1 00:00:02,653 --> 00:00:04,613 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,500 Okay. Thanks, Mr. Frond. 3 00:00:22,673 --> 00:00:24,981 I'm gonna be the most fun chaperone you ever worked with. 4 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:26,939 I'll be your one and chaperone-ly. 5 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,506 [laughs] Oh, he hung up. 6 00:00:28,679 --> 00:00:30,291 So you're in, Mom? 7 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,250 Yeah. Me and my teeny Tina are off to the Heroine Conference. 8 00:00:33,423 --> 00:00:34,555 Heroin Conference? 9 00:00:34,729 --> 00:00:35,905 What do you mean, like a jazz concert? 10 00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:37,472 That really isn't the best name. 11 00:00:37,646 --> 00:00:38,951 What would youcall 12 00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:40,518 a weekend-long empowerment gathering for girls 13 00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:42,432 with speeches from important female leaders? 14 00:00:42,606 --> 00:00:43,781 Sex and the City 3. 15 00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:45,088 Oh, I can't wait. 16 00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:46,655 We haven't had special Mama-Tina time 17 00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:48,177 since we got stuck in the elevator 18 00:00:48,351 --> 00:00:49,570 at your orthodontist's. 19 00:00:49,744 --> 00:00:51,963 Aw, we thought we were gonna die, remember? 20 00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:53,530 Yeah. 21 00:00:53,704 --> 00:00:55,271 And, uh, what are we gonna do while they're gone? 22 00:00:55,445 --> 00:00:57,840 Enjoy all that extra room without their boobs in the way? 23 00:00:58,014 --> 00:01:00,189 Mm... Maybe something easy that costs nothing? 24 00:01:00,363 --> 00:01:02,192 Tickle party?Eh. 25 00:01:02,365 --> 00:01:04,673 Armpit farts?Hmm, I'd... Yeah, I'd do that. 26 00:01:04,846 --> 00:01:06,718 [children chattering]FROND: Okay, listen up. 27 00:01:06,891 --> 00:01:09,156 Listen up. This is an overnight field trip. 28 00:01:09,329 --> 00:01:10,721 And you are teenagers. 29 00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:13,159 So we are not fooling around here.Nope. 30 00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:16,554 If you break the rules, you will be sent home. 31 00:01:16,728 --> 00:01:18,861 That's right.Notice this firm, commanding voice? 32 00:01:19,034 --> 00:01:20,296 It's my tough voice. 33 00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:22,343 And when ya hear it, ya better fear it. 34 00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,084 So let's hear it. Let's hear that tough voice. 35 00:01:24,257 --> 00:01:26,216 Come on.What? I just did it. That-that was it. 36 00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:28,174 That was... That was the tough...Oh. That was it. 37 00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:29,784 That was it right there.That was it. 38 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:31,091 Oh, my God, Tammy, 39 00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:32,831 I'm so glad we're rooming together. 40 00:01:33,004 --> 00:01:34,484 Me, too. We're gonna stay up late 41 00:01:34,658 --> 00:01:35,920 and pretend it's our apartment 42 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,966 and we're so tired of the dating scene. 43 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,837 Who are you rooming with, Tina? 44 00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:41,405 I'm rooming with a cool, older girl 45 00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,058 who happens to be married to my dad. 46 00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,191 The bus driver? 47 00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:45,278 No, my mom. 48 00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:46,758 Me! Up top.Here you go. 49 00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,020 [sarcastically]: Cool. 50 00:01:48,194 --> 00:01:49,718 Yeah.Very cool. 51 00:01:49,891 --> 00:01:51,545 All right, people, as many of you know, 52 00:01:51,719 --> 00:01:53,287 this year's Heroine Conference keynote 53 00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:56,377 is being delivered by none other than Bernadette Baker. 54 00:01:56,551 --> 00:01:58,204 Who's she?She's an astronaut 55 00:01:58,378 --> 00:02:00,381 who flew two missions to the International Space Station 56 00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:02,078 and is also a black belt in karate. 57 00:02:02,251 --> 00:02:04,733 We're reading her book in class.Ooh. 58 00:02:04,906 --> 00:02:06,516 She's so mad at the Moon. I love it. 59 00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:08,519 Linda, please.I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 60 00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,217 Here's something fun and mandatory: 61 00:02:10,390 --> 00:02:12,436 Write down one question for Ms. Baker. 62 00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:14,264 If the conference people pick your question, 63 00:02:14,437 --> 00:02:16,745 you'll get to ask it yourself during the Q&A. 64 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,399 Whoa. Did you hear that, Mom? 65 00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,096 Huh? What? No. 66 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,750 I-I'm a chaperone, I don't have to listen to him. 67 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:24,579 There's our guy. 68 00:02:24,752 --> 00:02:26,754 So... [sighs] no dames tonight. 69 00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:28,626 Just us boys. So what are we doing? 70 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,193 Yeah, wow us, Pops. 71 00:02:30,366 --> 00:02:31,628 Uh, we could watch a movie. 72 00:02:31,802 --> 00:02:33,064 Maybe, like, a guy movie? 73 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:34,588 Hmm. Like what? 74 00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:36,067 Magic Mike?Finally? 75 00:02:36,242 --> 00:02:37,373 Maybe. Maybe not. 76 00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:38,766 Maybe something else. 77 00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:40,420 Great. Let's close up this slop shop 78 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:41,596 and get to it. 79 00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:43,379 We're not closing early, Louise. 80 00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:45,468 Why not? The only person who comes in here is Teddy, 81 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,602 and you can just leave his burger on the sidewalk. 82 00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,734 Yeah, like Mom does.Wait, what? 83 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:50,865 She puts 'em on a plate. 84 00:02:51,039 --> 00:02:52,259 It's called class. 85 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:57,088 Wow. I've never seen 86 00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:59,091 so many girls my age in one place before. 87 00:02:59,265 --> 00:03:01,268 That's because we don't tell you where we hang out. 88 00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,617 [both laughing] 89 00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:05,575 It's notthe mall. 90 00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:06,925 Okay, do I have everyone's questions 91 00:03:07,098 --> 00:03:08,405 for the astronaut? 92 00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:10,754 Let's see. Tammy Larson asks, 93 00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,627 "How do you poop in space?" 94 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,105 It's a serious question. 95 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,933 How does anyone poop anywhere? 96 00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:17,762 Okay. "How do you pee in space?" 97 00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:19,634 "How do you poop in space?" Another pee. 98 00:03:19,807 --> 00:03:22,114 "How do aliens poop?" Okay, here we go. 99 00:03:22,288 --> 00:03:24,247 "Who inspired you to go to space?" 100 00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:26,162 A thoughtful question from Tina. 101 00:03:26,336 --> 00:03:27,859 Thanks, Mr. Frond.[exhales] 102 00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,165 Glad we didn't go with the poop question, huh?I know. 103 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,341 Mrs. Belcher, would you mind getting us checked in? 104 00:03:32,515 --> 00:03:34,649 Sure. Check me out, getting checked in. 105 00:03:34,823 --> 00:03:35,997 Nice, Mom. 106 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,522 What chapter are you on? 107 00:03:39,697 --> 00:03:41,307 Uh, the one before she goes to space 108 00:03:41,481 --> 00:03:42,787 but after she started karate. 109 00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:44,353 That's a good one. 110 00:03:44,527 --> 00:03:46,486 I'm Tina. But my friends call me Blaze. 111 00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,879 They don't. I don't know why I said that. 112 00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,098 [chuckles] I'm Dillon. 113 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,709 I hear that. 114 00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:54,495 Sorry. I don't know why I said that, either. 115 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:55,887 It's okay. 116 00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,020 [sighs]: I get this way on field trips. 117 00:03:58,194 --> 00:03:59,674 I get it. When I went to camp, 118 00:03:59,848 --> 00:04:02,329 I said my name was Dallas, and I was from Houston. 119 00:04:02,502 --> 00:04:03,938 I hear that. 120 00:04:04,112 --> 00:04:05,288 Hey, it kind of worked that time.Yeah. 121 00:04:05,461 --> 00:04:07,203 Okay, it looks like your block of rooms 122 00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,900 is good to go. 123 00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,814 Make sure to join us for the buffet breakfast 124 00:04:10,989 --> 00:04:12,687 by our beautiful water feature. 125 00:04:12,860 --> 00:04:15,123 LINDA: Ooh, water feature. 126 00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:16,821 Smells like chlorine. Nice! 127 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:19,997 Now, for your room, would you like one key or two? 128 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,218 Two. For me and my daughter slash BFF. 129 00:04:22,391 --> 00:04:24,524 We're roomies.That's so sweet. 130 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,483 Enjoy it while it lasts. 131 00:04:26,656 --> 00:04:28,050 Right? Wait, what? 132 00:04:28,223 --> 00:04:29,399 Hi, I'm Amy. 133 00:04:29,572 --> 00:04:30,879 I'm a chaperone this weekend. 134 00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:32,401 Hi. Me, too. Linda. 135 00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,534 What do you mean, "Enjoy it while it lasts"? 136 00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,319 Well, how old's your daughter? 137 00:04:36,492 --> 00:04:37,494 13. 138 00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:39,016 Oh. Yeah. 139 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,757 My daughter's 13, too. 140 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:43,064 When we started the year, she let me talk to her. 141 00:04:43,238 --> 00:04:44,370 And be seen with her. 142 00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:45,720 And chew food around her. 143 00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:47,374 You can't chew food around her? 144 00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,158 To be fair, I chew weird. 145 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:50,377 Ichew weird. 146 00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:51,682 Really weird. 147 00:04:51,855 --> 00:04:53,161 Aw, but Tina's Tina. 148 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,206 She's Mama's little girl. 149 00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:57,252 That's yourdaughter? She's talking to mydaughter. 150 00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:59,254 [gasps] They're coming over here. How do I look? 151 00:04:59,428 --> 00:05:00,865 Mom, can I...Mom, I want to... 152 00:05:01,038 --> 00:05:02,345 Wait, is that...?Oh, are you...? 153 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,564 This is your mom, too? Are we sisters? 154 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,262 This is fun. 155 00:05:06,435 --> 00:05:08,220 The chaperone-ettes find each other in a crowd. 156 00:05:08,394 --> 00:05:09,396 Hi, Dillon!No, thanks. 157 00:05:09,569 --> 00:05:11,136 Okay! [laughs nervously] 158 00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:13,355 Mom, Dillon and I were wondering if we could room together? 159 00:05:13,529 --> 00:05:16,053 What? Room together? What? 160 00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:17,577 I was gonna have a room to myself, 161 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:19,100 but this'll be more fun. 162 00:05:19,274 --> 00:05:20,798 Oh, then I could room with you, Linda. 163 00:05:20,971 --> 00:05:22,103 I was gonna drive home tonight 164 00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:23,540 and then drive back in the morning. 165 00:05:23,713 --> 00:05:25,062 It's just four hours away. 166 00:05:25,237 --> 00:05:27,630 Tina, what about our mommy-daughter weekend? 167 00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:29,153 Mom, please? 168 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,244 Uh, okay. Sure. But if you change your mind, 169 00:05:32,418 --> 00:05:33,463 I'll be right here in the...Yay! Thanks, Mom. 170 00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:35,944 Welcome to the Rejected Moms Club. 171 00:05:36,117 --> 00:05:37,988 It's probably a joke. Yeah, and... 172 00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,600 [elevator bell dings]Tina's gonna come back any second and say, 173 00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,165 "Not!" Or "Psyche!" 174 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,558 [elevator bell dings]See? 175 00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,865 ♪ There's my little girl.♪ 176 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,084 I accidentally pushed the "door open" button. Bye, Mom.[bell dings] 177 00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:48,435 Oh. 178 00:05:53,177 --> 00:05:55,266 So, two chaperones sharing a room. 179 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,659 Do you snore? 'Cause I snore. 180 00:05:56,834 --> 00:05:58,314 It would be fun if we both snored. 181 00:05:58,487 --> 00:05:59,663 I can't believe Tina ditched me 182 00:05:59,836 --> 00:06:01,317 for some girl she just met. 183 00:06:01,490 --> 00:06:04,146 Eh, they'll like us again by the time they're 30. 184 00:06:04,319 --> 00:06:05,800 Get a hobby. I scrapbook. 185 00:06:05,973 --> 00:06:07,802 That's Dillon's report card. 186 00:06:07,975 --> 00:06:10,194 That's a thing she dropped in the car. 187 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,283 Huh. Lot of pictures of her sleeping. 188 00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,461 Mm-hmm. It's almost as good 189 00:06:14,634 --> 00:06:17,115 as actually hanging out with Dillon and talking to her. 190 00:06:17,288 --> 00:06:19,639 Right. That's not completely sad. 191 00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,163 No, it is. 192 00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:23,557 Okay. Uh, I'm gonna go check on Tina. 193 00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:25,994 You sure you don't want to scrap it out with me? 194 00:06:26,168 --> 00:06:27,648 Aah...Little scrap sesh? 195 00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,127 No...I have scalloping shears. 196 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:31,521 Snip, snip.Uh... 197 00:06:31,694 --> 00:06:34,480 No. No, thanks. No snip, snip. 198 00:06:34,654 --> 00:06:36,221 BOB: Okay. 199 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,701 Guy movies. Uh, I've got a young Clint Eastwood.Nice. 200 00:06:38,875 --> 00:06:40,312 I've got middle-aged Charles Bronson.Yes. 201 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:42,314 And I've got old Michael Caine.Mm. 202 00:06:42,488 --> 00:06:43,663 And I've got Bachelor Party, 203 00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,230 which is probably not appropriate. 204 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:47,319 Tom Hanks in the '80s? Please and Hank you. 205 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,843 Well, at least that's got "party" in the title. 206 00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:52,367 What even happens at a bachelor party, anyway? 207 00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:53,803 Like, what happened at yours, Dad? 208 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,326 Uh, I'm not sure I had one. 209 00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:56,545 That good, huh? 210 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,199 Oh, my God. This is perfect. 211 00:06:58,374 --> 00:07:00,288 Wait. What's perfect?Don't you see? 212 00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:01,682 This is the Momless, 213 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,684 Tina-free fun we've been looking for. 214 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:05,250 Dad, we're gonna give you 215 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,557 the bachelor party you never had. 216 00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:09,341 A dad-chelor party. 217 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:11,560 Guys, no. I don't want a bachelor party. 218 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,345 I don't need one at all.BOTH: Dad-chelor party! 219 00:07:13,519 --> 00:07:14,651 One last night of fun 220 00:07:14,824 --> 00:07:17,437 before you marry that old bag Linda. 221 00:07:18,175 --> 00:07:19,134 Hi, Mom. 222 00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:20,221 Uh, what's up? 223 00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:22,353 Just checking in. 224 00:07:22,528 --> 00:07:23,747 Oh, wh...Yeah, whatcha doing? 225 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:24,747 What's this? 226 00:07:24,922 --> 00:07:25,879 Reading tarot cards. 227 00:07:26,053 --> 00:07:27,185 Which I havedone before. 228 00:07:27,358 --> 00:07:28,360 As you well know. 229 00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:30,362 Ooh, tarot cards, freaky. 230 00:07:30,536 --> 00:07:31,886 Come on, deal me in. What's wild? 231 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:33,540 Uh, Mom, it doesn't work that way. 232 00:07:33,713 --> 00:07:35,062 Good chaperoning, though. 233 00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:36,543 I think we're all set here. Good night. 234 00:07:36,716 --> 00:07:38,588 Oh, I get what's going on. 235 00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:40,372 You think the mean, pretty chaperone 236 00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,418 came to crack down on your fun. 237 00:07:42,591 --> 00:07:44,768 Well, I left my chaperone hat in my room. 238 00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,856 My room key, too. I forgot my room key. 239 00:07:47,031 --> 00:07:48,293 Ha. Good one, Linda.Ha. Well, sounds like 240 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,512 you got a lot going on, so... 241 00:07:49,685 --> 00:07:51,034 Hey, I got an idea. 242 00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:52,906 How about we get out of this stuffy old room 243 00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:54,865 and do something really fun? 244 00:07:55,038 --> 00:07:57,564 But Mr. Frond said if we leave the room we'll get sent home. 245 00:07:57,737 --> 00:07:59,956 Aw, don't worry about Mr. No-Fun Frond. 246 00:08:00,130 --> 00:08:01,742 You're with me. 247 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,701 Wow, Tina. Your mom's... a lot. 248 00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,574 That's right, random new friend. 249 00:08:07,747 --> 00:08:08,966 Come on, let's do it! 250 00:08:09,139 --> 00:08:10,968 Fun, right? 251 00:08:11,141 --> 00:08:12,752 We're walking around. 252 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:15,103 Ooh, look, someone got room service. 253 00:08:15,276 --> 00:08:17,670 Mom, this was nice but I think Dillon and I should go back now. 254 00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:20,369 Why? We haven't even gotten to the fun part yet. 255 00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,283 What isthe fun part? 256 00:08:22,457 --> 00:08:25,112 The fun part, Dillon, is we're gonna... 257 00:08:25,286 --> 00:08:27,637 take the fries and spell out "hello." 258 00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,596 In fries! Ha! Great prank. 259 00:08:29,769 --> 00:08:31,988 And that's a prank because...? 260 00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,817 Well, if you don't get it, you don't get it. 261 00:08:33,990 --> 00:08:35,905 LOUISE: Another round of shots, gentlemen? 262 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,472 Ugh. I think I've had all the apple juice 263 00:08:37,647 --> 00:08:38,648 I can stomach, Louise. 264 00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:39,996 That's a yes. Gene? 265 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:42,433 Yeah! Speeches! Speeches! 266 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,827 Let me tell you something about this son of a bitch. 267 00:08:45,001 --> 00:08:46,134 Gene's cut off. No speech. 268 00:08:46,307 --> 00:08:47,264 Oh, boo. 269 00:08:47,438 --> 00:08:48,265 Having a good time, Dad? 270 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,789 Oh, yeah. 271 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,225 Should we call it a night?[doorbell rings] 272 00:08:51,399 --> 00:08:53,140 I'll get it!Oh, no. Who's at the door? 273 00:08:53,315 --> 00:08:56,665 Maybe somebody ordered a sexy surprise? 274 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,320 [door opens]TEDDY: Bachelor party! 275 00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,104 You invited Teddy?We kept it small. 276 00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:01,671 What, do you want to go wide with this list? 277 00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:02,932 Make room on the couch, Bob. 278 00:09:03,106 --> 00:09:04,456 Make room. 279 00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:06,414 Uh...Louise, pour me one. 280 00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:07,634 Hit me.Bam. Here's one. 281 00:09:07,807 --> 00:09:08,851 Give me another one. 282 00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:10,636 I got to catch up. [gulps] 283 00:09:12,028 --> 00:09:13,291 There it goes. 284 00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:15,032 Soda in the elevator. 285 00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:16,424 Yup. There it goes. 286 00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:17,600 Perfect prank. 287 00:09:17,774 --> 00:09:19,820 [yawning]: Oh, yawn. 288 00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:21,125 Dillon, are you yawning? 289 00:09:21,298 --> 00:09:22,344 I think we're both yawning. 290 00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:23,692 [yawning]: Oh, yeah. 291 00:09:23,866 --> 00:09:25,302 Maybe we should both go to bed. 292 00:09:25,476 --> 00:09:26,913 Bed? What? 293 00:09:27,087 --> 00:09:29,220 But the most fun part hasn't happened yet. 294 00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,961 We're gonna, uh... Huh. 295 00:09:31,134 --> 00:09:32,222 Mom? What are you doing? 296 00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:34,529 I don't know, what amI doing? 297 00:09:34,703 --> 00:09:36,313 Just popping the top off this little bottle of shampoo, 298 00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:38,447 and, uh... [grunts] 299 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:39,534 TINA: Mom, no! Whoa. 300 00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:40,884 It's fun! You do it. 301 00:09:41,057 --> 00:09:43,017 I don't... really want to. 302 00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,495 What about you, Dillon? Huh? 303 00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,368 Better than tarot cards, right? 304 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:49,240 Uh, I don't know if you can really compare the two? 305 00:09:49,413 --> 00:09:51,503 Aw, party sham-poopers. 306 00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:53,027 It's starting to foam. 307 00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:54,375 Come on, get in on this. 308 00:09:54,549 --> 00:09:56,072 HOTEL MANAGER: Our water feature! 309 00:09:56,246 --> 00:09:59,076 Is someone throwing shampoo into our water feature? No! 310 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,250 Okay. Uh, uh, okay. All right. 311 00:10:00,424 --> 00:10:01,208 Let's go. Let's go. Just go. 312 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,644 Oh, Mr. Frond! 313 00:10:02,818 --> 00:10:04,168 Linda. Oh, no. 314 00:10:04,341 --> 00:10:06,953 Yeah. As in, "Oh, no, you didn't." 315 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,173 Eh, at least he didn't do his tough voice. 316 00:10:09,346 --> 00:10:10,347 That was my tough voice. 317 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:11,480 Yeah, no, yeah. 318 00:10:11,653 --> 00:10:12,873 [dance music playing] 319 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,308 Eh, ah, ooh, ah. 320 00:10:14,482 --> 00:10:16,745 Gene, seriously, no more apple juice for you. 321 00:10:16,919 --> 00:10:18,399 I can't believe you're gettin' married, Bobby! 322 00:10:18,573 --> 00:10:19,706 [crying][phone ringing] 323 00:10:19,879 --> 00:10:21,403 Teddy, maybe take it down a notch. 324 00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:23,840 Hello? Sorry, I, uh, I can't hear you. 325 00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,363 Guys, turn the music down! 326 00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:26,842 I heard, "Turn it up"?[volume increases] 327 00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:29,236 Bob?Linda? Is everything okay? 328 00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:30,803 I need you to come here. 329 00:10:30,977 --> 00:10:33,327 What? You're two hours away. What's going on? 330 00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:36,461 Uh, there's been some trouble, and someone's getting sent home. 331 00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:38,072 [sighs] Sorry, I can't hear you. 332 00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:39,551 Guys, volume. 333 00:10:39,725 --> 00:10:41,075 Pressing bass boost. 334 00:10:41,249 --> 00:10:42,510 Tina's being sent home? 335 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:43,947 Uh, someone else. 336 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,731 Guys, please! Sorry, Lin, 337 00:10:45,905 --> 00:10:47,515 we're having a bachelor party. 338 00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:48,908 He's getting cold feet, Mom. 339 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,779 This phone call's not helping. 340 00:10:50,953 --> 00:10:52,433 I said...Aah! [music stops] 341 00:10:52,607 --> 00:10:54,827 I got in trouble and I'm getting sent home! 342 00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:56,611 Oh, my God.I dance-kicked the stereo. 343 00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,440 Oh you're on the phone. Sorry, Bob. 344 00:11:02,443 --> 00:11:05,099 [sighs] Thanks for waiting for your dad with me, Tina. 345 00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,404 Ha. It's not the silent treatment, 346 00:11:07,578 --> 00:11:08,841 if that's what you're thinking. 347 00:11:09,015 --> 00:11:10,799 She's probably just trying to come up 348 00:11:10,974 --> 00:11:13,106 with the perfect little joke to lighten up the mood. 349 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:14,586 Sometimes it takes her hours. 350 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,980 Hi, everyone. This is... awkward. 351 00:11:17,153 --> 00:11:18,328 You think? 352 00:11:18,503 --> 00:11:20,201 GENE: I don't know, I'm liking the vibe. 353 00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,768 Now that your ride is here, I'm going to get some rest. 354 00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,595 I suggest you do the same, Tina. 355 00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:25,596 You're gonna be talking to Bernadette Baker tomorrow. 356 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,817 What? Tina, they picked your question? 357 00:11:27,990 --> 00:11:29,166 Why didn't you tell me? 358 00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,645 I wanted to, Mom, but you were too busy 359 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,168 embarrassing me and being crazy! 360 00:11:32,342 --> 00:11:33,692 [laughs nervously] 361 00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:35,912 I'm not sure that lightened the mood. 362 00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,566 Linda, what did you do, exactly? 363 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,567 Nothing. It was nothing. 364 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,221 It wasn't nothing. 365 00:11:41,395 --> 00:11:42,831 We have a beautiful water feature in our courtyard 366 00:11:43,005 --> 00:11:45,616 and your wife threw shampoo bottles into it. 367 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,357 The courtyard is covered in lather. 368 00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:50,187 I guess we're calling anything a courtyard these days, huh? 369 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:51,318 Please remove your wife. 370 00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:52,754 She is no longer welcome here 371 00:11:52,928 --> 00:11:54,538 at the Brewster Courtyard Gardens Hotel. 372 00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,149 But your motto is "You're always welcome 373 00:11:56,323 --> 00:11:58,629 at the Brewster Courtyard Gardens Hotel." 374 00:11:58,804 --> 00:11:59,761 Not you! Not anymore. 375 00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:00,807 Mom? 376 00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:01,981 Yes, sweetie? 377 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,200 You should just go. 378 00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:04,375 You really embarrassed me tonight. 379 00:12:04,548 --> 00:12:06,159 Tina, no.I'm going to bed. 380 00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:07,639 I can't remember which room I'm in, 381 00:12:07,813 --> 00:12:10,206 but I'm sure I'll recognize the door. 382 00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:12,687 She's gonna be wandering around up there all night. 383 00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:15,211 LOUISE: Yep. She belongs to the hotel now. 384 00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:18,215 Embarrassed her? I embarrassed her? 385 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:20,390 Dad, we're not driving all the way back tonight, are we? 386 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,001 I mean, [scoffs] it's after midnight. 387 00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,567 Well, it's not like we can stay here. 388 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,570 Your mom is banned. A lot. 389 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,485 Hello? There's a motel right across the street. 390 00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:30,400 Ugh.Yes! 391 00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,794 Every good dad-chelor party ends at a motel just like that. 392 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:35,231 Well, I am really tired. 393 00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:37,321 There's the party animal. 394 00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:38,845 [light crackling] 395 00:12:39,019 --> 00:12:41,063 [sighs] 396 00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,719 It's not like Tina to blow me off like that. 397 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,198 She didn't mean anything by it. 398 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:46,548 I mean, she definitely meant it. 399 00:12:46,721 --> 00:12:48,375 But she won't tomorrow. As much. 400 00:12:48,549 --> 00:12:49,506 I mean, let's sleep. 401 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:50,682 We should just sleep. 402 00:12:50,856 --> 00:12:52,727 No way! Bachelor party rules: 403 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,686 you can pass out but you can't sleep. 404 00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:56,384 Fine, I'm passing out. 405 00:12:56,557 --> 00:12:58,690 Then I guess you're cool with your face being drawn on. 406 00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,169 Mm... if it's tasteful. 407 00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:02,172 Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.Oh, yeah. 408 00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:03,390 [snoring] 409 00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:05,567 [muttering fitfully] 410 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:09,918 LINDA: There she is. 411 00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:11,702 My teeny Tina. 412 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,356 [baby noises] 413 00:13:13,530 --> 00:13:15,359 Aw. 414 00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,753 Tina, wha... what's going on? 415 00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,320 You're embarrassing me, Mom! 416 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:20,495 What the...? 417 00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:22,235 [panting] 418 00:13:22,409 --> 00:13:24,716 Tina. Don't run away from Mommy. 419 00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:25,847 [grunting] 420 00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:27,067 [yells] 421 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,937 Hi, Linda! 422 00:13:29,111 --> 00:13:31,418 Want to borrow my scalloping shears? 423 00:13:31,592 --> 00:13:32,899 [echoing]: Shears, shears... 424 00:13:33,072 --> 00:13:35,552 No...! 425 00:13:35,726 --> 00:13:37,120 [gasps] Scalloping shears! 426 00:13:37,293 --> 00:13:39,427 [exhales] I'm losing Tina. 427 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,081 Mm... I want scallops. 428 00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:46,042 BOB: I got most of the pen off my face. 429 00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:47,477 Thanks, guys, for that. 430 00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:49,131 Wait'll you see what we wrote on your back. 431 00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:50,611 Lin, you coming? 432 00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:53,048 What if-- hear me out for a second... 433 00:13:53,222 --> 00:13:54,136 This is gonna be good. 434 00:13:54,311 --> 00:13:55,355 Mm-hmm. 435 00:13:55,529 --> 00:13:57,400 What if, instead of going home, 436 00:13:57,575 --> 00:14:00,230 we sneak into the hotel to see Tina ask her question 437 00:14:00,403 --> 00:14:01,666 to the lady astronaut? 438 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,754 Oh. Not as good as I thought it was gonna be. 439 00:14:03,929 --> 00:14:05,801 Linda, that's a really bad idea. 440 00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:08,586 We should probably give Tina some breathing room right now. 441 00:14:08,759 --> 00:14:10,066 I'm losing her, Bob. 442 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,546 I need to get into that conference. 443 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,677 But you're not allowed back in the hotel. 444 00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,072 Well... I could wear a disguise. 445 00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:18,030 A disguise? I'm back on board. 446 00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:20,120 See? That's why you're gonna marry this gal. 447 00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,730 You really want to do this? 448 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,123 I need to do this! 449 00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:26,517 Okay, red flags all over the place, 450 00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:29,259 but let's go get you a disguise. 451 00:14:29,432 --> 00:14:31,130 Let's see, we've got sunglasses, 452 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,131 but that's a little boring. 453 00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:33,654 How about a bandanna? 454 00:14:33,828 --> 00:14:35,657 They come in camouflage or pink camouflage. 455 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:36,658 Pink camouflage. 456 00:14:36,831 --> 00:14:38,094 Mother, good choice. 457 00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:40,356 Great choice. May I make a suggestion? 458 00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:42,969 This T-shirt makes it look like you're wearing a bikini. 459 00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:44,274 That's pretty good. 460 00:14:44,447 --> 00:14:46,232 It's perfect.We'll take two. 461 00:14:48,625 --> 00:14:49,932 How do I look? 462 00:14:50,105 --> 00:14:51,629 Like someone who swallows cigarettes 463 00:14:51,802 --> 00:14:53,153 for free drinks at bars. 464 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,631 BOB: All right. 465 00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:57,157 It says Bernadette Baker goes on in 15 minutes. 466 00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:59,506 An astronaut and a karate expert? 467 00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:00,595 Pick a lane. 468 00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:01,856 [gasps] 469 00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,119 LINDA: That's her. 470 00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,120 What? 471 00:15:04,293 --> 00:15:05,860 Uh, I got to pee. 472 00:15:06,034 --> 00:15:09,168 Uh, you guys find seats, and I'll be right back. 473 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,605 Huh. 474 00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:13,825 [clears throat] Oh, Louise. 475 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,174 What are you up to, Mom? 476 00:15:15,349 --> 00:15:17,394 [laughs nervously]: What? Nothing. 477 00:15:17,567 --> 00:15:19,527 Okay, fine, I'll tell you, but don't tell your father. 478 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:22,225 I can't get through to Tina, but you know what can? 479 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:23,835 Some strong heroine. 480 00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:25,533 Now you go to the seats and cover for me. 481 00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:26,837 Mama's going backstage. 482 00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:28,448 Wait, wait, Mom. What? 483 00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:30,102 Price tag. You would have looked ridiculous. 484 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,326 Uh-oh. 485 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,153 Bernadette Baker's keynote is in ten minutes. 486 00:15:38,327 --> 00:15:40,155 Tina, since you're asking a question 487 00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:41,548 you should sit by the aisle. 488 00:15:41,722 --> 00:15:43,681 Okay. Uh, can I sit with my friend Dillon? 489 00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:44,855 She's from another school. 490 00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:46,075 She's from another school. 491 00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:48,599 Yeah, we get it. You made a friend. 492 00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,557 FROND: Yeah, Tina, we get it. 493 00:15:50,731 --> 00:15:52,211 [gasps] Good morning. 494 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,386 [in deep voice]: Hey. 495 00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:54,865 How are you enjoying your stay? 496 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,173 Oh, fine, fine. Great fountain. 497 00:15:57,346 --> 00:15:58,392 Thank you. 498 00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:01,221 Zero gravity. Zero fear. 499 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:02,308 Bernadette, 500 00:16:02,482 --> 00:16:03,745 you are cleared for takeoff. 501 00:16:03,918 --> 00:16:04,832 Excuse me. [shouts] 502 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,269 [grunting] 503 00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:07,792 [muffled]: Are you Bernadette Baker? 504 00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,793 Ooh, sorry, you're just a lady. 505 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,883 I thought you were my sensei testing me. 506 00:16:12,057 --> 00:16:13,581 He wears that bandanna as well. 507 00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:16,888 Where's your mom?You know Mom. 508 00:16:17,062 --> 00:16:18,280 She loves her hotel bathrooms. 509 00:16:18,455 --> 00:16:20,240 And they fear her. 510 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:21,980 I still can't believe your mom. 511 00:16:22,154 --> 00:16:25,071 Those were some crazy, smother-mother moves last night. 512 00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,942 Yeah. As Bernadette would say, "Give me some space." 513 00:16:28,116 --> 00:16:30,423 Ugh, my mom's trying to invade my eye space. 514 00:16:30,597 --> 00:16:32,251 Uh?Uh-uh. 515 00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:34,297 Uh? Uh? No, not happening. 516 00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:36,429 So, that's not a bikini? 517 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:37,778 No. I'm in a disguise. 518 00:16:37,952 --> 00:16:39,606 Okay. My real identity? 519 00:16:39,780 --> 00:16:42,261 Well, let's just say I'm a mother with a daughter. 520 00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,133 You're a mother, right?I am not a mother. 521 00:16:44,307 --> 00:16:45,787 I thought it said you were a mother in your book. 522 00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:46,875 It did not say that. 523 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,224 I did not read it. 524 00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:50,966 I think I-I have to go on now. 525 00:16:51,139 --> 00:16:52,967 Wait, wait. Listen, Bernadette. Mm? 526 00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,623 At the end of your speech, my daughter is gonna ask 527 00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:57,277 who inspired you to go to space, 528 00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:59,801 and I need you to say, "My mother." 529 00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,846 I'm sorry, you want me to do what? 530 00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:03,934 My daughter doesn't understand the importance 531 00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:05,807 of a mommy-daughter relationship. 532 00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:07,503 She thinks I'm embarrassing. 533 00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:08,766 [sarcastically]: That's crazy. 534 00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:10,246 Why would she think that? 535 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:12,988 I know. Listen, you can set her straight. 536 00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:14,945 Ms. Baker? They're ready for you. 537 00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,296 I have to go now, 538 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:17,601 and I want to go. 539 00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:19,298 Hey, look at me. Hmm? 540 00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,344 I like you, too.Sure. 541 00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:23,477 It's my pleasure to introduce 542 00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:26,000 this year's Heroine Conference keynote speaker, 543 00:17:26,174 --> 00:17:28,307 a woman who is truly out of this world, 544 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,787 Bernadette Baker. 545 00:17:29,961 --> 00:17:31,310 [scattered applause]Uh, thank you. 546 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,835 Thank you so much for being here today. 547 00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:36,445 And thank you to myself, which is also important. 548 00:17:36,619 --> 00:17:38,535 So, in conclusion, 549 00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:42,844 outer space, determination and karate. 550 00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:44,672 Thank you. Thank you. 551 00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:45,715 [shouts] 552 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,761 Wow, I am inspired. 553 00:17:47,935 --> 00:17:48,762 Are you inspired? 554 00:17:48,936 --> 00:17:49,807 Are you crying? 555 00:17:49,980 --> 00:17:50,852 Absolutely, yeah. 556 00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,288 Time for the Q&A. 557 00:17:52,461 --> 00:17:53,768 If your question was picked, 558 00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,682 please line up behind one of the microphones. 559 00:17:55,856 --> 00:17:56,944 Okay. Here it comes. 560 00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:57,989 What? Nothing, nothing. 561 00:17:58,163 --> 00:17:59,338 Okay. 562 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,731 If you were going to space again 563 00:18:01,905 --> 00:18:04,996 and you could only bring one CD, what would it be? 564 00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,738 Dave Matthews Band, Live At Red Rocks.Great question. 565 00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:11,699 No one's from Mars, no one's from Venus, end of discussion. 566 00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:15,659 The crotch, the throat and the eyes, in that order. 567 00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:16,834 Practice at home. 568 00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:18,183 Next question. Go ahead. 569 00:18:18,357 --> 00:18:20,621 Hi. I'm Tina. I'm 13 years old. 570 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:23,492 And I'd like to know, who inspired you to go to space? 571 00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:25,059 Oh. Hmm. 572 00:18:25,233 --> 00:18:26,800 Come on, astronaut lady. 573 00:18:26,974 --> 00:18:27,845 Lin, shh. 574 00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:28,890 You shush. Sorry. 575 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,066 The person who inspired me 576 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,634 to go to space was... 577 00:18:33,807 --> 00:18:35,156 Say it. Say it. 578 00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:37,159 ...my seventh-grade chemistry teacher. 579 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,727 What?! No, no. 580 00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:40,857 Linda, what are you doing? 581 00:18:41,031 --> 00:18:42,208 Uh, yes, go ahead? 582 00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,339 [grunting]Why do you go to space? 583 00:18:44,513 --> 00:18:45,863 Everything's here. 584 00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:46,994 This question again. 585 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:47,909 Okay, well, let me first say... 586 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:48,997 [microphone feedback] 587 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,041 Uh, excuse me, Bernadette. 588 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:53,609 Um, back to that last girl's question: 589 00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:55,873 are you sure you answered that one correctly? 590 00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:57,266 Mom?! 591 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,442 Is there someone else who inspired you? 592 00:18:59,615 --> 00:19:01,443 Someone in your family, maybe? 593 00:19:01,617 --> 00:19:05,056 Um, I don't think that this is, uh, the time... 594 00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:06,928 Uh-huh, uh-huh, like, um, um, 595 00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:09,757 what's it called when you're not the daddy but you're the...? 596 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,627 TINA: I have a follow-up to the follow-up. 597 00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:13,891 What happens if your mom acts crazy and wears a disguise 598 00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,414 to sneak into a thing, even though you told her 599 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,416 she couldn't come? Oh, God. 600 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,809 Um, um, what if the mom only did that because 601 00:19:19,983 --> 00:19:22,596 her daughter has been blowing her off all weekend? 602 00:19:22,769 --> 00:19:24,467 What if she wasn't blowing anyone off, 603 00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:26,382 she just wanted to hang out with her new friend her own age?! 604 00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:27,949 Huh, Bernadette?! 605 00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:29,471 Uh... LINDA: A mom can be a friend, 606 00:19:29,645 --> 00:19:30,733 right, Bernadette? 607 00:19:30,907 --> 00:19:32,171 TINA: Would a friend embarrass you, 608 00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:33,737 and pour shampoo in a fountain, Bernadette? 609 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,434 Pouring shampoo in a fountain 610 00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,611 is not embarrassing, it's really cool. 611 00:19:37,785 --> 00:19:39,787 All right, I'm beginning to suspect that 612 00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,267 that is Linda Belcher. 613 00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:43,269 And you, Linda, are not welcome here. 614 00:19:43,442 --> 00:19:45,923 Shush, Frond. I got one more question. 615 00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:49,275 What if the mom only did that stuff 'cause she was afraid? 616 00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:50,450 'Cause she thought her daughter was 617 00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:52,191 turning into a different person, 618 00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:54,627 someone who thinks it's weird to be close to her mom. 619 00:19:54,801 --> 00:19:57,934 Okay, that's a damn good disguise, but the jig is up. 620 00:19:58,108 --> 00:19:59,501 Come with me.TINA: Mom... 621 00:19:59,675 --> 00:20:00,807 I don't think it's weird to be close to you. 622 00:20:00,981 --> 00:20:02,722 You did embarrass me last night, 623 00:20:02,896 --> 00:20:07,030 and a lot right now, and I'm sure a lot more in the future, 624 00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:10,209 but I'm lucky I have a mom I'm close to, 625 00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:11,775 and I don't ever want that to change. 626 00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:14,125 Aw. My teeny Tina. 627 00:20:14,299 --> 00:20:15,213 Excuse me. Excuse me. 628 00:20:15,387 --> 00:20:16,998 Excuse me. Excuse me. 629 00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:19,218 Sorry. Let me get through.Pardon me. Sorry. 630 00:20:22,176 --> 00:20:24,788 Was that meant for me? That was meant for me! 631 00:20:24,961 --> 00:20:26,355 Too much, Mom. Too much. 632 00:20:26,528 --> 00:20:28,662 [grunts] Can't stop now. 633 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:31,011 This was a horrible idea. 634 00:20:31,185 --> 00:20:32,665 Excuse me. Come on. Time to go. 635 00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:34,624 Okay, okay. I'm hugging my daughter. 636 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:35,756 Should I go with you, Mom? 637 00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:37,497 No. Stay. Stay. 638 00:20:37,671 --> 00:20:38,846 Have fun with Dillon. 639 00:20:39,019 --> 00:20:41,544 Okay. Thanks. But could you, 640 00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,153 um, let go of my wrist. 641 00:20:43,328 --> 00:20:44,373 Oh, yeah, sorry, sorry. Yeah. 642 00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:45,505 Sorry, Bernadette. 643 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:46,983 I-I guess I got to leave, 644 00:20:47,157 --> 00:20:48,769 but I just wanted to say thank you. 645 00:20:48,942 --> 00:20:51,728 It was a great story, and you're a real inspiration. 646 00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,295 Best bachelor party ever! 647 00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:54,513 I-I-It's my bachelor party. 648 00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:55,992 Bob, we got to go! 649 00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:58,169 Uh, that-that's my wi... I, uh... fiancée. 650 00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:00,824 GENE: Let's get these two crazy kids to the altar! 651 00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,652 ♪ Dad-chelor party♪ 652 00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:04,349 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh♪ 653 00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:08,179 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh♪ 654 00:21:08,354 --> 00:21:09,920 ♪ Dad-chelor party♪ 655 00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:11,704 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh♪ 656 00:21:11,878 --> 00:21:15,230 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh♪ 657 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,887 ♪ He's a dad♪ 658 00:21:21,061 --> 00:21:22,715 ♪ Dad-chelor♪ 659 00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,673 ♪ It's a dad-chelor party♪ 660 00:21:24,847 --> 00:21:26,546 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh♪♪ Dad-chelor♪ 661 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,896 ♪ He's a dad♪ 662 00:21:30,070 --> 00:21:32,115 ♪ Dad-chelor party♪ 663 00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:33,856 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.♪ 664 00:21:34,030 --> 00:21:35,903 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH