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00:00:02,819 --> 00:00:04,962
♪ ♪
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The green ones taste like
apple-flavored paint,
3
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the purple ones taste like
grape-flavored hair spray.
4
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I love discount candy. Mmm.
5
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Gene, we're supposed
to share the candy, remember?
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You're kind of eating it
a little fast there, buddy.
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Yeah, but you're not eating it
at all, like a sociopath.
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Because I'm saving mine
for later.
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Wait, where'd my stash go?
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-Louise!
-Tina, relax.
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I'm just storing it for you
in my face.
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Ugh! Give me the bag.
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-Tina, no!
-No!
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Hey, I told you kids you could
have that bag of cheap candy
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as long as you shared it
like civilized people.
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It's Gene's fault.
He started double-fisting it.
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But I only did that
because I saw Tina hoarding it.
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It's hard to hoard when Louise
keeps stealing from me.
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I mean, Lin,
you did give three kids
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a giant bag of candy
and said, "Go nuts."
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Yeah, go nuts,
but don't start fighting
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like a bunch of Hunger Games.
Gimme.
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-ALL: No!
-You can have this back
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when you stop being
Sour Patch poops.
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Good job, Tina. Now we have
nothing to live for.
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Kids, come on, I-I know
sugar makes you all insane,
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but maybe try not to act like
jerks toward each other?
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-What, Dad? I wasn't listening.
-Yeah, me, neither.
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-I couldn't hear you
over the sugar in my body.
-I want candy.
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-Okay, forget it.
-(fryer beeping)
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Will one of you kids take the
basket out of the deep fryer?
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I made some fries 'cause I know
Teddy will be here soon
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-and you know how he gets
when he has to wait for fries.
-On it.
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♪ Fries are done,
I'm a great son ♪
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♪ Fries are done,
I'm a great son. ♪
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Gene, you know you don't
have to sing along
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with every sound
in the world, right?
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I wish I didn't, Father.
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-Hey, Teddy.
-Hi, everyone.
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-Uh, do I smell fries?
-They're coming.
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They're coming.
Soon, or, uh...
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Okay, I'm gonna go
park the car real quick.
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-Can I come with you?
-Yeah!
-Me, too.
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You kids realize
I'm just driving
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around the corner, right?
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We don't have a lot
going on today.
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Yeah, that candy was
kind of my whole schedule.
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Well, you could help me
fill up these napkin holders.
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Mom, are you paying attention?
Dad needs us to help him park.
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-Fine, go.
-ALL: Yay!
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Hey, Andy.
Hey, Ollie.
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We're playing outside today.
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That's a cantaloupe.
Fruit can be heads.
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And vice versa.
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Okay. All right, Dad.
Where are we really going?
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-Lake Titicaca!
-Gene.
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-Vegas, baby.
-I told you, we're just going
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to park the car
around the block. Oh!
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-(all shout)
-Is-is everyone okay?
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-I'm good.
-Me, too.
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I'm great.
Again!
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Uh, it's just a little
fender bender.
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We-we just got hit from behind.
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Also, you hit someone
in front of you, I think?
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LOUISE:
And they hit someone
in front of them.
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Okay, so, uh, it's, uh,
a few fender benders.
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AKA a friender blender.
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My babies! My babies!
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Are you hurt? I knew I should
have never let you get in cars.
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-E-Everyone's okay.
-JIMMY: Hey, Bob!
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I always knew you were
a train wreck, but this?
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(laughs)
Zoom!
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Good one, Jimmy. That was
a funny comment to make.
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Trev, I told you, don't say,
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"That was a funny comment
to make."
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-But it was.
-So just laugh.
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I don't like my laugh.
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Oh, my gosh.
What the heck just happened?
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Uh, you rear-ended us.
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I got to call you back.
I just got into an accident.
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No, no, baby's fine.
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-Oh, God,
there's a baby in there?
-(shushes)
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You're okay, baby.
You're just scared,
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-that's all.
-Oh.
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Well, that was a real
bumper bummer. (chuckles)
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If you're wondering about
my face, I'm a clown.
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That was gonna be
my third guess.
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So, we should probably
all exchange info, right?
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(belches)
Sorry. When I get stressed,
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I burp. I just... (belches)
I feel terrible.
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Look, I-I'm sorry
this happened, but you know, um,
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-people make mistakes.
-(belches)
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I mean, if you need to sit down,
get a glass of water,
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this is actually
our restaurant right here.
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I... uh, I'm Bob, by the way.
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Bob Burger.
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And I'm his wife, Linda.
Hi.
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Also we live here.
Not in the restaurant.
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Upstairs. In our mansion.
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-I'm Elaine.
-Graham.
-I'm Patti.
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Seriously, though,
you're all welcome to...
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And I'm Teddy.
Bob's best friend.
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This is going great.
(laughs)
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Bob, can I speak to you
real quick?
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If I were you, I wouldn't be too
chummy with these other drivers.
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I'm not being chummy.
I'm just being friendly.
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Look, I think you should
just call the police
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and make sure
you cover your butt.
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I mean, I really don't think we
need to call the police, Teddy.
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This seems pretty cut-and-dry.
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Bob, if there's one thing
I know about accidents,
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it's that they are never
cut-and-dry.
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-Trust me.
I've been in 17 collisions.
-You have?
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Yes. Hit by 21 cars in five
states, not including Guam.
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-That's a lot.
-And what I've learned is
these accidents--
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they bring out
the absolute worst in people.
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-Wait. When were you in Guam?
-When I was in the Navy.
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Plus, I got a friend there
named Tom.
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-I never told you
about Guam Tom?
-Mm, no.
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So, Patti, I-I don't want
to be that guy,
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but since you were
the driver in the back,
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h-how did you want to handle
this, i-insurance-wise?
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Wait, you think
this is my fault?
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Um, I mean, uh,
who else's fault would it be?
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-I don't know. Maybe him?
-Right. That's Teddy.
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-He wasn't even in a car.
-But I get that a lot.
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Well, whoever was driving,
besides me,
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'cause it wasn't my fault.
129
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-It wasn't my fault.
-It sure wasn't mine.
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I don't think
it was mine, either.
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Oh, my God.
Was it my fault?
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Tina, sweetie, no.
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I mean, why were people stopped
in the middle of the road?
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Roads are for driving.
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And life is a highway.
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Maybe Elaine here
was clowning around
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and slammed on
her brakes for no reason.
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Actually, the reason I stopped
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was because a ball
bounced into the road.
140
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Maybe Graham didn't notice
because he was on his phone?
141
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What? Uh, no.
What about this guy Bob?
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He could be at fault.
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Maybe he was jamming out
to his music or something?
144
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What?
I-I wasn't jamming out.
145
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Then why'd you
apologize earlier?
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-I didn't.
-Uh, yeah, you did.
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-When?
-The part where you said,
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-"I'm sorry this happened."
-You did say that.
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I heard it, too.
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-I think you did, Bob.
-Um...
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To be fair, our dad
has resting apology face.
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And his body
is all like, "my bad."
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Okay, fine.
Maybe I did say sorry.
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But, um, uh, Patti said
she felt terrible, remember?
155
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I do feel terrible.
My wiener dog broke.
156
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He lives on my dashboard and
he keeps me company in traffic.
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-Mm-hm.
-I'm telling you, Bob,
just call the cops.
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You know what, everyone?
159
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Maybe we should
just call the police
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and let them figure this out.
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-Fine by me.
-Me, too.
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Just as long
as we're done by 4:00.
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I'm clowning
at a bris pre-party.
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(sighs) I guess this is
not gonna be so simple.
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That's what I say every time
I approach a toilet seat.
166
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Remember, in life
there are no accidents!
167
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:15,599
Okay, so the police
are on their way.
168
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I still can't believe
that Patti person
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won't admit it was her fault.
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It's so obvious.
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Yeah, she sure went
from sorry to sassy in no time.
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I told you, accidents have a way
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of bringing out
the worst in people.
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Their fenders aren't
the only things that bender.
175
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-You mean their ding-dongs?
-No, I mean they'll do anything
176
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to get out of trouble.
You'll see.
177
00:06:30,782 --> 00:06:33,040
Stories change, alliances form.
178
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This shouldn't
be complicated, right?
179
00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:36,953
The driver in the back
is always at fault.
180
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Well, almost always.
181
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There are two exceptions
where the driver in front
182
00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:40,624
is responsible.
183
00:06:40,642 --> 00:06:42,901
One, if they slam
on their brakes for no reason.
184
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I was barely even moving.
185
00:06:44,146 --> 00:06:45,404
-That's your thing.
-And two,
186
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if they swerve
into traffic recklessly.
187
00:06:47,132 --> 00:06:48,298
I didn't do that, either.
188
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All I did was pull away
from the curb.
189
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,576
Well, it sounds like
you're in the clear then, Bob.
190
00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:53,912
As long as you signaled when
you pulled away from the curb.
191
00:06:54,063 --> 00:06:55,138
You did, right?
192
00:06:55,231 --> 00:06:56,581
Yeah.
I mean, I always signal
193
00:06:56,733 --> 00:07:00,143
when I leave a curb,
because I'm a safe driver.
194
00:07:00,162 --> 00:07:02,812
Mm. I'm hearing some doubt, Bob.
Do you have some doubt?
195
00:07:02,831 --> 00:07:05,148
No.
I believe I signaled.
196
00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:06,332
Oh, yeah, I'm hearing it, too.
197
00:07:06,485 --> 00:07:07,834
Could be doubt, could be gas.
198
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,928
-Someone push on his stomach.
-Gene, stop.
199
00:07:10,155 --> 00:07:12,005
Bob, you believe you signaled
or you did?
200
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,324
Those are two different things,
legally speaking.
201
00:07:14,417 --> 00:07:16,176
Look, Teddy, the fact is
it's Patti's job
202
00:07:16,328 --> 00:07:18,495
to not hit the car in front her.
203
00:07:18,513 --> 00:07:20,087
All I'm saying is
in my experience,
204
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,515
you only have a few minutes
till the police get here.
205
00:07:22,668 --> 00:07:23,942
So you need to make the words
coming out of your mouth
206
00:07:24,169 --> 00:07:26,686
good ones, not bad ones
like they just were.
207
00:07:26,838 --> 00:07:28,354
I'm just trying to help you
cover your butt.
208
00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,006
That's the brand
of pants he wears.
209
00:07:30,025 --> 00:07:31,450
-"Help You Cover Your Butt."
-Teddy's right.
210
00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:33,176
People can say
whatever they want.
211
00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,120
Otherwise it's just
he-said-she-shed.
212
00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:36,455
He-shed-she-stead.
213
00:07:36,606 --> 00:07:38,439
-It's one of those.
-What about Jimmy Pesto?
214
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:40,366
He came out on the street
after the crash.
215
00:07:40,519 --> 00:07:41,776
Mostly to make fun of you,
216
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,278
but maybe he could tell you
who caused the accident.
217
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:46,189
No.
I am not talking to Jimmy.
218
00:07:46,324 --> 00:07:47,448
It might be worth it, Bob.
219
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,209
What if his handsome eyes
saw something?
220
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,285
-Handsome eyes?
-You think so, too?
221
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,639
-(groans) Okay,
I-I'll be right back.
-I'm coming.
222
00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:56,549
-Why?
-I like going places.
223
00:07:56,702 --> 00:07:58,535
Hi, Andy.
Hi, Ollie.
224
00:07:58,628 --> 00:08:01,538
-Who's your friend?
-We're making a scarecrow.
225
00:08:01,631 --> 00:08:03,965
We'll finally
be able to grow corn.
226
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,466
Aw, I love it.
227
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:08,394
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Driving Mr. Oopsy.
228
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:11,323
-(laughs) See? I laughed.
-Yeah, that was good.
229
00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:13,140
Uh, look, Jimmy,
we were wondering
230
00:08:13,235 --> 00:08:14,976
if you saw what happened
with the accident.
231
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,811
Yeah, I'm always looking
across the street,
232
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,980
because I'm obsessed
with you, Bob.
233
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:20,832
Not!
(laughs)
234
00:08:21,059 --> 00:08:22,817
Actually, you do look
over there a lot, Jimmy.
235
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,318
Trev, just...
(stammers) shush.
236
00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:26,171
No, Bob, I didn't
see the accident.
237
00:08:26,398 --> 00:08:28,248
I was too busy
serving customers.
238
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,400
Ever heard of them?
(laughs)
239
00:08:30,418 --> 00:08:32,344
Oh, go choke-y
on a gnocchi, Jimmy.
240
00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:34,161
Thank you for not helping
in any way at all.
241
00:08:34,256 --> 00:08:36,089
Sure thing, Bob.
All the best.
242
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,907
-Nyah, nyah, la, la...
-Now I'm craving gnocchis.
243
00:08:37,926 --> 00:08:39,576
LOUISE:
Boy, I sure wish I was eating
244
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:42,412
a giant bag of candy
right now, but I can't,
245
00:08:42,430 --> 00:08:45,248
'cause you two ruined it
with your hoarding and snorting.
246
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:47,950
Louise, you were stealing.
You're the one who ruined it.
247
00:08:47,952 --> 00:08:49,361
I snorted one.
248
00:08:49,588 --> 00:08:52,364
Bob, hey, just the guy
I was looking for.
249
00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:53,365
Hi, Graham.
250
00:08:53,592 --> 00:08:55,534
Uh, do you mind
if we step inside?
251
00:08:55,761 --> 00:08:57,610
Uh, sure.
Uh, come on in.
252
00:08:57,763 --> 00:09:00,947
Can we get you burger?
A little fender-bender burger?
253
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,432
No, I'm good.
254
00:09:02,525 --> 00:09:04,376
Something to drink?
Little fender-bender drink?
255
00:09:04,603 --> 00:09:06,545
Someone get the nice man
something to drink.
256
00:09:06,696 --> 00:09:09,381
Can I start you off with a glass
of fresh-squeezed water?
257
00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:10,531
Are you an ice man?
258
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:11,958
Actually Bob,
I was hoping to maybe
259
00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:13,943
talk with you in private?
260
00:09:13,962 --> 00:09:16,721
Don't mind me. I'm just Bob's
best friend, as we discussed.
261
00:09:16,948 --> 00:09:19,115
-(chuckles)
-Graham, y-you can
just go ahead and say
262
00:09:19,134 --> 00:09:20,967
whatever you need to say.
It's fine.
263
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,227
Okay.
Well, here goes.
264
00:09:22,454 --> 00:09:24,929
I wanted to see if maybe
you would be interested
265
00:09:25,156 --> 00:09:27,065
in making an arrangement?
266
00:09:27,292 --> 00:09:29,809
-(coughs): Told you, Bob.
-What kind of an arrangement?
267
00:09:29,961 --> 00:09:32,237
-Like an alliance?
-It's just your standard
arrangement
268
00:09:32,464 --> 00:09:34,631
where we forge
an understanding between us
269
00:09:34,649 --> 00:09:38,225
-to nail down a story.
-Nail down a story.
270
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,411
Yeah.
Here's what I'm thinking.
271
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,170
You know how Patti
was super into
272
00:09:41,172 --> 00:09:43,582
that weird little plastic
wiener dog on her dashboard?
273
00:09:43,809 --> 00:09:46,326
-Yeah?
-Probably pretty
distracting, right?
274
00:09:46,478 --> 00:09:48,253
-Okay.
-Well, maybe we should both
bring that up.
275
00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:50,330
I-I feel like we should probably
276
00:09:50,482 --> 00:09:52,649
just tell the police
what happened.
277
00:09:52,667 --> 00:09:54,334
And then, that's all.
278
00:09:54,486 --> 00:09:56,669
No, no, I know.
But here's the thing, Bob.
279
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,338
Patti's gonna have
a story about us,
280
00:09:58,490 --> 00:10:00,657
so we should have
a story about her.
281
00:10:00,675 --> 00:10:03,326
And if you and I both
have the same story,
282
00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:05,103
then it really seals the deal.
283
00:10:05,330 --> 00:10:06,496
We're same-story bros, right?
284
00:10:06,514 --> 00:10:08,348
All you have to say is,
"Officer,
285
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:10,516
"the woman who hit me
was distracted.
286
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,169
Big time, 100%,
no doubt about it."
287
00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:14,854
I-I'm not gonna say that.
288
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,448
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right.
289
00:10:16,599 --> 00:10:18,599
We probably don't even need
to have the same story.
290
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,176
(laughs): I don't know
why I brought that up.
291
00:10:20,195 --> 00:10:21,453
Ooh, water.
Yum, yum, yum.
292
00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:23,513
Hey, I got to go.
Nice chatting with you, Bob.
293
00:10:23,606 --> 00:10:24,605
See you later.
294
00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:25,865
Ugh. Do you believe that guy?
295
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,942
I know. He had a watch
and everything.
296
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,443
You maybe should've
taken the deal, Bob.
297
00:10:29,537 --> 00:10:30,962
Also, he smelled nice.
298
00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:32,372
-Oh, boy.
-What? W-What's happening?
299
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,966
Oh, looks like Graham over there
is talking to Patti now.
300
00:10:35,193 --> 00:10:37,043
They do seem to be huddling.
301
00:10:37,195 --> 00:10:38,878
-Oh, no.
-Huddling's not good, Bob.
302
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,349
-Maybe they're just cold?
-All right, I-I'm gonna
go talk with them, also.
303
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:44,291
-(speaking indistinctly)
-Hello. Hi.
304
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:48,872
-Hey, there, Bob.
-I-I was just wondering what
you two were talking about.
305
00:10:48,965 --> 00:10:51,557
Oh, we were just talking
about the clouds.
306
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,877
-Clouds.
-Yeah, clouds.
Don't you love them?
307
00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:55,654
They're so fluffy.
Isn't that right, Patti?
308
00:10:55,881 --> 00:10:57,138
Oh, yeah.
Uh, big time.
309
00:10:57,232 --> 00:10:59,382
100%. No doubt about it.
(belches)
310
00:10:59,401 --> 00:11:01,642
-Wait, why did you
just say that?
-What do you mean?
311
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:04,829
Graham just said those
exact words to me.
312
00:11:05,056 --> 00:11:06,480
Uh, I big time did not.
313
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,983
So you two
were making an alliance.
314
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:10,894
You were alliancing.
315
00:11:10,987 --> 00:11:12,003
Bob, the cops are here.
316
00:11:12,155 --> 00:11:13,672
Yep.
Yep, they are.
317
00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:15,248
-Oh, God.
-What's wrong, Dad?
318
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,008
I think I just
didn't cover my butt.
319
00:11:17,235 --> 00:11:20,136
-TEDDY: Uh-huh.
-LOUISE: And now it's flappin'
all over the place.
320
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,517
Afternoon.
I'm Officer Bridget.
321
00:11:25,668 --> 00:11:26,743
Glad to see everyone's okay.
322
00:11:26,836 --> 00:11:27,835
Here's how this is gonna work.
323
00:11:27,929 --> 00:11:29,187
I'll speak with
each driver individually
324
00:11:29,414 --> 00:11:30,671
to get your accounts
of what happened,
325
00:11:30,765 --> 00:11:32,248
then I'll write my report,
and based on that
326
00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:34,675
your insurance companies
will determine liability
327
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,085
and all that fun stuff.
328
00:11:36,179 --> 00:11:37,678
Let's make this quick
since I know everyone's busy.
329
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,605
Some of us are even trying
to rent out a guest house.
330
00:11:39,758 --> 00:11:41,941
Newly renovated.
Eh, something to think about.
331
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,350
Okay, who wants to start?
332
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,610
-Me, me. I'll go.
-(Bob groans)
333
00:11:44,763 --> 00:11:46,687
Great. You a homeowner?
Could you see yourself
334
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,264
living real close to a highway?
335
00:11:48,283 --> 00:11:50,742
Uh-oh, Bob, you think they're
gonna throw you under the bus?
336
00:11:50,969 --> 00:11:53,436
-The car accident bus?
-Ugh, maybe.
337
00:11:53,455 --> 00:11:55,029
(quietly):
Psst, Bob, if I were you,
338
00:11:55,123 --> 00:11:56,439
I'd go talk to the clown lady.
339
00:11:56,532 --> 00:11:58,049
She could be your last chance
to form an alliance
340
00:11:58,201 --> 00:11:59,384
of your own
and protect yourself.
341
00:11:59,535 --> 00:12:01,553
Yeah, maybe that's a good idea.
342
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:03,129
Whoa, whoa, I'm coming with you.
343
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,206
-Why?
-You crazy? Free clown.
344
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,558
I could use a little clown.
345
00:12:06,785 --> 00:12:08,209
-Hell yeah.
-Okay.
346
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,878
Hi, Elaine, I was wondering
if we could, uh,
347
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,288
maybe chat for a second.
348
00:12:12,307 --> 00:12:14,107
-Also, my kids are right here.
-Ooh!
349
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,810
Who wants one of these?
350
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,645
Yay!
Is it a hat?
351
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,555
It's a hat and it's a swan.
352
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,741
Whoa, whoa, slow down.
353
00:12:22,892 --> 00:12:24,968
-Ow! I'm okay.
-So, uh, yeah.
354
00:12:24,986 --> 00:12:28,805
I just wanted to chat about
how you and I, uh, could maybe,
355
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:31,249
um, you know,
help each other out
356
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,085
-with all this car stuff.
-Uh-huh, uh-huh.
357
00:12:34,312 --> 00:12:36,070
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
358
00:12:36,164 --> 00:12:39,148
Oh... oh... oh...
359
00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:40,574
-Aha!
-Huh. That's, uh...
360
00:12:40,668 --> 00:12:43,336
That-That's so good.
That's funny. Anyway,
361
00:12:43,488 --> 00:12:46,656
I was wondering if you wanted
to, um-- oh, God--
362
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:47,673
f-form an alliance.
363
00:12:47,826 --> 00:12:49,267
Hmm, let me think about that.
364
00:12:49,418 --> 00:12:50,435
-(bicycle horn honks)
-Oop!
365
00:12:50,662 --> 00:12:53,179
-Oh, there's my horn!
-Keep it coming.
366
00:12:53,331 --> 00:12:55,331
Elaine, I get the feeling
you're not taking
367
00:12:55,424 --> 00:12:57,350
this accident very seriously.
368
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,836
Oh, sorry.
It's-it's hard to turn it off.
369
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:02,614
I just get such a kick
out of seeing people light up
370
00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:04,173
when I do stuff like this.
371
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:07,176
Woop! Meerp.
Woop! Meerp.
372
00:13:07,195 --> 00:13:09,178
-So much range.
-One more.
373
00:13:09,272 --> 00:13:10,363
-Whoop!
-Thank you.
374
00:13:10,515 --> 00:13:11,514
Life can be tough.
375
00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:14,017
People can use
a few extra smiles, huh?
376
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:15,018
I'll take that.
377
00:13:15,111 --> 00:13:16,202
"Clown Eyed Girl.
378
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,022
Mobile door-to-door
clowning service."
379
00:13:19,115 --> 00:13:20,373
This clown gets around.
380
00:13:20,525 --> 00:13:22,208
Anyway, what were you
asking me about, Bob?
381
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,359
Something about an alliance?
382
00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:24,544
You know what, don't-don't...
383
00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:26,471
don't worry about it.
Just forget it.
384
00:13:26,622 --> 00:13:30,216
Well, there is one thing I
would love to discuss with you.
385
00:13:30,368 --> 00:13:32,218
-What happened to your nose?!
-Aah!
386
00:13:32,370 --> 00:13:34,704
Phew. (chuckles)
Good one.
387
00:13:34,722 --> 00:13:36,630
So, how'd it go with Elaine?
388
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:39,208
-It was... I mean...
-She's our new godmother.
389
00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:42,228
-Sir? You're up.
-Okay. I-I'm coming.
390
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:43,988
This is it, Bob.
You're gonna do great.
391
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:45,398
You can cry on cue, right?
392
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,234
So, yeah,
I had just started the car,
393
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:49,810
and I was turning
into traffic...
394
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:52,071
You and your family
were eating at this diner?
395
00:13:52,223 --> 00:13:53,723
Um, it's not a diner.
396
00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:57,076
I mean, nothing against diners,
but this is a burger place.
397
00:13:57,228 --> 00:13:59,504
-Uh, also, we own it.
-Got it.
398
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:00,897
-Owns... diner.
-Mm-hmm.
399
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:02,489
Continue with your story,
please.
400
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:05,234
So, uh, yeah, like I said,
I was, um, uh,
401
00:14:05,253 --> 00:14:06,827
turning into traffic when...
402
00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:09,422
And did you use your turn signal
when you entered the lane?
403
00:14:09,574 --> 00:14:10,590
I-I believe so.
404
00:14:10,742 --> 00:14:12,333
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't say that.
405
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,594
I mean, I, um, uh,
not believe... I...
406
00:14:14,746 --> 00:14:17,580
(chuckles)
Yeah, I-I definitely did. Yes.
407
00:14:17,599 --> 00:14:19,340
-Attaboy.
-(quietly): Okay, Teddy, okay.
408
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,192
Is that man punching the air?
409
00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:23,677
Yes. He's, uh,
he-he's one of our customers.
410
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,606
-Do you know
if he rents or owns?
-Uh, I think he owns.
411
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,425
-Mm.
-Um, so it's the car
in the back's fault, right?
412
00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:31,427
I got what I need.
Good luck with your diner.
413
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,930
It's not a...
Uh, uh, thank you.
414
00:14:34,023 --> 00:14:35,948
(groans)
Now she's talking to Patti.
415
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,266
Wh-What is she saying?
416
00:14:37,285 --> 00:14:39,102
Why can't people
own up to their mistakes?
417
00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:40,436
I-It doesn't seem that hard.
418
00:14:40,529 --> 00:14:42,046
Ah, I'd love
to live in that world, too.
419
00:14:42,273 --> 00:14:43,940
-(fryer beeping)
-Poor, sweet, dumb Bob.
420
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:46,626
-Ooh, is that more fries?
-Hold your horses.
Coming right up.
421
00:14:46,778 --> 00:14:49,536
(to beeping rhythm): ♪ Fries
are done, I'm a great son ♪
422
00:14:49,631 --> 00:14:51,797
♪ Fries are done,
I'm a great son. ♪
423
00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:54,117
(gasps) Wait, Dad.
I just realized something
424
00:14:54,135 --> 00:14:55,635
about the accident.
425
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,803
-Really?
-I don't think
you used your turn signal.
426
00:14:57,956 --> 00:14:59,880
-What? How do you know that?
-Yeah.
427
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,901
-You know how Gene has a song
for every sound in our lives?
-Yeah.
428
00:15:03,128 --> 00:15:05,069
Well, he has a song
for your turn signal, too.
429
00:15:05,221 --> 00:15:07,071
Yep. It goes:
♪ Fart left, it's a stinker ♪
430
00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:08,981
♪ Fart right,
use your blinker! ♪
431
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,134
Okay, okay, yes, Gene,
we all know the song.
432
00:15:11,227 --> 00:15:13,411
Well, I don't remember him
singing it in the car today.
433
00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:16,322
-I don't remember that, either.
-Neither do I.
434
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,473
Oh, Bob.
435
00:15:17,566 --> 00:15:19,692
Okay, fine,
maybe I didn't signal.
436
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:23,312
But tha-that doesn't mean
I entered the lane dangerously.
437
00:15:23,331 --> 00:15:25,148
Bup-bup-bup.
Father, you just said
438
00:15:25,241 --> 00:15:26,832
people should
own up to their mistakes.
439
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,760
And then you said
it doesn't seem that hard.
440
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:30,836
And also you've been saying it
all day, and it's, like,
441
00:15:30,989 --> 00:15:32,822
cool catchphrase,
give it a rest!
442
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,659
(sighs) All right, I'll go
talk to Officer Bridget.
443
00:15:36,752 --> 00:15:37,751
Officer Bridget, hi.
444
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,329
I-I just wanted to change
the words I said,
445
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:43,349
-uh, in your report.
-I don't really have time
right now, Bob.
446
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,501
I have to go deal
with a highway robbery.
447
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,111
And by "highway robbery,"
I'm referring to the guy
448
00:15:47,263 --> 00:15:49,672
who's painting my guesthouse--
he's charging me a fortune.
449
00:15:49,765 --> 00:15:51,783
Anyway, it's too late to change
the report. I'm all done.
450
00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:53,600
W-Wait, what do you mean
you're all done?
451
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,511
Patti told me what happened.
Graham backed it up.
452
00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:57,622
Car one-- that's Elaine--
slammed on her brakes
453
00:15:57,849 --> 00:15:59,624
for no apparent reason,
which caused the accident.
454
00:15:59,851 --> 00:16:02,460
So your report just says
this is Elaine's fault,
455
00:16:02,687 --> 00:16:04,537
and she's gonna
have to pay for this?
456
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,206
Well, her insurance will.
Some people shouldn't drive.
457
00:16:07,358 --> 00:16:09,300
No, no, no, no,
she-she can't not drive.
458
00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:10,784
She's a traveling clown.
459
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:13,529
Can't she just carpool
with 20 or 30 other clowns?
460
00:16:13,548 --> 00:16:15,640
(chuckles)
Sorry. Someone had to say it.
461
00:16:15,867 --> 00:16:17,458
What'd the policewoman say?
462
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,127
She said Patti and Graham
both blamed it on Elaine.
463
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,722
So I guess the report's
gonna say it was her fault.
464
00:16:22,874 --> 00:16:26,133
-Oh, no. Poor Elaine.
-She was the best of all of us.
465
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,968
I guess heaven needed a clown.
466
00:16:28,062 --> 00:16:30,304
She's not dead, kids.
She just got screwed over.
467
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,897
You did what you could, Bob.
468
00:16:31,992 --> 00:16:35,309
-You owned up to your mistakes.
-Actually, I never told the cop
469
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,720
about me not using
my turn signal.
470
00:16:37,739 --> 00:16:39,646
-Wait. You didn't?
-I started to, but, uh,
471
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,667
it just didn't quite
get all the way out of my mouth.
472
00:16:42,894 --> 00:16:44,227
Oh, boy.
Sounds like you kinda
473
00:16:44,245 --> 00:16:45,578
threw that clown
under the bus, Bob,
474
00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:47,672
and now she's gonna
have to take the bus.
475
00:16:47,823 --> 00:16:50,324
Bad news for Elaine.
Good news for that bus driver.
476
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,052
She's gonna find
so many quarters behind his ear!
477
00:16:56,924 --> 00:16:58,574
I can't believe you never
told the policewoman you didn't
478
00:16:58,593 --> 00:17:00,426
-use your turn signal, Dad.
-In other words,
479
00:17:00,578 --> 00:17:01,927
we should take responsibility
for acting like jerks
480
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,929
when it comes
to cheap bags of candy,
481
00:17:04,082 --> 00:17:06,006
but you can just say
whatever you want
482
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,583
in an official police report.
483
00:17:07,602 --> 00:17:10,102
(sighs)
I know, Louise. I screwed up.
484
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,755
I-I need to go make this right.
485
00:17:12,774 --> 00:17:14,014
Wait, wait, wait.
Stop.
486
00:17:14,108 --> 00:17:16,200
Whoa, whoa, hey!
We don't want another accident
487
00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:17,368
in front of your diner, Bob.
488
00:17:17,595 --> 00:17:19,428
Officer Bridget, please.
J-Just hear me out.
489
00:17:19,522 --> 00:17:22,206
I came here before
to tell you that
490
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,433
I didn't actually
put on my signal.
491
00:17:24,527 --> 00:17:26,026
I-I remembered that
after we spoke.
492
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:29,105
But the point is, at least some
of the blame for this accident
493
00:17:29,123 --> 00:17:30,381
should be on me.
494
00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:32,366
Okay, great. I'll definitely
make a note of that.
495
00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:33,700
Now, please move out of the way.
496
00:17:33,795 --> 00:17:36,370
Look, I-I just think maybe,
in a perfect world,
497
00:17:36,464 --> 00:17:39,557
-this was all of our faults.
-PATTI: Hey, Bob.
498
00:17:39,708 --> 00:17:42,209
-What are you talking about?
-Yeah, what's going on, Bob?
499
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,728
I was just telling
Officer Bridget here
500
00:17:43,879 --> 00:17:45,454
that I didn't
use my turn signal,
501
00:17:45,473 --> 00:17:47,473
so it's only fair
that I share some of the blame.
502
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:50,976
Wow, that's
kind of inspiring, Bob.
503
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,905
The truth is, I was distracted
by my wiener dog.
504
00:17:54,132 --> 00:17:57,316
So I guess I was
also partially responsible.
505
00:17:57,468 --> 00:17:58,818
Mm, okay.
506
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:02,988
I was on my phone, too, so, yes,
I was probably very distracted.
507
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,807
♪ I was distracted ♪
508
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:07,643
♪ By my wiener dog ♪
509
00:18:07,662 --> 00:18:11,738
♪ So it's almost my fault,
I think ♪
510
00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:14,333
♪ And I was on my cell phone ♪
511
00:18:14,485 --> 00:18:16,335
♪ Didn't see what was going on ♪
512
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,413
♪ So I can't say
my poop don't stink ♪
513
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,325
♪ Because taking
responsibility ♪
514
00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:24,343
♪ For your actions ♪
515
00:18:24,495 --> 00:18:26,512
♪ Whoa, is the real path ♪
516
00:18:26,664 --> 00:18:29,423
♪ To satisfaction ♪
517
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:32,351
♪ The only thing
that works in life ♪
518
00:18:32,503 --> 00:18:34,670
♪ Is not being a jerk in life ♪
519
00:18:34,689 --> 00:18:39,008
♪ Taking responsibility
is the best way to be ♪
520
00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:41,602
♪ For you ♪
521
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:45,456
♪ And for me. ♪
522
00:18:45,608 --> 00:18:47,125
BRIDGET:
You okay, Bob?
523
00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:48,275
Lost you there for a second.
524
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,461
Oh. Right.
Everyone's gone.
525
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:52,688
Um, sorry. So, I-I don't know
why Elaine stopped,
526
00:18:52,781 --> 00:18:55,466
but I-I just don't think
this was all her fault.
527
00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:58,377
Well, she said she saw
a ball bounce into the street,
528
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,696
but no one else saw it,
so I just assumed
529
00:19:00,715 --> 00:19:01,955
she was covering her butt.
530
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:04,367
And then she sat on a horn
and it honked.
531
00:19:04,385 --> 00:19:07,127
-Which was pretty funny.
-ANDY: Be scared, crows.
532
00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:08,962
Be very scared!
533
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,207
Wait.
Andy, Ollie,
534
00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:12,650
didn't your scarecrow
have a head before?
535
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:14,819
Li-Like a cantaloupe head?
536
00:19:15,046 --> 00:19:16,061
We lost it.
537
00:19:16,214 --> 00:19:17,546
What-what do you mean,
you lost it?
538
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,715
It rolled into the street
and we didn't see where it went.
539
00:19:19,808 --> 00:19:21,993
That must have been the ball
that Elaine stopped for.
540
00:19:22,144 --> 00:19:23,736
It was probably a cantaloupe.
541
00:19:23,888 --> 00:19:25,979
It probably bounced into
the street in front of her car!
542
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:28,891
-Look! Is that it?
-ANDY and OLLIE: No!
543
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,926
We got to be strong.
544
00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:32,912
We have to get ready
for the harvest.
545
00:19:33,064 --> 00:19:34,063
You're right.
546
00:19:34,156 --> 00:19:35,748
Okay, so that changes things.
547
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,176
The way I see it now, driver one
stopped for a legitimate reason,
548
00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:41,512
driver two rear-ended her,
driver three- that's you, Bob--
549
00:19:41,664 --> 00:19:43,514
pulled into traffic
without signaling,
550
00:19:43,666 --> 00:19:45,349
driver four rear-ended
driver three,
551
00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:47,576
when then sent driver three
into driver two's car,
552
00:19:47,595 --> 00:19:50,003
which caused driver two
to hit driver one's car
553
00:19:50,097 --> 00:19:51,931
for a second time.
554
00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:54,192
Uh, yeah, that sounds right.
555
00:19:54,343 --> 00:19:55,676
Look, I'm no insurance adjuster,
556
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,920
but it sounds like
you may be the only person
557
00:19:58,013 --> 00:20:00,031
taking any responsibility
for this accident.
558
00:20:00,182 --> 00:20:02,033
Which, in insurance terms,
could mean
559
00:20:02,184 --> 00:20:04,035
that you end up
taking all of it.
560
00:20:04,186 --> 00:20:06,019
Oh, God.
(sighs) Fine.
561
00:20:06,113 --> 00:20:08,264
If that's the way it has to be.
562
00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:09,856
I'll put your amended statement
in my report.
563
00:20:09,951 --> 00:20:11,659
And I'm glad
we got this nailed down.
564
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,711
Just like, uh, we nailed down
that new indoor-outdoor carpet
565
00:20:13,938 --> 00:20:17,381
at my guesthouse. It's 100 extra
square feet of living area.
566
00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:19,533
I mean, why can't
I rent this place?
567
00:20:19,627 --> 00:20:22,053
Well, our insurance
is gonna go up.
568
00:20:22,204 --> 00:20:23,963
Well, up's better than down.
569
00:20:24,115 --> 00:20:25,205
Wait, no, that's not right.
570
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,741
But hey,
you did the right thing, Bob.
571
00:20:26,743 --> 00:20:28,208
And you know what goes great
572
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,969
with our insurance rates
going up?
573
00:20:30,121 --> 00:20:31,378
Some discount candy!
574
00:20:31,472 --> 00:20:33,639
-KIDS: Yay!
-I mean, not really.
575
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,216
Ugh, you know what?
I don't want to be jerky.
576
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:37,884
Tina, you can have mine.
577
00:20:37,979 --> 00:20:40,053
I kinda sorta stole a lot
from you earlier.
578
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,239
Oh, I know.
But it's okay.
579
00:20:41,466 --> 00:20:42,573
I was hoarding
like a hoardin' fool.
580
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,134
You can both have mine.
I was eating too fast.
581
00:20:45,152 --> 00:20:46,969
-I stopped unwrapping them.
-Wait a minute.
582
00:20:46,988 --> 00:20:49,822
This bag is light.
Like, really light.
583
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:51,249
Mother!
584
00:20:51,476 --> 00:20:52,899
What?
No!
585
00:20:52,994 --> 00:20:55,068
No, I wouldn't do that.
Bob, back me up.
586
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,420
You want an alliance?
587
00:20:56,572 --> 00:20:59,331
-LINDA: Ooh! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-GENE: Pump her stomach!
588
00:20:59,484 --> 00:21:02,576
♪ Responsibility
for your actions ♪
589
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:06,171
♪ Is the real path
to satisfaction ♪
590
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:09,249
♪ The only thing
that works in life ♪
591
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:12,177
♪ Is not being a jerk in life ♪
592
00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:16,923
♪ Taking responsibility's
the best way to be ♪
593
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:19,018
♪ For you ♪
594
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:20,169
♪ And ♪
595
00:21:20,187 --> 00:21:22,780
♪ For me ♪
596
00:21:23,007 --> 00:21:24,615
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
597
00:21:24,767 --> 00:21:27,285
♪ For you ♪
598
00:21:27,436 --> 00:21:29,561
-♪ And ♪
-♪ Responsibility ♪
599
00:21:29,713 --> 00:21:30,771
♪ For me ♪
600
00:21:30,865 --> 00:21:32,348
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪
601
00:21:32,366 --> 00:21:33,549
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
602
00:21:33,576 --> 00:21:34,750
and TOYOTA.