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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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- Ow. Ow. Ow.
- Ow. Ow. Ow...
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I never thought Andy would beat me
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in the "leaping off the
bus stop bench" game,
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but that was one hell of a leap.
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I don't know about the "leaping
off the bus stop bench" game.
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Andy almost broke his leg.
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I didn't say he stuck the landing.
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Wait, Ollie, you didn't skin your knee.
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He hit my leg with a rock so
I could feel what he feels.
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- You're welcome.
- Oh, hello, free mirror that someone
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carelessly left on the
curb for children to find.
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Okay, how are we smashing this?
Anyone got a bowling ball, or...
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Maybe we could just use it to
make sure we're not vampires?
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And we're not. Phew.
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Maybe we could point the mirror
up and signal an airplane?
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And then maybe we could become
friends with an airplane.
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What? No. Come on, it's
a mirror made of glass.
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And glass breaks!
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I think Andy's had enough
excitement for one day.
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I need time to recuperate
and center myself. And pee.
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Also, there's the whole
"seven years bad luck" thing.
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Seven years? That's the amount of time
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- Brad Pitt spent in Tibet.
- Louise, why do you always want to do
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the most dangerous things all the time?
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Whoa, whoa. Smashing a
mirror is not dangerous.
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It's called fun.
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No? Just me?
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I mean, I think it's great
that you love doing scary stuff
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that... makes me shut my eyes and think
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- "when will this be over?"
- Fine. This doesn't even look like
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a good smashing mirror anyway,
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so I'm just gonna leave it for the next
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perfectly normal kid
who wants to smash it.
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We'll figure out another way
to be friends with an airplane.
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Hi. I'll take a beer.
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Louise, no. We-we don't give her beer.
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What's wrong, sweetie?
You have a rough day?
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Is it school? Did you think
something had one answer
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but then it had a different answer
and you were like, "What the heck?"
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I'm fine. We just, you know,
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found a perfectly good mirror
to smash on the way home
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and everybody made me
feel weird about it.
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Ooh, I love smashing a good mirror.
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- Lin.
- Right. Playing with glass
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isn't a good idea. You could get cut.
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Yeah, you could get cut.
I thought that was part of the fun.
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It's just, your fun
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sometimes involves
things that terrify me?
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What's your point? Look,
if I'm too cool and exciting
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for people, then forget 'em.
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They can just be boring
and do their boring stuff.
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Louise, don't smash mirrors.
Because they don't deserve that.
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I mean, they taunt you
every day, don't they?
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They really do.
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Louise, I guess smashing glass
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can be a little off-putting
to some people, maybe.
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But don't give up on those
people. I mean, you don't want
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to end up like your father.
Without, you know, any friends.
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- What? I have friends.
- No.
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Dad has friends. Teddy...
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I shouldn't have made that sound
like I was gonna have a list.
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People come visit Dad in
the restaurant every day.
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Right, sir?
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- Um...
- Ignore them. Okay,
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first of all, why is this about me now?
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And second of all, I
have friends that aren't
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paying customers. I just, you know,
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lost touch with a bunch of them.
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Back when I was a teenager.
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Is it because there were
no telephones back then?
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I'm gonna go in the kitchen.
Where everyone's nice to me.
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I mean, the dishwasher doesn't like you.
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I know.
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Dumb super smashable mirror.
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I don't know why people
got so dumb about it.
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Oh. Hey there, spider.
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You're... in my room. On my loft bed.
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But you know what? You're kind of
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unconventionally cute. You
would tell me if you were
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super venomous, right? Yeah,
you look like you would.
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I like that about you.
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See? Look at all the
friends I have in here. Jack.
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Who's Jack? Probably
a really good friend.
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Oh, I know who this
is. He dinged our car
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- and never called me back.
- Aw, Jack.
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Okay, this is ridiculous.
I have to have friends I see
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that aren't Teddy and the people
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that buy food from us. Oh, hey, Cliff.
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Who's Cliff? I don't know
Cliff. It's a good name, though.
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Hey, I'm going out with
Cliff. Back in a jiff. Ha.
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I met him at a back-to-school night.
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He was trying to organize a
basketball thing for the kids,
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so we exchanged numbers.
I didn't have the heart
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to tell him our kids don't do stuff.
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Hey, Cliff, don't fall off
yourself. Ha. You can use that.
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He seemed like a person that
I could do activities with.
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- Is that what people say?
- Maybe don't open with that.
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Should I text him? Is it too late?
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It's never too late for Cliff.
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Okay, I'll do it.
Wait, no, it's too late.
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Oh, God, I just texted him the letter I.
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- What do I do?
- Okay, gimme the phone.
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Hey, Spider, you're still here.
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And you built a web? Impressive.
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Borderline showing off, but I like it.
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Hey, I was thinking, if
we're gonna be roommates,
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I should probably give you a name.
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How do you feel about Winona Spider?
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Wait... Arachnaphoebe. Phoebe for short.
