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00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:04,586
♪ ♪
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LINDA: Okay, uh, just get here
as soon as you can, okay, Gayle?
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00:00:22,639 --> 00:00:24,639
Oh, and by the way,
Gene has the stomach flu
4
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,583
and he's barfing
and has crazy diarrhea,
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so he's spending Thanksgiving
in the apartment bathroom
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and we all have to use
the bathroom in the restaurant.
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00:00:30,689 --> 00:00:33,181
What do you mean,
"which Gene?" Our son Gene.
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00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,775
The guy who you met
at the bank that time?
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00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:36,902
Why would Gene from the bank
come to our dinner?
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(laughs): Get out of here.
All right, I'll see you soon.
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Well, news flash,
I'm already tired of Gayle.
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Yeah, me, too.
But she'd better hurry,
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because my roasted pear
and Brie en croute appetizer
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is gonna be done in 20 minutes.
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Yeah. Uh-huh. Great. Yeah.
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You guys are, uh, excited about
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all the new,
innovative menu stuff
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-I'm doing this year, right?
-About what?
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My new, innovative
Thanksgiving menu.
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Baked Brie and roasted pears
appetizer,
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rosemary bread, sausage
and chestnut stuffing, and...
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00:01:01,970 --> 00:01:04,454
You know, I've been blogging
about it all morning, Dad...
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00:01:04,556 --> 00:01:06,548
-Yeah?
-...and, ooh, what's this,
an e-mail?
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-Yeah?
-I just got a book deal.
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Y-You got a book deal,
from your blog?
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I got a book deal.
They want to print the blog.
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I know that's
an imaginary computer, but...
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can I see the e-mail?
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Oh, sorry. It's confidential.
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I really wish Gene wasn't sick.
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He was so excited
about all this new food.
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Aw, poor Gene, getting
stomach flu on Thanksgiving.
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Yeah, you're supposed to have
a buffet, not a barf-et.
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Well, hopefully
he's feeling a little better.
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I'm gonna go give him
the sip test and find out.
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-Wish me luck.
-Ooh, sip test.
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Now this is exciting.
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Sippee-ki-yay, mother-barfer.
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Well, I'm excited about you.
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(high-pitched): And we're
excited about you, old man.
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(regular voice):
Wait, why'd you call me old?
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(high-pitched): Sorry, it's
just, uh, it was a fun nickname.
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Hi. How's my little
barfy baby boy?
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Oh. I'm great.
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Ooh, I love the eye shadow.
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Yeah, I was bored and I found
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some old makeup
in the medicine cabinet.
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I also found some old medicine,
but I'm gonna sell it.
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That's a great plan.
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Also, I wrote a song.
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♪ Turkey, I need you beside me ♪
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♪ I need all of you, I need
your breast and thigh meat ♪
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♪ And what's that hiding
in your hole? ♪
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♪ Some stuffing
for my heart and soul ♪
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♪ I could still be a winner ♪
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♪ When I eat Dad's
Thanksgiving dinner. ♪
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BOB (distant):
That was beautiful, Gene!
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-Thank you, Father.
-Okay, it's time for the test.
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You know the drill.
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If you can keep some crackers
and ginger ale down
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for 30 minutes without
barfing or juicy-pooping,
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you can come out
for Thanksgiving dinner, okay?
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If not, you got to stay
in here, honey.
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This apartment's
too small for anyone
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with the stomach flu
to be mingling.
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It's our system and it works.
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I bet he barfs in ten minutes.
Should we do a pool?
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GENE: I am not gonna barf again.
I'm feeling great.
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I'm eating. Mmm, mmm.
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I'm drinking...
(slurps)
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And see? I'm fine.
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-(shouts)
-(flatulence)
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It's coming out both ways again!
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Oh, God, I got to sit down--
No, I got to stand up.
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-(retches)
-I'm so sorry, Gene,
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but no Thanksgiving dinner
for you today, baby.
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GENE:
That wasn't me. That was
a pigeon that flew in here.
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He seems very sick.
I can come to dinner.
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I'm fine... (retching)
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Here we go.
Brie and roasted pears.
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Oh, I can't eat this.
I'm lactose intolerant, Bob.
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You know a psychic told me that.
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Yeah, Dad, you know
a psychic said that!
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Uh, I guess you could just pick
the pears out and eat those.
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The recipe called for apples,
but I used pears.
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-TINA: So bold.
-(Gene moaning)
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Oh, my God. My ghost Devin
must have followed me here.
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-He's obsessed with me.
-That's not a ghost, Gayle.
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-It's Gene.
-Girls, go check on him.
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You doing okay in there?
How's the barf biz?
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GENE:
I think I pooped out the part
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of my brain that knew
everything that was happening
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-on The Kominsky Method.
-Whoa. That's most of his brain.
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Wait. Do I smell warm cheese?
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Do you guys have Dad's
hot Brie out there?
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-No.
-Ugh! It's bad enough
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I have to smell the rosemary
bread baking in the oven.
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I can't believe I'm missing
the best food day of the year!
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It's not fair!
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Is there anything
we can do for you?
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Do you want us to do a dance?
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Uh, I-I mean, we could do it
and then describe it to you?
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GENE:
Tell me a story.
Take my mind off this agony.
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-What kind of story?
-A story about anything
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other than food.
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(gasps)
Wait, no. Make me hate food.
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-Okay, okay.
You want to hate food?
-Yeah.
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(chuckles) I'll make food
wish it'd never been born.
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So, it was Thanksgiving Day,
1987.
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But inside the chopper
of the elite special forces unt
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led by
Gene "Dutch Oven" Belcher,
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no one was celebrating.
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The Melted Butter River.
Beautiful but deadly.
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-What?
-I said "The Melted Butter..."
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I can't hear you.
The helicopter's too loud!
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-What?
-Huh?
-What?
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-GENE: Never mind.
-COURTNEY: What?
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Welcome to the jungle.
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(chuckles)
Like in the song.
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Come on, follow me. Let's move.
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All right, here's the deal.
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The cabinet minister
went across the border
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on some kind of mission that
I'm not gonna explain right now
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'cause it really-- it was
just to set the plot in motion.
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-Right.
-Anyways, lot of action in the
Wheat Jungle this time of year.
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People smuggling wheat
to make fresh rosemary bread
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for Thanksgiving dinner.
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Thanksgiving dinner?
I never eat it,
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because I don't thank the world.
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-LOUISE: It thanks you...
-It thanks me...
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BOTH:
...for saving it.
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Well, if it isn't old
Dutch Oven.
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If you smelt it,
you know I dealt it.
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Sorry I'm so strong.
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Sorry I'm so strong.
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But even Dutch Oven wasn't ready
for what was about to happen.
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Because waiting for them
out there in the wheat trees...
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Wait. Wheat doesn't actually
grow on trees, it grows...
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-Oh, my God, Tina.
-Oh, oh, okay.
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I was just getting
to the exciting part.
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GENE:
Uh, plus, I'm pretty sure wheat
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-grows on trees.
-Correct, Gene.
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Like I said,
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waiting for them out there
was the most terrifying creatue
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that special effects
could make in the year 1987...
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(sinister laughter)
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...the Bread-ator.
148
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So, Bread-ator. It's like
Predator, but made of bread?
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Yes, exactly.
And Gene is going to hate bread
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by the time the story is over.
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♪ ♪
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COURTNEY:
That helicopter
is all messed up.
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GENE:
And the whole crew is gone.
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Yeah, maybe they went
to go look for snacks.
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Or they became snacks.
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GENE:
(gasps) Mother of Mindy.
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That's the cabinet minister
and his security detail.
158
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-Are they dead?
-No. They're breathing.
159
00:06:04,356 --> 00:06:06,681
But it looks like they've been
turned into human carbs.
160
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:08,516
LINDA:
Hey! What are you
doing on my turf?
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00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:11,036
There must have been
a mi-mi-mi-mix-up.
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-Gayle, take their weapons.
-Okay.
163
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-Who are these guys?
-Just some local smugglers.
164
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Let me do the talking.
165
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Look, Linda,
we're not here for you.
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Got a couple of our guys turned
into freaky-flaky pastries
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by some kind of psycho.
168
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,531
So just let us go so we can find
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-whoever did this.
-Wowzers.
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Those are some
creepy croissants.
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-(weapon fires)
-(screaming)
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GENE:
They got twisted up.
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LOUISE:
The Bread-ator started
firing huge globs
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of unbaked dough
at the squadron,
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but it could make itself
invisible so they couldn't see
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-the monster as it attacked.
-Take cover!
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00:06:39,349 --> 00:06:40,807
-(grunts)
-(Bread-ator laughing)
178
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I'll load the Bun Blaster!
179
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,721
-Who's firing at us?
-Not "who." "What." Look.
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-(groaning)
-LINDA: Oh, I got 'em!
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00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:50,817
LOUISE:
Get down!
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00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,486
-(weapon fires)
-No...!
183
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,655
-Better bread than dead.
-Hey, this one can talk.
184
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,324
Wounding that thing must've
made it less powerful.
185
00:06:58,477 --> 00:06:59,418
LINDA:
Oh, my face!
186
00:06:59,611 --> 00:07:00,827
Oh, no.
187
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:01,828
BREAD-ATOR:
Ow!
188
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,313
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
189
00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:04,998
-We got to go after it.
-No, no.
