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♪ ♪
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GENE:
So we got to find
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pretend jobs
for this Life Skills project?
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ALEX:
Yup.
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-And a pretend apartment?
-Uh-huh.
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-And make a pretend budget?
-Mm-hmm.
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Why is school always trying
to teach us stuff?
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I mean, when you and I grow up
and become famous robo-DJs--
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half-human, half-robot--
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we can hire full robots to do
our life skills stuff for us.
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We don't need
this type of training.
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I like this project.
Pretend budget money?
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We can pretend-buy
whatever we want.
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Like toothpaste,
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but a kind with sugar in it.
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Oh, is there
a sugary toothpaste?
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There is if you add sugar to it.
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LINDA:
Oh, there goes another one.
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Look at the hair,
look at that bounce.
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Ever since that hair salon
opened up next door,
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you think every woman walking by
just came from there.
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She did. I can tell.
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She's got that
"I just got my hair done
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at a fancy salon" walk.
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If you're so curious
about that place,
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why don't you just go in?
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Get a trim or whatever.
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Their-their least
expensive trim.
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I can't.
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Gretchen's been doing my hair
for years,
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and I would never.
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-Okay.
-I don't even want her
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to know I'm looking,
which I'm not.
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Gretchen knows
if you so much as got a trim
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in the last year
from someone else.
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Haven't seen you
in a while, Georgia.
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-Your bangs look nice.
-Oh, thanks.
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-Who did this?!
-It was nothing, it was nothing.
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-It was a-a tiny trim. I was...
-Out! Out!
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-Get out of my chair!
-Aah!
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Okay, Linda. You're up.
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Besides, uh,
I like going to Gretchen's,
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even though sometimes
she smokes a cigarette
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right before she does my hair
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and it makes my hair smell
like cigarettes.
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And one time she cut my ear,
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but she pretended
it was already cut.
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She called it
my "bleeding ear problem."
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I mean, she's great!
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(chuckles):
I-I'm-I'm perfectly happy.
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I-I don't think
she can hear you.
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You never know.
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(Gene screams)
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Wha-- What's the matter?
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-What's the matter, sweetie?
-Are you okay, Gene?
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Pube...!
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-Huh.
-I think that's a chest hair,
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not technically a pube,
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unless you have
a really long crotch.
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Thanks a lot, Tina.
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I bet I caught puberty
from you. (grunts)
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I'm not ready to be an adult!
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Before you know it, I'm gonna
be a pile of dust and bones
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holding onto
an electric saxophone probably!
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As if the Life Skills thing
at school wasn't enough,
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now my own sweet body
is telling me to grow up.
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Go away, pube.
I don't want a 401(k)!
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-Aw, Gene.
-It's not a pube.
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You know, Gene,
besides the body hair
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and pimples and armpit odor
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and mood swings and neck sweat,
puberty's great.
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Why is Gene's pube gray?
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Even my puberty is growing up
too fast!
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Hmm. That didn't put up
much of a fight.
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-Aah!
-It's a match: old man gray.
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Oh... Dad's chest hair must have
stuck on me this morning
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when I gave him
his surprise shower-hug.
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It's not really a surprise
when you do it every single day.
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Oh, thank God
I'm not pube-ing out.
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I'm still a beautiful baby boy.
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Yes, you are.
(kissing noises) Yeah.
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Actually, you're a tween.
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Not a boy, not yet a woman.
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I'm not "tween" anything.
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I'm securely
in the child column.
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Mother, I'm gonna need
extra chicken at dinner.
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This shook me to my core.
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I thought I lost you, smoothie.
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ALEX:
So, I made
a pretend grocery list.
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And I started looking
for our dream apartment:
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two bedroom,
one bathroom and water slide.
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We can meet at my house
every day after school
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this week
and build our dream lives.
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I can't believe
you're enjoying this.
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-I'm freaking out!
-It's not so bad.
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You're not the one
who had the pube scare.
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Our childhoods are zipping by,
and we're just expected
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to wake up one day
and put on big-boy pants?
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I hate pants!
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We're getting graded
on this, so...
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-how's the fake job hunt going?
-Did you hear me, Alex?
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I had an almost-pube!
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I haven't had time to job-hunt.
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You should check out the job
board at the community center.
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That's where I found
my pretend telemarketing gig,
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which pays
nine big ones an hour,
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plus a small commission,
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whatever that means.
I assume it means gold.
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(groans) Fine.
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I'll go look at the job board,
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but I'm not gonna just settle
for anything.
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I need full benefits
and 12 weeks of vacation.
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I know what I'm worth.
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Well, time to grow up, I guess.
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You two should head home.
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Louise,
you still have your youth.
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Get out there and just be a kid.
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And, Tina,
it's too late for you.
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But take care of Louise
as you trudge towards death.
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-Okay.
-Okay?
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Landscaping? Construction?
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Those sound so outside-y.
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Grocery store is hiring,
but they drug-test.
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-Oh, hi, Gus.
-Looking for work, eh?
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It's for a dumb school project
to prepare us for adulthood.
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But I want to be,
like Sir Rod Stewart once said,
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-"Forever, forever young."
-I hear you.
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The best way to stay young is
to do young things.
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That's why I started doing yoga.
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Now I can touch my knees.
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And everything at the community
center is donation-based.
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That means it's free.
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-Who's ready for fun?
-(kids cheering)
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Buckle up, the Kids Club train
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is about to blast off,
honk-honk!
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Lot of mixed metaphors,
but love her energy.
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Those lucky little bastards.
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Let's get the wiggles out
before story time starts.
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Hmm. Kids Club.
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(all babbling)
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Oh, hello. Uh, um...
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Are you looking for swimming?
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I think they usually do it
in the pool.
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Uh, I think I'm supposed
to be here?
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Oh. Um, what's your name?
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-Gene.
-Hi, Gene.
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I'm Miss Erica.
Gene, Gene.
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I don't see you on my roster.
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Did your parents sign you up?
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Um, yeah, like a second ago.
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Well, then it's just not
in the system yet.
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How, um, old are you, Gene?
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Oh, I am... this many.
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You're seven? Wow.
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Somebody's eating
all their veggies.
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Ha, no.
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It's just, you're such
a big boy for seven.
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-Very big.
-Thank you?
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Do you have
any wiggles to get out?
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Do I!
My wiggles have wiggles.
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-(kids babbling)
-(Gene yelling)
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Yay! I'm young again!
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-(entry bell jingles)
-Gene, where were you?
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Why are you so late?
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You did spend an awful long time
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looking at that
community center job board.
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So, what'd you pick?
I was a dog walker
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for my sixth grade
Life Skills pretend job.
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I raked in eight fake bucks
an hour walking fake dogs.
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-And I only got fake bit twice.
-Yup, uh...
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that's the job I picked, too,
dog walker.
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And I'll be at Alex's house
after school
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all this week, working
on the Life Skills project,
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no need to check in.
(laughs nervously)
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I'm not acting weird.
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O-Okay...
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Hey, Gene, how about you,
uh, come over and catch up
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on your restaurant work?
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Of course,
I love restaurant work.
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Okay, what's going on?
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Nothing.
What's going on with you?
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This is a great conversation.
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Why do you have glitter
on your chin
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and feathers sticking out
of your backpack?
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-I got a job at Pickles?
-The strip club?
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-It's a gentlemen's revue.
-Gene.
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All right, fine,
I was at Kids Club.
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Kids Club?
Isn't that for little kids?
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Exactly.
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I said I was seven,
and I just got to be young,
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dumb, and full of fun.
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Didn't anyone notice
that you don't at all
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-look like a seven-year-old?
-How dare you?
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Age is in the eye
of who's lying about it.
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Actually, the hardest part
was getting signed out.
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Gene, buddy. We can't
let you leave without an adult.
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An adult?
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Uh, hey, silver fox father
coming out of yoga.
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-Get over here.
-Uh, oh, o-okay.
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00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:06,332
You got Gus to pretend to be
your dad and sign you out?
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He was so loose from that yoga,
he would have signed anything.
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Look, pal, I don't care
how you blow off your fake job,
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but I don't like Tina having
to cover for you
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at your real job 'cause then she
doesn't cover for me as well.
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-So get wiping.
-I will.
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But first, check this out.
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I call it Feather Glitter Glue,
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and everyone said it was
the best name ever.
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That's how easy it is to be
a seven-year-old.
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G'day, mate. Roommate.
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You pumped about
coming over after school
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and getting into
some heavy duty budgeting?
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Oh, um, sorry, Alex.
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I can't.
Still got to find a dang job.
215
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You can't buy fake
Ding Dongs and Ho Hos
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with no fake dough-dough,
right? (chuckles)
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Okay.
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(bell jingles)
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Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, Bob.
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-They're in here. That's them.
-Who?
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The hair people
who work next door.
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Don't look at 'em, don't look.
223
00:07:50,529 --> 00:07:52,045
But don't we want
to serve them food?
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Fine, I'll take their order.
225
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You can do this, Linda.
226
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-Do you want me to take...
-No, I can do it.
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Uh... h-hi, hello.
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Uh, can I take your order?
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We'll have one Burger of the Day
and fries to share. Thanks.
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Y-You work at Frolicles,
don't you?
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Yeah, I'm the receptionist.
She's the shampooer.
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You know, can I just say
that your hair is amazing?
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-So is yours.
-Mm. It is.
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00:08:14,402 --> 00:08:16,828
You should come in sometime.
Yvonne can fix that.
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She could totally fix that.
236
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Fix what? Who's Yvonne?
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Yvonne is the stylist.
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-And a visionary.
-Oh!
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Yeah, you're what Yvonne would
call a "caterpillar head."
240
00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:29,082
-She can turn you
into a butterfly head.
-(chuckles)
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00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:32,736
You know what, Yvonne has
an opening Thursday at 3:00.
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I'm gonna give it to you
because you deserve it.
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And you can get the friends
and neighbors discount.
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Caterpillar head,
Thursday at 3:00. Okay.
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00:08:40,262 --> 00:08:43,004
-Wha... Uh, I-I don't know.
-You're in. You're booked.
246
00:08:43,172 --> 00:08:44,097
Yvonne's gonna change your life.
247
00:08:44,266 --> 00:08:45,582
Get used to it.
Get ready.
248
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,341
You're speechless,
you don't know what to say.
249
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:50,253
-We do need food, though.
-Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, okay.
250
00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:52,030
What just happened?
251
00:08:52,181 --> 00:08:54,440
Are you gonna get amazing hair
and then leave me?
252
00:08:54,593 --> 00:08:56,701
-I don't know.
-Well, you won't make it far,
253
00:08:56,853 --> 00:08:59,779
because Gretchen will hunt you
down and then she'll murder you.
254
00:08:59,931 --> 00:09:02,098
-I know. Oh, God, she's here.
-(door opens, bell jingles)
255
00:09:02,191 --> 00:09:03,116
Oh, it's Tina and Louise.
256
00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:05,192
(panting):
Hi, girls.
257
00:09:05,270 --> 00:09:07,120
Why are you ducking
behind the counter?
258
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,289
-That's fun.
-Where's your brother?
259
00:09:09,441 --> 00:09:11,383
-Oh, right, he's at Alex's.
-He better be at Alex's.
260
00:09:11,534 --> 00:09:14,219
Leaving us-- mostly you--
doing all his work.
261
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,462
I'm sure he got all the Kids
Club stuff out of his system.
262
00:09:16,615 --> 00:09:18,948
How long can an 11-year-old boy
play with blocks?
263
00:09:18,967 --> 00:09:20,708
I love blocks!
264
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,468
-That's so tall.
-I know.
265
00:09:22,621 --> 00:09:25,046
But not too tall
for the Hand Monster.
266
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:26,398
-(roars)
-(chuckles)
267
00:09:26,549 --> 00:09:28,291
Gene, do you want to do clay
with me?
268
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:31,052
Clay?
I'll never say nay to clay.
269
00:09:31,146 --> 00:09:32,312
(grunting softly)
270
00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:34,814
-You're my best friend.
-Aw.
271
00:09:34,983 --> 00:09:37,075
A little quick,
but sure, why not?
272
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:40,486
Okay, everybody,
who's ready for parachute time?
273
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:43,081
-Me, me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me!
-Parachute!
274
00:09:44,492 --> 00:09:47,902
-(gasps)
-♪ All the colors
of the rainbow ♪
275
00:09:47,996 --> 00:09:49,921
♪ Blow down onto my mind ♪
276
00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:52,239
♪ I'm gonna sit on my behind ♪
277
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:54,742
♪ Until it's time for me ♪
278
00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:55,927
♪ To play with you ♪
279
00:09:56,079 --> 00:09:57,762
♪ I remember when my life ♪
280
00:09:57,839 --> 00:09:59,097
♪ It used to be ♪
281
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,824
♪ Nothing but simplicity ♪
282
00:10:00,842 --> 00:10:02,100
♪ It was naptime ♪
283
00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:04,327
♪ That was the time ♪
284
00:10:04,420 --> 00:10:06,271
-♪ That I would close my eyes. ♪
-ALEX: Gene?
285
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:07,997
-GENE: Still sleeping here.
-Gene!
286
00:10:08,016 --> 00:10:09,999
Alex! Hi, uh...
287
00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:11,276
Why are you in Kids Club?
288
00:10:11,427 --> 00:10:13,519
(whispers):
Lower your voice, it's naptime.
289
00:10:13,672 --> 00:10:15,262
Gene, buddy, uh...
290
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,173
where are you going,
and who is this?
291
00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:19,859
Oh, uh, this is just a kid
who lives across the street.
292
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,011
-He babysits me sometimes.
-Mm.
293
00:10:22,030 --> 00:10:23,955
Well,
please don't leave the room.
294
00:10:24,182 --> 00:10:26,850
And let's use
our nap voices, 'kay?
295
00:10:26,943 --> 00:10:28,109
What are you doing here?
296
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,461
I came here to look
at the job board again
297
00:10:29,612 --> 00:10:31,037
and see if I could nail
something down for you,
298
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,947
and I heard you snoring.
299
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,374
-You know my snore?
-Yes.
300
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:36,542
-That's really sweet.
-What are you doing here?
301
00:10:36,695 --> 00:10:38,845
I signed up
for after-school Kids Club.
302
00:10:38,955 --> 00:10:40,305
I'm reliving my youth.
303
00:10:40,456 --> 00:10:42,715
Wait, so you've been flaking
on our project to do this?
304
00:10:42,868 --> 00:10:46,127
I'm sorry, Alex. I just
really like the vibe in here.
305
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,553
It's very low stress.
306
00:10:47,706 --> 00:10:50,056
Miss Erica even helps me
tie my shoes sometimes.
307
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:52,317
And as you know,
I am not a strong shoe-tier.
308
00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:54,135
Well, what about
the Life Skills project?
309
00:10:54,229 --> 00:10:56,212
You're supposed to be
my roommate.
310
00:10:56,305 --> 00:10:57,656
What about making a budget?
311
00:10:57,807 --> 00:10:58,898
I'm not ready for budgets.
312
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,641
-I do blocks now.
-Gene.
313
00:11:00,735 --> 00:11:03,069
-Want to pretend we're puppies?
-Give me a second, Ryder.
314
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,830
-But probably, yes.
-I'm Gene's best friend.
315
00:11:05,982 --> 00:11:07,165
The hell, Gene?
You know what?
316
00:11:07,316 --> 00:11:08,833
I think we should have
a roommate breakup.
317
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:10,226
I'm gonna talk to Ms. Twitchell
318
00:11:10,245 --> 00:11:12,337
about getting a studio apartment
for one.
319
00:11:12,488 --> 00:11:15,064
-Fine.
-Okay, well,
have fun with Ryder.
320
00:11:15,158 --> 00:11:17,583
Uh, we're playing puppies,
so, yeah,
321
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:18,677
I'm gonna be having fun.
322
00:11:18,828 --> 00:11:20,011
(both barking)
323
00:11:20,238 --> 00:11:22,347
Bad dog, Gene. Bad dog.
324
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,594
TINA:
(whistles) Talk about coloring
inside the lines.
325
00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:31,172
I know,
my coloring game is incredible.
326
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,524
And sure, Alex has a right
327
00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:34,434
to be a little annoyed
that I've been skipping
328
00:11:34,586 --> 00:11:37,696
all of our after-school
be-a-dumb-adult project time,
329
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,439
but I wish he would see
that I'm living
330
00:11:39,591 --> 00:11:42,183
my best seven-year-old life
right now.
331
00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:43,776
Uh, except that you're 11.
332
00:11:43,929 --> 00:11:45,595
-Just like Alex.
-That's ageist.
333
00:11:45,764 --> 00:11:47,521
And guess who else has a right
to be annoyed?
334
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,767
I had to delegate so much work
to Tina today, I'm exhausted.
335
00:11:50,785 --> 00:11:54,270
-Yeah, I'm kind of tired, too.
-Tina, it's not all about you.
336
00:11:54,289 --> 00:11:56,272
Well, I'm sorry,
but I need this.
337
00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:58,441
And it's totally worth it.
Tomorrow's a big day.
338
00:11:58,534 --> 00:11:59,642
We're making slime.
339
00:11:59,794 --> 00:12:01,720
Uh, and it's your last chance
to work with Alex
340
00:12:01,871 --> 00:12:03,947
on the project
before it's due Friday, right?
341
00:12:03,965 --> 00:12:05,131
Alex will be fine.
342
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:06,449
He's gonna talk to Ms. Twitchell
343
00:12:06,468 --> 00:12:09,728
and do a solo no roommate
a-dull-t project.
344
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:10,970
But won't you get an "F"?
345
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,805
And get sent back
to second grade?
346
00:12:12,958 --> 00:12:14,974
-I hope so.
-Gene, no.
347
00:12:15,126 --> 00:12:16,401
But if you do get sent back
to second grade,
348
00:12:16,552 --> 00:12:18,719
I think I left my pencil
in that classroom.
349
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,054
Will you keep an eye out for it?
350
00:12:20,148 --> 00:12:21,573
It's yellow
and it has a number two on it.
351
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:23,908
RYDER:
Gene, Gene, Gene.
352
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:25,134
Do you want to play clay
with me?
353
00:12:25,136 --> 00:12:26,393
Uh, I'm kind of doing slime.
354
00:12:26,562 --> 00:12:28,062
You know,
'cause it's slime day.
355
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,155
Play clay with me.
356
00:12:29,307 --> 00:12:30,807
Maybe later, 'kay, Ryder?
357
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:32,008
You're a poo-poo head.
358
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:33,309
That's not technically true,
Ryder.
359
00:12:33,478 --> 00:12:36,921
-Um, Becca, that's my slime.
-Mine!
360
00:12:37,073 --> 00:12:39,148
I mean, I can give you
a little bit.
361
00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:40,833
-(grunting)
-Aah!
362
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,335
-Whee!
-Uh-oh, Mess Patrol.
363
00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:44,095
♪ Clean the mess, tidy up ♪
364
00:12:44,322 --> 00:12:45,505
♪ Yes Mess Patrol... ♪
365
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:49,100
Singing doesn't help
in this particular situation!
366
00:12:50,345 --> 00:12:51,919
Okay, it's time for
my appointment with Yvonne.
367
00:12:52,013 --> 00:12:53,329
Okay, have fun.
368
00:12:53,348 --> 00:12:55,089
I'm just gonna have her
touch it up.
369
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,182
-It's no big deal.
-(bell jingles)
370
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:57,500
-(both gasp)
-Gretchen!
371
00:12:57,519 --> 00:12:59,185
What are you doing hair--
I mean here?
372
00:12:59,337 --> 00:13:01,337
-(chuckling nervously)
-LOUISE: Nice.
373
00:13:01,430 --> 00:13:03,615
Oh, I just came in to say hi,
374
00:13:03,842 --> 00:13:05,099
have a little lunch.
375
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,193
That's good, 'cause we have
lunch. That's our thing.
376
00:13:07,345 --> 00:13:09,103
Yeah. I haven't seen you
in a while, Linda.
377
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,848
Let's catch up, girl talk.
You can talk, too, Bob.
378
00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:14,367
-Looking good, by the way.
-Uh, th-thanks, Gretchen.
379
00:13:14,519 --> 00:13:17,020
-Hey, were you going somewhere?
-No...
380
00:13:17,038 --> 00:13:19,372
I just like to move
my purse around
381
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:20,540
every once in a while.
382
00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:22,300
Okay, that's enough.
Here comes the apron.
383
00:13:22,451 --> 00:13:24,952
So, new salon next door, huh?
384
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,638
Wha... Where? A salon?
385
00:13:26,865 --> 00:13:29,307
-Yeah, oh, yeah,
I hardly noticed.
-They're fancy.
386
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,643
Looks like they sweep up
all the hair.
387
00:13:31,794 --> 00:13:33,036
La-di-da.
388
00:13:33,054 --> 00:13:34,962
Listen, I know they're
right next door
389
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,981
and their scissors aren't rusty
390
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,817
and their combs have
all their teeth
391
00:13:39,044 --> 00:13:40,301
and they don't have flies,
392
00:13:40,395 --> 00:13:42,378
but please
don't ever go there, okay?
393
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:45,139
Yeah, no, of course not.
Yeah, no. Yuck. Oof.
394
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:47,900
I don't even want to think
about you going there.
395
00:13:48,053 --> 00:13:50,144
I just go to a dark place.
396
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,072
A dark, dark place.
397
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,982
Oh, uh, the spoon!
398
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,060
Plus, can you even imagine
what they'd do
399
00:13:57,078 --> 00:14:00,171
to your reverse cowlick and
your swirly thing in the back
400
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,416
and your stubborn grays
and your bleeding ear problem?
401
00:14:03,568 --> 00:14:05,902
-They don't know you.
-Uh...
402
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,328
Burger of the Day sound good?
403
00:14:07,422 --> 00:14:09,163
Let me walk this order
back to Bob in the kitchen.
404
00:14:09,257 --> 00:14:11,407
Uh, you can just hand it to me.
I'm right here.
405
00:14:11,409 --> 00:14:14,001
No, no, you might drop it.
I-I'm gonna walk it back.
406
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,003
-Bob, I can't go next door.
-Why?
407
00:14:16,097 --> 00:14:17,580
Because Gretchen is terrifying?
408
00:14:17,599 --> 00:14:19,265
Yeah, so y--
so you're gonna go for me.
409
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,215
Wait, wait, what?
410
00:14:20,268 --> 00:14:21,508
If I'm a last-second no-show,
411
00:14:21,603 --> 00:14:23,344
I'll never get
an appointment there again.
412
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,255
You have to go, get a haircut,
and get me rescheduled.
413
00:14:26,274 --> 00:14:28,399
So we're gonna get
two expensive haircuts?
414
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,368
They're discounted
expensive haircuts.
415
00:14:30,595 --> 00:14:33,037
Please, Bob,
I want a fancy salon haircut
416
00:14:33,189 --> 00:14:34,372
once in my life before I die.
417
00:14:34,599 --> 00:14:36,449
-(groans) Fine.
-No, no, where are you going?
418
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,377
Not the front. She'll see you.
Go out the back.
419
00:14:39,604 --> 00:14:42,046
And run, but don't be sweaty.
And check your breath.
420
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,749
(Gretchen cackling)
421
00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:45,958
Oh...
422
00:14:46,127 --> 00:14:48,961
H-- Um, hi.
I'm here for my wife.
423
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,389
Uh, she can't come,
so she asked me
424
00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:53,558
-to take her spot?
-Oh, smart move, wife.
425
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,209
Also, yeah, you could use it.
426
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,395
-Come on,
let's get you shampooed.
-Oh, that's okay.
427
00:14:57,546 --> 00:15:02,233
I washed it yester...
last week... ago.
428
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:04,235
Can I get you a sparkling water
or espresso?
429
00:15:04,462 --> 00:15:07,813
-Or a glass of wine?
-Oh, um, I don't know.
430
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:09,298
-I...
-I'd have all three.
431
00:15:09,359 --> 00:15:11,058
We call that
"getting your tips frosted."
432
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,468
Unless you're getting
your tips frosted,
433
00:15:12,561 --> 00:15:14,245
which is actually really hot
right now
434
00:15:14,397 --> 00:15:16,063
with middle-aged men
who don't know better.
435
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,141
All right, let's frost my tips.
436
00:15:18,159 --> 00:15:19,918
Uh, the-the drinks one.
437
00:15:20,069 --> 00:15:21,844
(Miss Erica babbling)
438
00:15:21,904 --> 00:15:22,921
Hey, Gene.
439
00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:25,331
Everything okay?
You're not wiggling much.
440
00:15:25,483 --> 00:15:27,984
I don't always have the wiggles,
Miss Erica!
441
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:29,427
Sorry, sorry.
442
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,172
(whispering):
Can I come in?
443
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,658
(whispering):
No. Get out of here.
444
00:15:35,751 --> 00:15:37,918
Where is your mom?
445
00:15:38,012 --> 00:15:41,272
Gretchen killed her,
and you're next.
446
00:15:41,424 --> 00:15:43,849
Bob, it's okay.
Gretchen went back to work.
447
00:15:44,002 --> 00:15:45,759
-Oh, she's alive.
-Eh?
448
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:48,595
(whistles) New do for Daddy.
449
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:50,189
It is. Oh, it is.
450
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:53,676
-So? Was it...?
-(slurring): Amazing.
451
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:55,178
Yvonne is a genius.
452
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:57,180
-Are you drunk?
-I'm gorgeous.
453
00:15:57,348 --> 00:15:59,106
O-Ok-Okay, settle down.
454
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:00,792
And I got you in the book.
455
00:16:01,019 --> 00:16:02,368
-Yeah? When, when?
-Today!
456
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,462
-Oh!
-They squeezed you in at 5:00.
457
00:16:04,689 --> 00:16:06,189
Really? Okay!
458
00:16:06,282 --> 00:16:07,707
Okay,
I'm actually gonna do this.
459
00:16:07,859 --> 00:16:09,208
I'm gonna go to the bathroom
and look at myself
460
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,118
for a while,
and I have to pee.
461
00:16:11,212 --> 00:16:13,045
I drank so many
different drinks.
462
00:16:13,198 --> 00:16:14,288
(Gene groaning)
463
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:18,534
"A dog sits on a log
with a frog."
464
00:16:18,553 --> 00:16:20,219
-Where are you going with that?
-Mm...
465
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,038
That doesn't go on me, Mason.
466
00:16:22,131 --> 00:16:24,482
-Aah! That's it! I'm out!
-Gene,
467
00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:26,225
if you don't want to listen
to the book,
468
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,302
you're welcome to join Piper
over by the puzzles.
469
00:16:28,396 --> 00:16:30,046
Nope, I think I'm gonna go.
470
00:16:30,064 --> 00:16:31,823
I'm sorry, buddy.
471
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:33,216
You can't go until pickup time.
472
00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:35,218
Miss Erica,
here's the thing--
473
00:16:35,236 --> 00:16:37,053
you're gonna laugh
when you hear this--
474
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:39,889
I'm not actually seven.
I am 11.
475
00:16:39,907 --> 00:16:41,407
And I am a 500-year-old wizard!
476
00:16:41,559 --> 00:16:44,836
-(babbling)
-Not helping, Becca.
477
00:16:45,063 --> 00:16:46,245
Gene, I know you're not seven.
478
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,988
It's pretty obvious,
'cause, you know,
479
00:16:48,082 --> 00:16:49,582
I know what children look like.
480
00:16:49,734 --> 00:16:53,069
-Gotcha.
-(screams) I'm sorry,
but I am leaving!
481
00:16:53,087 --> 00:16:55,162
You can't go without
someone signing you out,
482
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,756
no matter what age
you say you are.
483
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,182
Okay, fine, my dad Gus,
484
00:16:58,409 --> 00:17:00,852
who I call Gus and not Dad,
is over in yoga right now.
485
00:17:01,079 --> 00:17:03,913
-He can sign me out.
-There is no yoga on Thursdays.
486
00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:05,414
What? Why no yoga
on Thursdays?
487
00:17:05,583 --> 00:17:07,250
That's, like,
when you need it the most!
488
00:17:07,268 --> 00:17:09,027
Sorry,
you're gonna have to stay here
489
00:17:09,178 --> 00:17:10,920
until a parent signs you out.
490
00:17:11,013 --> 00:17:13,105
But I want to go!
I need to leave!
491
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,348
Oh, man,
I'm gonna fail the project,
492
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,350
and Alex is gonna be mad at me
forever!
493
00:17:16,444 --> 00:17:18,202
-Your babysitter?
-Yes!
494
00:17:18,429 --> 00:17:20,020
I should've been doing
pretend roommate stuff
495
00:17:20,114 --> 00:17:21,947
with him this whole week,
but now I'm trapped
496
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,207
in this booger parlor!
497
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:24,358
What's wrong with me?!
498
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,045
Someone's having big feelings.
499
00:17:27,196 --> 00:17:29,589
Hell yeah, I am!
When's juice and crackers?
500
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,702
Miss Erica,
can I get my one phone call?
501
00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,129
Gene, this isn't jail.
502
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,057
Says the lady who can leave
whenever she wants.
503
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:41,875
You think I can leave?
I've had to pee for three hours.
504
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,561
Yes, you can use the phone.
505
00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:46,789
-Dial nine to get out.
-Oh, if only it was that easy.
506
00:17:46,882 --> 00:17:48,307
(phone ringing)
507
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,735
Bob's Slopshop, this is Tina.
I have weird neck sweat.
508
00:17:50,962 --> 00:17:53,646
-How may I help you?
-My neck sweat's not weird.
Is it?
509
00:17:53,798 --> 00:17:56,465
Louise, it's Gene. Listen,
I'm trapped in Kids Club.
510
00:17:56,559 --> 00:17:58,576
There's no yoga on Thursdays,
and Miss Erica won't let me out.
511
00:17:58,727 --> 00:18:01,079
Please help me.
I want to be a tween again.
512
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,247
I need to go to Alex's house,
or he'll hate me
513
00:18:03,399 --> 00:18:05,308
and we'll never be
real-life roomies.
514
00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:07,993
I guess I could help if you did
all my restaurant stuff
515
00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:09,645
-for the rest of my life.
-One week.
516
00:18:09,664 --> 00:18:12,090
-Sold.
What do you want me to do?
-I need you and Tina
517
00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:14,092
to pretend to be Gus
and sign me out.
518
00:18:14,319 --> 00:18:15,593
Pretend to be Gus.
519
00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:18,245
Yeah, get a long trench coat,
climb on Tina's shoulders,
520
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,080
fake beard--
boom, you're Gus.
521
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,158
-That's not gonna...
-Get me out of here.
522
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,342
I'm, like, three seconds away
from getting
523
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,328
the hand, foot
and mouth disease.
524
00:18:25,421 --> 00:18:27,830
All right, all right.
We're on our way.
525
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:29,440
Why aren't you sleeping, Gene?
526
00:18:29,592 --> 00:18:31,758
'Cause I'm getting out of here,
Ryder.
527
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,018
I'm too old for this place.
528
00:18:33,171 --> 00:18:34,186
But you savor this.
529
00:18:34,339 --> 00:18:36,263
Savor every perfect,
carefree minute
530
00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:39,024
-of being a little kid, 'kay?
-'Kay, bye.
531
00:18:39,177 --> 00:18:40,934
-(door opens)
-MISS ERICA: Hello, um...
532
00:18:41,028 --> 00:18:43,195
What? Louise! You brought Dad?
533
00:18:43,348 --> 00:18:45,439
Sorry. This is the only thing
we could think of,
534
00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:47,016
after not thinking
for very long,
535
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:48,442
because this has to end.
536
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:51,354
Oh, my God,
Gene really crashed a day care?
537
00:18:51,372 --> 00:18:53,780
I didn't crash it.
I wiggled my way in.
538
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,968
-You're Gene's real father,
I take it?
-Yeah. Yes.
539
00:18:57,195 --> 00:18:59,378
So, I've been letting him
get signed out
540
00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:01,864
by whoever
that 80-year-old man was. Cool.
541
00:19:01,957 --> 00:19:04,216
Gene, do you want to tell me
about that real quick?
542
00:19:04,369 --> 00:19:05,718
-It was Gus.
-Okay.
543
00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:07,703
I think I have to buy him
a Father's Day present.
544
00:19:07,796 --> 00:19:12,057
You should, and also me,
one, as well, at some point.
545
00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:14,301
So, you're signing Gene out?
546
00:19:14,395 --> 00:19:16,045
-Yes.
-I love your hair, by the way.
547
00:19:16,063 --> 00:19:18,114
-Me, too.
-GENE AND LOUISE: He's taken.
548
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,993
Got room for bunk beds
in that studio apartment?
549
00:19:22,144 --> 00:19:23,828
Gene?
What are you doing here?
550
00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:25,646
I came to say sorry.
551
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:26,647
What about Kids Club?
552
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,981
I'm done with all that.
553
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,408
I know what being seven is like.
554
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,669
I think I'm ready
for stuff I don't know.
555
00:19:31,896 --> 00:19:34,897
Future stuff, like, maybe
one day I'll have an alcohol,
556
00:19:35,066 --> 00:19:38,009
or I'll listen to informative
podcasts on my commute.
557
00:19:38,118 --> 00:19:40,344
So, will you take me back
as your roomie?
558
00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:43,014
Even though I acted
like a snotty seven-year-old?
559
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:45,016
Sure. Rents are outrageous.
560
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:46,851
I've been driving
a pretend Uber at night
561
00:19:47,078 --> 00:19:48,077
just to pay the pretend bills.
562
00:19:48,095 --> 00:19:49,412
Plus, I love bunk beds.
563
00:19:49,580 --> 00:19:51,355
I don't know why
we didn't think of that before.
564
00:19:51,507 --> 00:19:53,357
Now we have more room
for that hot fudge sundae bar.
565
00:19:53,509 --> 00:19:55,601
Is there still space
for our rotating DJ booth?
566
00:19:55,753 --> 00:19:58,270
-'Cause that's a must-have.
-DJ booth bunk beds?
567
00:19:58,423 --> 00:20:02,116
DJ booth bunk beds!
We're so good at being adults!
568
00:20:03,277 --> 00:20:05,203
Oh, you've got a lot going on
back here.
569
00:20:05,430 --> 00:20:07,205
Yeah.
I got a reverse cowlick.
570
00:20:07,432 --> 00:20:08,522
Okay. It's, like, pulling
my hand in.
571
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,433
Sorry. I'm sure
Yvonne will know what to do
572
00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:12,025
-with that, right?
-Oh, sure, sure.
573
00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,212
Everyone's hair is the same
to Yvonne.
574
00:20:14,363 --> 00:20:17,289
-Everyone's a butterfly head
waiting to happen.
-Oh.
575
00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:19,884
This'll be here for when
you come out from under.
576
00:20:20,035 --> 00:20:21,702
(groans)
And you're lucky.
577
00:20:21,796 --> 00:20:23,870
We're not gonna be in
this location for much longer.
578
00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:25,798
Yeah. Our prices are too high
for this neighborhood.
579
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:28,784
-Oh, yeah?
-You've seen this neighborhood,
right?
580
00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:30,210
Um, yes, I have.
581
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,546
So make sure you take our card
when you leave.
582
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,398
'Cause what you want to do is
get with one stylist
583
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:37,460
who knows your hair
but also knows you as a person.
584
00:20:37,478 --> 00:20:40,813
And once you find that stylist,
you never want to give them up.
585
00:20:40,965 --> 00:20:43,132
Oh, my God.
I am so sorry.
586
00:20:43,225 --> 00:20:45,968
I just remembered
I have to be somewhere.
587
00:20:45,987 --> 00:20:47,636
(gulps)
588
00:20:47,697 --> 00:20:48,971
Bye! Sorry, bye.
589
00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:50,081
(entry bell jingles)
590
00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:53,233
Got room for a reverse cowlick?
591
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:54,310
Linda?
592
00:20:54,328 --> 00:20:56,236
LINDA:
(burps) Oh, that wine.
593
00:20:56,256 --> 00:21:00,240
♪ DJ Bunk Beds ♪
594
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:04,411
♪ DJ Bunk
Beds ♪
595
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,322
♪ Treats, bunk-bed-sleep
and beats ♪
596
00:21:06,415 --> 00:21:08,357
♪ Make a tasty, funky result ♪
597
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,935
♪ This is what it's like ♪
598
00:21:11,162 --> 00:21:13,104
♪ To be a responsible adult ♪
599
00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:14,939
-♪ Ooh ♪
-♪ Push up the faders ♪
600
00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:16,515
♪ Twist the knobs ♪
601
00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:18,501
♪ Pump up the beat,
pull the handle ♪
602
00:21:18,594 --> 00:21:20,594
♪ And bring that sweet, sweet
soft serve down ♪
603
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,505
♪ DJ Bunk
Beds ♪
604
00:21:22,523 --> 00:21:24,115
♪ DJ Bunk Beds ♪
605
00:21:24,342 --> 00:21:26,175
♪ DJ Bunk
Beds ♪
606
00:21:26,193 --> 00:21:27,601
♪ DJ Bunk Beds. ♪
607
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,695
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
608
00:21:29,847 --> 00:21:31,539
and TOYOTA.