1 00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:23,762 Bob's Burgers! Fresh ground meat! 2 00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,721 Great atmosphere![ Horn Blows ] 3 00:00:25,807 --> 00:00:28,550 Gene, bring it in. Get out of that burger suit. 4 00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:30,943 We're going. Baseball waits for no one. 5 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,337 [ Sniffs ] It smells like urine. Did you pee in that? 6 00:00:33,423 --> 00:00:36,948 I had to go.I told you not to pee in it after I cleaned up from-- 7 00:00:37,036 --> 00:00:39,908 I'm the only one who wears it. What's the difference?Oh, my God. 8 00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:42,216 What, you don't wanna buy burgers from a guy who smells like pee? 9 00:00:42,302 --> 00:00:44,478 No one can place where it's coming from. 10 00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:47,829 I can't believe you'll close the restaurant to go to a baseball game. 11 00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:50,527 Louise, this isn't just a game. We bought an ad at the ballpark. 12 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:52,356 That's worth closing for, right? 13 00:00:52,442 --> 00:00:56,098 Oh, can't wait to see it. It's gonna be so exciting. We're famous. 14 00:00:56,185 --> 00:00:58,884 It looks like a hot dog wrapper stuck in the net. 15 00:00:58,970 --> 00:01:01,234 Like, a really tiny hot dog. 16 00:01:01,322 --> 00:01:03,018 I did think it was gonna be a little bigger. 17 00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:05,716 I think more people would see your ad if it was a urinal cake. 18 00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:08,242 Are you kidding? I wish I could afford a urinal cake ad. 19 00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:10,548 All this talk about cake is making me hungry. 20 00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:13,203 I'm gonna flag down the ice cream sandwich guy. Hey! 21 00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:15,552 Play ball! 22 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,599 Welcome to opening day of minor league baseball. 23 00:01:18,686 --> 00:01:22,646 Let's hear it for your Wonder Wharf Wonderdogs! 24 00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:25,388 [ Applause, Cheers ]Please give a big Wonderdog welcome to Phenom, 25 00:01:25,475 --> 00:01:28,218 the Korean bunt specialist! 26 00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:30,873 I never realized baseball had so much butt touching. 27 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,875 That's how they communicate, Tina. 28 00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,877 It's like braille, but with butts. 29 00:01:34,963 --> 00:01:36,531 [ Gene ] Read my butt! 30 00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:39,533 [ Groans ] I'm bored. 31 00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:41,710 Boredom. Boring sports. 32 00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:44,320 Hey, it's the seventh-inning stretch. Time for the mascot race. 33 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:46,280 Well, hello! 34 00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:48,498 Please welcome the owner of the Wonderdogs, 35 00:01:48,585 --> 00:01:50,848 Mr. Calvin Fischoeder! 36 00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:51,676 Fish! 37 00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,329 It's that time. 38 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,245 Now cheer for your favorite mascot. 39 00:01:55,331 --> 00:01:57,204 Mr. Fischoeder owns the team? 40 00:01:57,290 --> 00:01:59,379 He owns the ballpark, the team, Wonder Wharf. 41 00:01:59,466 --> 00:02:01,555 I'm gonna marry that man.No, you're not. 42 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,340 I wanna be rich! 43 00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:05,820 Don't be frightened. I have a gun. 44 00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,649 So get set. 45 00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:09,606 - [ Gunshot ] - [ Fans Cheer ] 46 00:02:09,693 --> 00:02:11,782 Where has this sport been all my life? 47 00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:14,742 You know, I wear the burger costume all the time. 48 00:02:14,830 --> 00:02:17,137 Maybe I could race in one of these races, Dad. 49 00:02:17,223 --> 00:02:19,835 I bet it's impossible to get in, Gene. I'm sure you gotta know someone. 50 00:02:19,921 --> 00:02:22,881 You do. It's Mr. Fischoeder, our landlord. 51 00:02:22,967 --> 00:02:26,146 Well, I can't ask a favor of a guy I've never paid rent on time to. 52 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,842 You're his son, Gene. He'll ask him. 53 00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:28,931 Yay.No, I won't. 54 00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:30,671 Now taking the mound to pitch, 55 00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,891 former major league sensation, Torpedo Jones. 56 00:02:33,978 --> 00:02:37,765 That can't be the same Torpe-- Kids, that's the Torpedo Jones. 57 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:41,421 I can't believe he's still playing. God, he must be... my age. 58 00:02:41,509 --> 00:02:45,555 I speak for everyone here when I say I don't know what a Torpedo Jones is. 59 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,384 Let me tell you, nobody--We don't care. 60 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:50,953 Gene, let me finish. Nobody--That's what I was trying to prevent. 61 00:02:51,039 --> 00:02:55,478 Nobody pitched like Torpedo. I was there for his greatest moment-- "The Pitch." 62 00:02:55,566 --> 00:02:59,308 It was 15 years ago, but I remember it like it was 10. 63 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,919 His pitch was the split-finger skadootch. 64 00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:05,097 - [ Cheers ] - Torpedo clinched the pennant for us with that pitch. 65 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,578 If he's so good, why have we never heard of this guy? 66 00:03:07,664 --> 00:03:09,623 Because he didn't last long in the bigs. 67 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,626 The skadootch is just one of those pitches. 68 00:03:11,712 --> 00:03:13,670 When it was on, it was really on. 69 00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:16,021 But when it wasn't, 70 00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:20,634 it's like hitting candy out of a baby's hand with a bat. 71 00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:23,158 Wait. You mean it's hard because babies hands are so small? 72 00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:25,378 No, it's easy because--How could you hit a baby? 73 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,424 Nobody would hit a baby's hand with a bat in real life. 74 00:03:27,510 --> 00:03:29,078 I don't understand. Was he fired from the bigs... 75 00:03:29,164 --> 00:03:30,775 'cause he hit a baby with a bat? 76 00:03:30,861 --> 00:03:32,211 I'm not interested in talking to you. 77 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:37,651 Sorry, Gene. I don't see Fischoeder anywhere. Let's get going. 78 00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:40,741 That's all right. I only wanted to do it really, really bad. 79 00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:42,743 Oh, there's Torpedo! 80 00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:45,180 Dad, ask Torpedo about the mascot races. 81 00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:47,182 Maybe he can get Gene in.Yeah! 82 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:50,098 Kids, come on. I can't bother Torpedo. He's, like, my role model. 83 00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:53,711 Oh, that's creepy. Your role model is the same age as you? 84 00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:56,888 I would never have another nine-year-old as my role model. 85 00:03:56,974 --> 00:03:58,454 Hey, Torpedo!Louise-- 86 00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:02,633 My dad is a huge scout for the Baseball League of America. 87 00:04:02,719 --> 00:04:05,200 Kidding. But he has a favor to ask you. 88 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:08,335 [ Chuckles ] Hi. I'm a huge fan. 89 00:04:08,421 --> 00:04:10,162 I was there for "The Pitch." 90 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,687 So, what can I do for ya? Picture? Autograph? 91 00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,602 Three bucks each, both for five. 92 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,778 Uh, yeah, both would be great. 93 00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:18,345 Dad! 94 00:04:18,432 --> 00:04:20,999 Oh. And, uh, my kid wants to run in the mascot race. 95 00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:23,000 You don't think--Hey, Russell! 96 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,569 Some kid here wants to run in a mascot race. 97 00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,658 For you, Torpedo, I'll make it happen. 98 00:04:27,745 --> 00:04:30,007 I've gotta free up one of these outfits. 99 00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:32,620 No, you don't. I got my own.It's a burger. 100 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,838 Easy enough.Thanks a lot, Torpedo. 101 00:04:34,925 --> 00:04:37,538 - Good luck out there, sport. - Linda, did you hear that? 102 00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,800 Torpedo Jones called me "sport." 103 00:04:39,887 --> 00:04:42,978 He didn't call you "sport." He called Gene "sport."No, he was looking right at me. 104 00:04:43,064 --> 00:04:46,024 Yeah. He called me "sport" and he tousled my hair. 105 00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:47,983 It was great, Gene. You were great. 106 00:04:48,069 --> 00:04:50,072 I'm a great tousle receiver. 107 00:04:50,158 --> 00:04:52,726 Wow. Wearing the burger suit in the mascot race, Gene. 108 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,598 That's advertising, huh? 109 00:04:54,685 --> 00:04:55,947 Don't touch me! 110 00:05:00,473 --> 00:05:04,826 It was so nice of Torpedo to give us these seats so we can watch Gene's race. 111 00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:07,480 You can really make out the players' tattoos from here. 112 00:05:07,567 --> 00:05:09,961 Makes you wonder about the tattoos we can't see. 113 00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:11,615 [ Quietly ] On their butts. 114 00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:13,747 How you doing, Gene? You feeling fast?No. 115 00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:15,314 I feel queasy. 116 00:05:15,401 --> 00:05:17,228 Got some butterflies, ace?Torpedo. 117 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:20,014 Want my advice, kid? It's a mascot race. 118 00:05:20,101 --> 00:05:22,190 All you gotta do is stay on your feet. 119 00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,235 Let the other guys trip over themselves. 120 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,108 It's time for the mascot race! 121 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,677 Whoo-ee!Goody. 122 00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,853 Remember, you're an ambassador for our restaurant. 123 00:05:31,939 --> 00:05:34,725 So just try and run well, 'cause you don't run well. 124 00:05:34,812 --> 00:05:36,639 Good luck out there, sport.Oh. 125 00:05:36,726 --> 00:05:38,685 Yeah, I thought earlier you called me "sport," so-- 126 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,904 Nah, that was a nickname for the kid there, Flash. 127 00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:43,386 I'll take Flash. Kids, call me Flash from now on. 128 00:05:43,473 --> 00:05:45,300 Let's split the diff and call you Kiki. 129 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:47,476 Kiki. I like it. 130 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:50,305 Oh, Torpedo, here's a little thank-you for getting Gene in the race. 131 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:52,569 I make burgers for a living, 132 00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:55,050 so it's not weird for me to give you this. 133 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:58,182 I don't think it's weird at all, Bob. Like a good burger. 134 00:05:58,269 --> 00:05:59,706 Mmm. That's a good burger. 135 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,057 Finish this guy back on the mound. 136 00:06:02,144 --> 00:06:05,060 Ha! Torpedo Jones just said I make a good burger. 137 00:06:05,146 --> 00:06:07,757 I want that on my tombstone. Seriously, okay? 138 00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:09,891 No, I already got your tombstone picked out for you. 139 00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:12,459 What? What is it?It says, "Order up." 140 00:06:12,545 --> 00:06:14,634 [ Chuckles ] That's good. Let's go with that one. 141 00:06:14,721 --> 00:06:18,290 Joining your Wonder Wharf mascots today is a special guest food-- 142 00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:21,031 a burger-- a boy who is also a burger. 143 00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:22,860 And I have my gun. 144 00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,384 Ready! Set! 145 00:06:25,471 --> 00:06:27,168 [ Gunshot ] 146 00:06:27,255 --> 00:06:28,822 Go get 'em, Gene! 147 00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,391 I reinforced the crotch so he wouldn't tear it. 148 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:34,654 Win, Gene! Avenge Dad's death! 149 00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:37,134 [ Crowd ] Ohh! [ Announcer ] Down goes Sammy Sea Lion! 150 00:06:37,221 --> 00:06:39,399 - [ Imitating Explosions ] - [ Groans ] 151 00:06:39,485 --> 00:06:41,531 Ooh! It's a two-mascot race. 152 00:06:41,617 --> 00:06:43,706 Burger and Captain Pel I. Can. 153 00:06:43,793 --> 00:06:47,841 They're they go, like two, fast, fiery-- Bew! 154 00:06:48,798 --> 00:06:50,584 [ Grunts ] 155 00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:52,499 The burger is your winner. [ Imitates Trumpet Fanfare ] 156 00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:53,935 All right! 157 00:06:54,021 --> 00:06:55,980 Yeah, yeah, yeah! 158 00:06:56,067 --> 00:06:58,242 Well, congratulations, young burger. 159 00:06:58,329 --> 00:07:00,420 Ladies and gentlemen, you can purchase delicious burgers... 160 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:03,466 that look somewhat like him right here at the park. 161 00:07:03,552 --> 00:07:05,728 And at my family's restaurant. 162 00:07:05,815 --> 00:07:08,252 And, uh, what's the name of that restaurant? 163 00:07:08,339 --> 00:07:10,690 Ah-- It's-- It's-- 164 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:13,040 God, I'm there every day.Bob's Burgers! 165 00:07:13,127 --> 00:07:15,216 It's-- Oh, my God.Bob's Burgers! 166 00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:18,045 Gene! No!Never mind. Never mind. That's okay. 167 00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:20,004 Bob's Burgers! Oh, my God!You can get everything you expect from a burger... 168 00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:22,137 at whatever the name of his restaurant is. 169 00:07:22,223 --> 00:07:25,052 Bob's Burgers!Oh, oh, I just remembered. I just remembered. 170 00:07:25,139 --> 00:07:26,968 It's too late. But you can get them here at the park today. 171 00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:29,317 No! Say it! 172 00:07:29,404 --> 00:07:32,276 I won something! I won! I won! I won something! 173 00:07:32,363 --> 00:07:34,322 Yeah, and you didn't fall down like everyone else. 174 00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:36,543 - Tell that to your grandkids. - I will. 175 00:07:36,629 --> 00:07:40,372 Gene, are you kidding me? The name of the restaurant is Bob's Burgers! 176 00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:42,461 Well, I call you Dad. 177 00:07:42,548 --> 00:07:44,550 I think of it as Dad's Burgers. 178 00:07:44,637 --> 00:07:47,423 You live above it! You work in it every day! 179 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,990 Bob, calm down. Calm down. Calm down.I'm sorry, Dad. 180 00:07:50,077 --> 00:07:51,992 Fine. He did great. You did great, Gene. 181 00:07:52,079 --> 00:07:53,646 A gold medal! 182 00:07:53,733 --> 00:07:55,475 Oh, we should get that bronzed. 183 00:07:56,692 --> 00:07:58,913 Strike three! You're out! 184 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:02,437 Torpedo's split-finger skadootch has suddenly started clicking. 185 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,526 I love that burger of yours, Bob. 186 00:08:04,613 --> 00:08:08,356 Hey, after the game, let's all go to Bob's Burgers. 187 00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:09,706 [ Fans Cheer ]Whoo-hoo! 188 00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:12,752 Now that's advertising, huh? 189 00:08:13,709 --> 00:08:15,146 [ Cash Register Rings ] 190 00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:18,932 [ Crowd Chattering ] 191 00:08:19,019 --> 00:08:21,021 Ooh, Angel! 192 00:08:21,108 --> 00:08:23,502 Do they call you that 'cause you're such a good boy? 193 00:08:23,589 --> 00:08:26,331 I did many bad things to escape Cuba-- [ Gunfire ] 194 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,769 [ Man Groans ] things that haunt me in the dark of the night. 195 00:08:28,855 --> 00:08:31,379 Aw! How about another beer? 196 00:08:31,466 --> 00:08:33,990 Man, you kids got a great dad, you know that? 197 00:08:34,077 --> 00:08:36,994 One wife, one family. That's the way to do it. 198 00:08:37,081 --> 00:08:41,389 In the majors, most guys got a whole bunch of families spread out over the 50 states. 199 00:08:41,476 --> 00:08:44,000 When spring training starts, you get your Florida wife. 200 00:08:44,087 --> 00:08:47,438 When it's regular season, it's open season, if you know what I'm talking about. 201 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,789 You kiss your home-field wife and kids good-bye. 202 00:08:49,876 --> 00:08:51,966 You tell 'em you'll miss 'em, and you do. 203 00:08:52,052 --> 00:08:54,881 But you still take some of their toys and re-gift 'em for your away kids. 204 00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,884 I bet you're a great dad. 205 00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:58,494 And three great husbands. 206 00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:00,975 Mr. Torpedo, I couldn't help but notice... 207 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,368 that the ball boy was looking a little lethargic. 208 00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,936 Yeah, he's got lupus or rickets or something. 209 00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:08,548 I don't know why we keep giving that job to these sick kids. 210 00:09:08,634 --> 00:09:10,941 I was wondering if I could offer my services. 211 00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:13,465 I'm very healthy. [ Grunting ] 212 00:09:13,552 --> 00:09:15,729 Okay, okay, okay. Whoa, whoa. Hey. 213 00:09:15,816 --> 00:09:17,730 You got the job. Just stop doing that. 214 00:09:17,817 --> 00:09:19,645 Here's your first ball-girl duty. 215 00:09:19,732 --> 00:09:21,691 Bring me one of your dad's burgers before every game. 216 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:22,778 Okay. 217 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,696 Here's the chewing tobacco you wanted.[ Grunts ] 218 00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,871 And your comic books. 219 00:09:28,958 --> 00:09:31,004 [ Spanish ] 220 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,187 [ Scattered Cheers ]Phenom, is it possible... 221 00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,754 to be in love with 25 people at once? 222 00:09:41,841 --> 00:09:43,582 You're my favorite. 223 00:09:43,669 --> 00:09:45,672 Don't tell Angel. He's fiery. 224 00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:50,240 - Strike three! - [ Cheering ] 225 00:09:50,327 --> 00:09:53,114 Sound the alarm because Torpedo is on fire. 226 00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:56,639 [ Imitates Fire Alarm ] Fire! Fire! Fire! 227 00:09:56,725 --> 00:09:59,250 Not a good idea, Burt. It's a crowded stadium. 228 00:09:59,336 --> 00:10:01,426 That Torpedo is amazing. 229 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:04,211 Has he always been this good?No, he hasn't been good in a long time. 230 00:10:04,298 --> 00:10:06,256 He says my burgers have helped him pitch better. 231 00:10:06,344 --> 00:10:08,172 How does a burger help someone pitch better? 232 00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,347 Here you go, Bob-- a little souvenir. 233 00:10:10,434 --> 00:10:12,567 [ Chuckles ] Thanks, buddy. 234 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,440 Oh, slippery. It's greasy, huh? 235 00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,442 [ Sniffs ] What does this smell like? 236 00:10:17,528 --> 00:10:19,575 Hey, stop sniffing Torpedo's balls. 237 00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,620 [ Laughs ] Get it? 238 00:10:21,707 --> 00:10:23,753 It's like you're in love with him. 239 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,754 Wait. That's our burger. 240 00:10:25,841 --> 00:10:28,105 Oh, crap. Torpedo's putting my grease on the ball. 241 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,977 That's how his skadootch is skadootching so much. 242 00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:34,024 Your hero's using your burger grease to win. That's great. 243 00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:37,592 No, Lin. Torpedo is using my burger grease to cheat. 244 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,073 Oh. 245 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,731 ♪♪ [ Organ ] 246 00:10:45,818 --> 00:10:47,471 [ Crowd Clapping Rhythmically ]So you helped Torpedo cheat. 247 00:10:47,558 --> 00:10:50,084 If that means the Wonderdogs keep coming to the restaurant... 248 00:10:50,171 --> 00:10:53,043 and bringing all sorts of business with them, I say big whoop. 249 00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:55,610 Let the old man throw a greasy skadootch. 250 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,134 [ Sighs ] I don't even know what to think about this. 251 00:10:58,221 --> 00:11:00,311 I-I gotta go take a leak. 252 00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:02,618 Oh, get me an ice cream in a mini helmet! 253 00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:05,620 [ Urinating ][ Zipper Unzips ] 254 00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,187 Bob, you look glum.[ Urinating ] 255 00:11:07,274 --> 00:11:11,495 Oh, I, uh-- You don't hold your-- when you pee. 256 00:11:11,582 --> 00:11:14,760 Why? It's not going anywhere.Okay. 257 00:11:14,847 --> 00:11:17,024 Um, well, what if you found out... 258 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,113 that someone you knew was doing something sort of bad... 259 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,505 and you were helping them do that sort of bad thing-- 260 00:11:21,592 --> 00:11:23,508 Is it me? Is it abortions? 261 00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:25,727 Wait. What?Uh, what were you saying? 262 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,817 Torpedo Jones is greasing the ball, 263 00:11:27,903 --> 00:11:29,600 and he's using my grease to do it. 264 00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:32,908 Mm-mmm. Oh. Come walk with me. 265 00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:36,652 Come behind the scenes. 266 00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:39,741 Torpedo's dazzling pitching is putting more butts in seats... 267 00:11:39,828 --> 00:11:41,918 than this stadium can handle. 268 00:11:42,004 --> 00:11:45,442 Is the roller coaster gonna be okay without those huge planks of wood? 269 00:11:45,529 --> 00:11:47,053 Sure, sure.[ People Screaming Excitedly ] 270 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,447 These people aren't paying for extra wood, Bob. 271 00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:52,058 [ Roller Coaster Chugging ]No one wants to ride Extra Wood Mountain. 272 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,278 Whoa! Watch out! Extra nuts and bolts.[ Nuts, Bolts Clanking ] 273 00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,626 Ow! 274 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,280 People come to baseball games... 275 00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,630 for the same reason they come to the amusement park-- 276 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,633 to be entertained! 277 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,114 Does it really matter if the games are rigged? No! 278 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:06,202 The games are rigged?Yes! 279 00:12:06,289 --> 00:12:08,466 Oh. My wonderdog is hanging out. 280 00:12:08,552 --> 00:12:10,642 Yes. Yes, it is. 281 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,123 I got so caught up in our conversation, I forgot to zip. 282 00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,559 Yeah, I didn't want to say anything.Why not? 283 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,432 I, uh--Compliments are welcome. 284 00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:19,913 Where was I?You were saying the games are rigged. 285 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,870 Yes. The games are all rigged. 286 00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:29,052 I'm not letting my kids play these games anymore. 287 00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,793 [ Fischoeder ] But look at these smiling faces. 288 00:12:30,879 --> 00:12:32,969 Just like those smiling faces-- 289 00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:36,494 smiling at every skadootch the Torpedo throws. 290 00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:40,149 They don't wanna know, Bob. They don't wanna look behind the curtain. 291 00:12:40,236 --> 00:12:43,674 I don't know. It just seems like bad karma or something. 292 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,067 Karma? 293 00:12:45,154 --> 00:12:47,635 There's no such thing as karma. [ Laughs ] 294 00:12:47,722 --> 00:12:49,594 Not in this town.[ Roller Coaster Chugging ] 295 00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,379 [ Grunts ]Oh, just kick 'em. 296 00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,423 - Kick 'em right into the ocean. - Okay. 297 00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:54,817 That's it. 298 00:12:56,557 --> 00:12:59,299 Wait. Why does Tornado want our old grease in a jar? 299 00:12:59,386 --> 00:13:01,128 It's Torpedo, Gene.Oh. 300 00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,738 Uh, it helps him pitch better. 301 00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,260 And don't forget. It's a secret. 302 00:13:04,347 --> 00:13:06,960 Why? Is it against the rules?Technically, yes. 303 00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:08,570 So then it's cheating. 304 00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:11,528 No. What it is is helping people enjoy baseball more. 305 00:13:11,615 --> 00:13:13,226 It's entertainment. 306 00:13:13,313 --> 00:13:15,750 I'm confused. Are you and Mom getting divorced? 307 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,360 What?Oh, my God. You are. 308 00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:19,014 I call Mom!I call Dad! 309 00:13:19,101 --> 00:13:21,712 You guys took both of them.Enough. Go fill the condiments. 310 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,236 I call ketchup!I call mustard! 311 00:13:23,323 --> 00:13:24,977 Aw.You can do horseradish. 312 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:26,500 There's not-- Okay. 313 00:13:26,587 --> 00:13:29,024 Thanks, Bobby. Hey, who wants a burger? 314 00:13:29,111 --> 00:13:31,071 On the Torpedo.Hooray! 315 00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:35,075 Gene, you're defending your title. Are you nervous? 316 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:37,163 Why don't you ask my diarrhea? 