190
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,817
We've got too many people turned
into bread products already.
191
00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:09,502
I need you to go back
to the camp on foot
192
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,430
and come back here with
a chopper and some Saran Wrap
193
00:07:11,623 --> 00:07:13,673
so we can keep our friends
from going stale.
194
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,341
What about the monster?
195
00:07:15,494 --> 00:07:17,160
That doughboy is about
to step into the oven.
196
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:18,920
The Dutch Oven.
197
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,256
-Ah, what a cool thing to say.
-I know. Now go.
198
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,109
Ooh. I look good.
199
00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:25,760
I'm just gonna eat one of me.
200
00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:28,447
-Hey. Get back here.
-Don't eat me. I'm you, stupid.
201
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,356
LOUISE:
Dutch Oven tracks the Bread-atr
202
00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,192
along the edge
of the Melted Butter River.
203
00:07:32,344 --> 00:07:33,785
And then it attacks him
and they do
204
00:07:33,978 --> 00:07:36,362
the classic action movie
roll-around fight.
205
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:39,291
And then Dutch falls
into the river...
206
00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:40,775
and tumbles over the butterfall.
207
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:44,187
Oh, no, I'm tumbling
over the butterfall!
208
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,690
-Ugh.
-LOUISE: And when Dutch Oven
209
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:49,209
crawled up on shore
coated in butter,
210
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:52,012
he made a surprising discovery.
211
00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:02,055
It can't see me
when I'm coated in butter.
212
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:04,040
How convenient.
213
00:08:04,059 --> 00:08:06,693
I can't believe it is butter.
214
00:08:08,714 --> 00:08:11,573
-Time to carbo-load.
-(flames whoosh)
215
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,587
(shouts)
216
00:08:27,999 --> 00:08:29,733
Your bread is buttered.
217
00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:31,009
(screams)
218
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:36,089
Goodbye, gluten mutant.
You're toast.
219
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,924
-What a cool thing to say.
-Thank you.
220
00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:40,301
Let's go pick up
our bakery order.
221
00:08:40,412 --> 00:08:41,761
I... don't get it.
222
00:08:41,913 --> 00:08:43,688
Go pick up our friends
who turned into bread.
223
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,358
Got it, got it. That is also
a very cool thing to say.
224
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,860
-LOUISE: Oh, I know.
-GENE: I'm really sorry
I ruined it.
225
00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:50,603
LOUISE:
You did, but it's fine.
226
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,364
And that was the end.
Until the sequel.
227
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:53,848
So do you hate bread now?
228
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,108
Mm, maybe a little,
229
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:56,760
but I still love
every other food.
230
00:08:56,820 --> 00:08:58,278
-And probably still bread.
-BOB: Guys, I need you
231
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:00,688
-to set the table.
-Oh, unfortunately,
232
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,616
my story didn't make Gene
completely hate food.
233
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,786
Now Tina needs to tell him
a story where food is the enemy.
234
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,122
And also, I need to be here
in case her glasses fall off.
235
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,365
-(shouts) Oh, no. I can't see.
-I got them.
236
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:14,869
Uh, okay.
Wait, why is food the enemy?
237
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,113
GENE:
Because if I can't love it,
I have to hate it, Father.
238
00:09:17,215 --> 00:09:19,540
So, I guess I'll set
the table, then?
239
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,468
-Seems like the best plan.
-Just have fun with it.
240
00:09:22,621 --> 00:09:24,120
GENE:
So Tina, what's
your story about?
241
00:09:24,222 --> 00:09:25,121
TINA:
Oh, um...
242
00:09:25,223 --> 00:09:28,416
My story is about pears.
243
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:31,052
You think pears are just a fruit
that Gene might like to eat.
244
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:35,222
But he wouldn't, because pears
can be very, very dangerous.
245
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:39,485
The year was 1997, and Presidet
Gene Harrison-Ford Belcher
246
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,896
was giving an important
speech in a foreign land.
247
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,473
Apple-achia.
248
00:09:43,491 --> 00:09:45,917
And I thank the people
of Apple-achia for welcoming me
249
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:48,828
to their beautiful country
and allowing me to eat
250
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,571
your many varieties.
251
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,148
The United States hopes to have
252
00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:54,167
a long and fruitful
relationship with you.
253
00:09:54,319 --> 00:09:56,486
-Pause for laughter.
-(laughter)
254
00:09:56,546 --> 00:09:58,412
He's gonna eat us and I like it.
255
00:09:58,432 --> 00:09:59,413
(laughs)
256
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,099
Wait, they want to be eaten?
257
00:10:01,292 --> 00:10:02,325
-Yeah. They want to be eaten.
-Okay.
258
00:10:02,385 --> 00:10:03,827
No further questions, then.
259
00:10:03,887 --> 00:10:06,846
Gene President
Harrison-Ford Belcher out.
260
00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:10,091
TINA:
But there was one table in
the room who wasn't very happy.
261
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:12,836
The delegation from Pear-is.
262
00:10:12,896 --> 00:10:14,687
Later, President Gene
Harrison-Ford Belcher
263
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,522
was on his way back
to Air Force One.
264
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,358
Sir, just wanted to remind you
that the delegation
265
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:21,177
from Pear-is will be aboard
your plane,
266
00:10:21,237 --> 00:10:22,787
and they'd like to try
to convince you
267
00:10:22,939 --> 00:10:25,014
that pears are just
as delicious as apples.
268
00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:26,291
Okay, but mostly
I just want to catch up
269
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,368
on The Kominsky Method
and see my wife.
270
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:31,037
Of course, sir. We have all
the episodes streaming on VHS
271
00:10:31,189 --> 00:10:33,189
because it's 1997.
272
00:10:33,249 --> 00:10:34,540
JOCELYN:
Hi. Welcome to Air Force One
273
00:10:34,693 --> 00:10:35,950
or whatever.
274
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,785
Can we get a tour
of the entire plane?
275
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,863
Yeah, we don't want to do
anything weird on it
276
00:10:39,881 --> 00:10:42,123
or anything, we just,
uh, want to know
277
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,309
where all the security
and stuff is.
278
00:10:44,502 --> 00:10:48,295
Okay. I'm not suspicious
of you at all.
279
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,981
-(cheering)
-Bye-bye, Apples.
280
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:53,226
Hello, Chief of Staff Gayle
and Chief of Cats Mr. Business.
281
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,970
-(meows)
-Let's get my derriere
in the airy-air.
282
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,489
Right away, sir.
283
00:10:57,682 --> 00:11:00,492
Your wife is waiting for you
in your office, sir.
284
00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:02,143
-Hey, Gene.
-GENE: Nah.
285
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,736
I don't want to be
married to Courtney.
286
00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:06,147
-TINA: Oh, okay, um, Tammy.
-GENE: I'll take Mom.
287
00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:07,907
Oh, um, that's a little...
288
00:11:08,059 --> 00:11:09,575
I am sick and I get what I want!
289
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,152
May you continue?
290
00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,079
Hello, President Husband.
291
00:11:13,231 --> 00:11:15,064
TINA:
So President
Gene Harrison-Ford Belcher
292
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:17,158
and his wife, Mom, buckled
their seat belts for takeoff.
293
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,177
GENE:
Well, I hope nothing
goes wrong on this flight.
294
00:11:19,370 --> 00:11:20,679
LINDA:
I'm sure it won't.
295
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,588
Nothing ever goes wrong
on Air Force One.
296
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,757
-(women screaming)
-Attention, everybody!
297
00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:26,667
We have taken over this plane
in order to prove
298
00:11:26,728 --> 00:11:29,003
that pears are just
as delicious as apples.
299
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,523
And we're gonna do that by
taking your president hostage!
300
00:11:31,716 --> 00:11:33,266
You'll see,
it's a pretty good plan.
301
00:11:33,418 --> 00:11:34,842
-You want to say anything?
-Uh, yeah.
302
00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:37,754
We're changing the call sign
of this plane
303
00:11:37,856 --> 00:11:39,531
to Pear Force One.
304
00:11:44,228 --> 00:11:46,262
I said the plane is
now Pear Force One.
305
00:11:46,322 --> 00:11:47,855
You know, 'cause we're pears.
306
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:49,615
What are you holding?
307
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,209
They're fruit peelers.
308
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:52,544
You know what happens
if we use them on you.
309
00:11:52,737 --> 00:11:53,786
Our skin comes off?
310
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,271
Worse-- your clothes come off!
311
00:11:55,331 --> 00:11:56,940
You'll be completely naked!
312
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,551
W-Wait, Tina, Gene asked
for "foods," not "nudes."
313
00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:02,036
GENE:
Just keep it PG-Flirteen, huh?
314
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,038
Sir, the pears have hijacked
the plane.
315
00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:06,040
We need to get you
down to the escape pod.
316
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,209
Uh, hello, what about me,
his wife?
317
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,045
Sorry, ma'am, wives have to stay
on board and possibly be killed.
318
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,064
Aw, poop. (gasps) Pears!
319
00:12:13,257 --> 00:12:16,050
-You're our hostage now.
-And our best friend?
320
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:19,279
Get in the escape pod, sir.
The country needs you alive.
321
00:12:21,933 --> 00:12:24,467
-Ms. Vice President Courtney
Glenn-Close Wheeler?
-Yeah?
322
00:12:24,527 --> 00:12:26,302
We need to get you
down to the Situation Room.
323
00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:27,987
-No.
-What? No, please do.
324
00:12:28,139 --> 00:12:29,581
-Okay.
-All right, thank you
for working with me.
325
00:12:29,774 --> 00:12:32,658
Is President Gene Harrison-Ford
Belcher secure yet?
326
00:12:32,811 --> 00:12:34,978
Not yet, and we've just received
a message from the pears.
327
00:12:35,038 --> 00:12:37,255
They're gonna peel off
the clothes of one hostage
328
00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:39,740
every 15 minutes
until everyone in America
329
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,076
starts eating pears
as much as they eat apples.
330
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,745
-(gasps)
-And there are a lot
of people on that plane
331
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,322
who might get
their clothes peeled off--
332
00:12:46,382 --> 00:12:47,824
the Boyz 4 Now,
a young Hugh Grant,
333
00:12:47,884 --> 00:12:49,601
old Hugh Grant,
all three Property Brothers,
334
00:12:49,794 --> 00:12:52,345
even the one
who doesn't do property stuff.
335
00:12:52,497 --> 00:12:54,255
-Tina!
-Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Uh, meanwhile...
336
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:56,357
the president's
escape pod landed.
337
00:12:57,502 --> 00:12:58,851
(meows)
338
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,686
President Gene Harrison-Ford
Belcher
339
00:13:00,839 --> 00:13:02,188
didn't do escape pods.
340
00:13:02,340 --> 00:13:03,948
He wasn't in the Army,
the Navy, the CIA
341
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:06,284
and the Girl Scouts
just to give up that easily.
342
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,511
Get me Vice President
Courtney Glenn-Close Wheeler.
343
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:11,623
Mr. President, I understand.
Be careful.
344
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,274
No, I'll be pear-ful.
345
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,584
COURTNEY:
What?
346
00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:19,005
(grunting)
347
00:13:20,124 --> 00:13:21,633
Uh, hey, pear guys,
348
00:13:21,826 --> 00:13:23,951
um, you know what,
I don't even like apples.
349
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:26,787
Stop trying to cozy up to us,
Mrs. President's Wife Mom.
350
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:28,881
It's time to give
this fruit the boot.
351
00:13:29,034 --> 00:13:31,034
(pears whimper)
352
00:13:31,094 --> 00:13:33,219
Hey, you made my friend nude!
353
00:13:33,371 --> 00:13:35,038
-So nude.
-Oh, no.
354
00:13:35,098 --> 00:13:36,222
LOUISE:
Wait, so...
355
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,132
fruits are naked
under their peels?
356
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,027
-Yeah, their peels are
like their clothes.
-Got it.
357
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:43,637
Ah, now I'm nude, too!
358
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,214
Don't look at my little
Bartlett butt-let!
359
00:13:45,233 --> 00:13:46,640
-Tina!
-Yep, yep, moving on.
360
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,976
Everybody find something
to hold on to!
361
00:13:49,112 --> 00:13:51,312
'Cause I'm about
to make fruit salad.
362
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:53,556
-Get off my plane!
-Do what now?
363
00:13:53,575 --> 00:13:55,316
-(shouting)
-Get off my plane!
364
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:56,483
Owie!
365
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,411
-Get off my plane!
-Okay!
366
00:13:58,563 --> 00:14:00,672
-Get off my plane.
-This is your plane?
367
00:14:00,865 --> 00:14:02,065
(all screaming)
368
00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,916
Husband, you saved us!
369
00:14:04,069 --> 00:14:05,326
Yeah, I did.
370
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,752
-Now give me a big old...
-(explosion)
371
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:09,538
Oh, no! They must've
sabotaged the engine!
372
00:14:09,632 --> 00:14:11,182
-We're gonna crash!
-We're doomed.
373
00:14:11,375 --> 00:14:13,834
Not yet we aren't.
Give me my presidential stapler.
374
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:16,020
TINA: And President Gene
Harrison-Ford Belcher
375
00:14:16,213 --> 00:14:18,523
climbed onto the top
of the plane, which was easy
376
00:14:18,674 --> 00:14:19,691
for him because
of his Girl Scout training,
377
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,693
unfurled the pear-achute,
378
00:14:21,886 --> 00:14:23,695
and the plane landed safely.
379
00:14:23,888 --> 00:14:25,846
From this day forward,
no one will eat pears,
380
00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:27,365
especially not on Thanksgiving.
381
00:14:27,558 --> 00:14:29,367
And my mom is my wife!
Go USA!
382
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,352
-The end.
-GENE: Thank you, Tina.
383
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,596
Great story and it kind of
made me hate pears,
384
00:14:33,656 --> 00:14:35,615
but I would still murder
both of you for a single bite
385
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,208
of that Brie,
I swear to God I would.
386
00:14:37,401 --> 00:14:39,043
I know, Gene, I know.
387
00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:40,879
Just gonna grab the wine
and, oh,
388
00:14:41,072 --> 00:14:43,715
I forgot to throw
this old chicken parmesan out.
389
00:14:43,908 --> 00:14:45,699
Oh. Oh, no. Gene.
390
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,552
Oh, boy. Uh...
391
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,054
Hey, everybody, uh, uh,
come in for dinner.
392
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,872
Uch! Turkey again?
393
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:53,224
You make this every year.
394
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,560
Yes, Gayle,
it's-it's Thanksgiving.
395
00:14:55,711 --> 00:14:57,620
Okay, guys, time
to sit down for...
396
00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,230
(whispers):
you know what.
397
00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:00,640
GENE:
Don't patronize me, Father!
398
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,841
I know you're gonna eat
that turkey now.
399
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,068
Well, you know, they are.
400
00:15:04,261 --> 00:15:05,886
Um, I'm gonna stay here.
401
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,813
And I could tell you a story.
402
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:09,223
GENE:
It's okay, Dad, you can go eat.
403
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,983
I know how much
you love Thanksgiving.
404
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:14,245
No, no, I-I-I actually really
do want to tell you a story.
405
00:15:14,438 --> 00:15:16,581
Um, and, you know,
I ate so much food
406
00:15:16,774 --> 00:15:19,642
while I was cooking.
Like... like, a lot.
407
00:15:19,661 --> 00:15:21,477
-Don't rub it in!
-Sorry, sorry.
408
00:15:21,537 --> 00:15:24,071
Um, anyway, so, uh,
action movies, huh?
409
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,498
Is that what I was hearing?
410
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,984
Okay, uh, listen,
this is the story
411
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:29,819
of Gene Marinara,
412
00:15:29,921 --> 00:15:32,931
owner of one
of the most successful, uh...
413
00:15:33,124 --> 00:15:36,434
marinara rigs in the world. Hey.
414
00:15:36,585 --> 00:15:38,436
-What are you guys doing?
-We want to hear the story.
415
00:15:38,629 --> 00:15:40,438
And we should probably
help you tell it,
416
00:15:40,589 --> 00:15:43,257
because you are, you know, not
that great with words or ideas.
417
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,260
Thank you. I thought I was off
to a pretty good start.
418
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,520
We'll be the harsh judges
of that.
419
00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,522
Anyway, like I said,
Gene Marinara
420
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,951
was the best marinara rig
operator in the world.
421
00:15:53,102 --> 00:15:55,695
He had everything--
the best crew, the best gear.
422
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,288
But what he didn't know
423
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,865
was that far away at the,
uh, the...
424
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,960
-space place...
-TINA: NASA?
425
00:16:02,111 --> 00:16:05,371
BOB:
Yes, NASA. A very smart space--
science person named...
426
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,373
-GAYLE: Gayle!
-BOB: Fine.
427
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:10,710
Gayle was about
to discover something bad.
428
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:13,805
Son of a space thing.
429
00:16:13,956 --> 00:16:15,139
What was it? What did I see?
430
00:16:15,332 --> 00:16:16,716
An asteroid made
of chicken parmesan
431
00:16:16,868 --> 00:16:19,535
the size of Texas,
headed to destroy
432
00:16:19,595 --> 00:16:21,721
life on Earth as we know it.
433
00:16:21,873 --> 00:16:22,981
Wait, what was it made of?
434
00:16:23,174 --> 00:16:24,832
-BOB: Chicken parmesan, Gene.
-Oh.
435
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:27,443
That's right, I'm talking
about Parmageddon.
436
00:16:32,108 --> 00:16:33,491
Parmageddon-- I get it. But...
437
00:16:33,684 --> 00:16:35,384
we've been doing
Thanksgiving foods.
438
00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:37,144
Well, this is kind
of a Thanksgiving food.
439
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,496
I-It's related.
440
00:16:38,689 --> 00:16:41,849
So at the NASA,
a bunch of people decided...
441
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,501
We need to go up there
442
00:16:43,652 --> 00:16:45,986
and blow up that big piece
of chicken parm!
443
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:47,654
Scientifically.
444
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,115
We drill inside,
fill it with hot marinara,
445
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,251
-and then...
-Kaboom, daddy!
446
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:55,238
We just got to find a guy
who's really good at drilling
447
00:16:55,256 --> 00:16:57,423
and probably wears a tank top.
448
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,517
Let her rip!
449
00:16:59,710 --> 00:17:01,410
Whoo-hoo!
450
00:17:01,471 --> 00:17:03,746
-Red gold!
-Boy, he sure can drill.
451
00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:05,172
-And he sure can eat.
-Yep.
452
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,266
That's why they call him
the Sauce Boss.
453
00:17:07,418 --> 00:17:09,752
Wait, Dad. Um, food is
supposed to be the enemy.
454
00:17:09,812 --> 00:17:11,178
It is, kind of. You'll see.
455
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,422
Ooh, suspense, I love it!
Like Knives In!
456
00:17:13,524 --> 00:17:15,441
Um, I think it's Knives Out.
457
00:17:15,593 --> 00:17:18,185
No, it's like, ow, ow,
knives in you, I think.
458
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,429
I don't know.
Movies are too expensive.
459
00:17:20,448 --> 00:17:22,523
-I didn't see it.
-Anyway, Gene finishes
460
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,858
his spaghetti
just in time to see
461
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,045
a very official government
Jet Ski pull up to the rig
462
00:17:27,238 --> 00:17:29,438
with a big request to make.
463
00:17:29,499 --> 00:17:32,050
The United States government
just asked us to save the world.
464
00:17:32,201 --> 00:17:33,700
Anyone want to say no?
You know what?
465
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,629
I'll send an Evite,
but please RSVP by tonight.
466
00:17:36,781 --> 00:17:39,039
United States astronauts
train for years.
467
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,892
You have 12 minutes.
468
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,287
-Tell me what you see.
-Pierce Brosnan.
469
00:17:44,305 --> 00:17:46,972
-Me robbing a bank?
-Oh, it's Pierce Brosnan.
470
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,383
It's a... a shape.
471
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:51,885
Lasagna. No, risotto.
No, Pierce Brosnan!
472
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:53,387
They're ready.
473
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,815
Have fun in space, Sauce Boss!
474
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,484
-MAN: Three, two, one.
-BOB: And so
the fearless crew headed
475
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,245
for the gigantic piece
of chicken parmesan.
476
00:18:03,625 --> 00:18:05,991
GENE:
Mamma mia,
that's a spicy meatball.
477
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,919
Let's suit up.
478
00:18:08,112 --> 00:18:09,478
All right, we get out there,
479
00:18:09,497 --> 00:18:11,163
we stuff this baby
with marinara,
480
00:18:11,316 --> 00:18:13,816
and then we get back in here
and we're home to our wives
481
00:18:13,835 --> 00:18:14,759
by dinner.
482
00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:16,485
Uh, Mom's my wife, right?
483
00:18:16,587 --> 00:18:18,821
-Um, what?
-Mom was Gene's wife
in my story.
484
00:18:18,881 --> 00:18:20,414
Aw, sweet.
485
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:23,659
We all need to have
a talk as a family.
486
00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:25,752
Don't be a prude, Bob.
487
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,754
(chuckles) I-I-I don't
think it's, uh, prudish.
488
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,515
I-- all right, maybe it is.
489
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:31,517
Uh, you know what, it's fine.
Anyway...
490
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,428
the entire crew made it onto the
surface of the chicken parmesan,
491
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,355
but then something went wrong.
492
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,098
This cheesy crust is too thick.
493
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,483
Our drill can't get through it.
494
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,436
-Oh, no. Poor Earth!
-TINA: Shoot.
495
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,955
I live there.
Is there anything we can do?
496
00:18:44,148 --> 00:18:46,124
There's nothing we can do.
497
00:18:46,275 --> 00:18:47,959
But there's something I can do.
498
00:18:48,152 --> 00:18:49,685
Gene, no, y-you don't mean...
499
00:18:49,704 --> 00:18:50,870
I do mean.
500
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,521
I feel like chicken tonight.
501
00:18:52,623 --> 00:18:55,374
All I need is a jet pack
and a napkin.
502
00:18:55,526 --> 00:18:58,711
BOB:
The crew returned to Earth, but
Gene stayed out in space and he
503
00:18:58,863 --> 00:19:00,621
ate that space chicken
one bite at a time.
504
00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,123
He, uh, you know, he had
to take off his helmet,
505
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,809
hold his breath, eat a bite,
then put his helmet back on,
506
00:19:05,002 --> 00:19:06,552
and-- You get it, right?
507
00:19:06,704 --> 00:19:08,128
-LOUISE: Perfect.
-Gene, you have to finish!
508
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:10,556
You're about to enter
Earth's atmosphere.
509
00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:12,316
GENE:
So full! Let me just open
510
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,377
the top button
of my space suit.
511
00:19:14,395 --> 00:19:16,470
Okay, last bite!
(munching)
512
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,546
-He did it!
-Yeah!
513
00:19:17,607 --> 00:19:19,048
Oh, God, it's coming back up!
514
00:19:19,108 --> 00:19:20,825
BOB:
And then Gene Marinara
515
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:24,144
diarrheaed and vomited
all that chicken back up,
516
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,648
and it rained hot chicken poop
shooting stars
517
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,833
all around the world,
which was kind of gross,
518
00:19:29,026 --> 00:19:30,835
but also beautiful.
519
00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:32,895
And everyone was fine,
and Gene was fine
520
00:19:32,914 --> 00:19:34,747
because he had a jet pack.
521
00:19:34,899 --> 00:19:37,249
The Earth was saved, and all
because Gene had the courage
522
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,735
to eat a chicken parmesan
the size of Texas.
523
00:19:39,795 --> 00:19:41,086
(belches)
Excuse me.
524
00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:42,346
The end.
525
00:19:42,539 --> 00:19:43,997
GENE:
So I guess you figured out that
526
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,184
I ate some of that kind of
rotten chicken parmesan
527
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:47,852
-that you told me not to eat?
-Yeah.
528
00:19:48,045 --> 00:19:49,169
-I-I saw the bites.
-What?
529
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,188
GENE:
Mom...
530
00:19:50,381 --> 00:19:51,689
I don't have stomach flu.
531
00:19:51,882 --> 00:19:53,265
I-I have food poisoning.
532
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,751
Last night, I was
in the kitchen with Dad.
533
00:19:55,811 --> 00:19:56,919
Can I eat some turkey?
534
00:19:56,938 --> 00:19:58,421
No, it's not cooked.
535
00:19:58,522 --> 00:20:00,423
-Bread dough?
-It's rising, don't touch it.
536
00:20:00,524 --> 00:20:02,425
How about
this old chicken parmesan?
537
00:20:02,526 --> 00:20:04,109
Gene, no, definitely
don't eat that.
538
00:20:04,262 --> 00:20:05,519
That's from, like,
two weeks ago.
539
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:08,021
-Please?
-No! I'm leaving it in there,
540
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,356
Gene, till I take out the trash.
541
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:11,116
I could eat it
and save you the trip.
542
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:12,359
Gene, go to bed.
543
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,694
GENE:
And I did go to bed.
544
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:15,713
But later I got up
and I ate some
545
00:20:15,864 --> 00:20:17,289
of that old chicken parmesan
in the middle of the night.
546
00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:19,108
And I didn't want to tell you
547
00:20:19,168 --> 00:20:21,868
because I was embarrassed
that I basically ate garbage.
548
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,446
I just love to eat!
549
00:20:23,547 --> 00:20:25,372
Gene, it-it's great
that you love to eat.
550
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,873
I-I love to feed you.
551
00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,951
And you're the only one who was
552
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:30,636
really interested
in my innovative new menu.
553
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,879
It's just a shame
you didn't get to taste it.
554
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,473
You know, I-I was like you
when I was a kid.
555
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,475
That's how I got
interested in cooking.
556
00:20:36,627 --> 00:20:38,236
And as soon as you pass
that sip test,
557
00:20:38,429 --> 00:20:39,937
I'll eat dinner with you.
558
00:20:40,131 --> 00:20:41,739
Well, surprise,
I've been nibbling
559
00:20:41,932 --> 00:20:44,650
and juicing
for the last 30 minutes, baby!
560
00:20:44,802 --> 00:20:45,801
Gene, that's great!
561
00:20:45,861 --> 00:20:47,245
Father, feed me that turkey!
562
00:20:47,438 --> 00:20:49,247
Yay! Let's all eat at the table.
563
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,250
All right. Oh, wa-- oh, no!
564
00:20:52,443 --> 00:20:54,477
-Oh, God! Oh, God!
-Oh, no, no, no!
565
00:20:54,537 --> 00:20:55,920
-(splashing)
-It's coming out of everywhere!
566
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,663
Get in the tub! Get in the tub!
567
00:20:57,815 --> 00:21:00,240
♪ Turkey, I need you
beside me ♪
568
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:04,503
♪ I need all of you, I need
your breast and thigh meat ♪
569
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,581
♪ Turkey, I need you
beside me ♪
570
00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:09,934
♪ I need all of you, I need
your breast and thigh meat ♪
571
00:21:10,085 --> 00:21:12,828
♪ And what's that hiding
in your hole? ♪
572
00:21:12,888 --> 00:21:15,439
-♪ Giblets, stuffing, gravy ♪
-♪ Some stuffing for my heart
and soul ♪
573
00:21:15,632 --> 00:21:18,442
-♪ I could still be a winner ♪
-(vocalizing)
574
00:21:18,635 --> 00:21:23,114
♪ When I eat that
Thanksgiving dinner ♪
575
00:21:23,307 --> 00:21:26,450
♪ Turkey, I need you
beside me ♪
576
00:21:26,602 --> 00:21:30,496
♪ I need all of you, I need
your breast and thigh meat. ♪