1 00:00:21,629 --> 00:00:23,196 Listen, pep talk. 2 00:00:23,370 --> 00:00:26,504 Big day today. It's our grand re-re-re-opening. 3 00:00:26,678 --> 00:00:29,725 It's Labor Day weekend, and it looks like Wonder Wharf is getting mobbed, 4 00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:32,335 so we have to--Big day for another reason too! 5 00:00:32,509 --> 00:00:34,033 Linda, I'm in the middle of my pep talk. 6 00:00:34,207 --> 00:00:35,905 Go ahead. Sorry. Go ahead, do your pep. 7 00:00:36,079 --> 00:00:38,298 So we have to sell some burgers. 8 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:41,040 Every year, this weekend makes or breaks us.[ Blatting ] 9 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,868 Who's farting?It's Gene's sound effects thing. 10 00:00:44,043 --> 00:00:45,262 I thought that made you sound like a robot. 11 00:00:45,435 --> 00:00:46,871 [ Distorted ] It does robot voice-- 12 00:00:47,046 --> 00:00:48,396 laser sound--[ Electronic Whine ] 13 00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,572 and fart noise.[ Blatting ] 14 00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:54,357 Oh, God. Listen. Your mother and I have to go downstairs and grind the meat. 15 00:00:54,531 --> 00:00:56,752 You kids know where you're supposed to be while we're gone, right? 16 00:00:56,926 --> 00:00:58,841 Tina, you're on the grill.My crotch is itchy. 17 00:00:59,015 --> 00:01:00,886 - [ Both Groan ] - Okay. 18 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,628 Are you telling me as my daughter, or as my grill cook? 19 00:01:03,801 --> 00:01:07,718 Um, as--Because my grill cook would never tell me that. 20 00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,590 Oh.Also, my daughter... 21 00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:11,418 should probably not say anything like that to me. 22 00:01:11,593 --> 00:01:12,984 Tell her. Tell your mom. 23 00:01:13,159 --> 00:01:14,944 My crotch is itchy.Come here, let me see. 24 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,206 Linda. Not now. 25 00:01:16,379 --> 00:01:18,207 No, let's all see it.No. 26 00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:20,254 I'm just not sure if I'll be any good on the grill... 27 00:01:20,427 --> 00:01:22,560 with just one free hand. 28 00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:24,823 Okay, I'm just going to keep moving here. 29 00:01:24,996 --> 00:01:26,390 Louise, you're working the counter. 30 00:01:26,563 --> 00:01:28,174 I put your little step stool back here. 31 00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:30,525 But do not alter anything on the chalkboard. 32 00:01:30,698 --> 00:01:32,614 What if I think of something better-- 33 00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:35,311 which would be almost impossible not to do. 34 00:01:35,485 --> 00:01:38,533 You will not think of something better, because "New Bacon-ings" is perfect. 35 00:01:38,706 --> 00:01:40,838 It's hilarious. Right? 36 00:01:41,013 --> 00:01:42,406 You know what? I'm taking the chalk. 37 00:01:42,579 --> 00:01:44,495 [ Whispering ] Like I don't have chalk. 38 00:01:44,668 --> 00:01:47,323 Gene, you're outside, nicely offering people a free sample, all right? 39 00:01:47,497 --> 00:01:49,978 I'm on it!But people coming out of the crematorium next door, 40 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:52,590 people obviously in mourning--Yeah? 41 00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:54,549 Don't offer them samples. 42 00:01:54,722 --> 00:01:58,292 Dad, when I'm in character out there, I get in a zone! 43 00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,772 I can't keep track of who's in mourning and who isn't. 44 00:02:00,945 --> 00:02:02,730 Just-- Anyone with an urn-- 45 00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:04,385 Yeah?Leave 'em alone! 46 00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:06,603 I know you think it's the Gene show out there, 47 00:02:06,778 --> 00:02:08,780 but there's a line between entertaining and annoying. 48 00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,478 No! That's a myth. 49 00:02:10,651 --> 00:02:12,393 [ Electronic Whining ] 50 00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,396 [ Blatting ] 51 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,054 All right, listen. You're my children and I love you. 52 00:02:22,228 --> 00:02:25,927 But you're all terrible at what you do here, 53 00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:27,450 and I feel like I should tell you, 54 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:28,973 I'd fire all of you if I could. 55 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,671 Bob!All right, hands in. 56 00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:32,500 Don't-- Tina, don't put your hand in.What-- 57 00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,718 All right, sell some burgers! 58 00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:37,069 [ Together, Weakly ] Sell some burgers. 59 00:02:37,243 --> 00:02:38,635 [ Weeping ] 60 00:02:40,985 --> 00:02:42,552 Bob's Burgers! 61 00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,772 [ Distorted ] Free samples! Come and get it. 62 00:02:44,947 --> 00:02:46,340 [ Blats ] 63 00:02:47,949 --> 00:02:49,603 [ Groans ]Aaah! 64 00:02:49,777 --> 00:02:52,171 I don't like leaving the kids alone up there for this long. 65 00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,913 Something bad's gonna happen.Bob, they're fine. 66 00:02:55,086 --> 00:02:57,655 Please, I asked you a question.Yes, what was the question? 67 00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,743 Do you remember our wedding night? 68 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,919 Yes. We worked 'cause we couldn't afford not to. I remember. 69 00:03:02,093 --> 00:03:04,052 You know, you're grinding too fast. Slow down. 70 00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:05,620 What was the date?The date? 71 00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:08,491 - Yes, the date of our wedding! - I don't know. 72 00:03:08,665 --> 00:03:11,060 Oh, crap. Is it today? 73 00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:12,974 Yes, Bob!Today's our anniversary. Okay. 74 00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,455 Yes, it is!I'm sorry. Baby, I'm sorry. 75 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,022 I'm not good with dates. You know that. 76 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,722 Today's your birthday?Yes, Bob! 77 00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:23,724 Today's my birthday?Yes, Bob! 78 00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:26,771 Your due date was today?Yes, Bob! 79 00:03:26,944 --> 00:03:29,121 How'd it go?How do you think it-- 80 00:03:29,295 --> 00:03:30,514 Good. It went very well. 81 00:03:30,687 --> 00:03:32,081 That's good. 82 00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,082 Boy or girl? 83 00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,997 Where you going?I'm done! 84 00:03:36,171 --> 00:03:38,260 I said I'm sorry.Bob, I'm done! 85 00:03:38,435 --> 00:03:41,090 Linda, come back. We need to finish grinding the hamburger. 86 00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:43,048 [ Child ] Oh, my God, gross. 87 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,876 Thank you. 88 00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,966 Free samples.Hey, you can't give out those samples. 89 00:03:48,139 --> 00:03:50,098 You just dropped them on the ground.Shh! 90 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,406 What are you, the "dropping food on the ground police"? 91 00:03:52,579 --> 00:03:53,537 Yes.Oh. 92 00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:54,973 They have that?Yes. 93 00:03:55,146 --> 00:03:57,019 I'm the health inspector.The what? 94 00:03:57,192 --> 00:03:59,063 [ Distorted ] Health inspector. Off. 95 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,197 What?Health inspector! 96 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:03,633 The burger joint's natural enemy. 97 00:04:03,807 --> 00:04:05,375 [ Hawk Shrieks ] 98 00:04:05,549 --> 00:04:06,723 [ Rings ] 99 00:04:06,897 --> 00:04:09,336 Hello. Welcome to Bob's Burgers. 100 00:04:09,509 --> 00:04:12,468 The burger of the day is the Child Molester. 101 00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:14,818 It comes with candy. [ Chuckles ] Get it? 102 00:04:14,992 --> 00:04:15,907 Yes.No. 103 00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:17,257 'Cause sometimes... 104 00:04:17,430 --> 00:04:18,910 they use candy to lure their victims-- 105 00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,129 Yes, we get it.Oh! 106 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:22,435 Is this your parents' place? 107 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,699 Yes. They're down in the basement grinding the meat right now. 108 00:04:24,872 --> 00:04:26,831 Uh-huh.That's not a euphemism. 109 00:04:27,004 --> 00:04:29,093 They're really grinding the meat. 110 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,879 Show us the kitchen, please. 111 00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:33,490 I'm just saying, it's easy to remember our anniversary. 112 00:04:33,663 --> 00:04:35,449 It's September third. 9/3. 113 00:04:35,622 --> 00:04:38,408 Nine is divisible by three.What? 114 00:04:38,581 --> 00:04:40,845 That's not-- A lot of numbers are divisible by three. 115 00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:42,978 Don't argue with me.All right, you're right. 116 00:04:43,151 --> 00:04:45,023 Nine is divisible by three, and now I'll remember. 117 00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,286 [ Gasps ] Oh, my God. 118 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,593 Are you messing with me? 119 00:04:49,766 --> 00:04:52,856 What? What are you-- No.You are. You are! 120 00:04:53,031 --> 00:04:55,338 Lin, I forgot. I am sorry. I said I'm sorry. 121 00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,165 And I'm going to make it up to you. 122 00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:00,387 I can see you smiling.I'm not smiling! 123 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,257 You're smiling with your eyes. 124 00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:03,824 What is it?What are you doing? 125 00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,348 A party?Why are you doing this? 126 00:05:05,521 --> 00:05:06,958 Is it a party upstairs? 127 00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:08,437 No, Linda, can you please just finish this? 128 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,134 I gotta get back up there. 129 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,007 To get everything ready for the party?No! 130 00:05:12,180 --> 00:05:14,269 To get everything ready for lunch, in our restaurant-- 131 00:05:14,444 --> 00:05:16,228 the one we're trying to save, remember? 132 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:19,144 Go ahead. Go. Call me to come up when it's all ready. 133 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,668 I'll act surprised, like this-- 134 00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:23,365 [ Gasps ] Bah! Oh!That's-- 135 00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:26,108 - I almost had a heart attack. - That's scared, that's not surprised. 136 00:05:26,281 --> 00:05:28,240 Aaah! 137 00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:29,937 That's like you hurt yourself. 138 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,026 Ahhh, aaah!That's good. 139 00:05:32,201 --> 00:05:34,158 Smell this. Doesn't it smell like strawberries? 140 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,987 [ Sniffs ] Ugh! 141 00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:38,380 Gotcha. It's spoiled milk, dummy. 142 00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,340 So you're the health inspector?Yes. 143 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,341 'Cause I think I have some kind of rash or something. 144 00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:44,605 I'm not that kind of health inspector. 145 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:47,259 "Rashy grill cook." 146 00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:49,826 [ Toilet Flushes ] 147 00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:54,745 You have no idea what I've just been through. 148 00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:57,225 Do I have any toilet paper stuck to my buns?[ Blats ] 149 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,966 Where are the grown-ups? 150 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,838 [ Door Opens ]Aha! 151 00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:02,579 You must be Bob.Uh, who are you? 152 00:06:02,752 --> 00:06:04,538 We're from the Health Inspector's office. 153 00:06:04,711 --> 00:06:06,452 I'm Hugo, this is my partner Ron. 154 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,149 I don't have a badge yet. I just started. 155 00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:09,803 [ Blats ]Give me that. 156 00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:12,502 Come on.Bob, this is my violations notebook. 157 00:06:12,675 --> 00:06:15,026 I just filled it. It took five minutes in your kitchen. 158 00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:17,201 Uh, that sounds bad.It's a record. 159 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,899 - [ Cheering ] - Shut up. 160 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:21,119 Not to mention child labor law violations, 161 00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:24,862 public decency violations--Public decency? What are you talking about? 162 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,908 The Child Molester? I thought this was a family restaurant. 163 00:06:28,082 --> 00:06:29,737 Uh, what's the Child Molester? 164 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,694 It's the burger of the day.No, it's not. 165 00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:34,480 For a limited time only-- Till you came back upstairs. 166 00:06:34,654 --> 00:06:35,699 Did someone actually order this?Yeah. 167 00:06:35,872 --> 00:06:37,221 Who?Him. 168 00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,485 [ Bob ] Mmm. He looks like a child molester. 169 00:06:39,659 --> 00:06:42,183 - Louise, don't serve him. Let Gene bring it. - Uh, Bob-- 170 00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,752 Why do I have to get molested?Because he's not gonna molest you. 171 00:06:44,925 --> 00:06:46,187 Why?Because you're heavy. 172 00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:47,276 Bob--Yeah, hold on. 173 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,016 Heavy kids can get molested! 174 00:06:49,191 --> 00:06:51,497 Yeah, who wouldn't want to molest this face? 175 00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,108 That's enough.Bob-- 176 00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:54,543 It's not that. I mean, Gene, 'cause you're older. 177 00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,502 Tina's the oldest. Make her do it. 178 00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:59,244 Yeah, but Tina's not good with the customers.Bob-- 179 00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:01,595 I'm good with the customers.Mmm, not really. 180 00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,684 I'm great with the customers.Mm-mmm. 181 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,555 She's autistic. She can't help it.Yeah, I'm autistic. 182 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:07,817 Bob--Just a sec. 183 00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,951 No, you're not autistic, Tina. 184 00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,475 - How many toothpicks on the ground? - Don't play this game again. 185 00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:14,084 Come on. How many toothpicks?No. 186 00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:16,043 It just involves me cleaning up toothpicks. 187 00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:17,959 A hundred?No. 188 00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:20,004 A hundred? There's three.[ Chuckling ] It's three! 189 00:07:20,177 --> 00:07:21,788 Okay, okay. How many now?[ Hugo ] Bob! 190 00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,704 [ Tina ] Three.[ Gene, Bob ] No! 191 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,576 Ugh, you're the worst kind of autistic.You can't even count. 192 00:07:26,750 --> 00:07:28,622 Bob! You want to know why we're here? 193 00:07:28,795 --> 00:07:30,579 Because I'll tell you, it's not for a routine inspection. 194 00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:34,192 It's not?No. We're investigating a very disturbing rumor. 195 00:07:34,365 --> 00:07:37,238 There's a rumor you make your burgers with human remains... 196 00:07:37,413 --> 00:07:39,459 from the crematorium next door! 197 00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:44,375 Hmm. I wonder how a rumor like that gets started. 198 00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:47,988 It's made with human remains from the crematorium next door. 199 00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:49,643 [ All Gasp ] 200 00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:51,687 Who knows? Kids say crazy stuff. 201 00:07:51,862 --> 00:07:54,255 Here's what's gonna happen. We'll test your meat. 202 00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:58,216 If it contains human flesh-- anything above the four percent allowable by the F.D.A.-- 203 00:07:58,389 --> 00:08:00,435 then your restaurant will be closed, 204 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:03,264 and you, sir, will be going to jail. 205 00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:07,050 - [ Door Opens ] - Oh, a party for me! 206 00:08:07,225 --> 00:08:08,836 Oh. Hugo? 207 00:08:09,009 --> 00:08:10,968 - Linda? - What are you doing here? 208 00:08:11,141 --> 00:08:14,057 I'm the health inspector. I just transferred here.[ Gasps ] 209 00:08:14,231 --> 00:08:17,278 What are youdoing here?This is our restaurant. We own it. 210 00:08:17,452 --> 00:08:20,324 You're married to him?How do you two know each other? 211 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,240 I thought you ran off with Bob, the hotshot restauranteur. 212 00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:25,156 I did. 213 00:08:25,329 --> 00:08:27,028 Oh, God.[ Scoffing ] You did? 214 00:08:27,201 --> 00:08:28,463 I'm on it.[ Whooshes ] 215 00:08:28,637 --> 00:08:30,509 Yeah, I don't think so![ Whooshes ] 216 00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,903 I can't believe--[ Whooshes ] 217 00:08:33,076 --> 00:08:34,470 I can't-- 218 00:08:36,602 --> 00:08:38,168 I-- 219 00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:40,519 I can't believe you left me for him! 220 00:08:40,693 --> 00:08:43,304 You left someone for me?Ugh! He doesn't even know? 221 00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,307 We were-- We were briefly engaged. 222 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,438 [ All Gasp ] 223 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,963 I still remember the day I heard you were getting married. 224 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,575 Oh, my God. Is today your anniversary? 225 00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:54,969 Yes! How do you remember that? 226 00:08:55,143 --> 00:08:57,711 It's 9/3. Nine is divisible by three. 227 00:08:57,884 --> 00:09:00,669 That doesn't make sense! A lot of numbers are divisible by three. 228 00:09:00,844 --> 00:09:02,846 Well, happy anniversary. 229 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,457 Human flesh?Wait, wait, wait, wait. 230 00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,068 This is one of our biggest weekends. 231 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:10,724 You can't put that up. Nobody will eat here. 232 00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:14,030 Prominently displayed.Well, then just do your tests, pal, because it's beef. 233 00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:16,293 Sorry! The lab's closed till Monday. 234 00:09:16,467 --> 00:09:18,078 You'll get your test results then. 235 00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:20,602 Consider yourself health inspected! 236 00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,778 [ Screams ] 237 00:09:22,952 --> 00:09:26,000 I'd-I'd try it. There's no wait. 238 00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,048 Hello. How are you? Come in and have a burger. 239 00:09:32,222 --> 00:09:34,182 A perfectly normal burger.Best burger in town. 240 00:09:34,355 --> 00:09:36,400 [ Screams ] 241 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:40,797 Did your father say anything about an anniversary present?[ Together ] No. 242 00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:43,844 Nothing? Like maybe hiding a necklace in a hamburger, 243 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,889 or hiding some earrings down the drain, 244 00:09:46,062 --> 00:09:48,326 or something romantic like that? 245 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,459 That's romantic?Yeah! 246 00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:52,678 Did you check the toilet or in the garbage? 247 00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:54,505 Ah.[ Bob ] Gene, get off. 248 00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,203 You're choking me. You're choking me! 249 00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:58,075 [ Screams ] 250 00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:01,339 So is Hugo going to put Dad in jail because you dumped him? 251 00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,951 No. Hugo is going to put your father in jail... 252 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:07,302 because your sister told her class that we serve human flesh. 253 00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:10,130 Now why would you do something like that, honey? Why? 254 00:10:10,304 --> 00:10:12,176 I'll tell you why, Mom. 255 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,178 Anita Vasquez's uncle is a matador in Spain. 256 00:10:15,352 --> 00:10:17,442 She was showing everybody his cape. 257 00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:20,227 I had to up the ante, and what do I have to show for show and tell? 258 00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:21,663 I got nothing, Mom! 259 00:10:21,837 --> 00:10:23,100 - Calm down. - There's nothing here to show! 260 00:10:23,274 --> 00:10:24,667 - Louise-- - What? 261 00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:27,538 Tina, stop.[ Man Screams ] 262 00:10:27,713 --> 00:10:30,586 Mom, you can get Hugo to take down the sign. 263 00:10:30,759 --> 00:10:32,283 How am I supposed to do that? 264 00:10:32,456 --> 00:10:34,067 He's madly in love with you. 265 00:10:34,241 --> 00:10:35,764 Work it, woman.Yeah. 266 00:10:35,938 --> 00:10:37,158 Mmm. 267 00:10:37,331 --> 00:10:39,289 [ Hugo Sobbing ] 268 00:10:41,118 --> 00:10:43,163 [ Ringing ][ Sniffles ] 269 00:10:43,337 --> 00:10:45,253 Hello? 270 00:10:45,427 --> 00:10:46,994 Linda? 271 00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,299 [ Sizzling ][ Bob ] It's our big weekend. 272 00:10:49,474 --> 00:10:52,302 I mean, this grill should be covered with burgers right now. 273 00:10:52,476 --> 00:10:54,957 Who's that for?Mort. He called in his order. 274 00:10:55,131 --> 00:10:57,961 He doesn't want to be seen here, so I'm sending Gene over to the crematorium with it. 275 00:10:58,134 --> 00:10:59,397 Great.[ Dings ] 276 00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,009 So... Hugo is coming over. 277 00:11:02,182 --> 00:11:03,793 To talk... to me. 278 00:11:03,966 --> 00:11:05,664 - What? - Don't be mad. 279 00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:08,101 I think I can talk him out of it, all of this. 280 00:11:08,275 --> 00:11:10,538 And when you say talk him out of it, what does that mean? 281 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:12,496 Is Hugo going to be our new dad? 282 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,586 Oh, please.Just checking. 283 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,240 Maybe I should help you set the mood. 284 00:11:16,413 --> 00:11:19,068 Put out some candles.Ooh, candles! 285 00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,679 Ugh, unbelievable. 286 00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:23,116 Bob's Burgers delivery service! 287 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:26,510 Shh, shh, shh, shh! Quick! 288 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,950 Why'd you ever get engaged to that guy anyway?Aw, I was young. 289 00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,299 And my parents liked him because he always did the dishes. 290 00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:35,869 Yeah, I bet.[ Chuckles ] Also, he-- he used to-- 291 00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:37,826 What? 292 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,481 He, uh-- He happened to be an excellent kisser. 293 00:11:40,655 --> 00:11:42,352 What-- An excellent kisser? 294 00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:44,528 Yeah. He was very soft, 295 00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,923 and he didn't have a lot of moisture, 296 00:11:47,096 --> 00:11:50,100 like some people.Like some people? You think I'm a bad kisser? 297 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:52,581 No.Oh, yeah? Well, how about this? 298 00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,539 Oh. 299 00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,933 Are you sweating?Uh, no. 300 00:11:58,107 --> 00:12:00,937 Is that my saliva?Don't be mad! 301 00:12:01,110 --> 00:12:02,982 Oh, no, I'm not. Not at all! 302 00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:04,985 Bob!I better go, all right? 303 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:08,815 I'd hate to get any saliva on you and Mr. Perfect Moisture Mouth! 304 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,687 I happen to produce a lot of saliva, Linda! 305 00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,432 So! You're the health inspector, huh? 306 00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:19,650 I want to read you this poem.How did that happen? 307 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,870 "Inspector of health, inspector of pain." 308 00:12:22,044 --> 00:12:23,220 Um-- 309 00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,961 "I came in search of human remains, 310 00:12:26,135 --> 00:12:27,963 and I found a piece of human flesh... 311 00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:30,009 I thought I'd never see again-- 312 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,533 my heart." 313 00:12:31,706 --> 00:12:33,187 Mm-hmm. 314 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,188 Very nice! 315 00:12:35,363 --> 00:12:38,105 Uh, Hugo, you know Bob's not a cannibal, right? 316 00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:40,629 I don't know that.Don't do this. 317 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,456 I'm sorry I hurt you--Linda! 318 00:12:42,630 --> 00:12:45,851 but what you're doing is--I can save you from all this! 319 00:12:46,025 --> 00:12:47,375 [ Sprays ] 320 00:12:48,505 --> 00:12:49,855 [ Sprays ] 321 00:12:51,073 --> 00:12:53,597 Wow! A candy coffin. 322 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,211 Customized caskets and urns, that's our specialty. 323 00:12:57,384 --> 00:13:00,953 That's Mr. Caffrey of the Caffrey Toffee Company. 324 00:13:01,128 --> 00:13:03,695 It's on the lift 'cause they're coming to pick him up this afternoon. 325 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,871 I need more condiments. 326 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:08,875 Uh, don't touch anything and don't press any buttons. 327 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:13,096 [ Grunts ][ Whirring ] 328 00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:15,229 [ Chattering ] 329 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,277 Oh, my God! It's Bob's anniversary present. 330 00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:21,975 He remembered! 331 00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,715 Aw! 332 00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:26,370 [ Laughing ] This is so exciting. 333 00:13:26,543 --> 00:13:27,980 It's a dead body! 334 00:13:28,154 --> 00:13:29,982 Maybe the present's underneath. 335 00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,985 You're on a sinking ship, lady. 336 00:13:32,158 --> 00:13:35,075 And you better get off before the ship sinks! 337 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:37,250 Hello, the media! 338 00:13:42,211 --> 00:13:45,215 [ All Shouting ] 339 00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:53,092 Good job, everybody. 340 00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:57,836 An angry mob. That's just what we wanted outside our restaurant. 341 00:13:58,010 --> 00:14:00,708 They're over there in their little van, 342 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,145 inspecting themselves. 343 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,975 Well, finding a corpse on the premises on its way to the meat-- 344 00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:07,802 Do you think I should change where I part my hair? 345 00:14:07,976 --> 00:14:10,023 Uh, let me see. 346 00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,677 Uh, yes?Can you open the window a little more? 347 00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:14,941 I'm not going to assault you. 348 00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:16,289 [ Groans ] Don't touch me! 349 00:14:16,463 --> 00:14:18,205 Sorry. That just came over me. 350 00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,467 Listen, I came out to ask you to talk to this crowd. 351 00:14:20,642 --> 00:14:22,338 I mean, you made an angry mob here and--- 352 00:14:22,513 --> 00:14:24,427 Huh.Hey, what's all this stuff? 353 00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:26,517 You got a whole chemistry lab back there. 354 00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,911 Can't you do the test here, instead of ruining my weekend? 355 00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,695 Don't tell me how to do my job. 356 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,349 I don't tell you how to grow your corpses. 357 00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:33,873 Come here![ Groans ] No. 358 00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:35,570 Let go of me! 359 00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:38,485 Good luck with the angry mob, Bob! 360 00:14:38,659 --> 00:14:41,445 Uh, how close am I to that car? 361 00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:43,664 You want me to help you get out of your spot? 362 00:14:43,838 --> 00:14:46,145 Yeah! I can't see his bumper. Am I close? 363 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,495 No, you got room. 364 00:14:48,669 --> 00:14:51,759 Keep coming. Keep coming. Stop. 365 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,370 How am I doing in front? 366 00:14:53,543 --> 00:14:54,676 It's tight. 367 00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,373 Keep comin'. 368 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,418 All right, cut the wheel. Cut the wheel! 369 00:14:58,592 --> 00:15:00,289 I am. I am. I'm cutting it. 370 00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:03,379 You gotta cut hard right when you-- Just get out, I'll do it. 371 00:15:04,511 --> 00:15:06,905 [ Hugo ] Thank you, sucker! 372 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,211 [ Shouting Continues ]Oh, my God. 373 00:15:09,385 --> 00:15:10,909 Bob's confronting the crowd. 374 00:15:11,083 --> 00:15:13,389 I'm going out there. You kids stay inside. 375 00:15:13,563 --> 00:15:16,653 Hey, people! This is crazy. 376 00:15:16,827 --> 00:15:22,182 We're being smeared by an unstable health inspector for personal reasons. 377 00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,619 We know you people, and you know us. 378 00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:27,056 You, you're the shoe repair guy. 379 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:29,798 Nope. Locksmith.I mean the locksmith, the locksmith. 380 00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,712 I had keys made by you. 381 00:15:31,886 --> 00:15:34,455 - So? - That was great, right? 382 00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:35,977 Hmm. Fair. 383 00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,806 [ Crowd Booing ] 384 00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:39,460 No, no. No booing. 385 00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,591 No booing Mort. You know him too. 386 00:15:41,765 --> 00:15:42,898 He's one of us. 387 00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:44,552 This guy has been here forever. 388 00:15:44,725 --> 00:15:46,640 Ever since I got run out of Bog Harbor. 389 00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,556 What? Why'd you get run out of Bog Harbor? 390 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,600 For selling human flesh to the restaurants. 391 00:15:50,774 --> 00:15:53,342 - [ All Gasp ] - [ Laughs ] I'm kidding, people! 392 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,823 - Come on. - [ Laughing ] 393 00:15:55,998 --> 00:16:00,089 Hey, the subject of death makes us all uncomfortable, except Mort. 394 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:03,004 But what about how we treat the living? 395 00:16:03,178 --> 00:16:05,615 'Cause sometimes we end up treating thosebodies... 396 00:16:05,789 --> 00:16:08,009 better than we treat thesebodies. 397 00:16:08,183 --> 00:16:09,969 We break each other's hearts. 398 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:12,100 We forget important dates. 399 00:16:12,274 --> 00:16:14,102 We write hurtful things on poster board. 400 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:17,323 We mistreat the living, and no one seems to care. 401 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,107 But once that body's dead, it's-- 402 00:16:19,282 --> 00:16:20,936 "Hey, don't mistreat the dead body!" 403 00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:23,068 "Hey, don't eat the dead body!" 404 00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:24,591 That's the ultimate crime, right? 405 00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:26,158 Murder? No big deal. 406 00:16:26,332 --> 00:16:27,942 Cannibal? Whoa! 407 00:16:28,116 --> 00:16:30,032 Is he defending cannibalism? 408 00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,077 - No, I'm just saying-- - Cannibal! 409 00:16:32,251 --> 00:16:34,210 See, that's a knee jerk--You're a damn cannibal! 410 00:16:34,384 --> 00:16:36,517 - Folks, please, I'm trying-- No. - Cannibal! 411 00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:37,778 That's not what I meant! 412 00:16:37,952 --> 00:16:39,868 He's gonna eat us! [ Grunts ] 413 00:16:46,221 --> 00:16:47,701 Oh, thank God it didn't break. 414 00:16:47,875 --> 00:16:50,269 Dad, Dad![ Window Cracking ] 415 00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,836 Forget it. Never mind. 416 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,274 Nada. No longer relevant. 417 00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,927 [ Man ] Let's get outta here.[ Man #2 ] I'll buy you a beer. 418 00:16:59,278 --> 00:17:01,455 He's right, isn't he? 419 00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:04,413 We can test this meat right here in the mobile lab, can't we? 420 00:17:04,587 --> 00:17:06,199 We liquefy it, add the enzyme. 421 00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:08,027 If it's yella, salmonella, 422 00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,636 if it's chartreuse, it's a deuce, 423 00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:11,638 and if it's blue, it's your Aunt Sue. 424 00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:13,380 I know, Ron! I know the rhyme! 425 00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,424 Don't you think I know the rhyme? 426 00:17:15,598 --> 00:17:17,992 It doesn't matter. Don't you see he's guilty? 427 00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:19,777 If it's not human flesh, it's something else. 428 00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:22,650 It's dirty hand towels. It's-- It's something else! 429 00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:24,130 Stealing your woman?[ Groans ] 430 00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:26,740 [ Groans ]Shut up, shut up, shut up! 431 00:17:26,914 --> 00:17:28,742 [ Sobbing ]Oh, okay. That's it, that's it. 432 00:17:28,916 --> 00:17:30,744 Let it out. Let it out. 433 00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:34,965 [ Sighs ] You're a failure. 434 00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,750 You failed. 435 00:17:36,924 --> 00:17:38,404 You fail at everything. 436 00:17:38,578 --> 00:17:41,538 You fail at marriage. You fail at family. 437 00:17:41,711 --> 00:17:43,932 Your kids are failures. 438 00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,281 And you're fat. You're not attractive. 439 00:17:46,455 --> 00:17:48,501 You never were. 440 00:17:48,675 --> 00:17:51,853 Well, you were a little bit, when you were a teenager, but then you got fat. 441 00:17:52,027 --> 00:17:53,636 What is he saying out there? 442 00:17:53,810 --> 00:17:55,943 He's talking to the restaurant, Mom. 443 00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:58,947 Bobby, stop talking to the restaurant and come inside. 444 00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:02,384 Leave me alone!Bob, come inside. 445 00:18:02,558 --> 00:18:04,299 Come on. Bob, come on.[ Groans ] 446 00:18:04,473 --> 00:18:06,040 Bobby.What's the use? 447 00:18:06,214 --> 00:18:08,521 Dad? This is Louise, your daughter. 448 00:18:08,695 --> 00:18:10,611 Yes, Louise. What? 449 00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:14,919 I'm sorry that I told everyone that we make burgers from human remains. 450 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,096 [ Sighs ] Okay, Louise. Thank you. 451 00:18:17,269 --> 00:18:19,228 Dad, it's Gene.Yes, Gene, go ahead. 452 00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:21,361 Dad?Yes! 453 00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:23,798 I think we have a bad connection. I'll call you back. 454 00:18:23,971 --> 00:18:25,886 Oh, my God.I want to talk to him too. 455 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:27,845 I can hear you. It's just glass. 456 00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:30,892 Oh. Now my rash smells like bacon, 457 00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:32,720 and it doesn't itch anymore. 458 00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,416 I think we're going to be okay. 459 00:18:34,590 --> 00:18:36,115 Okay, Tina, thank you. 460 00:18:36,288 --> 00:18:38,551 Dad, is the restaurant gonna close? 461 00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:41,945 [ Sighs ] I don't know, Louise. We're almost broke. 462 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:45,340 The whole town thinks we're cannibals, and I forgot our anniversary. 463 00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:47,386 You'd have been better off with Hugo, Linda. 464 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,779 Bob, please.No, it's true. 465 00:18:49,953 --> 00:18:52,042 I can't even satisfy you with my kisses. 466 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,611 Sorry, kids.No problem. Thanks for the info. 467 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:58,093 Oh, Bobby! Now you listen to me. 468 00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:03,445 I would rather be married to a suspected cannibal with a dream, like you, 469 00:19:03,619 --> 00:19:06,884 than a soft-lipped guy who never had a dream in the first place. 470 00:19:07,057 --> 00:19:09,059 You would?No question. 471 00:19:09,234 --> 00:19:11,672 You're a hero to your kids and to me. 472 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,500 Now come inside. 473 00:19:13,673 --> 00:19:15,371 Come inside and make us some food. We're hungry. 474 00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:16,980 Oh, Lin. 475 00:19:18,721 --> 00:19:20,115 I'm comin' in. 476 00:19:21,289 --> 00:19:22,726 [ Clicks ][ All Laughing ] 477 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:24,902 Open the door. Ha, ha. Open the door. 478 00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:27,122 [ Louise Snickering ]Seriously, open the door! 479 00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:29,690 [ Linda ] Kids, let your father in the restaurant, please. 480 00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:30,865 Let me in! 481 00:19:31,038 --> 00:19:33,301 Still serving human flesh?No. 482 00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,086 Yes!No! 483 00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,393 We have kind of an adventurous eaters club. 484 00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,394 We like to try new things. 485 00:19:39,568 --> 00:19:41,615 Can you seat 25 people? 486 00:19:41,788 --> 00:19:47,795 Oh, uh, well, we might have some more human meat, but it's, uh, $50 a burger. 487 00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,666 - That's a deal. - Real-- What? Really? Great. 488 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,886 [ Chuckles ] Let's do it. 489 00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:54,845 Hello. Welcome. 490 00:19:55,019 --> 00:19:56,064 Human flesh right this way. 491 00:19:56,238 --> 00:19:57,282 Uh, hi. 492 00:19:57,457 --> 00:20:00,111 Uh, Hugo wanted to give you this. 493 00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:03,375 It states clearly that there was no human flesh in--Shh! 494 00:20:03,549 --> 00:20:05,203 Yes, yes. Thank you. Thanks. 495 00:20:05,377 --> 00:20:07,596 We were able to expedite the tests, 496 00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:10,338 and, uh, we found 100% grade-A beef--Shh, shh! 497 00:20:10,512 --> 00:20:11,949 Ron! 498 00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,603 I'm just sorry it got blown out of pro--Shut up! 499 00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:15,170 Shut up.Okay. 500 00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,259 Hi. Welcome. 501 00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:19,042 [ Laughing, Chattering ] 502 00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,653 Lin, I can't believe how much money we just made. 503 00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:23,047 This turned into a great weekend. 504 00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:25,746 Oh, Bob, it's gorgeous. 505 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,443 Hmm. We seem to have stopped. 506 00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:33,231 Bobby! You've been practicing. 507 00:20:33,405 --> 00:20:36,017 Yeah. I went online, got some tips. 508 00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,845 They have kissing tips online? 509 00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:40,239 I learned a few moves. Check this one out. 510 00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,327 This one is your anniversary gift. 511 00:20:42,501 --> 00:20:45,243 [ Muttering ][ Giggles ] 512 00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:47,462 Oh, Bobby! 513 00:20:47,636 --> 00:20:49,682 Go, Bob! 514 00:20:49,856 --> 00:20:51,858 Ugh! Unbelievable. 515 00:20:53,512 --> 00:20:55,992 Aw, sick!Mom's really handsy. 516 00:20:56,166 --> 00:20:57,559 You're a couple of sluts! 517 00:20:57,733 --> 00:20:58,734 I think it's nice. 518 00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:00,998 Hey! Get this thing movin'! 519 00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:03,479 I'm getting scarred for life up here!