317 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,820 You should be nervous. You're a chubby kid in a mascot suit. 318 00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:43,082 That's what I'm saying. I should cheat. 319 00:13:43,169 --> 00:13:45,475 Dad says it's okay when it's for entertainment. 320 00:13:45,562 --> 00:13:47,216 That's right. Let's cheat. 321 00:13:47,303 --> 00:13:49,176 - You see that pelican? - [ Gene ] Yeah. 322 00:13:49,263 --> 00:13:52,352 You're running, right? You have a switchblade taped to your shoe. 323 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,658 - He does? - He will. 324 00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:55,878 And on your other shoe, you'll have a lemon. 325 00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:58,533 Stab, stab, stab! Sting, sting, sting! 326 00:13:58,620 --> 00:13:59,969 "What are you doing?" 327 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:02,537 "I'm squeezing lemon into your wound." 328 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,278 Sweet baby blade foot. 329 00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:07,323 Or... I can give him a nudge and tip him over. 330 00:14:07,410 --> 00:14:09,586 [ Groans ] Really?Yeah. He's top-heavy. 331 00:14:09,673 --> 00:14:11,720 I'll just give him a little tippity-tap. 332 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:14,201 Well, I'm still gluing a knife to my foot. 333 00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:16,289 [ Gunshot ] 334 00:14:16,376 --> 00:14:18,205 Yay, Gene! Go, Gene!That-a-way, Son. 335 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,554 - [ Panting ] - [ Fans Cheering ] 336 00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,251 Tippity-tap. [ Grunts ] 337 00:14:22,338 --> 00:14:25,821 [ Phil ] Ooh! it's a three-mascot pile-up. 338 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:28,041 Go, Gene! All right! Go! 339 00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:32,131 [ Burt ] The Boy Burger wins again! How about that? 340 00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:36,091 Hey, how about this, Phil? [ Imitates Whooping Siren ] 341 00:14:36,178 --> 00:14:38,006 I don't know, Burt. I'm not so sure about that. 342 00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,095 Yay! 343 00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:41,009 I won! I won again! 344 00:14:41,096 --> 00:14:43,794 My brother won. Guys, take off your shirts. 345 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,624 [ Grunting ] 346 00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:50,149 - Good arm pumping, baby. - That's how I disguised the push. 347 00:14:50,236 --> 00:14:53,674 - What push? - He pushed the Cotton Candy mascot so he'd fall over. 348 00:14:53,761 --> 00:14:56,721 - Hooray for cheating. - Gene, how could you? You know that's wrong. 349 00:14:56,807 --> 00:15:00,333 Uh-uh-uh. Not when it's entertainment. You said it yourself. 350 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:03,163 You told them cheating is okay?No, I didn't, Linda. 351 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:04,773 Yes, he did. 352 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,993 Oh, Bobby.Oh, crap. 353 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,821 Go get me a soft serve. And make it a swirl! 354 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:18,134 Look, Gene, when I said it's okay to cheat, I meant for Torpedo, 355 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:20,267 not for you to cheat in your mascot race. 356 00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:23,182 You should really give back one of those medals. 357 00:15:23,269 --> 00:15:25,097 Ooh, but I wanna get a picture of you wearing them before you do. 358 00:15:25,184 --> 00:15:27,187 I'm not giving back my medal! 359 00:15:27,274 --> 00:15:29,450 Those suckers got their money's worth, Pops. 360 00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:33,062 I'm good for business, Dad.From now on, there'll be no more cheating. 361 00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:36,283 - Does that mean I shouldn't give Torpedo this grease? - That's right, Tina. 362 00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:39,677 Yes. No more cheating for anyone in this house. 363 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:42,942 From now on, I won't wear my tummy-tuck jeans. 364 00:15:43,028 --> 00:15:45,769 And good-bye, Brazilian. Hello, rain forest. 365 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,381 Sorry, Dad. 366 00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,210 But if I win tomorrow, 367 00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:53,561 I'll be the first mascot ever to win three races in a row. 368 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:55,955 - I'm a top. - You mean you're on top. 369 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,653 No. I'm a top. [ Grunts ] 370 00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,221 [ Fans Cheering ] 371 00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:03,091 Shew. I was starting to think... 372 00:16:03,178 --> 00:16:04,875 maybe you were gonna leave me high and dry here. 373 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,182 Well, what's in this jar is worth the wait. 374 00:16:07,269 --> 00:16:09,359 What the-- "You don't need to cheat. 375 00:16:09,446 --> 00:16:11,708 You can win without me. 376 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:15,148 If you try your hardest, you've already won. Love, Bob's grease." 377 00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:17,672 That's right, Torpedo. You can win without my grease. 378 00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:20,022 It just took me believing in you. 379 00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:23,111 Now, listen. Gene's about to race, and since you're his role model, 380 00:16:23,198 --> 00:16:26,462 I'm hoping you'll tell Gene he can win without cheating, just like you. 381 00:16:26,549 --> 00:16:29,118 - Who the hell's Gene? - That's... my son. 382 00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,729 You're his role model, and you're my role model too. 383 00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:35,211 Wh-- I can't be your role model. We're the same age. 384 00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:37,125 What's this mean? You cutting me off, Bob-O? 385 00:16:37,212 --> 00:16:39,432 Torpedo, I'm cutting you free. 386 00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:41,000 Come here.Wait. What are you gonna do? 387 00:16:41,086 --> 00:16:43,263 I'm gonna hug you.Slow down there, tiger. 388 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:46,048 Guess I'll have to make this grease last the whole season. 389 00:16:46,134 --> 00:16:49,051 I should have never given you my grease. I created a monster. 390 00:16:49,138 --> 00:16:50,748 You think you started my greasing? 391 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,011 I've always cheated, Bobby. 392 00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:54,838 Not "The Pitch." 393 00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,884 Oh, definitely "The Pitch." 394 00:16:56,971 --> 00:17:01,149 That game, I had a pat of butter in my right nostril, sex jelly in my armpit. 395 00:17:01,236 --> 00:17:04,806 Hell, I was on prescription drugs to stimulate production of earwax. 396 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:07,068 And "The Pitch"? That was courtesy... 397 00:17:07,155 --> 00:17:10,115 of some black-market whale blubber I bought off some Eskimos. 398 00:17:10,202 --> 00:17:12,465 Cute note though, Bob. Bit of advice: 399 00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:15,121 If you want a role model, pick an old guy. 400 00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,078 By the time you grow up, they're dead. 401 00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,909 [ Sighs ] Didn't go great. Gene! 402 00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,912 I'm sure it was fine. Torpedo seems like a reasonable guy. 403 00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:26,435 Torpedo Jones wants you out of his seats this second. 404 00:17:26,522 --> 00:17:28,089 What a schmuck.Gene! 405 00:17:29,917 --> 00:17:31,788 [ Phil ] It's the seventh-inning stretch. 406 00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:33,138 Mascots are lining up. 407 00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:35,489 All right, maybe I have an idea. 408 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:39,579 Hi, fellas. I'd love to say a few words to my son, the burger, over the P.A. 409 00:17:39,666 --> 00:17:41,364 Excuse me.Uh, okay. 410 00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:42,757 [ Chuckles ] Highly unusual. 411 00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,627 Doesn't matter. None of this matters. 412 00:17:44,714 --> 00:17:46,586 Gene. Up here. 413 00:17:46,673 --> 00:17:47,979 Jesus? 414 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,286 No, Gene, it's your father. I'm up here. 415 00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:51,721 You're dead? 416 00:17:51,808 --> 00:17:53,420 [ Chuckles ] Yes.[ Gasps ] 417 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,682 No, I'm-I'm-- [ Chuckles ] I'm kidding. 418 00:17:55,769 --> 00:17:58,685 I'm up here in the booth. Right here. See me? 419 00:17:58,772 --> 00:18:00,949 [ Sniffs ] Boy, this microphone smells like beer. 420 00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:04,299 Well, let's just say A.A. was "A" waste of time. 421 00:18:04,386 --> 00:18:07,607 Winning isn't everything, Gene. Yes, we're all here to be entertained. 422 00:18:07,694 --> 00:18:10,219 But if you, um, cut corners now, 423 00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:13,961 the next thing you know you'll be hiding lard in your nose... 424 00:18:14,048 --> 00:18:16,398 or taking wood out of roller coasters. 425 00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:18,662 Hey, hey, all right, that's enough of that. 426 00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:20,534 Let's start the race. 427 00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:23,363 I'm trying to talk to my son. Gene, run clean. 428 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:24,972 On your mark! 429 00:18:25,059 --> 00:18:27,105 - Gene, what are you gonna do? - I don't know. 430 00:18:27,192 --> 00:18:29,151 You're gonna cheat. That's what you're gonna do. 431 00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:31,326 You're gonna win by cheating! 432 00:18:31,413 --> 00:18:33,286 ♪♪ [ Organ: "Call to the Post" ] 433 00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,590 [ Gunshot ] 434 00:18:34,677 --> 00:18:36,767 [ Panting ] 435 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:40,030 Who wants to see the burger win three in a row?[ Cheering ] 436 00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:41,945 Gene, listen to me. You know what to do. 437 00:18:42,032 --> 00:18:44,384 Bob, triple crown for burger. 438 00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:47,343 - Good for your business. - See? 439 00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:50,432 No, Gene. Don't worry about the advertising. 440 00:18:50,519 --> 00:18:52,347 What are you doing? It's a starter's pistol. 441 00:18:52,434 --> 00:18:54,785 - It's a real gun. Get down. - [ Gunshot ] - What? 442 00:18:54,872 --> 00:18:56,700 Stop shooting. This is crazy. 443 00:18:56,787 --> 00:18:58,354 [ Gunshots Stop ]Oh, good. He stopped. 444 00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:01,009 He's just out of bullets.And down goes Cotton Candy. 445 00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:02,489 It's a two-mascot race. 446 00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,490 Gene, do the right thing. 447 00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,755 Yeah! You can win on your own, Gene! Probably. 448 00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:08,843 [ Pants ] 449 00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:11,672 [ In Slow-motion ] Hey. 450 00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:15,588 All right. Fine. 451 00:19:15,675 --> 00:19:17,416 [ Groans ] 452 00:19:17,503 --> 00:19:20,507 Whoa, whoa! Don't push him! He was gonna push you! 453 00:19:20,594 --> 00:19:23,336 [ Burt ] Congratulations to Captain Pel I. Can. 454 00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:25,032 Oh, Gene, sorry, buddy. 455 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:27,730 Looks like karma caught up to you. 456 00:19:27,817 --> 00:19:30,604 Bob, I told you there's no such thing as karma. 457 00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:32,823 - Uh, yes, there is. - No, I'm afraid there isn't. 458 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,433 I'm afraid there is. 459 00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,826 Is not. 460 00:19:37,827 --> 00:19:41,048 [ Fans Gasping, Chattering ] 461 00:19:42,963 --> 00:19:44,138 [ Wheels Screech ] 462 00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:48,361 [ Metal Clanging, Stops ] 463 00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:50,492 Oh, crap. 464 00:19:52,059 --> 00:19:54,497 See, Gene, this is what happens when you cheat. 465 00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:56,064 That was incredible. 466 00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,806 Cheating is amazing![ Groans ] 467 00:19:58,893 --> 00:19:59,849 Bob? 468 00:19:59,936 --> 00:20:01,678 Oh. Uh, hi. 469 00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:03,767 Sorry about your roller coaster. 470 00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:06,029 Ah, roller coasters come and go, 471 00:20:06,116 --> 00:20:09,032 but Bobs are once in a lifetime. 472 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,078 I admire you.You do? 473 00:20:11,165 --> 00:20:14,604 You remind me of my father. He was honest, and he worked hard. 474 00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:17,215 You an immigrant, Bob?Um, no. 475 00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:18,955 Just swarthy?I guess. 476 00:20:19,042 --> 00:20:21,654 What's swarthy?Um, dark and hairy. 477 00:20:21,741 --> 00:20:24,092 That's you. And me in the future. 478 00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:26,486 Well, unlike you, my father made a fortune. 479 00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:29,096 But in many other ways, you guys are the same-- 480 00:20:29,183 --> 00:20:32,230 two decent, swarthy peas in a pod. 481 00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:36,670 One rich and one... just scraping by.Thanks. 482 00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:38,976 Well, we're off to get a massage. 483 00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:41,195 Come on, Wonderdog. Down, boy. 484 00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:43,807 He's gone, Dad. My future husband's gone. 485 00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:45,505 You drove him away! 486 00:20:45,592 --> 00:20:47,246 Tina, what you got there? 487 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:50,204 The team signed a ball so I'd have something to remember them by. 488 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,250 And I took this jockstrap. 489 00:20:52,337 --> 00:20:55,602 Okay, sweetie. [ Chuckles ] Let's throw that in the wash. 490 00:20:55,689 --> 00:20:57,820 No. Mm-mmm.Come on. Give it to me. 491 00:20:57,907 --> 00:21:00,737 Do you know how many venereal diseases those baseball players have? 492 00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:02,434 I don't care.Whose was it? 493 00:21:02,521 --> 00:21:04,698 Smells like Angel.Angel. 494 00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:07,308 [ Tina ] But don't tell Phenom. 495 00:21:07,395 --> 00:21:08,962 ♪♪ [ Organ ] [ Fischoeder ] Ladies and gentlemen, 496 00:21:09,049 --> 00:21:11,748 you can purchase delicious burgers that look somewhat like him... 497 00:21:11,835 --> 00:21:13,358 right here at the park. 498 00:21:13,445 --> 00:21:15,883 [ Gene ] And at my family's restaurant. 499 00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:18,145 [ Fischoeder ] And, uh, what's the name of that restaurant? 500 00:21:18,232 --> 00:21:20,626 [ Gene ] Ah-- It's-- It's-- 501 00:21:20,713 --> 00:21:22,890 God, I'm there every day. [ Bob ] Bob's Burgers! 502 00:21:22,977 --> 00:21:23,933 [ Gene ] It's-- Oh, my God. 503 00:21:24,020 --> 00:21:24,760 [ Bob ] Bob's Burgers! 504 00:21:24,847 --> 00:21:26,546 Gene! No! 505 00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:28,374 [ Fischoeder ] Never mind. That's okay. [ Bob ] Bob's Burgers! 506 00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:29,853 [ Fischoeder ] You can get everything you expect from a burger... 507 00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:32,115 at whatever the name of his restaurant is. 508 00:21:32,202 --> 00:21:33,552 [ Bob ] Bob's Burgers! 509 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,294 [ Gene ] I just remembered. I just remembered. 510 00:21:35,381 --> 00:21:36,990 [ Fischoeder ] It's too late. [ Bob ] No! Say it!