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♪ ♪
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♪ Thanksgiving,
it's Thanksgiving ♪
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♪ And we're putting smiles
on old people's ♪
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♪ Old person faces. ♪
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Not that I don't want to go
to the Elegant Doily
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old people's home-- I mean,
I love doilies and all--
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but why are we doing this
on Thanksgiving again?
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Ginger went there
last Thanksgiving
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and said it was very rewarding.
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You know, play checkers
with old people,
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let 'em pinch your cheeks,
talk about their favorite wars.
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It's good to give back a little
since we have so much.
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So much of what, exactly?
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Napkins, maybe?
We did just stock up.
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Giving back sounds nice. I wish
I could give back to Merryl,
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but she left the Elegant Doily
and moved in with her boyfriend.
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Do you still say "boyfriend"
when they're in their 90s?
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You say "elderberry."
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Plus, your father and I
will probably end up
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in a home someday.
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It'll be a nice little preview.
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Oh, no, we'll never
be able to afford that.
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I'm excited to get back home
and get cracking
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on that maple glaze
for the turkey.
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Man, Thanksgiving
is the best holiday.
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There in the kitchen,
the excitement, the adrenaline.
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Oh, yeah. You're all fun
in the kitchen on Thanksgiving.
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Just, uh, getting a snack, uh...
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Hot plate! Hot plate!
Out of the way!
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-Hey, Dad, do you think
I could...
-Ask your mother!
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-Dinner's in 20 minutes!
-Aah!
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-No, no, no. 30.
-Aah!
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So, what would you say is
the minimum amount of time
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we can spend
at the Elegant Doily?
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Don't you worry your
pretty little hairy neck, Bob.
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We'll get you home soon so you
can start doing your cooking.
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BOB: Oh, is my neck
that hairy right now?
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GENE:
Yeah, it's probably
time to harvest.
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Yep. Just like I remembered it.
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Oh, this is
where all the carpet is.
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Got-dang it.
Give me my damn orange soda!
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BOB:
Oh, hi, Sergeant Bosco.
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Are you here visiting
your very pleasant mom?
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Yeah, but she won't
come out of her room.
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And if Mother doesn't do
Thanksgiving activities
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with her nursing home
friends today,
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she'll gripe about it
all year long!
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You having soda troubles?
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You know,
the front's just glass.
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-You could smash it.
-Louise.
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-Or shoot it.
-Interesting, interesting.
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Let me help you with that.
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This machine is quite
the quarter gobbler.
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Ooh, stretchy keys. That's fun.
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Here you go.
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Ah, yeah.
Get in there, fructose.
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Thanks, Deirdre. Wish me luck.
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Oh, you're Deirdre. I'm Linda.
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-We spoke on the phone.
-Linda.
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And this must be
your lovely family.
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We prefer "hot family,"
thank you.
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Well, we are thankful you're
helping us out this morning.
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Follow me.
I'll get you all set up.
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Oh, I left the hard candies
in the car.
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Old people still like
hard candy, right?
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They love to unwrap them
whenever it's very quiet.
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You go ahead.
I'll catch up. I'll catch up.
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You will be helping out with
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a very important
Thanksgiving job:
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making the paper turkey
decorations.
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Gotcha. Do you want sturdy
turkeys or flirty turkeys?
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PAUL (on walkie-talkie):
Deirdre, it's Paul.
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Mr. Thompson said that you said
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that he didn't have to
wear pants on holidays.
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No, I said always pants
all the time.
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-Disagree.
-Hi. How are you?
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Nice... nice turkey.
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You worry about
your own turkey, fella.
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BOSCO:
You want me to carry you?
I could.
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I've been doing
several push-ups a day
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before I take a shower.
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(scoffs)
Probably against the sink.
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Yeah, against the sink. So what?
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Hi. I couldn't help overhearing
your loud conversation.
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Seems like someone
doesn't want to join
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all the Thanksgiving fun.
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I'm Linda.
My family's here today,
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giving back-- no big deal.
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-So, can I help?
-My son has a gun.
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-Don't mess with us.
-Mother.
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Do you want two pounds
of hard candy?
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Take the candy.
Get rid of the lady.
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Close the door.
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GENE:
I'm having real trouble
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making turkey waddles
that don't look like testicles.
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-Me, too.
-ZEKE: Come on! Come on!
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TINA:
Is that Zeke?
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Is he wrestling his grandma?
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-Ah, come on!
-Hey, Zeke.
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Hey, Tina, girl.
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-Louise. G-man.
-Doctor.
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Did your grandparents
move in here or something?
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Tell 'em to watch out--
the hazing process is crazy.
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Nah, we're making paper turkeys
with testicles on their chins.
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-Oh, cool.
-What are you doing?
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Every year, my grandma
and the other elders watch
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the OMG Mall Group Thanksgiving
Day Parade on the TV.
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Oh, the OMGMGTDP?
I love that parade.
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Yeah, but the cable's out.
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Did you fix the cable yet, Zeke?
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Sorry, Grandma.
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I'm giving it all I got,
but it's just not enough.
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I'm sorry, everyone.
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We're not gonna be able
to watch the parade this year.
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-Oh, no.
-(grumbling)
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Man, that's a lot of frowning.
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-And new wrinkles, I bet.
-Dang it!
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I wish I was a wizard
so I could give these angels
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the parade they deserve.
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No OMGMGTDP on TGD? That's BS!
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It would be nice
to do something nice.
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Maybe that's how we could do
our giving back-ing.
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Maybe we could try to do
some kind of entertainment?
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Not a parade, but like a parade?
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These people want a parade,
specifically.
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They do have parade face.
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Hmm, we know they've got
some basic art supplies,
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and we've got our charisma.
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And a deep knowledge
of the American songbook.
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Are we doing a parade?
I think we're doing a parade.
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Well, I'm here all day.
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And I've cut enough
turkey face testicles
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for a lifetime, so I'm in.
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Good thing I brought
my bass drum.
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(imitates drumbeat)
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Guess what, everyone.
The parade is back on.
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-(cheering)
-Not on TV, though.
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-(murmuring)
-Oh, boy. Tough crowd.
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Your turkey is...
I would just start over.
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Oh, my God.
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DEIRDRE:
Hi. Can you cook
lots of food? No?
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Hey. Feel like cooking
a ton of food? No?
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Can anyone here cook
lots of food?
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Um, I can.
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So, yeah,
our cook had to step out
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for just a few minutes--
probably more.
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Her water broke.
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She's in labor--
at the hospital.
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And it turns out
our other cook is the father,
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so he's probably out
for the day as well.
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So there's no one to cook
all of this food
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-for the whole place.
-Right.
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-On Thanksgiving.
-Yes.
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-Well, I'm happy to do it.
-Really?
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I mean, even if you just
made the turkey
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and maybe mashed potatoes,
that would be amazing.
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Sure. Sure.
Yeah, I think I can handle it.
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I-I actually have a restaurant.
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That's incredible.
We are so lucky.
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Well, we're not
a popular restaurant.
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-Neither are we.
-We-we don't make
a lot of money.
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Neither do I.
Anyway, thank you.
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Hi, kitchen. I'm-I'm Bob.
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Uh, let's get into it.
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No, that sounded lame.
Sorry, kitchen.
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(in high-pitched voice):
It's okay.
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You're cooking Thanksgiving?
For the whole place?
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I know! I'm like the guy in
the audience who can play guitar
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and the band says,
"Can anyone play guitar?"
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-And I go onstage,
and it's amazing.
-Yeah, it's just like that, Bob.
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We can have our own dinner
at home a little late, right?
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Sure, but just
keep it simple in there.
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You know how you get
on Thanksgiving.
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You get a little amped up.
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What do you mean?
I'm amped down.
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You're gonna need some help.
I'll come soon.
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Sergeant Bosco's mom and I
are just starting to hit it off.
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When will she leave?
179
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Wait, aren't the kids with you?
180
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No. They left me
with the paper turkeys
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and a guy who was kind of mean.
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All right, I got to go.
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Knifey's ready to get dicey.
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You want us to be in the kitchen
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cooking with Dad
on Thanksgiving?
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(laughing):
No, thank you very much.
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He doesn't want anyone
in the kitchen
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with him on Thanksgiving.
He's a lone wolf.
189
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But slightly more hairy
and more vicious.
190
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Okay, I know
your father can be...
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00:06:30,039 --> 00:06:31,539
-A Thankszilla?
-A Thankszilla.
192
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But at least one of you needs to
go in there and help out, okay?
193
00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:35,894
Ugh. Fine. Hand farts?
194
00:06:36,045 --> 00:06:37,879
-Weakest one goes with Dad?
-Yeah.
-Sure.
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00:06:37,973 --> 00:06:39,806
(making fart sounds)
196
00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:40,899
(makes quiet sound)
197
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-No!
-Yes.
-Ha!
198
00:06:42,794 --> 00:06:43,885
I've been practicing.
199
00:06:43,979 --> 00:06:45,295
Damn these tiny hands!
200
00:06:45,313 --> 00:06:47,147
I don't want to cook
with Thankszilla.
201
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,199
Y'all hand-farting?
I like to hand-fart.
202
00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:54,913
Dad? Mom told me to come in here
203
00:06:55,064 --> 00:06:56,564
to help you--
in a kitchen, on Thanksgiving.
204
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,399
-Thoughts? Concerns?
-Oh, okay. Great.
205
00:06:58,419 --> 00:06:59,918
Oh, you don't seem so excited.
206
00:07:00,069 --> 00:07:01,327
Maybe I should just go.
207
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,588
No, no, I mean,
I probably do need the help.
208
00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:05,740
And it could be fun.
Also, I feel like
209
00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:07,984
I got a good handle
on everything, schedule-wise.
210
00:07:07,986 --> 00:07:10,578
I guess, in a way, I've been
training my whole life for this.
211
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,414
-So, there's potatoes
for mashed potatoes.
-Good eye.
212
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,159
I found sausage,
so we'll make sausage stuffing.
213
00:07:16,178 --> 00:07:18,161
-There's turkey breasts.
-Put a bra on those.
214
00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:20,497
There's green beans.
There's cranberry sauce.
215
00:07:20,515 --> 00:07:22,256
Oh, you're probably
gonna want a headband,
216
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,592
'cause we're in
the eye of the storm.
217
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,186
-LOUIS: Settle down, tiger.
-BOB: Hey.
They have one of these.
218
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,505
Whoa, what's that?
Some kind of kitchen gun?
219
00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:31,599
Sort of. It's a torch used
for finishing crème brûlée.
220
00:07:31,693 --> 00:07:33,510
It shoots fire
when you press this button.
221
00:07:33,528 --> 00:07:35,195
Let me see,
let me see, let me see.
222
00:07:35,347 --> 00:07:37,514
Hey, you know, I was gonna make
sweet potato casserole,
223
00:07:37,516 --> 00:07:39,791
and we could use this to brown
the marshmallows on top.
224
00:07:39,943 --> 00:07:42,202
A gun that makes fire?
Yes, please.
225
00:07:42,354 --> 00:07:44,296
Should we make fire
with it right now?
226
00:07:44,405 --> 00:07:46,206
No, we have lots to do
before that.
227
00:07:46,358 --> 00:07:47,966
But, tell you what,
how would you like
228
00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:50,210
to be Captain Casserole
and learn how to make it?
229
00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:53,213
Does, uh, Captain Casserole
get to shoot the fire gun?
230
00:07:53,365 --> 00:07:55,623
-She does, eventually.
-Then call me Captain.
231
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,034
Wait, do I outrank you?
Oh, that's embarrassing.
232
00:07:58,127 --> 00:07:59,811
Uh-oh.
Now we're behind schedule.
233
00:08:00,038 --> 00:08:01,646
Uh, let's kick it in gear, okay?
234
00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:02,981
You-you sure you don't
want a headband?
235
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,299
Ooh, you know,
I hear that all the cool seniors
236
00:08:05,393 --> 00:08:07,043
are hanging out
in the rec room today.
237
00:08:07,136 --> 00:08:09,136
You want to go check out
that scene? I do.
238
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,548
No! I'm not going
until Gary calls.
239
00:08:11,566 --> 00:08:12,716
Who's Gary?
240
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:14,642
-My brother.
-My other son.
241
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,902
That's it, I'm carrying you out.
242
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,388
What? No.
Uh, Sergeant Bosco,
243
00:08:18,406 --> 00:08:20,665
would you come look at
these pretty flowers with me?
244
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,559
I bought those.
I've already seen 'em.
245
00:08:22,652 --> 00:08:23,835
Come on.
246
00:08:23,987 --> 00:08:25,170
Okay, this is not going great.
247
00:08:25,321 --> 00:08:27,080
Don't you do
hostage negotiations?
248
00:08:27,232 --> 00:08:30,157
-This is a hostage
negotiation, right?
-I guess.
249
00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:31,918
So, what's the first step
in one of those?
250
00:08:31,995 --> 00:08:34,012
Establish a rapport
to gain their trust.
251
00:08:34,163 --> 00:08:35,755
Hello. She's your mother.
252
00:08:35,907 --> 00:08:37,090
Right, so too late for that.
253
00:08:37,242 --> 00:08:38,925
Well, well,
wh-what's after that?
254
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,427
Asking open-ended questions
to give them a sense of control
255
00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:42,670
and feel them out.
256
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,171
Okay. All right.
257
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:46,691
So, Lillian, do you like
258
00:08:46,918 --> 00:08:48,693
-open-ended questions?
-No.
259
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,603
That's a closed-ended
question, Linda.
260
00:08:50,756 --> 00:08:51,846
Oh, right.
261
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,031
How are the sweet potatoes
coming?
262
00:08:53,258 --> 00:08:55,016
Good, but I should check
the marshmallows,
263
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,442
make sure they're ripe.
264
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:58,261
Mmm. Tough to tell. Mmm!
265
00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,538
No eating, more peeling.
266
00:08:59,689 --> 00:09:02,082
Oh, they have brussels sprouts.
I can roast those.
267
00:09:02,158 --> 00:09:03,449
Wait, you want to add
another dish?
268
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:05,101
Yeah, it'll complement
the stuffing.
269
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:06,244
If we hustle, we can do it.
270
00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:08,104
Okay, I'm gonna need you
to shift from
271
00:09:08,106 --> 00:09:09,864
sweet potato casserole duty
to brussels sprouts.
272
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,125
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm Captain Casserole.
273
00:09:12,277 --> 00:09:13,534
I took an oath.
274
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,720
-I need you to wash these.
-Feels like a demotion.
275
00:09:15,872 --> 00:09:17,204
Really get in there,
and-and hurry.
276
00:09:17,299 --> 00:09:18,281
How's it going in here?
277
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:19,799
-LOUISE: Eh.
-BOB: Going great.
278
00:09:19,951 --> 00:09:22,135
Welcome to the
Almost OMG Mall Group
279
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,620
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
280
00:09:23,713 --> 00:09:25,546
We've got a hell of a show
for you today.
281
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,640
Let's go to Tina,
who's on the parade route. Tina?
282
00:09:27,793 --> 00:09:30,310
Thank you. I'm here with
a very special person, Ruth.
283
00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,629
Ruth, where did you
travel from today?
284
00:09:32,647 --> 00:09:34,480
-Room 3.
-Wow.
285
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,815
And you, Zeke's grandma?
286
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,984
-Room 9.
-That's so far.
287
00:09:38,136 --> 00:09:40,227
Gene, tell me where
the parade's gonna go today.
288
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,821
Well, we're gonna start
over here by the bookcase.
289
00:09:41,973 --> 00:09:44,082
We're gonna run around the room,
and then we're gonna stop.
290
00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:45,917
It should take
about three hours.
291
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:48,311
Good news. The cream of tartar
was just hiding,
292
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:50,255
so we can make biscuits
from scratch.
293
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,073
-How's the chopping coming?
-Pretty good.
294
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,908
You got to line 'em up just so,
295
00:09:54,002 --> 00:09:55,760
and then... hi-ya!
296
00:09:55,912 --> 00:09:57,320
-Oh.
-That's the best one so far.
297
00:09:57,339 --> 00:09:59,155
Oh, my God. Those should
really be in the oven.
298
00:09:59,174 --> 00:10:01,415
-Here, let me take that.
-Hey, I was just...
299
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,917
You don't say "hi-ya" at all?
300
00:10:03,011 --> 00:10:04,344
Uh, you know what?
301
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:05,604
Louise, why don't I chop
the rest of these?
302
00:10:05,755 --> 00:10:07,180
We can use a couple
of the ones you chopped.
303
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,107
-(sighs)
-Crap. I gotta preheat the oven.
304
00:10:09,258 --> 00:10:11,184
Louise, watch out.
Sorry, I need to get through.
305
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,111
-And there's Thankszilla.
-What? Huh?
306
00:10:13,338 --> 00:10:16,172
Nothing. I'm just gonna
go to the bathroom.
307
00:10:16,265 --> 00:10:18,191
-I'll let you know how it goes.
-Okay, great.
308
00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:20,693
Come out of your room
and go join your friends.
309
00:10:20,862 --> 00:10:22,937
I repeat, go join your friends.
310
00:10:23,031 --> 00:10:25,123
I'm not leaving
until Gary calls.
311
00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:27,867
Gary, Gary, Gary.
Eh, I give up.
312
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,036
What? No, no giving up.
313
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,038
-Tell me more about Gary.
-I'll tell you.
314
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,040
He's a big-shot
tanning salon owner
315
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,875
who won't visit his mother
on Thanksgiving
316
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,861
even though he lives
ten minutes away!
317
00:10:37,879 --> 00:10:39,863
And he changed
his Netflix password.
318
00:10:39,881 --> 00:10:41,214
That's terrible.
319
00:10:41,366 --> 00:10:42,974
Why won't Gary visit you?
320
00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:44,792
Well, this one would tell you
321
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,703
it's because
I'm a mean old lady.
322
00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:47,812
What? No.
323
00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:49,706
-That's not true.
-No, it is.
324
00:10:49,799 --> 00:10:51,132
You'd be a mean old lady, too,
325
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,876
if your kids didn't visit you
326
00:10:52,894 --> 00:10:54,060
and you're shivering
all the time
327
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,045
because it's freezing in here!
328
00:10:56,064 --> 00:10:58,882
Just wait, Linda.
It'll happen to you, too.
329
00:10:58,900 --> 00:10:59,991
No, it won't.
330
00:11:00,143 --> 00:11:01,734
It is chilly in here, though.
331
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,569
Oh, my God,
it's already happening!
332
00:11:03,722 --> 00:11:05,664
Oh, Bob, I'm gonna be
a grumpy old lady,
333
00:11:05,815 --> 00:11:07,148
and you probably will, too.
334
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,725
What are... what are you
talking about?
335
00:11:08,818 --> 00:11:09,909
The kids aren't gonna visit us
336
00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:11,318
when we're in an old folks' home
337
00:11:11,487 --> 00:11:12,912
'cause we'll be grumpy and cold.
338
00:11:13,064 --> 00:11:15,156
Okay, that-that might not
be a today problem.
339
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:18,067
How are you doing in there?
Is Louise helping you?
340
00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:20,403
"Help" is a strong word,
but yeah.
341
00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:21,846
I mean, wait a minute. She was.
342
00:11:21,998 --> 00:11:23,014
She might have left.
343
00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:24,331
Oh, my God, see?
344
00:11:24,426 --> 00:11:25,909
They don't want to be with us.
345
00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:27,352
It's already happening. (groans)
346
00:11:27,579 --> 00:11:29,854
She just went to the bathroom,
I think. She's coming back.
347
00:11:30,006 --> 00:11:31,097
You're keeping it simple,
right, Bob?
348
00:11:31,249 --> 00:11:32,598
You're not going crazy in there?
349
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,341
Simple-ish.
350
00:11:34,436 --> 00:11:36,269
Bob, if Louise comes back in,
take it extra easy with her.
351
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,679
We want our kids to visit us
when we live here.
352
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,440
We still can't afford it,
but I'll be...
353
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:43,276
easy like Sunday morning--
you know, Thursday morning.
354
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,870
I'm leaving. I'm gonna go
arrest somebody else's mom
355
00:11:46,097 --> 00:11:47,188
and pretend it's you.
356
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:49,523
Bob, I got to go.
Get Louise, but go easy.
357
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,267
All right, I need everyone
to imagine
358
00:11:51,286 --> 00:11:52,785
we're Shriners
driving tiny cars.
359
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:53,770
Beep-beep!
360
00:11:53,863 --> 00:11:55,788
-Louise!
-Uh-oh. He found me.
361
00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:57,031
-Hey, Dad.
-We're Shrining.
362
00:11:57,125 --> 00:11:58,883
I was totally headed
to the kitchen,
363
00:11:59,035 --> 00:12:01,035
but now I got to drive
this tiny car.
364
00:12:01,129 --> 00:12:03,296
Yeah, but maybe you can,
um, come back.
365
00:12:03,448 --> 00:12:06,132
We'll definitely keep
having fun like we were before
366
00:12:06,284 --> 00:12:08,284
and, uh, maybe even more fun.
367
00:12:08,303 --> 00:12:10,395
I mean, I'd love to,
but there's that rule
368
00:12:10,622 --> 00:12:13,898
that you can't have less than
four Shriners cars in a parade.
369
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:15,808
Shriners three cannot be.
370
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,403
Just waiting on those other
tiny cars. (chuckles)
371
00:12:18,630 --> 00:12:19,571
TINA:
Here I come.
372
00:12:19,798 --> 00:12:21,481
Look at all these smiling faces.
373
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,741
I-I-I got to go.
374
00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:24,391
Also, you got to go,
375
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,487
because there's a lot of things
unwatched right now.
376
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:29,080
Ugh. Fine. I'm coming.
377
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:32,066
I don't even know why
he wants me in there anyway.
378
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,585
Apparently, I'm not doing
anything right.
379
00:12:33,736 --> 00:12:35,995
-(Zeke and Tina grunt)
-Uh-oh. Shriner pileup.
380
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:38,831
But if he kicks me out,
then I'm free.
381
00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:40,908
Yes! I'm going to be
such a bad cook
382
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:44,170
that Thankszilla will banish me
from Kitchenland in no time.
383
00:12:44,322 --> 00:12:46,931
-Ha!
-Okay, time to Shrine, Gene!
384
00:12:47,158 --> 00:12:49,058
Feel that tiny car energy!
385
00:12:53,181 --> 00:12:54,497
Okay, time to baste the breasts.
386
00:12:54,590 --> 00:12:56,332
Do you want me
to leave you guys alone?
387
00:12:56,351 --> 00:12:57,517
It's actually
a really important job, Louise.
388
00:12:57,685 --> 00:12:59,593
We use the baster
to suck up the juices
389
00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:01,838
and then evenly
distribute them like so.
390
00:13:01,856 --> 00:13:03,615
Got it. Let me take
a whack at this.
391
00:13:03,842 --> 00:13:04,966
Oh. Okay.
392
00:13:05,026 --> 00:13:06,600
Oh, whoops.
(chuckles) Did I get it?
393
00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:09,954
Uh, nope, but I'm easy
like Thursday morning.
394
00:13:10,106 --> 00:13:12,439
Oops.
Missed the meat completely.
395
00:13:12,534 --> 00:13:14,867
Oh, that must be
so frustrating for you.
396
00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:16,519
Why don't you try again?
397
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:20,465
I'm-I'm very relaxed about
all this cooking stuff.
398
00:13:20,616 --> 00:13:21,691
Okay.
399
00:13:21,709 --> 00:13:23,134
Whoa. Missed again.
400
00:13:23,286 --> 00:13:25,878
Boy, you should need
a license for this thing.
401
00:13:26,031 --> 00:13:27,713
Good job. That's done.
402
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,882
Okay, uh, let's, uh, keep going.
403
00:13:30,051 --> 00:13:31,810
Uh, look at all
that stuff we're making.
404
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:33,719
-Over there.
-Oh, great.
405
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,705
Just closing the oven.
406
00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:37,298
Oh, and now I'm being told
407
00:13:37,392 --> 00:13:39,300
some really cool marching band
is ready to perform.
408
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,653
-Good for them.
-Two, three, four.
409
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,062
(makes trumpet sounds)
410
00:13:43,214 --> 00:13:44,989
Just imagine
the thousands of hours
411
00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:46,899
they must have practiced
for this very day.
412
00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:49,735
Are you kidding me?
They got a flag waver?
413
00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:51,054
Hot damn.
414
00:13:51,147 --> 00:13:53,147
Wow, if I was watching this,
I'd be impressed.
415
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,833
And what the huh?
416
00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:57,818
-A gymnastics squad?
-(both grunting)
417
00:13:57,838 --> 00:14:00,930
All right, how about you stir
the cranberry sauce?
418
00:14:00,932 --> 00:14:02,065
I'm gonna use this guy.
419
00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:03,675
This is good
for stirring, right?
420
00:14:03,902 --> 00:14:05,068
Nope. Nope. Nope.
421
00:14:05,086 --> 00:14:06,511
Ooh, this one's bigger.
422
00:14:06,662 --> 00:14:07,828
Let's use you.
423
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,422
Uh, that wooden spoon
looks like fun.
424
00:14:09,574 --> 00:14:11,332
And now, no parade
can be complete
425
00:14:11,409 --> 00:14:13,834
without a song from
a hit Broadway musical.
426
00:14:13,928 --> 00:14:15,578
Get ready for some singing!
427
00:14:15,597 --> 00:14:17,246
One, two, three, four!
428
00:14:17,265 --> 00:14:20,249
♪ Here we are on Broadway ♪
429
00:14:20,268 --> 00:14:23,769
♪ It's a street but also
a place with musicals ♪
430
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,254
♪ Like Oklahoma ♪
431
00:14:25,273 --> 00:14:27,773
♪ That's a state
but also a musical ♪
432
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,425
♪ And Rent, which is a musical ♪
433
00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:32,019
♪ And also a thing
you have to pay ♪
434
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,614
-♪ The end. ♪
-♪ Oh, end. ♪
435
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:36,599
(weak cheering)
436
00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:37,876
Oh, God. We bombed.
437
00:14:38,027 --> 00:14:39,118
They're just giving us
grandparent claps.
438
00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:41,270
To be fair, we told them
this was a parade,
439
00:14:41,364 --> 00:14:43,197
and we didn't have
any floats or balloons.
440
00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:45,032
-And very little parading.
-It's true.
441
00:14:45,126 --> 00:14:46,533
They could probably
press charges.
442
00:14:46,628 --> 00:14:48,035
(gasps) Floats and balloons.
Gosh darn it,
443
00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:49,779
we need to do
floats and balloons somehow.
444
00:14:49,839 --> 00:14:50,871
It's Thanksgiving, and we're
445
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,390
supposed to be doing
the giving part.
446
00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:54,784
The Garfield balloon himself
couldn't have said it better.
447
00:14:54,877 --> 00:14:56,135
Uh, guess what. We're not done.
448
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:59,046
Actually, this was the finale
before the finale.
449
00:14:59,140 --> 00:15:00,790
-The pre-finale.
-The pre-nale.
450
00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:03,735
So don't go anywhere.
This parade will be right back.
451
00:15:03,962 --> 00:15:05,052
With floats and balloons.
452
00:15:05,130 --> 00:15:06,261
-MAN: Oh, okay.
-WOMAN: All right.
453
00:15:06,263 --> 00:15:07,721
We don't have
any of those things.
454
00:15:07,815 --> 00:15:09,148
We're definitely getting sued.
455
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,910
Okay, so just keep stirring
the green beans like this
456
00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:14,078
so they don't burn,
but also you want
457
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:16,973
to keep them spread out
so they cook evenly.
458
00:15:17,066 --> 00:15:19,584
Got it. So, like this, Papa?
459
00:15:19,735 --> 00:15:20,810
Is this good?
460
00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:22,420
Is this spread out enough?
461
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:23,570
Mm-hmm. Kind of.
462
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:25,314
I hadn't thought
of doing it that way.
463
00:15:25,333 --> 00:15:28,409
Just a big pile
all the way over to the side.
464
00:15:28,486 --> 00:15:31,487
Oh, that cutting board's
gonna fall. Go catch it.
465
00:15:31,506 --> 00:15:34,340
How about we race to where
your friends are, huh?
466
00:15:34,492 --> 00:15:36,175
I bet you a dollar I'm faster.
467
00:15:36,327 --> 00:15:37,435
Gary could beat you.
468
00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:38,752
He keeps in shape.
469
00:15:38,846 --> 00:15:40,587
Unlike Mr. Orange Soda
over here.
470
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,847
Eats like a five-year-old.
471
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,499
-(Bosco groans)
-That's it!
472
00:15:43,518 --> 00:15:47,837
Lillian, stop talking about your
precious Gary who isn't here.
473
00:15:47,930 --> 00:15:49,096
Sergeant Bosco is here
474
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,931
visiting you,
bringing you flowers.
475
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,675
And you've got friends
down the hall somehow,
476
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:53,952
though it's hard to imagine.
477
00:15:54,103 --> 00:15:55,328
So why don't you spend
Thanksgiving
478
00:15:55,513 --> 00:15:57,622
with people who want
to spend it with you?
479
00:15:57,849 --> 00:15:59,015
I'm gonna go find my kids.
480
00:15:59,033 --> 00:16:00,349
And the only reason
they won't visit me
481
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:01,626
in a nursing home
when I'm old is
482
00:16:01,853 --> 00:16:04,111
'cause I won't be able
to afford to live in one.
483
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,296
Happy Thanksgiving.
484
00:16:05,523 --> 00:16:07,523
I don't know where
she's getting any of that.
485
00:16:07,542 --> 00:16:08,708
I'm on your side.
486
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:10,376
Okay, the turkey needs
a couple more minutes.
487
00:16:10,528 --> 00:16:12,453
Same with the brussels.
And you're holding the pickles
488
00:16:12,530 --> 00:16:14,305
above the mashed potatoes.
Uh, I'll just take that.
489
00:16:14,457 --> 00:16:15,974
Yeah, if you don't like flavor.
490
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:17,883
Looks like some pickle juice
might have fallen in.
491
00:16:18,036 --> 00:16:19,143
Hopefully not.
492
00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:20,794
The sweet potato casserole
should be ready.
493
00:16:20,888 --> 00:16:22,705
And now it's time
to brown the marshmallows.
494
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:23,797
Oh, yes!
495
00:16:23,891 --> 00:16:25,558
The fire gun. Let's do this.
496
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:27,393
Captain Casserole
reporting for duty.
497
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,137
Oh, uh, it's just that we only
get one shot at this, Louise,
498
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,972
and if we don't get it right,
it's ruined,
499
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:33,899
so I-I'd better just do it.
500
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,827
And also, you know,
it's not that fun.
501
00:16:35,978 --> 00:16:37,662
What? No, I can be
really careful!
502
00:16:37,889 --> 00:16:41,057
Dad, come on. I was being bad
at cooking on purpose.
503
00:16:41,075 --> 00:16:42,333
Let me do it, please.
504
00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:45,152
You-you... you were
being bad on purpose?
505
00:16:45,246 --> 00:16:47,079
Yes. So you would kick me out.
506
00:16:47,232 --> 00:16:48,489
You wanted me to kick you out?
507
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,916
Yeah. I did before,
but now I don't.
508
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,235
Why would you do that?
509
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,570
Let's talk about it after
you give me that thing.
510
00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:55,680
No, definitely not.
511
00:16:55,907 --> 00:16:57,164
-I'm doing this.
-(yells in frustration)
512
00:16:57,258 --> 00:16:58,908
Since you don't want
to be here so badly
513
00:16:59,001 --> 00:17:02,094
that you'd purposely mess up the
most beautiful meal of the year.
514
00:17:02,171 --> 00:17:04,505
-None of us wanted
to be in here.
-What?
515
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:06,024
The only reason I'm here
at all is because
516
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,525
I had the softest hand fart.
517
00:17:07,752 --> 00:17:09,009
I-I don't know what that means,
518
00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:10,194
but I'm just gonna finish
everything else myself.
519
00:17:10,346 --> 00:17:12,104
Fine! That's clearly
how you wanted it
520
00:17:12,257 --> 00:17:14,440
from the beginning,
you Thankszilla.
521
00:17:14,609 --> 00:17:16,993
-Bye. Bye!
-Bye.
522
00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:19,278
I imagined that door slamming.
523
00:17:19,430 --> 00:17:21,289
I'm just gonna say it. Slam!
524
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:27,270
This is beautiful. You kids.
525
00:17:27,363 --> 00:17:29,047
Uh, don't blow your nose
on the toilet paper.
526
00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:30,773
-We need it for the float.
-Oh.
527
00:17:30,866 --> 00:17:32,291
This is supposed to be a float?
528
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,534
If you really squint
and then shut your eyes.
529
00:17:33,628 --> 00:17:36,054
Louise, you're not helping
in the kitchen?
530
00:17:36,281 --> 00:17:37,780
Nope. I'm back.
What are we doing?
531
00:17:37,799 --> 00:17:39,298
We're aiming for the moon
is what we're doing.
532
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,134
Or at least to get that one guy
to stop snoring at us.
533
00:17:42,287 --> 00:17:44,637
Hi, turkey.
It's just me in here now.
534
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:47,381
God, you're even more beautiful
than you were five minutes ago.
535
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,308
(in high-pitched voice):
Yeah, because you cooked me
perfectly
536
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,885
and you're a great chef
and a great father
537
00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,905
and also unconventionally
handsome.
538
00:17:54,056 --> 00:17:56,632
(in normal voice):
Thanks. Uh, you didn't
have to say all that.
539
00:17:56,651 --> 00:17:58,743
(in burly voice):
Hey, I wasn't even
gonna be a dish,
540
00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:00,727
and now look at me.
Thank you.
541
00:18:00,805 --> 00:18:02,580
(in normal voice):
You're welcome,
brussels sprouts.
542
00:18:02,731 --> 00:18:05,658
I do very much enjoy cooking
Thanksgiving dinner.
543
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,159
(in childlike voice):
And you're so good at it.
544
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,828
(in normal voice):
Thanks, green beans.
545
00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:10,162
But honestly, I-I might not be
546
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:14,074
the easiest to be around
in the kitchen on T-Day.
547
00:18:14,168 --> 00:18:15,501
(in high-pitched voice):
Are you kidding?
548
00:18:15,653 --> 00:18:17,911
I love being in the kitchen
with you on T-Day, Bob.
549
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,338
And I love calling it T-Day.
550
00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:21,248
(in normal voice):
I-I don't know,
mashed potatoes.
551
00:18:21,342 --> 00:18:22,842
I feel like maybe you guys
are just kind of
552
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:24,343
telling me what I want to hear.
553
00:18:24,495 --> 00:18:26,253
(in Southern accent):
No, we love you.
You're the best.
554
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,940
Leave your family, Bob.
We'll run away together.
555
00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,833
(in normal accent):
I mean, that might be nice
556
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:32,335
for a little while, stuffing,
557
00:18:32,428 --> 00:18:34,687
but I don't want
to run away with food.
558
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,840
(in high-pitched voice):
You should.
We could make you happy, Bob.
559
00:18:37,859 --> 00:18:38,950
(in normal voice):
This is getting weird.
560
00:18:39,177 --> 00:18:40,509
I-I think I'd better
go talk to Louise.
561
00:18:40,603 --> 00:18:42,269
I'm just gonna put some foil
over you guys real quick.
562
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:43,788
(in high-pitched voice):
No, no, no!
563
00:18:43,939 --> 00:18:45,606
(in normal voice):
Shh. No, it's okay.
564
00:18:45,683 --> 00:18:47,107
You guys need to stay warm.
(screams in high-pitched voice)
565
00:18:47,201 --> 00:18:48,868
Is this collection
of inflated rubber gloves
566
00:18:49,078 --> 00:18:50,853
the best parade balloon ever?
567
00:18:50,872 --> 00:18:52,797
No, but is it a parade balloon?
568
00:18:52,948 --> 00:18:54,206
-Probably.
-Hi, guys.
569
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,950
-Louise, can we talk?
-Sorry, we're busy.
570
00:18:57,044 --> 00:18:59,211
-Just for a sec.
-Uh, I'm in the float zone, Dad,
571
00:18:59,364 --> 00:19:02,365
so unless you're a float
or a balloon, I don't see you.
572
00:19:02,367 --> 00:19:04,124
Can't tell.
Can't tell if we got there,
573
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:06,477
but gosh darn it,
it's too late to stop now,
574
00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:07,812
'cause we're rolling!
575
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,296
Bye, Dad. Hee-yah!
576
00:19:09,465 --> 00:19:12,132
How about a totally sincere
round of applause for the float?
577
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:15,227
The theme is:
a mountain of medical supplies.
578
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,697
Look at all the things
they got on that thing.
579
00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:19,048
(murmuring)
580
00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:20,307
And how about
these glove balloons, huh?
581
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,218
Eat your heart out,
giant Snoopy.
582
00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:23,995
I'm still light-headed
from blowing these up.
583
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,664
Oh, so full of air,
those balloons.
584
00:19:26,815 --> 00:19:29,575
Uh, and I'm another balloon.
585
00:19:29,727 --> 00:19:31,060
Do what?
586
00:19:31,078 --> 00:19:32,837
What's that balloon
supposed to be?
587
00:19:33,064 --> 00:19:35,173
-Oh, um...
-Ignore him.
588
00:19:35,324 --> 00:19:37,341
He's not really in the parade.
He's the chef.
589
00:19:37,493 --> 00:19:39,177
The mean chef who works alone.
590
00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:42,496
Um, my balloon is
a-a character named...
591
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,756
Sorry, Louise.
592
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,591
Sorry Louise? Is that Pixar?
593
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,092
What the hell is this?
594
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,911
Aw, Lillian, you left your room.
595
00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:50,095
Kind of regret it now.
596
00:19:50,248 --> 00:19:51,764
-Hey, Lillian.
-Hi, Ernie.
597
00:19:51,916 --> 00:19:53,006
What's this crap show?
598
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:55,676
The TV's broken,
and then I had a great nap.
599
00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:56,919
Louise, hey.
600
00:19:56,921 --> 00:19:58,270
I-I really want
to say something.
601
00:19:58,423 --> 00:20:00,773
Uh, I'm sorry I was
a little bit of a Thankszilla.
602
00:20:00,925 --> 00:20:03,108
I really did want you
to be in the kitchen with me
603
00:20:03,277 --> 00:20:05,261
and maybe even to teach you
a few things.
604
00:20:05,354 --> 00:20:07,613
You know, I pictured us
bustling around in there,
605
00:20:07,765 --> 00:20:09,281
high-fiving with spatulas,
606
00:20:09,434 --> 00:20:12,952
but I was way too much of a cook
and not enough of a dad.
607
00:20:13,104 --> 00:20:16,939
(sighs) Well, I guess
I was kind of a jerk, too.
608
00:20:17,032 --> 00:20:18,716
Sorry. For what it's worth,
609
00:20:18,867 --> 00:20:21,886
every other day of the year,
you're a pretty great dad.
610
00:20:22,113 --> 00:20:23,870
Though you're kind of
a monster on Easter, too.
611
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,130
And Russian May Day.
612
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,873
Do parades normally
talk this much?
613
00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:29,969
Let's give it up for the
Sorry Louise balloon over here.
614
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,045
Late entry. Crowd favorite.
615
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,547
-Wow.
-(murmuring)
616
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,215
What an amazing parade.
You loved it.
617
00:20:35,309 --> 00:20:37,126
We gave back. It counts.
You're welcome.
618
00:20:37,144 --> 00:20:39,737
Uh-oh, the wind's blowing
this balloon off course.
619
00:20:39,964 --> 00:20:41,313
Look out.
620
00:20:41,466 --> 00:20:44,800
Oh, I was wondering where
all the medical supplies went.
621
00:20:44,893 --> 00:20:47,745
(pleased murmuring)
622
00:20:47,972 --> 00:20:49,638
God, I freaking love
Thanksgiving.
623
00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:50,823
Aw.
624
00:20:50,975 --> 00:20:52,232
Hey, Louise,
there's one more thing
625
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:53,642
I need your help with
in the kitchen.
626
00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:54,585
What's that?
627
00:20:54,812 --> 00:20:55,978
(yelling)
628
00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:57,421
Captain Casserole!
629
00:20:57,573 --> 00:20:59,148
Woo-hoo-hoo!
630
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:02,318
♪ Captain Casserole flings
her fiery fire flame ♪
631
00:21:02,411 --> 00:21:05,654
♪ And makes other
kitchen helpers look so lame ♪
632
00:21:05,748 --> 00:21:08,657
♪ With her million-degree
super butane torch ♪
633
00:21:08,676 --> 00:21:11,160
♪ All marshmallows
will soon be scorched ♪
634
00:21:11,178 --> 00:21:15,273
♪ After Captain Casserole
flings her fiery flame ♪
635
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,943
♪ Captain Casserole flings
her fiery fire flame ♪
636
00:21:19,094 --> 00:21:22,505
♪ Every single marshmallow
will be maimed ♪
637
00:21:22,523 --> 00:21:25,007
♪ With a thousand degrees
of butane blast ♪
638
00:21:25,026 --> 00:21:26,284
♪ She'll knock marshmallows ♪
639
00:21:26,511 --> 00:21:28,344
-♪ Right on their ♪
-(makes whooshing sound)
640
00:21:28,437 --> 00:21:30,103
♪ After Captain Casserole
flings her fiery flame. ♪
641
00:21:30,197 --> 00:21:30,863
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
642
00:21:31,032 --> 00:21:32,531
and TOYOTA.
643
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,333
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org