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You don't really get
excited about things, do you?
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That's all right. I
know it's a great name.
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Morning, sweetie.
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I need to get your dirty
laundry for the wash.
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I don't know about you,
but I'm about to start
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wearing my bathing suit
bottoms for underwear.
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Ooh! Uh, okay. Uh, spider.
We got a spider, people.
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Mom, no, it's okay.
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Th-This is Phoebe.
Phoebe, this is my mom.
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I know this is a little early to be
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in the meeting-the-parents
phase, but here we are.
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Did you say spider? Here,
Linda, I brought a paper towel.
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Dad, are you making Mom
kill a bug for you again?
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I'm not making her.
We just have our roles.
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I bring a paper towel, and
your mom does everything else.
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He doesn't like to get his
hands dirty. Like a mob boss.
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Hey, the spider's
with me. We're friends.
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It has a name. Arachnaphoebe.
Phoebe for short.
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But never Pheebs. She hates that.
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Now, can you holster
the paper towel, please?
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Louise, we don't have
anything against Phoebe.
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I'm sure she's great, but she's a spider
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and they belong outside. Not
in our home. Where we live.
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Yeah, and if they come
inside our home or restaurant,
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then we kill them.
Lovingly. That's the contract
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that we all agreed to.
Mostly us, not the bugs.
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What about relocation?
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- I hear outside is nice.
- Yeah, okay.
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Uh, Louise, you want to tell
her she doesn't have to go home
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but she can't stay here? Go get a cup.
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A bottle of wine would be
a nice send-off gesture.
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She's fine right here,
people. You're the ones who
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came in here uninvited. I'm
not trapping you under a cup.
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Sorry, kid. It's either
outside or one-way ticket
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to paper towel town. Your choice.
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And then I need everyone's laundry.
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Also, everyone feel free
to learn how to do laundry.
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Ugh. Okay, Phoebe. Pack your stuff.
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You're too good for this place anyway.
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And maybe she could tell
other spiders not to come here?
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- In-in a nice way.
- No.
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Okay.
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Oh, it's Cliff. He-he texted me back.
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Cliff? That big red dog?
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- He has your number?
- That's the guy your dad's
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- trying to be friends with.
- I mean, we're already friends.
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Kind of. I was gonna ask
him if he wants to hang out.
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Wait, you're asking a guy
out? To prom? Dad prom?
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What's the theme this year... khakis?
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It's not dad prom.
It's casual, and also,
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I'm getting pretty good at texting.
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I just make sure your mother
looks at all of them first.
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Mom, you want to run them by me?
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And then Tina can run them by me
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and then I'll run them
up through corporate.
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Okay, Phoebe. Out into the world
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you go to seek your
fortune. Try to avoid
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the cars and all the
bikes and people's feet.
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God, do people always walk so hard?
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Okay, you know, let's go
look in other neighborhoods.
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I mean, yes, it's our stinky dumpster,
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but at least you won't get trampled.
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Spiders can't die of smell, can they?
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I mean, if so, I'm sure our house
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would have killed you already.
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All right. So long, Phoebe.
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And hey, don't let anybody
tell you spiders are bad.
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I think you're delightful.
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Well, I'll let you get going.
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Goodbye.
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Go on, Phoebe. Get. You
got to find cover, pal.
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You can't just hang out
there, a bird could get you.
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Or... I don't know what eats spiders.
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A spider monkey?
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Don't look at me like that.
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What? What do you want me to do?
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Okay. New plan.
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We're gonna sneak back into the house.
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And no one needs to know, because
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this is just a me-and-you thing.
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We're gonna stick together. Stick.
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It's funny because you're a spider
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and you make the sticky
stuff. Look, Phoebe,
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if we're gonna be friends, you're gonna
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have to start laughing at my jokes.
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Okay, Phoebe. I know it's
not what you're used to,
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being stuck in a box,
but I need to keep this
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living arrangement under
wraps because of the whole
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"spiders aren't supposed
to be in the house" thing.
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Also, I hope the twigs
are to your liking.
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I picked out the ones that
looked the best for climbing
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or just casual lounging.
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Are you hungry? You look hungry.
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I'll get you something to eat.
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But what do you eat? Do you like chips?
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Everyone likes chips.
Fine, I'll look it up.
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00:08:05,459 --> 00:08:06,559
Don't yell at me.
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00:08:06,584 --> 00:08:09,804
Okay, a little secret
online spider research
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00:08:09,829 --> 00:08:11,812
while everyone's down
in the restaurant. Hmm.
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"House spiders, like many
spiders, prefer live prey"?
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Okay. No judgment.
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I'll just look for the
prey that have it coming.
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Would you guys want to go
to my menu-wiping seminar
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called "It's Men-You, Not Men-Me"?
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- Oh.
-Yes. - No.
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Okay, uh, taking out the trash.
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Totally normal part of my job.
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Someone's on the ball today.
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Kinda jealous I didn't
get to do it first.
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Louise, hold on a sec.
That bag's half empty.
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Some people might think that,
Mom. But I'm an optimist.
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So, to me, it's half full.
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Of dreams and rotten food.
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And we don't want it
to attract bugs, do we?
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Okay, anyways, don't wait up.
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All right.
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It's Cliff. He said he'd
love to hang out sometime.
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Ooh, he likes you.
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Did you tell him the
Cliff joke I told you?
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Tell him you're busy. Then
say, "I'll check my schedule
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and try to make it work.
No promises, though."
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00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:03,416
Or tell him you're gonna
pick him up on your motorcycle
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00:09:03,441 --> 00:09:05,775
in five, then get your ass a motorcycle!
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00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,209
Look at you, middle-aged buddies.
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00:09:08,239 --> 00:09:10,009
You two gonna talk about documentaries
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00:09:10,034 --> 00:09:11,895
and how many times you
get up at night to pee?
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00:09:13,021 --> 00:09:15,054
Oh. Cliff just added me to a group chat
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00:09:15,079 --> 00:09:16,434
with some other dads from school
239
00:09:16,459 --> 00:09:18,109
that hang out together sometimes.
240
00:09:18,134 --> 00:09:19,598
Wow, he moves fast.
241
00:09:19,623 --> 00:09:21,481
Two of the guys just
welcomed me to the chat.
242
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:24,559
Thanks. Hi, guys.
243
00:09:24,584 --> 00:09:26,158
Someone's the belle of the ball.
244
00:09:26,183 --> 00:09:27,878
One of them just wrote,
245
00:09:27,903 --> 00:09:30,145
"Just a bunch of dads to the bone."
246
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,945
I'm gonna write something funny back.
247
00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:35,484
Um, Dad Boys II. Like the movie?
248
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,069
Oh, God, can I delete?
249
00:09:37,094 --> 00:09:38,654
Oh, no, wait, one of them laughed.
250
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,012
Oh, thank God.
251
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:41,967
Whoa, someone's getting some texts.
252
00:09:41,992 --> 00:09:44,493
Dad's in a group chat with
Cliff and some other cute boys.
253
00:09:44,518 --> 00:09:46,963
I mean, they may be cute, we
don't know. And they're men.
254
00:09:46,988 --> 00:09:49,566
Bob's on a group chat with
people? Like, friend people?
255
00:09:49,591 --> 00:09:51,519
That's great. That's nice, that's great.
256
00:09:51,544 --> 00:09:53,659
Bob's trying to make a
friend that's not a customer.
257
00:09:53,684 --> 00:09:56,559
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Customers
can be friends. Best friends.
258
00:09:56,584 --> 00:09:58,562
But hey, you want me to
stop coming in here to eat?
259
00:09:58,587 --> 00:10:00,332
Is that what you want? I'll stop.
260
00:10:00,357 --> 00:10:01,892
If that's what it takes
for our friendship.
261
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:03,750
Just make me, like, 200
burgers and I'll never
262
00:10:03,775 --> 00:10:06,074
step in here again.
Unless it's in disguise.
263
00:10:06,099 --> 00:10:08,113
It's okay, Teddy. We're-we're friends.
264
00:10:08,138 --> 00:10:10,396
Huh, what's taking Louise
so long with the trash?
265
00:10:10,421 --> 00:10:12,487
Tina, Gene, you want
to check on your sister?
266
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,179
Okay. Hopefully, she didn't accidentally
267
00:10:14,204 --> 00:10:15,664
fall in the dumpster while
throwing the trash out,
268
00:10:15,688 --> 00:10:17,706
which has never, ever happened to me.
269
00:10:17,731 --> 00:10:20,099
Maybe switch it to vibrate, Bob?
270
00:10:20,118 --> 00:10:21,859
Just kinda rubbing it in, eh?
271
00:10:21,884 --> 00:10:24,201
Ugh. Come on, flies. Let me catch you.
272
00:10:24,226 --> 00:10:26,358
I'm totally not gonna
feed you to my spider.
273
00:10:26,383 --> 00:10:28,291
- Louise, what are you doing?
- Oh! Nothing.
274
00:10:28,316 --> 00:10:30,074
Just, uh, throwing out the trash.
275
00:10:30,099 --> 00:10:32,157
And, uh, trying to
catch flies and put them
276
00:10:32,182 --> 00:10:33,923
in this Tupperware thing, because
277
00:10:33,948 --> 00:10:36,443
that's always been a hobby of mine.
278
00:10:36,468 --> 00:10:39,020
Okay, listen. I didn't let Phoebe go.
279
00:10:39,045 --> 00:10:40,833
I hid her in a shoebox
in my room and now
280
00:10:40,858 --> 00:10:43,051
I got to feed her since she
can't catch her own food.
281
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,474
Who rescued who, am I right?
282
00:10:44,499 --> 00:10:47,091
Yeah, so, uh, if you
help me catch some bugs,
283
00:10:47,116 --> 00:10:48,356
I'll let you watch me feed her.
284
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,881
'Cause she eats live bugs.
285
00:10:49,906 --> 00:10:52,557
I mean, she doesn't
eat live bugs. She does.
286
00:10:52,645 --> 00:10:54,629
Come on, if you guys
287
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,704
had a secret spider,
I'd help you feed it.
288
00:10:56,729 --> 00:10:58,582
Didn't we always
promise each other that?
289
00:10:58,607 --> 00:11:00,487
I thought it was a secret
alien robot agreement.
290
00:11:00,512 --> 00:11:02,877
I guess that was very
specific to The Iron Giant.
291
00:11:02,902 --> 00:11:04,252
I guess I'll help.
292
00:11:04,277 --> 00:11:06,962
Me too. Flies usually
land on me, eventually.
293
00:11:06,987 --> 00:11:09,018
Hey, Phoebe. How's it hanging?
294
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:12,386
You know, like hanging from
your web? Little spider humor.
295
00:11:12,411 --> 00:11:14,181
So, Gene and Tina are here.
296
00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:15,556
- Hi.
- Hello there.
297
00:11:15,581 --> 00:11:16,823
We caught you
some flies for dinner.
298
00:11:16,841 --> 00:11:19,250
- Tina, want to do the honors?
- Uh, not really?
299
00:11:19,275 --> 00:11:20,515
Also, I don't know how
we're gonna get them
300
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:22,489
out of the container
without them flying away.
301
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:24,566
Tell them they won a free
night in a fancy shoebox resort.
302
00:11:24,590 --> 00:11:26,811
But they have to listen to a
presentation about a time-share.
303
00:11:26,835 --> 00:11:29,122
I think we just shake the
container and dump them in.
304
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:33,114
I'll do it. Shake, shake,
shake. And bon appétit.
305
00:11:33,139 --> 00:11:35,756
Oh, it looks like she's
wrapping it in a little blanket
306
00:11:35,781 --> 00:11:39,737
to keep it warm. And, oh, she's
giving it a kiss. Nope.
307
00:11:39,762 --> 00:11:41,690
Does this make us
accomplices to murder?
308
00:11:41,715 --> 00:11:44,160
Now I'll never be able
to run for Congress!
309
00:11:45,444 --> 00:11:46,986
You've been getting
so many text messages
310
00:11:46,988 --> 00:11:48,445
your little phone's gonna be sore.
311
00:11:48,470 --> 00:11:50,501
I feel like this is
more than I talk to, like,
312
00:11:50,525 --> 00:11:52,980
you guys. But I don't
want to go silent, right?
313
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:56,339
I'm just gonna say "ha-ha"
and hope that works.
314
00:11:56,364 --> 00:11:58,184
Oh. Teddy's texting me.
315
00:11:58,209 --> 00:12:00,601
He won't be in tomorrow
for lunch because he bought
316
00:12:00,626 --> 00:12:02,748
a bunch of sandwich stuff and he's gonna
317
00:12:02,773 --> 00:12:05,123
"try this making sandwiches thing."
318
00:12:05,148 --> 00:12:06,350
He's not gonna get it right away,
319
00:12:06,374 --> 00:12:07,667
but tell him to stick with it.
320
00:12:07,692 --> 00:12:09,110
Hey. Cliff just invited me
321
00:12:09,135 --> 00:12:10,376
to hang out with them tonight.
322
00:12:10,395 --> 00:12:11,780
Whoa. That's short notice, but I think
323
00:12:11,804 --> 00:12:13,304
I can get you ready.
324
00:12:13,323 --> 00:12:14,634
Okay, there's the dryer. Laundry's done.
325
00:12:14,658 --> 00:12:16,860
Everyone's gets getting
clean sheets tonight.
326
00:12:16,885 --> 00:12:18,655
Won't that be weird? Louise,
I'm gonna start in your room
327
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,289
and you get to help because
of your wonderful loft bed.
328
00:12:21,314 --> 00:12:23,584
That makes changing sheets so easy.
329
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,535
No, no, no, no, no,
don't go in there. Uh...
330
00:12:25,629 --> 00:12:28,480
I can do it. I want to
do it. I should learn,
331
00:12:28,505 --> 00:12:29,896
in case you and Dad die.
332
00:12:29,921 --> 00:12:32,151
Which you will, I assume, one day.
333
00:12:32,176 --> 00:12:34,337
Never! We'll get them
to start taking echinacea
334
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,545
and they'll live forever.
335
00:12:36,074 --> 00:12:39,008
Okay, yup... No, that's not working.
336
00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:40,550
What about... Nah. Nope.
337
00:12:40,575 --> 00:12:42,425
Yeah. I'm not doing this.
338
00:12:42,632 --> 00:12:45,559
It'll be fine. Who needs sheets? Okay,
339
00:12:45,584 --> 00:12:47,693
goodnight, Phoebe... Oh, no. No, no, no.
340
00:12:47,718 --> 00:12:50,060
Where'd she go? Where'd
she go, where'd she go?
341
00:12:50,085 --> 00:12:53,324
- Uh-oh. Phoebe's missing?
- Smart money says the flies did it.
342
00:12:55,956 --> 00:12:58,758
Ugh, Phoebe. Why didn't
you stay in the box?
343
00:12:58,776 --> 00:13:01,427
You mean the shoebox you
trapped a wild spider in?
344
00:13:01,452 --> 00:13:03,264
- Yeah, I don't know.
- What's Phoebe's problem?
345
00:13:03,289 --> 00:13:04,999
That's one of the top
three boxes we have.
346
00:13:05,024 --> 00:13:07,465
Okay, she has a belly full of
flies, so she can't be moving
347
00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:09,984
too fast. Hopefully she hasn't
made it to the living room,
348
00:13:10,009 --> 00:13:11,969
'cause Mom and Dad are in
there watching that show
349
00:13:11,994 --> 00:13:13,903
about England. I think
it's called Queen Time.
350
00:13:13,928 --> 00:13:15,445
Yeah, seems like Dad's stalling.
351
00:13:15,470 --> 00:13:16,727
He's nervous about his dad date.
352
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:18,512
Of course he's nervous. It's Cliff.
353
00:13:18,537 --> 00:13:20,388
Okay, she's not in here. Fan out.
354
00:13:20,435 --> 00:13:22,592
Gene, you go that way.
Tina, you go that way.
355
00:13:22,617 --> 00:13:24,496
I'll go this way. Watch your step.
356
00:13:24,521 --> 00:13:26,354
And if you see her, let's have a signal.
357
00:13:26,379 --> 00:13:28,121
Say "along came a hmm-hmm."
358
00:13:28,146 --> 00:13:29,934
Ding-dong? Oh, right. Spider.
359
00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,552
So, are you, uh, going
out tonight or what? Or no?
360
00:13:32,577 --> 00:13:34,283
Yeah. I'll-I'll probably go.
361
00:13:34,308 --> 00:13:36,844
They're-they're out, at a
place, so they're already there.
362
00:13:36,869 --> 00:13:40,564
I can just show up late,
you know? Or-or really late.
363
00:13:40,589 --> 00:13:42,970
Yeah, I'm just gearing up
to, you know, put shoes on
364
00:13:42,995 --> 00:13:46,054
and then I'll pick an outfit.
It's part of my process.
365
00:13:46,079 --> 00:13:47,504
Of hanging out. With-with friends.
366
00:13:47,529 --> 00:13:49,142
Yeah, sounds like you do it a lot.
367
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:50,833
And I think it's fine you didn't shower.
368
00:13:50,858 --> 00:13:53,050
What? Oh. Oh, boy.
369
00:13:53,075 --> 00:13:55,724
Yeah, it doesn't matter. They're
dads. They probably smell, too.
370
00:13:55,744 --> 00:13:57,302
Maybe it'll be a nice icebreaker.
371
00:13:57,327 --> 00:14:00,439
- This one smells really bad.
- This one's okay.
372
00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:02,990
Maybe I can just angle my
body this way all night?
373
00:14:03,015 --> 00:14:04,456
- You can start that now.
- Mm.
374
00:14:04,481 --> 00:14:06,730
I'm kidding, I'm
kidding. I'm used to it.
375
00:14:06,755 --> 00:14:08,496
I just try not to breathe so much.
376
00:14:08,521 --> 00:14:11,102
Ugh. So, we didn't find her. That means
377
00:14:11,127 --> 00:14:13,553
she's either in the living
room or in Mom and Dad's room.
378
00:14:13,578 --> 00:14:15,411
You guys got to get
Mom and Dad out of there
379
00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:17,292
so I can look for her.
Tina, you take Mom.
380
00:14:17,317 --> 00:14:20,126
Gene, you take Dad. Get 'em into
your rooms and keep 'em there.
381
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,304
Uh, okay. I can do that. No problem.
382
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,974
I'll just tell Mom we're
looking for a spider?
383
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,166
No, no. Don't tell her that.
Tell her anything but that.
384
00:14:28,184 --> 00:14:29,423
Right, right. Sorry.
385
00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:31,731
I'll tell Dad I want to
have "the talk" with him.
386
00:14:31,756 --> 00:14:33,498
The talk about my ingrown toenail
387
00:14:33,523 --> 00:14:35,115
and just toe health in general.
388
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,501
Wow, you agreed to come in
here and talk to me really fast.
389
00:14:38,526 --> 00:14:40,247
Well, it's not because
I don't want to go out
390
00:14:40,272 --> 00:14:42,772
with the other dads,
because I definitely do.
391
00:14:42,797 --> 00:14:43,916
Okay, good to know.
392
00:14:43,941 --> 00:14:45,959
So, w-what did you want to talk about?
393
00:14:45,984 --> 00:14:49,684
Um, how do you feel
about ingrown toenails?
394
00:14:49,709 --> 00:14:51,643
I mean, I have them.
395
00:14:51,668 --> 00:14:53,668
Okay, follow-up question:
396
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:54,946
what should we talk about next?
397
00:14:54,970 --> 00:14:57,620
Uh, I guess I've
put this off long enough.
398
00:14:57,639 --> 00:14:59,622
They're waiting for me at the bar.
399
00:14:59,641 --> 00:15:02,533
You sound really into it.
I'm excited to grow up.
400
00:15:02,552 --> 00:15:05,013
- I better go get dressed.
- In your room? No!
401
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,978
Uh, I mean, you want to
borrow something of mine?
402
00:15:08,003 --> 00:15:09,594
What kind of look are you going for...
403
00:15:09,619 --> 00:15:11,628
Bahama Tommy or rhinestone cowboy?
404
00:15:11,653 --> 00:15:13,888
Oh. I-I wasn't thinking about a look.
405
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,818
I was just gonna put on shoes
and maybe change my shirt.
406
00:15:16,843 --> 00:15:20,028
Your mother said things that
make me think I should change.
407
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:23,054
No! Don't change your
shirt. Let me smell.
408
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:25,832
Ooh, that's bold. It's like
your sweat started sweating.
409
00:15:25,857 --> 00:15:27,558
Ugh, no spider.
410
00:15:27,577 --> 00:15:30,336
All right. Mom and Dad's
room. Maybe Phoebe likes
411
00:15:30,361 --> 00:15:32,962
middle-aged bras and
dandruff all over the place.
412
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,710
So I'm happy we moved over
here to talk about stuff.
413
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,396
Leaning against the
bookshelf was a weird idea,
414
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,012
but it was good we tried.
415
00:15:39,037 --> 00:15:40,405
Yeah, I like to try things.
416
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:43,695
So, uh, how, uh, was your day?
417
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,720
Eh, it was good. Although
I did have a sneeze
418
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:48,031
where I farted a little,
and I think a customer heard.
419
00:15:48,056 --> 00:15:50,316
Wow, let's talk about
that. What happened next?
420
00:15:50,341 --> 00:15:52,083
Tina, honey, didn't you have something
421
00:15:52,101 --> 00:15:53,251
you wanted to talk about?
422
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:55,101
No, this seems much more important now.
423
00:15:55,126 --> 00:15:57,232
So, uh, you talk. More. Please.
424
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,682
Okay. Well, I farted.
425
00:15:59,701 --> 00:16:00,758
Uh-huh.
426
00:16:00,783 --> 00:16:02,593
And I-I tried to cover
it up with a cough,
427
00:16:02,612 --> 00:16:05,242
- but that made me fart again.
- Then what did you do?
428
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:07,932
I looked over to see if she was
looking at me, and-and she was.
429
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:11,539
- Didn't see that coming.
- Keep-keep going.
430
00:16:11,564 --> 00:16:13,834
So, I grabbed the trash can
and I started dragging it around
431
00:16:13,859 --> 00:16:16,267
on the floor so it'd make
a fart sound, so she'd think
432
00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:18,638
it was the trash can and
not me. But it wouldn't make
433
00:16:18,663 --> 00:16:20,438
the right sound, so I had to fart again
434
00:16:20,463 --> 00:16:21,990
and then blame it on the trash can.
435
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,015
That's so smart.
436
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,128
Okay, enough about me. Your turn.
437
00:16:25,153 --> 00:16:27,492
I don't even know if I can follow that.
438
00:16:27,517 --> 00:16:31,226
Um, should we take a few more
minutes to unpack your story?
439
00:16:31,251 --> 00:16:35,228
So, there you were, farting and
dragging a trash can around...
440
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:38,750
Ugh, I give up. Wherever you are Phoebe,
441
00:16:38,775 --> 00:16:41,415
I hope there are plenty
of bugs for you to murder.
442
00:16:42,556 --> 00:16:45,445
No way. Phoebe! I found you!
443
00:16:45,470 --> 00:16:46,458
Wait, Phoebe?
444
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,575
- Phoebe the spider?
- Oh, hi, Dad.
445
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,172
No, Phoebe from Friends.
I see her everywhere.
446
00:16:52,197 --> 00:16:53,455
Louise.
447
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,113
Okay, fine. I kind of
didn't take her outside
448
00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:58,240
and she's been living
in my room in a box.
449
00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:00,429
Until now. Now she's living in your bed.
450
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:02,672
- Oh, my God.
- What? What's going on?
451
00:17:02,697 --> 00:17:04,155
Louise's spider is
living in our headboard.
452
00:17:04,173 --> 00:17:05,323
Who, Phoebe?
453
00:17:05,341 --> 00:17:07,416
- Louise, Mom... is here.
- Hi, Mom.
454
00:17:07,435 --> 00:17:09,084
Dad, why won't you
let me brush your back?
455
00:17:09,104 --> 00:17:10,615
The other dads will love it.
456
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,673
Any chance you guys enjoy
sleeping with spiders
457
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:15,860
over your head? No? Okay. Phoebe,
458
00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:18,056
Charlotte's Web time.
Spell something fun.
459
00:17:18,081 --> 00:17:19,730
"Terrific parents." Go.
460
00:17:20,422 --> 00:17:22,547
Give her a second.
461
00:17:25,063 --> 00:17:27,478
Louise, why didn't you take
Phoebe outside yesterday?
462
00:17:27,503 --> 00:17:30,254
I tried, but it wasn't safe
out there. I couldn't do it.
463
00:17:30,279 --> 00:17:33,501
The world's too dangerous for
a fresh-faced kid like Phoebe.
464
00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:34,993
She's not ready for the bright lights.
465
00:17:35,018 --> 00:17:36,259
She will be. One day.
466
00:17:36,284 --> 00:17:38,464
Louise, sweetie, we're
gonna have to get the spider
467
00:17:38,489 --> 00:17:41,657
out of there somehow. It might
be nice or it might not be nice,
468
00:17:41,675 --> 00:17:43,675
but we got to do it. I'm sorry, baby.
469
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,080
No, no, no, no. It's okay.
I'll-I'll do it. I-I got it.
470
00:17:46,105 --> 00:17:47,754
It's fine. I'll get her out of there.
471
00:17:47,773 --> 00:17:49,228
And I'll take her back to her box,
472
00:17:49,253 --> 00:17:51,143
and we'll all be happy
and we'll eat live flies...
473
00:17:51,168 --> 00:17:53,646
Some of us... and we'll
be this cool blended family
474
00:17:53,671 --> 00:17:54,837
that everybody's jealous of.
475
00:17:55,353 --> 00:17:58,306
Come on, Phoebe. Ugh! I can't get her.
476
00:17:58,331 --> 00:18:00,572
Oh, we're gonna get her. Because I sleep
477
00:18:00,597 --> 00:18:01,763
right under there, Louise.
478
00:18:01,788 --> 00:18:03,914
And I know you like
her, but I don't like her
479
00:18:03,939 --> 00:18:05,271
as much as you do. And I don't want her
480
00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:07,625
to crawl on my face or go into my mouth.
481
00:18:07,650 --> 00:18:10,500
Or ears, nose, throat...
All the openings.
482
00:18:10,612 --> 00:18:12,331
- That's not all of them.
- Gene.
483
00:18:12,356 --> 00:18:15,190
Okay, uh, what if you guys
just sleep in my room with me
484
00:18:15,209 --> 00:18:16,783
and this is Phoebe's room now?
485
00:18:16,808 --> 00:18:18,911
I'd be open to roommates.
We could split the utilities.
486
00:18:18,936 --> 00:18:21,194
I'm sorry, sweetie,
that's not gonna work.
487
00:18:21,219 --> 00:18:24,742
It's not fair. Everyone thinks
Phoebe is this scary spider.
488
00:18:24,767 --> 00:18:28,383
And, yeah, maybe she's a
little dangerous, but not much.
489
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,069
She's just trying to live
her life. But that doesn't
490
00:18:31,094 --> 00:18:35,855
make her weird or bad.
Does it? I mean, does it?
491
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,190
Are we still talking about Phoebe?
492
00:18:37,214 --> 00:18:39,525
- I can't tell.
- Louise, are we possibly
493
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:40,916
talking about you now?
494
00:18:40,918 --> 00:18:42,901
What? I don't know. Maybe.
495
00:18:42,926 --> 00:18:44,955
Oh, honey. Come here. Come on.
496
00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:47,147
You know all that
so-called dangerous stuff?
497
00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:49,668
That's a part of who you
are. But don't let anyone
498
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:50,962
make you feel like it's all you are.
499
00:18:50,986 --> 00:18:54,548
You're also thoughtful
and kind and imaginative.
500
00:18:54,573 --> 00:18:56,127
Part of the big, crazy mix that
501
00:18:56,152 --> 00:18:58,319
- makes Louise Louise.
- Your mom's right.
502
00:18:58,344 --> 00:19:01,345
You are a little bit of a risk
taker, maybe, compared to some,
503
00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:04,049
but it's one of the things
that makes you interesting.
504
00:19:04,074 --> 00:19:05,590
And it's not like it's hurting anyone.
505
00:19:05,615 --> 00:19:07,069
I mean, you know, every once in a while,
506
00:19:07,094 --> 00:19:09,594
but probably not on purpose. That much.
507
00:19:09,619 --> 00:19:11,165
Right. But, Louise,
508
00:19:11,190 --> 00:19:13,524
you're adventurous, and in another time,
509
00:19:13,549 --> 00:19:16,821
you might have been a-a, uh, a pirate.
510
00:19:16,846 --> 00:19:19,410
Uh, a nice pirate. Or a fun bootlegger.
511
00:19:19,435 --> 00:19:20,675
Ooh, bootlegger.
512
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:23,183
Anyway, we're all glad
you are who you are.
513
00:19:23,208 --> 00:19:25,087
Well, that's... Thanks, guys.
514
00:19:25,112 --> 00:19:27,612
I like the pirate part.
That was a nice touch.
515
00:19:27,637 --> 00:19:29,878
So, what should we do about Phoebe?
516
00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:31,783
Please let this work.
Please let this work.
517
00:19:31,808 --> 00:19:33,579
- Please let this work.
- Got her!
518
00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:34,937
- Oh! - Oh, thank God.
- Yay!
519
00:19:34,955 --> 00:19:36,605
Aw, Bob. It's late. Are your dad friends
520
00:19:36,623 --> 00:19:38,244
still waiting for you?
521
00:19:38,269 --> 00:19:41,729
Eh, it's fine. I'd rather be
doing this. Honestly, you guys
522
00:19:41,754 --> 00:19:44,514
are the only people I
really like to hang out with.
523
00:19:44,539 --> 00:19:45,925
Don't tell Teddy I said that.
524
00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:49,042
So, we're your only friends.
Which is not sad at all.
525
00:19:49,061 --> 00:19:51,787
But, like, who's your
best friend? Don't say Mom.
526
00:19:51,805 --> 00:19:53,609
You're all equal. But Phoebe the least.
527
00:19:53,634 --> 00:19:55,618
But just because I
don't know her that well.
528
00:19:55,643 --> 00:19:57,263
Okay, Phoebe and I are going to bed.
529
00:19:57,288 --> 00:20:00,197
- We'll see you all upon the morrow.
- Louise.
530
00:20:00,222 --> 00:20:02,252
Not that your box isn't
really nice with all the twigs
531
00:20:02,277 --> 00:20:04,777
and stuff, but I don't think
Phoebe likes it in there.
532
00:20:04,802 --> 00:20:06,134
She did escape.
533
00:20:06,153 --> 00:20:08,666
We've been through this.
I'm not taking her outside.
534
00:20:08,691 --> 00:20:10,950
She's a house spider. I looked it up.
535
00:20:10,975 --> 00:20:12,910
They gave themselves
that name for a reason.
536
00:20:12,935 --> 00:20:15,660
I-I think I know a place
where she'll be happy.
537
00:20:15,957 --> 00:20:17,289
This is a great idea.
538
00:20:17,314 --> 00:20:19,632
She's gonna eat so
many flies for you, Dad.
539
00:20:19,657 --> 00:20:22,719
Yup. I'm really, really glad
that we'll be working together.
540
00:20:22,813 --> 00:20:24,980
She's not family, so you
might have to pay her.
541
00:20:25,005 --> 00:20:26,321
And I'm kind of taking
care of her finances
542
00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:29,157
while she gets on her
feet. So, you can pay me.
543
00:20:29,182 --> 00:20:30,855
Yeah sure, okay,
we'll talk about that.
544
00:20:30,879 --> 00:20:33,328
Oh, it's Teddy.
545
00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:36,341
He says, "I'm sorry. The
sandwich was a disaster."
546
00:20:36,366 --> 00:20:39,562
There was blood everywhere.
It's okay now, but, uh,
547
00:20:39,587 --> 00:20:41,336
I'm gonna come into
the restaurant tomorrow.
548
00:20:41,355 --> 00:20:43,765
It's just easier to hang
out at the restaurant because
549
00:20:43,790 --> 00:20:46,353
that's where you work.
And it's where I eat.
550
00:20:46,378 --> 00:20:49,488
I know it's late but, I-I
need you to text me back.
551
00:20:49,513 --> 00:20:51,767
Tonight. Now. And send.
552
00:20:55,628 --> 00:20:58,664
"Sounds good." Yes! We're back, baby!
553
00:20:58,689 --> 00:21:00,613
Ow. Ow. Oh, boy, that's bleeding again.
554
00:21:00,633 --> 00:21:03,859
♪ Me and my spider, I'm
stronger beside her ♪
555
00:21:03,877 --> 00:21:07,304
♪ Just can't deny that
we're two of a kind ♪
556
00:21:07,525 --> 00:21:10,785
♪ The world doesn't get
us, it tries to correct us ♪
557
00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:14,478
♪ But that's okay because
we'll leave it behind ♪
558
00:21:14,832 --> 00:21:16,348
♪ You've caught me in your web ♪
559
00:21:16,373 --> 00:21:21,209
♪ And there's no word
that can describe ♪
560
00:21:21,228 --> 00:21:26,381
♪ The feeling when I
look in all your eyes ♪
561
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,991
♪ Little Phoebe ♪
562
00:21:28,218 --> 00:21:31,662
♪ I want to spend my life
catching your flies. ♪
563
00:21:31,813 --> 00:21:36,813
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --