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♪
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LINDA:
♪ Candy cane moose ♪
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♪ We've had
since Tina was born ♪
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♪ People think
you're a reindeer ♪
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♪ But you're not,
you're a moose. ♪
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With a little red nose.
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(kisses)
Aw.
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I still feel like it's too soon
to take these down.
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It's only been a week
since Christmas.
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Eight days, Mom.
Which I happen to know
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because I've been trying
to solve this stupid thing
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since Christmas!
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Come on, little ball.
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Get out of your cage.
Get out of your cage!
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My stocking stuffer
brings only joy and peace.
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-(playing harmonica)
-Gene? Gene?
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-You said you were taking
a little break?
-What?
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I couldn't hear you
over my harmonica.
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Is that hat for your hands?
Have I been wearing hats wrong?
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No. Santa thought my head
was a little smaller,
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so I'm just stretching it out.
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So, you're still
putting Christmas stuff away?
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Yeah. Say sweet dreams
to the clothespin angel.
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-Sweet dreams, clothespin angel.
-Kiss 'em.
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-What?
-Kiss 'em.
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No. No, thank you.
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I don't want to kiss
any more ornaments, Lin.
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That's kind of why
I went into the kitchen.
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Also to juice
with my antique juicer
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that you got me
which I love more than life.
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-That you told me to get you.
-Yeah, and I was right
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about how good a gift
that would be.
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Just like the perfume
that I got you.
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I love my perfume.
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Joy by Joy Behar.
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Just brings so much joy.
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I miss your old smell
of grease and crackers.
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So, do you need us
to keep helping
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with this incredibly long
taking down the tree process?
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No, you guys helped
the first three hours.
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-It's fine.
-Well, in that case,
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I'd like to intro-juice you
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to Orange Lemon Basil.
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I can't wait to taste
the difference
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between this
and Orange Lemon Mint.
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Uh, forget Orange Lemon Mint.
I was a different person then.
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(exhales) Okay,
done with ornaments. Moving on
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to holiday cards.
Aw, look at 'em.
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All the beautiful,
smiling families
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telling me Season's Greetings.
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All the teenagers
going through awkward phases.
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-Oh, yeah,
a bunch of other Tinas.
-What?
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You know, I don't think we got
as many cards as we usually get.
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Maybe we're being shunned?
Because they're all jealous
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of our perfect skin
and our long, long lashes?
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Oh, my God.
We are being shunned.
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We're getting taken off of
people's Christmas card lists.
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Why would we get taken off
people's Christmas card lists?
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Because of our long,
long lashes?
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No, because I couldn't
get it together this year
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to send our card out.
Or last year.
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And that's how it happens.
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You stop giving,
you stop getting.
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-Like high fives?
-Yeah.
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Right.
So, why didn't you send one out?
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-Seems easy enough.
-Well, excuse me, Miss Missy.
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Hardest thing of all is getting
a good picture of this family.
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It's like wrangling
a bunch of muddy babies.
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You people
probably don't remember
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the last picture we sent out,
but I do.
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Tina's eyes were half-shut,
Gene was all blurry,
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and Louise
was doing a serial killer face.
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And that was the good picture.
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You mean
this serial killer face?
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-(screams) Yes. Uh, stop it.
-Stop what?
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Stop it. Ugh. Look how good
these pictures are.
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Look at my cousin Valerie
and her family on that cruise.
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They were all pointing
towards land or a whale
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or a dolphin.
And ours was in a grocery store.
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That was the best we could do,
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standing in front
of that pineapple display.
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Oh, my God, pineapple.
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Bob, for a minute,
stop with the juice.
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-Uh, never.
-Remember that year
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we tried to take our picture
in that guy's yard
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because he had a nice fountain,
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and then he came out
and got real mad?
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Why have a fountain if you won't
let people do a Friends in it?
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Lin, I think you're being
too hard on yourself.
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They're just cards. We'll take
a good picture next year.
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It's not a big deal.
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Not a big deal?!
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Um, I-I mean, isn't that true?
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Thin card that gets thrown away?
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-Not a big deal?
Uh, why is your eye twitching?
-(Linda grunting)
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And she's kind of balling up
her hands into fists.
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Linda, breathe. Bob doesn't know
what he's talking about.
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You know what?
It's still January, right?
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-I mean, yes?
-It's January somewhere.
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So, 'tis still the season,
sorta.
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We're still in the winter.
We still have time, right?
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-For what?
-If we went out somewhere nice
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to take a picture today,
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we could get cards
printed tomorrow,
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send them and still be in
the holiday card-giving window.
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We'd be back in
the card-getting business, baby.
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Uh, w-wait, today? I mean...
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Come on! You know it's gonna be
a slow day at the restaurant.
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Everyone's still on
winter break, winter breaking.
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I just figured that if it's
a slow day in the restaurant,
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I could play-- I mean, work--
with the new juicer
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that you so thoughtfully got
for me,
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my great love.
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Yeah, and this is
our last day of freedom
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before we have to go back
to school.
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Today, my only plan
is to sit on my butt
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and solve
this fun/infuriating puzzle.
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Aah! Dang it.
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I was planning on becoming
a harmonica virtuoso today.
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-(playing harmonica)
-Gene, buddy?
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Please? You're killing me.
You are killing me.
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Everybody, we're doing this.
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So, come on, get dressed!
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-Let's go. Let's go. Go, go, go!
-ALL: No!
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All right!
And I found the perfect place.
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I looked it up, and it's
gorgeous. We're on our way.
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Uh, wait,
what's the name of this place?
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Eh, don't worry about the name.
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Wh-Why don't worry
about the name?
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It's, uh,
it's called something lookout.
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-Okay.
-Three Mile Lookout.
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What does that mean?
You can see for three miles?
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-Whoa.
-Yeah, maybe.
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Or, uh, or because it's
a three-mile walk to get there.
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-What?
-What? Let me out!
-What? Pull over!
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-Drive, Bob, drive!
Put the child locks on.
-(kids shouting)
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-What? We-we don't have
child locks.
-Just drive.
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(whoops) Three Mile Lookout,
here we come.
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Then it's just a three-mile walk
to a beautiful lookout.
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-BOB: Mm.
-You're not my mother right now.
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Oh, I can just see it.
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Us in nature.
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Everyone smiling,
looking at the camera.
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Some of us wearing hats?
145
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What do you think?
Pom-pom to the left?
146
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Pom-pom to the right?
Left? Or right?
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-Left? Right?
-Tina, shh.
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-Busy. Puzzle.
-Okay, but real quick?
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Anyone have any requests,
or shall I just riff?
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-(plays harmonica) Aah!
-Tina.
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-Sorry.
-Hey, kid in the middle.
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Okay, I need room
to work here, people.
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-Ow.
-Ow.
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Kids, no fighting.
When we take this picture,
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everyone's got to smile
and mean it.
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No grouchy grumps.
Bob, that goes for you, too.
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-Are you still made
that I'm making you walk?
-Yes.
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I love you.
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In my head,
I'm juicing right now.
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Here, Bob, take the snacks.
I got the camera.
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-I'll take the snacks
-N-No, no, that's okay, Gene.
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-I-I got it.
-Ah, you don't trust me.
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-And rightly so.
-RANGER: Hey.
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Going for a nice winter hike,
huh?
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No. We're here against our will.
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-Wait, what?
-No. (chuckles)
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We didn't kidnap them.
168
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Oh, well, that's a relief.
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Now I don't have to fill out
that form.
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You know, actually,
we're here to take
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a perfect holiday family photo.
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Isn't it a little too late
for that?
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No!
It's still during the window.
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-Uh, Lin.
-What?
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Well, you guys seem great.
Okay, be safe, don't litter,
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and no kicking pine cones.
They don't like it.
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Mom, you know what I'm thinking?
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This parking lot
is absolutely breathtaking.
179
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We should take the picture here.
180
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Oh, yeah. That's a great idea.
181
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So artistic if we did it,
actually, just right here.
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What? No. We're taking
a really, really nice picture.
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It's our big comeback.
We're going up.
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Wait, "up"?
There's "up" involved in this?
185
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Yes. It's called a lookout.
186
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You have to go up to look out.
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Everywhere's a lookout.
I'm looking out right now.
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No. Come on. Everyone, practice
your smiles and follow me.
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(playing harmonica)
190
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(breathes deeply)
Thank you.
191
00:07:06,334 --> 00:07:08,218
(kids groaning)
192
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The air's thinner up here,
right? Is the air thinner?
193
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People shouldn't walk up hills.
Gravity doesn't want us up here.
194
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Did a bird poop twice
on you guys, too?
195
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(gasps) Oh, it's even better
than I imagined.
196
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Okay, take a minute
to get yourselves camera-ready.
197
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:25,835
Tina, get that poop off.
198
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Do I have time for a blowout?
199
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:29,931
My glam squad
is about 20 minutes behind us.
200
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:30,949
Not this time, baby.
201
00:07:31,176 --> 00:07:32,117
Bob, you're steaming.
202
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:33,785
Maybe try to get that
under control?
203
00:07:34,012 --> 00:07:35,770
(panting):
Okay. I'll try to stop.
204
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You look like a Cup O' Noodles
over there.
205
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All right, I'm gonna try
and figure out this timer.
206
00:07:39,367 --> 00:07:40,533
These things are easy, right?
207
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,353
Oops! Wait, is this
on ten seconds or three?
208
00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:44,296
-(camera clicking)
-Hold on.
209
00:07:44,523 --> 00:07:45,947
Aah! I pressed the timer.
210
00:07:46,115 --> 00:07:47,448
Why'd it take a picture?
211
00:07:47,617 --> 00:07:49,192
-Aah!
-Lin, do you want help?
212
00:07:49,285 --> 00:07:50,543
No, no, I got it.
213
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:53,287
-Oh, come on!
-Uh, h-here, let me try.
214
00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:54,698
-(timer beeping)
-Okay, I think we're set.
215
00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:56,216
-Butt shot.
-Nice!
216
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,884
(timer beeping, camera clicks)
217
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,536
Geez,
what kind of timer is this?
218
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Who can move that fast?
Cheetah people?
219
00:08:01,798 --> 00:08:03,707
I mean, we're Cheeto people.
220
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Okay. Oh, I think
I just reset the date.
221
00:08:06,228 --> 00:08:08,378
And I might have taken, like,
30 pictures up my nose.
222
00:08:08,547 --> 00:08:10,730
-There's your Christmas card.
-Oh, ratzafratz!
223
00:08:10,899 --> 00:08:12,974
Uh, maybe we don't
all have to be in it?
224
00:08:13,068 --> 00:08:15,401
Maybe I take it,
and you can tell everyone
225
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,979
that I left you
to join the Army,
226
00:08:18,073 --> 00:08:20,165
and you're bravely carrying on
without me.
227
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:23,484
Even though I'm braver
because I joined the Army.
228
00:08:23,578 --> 00:08:25,912
I already thought of that.
Doesn't work.
229
00:08:26,064 --> 00:08:27,413
What if people see you
in the restaurant?
230
00:08:27,566 --> 00:08:29,508
Can't you just say
he's Dad's hot twin?
231
00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:31,676
-This plan is perfect.
I like it.
-All right, we're doing
232
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,494
the hot-twin-Army-Dad plan.
Let's do this.
233
00:08:33,588 --> 00:08:35,180
Oh! Hikers!
234
00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:37,849
-Hello! Hi!
-Uh, yeah?
235
00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:40,260
Uh, can you take our picture?
236
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:43,096
Uh, okay! Just,
we're very far away from you!
237
00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:45,190
You won't be able
to make out your faces!
238
00:08:45,417 --> 00:08:47,025
Oh, no, not from over there!
Over here!
239
00:08:47,252 --> 00:08:49,769
On our camera! Please!
240
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,771
We need a family picture!
It's an emergency!
241
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,606
Oh, okay!
242
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,034
Oh, thank you so much.
We really appreciate it.
243
00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:58,537
(panting): Sure. It wasn't
too far out of the way.
244
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,187
-It was pretty far.
-It was pretty far.
245
00:09:00,282 --> 00:09:01,948
Louise, put the toy down.
Come on. We're doing this.
246
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,708
Fine, I'll do it behind my back.
247
00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:06,378
Okay, everyone squish in
and say "ravioli."
248
00:09:06,529 --> 00:09:08,547
ALL:
Ravioli.
249
00:09:08,698 --> 00:09:09,956
-Got it.
-You know what?
250
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,383
Could you just take a few more
251
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,443
-just for safety?
-Okay.
252
00:09:13,612 --> 00:09:15,612
All right, everyone's eyes open?
Bob, you still steamy?
253
00:09:15,705 --> 00:09:18,448
Wait, I was talking.
Can you take it again?
254
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,617
You know, I know
it doesn't really matter,
255
00:09:20,635 --> 00:09:22,394
but can you smile
while you take it?
256
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,454
I think we'll get
a better smile out of the kids.
257
00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:26,565
Right?
Your face is kind of tight.
258
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,383
-Okay, thank you!
-All right.
259
00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:31,127
We're done. Let's go.
260
00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:32,295
-Oh, they're awful.
-What?
261
00:09:32,388 --> 00:09:34,388
Bad. They're all bad.
262
00:09:34,482 --> 00:09:36,966
Shadow. Shadow.
Ugh, they're all in shadow.
263
00:09:37,135 --> 00:09:38,985
And Gene's completely
turned around in this one.
264
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,971
-I had to go.
-Maybe silhouette
could be our thing?
265
00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:44,082
Like, you can't see our faces.
Who are we?
266
00:09:44,309 --> 00:09:46,233
Like, a-a mystery card.
267
00:09:46,402 --> 00:09:47,735
Oh, her stupid thumb's
in this one.
268
00:09:47,829 --> 00:09:49,421
Ugh. Stick to hiking, sweetie.
269
00:09:49,648 --> 00:09:52,924
Okay, so, I guess we wait
for another hiker to come along?
270
00:09:53,151 --> 00:09:55,501
-Maybe it'll be Annie Leibovitz.
-I have a better idea.
271
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:57,762
We make a hang glider
out of Dad's underwear,
272
00:09:57,989 --> 00:09:59,172
and we glide down
to the parking lot
273
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,506
-and go home.
-That sounds nice.
274
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,416
Oh, I got the timer working!
275
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:03,918
We don't need
any more dumb hikers!
276
00:10:04,012 --> 00:10:06,605
And we're switching locations.
The sun's facing that way.
277
00:10:06,832 --> 00:10:08,089
You people stand there.
278
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,091
I'm putting the camera here
on this nice rock.
279
00:10:10,185 --> 00:10:12,593
Hello, rock.
Thank you for being here.
280
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,096
Kids, you'll be back in
your jammies before you can say,
281
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,764
"Oh, my God,
what a great Christmas card."
282
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,342
Okay, but I'm pretty sure
I used up all my fierceness.
283
00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:21,661
Wait, I found a little more. Mm.
284
00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:25,773
-Oh, this is it!
This is the moment.
-(timer beeping)
285
00:10:25,942 --> 00:10:27,867
Smile, people. Smile, please.
286
00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:29,944
-I'll never ask
for anything again.
-Wait, my hat.
287
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,445
Wait, my this.
(farts)
288
00:10:31,614 --> 00:10:33,189
-Gene.
-Bob! Bob, smile.
289
00:10:33,282 --> 00:10:35,449
-Everyone, you're not smiling!
-(farts) Oh, whoops.
290
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,860
-(Louise laughs)
-Yay, Dad!
291
00:10:36,953 --> 00:10:38,987
Okay. Okay.
292
00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:41,047
Okay.
293
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,532
(crying)
294
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:45,201
Uh, oh, no. Is it that bad?
295
00:10:45,294 --> 00:10:47,704
-Is it Tina's hat?
-No! Oh, God, no.
296
00:10:47,797 --> 00:10:49,463
It's... it's...
297
00:10:49,632 --> 00:10:51,708
-Yeah?
-It's perfect.
298
00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:52,800
It's more than perfect.
299
00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:54,878
It's-it's the picture
I have in my head
300
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:56,396
when I think of you guys.
301
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,139
It's that double fart magic.
302
00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:00,400
-So does that mean...
-We got it?
303
00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:01,976
We got it!
304
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:03,644
-Oh, thank God.
-Oh, yeah!
305
00:11:03,813 --> 00:11:04,904
First one to the car
gets to drive.
306
00:11:05,073 --> 00:11:06,072
Okay.
307
00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:07,682
Oh, thanks, everyone.
308
00:11:07,684 --> 00:11:09,909
I know it was a long day
and exercise is very difficult
309
00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:11,895
and awkward for this family,
but this is really...
310
00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:13,579
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
311
00:11:13,732 --> 00:11:16,007
(gasping)
312
00:11:16,234 --> 00:11:18,584
No...!
313
00:11:18,753 --> 00:11:20,512
Got it! I got it.
I got the camera.
314
00:11:20,663 --> 00:11:21,846
-Thank God.
-(sighing heavily)
315
00:11:22,073 --> 00:11:23,589
Oh, that was close.
Okay, I'm pullin' it out.
316
00:11:23,758 --> 00:11:25,425
(strained grunting)
317
00:11:25,593 --> 00:11:27,168
-Oh. Oh, no.
-What, "oh, no"?
318
00:11:27,262 --> 00:11:29,187
The hole's not wide enough
for my hand and the camera.
319
00:11:29,338 --> 00:11:30,763
Wh-What are you talking about?
320
00:11:30,932 --> 00:11:33,024
I can't get my arm out without
lettin' go of the camera,
321
00:11:33,176 --> 00:11:34,693
and if I let go of the camera...
322
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,436
Yeah, that would be bad.
323
00:11:36,588 --> 00:11:37,696
-(birds screeching)
-(Linda grunting)
324
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,346
Should I play a mournful blues?
325
00:11:39,441 --> 00:11:40,699
-Probably not.
-I should.
-♪ ♪
326
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:47,188
-Okay, okay, maybe we can...
-(straining)
327
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:49,933
Ow, ow, no. Mommy's elbow
doesn't go that way.
328
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,768
I can't see any way
to get the camera.
329
00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:53,119
I can't reach it from any angle.
330
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,772
Uh, maybe if we had
a trained bird?
331
00:11:55,865 --> 00:11:57,273
Oh, now you want a trained bird.
332
00:11:57,366 --> 00:12:00,367
Before Christmas it's all,
"We can't get a trained bird."
333
00:12:00,462 --> 00:12:02,053
Maybe we could try to train
that squirrel?
334
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,629
Hi... Oh, he's gone.
335
00:12:03,798 --> 00:12:05,631
Okay, what if we drop
the camera--
336
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,468
wait, hear me out--
and not do this anymore?
337
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:09,786
Ooh, he likes it. He likes it.
338
00:12:09,955 --> 00:12:10,970
She's frowning.
339
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,791
Lin, at some point
we might have to consider
340
00:12:14,809 --> 00:12:15,975
saying goodbye to the camera.
341
00:12:16,144 --> 00:12:17,643
No. Never.
342
00:12:17,796 --> 00:12:19,904
The best picture our family has
ever taken is on this thing.
343
00:12:20,014 --> 00:12:21,406
You didn't see it. I saw it!
344
00:12:21,633 --> 00:12:23,466
(straining):
It was like a... a fairy tale,
345
00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:25,410
but in... but in real life.
346
00:12:25,637 --> 00:12:28,062
But maybe we don't need a
picture on the Christmas card.
347
00:12:28,231 --> 00:12:30,139
Just some nice words?
348
00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:31,232
I'm ready
with the bubble letters.
349
00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:33,142
Oh, Tina,
I love your bubble letters,
350
00:12:33,311 --> 00:12:34,919
but that's the worst idea
anyone's ever had.
351
00:12:35,146 --> 00:12:36,662
Okay, let me try something.
352
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,256
Hey, Mom, can you show me how
to eat corn on the cob again?
353
00:12:38,483 --> 00:12:40,483
I forget how and I need to know.
354
00:12:40,576 --> 00:12:42,243
For school. Uh, corn school.
355
00:12:42,337 --> 00:12:43,987
Uh-uh.
I'm not fallin' for the old
356
00:12:44,155 --> 00:12:46,264
"How do I eat corn on the cob"
trick. Who even knows.
357
00:12:46,491 --> 00:12:48,491
-Damn, she's good.
-Maybe I try something.
358
00:12:48,626 --> 00:12:50,918
Hey, Mom,
what number comes after nine?
359
00:12:51,012 --> 00:12:53,605
-What? Ten.
-Right, but, um,
360
00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,832
show me on your fingers
how many ten is.
361
00:12:55,959 --> 00:12:58,425
For, um, corn school. Crap.
362
00:12:58,594 --> 00:13:01,112
-Nope.
-Mom, I need a hug.
A two-armer.
363
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,839
Uh-uh, Gene.
Hug your father.
364
00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:04,765
All right, Dad, let's do this.
365
00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:07,844
♪ Pushin' the rocks,
pushin' the rocks ♪
366
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:10,604
♪ Pushin' and pullin'
and pushin' the rocks ♪
367
00:13:10,773 --> 00:13:12,849
♪ Kickin' the rocks,
lookin' good ♪
368
00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:16,035
♪ Makin' nets that fall apart. ♪
369
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,855
(moaning): Oh, oh,
my hand's gettin' so tired.
370
00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:21,207
-Oh, no.
-Does it want to go home
and take a nap?
371
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:23,117
Here, Mom, you can use my hat
to cushion your arm.
372
00:13:23,286 --> 00:13:25,211
(grunting)
Little help?
373
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,713
(all grunting)
374
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,123
(sighs):
Ah, thanks, Tina.
375
00:13:29,292 --> 00:13:30,533
That pom-pom feels nice.
376
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:32,885
Kids, have snacks
and enjoy the day.
377
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,295
Yay, snacks.
378
00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:36,539
This boy wouldn't say no
to some hot cocoa.
379
00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:38,632
Blah. What is this?!
380
00:13:38,726 --> 00:13:39,892
It-It's my juice.
381
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,227
Did you put it in there
as a prank?
382
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:42,895
No. And don't waste it.
383
00:13:43,064 --> 00:13:44,471
I-I think I juiced,
like, 30 oranges
384
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,049
to fill this thing.
385
00:13:46,142 --> 00:13:47,733
This is not a juice situation,
Father.
386
00:13:47,902 --> 00:13:49,476
Gene, I will ground you so hard.
387
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:52,313
Sorry. Sorry.
I-I just miss my juicer so much.
388
00:13:52,407 --> 00:13:54,648
TINA:
Yeah, we heard you two
singing together.
389
00:13:54,742 --> 00:13:56,650
-♪ Who likes to juice? ♪
-♪ I like to juice. ♪
390
00:13:56,744 --> 00:13:59,337
-♪ You like to juice? ♪
-♪ That's what I said. ♪
391
00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:00,839
♪ Juicey, juicey, juice,
juice, juice, juice, juice ♪
392
00:14:01,066 --> 00:14:03,232
♪ I love you more than anyone. ♪
393
00:14:03,326 --> 00:14:04,825
Why couldn't you have just
juiced some hot chocolate,
394
00:14:04,919 --> 00:14:06,085
you psychopath?!
395
00:14:06,254 --> 00:14:07,753
I guess that's it.
396
00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:09,255
We're out here in the snow like
a bunch of Jeremiah Johnsons
397
00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:11,424
and there's nothin'
we can do about it.
398
00:14:11,593 --> 00:14:13,334
Louise, no one's turning
into Jeremiah Johnson.
399
00:14:13,428 --> 00:14:15,761
Also, I don't know
how you know that movie.
400
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,430
It's a movie?
I just made up the name
401
00:14:17,599 --> 00:14:18,672
'cause it sounded good.
402
00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:21,025
What? No, it's a...
Oh, forget it.
403
00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,862
♪ ♪
404
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,771
Okay, the plan to squirt
a bunch of soap down there
405
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:28,366
and twist my arm out didn't work
'cause we don't have soap.
406
00:14:28,593 --> 00:14:30,702
And that idea to pry my arm out
with a stick
407
00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:33,446
really didn't work, and now
there's a stick stuck in here.
408
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,947
And my hand's gettin' numb.
409
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,766
My hands are getting numb, too.
410
00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:38,209
Dang it. How am I supposed
to solve this dumb thing
411
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,044
with dumb numb hands?
412
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,437
Agh! Hey, just curious--
413
00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:42,881
are we gonna be spending
the night here?
414
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,716
'Cause if so, we're gonna need
to add a few rooms
415
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:46,109
to this thing.
416
00:14:46,202 --> 00:14:48,461
Oh. Make sure my room
has a California King.
417
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:49,795
And I want jets in the tub.
418
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,222
Lin, it's gonna start
getting dark soon,
419
00:14:51,449 --> 00:14:53,558
and we still need to hike
three miles back down.
420
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:54,800
Also, the snacks are gone.
421
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,619
Guess we're gonna have
to scavenge.
422
00:14:56,712 --> 00:14:58,137
Tina, go find that squirrel,
befriend it,
423
00:14:58,231 --> 00:14:59,472
-and then betray it.
-Fine.
424
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,806
No! We're not eating squirrels
425
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,458
and we're not spending
the night.
426
00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:04,402
Just leave me here.
427
00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:05,962
Uh, uh, go back down to the car.
428
00:15:06,055 --> 00:15:07,463
I'll-I'll figure it out.
429
00:15:07,556 --> 00:15:09,132
-'Kay.
-Bye, Mom.
-Miss you.
430
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:11,075
Guys, no. We're not going
anywhere without your mother.
431
00:15:11,302 --> 00:15:12,485
But snacks!
432
00:15:12,637 --> 00:15:14,245
Oh, oh! I-I have a lozenge
in my pocket.
433
00:15:14,472 --> 00:15:16,806
Everyone take a lick,
and-and maybe, uh,
434
00:15:16,899 --> 00:15:18,307
huddle together to stay warm.
435
00:15:18,326 --> 00:15:20,660
Blow on each other with
your nice hot family breath.
436
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:22,754
I'm saving my hot breath
for this.
437
00:15:22,981 --> 00:15:25,089
-(playing harmonica)
-No!
438
00:15:25,316 --> 00:15:26,758
Oh, it's you folks again. Heh.
439
00:15:26,985 --> 00:15:28,742
That sounded like Bob Dylan
got caught in a trap.
440
00:15:28,836 --> 00:15:31,320
-Thank you.
-Would you look at that sunset?
441
00:15:31,489 --> 00:15:33,489
Wow. You folks
get a good picture?
442
00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:35,749
(laughs weakly)
Uh, funny story.
443
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,769
-Can it be a short story?
-Eh, it's pretty short.
444
00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:39,420
Uh, my wife dropped the camera,
445
00:15:39,514 --> 00:15:42,089
but then she caught it, now
her hand is stuck in that hole.
446
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,091
Yeah, she won't let go of it,
but if she did,
447
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,335
we could leave
and go to our warm house.
448
00:15:46,429 --> 00:15:47,670
Sorry, did I say that out loud?
449
00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:49,430
Mr. Ranger,
here's the thing:
450
00:15:49,524 --> 00:15:51,340
the best picture
we've ever taken as a family
451
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:52,766
is on this camera.
452
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:54,118
I need it to make holiday cards
453
00:15:54,345 --> 00:15:56,103
because we never sent them out
the last couple years,
454
00:15:56,272 --> 00:15:57,847
and-and people
are startin' to take us off
455
00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,606
their card-giving lists,
456
00:15:59,775 --> 00:16:00,792
-and-and-and if we...
-Uh, sure, sure,
sure, sure, sure.
457
00:16:01,019 --> 00:16:03,110
-Look, we see this all the time.
-Really?
458
00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:05,112
No. I just wanted
to stop you from talking
459
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:06,447
-so I can tell you something.
-Yeah?
460
00:16:06,615 --> 00:16:07,632
You have to go.
461
00:16:07,859 --> 00:16:09,208
No one can be in this park
after sunset.
462
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,360
Yup, uh, we'll-we'll be outta
here in a jiff.
463
00:16:11,454 --> 00:16:13,696
Uh, I'm about to crack
this thing here.
464
00:16:13,789 --> 00:16:17,033
Well, it's sunset now,
so you have to go right now.
465
00:16:17,126 --> 00:16:18,868
This is like,
the main part of my job.
466
00:16:18,961 --> 00:16:20,627
Well, I mean, this
and cleaning the bathroom.
467
00:16:20,796 --> 00:16:22,146
Which I definitely always do.
468
00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:24,557
Well, I'm not going anywhere
without this camera.
469
00:16:24,709 --> 00:16:26,209
-You're not leaving?
-No.
470
00:16:26,227 --> 00:16:28,635
Okay.
So this is your first warning.
471
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:30,971
Oh, um,
how many warnings are there?
472
00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:32,732
There's three, and we're
nearing warning number two.
473
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,808
It's comin' around the bend.
474
00:16:34,902 --> 00:16:37,069
Here she comes,
and second warning.
475
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:39,055
(sighs) Lin,
maybe just do what he says?
476
00:16:39,224 --> 00:16:41,741
I can't, Bob.
I can't let go of this camera.
477
00:16:41,893 --> 00:16:44,076
Third warning means I gotta
take away your park pass.
478
00:16:44,229 --> 00:16:45,336
We were supposed
to have a park pass?
479
00:16:45,563 --> 00:16:46,912
I mean, oh, uh-oh.
480
00:16:47,081 --> 00:16:48,414
Do you not have a park pass,
sir?
481
00:16:48,566 --> 00:16:50,008
Oh, uh, no, we do.
482
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:54,737
I was just thinking of another,
uh, pass that we have.
483
00:16:54,906 --> 00:16:56,405
Oh, yeah.
We have so many passes.
484
00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:57,831
-I, uh, pass, pass,
pass, pass.
-We hike all the time.
485
00:16:57,925 --> 00:16:59,408
-Oh, so much. We love it.
-Yeah.
486
00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:01,185
Well, you guys
didn't let me finish.
487
00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:02,703
I'm gonna take away
your park pass,
488
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:04,838
I issue you a ticket,
and if you don't come willingly,
489
00:17:04,932 --> 00:17:07,600
that's called,
"resisting a park ranger."
490
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,861
But who can resist
a man in uniform? Sorry.
491
00:17:10,088 --> 00:17:12,030
So you're gonna have to pay
a hefty fine,
492
00:17:12,257 --> 00:17:14,440
your family's gonna
be escorted out of the park,
493
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,367
and that's probably
not the best way
494
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,536
to wrap up
a quality family outing.
495
00:17:18,763 --> 00:17:20,872
Anyway, warning number three.
496
00:17:21,023 --> 00:17:23,875
-Lin, please.
-I, uh...
497
00:17:24,026 --> 00:17:24,876
Do we have permission
to tickle her?
498
00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:26,044
Do we have permission?!
499
00:17:30,775 --> 00:17:31,941
Lin, I know this means
a lot to you,
500
00:17:32,034 --> 00:17:33,217
but there's a ranger here
who is gonna make us pay
501
00:17:33,369 --> 00:17:35,945
a lot of money
and also maybe carry you out?
502
00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:38,205
Or me out? I'm not sure which.
503
00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:39,965
-Let's play it by ear.
-Please carry me out.
504
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:43,135
Can you just, maybe,
I'm sorry but,
505
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,954
-let go of the camera?
-No way.
506
00:17:45,047 --> 00:17:47,456
I'm not throwing away
my shot of us.
507
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:48,566
Look, folks, just to clarify,
508
00:17:48,793 --> 00:17:50,643
the third warning
is not really a warning.
509
00:17:50,828 --> 00:17:52,962
It's like the final thing,
and I just said it,
510
00:17:53,055 --> 00:17:55,798
so that means now you're gonna
get Ranger arrested.
511
00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,408
So, how are we gonna do this?
512
00:17:57,635 --> 00:17:59,969
Come on, Mom,
you're so obsessed!
513
00:18:00,062 --> 00:18:02,229
You gotta learn
to let things go. Literally.
514
00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:04,140
Agh! Damn you, game!
515
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:05,975
Why did Santa curse me
with this...!
516
00:18:06,144 --> 00:18:08,402
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
517
00:18:08,496 --> 00:18:10,496
I just solved it!
518
00:18:10,665 --> 00:18:11,981
(laughing)
Yes. Yes!
519
00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:14,199
(whoops)
520
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,168
Okay.
Now my life has no purpose.
521
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,212
That's, uh, great, Louise.
522
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,913
Lin, please.
523
00:18:20,007 --> 00:18:22,916
Look, I know you all think
I'm crazy right now,
524
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:24,751
but it's-it's more
than just a picture,
525
00:18:24,846 --> 00:18:25,995
and the-the cards.
526
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:27,830
It's about being a human.
527
00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:29,923
These cards connect us
with other people.
528
00:18:30,017 --> 00:18:31,925
And when there's no people left
in the world,
529
00:18:32,019 --> 00:18:33,594
the aliens will find our cards,
530
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,263
and they'll be like,
"Aw, look at that family."
531
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,599
Oh, fine. Forget it.
532
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:41,268
My hand's so numb,
I probably should just drop it.
533
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,954
Okay, here I go.
534
00:18:43,181 --> 00:18:44,605
-Ah...
-Wait, Mom, don't.
535
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,699
-My puzzle.
-Yeah, I know,
you solved your puzzle.
536
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:48,351
I'm proud of you, baby.
537
00:18:48,444 --> 00:18:49,443
Didn't take you long at all.
538
00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:50,777
(coughs):
Eight days.
539
00:18:50,946 --> 00:18:53,113
No, I think I know
how to get you out of there.
540
00:18:53,282 --> 00:18:54,781
-And the camera.
-You do?
541
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,692
Yeah. We've been trying
to turn your arm,
542
00:18:56,785 --> 00:18:59,395
but we need to turn you.
543
00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:02,289
-Me?
-So, we'd have to turn
Mom upside down?
544
00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:04,033
I think so?
545
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:05,885
I solved my puzzle by turning
the ball all the way around
546
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,294
while pulling.
547
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:08,704
Maybe that's how
we get you out--
548
00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:10,873
we keep turning you until
we find the sweet spot,
549
00:19:10,966 --> 00:19:12,708
and then wham-bam,
freedom, ma'am.
550
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:13,893
Hopefully.
551
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,636
-Huh.
-I mean, it's worth a try.
552
00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:17,396
I call all the change
in her pockets.
553
00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:18,805
And her ChapStick.
554
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:21,400
Um, Mr. Ranger,
would you mind helping us
555
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,310
turn my wife upside down?
556
00:19:23,404 --> 00:19:25,145
I thought you would never ask.
557
00:19:25,239 --> 00:19:27,072
-Oh. Really?
-But only because
I'm a park ranger
558
00:19:27,241 --> 00:19:28,908
(clears throat)
and it's my job,
559
00:19:29,076 --> 00:19:30,484
and not because she just
made me cry a little bit
560
00:19:30,578 --> 00:19:31,952
and I miss my family.
561
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,154
Uh, well, maybe if I grab here,
you lift there.
562
00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:35,840
Kids, take the legs.
563
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:37,508
GENE:
This is exactly how Cirque
du Soleil got their start.
564
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,177
All right, we good?
We ready?
565
00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:40,494
-KIDS: Ready.
-RANGER: Check.
566
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:41,512
And, Lin, whatever you do...
567
00:19:41,739 --> 00:19:42,847
Yeah, yeah? What, what?
568
00:19:43,074 --> 00:19:44,740
Don't drop that camera.
569
00:19:44,909 --> 00:19:47,668
Mwah. Even if my arm gets broken
into a million pieces.
570
00:19:47,762 --> 00:19:49,836
Well, no, then you should
probably drop it.
571
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:52,190
Okay, here we go.
(grunting)
572
00:19:52,417 --> 00:19:54,025
(all grunting)
573
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,027
LINDA:
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Watch it, watch it.
574
00:19:56,254 --> 00:19:57,420
(Linda laughs triumphantly)
575
00:19:57,513 --> 00:20:00,031
Ah! We did it!
We actually did it!
576
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,424
Oh, my God. Hello, hand.
577
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:03,034
Oh, come here, kids.
Oh, Bobby.
578
00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:04,276
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
579
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,519
My family.
580
00:20:05,613 --> 00:20:07,038
(laughs)
I'm so happy for you guys.
581
00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:09,373
And I need you to immediately
leave the park.
582
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,691
Uh, yup, right. We're going.
583
00:20:10,785 --> 00:20:12,210
Thank you, Mr. Park Ranger.
584
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:15,120
I've solved you, wooden puzzle,
and now I'm done with you.
585
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,197
Return to the hell
from which you came!
586
00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:19,383
Okay, well, please don't just
throw puzzles you're angry at
587
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,368
-into the rock.
-Right. Sorry.
588
00:20:21,462 --> 00:20:24,371
And, hey, keep a lookout
in your ranger station mailbox
589
00:20:24,465 --> 00:20:26,632
for the best family portrait
card you've ever seen!
590
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,968
And they walked out of my life.
591
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:31,620
(Bob humming)
592
00:20:31,639 --> 00:20:33,305
Anybody on lime time?
593
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,900
-I'd love some water.
-No! No water.
594
00:20:36,127 --> 00:20:37,568
-Water is stupid juice.
-(bell jingles)
595
00:20:37,795 --> 00:20:40,129
Okay... who wants to see 'em?
596
00:20:40,298 --> 00:20:40,980
-Yes.
-Me.
-I do.
597
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,573
Okay, printing's not cheap,
598
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:43,966
so don't touch 'em if your hands
are gross and greasy.
599
00:20:44,135 --> 00:20:46,151
Well, they always are
so what are you gonna do?
600
00:20:46,304 --> 00:20:47,470
-Yeah, we work in a restaurant.
-Eh?
601
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:49,305
-LOUISE: Whoa.
-GENE: Ooh.
602
00:20:49,398 --> 00:20:50,806
-Hot damn.
-Wow.
603
00:20:50,825 --> 00:20:51,974
We'll never look
that good again.
604
00:20:52,143 --> 00:20:53,476
I know. Take it in.
605
00:20:53,494 --> 00:20:54,568
It's all downhill from here.
606
00:20:54,662 --> 00:20:56,087
For you, Dad, and Mom.
607
00:20:56,314 --> 00:20:58,256
-Not us. We're young.
-Thanks, Louise.
608
00:20:58,483 --> 00:20:59,982
-My wiener's out.
-What?!
609
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:01,259
♪ Candy cane moose ♪
610
00:21:01,486 --> 00:21:03,094
♪ We've had since Tina
was born ♪
611
00:21:03,321 --> 00:21:04,911
♪ People think
you're a reindeer ♪
612
00:21:05,006 --> 00:21:07,490
♪ But you're not,
you're a moose ♪
613
00:21:07,658 --> 00:21:08,991
♪ Candy cane moose ♪
614
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,010
♪ We've had since Tina
was born ♪
615
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:12,770
♪ People think you're
a reindeer ♪
616
00:21:12,997 --> 00:21:14,939
♪ But you're not,
you're a moose ♪
617
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:17,424
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
618
00:21:17,593 --> 00:21:19,259
♪ Clothespin
angel ♪
619
00:21:19,428 --> 00:21:21,428
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
620
00:21:21,597 --> 00:21:23,096
♪ Kiss 'em, kiss 'em ♪
621
00:21:23,265 --> 00:21:25,116
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
622
00:21:25,343 --> 00:21:27,100
♪ Come on, kiss 'em, kiss 'em ♪
623
00:21:27,194 --> 00:21:29,936
♪ Clothespin angel ♪
624
00:21:30,105 --> 00:21:31,622
-♪ Kiss 'em, kiss 'em ♪
-♪ Yeah! ♪
625
00:21:31,849 --> 00:21:32,939
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
626
00:21:33,108 --> 00:21:35,042
and TOYOTA.