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♪ ♪
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LOUISE: (groans) School again.
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Punching in for another day
of unpaid child labor
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before we go home
and do more unpaid child labor.
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I know, right?
Multiply this, spell that,
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build a pipe cleaner model
of that other thing.
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Oh, darn,
I forgot to do that last night.
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Where's Amnesty International
when you need 'em?
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I mean, probably somewhere
important. They're great.
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Teachers keep dishing it out
and we keep taking it.
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Fresh baked brownie? Blondie?
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Mmm. I was just handed a baked
good for some reason, but yeah.
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Hi, Tina! (sniffs)
New shampoo?
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No, we had
one squeeze of shampoo left,
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and we've been adding water
to it for a while.
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Hey, about my pipe cleaner
project, I kind of didn't do it.
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-Don't worry about it.
-Okay.
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Thanks for holding
the button, Mr. De Santo.
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Do I tip you or...
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Looking good, Rudy.
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Good at what?
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What is h-happening?
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Are we at the right school?
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Hi, Louise!
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Whoa. That's a lot of "hi,"
Ms. LaBonz. You okay?
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I'm fine.
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How are you?
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Confused. Thank you.
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Decaf coffee, please, Linda.
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Better make it a double.
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Something the matter, Mort?
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Eh, there was a big brouhaha
at the mortuary.
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A guy died without a will
and at the funeral
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a big fight broke out
over who gets
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his autographed picture
of Patrick Swayze.
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You might say they were
going crazy for Swayze.
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Oh, no, that's terrible
to die without a will.
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It's not even that great
to die with one.
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Right. Yeah. Right.
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Glad I've got my affairs
in order.
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Bob, do you want to know
what I'm leaving you?
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Um, can I just be surprised
on the day?
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-It's not Christmas, Bob. Geez.
-Okay, fine, tell me.
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-Please don't say
the arrowheads.
-My collection of arrowheads.
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Yeah. Um, even though
they're just kind of rocks?
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Most of them
aren't even triangular.
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They could be arrowheads.
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-Anyway, it's ten boxes.
-Mm.
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I've been planning my funeral
ever since I was a kid,
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arranging grieving Playmobil
figures on the floor in rows.
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Aw, fun li'l Mort.
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So what about you guys--
got all your I's dotted?
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-Uh, yeah, pretty dotted.
-Uh, s-sure, we've loosely...
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Oh, we don't have a will
or any of that dying stuff.
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-What?
-But we're gonna.
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We've just been too busy.
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Or tired.
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All the time, tired.
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But you haven't done anything?
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Not even the basics,
like deciding what I get?
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Mm, not a basic?
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Ten boxes of arrowheads, Bob.
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Could go to Mort.
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-I like rocks.
-Never mind.
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Forget it.
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So, pop quiz.
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But relax, everyone. The answer
to every question is five.
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Just fill it out fast.
Five, five, five, five, five.
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Uh, why is there no place
to put our names?
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Because it's anonymous.
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-Why would it be anonymous?
-Work with me, Rudy.
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Five, five, five, five
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-and you get an A.
-Hold on,
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-this isn't a quiz. This is...
-FROND: Good morning, students.
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By now, you will have been given
your teacher evaluation forms.
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-Eh, poop.
-Which you will use
to review your teachers.
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It's a new process
I'm calling Eval-You-Great.
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As I explained
to Principal Spoors,
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everyone needs feedback
to improve.
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Except principals.
And guidance counselors.
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Ten questions and
a comment section. Sweet mama.
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The evaluations
are due back to me
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before the end of the day.
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And to make things fun,
teachers with the best scores
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will be assigned reserved
parking in the main lot,
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right next to the school.
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Mmm, the main lot.
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And, remember, students,
these things are anonymous,
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so go nuts.
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Well done, Phillip.
Great announcement.
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-Wait, how do I turn this off?
It's this one, right?
-(click)
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Time for Mr. Frond to hit
the john. It's pee-pee o'clock.
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-Oh, press that button.
Darn it!
-(click)
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Wow. Ms. LaBonz, the kind
of evaluation I could write.
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I mean, you and I
have some history.
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I'm a delightful rascal
and you're a... bit punish-y?
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Louise, stop.
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-No!
-Bad.
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-Awful!
-Principal's...
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-...office...
-...now!
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We have fun.
(chuckles)
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There's also the recent
totally unfair grade you gave me
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on my animal habitat diorama.
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It was rock-solid B-minus work,
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and you gave it a C.
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Your diorama was a cotton ball
in a white shoebox.
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It's a polar bear in the snow.
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Simple but powerful.
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And you called it
"slapped-together," I believe?
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I can be blunt.
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On my last report card, you
said, "Don't quit your day job."
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This is my day job.
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You call us
"this one" and "that one."
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And sometimes you call us
"The Shining,"
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-and I don't get the reference.
-(groans)
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I prayed this day
would never come.
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JOCELYN:
So, we get to grade you?
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I don't know if I can do that,
because I'm not very judgy.
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Oh, wait, I am.
(laughs)
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I'm great at these.
I wrote an online review
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that got a barista fired for
spelling my name with an I.
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Uh, I don't think so.
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"Does your teacher
explain new concepts
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in a way you understand?"
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Uh, Ms. Jacobson, could you
explain math again to me
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and I'll see if I get it?
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Yes. Okay.
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You guys like me, right?
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So let's get it
on the page, huh?
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So I can park
in a reserved space
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and get to the teachers' lounge
while the coffee's still hot.
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Or at least warm-ish.
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So you need an evaluation
that's catchy and blurb-worthy.
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Got it. "Ms. Twitchell's so good
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she makes learning
almost worth it."
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Yes, that's great.
Write that.
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So, let's go over this again.
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The school is here, and I park
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in the unpaved overflow lot
way over here.
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And I have to hike in
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like I'm freaking
Reese Witherspoon in that movie.
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It's far.
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So, please, be generous.
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Ms. LaBonz,
can I get a bathroom pass?
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Mr. De Santo gave me a hit of
his hazelnut blend this morning
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and things are happening.
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How uncomfortable for you, Rudy.
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Of course you can.
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-Really?
-Usually you tell him
to bite on an eraser
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and tough it out till recess.
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That doesn't
sound like me at all.
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Well, now you sound...
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I think "friendly"
is what you're going for?
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But why don't you zip
through the evaluation first
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so it's off your plate
and then you can poop in peace.
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-That seems fair.
-LOUISE: Wait.
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Rudy, put your pencil down.
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The second we turn these in,
the teachers stop being nice.
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But Frond said they're not due
till the end of the day.
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Right now, we hold the cards.
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Today we do what we want.
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Movies instead of math.
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We confiscate the teachers' gum.
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And Rudy poops as he pleases!
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-I like that.
-Louise...
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Today we say, "Jump" and
the teachers say, "How high?"
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But they can't jump very high
'cause they're middle-aged
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but they still
have to say "How high?"
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Get down this minute, Louise!
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I mean, good for you,
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climbing up there,
using the desk that way.
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(chuckles nervously)
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Today we celebrate
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-our independence day!
-Oh, boy.
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Spread the word.
Hang on to these evaluations
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till the end of the day.
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We're maximizing power here.
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I get it. Leverage.
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Like how my stepmom
wouldn't marry my dad
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until he learned
how to control his crazy son.
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Now Cheryl and I are tighter
than a turtleneck.
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I think every class today
is gonna be dance.
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-Twirl it, baby!
-Hey, Coach Blevins,
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what are we doing in P.E. today?
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Uh, we were gonna
run laps today...
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-Bup, bup, bup.
-But now I'm thinking
some light stretching
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and relaxing
on the wrestling mats.
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Sounds good, Coach.
See you there.
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If I feel like it.
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This is ridiculous.
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Respectable teachers shouldn't
be groveling for good scores
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by letting students run riot.
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This is all your fault,
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and one day
there will be a reckoning.
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Ms. LaBonz!
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You won't see me coming.
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I don't know, Louise.
It feels like
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we're kind of taking advantage
of the system?
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Yeah. Isn't it great?
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I thought
the whole point is to give
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constructive feedback
to help teachers improve.
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Like, sometimes Ms. Jacobson
doesn't erase
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the chalkboard that well
and I can see what was on there
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the day before and it's like
being in two moments of time
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at once and it hurts my head.
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No, Tina, the point is, today,
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we're eating
the teachers' lunch. Literally.
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Unless their lunch is sad, like
a smushed sandwich or something.
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Actually, I'd still eat it.
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I don't know, Bob.
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Maybe we should finally do
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some of this end-of-life stuff
planning.
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Or put it off
until death is cured?
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Come on, let me help.
This is what I do.
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We'll just write things down
on the back of a napkin.
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You can get a cheap lawyer
to make it all pretty later.
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Okay, it's slow right now.
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Maybe it'll be fun.
I doubt it.
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All right!
♪ Makin' plans for bein' dead! ♪
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Let's dive in with
the distribution of assets--
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who gets what. And we don't have
to get through it all today.
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We can chip away at it.
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We're just chipping away.
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Well, that didn't take long.
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God, we're poor.
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At least we didn't use up
too many napkins.
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What am I getting again, Mort?
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"For Teddy,
any food left in fridge."
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Aw, guys.
This means a lot.
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Let's move on to the next part,
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final disposition of remains.
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-The what of what?
-You want to be buried
or cremated?
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-Oh, that's easy.
-Yeah.
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-Cremated.
-Buried.
-Wait, what?
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-Burn, baby, burn.
-Burial?
-Uh-oh.
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But I-I thought we'd want to be,
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you know,
together someplace forever.
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00:08:02,207 --> 00:08:03,482
But buried?
Underground?
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Bob, I don't even like
two blankets on the bed.
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But cremation?
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So you can fit in a cup?
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A big cup.
A nice cup.
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-What's it called, Mort?
-Urn.
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00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,216
-No.
-Yes.
245
00:08:13,218 --> 00:08:14,159
-Urn.
-It's "urn."
246
00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:15,401
I'll think of it.
247
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,070
I'll get you some brochures
on both options.
248
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,056
You can discuss. And, remember,
this isn't life or death.
249
00:08:20,075 --> 00:08:21,224
It's just death.
250
00:08:21,226 --> 00:08:23,317
-Eh.
-Jar? Bucket?
251
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,336
Body bucket?
252
00:08:24,563 --> 00:08:25,245
♪ ♪
253
00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:27,005
Our top story, kids rule...
254
00:08:27,232 --> 00:08:28,656
And teachers drool.
255
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,899
Oh, my gosh, that rhymes.
256
00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:31,751
Yes,
it's Teacher Evaluation Day.
257
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:34,921
We're here with our TV
journalism teacher, Mr. Grant.
258
00:08:35,073 --> 00:08:36,406
Gangbusters intro, girls.
259
00:08:36,575 --> 00:08:37,590
What's an intro?
260
00:08:37,743 --> 00:08:38,742
So, where do you park?
261
00:08:38,835 --> 00:08:40,167
-The overflow lot.
-Sad.
262
00:08:40,262 --> 00:08:42,336
-Would you like to park
in the good lot?
-God, yes.
263
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,248
Mm. Then tell us what you think
of our ideas for news segments.
264
00:08:45,341 --> 00:08:47,174
-"Why school is dumb."
-Love it.
265
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,102
-"What is ice, really?"
-Newsy.
266
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,511
"What's up with my parents?"
267
00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:52,088
All amazing ideas.
268
00:08:52,107 --> 00:08:53,198
Yeah, we know.
269
00:08:53,349 --> 00:08:54,440
♪ ♪
270
00:08:54,593 --> 00:08:55,759
♪ Kids rule ♪
271
00:08:55,777 --> 00:08:58,036
♪ And teachers drool ♪
272
00:08:58,263 --> 00:09:00,280
♪ Kids rule ♪
273
00:09:00,432 --> 00:09:02,615
♪ And teachers drool. ♪
274
00:09:02,768 --> 00:09:06,002
♪ ♪
275
00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:11,699
LOUISE:
Still not
276
00:09:11,793 --> 00:09:13,777
-satisfied.
-Yeah, I like our
rebellious spirit,
277
00:09:13,795 --> 00:09:16,221
but it's harder to eat lunch
sitting on the table.
278
00:09:16,372 --> 00:09:17,781
It's like I need
another table up here.
279
00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:20,875
No. I'm still annoyed
by the C Ms. LaBonz gave me
280
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,376
on my polar bear project.
281
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:24,637
Oh, you're still upset about
your shoebox diorama grade?
282
00:09:24,790 --> 00:09:26,881
Didn't you spend, like,
literally one minute on that?
283
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,625
When I saw it,
it still had shoes in it.
284
00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:30,402
It went over
some people's heads, okay?
285
00:09:30,629 --> 00:09:32,386
But the real reason
LaBonz gave me a C
286
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:34,147
is because
she has it out for me.
287
00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:35,574
Maybe she just hates
cotton balls?
288
00:09:35,725 --> 00:09:36,800
I mean, I think they're nice.
289
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:38,726
Ugh, Tina,
don't defend teachers.
290
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:39,969
They're teachers.
291
00:09:40,104 --> 00:09:41,062
Well, they're also people.
292
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,138
They have names and everything.
293
00:09:42,157 --> 00:09:43,081
I mean, last names.
294
00:09:43,232 --> 00:09:44,157
They might have first names,
295
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,642
but no one knows what they are.
296
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:46,585
Here, Lin, look.
297
00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:49,570
A nice grassy double plot
on a hill.
298
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,591
Under an oak tree.
It's like a pretty picnic spot.
299
00:09:52,742 --> 00:09:55,168
It's just us,
having a forever picnic.
300
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,262
Yeah, Bob,
here's my problem: worms.
301
00:09:57,489 --> 00:09:58,822
They're the ones having
the picnic.
302
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,824
Also, I'm a deep sleeper.
What if I'm not even dead
303
00:10:00,842 --> 00:10:03,843
and nobody poked me to make sure
before they stuck me down there?
304
00:10:03,995 --> 00:10:05,345
They probably have a poker.
305
00:10:05,497 --> 00:10:07,272
Also, cemeteries can be haunted.
306
00:10:07,423 --> 00:10:09,441
Or, worse, we end up
with a bunch of goth punks
307
00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:11,759
hanging out on Halloween,
sitting on our tombstones,
308
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,594
smoking cigarettes
and making out.
309
00:10:13,688 --> 00:10:16,856
Okay, but our kids would have,
you know, someplace to visit.
310
00:10:17,008 --> 00:10:18,432
Yeah,
but you got to bring flowers,
311
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:20,343
you got to keep your voice down,
you got to dress up.
312
00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:21,953
-Does that sound like our kids?
-Well...
313
00:10:22,105 --> 00:10:24,681
Plus, Gene, just standing there,
looking at our tombstone?
314
00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:26,032
You know he hates to read.
315
00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:27,459
I'd drop by.
Probably.
316
00:10:27,686 --> 00:10:28,852
How steep is the hill?
317
00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:30,036
But look at this.
318
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,963
Ash scattering at sea.
319
00:10:32,115 --> 00:10:33,539
Ooh, or by airplane.
320
00:10:33,692 --> 00:10:35,950
It's like skywriting,
only instead of smoke, it's you.
321
00:10:36,044 --> 00:10:38,878
Ashes floating around the world,
being free,
322
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,788
landing on an expensive car.
323
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,031
Maybe a DeLorean.
324
00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:43,216
We can finally travel.
325
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,218
Wow! Fancy.
And I knew you when.
326
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:49,055
So if the kids want to visit us,
they can just go... everywhere?
327
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,465
Fine. The kids can scatter us
someplace they like.
328
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:54,377
The couch. And we can put in the
will no farting on the couch.
329
00:10:54,396 --> 00:10:56,321
Well, that's not gonna happen.
So, burial.
330
00:10:56,472 --> 00:10:58,823
No. Cremation,
then landing on the DeLorean.
331
00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:01,142
Bob, know when you've lost
an argument.
332
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,310
Finally the end of the day,
huh?
333
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,829
I hope you were generous.
334
00:11:04,981 --> 00:11:06,072
Hey...
335
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,982
Andy and Ollie.
336
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,000
God, I hope I got that right.
337
00:11:09,227 --> 00:11:10,192
Were you nice?
338
00:11:10,194 --> 00:11:11,503
-We were nice.
-Twice.
339
00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:12,912
Okay, bye-bye.
Go home.
340
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,507
All right, Louise.
(singsongy): It's time.
341
00:11:15,734 --> 00:11:16,916
You played ball, Ms. LaBonz.
342
00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:18,176
I guess I should go easy on you.
343
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,069
And it's appreciated, Louise.
344
00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:23,348
I mean, I am a little hurt
over the diorama grade.
345
00:11:23,575 --> 00:11:26,242
That just felt, wow,
like it got personal.
346
00:11:26,261 --> 00:11:28,669
-Here we go.
-So why don't we pop open
your grade book
347
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,915
and you just bump that baby up
a notch to a B-minus
348
00:11:31,933 --> 00:11:33,099
and everybody wins.
349
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,251
I'm not changing that grade,
Louise.
350
00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:36,194
If it had been another kid,
351
00:11:36,345 --> 00:11:37,437
maybe it would have been
a B-minus.
352
00:11:37,589 --> 00:11:39,439
-But it was you, so...
-You admit it.
353
00:11:39,591 --> 00:11:40,273
You admit it!
354
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,942
Oh, now it's evaluating time.
355
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,277
Wait, let me finish.
356
00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:45,945
You know
how you don't really try?
357
00:11:46,097 --> 00:11:47,263
Not helping yourself.
358
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:48,689
And you
sort of phone everything in?
359
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:51,601
LaBonz, the more you talk,
the angrier my pencil gets.
360
00:11:51,694 --> 00:11:53,119
-But I was just...
-Deh, deh, deh. Silence.
361
00:11:53,271 --> 00:11:55,121
When you're in a hole,
stop digging.
362
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,106
Ratings: all ones.
363
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:58,775
And now the comments.
364
00:11:58,793 --> 00:12:01,110
Looks like you're commenting
a lot.
365
00:12:01,129 --> 00:12:03,037
Mm-hmm. Gonna need extra paper.
366
00:12:03,131 --> 00:12:04,614
That's probably not good.
367
00:12:04,616 --> 00:12:05,372
It's not.
368
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,966
Is "Antichrist" hyphenated?
369
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,560
(groans)
No, it's one word.
370
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,232
Mr. Frond, wait up.
I got my Ms. LaBonz evaluation.
371
00:12:14,309 --> 00:12:15,641
I wanted to hand it
to you personally.
372
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,794
-Here's a preview.
(blows raspberry)
-Great.
373
00:12:17,812 --> 00:12:20,054
I'm putting them all
in this zipped messenger bag
374
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,388
which never leaves my side.
375
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,149
I got the idea from how
they guard the envelopes
376
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,634
at the Academy Awards.
377
00:12:24,652 --> 00:12:26,727
-Pretty glamorous, huh?
-Perfect. Sounds secure.
378
00:12:26,821 --> 00:12:29,414
I've even tied a piece of yarn
from my wrist to the handle
379
00:12:29,641 --> 00:12:31,808
so I don't set it down
and leave it somewhere.
380
00:12:31,826 --> 00:12:32,900
Smart. Enough.
381
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,477
For you.
Now what happens?
382
00:12:34,496 --> 00:12:36,813
In a few minutes, I'll sit down
with each teacher one-on-one
383
00:12:36,831 --> 00:12:38,331
to go over the evaluations
together.
384
00:12:38,483 --> 00:12:40,333
And, of course, I'll provide
compassionate counseling
385
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,001
for the duds that get reamed.
386
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:43,836
(chuckles)
Someone's gonna need it.
387
00:12:43,989 --> 00:12:45,746
Okay. Whoa. See? It works.
388
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,491
Well, in the end, I just gave
Ms. Jacobson all fives
389
00:12:48,493 --> 00:12:51,252
and I realized that it's not
her fault the erasers are bad.
390
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,178
That's a budget issue.
391
00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:53,587
I was pretty nice, too.
392
00:12:53,681 --> 00:12:55,515
I wrote, "Twitchell--
you'll want to flunk sixth grade
393
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,275
on purpose
just to see her again."
394
00:12:57,502 --> 00:12:58,777
And I'm almost there.
395
00:12:58,928 --> 00:13:01,262
Well, LaBonz messed with
the bull, so she got the horns.
396
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,006
I even made a copy of it
to put on my wall.
397
00:13:03,024 --> 00:13:05,933
Hope it doesn't catch on fire
and burn down the whole house,
398
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,285
'cause it's scorching.
399
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:10,179
Wow, sounds like you went,
I want to say, way too far?
400
00:13:10,198 --> 00:13:12,031
What?
No, Tina, I punched up.
401
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,607
I'm a tiny schoolchild,
402
00:13:13,701 --> 00:13:16,869
and Ms. LaBonz is a rich and
powerful fourth grade teacher.
403
00:13:17,022 --> 00:13:18,129
Um, grade school teachers
404
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,298
probably aren't
that rich and powerful.
405
00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:22,133
Well, Mr. De Santo
has a pleather jacket.
406
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,802
-Those aren't cheap.
-Also,
407
00:13:23,953 --> 00:13:26,546
I wonder what it'll be like for
Ms. LaBonz when she reads it.
408
00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:28,531
She'll probably just raise
her fist and say,
409
00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:30,550
"You've bested me this time,
Louise!"
410
00:13:30,702 --> 00:13:32,552
I don't know.
Why don't you pretend I'm her
411
00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:33,536
and read it to me?
412
00:13:33,629 --> 00:13:34,871
-What?
-Just read it.
413
00:13:34,964 --> 00:13:36,706
Wait, hold on.
I got to get into character.
414
00:13:36,724 --> 00:13:38,650
(same voice): Am I doing her
voice right? Yeah, that's it.
415
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:41,152
Okay, I'm just gonna give you
a few highlights.
416
00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:43,637
"Ms. LaBonz is so burned-out
that when she burps,
417
00:13:43,806 --> 00:13:45,657
-she sets off smoke alarms."
-Oh.
418
00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:48,809
Um... (clears throat)
"She taught us about fossils.
419
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:49,977
By being one."
420
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,237
-Wow.
-Forg...
421
00:13:51,389 --> 00:13:53,573
You know what,
forget that part. Um, um...
422
00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:56,150
"Ms. LaBonz is so boring,
if she was a color,
423
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,577
"she'd be off-beige.
424
00:13:57,729 --> 00:13:59,003
"She's huffy and stuffy.
425
00:13:59,155 --> 00:14:00,171
-She's..."
-Oh...
426
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:01,840
(groans)
Why isn't this fun?!
427
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:03,566
I did the right thing.
428
00:14:03,585 --> 00:14:06,085
Okay. Now you be Lady Gaga
and I'll be Mom.
429
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,330
It's a conversation
I've always been curious about.
430
00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:11,090
Lin, I've been
in Mort's crematorium.
431
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,350
It's sad and scary
432
00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:15,094
and kind of the opposite
of resting in peace.
433
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,054
Bob, maybe we just agree
to disagree
434
00:14:17,207 --> 00:14:18,339
and each do our own thing.
435
00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:20,249
You get your dirt and your trees
and your worms.
436
00:14:20,343 --> 00:14:21,767
I get the sky and the sea.
437
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,345
Okay, fine, I guess
I'll just be alone for eternity.
438
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,255
Or, who knows,
maybe someone interesting
439
00:14:26,349 --> 00:14:28,107
will get buried next to me
and, you know,
440
00:14:28,259 --> 00:14:30,276
we'll hit it off and hang out.
441
00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:31,277
Both dead.
442
00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:32,762
Are you trying
to make me jealous?
443
00:14:32,855 --> 00:14:34,430
He's kind of making me jealous.
444
00:14:34,449 --> 00:14:35,932
I'm just gonna be open
to whatever happens.
445
00:14:35,934 --> 00:14:37,600
Hello, Bob, Linda.
446
00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:39,360
It's the first of the month
somewhere.
447
00:14:39,528 --> 00:14:40,603
Ha!
Pay me rent.
448
00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:42,196
Oh, hi, Mr. Fischoeder.
449
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:43,623
Is it the first already?
450
00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:45,274
Yes, somewhere.
And here.
451
00:14:45,368 --> 00:14:47,051
What's this, cemetery brochures?
452
00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:48,277
You're not planning on dying,
are you,
453
00:14:48,296 --> 00:14:49,278
to skip out on the rent?
454
00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:50,613
The old die-and-dash?
455
00:14:50,632 --> 00:14:52,223
No, nobody's dying,
Mr. Fischoeder.
456
00:14:52,375 --> 00:14:54,967
-We all die, Bob.
-I'll tell you my death plan.
I'm getting
457
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,787
a little consortium of fun
and flirty dead people together
458
00:14:57,805 --> 00:15:01,457
and our mortal remains will be
tossed into and purified by
459
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:03,126
an active volcano.
460
00:15:03,144 --> 00:15:04,068
Ooh, which volcano?
461
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:05,144
We're still looking around.
462
00:15:05,296 --> 00:15:06,553
It'll be one of the better ones.
463
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,313
Love it.
I'm in.
464
00:15:07,465 --> 00:15:08,406
-Oh, my God.
-Me, too.
465
00:15:08,557 --> 00:15:10,650
-Where do I sign up?
-Ooh, no,
466
00:15:10,802 --> 00:15:11,984
no and no.
467
00:15:12,137 --> 00:15:13,578
Oh.
Ms. LaBonz,
468
00:15:13,729 --> 00:15:16,472
I thought you'd be headed down
to Mr. Frond's office.
469
00:15:16,491 --> 00:15:18,458
I've got to go to my car
to get something first,
470
00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,234
and by "something,"
I don't mean nicotine gum
471
00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:22,812
that I need more than anything
else in the world right now.
472
00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:24,997
Well, I'm just getting
my diorama to take home.
473
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,499
It's our only cotton ball, so...
474
00:15:26,651 --> 00:15:28,651
By the way, Louise, what
I was trying to say before--
475
00:15:28,744 --> 00:15:31,671
the reason I gave you
the crummy grade on the diorama.
476
00:15:31,823 --> 00:15:33,839
-I know.
-It's because
you're very bright.
477
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:34,807
Wha-What?
478
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:35,992
But you don't work hard.
479
00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:37,251
I need to motivate you.
480
00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:39,679
I've noticed that
anger and vengeance
481
00:15:39,831 --> 00:15:41,514
really get your motor running.
482
00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:43,057
Doesn't sound like me.
483
00:15:43,168 --> 00:15:44,275
And it worked, right?
484
00:15:44,502 --> 00:15:46,277
Your next assignment--
the oral presentation--
485
00:15:46,429 --> 00:15:49,021
that was a solid A-minus.
Remember?
486
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,690
And that concludes my report.
487
00:15:50,842 --> 00:15:54,935
And now would anyone care for
Latvia's popular savory pastry,
488
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,120
piradzini?
489
00:15:56,272 --> 00:15:57,938
I did not work harder on that.
490
00:15:58,032 --> 00:15:59,699
I had a lot of soda
and I couldn't sleep.
491
00:15:59,851 --> 00:16:02,961
And we happened to have all
the ingredients for piradzini!
492
00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:04,128
I'm just saying,
493
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,630
I still have a few moves, huh?
494
00:16:05,781 --> 00:16:08,040
So she made me get an A-minus?
495
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,208
-That rat.
-(groans)
496
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,635
Maybe LaBonz is...
(sighs)
497
00:16:10,862 --> 00:16:13,029
actually
kind of an okay teacher?
498
00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:15,622
And person? If teachers are,
in fact, people.
499
00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:17,791
I mean, Gene and I
both had her for fourth grade,
500
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,460
and she really got us
to step up our game.
501
00:16:19,554 --> 00:16:21,462
Wait, you guys used to be...
worse students?
502
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,706
Oh, yeah.
I didn't do school so good.
503
00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:25,316
Now I do school not so bad.
504
00:16:25,468 --> 00:16:26,300
There she goes,
505
00:16:26,394 --> 00:16:28,211
walking out to the overflow lot.
506
00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:30,471
And walking.
And walking.
507
00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:33,491
Crap. I don't want Ms. LaBonz
to see my evaluation now.
508
00:16:33,642 --> 00:16:34,659
It's... not nice.
509
00:16:34,886 --> 00:16:37,236
Getting smaller.
Crossing the train tracks.
510
00:16:37,405 --> 00:16:39,238
Should she have just taken
the train there?
511
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,647
It's actually just mean.
512
00:16:40,725 --> 00:16:42,558
Ooh, there's a big puddle
in her way.
513
00:16:42,577 --> 00:16:43,392
She's thinking.
514
00:16:43,411 --> 00:16:44,577
Maybe even nasty.
515
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,005
Is she turning around?
No, she's gonna jump it!
516
00:16:47,232 --> 00:16:48,548
Running and...
517
00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:49,749
Oh!
So close.
518
00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,234
I got to get
that evaluation back.
519
00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:52,677
Is that dog attacking her?
520
00:16:52,828 --> 00:16:54,345
Never mind.
She fought it off.
521
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,576
Hey, Mr. Frond, I, uh, need
to take back my evaluation.
522
00:17:00,669 --> 00:17:02,503
It has curse words in it,
and I know how delicate you are.
523
00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:03,746
Louise, stop.
524
00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,431
Once an evaluation
goes into the system--
525
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,175
which is my canvas
messenger bag-- that's it.
526
00:17:08,269 --> 00:17:10,269
Plus, see all these
poor saps waiting?
527
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,605
Sor-Sorry, Mr. De Santo.
Maybe you'll be fine.
528
00:17:12,757 --> 00:17:15,182
-But I have to get...
-No, get your paws out of there.
529
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:16,868
Well, uh, while we have you,
530
00:17:17,019 --> 00:17:19,278
Gene had a weird dream
he needs analyzed.
531
00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:22,265
Actually, I did. I dreamt
I had hair down to my butt
532
00:17:22,283 --> 00:17:24,100
and I could swing it
like nobody's business
533
00:17:24,227 --> 00:17:25,434
and heads were a-turnin'.
534
00:17:25,528 --> 00:17:26,878
Wow. But I don't have time.
535
00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:29,547
Tina, you needed some emergency
counseling, didn't you?
536
00:17:29,698 --> 00:17:32,108
Uh, I'm afraid
books are going to miss me
537
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:33,384
when I finish reading them.
538
00:17:33,461 --> 00:17:34,218
Should I be worried
I think that?
539
00:17:34,295 --> 00:17:35,294
-Probably.
-(groans)
540
00:17:35,446 --> 00:17:36,721
Let's do this, Coach Blevins.
541
00:17:36,948 --> 00:17:38,222
Oh, my God,
I think I'm gonna be sick.
542
00:17:38,374 --> 00:17:40,299
I've got a trash can.
You can puke in that.
543
00:17:40,451 --> 00:17:41,684
Been there.
544
00:17:42,470 --> 00:17:43,710
So, any progress?
545
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,712
Are you gonna be my customers
for a change?
546
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,473
Calm down, Mort.
They're still deadlocked.
547
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,716
Hey! "Deadlocked."
You can use that if you want.
548
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,477
I think we're just not gonna
figure it out today.
549
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,238
So we're back to plan B--
don't get hit by a bus.
550
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:57,057
No. You know what? Whatever
we do after we're gone, Lin,
551
00:17:57,151 --> 00:17:58,651
I just want it to be together.
552
00:17:58,803 --> 00:18:01,245
So, if you want your ashes
spread somewhere crazy
553
00:18:01,397 --> 00:18:03,748
or you want to be thrown
into a volcano,
554
00:18:03,899 --> 00:18:04,974
that's what I want, too.
555
00:18:05,067 --> 00:18:06,309
I just want to be with you.
556
00:18:06,402 --> 00:18:07,568
Even if we're dead.
557
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,996
Aw, Bobby. Hey,
maybe being buried isn't so bad.
558
00:18:11,165 --> 00:18:13,240
It'd kind of be like laying
around in bed Sunday mornings
559
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,483
before the kids were born,
right?
560
00:18:14,502 --> 00:18:15,985
Yeah, but what about the worms?
561
00:18:16,078 --> 00:18:17,744
Well, maybe they'll eat you
first and be like,
562
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,506
"Eh, this place sucks.
Let's try another cemetery."
563
00:18:20,658 --> 00:18:22,433
Thanks, Lin. I-I think.
564
00:18:22,585 --> 00:18:24,251
No pressure,
but here are some prices
565
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,178
if you want to lock in now
and beat inflation.
566
00:18:26,331 --> 00:18:28,106
-Oh, my God.
-That's for two?
567
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:29,774
We're not buying the whole row!
568
00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:31,334
Forget it.
We'll never afford that.
569
00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:33,093
You know,
I-I got a pretty big yard.
570
00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:34,094
-What?
-Go on.
571
00:18:34,188 --> 00:18:35,279
Is there a shade tree?
572
00:18:35,506 --> 00:18:36,948
No, but there are
some huge dandelions.
573
00:18:37,099 --> 00:18:38,098
So illegal.
574
00:18:38,192 --> 00:18:39,433
We're just joking, Mort.
575
00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:40,843
We're not gonna do it.
576
00:18:40,845 --> 00:18:42,269
I see you winking.
577
00:18:42,363 --> 00:18:43,696
Not terrible scores, Coach.
578
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,364
I really thought someone
would bring up your breath.
579
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,199
There's something the matter
with my breath?
580
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,033
No...
581
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,201
So, uh, who's next?
582
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:50,628
Ms. LaBonz, let's do you.
583
00:18:50,779 --> 00:18:52,279
-Okay.
-Mr. Frond,
can I just have one minute?
584
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,689
-Go away, Louise.
-(groans)
585
00:18:53,782 --> 00:18:56,375
Leave school! Can't believe
I have to say that.
586
00:18:56,527 --> 00:18:58,952
What do we do? I need
to get in there and explain.
587
00:18:59,046 --> 00:19:00,045
Message in a bottle?
588
00:19:00,198 --> 00:19:01,530
Carrier pigeon? Regular pigeon?
589
00:19:01,699 --> 00:19:03,290
Start a rumor,
hope it spreads in there?
590
00:19:03,384 --> 00:19:04,717
Wait. There is a way.
591
00:19:04,869 --> 00:19:06,702
All right, let's just start
plowing through these.
592
00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:10,373
Wow. Uh, this person had
a lot to say. Whew.
593
00:19:10,541 --> 00:19:13,042
I'm just gonna move this box
of tissues closer to you.
594
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:14,043
No reason.
595
00:19:14,061 --> 00:19:15,319
Let's get it over with.
596
00:19:15,471 --> 00:19:17,822
"Ms. LaBonz is so burned-out..."
597
00:19:17,973 --> 00:19:19,640
LOUISE:
Hi, I'm an anonymous student
598
00:19:19,734 --> 00:19:21,826
with an updated evaluation.
599
00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:23,327
-What?
-Huh?
600
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,887
And if I sound like someone
you know, I'm not.
601
00:19:24,906 --> 00:19:26,889
Anyway,
please disregard the evaluation
602
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:28,166
with the amazing zings.
603
00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:29,483
That one got out by mistake.
604
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,484
I may have been hacked.
605
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,652
Pesky Russians.
606
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:33,412
My real review is that,
607
00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:35,915
sure, Ms. LaBonz
is grizzled and grumpy
608
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:37,675
and coughs on you
while you're taking tests.
609
00:19:37,826 --> 00:19:41,070
But underneath that rough
exterior, there's a...
610
00:19:41,088 --> 00:19:44,573
soft chewy center that does a
pretty good job teaching and...
611
00:19:44,592 --> 00:19:47,410
(sighs) brings out the best
in her students.
612
00:19:47,503 --> 00:19:50,913
So, on a one-to-five scale,
I'm giving her,
613
00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:53,082
across the board, sixes.
614
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:54,174
It's a rave!
615
00:19:54,268 --> 00:19:56,677
LaBonz, you sly fox.
616
00:19:56,771 --> 00:19:58,421
Six? There's no six.
617
00:19:58,514 --> 00:20:00,105
(sniffles)
What are you looking at?
618
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,682
And, Mr. Frond, you're a three.
619
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,350
-On a good day.
-Hey.
620
00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:05,036
And I am, again, anonymous.
621
00:20:05,263 --> 00:20:06,537
You don't know who I am.
622
00:20:06,764 --> 00:20:08,706
Or who we are, in case we're
not supposed to be in here.
623
00:20:08,857 --> 00:20:10,766
-(click)
-I think I turned it off.
Good job, Louise.
624
00:20:10,859 --> 00:20:12,768
GENE:
You did, Tina.
You totally turned it off.
625
00:20:12,787 --> 00:20:13,936
TINA:
Thanks, Gene.
626
00:20:14,622 --> 00:20:16,530
So, back to just
a normal school day.
627
00:20:16,699 --> 00:20:18,549
Reading, writing
and what's that third one?
628
00:20:18,776 --> 00:20:19,866
Oh, yeah, the Eurythmics.
629
00:20:19,961 --> 00:20:22,386
(groans) I don't want
to face LaBonz today.
630
00:20:22,538 --> 00:20:24,931
I mean, who knows if my intercom
evaluation even counted?
631
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,117
-(honk)
-Move it, if you don't want
to be three wet spots
632
00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:29,452
wearing backpacks.
633
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:31,287
Ms. LaBonz,
you got the main lot!
634
00:20:31,305 --> 00:20:33,806
Principal Spoors
heard your evaluation.
635
00:20:33,958 --> 00:20:34,957
I mean, who didn't?
636
00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:36,792
He bumped me up. So...
637
00:20:36,811 --> 00:20:38,477
-thank you, Louise.
-You're welcome.
638
00:20:38,629 --> 00:20:40,738
I mean, I don't even know
what you're talking about.
639
00:20:40,965 --> 00:20:42,648
Uh, I'll see you inside.
640
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,075
And I won't be paying attention.
641
00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:46,969
I won't even notice 'cause
I'll be gazing out the window
642
00:20:47,062 --> 00:20:48,471
at my new parking space.
643
00:20:48,489 --> 00:20:50,897
Oh, and my next project
is going to be extra terrible.
644
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:53,233
Don't go to any special trouble,
Louise.
645
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:54,977
-I never do.
-We'll see.
646
00:20:54,996 --> 00:20:56,420
-LOUISE: We will see.
-They're gonna miss the bell.
647
00:20:56,647 --> 00:20:59,257
-And all of school, maybe?
-Yeah, get a classroom.
648
00:20:59,408 --> 00:21:01,408
♪ I'll be tossed in a volcano ♪
649
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:03,761
♪ When I'm dead,
how can I say no? ♪
650
00:21:03,988 --> 00:21:05,671
♪ It's explosive,
it's expansive ♪
651
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,081
♪ It's exclusive and it's new ♪
652
00:21:08,175 --> 00:21:09,767
♪ It'll be so nice to think ♪
653
00:21:09,994 --> 00:21:11,994
♪ That I'll never be extinct ♪
654
00:21:11,996 --> 00:21:16,089
♪ So much harder to forget
than you ♪
655
00:21:16,183 --> 00:21:18,501
♪ Yes, I'll be around ♪
656
00:21:18,519 --> 00:21:20,278
♪ I'll be the hot new thing
in town ♪
657
00:21:20,429 --> 00:21:22,596
♪ Unlike you and you and you ♪
658
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,448
♪ I'll be around ♪
659
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,286
♪ Unlike you, Bob,
I'll be around. ♪
660
00:21:28,437 --> 00:21:30,638
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
661
00:21:30,714 --> 00:21:32,123
and TOYOTA.
662
00:21:32,274 --> 00:21:34,750
Captioned by
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