1
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,021
LINDA:
♪ Dish-a-dee-do ♪

2
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,937
♪ Dish-a-de-dee,
da-da-washin' the dishes ♪

3
00:00:25,111 --> 00:00:26,852
♪ Aba-ba-ba-ba. ♪

4
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,028
All right, all done
with the dishes.

5
00:00:29,202 --> 00:00:31,727
Time for family game night.
Whoo!

6
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:34,947
Left hand red. Whoa-oh!

7
00:00:35,121 --> 00:00:36,731
I'm losing my balance. Whoa!

8
00:00:36,905 --> 00:00:38,863
Bob? Kids?

9
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:39,951
Where is everyone?
What's up?

10
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:40,953
[kids grunting]

11
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:42,868
LOUISE:
Take that.

12
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:44,869
And that.You naughty witch.

13
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,959
What's, uh... what's going on?

14
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,960
It's this thing
we do with Dad. Yah!

15
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,527
It's called
"stone the witch."

16
00:00:50,701 --> 00:00:52,442
Dad's the witch, but
it's just pretend.

17
00:00:52,616 --> 00:00:54,009
Right, Dad?

18
00:00:54,183 --> 00:00:56,012
Well, as you know,
it's family game night

19
00:00:56,185 --> 00:00:58,100
and things are really heating up
in the living room,

20
00:00:58,274 --> 00:00:59,276
so, you know...

21
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:00,972
Come on, kids.I feel limber.

22
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,844
I'm ready
to dominate.

23
00:01:03,018 --> 00:01:05,194
Um, how about
a rain check on that?Let me up.

24
00:01:05,368 --> 00:01:07,501
We're kind of in the middle
of something here.

25
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:10,025
Well, then I'll just play
this with you guys.

26
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,897
Whoa, ooh,
here comes the blanket.

27
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,117
That'll warm you
to death.

28
00:01:14,290 --> 00:01:15,510
Yeah.

29
00:01:15,683 --> 00:01:18,033
And, oh, ooh--
how about this catalog?

30
00:01:18,207 --> 00:01:20,036
You can learn all about
the season's new blazers.

31
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:21,515
Wait, I'm lost.

32
00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:23,212
Okay, let's take
five, everybody.

33
00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:26,042
What? No, hey, ooh,
how about doilies?

34
00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,000
We can have a fancy witch
with a doily hat.

35
00:01:28,174 --> 00:01:29,653
Hmm.Mom, it's over.

36
00:01:29,828 --> 00:01:31,046
You ruined it, okay?

37
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:32,700
You "mommed"
it all up.Uh-oh.

38
00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,223
What's that
supposed to mean?

39
00:01:34,397 --> 00:01:36,356
Dad's here-- did he
"dad" it all up?

40
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:37,706
Yeah, but that's
a good thing.

41
00:01:37,879 --> 00:01:39,402
Oh, boy.Fine!

42
00:01:39,576 --> 00:01:41,491
I don't want to play your
dumb old game anyway.

43
00:01:41,665 --> 00:01:43,537
Well, that's 'cause
you suck at it.

44
00:01:43,712 --> 00:01:44,408
[gasps]

45
00:01:44,581 --> 00:01:45,713
Uh-oh.
Ouch.

46
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,323
Oh, God.Don't you talk

47
00:01:47,497 --> 00:01:49,283
to me that way,
Miss Smart Mouth.

48
00:01:49,456 --> 00:01:51,371
You just bought yourself
a ticket to your room.

49
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:52,286
Oh, fine.

50
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:53,677
Best money I ever spent.

51
00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:55,462
You can't ruin
anything in there.

52
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:59,031
[groans] I'm going back to
family game night by myself!

53
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:01,207
Oh.
Oh.
Oops.

54
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:02,992
May I? I'd look
great in that.

55
00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:03,948
I'd look great in that.

56
00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:05,429
I'd look great
in that.

57
00:02:05,602 --> 00:02:08,258
LINDA:
Right foot blue.
Terrific, I win.

58
00:02:08,431 --> 00:02:10,390
[grunting]

59
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:13,872
Lin, you okay?
Mm-hmm.

60
00:02:14,045 --> 00:02:15,177
You're not mad, are you?

61
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,788
No, no.Okay, well, good night.

62
00:02:17,962 --> 00:02:19,355
Oh, you just think
you're so much fun.

63
00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:20,748
Don't you, Mr. Fun Buns?

64
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,054
What?
I'm sorry.

65
00:02:22,228 --> 00:02:23,533
It's just that Louise.

66
00:02:23,707 --> 00:02:24,795
She's always
liked you better.

67
00:02:24,969 --> 00:02:26,057
Ever since she was a baby.

68
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,235
Are you Mommy's
little girl?

69
00:02:28,408 --> 00:02:29,409
Dada.

70
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:30,759
And Mama.

71
00:02:30,932 --> 00:02:31,933
Dada.

72
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,109
Mama.
Dada.

73
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:34,805
Mama.
Dada.

74
00:02:34,979 --> 00:02:35,937
Mama.
Dada.

75
00:02:36,111 --> 00:02:37,418
Mama.
Dada.

76
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:38,549
Mama.
Dada!

77
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:39,811
M... Ma...Da... Da...

78
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,509
Ma. Ma. Ma.Da. Da. Da.

79
00:02:41,682 --> 00:02:42,901
Da, da, da!
Ma... ma!
All right, you know what?

80
00:02:43,074 --> 00:02:44,075
Change your own diaper.

81
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,295
Well, don't worry, Lin.

82
00:02:45,468 --> 00:02:46,949
She's just going
through a phase.

83
00:02:47,122 --> 00:02:49,256
A nine-year phase--
she'll grow out of it.

84
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:50,647
Well, I'm not waiting
for that.

85
00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:51,909
According to
the Phenomimom...

86
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:53,737
The Phenomimom?

87
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,957
It's a mommy blog,
by Dakota Applebaum.

88
00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:58,090
She says one way mothers
and daughters connect

89
00:02:58,264 --> 00:02:59,961
is through story time.

90
00:03:00,135 --> 00:03:02,616
Phenomimom--
that's fun to say.

91
00:03:02,790 --> 00:03:04,879
I am gonna go story
that little punk.

92
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,098
Sounds good.

93
00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:08,926
Louise, you awake, baby?

94
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:09,927
Louise?

95
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:10,929
Louise!
Huh?

96
00:03:11,103 --> 00:03:12,061
What? What's going on?

97
00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:14,105
Sorry. Did I wake you up?

98
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,978
Look what I brought.

99
00:03:16,151 --> 00:03:18,806
Princess Pigeon Toe--
remember?

100
00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:20,068
Oh, no.
Uh-huh.

101
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,243
Not that book.Scootch over.

102
00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:22,331
[grunts]Scootch.

103
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,377
This is a twin.Come on.

104
00:03:23,550 --> 00:03:24,812
There's not
a lot of room.

105
00:03:24,986 --> 00:03:26,683
Come on, come on.
Move, move, move.

106
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:30,775
"Princess Pigeon Toe lived in a
peacock castle on Penguin Lane."

107
00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,123
Please stop, please stop,
please stop.

108
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:33,996
"Every day, she went
to Parakeet Park

109
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:36,127
to play pinochle
with Pauly the Porpoise."

110
00:03:36,302 --> 00:03:38,521
Oh, no! Please,
just let me sleep!

111
00:03:38,695 --> 00:03:41,395
"Sometimes they take a picnic
basket full of picklesOh, God, it's unbearable!

112
00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,745
and peppers and pumpkin pie!"Please make
it stop!

113
00:03:43,918 --> 00:03:45,312
[squeaking]

114
00:03:45,485 --> 00:03:47,313
[bell rings]

115
00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:49,316
It's Claire
and Jacqueline.
Who?

116
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,143
The most popular girls
at school.

117
00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:54,058
How do I look?
Oh, good...

118
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,019
Hi. I'm Tina.
I'll be your server today,

119
00:03:57,192 --> 00:03:59,848
and hopefully in the future,
your good friend.

120
00:04:00,021 --> 00:04:01,632
That's nice.
I'll have a cheeseburger.

121
00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:02,894
Me, too.

122
00:04:03,068 --> 00:04:04,112
Okay,
two cheeseburgers...

123
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:06,332
Claire, did you see
Rachel's legs?

124
00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:08,159
They are so hairy.

125
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,032
Oh, my God, I know--
so gross.

126
00:04:10,205 --> 00:04:11,512
Right?
Get a razor, girl.

127
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:12,990
More like a
lawnmower.

128
00:04:13,164 --> 00:04:14,992
[both laughing]

129
00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:16,865
Yeah-oh!

130
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,042
[gasps]
When did you get there?

131
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:21,391
What'd you say?Nothing.

132
00:04:21,564 --> 00:04:23,045
Gene, hide my legs.On it!

133
00:04:23,218 --> 00:04:25,002
[grunting]

134
00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:26,569
Nothing to
see here.

135
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:29,050
This is just how we walk
in the restaurant biz.

136
00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:31,096
LINDA:
Aw.

137
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,750
My teeny Tina's
growing up.

138
00:04:32,923 --> 00:04:34,230
With her little
leg hairs.

139
00:04:34,403 --> 00:04:35,709
Just shave up
to the knee.

140
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,494
Only strippers shave
above the knee.

141
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:38,755
The good ones anyway.
Okay.

142
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:39,757
LOUISE:
Um...

143
00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:40,715
who did this?

144
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:41,411
I did.

145
00:04:41,584 --> 00:04:42,499
Oh, you did?

146
00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:44,066
Yes.Oh, what a surprise.

147
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,327
Well, you left it
in my room.

148
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:46,547
Yeah, the Phenomi...

149
00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:48,766
I mean, I think it's important

150
00:04:48,939 --> 00:04:52,074
to create tangible expressions
of our relationship.

151
00:04:52,247 --> 00:04:53,641
Oh, well, isn't that...

152
00:04:53,814 --> 00:04:54,946
Whoops.

153
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,425
Hey, you hang that up
in your room.

154
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,558
You know you're gonna need
your mother someday.

155
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:00,255
Who's gonna shave
your legs, huh?

156
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:03,214
No one-- I'm gonna grow them out
all long and scraggily.

157
00:05:03,389 --> 00:05:06,610
[grunts]I want to look like a torso
on two tumbleweeds.

158
00:05:06,783 --> 00:05:09,612
[laughs]And I'm gonna learn
about sex from television,

159
00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:12,442
so I don't need that
from you, either![grunts]

160
00:05:12,615 --> 00:05:14,923
Wait, maybe you should take
some time to cool off.

161
00:05:15,096 --> 00:05:17,055
Yeah, I don't think
you should shave angry.

162
00:05:17,228 --> 00:05:18,012
Who's angry?

163
00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:19,187
[both yelling]

164
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,930
[grumbling]

165
00:05:22,103 --> 00:05:23,627
Uh, listen, Lin,

166
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,108
do you think you might
be forcing it a little?

167
00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:27,978
I'm not forcing it, Bob!Right.

168
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,807
Louise is gonna see that
her best friend is her mommy

169
00:05:30,981 --> 00:05:32,941
even if I have
to shake it into her.Ow.

170
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:35,072
Shake it, yes, shake it.Stop, no, stop.

171
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,031
Like that.[grunts]

172
00:05:36,204 --> 00:05:37,901
Ooh, look.

173
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:38,947
No.
Yes.

174
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:39,947
No.
Yes.

175
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:42,428
No, no, no, no.Yes!

176
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,125
Okay, here we go.

177
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,084
Going on a little
errand, that's all.

178
00:05:46,257 --> 00:05:47,651
[groans]
We need to talk.

179
00:05:47,824 --> 00:05:50,045
Look, I think we should
spend some time apart.

180
00:05:50,218 --> 00:05:51,175
Mm-hmm, yeah.

181
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:52,439
I'm just not really looking

182
00:05:52,612 --> 00:05:54,048
for something serious right now.

183
00:05:54,223 --> 00:05:55,355
Sure, sure, honey.

184
00:05:55,528 --> 00:05:56,965
You understand--
I mean, yeah,

185
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:58,444
it's gonna be a little awkward.

186
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,098
You got some of your stuff
at my place.

187
00:06:00,271 --> 00:06:01,665
We live together...We're here!

188
00:06:01,838 --> 00:06:04,625
Laser tag-- a little dated,
but all right.

189
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:05,625
Not that.

190
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,237
That!

191
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:09,934
[screams]

192
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:11,196
I've been kidnapped!

193
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:12,937
No, she hasn't.
We're fine.

194
00:06:13,110 --> 00:06:15,418
Keep moving.
Nothing to see here.

195
00:06:15,591 --> 00:06:16,550
Nice blouse.

196
00:06:20,161 --> 00:06:21,119
Come on.No, no, no, no,

197
00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:22,817
no!
Louise, relax.

198
00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:24,384
It's not like
I'm torturing you.

199
00:06:24,557 --> 00:06:26,168
I'm just taking you
to an eight-hour

200
00:06:26,341 --> 00:06:27,298
mother/daughter seminar.

201
00:06:27,473 --> 00:06:28,649
Eight hours?!

202
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,999
Yes, our relationship
needs help.

203
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:32,653
Professional help.

204
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:33,653
Hey!

205
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,872
Start, damn you, start.

206
00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:38,005
[both grunting]

207
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:39,050
No!Oh, all right, all right.

208
00:06:39,223 --> 00:06:40,355
20 bucks.What?

209
00:06:40,529 --> 00:06:41,531
I'll give you 20 bucks

210
00:06:41,704 --> 00:06:43,141
if you come
and do this with me.

211
00:06:43,314 --> 00:06:44,838
Interesting-- $1,000.

212
00:06:45,012 --> 00:06:46,449
$28.
$29.50.

213
00:06:46,622 --> 00:06:48,495
Deal.This is gonna be
the hardest money

214
00:06:48,668 --> 00:06:49,843
I've ever earned.

215
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,105
Unless you become a hooker.

216
00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:52,149
[laughs]

217
00:06:53,673 --> 00:06:55,066
♪ ♪

218
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,807
Welcome, everyone.

219
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:59,331
Welcome to my mother/daughter
seminar-- Modo Time.

220
00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:00,331
I'm Dakota.

221
00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:01,812
You're the Phenomimom?

222
00:07:01,985 --> 00:07:02,812
But you're a man.

223
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:03,858
I am a man.

224
00:07:04,031 --> 00:07:05,380
And that's okay.

225
00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,557
The female spirit flows
through all of us.

226
00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:10,081
We're all estro-geniuses.

227
00:07:10,254 --> 00:07:11,343
Everybody stand up and say it,

228
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:12,692
"I am an estro-genius."

229
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:14,869
ALL:
I am an estro-genius.

230
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:16,173
Oh, dear.

231
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:17,740
Guys, today
we are going back.

232
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,829
We're gonna go all the way back
to the womb.

233
00:07:20,004 --> 00:07:21,571
We're gonna get
into a womb-a-tism!

234
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,572
A what?A womb-a-tism!

235
00:07:23,747 --> 00:07:25,356
Ooh, a what?

236
00:07:25,531 --> 00:07:27,055
[grunts] No.

237
00:07:27,228 --> 00:07:28,012
Hi.
Sorry we're late.

238
00:07:28,185 --> 00:07:29,144
Ooh, a male daughter.

239
00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:30,927
Ha-ha, Logan.

240
00:07:31,101 --> 00:07:32,581
Oh, God, it'shere.

241
00:07:32,755 --> 00:07:35,019
Sorry, this was
the only seminar available,

242
00:07:35,192 --> 00:07:37,281
and we had
an incident yesterday.

243
00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:39,894
Logan called me
the "B" word.

244
00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:41,461
Aah! No, no!

245
00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:43,026
Why must that
word exist?

246
00:07:43,201 --> 00:07:43,985
Question.

247
00:07:44,158 --> 00:07:45,595
What's the "uter-room?"

248
00:07:45,769 --> 00:07:47,117
Well, I'm hoping
what's in that room

249
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:48,771
won't be necessary.

250
00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:51,165
Now, let Modo Time begin!

251
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:54,951
Dad, I want you to drop
everything you're doing

252
00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:56,127
and shave my legs.

253
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:57,737
I'll take care
of the first part.

254
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,566
Gene.I was trying
to help.

255
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,394
Uh, Tina, can't you
just shave them yourself?

256
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:03,439
I tried.

257
00:08:03,612 --> 00:08:05,266
Oh, God!
Aah!

258
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,269
Oh, oh, dear.Oh...oh, my...
aah!

259
00:08:07,442 --> 00:08:09,879
No more razors for you.
Just wait for Mom.

260
00:08:10,053 --> 00:08:12,100
You wait for Mom.
If I don't shave this

261
00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:13,709
before school tomorrow,
Claire and Jacqueline might talk

262
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:15,233
about me at some restaurant.

263
00:08:15,406 --> 00:08:17,452
All right, fine.Like a seafood
restaurant

264
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:18,759
or a Chinese
restaurant.Tina.

265
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,411
Or that rain
forest restaurant

266
00:08:20,586 --> 00:08:21,762
with all the
jungle sounds.

267
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:22,980
Or McCormick
and Schmidt's.

268
00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:24,154
I said I'll do it.

269
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:25,766
Oh, okay, thanks.

270
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,245
There was a time
when you got all you needed

271
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:30,334
from your mother
through a single cord.

272
00:08:30,509 --> 00:08:33,076
Mothers, please strap
your symbolic umbilical cords

273
00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:34,164
to your daughters' faces.

274
00:08:34,338 --> 00:08:36,427
I call them "umbilitators."

275
00:08:36,602 --> 00:08:38,299
That's not how
umbilical cords work.

276
00:08:38,474 --> 00:08:40,606
Here we go--
wee-ooh!

277
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:42,173
It doesn't make
any sense.

278
00:08:42,346 --> 00:08:44,567
And feed those fetuses.

279
00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:45,828
Down the hatch.

280
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,657
Louise, open your mouth.

281
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,092
Louise, open
your mouth.Uh-uh.

282
00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:51,792
Yeah, she's fine.
We're fine.

283
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:53,315
Yes, open that
fetus mouth!

284
00:08:53,489 --> 00:08:55,317
[laughs]
Oh, it's fun.

285
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:56,578
Money.What?

286
00:08:56,753 --> 00:08:58,798
Money, no--
no more extorting me.

287
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,408
Mm-hmm.
Okay, fine.

288
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,192
Five bucks--
now, swallow.

289
00:09:02,366 --> 00:09:04,239
Mmm, oh, she loves it.

290
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,067
[hacks]
Aw.

291
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:08,851
Oh, hello.

292
00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:10,245
You must be here
for our back waxing special.

293
00:09:10,418 --> 00:09:11,288
Um, no.

294
00:09:11,462 --> 00:09:12,333
Arm waxing?

295
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,682
No.
Scrotal waxing?

296
00:09:13,856 --> 00:09:15,642
No... what? No!Yeah, that one.

297
00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,338
No, no,
not that one.
Yes.

298
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,123
Gene, stop.You need it.

299
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:20,864
Gene, shut up.
My daughter needs

300
00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,431
to get
her legs waxed.Hi.

301
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:23,998
Oh. [laughs] Phew.

302
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:26,000
I mean, not that
I don't want to wax you...

303
00:09:26,173 --> 00:09:28,176
but no, I have my limits.

304
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:30,221
Okay, well, you don't
have to be rude.

305
00:09:30,394 --> 00:09:32,135
Why don't we just take you
in the back, sweetheart?

306
00:09:32,309 --> 00:09:33,528
It's your job, you know.

307
00:09:33,702 --> 00:09:34,790
I'd wax you, Dad.

308
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:35,966
Thanks, Gene.

309
00:09:36,139 --> 00:09:37,663
Time to be born.

310
00:09:37,837 --> 00:09:39,665
This is disgusting.

311
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:40,841
You sound just
like your father.

312
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,842
Louise, come to Mama.

313
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:45,019
Oh, no, I think
I'm good, thank you.

314
00:09:45,192 --> 00:09:46,629
Can I get some
scissors, Dakota?

315
00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:48,065
Do a little C-section?

316
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:51,024
Those vagisacks
cost $50, so... no.

317
00:09:51,198 --> 00:09:52,852
Speaking of money.[groans]

318
00:09:53,027 --> 00:09:53,984
Here.

319
00:09:54,158 --> 00:09:55,855
Someone's dilating.

320
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,073
There she is.

321
00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:58,902
And time to swaddle the baby.

322
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:00,687
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no-- oh, God.

323
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:02,035
Snug it up, now,
snug it up.

324
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,211
No.

325
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:05,735
I shaved that part.

326
00:10:05,908 --> 00:10:07,475
You must have been
very determined.

327
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:08,650
Thank you.

328
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,434
Okay, here's
what we're gonna do.

329
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,524
We're gonna put
the hot wax on your legs.

330
00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:14,351
Uh-huh.
And then we put

331
00:10:14,525 --> 00:10:16,224
these strips on your legs
and pull them off.

332
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:17,138
Uh-huh.

333
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:19,139
And it kind of hurts.

334
00:10:19,313 --> 00:10:20,315
Uh-huh-ah.

335
00:10:20,489 --> 00:10:22,403
A lot.Dad!

336
00:10:22,577 --> 00:10:23,840
I don't know if
I can do this.

337
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:25,320
Dad, you have to
do it with me.

338
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,886
What? No, no way.

339
00:10:27,061 --> 00:10:28,278
Yes, it's like
when you got

340
00:10:28,452 --> 00:10:30,019
that flu shot to
show me it was okay.

341
00:10:30,193 --> 00:10:32,587
Yeah, that was brave
of me, but...
Please?

342
00:10:32,761 --> 00:10:35,024
I know I act tough,
but I'm not. [crying]

343
00:10:35,198 --> 00:10:36,852
Oh, my God--
the crying.

344
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:38,072
Okay, I'll do it.

345
00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:39,246
Yay, scrotal wax.

346
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,945
No, Gene, not scrotal,
just leg.

347
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:43,163
Oh, boo!

348
00:10:43,337 --> 00:10:44,294
Okay, everybody,
role reversal.

349
00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:46,471
Louise, you're Linda now.

350
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:49,299
And you're trying to get
your defiant daughter Louise

351
00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:52,389
to clean her room. Action.

352
00:10:52,563 --> 00:10:54,436
[quietly]:
Role play's gonna cost
you big.

353
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:55,915
[hushed]:
I'll pay for it
when I see it.

354
00:10:56,090 --> 00:10:58,134
[clears throat]
Hello. I'm Linda.

355
00:10:58,308 --> 00:11:01,572
♪ And I want you to
clean your room ♪

356
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,793
♪ So I'm singing
this song. ♪

357
00:11:03,966 --> 00:11:07,623
♪ But I'm not gonna clean
my room, la-la la-la la-la. ♪

358
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:09,929
No-no-no-no.
No singing.
Wha...?

359
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,975
I'm doing you.
That's why I'm singing.

360
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:14,977
You're doing me,
so you don't sing.Oh, like I'm not gonna sing!

361
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:17,677
♪ Oh, you better clean
your room ♪
♪ I will never
clean my room ♪

362
00:11:17,850 --> 00:11:20,114
♪ 'Cause I'm singing
this song ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm so
rebellious! ♪

363
00:11:20,288 --> 00:11:22,942
♪ And you're gonna clean
your room! ♪
♪ No, I'm not
gonna stop! ♪

364
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,423
Okay, you two are done.
Big hand for Linda and Louise.

365
00:11:25,596 --> 00:11:27,163
Please sit down.Great.
You blew it.

366
00:11:27,337 --> 00:11:29,166
Iblew it? You gave
me nothing out there!

367
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,951
Well, nothing is what
you're getting paid for that!

368
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,996
Whoa. Time out. Linda,
have you been paying

369
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:35,956
your daughter to be here?I'm sorry, Dakota,

370
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,349
but it's the only
way she'd do it.

371
00:11:38,523 --> 00:11:39,654
[sobbing]:
I'm a terrible mother.

372
00:11:39,828 --> 00:11:42,352
Oh, Linda, you really,
really are.

373
00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:43,615
Everybody, everybody,
listen, okay?

374
00:11:43,789 --> 00:11:45,616
Linda is a good mother.Mwa.

375
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,750
Because she did it
out of love.

376
00:11:47,923 --> 00:11:49,970
And that puts you
in the running for

377
00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:52,537
the Most Valuable Mommy award--
the MVM, everybody--

378
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:54,931
which I give out
at the end of the day.

379
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:55,932
All right!
MVM!

380
00:11:56,105 --> 00:11:57,933
Pshh...

381
00:11:58,107 --> 00:11:59,980
And as for you,
I don't feel like

382
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,024
you're taking Modo Time
seriously.

383
00:12:02,198 --> 00:12:03,504
Oh, no, not at all.

384
00:12:03,678 --> 00:12:05,201
And that makes me feel
negatively towards you.

385
00:12:05,375 --> 00:12:07,029
Well, maybe this will
help clear things up.

386
00:12:07,203 --> 00:12:10,033
Here's your seminar.
See it?

387
00:12:10,206 --> 00:12:11,991
It's so cute and nice
in my hand, and...

388
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,471
[blows raspberry]

389
00:12:13,644 --> 00:12:15,211
Did you just fart
on my seminar?

390
00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:16,648
Yeah, me, too!
[blows raspberry]

391
00:12:16,822 --> 00:12:18,041
Okay, that's... that's fine.

392
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:20,129
I think I know
what we need to do here.

393
00:12:21,217 --> 00:12:23,046
Hey! Watch it!Get off me!

394
00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:25,701
You two will stay in there
until you're ready

395
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,224
to engage in this
experience!

396
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:28,659
Oh, almost forgot.

397
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,010
Oh, God.What is that?

398
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,881
It's Freaky Friday
on a loop.

399
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:35,057
Mom, you're old.And you're young!

400
00:12:35,231 --> 00:12:37,059
Wouldn't it be crazy
if we switched bodies?

401
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:38,975
BOTH:
No...!

402
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:41,020
[both screaming]

403
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:42,804
No...!

404
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,459
[all screaming]

405
00:12:44,633 --> 00:12:45,851
Oh-hoo-hoo!

406
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,508
Oh, no, we switched bodies!

407
00:12:50,682 --> 00:12:52,032
What a crazy journey
we are on.

408
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:54,511
The logic of this movie
is very unsettling!

409
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,905
You can't do this,
you monsters!

410
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,559
All right, well,
why don't you two pair up

411
00:12:58,734 --> 00:12:59,995
now that your children
are locked away?

412
00:13:00,169 --> 00:13:02,738
Of course, Dakota.
Come on, Cynthia.

413
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,044
Let's you and me learn
some mommy skills together.

414
00:13:05,219 --> 00:13:06,567
I'd like that, Linda.

415
00:13:06,741 --> 00:13:08,048
DAKOTA:
And don't forget about

416
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,875
that Most Valuable Mommy
award, everybody.

417
00:13:10,049 --> 00:13:11,702
It's a beautiful sash.

418
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:12,879
Huh. Huh.
Hmm.

419
00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:14,750
Hmm. [grunts]
Ah.

420
00:13:14,923 --> 00:13:17,100
I want that sash.Over my dead body.

421
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,407
I want that sash.
I love sashes.

422
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:20,929
[both growl]

423
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:23,062
My legs are so free.

424
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,933
Mmm. So that's what
air feels like.

425
00:13:25,107 --> 00:13:26,761
It's nice.
[grunts]

426
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:28,197
Yeah, these pants
feel incredible.

427
00:13:28,371 --> 00:13:30,113
Why don't all men do this?

428
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:31,941
Hmph!
Gene, why are you
making noises?

429
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,551
They're my
jealousy noises! Ugh!

430
00:13:33,725 --> 00:13:35,030
What are you saying?

431
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:37,076
I want to wax
my legs, too!

432
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,469
These ones
right here!

433
00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,297
You don't even have
leg hair.

434
00:13:40,471 --> 00:13:41,995
Tell that to my heart!

435
00:13:42,168 --> 00:13:44,039
Hold on, everybody.
We're making a U-turn.

436
00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:45,780
All right!

437
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:48,914
Ow!
Gentle touch, Cynthia.

438
00:13:49,088 --> 00:13:50,264
A mother's gentle touch.

439
00:13:50,437 --> 00:13:52,570
I'm so sorry.

440
00:13:52,744 --> 00:13:54,485
You know, Dakota, when
I braid Louise's hair,

441
00:13:54,658 --> 00:13:56,966
I sing her a song.Ah, yes, please.

442
00:13:57,139 --> 00:14:00,274
♪ Here goes the hair
and there goes the hair ♪Ah...

443
00:14:00,447 --> 00:14:02,580
♪ And where is Harry Truman? ♪

444
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:05,018
♪ He's dead in the ground,
he's dead in the ground ♪

445
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:08,150
♪ He's dead, dead,
dead... ♪ Ow! Ow!

446
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:09,630
Well we switched
bodies again,

447
00:14:09,804 --> 00:14:11,980
and everything's
back to normal.

448
00:14:12,154 --> 00:14:13,808
I finally
understand you, Mom.

449
00:14:13,982 --> 00:14:15,636
Freaky Friday'sgetting
to me, man.

450
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,072
They really
understand each other!

451
00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:18,422
You pull yourself
together.

452
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,163
We got to get
out of here.

453
00:14:20,336 --> 00:14:22,817
They just had to see things
from each other's perspective.

454
00:14:22,991 --> 00:14:24,254
Logan, come on!
We got to think!

455
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:26,255
Walk a mile
in each other's shoes...

456
00:14:26,429 --> 00:14:28,475
Oh, I swear to God,
if you keep talking,

457
00:14:28,649 --> 00:14:30,129
I'm gonna gut-punch you!

458
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:32,740
It's a beautiful story
of love and acceptance.

459
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,003
Oh, my stomach!

460
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:35,657
Wait a minute.
That's it!

461
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:38,006
Wow.
See?
What'd I tell you?

462
00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,139
That is smooth.

463
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:40,356
Whoa, whoa, Teddy.

464
00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:42,142
What, a little high up
on the leg?

465
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,620
Yeah.
Sorry.

466
00:14:43,794 --> 00:14:44,840
There's a stop sign
right here.

467
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:46,145
Now feel mine.And mine.

468
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,495
No, Teddy, don't
touch their legs.

469
00:14:47,668 --> 00:14:49,149
Look at this.Whoa!

470
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,193
You could wash
a pan with that.

471
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,456
Hey, maybe I'll shoot over
there and get what you got.

472
00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:55,154
Yeah.Nah, on second thought,

473
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,677
I couldn't get rid
of these little guys.

474
00:14:56,851 --> 00:14:58,114
They're my little furry friends.

475
00:14:58,288 --> 00:15:00,072
Don't listen to him.
You're an embarrassment!

476
00:15:00,246 --> 00:15:02,162
No, don't listen to him.
You're all right.

477
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,467
Furry little... friends?

478
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:07,994
[high-pitched voices]:
This is fun! Higher, Tina!

479
00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:10,996
Higher!

480
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,528
[high-pitched screaming]

481
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:30,015
Watch out for that bear!
Whoo! Here comes a puma!

482
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:31,755
[yowls]

483
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:32,975
LOUISE:
Mommy! Mommy!LOGAN: Mommy!

484
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,889
Did you hear that,
everybody?

485
00:15:35,063 --> 00:15:37,066
They're coming around.
The Uter-Room is working!

486
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:40,851
Oh, that umbilical soup
got me, Mom. Got me real bad.

487
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:41,897
Rub my tummy?

488
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,551
Mine, too.

489
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:45,726
Oh, my poor baby.

490
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:47,033
[baby talk]

491
00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:48,773
It's wonderful.

492
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:51,775
A mother's instinct
at its most primal level!

493
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,517
Come, other mothers,
come and see!

494
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,085
Mommy's gonna make you
all better.

495
00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:58,086
Well, this mommy's gonna
make you all better first.

496
00:15:58,260 --> 00:15:59,914
[both grunting]

497
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:02,048
Now! Ha!

498
00:16:02,221 --> 00:16:04,267
What the hell's going on?Uh, what are...
what are you doing?

499
00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:06,399
You fell for the oldest trick
in the book.

500
00:16:06,573 --> 00:16:08,836
The fake tummy ache!The old belly bluff.

501
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,011
Oh, the belly bluff!

502
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:11,274
Now, if you'll excuse us,

503
00:16:11,447 --> 00:16:12,580
us girls...[clears throat]

504
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,147
Sorry. Ladies...Thank you.

505
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,149
...are going to
play laser tag.Whoo-hoo!

506
00:16:16,322 --> 00:16:19,065
LINDA:
Oh, I hope those lasers
hit you right in the butt!

507
00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:23,894
[Dakota grunting]

508
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,548
Come on, you!

509
00:16:25,722 --> 00:16:26,855
Damn these
delicate shoulders!

510
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,291
Let me try.

511
00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,076
[grunts]

512
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,077
Where'd you learn how
to break down a door,

513
00:16:32,251 --> 00:16:33,427
Girl Scout camp?
Move it.

514
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,255
[both grunting]

515
00:16:39,736 --> 00:16:41,477
ANNOUNCER:
No covering your sensors.

516
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,610
No climbing on the barriers.

517
00:16:43,784 --> 00:16:46,961
And no physical contact
of any kind.

518
00:16:47,135 --> 00:16:48,832
Well, agree to disagree.

519
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,923
I feel kind of bad about
locking our moms in that room.

520
00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:52,923
[laser trills]

521
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:54,970
Ah, hey!

522
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:56,318
TINA:
I killed them.

523
00:16:56,493 --> 00:16:57,625
I killed them all.

524
00:16:57,798 --> 00:16:58,842
Tina, what...
what's wrong?

525
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,322
I killed
my friendly leg hairs.

526
00:17:00,496 --> 00:17:03,065
Um... oh.
Well, they'll grow back.

527
00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:04,848
It's not just that.

528
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,328
I did it 'cause I was worried

529
00:17:06,502 --> 00:17:08,027
about what those girls
would think of me.

530
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:10,159
I'm a sheep!
A hairless sheep!

531
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:11,638
So you gave in
to peer pressure.

532
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:13,162
It happens to everybody.

533
00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:15,295
I mean, why do you think
I wear these shoes?

534
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:17,078
'Cause you don't care
what you look like?

535
00:17:17,252 --> 00:17:18,689
What? No.
'Cause I... No.

536
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,473
'Cause I saw some other
chefs wearing them

537
00:17:20,647 --> 00:17:21,997
and I thought
they were cool.

538
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:22,953
Don't you think?

539
00:17:23,128 --> 00:17:24,086
Yeah, yeah.

540
00:17:24,259 --> 00:17:25,653
What do you mean?

541
00:17:25,826 --> 00:17:27,349
I think they're...
Yeah, they're cool.

542
00:17:27,523 --> 00:17:29,048
Um... okay. Well, because
if they don't look...

543
00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:31,833
if they look stupid,
I won't wear them.

544
00:17:32,007 --> 00:17:33,661
No, they... Yeah.Forget it. Listen.

545
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,489
Leg hair or no leg hair,
you're still Tina,

546
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,317
and when it comes
to the important stuff,

547
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:38,926
you'll make
the right choice.

548
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:40,189
Gene, put some pants on.

549
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:41,538
No!
Ugh.

550
00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:44,019
[lasers guns
whooshing and whirring]

551
00:17:44,192 --> 00:17:45,193
What the hell?

552
00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:46,500
How'd you get out?

553
00:17:46,673 --> 00:17:48,327
I busted through the door.

554
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,373
Um, webusted
through the door.

555
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,332
Fine. My shoulder
and Cynthia's left boob.

556
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,637
All right, everybody.
Fun's over.

557
00:17:54,811 --> 00:17:56,204
Now, let's get back
on Modo Time.

558
00:17:56,378 --> 00:17:58,163
Oh, no freaking way!

559
00:17:58,337 --> 00:18:00,862
You are coming back
to the Nurture Center right now!

560
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,864
You're in big trouble,
Logan Berry Bush.

561
00:18:03,038 --> 00:18:03,865
Huh?

562
00:18:04,038 --> 00:18:05,300
Logan Berry Bush?

563
00:18:05,474 --> 00:18:06,824
We didn't
think it through.

564
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:07,999
Okay, everybody,
calm down.

565
00:18:08,173 --> 00:18:09,609
Now, how do we get
down there?

566
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,873
No one goes in without
a vest and a laser gun.

567
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:13,092
Well, that's not happening.

568
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:14,570
I'll go down there!Linda, no!

569
00:18:14,744 --> 00:18:15,920
Laser tag goes against

570
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,922
everything we've
been working on.

571
00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:19,097
And besides...
you're mothers.

572
00:18:19,271 --> 00:18:21,361
Uh-huh.
Where's mommy's gun?!

573
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:22,884
So, welcome to the war.

574
00:18:23,057 --> 00:18:24,711
Okay, first, uh...
let's just try

575
00:18:24,885 --> 00:18:26,234
to create a dialogue,
and we'll...

576
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,977
[Dakota shrieks]

577
00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,067
You're gonna get it, Miss Missy!

578
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,069
Why don't you let your gun
do the talking, blabbermouth!

579
00:18:35,243 --> 00:18:36,723
Blabbermouth? [grunts]

580
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,079
Linda, this
isn't right!

581
00:18:45,253 --> 00:18:46,907
Feels pretty good to me!

582
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,910
I am ordering you
to put down your gun

583
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,954
and go cradle your daughter!

584
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,653
No! I'm gonna shoot her instead!

585
00:18:52,826 --> 00:18:54,088
Ha! Gotcha!

586
00:18:54,262 --> 00:18:56,569
I gave you that one!Nah!

587
00:18:56,743 --> 00:18:58,093
This is seriously hurting
your chances

588
00:18:58,267 --> 00:18:59,747
of receiving
the MVM award!

589
00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:01,923
Maybe I should give
the sash to Cynthia, huh?

590
00:19:02,096 --> 00:19:03,490
Die, Logan!

591
00:19:03,663 --> 00:19:05,578
Oh-whoa-whoa-whoa,
seriously? I'm the MVM?

592
00:19:05,752 --> 00:19:07,971
What?! The sash! Oh!

593
00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:10,060
That's for
kidnapping me!

594
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:11,801
Ooh! Aah!

595
00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:14,065
And that's for taking me
to The Momgina Monologues!

596
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,720
You almost killed your mother.
I hope you're happy.

597
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,417
I am.
Any last words?

598
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:21,115
Yes. I just wish...

599
00:19:21,289 --> 00:19:23,117
I just wish you
liked me, that's all.

600
00:19:23,291 --> 00:19:25,076
But I guess you never will,
so go ahead,

601
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:26,773
put me out of my misery.

602
00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:29,429
Is this all 'cause you think
I don't like you?

603
00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:33,084
Go on. Just do it. Just go.
Take me out. Go ahead.

604
00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:37,087
[sighs]
Mom, I guess I've been
kind of a "B" word today.

605
00:19:37,262 --> 00:19:39,916
You have. But I came on
a little strong.

606
00:19:40,090 --> 00:19:41,701
I'm sorr...

607
00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:44,617
You! You ruined my beautiful
seminar, you little brat!

608
00:19:44,791 --> 00:19:46,619
And now you're gonna pay!
[screams]

609
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:49,144
Aah!
No! My baby!

610
00:19:49,317 --> 00:19:51,277
Suck on this
soup tube, Dakota!

611
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:53,060
It's laser-flavored!

612
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:55,802
Mom, nice!

613
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:58,066
[grunts]

614
00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,285
[panting]

615
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:00,807
LINDA:
Look north, Dakota.

616
00:20:00,981 --> 00:20:02,592
Whoa, Mom, amazing!

617
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:03,897
Make my day!

618
00:20:04,071 --> 00:20:05,942
No, no, better before.

619
00:20:06,116 --> 00:20:07,423
Wait, wait. Hold on.

620
00:20:07,596 --> 00:20:09,163
[gasping]

621
00:20:09,337 --> 00:20:10,512
Hey, get off the equipment!

622
00:20:10,686 --> 00:20:11,818
Oh, shove it!

623
00:20:11,992 --> 00:20:13,167
I'm bonding with
my daughter!

624
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,257
Yeah, we're
bonding here!

625
00:20:16,824 --> 00:20:18,391
Best therapy ever.

626
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,827
You should have seen the
way Mom took down Dakota.

627
00:20:21,001 --> 00:20:22,263
Phenomimom, my ass.

628
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,832
My ass, too!
Up high!

629
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,268
Yeah, that my girl!

630
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:27,616
Quit scratching,
you two.

631
00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:29,183
Can't help it.
It itches.

632
00:20:29,357 --> 00:20:30,576
Yeah, mine, too.
Switch?

633
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:32,230
Okay.

634
00:20:32,404 --> 00:20:34,189
Come on.
Scratch like a man!

635
00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:35,798
Give it to me!

636
00:20:35,972 --> 00:20:37,539
Tina, I'm sorry
I wasn't there

637
00:20:37,713 --> 00:20:39,019
to give you your
first shave.

638
00:20:39,193 --> 00:20:42,022
It's okay.
I regretted it anyway.

639
00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:44,286
But it was fun going
to the waxing salon with Dad.

640
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:45,548
He's a screamer.

641
00:20:45,721 --> 00:20:47,636
Ow, Gene!
Not so hard!

642
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:50,030
Aw, man!
Your day sounds better.What?

643
00:20:50,204 --> 00:20:52,859
I want to go shave my legs
with Dad and then regret it.

644
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,644
Yeah, let's make
all the same mistakes

645
00:20:54,817 --> 00:20:56,037
with Dad again tomorrow!

646
00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:57,167
Okay.
Yay, Dad.

647
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:58,865
Oh, screw
all of you.

648
00:20:59,039 --> 00:21:02,042
Ah, Mom.
Come here.

649
00:21:05,915 --> 00:21:10,529
Captioned by
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access.wgbh.org