1
00:00:21,629 --> 00:00:24,850
Okay, kids, thank you for
joining me here in the walk-in.
Thank you all.

2
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:26,373
You said we had to, so--[ Bob ]
Shush.

3
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,679
Brrr! I should've
brought my cardigan.

4
00:00:28,766 --> 00:00:30,725
I have an announcement
about the restaurant.

5
00:00:30,812 --> 00:00:33,250
Here in this box is the beef
that will
make our--

6
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:34,904
Gene, drumroll,
please.

7
00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:37,950
♪♪ [ Imitating Drumroll ]

8
00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:42,999
- Okay, enough.
- ♪♪ [ Drumroll Continues ]

9
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,609
Gene.♪♪ [ Drumroll Stops ]

10
00:00:44,695 --> 00:00:48,570
Here in this box is the beef
that will make our
100,000th burger.

11
00:00:49,527 --> 00:00:51,268
Wow.Can I touch it?

12
00:00:51,354 --> 00:00:55,011
I wanna touch it too.I wanna feel it
between my toes. Mmm.

13
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:57,840
I wanna put a stick
of dynamite in it
and blow it up.

14
00:00:57,926 --> 00:01:00,843
No. What is wrong
with all of you? No one's
touching this meat but me.

15
00:01:00,929 --> 00:01:03,932
I have
an announcement too.
My bra's chafing me.

16
00:01:04,019 --> 00:01:06,022
That's not
a real announcement.Oh, I have one.

17
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:08,763
I love... house music.

18
00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:11,245
There. I said it.
♪♪ [ Imitates Beats ]

19
00:01:11,331 --> 00:01:16,031
And I'm going to get
my gun license, finally.Oh, congratulations.

20
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:18,207
Can't believe they're
making you wait three days.

21
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:19,948
Stop stealing my thunder!

22
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:22,646
I found the banner!

23
00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,561
It's from
our old printer.

24
00:01:24,649 --> 00:01:26,737
You just have to tear off
the holes on the side.

25
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:29,132
We were supposed to hit
100,000 ages ago.

26
00:01:29,218 --> 00:01:30,698
[ Chuckles ]
We were way off.

27
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,265
[ Gene ] Yeah.[ Louise ]
Big time.

28
00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:33,484
[ Chuckles ]Can I--

29
00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:35,138
Let me just--No. Stop it.

30
00:01:35,224 --> 00:01:37,575
[ Tina Sighs ]
There it is.

31
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:38,706
Get it!Dive!

32
00:01:38,793 --> 00:01:39,882
Oh, my God.

33
00:01:39,968 --> 00:01:41,971
[ Sighs ][ Moans ]

34
00:01:42,057 --> 00:01:45,539
[ Sizzling ]Are you number 100,000?

35
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:47,019
[ High-pitched Voice ]
No.

36
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:48,368
[ Normal Voice ]
Are you mad at me?

37
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:49,456
[ High-pitched Voice ]
No.

38
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,849
[ Normal Voice ]
Oh, burger, you're cute.

39
00:01:51,936 --> 00:01:53,156
[ High-pitched Voice ]
You're cute too.

40
00:01:53,242 --> 00:01:54,418
[ Normal Voice ]
I'm not.

41
00:01:54,504 --> 00:01:57,465
Whoa, whoa. Linda,
I think the news is here.

42
00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,162
I wonder if they heard
about our 100,000th burger.

43
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,686
[ Squeaking ][ Shouts ]
What?

44
00:02:01,772 --> 00:02:04,427
[ Clears Throat ]
Hi. How are you?
What can I do for you?

45
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:07,126
Are you Bob?Uh, yeah. I am.

46
00:02:07,213 --> 00:02:10,478
I'm Randy Watkins,
the documentary filmmaker.

47
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,132
Okay. Uh--

48
00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:14,264
We're making a film
about the beef industry.

49
00:02:14,350 --> 00:02:17,615
I heard you
were about to hit
your 100,000th burger,

50
00:02:17,701 --> 00:02:20,227
and I wanted
to shake your hand.

51
00:02:20,313 --> 00:02:22,141
Oh. Yeah. Um--

52
00:02:22,228 --> 00:02:25,187
Because you, sir,
have blood
on your hands.

53
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,625
Ew. Is this ketchup?

54
00:02:27,711 --> 00:02:29,627
It's the blood
of a hundred thousand
slaughtered cows.

55
00:02:29,713 --> 00:02:31,281
You ketchup'd me.

56
00:02:31,367 --> 00:02:33,805
We're here to force you
to face your victims.

57
00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:36,111
Meet your meat.

58
00:02:37,808 --> 00:02:40,508
- What the hell?
- Her name is Moolisa.

59
00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,814
She's due to be "processed"
in five days, Bob,

60
00:02:43,901 --> 00:02:45,990
unless you choose
to spare her life.

61
00:02:46,078 --> 00:02:47,557
- Wh-Why?
- That's right.

62
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:49,995
You will decide her fate.

63
00:02:50,081 --> 00:02:52,911
It's a cow-ntdown.

64
00:02:52,997 --> 00:02:55,913
- [ Timer Beeping ]
- We'll see what your
conscience tells you...

65
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:58,829
when you're
looking your burger
right in the eye.

66
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:02,877
Ow. This is ridiculous.
It's not a crime
to make burgers.

67
00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:05,140
There's no blood
on our hands.[ Bell Rings ]

68
00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:08,579
What's all
the yelling about?

69
00:03:08,665 --> 00:03:12,061
[ Louise ] Turns out Dad's
been putting murdered cows
in our hamburgers.

70
00:03:12,147 --> 00:03:13,975
And you made us
a part of it.

71
00:03:14,062 --> 00:03:15,890
You make me sick.

72
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:19,199
Kids, please.Oh, look. A cow.

73
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,808
Hello, blondie.

74
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:23,420
Oops. I got some meat on you.

75
00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,205
Dead cow on live cow. Gross.
[ Chuckles ]

76
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,945
Oh, my God.

77
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:30,426
Uh, not a good time, Linda.[ Chuckles ]
Ooh.

78
00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:34,474
Randy, stop.
Stop filming.

79
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:37,173
We're not gonna be in your
cow documentary anymore.

80
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:38,956
Well, you don't really
have a choice, Bob,

81
00:03:39,043 --> 00:03:42,046
'cause I stop at nothing
to expose injustice
to animals.

82
00:03:42,134 --> 00:03:44,223
Is that wig glued on?

83
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:47,574
Yeah. It's the only way
it would stay put.
It's to humanize her.

84
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:51,274
It's cute.Hmm. I've seen cuter.
Honestly, she's a four.

85
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,756
Randy,
I-I don't know where to begin.
This isn't even a female cow.

86
00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:58,237
Beef happens
to come from steers,
which are male cows.

87
00:03:58,324 --> 00:04:00,370
Then, uh, how do you
explain that udder?

88
00:04:00,456 --> 00:04:03,242
Whoa. What an udder.[ Bob ]
Get away from there, Tina.

89
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:06,288
That's, um, not an udder.Oh, it's not?

90
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:09,509
Don't listen to him, Randy.
Go ahead and milk that cow.

91
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,467
Milk it good.Oh, we did.

92
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:13,687
You shouldn't have.
Milk doesn't come out of that.

93
00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:15,776
Something came out of it
in that bucket over there.

94
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,300
You mean this bucket
of urine?

95
00:04:17,387 --> 00:04:19,127
I know urine,
and that's urine.

96
00:04:19,214 --> 00:04:20,911
Gene, put that down.No!

97
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:22,697
Well, it certainly
smells like urine.

98
00:04:22,783 --> 00:04:24,612
But that's probably
because she's sick.

99
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:27,396
No, she's not sick.Sick of your practices, Bob!

100
00:04:27,483 --> 00:04:30,487
Okay. We're gonna go inside
and call Animal Control,
and then you'll have to leave.

101
00:04:30,574 --> 00:04:32,488
[ Kids ]
Aw!

102
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:35,274
So you've got all
your permits, and you're
renting this storefront?

103
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,362
Yes.Oh, yeah.

104
00:04:36,449 --> 00:04:38,365
And this cow has had
all its shots?

105
00:04:38,451 --> 00:04:40,062
Yes.Sure, sure,
sure, sure.

106
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:42,194
All right. Well, great.
My job is done.
I'll see you guys later.

107
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,805
[ Both ]
Bye!Bye, animal man.

108
00:04:43,891 --> 00:04:45,675
What?Will you sign a release
to be in the movie?

109
00:04:45,762 --> 00:04:47,461
Yeah. A movie? Yes.

110
00:04:47,548 --> 00:04:49,593
You're gonna be a star.Excuse me.

111
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,595
Thank you.Hello. The person
who called you.

112
00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:53,249
Thank you.You can't have a cow
on the sidewalk.

113
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,033
It's dangerous.Sir, sir,

114
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,471
the only thing dangerous
about this cow
is how adorable it is.

115
00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:00,125
Moo!

116
00:05:00,211 --> 00:05:02,170
Put your hand on this cow
and touch it.What?

117
00:05:02,257 --> 00:05:03,867
I just know that
that's gonna help you.

118
00:05:03,954 --> 00:05:05,740
[ Chanting ]
Touch the cow.
Touch the cow.

119
00:05:05,826 --> 00:05:07,045
Touch the cow.I'm walking away.

120
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,220
[ Gene ]
Touch it.

121
00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:10,613
Oh, right.
Run away, tough guy!

122
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:12,920
Yeah!
Go take a meat bath...

123
00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:16,315
or whatever it is
you people do!

124
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,970
[ Man ] Dial "M" for Mooder,interview one, take one.

125
00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:20,798
[ Clears Throat ]
♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma,
me, me, me, me ♪

126
00:05:20,884 --> 00:05:22,190
Perfect.

127
00:05:22,278 --> 00:05:24,105
Do you think cows should
be ground up for food?

128
00:05:24,192 --> 00:05:26,151
Personally,
I don't really care.

129
00:05:26,237 --> 00:05:28,718
But my father,
he loves grinding them up.

130
00:05:28,805 --> 00:05:31,461
Gives him a rush,
makes him feel alive.

131
00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:34,682
Daddy's a bad, bad man.

132
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:36,814
Is this movie
gonna have a score?

133
00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:39,555
You know, some music
to tug at the heartstrings.

134
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:42,341
I haven't thought
about it yet.Well, check this out.

135
00:05:42,428 --> 00:05:46,997
♪♪ [ Backbeat ]

136
00:05:47,084 --> 00:05:48,651
[ Dog Barks ]Think about it.

137
00:05:48,738 --> 00:05:51,175
Louise, what does that
look like to you?

138
00:05:51,262 --> 00:05:53,613
Cow poop.
Good eye, Tina. Good eye.

139
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:55,832
No. I mean
it's in the shape
of a smiley face,

140
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,401
like an emoticon.Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

141
00:05:58,487 --> 00:06:02,492
You think the cow
is texting you an emoticon
with its butt.

142
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,319
Very interesting.

143
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,670
Maybe this cow is trying
to communicate with us...

144
00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:08,976
the only way it knows how--
with its feces.

145
00:06:09,064 --> 00:06:11,588
Like Gram-Gram used to do.

146
00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:14,677
Mom, let's say you had
a brilliant plan,

147
00:06:14,764 --> 00:06:18,725
but to execute it, you
needed to write something
using cow poop.

148
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,815
- How would you do it?
- Oh. Is this a brain teaser?

149
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:25,384
Hmm. I would use
a frosting bag.

150
00:06:25,471 --> 00:06:27,387
Do we have one?Yeah. In the pantry.

151
00:06:27,473 --> 00:06:29,605
Am I right?
Is it a frosting bag?

152
00:06:29,692 --> 00:06:32,261
We'll see, Mom.Bye.

153
00:06:33,043 --> 00:06:34,480
[ Bell Rings ]

154
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,442
[ Chuckling ]

155
00:06:39,528 --> 00:06:41,617
[ Sinister Laughter ]

156
00:06:41,704 --> 00:06:43,925
[ Laughter Continues ]

157
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,882
[ Laughter Stops ]
Yeah.

158
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,406
Okeydokey.

159
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:52,106
Bye, kids.
Have a good day.

160
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:53,848
[ Louise ]
Murderer![ Groans ]

161
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,110
Oh. Hi, Randy.

162
00:06:56,197 --> 00:06:57,154
Whoa.

163
00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:58,853
Wink with open smile.

164
00:06:58,939 --> 00:07:01,072
Is this for me?It has to be.

165
00:07:01,158 --> 00:07:02,812
What should I do?
Should I text back?

166
00:07:02,899 --> 00:07:03,814
Coming through.[ Squishing ]

167
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:06,076
Oh, no.Ugh.

168
00:07:06,163 --> 00:07:07,295
Hmm.

169
00:07:07,382 --> 00:07:09,516
[ Woman ]
Aw. Look at him.

170
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:11,518
[ Man ]
So cute. Makes me hungry.

171
00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,257
[ Woman ]
Honey, I want
a burger right now.

172
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:15,651
[ Voice Amplified ]
What's wrong
with you people?

173
00:07:15,738 --> 00:07:18,132
[ Voice Amplified ]
Yeah. What's wrong
with you people?

174
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,264
Now, let's talk
about your music budget.

175
00:07:20,351 --> 00:07:22,398
[ Voice Amplified ]
Is it a million?

176
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:24,312
[ Voice Amplified ]
We only need
one megaphone out here!

177
00:07:24,399 --> 00:07:26,793
[ Voice Amplified ]
You know what you need?
You need this!

178
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:30,667
♪♪ [ Backbeat ]

179
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,451
[ Dog Barks ][ Voice Amplified ]
Think about it!

180
00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,932
Wow! We're mobbed.

181
00:07:36,019 --> 00:07:38,066
Thank you, documentary.

182
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:40,981
Linda, the documentary's
about me being
an evil cow killer.

183
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:43,593
[ Louise ]
Murderer!Oh, come on, Bob.

184
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,031
There's no such thing
as bad publicity.
This could be huge for us.

185
00:07:47,117 --> 00:07:49,425
Like a sex tape.Like a sex tape.

186
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,774
Ugh.It's the best free
advertising we ever had.

187
00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:54,298
I know.
It's almost sad.For who?

188
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:57,476
- I don't know. The cow?
- The cow's going out
in a blaze of glory.

189
00:07:57,564 --> 00:08:00,000
Everybody wins, Bob.I guess you're right.

190
00:08:00,088 --> 00:08:02,264
I mean, looks kind
of sweet out there--

191
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:04,701
enjoying the day,
meeting people.

192
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:08,052
Hi, cow. I'm gonna eat you.

193
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,576
Whoa.
Can it hear us?[ Munches ]

194
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:10,750
[ Munching ]

195
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:13,187
Easy.Like sands through
the hourglass,

196
00:08:13,274 --> 00:08:15,495
there goes my teeth
right into your back.

197
00:08:15,581 --> 00:08:18,759
That's my wife.Ah, Bobby,
I'm friggin' starving.

198
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:23,285
Who could eat
that beautiful creature?
Shame on you!

199
00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:25,242
Are you going
to be eating a burger today?

200
00:08:25,329 --> 00:08:27,418
We wouldn't dream
of eating an animal.

201
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,987
We run a petting zoo
by the interstate.

202
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:33,250
It's called
Mother Goose's
Discount Petting Zoo.

203
00:08:33,337 --> 00:08:35,253
Petting horses,
goats and sheep.

204
00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,211
Precious memories
on the cheap.

205
00:08:37,298 --> 00:08:40,693
It's basically
an animal sanctuary...
that we make money off of.

206
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:43,173
Exactly.[ Chuckles ]

207
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,437
[ Light Switch Clicks ][ Timer Beeping ]

208
00:08:46,525 --> 00:08:49,136
Oh, hey, Randy,
thanks for the business.

209
00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:51,139
Oh, hey, Bob,
you're welcome.

210
00:08:51,225 --> 00:08:53,270
I'm gonna go to bed soon.
What are you gonna do?

211
00:08:53,357 --> 00:08:55,056
Oh, I'll probably
go to bed too,
'cause I'm a person.

212
00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:56,536
Bye.

213
00:09:02,802 --> 00:09:03,933
M-Moolisa, watch out!

214
00:09:06,370 --> 00:09:07,547
No!

215
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,722
[ Gavel Pounding ]Bring in the accused.

216
00:09:09,809 --> 00:09:13,422
[ Crowd Jeering ]Yeah, yeah.

217
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:16,380
Louise,
you're defending me?[ Gavel Pounding ]

218
00:09:16,467 --> 00:09:20,081
This so-called "man"
stands accused...

219
00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:24,432
of murdering nearly
a hundred thousand
hamburgers worth of cows.

220
00:09:24,519 --> 00:09:28,610
I call to the stand Moolisa!

221
00:09:28,697 --> 00:09:30,134
Objection!

222
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:33,136
That cow's faking
his injuries!

223
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,486
And I can prove it.
Think fast.

224
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,184
[ Crowd Murmuring ]

225
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:38,926
Overruled.

226
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:43,104
Moolisa,
is the man who killed you
in the courtroom today?

227
00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:45,585
[ Insects Buzzing ][ Bob ]
It's me.

228
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,587
It's me.
I just make hamburgers.

229
00:09:48,674 --> 00:09:51,677
I never wanted to be
a cow killer.

230
00:09:51,764 --> 00:09:53,504
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

231
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:55,419
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

232
00:09:55,506 --> 00:09:57,509
[ Gasps ][ Snoring ]

233
00:09:57,596 --> 00:09:59,947
Whoa. Heavy sleeper.

234
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,991
Wha--What happened?
What's the matter?
What's the matter? [ Snorts ]

235
00:10:02,078 --> 00:10:03,471
Go back to bed.[ Groans ]

236
00:10:03,558 --> 00:10:04,995
I'm sorry.
Go back to bed.

237
00:10:05,081 --> 00:10:08,172
[ Thunder Cracks ][ Cow Moos ]

238
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,830
[ Sighs ]

239
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:15,918
Hey! Randy!

240
00:10:16,005 --> 00:10:17,746
Your cow's gonna freeze
to death out here.

241
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,315
Randy!

242
00:10:23,578 --> 00:10:27,801
[ Bob ]
Shh. Easy. Easy.
Back up. Back up. Back up.

243
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,976
Oh, my God!

244
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,456
[ Chuckles ]
I know.It's a cow.

245
00:10:32,543 --> 00:10:34,197
You know what?
You won't even know it's here.

246
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:38,288
Uh, that was
like that already.

247
00:10:39,899 --> 00:10:42,423
Definitely clean that.
Oop. Step back.

248
00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:45,121
This is the best dream
I've ever had!

249
00:10:45,209 --> 00:10:47,471
Everybody
pee on the floor!

250
00:10:47,558 --> 00:10:49,082
[ Voice Raised ]
Who's with me?

251
00:10:53,129 --> 00:10:55,263
Okay. Eat while it's hot.

252
00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:58,048
Well, well, well.
Looks who's too good
for cereal now.

253
00:10:58,134 --> 00:11:01,355
He's trying
to impress the cow.Don't be ridiculous.

254
00:11:01,442 --> 00:11:04,446
Someone knows
how to treat
a lady-slash-male steer.

255
00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,710
Bob, I am
not comfortable
with this situation.

256
00:11:07,797 --> 00:11:10,756
Lin, what was I supposed to do?
I had that crazy dream.
It was raining.

257
00:11:10,844 --> 00:11:15,196
Well, I had a crazy dream
that there wouldn't be
a cow's a-s-s in my face...

258
00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:17,240
when I'm eating
my breakfast.

259
00:11:17,327 --> 00:11:18,677
I know what that spells.

260
00:11:18,764 --> 00:11:20,679
Ass.Ass.

261
00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:23,116
Mom.
[ Chuckles ] Ass.Stop it.

262
00:11:23,203 --> 00:11:27,120
Say good-bye, everybody.
It's going out on the street
where it belongs.

263
00:11:27,207 --> 00:11:29,731
Of course, okay? Of course.
Right after breakfast.

264
00:11:29,818 --> 00:11:31,691
Cows can't go down stairs.

265
00:11:33,562 --> 00:11:34,475
What?What's that?

266
00:11:34,562 --> 00:11:36,129
Cows can't go down stairs.

267
00:11:36,216 --> 00:11:38,174
- That's, like, a thing.
- I've heard that.

268
00:11:38,261 --> 00:11:40,611
It's like a fun fact.

269
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,352
Bobby!Hmm.

270
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,225
Cows can't go down stairs?
That better not be true.

271
00:11:45,312 --> 00:11:51,014
[ Bob Grunting ]
Huh. What do you know?

272
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:53,277
We know you'll push
on a cow's butt
for half an hour...

273
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,018
without asking for help.

274
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:57,412
Gotta have that butt
all to yourself.

275
00:11:57,499 --> 00:12:00,589
[ Yelling ]
Hey, Bob,
what's the deal, man?

276
00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:02,417
What did you do
to Moolisa?

277
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,505
It's up here!
Come get it out!

278
00:12:04,592 --> 00:12:08,075
Linda. Uh, it's not
up here, Randy.
My wife's crazy.

279
00:12:08,162 --> 00:12:10,293
Shh. If he knows
I brought the cow in,
he'll think he won.

280
00:12:10,380 --> 00:12:11,991
So what if he won?

281
00:12:12,078 --> 00:12:14,341
Get the cow out
of the house now.Stop.

282
00:12:14,428 --> 00:12:15,995
You get it out
of the house.Linda, please.

283
00:12:16,082 --> 00:12:18,955
Come get--Oh. Uh, this cow.

284
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:22,437
- This cow, yeah, is here.
- Aha!

285
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:25,614
Dad, I ran that bubble bath
for you and Moolisa
like you wanted.

286
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,006
Bubbles.

287
00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:29,530
I'm not taking a bath
with Moolisa, Randy.

288
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,053
Two days left.

289
00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:34,274
Two days to decide to send
that cow to slaughter...

290
00:12:34,361 --> 00:12:38,105
or admit
you're a hypocrite
and a murderer.

291
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:40,411
Wow. What a movie.

292
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:43,980
- Bob, what a movie.
- It's not my movie, Teddy.

293
00:12:44,067 --> 00:12:46,025
What, are they just
followin' you around
with a camera?

294
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:48,375
You're in it.
You're the star,
but it's not your movie.

295
00:12:48,462 --> 00:12:50,246
Good luck, guys.

296
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:53,120
- Will you sign a release?
- Sure. Do you want
my Jock Hancock?

297
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,903
Yeah.Anywhere?

298
00:12:54,990 --> 00:12:57,514
No. On-On the line here.Better get used
to this, huh?

299
00:12:57,601 --> 00:12:59,908
Gonna be
in the movies. I--

300
00:12:59,995 --> 00:13:01,780
Just on the line
where it says "signature."Just on the line, right?

301
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,346
Just sign anywhere?Yeah.

302
00:13:03,433 --> 00:13:05,087
No. No.
Where it says signature.

303
00:13:05,174 --> 00:13:07,177
Okay. What's your name?
Do you want it to you?

304
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:09,222
- No, I--
- [ Bob ]
Teddy, what are you doing?

305
00:13:09,309 --> 00:13:11,051
I'm signing, uh,
an autograph, Bob.

306
00:13:19,101 --> 00:13:21,888
[ Sighs ]
One big happy family.

307
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,019
Isn't this nice,
all of us here together?

308
00:13:24,106 --> 00:13:25,543
No.

309
00:13:25,629 --> 00:13:27,894
Are you gonna give me
a poop tonight?
Talk to me.

310
00:13:27,980 --> 00:13:30,331
Hmm? Bob, hmm?

311
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,681
Well, it's nice.
They like each other.

312
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:34,422
It's good for Tina.

313
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:37,729
Come on.
Just relax and--
[ Blows Raspberry ]

314
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,775
It's all about
the communication.
[ Blows Raspberry ]

315
00:13:43,212 --> 00:13:45,475
[ Squishing ]Uh-oh.

316
00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:49,567
Hi, Moolisa.

317
00:13:49,653 --> 00:13:51,481
[ Gasps ]
Frowny face?

318
00:13:51,568 --> 00:13:54,311
All I've been
is super nice to you,
and this is the thanks I get?

319
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:56,052
I loved you.

320
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:58,880
I loved you like a horse,
which is my favorite animal.

321
00:13:58,967 --> 00:14:00,621
You know what?
Let's just stop...

322
00:14:00,708 --> 00:14:02,884
before we both
say something we'll regret,

323
00:14:02,971 --> 00:14:04,799
like that horses
are better than cows.

324
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:06,496
I regret that.

325
00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:07,933
But it's true.

326
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,764
Where's the cow?

327
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:16,551
I believe you mean,
"Where's the steer?"

328
00:14:16,638 --> 00:14:19,075
Yeah, don't forget
about that penis.Yeah.

329
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:20,380
Moolisa?

330
00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:22,077
Moolisa.Ha!

331
00:14:22,164 --> 00:14:24,124
Cows cango down stairs.

332
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,299
All you need
is four wool socks,

333
00:14:26,386 --> 00:14:29,085
a mattress and the will to make it happen.

334
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:30,782
You didn't.

335
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,220
Your girlfriend
is tied up outside.

336
00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,352
Uh-oh.

337
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,008
[ Yelling ]
No!

338
00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:43,099
What's wrong with Dad?I think
he hates leashes.

339
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,975
It's not my fault, Randy.
She was stolen.

340
00:14:50,062 --> 00:14:52,152
It's no one's fault.
Except for Linda's.

341
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:55,067
I did what I had to do
to protect my family
and my carpet.

342
00:14:55,154 --> 00:14:56,677
Yeah, whatever.

343
00:14:56,764 --> 00:14:59,462
So, who do we know
that would steal a cow
in a blonde wig?

344
00:14:59,549 --> 00:15:02,030
Maybe some perverts.
[ Chuckles ]

345
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,467
We had a fight last night,
me and Moolisa.

346
00:15:04,554 --> 00:15:06,774
I just wish I had a chance
to make things right again.

347
00:15:06,861 --> 00:15:10,125
You wouldn't if you
heard some of the things
she was pooping about you.

348
00:15:10,212 --> 00:15:12,475
Hey, guys,
take a look at this.

349
00:15:12,562 --> 00:15:14,347
[ Talking Backwards ]
...on the cheap.

350
00:15:14,434 --> 00:15:16,219
[ Tape Rewinds ]

351
00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:19,048
You fellas just
leave her tied up here
at night all alone?

352
00:15:19,134 --> 00:15:20,962
Oh, yeah, yeah. She doesn't mind.

353
00:15:21,049 --> 00:15:23,792
We could just
back a trailer
right up here, honey, huh?

354
00:15:23,879 --> 00:15:26,403
We sure could--
get ourselves a cow.

355
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:30,190
Yeah. Get ourselves a cow. Yeah, get ourselves a cow.

356
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:31,625
[ Both Laughing ]

357
00:15:31,712 --> 00:15:34,716
[ Laughing Continues ]

358
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,155
[ Ticking ]

359
00:15:40,243 --> 00:15:42,288
What a dump.

360
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,203
Yikes.
Hey, there she is.

361
00:15:44,290 --> 00:15:45,945
Oh, dear God.

362
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,599
[ Gasps ]
Oh, the cow
that jumped over the moon.

363
00:15:48,686 --> 00:15:50,514
See, that's nice.

364
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,038
Come on. Let's go get her.We should come back
after dark.

365
00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:55,128
Why?It's more dramatic.

366
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:56,738
That is stupid.No, no, no, no.

367
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:59,261
I can see it now,
the big rescue.

368
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:01,961
We'll shoot the whole thing
in infrared.

369
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:04,005
Ah, Randy, com--
In infrared?

370
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:09,663
This is nuts.
The kids should be
in bed, Bob.

371
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,883
It's infrared, Lin.
Show her.

372
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:14,059
- Oh!
- Yeah.

373
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:15,495
Coo! Coo!

374
00:16:15,582 --> 00:16:17,976
Why are you doing that?I'm signaling.

375
00:16:18,063 --> 00:16:21,067
Everybody, serpentine.[ Gene ]
Yes. We're a unit.

376
00:16:22,328 --> 00:16:24,504
Dad, you should know.

377
00:16:24,591 --> 00:16:27,769
If anything happens,
I am in full attack mode
right now.

378
00:16:27,855 --> 00:16:29,900
Me too.
I'm hungry for blood.

379
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,816
And also candy.

380
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,993
Uh, thanks, kids.

381
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,429
[ Grunts ] Damn it.
I missed the signal
to stand up.

382
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:39,128
Sorry, everybody.You let down
the unit.

383
00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:42,261
I said I'm sorry.Bob, we're here.
What do we do now?

384
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,873
We, uh--
uh, open the gate.

385
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,571
That was easy.

386
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,138
What do you think
you're doing?

387
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:50,661
[ Louise ]
Gene, attack!

388
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,880
[ Both Yelling, Munching ]

389
00:16:52,967 --> 00:16:55,057
Your children
are biting my legs.

390
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:57,232
[ Bob ]
Randy, get Moolisa.
Let's move.

391
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,365
[ Munching Continues ]

392
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,629
High-five, Bob.
We did it.

393
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,892
High-five, Randy.
Nice job.

394
00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:07,982
I mean, we couldn't have done it
without the kids
biting that woman.

395
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,941
[ Timer Beeping ]She tasted like
sawdust and goats.

396
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:12,943
Three, two, one.

397
00:17:13,031 --> 00:17:13,989
[ Buzzer Sounds ]Beep.

398
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:14,945
[ Gene ]
Uh-oh.

399
00:17:16,251 --> 00:17:18,689
Bob, the cow-ntdown's over.

400
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:21,344
It's time to decide
Moolisa's fate.

401
00:17:21,431 --> 00:17:24,086
Seriously? Right now?
Uh, we just rescued her.

402
00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:25,608
She's due at
the slaughterhouse, Bob.

403
00:17:25,695 --> 00:17:27,654
What's it gonna be?[ Louise ]
Murderer!

404
00:17:27,741 --> 00:17:29,656
Louise, shush.[ Gasps ]

405
00:17:29,743 --> 00:17:33,226
Randy, can you stop making
your stupid movie for one minute
and just be a human being?

406
00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:35,880
I don't know, Bob.
Can you stop making your
stupid burgers for one minute...

407
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,925
and be a human being?

408
00:17:38,012 --> 00:17:40,884
Now you're gonna guilt-trip me.That's what the whole
movie is about.

409
00:17:40,971 --> 00:17:44,105
I thought we were friends now,
Randy, 'cause we saved
the cow together.

410
00:17:44,192 --> 00:17:46,804
Maybe activists-slash-
documentarians can't
have friends...

411
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,284
no matter how
many cows they save.

412
00:17:48,371 --> 00:17:49,807
Well, that's just sad, Randy.

413
00:17:49,894 --> 00:17:50,852
[ Tires Screeching ]I know!

414
00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:52,767
[ Screeching Continues ]

415
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:54,811
Oh, my God.
That was close.

416
00:17:54,898 --> 00:17:58,555
I don't know
what I would do
if anything happened to Moo--

417
00:17:58,642 --> 00:18:00,991
- [ Gasps ]
- I didn't hit her.
I didn't hit her.

418
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:03,385
I-I stopped.
She's probably fine.

419
00:18:03,472 --> 00:18:05,736
She's dead.
She must have had
a cow heart attack.

420
00:18:05,823 --> 00:18:07,433
No.You know what?

421
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,696
Let me get something
out of my van real quick.
Be right back.

422
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,176
[ Door Closes ][ Engine Starts ]

423
00:18:11,263 --> 00:18:12,961
[ Tires Squeal ]

424
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,442
Moolisa!
Oh, my God. No.

425
00:18:15,528 --> 00:18:18,183
Don't you die on me.
Don't you die.

426
00:18:18,270 --> 00:18:21,273
Say something.
Louise, look.

427
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:24,015
It's a heart--
a heart-shaped poop.

428
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,105
What the hell?
I didn't do that.

429
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,888
I'm keeping it.

430
00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:31,545
Bob, you all right?
You look a little pale.

431
00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:32,980
[ Groans ][ Body Thuds ]

432
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,855
Are we dead?I'm dead, Bob.
You just fainted.

433
00:18:38,942 --> 00:18:41,555
I fainted? Wow.
That's embarrassing.

434
00:18:41,642 --> 00:18:43,034
- Okay.
- I'm-I'm not a fainter.

435
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,776
- Yeah, I'm-- I'm dead though.
- Right. Yeah.

436
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:50,040
But listen. There's something
I want you to do for me.
Make burgers out of me.

437
00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:53,261
- What? No. No way.
- Yes way, Bob.

438
00:18:53,348 --> 00:18:57,005
Look, ever since I met you,
making burgers makes me feel
like a horrible person.

439
00:18:57,092 --> 00:18:58,833
Bob, I'm a castrated steer.

440
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,661
Yeah, I'm a married man.

441
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,444
[ Both Snickering,
Chuckling ]

442
00:19:02,531 --> 00:19:05,056
I'm kid--
Same thing, right?

443
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,016
Yeah. Think about it though.
I'm a cow, you know?

444
00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:10,974
We're not wild stallions
or humpback whales.

445
00:19:11,061 --> 00:19:14,021
But we wanna feel special too.
I do anyway.

446
00:19:14,108 --> 00:19:16,154
You turn me
into something amazing.

447
00:19:16,241 --> 00:19:19,332
Wait. Isn't this
my subconscious telling me
what I wanna hear?

448
00:19:19,419 --> 00:19:22,248
Hey. No. You know what?
Yes, it is actually.

449
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:23,727
Well, it's working.
Keep talking.

450
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,119
Kiss me.

451
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:28,036
No. I can't do that.

452
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:30,430
You can, and you want to.[ Sighs ]

453
00:19:30,517 --> 00:19:34,346
Okay. One quick one
because I owe you.

454
00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:36,348
Uh, maybe not.
Maybe I-- we shouldn't.

455
00:19:36,435 --> 00:19:39,177
Oh, we should, absolutely.Oh, my God.

456
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:41,615
What am I doing?What areyou doing?

457
00:19:41,701 --> 00:19:43,529
I'm about
to kiss a cow.

458
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:44,704
Yeah.

459
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:47,534
Mmm.

460
00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:49,362
- Bobby, are you okay?
- Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

461
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:52,059
What's Dad doing
with his mouth?Looks like he's kissing.

462
00:19:52,146 --> 00:19:55,411
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, mmm.

463
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:58,500
Well, this is awkward.Somebody put
a blanket over it.

464
00:19:58,587 --> 00:20:00,763
Tastes so good.

465
00:20:00,851 --> 00:20:03,723
[ Linda ] Okay, all right,
kids inside now![ Tina ] Ohh.

466
00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:10,861
Before Moolisa, I used
to say it's just beef.

467
00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:13,820
- I couldn't have been
more wrong.
- [ Dog Barks Twice ]

468
00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:15,952
Cows are living creatures
with beautiful hair...

469
00:20:16,039 --> 00:20:19,173
and soft brown eyes,
soft mouths.

470
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,348
Whoo!

471
00:20:20,435 --> 00:20:23,482
And also they are beef.

472
00:20:23,569 --> 00:20:25,701
They're the full package.

473
00:20:25,788 --> 00:20:28,530
Does that make me
a hypocrite to say that?

474
00:20:28,617 --> 00:20:30,141
[ Randy ]
Yes.No, it doesn't, Randy.

475
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:32,143
Or if it does,

476
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:33,971
I can live with that.

477
00:20:34,057 --> 00:20:37,105
I present our
hundred-thousandth burger.

478
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,978
100,000th burger!

479
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,893
All right!

480
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:44,460
Right. Undo the banner.

481
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:48,247
Bob's Burger!
100,000! All right!

482
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:50,509
Hooray!Do the banner.

483
00:20:50,596 --> 00:20:53,643
Here's the banner.
Here comes the banner.

484
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:57,472
I humbly call this
the Rest in Peas burger.

485
00:20:57,559 --> 00:20:59,387
[ Linda Chuckling ]Ha.

486
00:20:59,474 --> 00:21:01,955
Because it, uh, comes
with snap peas and carrots.
Thank you.

487
00:21:02,042 --> 00:21:03,958
All right, funeral people,

488
00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:06,002
it's time to party!

489
00:21:06,089 --> 00:21:09,049
♪♪ [ House ]

490
00:21:09,136 --> 00:21:12,053
♪♪ [ Continues ]

491
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:13,794
♪ Gene machine ♪

492
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:15,577
♪ In the house ♪

493
00:21:15,664 --> 00:21:17,579
♪ Get ready ♪

494
00:21:17,666 --> 00:21:19,146
♪ To get it on ♪

495
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,586
♪♪ [ Continues ]

496
00:21:23,673 --> 00:21:25,632
[ Dog Barks ]

497
00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:28,374
♪♪ [ Continues ]