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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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I'm whipping you so hard.
Turn into cream!
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- Get a room, you two.
- We did get a room, Gene.
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It's called the kitchen.
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I'm making whipped cream for your mom
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for her Mother's Day waffles,
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which you kids are supposed
to be helping me with.
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Sorry, Dad. We have our hands full.
Tina had to make a card,
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we had to tell her to make the card.
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- Tina, let's see it.
- Read it and weep.
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Or lightly chuckle
because it's pretty funny.
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It's a drawing of a mushroom cloud
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and all of us flying
through the air, and it says,
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- "You dropped a mom on us"?
- Pretty good, right?
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Yeah, but you made this
exact same card two years ago.
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Damn it, I knew it felt familiar.
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We got to think of
something else, and quick.
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- Think of what?
- Uh...
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Happy Mother's Day!
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- Aw, thanks.
- Ugh. Happy Mother's Day, Lin.
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- Wow, you're sweaty.
- What's in the box?
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- Is it a tiny little David Blaine?
- Eh, I was thinking about my mother.
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And then I started to
think about my grandmother,
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and I wanted to find a picture
of her, and I found this.
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A box full of old family stuff.
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"Old family stuff." Those
are three exciting words.
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I wanted to look through it
while we have Mother's Day breakfast.
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Aw, here she is. My
sweet Grandma Claudia.
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Oh, I just loved her so
much. Ooh, family tree.
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Let's see what we have here.
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- Any celebrities or criminals?
- Portia de Rossi?
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Oh, that says "Peter DeRosa."
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Still though, pretty cool.
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Wait, why is this
whole section crossed out?
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Oh, that's because of the feud.
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Wha-Wha-What? A feud?
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Something interesting
happened in our family?
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I think you're forgetting about
Dad's uncle with huge feet.
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Oh, yeah, Uncle Frank. Good swimmer.
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Well, it's kind of a long
story, but I'll tell you.
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This thing started
way before I was born.
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My great-grandma Maria had four kids,
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and they didn't have a lot of money.
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One of them, Tony,
worked down at the docks.
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And he was trying to save up to
buy his dream house in Staten Island.
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I think Billy Joel
wrote a song about that.
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But Joey, the baby of
the family, married a rich girl.
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I think her father
invented the raincoat.
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- Probably not.
- Shush!
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And then Joey and his new rich wife
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bought Tony's dream
house before Tony could!
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- Damn.
- So, is that why someone crossed
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all of Joey's family
out on the family tree?
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No. There's more.
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You see, Joey invited the family over
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to his new house for dinner.
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And my great-grandmother Maria
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brought over her famous Bolognese sauce.
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Say
more about the sauce.
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- It was delicious, Gene.
- I knew it.
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And then it happened.
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I didn't say what it was yet.
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Sorry, it's just tense.
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So, they're eating dinner,
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and Joey is just laughing and laughing
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about how great his new house is.
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But as he reaches for
the Parmesan cheese,
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Tony goes in with his
fork to get more pasta
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and accidentally stabs Joey in the hand!
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Yes! He forked him!
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Joey and his sister Paulina
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thought Tony forked him on purpose
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because Joey bought Tony's dream house
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with Daniela's stupid raincoat money.
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- It-it couldn't have been raincoat.
- It was.
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But Tony swore that it was an accident,
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and his sister Claudia, my sweet
little grandmother, believed him.
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Joey throws Tony out of the house.
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Claudia and her husband Burt,
my grandfather, go with him.
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And here's the
kicker: it's pouring rain.
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None of them have raincoats.
They all get wet.
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From that moment on, you were
either Team Tony or Team Joey.
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- So we're on team... ?
- Tony. All the way.
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- And Tony's the one who... ?
- Accidentally forked that jerk Joey.
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You never met any Team Joeys
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'cause we stopped talking
to them, 'cause they're dumb.
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And you want to know the worst part?
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Then the Great Depression happened?
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No. After my lovely
great-grandmother Maria passed,
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dumb Joey, his wife
Daniela and their idiot kid
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went over to her house,
went through all her stuff
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and stole the only written-down copy
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of Grandma Maria's
famous Bolognese recipe.
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They did what?!
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My Grandma Claudia knew how to make it,
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and she used to make it for me,
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and it was delicious, but she died,
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and so now I can only taste
the sauce in my memories.
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- In your mammaries?
- Gene.
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So now the only people who know
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how to make it are those cold-hearted,
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house-stealing Team Joey people.
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Who wants waffles
with homemade whipped cream?
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- I do.
- I mean, sort of whipped.
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It's really hard to do. My wrist hurts.
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- Anyway, here you go.
- Oh.
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Ew. Did you just pour
milk on her waffles?
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Damn it. The kids didn't help at all.
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Because we're, uh, doing
our own thing for Mom.
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- We're giving it to her later.
- We are?
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Yes. And it's really, really great.
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- Wait, did I miss a meeting?
- Ignore Tina.
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Why don't we focus on Dad's
wet milk waffles for now.
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I'll make you new ones.
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- Gene will eat those.
- Yay! Floppy waffles.
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Floppy, floppy, floppy, floppy.
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So, Teddy, what'd you get
your mom for Mother's Day?
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Well, you know how
she's pretty tatted up?
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What? No.
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Yeah, well, she's got
a tattoo that she hates,
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so I booked her an appointment
at a laser tattoo removal place.
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- Okay.
- But it's kind of expensive.
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- How expensive?
- Well, it's $500 a visit,
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and it can take a bunch of visits.
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Which I wasn't totally aware of
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when I was signing her
up for the first lasering.
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- That's a lot of money.
