1 00:00:09,356 --> 00:00:10,271 [dog barks] 2 00:00:15,666 --> 00:00:17,146 [tires screech] 3 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,283 Okay, everyone, I hope you've all chosen 4 00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:25,503 your lab partners wisely.I have. 5 00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:28,158 You'll notice a mixture in front of you on the Bunsen burner. 6 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:30,073 Buns... sen. 7 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,640 This mixture is the most powerful 8 00:00:31,682 --> 00:00:33,597 love potion known to man. 9 00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:36,122 Whatever you do, don't drink it. 10 00:00:36,165 --> 00:00:37,862 Jimmy Junior, no! It will make you 11 00:00:37,906 --> 00:00:40,518 want to touch each other's butts!Too late. 12 00:00:40,561 --> 00:00:42,999 I don't need a love potion to want to do that stuff... 13 00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:45,262 with you.[glass shatters] 14 00:00:47,176 --> 00:00:48,612 MISS JACOBSON: Chad doesn't have a partner. 15 00:00:48,656 --> 00:00:51,354 Maybe he can join you.[moans] 16 00:00:51,399 --> 00:00:52,268 The more the merrier. 17 00:00:57,186 --> 00:00:58,231 [moans] 18 00:01:00,929 --> 00:01:03,106 LINDA: Kids...! 19 00:01:03,149 --> 00:01:05,674 LINDA: Time for breakfast!Damn. 20 00:01:05,716 --> 00:01:08,111 What kind of a maniac wakes up an hour early 21 00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,635 to write erotic fan fiction?Me. 22 00:01:10,679 --> 00:01:12,462 LOUISE: Are there any shows or movies left in the world 23 00:01:12,507 --> 00:01:14,725 that you haven't perved up?No. 24 00:01:14,769 --> 00:01:17,120 That's why I've started writing erotic friend fiction. 25 00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:19,513 Using people at school and zombies. 26 00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:21,385 Oh! Do the janitor and the vice principal. 27 00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:23,430 I think they'd have beautiful children. 28 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:24,692 I did and they don't. 29 00:01:26,781 --> 00:01:29,480 Good morning, my little late bird. What's with the vest? 30 00:01:29,524 --> 00:01:30,873 It's my Welcome Wagon vest. 31 00:01:30,915 --> 00:01:33,049 I'm showing a new girl around school today. 32 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,573 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, Bob, this is what we're seeing tonight!Ugh. 33 00:01:36,617 --> 00:01:39,010 COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCER: Experience patty cake like never before. 34 00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:40,664 Cake. TheNew York Times says, "Cake makes everything 35 00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,537 we've been doing with our hands obsolete." 36 00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:45,016 This week at the Wharf Arts Center.War Farts! 37 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:47,281 Wow. What a must-miss.No kidding. 38 00:01:47,323 --> 00:01:49,152 Stop it. We're going. 39 00:01:49,195 --> 00:01:52,111 [chanting]: Let's get to Cake as fast as we can! Ah!BOB: Ugh. 40 00:01:53,808 --> 00:01:55,593 This is the cafeteria, 41 00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,725 and there's the Cafeteria Lady. Hi. 42 00:01:57,769 --> 00:01:59,597 [heavy thud] 43 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,033 And that's our American flag... 44 00:02:01,076 --> 00:02:02,730 Tina, no offense, but this tour 45 00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:05,733 is giving me a snore-gasm. Show me something good. 46 00:02:05,777 --> 00:02:08,866 Well, there's a typo on the lunch menu. It says "browie." 47 00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:10,782 Seriously, what do you do for fun around here? 48 00:02:10,825 --> 00:02:13,349 I think there's more on the Tina tour than you're showing me. 49 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:16,091 Okay. There is one place I like to go. 50 00:02:16,135 --> 00:02:18,050 TAMMY: What is this? 51 00:02:18,093 --> 00:02:21,228 TINA: The boys' locker room. You can only see up to their ankles. 52 00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:23,707 So, you just go around looking through random holes? 53 00:02:23,752 --> 00:02:26,057 Yes, but not anymore. Now I just look through this one. 54 00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:29,061 Those are Jimmy Junior's feet. I can tell by the way he walks. 55 00:02:29,104 --> 00:02:31,412 So confident, but still figuring things out. 56 00:02:31,454 --> 00:02:32,716 ZEKE: Ha! [chuckles]JIMMY JR.: No, Zeke! 57 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,937 Skid marks. [chuckles]That's not funny. 58 00:02:34,979 --> 00:02:37,634 They're stripes.Smelly stripes. [chuckles] 59 00:02:37,679 --> 00:02:39,942 ZEKE: Phew, you stink!TAMMY: Okay, and who is that? 60 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:43,074 Zeke.He's got some hyper in his diaper. 61 00:02:43,118 --> 00:02:45,817 I'd like to see what that shin bone's connected to.Tammy, don't. 62 00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:49,038 Someone might see us.MAN: Hey, what's going on in there? 63 00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:50,212 Hi, Coach Blevins. 64 00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,215 [Tina groans] 65 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,174 I can't believe I got detention. 66 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:57,045 It's no big deal, Tina. Don't have a crap attack. 67 00:02:57,088 --> 00:02:59,308 Sucks they give you detention for wrestling in the library. 68 00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:02,920 What is this, Nicaragua?Yeah, this school's lame, right, Zeke? 69 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:04,487 [Zeke scoffs]That's Jimmy Junior and Zeke. 70 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:05,967 The feet from the locker room. 71 00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:08,275 Mm, manimal. 72 00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:10,233 Introduce me, okay? [smacks lips] 73 00:03:10,276 --> 00:03:14,193 Here.Oh. Mmuh, mm.... 74 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,239 Hey Jimmy Junior! Zeke. 75 00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,718 This is Tammy. She's new at school. 76 00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:20,242 Hey, [giggles] What's... Hi, what's up? 77 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,592 My loog. [hacks, then spits] 78 00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:25,943 [grunts] You like that, baby? 79 00:03:25,987 --> 00:03:28,120 No.Nice loogie, Zeke. 80 00:03:28,163 --> 00:03:30,296 Hey, Jimmy Junior, look at this. 81 00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,081 [hacking, chokes, coughing] 82 00:03:32,123 --> 00:03:33,300 I'm okay. 83 00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:37,521 Tina! Where the hell have you been? 84 00:03:37,564 --> 00:03:39,740 Did you fall in something shiny on your lips? 85 00:03:39,783 --> 00:03:41,742 Mm. [smacks lips] Strawberry. 86 00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:45,180 I got detention.OTHERS: Detention?! 87 00:03:45,224 --> 00:03:47,096 Really?I can't believe this! 88 00:03:47,139 --> 00:03:49,490 Detention is no big deal, Mom. Don't have a crap attack. 89 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:52,100 What did you just say? 90 00:03:52,144 --> 00:03:55,322 A crap attack. Don't have one. 91 00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:58,237 [gasps] Don't you tell me not to have a crap attack! 92 00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:01,241 I'll have a crap attack any time I want! Now, go to your room! 93 00:04:01,283 --> 00:04:02,633 This is such a snore-gasm.[exhales] 94 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,373 What the hell was that about? 95 00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:07,158 What is it? Yeah.A crap attack? I don't know. Do you? 96 00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:09,639 Don't look at me.Well, you're the one that wanted to have one. 97 00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:13,209 You're the one that sent her to her room for saying it.I don't know what 98 00:04:13,252 --> 00:04:14,992 these kids are saying.Don't have a crap attack. 99 00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,386 [laughing and screaming] 100 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,649 Nice, Bob. Nice.[giggles] 101 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,305 I can't believe Tina got detention. 102 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:26,439 She's changing, Bobby. Tina's turning into a teen. 103 00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:29,572 You've lost her, Mom. Time to focus on your good daughter. 104 00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:31,314 Gene. I'm pretty. 105 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,447 You know, maybe you're overreacting, Lin. 106 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,971 I mean, you did have a crap attack.Ha...! 107 00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:38,146 She's supposed to baby-sit tonight while we're at Cake. 108 00:04:38,189 --> 00:04:40,409 Can we even trust her now?That's a good point. 109 00:04:40,454 --> 00:04:42,499 Maybe we should stay home.What? 110 00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:44,196 Please?We're not skipping Cake. 111 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,286 Okay, fine. But I'm gonna complain the whole time. 112 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:47,939 Yeah! 113 00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,598 You're the baddest girl in detention, Tina. 114 00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:58,122 Tell me about it, stud.[giggles] I'm a stud. 115 00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,473 I'm an idiot.I know, Zeke. Don't talk anymore 116 00:05:00,516 --> 00:05:02,432 Tammy, spill that. 117 00:05:02,475 --> 00:05:04,346 Jimmy Junior, mop that up with your pants. 118 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,348 Okay. LINDA: Tina! 119 00:05:06,392 --> 00:05:09,786 We're waiting for you![big sigh] 120 00:05:09,831 --> 00:05:13,050 We need to go over some ground rules for tonight, Miss Mouthy. 121 00:05:13,095 --> 00:05:16,228 No boys, no parties, no summoning spirits 122 00:05:16,271 --> 00:05:18,360 or switching bodies, and no filling the house 123 00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:20,406 with soap bubbles. You hear me, Tina? 124 00:05:20,449 --> 00:05:23,192 Yes. I wear glasses, not hearing aids, Mom. 125 00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:27,196 Ho!Well, I don't wear a hearing aid either, so I didn't hear that. 126 00:05:27,238 --> 00:05:29,764 Haw!Well, good night. 127 00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:32,983 What are you doing with the emergency cell phone? 128 00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,769 Texting my friend Tammy.That'll cost a fortune! 129 00:05:35,812 --> 00:05:37,206 We have a terrible data plan! 130 00:05:37,249 --> 00:05:40,340 Tammy wants to come over. I texted back a smiley face. 131 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:42,384 She texted back some letters I don't understand. 132 00:05:42,428 --> 00:05:45,779 I think she's coming over.Oh, my God, is she or isn't she? 133 00:05:45,822 --> 00:05:48,043 I can't wait to ha... [snores] 134 00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:51,567 Louise, wake up, Louise! [screaming] 135 00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:01,447 Ugh. 136 00:06:09,324 --> 00:06:11,240 Huh? 137 00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:15,418 Cute room. I used to have one of these. I cut its mane off. 138 00:06:15,461 --> 00:06:18,160 I bet that looked cool. I'm totally going to do that. 139 00:06:18,202 --> 00:06:19,552 [whispers]: No, I won't. 140 00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:21,336 This is like watching two monkeys 141 00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:24,209 at the puberty zoo.What's wrong with her face? 142 00:06:24,252 --> 00:06:26,733 Looks like she needs a flu shot in her eyes. 143 00:06:26,776 --> 00:06:30,476 What's this?It's my erotic friend fiction. 144 00:06:30,519 --> 00:06:32,521 "Tina reached towards Jimmy Junior's butt: 145 00:06:32,566 --> 00:06:36,744 'Your lips say no but your butt says yes.'" This is hilarious! 146 00:06:36,786 --> 00:06:39,442 It's not meant to be hilarious. It's supposed to be erotic. 147 00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:42,836 Maybe you don't understand it.Oh, I understand. And I'm into it. 148 00:06:42,879 --> 00:06:45,274 But never let Jimmy Junior see this. 149 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:48,319 He'd be weirded out and he'd never talk to you again. 150 00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:51,411 Really?Oh, my God, there's a little drawing here 151 00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,543 of Jimmy Junior's butt. [laughs] 152 00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:55,805 [farts] Wha...? 153 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,634 What just happened?I think Tammy laugh-farted. 154 00:06:58,678 --> 00:06:59,983 That really smells, Tammy. 155 00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:01,333 What? I didn't fart, you did! 156 00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:03,117 Oh. Okay. 157 00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:06,382 Come on, if you're gonna be loud, you gotta be proud! 158 00:07:06,425 --> 00:07:09,166 Anyway, since you're such a good writer, 159 00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:12,257 how about texting Zeke and Jimmy Junior and inviting them over? 160 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:15,259 I need a Zeke peek.I'm not allowed to have boys over. 161 00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:16,826 [groans] Come on, Tina. 162 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,654 Bring your friend fiction to life. 163 00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,440 Uh...Come on, do it, do it. 164 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,355 Do it, Do it. Good. Okay, okay. 165 00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:25,574 I'll tell them to get their butts over here.Yeah. 166 00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,358 How do you do an emoticon for butt?Three. 167 00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:28,665 Three... three... 168 00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:31,406 Oh, I hope you got a jar to pee in, Gene. 169 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,235 We're gonna be in here a long time. 170 00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:36,456 I've got Tina's rain boot.Okay. I'll take the other one. 171 00:07:37,543 --> 00:07:41,851 [rhythmic clapping] 172 00:07:44,593 --> 00:07:46,466 Isn't her hair cute? I did it. 173 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:49,903 Do I look just like Tammy? This is Tina talking, not Tammy. 174 00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:53,168 Uh, I know who you are.Oh, 'cause I look like Tammy. 175 00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:56,345 No, not really.When I'm 14, I'm gonna shave my head bald. 176 00:07:56,387 --> 00:07:58,259 You guys want to play truth or dare? 177 00:07:58,302 --> 00:08:01,567 Great, good. I dare us all to drink this! 178 00:08:01,610 --> 00:08:03,918 Margarita Mix! The heavy stuff! 179 00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,658 Cool.That's my mom's! 180 00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:09,009 I know, I took a little booze cruise through your living room. 181 00:08:09,052 --> 00:08:11,708 Does margarita mix have alcohol in it? 182 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:14,189 No. Mom uses it to fill the humming bird feeder. 183 00:08:14,231 --> 00:08:18,105 [gulps] Oh, my God, I totally feel it. 184 00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:21,196 Whoo! Come on now, let's kick on some tunes! 185 00:08:21,238 --> 00:08:23,024 I want to hear some FM, baby. 186 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:26,244 [grunting]You're disgusting. Whoo! 187 00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:29,160 Whoo-hoo!Oh, my God. I can't stop. 188 00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:31,553 Come on, girl! Come on!I can't stop! I can't stop! 189 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,294 I'm dancing! I'm dancing, baby! 190 00:08:33,337 --> 00:08:37,038 [gasps] My porcelain horse, Horselain! 191 00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:39,953 Leg's broke. We gotta shoot it.Sorry, Horselain. 192 00:08:39,996 --> 00:08:41,825 Let's shift into after-party mode. 193 00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:44,393 [turns off radio]Okay, after party is over. Time to go home. 194 00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:47,091 Come on, Tina. We were just starting to have fun. 195 00:08:47,134 --> 00:08:48,701 I got to go anyway. My dad's girlfriend 196 00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,181 just had a baby and she's nursin'. 197 00:08:50,225 --> 00:08:52,269 I want to go check that stuff out. 198 00:08:52,313 --> 00:08:54,663 I'd check that out with you, Zeke.TINA: I'll walk you out. 199 00:08:54,707 --> 00:08:56,623 Come on, Tammy![sighs] So lame. 200 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:01,541 Later, square bear.Bye. 201 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,456 [sighs]LOUISE: Tina, Tina, Tina. 202 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,241 Or should we say Margaritina? 203 00:09:07,284 --> 00:09:09,287 Don't tell Mom and Dad.Okay, 204 00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,594 but it's gonna cost you.$10,000. 205 00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:15,250 Or... you do all our chores for a month! 206 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:16,817 Oh, that's better. That's better. 207 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:19,688 First chore: rinse all the pee out of these boots. 208 00:09:19,732 --> 00:09:21,342 And this one needs plunging! 209 00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:24,606 LINDA: We're back! 210 00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,347 Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. How was Cake? 211 00:09:26,390 --> 00:09:28,044 Eh...Loved it! 212 00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:30,264 It made me so hungry. Now, I'm craving cake. 213 00:09:30,307 --> 00:09:32,222 Who wants to cake with me? Gene? 214 00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:33,876 No thanks. Ever. 215 00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:37,184 Oh, you changed your hair.Or maybe her hair changed her. 216 00:09:37,227 --> 00:09:39,100 ♪ Dum dum dum. 217 00:09:39,143 --> 00:09:40,448 There's nothing sweet in here. 218 00:09:40,491 --> 00:09:42,145 Maybe I'll have a drink instead. 219 00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,235 No!No? 220 00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:46,889 What's gotten into you, Little Miss Mommy Can't Drink? 221 00:09:46,933 --> 00:09:49,197 You did hit those Sambucas pretty hard 222 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,591 during intermission, Lin.Hey! If they didn't want you to pound 'em down, 223 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,418 they'd give you more than ten minutes, right? 224 00:09:53,461 --> 00:09:55,812 Oh, you are drunk, Mom.No, I'm not. 225 00:09:55,855 --> 00:09:58,640 Yeah, 'cause you're yelling.I'm talking normal. 226 00:09:58,684 --> 00:10:00,643 Hm.Mommy doesn't get drunk. 227 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,905 She just has fun. Crackers, where's the crackers? 228 00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:04,647 You're coming to bed with me. Come on. 229 00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:05,995 [sighs with relief] 230 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,740 Hey, Tina, since you crapped out last night, 231 00:10:10,783 --> 00:10:12,307 I talked Zeke and Jimmy Junior into 232 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,787 cutting and going to the mall. 233 00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:16,179 Cutting what?Cutting classes. 234 00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:17,355 Come on. You owe me. 235 00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:18,879 Sorry, Tammy. I don't want to cut. 236 00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,576 I thought you might be like this. 237 00:10:21,881 --> 00:10:23,710 [gasps] That's my erotic friend fiction! 238 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,928 Uh-uh-uh. See, this stays with me. 239 00:10:25,972 --> 00:10:28,105 And if you don't stop acting like a prude-a-bega 240 00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:31,065 and come to the mall, I'm going to give it to Jimmy Junior! 241 00:10:31,107 --> 00:10:33,807 But you said if he ever saw it, he'd never talk to me again. 242 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,460 Yeah. It's called a threat. 243 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,245 Oh. But I thought we were friends. 244 00:10:37,288 --> 00:10:41,075 We are. That's why I'm making you go on a double date with me. 245 00:10:41,118 --> 00:10:42,597 Don't be such a boob punch. 246 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,861 Okay.But first, let's fix you up. 247 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,038 Hello, Glamsterdam. 248 00:10:52,607 --> 00:10:54,566 Now we're ready to go to the mall. 249 00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,655 OLLIE [screams]: Bathroom clowns! 250 00:10:59,745 --> 00:11:02,225 Isn't the mall so much better than being in school right now? 251 00:11:02,269 --> 00:11:04,272 Yeah.Hell, yeah! I guess. 252 00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:06,403 Jimmy Junior, what do you think of Tina's new look? 253 00:11:06,447 --> 00:11:07,578 Pretty trash-tastic, huh? 254 00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:08,971 Yeah, I mean... sort of. 255 00:11:09,015 --> 00:11:10,669 Piercing booth! 256 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,105 Y'all do nips or scrotes? 257 00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,802 Tina, let's get our tongues pierced! 258 00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:15,152 I-I don't want to pierce my tongue. 259 00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:17,720 Yes, you do.No, I really don't. 260 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,548 Jimmy Junior, you can read, right? 261 00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,549 Yeah. Mr. School. 262 00:11:21,592 --> 00:11:23,072 Not really. 263 00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,249 Fine. I'll do it. But I only have three dollars 264 00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,817 and a coupon for my dad's restaurant. Okay. 265 00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:28,904 What can we get for that? 266 00:11:28,948 --> 00:11:30,471 I can give you temporary tattoos. 267 00:11:30,514 --> 00:11:31,951 Temp tramp stamps! 268 00:11:33,779 --> 00:11:35,782 Where's Tina? She should be doing this. 269 00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:38,436 I'm so tired of being hurt by her. 270 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,307 It's a bunch of grown-ups playing patty-cake. 271 00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,875 I don't get it, Bob.Then you don't get me, Teddy. 272 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,311 You don't get me. 273 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:44,790 Oh, he's been slapping everything 274 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,052 since we got back from that show. 275 00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:47,663 It's called "caking," Lin. 276 00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,186 You know. You were there.No, I don't know. 277 00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:50,797 No. I fell asleep.Come on. Do it with me. 278 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,711 No! My hands still hurt from yesterday. 279 00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:55,149 Teddy? How about you? Put up your hands.No, thank you. 280 00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:56,889 I just kind of want to cake with somebody! 281 00:11:56,932 --> 00:11:58,760 All right. 282 00:11:58,804 --> 00:12:00,894 Ow! 283 00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:02,634 I don't like it, I don't like it. 284 00:12:02,677 --> 00:12:04,245 Stop! Keep your hands up! 285 00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:06,202 I don't like it! I don't like this! 286 00:12:06,246 --> 00:12:07,203 Keep 'em up! 287 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:08,727 Just stop! 288 00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,730 Just stop, Bob. I don't like it. 289 00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:13,080 Don't lower your hands, Teddy!You're scaring him. 290 00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:14,734 Oh... He's crying. 291 00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:17,083 It's not fun for everyone, Bob.[bell on door chimes] 292 00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:19,389 Tina! You're late! 293 00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:21,043 You didn't get detention again, did you? 294 00:12:21,087 --> 00:12:22,828 No. I'm just late, okay? 295 00:12:22,871 --> 00:12:24,177 What is all that goop on your face? 296 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:25,875 And why are you showing so much skin? 297 00:12:25,918 --> 00:12:27,355 [sighs] 298 00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:31,706 [sighs] 299 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,796 Is that a dinosaur over your tar pit? 300 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,971 Here you go.What? No. 301 00:12:36,015 --> 00:12:38,888 Oh, you want us to tell Mom and Dad about your margarita party? 302 00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,323 And your new tat? 303 00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,630 Uh... no, I'll do it. 304 00:12:42,673 --> 00:12:44,327 Oh, okay! 305 00:12:44,371 --> 00:12:46,155 And when you're done here, change my litter box. 306 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,201 And don't tell Mom and Dad about my litter box. 307 00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,225 Tina! There you are. 308 00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,662 I told Zeke and Jimmy Junior 309 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,272 that we'd hang out at the park tonight, 310 00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:16,883 and you'd bring margaritas. 311 00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:18,100 No, Tammy, I can't. 312 00:13:18,144 --> 00:13:19,624 Ah! Tina! 313 00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:22,452 Can't you tell that Jimmy Junior likes the new you? 314 00:13:22,496 --> 00:13:24,280 Yeah, I guess. Then why do you keep fighting it? 315 00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:26,326 I wish I didn't have to force you have fun. 316 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:27,807 Sorry. You know what? 317 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,765 Let's see what happens when we lose the glasses. 318 00:13:30,809 --> 00:13:32,375 They kind of make your face look like math class. 319 00:13:32,419 --> 00:13:34,203 Thank you?No, math class is bad. 320 00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,683 Oh. 321 00:13:35,726 --> 00:13:37,206 There we go. That's so much better, right? 322 00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,080 Yeah. 323 00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:48,479 Ah! 324 00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:49,653 Oh, no. 325 00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:51,961 Ow. Tina? Tina? 326 00:13:52,004 --> 00:13:53,267 What the hell is going on? 327 00:13:53,309 --> 00:13:54,355 I wasn't sneaking out. 328 00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:56,139 Try again! 329 00:13:56,182 --> 00:13:58,533 Over here. Woo-hoo! What happened to your glasses? 330 00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,840 And where were you going with my margarita mix? 331 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:02,537 I was just gonna meet some people at the park. 332 00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,278 What? [phone buzzing] 333 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,541 Hold on. The emergency phone's buzzing. 334 00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:07,759 "Where are you?" 335 00:14:07,802 --> 00:14:10,806 Who the hell is texting the emergency phone? 336 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,764 It's my friend Tammy. What? 337 00:14:12,807 --> 00:14:14,897 Can I just text her back? She'll be really mad if I don't. 338 00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:18,118 No! You may not text her back, or anyone. 339 00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:20,772 Mom! Stop being a boob punch. Boob punch? 340 00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,948 Your mother's not being a boob punch, Tina. 341 00:14:22,991 --> 00:14:24,167 That's it. You're grounded. 342 00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:27,431 [Tina sighs, phone buzzes] 343 00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:29,129 "Your three is grass." 344 00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:30,607 I don't get it. 345 00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,306 Oh. "Your ass is grass." 346 00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:33,960 It's not funny.I didn't say it was funny. 347 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,264 I just said I figured it out. 348 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,441 [tap] 349 00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:41,009 [tap] 350 00:14:43,273 --> 00:14:44,753 Why weren't you at the park? 351 00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:45,754 I looked like an idiot! 352 00:14:45,797 --> 00:14:47,321 I'm sorry. I got grounded. 353 00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:48,888 You wrecked my chances with Zeke. 354 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,412 That's actually good, Tammy. Zeke's really gross. 355 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,153 I don't feel that way! 356 00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:54,894 Please don't give my journal to Jimmy Junior. 357 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,198 Oh, I'm not.Oh, good. 358 00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:58,331 Yeah, no, I'm going to read your freak fiction 359 00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:01,682 out loud to everyone tomorrow during lunch. 360 00:15:01,725 --> 00:15:03,727 No, you can't. 361 00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,817 It includes material that may not be suitable for all ages. 362 00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,557 [fakes crying]: Don't worry. 363 00:15:07,601 --> 00:15:09,517 No one's going to hear all the nasty details 364 00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:10,952 over the judgmental laughing! 365 00:15:10,996 --> 00:15:12,823 You're going down, Tina! 366 00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,260 [moans] 367 00:15:17,828 --> 00:15:19,482 Tina! Hurry up! You might be grounded, 368 00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,311 but you still got to go to school, little lady. 369 00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:23,356 Mom, I have a fever. 370 00:15:23,399 --> 00:15:25,402 It says you're done if you're a pork loin. 371 00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,360 Meat thermometer? What, are you new here? 372 00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:29,144 Well, let's go, little piggy. Off to school! 373 00:15:29,188 --> 00:15:31,581 I can't go to school today.Why? 374 00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:33,062 Because. Why? 375 00:15:33,105 --> 00:15:36,239 Because Tammy stole my erotic friend fiction. 376 00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:38,327 She's gonna read it out loud during lunch today. 377 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,938 Everyone's gonna laugh at me 378 00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,984 and think I'm a freak, especially Jimmy Junior. 379 00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,246 [crying] Aw... 380 00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:46,770 Is that why you've been acting so bad lately? 381 00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,424 Yeah. She's blackmailing me. 382 00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,036 Blackmail? 383 00:15:50,078 --> 00:15:51,863 No one blackmails our sister but us! 384 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:54,649 Yeah! Messing with Tina is a privilege, not a right. 385 00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,042 All right, you two, scoot. 386 00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,390 I need some private time with Tina. 387 00:15:57,433 --> 00:15:58,434 Tina... 388 00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,176 Tammy can't embarrass you. 389 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:01,743 The only one who can embarrass you is you. 390 00:16:01,785 --> 00:16:03,048 Yeah? 391 00:16:03,091 --> 00:16:06,052 And you're a creative, imaginative girl. 392 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,356 You just be you, 393 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,359 and Tammy can go sit in syrup. 394 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:10,794 Let the bees get her. 395 00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,100 What about Jimmy Junior? 396 00:16:12,144 --> 00:16:13,972 He's into dancing, right? 397 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:16,278 He probably likes the artsy-fartsy girls like you. 398 00:16:16,322 --> 00:16:17,802 Maybe you're right, Mom. 399 00:16:17,846 --> 00:16:18,977 Yeah, of course I'm right. 400 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,587 I've got nothing to be embarrassed about. 401 00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:21,980 No, you do not. 402 00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:24,244 I'm going to write the most erotic, graphic, 403 00:16:24,287 --> 00:16:26,028 freakiest friend fiction ever. 404 00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:28,291 All right! Freaky friend fiction! 405 00:16:28,335 --> 00:16:30,293 And I'm gonna read it to the whole school myself. 406 00:16:30,336 --> 00:16:31,990 That's the Tina I know! 407 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,078 C'mere. 408 00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:34,818 ♪ My little baby's back 409 00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:36,298 ♪ My teeny Tina. 410 00:16:36,342 --> 00:16:37,474 She got a new skateboard...she was so mean to her. 411 00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,040 LOUISE: Yeah, that's right. 412 00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:41,043 Put on that pretty, pretty lipstick, Tammy. 413 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:43,263 Then kiss you ass good-bye with it. 414 00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:45,134 Yeah! Unless you lived inside of Mom, 415 00:16:45,177 --> 00:16:46,701 you can't mess with Tina. 416 00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:48,745 We're Belchers, from the womb to the tomb! 417 00:16:48,789 --> 00:16:51,052 We need to get that backpack 418 00:16:51,096 --> 00:16:53,099 and steal the journal back from her. 419 00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:57,754 Hello. 420 00:16:57,798 --> 00:17:00,758 Andy, can I take your backpack on a walk? 421 00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,107 We'll be back in two minutes. 422 00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:04,284 My backpack's gonna miss your backpack. 423 00:17:04,326 --> 00:17:05,720 We'll get through this. 424 00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:10,724 Sorry, gotta frisk you for weapons. 425 00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:13,031 Ugh. You got brownie all over me, jerk. 426 00:17:13,075 --> 00:17:14,729 She's clean. 427 00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:16,512 [toilet flushes] 428 00:17:18,993 --> 00:17:20,778 Ooh, yikes. 429 00:17:20,821 --> 00:17:22,084 Try some club soda. 430 00:17:22,127 --> 00:17:23,954 Oh, thanks so much. Was I talking to you? 431 00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:25,086 [laughing]: I guess you weren't. 432 00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,567 Ha ha ha ha! 433 00:17:26,609 --> 00:17:27,828 Sucker. 434 00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,352 I got the goods. 435 00:17:29,395 --> 00:17:31,223 On to the cafeteria to save Tina! 436 00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,269 And get me another browie! 437 00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:35,315 So Tina's rotten friend Tammy 438 00:17:35,357 --> 00:17:36,924 threatened to read Tina's private writing 439 00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:38,665 in front of the whole school. 440 00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,842 But we had a talk, and Tina's feeling better, so... 441 00:17:40,884 --> 00:17:43,932 What'd you tell her?I told her she's very creative, 442 00:17:43,974 --> 00:17:46,500 and not to be embarrassed, no matter what.Well, that's good advice. 443 00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:48,675 Yeah. And then Tina had a great idea. 444 00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:51,069 She's gonna read her erotic friend fiction 445 00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:52,809 out loud to the whole class herself. 446 00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:55,290 Tina's gonna read her erotic friend fiction 447 00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:56,814 out loud at school? 448 00:17:56,857 --> 00:17:57,771 That's a great idea? 449 00:17:57,815 --> 00:17:59,948 Huh. When you say it like that, 450 00:17:59,990 --> 00:18:01,340 it doesn't sound as good 451 00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:02,864 as when I said it with Tina. 452 00:18:02,906 --> 00:18:04,778 Right, 'cause she's gonna read... 453 00:18:04,821 --> 00:18:06,085 BOTH: ...erotic friend fiction out loud at school. 454 00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,128 out loud... Loud... 455 00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,391 at school. At school! 456 00:18:08,434 --> 00:18:10,872 Oh, my God! What have I done? I'll drive. 457 00:18:10,914 --> 00:18:12,481 Attention, everybody. 458 00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:14,093 It's time for announcements. 459 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:17,313 The first one is from our new student, Tammy Larson. 460 00:18:17,356 --> 00:18:18,792 Good afternoon, everybody. 461 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,142 [clears throat] 462 00:18:20,185 --> 00:18:22,012 I would like to present to you a... 463 00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:23,537 What the hell? 464 00:18:23,579 --> 00:18:25,930 Cool! Mom packed tampons for lunch! 465 00:18:25,973 --> 00:18:26,931 Ooh, share! 466 00:18:26,974 --> 00:18:29,673 I have an announcement. 467 00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:32,067 It's an erotic friend fiction story that I just wrote. 468 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,200 I hope you like it, because you're all in it. 469 00:18:34,242 --> 00:18:36,506 It's called "Buttloose."This is even better. 470 00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,160 Tina! Tina! 471 00:18:38,203 --> 00:18:41,163 We got your journal back from your best friend slash enemy. 472 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,772 I don't need it anymore. 473 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,035 [clears throat] 474 00:18:44,078 --> 00:18:45,166 "It was lunch time at Wagstaff. 475 00:18:48,213 --> 00:18:49,432 TINA: Touching butts had been banned 476 00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:50,999 by the horrible Headmaster Frond." 477 00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:53,784 What?No... no, no, no. 478 00:18:53,827 --> 00:18:56,308 "Suddenly, Tina Belcher appeared in the doorway. 479 00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:57,788 She knew what she had to do. 480 00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,398 She grabbed Jimmy Junior's butt, 481 00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:00,748 and changed the world." 482 00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:04,055 Okay, Tina, that was a great story. 483 00:19:04,098 --> 00:19:05,578 Now let's pass back the mike. 484 00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:08,103 "Everyone began to touch each other's butts. 485 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,799 "Omar touched Jocelyn's butt. 486 00:19:09,844 --> 00:19:11,540 "Chad the Zombie 487 00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:12,890 "touched the butt of that girl with the frosted hair 488 00:19:12,933 --> 00:19:14,892 from my art class. I think her name is Kristi." 489 00:19:14,935 --> 00:19:16,894 It's Katie, and ew. 490 00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:18,374 "Even the horrible Headmaster Frond 491 00:19:18,417 --> 00:19:20,549 touched Ms. Jacobson's butt."What? 492 00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:22,248 [stammering] 493 00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:24,467 TINA: "Everyone touched each other's butts, 494 00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:26,861 and it was great."All right, come here. Come here, come here. 495 00:19:26,903 --> 00:19:27,949 Come here. Come here, come over here. 496 00:19:27,991 --> 00:19:29,819 "And then Tammy came up to Tina 497 00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,560 "and said, 'Sorry for everything.'Okay... 498 00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,259 "Tina said, 'That's okay. Let's go to the movies next week.' 499 00:19:33,301 --> 00:19:35,086 The End." LINDA: Tina! 500 00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,653 Don't read your friend fiction! 501 00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,307 But I just finished it. 502 00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:39,700 You're a freak! 503 00:19:39,742 --> 00:19:42,702 [laughing] 504 00:19:44,878 --> 00:19:45,967 [farts loudly] 505 00:19:46,009 --> 00:19:48,577 Ooh. Tammy farted! 506 00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:49,623 Oh, my God! 507 00:19:49,665 --> 00:19:52,191 My ears can smell it! 508 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,626 Laugh fart, laugh fart! 509 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:54,801 Tammy made a blammy! 510 00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:57,020 Ha ha ha! Gross! 511 00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:58,935 No! It... I didn't do it. It wasn't my butt. 512 00:19:58,980 --> 00:20:01,242 [farts]That wasn't me. 513 00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,243 [farting]No! 514 00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:04,202 Oh, ow, ow, ow. That one hurt. 515 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,769 That wasn't me! 516 00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,117 [fading into distance]: I didn't do it. 517 00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:08,858 [crying, farting] 518 00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,512 Why are you guys here? 519 00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,689 I realized maybe reading your friend fiction 520 00:20:12,732 --> 00:20:14,778 in front of everyone wasn't the best idea. 521 00:20:14,821 --> 00:20:15,910 It turned out okay, I think. 522 00:20:15,952 --> 00:20:17,346 No. No. 523 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:18,781 Honey...No, I think it did. 524 00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:20,131 No. No, I'm gonna regret it 525 00:20:20,174 --> 00:20:22,263 for the rest of my life.I think people liked it. 526 00:20:22,307 --> 00:20:24,266 Man, that girl really farted, huh? Hey, Tina. 527 00:20:24,309 --> 00:20:26,615 Was the Jimmy Junior in your story supposed to be me? 528 00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,791 Oh, uh... it's a really common name. 529 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,881 Yeah. It is. Cool story. 530 00:20:30,924 --> 00:20:32,273 Thanks. 531 00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:33,884 Tina, what was that... 532 00:20:33,927 --> 00:20:35,494 Bob? You're a patty daddy? 533 00:20:35,538 --> 00:20:37,192 I love cake! Want to cake with me? 534 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,499 Oh. You know, I'm really not a fan. 535 00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:41,413 A patty cake, a patty cake, a baker's man! Woo! 536 00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,153 Okay, all right. 537 00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:43,980 Work it! That's it. 538 00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:45,634 Got it! More! Low! 539 00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,333 Oh! High! 540 00:20:47,375 --> 00:20:49,290 Down! 541 00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,423 Uh, you guys gotta take this outside. 542 00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:53,034 Let's take it outside.Okay, let's go. 543 00:20:53,076 --> 00:20:54,688 Hi, see you later. Okay... 544 00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:56,342 Having your parents at school. 545 00:20:56,384 --> 00:20:58,909 There's nothing more embarrassing than that.