- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --
Ugh. I can't believe I'm doing
math homework on a Saturday.
I should be enjoying my precious childhood right now.
Yeah, you should be toiling away in your family's restaurant, like us.
Yeah Gene, hurry up and finish your homework,
- so you can get in on this. - Dang it.
- I think I need help. - Oh.
- From someone here? - Four!
Or maybe you just need encouragement?
- You can do it, Gene. - What's the question?
It's a percentage thing, but there's a lot of retail talk.
It says, "A hat salesman named Peter sells two hats
every 20 minutes for $29 each."
Uh, wait, I need to write this down. Um, two hats, 20 minutes.
"And the store is open from 10:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m.,
"but on Wednesdays, he sells
- eight times the amount of hats." - Wednesday...
-"What percentage of weekly hat sales" -Um, eight times the amount
- "does Peter make on a Tuesday?" - of hats...
Oh... God. What do you have so far?
I just wrote down "Peter divided by hats."
I don't think the answer is Peter divided by hats.
- Hats divided by Peter? - Um, hang on.
Let's see if we can figure this out.
Um, I-I was... really bad at math in school.
But you're good at it now?
Oh, Teddy's calling.
I will of course, uh, be able to help you
after I talk to Teddy, but maybe
your mom or Tina can get you started.
Uh, bye.
Okay, what kind of hats are we talking about?
Hey, Teddy.
Bob, calm down. Everything is fine.
- What? - Ah, I'm gonna be okay, Bob.
We're-we're gonna get through this.
Teddy, Teddy, what's going on?
I'm-I'm kind of stuck, in a place.
- You're stuck? Where? - Underground.
What? Do you need me to call 911?
No. I-I just need you to maybe
come and get me out of here
so I can finish the job I'm working on.
Me get you out? G-Get you out of where?
I'm stuck inside a safe in a survival bunker.
Uh, Teddy, everything you're saying sounds crazy
and like I should probably definitely call for help.
No! Don't do that. If this job goes well,
I could become this guy's go-to handy-person.
But right now, it's-it's not going that well.
- Because you're stuck in a safe? - Because I'm stuck in a safe.
I'm so sorry to ask, I-I'm sure you're medium-busy
with whatever you do, but if you could just come and
- let me out, that would be, - Wait a minute,
what-what do you mean whatever I do?
Well, I know sometimes you stand around the kitchen
and you're not doing anything,
- you're just kind of staring off... - Well, that's not the...
Well, look, let's focus on what's going on with y...
I'm not saying you're doing that now,
- I'm just saying, sometimes... - Okay, Teddy, where are you?
That's the thing. I-I
- don't really know. - What do you mean?
Well, I drove out to a parking lot
next to a gas station on Main Street in Oakville,
then I got into his truck
and then he blindfolded me on the way here.
- He blindfolded you? - Yeah.
- Teddy, who is this guy? - Gerald. He hired me to build
a false wall in the back of his safe in his bunker,
so when you open the safe, it looks empty.
And then you open a secret door in the back,
and that's where he can hide
his vintage candy dispenser collection.
He doesn't trust his mom, but they love each other.
- Long story. - Okay.
Last week, he hired me to do a job at his other house,
his place in town, but it turns out it was a loyalty test.
A loyalty test?
He said he wanted new hardware on his drawers in his kitchen.
So, I go to his place, walks me into his kitchen,
and then he says he has to head out for a bit.
I open up the first drawer to start working on it,
and there's a sandwich sitting in there.
There was a sandwich in the drawer?
Yeah. I really want to eat it, but I don't.
- Hm. Mm-hmm. - Then I open the second drawer
and there's a piece of cake in there,
- but I don't eat that either. - Yup.
I open the last drawer,
and it's stuffed with cash.
- Um, I... - Anyway,
I didn't take any of the money.
And I guess he did this to, like, two guys before me,
and they ate the sandwich, like, right away,
and then finished off the cake and they took some of the cash.
So they failed the test.
I-I don't understand just eating a sandwich
you find in a drawer.
It's a free roast beef sandwich, Bob.
- But it was in a drawer. I, uh... - Bob, please.
This guy is pretty rich. It'd be nice to work for him.
But he can't know that I got myself stuck.
I'll-I'll get fired.
He said he'd be back in a few hours to check on me.
Wait, how-how did you get stuck?
Did you lock yourself inside?
Well, you can't really lock yourself inside.
There's a release, but I accidentally discovered
a different way to get stuck.
See, I brought down a bunch of heavy sheet metal, a sheet-load.
They sell them in sheet-loads.
- Uh-huh. - And I bought a little too much
'cause I wanted to be prepared. Anyway,
the extra sheet metal was leaning against a chair,
but I guess it was a rocking chair,
and the sheet metal must have toppled over, and now
it's pinning the door closed real good.
Like, real good. I-I gave it everything I had, Bob.
I almost threw my shoulder out.
It is not budging.
And you're sure your phone can't just, like,
tell us where you are?
Gerald made me erase all my map apps
and a-a bunch of other apps before I came here.
Can you download them again?
I tried. Nothing will download.
I'm lucky I have enough signal to get through to you.
- Mm. - So you just have to somehow find me,
move the sheet metal, and then I can get out of here.
Teddy, I feel like anybody would be better at this than me.
No, Bob, you're-you're the guy for this.
- You're the smartest guy I know. - Teddy, I couldn't even
help my 11-year-old with his homework.
Gene was doing homework? That's new.
Please can-can we just call a, like,
a pr-a professional person... getter-outer?
911 people? They-they do this kind of thing.
- I don't. - No, no, no, no, no.
It has to be you, Bob.
I need this Gerald connection. We're not all
economically comfortable like you are.
Teddy, I'm not... Okay.
- All right, I'll-I'll try. - You will?
Thank you, Bob. Thank you so much.
Also, I should tell you that my phone
is almost out of battery life.
- What?! - Yeah.
Why'd you tell me the whole long story
about the sandwich in the drawer
if you're running out of battery in a safe?
- Context. - Okay, just hang up.
I'm gonna tell my family
about this very normal thing I'm about to do.
- Oh, you're listening. - And I'm coming with you.
I have a certain set of skills. I will find him.
Yeah, I want to help rescue Teddy from a safe.
Me too. And after we save him,
we can all go out for dumplings.
No, wait... fudge.
Kids, it's nice you want to come, but, uh,
I don't think this is even really safe for me to do.
Uh, I can't bring you. I-I'm sorry.
That is ridiculous.
We never get to rescue anyone from inside a safe.
Bob, did you say goodbye?
- I couldn't hear you. - Teddy, hang up.
Yup. Sorry. Hanging up. Miss you.
See you soon. Got to go.
Okay, Teddy, I'm here. Uh, I'm at the lot.
I-I see your truck.
This still seems like a terrible idea,
but if I'm gonna have any chance of finding you,
you need to tell me everything you remember
about your drive with Gerald.
And talk fast 'cause I don't know how much battery
you have left.
Uh, like, 20%? No, wait, 15%.
That's not as good as 20%.
- See how smart you are, Bob? - Just talk, Teddy.
So, I got in his truck
and he blindfolded me,
and not in a scary way. I-I mean, I was a little scared,
but it's fine. I'm fine.
Mm. Do you remember which way you turned out
- of the parking lot? - Uh, I'm pretty sure we made a right.
Uh, all right. What else?
Hm, let's see, uh, he was listening to the radio. Oldies.
That song "Judy in Disguise" came on
as we pulled out of the parking lot,
and he was kind of singing along. You know that song?
Uh, I don't. Uh, keep going,
but try to say more helpful things.
- Not about music. - Right. Uh, I think we were on
a normal road at the beginning 'cause it was smooth.
- You know, like a road. - Okay.
Yeah, but then,
I think we turned right again,
and it got really bumpy,
and the chorus of the song came on,
and it made Gerald's voice sound crazy.
Like, uh, ♪ Judy in disguise ♪
- ♪ With glasses. ♪ - Mm-hmm. Okay, anything else?
It-it doesn't have to be about that song at all.
Oh, at some point, Gerald put on
this really nice aftershave.
While he was driving?
Yeah, he must've opened a bottle of it
and splashed it on his face.
Okay. That's odd.
Well, whatever it was, all of a sudden,
the inside of the truck smelled incredible.
And then, like, right after the aftershave,
he parked, and then he let me out of the truck,
and he walked me through a yard
to a staircase and down into the bunker.
Uh, okay, so you turned right and then right again
and then Gerald was singing "Judy in Disguise."
- Yup. - And then he put on aftershave.
- Yeah. - Okay, great.
- Oh! Wait! - What?
What-what if I download that song
and start driving and when they sing the glasses part,
I look for a bumpy road on the right
and turn onto it?
Unbelievable. That's so smart.
The song will be like a road map.
So the song turns out to be pretty helpful information.
You made it sound like it wasn't.
Sorry, yes, it was helpful information.
Uh, okay. I'm gonna download the song.
I-I think my phone does that.
And then and then I'll call you right back.
Okay, I'm gonna download it, too.
I-I want to listen to it.
Damn, I can't do that. Not enough bars.
Uh-oh. I'm down to nine percent, Bobby.
Okay, hang up. Y-You have to save your battery.
Right, right, but do you want me to stay on the line
and walk you through the download process?
No, Teddy. Hang up.
You just seemed nervous about the downloading.
Hang the... up, Teddy.
What? You're breaking up.
Bob? Bob?
Bob? Oh, you're gone.
Good thing I'm not claustrophobic.
Or am I? Eh...
I just realized I'm claustrophobic.
Aah! I'm claustrophobic!
Okay, I'm stopping with the math. I'm angry at it
and I think I'm gonna give it the silent treatment for a while
and see if that works.
Hi. Welcome to Bob's Burgers.
- Oh, good, you're not busy. - That's our slogan.
Hang on a second. They're wide open in here!
Yeah!
We just won the Over-40 Co-ed Rec League Basketball tournament.
- Yeah, we did! - Right on, right on.
We're celebrating and we're starving.
Over 40 and still sporty. I love it.
Take some menus. Sit anywhere.
- I'll get some fries, maybe. - Yeah.
Um, quick family meeting in the kitchen, please?
I think the stars are aligning.
Dad is gone. Seven hungry customers walk in.
I think the day has finally come.
- We pick a new lover for Mom? - No.
- Boo. - We sell them on the greatest,
biggest, most exciting form of group celebration...
the Beef-hemoth.
- Oh, my God. Yes. - Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Oh, boy.
- The Beef-hemoth! - Yes!
Aka Beef-alo Bill.
Aka the Patty the Size of Cincinnati.
Whatever you call it, it's the burger that breaks
the world record for biggest burger ever.
What do you say? Should we make some dreams come true?
Uh, your dad never loved that dream.
- Because he's a hater. - And probably so jealous.
Also, I don't think you're gonna break
the world record. Just looking up...
Yup. You're not gonna break the world record.
- Another hater. - Stop that.
And nobody's gonna be able to finish it.
It's too much food. It's wasteful.
I've never heard of too much food.
We promise, none of it will go to waste.
How do we even charge for this kind of thing?
- We're gonna lose money on it. - Isn't that what we normally do?
Eh, kind of. What about the giant bun?
Mom, we've already thought this through.
The bakery around the corner has a huge loaf of bread
that they always put in the window display.
It'll be perfect. So, if they want to order it,
can we make it?
- Please? - Please!
- Please, please, please. - Say yes!
Okay, fine.
- Yay! - Yes! - Yes!
Beef...
- Calm down, calm down. - Hemoth.
So, what do you say?
Can we put you down for the Beef-hemoth?
- Let's do it! - Yeah! - Damn straight!
- Great. - But this isn't like the thing
where, if you finish it, you get it for free.
- You just have to finish it. - Or our daddy will be angry.
And you do not want our daddy to be angry. It's very awkward.
His face gets red.
Damn it. Oh, wait.
Oh.
- Hello? Hang on. - Hello?
- Uh, hi. - Are you at the dirt road?
No. Sorry. I-I just got it downloaded.
I've never downloaded anything on my phone before.
- I think it was surprised. - Play it.
I should hang up because of your battery, Teddy.
No, Bob. Try it, please.
I need the human connection right now.
I might be having a panic attack.
I can't tell 'cause I've never had one before
- or I'm always having one. - Uh, okay, okay.
I-I'll try. Uh, uh, all right, putting you on speakerphone.
I am...
pulling out of the lot and pressing play.
- It's a toe-tapper, right? - Uh,
I can't really focus on that right now.
No, no, no!
A tractor just pulled out in front of me.
- I-I got to slow way down. - What?
Bob, no! The "with glasses" part
is gonna come on and you won't know where to turn.
- Teddy, I know. - Can you pass it?
No. There are cars coming the other way that will hit me,
- and I-I won't like that. - Well, try honking.
I don't like honking at people.
Just give the horn a little friendly tap.
Ugh, fine.
- Bob, don't pound on it. - I barely touched it.
Wait, he's pulling over. Yes!
Thank you. Sorry. Uh, cool tractor.
Bob, you got to speed up. You got to make up for lost time.
Okay, Teddy. "With glasses."
He just said, "with glasses." Oh, gosh.
Uh, I don't know if this plan is gonna work now.
Oh. I see a right turn ahead.
- D-Do you think that's it? - I'm in a bunker, Bob.
- I don't know. - It-It's a dirt road.
- L-Like you said. - Take it!
Oh, yeah. Bumpy road.
- You did it. You did it. - Yes!
Oh, that's too bumpy. Slowing down.
- Oh, no. - What?
- No, no, no, no, no. - What? What? Wh-What is it?
Teddy, the road splits into three different roads.
How do I know where to go? I don't know how to choose.
You know what you do... You just...
Teddy? Teddy?
Oh, no. Oh, my God. Did your phone run out of batteries?
Teddy?
- Teddy! - ♪ Judy in disguise ♪
- This is a good song. - ♪ With glasses. ♪
Oh, come on, which road did you take, Teddy?
Uh, maybe I can get out
and look for fresh tire tracks?
Nope. That's not something I know how to do.
This just looks like dirt.
It's so big.
It's so much meat in one place.
I think it has its own gravitational pull.
- Are we orbiting it? - I feel it.
Listen, kids, I like the Beefy Moth.
Beef-hemoth, Mom. Beef-hemoth.
Yeah, sure, sure. It's just, how are we gonna flip it?
- Uh, we haven't worked that part out yet. - What?
Well, how do you flip Dad? We'll just go from there.
Oh, speaking of your
Dad, he's calling. Hey. How's the rescue mission going?
Well, Teddy's phone battery died
and I have no idea where to go.
- Oh, no. - Ugh, why did Teddy think I could do this?
- 'Cause you can. I know you can. - Uh-huh, but what if I can't?
Well, don't say that. That's not gonna help.
That thought's gonna crowd out all the smart thoughts
you're about to have. Say something smart.
Like... Oh, um, how would you flip a giant burger?
Oh, God. They didn't make the giant burger, did they?
Who would agree to eat that?
An over-40 co-ed basketball team.
They're excited about it.
Seriously? Oh. A truck's coming.
- I should ask them something. - Wait, Bob,
-we have to flip the burger, -Okay, good luck.
- but we don't know what we're gonna... - I'll call you back.
- Oh, okay. Bye. - Well,
was father very, very proud of us?
Or very, very, very proud of us?
- Hey. Hey! Uh, excuse me. - You all right there?
Yeah. Uh, I'm-I'm just trying to find a-a friend, though.
Well, I'm flattered, but...
Sorry. I mean, I'm-I'm looking for a friend.
He... His phone died,
but he-he's up one of these roads, so...
Oh. Well, I didn't see anyone.
Uh, are-are there houses up that way?
Yeah. Does your friend live in a house?
Oh. No. He's, uh, doing some work in one, or near one.
Okay, well, good luck.
Aftershave. Wait. Wait. Stop.
Oh, I thought we were done talking.
Sorry. I smell aftershave. Is that-is that you?
Well, kind of. It's witch hazel. It grows up the road,
and it blooms in the winter.
Uh, is-is witch-hazel used in aftershave?
Uh, yeah.
Oh, my God. That's it. That-That's the smell.
So Gerald lives next to a field
of witch hazel.
Uh, okay. Sure.
Does it grow anywhere else around here?
Um... Well, not that I know of.
- Just back up there. - Yes! Thanks.
You're really excited about this.
I am. Y-You just helped me out a lot.
Thank you, guy in truck.
Sorry, I-I didn't get your name.
You don't need to know my name.
I'm just gonna drive away from you now.
Thank you. Thank you.
Okay, this is it.
This is why you gave birth to us, Mom.
- Eh... - We're about to use two baking sheets
and four spatulas to try to flip what I'm assuming
is 100 to 1,000 pounds of beef.
Some of us might not make it.
- Uh... - Oh, my.
But just know this burger will be our legacy.
Why do Mom and Tina get safety goggles?
They're just our glasses.
You lucky nerds.
All right, let's make history.
We flip on three.
One, two,
three!
All right! -
It's like what we do every day,
but for some reason it's fun now.
- 'Cause it's big. - How's it going in there?
- We moving along? - Uh...
great. It-It's going great.
We're pretty hungry. Like, really hungry.
We're not sad about how long it's taking,
but we are sad that we don't have food.
It's gonna be out real soon.
- Uh, too soon. - Oh crap, the bun!
Mom, money. I'll go to the bakery
- and get the giant loaf. - Okay.
- Is that a euphemism? Sorry. - Oh, uh,
basketball players, uh,
you're-you're gonna be so happy in just a few moments.
- We are almost there. - Hi. Hi. Sorry, bye.
Come on, witch hazel.
Wait, I think I smell it.
Ooh, I definitely smell it. Ha!
There it is! Oh, my God. That must be the house.
Okay, no truck.
Uh, maybe Gerald isn't here. That-that would be good.
Hm, I don't like parking so close
in case he has cameras
and he looks up my license plate and comes to kill me.
Uh, maybe I'll park a little down the road?
Maybe that was, uh, too far down the road.
Whew! Uh, all right. Bunker, bunker.
Looking for a bunker.
Weird, scary, rusty hammer on the ground. Ignoring that.
Where is the bunker?
Teddy? Teddy? Are you down there?
Oh, God, I hope this is the right bunker.
I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong bunker. Please don't hurt me.
- Teddy? Teddy? - Oh, my God!
- Bob, is that you? - It's me!
- You found me! - I found you!
- It's-it's a pretty nice bunker. - I know, right?
Okay. I'm gonna move the sheet metal
- so you can get out. - Gloves, Bob!
- Gloves! - Oh! So sharp.
Gloves! Put on my gloves!
Oh, gloves. Great.
Okay, I'm doing this.
Okay.
I moved it. I did it.
I'm free. Oh, my God.
- I knew you could do it. - Yeah.
I always believed in you, even when I stopped
believing in you a little bit.
It's kind of amazing what happened.
After I talked to you, a truck drove by and...
Yeah, o-okay, Bob, I-I hate to cut you off,
and I know you just got here, but you got to leave.
- What? - You got to get out of here.
Gerald could be back any minute.
Hey, great seeing you, though, pal.
Right, okay, right, right. Okay, uh...
- You got to go. - Yeah. I-I'm-I'm, uh...
Thanks a lot, though.
Big help.
- I owe you one. - Okay, bye.
Take it easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Teddy, charge your phone. And call me when you get home,
- so I know you're safe. - Bye, Bob.
Oh, God.
Someone's here. Red truck.
What? Oh, no. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that's Gerald.
You can't be here. What do we do? What do we do?
- I don't... I-I don't know. - Hide inside my shirt?
- No. I-I don't think so. - In my pants?
- No. - Put a lampshade on your head?
- No! - I'm the only one coming up with stuff.
You're not coming up with stuff.
You're just saying things you're seeing.
Okay, well, while you're thinking,
I'm just gonna gently put the lampshade on your head.
Teddy, no. No, no, no, no, no.
What are we gonna do? He can't find you here.
- I know. - We don't have any time.
I know that. Stop saying stressful things.
Wait. I'm, uh... I-I think I have an idea.
The shirt thing? I'll start unbuttoning.
Not the shirt thing.
Oh, my God, so much cheese.
It's like a cheese blanket.
Sleep tight, giant burger.
Ooh, ooh, I think Tina's back.
She sounds great.
Tina, where's the bun?
It's plastic! It's not real. It's just for display.
And they said it would taste terrible.
Because it's plastic. And I tried it.
- They were right. - Damn it!
Quick, Mom, bake us a giant bun!
I don't know how to do that.
Wait, what if we just use our regular buns?
Well, I don't know, Tina, because they're way too small!
- This burger is giant. - Uh, I don't mean one little bun.
I mean, I mean, what if we use all of them.
And layer them on top of each other for extra thickness?
Like-like a giant mountain of buns?
It's like your journal but you're just saying it out loud.
Okay. Giant burger
inside of 100 little hamburger buns
could actually work.
It's kind of a metaphor for humanity,
if you don't think about it.
- Let's do it. - You're welcome.
- Teddy. - There he is.
The man paying me for this.
Yup. So, how's it going?
Good. Great. Why?
Doesn't it seem like it's going great?
I don't know. I just got here,
and I asked, "How is it going?"
I guess I've been down in this bunker for a while,
so I must have forgotten how people talk on the mainland.
All right. Let's check out what you've done so far.
Great. Perfect. Why not?
Sounds like a plan. Let's open her up.
Looks good. Looks like an empty safe.
Yup. Eh, looks very empty.
Good eye, good eye.
I'm gonna open the secret part.
- Do you have to? - What?
Yeah, no, sure.
But it could be a fun surprise
to just see it later, though, right?
I'd prefer to see it now.
Okay. Open it up, if that's what you want to do.
Uh, here we go.
- Ta-da! - Wow.
- Uh... - Mm...
No one's gonna find you in here, my little candy babies.
Nope.
Teddy, it's perfect.
I love it almost as much as I love my mother,
who happens to steal from me.
Okay. Well, uh, I'm gonna paint it
and then I'll be done, right?
Mm-hmm. I'm gonna go the store and buy some more bunker beans.
- Feel like I didn't get enough. - Oh, yeah, look at that.
There's barely any left. Yeah.
- And, Teddy... - Yes. Hi.
- On the way home later... - Yeah?
Don't worry about wearing the blindfold. You know why?
- Why? - I trust you.
Oh.
All right, new friend. See you in a little bit.
Okay. Take it easy.
It was tight back there, but it worked.
Yeah, it worked. You just double fake walled him.
I did. I double fake walled him.
You smart smartie.
I'm just glad I brought that extra sheet metal.
I mean, that's how you got stuck in the safe in the first place.
Yeah, no, I know. Don't ruin this.
You're a genius, Bob.
Yeah, I feel kind of smart, maybe. A little.
I-I should... I should probably leave
- before Gerald comes back with the beans. - Good idea.
I knew I asked the right person to come help me.
- Thanks, Teddy. - Yeah. Mort didn't answer.
What? Y-You called Mort first?
- No. - Didn't you just say...
- Nope. - But I heard you say Mor...
- No, you didn't. - You know what? Fine.
Whatever. I found you, and I hid in the thing.
Mort's never double fake walled anyone.
That's why I didn't call him.
So, the answer is...
- twelve. - That doesn't seem right.
Yeah, you know what, I'm feeling smart today.
Let's just say it's 12.
- More Beef-hemoth, anyone? - Oh, yes, please.
I'll take nine pounds.
This is why I was worried about the Beef-hemoth.
- Why? - Because now we have
to eat a giant hamburger so it doesn't go to waste.
You don't sound smart at all right now.
Yeah, Dad. We were heroes today.
Beef!
And then everybody wanted to throw up.
- And one guy did. - They did their best,
- and now we get to eat the rest. - You know what would be fun?
- Giant French fries. - Let's do that.
- Fry-Gantua! - Please, no.
Yes.
♪ Beef-hemoth ♪
♪ The Beef-hemoth ♪
♪ Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef ♪
♪ Beef, beef, beef ♪
♪ Beef-hemoth ♪
♪ Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef... ♪
So, what do you say?
Can we put you down for
- The Beef-hemoth? - ♪ The Beef-hemoth ♪
Oh, my God, yes.
More Beef-hemoth, anyone?
♪ Beef-hemoth. ♪
Beef... !
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --