:54,214 --> 01:23:55,579
Thanks again.

1382
01:23:55,749 --> 01:23:58,343
No, that's... My pleasure.

1383
01:24:01,255 --> 01:24:02,688
Don't want you to blow up the house.

1384
01:24:02,856 --> 01:24:04,118
[EMILY & CAL CHUCKLE]

1385
01:24:05,893 --> 01:24:06,951
Bye.

1386
01:24:07,127 --> 01:24:08,253
Bye.

1387
01:24:26,847 --> 01:24:29,077
MOLLY: Dad, can we go to McDonald's?
CAL: Uh, no.

1388
01:24:29,249 --> 01:24:30,341
MOLLY:
Why not?

1389
01:24:31,852 --> 01:24:33,149
CAL:
Check it out.

1390
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:35,413
ROBBIE: Only reason they play them
is they're catchy.

1391
01:24:35,589 --> 01:24:37,454
- Thank you.
CASHIER: Here you go, sir.

1392
01:24:37,624 --> 01:24:39,114
Now, does it come in sheets...?

1393
01:24:39,293 --> 01:24:42,490
Oh, yeah, it's a 4 by 8.
Standard 4 by 8, your 3/4 inch stock. Yeah.

1394
01:24:42,663 --> 01:24:45,564
- Now, this is for my wife.
- Oh. That's nice.

1395
01:24:45,732 --> 01:24:46,926
MOLLY:
It has curtains.

1396
01:24:47,100 --> 01:24:48,362
- Oh, hey, Cal.
CAL: Hey, Bernie.

1397
01:24:48,535 --> 01:24:50,230
MOLLY: Hi, Mr. Riley.
ROBBIE: Hi, Mr. Riley.

1398
01:24:50,404 --> 01:24:51,428
- How's it going?
- Oh, good.

1399
01:24:51,605 --> 01:24:54,597
I'd love to catch up,
but I'm doing something to the house later.

1400
01:24:54,775 --> 01:24:56,106
Kind of in a rush.

1401
01:24:56,276 --> 01:24:57,766
Thanks for the cologne.

1402
01:24:57,945 --> 01:24:59,572
BERNIE:
Do you know if this is chintz?

1403
01:24:59,746 --> 01:25:00,906
[CELL PHONE RINGS]

1404
01:25:01,081 --> 01:25:02,514
<i>CAL: Hello?
JACOB [OVER PHONE]: Cal.</i>

1405
01:25:02,683 --> 01:25:04,548
<i>- Jacob.
- [OVER PHONE] Oh, my God, it's alive.</i>

1406
01:25:04,718 --> 01:25:07,152
Hey, sorry I kind of dropped off
the grid there, pal.

1407
01:25:07,321 --> 01:25:09,812
You left me in my hour of need,
my friend.

1408
01:25:09,990 --> 01:25:11,014
<i>Yeah, well...</i>

1409
01:25:11,191 --> 01:25:14,251
...I'm in a bit of a situation.

1410
01:25:14,428 --> 01:25:15,986
A pickle, if you will.

1411
01:25:16,163 --> 01:25:18,188
<i>- I got no one else to call.
- Ha, ha.</i>

1412
01:25:18,632 --> 01:25:20,600
<i>- I met a girl.
- Oh, really?</i>

1413
01:25:20,767 --> 01:25:24,032
JACOB: I'm spending all this time with her
and she is a game changer.

1414
01:25:24,204 --> 01:25:26,229
She's a game changer? No way.

1415
01:25:26,406 --> 01:25:28,670
So much so I'm going to meet
her mother right now.

1416
01:25:28,842 --> 01:25:32,005
A mother and daughter. That's very
Wilt Chamberlain-esque, even for you.

1417
01:25:32,179 --> 01:25:33,669
<i>- What is the matter with you?
- Ha, ha.</i>

1418
01:25:33,847 --> 01:25:35,940
I don't know what to do.
I need some advice.

1419
01:25:36,116 --> 01:25:39,984
You might actually have to answer
some personal questions about yourself.

1420
01:25:40,153 --> 01:25:42,348
<i>You gotta smile a lot.
You've gotta be charming.</i>

1421
01:25:42,522 --> 01:25:43,648
Definitely don't be yourself.

1422
01:25:43,824 --> 01:25:45,655
That's what you've got for me,
don't be myself?

1423
01:25:45,826 --> 01:25:48,386
<i>- Ha-ha-ha.
- Great. Thanks for nothing.</i>

1424
01:25:48,562 --> 01:25:49,859
Do you wanna get a?

1425
01:25:50,797 --> 01:25:52,822
Do you wanna get a beer next week?

1426
01:25:53,000 --> 01:25:54,729
<i>You have my number.</i>

1427
01:25:54,902 --> 01:25:57,530
And, you know, don't worry about tonight.
You'll be fine.

1428
01:25:57,704 --> 01:26:00,229
<i>- Good for you, by the way.
- See you, buddy.</i>

1429
01:26:00,841 --> 01:26:03,867
Honk. You gotta get that fixed.

1430
01:26:05,646 --> 01:26:08,308
- Okay. All right.
- Let's go.

1431
01:26:30,103 --> 01:26:31,229
[GASPS]

1432
01:26:31,405 --> 01:26:32,770
Va-jay-jay.

1433
01:26:49,289 --> 01:26:51,780
<i>MAN 1 [ON TV]: ... out of this fourth inning
with just one run in.</i>

1434
01:26:51,959 --> 01:26:56,293
<i>MAN 2 [ON TV]: He's right on the verge of
a big hit knocking him out of the game here.</i>

1435
01:26:56,496 --> 01:26:59,431
<i>He's staying in there,
very competitive today.</i>

1436
01:27:19,353 --> 01:27:22,151
JESSICA:
No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.

1437
01:27:23,156 --> 01:27:25,750
No, leave him. Let him go.
He can handle it. Let him go.

1438
01:27:25,926 --> 01:27:28,224
Honey! Get out of my purse.
Stay out of my purse!

1439
01:27:28,395 --> 01:27:32,354
Do not take those keys! Do not take those
keys! I'm not letting you take those keys.

1440
01:27:32,532 --> 01:27:35,160
You're not following your father!
Stop it!

1441
01:27:35,335 --> 01:27:38,463
No! No! Let your father handle it.
You're not to see that man again!

1442
01:27:38,638 --> 01:27:39,764
That man's a pervert!

1443
01:27:39,940 --> 01:27:41,168
- Stay out of it!
- No!

1444
01:27:41,341 --> 01:27:42,933
Is that pervert sexting you?

1445
01:27:43,343 --> 01:27:44,367
Hey, baby.

1446
01:27:45,012 --> 01:27:46,104
What are you wearing?

1447
01:27:46,279 --> 01:27:49,407
Dad's here. I have to blindfold you.

1448
01:27:49,583 --> 01:27:52,177
- Why? What's he doing?
- Just come on.

1449
01:27:55,489 --> 01:27:56,922
[HORN HONKING]

1450
01:28:01,061 --> 01:28:02,085
[TIRES SCREECH]

1451
01:28:02,262 --> 01:28:04,093
[GASPING]

1452
01:28:04,264 --> 01:28:05,561
Hate this. Bad.

1453
01:28:07,200 --> 01:28:09,168
EMILY: Is this something
I'm gonna have to clean up?

1454
01:28:09,336 --> 01:28:11,270
ROBBIE:
Mom, no, don't worry about it. Keep going.

1455
01:28:11,438 --> 01:28:13,929
EMILY: Honey, honey, I really can't see.
ROBBIE: Mom, I got you.

1456
01:28:14,107 --> 01:28:16,632
Two. Right now we're on the ground.
One more step.

1457
01:28:16,810 --> 01:28:18,141
- Three.
- Three. Yay.

1458
01:28:18,311 --> 01:28:20,438
Mom, no more steps.
We're on the ground.

1459
01:28:20,614 --> 01:28:23,606
Mom, relax.
It's your husband, not Al Qaeda.

1460
01:28:23,784 --> 01:28:24,808
Hi, Em.

1461
01:28:24,985 --> 01:28:27,453
EMILY:
Oh, hey. Can I take this off now, please?

1462
01:28:27,621 --> 01:28:29,452
- Nope, not yet.
- Oh, what's this?

1463
01:28:29,623 --> 01:28:30,647
[MOLLY GIGGLES]

1464
01:28:30,824 --> 01:28:32,485
- I hear you, gigglepuss.
- Do it.

1465
01:28:34,895 --> 01:28:36,294
[CAL CLEARS THROAT]

1466
01:28:36,463 --> 01:28:38,863
May I have your attention?

1467
01:28:39,032 --> 01:28:41,865
[SPANDAU BALLET'S "TRUE"
PLAYING ON STEREO]

1468
01:28:42,035 --> 01:28:46,802
Many years ago, in the hallway
of Woodside Middle School...

1469
01:28:46,973 --> 01:28:50,306
...Cal Weaver saw Emily Boyle
for the first time.

1470
01:28:50,477 --> 01:28:53,446
Cal, are you seriously gonna do this
in front of the kids?

1471
01:28:53,613 --> 01:28:54,637
Mm-hm.

1472
01:28:54,815 --> 01:28:58,012
If anything goes wrong I'm supposed to
take her upstairs and put the TV on loud.

1473
01:28:58,418 --> 01:29:01,478
All right. Well, we may as well wait
for your daughter.

1474
01:29:01,655 --> 01:29:04,317
- She's right here.
- No, no, no. I mean our other daughter.

1475
01:29:04,491 --> 01:29:05,788
HANNAH: Hello?
- Nanna.

1476
01:29:05,959 --> 01:29:08,359
- Hi, guys.
EMILY: Hi, sweetheart.

1477
01:29:08,528 --> 01:29:10,257
CAL: Hi.
HANNAH: What's going on?

1478
01:29:10,430 --> 01:29:14,161
EMILY: Oh, I don't know. Some game.
He won't let me take this dumb blindfold off.

1479
01:29:14,334 --> 01:29:15,926
- Cal?
- Is that him?

1480
01:29:16,369 --> 01:29:17,529
What are you doing here?

1481
01:29:17,704 --> 01:29:20,639
- What are you doing here?
- Wait, do you guys know each other?

1482
01:29:20,807 --> 01:29:22,798
- What's going on?
- What are you doing here?

1483
01:29:22,976 --> 01:29:25,137
ROBBIE: Hey, Nanna.
- Hi, Robbie.

1484
01:29:25,312 --> 01:29:26,745
- Hey, Nanna.
- Hi, cutie.

1485
01:29:26,913 --> 01:29:28,278
Jacob, it's so nice to meet you.

1486
01:29:28,448 --> 01:29:30,973
I've heard so many wonderful things
about you from Nanna.

1487
01:29:31,151 --> 01:29:32,846
- I'm sorry, what's a Nanna?
HANNAH: I am.

1488
01:29:33,019 --> 01:29:35,146
I couldn't say Hannah.
How do you know my dad?

1489
01:29:35,322 --> 01:29:37,517
EMILY:
She couldn't say her H's at all.

1490
01:29:37,691 --> 01:29:40,717
Okay. I'm having trouble understanding
what's going on right now.

1491
01:29:41,361 --> 01:29:45,320
- Dad, this is Jacob, my boyfriend.
CAL: No, it's not.

1492
01:29:45,499 --> 01:29:48,229
- I was bringing him over to meet Mom.
- No. No. No, no, no.

1493
01:29:48,401 --> 01:29:50,460
EMILY: I wanna see the boyfriend.
- I can't breathe.

1494
01:29:50,637 --> 01:29:51,797
EMILY:
Can I take this off?

1495
01:29:51,972 --> 01:29:54,463
Cal, what are you doing
with a daughter that's grown up?

1496
01:29:54,674 --> 01:29:57,142
I was 17. That's why we had to get
married so young.

1497
01:29:57,310 --> 01:30:00,279
- You should have told me.
- Never wanted me to talk about my children.

1498
01:30:00,447 --> 01:30:03,848
- Um, I'm gonna go watch TV now.
- That's fine. Why don't you go do that?

1499
01:30:04,017 --> 01:30:05,382
- Yeah. Can I come?
- No.

1500
01:30:05,552 --> 01:30:07,850
So you guys, like,
really know each other, then.

1501
01:30:08,021 --> 01:30:10,649
Oh, screw it. This is ridiculous.

1502
01:30:10,824 --> 01:30:12,689
- Honey, he's really cute.
- No, he's not.

1503
01:30:12,859 --> 01:30:15,453
Look at you. You're really a mother?
I don't believe it, sister.

1504
01:30:15,962 --> 01:30:18,226
Let me get this straight.
So you guys are a thing.

1505
01:30:18,398 --> 01:30:20,798
You guys are a couple, right?
You guys are together?

1506
01:30:20,967 --> 01:30:22,958
- Yeah.
- No way. Break up right now.

1507
01:30:23,336 --> 01:30:25,099
- Daddy?
- Please don't call him that.

1508
01:30:25,906 --> 01:30:28,500
- Cal, that's not gonna happen.
- Then I will mess you up.

1509
01:30:28,708 --> 01:30:29,800
- Dad.
- Cal.

1510
01:30:29,976 --> 01:30:31,000
- Cal.
- Jessica?

1511
01:30:31,178 --> 01:30:32,202
Bernie?

1512
01:30:32,379 --> 01:30:33,744
[CAL & BERNIE GRUNT]

1513
01:30:33,914 --> 01:30:35,040
Daddy, no.

1514
01:30:35,215 --> 01:30:38,150
I let her babysit for you,
you son of a bitch.

1515
01:30:38,919 --> 01:30:41,479
- She's only 17 years old.
- What are you talking about?

1516
01:30:41,655 --> 01:30:43,589
- Oh, God.
CAL: No idea what you're talking about.

1517
01:30:43,757 --> 01:30:44,883
- Aah!
EMILY: Bernie.

1518
01:30:45,058 --> 01:30:48,186
Daddy, no. No, no, no. Stop it.

1519
01:30:48,361 --> 01:30:50,158
[WOMEN SHOUTING]

1520
01:30:50,330 --> 01:30:52,161
ROBBIE: Dad.
HANNAH: Jacob! Oh, God.

1521
01:30:52,332 --> 01:30:53,890
JESSICA:
Stop it. He didn't do anything.

1522
01:30:54,067 --> 01:30:55,830
- He doesn't know.
EMILY: Is your back okay?

1523
01:30:56,002 --> 01:30:57,492
- Know what?
- Know what?

1524
01:30:57,671 --> 01:30:59,798
Is this some kind of a skit?
Because I'm lost.

1525
01:31:00,006 --> 01:31:01,030
- Argh!
JESSICA: No.

1526
01:31:01,208 --> 01:31:03,768
- Aah!
JESSICA: No, no, no. Daddy, Daddy.

1527
01:31:03,944 --> 01:31:05,707
He didn't even know
that I'm in love with him.

1528
01:31:06,613 --> 01:31:08,080
- With who?
JESSICA: With him.

1529
01:31:08,248 --> 01:31:10,182
- You pointing at me?
- You pointing at him?

1530
01:31:10,350 --> 01:31:12,113
She's pointing at him? Oh.

1531
01:31:12,285 --> 01:31:15,118
Wait. My dad is the older guy
you've been seeing?

1532
01:31:15,288 --> 01:31:18,382
- I knew it. You...
- He doesn't know about the naked photos.

1533
01:31:18,558 --> 01:31:20,287
- What?
- Jessica.

1534
01:31:20,460 --> 01:31:22,223
You made him naked photos? Seriously?

1535
01:31:22,395 --> 01:31:26,024
- I'm gonna beat you till your brains fall out.
- Timeout, timeout. Hold on.

1536
01:31:26,199 --> 01:31:29,191
- But I love her.
- Jessica's the one you're in love with?

1537
01:31:29,369 --> 01:31:31,166
DAVID:
Excuse me, Emily?

1538
01:31:31,938 --> 01:31:34,304
- You left your sweater in my car.
- Oh.

1539
01:31:34,474 --> 01:31:36,032
- Who are you?
- David Lindhagen.

1540
01:31:37,944 --> 01:31:40,003
- David Lindhagen?
- David Lindhagen.

1541
01:31:41,248 --> 01:31:42,806
Okay.

1542
01:31:42,983 --> 01:31:45,076
- Is this a bad time?
- Yeah.

1543
01:31:45,252 --> 01:31:46,879
- Unh.
- Jacob.

1544
01:31:47,420 --> 01:31:50,048
Know how much pain and suffering
you caused my friend?

1545
01:31:50,223 --> 01:31:52,054
- Stay the hell away from my daughter.
- Ow.

1546
01:31:52,225 --> 01:31:53,920
You stay away from my daughter.

1547
01:31:54,094 --> 01:31:56,153
- I don't even know you.
JESSICA: Stop it.

1548
01:31:56,329 --> 01:31:58,627
Oh, my God. That is not...
What are you grabbing?

1549
01:31:58,798 --> 01:32:01,426
[ALL GRUNTING]

1550
01:32:01,601 --> 01:32:03,535
HANNAH: Really? Really?
- Come on.

1551
01:32:03,703 --> 01:32:06,399
CAL:
Let go of me! Let go of me! Let go of me!

1552
01:32:06,573 --> 01:32:08,837
BERNIE: Come on, she's my daughter.
CAL: Stop it. Stop it.

1553
01:32:09,009 --> 01:32:10,033
BERNIE:
I'll kill you.

1554
01:32:12,379 --> 01:32:13,710
MAN:
So...

1555
01:32:13,913 --> 01:32:16,245
Okay, wait. Which one of you
is Lindhagen again?

1556
01:32:16,416 --> 01:32:17,508
ALL:
Hagen.

1557
01:32:18,451 --> 01:32:21,011
I'm just gonna write,
"Domestic disturbance, all clear."

1558
01:32:21,187 --> 01:32:22,347
Thank you, officer.

1559
01:32:23,423 --> 01:32:26,620
Just simmer down, okay?
We all have arguments.

1560
01:32:26,826 --> 01:32:30,523
But if you're gonna fight, just do it inside.
Keep it in the family, okay?

1561
01:32:31,131 --> 01:32:32,462
[GIGGLES]

1562
01:32:32,632 --> 01:32:33,758
[WHISPERS]
I will kill you.

1563
01:32:44,744 --> 01:32:45,768
BERNIE:
Let's go.

1564
01:32:45,945 --> 01:32:47,071
- Daddy?
BERNIE: Now.

1565
01:32:47,480 --> 01:32:49,414
- Daddy?
- Now.

1566
01:33:21,648 --> 01:33:22,808
Cal.

1567
01:33:23,016 --> 01:33:24,176
Come on.

1568
01:33:24,684 --> 01:33:25,708
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Honey.

1569
01:33:28,455 --> 01:33:31,891
This guy is a lowlife,
he is a womanizer.

1570
01:33:32,058 --> 01:33:34,822
- That's ironic.
- Excuse me?

1571
01:33:38,898 --> 01:33:41,628
I know him.
I have witnessed him in action.

1572
01:33:41,801 --> 01:33:45,760
- And you are not to see him anymore.
- Dad, I'm not gonna stop seeing him.

1573
01:33:45,939 --> 01:33:49,102
Okay. Okay. Well, then we have
nothing more to talk about.

1574
01:33:52,779 --> 01:33:54,679
- You're being unreasonable.
- Get out of my house.

1575
01:33:54,848 --> 01:33:56,145
This is not your house anymore.

1576
01:33:56,316 --> 01:33:59,080
Well, you made damn sure of that,
didn't you, sweetheart?

1577
01:34:13,366 --> 01:34:15,630
- Bye, Nanna.
- Bye, cutie.

1578
01:34:26,880 --> 01:34:28,404
She's all yours, David.

1579
01:34:29,883 --> 01:34:33,250
- Fantastic.
- Nice.

1580
01:34:41,561 --> 01:34:43,461
Go big or go home, right, bud?

1581
01:34:45,565 --> 01:34:46,964
Go home, Dad.

1582
01:35:44,123 --> 01:35:46,114
JACOB: Did you see the headline today?
HANNAH: What?

1583
01:35:46,292 --> 01:35:49,056
It says that you should call your dad.

1584
01:35:49,229 --> 01:35:51,561
No, it says,
"Let's move on child obesity." Ha, ha.

1585
01:35:51,731 --> 01:35:53,392
No, it doesn't.

1586
01:35:53,566 --> 01:35:56,558
HANNAH: I'm not gonna call him.
- No, it says you really should.

1587
01:36:06,446 --> 01:36:09,438
[BELL RINGS]

1588
01:36:35,241 --> 01:36:37,266
BARTENDER:
Can I get you another?

1589
01:36:38,344 --> 01:36:40,437
- What time is it?
BARTENDER: 2:30.

1590
01:36:41,514 --> 01:36:43,072
In the afternoon.

1591
01:36:43,583 --> 01:36:45,551
"Two-thirty" would have been sufficient...

1592
01:36:45,718 --> 01:36:49,381
...but thank you for the judgmental tone,
cocktail servant.

1593
01:36:50,189 --> 01:36:51,213
I'm sorry...

1594
01:36:51,391 --> 01:36:52,449
[SIGHS]

1595
01:36:53,326 --> 01:36:55,419
Sorry for being a dick.

1596
01:36:58,164 --> 01:36:59,722
JACOB:
Nice sweat suit.

1597
01:37:02,902 --> 01:37:04,164
[SIGHS]

1598
01:37:04,337 --> 01:37:05,361
What do you want?

1599
01:37:06,806 --> 01:37:09,400
- Uh, can I sit down?
- I don't know, can you?

1600
01:37:10,243 --> 01:37:13,838
Are we gonna be adults about this,
or we gonna...?

1601
01:37:14,013 --> 01:37:16,174
[IMITATING JACOB]
"Are we gonna be adults about this?"

1602
01:37:24,724 --> 01:37:28,751
- It would mean a lot to me if we could talk.
- Are you still seeing my daughter?

1603
01:37:31,030 --> 01:37:34,227
- Yes.
- Then I have nothing to say to you.

1604
01:37:35,335 --> 01:37:36,927
Been hanging out here a lot?

1605
01:37:37,370 --> 01:37:38,769
Sometimes.

1606
01:37:41,407 --> 01:37:44,399
JACOB: You been missing a lot of work?
- I have a lot of vacation days.

1607
01:37:44,577 --> 01:37:46,841
You know what? You have a lot of nerve.

1608
01:37:57,991 --> 01:37:59,288
Do you wanna do your shot?

1609
01:37:59,459 --> 01:38:02,519
She probably spit in it,
so, no, thank you.

1610
01:38:05,865 --> 01:38:07,264
Your kids miss you, Cal.

1611
01:38:07,433 --> 01:38:10,095
You're hanging out with my kids?
That's great.

1612
01:38:10,269 --> 01:38:12,703
Teach Robbie how to objectify women.
He'll love that.

1613
01:38:16,409 --> 01:38:20,470
You know it's his eighth-grade graduation
next week.

1614
01:38:21,214 --> 01:38:22,476
You gonna go to that?

1615
01:38:22,682 --> 01:38:23,910
Of course I'm going.

1616
01:38:24,083 --> 01:38:28,213
I just didn't know. You haven't really been
around. I don't think he knows either.

1617
01:38:28,388 --> 01:38:31,380
I haven't been around for him?
That's what you're telling me?

1618
01:38:31,557 --> 01:38:33,616
You know,
he's not my biggest fan right now.

1619
01:38:33,793 --> 01:38:36,523
- He thinks I stole his soul mate.
- He worships you, Cal.

1620
01:38:36,696 --> 01:38:39,995
- Is the parental advice over? Because if so...
- I'm in love with her.

1621
01:38:42,635 --> 01:38:43,932
I love her.

1622
01:38:45,738 --> 01:38:48,605
I don't know what I was doing
before this.

1623
01:38:48,775 --> 01:38:53,838
And I don't know what to do about it.
It's not something I can really stop.

1624
01:38:54,347 --> 01:38:56,144
- Yeah?
JACOB: Yeah.

1625
01:38:56,315 --> 01:38:58,044
- You love her? You love Hannah?
JACOB: Yes.

1626
01:38:58,217 --> 01:39:01,744
Tell me about it.
Tell me how much you love her.

1627
01:39:02,188 --> 01:39:03,246
JACOB:
I'm just...

1628
01:39:04,257 --> 01:39:06,919
Look, Cal, it's not something
that I wanted, okay?

1629
01:39:07,093 --> 01:39:08,958
I looked at people who were in love...

1630
01:39:09,128 --> 01:39:11,528
...and I thought
the way that they were behaving...

1631
01:39:11,698 --> 01:39:14,098
...and the things that they were doing
and saying...

1632
01:39:14,267 --> 01:39:16,531
...they appeared pathetic, honestly.

1633
01:39:16,736 --> 01:39:20,228
And I spent all this time with you,
I'm trying to make you more like me...

1634
01:39:20,406 --> 01:39:22,840
...and it turns out I just wanna be...

1635
01:39:25,678 --> 01:39:27,646
[SIGHS]

1636
01:39:27,814 --> 01:39:29,145
I need that drink.

1637
01:39:29,315 --> 01:39:31,579
You gonna make me do this?
I gotta really do this?

1638
01:39:36,789 --> 01:39:39,781
I had Hannah when I was 17.

1639
01:39:40,393 --> 01:39:42,793
I taught her how to ride a bike.

1640
01:39:44,197 --> 01:39:46,631
I taught her how to drive a car.

1641
01:39:47,133 --> 01:39:49,795
And I'm glad for you.

1642
01:39:49,969 --> 01:39:53,928
I'm happy for you, that you've changed.

1643
01:39:54,340 --> 01:39:59,107
I think it's fantastic
that you're a better man.

1644
01:40:00,379 --> 01:40:02,404
But I've seen too much already.

1645
01:40:02,582 --> 01:40:07,076
- No. I know. I know too much.
JACOB: I know. I know.

1646
01:40:08,721 --> 01:40:10,188
And it's Hannah.

1647
01:40:10,523 --> 01:40:12,491
And she's too good for you.

1648
01:40:13,226 --> 01:40:14,557
I agree.

1649
01:40:18,631 --> 01:40:21,191
I'm never gonna give you my approval.

1650
01:40:31,144 --> 01:40:33,237
You're a good dad, Cal.

1651
01:40:47,760 --> 01:40:48,954
Yep. Yep.

1652
01:40:49,128 --> 01:40:51,688
She spit. She spit in that.

1653
01:40:51,964 --> 01:40:53,761
Guys, I need you to pay attention.

1654
01:40:53,933 --> 01:40:58,233
Do not cut the line. I need everyone
to stay in your positions, okay?

1655
01:40:58,404 --> 01:41:02,738
Guys, check your ties.
Make sure everything is nice and neat.

1656
01:41:02,909 --> 01:41:04,604
Ladies, when you're on stage...

1657
01:41:14,787 --> 01:41:16,345
Mommy, look. Robbie's name.

1658
01:41:37,944 --> 01:41:39,878
CAL:
Excuse me. Is this open?

1659
01:41:55,895 --> 01:41:57,624
BERNIE: How close?
- Yeah, that's fine.

1660
01:42:05,471 --> 01:42:06,995
Good afternoon.

1661
01:42:07,173 --> 01:42:10,267
Welcome, parents, family and friends.

1662
01:42:10,676 --> 01:42:14,635
We're so pleased to have you here
to celebrate this graduating class.

1663
01:42:15,481 --> 01:42:19,611
And now, to introduce
our first student speaker...

1664
01:42:19,785 --> 01:42:23,551
...our very own Kate Tafferty.

1665
01:42:26,626 --> 01:42:28,423
- She's pretty.
- Ugh.

1666
01:42:31,364 --> 01:42:36,165
Our first speaker is not only
the class salutatorian...

1667
01:42:36,502 --> 01:42:39,596
...but is also...

1668
01:42:39,772 --> 01:42:40,932
[CHUCKLES]

1669
01:42:41,107 --> 01:42:44,474
...one of the most spirited young men...

1670
01:42:44,644 --> 01:42:47,374
...I've ever had the pleasure of teaching.

1671
01:42:47,546 --> 01:42:51,243
Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Weaver.

1672
01:42:53,886 --> 01:42:55,012
- Whoo!
- Robbie!

1673
01:43:03,863 --> 01:43:06,263
Welcome, class of 2011.

1674
01:43:07,133 --> 01:43:10,534
Our time as middle schoolers
has come to an end.

1675
01:43:10,703 --> 01:43:13,331
We can't fight it anymore.
We're getting old.

1676
01:43:13,639 --> 01:43:15,869
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]

1677
01:43:19,645 --> 01:43:23,206
All my life I wanted to grow up.

1678
01:43:23,683 --> 01:43:28,052
I wanted to grow older
so people would take me seriously.

1679
01:43:28,721 --> 01:43:32,179
It all sounded so good to me.

1680
01:43:32,558 --> 01:43:36,995
Growing up, getting a job,
getting married.

1681
01:43:37,697 --> 01:43:39,062
But...

1682
01:43:40,032 --> 01:43:41,431
...it's all a scam.

1683
01:43:42,368 --> 01:43:43,699
And love?

1684
01:43:45,071 --> 01:43:46,595
That's the biggest scam of all.

1685
01:43:49,175 --> 01:43:51,200
I was in love.

1686
01:43:51,877 --> 01:43:56,246
And I know that makes some of you laugh
because I'm only 13...

1687
01:43:57,416 --> 01:44:00,146
...but whatever. I was.

1688
01:44:01,821 --> 01:44:05,188
And I used to think, and really believe...

1689
01:44:06,425 --> 01:44:09,223
...that there was one true love
for everyone...

1690
01:44:09,729 --> 01:44:13,221
...and if you fought hard enough
for that person...

1691
01:44:13,399 --> 01:44:15,390
...your one true love
would always work out.

1692
01:44:16,435 --> 01:44:21,338
It sounded good to me when I was younger,
but it just doesn't work that way.

1693
01:44:23,042 --> 01:44:27,240
- There is no such thing as one true love...
- Stop.

1694
01:44:31,417 --> 01:44:33,885
[WHISPERING]
Shit.

1695
01:44:34,053 --> 01:44:36,817
- Oh, boy.
- Okay.

1696
01:44:36,989 --> 01:44:39,321
All right. Ahem. Excuse me.

1697
01:44:52,204 --> 01:44:55,401
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1698
01:44:55,941 --> 01:44:58,501
- [WHISPERING] What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

1699
01:44:59,011 --> 01:45:01,104
I was wrong, Dad.
There's no such thing as...

1700
01:45:01,280 --> 01:45:02,542
[CAL CLEARS THROAT]

1701
01:45:03,382 --> 01:45:04,644
CAL [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
I, uh...

1702
01:45:05,351 --> 01:45:06,477
Um...

1703
01:45:06,652 --> 01:45:09,644
[KATE CLEARING THROAT]

1704
01:45:12,024 --> 01:45:15,858
Oh. Well, here's the thing:

1705
01:45:16,028 --> 01:45:18,622
My son's graduation speech sucks.

1706
01:45:18,931 --> 01:45:19,955
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]

1707
01:45:20,132 --> 01:45:21,156
CAL:
That's not a joke.

1708
01:45:22,268 --> 01:45:25,829
In fairness, I didn't know
where he was going with that.

1709
01:45:26,005 --> 01:45:27,666
But I think we can all agree...

1710
01:45:27,840 --> 01:45:33,437
...it was headed
in a kind of depressing, um, way.

1711
01:45:33,612 --> 01:45:35,136
[CAL CLEARS THROAT]

1712
01:45:35,314 --> 01:45:38,511
My son... Not him, my actual son.

1713
01:45:38,684 --> 01:45:41,209
- Believes in grand romantic gestures.

1714
01:45:41,420 --> 01:45:44,856
He believes in the existence...

1715
01:45:45,024 --> 01:45:47,322
...of one's soul mate.

1716
01:45:48,694 --> 01:45:51,925
And it's easy to just look
at a 13-year-old and say:

1717
01:45:52,098 --> 01:45:56,296
"You don't know what you're talking about.
You are wrong."

1718
01:45:56,469 --> 01:45:58,767
But I'm not so sure.

1719
01:46:02,808 --> 01:46:05,936
I met my soul mate
when I was 15 years old.

1720
01:46:06,512 --> 01:46:08,480
We went out for ice cream.

1721
01:46:08,647 --> 01:46:13,346
After, my dad started teasing me
about my first date, the way dads do.

1722
01:46:13,519 --> 01:46:16,386
And I told him, "Dad, it's no big deal.

1723
01:46:16,555 --> 01:46:21,925
I'm gonna be going out with a lot of
different girls on a lot of different dates."

1724
01:46:22,094 --> 01:46:25,586
And that is the first time
that I ever lied to my father.

1725
01:46:29,001 --> 01:46:31,663
I met my soul mate
when I was 15 years old...

1726
01:46:31,837 --> 01:46:36,604
...and I have loved her
every minute of every day...

1727
01:46:37,176 --> 01:46:41,010
...since I first bought her
that mint chocolate chip cone.

1728
01:46:42,681 --> 01:46:47,448
I have loved her through the birth
of my three perfect children.

1729
01:46:48,587 --> 01:46:50,885
I have loved her
even when I've hated her.

1730
01:46:52,758 --> 01:46:54,885
Only married couples
will understand that one.

1731
01:46:55,060 --> 01:46:58,393
[AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]

1732
01:47:00,432 --> 01:47:02,297
And I don't know if it's gonna work out.

1733
01:47:04,303 --> 01:47:06,328
I don't know what's gonna happen.

1734
01:47:08,374 --> 01:47:11,343
I'm sorry, Robbie, I can't give you that.

1735
01:47:12,278 --> 01:47:14,678
But I can promise you this:

1736
01:47:15,114 --> 01:47:17,173
I will never stop trying.

1737
01:47:18,551 --> 01:47:21,679
Because when you find the one...

1738
01:47:22,154 --> 01:47:23,678
...you never give up.

1739
01:47:29,428 --> 01:47:31,328
Do you have anything you'd like to say?

1740
01:47:33,165 --> 01:47:34,860
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I still love you, Jessica.

1741
01:47:35,034 --> 01:47:37,901
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

1742
01:47:38,070 --> 01:47:39,537
And I love you, Emily.

1743
01:47:39,705 --> 01:47:41,434
[HANNAH LAUGHING]

1744
01:47:41,607 --> 01:47:44,838
I loved you ever since you first
changed my sister's diaper.

1745
01:47:45,010 --> 01:47:48,946
I loved you when you came into
my bedroom and I was under the covers...

1746
01:47:49,114 --> 01:47:50,945
- Stop him.
CAL: No, no.

1747
01:47:51,116 --> 01:47:53,414
- What's he talking about?
- I'm not ashamed of it.

1748
01:47:53,586 --> 01:47:55,611
CAL:
Okay, we're good, we're good.

1749
01:48:04,663 --> 01:48:07,928
Oh, there's your mom. Let's go say hi.

1750
01:48:08,267 --> 01:48:09,427
Hey.

1751
01:48:09,602 --> 01:48:12,036
Oh, I'm so proud of you.

1752
01:48:12,204 --> 01:48:14,365
There she is. My perfect girl.

1753
01:48:14,540 --> 01:48:16,064
Hi.

1754
01:48:20,946 --> 01:48:22,470
CAL:
Okay.

1755
01:48:23,616 --> 01:48:25,049
So I bought a firearm...

1756
01:48:26,552 --> 01:48:27,849
...from a shady Internet site...

1757
01:48:28,020 --> 01:48:30,113
...and I am prepared to shoot you with it.

1758
01:48:32,324 --> 01:48:33,916
Come here.

1759
01:48:40,332 --> 01:48:41,629
Take care of her.

1760
01:48:46,639 --> 01:48:48,573
This is gonna be fun.

1761
01:48:48,741 --> 01:48:50,800
This is gonna be fun.

1762
01:48:55,080 --> 01:48:56,513
ROBBIE:
I'm gonna talk to my friends.

1763
01:48:56,682 --> 01:49:00,516
Go hang with the other high schoolers.
Go ahead, see if I care. I don't care.

1764
01:49:35,154 --> 01:49:37,486
I'm really glad you came.

1765
01:49:37,656 --> 01:49:39,146
So am I.

1766
01:49:40,526 --> 01:49:42,824
You were a really good babysitter,
Jessica.

1767
01:49:44,630 --> 01:49:46,723
I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.

1768
01:49:48,033 --> 01:49:50,365
- I thought you weren't giving up.
ROBBIE: I'm not.

1769
01:49:50,536 --> 01:49:51,969
But I just figure...

1770
01:49:52,171 --> 01:49:53,638
...you like my dad...

1771
01:49:53,806 --> 01:49:55,899
...and in a few years I'll look like him.

1772
01:49:56,075 --> 01:49:57,235
I'll come for you then.

1773
01:49:58,077 --> 01:49:59,544
That's not a bad plan.

1774
01:50:00,012 --> 01:50:01,070
But...

1775
01:50:01,814 --> 01:50:03,907
Well, until then...

1776
01:50:04,083 --> 01:50:08,213
...just a little graduation gift
to get you through high school.

1777
01:50:09,221 --> 01:50:10,711
ROBBIE:
Thanks.

1778
01:50:15,327 --> 01:50:16,419
[CLEARS THROAT]

1779
01:50:19,198 --> 01:50:20,256
ROBBIE:
So...

1780
01:50:21,800 --> 01:50:23,893
Can you...?

1781
01:50:24,069 --> 01:50:26,094
- Why...?
- Take care, Robbie.

1782
01:50:50,028 --> 01:50:51,859
[SIGHS]

1783
01:50:52,030 --> 01:50:54,294
Holy crap.

1784
01:51:03,275 --> 01:51:06,938
- He looks pretty happy.
- Yeah.

1785
01:51:07,746 --> 01:51:09,680
- God, I hate that haircut, though.
- Yeah..

1786
01:51:09,848 --> 01:51:13,045
- I know. He looks like a sheepdog.
- Mm-hm.

1787
01:51:18,157 --> 01:51:22,321
Oh, my eyes! My eyes! My eyes!

1788
01:51:27,166 --> 01:51:29,157
It's been a really hard year.

1789
01:51:30,769 --> 01:51:31,827
How so?

1790
01:51:32,004 --> 01:51:34,996
[BOTH LAUGHING]

1791
01:51:37,142 --> 01:51:39,702
Yeah, there were a couple little blips,
I guess.

1792
01:51:39,878 --> 01:51:42,870
- I know.
- I guess I just, you know...

1793
01:51:43,582 --> 01:51:46,881
Really what I want to say...

1794
01:51:49,221 --> 01:51:52,156
...is that I'm so glad you bought me
that ice cream.

1795
01:51:54,927 --> 01:51:57,191
Me too.

1796
01:52:00,265 --> 01:52:03,257
[EMILY CHUCKLING]

1797
01:52:10,309 --> 01:52:13,301
[BOTH LAUGHING]

1798
01:58:00,592 --> 01:58:02,583
[English - US - SDH]