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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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Aw, poor Tan In Real Life.
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- I really thought they'd make it.
- They flew too close
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- to the artificial sun.
- I never even did
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the free tanning session
that they offered me.
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Maybe don't make this about you, Dad.
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- Sorry.
- Think if I run out there,
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they'll give me some of the lotions?
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My calves are parched.
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Oh, and can you also ask for that cutout
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of the tan man in his
swimsuit? No reason.
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- Guys, no.
- Aw, now that space
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is just gonna sit empty again.
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Hey, remember how a
long time ago we said
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maybe we'd expand into
that space someday?
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If we got real busy? Remember that, Bob?
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Yeah, I don't think we knew
how, um, hard it would be
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to be a restaurant that gets busy.
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There was that guy
who came in yesterday.
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It's probably good that
we never tried to expand.
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I mean, I think this was the first month
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we paid rent on time in years.
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Look at us. Big shots.
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Oh, hey, Tina, it's the
first Friday of the month,
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so you know what that means:
it's time to sharpen the knives.
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- Yay.
- Or how about me?
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Please? I will sharpen the
heck out of those knives.
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No, Louise. You're-you're
not old enough yet.
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- Y-You can do it in a couple years.
- Years?
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You need more hand strength
to get the angles right.
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Your hands are a little small.
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It could turn out really badly
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and I just couldn't live with myself.
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I'll be, oh, so careful.
I won't get hurt.
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Oh, no, I was worried about the knives.
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But, uh, it'd be sad if something
happened to you, too, Louise.
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I'm happy with my restaurant chores.
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I enjoy fluffing the napkins
even though no one asks me to
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and it's "not hygienic."
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- Gene, I've told you to stop that.
- We get a lot of compliments.
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There you go.
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Oh, when you do it just right, Tina,
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you can get your knife
sharp enough to cut a tomato
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just by being near it.
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I mean, not really,
but it feels that way.
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Ah.
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Uh, what the... ?
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Come to me, babies.
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Yay!
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My queen.
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- Burger Belchers.
- Oh, hi, Mr. Fischoeder.
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Uh, we're caught up on
rent. Just a reminder.
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Oh, I know, Bob. That was quite a shock.
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But that's not why I'm here.
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I'm here because I have a
little proposition for you.
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- Want to buy Gene? Three bucks.
- Hey.
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- Five bucks.
- Yeah.
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Actually, this proposal involves Felix.
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- And a betrayal.
- Eh, you lost me at Felix,
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but you got me back with betrayal.
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You see, many years ago, my father,
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the real estate magnate and
entrepreneur that he was,
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won the Best Businessing
of the Bay Award,
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and he received a trophy which featured
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a very sensual gold-plated lion
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with his claw on a stack of money.
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- Classy.
- I loved that trophy,
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and Papa knew it, and so he
gave it to me on his deathbed.
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Felix, consumed by jealousy,
insisted that he was
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giving it to me to hold while he died,
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but I know he was giving it to
me to keep while he was dead.
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Then, ten years ago,
I'm pretty damn sure
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Felix stole it from me
in the dark of night.
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So what does this have to do with...
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- Please, Bob, do not interrupt.
- Okay.
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And so, every year on the date
of the trophy's disappearance,
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which happens to be three days from now,
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I do something to try to get Felix
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to tell me where the damn thing is.
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I've tried hypnosis,
I've tried spanking,
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I laced his food with
LSD, but that little twerp
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won't even admit he stole it.
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And that's where you all come in.
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- Want me to rough him up?
- Yes, actually.
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But not physically. Psychologically.
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You see, I recently
accidentally attended
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a performance of the play Hamlet.
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- Wait, accidentally?
- Yes, I thought it was a burlesque show
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called Ham Legs that I'd been to before.
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- Yum.
- Ah, you've seen it, too.
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And though I found the lack
of ham and legs disappointing,
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I did enjoy the part where
they used a play within a play
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to get whoever it was
to admit to killing,
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uh, whoever the other guy was.
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That's what Hamlet's about?
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I thought it was about Romeo and Juliet.
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And also, there was a ghost.
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Anyway, that gave me the idea
to use the empty storefront
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next door to put on my
own version of Hamlet,
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about Felix stealing the trophy.
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Felix has always been deeply
affected by live theater.
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After he saw Phantom of the Opera,
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he couldn't stop dropping
chandeliers on me.
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So I think this may be my ticket
to getting the trophy back.
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And I need you to be my actors.
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I don't want to use real actors,
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because they just talk
about acting all the time
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and their hair product is
almost always too pungent.
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- I want to do a play.
- Of course you do.
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Oh, and I'll need a director, too.
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I'll be focused on Felix
during the performance.
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- And also drinking.
- I'll be the director.
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I want to yell, "Make
me feel something."
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Uh, I-I don't know.
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I mean, we're kind of
occupied here, where we work.
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Yes, I see. What if I pay you
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in the form of you not
paying me rent next month?
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Mm, give us the space next
door to expand the restaurant.
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- What? No.
- For, like, a month or something.
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- See how it goes.
- All right, it's a deal.
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No. I mean, no, thanks.
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Come on, Bob. Don't you
want to be a business lion?
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Like my dear old papa?
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I mean, I-I am kind of
already a business lion.
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I-I have a restaurant.
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Yes, you do. Yes, you do.
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Uh, but it's so small and so slow.
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That's more like a business snail.
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It is a little slimy in
here. This part is, anyway.
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- I'm not sure what that is.
- Ew.
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Well, I guess I'm off
to hire actual actors.
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I'll go looking for people
holding eight-by-ten photographs
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of themselves down by the docks.
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Bob, are you sure you don't
want to do Mr. Fischoeder's thing
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-and expand next door? I thought...
-Yes. I mean, no.
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- I mean, yes.
- That's my confident boy.
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Uh, hey, Louise.
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What are you doing?
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Oh, just watching you brush your teeth
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with your big, knife-sharpening mitts.
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But don't worry, I won't switch
our hands while you're asleep.
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Then why did you ask me if
I knew someone who could do
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"a Face/Off, but for hands"?
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Wait, do you know someone?
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Nah, but I'm making some calls.
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Okay.
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Just gonna go to sleep now.
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Sleep with one hand open.
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Ghost!
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Oh, uh, am I, am I dreaming?
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Seems like I am.
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Y-You want me to come with you?
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Um, okay.
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You don't talk, or... Whoa!
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Oh, now we're down here?
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Wait, is this because
of the Hamlet ghost stuff
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from earlier? Did someone murder you?
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- No.
- Oh, you do talk?
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Shush. I'm going to show you
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who's been murdering your business.
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- Behold.
- Oh, I get it.
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Like, it's me because I
said I didn't want to expand.
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Well, if the boo fits.
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- Sorry, I love ghost puns.
- That's funny.
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So, you're saying I should've
said yes to Fischoeder's offer?
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I don't know, ghost.
Uh, I'll think about it?
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I mean, I guess I am thinking about it
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since this is, you know, my dream.
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Okay, but Hamlet thought
about stuff too much,
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and then that led to
a whole thing, I think.
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- I'm not a big reader.
- Oh, me, neither.
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Look, I have to go now,
Bob, but remember, avenge me.
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- Wait, why?
- Sorry, I think it's a Hamlet thing.
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You say it when you exit.
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- Okay.
- Avenge me.
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Yep.
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Huh, lot of groans today, Bob.
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Groan Crawford over here.
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- Mm, uh, wait. Mr. Fischoeder!
- Uh-oh, why is Dad running?
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Dad, no, don't run.
You could go into shock.
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Mr. Fischoeder, wait.
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What is it, Bob? I don't
have any spare change.
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Um, We'll do it.
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The-the, the play. Um, and
the extra restaurant space.
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Goody. 'Cause I couldn't
find any actors yesterday.
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They must have all made it big.
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Kids, did you hear
that? We're doing the play.
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Encore! Right?
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Okay, at this point,
you've all had a chance
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to read my script entitled
"Hamlet: But Good This Time."
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Yep, loved it. Lot of fun typos.
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- It said Queef instead of Queen.
- That wasn't a typo.
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00:08:01,578 --> 00:08:03,762
Anyway, we need to
perform it tomorrow night
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00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,211
on the anniversary of the theft.
195
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:07,783
So that gives us what I assume
is the normal amount of time
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00:08:07,808 --> 00:08:09,412
to put on a play... one day.
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00:08:09,437 --> 00:08:12,271
Uh-huh, sure, I think
they did Les Mis in a day.
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00:08:12,296 --> 00:08:14,053
Lin, I-I don't think that's true.
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00:08:14,147 --> 00:08:16,033
Well, I'm gonna have to
drive you guys pretty hard.
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- A-one, two, three, four.
- What did you...
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00:08:17,752 --> 00:08:19,289
- Why are you counting, Lin?
- Five, six, seven
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00:08:19,314 --> 00:08:20,775
- and eight, one.
- Linda, stop.
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00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,439
Bob, I thought you could
play the ghost of my papa
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00:08:23,464 --> 00:08:25,279
since you remind me of him.
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00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:28,266
I mean, sort of. Papa was
more, I don't know, symmetrical.
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00:08:28,291 --> 00:08:30,962
- Okay.
- And this one can play the character
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00:08:30,987 --> 00:08:34,190
that represents me,
Calvinicus Fischoederton,
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00:08:34,215 --> 00:08:36,463
- because she's the tallest child.
- Yep.
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00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:39,535
Louise, it's true. But only
if you actually measure us.
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00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,696
And the middle-sized one can
play my buxom German maid Inga,
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00:08:42,721 --> 00:08:44,373
but in the play she's
called Inga-phelia.
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00:08:44,398 --> 00:08:45,398
I feel you.
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00:08:45,475 --> 00:08:47,643
And the tiny one can play Felixicus.
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00:08:47,668 --> 00:08:49,310
Not tiny, thank you.
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00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:51,646
And only if Felixicus
can have a lot of knives.
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00:08:51,664 --> 00:08:53,717
No, no, no, no, no. That
wouldn't be accurate.
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00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:56,051
Felix isn't allowed to have knives
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00:08:56,076 --> 00:08:57,875
or sugar after 6:00 p.m.
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00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:59,631
I myself won't be acting.
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00:08:59,656 --> 00:09:02,967
No, I'll be staring meaningfully
at my brother during the play,
221
00:09:02,992 --> 00:09:04,825
waiting for his full confession.
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Like this.
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Fun. All right.
224
00:09:09,297 --> 00:09:13,068
Everyone up on your feet.
We will start by loosening up
225
00:09:13,093 --> 00:09:14,777
and doing some acting exercises.
226
00:09:14,802 --> 00:09:17,331
Pretend you're an actor. Go.
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00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,293
Lin, we have to open the
restaurant in 20 minutes.
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00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,577
All right, you're loosened
up. Let's rehearse.
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00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,101
Okay, in this scene,
230
00:09:23,121 --> 00:09:25,725
it's nighttime, and
Calvinicus is asleep.
231
00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:27,889
Tina, that's you, with
the super cute eye patch
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00:09:27,914 --> 00:09:30,764
I made last night, so, uh,
lay down on those chairs.
233
00:09:30,789 --> 00:09:33,612
Sorry, without my glasses
and with the eye patch,
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00:09:33,631 --> 00:09:34,917
I'm kind of blind.
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00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:37,426
I loved it. I fall
out of bed all the time
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00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,163
from drinking too much limoncello.
237
00:09:39,188 --> 00:09:42,115
Tina, put your glasses on over
the patch. It'll be a fun look.
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00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:45,745
Now, it says here, "Enter the
ghost of Papa Fischoederton."
239
00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:47,679
Bob, that's you. You
want to say your line?
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00:09:47,704 --> 00:09:49,506
Come, my largest and best son,
241
00:09:49,531 --> 00:09:52,274
and I will show you a hideous crime.
242
00:09:52,299 --> 00:09:54,363
Bob, can you say that
more ghostly, maybe?
243
00:09:54,388 --> 00:09:56,129
- Little more ghostly.
- Right. Uh...
244
00:09:56,154 --> 00:09:57,667
- Come...
- No... No.
245
00:09:57,692 --> 00:09:59,132
No, I was wrong. Do it the first way.
246
00:09:59,157 --> 00:10:00,472
Back to... Okay.
247
00:10:00,497 --> 00:10:02,860
All right, so, Bob, you
make a pointy gesture
248
00:10:02,885 --> 00:10:04,803
- towards Louise.
- So, point?
249
00:10:04,828 --> 00:10:06,554
Give it some flair. Don't just point.
250
00:10:06,572 --> 00:10:07,813
Yeah, Bob, give it some flair.
251
00:10:07,838 --> 00:10:10,201
Behold, my smaller, yucky child.
252
00:10:10,295 --> 00:10:12,709
He will commit an abomination.
253
00:10:12,734 --> 00:10:15,563
Now, Louise, you come in and
steal the trophy off the mantel.
254
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,299
- Yep, got it.
- Ooh, Good prop.
255
00:10:17,324 --> 00:10:18,174
Thank you.
256
00:10:18,199 --> 00:10:20,463
And, Gene, this is your big line
as the German maid.
257
00:10:20,488 --> 00:10:22,989
Oh, hello, Felixicus.
258
00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:24,905
What is under your jacket?
259
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:28,125
Some chocolates? Give me yum-yum.
260
00:10:28,150 --> 00:10:31,222
Okay, now everyone freezes.
And, Bob, you step into the spotlight
261
00:10:31,247 --> 00:10:32,580
for your ghostly monologue.
262
00:10:32,703 --> 00:10:35,059
Calvinicus, this very night...
263
00:10:35,084 --> 00:10:36,341
- Ooh, Bob. Not like that.
- Oh.
264
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:39,086
Okay, we should go open the restaurant.
265
00:10:39,111 --> 00:10:40,732
Are you happy with it, Mr. Fischoeder?
266
00:10:40,757 --> 00:10:42,014
It's really getting there, huh?
267
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:43,686
Well, I was asleep during the last part,
268
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,828
but I assume it was what it was.
269
00:10:46,507 --> 00:10:47,997
♪ Putting on a play ♪
270
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,172
♪ Having a really great day. ♪
271
00:10:50,266 --> 00:10:51,386
Linda's in a good mood, huh?
272
00:10:51,411 --> 00:10:55,586
Yeah, we're doing a very weird
play thing for Mr. Fischoeder.
273
00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:57,600
A play? Oh, wow. Can I come?
274
00:10:57,625 --> 00:10:59,197
- Uh...
- Of course you can come, Teddy.
275
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,304
It's tomorrow night, next door.
276
00:11:01,329 --> 00:11:03,087
And did Bob tell you the big news?
277
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:05,584
We're going to expand
into the space next door.
278
00:11:05,609 --> 00:11:07,275
Oh, wow. That is big news.
279
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,847
Which side should I go to?
Do you think I'd fit in over there?
280
00:11:09,872 --> 00:11:11,538
I-I don't know what the vibe is.
281
00:11:11,563 --> 00:11:14,317
Oh, we're gonna be Bob's still,
but bigger. Like Bob's Biggers.
282
00:11:14,342 --> 00:11:16,669
And Bob's gonna do all
his fancy restaurant ideas.
283
00:11:16,694 --> 00:11:18,193
He's got a million of them.
284
00:11:18,218 --> 00:11:20,696
- Like lights. Sauces.
- Ah. Oh.
285
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,220
- Meat that's not round.
- Ooh.
286
00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:25,311
I mean, we haven't
figured it out yet, at all.
287
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:27,913
Ooh, we might even get one
of those Michelin tires.
288
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:31,032
- You mean stars?
- Yeah, those, too.
289
00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:33,876
Boo.
290
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,233
Oh, you're-you're back.
291
00:11:35,258 --> 00:11:37,657
It's like I'm haunting
you. Is that a good pun?
292
00:11:37,682 --> 00:11:40,291
I-I don't, I don't think
so, because, you know,
293
00:11:40,316 --> 00:11:42,074
you are literally haunting me.
294
00:11:42,093 --> 00:11:44,093
Maybe it works on a lot of levels?
295
00:11:44,118 --> 00:11:47,007
No, just the one, I
think. Or zero... Whoa!
296
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:51,583
Whoa, i-is this us expanded
into the space next door?
297
00:11:51,603 --> 00:11:54,225
Yes, and you got a really
good deal on lighting.
298
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:57,772
Look at those fixtures. Look at them.
299
00:11:57,797 --> 00:12:00,604
Yeah. Oh, uh, I look pretty good, too.
300
00:12:00,629 --> 00:12:03,238
And we all look weirdly
good at our jobs?
301
00:12:03,263 --> 00:12:06,484
And Gene's wearing that.
Uh, o-okay, th-that's fine.
302
00:12:06,509 --> 00:12:10,010
I guess expanding was a good idea, huh?
303
00:12:10,035 --> 00:12:12,156
But what about me?
304
00:12:12,181 --> 00:12:14,698
- Who-who said that?
- Me said that.
305
00:12:14,723 --> 00:12:16,527
Hey, dream me, uh,
306
00:12:16,552 --> 00:12:18,811
y-you need to flip
that burger right now.
307
00:12:18,836 --> 00:12:22,091
He can't hear you. I guess
this Bob isn't as focused on burgers.
308
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,311
All those years together, Bob.
309
00:12:24,336 --> 00:12:26,003
Don't you love me anymore?
310
00:12:26,028 --> 00:12:28,074
I-I do love you, but businesses
311
00:12:28,099 --> 00:12:30,537
are supposed to get bigger, I think.
312
00:12:30,562 --> 00:12:32,032
I mean, I didn't go to business school,
313
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,178
but I bet they have exams
where they ask questions
314
00:12:34,203 --> 00:12:35,460
like, "Should you grow a business?"
315
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,796
And I'm pretty sure the answer is yes.
316
00:12:37,821 --> 00:12:39,700
Oh, ouch. I'm burning.
317
00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:43,459
I'm burning. Help me, Bob.
318
00:12:43,484 --> 00:12:45,408
I-I need to do something.
319
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:46,691
Wh-Where... Where's my spatula?
320
00:12:46,716 --> 00:12:49,141
Burger, no. I thought you
said the restaurant thing
321
00:12:49,166 --> 00:12:51,045
was a good idea, and now
you're saying it's not?
322
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:53,364
Uh, can't talk. Uh, fading.
323
00:12:53,458 --> 00:12:56,717
Wait, wait, don't go. Should
I expand the restaurant or not?
324
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:59,132
Avenge me.
325
00:12:59,319 --> 00:13:01,896
Okay, so you're not telling me. Great.
326
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:04,415
And fade.
327
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,451
- What is it? What is it?
- I-I just had a bad dream.
328
00:13:07,476 --> 00:13:10,381
Um, or-or a good one? I-I can't tell.
329
00:13:10,406 --> 00:13:11,808
Was it the dream about the soccer ball
330
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,373
with penises all over it?
331
00:13:13,398 --> 00:13:16,063
What? No, I-I've never had that dream.
332
00:13:16,088 --> 00:13:17,312
Oh, I have it all the time.
333
00:13:17,337 --> 00:13:19,451
Too many penises on that thing, right?
334
00:13:19,476 --> 00:13:21,764
Get some sleep, Bob. We
got a big day tomorrow.
335
00:13:21,789 --> 00:13:25,037
Gonna do a play and then all
our dreams are gonna come true.
336
00:13:25,062 --> 00:13:28,076
- All our dreams.
- Right, right. Our dreams.
337
00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:30,176
Hey, uh, Linda?
338
00:13:30,201 --> 00:13:32,426
Yep, okay, you're asleep.
339
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:34,492
Oh, penis basketball?
340
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:40,159
All right, have a seat
my little Meryl Streeps.
341
00:13:40,184 --> 00:13:42,171
I put some hot water
with lemon and honey out
342
00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,219
with your breakfast to protect
your voices for tonight.
343
00:13:44,244 --> 00:13:46,154
I'll just take a cup of honey, honey.
344
00:13:46,179 --> 00:13:48,327
Louise, why are you
wearing Tina's eye patch?
345
00:13:48,352 --> 00:13:50,685
Oh, you know, I was thinking
maybe Tina and I should
346
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:53,522
switch roles, in the play
and also in real life.
347
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,404
- And I sharpen the knives.
- No. No switching roles.
348
00:13:56,429 --> 00:13:58,147
Everyone barely knows
their lines as it is.
349
00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,992
Mother, that's not fair.
We don't know them at all.
350
00:14:01,017 --> 00:14:02,425
Eh, that's true.
351
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,819
You all got to read from
the scripts onstage, I guess.
352
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,421
But make it seem like it
was an edgy choice we made
353
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:09,779
- as a theater company, okay?
- Okay.
354
00:14:09,804 --> 00:14:12,193
Hey, sleepyhead. You want some eggies?
355
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:13,761
No, actually, I'm just gonna head down
356
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,113
and get some cleaning
done, since we also have
357
00:14:16,138 --> 00:14:17,379
to do a whole play later.
358
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,456
And, you know, I'll start making a list
359
00:14:19,475 --> 00:14:22,551
of some stuff we need for
the expansion, I guess.
360
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:26,107
Which I know we're both
really excited about.
361
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:28,678
Uh-oh, kids, I think
your dad's nervous to act.
362
00:14:28,703 --> 00:14:32,687
I-I'm not nervous to act.
I act. I am a man of action.
363
00:14:32,712 --> 00:14:34,321
It's just, this is a big deal.
364
00:14:34,346 --> 00:14:36,726
We're making, like, a
huge, life-changing decision
365
00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:38,895
without really thinking about it at all.
366
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,049
Uh, I meant act, like
acting onstage, Bob.
367
00:14:42,074 --> 00:14:44,550
Oh. Yeah, no. I...
That's what I meant, too.
368
00:14:44,575 --> 00:14:47,473
I-I'll... I'll see you
all in a little while.
369
00:14:47,498 --> 00:14:49,295
Oh, let's do some vocal warm-ups.
370
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,700
Follow me... Matthew Perry's brother Gary
371
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,392
killed and ate a pink canary.
372
00:14:53,417 --> 00:14:55,639
Matthew Perry's brother
Gary killed and ate...
373
00:14:55,733 --> 00:14:58,247
You aren't worried about this
whole expansion thing, right?
374
00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,754
I-I won't let you burn.
375
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:02,166
I'm not worried if
you're not worried, Bob.
376
00:15:02,184 --> 00:15:03,258
Are you worried?
377
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:04,639
No. No, not at all.
378
00:15:04,664 --> 00:15:07,256
'Cause, you know,
it's-it's gonna be great.
379
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,521
It's gonna be great.
380
00:15:08,546 --> 00:15:10,229
It's gonna be great.
381
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,100
It's gonna be the best.
382
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,435
Okay, you keep saying that.
383
00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:14,878
How could you know that?
384
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,583
You're a different burger
than the one before.
385
00:15:16,607 --> 00:15:19,583
- We all have the same soul, dum-dum.
- Seriously?
386
00:15:19,607 --> 00:15:21,829
Just kidding. I was
over there. I overheard.
387
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:24,279
Well, I... Like I said,
it's gonna be great.
388
00:15:24,304 --> 00:15:26,343
Whatever you say.
389
00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:33,022
Good turnout, Mr. Fischoeder.
People love the arts.
390
00:15:33,047 --> 00:15:34,623
Nah, I told my tenants
if they didn't come
391
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,367
- I'd cancel their leases.
- Oh.
392
00:15:36,392 --> 00:15:39,513
Ah, and there's Felix. He
has no idea what's coming.
393
00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:41,682
Calvin, I'm here, and
I know what's coming.
394
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,342
- Damn it.
- And it's not gonna work.
395
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:45,376
I don't know what you're
talking about, dear brother.
396
00:15:45,401 --> 00:15:47,381
Oh, please, you try this every year.
397
00:15:47,406 --> 00:15:50,584
Some plot to get me to
confess to taking Papa's award.
398
00:15:50,609 --> 00:15:52,853
But it's not gonna work
because I didn't take his award.
399
00:15:52,878 --> 00:15:54,712
This play is in no way
related to that topic.
400
00:15:54,737 --> 00:15:57,365
It's just a fun play I wrote. Enjoy.
401
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,390
- I will.
- Good.
402
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,173
- Good.
-Good. - Good.
403
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,393
I already like this.
404
00:16:02,612 --> 00:16:04,796
Well, Bob, big night for you, huh?
405
00:16:04,821 --> 00:16:06,413
Tonight your restaurant becomes a man.
406
00:16:06,438 --> 00:16:08,254
And you become a business lion.
407
00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:09,801
Yeah, that's, uh...
408
00:16:09,826 --> 00:16:13,057
That's good. I-I'm supposed
to want that, right?
409
00:16:13,082 --> 00:16:16,101
Of course you want that. Every
businessperson wants that.
410
00:16:16,126 --> 00:16:18,896
Probably see some results
in the bedroom, too.
411
00:16:18,921 --> 00:16:20,721
Should we do the
traditional preshow headbutt?
412
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:23,717
- Your head, my butt?
- I don't want to do that.
413
00:16:23,742 --> 00:16:26,485
- Preshow pat on the back?
- Um, okay.
414
00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:29,269
Ow! Um, thank you. That-that helped.
415
00:16:29,294 --> 00:16:32,089
♪ Oh, I'm the housekeeper Inga-phelia ♪
416
00:16:32,107 --> 00:16:35,139
♪ And I have a tale to tell you ♪
417
00:16:35,164 --> 00:16:37,519
♪ Please sit back and hear me sing-a ♪
418
00:16:37,544 --> 00:16:40,832
♪ Of deceit and betraying-a ♪
419
00:16:40,857 --> 00:16:44,025
♪ Ooh, boo-bah-dee-boo
bah-dee-boo-bah-dee-boo. ♪
420
00:16:44,113 --> 00:16:46,787
- Our father hath died.
- He hath. 'Tis a bummer.
421
00:16:46,812 --> 00:16:49,917
And I know he asked
you to hold yon trophy
422
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,844
as he was deceasing, but
now we shall share it.
423
00:16:52,869 --> 00:16:55,100
Nonsense thou speakst.
424
00:16:55,125 --> 00:16:57,533
'Tis mine. Farewell.
425
00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,061
A pox upon you! It
shall be mine someday.
426
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:03,804
Because I am a grubby
little spoiled rat.
427
00:17:03,829 --> 00:17:05,053
Hiss.
428
00:17:05,267 --> 00:17:07,662
I hath come to take my father's trophy.
429
00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:09,793
I don't deserve it, but then again,
430
00:17:09,812 --> 00:17:13,053
this is exactly what a
rotten turd like me would do.
431
00:17:13,078 --> 00:17:15,649
- Here we go.
- I have made my choice.
432
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,802
I have set upon my path
and I can't look back now.
433
00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:20,608
I will no longer be just the smaller,
434
00:17:20,633 --> 00:17:23,467
weaker, dumber brother
with bad fashion sense
435
00:17:23,492 --> 00:17:25,492
and an unfortunate chin.
436
00:17:25,517 --> 00:17:27,471
Here it comes. Here it comes.
437
00:17:27,496 --> 00:17:29,381
The tiny little man who cannot
438
00:17:29,406 --> 00:17:31,148
even come close to my big brother
439
00:17:31,166 --> 00:17:33,408
who is smart and strong
440
00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:35,721
and so good at business like his daddy.
441
00:17:35,746 --> 00:17:37,412
I have got him now.
442
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:38,822
I can't take it anymore!
443
00:17:38,841 --> 00:17:40,657
I don't want to expand the restaurant!
444
00:17:40,676 --> 00:17:41,876
- What? What's happening?
- No!
445
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:43,779
Small one, go on. Do your line.
446
00:17:43,804 --> 00:17:46,254
- We've almost got him.
- Fine, and I want to sharpen
447
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,142
the knives even though I'm small.
448
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:50,177
- That's not the line.
- Sorry, Linda.
449
00:17:50,202 --> 00:17:52,312
I don't want to expand the restaurant.
450
00:17:53,215 --> 00:17:55,657
I'm friends with that actor.
451
00:17:58,531 --> 00:18:00,086
What are you doing, Bob?
452
00:18:00,111 --> 00:18:01,976
You weren't supposed to
blurt out some secret truth.
453
00:18:02,001 --> 00:18:04,250
Felix was supposed to
blurt out secret truths.
454
00:18:04,274 --> 00:18:05,514
You ruined it.
455
00:18:05,539 --> 00:18:07,518
See? Now, that's
how you point with flair.
456
00:18:07,536 --> 00:18:10,641
I knew it. Like I'd ever
confess to taking the trophy.
457
00:18:10,666 --> 00:18:13,068
'Cause I totally didn't
do it. 'Cause why would I?
458
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,779
I don't even care at all!
Just 'cause Daddy thought
459
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:18,339
you were better than me, and
'cause you're bigger than me
460
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:20,364
and think you're so great.
461
00:18:20,382 --> 00:18:22,061
I am bigger and I am great.
462
00:18:22,086 --> 00:18:25,437
And you are a trophy-stealing
boy-shaped man.
463
00:18:26,963 --> 00:18:29,428
- Oh, boy.
- Well, if you're so great, Calvin,
464
00:18:29,453 --> 00:18:31,930
how come you never figured out
where I stashed the trophy, huh?
465
00:18:31,955 --> 00:18:34,724
- Aha!
- Oops, well, it's not in the swan pond,
466
00:18:34,749 --> 00:18:36,357
so don't look there.
467
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,048
Gotcha! To the swan pond.
468
00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:39,360
Oh, shoots and ladders.
469
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,431
Stop.
470
00:18:41,456 --> 00:18:44,404
Well, uh...
471
00:18:44,429 --> 00:18:47,201
and everybody lived happily ever after.
472
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,892
Huh. The end.
473
00:18:48,917 --> 00:18:50,054
Garbage!
474
00:18:50,079 --> 00:18:51,244
Hi, Edith.
475
00:18:51,276 --> 00:18:54,404
Lin, I'm sorry for ruining the play.
476
00:18:54,429 --> 00:18:56,210
I-I guess I am scared to act.
477
00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:58,952
I'm not a business lion.
478
00:18:58,977 --> 00:19:00,725
I-I know you wanted to
expand the restaurant
479
00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:02,824
like we always said we
would a long time ago, but...
480
00:19:02,849 --> 00:19:05,586
What? No. I don't care about that.
481
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,536
What do you mean? You seemed
so excited about expanding.
482
00:19:08,561 --> 00:19:09,969
You were in such a good mood.
483
00:19:09,988 --> 00:19:12,805
I was only excited because
I thought you were excited.
484
00:19:12,830 --> 00:19:14,807
And because I got to direct a hit play.
485
00:19:14,826 --> 00:19:16,551
Take that, Steven Spielberg.
486
00:19:16,569 --> 00:19:18,052
Uh, I don't think he directs plays.
487
00:19:18,071 --> 00:19:20,054
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is
488
00:19:20,073 --> 00:19:21,890
I already love what our restaurant is,
489
00:19:21,908 --> 00:19:24,150
and I feel like I have everything I want
490
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:26,129
- and I don't need more.
- Aw.
491
00:19:26,154 --> 00:19:27,373
Except money. We-we
492
00:19:27,398 --> 00:19:28,988
- could use a little more money.
- Yeah.
493
00:19:29,007 --> 00:19:31,998
Hey. Sorry I've been so
weird about the knives thing.
494
00:19:32,023 --> 00:19:34,863
- I was a little jealous.
- I know.
495
00:19:34,888 --> 00:19:37,681
But I do not want to end
up like the Fischoeders.
496
00:19:37,832 --> 00:19:39,908
Me, neither. Although, I
wouldn't mind a swan pond.
497
00:19:39,926 --> 00:19:42,673
But just so you know, I think Dad
should let you sharpen the knives.
498
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:44,003
I really hate doing it.
499
00:19:44,097 --> 00:19:45,430
It feels judgy towards the knives.
500
00:19:45,524 --> 00:19:47,631
Like, maybe they're
comfortable being dull?
501
00:19:47,656 --> 00:19:50,959
I know the play is over, but I'm
keeping these bazongas forever.
502
00:19:50,984 --> 00:19:52,506
A boobity-boobity-boo.
503
00:19:52,531 --> 00:19:55,773
Aw, my pretty little booby boy.
504
00:19:56,250 --> 00:19:58,517
I'm telling you, Linda,
best play I've ever seen.
505
00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:00,203
In a store, with not actors,
506
00:20:00,354 --> 00:20:03,097
written by a guy who, you know,
doesn't care about structure.
507
00:20:03,099 --> 00:20:05,076
Thanks, Teddy.
508
00:20:05,101 --> 00:20:08,298
Father, we present to you
the first-ever tomato trophy
509
00:20:08,323 --> 00:20:11,174
for Best Dad Who is Also
Pretty Good at Business.
510
00:20:11,199 --> 00:20:12,215
Congrats.
511
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,769
Wow. Is that, is that supposed to be me?
512
00:20:14,794 --> 00:20:16,219
- Yeah.
- Red and lumpy.
513
00:20:16,244 --> 00:20:17,390
And moldy near the stem.
514
00:20:17,415 --> 00:20:18,947
Thank you. I-I love it.
515
00:20:18,965 --> 00:20:21,162
And I cut the mustache into it.
516
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,762
That's really impressive.
It's hard to carve a tomato.
517
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:26,000
Unless the knives are really sharp.
518
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:28,934
'Cause I know how to do that
now 'cause Tina showed me how.
519
00:20:28,959 --> 00:20:30,549
Secretly behind your back.
520
00:20:30,569 --> 00:20:32,268
And I hope that is okay.
521
00:20:32,293 --> 00:20:33,939
Oh, no. No, no, no.
522
00:20:33,964 --> 00:20:36,609
Relax, Dad. Most of the knives are fine
523
00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:38,276
if you don't look at them too closely.
524
00:20:38,301 --> 00:20:40,985
- Oh, my knives.
- They are sharp.
525
00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:43,194
But some of them in
places you wouldn't expect.
526
00:20:45,158 --> 00:20:46,902
And I don't think I do need stitches.
527
00:20:46,927 --> 00:20:48,334
And I don't need them, either.
528
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:50,956
Aw. I'm gonna put this tomato
right here on the shelf.
529
00:20:50,981 --> 00:20:53,883
What sweet kids we have. Family hug.
530
00:20:53,908 --> 00:20:54,983
Ooh, I want in.
531
00:20:55,127 --> 00:20:56,886
- Coming over the counter.
- Teddy, no.
532
00:20:56,911 --> 00:20:59,154
- Just stay there. We'll come to you.
- Teddy, you're gonna
533
00:20:59,178 --> 00:21:00,655
fall. Oh, oh, Teddy, Teddy!
534
00:21:00,673 --> 00:21:04,250
♪ Avenge me, avenge me,
it's so fun to revenge me ♪
535
00:21:04,269 --> 00:21:07,965
♪ Yeah, Hamlet, Macbeth, I bet
they both had creepy deaths ♪
536
00:21:07,990 --> 00:21:12,068
♪ But we didn't read the play,
so we just have to guess ♪
537
00:21:12,093 --> 00:21:16,004
♪ When that one guy poured
poison in the other guy's ear ♪
538
00:21:16,022 --> 00:21:19,707
♪ It got everyone in
Denmark shaking their rear ♪
539
00:21:19,767 --> 00:21:23,758
♪ Avenge me, avenge me,
it's so fun to revenge me. ♪
540
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,932
Ooh, avenge me, Bob.
541
00:21:25,957 --> 00:21:27,993
- Yeah, Bob, avenge me, too.
- Okay.
542
00:21:28,018 --> 00:21:29,678
- Dad, avenge me. - You got it.
- No, avenge me, Dad.
543
00:21:29,702 --> 00:21:31,853
- I wouldn't mind being avenged.
- I'll avenge you all.
544
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:36,890
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
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