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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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Okay, I'm putting
in a load of laundry,
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so everybody smell yourself.
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Are your pajamas okay or are they funky?
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Mine are okay.
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Mine are better than Tina's.
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Mine kind of smell
like soup, so I'm good.
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Okay then, I'm gonna do
it. You know the drill.
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Nothing else on but the TV, right?
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- Yes.
- Wait. Is the tree off?
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- Yes.
- Bob, I'm starting the washer.
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No toaster, no microwave,
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- Okay?
- What?
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- Did he say "yup?"
- Uh-huh.
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Lin? Linda?
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Did you say you're
starting a wash? I hope not
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- 'cause I'm making toast.
- I couldn't hear you.
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- Are you in the kitchen?
- No. I'm in the bathroom,
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- but I'm making toast.
- You're "making it go"?
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Good for you. I'm proud of you.
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That's not good.
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- Oh, crap.
- No! No!
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Off TV bad!
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The whole sub-panel’s fried.
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This wiring is a disaster.
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None of this is up to code.
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You're lucky just the panel blew.
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Your whole house could
have been a Christmas roast.
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- Aw.
- Not in a good way.
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Ah.
- Ah, well, uh, as the landlord here,
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I should tell you that
this all feels very judgy.
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What's "code," really?
Just a way to be judgy.
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- Who did this work?
- Well, uh, this was a collaboration
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over the years with...
involving many different talents.
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Who can say who did what?
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- Is this dried blood?
- Uh, it's ketchup.
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Uh, our handyman does repairs down here
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and says he works
better when he's eating.
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- He doesn't.
- Hm. - Oh.
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- Mm-hmm.
- I can fix it,
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but you won't have power
for three or four days.
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What?! But Christmas is in two days!
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I know. And I'm excited to be here.
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We can't have no power for Christmas!
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Your landlord should
put you up somewhere.
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What, me? Why is it always
the landlord's problem?
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Ugh, fine.
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Let's go and let him do his
precious up-to-code work.
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Should the sign just
say, "electricity's out.
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See you when we see you"?
That-that sounds wrong.
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Well, you're in luck. I
can put you up at the lodge.
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- The lodge?
- Yes. My family's old hunting lodge.
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We don't use it much. It's
a bit, uh, hunty lodgey.
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My father bought it when we
were kids so he'd have a place
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- to do his falconry.
- Falcon crest?
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- Falconry. It's a-it's a...
- Oh.
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It's-it's a kind of hunting
with trained falcons.
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He wasn't any good at it
and they usually flew away,
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but we just kept
buying him more falcons.
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It was nice, actually, because
he was hard to shop for.
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Can you excuse us a sec?
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Are we gonna spend Christmas
in Mr. Fischoeder's lodge?
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Not be in our house? For Christmas?
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It sounds sad and terrible.
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I know, but power is good?
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Why did Mr. Fischoeder have
to call a real electrician?
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Teddy could have gotten
us through Christmas.
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- Teddy did this.
- Don't blame him
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just 'cause he doesn't
know what he's doing.
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Can we bring our Christmas stuff?
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And the tree? Make it
feel more like home?
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Sure. Wait. The tree? How?
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We-we already decorated it.
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- I need the tree, Bob.
- Uh, okay, okay.
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- I need it.
- I got it.
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Well, you seem very excited.
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And I was thinking of
not standing here anymore.
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So, can I call the caretaker
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and tell him not to drive
up to the lodge tonight?
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- The caretaker?
- Yes, old Mr. McCormick.
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You'd be doing me a favor, really,
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if you'd spend a few nights there.
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I wouldn't have to pay that crank
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to lick the pipes or
whatever it is he does
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to keep the heat and water running.
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- Lick the pipes?
- I don't know.
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It's an old house, but we
pay old crotchety McCormick
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to go up there, and if
you good folks go up,
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you can lick the pipes and, uh,
I could save the five dollars.
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Look at the tree, poor thing.
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Is there any way we
can play it some music
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or a podcast or something?
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- I don't think so.
- Okay, never mind.
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We got the cooking stuff,
we got the stockings.
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Oh, I forgot the deodorant.
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Eh, that's okay. Maybe,
Santa'll bring some.
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- Yeah.
- Wait. Oh, crap!
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How will Santa know that we're
going to a different house?
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Is there paperwork we have
to fill out or something?
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He knows, honey. They
track our phones, I think.
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- That sounds right.
- Yeah.
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Okay, uh, so do we know that for sure?
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- Do we know that for sure?!
- Louise, it'll be fine.
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We have to go. I want to try
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and make it up the mountain before dark.
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Okay. Everyone, say, "bye, house."
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Bye, house.
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Uh, you, too, restaurant! Phew.
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That was close. We
almost had to go back.
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Oh, god. I'm not sure
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the tires can handle this.
They're-they're pretty bald.
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Look who's talking.
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Yeah, aren't we supposed
to have chains or something?
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Like cool chains that
connect to our wallets?
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Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god.
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- This is like a nightmare.
- I know.
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I-I'm very scared, but I'm being brave.
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- No, dad. The Santa thing.
- Oh.
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I had very reasonable stuff on my list,
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and I was exactly a
reasonable amount of good,
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so I was expecting to
run the table this year.
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I was gonna get the whole
list. The whole list!
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No screaming unless we're
tumbling off the cliff, please.
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Louise, honey, calm down.
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We'd all rather be home
for Christmas in the place
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where we've spent every Christmas
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since you kids were born, but
we're not, and that's fine.
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- It's fine.
- Guys, there's no way
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Santa's gonna be able to find us.
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Do your phones even work up here?
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I'm pretty sure Santa's
got, um, sleigh-dar.
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Hit him up on LinkedIn.
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Oh, I don't like that.
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We gonna make it, or is this the end?
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Could go either way.
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Dad, you said you wanted
to get there before dark.
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- Yup.
- But it's dark.
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- Yup.
- So we really got to hurry.
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Dad's voice keeps getting higher.
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Kids, no talking to your father.
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Close your eyes. Try to rest.
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And if we end up
upside down in a ravine,
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go ahead and eat your father and me.
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I call mom's legs!
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- Whoa. - Whoa.
- Whoa.
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Thank god we made it.
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I did that. I did it.
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Good driving, Bobby. Pretty much.
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All right, everyone grab
something and bring it
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into Mr. Fischoeder's old, dark,
not-too-scary, mountain mansion.
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It's kind of cool looking.
And... we're alive.
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I'm still just so happy about that.
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Once we turn on some
lights and start a fire
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and bring in the decorations,
I bet it'll be really nice.
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Yeah, I've had a box of ornaments
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on my lap for 90 miles.
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- They'd better earn their keep.
- You're right, kids.
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We'll Christmas the
hell out of this place.
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But, uh, let's do all the
decorating stuff tomorrow,
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- right?
- Oh, yeah.
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Tonight, I'm only unpacking
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the Rudolph the red
wine reindeer glasses
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and pouring us a glass of... Oh, my god!
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- What?
- Where's the tree?!
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- Oh my god.
- Where's the tree?!
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Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
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The tree must have fallen
off on the drive up here.
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Oh, I knew we should have put
the tree on my lap somehow.
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Or at least that thing
where you hold onto it
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with one arm out the window.
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Like dad did with my old
mattress before it blew off.
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We should have had a
professional come tie it on.
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Like a surgeon, a-a tree
surgeon or something.
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Instead of us burger people.
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- We did our best.
- That doesn't sound like us.
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It was the road. That
bumpy, snowy, evil road.
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Uh, okay, okay. So it's... it fell off.
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We'll just drive back down and get it.
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- Oh, no, no. No.
- Yes, Bob. The tree!
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Linda, it-it's a
miracle that we're here.
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We shouldn't have driven on that road
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in this car with these
tires, and it's snowing.
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Every moment, the road is getting worse.
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We-we can't drive back to town.
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Oh! Bobby, I can't stand
thinking about our tree
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outside in the cold all alone.
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It's fine. That's how a
tree spends its entire life.
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- Well, that's just awful.
- I know.
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- Awful.
- Yup. Come on, let-let's go inside.
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Uh, I'll, uh, I'll put this down
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and, uh, feel for a light switch.
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Well, your father's gone.
He's never coming back.
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I'd take out my phone if I
had one and use it as a light,
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00:07:00,891 --> 00:07:02,594
- but, you know.
- Tina not now.
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00:07:02,619 --> 00:07:04,745
- You won't let me get a phone...
- Shushies.
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- Aah! - Aah!
- Bad falcon!
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This is kinda nice.
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00:07:08,565 --> 00:07:10,690
Looks like they updated
the kitchen at some point.
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00:07:10,715 --> 00:07:13,424
A guy could maybe cook
a Christmas meal in here?
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00:07:13,449 --> 00:07:15,862
- Guy Fieri?
- Chimney. Okay, check.
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00:07:15,887 --> 00:07:17,966
That's one thing going
for us, Santa-wise.
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00:07:17,991 --> 00:07:19,819
And we can have all
our shareholder meetings
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at this totally normal-sized table,
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- so that's good.
- Um, that's terrifying.
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It's, uh, very falcony.
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Why is it so big?
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Oh, god, I'll have to look at it
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while I'm cooking, too.
209
00:07:31,486 --> 00:07:32,838
Uh, I bet we'll all get used to it,
210
00:07:32,863 --> 00:07:34,415
and then we won't even
notice it anymore. Maybe?
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00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:35,689
Yeah, like dad's dead tooth.
212
00:07:35,714 --> 00:07:37,501
- Or his dead toenail.
- They're not dead,
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00:07:37,526 --> 00:07:39,154
they're just struggling.
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00:07:39,179 --> 00:07:41,258
Well, should we figure
out where they put the beds
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00:07:41,283 --> 00:07:42,449
in this winter wonderland?
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00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:44,641
I call the room with
the fewest dead animals.
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00:07:44,870 --> 00:07:47,245
- What the heck is that?
- There's a little plaque.
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It says "indoor funicular
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00:07:49,045 --> 00:07:52,130
by the Argyle Elevator and
Mechanical Amusements Company."
220
00:07:52,155 --> 00:07:54,211
I loved their first album, but then
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00:07:54,236 --> 00:07:55,402
Stevie Nicks left the band.
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- Should we ride it?
- Let's see if we can
223
00:07:57,489 --> 00:07:59,227
figure out how to work it. Oh.
224
00:07:59,252 --> 00:08:00,252
Top or bottom.
225
00:08:00,277 --> 00:08:02,304
- That's the eternal question.
- Okay.
226
00:08:02,329 --> 00:08:03,628
Ready? Here-here we go.
227
00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:05,620
Everyone hold on to
something so you don't
228
00:08:05,645 --> 00:08:07,520
fall when it takes off.
229
00:08:10,104 --> 00:08:13,251
- Are we moving?
- No, it hasn't started yet.
230
00:08:13,276 --> 00:08:14,400
Or wait. Has it?
231
00:08:14,775 --> 00:08:17,067
Should we just get out
and take the stairs?
232
00:08:17,092 --> 00:08:18,044
Gross.
233
00:08:18,069 --> 00:08:19,069
I call top bunk!
234
00:08:19,094 --> 00:08:21,261
Oh. No one else is sleeping in here?
235
00:08:21,286 --> 00:08:23,073
Hey, I'm in the Elmer Fudd suite.
236
00:08:23,098 --> 00:08:25,594
FYI, I might have scary
dreams tonight. No reason.
237
00:08:25,619 --> 00:08:27,786
Is everyone else's bed
the size of our kitchen?
238
00:08:27,811 --> 00:08:30,111
What? No. These beds are small.
239
00:08:30,136 --> 00:08:33,344
- Did you say yours is big?
- Uh, no. Good night.
240
00:08:35,296 --> 00:08:36,336
Why would anyone
241
00:08:36,361 --> 00:08:37,721
put that painting in a dining room?
242
00:08:37,779 --> 00:08:40,030
It'd look ridiculous in the bathroom?
243
00:08:40,073 --> 00:08:42,134
You know what should go
right there? The tree.
244
00:08:42,159 --> 00:08:43,821
It could look out the
window if it wants.
245
00:08:43,846 --> 00:08:46,513
- And think about what it's done.
- God, there's weird stuff
246
00:08:46,538 --> 00:08:48,079
on Mr. Fischoeder's caretaker's list.
247
00:08:48,104 --> 00:08:49,891
"Beat the rugs with the drapes
248
00:08:49,916 --> 00:08:52,978
"while the curtains watch,
get mail from mailbox,
249
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:55,587
"burn mail, brush teeth on bear head.
250
00:08:55,612 --> 00:08:57,821
Never break eye contact." Hm.
251
00:08:57,846 --> 00:08:59,454
Dad, stop talking about the list.
252
00:08:59,479 --> 00:09:01,312
The only list that matters is Santa's.
253
00:09:01,337 --> 00:09:02,738
Here's a thought. What if he finds you
254
00:09:02,763 --> 00:09:04,217
by the smell of the cookies?
255
00:09:04,242 --> 00:09:06,450
- Oh, my god, the cookies.
- Yeah, I know. I'm smart.
256
00:09:06,577 --> 00:09:08,243
I forgot the flour for the cookies.
257
00:09:08,268 --> 00:09:10,515
What? So no tree and no cookies?
258
00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:12,581
We need to pull this together, people.
259
00:09:12,606 --> 00:09:14,355
Maybe Mr. Fischoeder has flour?
260
00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:16,254
I hope so, but I'm worried that
261
00:09:16,279 --> 00:09:18,879
if it is there it might be very old.
262
00:09:18,904 --> 00:09:20,566
Or cocaine. Also, Louise,
263
00:09:20,591 --> 00:09:22,507
I-I think I can still
make cookies for Santa
264
00:09:22,532 --> 00:09:25,195
- without flour.
- Do you think Santa's gluten-free, Dad?
265
00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:27,786
- I...
- Do you think Santa's gluten-free, dad?!
266
00:09:27,811 --> 00:09:28,907
- Uh...
- Do you?!
267
00:09:28,932 --> 00:09:30,682
I think Santa's mostly gluten.
268
00:09:30,707 --> 00:09:32,888
No flour, no cocaine, but how about rum?
269
00:09:32,913 --> 00:09:34,955
Ugh! This is a disaster.
270
00:09:34,980 --> 00:09:37,022
Look, we can at least
solve the tree problem.
271
00:09:37,047 --> 00:09:38,917
We're surrounded by Christmas trees.
272
00:09:38,942 --> 00:09:40,317
Let's just chop one down.
273
00:09:40,342 --> 00:09:42,634
A different tree? A stranger tree?
274
00:09:42,659 --> 00:09:44,571
That we just met in
the forest somewhere?
275
00:09:44,596 --> 00:09:47,342
- I-I guess we could do that.
- But our tree.
276
00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:50,345
That we brought home.
That knows us and loves us.
277
00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:53,038
Mom, a tree in the hand is
better than one in a ditch.
278
00:09:53,063 --> 00:09:56,583
Oh, my god, poor tree in
a ditch. Ugh, okay, fine.
279
00:09:56,608 --> 00:09:57,888
Fine, we can go look.
280
00:09:58,754 --> 00:10:01,505
Well, the good news is
that axe seems pretty heavy,
281
00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:03,216
so there's no way dad has
the upper body strength
282
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,614
to go full Shining on us.
283
00:10:04,718 --> 00:10:07,177
Yeah. Half Shining at
most. No offense, dad.
284
00:10:07,202 --> 00:10:08,846
I think I could Shining
all of you if I had to.
285
00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:10,324
Although I'm tired because I didn't
286
00:10:10,349 --> 00:10:12,808
get enough sleep last
night on that little bed.
287
00:10:12,833 --> 00:10:14,707
Oh, yeah, those beds are so tiny.
288
00:10:14,732 --> 00:10:16,353
- Uh, how-how about this one?
- Eh.
289
00:10:16,378 --> 00:10:18,176
- Or this one's nice.
- Meh.
290
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:20,588
- Okay. How about this guy, huh?
- Eh...
291
00:10:20,613 --> 00:10:23,652
It's just, none of these trees
have what our tree has...
292
00:10:23,677 --> 00:10:25,472
That effortless charm and wit.
293
00:10:25,497 --> 00:10:28,676
That perfect bushiness, but
without being cocky about it.
294
00:10:28,701 --> 00:10:30,492
It was a little cocky.
295
00:10:30,517 --> 00:10:32,433
Okay, fine.
296
00:10:32,477 --> 00:10:34,018
Do it. That one.
297
00:10:34,043 --> 00:10:35,667
So, I guess I just start
298
00:10:35,692 --> 00:10:37,100
chopping at the trunky part?
299
00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:39,334
No technical terms. Dumb it down for us.
300
00:10:39,359 --> 00:10:41,730
All right, maybe like, uh...
301
00:10:41,755 --> 00:10:44,047
Wait. Do trees die
when you cut them down?
302
00:10:44,072 --> 00:10:45,780
- Yeah, Tina.
- Right.
303
00:10:45,967 --> 00:10:48,051
Uh...
304
00:10:48,076 --> 00:10:49,742
Eh...
305
00:10:51,014 --> 00:10:52,681
- Forget it, forget it.
- Yeah.
306
00:10:52,706 --> 00:10:53,766
- Stop, stop, stop. - Phew.
- Oh, thank god.
307
00:10:53,933 --> 00:10:55,016
Bob, I want to go down and
308
00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:56,662
look for our tree.
309
00:10:56,687 --> 00:10:58,478
The sun is out. The road is clear.
310
00:10:58,503 --> 00:11:00,503
And we need flour.
You stay with the kids.
311
00:11:00,528 --> 00:11:01,731
I'll just zip down to that little market
312
00:11:01,756 --> 00:11:03,168
at the bottom of the mountain
313
00:11:03,193 --> 00:11:04,985
and be back quicker
than you can lick a pipe.
314
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:06,529
Oh, right, we haven't
licked the pipes yet.
315
00:11:06,553 --> 00:11:08,405
- This is a good plan.
- But, Lin,
316
00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:09,507
we don't even know where it fell off.
317
00:11:09,532 --> 00:11:11,885
Sure we do. Somewhere between here
318
00:11:11,910 --> 00:11:13,326
and the bottom of the mountain.
319
00:11:13,351 --> 00:11:14,846
She's hot on its trail.
320
00:11:14,871 --> 00:11:15,996
Even if you find the tree,
321
00:11:16,021 --> 00:11:17,520
how-how will you get it in the car?
322
00:11:17,545 --> 00:11:20,018
I'll use my superhuman
Christmas magic mom strength.
323
00:11:20,043 --> 00:11:21,835
Yeah. Or she'll just
close the door on it
324
00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:23,146
and drag it alongside the car
325
00:11:23,171 --> 00:11:24,713
like she does with her purse sometimes.
326
00:11:24,738 --> 00:11:25,904
And her skirts.
327
00:11:25,929 --> 00:11:27,591
And if that doesn't
work, I'll come get you
328
00:11:27,616 --> 00:11:28,907
and we'll both do it.
329
00:11:28,932 --> 00:11:30,979
I'm gonna save Christmas. Oh, wait.
330
00:11:31,004 --> 00:11:32,503
I don't have my keys. Or my wallet.
331
00:11:32,528 --> 00:11:33,782
And I better go inside and pee first.
332
00:11:33,807 --> 00:11:34,950
Uh, let's all go in.
333
00:11:34,975 --> 00:11:36,933
But maybe Mr. Axe stays outside?
334
00:11:36,958 --> 00:11:39,664
Oh, yeah. Mr. Axe is
gonna go back in the shed
335
00:11:39,689 --> 00:11:41,438
with his friend Mr. Machete.
336
00:11:41,463 --> 00:11:43,541
And I think I saw a hand grenade,
337
00:11:43,566 --> 00:11:45,400
so nobody go in there.
338
00:11:45,425 --> 00:11:47,921
Don't worry, tree, I'm coming for you.
339
00:11:47,946 --> 00:11:50,280
Dang it, I wish I gave you a flare gun.
340
00:11:50,426 --> 00:11:52,509
Okay, I got to stay positive.
341
00:11:52,534 --> 00:11:54,784
Can't give up. Christmas miracle time.
342
00:11:54,809 --> 00:11:56,953
Here we go. I'm gonna find you.
343
00:11:56,978 --> 00:11:59,604
Oh, crap, I'm at the
bottom of the mountain.
344
00:12:02,272 --> 00:12:03,752
Louise, you don't seem that into this.
345
00:12:03,777 --> 00:12:05,902
You're not aiming for my
glasses like you usually do.
346
00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:08,696
Yeah, I know, sorry. It's
just, look at that big field.
347
00:12:08,721 --> 00:12:10,550
I guess we're calling
anything a field these days.
348
00:12:10,575 --> 00:12:12,220
You think if we spelled
something out with fire,
349
00:12:12,305 --> 00:12:14,930
Santa could see it from
his satellite or whatever?
350
00:12:14,955 --> 00:12:17,441
- Come on.
- Oh, yeah, that could work.
351
00:12:17,466 --> 00:12:20,227
But maybe not fire,
because it's fire. Um,
352
00:12:20,252 --> 00:12:22,043
- what about sticks?
- And stones?
353
00:12:22,068 --> 00:12:23,188
No, wait... our bones.
354
00:12:23,274 --> 00:12:25,482
At least I got the stupid flour.
355
00:12:25,507 --> 00:12:27,507
Oh, tree, I give up.
I'm never gonna find you.
356
00:12:27,694 --> 00:12:29,527
Oh, my god, there you are!
357
00:12:29,552 --> 00:12:31,245
Our tree. It's our tree!
358
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:33,428
I never gave up on you.
Whoa. Okay, don't die.
359
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:34,869
Don't die. Don't die.
360
00:12:37,707 --> 00:12:40,205
I can't wait to tell Bob I
found our tree. And he thought
361
00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:41,114
I couldn't do it.
362
00:12:41,139 --> 00:12:43,000
I'll only say "I told
you so," like, four times.
363
00:12:43,024 --> 00:12:45,483
Maybe five. Why isn't it ringing?
364
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,764
Oh, no bars.
365
00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:50,048
It's kind of steep,
but it's safe, right?
366
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:52,023
Safe-ish. Whoa.
367
00:12:52,048 --> 00:12:54,382
Whoa! Whoa. Whoa...
368
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,157
Okay, okay.
369
00:12:56,182 --> 00:12:57,097
Oh, boy.
370
00:12:57,247 --> 00:12:58,454
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
371
00:12:58,519 --> 00:13:00,381
This is better. This is better.
372
00:13:00,406 --> 00:13:01,726
Oh, and butt's getting pretty wet.
373
00:13:01,751 --> 00:13:03,960
Butt's getting wet.
374
00:13:04,106 --> 00:13:05,855
Whoa.
375
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,150
And that's how you do that.
376
00:13:09,175 --> 00:13:11,845
Hey, Lin, uh, I haven't heard from you.
377
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:13,738
Uh, hope you're okay and, uh,
378
00:13:13,763 --> 00:13:15,717
not, uh, running out of gas somewhere
379
00:13:15,742 --> 00:13:18,410
or being torn apart by
anything in the woods.
380
00:13:18,496 --> 00:13:19,995
Not-not that you would get torn apart.
381
00:13:20,020 --> 00:13:22,665
You're-you're a strong
person. I definitely would.
382
00:13:22,690 --> 00:13:25,333
Between the two of us, I
would be the one to get torn...
383
00:13:25,358 --> 00:13:26,853
Forget it. Call me.
384
00:13:26,878 --> 00:13:29,254
Boy, this is taking a long time.
385
00:13:29,279 --> 00:13:31,817
Do you think "BEL" kind
of gets the point across?
386
00:13:31,842 --> 00:13:34,259
As long as he doesn't
think it's Bell Biv Devoe.
387
00:13:34,284 --> 00:13:36,595
- Or Harry Belafonte.
- Or Mr. Belvedere.
388
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,689
Oh, god. Okay, okay.
We got to finish it.
389
00:13:38,794 --> 00:13:40,293
But we're running out of big branches.
390
00:13:40,318 --> 00:13:43,485
We could use mom and
dad's clothes. Or Gene?
391
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:45,256
I am good at lying down.
392
00:13:49,347 --> 00:13:51,639
Aah! Whoa.
393
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,598
No! Oh, come on.
394
00:13:53,623 --> 00:13:56,373
Why does dragging a Christmas tree
395
00:13:56,417 --> 00:14:00,419
up a snowy mountain have to be so hard?
396
00:14:02,190 --> 00:14:05,107
Okay, I don't love that.
397
00:14:05,132 --> 00:14:06,924
Oh, sun's gone.
398
00:14:06,949 --> 00:14:09,071
Ooh, that is cold. That is very cold.
399
00:14:09,096 --> 00:14:11,347
Can you die of cold? No, right?
400
00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:12,556
That's only in the movies.
401
00:14:12,702 --> 00:14:14,410
get up there.
402
00:14:14,453 --> 00:14:16,370
Oh... Come on.
403
00:14:16,395 --> 00:14:17,728
What are you doing?
404
00:14:17,753 --> 00:14:19,165
Uh, I'm trying to make
it so that I don't have to
405
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:20,481
look at this painting anymore.
406
00:14:20,566 --> 00:14:22,274
You did it. Good job.
407
00:14:22,299 --> 00:14:25,475
Thanks. I-I'm just
glad it finally w... mm.
408
00:14:25,673 --> 00:14:27,798
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah. What are you doing?
409
00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,176
We're looking for stuff to spell out
410
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,635
a giant message to Santa.
411
00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:33,329
You don't love the clothes
you brought with you, right?
412
00:14:33,354 --> 00:14:35,890
I don't love them, but I
want to keep them inside.
413
00:14:35,915 --> 00:14:36,915
Like your feelings.
414
00:14:36,940 --> 00:14:38,392
Can't you just use branches
415
00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:39,417
since we're in the woods?
416
00:14:39,442 --> 00:14:40,503
We found some, but it's snowy,
417
00:14:40,528 --> 00:14:41,318
and they're deep down,
418
00:14:41,343 --> 00:14:43,314
and our tiny hands got cold.
419
00:14:43,339 --> 00:14:45,459
So we're actually gonna
need this. Thank you.
420
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,568
- No, no, no, I need that.
- I need this.
421
00:14:47,593 --> 00:14:48,759
- No.
- I need this!
422
00:14:48,886 --> 00:14:50,219
- Louise.
- Fine.
423
00:14:50,244 --> 00:14:52,202
Uh... uh-oh.
424
00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:53,616
So you took care of that.
425
00:14:53,641 --> 00:14:55,599
Uh, it turns out I'm not good at...
426
00:14:55,624 --> 00:14:57,161
- No, Louise, no, no.
- What?
427
00:14:57,186 --> 00:14:58,519
- No. Put it down.
- Okay...
428
00:14:58,646 --> 00:14:59,706
- What about...
- Put it down.
429
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:01,480
Ugh! Do you hate presents?
430
00:15:01,505 --> 00:15:03,142
Aah! I'm all right.
431
00:15:03,167 --> 00:15:06,815
Ah, ha, ha, Tina! You beautiful beast.
432
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,109
Dad, are these allowed outside?
433
00:15:09,134 --> 00:15:10,383
- Any objections?
- Mm.
434
00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:12,408
Gene, come grab these spelling sticks.
435
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:13,641
If I wanted to carry skis,
436
00:15:13,666 --> 00:15:15,971
I would have gone with
Ken to Breckenridge.
437
00:15:15,996 --> 00:15:17,867
Oh, please.
438
00:15:17,892 --> 00:15:19,183
Please let me make it to the car.
439
00:15:19,208 --> 00:15:21,894
Oh, I can't wait to put that heater on.
440
00:15:21,919 --> 00:15:24,211
I love that heater so much.
441
00:15:24,236 --> 00:15:25,398
Almost there.
442
00:15:25,423 --> 00:15:28,298
So tired. Body giving out.
443
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,902
Spirit giving out.
444
00:15:29,927 --> 00:15:32,136
Bladder holding on. Mostly.
445
00:15:32,161 --> 00:15:33,322
Hang on, tree.
446
00:15:33,347 --> 00:15:36,473
I'm gonna put ornaments all over you.
447
00:15:36,517 --> 00:15:38,684
Whoa... !
448
00:15:38,709 --> 00:15:40,162
Oh! Oh, thank god.
449
00:15:40,187 --> 00:15:43,689
Thank god... No! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
450
00:15:43,714 --> 00:15:45,209
Oh!
451
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:47,295
Oh!
452
00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:51,626
No... !
453
00:15:51,657 --> 00:15:55,026
Oh, hush.
454
00:15:58,077 --> 00:16:00,474
Hey, Lin, uh, me again.
Please don't be dead.
455
00:16:00,602 --> 00:16:01,726
That's my one request.
456
00:16:01,751 --> 00:16:04,371
Oh, and flour. But mostly don't be dead
457
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:07,022
because I don't know how
I'd go on without you.
458
00:16:07,047 --> 00:16:09,710
And also, you're better at
wrapping presents than me.
459
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,671
- Okay, goodbye.
- Dad, go to the window.
460
00:16:11,696 --> 00:16:14,155
Look out-look out the window.
Go, go, go to the window, dad.
461
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:16,638
Okay. "Belcher." Looks good.
462
00:16:16,663 --> 00:16:18,367
I hope you're excited to bring all that
463
00:16:18,392 --> 00:16:19,827
back in the house later.
464
00:16:19,852 --> 00:16:21,652
That sounds like a
caretaker's responsibility.
465
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,853
So, okay, I'm gonna take a walk,
466
00:16:23,878 --> 00:16:27,396
mostly to, uh, you know,
get some air, enjoy nature.
467
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:29,170
But also to see if
your mom crashed the car
468
00:16:29,195 --> 00:16:30,773
and is freezing to death somewhere.
469
00:16:30,798 --> 00:16:32,506
- Oh.
- She has been gone a while.
470
00:16:32,531 --> 00:16:34,527
I just assumed she and
the tree ran off together
471
00:16:34,552 --> 00:16:36,927
and she'd send for the
children once they're settled.
472
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:39,036
Honestly, guys, it's a
long shot Mom would be able
473
00:16:39,061 --> 00:16:40,765
to find the tree. I'm sorry.
474
00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:42,600
But i-I'm gonna see if I can find her.
475
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:45,603
But Mom is in a car. You are on your...
476
00:16:45,628 --> 00:16:47,248
No offense... very slow legs.
477
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:48,814
Well, I-I need to do something.
478
00:16:48,839 --> 00:16:50,418
Your-your mom might be stuck.
479
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,234
Is this partly to get
away from the painting?
480
00:16:52,259 --> 00:16:54,755
No. A little. I really don't like it.
481
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,916
It'll be okay. I'll be back soon.
482
00:16:56,941 --> 00:16:58,399
Uh, with your mom. Who's fine.
483
00:16:58,424 --> 00:17:00,147
And the car. Both in one piece.
484
00:17:00,172 --> 00:17:02,714
Hopefully. Totally alive. Both of them.
485
00:17:02,739 --> 00:17:05,740
Uh, well, not the ca... It's fine.
486
00:17:10,807 --> 00:17:13,558
Whoa! Oh, okay.
487
00:17:13,643 --> 00:17:15,518
Okay, we got a problem.
488
00:17:15,824 --> 00:17:18,586
Oh! I don't know how to tell you this.
489
00:17:18,988 --> 00:17:21,524
I'm not gonna be able
to bring you up, tree.
490
00:17:21,549 --> 00:17:22,715
Huh.
491
00:17:22,740 --> 00:17:24,546
I could tell you that
I'm gonna go get Bob
492
00:17:24,571 --> 00:17:27,010
and a rope, and we'll be back for you,
493
00:17:27,035 --> 00:17:28,406
but here's the thing.
494
00:17:28,431 --> 00:17:30,514
I don't think that's a good idea.
495
00:17:30,693 --> 00:17:33,650
I love you, tree, but
if I come back with Bob
496
00:17:33,675 --> 00:17:36,080
and we both die, the
kids'll be all alone,
497
00:17:36,105 --> 00:17:37,875
and I don't think they'll
put themselves to bed
498
00:17:37,899 --> 00:17:39,685
at a reasonable hour. You know?
499
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:42,253
And I'm kind of missing
Christmas Eve over here.
500
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:44,403
I know I picked you out
of all the other trees,
501
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,359
and you were the one, you really were.
502
00:17:46,384 --> 00:17:49,677
But I got to leave you
here, my sweet baby.
503
00:17:49,763 --> 00:17:51,304
Mama's got to go.
504
00:17:52,170 --> 00:17:53,097
Here.
505
00:17:53,122 --> 00:17:54,705
I know you like ornaments.
506
00:17:54,730 --> 00:17:56,938
Eh. Eh.
507
00:17:57,146 --> 00:17:58,478
There.
508
00:17:58,503 --> 00:18:00,961
You look beautiful. Okay.
509
00:18:01,272 --> 00:18:03,983
Okay, I got to go now.
510
00:18:04,069 --> 00:18:08,029
Nope, nope, you can't
come. You can't come.
511
00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:10,091
I'm sorry. Sorry.
512
00:18:10,116 --> 00:18:12,420
I'm sorry. Get off!
513
00:18:12,445 --> 00:18:14,767
Get off! I'm sorry.
514
00:18:14,811 --> 00:18:17,228
You look beautiful.
515
00:18:26,674 --> 00:18:27,840
Is that Linda?
516
00:18:27,865 --> 00:18:29,485
Bob? Bob!
517
00:18:29,510 --> 00:18:31,344
- Linda!
- What are you doing out here?
518
00:18:31,573 --> 00:18:32,447
Uh, looking for you.
519
00:18:32,472 --> 00:18:34,013
I left you a bunch of messages.
520
00:18:34,038 --> 00:18:35,412
I didn't have any bars.
521
00:18:35,498 --> 00:18:37,202
Were you looking for
the tree this whole time?
522
00:18:37,227 --> 00:18:38,434
I found it.
523
00:18:38,459 --> 00:18:39,625
- You did?
- Yeah.
524
00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:41,979
We, uh, we got ourselves
into a little situation.
525
00:18:42,004 --> 00:18:44,964
Oh, yeah, yeah. You have
a stick in your hair.
526
00:18:45,068 --> 00:18:47,652
And snow in my pants
and in my underwear.
527
00:18:47,737 --> 00:18:50,239
Everything's numb down
there. I'm not peeing, am I?
528
00:18:50,264 --> 00:18:52,990
I-I don't think so. Uh,
but where-where's the tree?
529
00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:55,057
Ugh. The tree didn't make it, Bob.
530
00:18:55,245 --> 00:18:57,078
- Oh.
- Yep, yep.
531
00:18:57,163 --> 00:18:58,913
She's gone. She's gone.
532
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,105
- Oh, I'm sorry, Lin.
- Yeah.
533
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:04,214
- Did you get the flour?
- Yes, I got the flour.
534
00:19:04,239 --> 00:19:06,906
Geez, have some respect
for the dead, huh?
535
00:19:07,691 --> 00:19:09,215
Look who got flour.
536
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,447
- Mom! - Mom!
- Momala!
537
00:19:10,472 --> 00:19:12,070
My Genie beanie. Aw.
538
00:19:12,095 --> 00:19:14,595
My teeny Tina. And my squeezy Louisey.
539
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,181
- Dad's back, too.
- Good to see you, man.
540
00:19:17,206 --> 00:19:18,307
I should have been here,
541
00:19:18,332 --> 00:19:19,744
spending the day with my babies.
542
00:19:19,769 --> 00:19:21,727
And I couldn't bring
home our Christmas tree.
543
00:19:21,752 --> 00:19:23,460
- I'm really sorry.
- That's okay.
544
00:19:23,485 --> 00:19:24,647
We made one.
545
00:19:25,538 --> 00:19:27,585
Oh, it's the best Christmas tree ever.
546
00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:30,236
Yeah, 'cause where's
Santa gonna put the presents, right?
547
00:19:30,261 --> 00:19:31,947
I mean, we assumed you
were gonna get the tree,
548
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,175
but just in case, Tina said
we should make a backup.
549
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:34,907
What?
550
00:19:34,932 --> 00:19:37,016
I love it. Mwah, mwah, mwah.
551
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:38,423
Sorry I've been such a crumb bum
552
00:19:38,448 --> 00:19:40,163
about coming here. I just want to be
553
00:19:40,188 --> 00:19:41,915
wherever you guys are.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,
554
00:19:41,939 --> 00:19:43,499
mwah, mwah, mwah. Christmas!
555
00:19:43,626 --> 00:19:45,668
So you dug down in the snow
and found more branches?
556
00:19:45,693 --> 00:19:48,296
God no. We borrowed some
from the Santa signal
557
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,714
and then we just filled in
with some perfectly okay things
558
00:19:50,739 --> 00:19:52,802
from the house that you
said were fine to take.
559
00:19:52,827 --> 00:19:54,428
- Oh, you used the towels.
- All of them.
560
00:19:54,452 --> 00:19:57,381
- We weren't gonna bathe, right?
- Why start now?
561
00:19:57,406 --> 00:19:59,098
- Mm.
- And we made dad something, too.
562
00:19:59,123 --> 00:20:01,059
- You covered it?
- We used wrapping paper
563
00:20:01,083 --> 00:20:02,728
and the cheap tape mom
buys, so we may have to
564
00:20:02,752 --> 00:20:04,145
re-stick it a few times.
565
00:20:04,272 --> 00:20:05,813
That looks so much better.
566
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:08,339
It's like they're excited
about opening that present.
567
00:20:08,364 --> 00:20:10,072
Which is probably a dead bunny.
568
00:20:10,097 --> 00:20:12,046
Okay, I'm gonna go dig
the snow out of my butt,
569
00:20:12,071 --> 00:20:14,155
and then let's bake some cookies!
570
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,176
I bet Mrs. Claus says
the same thing every year.
571
00:20:16,201 --> 00:20:18,910
All right, the
ball's in your court, Santa.
572
00:20:19,037 --> 00:20:20,703
The full list!
573
00:20:20,728 --> 00:20:22,394
♪ Gluten, ho, ho, ho! ♪
574
00:20:22,419 --> 00:20:24,957
♪ There's no disputin'
I love gluten ♪
575
00:20:24,982 --> 00:20:27,066
♪ Ah ♪
576
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:29,068
♪ Gluten, ho, ho, ho! ♪
577
00:20:29,237 --> 00:20:31,570
♪ You're darn tootin' I love gluten ♪
578
00:20:31,656 --> 00:20:33,530
♪ Ho, ho! ♪
579
00:20:33,658 --> 00:20:35,115
♪ You got celiac? ♪
580
00:20:35,243 --> 00:20:36,909
♪ Well, I got your back ♪
581
00:20:36,994 --> 00:20:39,995
♪ but if I have that snack attack ♪
582
00:20:40,141 --> 00:20:42,975
♪ gimme that gluten, ho, ho, ho! ♪
583
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,376
♪ There's no disputin'
I love gluten ♪
584
00:20:45,461 --> 00:20:47,790
♪ Ho, ho, ho! ♪
585
00:20:47,815 --> 00:20:50,608
Merry Christmas, everybody!
586
00:20:50,633 --> 00:20:52,829
Where's my cookies? I earned 'em.
587
00:20:52,854 --> 00:20:56,908
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --