1
00:00:21,262 --> 00:00:23,263
All right!
My Bobby's going off to college.

2
00:00:23,298 --> 00:00:25,265
I'm not going off
to college, Lin.

3
00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,544
You don't have the grades!I'm-I'm just going

4
00:00:27,579 --> 00:00:29,062
to the college
to fill in for Pepe,

5
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,065
cooking at the fraternity
house for a week.

6
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:33,033
Aw, you're gonna have
so much fun.

7
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,965
Yeah, I don't really see what's
fun about being ordered around

8
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,863
by a bunch of frat boys.

9
00:00:36,898 --> 00:00:37,795
I can explain it.

10
00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,073
That's okay, Tina.

11
00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:40,177
All I know is
we need the cash.

12
00:00:40,212 --> 00:00:41,386
So I'm doing it.

13
00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:42,697
Well, you're gonna
miss me hosting

14
00:00:42,731 --> 00:00:44,768
one of Gretchen's
LadyGood parties.

15
00:00:44,802 --> 00:00:45,872
What are "lady goods"?

16
00:00:45,906 --> 00:00:46,976
I don't know.
Makeup?

17
00:00:47,012 --> 00:00:48,357
Tampons and
pony saddles?

18
00:00:48,393 --> 00:00:49,566
Breast organizers?

19
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:51,051
Okay, well, guess I'd better

20
00:00:51,085 --> 00:00:53,811
go feed Chad and Trip
and Chip and Skip

21
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,710
and all the other rich kids.

22
00:00:55,744 --> 00:00:57,402
You say that
like we're not rich.

23
00:00:57,435 --> 00:00:58,575
[bells jingle]Wait, Dad.

24
00:00:58,609 --> 00:00:59,817
Are we not rich?

25
00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:00,957
[knocking]

26
00:01:00,990 --> 00:01:02,475
Hi.

27
00:01:02,509 --> 00:01:04,926
I'm the cook.
I'm filling in for Pepe?

28
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,756
Uh, looks
like you guys got TP'd.

29
00:01:06,790 --> 00:01:08,412
Yeah, the Alpha House
likes to prank us.

30
00:01:08,447 --> 00:01:09,759
Joke's on them, though.

31
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:11,932
Free toilet paper for us!Oh, yeah.

32
00:01:11,968 --> 00:01:13,280
Tough to roll it
back up, though.

33
00:01:13,313 --> 00:01:14,281
I'm the Beta president.

34
00:01:14,314 --> 00:01:15,385
They call me Pud.

35
00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:17,835
Oh, okay, Pud. I'm Bob.

36
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:20,665
That's Hefty Jeff-- he's
the fraternity historian.

37
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,150
Oh, uh, that's a thing?

38
00:01:22,185 --> 00:01:24,774
Ask me anything
about the history of this frat.

39
00:01:24,807 --> 00:01:26,810
Uh, okay.
When was it founded?

40
00:01:26,844 --> 00:01:28,984
Crap. Ask me something else.

41
00:01:29,019 --> 00:01:30,296
I'm Turd.
Put her there.

42
00:01:30,331 --> 00:01:31,608
Hey, Turd.

43
00:01:31,643 --> 00:01:33,438
So Turd, Pud,
um, Hefty Jeff.

44
00:01:33,472 --> 00:01:34,783
This is, uh...

45
00:01:34,817 --> 00:01:37,131
a nice place you got here.Thank you.

46
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,960
I mean, the sofa is
upside down, but...

47
00:01:38,995 --> 00:01:39,960
That's for hiding.

48
00:01:39,996 --> 00:01:41,239
And forts!
Yeah.

49
00:01:41,272 --> 00:01:42,792
Okay. So, I'm guessing

50
00:01:42,825 --> 00:01:44,173
this isn't
the top fraternity on campus.

51
00:01:44,206 --> 00:01:45,484
Oh, no.

52
00:01:45,519 --> 00:01:48,108
Our motto is
"If you rushed us,

53
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:49,316
you'd be pledged by now."

54
00:01:49,349 --> 00:01:50,524
Hey, worked on me.

55
00:01:50,557 --> 00:01:51,628
We haze with hugs.

56
00:01:51,662 --> 00:01:52,664
Some good huggers
in this group.

57
00:01:52,698 --> 00:01:54,354
Girls never come here.

58
00:01:54,390 --> 00:01:56,598
GRETCHEN:
How we doing, ladies?

59
00:01:56,633 --> 00:01:58,325
Let's give it up for Linda
for hosting

60
00:01:58,359 --> 00:02:00,120
tonight's LadyGoods party!

61
00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:02,950
[cheering][chuckles]
Stop it.

62
00:02:02,983 --> 00:02:06,781
Now that everyone's hammered,
let's look at the product line.

63
00:02:06,816 --> 00:02:08,713
Do you think it's appropriate
to have the children here?

64
00:02:08,748 --> 00:02:10,060
Why wouldn't it
be appropriate?

65
00:02:10,094 --> 00:02:12,132
Our money's as green
as yours, toots!

66
00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:15,342
Our first LadyGood
is called the Joie de Vibe,

67
00:02:15,376 --> 00:02:18,138
which we all know
is French for "fun."

68
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:20,485
[imitates vibrating][chuckles nervously]

69
00:02:20,519 --> 00:02:23,003
Ha, ho! I don't know
what that thing is,

70
00:02:23,038 --> 00:02:25,074
but the look on Mom's face
is hilarious!

71
00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:26,318
I'll buy it!

72
00:02:26,353 --> 00:02:28,319
Okay, kids. Come on.
Go to your room now.

73
00:02:28,354 --> 00:02:30,322
Yeah, go
to your room, guys.You, too, missy.

74
00:02:30,356 --> 00:02:31,806
What?
Come on. Out now.Oh, man!

75
00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:33,670
Grown-up stuff
is going on!
Ah...

76
00:02:33,704 --> 00:02:35,396
Okay.
I love it!GENE: I want a magic

77
00:02:35,430 --> 00:02:37,639
vibrating club just
like any other boy!

78
00:02:37,674 --> 00:02:39,641
LINDA:
Yeah. All right.LOUISE: Yeah!

79
00:02:39,675 --> 00:02:41,194
[sizzling]

80
00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,197
Bob, this burger
is superb.

81
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,061
What'd you put
in there? Spices?

82
00:02:45,094 --> 00:02:47,477
Uh, a few.You deserve a beer.

83
00:02:47,512 --> 00:02:49,376
Follow me
to the Fellowship Room.

84
00:02:49,409 --> 00:02:50,824
♪ Fellowship Room!

85
00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:52,240
BOTH:
Fellowship Room!

86
00:02:52,275 --> 00:02:55,243
So... fellowship basically
means drinking.

87
00:02:55,277 --> 00:02:56,692
And drinking
games.

88
00:02:56,728 --> 00:02:58,211
Like Beer Beer Goose.

89
00:02:58,247 --> 00:02:59,937
What's the "Slowhand
Crooner Corner"?

90
00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:01,008
HEFTY JEFF:
Oof,

91
00:03:01,042 --> 00:03:02,699
Slowhand.Yeah, seriously.

92
00:03:02,734 --> 00:03:05,943
Someone's got to tell him he
graduated a million years ago.

93
00:03:05,978 --> 00:03:07,945
Now, now, Hefty
Jeff, Turd.

94
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:10,361
Slowhand is a very
generous Beta alum.

95
00:03:10,396 --> 00:03:12,709
He buys us stuff like
that karaoke machine.

96
00:03:12,743 --> 00:03:13,951
Uh, and what's that?

97
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,126
Beta!
Beta!
Beta!

98
00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:17,783
That's Beta.Yeah, I got that.

99
00:03:17,818 --> 00:03:20,441
Beta was the house
iguana from '67 to '86.

100
00:03:20,475 --> 00:03:22,615
Only a true brother
may drink from him.

101
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:23,893
You drink from him?

102
00:03:23,926 --> 00:03:25,514
I ate Indian food
out of him once.

103
00:03:25,550 --> 00:03:27,240
You're not supposed to.[window slides open]

104
00:03:27,276 --> 00:03:29,242
We're out upstairs.

105
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,968
Oh, hey, Bob.
Did you drive here?

106
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,384
Uh, yeah. Why?

107
00:03:32,418 --> 00:03:34,454
Maybe it's time to
"go to the library."

108
00:03:34,490 --> 00:03:36,146
Tonight?
We're supposed to wait.

109
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:38,804
Bob can drive. And we're
the perfect level of drunk.

110
00:03:38,838 --> 00:03:41,807
To go to the library?Yeah. Could you give
us a ride to campus?

111
00:03:41,841 --> 00:03:43,775
I can't drive at night
'cause I don't have a car.

112
00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:45,051
Okay.

113
00:03:45,086 --> 00:03:46,812
Moving on, this one is called

114
00:03:46,847 --> 00:03:48,641
Here Comes the Sun.
It's solar-powered

115
00:03:48,675 --> 00:03:50,609
so you leave it on
your porch all day.

116
00:03:50,644 --> 00:03:53,750
Any takers? No?

117
00:03:53,784 --> 00:03:54,992
Okay.

118
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,477
Linda. Linda.What, what, what?

119
00:03:56,512 --> 00:03:58,409
[quietly]:
I'm dying here.
This crowd is all

120
00:03:58,444 --> 00:04:01,102
married, boring people who suck.
You got to help me.

121
00:04:01,137 --> 00:04:03,725
What? No. I can't sell
anything. I can't s...You'll be fine, you'll be fine.

122
00:04:03,759 --> 00:04:06,314
Linda swears by this thing,
don't you, Linda?

123
00:04:06,348 --> 00:04:09,558
You know, because of
your problems with your husband?

124
00:04:09,593 --> 00:04:11,629
Yeah! Uh, Bob's got
a condition

125
00:04:11,664 --> 00:04:13,632
that makes him,
uh, sex bad.

126
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:15,634
My husband's
got that.

127
00:04:15,669 --> 00:04:18,119
It's called being
married for 20 years.

128
00:04:18,153 --> 00:04:19,120
[laughter]

129
00:04:19,154 --> 00:04:21,502
Being married
for 20 years!

130
00:04:21,536 --> 00:04:23,124
She says being married!

131
00:04:23,158 --> 00:04:24,643
[chuckles]
Ah...

132
00:04:24,677 --> 00:04:27,266
I'll take the one with
the hand crank, for camping.

133
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,269
[laughter]Okay! Who wants more wine?

134
00:04:30,303 --> 00:04:32,754
So, where's the library?It's just up ahead.

135
00:04:32,788 --> 00:04:34,963
[moans]
I'm really nervous.

136
00:04:34,997 --> 00:04:37,793
The library must be different
than how I'm imagining it.

137
00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:39,624
PUD:
Stop here.

138
00:04:39,658 --> 00:04:41,798
Okay, uh, this isn't
the library. At all.

139
00:04:41,832 --> 00:04:43,351
Hey, would you mind
waiting here?

140
00:04:43,386 --> 00:04:44,697
And keep
the engine running.

141
00:04:44,731 --> 00:04:46,319
What are they doing
with that fish

142
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:48,045
and that air
conditioner?

143
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:50,048
Oh. They're putting the fish
in the air conditioner.

144
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,843
That's a good prank. Kind of.

145
00:04:51,877 --> 00:04:53,672
No, it's not.[others chattering quietly]

146
00:04:53,706 --> 00:04:55,778
HEFTY JEFF:
Yeah, we did it!

147
00:04:55,812 --> 00:04:58,504
[laughing, chattering][siren chirping]

148
00:04:58,538 --> 00:05:01,507
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Everybody, be cool!Oh, God. Oh, God.

149
00:05:01,541 --> 00:05:03,233
[hyperventilating]:
Oh, God. Oh, God.

150
00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:04,959
Oh, God.
Evening, sir.

151
00:05:04,994 --> 00:05:06,339
Evening, uh, Officer.

152
00:05:06,375 --> 00:05:08,548
I'm, uh, teaching a class
on, um...

153
00:05:08,584 --> 00:05:10,206
creative... driving.

154
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:11,689
Creative driving?Yeah,

155
00:05:11,725 --> 00:05:13,209
it's a special, um...

156
00:05:13,242 --> 00:05:14,797
[whispers]:
Elective.elective.

157
00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:16,798
Pass-fail.It's pass-fail, but that's...

158
00:05:16,832 --> 00:05:19,180
[chuckles]
unnecessary information.

159
00:05:19,214 --> 00:05:21,562
[quietly]:
You're an adjunct professor.I got it.

160
00:05:21,596 --> 00:05:23,839
All right. Have a good
class, Professor.

161
00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:26,255
Really?Go, go, go, go!

162
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,879
Bob, you're a hero.
You made the prank.

163
00:05:28,913 --> 00:05:30,156
You're a sick old man.

164
00:05:30,190 --> 00:05:31,468
Is that a good thing?Yes!

165
00:05:31,502 --> 00:05:33,884
Gentlemen, I think Bob
deserves a beer.

166
00:05:33,918 --> 00:05:35,749
Uh, you just gave me one,
so I'm good.

167
00:05:35,783 --> 00:05:37,060
I didn't finish.

168
00:05:37,095 --> 00:05:39,545
Bob deserves a beer...
out of Beta.

169
00:05:39,579 --> 00:05:41,824
[chanting]:
Beta, Beta, Beta!

170
00:05:41,858 --> 00:05:43,826
Wow, really?
Are-are you sure?

171
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:45,723
I mean, that's
disgusting, but...

172
00:05:45,759 --> 00:05:47,105
[chanting]:
Beta, Beta!

173
00:05:47,139 --> 00:05:48,831
Wow. Which end do I drink from?

174
00:05:48,865 --> 00:05:51,211
Dealer's choice.Uh, I guess I'll-I'll do mouth.

175
00:05:51,247 --> 00:05:53,213
You don't know what you're
missing from the butt, Bob.

176
00:05:53,249 --> 00:05:56,216
All right, I'll do butt.[cheering]

177
00:05:56,252 --> 00:05:58,944
Oh, my God. I just drank
from a lizard's butt!

178
00:05:58,978 --> 00:06:01,430
Reload!No, no, no. I'm good, guys.

179
00:06:01,463 --> 00:06:03,949
I'm good.
Well, maybe one more.

180
00:06:03,983 --> 00:06:07,401
♪ And every time I scratch my
nails down someone else's back ♪

181
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,540
♪ I hope you feel it

182
00:06:09,576 --> 00:06:12,060
♪ Do you feel it?!
[whoops]

183
00:06:12,095 --> 00:06:14,062
Betas![cheering]

184
00:06:14,096 --> 00:06:16,064
BOB:
Yeah, give me the lizard again!

185
00:06:16,098 --> 00:06:17,377
TURD:
I'll go get it!

186
00:06:20,932 --> 00:06:22,382
LINDA:
You're off
to the frat house already?

187
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:23,935
Yeah, the guys are playing
Beer Beer Goose,

188
00:06:23,968 --> 00:06:25,418
so I'm gonna
make lunch. You know,

189
00:06:25,454 --> 00:06:27,387
now I kind of regret
not going to college.

190
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,319
You regret not going
to college? Come on.

191
00:06:29,353 --> 00:06:31,459
It's not like you ended up
flipping burgers.

192
00:06:31,494 --> 00:06:32,908
Oh, wait...

193
00:06:32,944 --> 00:06:34,600
Why don't you take
the kids with you?

194
00:06:34,634 --> 00:06:37,257
A house full of boys?
I can't go. I have plans.

195
00:06:37,293 --> 00:06:38,776
Just kidding.
Let's go.

196
00:06:39,812 --> 00:06:41,124
Hey! There he is!

197
00:06:41,158 --> 00:06:44,057
Everybody, Bob's here![cheering]

198
00:06:44,093 --> 00:06:46,923
[chuckles]
Uh, hey, guys.
I brought my kids.

199
00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:50,409
This is great. I can't not
step on cold pizza.

200
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,894
Upside-down couch for hiding?And forts.

201
00:06:52,928 --> 00:06:54,723
This is the biggest
man-cave ever.

202
00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:56,139
And Tina's going spelunking.

203
00:06:56,173 --> 00:06:57,899
No, Tina. No.
PUD:
Hey, Bob.

204
00:06:57,933 --> 00:07:00,454
[quietly]:
Word of warning:
Slowhand's here.

205
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,317
Slowhand?
Oh, oh, the alum?

206
00:07:02,351 --> 00:07:03,595
Yeah, he's
in the bathroom.[toilet flushes]

207
00:07:03,629 --> 00:07:05,494
Shh, guys, I think he's coming.

208
00:07:05,528 --> 00:07:08,288
Comin' back from the bathroom
entrance music!

209
00:07:08,324 --> 00:07:10,601
[imitates hip-hop beat]

210
00:07:10,637 --> 00:07:12,776
Dr. Yap? I thought
I'd never see you again

211
00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:14,192
until my next
dental appointment.

212
00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:15,435
You're Slowhand?

213
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:16,781
Bob, what are
you doing here?

214
00:07:16,814 --> 00:07:18,298
I'm filling in
for the cook.

215
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,300
Oh, great, great.
Hi, kids.

216
00:07:20,336 --> 00:07:22,475
How are you doing?
Are you flossing, Beana?

217
00:07:22,511 --> 00:07:23,856
[chuckles]
Yap, yap, yap, yap.

218
00:07:23,891 --> 00:07:25,444
[chuckles]

219
00:07:25,478 --> 00:07:27,757
Hey, you signed up
for the Slowhand Memories Tour?

220
00:07:27,792 --> 00:07:29,586
Actually, I should get
into the kitchen.

221
00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:31,451
Leaving now!
Keep up!

222
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:33,762
...and that's where I had
my first French hug.

223
00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:35,488
That's where you
feel a girl's armpits.

224
00:07:35,524 --> 00:07:37,697
We done, Yap? We've hit
every room in the house.

225
00:07:37,733 --> 00:07:40,149
Not every room.
Behind this very door

226
00:07:40,182 --> 00:07:42,495
are Betas' greatest
treasures,

227
00:07:42,531 --> 00:07:44,360
our darkest mysteries

228
00:07:44,394 --> 00:07:45,981
and our washer-dryer.

229
00:07:46,016 --> 00:07:47,189
Pause for laughter.

230
00:07:47,225 --> 00:07:48,951
Only brothers may enter

231
00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:50,952
the Room of Secrets,

232
00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:52,332
[echoes]:
Secrets, Secrets, Secrets.

233
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:54,127
Shh.

234
00:07:54,163 --> 00:07:55,853
You kids want to
see inside, huh?

235
00:07:55,889 --> 00:07:58,235
Sure.No! What did I tell you?

236
00:07:58,269 --> 00:07:59,788
Brothers only.

237
00:07:59,824 --> 00:08:02,033
Okay, Yap, we get it.Moving on.

238
00:08:02,067 --> 00:08:04,413
Last stop.That was the last stop. You
said that was the last stop.

239
00:08:04,449 --> 00:08:06,244
DR. YAP:
Yap, yap, yap, yap. One more.
There's one more thing.

240
00:08:06,278 --> 00:08:09,004
Yeah, the best way to keep your
secrets hidden is to put 'em

241
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,904
in a room labeled
"Room Of Secrets."

242
00:08:11,939 --> 00:08:13,699
Damn it!

243
00:08:13,733 --> 00:08:16,805
And finally, the Beta House
Wall of Honor.

244
00:08:16,841 --> 00:08:19,428
Hey, wait a second. What's this?

245
00:08:19,463 --> 00:08:21,430
Whoa, Hefty Jeff,
you framed that already?

246
00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,917
I'm the house historian.His dad owns
a frame shop.

247
00:08:23,951 --> 00:08:25,677
Are you freaking kidding me?!

248
00:08:25,711 --> 00:08:26,747
Slowhand,
calm down.

249
00:08:26,781 --> 00:08:28,369
No, you calm down, Pud!

250
00:08:28,403 --> 00:08:30,579
You let a non-brother
drink out of Beta?!

251
00:08:30,612 --> 00:08:34,168
And he crooned in my
Crooner Corner? "B" to the "S"!

252
00:08:34,202 --> 00:08:37,274
It's okay. Bob helped us prank
the crap out of the Alphas.

253
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,898
You'll prank with these guys
but you won't prank with us?

254
00:08:39,932 --> 00:08:41,590
We put the dead fish
in their AC.

255
00:08:41,624 --> 00:08:43,245
What?! That was my prank!

256
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,076
Why wasn't I in on my prank?

257
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:46,559
You should have called me!

258
00:08:46,595 --> 00:08:48,457
I put my number in all
of your cell phones.

259
00:08:48,493 --> 00:08:51,115
Bob had a car, the fish
was starting to smell...

260
00:08:51,150 --> 00:08:52,393
I bought that fish!

261
00:08:52,427 --> 00:08:53,878
That's why when I have a fish

262
00:08:53,912 --> 00:08:55,879
I write my name on it
in permanent marker.

263
00:08:55,913 --> 00:08:58,433
Sorry, Yap.
I didn't know it was your fish.

264
00:08:58,467 --> 00:08:59,884
You're right, Slowhand,
we screwed up.

265
00:08:59,918 --> 00:09:01,575
If you want to take time off
from hanging out here,

266
00:09:01,610 --> 00:09:03,301
we would understand.

267
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,785
No, that won't be necessary.
The important thing is

268
00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:08,236
you guys finally sacked up
and pranked those Alphas.

269
00:09:08,270 --> 00:09:10,756
Yeah, Operation Bob-Fish
was a huge success.

270
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:12,690
Yap-Fish! It was a Yap-Fish!

271
00:09:12,724 --> 00:09:14,725
[whispering]:
History will say
it was a Bob-Fish.

272
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,556
I'm so proud of my dad.

273
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,798
GRETCHEN:
That stuff about Bob's problems

274
00:09:17,832 --> 00:09:19,075
in the bedroom

275
00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:21,283
was great. You are
a natural saleswoman.

276
00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:23,148
Thanks! Selling's easy.
You just tell lies

277
00:09:23,182 --> 00:09:24,770
about your husband
and you're all set.

278
00:09:24,804 --> 00:09:26,254
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Throw it all out.What?

279
00:09:26,288 --> 00:09:28,601
Different crowd. See
that woman crying over there?

280
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:30,639
LINDA: Yeah.GRETCHEN: The one with
too much eye shadow.

281
00:09:30,673 --> 00:09:33,054
Oh, it's awful.No, I know.
Anyway, she just got dumped.

282
00:09:33,088 --> 00:09:34,331
You tell me why.

283
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:35,884
Aw.Her friends threw her
this party.

284
00:09:35,919 --> 00:09:37,576
Right.
Think you got
an angle for her?

285
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:39,405
Maybe. Yes.
I don't know.

286
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:40,614
Good. Save it.
Okay.

287
00:09:40,649 --> 00:09:42,408
Let's go sell
some sex toys!

288
00:09:42,442 --> 00:09:44,584
[whoops]
Ow. Ow. What?And Linda? Here.

289
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,586
Your own
Pleasureologist coat.
[gasps]

290
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:49,071
Aw!
Welcome to the
Pleasureologist family.

291
00:09:49,105 --> 00:09:51,625
[sobs]Hey. Listen, sweetie.

292
00:09:51,659 --> 00:09:53,419
I just broke up, too.Huh?

293
00:09:53,453 --> 00:09:55,904
Yeah. I broke up with my
husb... my boyfriend.

294
00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:57,596
Oh, yeah?
Bob. Jerk.

295
00:09:57,630 --> 00:09:59,736
But guess what.
I found somebody better.

296
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:02,740
The Sneaky Pete! Oh, hi,
it's nice to meet you.

297
00:10:02,774 --> 00:10:04,293
[laughs]What's your name?

298
00:10:04,326 --> 00:10:06,501
I'm Susan.Susan, hi.

299
00:10:06,535 --> 00:10:07,503
Hi, Pete.

300
00:10:07,537 --> 00:10:08,607
I like you, Susan.

301
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,368
I got a crush on you.

302
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:12,335
I never felt
this way before.

303
00:10:12,370 --> 00:10:14,993
I want to go home with you
with your bedside drawer

304
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:17,340
and live there forever.[giggles]

305
00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:18,825
Oh, now she's smilin'.
[whoops]

306
00:10:18,859 --> 00:10:20,929
We got another one!Tell her about the holster.

307
00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:22,482
TINA:
Dad, what do you think
the frat boys

308
00:10:22,518 --> 00:10:24,624
keep in their
Room of Secrets?

309
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:27,626
I don't know, Tina,
but whatever it is,
it attracts ants.

310
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,767
Well, don't you worry.
Today we're getting in

311
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,113
or Gene dies trying.

312
00:10:31,147 --> 00:10:32,148
You got it!

313
00:10:32,182 --> 00:10:33,390
Guys, you heard Dr. Yap.

314
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,530
That room is off-limits
to non-brothers.

315
00:10:35,565 --> 00:10:37,533
You're not a brother.I'm basically
a brother.

316
00:10:37,567 --> 00:10:39,639
I'm more of a brother
than you are, Gene.

317
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,294
You've never even
touched the iguana!

318
00:10:41,330 --> 00:10:44,195
I drank from its ass!Are you okay, Dad?

319
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:47,370
[sighs]
I just... I like those guys.
And-and they like me.

320
00:10:47,404 --> 00:10:50,028
And it's not just
because we're always drunk.

321
00:10:50,062 --> 00:10:52,513
Oh, my God.

322
00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:54,342
TINA:
Dr. Yap!What happened here?

323
00:10:54,376 --> 00:10:56,068
The Alphas hit us, man!

324
00:10:56,102 --> 00:10:57,657
They got us, man!

325
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,381
Pretty hard, bro!

326
00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:01,591
This could be payback
for Operation Bob-Fish.

327
00:11:01,625 --> 00:11:02,869
Yap-Fish.

328
00:11:02,903 --> 00:11:05,318
And the worst thing is
they took...

329
00:11:05,354 --> 00:11:06,666
they took...

330
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,426
A long, hard look
at your lifestyle?

331
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:09,427
No!

332
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:10,773
They took Beta!

333
00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,707
[screams]
Beta!

334
00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:20,851
No!

335
00:11:20,886 --> 00:11:23,234
I want everyone to see
what the Alphas did to me.

336
00:11:23,268 --> 00:11:24,683
What happened,
Slowhand?

337
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,995
I just came by the house
with a new karaoke CD--

338
00:11:27,030 --> 00:11:28,239
Steady Rocking Booty Jams.

339
00:11:28,273 --> 00:11:29,688
Volume Two.

340
00:11:29,722 --> 00:11:32,552
Suddenly,
the Alpha president barged in

341
00:11:32,587 --> 00:11:34,245
with his foot soldiers.

342
00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:36,523
First they held me down
and shaved me,

343
00:11:36,557 --> 00:11:38,456
then they flung me over here,

344
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,423
and shoved me over there,

345
00:11:40,457 --> 00:11:42,183
and beat up my face!

346
00:11:42,217 --> 00:11:43,943
And then they took Beta!

347
00:11:43,979 --> 00:11:44,875
[gasps]

348
00:11:44,911 --> 00:11:46,774
Oh, and they left this.

349
00:11:46,808 --> 00:11:49,225
HEFTY JEFF:
No, no, no, no, no!

350
00:11:49,259 --> 00:11:51,054
Friggin' Alphas!

351
00:11:51,088 --> 00:11:52,297
They have no respect
for anything!

352
00:11:52,331 --> 00:11:53,850
I'm gonna go pee
out the window.

353
00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:55,230
You pee out the window?

354
00:11:55,265 --> 00:11:56,923
That settles it:
I'm going to college!

355
00:11:56,956 --> 00:11:57,957
Poor Beta.

356
00:11:57,993 --> 00:11:59,303
You drank out
of his butt.

357
00:11:59,338 --> 00:12:00,615
What are the
standards here?

358
00:12:00,649 --> 00:12:02,652
In my day, if the Alphas hit us,

359
00:12:02,687 --> 00:12:04,793
we hit 'em back twice as hard!

360
00:12:04,826 --> 00:12:07,450
Brothers, this is war.

361
00:12:07,485 --> 00:12:09,729
And if that means I need to move
back into the house

362
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,764
for the foreseeable future,
so be it.

363
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,422
And it does mean that.

364
00:12:13,456 --> 00:12:14,663
Oh...
okay.

365
00:12:14,698 --> 00:12:15,942
Get my room ready, Turd!I'm in.

366
00:12:15,975 --> 00:12:17,219
Not... I mean,
not to move in.

367
00:12:17,253 --> 00:12:18,979
But to help.We won't...

368
00:12:19,014 --> 00:12:20,325
probably won't
need you at all, Bob.

369
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,947
I'll do...
I'll do whatever.

370
00:12:21,981 --> 00:12:23,777
I'm in it for the
long haul, brothers!

371
00:12:23,812 --> 00:12:25,503
Yeah, we need Bob
now more than ever!

372
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:26,745
Yeah!
Bob's one of us!

373
00:12:26,779 --> 00:12:27,746
All right, it's...

374
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,299
All right, it's fine.

375
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,888
Thanks, Bob. You're in.Let's get 'em!

376
00:12:30,922 --> 00:12:33,062
Yeah!
Let's get 'em!
Yeah!

377
00:12:33,096 --> 00:12:34,408
LOUISE:
Yeah, go get 'em!

378
00:12:34,442 --> 00:12:35,650
Take your time,

379
00:12:35,684 --> 00:12:37,169
don't come back for a while!

380
00:12:37,203 --> 00:12:38,447
Betas!

381
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,691
Room of Secrets,
time to spill your guts!

382
00:12:41,725 --> 00:12:44,349
♪

383
00:12:44,384 --> 00:12:46,592
♪ Pranking, pranking, pranking

384
00:12:46,626 --> 00:12:48,975
♪ Pranking, pranking,
pranking ♪

385
00:12:49,009 --> 00:12:50,423
♪ Pranking, pranking, pranking ♪ Oh, no♪

386
00:12:50,459 --> 00:12:52,149
♪ Pranking, pranking,
pranking ♪

387
00:12:52,184 --> 00:12:54,600
♪ Pranking, pranking, pranking

388
00:12:54,634 --> 00:12:56,947
♪ Pranking, pranking, pranking ♪ Splat♪

389
00:12:56,982 --> 00:12:58,466
♪ Pranking, pranking,
pranking ♪

390
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,710
♪ Pranking, pranking, pranking ♪ No, Beta♪

391
00:13:00,745 --> 00:13:02,366
♪ Pranking, pranking,
pranking ♪

392
00:13:02,402 --> 00:13:04,162
♪ Prank, prank, prank,
prank, prank, prank ♪

393
00:13:04,197 --> 00:13:05,854
♪ In the hole♪

394
00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:07,716
♪ Prank, prank  [laughing]

395
00:13:07,751 --> 00:13:10,134
♪ Prank, prank, prank, prank ♪ Gotcha.♪

396
00:13:10,168 --> 00:13:12,792
PUD:
"Due to reports
of property damage,

397
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:17,658
"Beta Upsilon Pi fraternity
is hereby placed on probation.

398
00:13:17,692 --> 00:13:19,522
Signed, Dean Dixon."

399
00:13:19,557 --> 00:13:21,801
Stupid Dean Dixon!
I hate that guy!

400
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,111
Is it a guy?

401
00:13:23,147 --> 00:13:24,457
He's the dean.
He's nice.

402
00:13:24,493 --> 00:13:26,219
Well, probation or not,
this isn't over

403
00:13:26,253 --> 00:13:28,323
until we show the Alphas
they can't get away

404
00:13:28,359 --> 00:13:29,842
with disrespecting
our lizard.

405
00:13:29,878 --> 00:13:31,293
What about
Dean Dixon's letter?

406
00:13:31,326 --> 00:13:32,570
Shouldn't we
lay low?

407
00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:34,192
Turd's got a point.Thank you.

408
00:13:34,226 --> 00:13:36,125
I'm one semester away
from graduating.

409
00:13:36,159 --> 00:13:38,299
Oh, Pud, there are
no jobs out there.

410
00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:40,059
You know that, right?Listen to Bob.

411
00:13:40,095 --> 00:13:41,716
Even though
he's technically
not even a brother.

412
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,131
Well, if Bob's
on board...

413
00:13:43,167 --> 00:13:44,547
You know I'm
on board, T-bird.

414
00:13:44,581 --> 00:13:45,825
Yeah,
B-bow.

415
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:46,860
The B-T express!
[chuckles]

416
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,344
Choo choo!

417
00:13:48,379 --> 00:13:50,139
We're coming
to awesome town!
Okay, yeah...

418
00:13:50,173 --> 00:13:52,383
Just two passengers today,
Turd and Bob!
Brother...

419
00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:53,832
[imitates train whistle]

420
00:13:53,866 --> 00:13:56,904
Brothers, and not-really
brothers, I give you...

421
00:13:56,938 --> 00:13:58,871
Operation Spit Take.

422
00:13:58,907 --> 00:14:00,701
Wow.
Wow.

423
00:14:00,735 --> 00:14:04,049
If I can't get the secrets out,
I'm gonna put my secrets in.

424
00:14:04,083 --> 00:14:05,845
[quietly]:
I have a cat under my bed.

425
00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:09,019
I've had it for eight months.

426
00:14:09,054 --> 00:14:11,780
[quietly]:
I know about Gene's secret cat.

427
00:14:11,816 --> 00:14:13,783
[groans]
I can't believe we'll
never know what secrets

428
00:14:13,817 --> 00:14:15,543
are in the Room
of Secrets!

429
00:14:15,577 --> 00:14:17,890
Or what laundry is
in the Room of Secrets.

430
00:14:17,926 --> 00:14:19,893
Wait a minute. If the building's
old and crappy,

431
00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,756
there might be a laundry chute.

432
00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:24,759
Oh, that's weird. I was correct.

433
00:14:24,793 --> 00:14:26,278
Ladies.
[whoops]

434
00:14:26,312 --> 00:14:27,693
[whoops]

435
00:14:27,727 --> 00:14:29,039
Whoo-whoo-hoo!

436
00:14:29,075 --> 00:14:31,767
[grunts]
Let's check out some secrets.

437
00:14:31,801 --> 00:14:33,009
I'm good.
Tina!

438
00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:34,355
Yeah?Those aren't yours.

439
00:14:34,389 --> 00:14:35,875
Oh, how-how'd
these get on?

440
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:37,221
DR. YAP:
Tonight, none other

441
00:14:37,254 --> 00:14:38,807
than Dean Dixon is hosting

442
00:14:38,842 --> 00:14:41,811
a banquet recognizing
campus community service.

443
00:14:41,846 --> 00:14:43,572
And their guest of honor?
Guess who.

444
00:14:43,605 --> 00:14:46,195
It's the president of
those iguana-thieving Alphas!

445
00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:47,783
Getting a special award

446
00:14:47,817 --> 00:14:49,543
for their so-called
"dedication to raising

447
00:14:49,577 --> 00:14:52,822
thousands of dollars
for cancer research."

448
00:14:52,856 --> 00:14:53,961
OTHERS:
Boo!

449
00:14:53,995 --> 00:14:55,963
But what this douchebot
doesn't know

450
00:14:55,998 --> 00:14:57,758
is that an award
for fighting cancer

451
00:14:57,793 --> 00:14:59,484
isn't all he's going
to get tonight!

452
00:14:59,519 --> 00:15:01,727
Yeah, not if the Betas
have anything to do with it.

453
00:15:01,761 --> 00:15:02,729
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

454
00:15:02,763 --> 00:15:03,903
To the Beta-mobile!

455
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,076
We've got Alphas to crush!

456
00:15:06,111 --> 00:15:07,491
Oh, crap, the kids.

457
00:15:07,527 --> 00:15:09,322
Uh, you guys g-go ahead.

458
00:15:09,355 --> 00:15:11,461
I'll meet you there. Uh, Betas!

459
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:13,083
Check out the past brothers.

460
00:15:13,119 --> 00:15:15,568
Mmm, if those sideburns
could talk.

461
00:15:15,604 --> 00:15:17,157
Here's a magazine about jugs.

462
00:15:17,192 --> 00:15:19,090
Their secret is
they love pottery?

463
00:15:19,125 --> 00:15:20,989
Did I mishear them?
Is this actually called

464
00:15:21,023 --> 00:15:22,749
the Room of Suck-rets?

465
00:15:22,783 --> 00:15:24,232
No, I think
we heard them correctly.

466
00:15:24,268 --> 00:15:25,751
It's the Room of Secrets.Well,

467
00:15:25,786 --> 00:15:27,340
these secrets suck!

468
00:15:27,374 --> 00:15:28,961
Oh, here's Dr. Yap's class.

469
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,999
It's Beta!

470
00:15:32,033 --> 00:15:33,655
And a bunch of tiny clothes.

471
00:15:33,691 --> 00:15:35,934
Oh, Beta's starting
his own fashion line.

472
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,971
No, dummy. This means the Alphas
never stole the iguana!

473
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,941
Hey, you guys aren't
supposed to be in... Beta?

474
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,701
We found him in the wall
behind Dr. Yap's class photo.

475
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,323
Why would Beta be here
in the house?

476
00:15:46,359 --> 00:15:48,153
Unless Yap made up
that whole story.

477
00:15:48,187 --> 00:15:49,326
He wouldn't.

478
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:53,158
He would.
He would.
He would.

479
00:15:53,192 --> 00:15:54,159
Who would?
Dr. Yap.

480
00:15:54,193 --> 00:15:55,437
Oh, yeah, he would.

481
00:15:55,471 --> 00:15:57,197
Oh, my God.
We have to stop him

482
00:15:57,231 --> 00:15:59,129
before he gets those kids
kicked out of school.

483
00:15:59,164 --> 00:16:00,960
It's all right,
they can move in with us.

484
00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:02,408
Dibs on Turd.[grumbles]

485
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,104
BOB:
I can't believe it.

486
00:16:07,138 --> 00:16:08,621
Yap made up
the whole thing?

487
00:16:08,657 --> 00:16:10,210
He's been pranking
his own frat!

488
00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:11,971
It's the ones
you least suspect.

489
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:13,524
Sometimes.
Not this time.

490
00:16:17,355 --> 00:16:19,875
[indistinct conversations]

491
00:16:21,255 --> 00:16:22,498
Oh, good, Bob.

492
00:16:22,533 --> 00:16:23,982
I thought you might
have wussed out.

493
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,707
You're just in time
to see the Alphas

494
00:16:25,743 --> 00:16:26,985
pay for taking Beta.

495
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,020
I know what you did, Yap.

496
00:16:28,056 --> 00:16:29,022
It's over.

497
00:16:29,057 --> 00:16:30,541
Recognize this iguana?

498
00:16:30,575 --> 00:16:32,852
[gasping]

499
00:16:32,888 --> 00:16:34,855
Recognize this iguana tail?

500
00:16:34,889 --> 00:16:36,167
Or these briefs?

501
00:16:36,201 --> 00:16:37,479
Just curious.
They're mine now.

502
00:16:37,513 --> 00:16:39,860
Okay, Bob, you got me.
I took Beta.

503
00:16:39,894 --> 00:16:41,724
I thought a prank war would
bring the brothers together

504
00:16:41,759 --> 00:16:43,692
and show them
how much I mean to them.

505
00:16:43,725 --> 00:16:45,245
So it wasn't the Alphas at all.

506
00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:47,212
Those damn Alphas
don't even know we exist.

507
00:16:47,246 --> 00:16:50,009
Yeah, they seem pretty focused
on their charity work.

508
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,837
I've been TPing
our house for years

509
00:16:51,871 --> 00:16:53,149
just to get this thing going.

510
00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:55,496
Okay, this fake
prank war ends now.

511
00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:57,706
The brothers are already
on probation, Yap.

512
00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:58,947
Prank the Alphas here

513
00:16:58,982 --> 00:17:00,191
and you'll get
the house shut down.

514
00:17:00,225 --> 00:17:01,881
So what?
They'll be legends!

515
00:17:01,917 --> 00:17:03,884
Oh, no.
What's the prank, Yap?

516
00:17:03,918 --> 00:17:05,368
Well, since you're
too late to stop it,

517
00:17:05,403 --> 00:17:06,680
I'll tell you.

518
00:17:06,714 --> 00:17:08,199
First, I dressed

519
00:17:08,233 --> 00:17:10,752
as a waiter
and snuck into the banquet

520
00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:12,030
while they were setting up.

521
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,446
Oh, my God,
how long is this story?

522
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,794
YAP:
Then I drilled a hole
in the stage,

523
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:18,209
and underneath
I planted

524
00:17:18,243 --> 00:17:21,349
the splatter-master
saliva keg!

525
00:17:21,384 --> 00:17:23,111
The what? Are you insane?

526
00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:24,698
I don't know.

527
00:17:24,732 --> 00:17:26,390
Is it insane to collect
the spit of every patient

528
00:17:26,423 --> 00:17:28,356
who's passed through my office
for the past six months

529
00:17:28,392 --> 00:17:29,875
and put it in a pony keg?

530
00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:31,704
Absolutely.
Not necessarily.
Hmm...
No.

531
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:33,121
Right now, all the Betas

532
00:17:33,154 --> 00:17:34,605
are under the stage
with the keg,

533
00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:36,744
waiting for that Dean Dixon

534
00:17:36,778 --> 00:17:38,747
to introduce his Alpha lapdog.

535
00:17:38,780 --> 00:17:40,990
And when the Alpha president
steps up to the podium?

536
00:17:41,025 --> 00:17:42,232
Sploosh.

537
00:17:42,268 --> 00:17:43,372
This is
a great plan.

538
00:17:43,406 --> 00:17:44,373
We're doing this!

539
00:17:44,407 --> 00:17:45,374
No, we're not, Louise.

540
00:17:45,409 --> 00:17:46,961
Come on, Yap.
No!

541
00:17:46,996 --> 00:17:48,618
It's all so easy for
you, isn't it, Bob?

542
00:17:48,653 --> 00:17:50,207
You just moseyed
into the Beta house

543
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:51,622
and stole
their hearts

544
00:17:51,655 --> 00:17:54,073
with your hamburgers
and your perfect body.

545
00:17:54,106 --> 00:17:55,488
Yap, I'm sorry, okay?

546
00:17:55,521 --> 00:17:56,765
And I get it.

547
00:17:56,798 --> 00:17:58,111
The fraternity's great.

548
00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,974
It's like being
in a family of guys

549
00:18:00,009 --> 00:18:01,218
with beer and karaoke.

550
00:18:01,251 --> 00:18:03,115
Sucker punch!
[grunts]

551
00:18:03,151 --> 00:18:04,738
We're definitely
switching dentists!

552
00:18:04,772 --> 00:18:06,085
No!

553
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:07,672
You'll never get
a better family dentist

554
00:18:07,707 --> 00:18:09,570
who's in your provider network!
[laughing]

555
00:18:09,605 --> 00:18:10,674
DIXON:
Hello, I'm Dean Dixon,

556
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,505
and you're all expelled.

557
00:18:12,538 --> 00:18:14,093
Just kidding.

558
00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:15,335
Except for you, you're expelled.
Just kidding.

559
00:18:15,369 --> 00:18:17,130
Oh, God.
He started his intro.

560
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:18,337
I've got
to do something.

561
00:18:18,373 --> 00:18:19,615
You're too
late, Dad.

562
00:18:19,650 --> 00:18:20,996
You'll never
stop it now.

563
00:18:21,029 --> 00:18:22,617
I've got to try.

564
00:18:22,653 --> 00:18:23,930
Uh, now I'd like to introduce

565
00:18:23,963 --> 00:18:25,518
a truly outstanding young man...

566
00:18:25,551 --> 00:18:26,932
Me! Hello!

567
00:18:26,967 --> 00:18:30,108
I am the honoree's, uh,
twin brother.

568
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,006
Hmm?

569
00:18:31,039 --> 00:18:33,181
Not identical twins, obviously.

570
00:18:33,214 --> 00:18:35,044
But I'm 20 years old.

571
00:18:35,078 --> 00:18:36,528
Excuse me. Uh...

572
00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:38,530
That's okay, Dean.
Thanks. Have a seat.

573
00:18:38,565 --> 00:18:39,807
You know what I like
about my brother?

574
00:18:39,842 --> 00:18:41,291
He's nice.

575
00:18:41,326 --> 00:18:43,294
He-he wouldn't hurt a fly,
much less--

576
00:18:43,328 --> 00:18:45,883
I don't know, I'm just naming
animals here-- an iguana.

577
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:47,160
LOUISE:
Boo!

578
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:48,540
Please have her removed.

579
00:18:48,575 --> 00:18:51,130
I want everyone
in the room to know,

580
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:54,305
even people who might be
under the stage right now,

581
00:18:54,339 --> 00:18:57,066
that the Alpha president would
not hurt or kidnap an iguana.

582
00:18:57,101 --> 00:18:58,308
Right?

583
00:18:58,344 --> 00:19:00,068
Maybe he would!No, he wouldn't!

584
00:19:00,104 --> 00:19:01,484
Those are the kind of things

585
00:19:01,519 --> 00:19:03,865
our crazy oldest brother
would do, though.

586
00:19:03,901 --> 00:19:06,903
You know, our crazy,
Asian dentist older brother?

587
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:10,078
I'd point him out,
but I have a slow hand.

588
00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:12,323
A slow hand.

589
00:19:12,357 --> 00:19:14,290
Dad should leave the
jokes to Dean Dixon.

590
00:19:14,325 --> 00:19:15,636
Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.

591
00:19:15,671 --> 00:19:16,878
Come on, help Dad out.

592
00:19:16,913 --> 00:19:18,640
[quietly]:
Are you talking to us?

593
00:19:18,673 --> 00:19:20,192
[quietly]:
Don't set off the spit keg.

594
00:19:20,228 --> 00:19:23,195
Um, let's go out
and ask him what he means.

595
00:19:24,439 --> 00:19:26,199
Hi. How are you?

596
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:27,579
Excuse me,
who are these young men?

597
00:19:27,614 --> 00:19:29,512
I probably should have
come to rehearsal.

598
00:19:29,547 --> 00:19:30,755
[screaming]

599
00:19:30,789 --> 00:19:34,241
[slow motion]:
No, Yap, no!

600
00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:41,731
Dad, um, you've got a little...

601
00:19:41,766 --> 00:19:43,733
On your... Bit right here.

602
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,875
I did it! Betas!

603
00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:48,739
Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap,
yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap,

604
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,258
yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap!

605
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:53,915
What-what are we
working with here?
What's goin' on?

606
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:55,332
Are these cougars?Cougar,

607
00:19:55,365 --> 00:19:56,333
cougar...
LINDA:
Oof.

608
00:19:56,366 --> 00:19:57,403
Cougar.

609
00:19:57,436 --> 00:19:58,680
Kind of
a cougar-poodle mix.

610
00:19:58,713 --> 00:19:59,957
LINDA:
Uh-huh.Cougar-doodle.

611
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,200
LINDA:
Aw.Ah! Oh, ho, ho, ho.

612
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:02,579
Wow.

613
00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:04,375
Cougar-doodle
opened the sample case.

614
00:20:04,410 --> 00:20:05,617
Yeah, they're very smart.

615
00:20:05,652 --> 00:20:06,618
[bell jingles]Bobby!

616
00:20:06,653 --> 00:20:07,930
Why are you all wet?

617
00:20:07,964 --> 00:20:09,277
Wow, hi, guys.

618
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:10,864
I brought the guys for burgers.

619
00:20:10,898 --> 00:20:12,762
I've kind of been
forgetting to feed them.

620
00:20:12,797 --> 00:20:14,765
Sorry Dean Dixon banned you
and Slowhand from campus.

621
00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:16,249
But thank you.

622
00:20:16,284 --> 00:20:18,044
'Cause, you know,
you de-Yapified us.

623
00:20:18,077 --> 00:20:20,564
With that guy banned
from the frat,
my GPA might go up.

624
00:20:20,597 --> 00:20:22,048
Yeah, sorry Yap
called you a nerd

625
00:20:22,082 --> 00:20:23,256
for doing homework.

626
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,258
And that I said
I agreed with him.

627
00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:26,914
♪

628
00:20:26,949 --> 00:20:29,261
[purrs, laughs, barks]

629
00:20:29,297 --> 00:20:30,952
What is... what is
happening right now?

630
00:20:30,988 --> 00:20:32,644
What is this?Go for it, man.

631
00:20:32,679 --> 00:20:33,922
I don't know what
to do from here.

632
00:20:33,955 --> 00:20:35,233
Beta rules!

633
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:37,546
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
How do you like that?

634
00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:39,721
Why are none of
these guys interested?

635
00:20:39,755 --> 00:20:40,962
[whoops]

636
00:20:40,998 --> 00:20:42,758
Tonight everybody
gets hazed!

637
00:20:42,792 --> 00:20:44,138
My sisters are my brothers!

638
00:20:44,173 --> 00:20:46,141
I'm gonna go pee out a window!

639
00:20:46,174 --> 00:20:52,112
Wait, why is everybody
holding vibrators?

640
00:20:52,146 --> 00:20:54,079
♪ He is freaky, freaky, freaky

641
00:20:54,114 --> 00:20:55,978
♪ Sneaky Pete

642
00:20:56,012 --> 00:20:58,117
♪ He's unique-y, nique-y,
nique-y ♪

643
00:20:58,153 --> 00:21:00,017
♪ Sneaky Pete

644
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,122
♪ Make you shrieky, shrieky,
shrieky ♪

645
00:21:02,156 --> 00:21:03,847
♪ Sneaky Pete

646
00:21:03,883 --> 00:21:05,919
♪ Ah-ah, Sneaky

647
00:21:05,953 --> 00:21:08,025
♪ Sneaky Pete

648
00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:10,269
♪ He is freaky, freaky,
freaky ♪

649
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:11,924
♪ Sneaky Pete

650
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:14,134
♪ He's unique-y, nique-y,
nique-y ♪

651
00:21:14,169 --> 00:21:15,963
♪ Sneaky Pete

652
00:21:15,998 --> 00:21:17,621
♪ Make you shrieky, shrieky,
shrieky ♪

653
00:21:17,654 --> 00:21:19,138
♪ Sneaky Pete.

654
00:21:19,173 --> 00:21:20,969
LINDA:
I want to go home with you

655
00:21:21,002 --> 00:21:23,971
with your bedside drawer
and live there forever.

656
00:21:24,006 --> 00:21:26,491
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org