- I know.
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- But she really wants it gone.
- Why?
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- What-What's it a tattoo of?
- Uh, I'll show you.
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Here, check a look. It's
on her upper, upper thigh.
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Oh. Gr-Great.
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So, it's a tattoo of a
bunch of playing cards?
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It's a gin rummy thing.
She was in a group,
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and I guess they all
got the same tattoo.
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Aw, gin rummy chummies.
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Well, not anymore.
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My mom plays with, let's
say, a lot of flare.
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- And by "flare," I mean rage.
- Your mom sounds intense.
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- She's passionate, Bob.
- Wait, I have an idea.
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Maybe she doesn't have
to remove her tattoo.
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Why doesn't she just add
to what's already there?
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Make it into something
else? I bet that's cheaper.
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- I mean, probably?
- Hey, we should brainstorm.
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- Ooh, we can use the chalkboard.
- Oh, uh... Heh.
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That's where I put the Burger
of the Day that I wrote,
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carefully, so people know what it is.
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And you erased it.
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This is just for a
minute. I'll remember it.
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- It was a something-something burger.
- Yup.
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So, what are we getting for Mom?
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- A different card from Tina?
- Oh, okay. Lot of pressure.
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- Wait. O-mama bin Lovin'?
- That's been done.
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No. What we're gonna do is
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get that old family sauce recipe
and we're gonna cook it for Mom
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and give her the greatest
Mother's Day dinner of all time.
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- You had me at "sauce."
- Where are we gonna get the recipe?
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I found out where Lorraine lives.
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- Who's Lorraine?
- Joey's daughter.
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Got it. Who's Joey again?
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He's Great-Grandma Claudia's
brother. Just look at this.
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Mom said Joey took the recipe.
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Since he's passed on,
smart money is that
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his only daughter, Lorraine, has it now.
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Guess what. She lives in Bottom Hook,
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- which is only eight miles away.
- Yes. Louise, this is such a good idea.
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- I know.
- Wait, how are we gonna get there?
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- No clue.
- You kids help out around here, right?
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I-I'm just checking because
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sometimes it feels like
you don't help out at all.
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- We're taking a hiatus.
- Dad, just shush.
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We think we found where
the sauce recipe might be.
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It's only eight miles away at
Mom's cousin Lorraine's house.
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Go get your car keys.
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Oh, that's actually a really sweet idea,
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but we can't leave your mom alone
in the restaurant on Mother's Day.
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- Boo.
- Don't boo me.
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00:06:35,902 --> 00:06:39,322
Look, maybe you guys can
save this idea for next year.
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00:06:39,347 --> 00:06:41,273
- Boo.
- Stop booing me.
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- What if we get another ride?
- Do you know someone with a car?
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00:06:44,410 --> 00:06:45,946
And don't say Ken because he's not real.
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00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,803
He is real and he's a very good driver,
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00:06:47,828 --> 00:06:49,721
but he's getting his Jeep lowered today.
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00:06:49,746 --> 00:06:52,336
I think I might know
someone who could take us.
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00:06:52,361 --> 00:06:54,378
Is it someone we know and trust?
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00:06:54,403 --> 00:06:55,753
It's someone we know.
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So I got my license un-suspended,
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then they said I needed
to take the eye test again,
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00:07:00,512 --> 00:07:02,737
but I was like, "Nah,
this prescription is fine."
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00:07:02,762 --> 00:07:03,996
Oh!
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00:07:04,021 --> 00:07:06,426
Sorry. This road is so curvy.
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00:07:08,986 --> 00:07:11,412
Ugh, I can't believe
we're actually going
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00:07:11,437 --> 00:07:13,432
to that punk Lorraine Parcone's house.
193
00:07:13,457 --> 00:07:16,308
And possibly to a soft serve
drive-through on the way? Eh?
194
00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:18,580
Aunt Gayle, you and Mom
still get pretty frothy
195
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,646
about the whole forking thing, huh?
196
00:07:20,671 --> 00:07:21,964
It started with the forking.
197
00:07:21,989 --> 00:07:23,898
Then there was the
recipe theft, of course,
198
00:07:23,916 --> 00:07:25,710
but the bad blood's been passed down
199
00:07:25,735 --> 00:07:27,417
from generation to generation.
200
00:07:27,442 --> 00:07:30,092
- You know about the wedding incident?
- No.
201
00:07:30,112 --> 00:07:31,887
It was my mother and father's wedding...
202
00:07:31,912 --> 00:07:34,483
Your grandparents...
And my Grandma Claudia
203
00:07:34,508 --> 00:07:37,277
made them invite everyone
to try to make peace.
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00:07:37,302 --> 00:07:38,832
It was a disaster.
205
00:07:38,857 --> 00:07:41,012
Lorraine Parcone wore white.
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00:07:41,031 --> 00:07:42,876
I mean, I think it was
a full wedding dress.
207
00:07:42,901 --> 00:07:45,827
- Poor Grandma Gloria.
- Well, she got Lorraine back.
208
00:07:45,852 --> 00:07:47,965
Literally. She poured
punch down her back,
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00:07:47,990 --> 00:07:49,665
and then she punched her in the back.
210
00:07:49,689 --> 00:07:51,012
I hear it was a beautiful wedding.
211
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,040
Sounds lovely.
212
00:07:52,065 --> 00:07:55,209
Well, you know me, Aunt Gayle.
I love a good family feud.
213
00:07:55,234 --> 00:07:57,383
But today, the plan is
to put all that aside.
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00:07:57,408 --> 00:08:00,004
Tomorrow, you can go back
to feuding it up. Okay?
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00:08:00,029 --> 00:08:02,207
Yeah, do it for Mom. It's Mother's Day.
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00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:05,035
I mean, she's not your mother,
but she's a damn good woman.
217
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:06,387
Ugh, Mother's Day.
218
00:08:06,412 --> 00:08:08,199
You know, it's actually been proven
219
00:08:08,224 --> 00:08:09,738
that owning and taking care of cats
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00:08:09,763 --> 00:08:12,871
is 4,000 times harder than
being a mom to a human.
221
00:08:12,896 --> 00:08:15,394
- Did your cats get you a present?
- Not yet.
222
00:08:15,419 --> 00:08:17,480
Maybe they're just waiting
for the right moment
223
00:08:17,505 --> 00:08:20,707
and tonight you're gonna find
like 50 dead birds in your bed.
224
00:08:20,732 --> 00:08:22,640
Can you imagine?
225
00:08:23,293 --> 00:08:26,137
Okay, you didn't
like the wacky broom idea
226
00:08:26,162 --> 00:08:27,743
where the cards were
the end of the wacky broom.
227
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:30,038
- Nope.
- You didn't like the giant eyebrow idea
228
00:08:30,063 --> 00:08:32,580
where the cards were a
giant eyebrow over an eye.
229
00:08:32,605 --> 00:08:34,035
- Terrifying.
- But what about this?
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00:08:34,060 --> 00:08:37,177
I present to you long hair lady.
231
00:08:37,202 --> 00:08:39,611
- That hair is long.
- You like it?
232
00:08:39,636 --> 00:08:41,933
I like it. I just think it's also bad.
233
00:08:41,958 --> 00:08:43,741
Oh, I got one. I just thought of one.
234
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,577
All right, hang on. I'm coming around.
235
00:08:47,073 --> 00:08:48,625
Okay, okay. Grabbing the chalk.
236
00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:52,060
Uh, you could make all the
cards look like an accordion.
237
00:08:52,085 --> 00:08:53,535
So it's like an accordion lady.
238
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,191
A lady who plays the accordion?
239
00:08:55,216 --> 00:08:57,949
No, kind of like a lady
who is an accordion.
240
00:08:57,974 --> 00:08:59,399
- Oh.
- Huh.
241
00:08:59,644 --> 00:09:02,006
Came all the way out here
to do that, huh?
242
00:09:02,031 --> 00:09:04,198
Yeah. Oh, the burger's burning.
243
00:09:04,355 --> 00:09:06,244
I mean, not burning. It-It's perfect.
244
00:09:06,269 --> 00:09:09,093
I'm just gonna, uh, run back
and see how perfect it is.
245
00:09:10,270 --> 00:09:11,861
Remember, everyone,
246
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,748
no matter how awful
this Lorraine lady is,
247
00:09:13,773 --> 00:09:16,198
we got to stick to the
plan... kill her with kindness.
248
00:09:16,218 --> 00:09:18,385
- I heard "kill."
- No, no, no. Kindness.
249
00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:21,198
Right. But also, what
if we just start, like,
250
00:09:21,223 --> 00:09:23,390
a little tiny fire in her house?
251
00:09:23,415 --> 00:09:25,351
- Aunt Gayle, no.
- Oh, hi.
252
00:09:25,376 --> 00:09:27,802
Uh, we are looking
for a Lorraine Parcone.
253
00:09:27,827 --> 00:09:29,931
Would the Lorraine of the house be home?
254
00:09:29,956 --> 00:09:32,244
She is not. But I am her son.
255
00:09:32,269 --> 00:09:34,124
I'm Nico. Uh, who are all of you?
256
00:09:34,149 --> 00:09:35,793
Oh, I'm Louise.
257
00:09:35,962 --> 00:09:37,607
This is my brother
Gene and my sister Tina.
258
00:09:37,631 --> 00:09:40,815
And we're... your cousins!
259
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,340
Well, third cousins. I think.
260
00:09:42,365 --> 00:09:45,850
- So we're totally fine to marry.
- And we're not enemies at all.
261
00:09:45,875 --> 00:09:47,150
Oh. Okay, great.
262
00:09:47,175 --> 00:09:49,726
And you must be their
mom-slash-also my cousin?
263
00:09:49,751 --> 00:09:51,659
- Happy Mother's Day.
- Oh, right.
264
00:09:51,684 --> 00:09:53,296
I-I am their mother. Yes.
265
00:09:53,321 --> 00:09:54,640
That is what I am.
266
00:09:54,665 --> 00:09:56,665
I'm Linda, the homelier one.
267
00:09:56,690 --> 00:09:58,624
Gayle, my sister, is a trial lawyer
268
00:09:58,649 --> 00:10:00,649
and a model for a bikini corporation.
269
00:10:00,674 --> 00:10:03,038
Okay. Well, come on in.
270
00:10:03,173 --> 00:10:06,081
My mom should be back soon.
She went out to pick up some groceries.
271
00:10:06,101 --> 00:10:07,802
That's a fun Mother's Day errand.
272
00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:09,677
So, what brings you all here today?
273
00:10:09,702 --> 00:10:11,156
Such a good question.
274
00:10:11,181 --> 00:10:13,467
We were in the area
and thought we'd drop by
275
00:10:13,492 --> 00:10:15,401
and meet some cousins and just visit.
276
00:10:15,426 --> 00:10:18,169
- We don't want anything from you!
- So, how are we related exactly?
277
00:10:18,188 --> 00:10:19,946
You're not from my
great-great-uncle Tony's
278
00:10:19,971 --> 00:10:21,483
side of the family, are you?
279
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:25,434
Is what my mother would
ask if she were here.
280
00:10:25,454 --> 00:10:27,513
But I don't care. I'm just
glad to meet some cousins.
281
00:10:27,538 --> 00:10:29,601
Can I call you "cuz"?
Everybody okay with "cuz"?
282
00:10:29,626 --> 00:10:32,388
Abso-cuz-lutely. Hey, you
don't have a few minutes
283
00:10:32,413 --> 00:10:34,912
to bust out the photo
albums or, I don't know,
284
00:10:34,937 --> 00:10:38,779
old family recipes and just sit
around and get into it, do you?
285
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,499
Well, the paint's got to dry
on my Buckaroo Banzai figurine.
286
00:10:41,524 --> 00:10:43,566
Buckaroo Banzai? Buckaroo Banzai? No?
287
00:10:43,591 --> 00:10:45,333
Uh, I'll tell you about it. Let's go.
288
00:10:45,552 --> 00:10:47,127
You guys, this is gonna be
289
00:10:47,152 --> 00:10:49,790
easier than I thought, but
we have to get the recipe
290
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:50,981
before Lorraine gets home.
291
00:10:51,006 --> 00:10:52,731
Aunt Gayle, why did you
say you were our mom?
292
00:10:52,756 --> 00:10:54,023
I don't know. It just came out.
293
00:10:54,048 --> 00:10:56,706
But hold my hand and call me
Mom and let me give you advice.
294
00:10:56,730 --> 00:10:58,382
You should part your hair in the middle.
295
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:00,179
- No, I don't want to do that.
- You're grounded.
296
00:11:00,813 --> 00:11:02,156
Okay, here we go.
297
00:11:02,181 --> 00:11:04,781
It's a lady with long
hair driving a race car.
298
00:11:04,806 --> 00:11:06,007
Looks like she's in a bathtub.
299
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,835
- Does your mom like race cars?
- Everyone likes race cars.
300
00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:11,844
Everyone likes baths. It
could just be a bathtub.
301
00:11:11,869 --> 00:11:13,519
Or she could have no tattoo there,
302
00:11:13,544 --> 00:11:15,101
which was my original present!
303
00:11:15,126 --> 00:11:16,775
Hey, speaking of Mother's Day presents,
304
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,827
the kids have been gone for a while.
Are you really not gonna tell me
305
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:21,991
where Gayle took them
to get my gift? Come on!
306
00:11:22,016 --> 00:11:24,296
I'm not gonna tell you. It's a surprise.
307
00:11:24,321 --> 00:11:25,468
Is it Vermont?
308
00:11:25,493 --> 00:11:26,991
- What?
- Did they drive up to Vermont
309
00:11:27,016 --> 00:11:28,107
to get me a blanket?
310
00:11:28,132 --> 00:11:29,874
I bet Vermont has great blankets.
311
00:11:29,899 --> 00:11:31,007
That... No.
312
00:11:31,032 --> 00:11:33,585
I can tell you that
they're not doing that.
313
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,518
Now I know it's not a
blanket. Good job, Bob.
314
00:11:35,543 --> 00:11:37,452
Okay, I went with the bathtub thing.
315
00:11:37,477 --> 00:11:40,140
- I gave her a bar of soap.
- Why does the bathtub have wheels?
316
00:11:40,165 --> 00:11:41,589
'Cause it was a race car!
317
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:43,517
And here's my grandpa Joey again.
318
00:11:43,542 --> 00:11:46,213
- This is when he started sitting a lot.
- Wow. I love these pictures.
319
00:11:46,238 --> 00:11:47,726
But do you know what I also love?
320
00:11:47,751 --> 00:11:50,448
Letters, laundry lists,
321
00:11:50,473 --> 00:11:52,289
lists of ingredients or something.
322
00:11:52,314 --> 00:11:54,154
Ooh, there's another
album. I know where it is.
323
00:11:54,179 --> 00:11:55,624
I think there are a couple of pictures
324
00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:56,960
of Grandpa Joey standing in that one.
325
00:11:56,985 --> 00:11:58,785
We got to find that
recipe and get out of here.
326
00:11:58,810 --> 00:12:01,250
I'm gonna move that stool over
and check on top of the fridge.
327
00:12:01,275 --> 00:12:02,516
I see some cookbooks.
328
00:12:02,541 --> 00:12:04,457
Tina, help me. Gayle,
what are you doing?
329
00:12:04,482 --> 00:12:06,350
I'm gonna scratch Joey's eyes out.
330
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:08,984
- Nope, nope.
- Don't talk to your mother that way.
331
00:12:09,009 --> 00:12:11,768
Ooh, recipe box. Recipe box.
332
00:12:11,793 --> 00:12:13,046
Flipping through.
333
00:12:13,071 --> 00:12:15,491
- Wait. Lasagna.
- We're not looking for lasagne.
334
00:12:15,516 --> 00:12:18,108
- Maybe it's looking for us.
- He's coming back.
335
00:12:18,133 --> 00:12:19,633
- Give it to me.
- No, no, no.
336
00:12:19,658 --> 00:12:21,695
Well, look at that. I can
move this stool.
337
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,156
- Oh, hey, cuz.
- Look what I got.
338
00:12:24,181 --> 00:12:25,249
Ooh, I think Mom's home.
339
00:12:25,273 --> 00:12:26,511
- Oh, no.
- Do I look like I've
340
00:12:26,535 --> 00:12:28,449
- been trying to find a job?
- So much.
341
00:12:28,645 --> 00:12:31,237
Nico, who's in my spot? Ugly little car.
342
00:12:31,262 --> 00:12:32,761
Crap, crap, crap. What do we do?
343
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:34,376
Ah. Who are you people?
344
00:12:34,401 --> 00:12:38,038
Run! I mean, hey, you.
345
00:12:40,974 --> 00:12:42,866
- Wait, who are they?
- They're our cousins.
346
00:12:42,891 --> 00:12:45,827
Yeah, Gene, Tina and me, Louise.
347
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:48,503
And Linda. We were just headed out.
348
00:12:48,528 --> 00:12:51,287
Yup, we're taking our mom to get washed.
349
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,124
- A brunch and wash.
- I'm filthy.
350
00:12:53,149 --> 00:12:55,149
Nico, you have been
nothing but delightful.
351
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,202
Lorraine, incredible to meet you.
352
00:12:57,227 --> 00:12:59,060
- Are we hugging? I can't tell.
- Wait.
353
00:12:59,085 --> 00:13:00,905
Did you say your name was Linda?
354
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,498
Yes. And these are my
three beautiful children
355
00:13:03,523 --> 00:13:05,334
that I home-birthed while watching TV
356
00:13:05,359 --> 00:13:08,312
because birth isn't as hard as
people are always saying it is.
357
00:13:08,337 --> 00:13:10,838
So you're Gloria's daughter?
358
00:13:10,863 --> 00:13:12,820
I am. And that's really true.
359
00:13:12,845 --> 00:13:16,523
- Nico, do you realize what you've done?
- Uh, no.
360
00:13:16,548 --> 00:13:19,156
You've let the foxes into the henhouse.
361
00:13:19,181 --> 00:13:21,108
You've invited the blood of Tonys
362
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,634
- into this house of the blood of Joeys!
- Ah!
363
00:13:23,747 --> 00:13:26,690
So, we know there's some
history in our family,
364
00:13:26,715 --> 00:13:28,381
but we swear, we come in peace.
365
00:13:28,406 --> 00:13:31,148
The same way Tony
came to dinner in peace
366
00:13:31,173 --> 00:13:34,429
all those years ago and
forked my grandfather?
367
00:13:34,454 --> 00:13:37,226
The same way your Grandma
Gloria came in peace
368
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,959
when she poured punch down my back
369
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,843
at her wedding and then punched me?
370
00:13:40,868 --> 00:13:42,868
Well, we should go move that ugly car.
371
00:13:42,893 --> 00:13:44,679
You're not leaving. Why'd you come here?
372
00:13:44,704 --> 00:13:46,963
- What did you do?
- Here's the thing.
373
00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:48,636
We actually came here to say
374
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,587
- we think your side is right.
- What?
375
00:13:51,612 --> 00:13:52,927
- What? Ow.
- Yeah.
376
00:13:52,952 --> 00:13:54,118
That's why we're really here.
377
00:13:54,143 --> 00:13:56,235
To tell you that our side of the family
378
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:58,741
is dumb and stabby and bad.
379
00:13:58,766 --> 00:13:59,766
- Really?
- Okay.
380
00:13:59,791 --> 00:14:01,223
Really. Right, guys?
381
00:14:01,248 --> 00:14:02,489
It's not easy being a Tony.
382
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,810
Oh, man, yeah. "Be a Tony," they said.
383
00:14:04,835 --> 00:14:06,312
"It'll be easy," they said.
384
00:14:06,337 --> 00:14:09,587
- Well, it's not!
- Yeah, it's the worst. Ugh!
385
00:14:09,607 --> 00:14:13,125
Even our, uh, mom agrees. Right, Mommy?
386
00:14:13,150 --> 00:14:16,503
- Yes, I do.
- Well, you're right. They're the worst.
387
00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:19,333
But I guess it's not your
fault you come from garbage.
388
00:14:20,336 --> 00:14:22,486
Hey, I got a rotisserie
chicken for Nico.
389
00:14:22,511 --> 00:14:24,119
Uh, he eats so many chickens.
390
00:14:24,144 --> 00:14:25,781
And I have Sprite. You like Sprite?
391
00:14:25,806 --> 00:14:28,182
You want to stay for some
Sprite and some chicken? Huh?
392
00:14:28,207 --> 00:14:29,690
Oh, we should really get going.
393
00:14:29,715 --> 00:14:32,663
- It's Sprite and chicken time, baby!
- Gene.
394
00:14:32,688 --> 00:14:34,630
Mom, do we really have
to give them my chicken?
395
00:14:34,655 --> 00:14:36,834
Yes, Nico! You're sharing your chicken.
396
00:14:36,859 --> 00:14:38,801
Oh, that's Mom.
397
00:14:38,952 --> 00:14:41,361
She said she's sorry it
took so long to respond.
398
00:14:41,455 --> 00:14:42,863
She was at an estate sale
399
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:44,531
and she got some really
good Rollerblades.
400
00:14:44,624 --> 00:14:46,791
Oh! She likes the
long hair bathtub lady.
401
00:14:46,811 --> 00:14:48,529
Okay. With the wheels?
402
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:51,538
Wait. She said she needs
to "see it on skin."
403
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:54,178
Mom, just draw it right on your thigh.
404
00:14:54,203 --> 00:14:55,733
She says she can't.
405
00:14:55,758 --> 00:14:57,630
- She's rollerblading.
- Ooh, Teddy.
406
00:14:57,655 --> 00:14:59,637
We draw it on your
thigh and send a picture.
407
00:14:59,657 --> 00:15:02,152
My thighs are just a tiny
bit hairier than my mom's.
408
00:15:02,177 --> 00:15:05,787
Okay. So we do it on your
back and pretend it's a thigh?
409
00:15:05,812 --> 00:15:08,222
- Eh, I-I-I don't know.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
410
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,672
- Take your shirt off.
- Okay.
411
00:15:09,697 --> 00:15:12,501
H-He'll-He'll put his shirt back
on soon. Enjoy your burger.
412
00:15:13,227 --> 00:15:14,796
Sorry it's not home-cooked.
413
00:15:14,821 --> 00:15:17,466
And it's not that warm
and the soda's not cold.
414
00:15:17,491 --> 00:15:19,491
I'll never eat chicken any other way.
415
00:15:19,516 --> 00:15:21,086
I can't believe you
gave them the drumsticks.
416
00:15:21,111 --> 00:15:23,328
Hush! Guests get the drumsticks!
417
00:15:23,353 --> 00:15:24,639
Well, that was delicious.
418
00:15:24,664 --> 00:15:27,349
Got to save some room for
brunch, though. Right, everybody?
419
00:15:27,374 --> 00:15:29,491
Yes, let's leave. I'll
take my fanny pack.
420
00:15:29,516 --> 00:15:31,313
- I'll take my chicken.
- Okay, bye.
421
00:15:31,338 --> 00:15:34,476
No, no. Don't go yet.
We're having such a nice visit,
422
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:38,336
and you were gonna say bad stuff
about your grandparents. Sit, sit, sit.
423
00:15:38,361 --> 00:15:39,936
- Okay.
- Sure.
424
00:15:39,961 --> 00:15:41,248
Can someone please pass the chicken?
425
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,538
So, Grandma Gloria. Yuck, right?
426
00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:44,874
- Oh, yuck. Yeah.
- Ugh. The worst.
427
00:15:44,899 --> 00:15:46,507
- Right, Mom?
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
428
00:15:46,532 --> 00:15:48,899
Yeah, I didn't have another
dress to wear to her wedding,
429
00:15:48,924 --> 00:15:52,092
so I wore my wedding dress,
and somehow I'm the bad guy?
430
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,766
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Linda, have some chicken.
431
00:15:54,791 --> 00:15:57,008
- I don't want chicken.
- I'll have some chicken.
432
00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:59,664
Ah! And that voice.
Everyone on that side.
433
00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:01,856
Linda, you are lucky you didn't get it.
434
00:16:01,935 --> 00:16:03,268
- Mm-hmm.
- Have some chicken.
435
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:05,670
- I'd like the chicken.
- Ah, those people make me sick.
436
00:16:05,695 --> 00:16:07,373
Linda, seriously, have some chicken.
437
00:16:07,398 --> 00:16:09,490
- You don't like chicken?
- Fine, I'll get it myself.
438
00:16:09,515 --> 00:16:10,835
All right, I'll have some chicken!
439
00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:11,860
Ow!
440
00:16:11,885 --> 00:16:14,420
Did you just stab my
sweet baby boy Nico?
441
00:16:14,445 --> 00:16:16,745
- It was an accident.
- I just wanted some chicken.
442
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:18,539
- Okay, gosh, look at the time.
- Bye-bye.
443
00:16:18,564 --> 00:16:21,244
Oh, I dropped my fork that I
didn't stab you on purpose with.
444
00:16:21,269 --> 00:16:22,418
I'll pick it up.
445
00:16:23,713 --> 00:16:25,416
- Oh, no.
- Uh-oh. Oh, God.
446
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,007
Wait! Is that my recipe box?
447
00:16:27,032 --> 00:16:30,280
- You stole my recipes?
- You can't prove anything.
448
00:16:30,305 --> 00:16:32,758
Well, this has just been delightful.
449
00:16:35,868 --> 00:16:38,018
Of course you Tonys come in our home,
450
00:16:38,043 --> 00:16:41,787
fork my boy and try to steal my recipes.
451
00:16:41,812 --> 00:16:45,601
- They ate my drumsticks.
- Okay, yes, we did all of those things.
452
00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:48,385
No matter how much we
told someone to be cool.
453
00:16:48,410 --> 00:16:49,863
It was an accident, sort of.
454
00:16:49,888 --> 00:16:51,572
But, listen, we wanted to give our mom
455
00:16:51,649 --> 00:16:53,132
something special for Mother's Day.
456
00:16:53,225 --> 00:16:55,029
- The brunch and wash?
- No, the recipe
457
00:16:55,054 --> 00:16:57,871
for her great-grandma
Maria's Bolognese sauce.
458
00:16:57,896 --> 00:16:59,188
And that's the whole truth.
459
00:16:59,213 --> 00:17:01,118
- Well, she's also not our mom.
- Right. Good point.
460
00:17:01,142 --> 00:17:03,084
I'm Linda's brilliant sister Gayle.
461
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,620
So now that's the whole truth.
462
00:17:04,645 --> 00:17:07,571
Also, I haven't brushed my
teeth in four weeks. There, that's it!
463
00:17:07,590 --> 00:17:09,315
Why would you think I
would have that recipe?
464
00:17:09,333 --> 00:17:11,408
Because you're no-good Joeys?
465
00:17:11,427 --> 00:17:12,962
We don't have it. The Tonys do.
466
00:17:12,987 --> 00:17:14,787
One of you took it when
you were going through
467
00:17:14,812 --> 00:17:17,391
Grandma Maria's stuff in her
basement after she passed.
468
00:17:17,416 --> 00:17:19,082
And you won't share it with us!
469
00:17:19,102 --> 00:17:20,584
- Liar!
- Ugh, now I'm hearing
470
00:17:20,603 --> 00:17:21,936
Gloria's voice in there.
471
00:17:21,961 --> 00:17:24,640
Lorraine, our family doesn't
have the recipe. We swear.
472
00:17:24,665 --> 00:17:26,234
It's why we came all the
way to your house today.
473
00:17:26,258 --> 00:17:27,914
And to hang with this guy. Am I right?
474
00:17:27,939 --> 00:17:29,979
We just wanted to do it
for our mom... our real mom.
475
00:17:30,004 --> 00:17:32,641
She said that sauce reminds
her of her Grandma Claudia,
476
00:17:32,666 --> 00:17:34,074
who she was missing today,
477
00:17:34,099 --> 00:17:36,175
and she said she wished
she could taste it again.
478
00:17:36,193 --> 00:17:38,073
Huh. All these years,
Tony's side thought
479
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:41,007
Joey's side had it, and Joey's
side thought Tony's side had it.
480
00:17:41,032 --> 00:17:42,750
And after the totally understandable
481
00:17:42,775 --> 00:17:44,660
- wedding dress incident...
- I mean...
482
00:17:44,685 --> 00:17:46,276
... no one's talking to each other.
483
00:17:46,296 --> 00:17:48,658
And we all think the other
side is having Nana Maria's
484
00:17:48,683 --> 00:17:50,585
incredible Bolognese
for dinner every night.
485
00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:52,518
But no one was Bolog-nosey enough
486
00:17:52,543 --> 00:17:54,670
to come after the recipe until us.
487
00:17:54,695 --> 00:17:57,264
The rest of Nana's stuff went
off on a truck to Goodwill.
488
00:17:57,289 --> 00:18:00,032
Some stranger's making
great sauce right now.
489
00:18:00,034 --> 00:18:02,770
- And Tina's making another card.
- Damn it.
490
00:18:02,795 --> 00:18:05,037
I really think it came out great.
491
00:18:05,056 --> 00:18:07,249
Y-You know you can put
your shirt back on, right?
492
00:18:07,274 --> 00:18:09,466
Uh, I just want to let
the tat breathe a little.
493
00:18:09,485 --> 00:18:11,631
- It's still pretty raw.
- It's pen, Teddy.
494
00:18:11,656 --> 00:18:13,356
Yeah, but she pressed really hard.
495
00:18:13,389 --> 00:18:14,709
Oh, here we go.
496
00:18:14,734 --> 00:18:17,653
Mom says, "On second thought,
I don't think it works."
497
00:18:17,678 --> 00:18:18,861
- Crap.
- I guess it's back to
498
00:18:18,886 --> 00:18:20,811
paying to have her tattoo removed.
499
00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:22,876
I might have to sell my
truck, but that's okay.
500
00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,551
I can bike my tools and
ladders around. Or scooter.
501
00:18:25,576 --> 00:18:27,370
Wait. Teddy, this is crazy.
502
00:18:27,395 --> 00:18:29,038
Your mom loved gin rummy enough
503
00:18:29,063 --> 00:18:31,499
to get a tattoo of it on
her upper, upper thigh.
504
00:18:31,524 --> 00:18:33,259
Well, do you want to
know what's cheaper than
505
00:18:33,284 --> 00:18:34,301
getting a tattoo removed?
506
00:18:34,326 --> 00:18:35,826
Your mom calling her card buddies
507
00:18:35,845 --> 00:18:38,740
and telling them she's sorry
for being such a rummy crumbum
508
00:18:38,765 --> 00:18:39,882
that they kicked her out of the group.
509
00:18:39,907 --> 00:18:41,728
You think she should
try to patch things up
510
00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:43,795
- with the Rum Runners?
- Yes, Teddy, I do.
511
00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:45,858
Funny, coming from the
lady with the family feud
512
00:18:45,883 --> 00:18:47,457
that's three generations long.
513
00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:49,644
- It's Mother's Day. Shush.
- Yup. Sorry.
514
00:18:49,669 --> 00:18:50,711
I'm gonna call her.
515
00:18:50,736 --> 00:18:52,295
Ma?! What?!
516
00:18:52,315 --> 00:18:53,648
- Teddy, you're shouting.
- Ma?!
517
00:18:53,673 --> 00:18:54,673
- I can't...
- Teddy.
518
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:56,031
Bob, I'm gonna take this outside.
519
00:18:56,056 --> 00:18:57,389
It's too loud in here.
520
00:18:57,414 --> 00:18:59,515
- Ma?! Ma?!
- Ooh, there they are.
521
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:01,299
- Hey, kids. Ma?!
- Hi, Gayle.
522
00:19:01,324 --> 00:19:03,883
Does some lucky mom have a
sweet Mother's Day present
523
00:19:03,908 --> 00:19:04,984
coming her way?
524
00:19:05,009 --> 00:19:07,156
We wanted to get you
something really special,
525
00:19:07,181 --> 00:19:08,812
but we kind of failed.
526
00:19:08,831 --> 00:19:10,572
Turns out we weren't too big to fail.
527
00:19:10,597 --> 00:19:12,126
Wait, what were you
kids trying to get me?
528
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,410
Your great-grandmother's
Bolognese recipe
529
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,337
that Grandma Claudia
used to make for you.
530
00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:19,820
Oh, my God! I'm gonna cry.
531
00:19:19,845 --> 00:19:21,383
That's so sweet.
532
00:19:21,408 --> 00:19:24,211
Oh, snot's coming
out. Snot's coming out.
533
00:19:24,238 --> 00:19:25,996
How would you even get that?
534
00:19:26,015 --> 00:19:28,015
Aunt Gayle took us to your
cousin Lorraine's house.
535
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:30,236
- What?
- In my car that I know how to drive.
536
00:19:30,261 --> 00:19:32,002
- She wouldn't give you the recipe, huh?
- No.
537
00:19:32,021 --> 00:19:33,688
She couldn't give us the recipe because
538
00:19:33,713 --> 00:19:35,546
she doesn't have the
recipe. No one does.
539
00:19:35,571 --> 00:19:37,160
Wait, what? Wh-What do you mean?
540
00:19:37,185 --> 00:19:38,852
Great-Uncle Joey never had it.
541
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:40,602
They thought our side
of the family took it.
542
00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:43,294
Wait, so the Joeys
aren't recipe stealers?
543
00:19:43,319 --> 00:19:46,282
- It's just gone?
- It's sauced in translation.
544
00:19:46,307 --> 00:19:49,781
And you know what? I'm just
gonna say it. This feud is dumb.
545
00:19:49,806 --> 00:19:52,037
Somebody bought a house, and
then somebody forked somebody,
546
00:19:52,062 --> 00:19:54,501
like, forever ago, and everyone
should just get over it.
547
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:57,694
People get forked every day
and move on with their lives.
548
00:19:57,714 --> 00:19:59,273
I forked Nico today.
549
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:01,820
I mean, what... We're
supposed to be the idiot kids.
550
00:20:01,845 --> 00:20:03,445
Why do we have to
tell you all this crap?
551
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,087
Yeah, Mom, grow up! Uh, sorry.
552
00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:07,780
Wow. Don't really like
that smart-mouth attitude,
553
00:20:07,805 --> 00:20:09,091
but maybe you're right.
554
00:20:09,116 --> 00:20:11,541
Maybe it's time to start
putting feuds behind us.
555
00:20:11,566 --> 00:20:13,670
Gin rummy feuds, family feuds...
556
00:20:13,695 --> 00:20:16,356
Yeah, I was kind of the one
who pointed that out earlier.
557
00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,101
It's Mother's Day!
558
00:20:19,126 --> 00:20:20,993
Well, she wasn't crazy
about the apology idea,
559
00:20:20,995 --> 00:20:22,719
but she said maybe she'll hold off
560
00:20:22,739 --> 00:20:23,979
on getting the tattoo removed.
561
00:20:24,004 --> 00:20:26,085
She told me to just
take her some place nice
562
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:28,611
for a baked potato and
then call it a Mother's Day.
563
00:20:28,636 --> 00:20:29,651
Ooh, baked potato.
564
00:20:29,676 --> 00:20:30,820
Well, we're sorry we couldn't get you
565
00:20:30,845 --> 00:20:32,223
your family's sauce recipe.
566
00:20:32,248 --> 00:20:33,897
But we made you this
card on the way home.
567
00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:36,976
It says "Moth-er's Day,"
and I drew you as a moth.
568
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:37,954
That'd be a good tattoo.
569
00:20:37,979 --> 00:20:40,034
Aw. You kids are incredible,
570
00:20:40,059 --> 00:20:41,319
and you acted so grown-up today.
571
00:20:41,344 --> 00:20:43,135
Trying to end a bitter family feud.
572
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:45,886
And I made you that way, so I'm,
like, the best mom in the world.
573
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,055
Now come here, my little
babies. I love you so much.
574
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,724
Hey, maybe we should
have Lorraine and Nico
575
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:50,839
over for dinner sometime.
576
00:20:50,864 --> 00:20:52,818
- We owe him some chicken.
- Okay, fine.
577
00:20:52,843 --> 00:20:54,487
- But then we can prank them.
- Yeah.
578
00:20:54,512 --> 00:20:55,752
I'll hide a fork in my sock.
579
00:20:55,772 --> 00:20:57,329
Fork both of them when
they're not looking,
580
00:20:57,348 --> 00:20:58,831
- as a fun joke.
- Yeah, yeah.
581
00:20:58,833 --> 00:21:00,941
Never cross these women!
582
00:21:00,966 --> 00:21:02,224
♪ Floppy waffles ♪
583
00:21:02,249 --> 00:21:03,863
♪ Floppy, floppy, floppy, floppy ♪
584
00:21:05,129 --> 00:21:07,833
♪ Mother's Day in the kitchen ♪
585
00:21:07,858 --> 00:21:10,618
♪ Things are getting sloppy ♪
586
00:21:10,643 --> 00:21:12,338
♪ Oh, my, check it out ♪
587
00:21:12,363 --> 00:21:13,963
♪ It's gonna make
you scream and shout ♪
588
00:21:13,988 --> 00:21:15,395
♪ Your waffles are pretty floppy ♪
589
00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:16,659
♪ Floppy waffles ♪
590
00:21:16,684 --> 00:21:18,161
♪ Floppy, floppy, floppy, floppy ♪
591
00:21:19,668 --> 00:21:21,221
- ♪ Floppy waffles ♪
- ♪ Floppy waffles... ♪
592
00:21:21,246 --> 00:21:22,762
♪ Floppy waffles falafels ♪
593
00:21:22,787 --> 00:21:25,196
♪ Floppy, floppy, floppy,
floppy, floppy, floppy ♪
594
00:21:25,221 --> 00:21:27,853
♪ Floppy waffles, floppy waffles ♪
595
00:21:27,878 --> 00:21:30,863
♪ Flippity flop, flop,
floppity flop, flop, flop ♪
596
00:21:30,881 --> 00:21:32,139
♪ Waffles. ♪
597
00:21:32,164 --> 00:21:33,906
Huh, fell on the floor.
Ah, I'm still eating it.
598
00:21:33,931 --> 00:21:37,220
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --