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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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Everything okay, Teddy? You
keep looking at that letter
3
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and making that noise.
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Mm. It's an invitation from the navy.
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What, the navy doesn't have Evite?
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- Are you shipping out, sailor?
- Are we talking new navy or old navy?
7
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Uh, the frigate I served on
is getting decommissioned.
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- They're gonna scuttle the old girl.
- Buy her dinner first, right?
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I think I understood three
of those words, Teddy.
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Oh, sorry. A frigate's a ship,
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and scuttling is sinking it on purpose.
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Wait, why are they
sinking it on purpose?
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Is it because if they can't have it,
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- no one else can?
- Kind of.
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It's getting decommissioned.
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Once a navy ship gets
too old to be useful,
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a lot of times, they'll torpedo it.
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And then it sinks to
the bottom of the ocean
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and becomes an artificial
reef for fish and sea monsters,
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- I assume.
- Frigate.
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- Gene, don't say "frigate."
- It's not a bad word.
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I want to hear more
about the torpedoing part.
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Where are they doing it?
When are they doing it?
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Can we buy tickets to watch?
25
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And can I be the one to push the button?
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And if I'm the one pushing the button,
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do I really need to buy a ticket?
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Yeah, it's happening
next week out at sea.
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No one's invited to that.
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But, uh, those of us who
served on the maiden voyage
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are invited to a ceremony tomorrow.
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It's in Bog Harbor because
they built part of the ship there.
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The toilets, I think.
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That's fun. That's exciting.
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So why are you being all mopey about it?
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Well, I'm probably not gonna go.
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What? You have to go. It's a ceremony.
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Ah, I don't know. I'm just not sure
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I want to run into any
of my old shipmates.
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Why not? Don't you want to reminisce
41
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about the good ol' days?
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Put on your little sailor suits
43
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and dance around the town?
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- Aw.
- I mean, I loved being in the navy,
45
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but, uh, it wasn't all great.
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- There was this one incident.
- Wha...
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Just a silly little mistake.
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Did you launch the nukes
accidentally on purpose,
49
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- wink-wink?
- No.
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Did you fall in love with a mermaid,
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and then she became human for you,
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then she missed the ocean,
and she returned to the sea,
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- and you never got over it?
- No, not that.
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Teddy, just tell us the story!
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- Sorry. Sorry.
- All right, fine.
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We were in the middle of a deployment
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in the middle of the Pacific,
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and it was the middle of the night.
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Lot of middles, Malcolm.
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I was scrubbing the
deck when an officer came by.
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You always have to salute
an officer, so I did.
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- But he was a ghost.
- No, he was really there.
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But what wasn't there
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was a railing, so I kind
of fell into the ocean.
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Which happens sometimes
but almost never.
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They rang the bell and stopped
the ship and fished me out.
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And everyone woke up and
saw it. It was not great.
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So, hey, you fell off your ship one time
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and had to get rescued. Big deal.
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- Two times.
- Two times?
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Yeah. I-I fell off a second
time, on the same night.
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Yeah, I was showing some guys
how easy it is to fall in.
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And then I fell in again.
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Oh, Teddy.
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I mean, that's not that bad.
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It was bad. I got a nickname.
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- Captain Drippy?
- Admiral Belly Flop?
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- Double-Dip.
- Double-Dip? Oh, that's good.
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- Sorry.
- For the rest of the deployment,
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everyone called me Double-Dip.
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Then that's all I was to everybody.
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So that's why I don't want to go
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to the farewell ceremony tomorrow.
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No, you got to go.
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Lin, it doesn't sound
like Teddy wants to go.
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He needs to go.
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- I do?
- Yes. Otherwise, they win.
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- They do?
- Yeah.
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But if you go, you win.
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You'll show them you don't
care about some dumb nickname.
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But I kind of do care about it.
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It comes up quite a bit in therapy.
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That and my thing about shopping carts.
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Look, something similar happened to me
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when I was in high school.
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You fell off a high school frigate?
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No. I was over at
Debbie Bernardini's house
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for a sleepover with a group of girls
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who I thought were my friends.
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We were watching a scary
movie that was very popular
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at the time. I forget
what it was called.
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There was a guy, he was killing people.
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You know the one. Anyway,
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So, someone got killed,
and we all screamed,
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and I farted.
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But it turns out it was
more than just a fart.
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A little bit of poop came out, too.
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It was pretty obvious when
the smell didn't go away.
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And I also went into the bathroom,
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and I might have kind of shouted,
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"Oh, no, a little bit of poop came out!
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There's poop! There's poop!"
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And they called me Death by Chocolate.
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And they laughed a lot.
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And I didn't go to another
sleepover for the rest of high school.
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You are pretty vocal in the bathroom
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- about what's going on.
- Yeah, a lot of commentary.
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She's like Ken Burns in there.
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It helps to talk it through.
Anyway, I let them win.
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Teddy, that's why you got to
go to your thing, so you win.
121
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That's a touching story, Linda,
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but I don't know if
I can face those guys.
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- We'll come with you.
- Really?
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No. No, no, no.
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- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
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As emotional support.
And muscle if you need it.
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But not going is also
a reasonable option.
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I mean, if you guys came with me,
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I'd feel a lot better about going.
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And they're gonna have a
bunch of music and food.
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It says "Bring the whole family."
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- It doesn't say whose family.
- Please?
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Please, please, please?
I want to get a picture
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of me with a torpedo for my
own personal Christmas card.
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Yeah, Dad. I hear you're supposed
to do fun activities with your kids.
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- Come on, Bob.
- O-Okay, fine.
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- Frigate.
- Gene.
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Do we look okay, Teddy?
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- Are we under-tattooed?
- Should we go on shore leave
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and cause a ruckus with some locals?
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- Come back with a shiner?
- And cans of spinach
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that you somehow suck through the can?
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Oh, boy, here we go.
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Sheesh, I can't believe
it's been 30 years.
145
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You and the ship look amazing.
146
00:05:03,644 --> 00:05:05,018
One of you has barnacles on them,
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but I'm not gonna say who
'cause I'm a gentleman sailor.
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Come on, let's go touch
stuff we're not supposed to.
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Uh, okay, but don't do that.
150
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Uh, I'm so nervous.
My ears are sweating.
151
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No, they're no... Oh, my God, they are.
I thought it was an earring.
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Remember, just by showing up
today, you win, and they lose.
153
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Hey. Check it out. It's Double-Dip.
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Double-Dip is here. No way.
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How'd you get here? Did
you swim over?
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-Oh, boy.
-Okay, they win, I lose. Let's go.
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Come on, Teddy. Just
stay for a little bit.
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An hour tops. Six drinks.
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Just kidding. Sort of.
There's drinks, right?
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- Yeah.
- Good. Hey, you can do this.
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We'll be here for
you. Right next to you.
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- Right, Bob?
- Uh, sure.
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Or-or behind you.
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It just kind of depends
on how everyone's standing.
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Okay, fine. An hour.
166
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And maybe you guys hold
my hands the whole time?
167
00:05:47,751 --> 00:05:50,085
- No? Probably not?
- Get over here.
168
00:05:50,110 --> 00:05:52,444
And try not to fall in.
169
00:05:52,469 --> 00:05:54,008
I don't like it. I don't like it.
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- I don't like it.
- It's gonna be great.
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Come on, let's do this ship.
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Hey, Tony, Raul, Billy.
Good to see you all.
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Double-Dip, you came. Wow.
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00:06:06,211 --> 00:06:08,639
Of course he came. He's a navy man
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00:06:08,664 --> 00:06:11,049
showing off his old ship
to his not-navy friends.
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We're his biggest fans.
We're like his groupies.
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- Right, Bob?
- Mm.
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It's great to see you, DD.
That's short for Double-D,
179
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which is short for Double-Dip.
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'Cause he fell in the ocean twice.
181
00:06:19,132 --> 00:06:22,726
Yeah, I forgot all
about that Double-Dip stuff.
182
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So glad you brought it up.
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I got to go over there now
and see what that stuff is
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over on that thing. The table?
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What is it, food?
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00:06:30,402 --> 00:06:32,627
- Okay, see you later.
- Okay.
187
00:06:32,646 --> 00:06:35,480
Oh, God. Oh, God. Has
it been an hour yet?
188
00:06:35,505 --> 00:06:36,889
I think it's been, like, ten minutes?
189
00:06:36,909 --> 00:06:39,242
If we round up from one minute.
190
00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:40,933
Come on, you're doing great.
191
00:06:40,958 --> 00:06:42,493
You're sticking it
to those navy ninnies.
192
00:06:42,518 --> 00:06:44,616
Do you know how much I wish
I could go to a boat party
193
00:06:44,641 --> 00:06:46,308
with the Debbie Bernardini
crew right now and say,
194
00:06:46,326 --> 00:06:48,689
"Look at me. No
chocolate on this dress"?
195
00:06:48,714 --> 00:06:51,790
God, I'd kill for that. Oh,
actually, that is chocolate.
196
00:06:51,815 --> 00:06:52,855
Where'd you get chocolate?
197
00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:54,252
- I don't know.
- Well,
198
00:06:54,277 --> 00:06:56,081
terrible news. Turns out all the weapons
199
00:06:56,106 --> 00:06:57,515
were taken off this ship weeks ago.
200
00:06:57,540 --> 00:07:00,132
Apparently, it's "not
safe" to scuttle a ship
201
00:07:00,157 --> 00:07:02,886
with missiles on board. This
is why I don't pay taxes.
202
00:07:02,911 --> 00:07:06,062
We did see a knot-tying workshop
for the sailors' kids. Eh?
203
00:07:06,087 --> 00:07:08,058
I mean, why "knot"?
204
00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:10,158
I could finally learn
how to tie these bad boys.
205
00:07:10,183 --> 00:07:11,499
Mom tied them a year ago,
206
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:13,489
and now I just try not
to have to take them off.
207
00:07:13,514 --> 00:07:15,422
Pass. I know all the
knots I need to know
208
00:07:15,447 --> 00:07:16,929
from Tina's Thundergirl handbook.
209
00:07:16,949 --> 00:07:18,764
Oh, yeah. I was supposed to learn those,
210
00:07:18,784 --> 00:07:20,191
but I did "knot."
211
00:07:20,344 --> 00:07:22,322
Seriously, though, I didn't
get my knot-tying badge
212
00:07:22,362 --> 00:07:23,786
because I made too many knot jokes.
213
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:26,175
- I'm funny at Thundergirls.
- I-I would do knots.
214
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,470
I-I've always wanted to be a knots guy.
215
00:07:28,495 --> 00:07:30,996
I mean, it's for kids,
but I'm sure it isn't weird
216
00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:32,089
if a grown man is also learning.
217
00:07:32,113 --> 00:07:33,964
You can pretend to be our dad.
218
00:07:34,183 --> 00:07:36,259
All right, everyone got their rope?
219
00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:37,692
If that's what this is.
220
00:07:37,711 --> 00:07:38,951
Schmitty, is that you?
221
00:07:38,971 --> 00:07:42,000
Oh. No, I'm-I'm not, uh, Schmitty.
222
00:07:42,025 --> 00:07:43,617
- I-I'm-I'm Bob.
- Wow.
223
00:07:43,642 --> 00:07:46,632
You are the spitting image.
Raul, look at this guy over here.
224
00:07:46,657 --> 00:07:47,914
Doesn't he look like Schmitty?
225
00:07:47,939 --> 00:07:50,997
Huh. Now that you mention it,
yeah, he's the spitting image.
226
00:07:51,041 --> 00:07:52,557
Huh, he does look like Schmitty.
227
00:07:52,651 --> 00:07:55,130
- Wait, who's Schmitty?
- I mean, I knew he wasn't coming today.
228
00:07:55,154 --> 00:07:57,500
He's in Florida doing that
deep-sea salvage stuff.
229
00:07:57,525 --> 00:08:00,778
Sunken treasure. That's
the life, huh? Schmitty.
230
00:08:00,803 --> 00:08:01,919
"Sunken treasure"
231
00:08:01,944 --> 00:08:03,630
- is what I call Dad's butt.
- Gene.
232
00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:05,478
All right, we're gonna start off
233
00:08:05,497 --> 00:08:08,308
with a simple but important
knot, the bowline.
234
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,408
Make a loop. Tag end goes through.
235
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:12,756
Under and over. Back through.
236
00:08:12,781 --> 00:08:15,302
Bowline. Let's see how you all did.
237
00:08:15,327 --> 00:08:18,157
Good. Nice. Eh, boy,
you really aren't Schmitty.
238
00:08:18,177 --> 00:08:20,316
Sorry, can-can you
show me one more time?
239
00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:23,347
- You-you went really fast.
- "Knot" too fast for me.
240
00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:24,807
Actually, it was a little fast.
241
00:08:24,832 --> 00:08:26,956
Okay. Make a loop, pass it through,
242
00:08:26,981 --> 00:08:29,744
under and over and back through and...
243
00:08:29,763 --> 00:08:31,630
- Still too fast?
- Still too fast.
244
00:08:31,655 --> 00:08:33,440
- I'm good.
- Okay. Here's how we
245
00:08:33,464 --> 00:08:35,071
teach the little kids.
246
00:08:35,096 --> 00:08:37,654
The rabbit comes up from his hole,
247
00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:38,920
runs around the tree
248
00:08:38,939 --> 00:08:41,089
and then goes back into his hole.
249
00:08:41,114 --> 00:08:43,660
Your rabbit didn't make
it back into its hole.
250
00:08:43,685 --> 00:08:46,162
- Wait, where is your rabbit?
- Uh, uh...
251
00:08:46,187 --> 00:08:47,853
Dad, what did you do to your rabbit?!
252
00:08:47,873 --> 00:08:49,459
Okay, enough food, Teddy.
253
00:08:49,484 --> 00:08:51,501
Let's hit the bar, get
some alcohol inside of you.
254
00:08:51,526 --> 00:08:53,359
Eh, but Tony and the
guys are at the bar.
255
00:08:53,378 --> 00:08:55,073
Teddy, it's a free country.
256
00:08:55,098 --> 00:08:56,618
And free drinks. Come on.
257
00:08:56,643 --> 00:08:59,186
Have you considered
challenging them to a navy duel,
258
00:08:59,211 --> 00:09:00,879
which I assume involves water guns?
259
00:09:00,904 --> 00:09:02,587
Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
260
00:09:02,612 --> 00:09:05,308
Teddy, you're so witty,
261
00:09:05,333 --> 00:09:07,310
and you know so much
about ships and life,
262
00:09:07,335 --> 00:09:10,019
and you just don't care
what people think about you.
263
00:09:10,044 --> 00:09:12,691
Oh, you guys again. Hi.
264
00:09:12,716 --> 00:09:14,433
Hey, I just came back
from the supply room
265
00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:15,444
and picked up my memento.
266
00:09:15,469 --> 00:09:16,877
- What'd you get?
- I got a pad eye.
267
00:09:16,902 --> 00:09:18,217
Me, too. Picked it up
268
00:09:18,237 --> 00:09:19,622
- when I first got here.
- What's a pad eye?
269
00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:21,324
- It's like a cleat.
- What's a cleat?
270
00:09:21,349 --> 00:09:22,941
It's a thing you secure a rope to.
271
00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:24,429
Rope! I know rope.
272
00:09:24,454 --> 00:09:26,363
So, wait, we can just
take stuff from the ship?
273
00:09:26,388 --> 00:09:28,683
- Dibs on that huge cannon.
- No, Louise.
274
00:09:28,708 --> 00:09:30,282
Only sailors from the maiden voyage
275
00:09:30,307 --> 00:09:32,443
can take something off the
ship before they sink it.
276
00:09:32,468 --> 00:09:35,338
- What are you getting, Teddy?
- Oh, nothing.
277
00:09:35,363 --> 00:09:36,455
What? Why nothing?
278
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,587
'Cause I didn't put in
a request for anything.
279
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,292
They should give a
life vest to Double-Dip.
280
00:09:40,317 --> 00:09:42,236
Ha! Good one, Billy.
That was a good one.
281
00:09:42,261 --> 00:09:45,855
- Right. Double-D?
- Yeah. I'm not upset.
282
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,138
Hello, ma'am.
283
00:09:48,163 --> 00:09:49,388
Beers for my friends
284
00:09:49,413 --> 00:09:51,598
and, uh, have you ever
heard of a Twisted Monkey?
285
00:09:51,623 --> 00:09:54,306
- I have not.
- It's a ginger ale and ice, twisted.
286
00:09:54,331 --> 00:09:56,998
And then you make a noise like
a monkey when you give it to me.
287
00:09:57,023 --> 00:09:58,310
I don't know if I want to do that.
288
00:09:58,335 --> 00:10:00,145
Okay, I'll make the noise like a monkey.
289
00:10:00,170 --> 00:10:02,003
Wait, Teddy, I don't get it.
290
00:10:02,096 --> 00:10:03,483
Why didn't you ask for part of the ship?
291
00:10:03,507 --> 00:10:04,742
I didn't think I was gonna come.
292
00:10:04,766 --> 00:10:06,472
Plus, what was I gonna
write on the letter?
293
00:10:06,497 --> 00:10:08,642
"Hi, I'm the guy who
fell off the ship twice.
294
00:10:08,644 --> 00:10:10,011
Can I please have something"?
295
00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:12,910
They probably would've stamped it
with "Request denied, idiot."
296
00:10:12,935 --> 00:10:14,894
Thank you.
297
00:10:14,919 --> 00:10:16,252
Not so hard, is it?
298
00:10:16,284 --> 00:10:19,212
Well, is there a part of
the ship that you would want?
299
00:10:19,237 --> 00:10:21,003
I mean, I wouldn't say no to a pad eye.
300
00:10:21,028 --> 00:10:23,246
Who would? It's a pad
eye. It's like a cleat.
301
00:10:23,271 --> 00:10:25,066
Well, then, let's get you a pad eye.
302
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:27,417
We can't. The request
had to be in months ago.
303
00:10:27,442 --> 00:10:29,634
- There's got to be a way.
- Nah, forget it.
304
00:10:29,659 --> 00:10:32,425
I don't even deserve part of the ship.
305
00:10:32,450 --> 00:10:36,174
Teddy, uh, Louise and
I are gonna... go pee!
306
00:10:36,199 --> 00:10:38,643
- She shouted.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll be right back.
307
00:10:38,668 --> 00:10:40,109
Listen, it's not right that Teddy
308
00:10:40,134 --> 00:10:42,445
doesn't get anything
from this ship while Tony
309
00:10:42,470 --> 00:10:43,711
gets to take a pad eye with him
310
00:10:43,730 --> 00:10:45,282
even though he was a
total poop deck to Teddy
311
00:10:45,306 --> 00:10:47,777
- the whole time.
- They never said the sea was fair.
312
00:10:47,802 --> 00:10:49,795
I say we find a way
to get Teddy something.
313
00:10:49,820 --> 00:10:52,562
Something better than a pad
eye. That's how he'll win.
314
00:10:52,587 --> 00:10:55,479
Yeah, that kind of makes
sense in a dumb, beautiful way.
315
00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:58,793
So, are you in for operation
"Go Get a Part of the Ship
316
00:10:58,818 --> 00:11:00,338
from That Supply Room Place for Teddy"?
317
00:11:00,428 --> 00:11:01,910
- Uh, yeah. Sure.
- Okay.
318
00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:04,079
Thought there was gonna be
a little more energy there,
319
00:11:04,098 --> 00:11:05,489
- but great.
- And after that,
320
00:11:05,508 --> 00:11:07,578
- we find the frickin' torpedoes.
- There's the energy.
321
00:11:07,602 --> 00:11:10,350
But probably not with the torpedo thing.
322
00:11:13,154 --> 00:11:15,660
So, what's the plan?
We're just gonna ask
323
00:11:15,684 --> 00:11:16,667
for a piece of the ship for Teddy?
324
00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:18,312
We'll ask nicely.
325
00:11:18,337 --> 00:11:20,350
And we'll say, "Please make it
slightly better than a pad eye."
326
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:21,967
Nope. Can't do that.
327
00:11:21,992 --> 00:11:24,243
- Pretty please?
- Uh, no.
328
00:11:24,275 --> 00:11:26,684
- Aw, frigate.
- Okay, good start. Good start.
329
00:11:27,162 --> 00:11:29,604
And that is how you
tie the sheet bend knot.
330
00:11:29,624 --> 00:11:32,366
Can't wait till someone asks
me how to do a sheet bend.
331
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:33,995
Still working on the bowline?
332
00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:35,294
Almost got it.
333
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:37,354
There! I did it! Damn it.
334
00:11:37,373 --> 00:11:39,114
I bet Schmitty can tie a bowline.
335
00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:40,633
Schmitty can tie any knot.
336
00:11:40,860 --> 00:11:43,377
He even invented his own
knot... the Schmitty Liddy.
337
00:11:43,529 --> 00:11:45,304
Best knot in the world
for securing lids.
338
00:11:45,531 --> 00:11:46,864
- So cool.
- Mm-hmm.
339
00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,366
Why, oh, why would God bless
you with Schmitty's face
340
00:11:49,385 --> 00:11:51,826
- but curse you with those hands?
- I don't know.
341
00:11:51,874 --> 00:11:53,697
Okay, everybody done
with the sheet bend?
342
00:11:53,722 --> 00:11:56,040
Hold them up. Looking good. I'll...
343
00:11:56,058 --> 00:11:57,483
check in with your bowline in a bit.
344
00:11:57,508 --> 00:12:00,338
Maybe a little time apart
will do us both some good.
345
00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:01,689
I'm gonna get it.
346
00:12:01,714 --> 00:12:03,434
You, uh, you kids want
to learn hitch knots?
347
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:04,715
Hitch, please.
348
00:12:04,733 --> 00:12:06,453
There's got to
be a piece of this ship
349
00:12:06,478 --> 00:12:08,144
you can give our friend
that no one's claimed.
350
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:09,485
He's really nice.
351
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,636
A little sad but nice. He's not too sad.
352
00:12:11,661 --> 00:12:13,643
Look, next time your
friend wants a souvenir
353
00:12:13,668 --> 00:12:15,939
from an $80 million piece
of U.S. military property
354
00:12:15,964 --> 00:12:19,131
that requires prior approval,
he might want to plan ahead.
355
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,796
It just seems like
there are so many parts
356
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,250
still on the ship, and it's
getting sunk next week, and...
357
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:26,138
Scuttled. Sorry about my mom.
358
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:27,346
It's okay. I have one, too.
359
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:28,807
Listen, we come from land,
360
00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:31,103
and we can get you any
land thing you want.
361
00:12:31,128 --> 00:12:33,888
I could be back here in
20 minutes with magazines,
362
00:12:33,913 --> 00:12:36,080
potato chips, houseplants,
363
00:12:36,098 --> 00:12:37,649
water that's not salty.
364
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,917
Please don't try and
bribe me with potato chips
365
00:12:39,935 --> 00:12:42,207
and houseplants. It's very insulting.
366
00:12:42,232 --> 00:12:45,174
I've been off a ship once.
I know about that stuff.
367
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:47,515
- But...
- I'm gonna start ignoring you two.
368
00:12:47,535 --> 00:12:49,201
Please go somewhere not here now.
369
00:12:49,353 --> 00:12:51,019
I think we're getting close.
370
00:12:51,044 --> 00:12:52,573
Ugh! Stupid rope.
371
00:12:52,598 --> 00:12:54,753
It's not the rope's fault.
Have you ever been checked
372
00:12:54,778 --> 00:12:56,600
for whatever it is you seem to have?
373
00:12:56,619 --> 00:12:57,687
Rope dyslexia?
374
00:12:57,712 --> 00:12:59,689
I guess maybe I just don't get knots.
375
00:12:59,714 --> 00:13:01,614
But you're good at lots
of other stuff, Dad.
376
00:13:01,639 --> 00:13:04,425
Like making burgers. Uh...
377
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,659
- Gene, you want to jump in here?
- Folding towels.
378
00:13:06,684 --> 00:13:08,742
Folding towels. I was
just about to say that.
379
00:13:08,761 --> 00:13:11,388
Actually, I'm not that
good at folding towels.
380
00:13:11,413 --> 00:13:12,429
He's not.
381
00:13:12,454 --> 00:13:14,713
- Well, that was a bust.
- Poor Teddy.
382
00:13:14,762 --> 00:13:16,337
He deserves something from this ship.
383
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:18,676
Hey, if you want to do
another look-see down below
384
00:13:18,696 --> 00:13:20,254
for a torpedo they
might've forgotten about,
385
00:13:20,272 --> 00:13:22,756
- I'm with you.
- Ugh, I hate when bullies win.
386
00:13:22,781 --> 00:13:25,069
These guys and the Debbie Bernardinis
387
00:13:25,094 --> 00:13:28,428
and the Biffs and whoever
the bad guy in Superman was.
388
00:13:28,453 --> 00:13:29,803
I hate it!
389
00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:30,764
Huh.
390
00:13:31,116 --> 00:13:33,283
- What are you doing?
- Who, me?
391
00:13:33,308 --> 00:13:34,795
I'm just noticing how this bell...
392
00:13:34,820 --> 00:13:36,620
... seems to want to be off this ship.
393
00:13:36,645 --> 00:13:38,673
And if it just falls off,
394
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:40,549
then it's not like we took it at all.
395
00:13:40,574 --> 00:13:41,534
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
396
00:13:41,558 --> 00:13:43,318
it's like a loose tooth.
It wants to come out.
397
00:13:43,612 --> 00:13:45,112
Whoopsie!
398
00:13:45,130 --> 00:13:47,556
Mama, you make me so proud.
399
00:13:47,581 --> 00:13:49,368
Hi, sailors. How you doing?
400
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,376
Oceans, huh? So much water.
401
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:53,356
All right, come on, come
on. Let's give this to Teddy
402
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:54,638
and get out of here.
403
00:13:54,732 --> 00:13:56,812
Where have you been? I
stress-ate all the crab cakes,
404
00:13:56,883 --> 00:13:58,883
and now I'm starting in
on the cocktail weenies,
405
00:13:58,903 --> 00:14:00,627
and everyone keeps
giving me the evil eye.
406
00:14:00,646 --> 00:14:01,978
Can we go now, please?
407
00:14:02,131 --> 00:14:06,408
Yes, we can leave now, but
you're gonna leave a winner.
408
00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:07,588
Eh?
409
00:14:07,929 --> 00:14:10,205
- Why do you have that?
- We got it for you.
410
00:14:10,230 --> 00:14:12,414
A little souvenir.
Better than a pad eye.
411
00:14:12,439 --> 00:14:13,875
I mean, it's bigger. Jingly-er.
412
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:16,660
He's speechless. A simple
"thank you" is fine.
413
00:14:16,754 --> 00:14:18,274
Why would you think I'd want this bell?
414
00:14:18,314 --> 00:14:19,496
This is the deck bell.
415
00:14:19,590 --> 00:14:21,648
It's the bell they rang
when I fell overboard.
416
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:23,627
I hear this bell in my nightmares.
417
00:14:23,652 --> 00:14:27,504
Well, now you can hear it
when you're awake. Right?
418
00:14:27,529 --> 00:14:29,921
Also, you can't steal
something off a navy ship.
419
00:14:29,946 --> 00:14:31,318
You can get in big trouble.
420
00:14:31,343 --> 00:14:33,510
We got to put it back
before anyone notices.
421
00:14:33,535 --> 00:14:35,806
Or we just toss it overboard?
A little mini scuttle?
422
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,808
No. We got to put it back on the wall.
423
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,694
They're gonna ring it at
the end of the ceremony.
424
00:14:39,719 --> 00:14:41,236
It says it in the program.
425
00:14:41,261 --> 00:14:42,836
Okay, okay. We'll do it. Calm down.
426
00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,424
We'll put it back real quick
and pretend this never happened,
427
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:47,007
and we get out of here before they, uh,
428
00:14:47,025 --> 00:14:48,692
dust it for fingerprints. Right?
429
00:14:48,717 --> 00:14:50,596
You didn't wipe yours off?
It was the first thing I did.
430
00:14:50,621 --> 00:14:53,271
Ladies, gentlemen,
sailors, the ceremony's
431
00:14:53,365 --> 00:14:54,531
about to start shortly,
432
00:14:54,683 --> 00:14:56,183
so please begin to take your seats.
433
00:14:56,403 --> 00:14:58,588
If you have to hit the
head, now's the time.
434
00:14:58,613 --> 00:15:01,188
"The head" is what the
navy calls the bathroom.
435
00:15:01,206 --> 00:15:02,297
Isn't that fun?
436
00:15:02,322 --> 00:15:03,668
Well, now everyone's
going to the bathroom
437
00:15:03,692 --> 00:15:04,778
right next to where the bell was.
438
00:15:04,802 --> 00:15:06,451
- Yeah, that's not helpful.
- Oh, boy.
439
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,211
Oh, boy. Oh, boy. We
got to do something.
440
00:15:08,236 --> 00:15:09,752
Teddy, it's gonna be okay.
441
00:15:09,777 --> 00:15:12,444
Uh, time for operation "Put
the Bell We Got for Teddy
442
00:15:12,469 --> 00:15:14,701
- Back on the Wall."
- Damn it, I hate this situation,
443
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,815
- but I love that name.
- It's fine.
444
00:15:19,643 --> 00:15:22,300
All right, Mom. How are
we gonna unring this bell?
445
00:15:22,319 --> 00:15:23,778
We're just gonna, uh, wait here
446
00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:25,303
till that bathroom line goes down,
447
00:15:25,397 --> 00:15:26,875
- then we'll put it back.
- Will the sailors
448
00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:29,170
from the maiden voyage and their guests
449
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:30,527
please fill in the front row.
450
00:15:30,552 --> 00:15:31,994
- Oh, boy.
- Uh-oh.
451
00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:35,009
- Double-Dip, come on!
- Uh, I'll be right there!
452
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:36,458
Eh, we got to go sit down.
453
00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:38,189
Okay, okay. Uh, we'll go sit down.
454
00:15:38,214 --> 00:15:40,312
And then we'll sneak away
in a minute. Act natural.
455
00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:41,395
Oh, boy.
456
00:15:41,413 --> 00:15:44,278
Maybe walk less clang-y?
457
00:15:44,303 --> 00:15:46,152
Uh, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
458
00:15:46,177 --> 00:15:48,326
And maybe don't shout
"Oh, God" quite so loud?
459
00:15:48,345 --> 00:15:50,151
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh God.
460
00:15:50,176 --> 00:15:51,184
Better.
461
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:53,642
Uh, I'm gonna need that rope back.
462
00:15:53,667 --> 00:15:55,069
I really want to get to the ceremony.
463
00:15:55,093 --> 00:15:57,093
Can I borrow it for a little longer?
464
00:15:57,118 --> 00:15:59,210
You really want to
tie that bowline, huh?
465
00:15:59,235 --> 00:16:00,505
Yes, I really do.
466
00:16:00,599 --> 00:16:02,024
I like that dedication, sailor.
467
00:16:02,251 --> 00:16:03,750
You can use the rope a little longer.
468
00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:05,338
- Thanks.
- Don't worry, Dad, you'll get it.
469
00:16:05,362 --> 00:16:07,399
I'm starting to
get really worried about Dad.
470
00:16:07,423 --> 00:16:09,347
Yeah, is something wrong with him?
471
00:16:09,366 --> 00:16:10,848
Um, I can hear you guys.
472
00:16:10,873 --> 00:16:12,569
I-I'm fine. I-I think.
473
00:16:12,594 --> 00:16:13,685
- Mm-hmm. Totally.
- Uh, yeah, of course you're fine.
474
00:16:13,727 --> 00:16:16,619
- He's not fine.
- Mm-mm.
475
00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:18,598
A little announcement before we begin.
476
00:16:18,617 --> 00:16:21,572
I've been told that more crab
cakes are being microwaved,
477
00:16:21,597 --> 00:16:24,598
so those of you who haven't got any yet,
478
00:16:24,623 --> 00:16:26,509
- just hang tight.
- I'm sorry. No one said anything
479
00:16:26,533 --> 00:16:27,958
- about a limit.
- Today,
480
00:16:27,983 --> 00:16:32,485
we give the USS Gertrude Stein
the send-off she deserves.
481
00:16:32,631 --> 00:16:34,281
The chaplain will read a few words,
482
00:16:34,299 --> 00:16:37,284
and then the deck bell
will ring one final time.
483
00:16:37,286 --> 00:16:38,922
But first, we're gonna kick things off
484
00:16:38,947 --> 00:16:42,282
with everyone's favorite navy
rock and roll trumpet band.
485
00:16:42,307 --> 00:16:44,733
Take it away, Brass Kissers!
486
00:16:46,979 --> 00:16:49,629
Okay, it looks like the bathroom line
487
00:16:49,648 --> 00:16:50,797
has thinned out. I
think now's our chance.
488
00:16:50,816 --> 00:16:52,482
We fly in fast and low.
489
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:54,559
Stay under their radar. Get in, get out.
490
00:16:54,578 --> 00:16:56,394
I don't know how I'm gonna reattach
491
00:16:56,413 --> 00:16:57,746
the bell without any tools.
492
00:16:57,897 --> 00:16:59,542
You're overthinking it.
You're overthinking it.
493
00:16:59,566 --> 00:17:00,894
Hey, what are you guys talking about?
494
00:17:00,918 --> 00:17:03,234
- Nothing. Enjoy the music.
- I'm trying to,
495
00:17:03,254 --> 00:17:04,534
but there's a lot of whispering.
496
00:17:04,571 --> 00:17:06,171
Shush, shush, shush.
Play with your rope.
497
00:17:06,239 --> 00:17:07,959
Teddy, Louise and I all
have to go to the bathroom
498
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:09,903
- at the same time. Come on.
- I want to go to the bathroom.
499
00:17:09,927 --> 00:17:11,379
- No. You stay.
- Okay.
500
00:17:11,404 --> 00:17:13,555
I didn't actually have
to go. It just sounds fun.
501
00:17:13,580 --> 00:17:14,816
I kind of have to go.
502
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,098
- Hold it.
- Okay.
503
00:17:19,631 --> 00:17:20,945
Hey. You went to the
504
00:17:20,969 --> 00:17:22,921
- bathroom. That's cool.
- Nice.
505
00:17:22,945 --> 00:17:24,808
Teddy, you get the
bell back on the wall,
506
00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:27,501
and Louise and I will make
sure nobody comes this way.
507
00:17:27,662 --> 00:17:28,903
Hi.
508
00:17:28,928 --> 00:17:32,172
Oh, it's you guys. Um,
excuse me? I need to get by.
509
00:17:32,265 --> 00:17:34,524
- What's the rush? Enjoy the view.
- Right.
510
00:17:34,676 --> 00:17:36,987
Okay, I need to hit the head, so move?
511
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,845
Whoa, whoa, whoa, but,
like, you could hold it
512
00:17:38,864 --> 00:17:39,990
if you wanted to, right?
513
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,439
I assume the military trained you
514
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,251
to hold it during a combat mission.
515
00:17:43,276 --> 00:17:45,109
Actually, we're trained
to just let 'er rip.
516
00:17:45,203 --> 00:17:46,520
Clean things up later.
517
00:17:46,538 --> 00:17:48,634
- Now, please, move it.
- Oh, no.
518
00:17:48,659 --> 00:17:50,183
- Hey.
- Eh, you're not done yet.
519
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,121
- Am, too.
- All right, what the heck's going on?
520
00:17:52,145 --> 00:17:54,221
And what the heck is he doing?
521
00:17:54,356 --> 00:17:56,332
You're stealing the deck bell?!
522
00:17:57,127 --> 00:17:59,461
- Oh, God.
- Okay, maybe I wasn't done, done,
523
00:17:59,486 --> 00:18:01,228
but still, not cool.
524
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:03,247
I swear I wasn't stealing the bell.
525
00:18:03,272 --> 00:18:06,790
- He was. I caught him.
- Embarrassing.
526
00:18:06,815 --> 00:18:09,461
Will someone please explain
to me what's going on here?
527
00:18:09,486 --> 00:18:11,974
I need to know if I'm
filling out a report or not.
528
00:18:11,999 --> 00:18:14,517
Teddy didn't take the bell. I did.
529
00:18:14,542 --> 00:18:15,995
- Linda?
- Mother.
530
00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:18,291
Oh, that's why I wasn't
part of the pee-pee club.
531
00:18:18,316 --> 00:18:20,333
I dodged a bullet.
But I still have to go.
532
00:18:20,358 --> 00:18:23,508
- Teddy was just putting it back.
- I had nothing to do with this.
533
00:18:23,596 --> 00:18:24,820
I'm just a little girl.
534
00:18:24,845 --> 00:18:26,253
I knew I shouldn't have come today.
535
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:29,106
But it was all, if I don't
go, Tony and those jerks win.
536
00:18:29,131 --> 00:18:32,109
- Wait, what do you mean, "jerks"?
- Yeah, ouch.
537
00:18:32,134 --> 00:18:33,571
You guys never stopped teasing me
538
00:18:33,596 --> 00:18:34,636
after I fell off the ship.
539
00:18:34,688 --> 00:18:36,446
Then you came up with Double-Dip.
540
00:18:36,471 --> 00:18:37,637
Double-Dip? What?
541
00:18:37,662 --> 00:18:39,519
I mean, because you fell off. Twice.
542
00:18:39,544 --> 00:18:41,043
Oh, then that is a solid nickname.
543
00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:42,805
What, we're not supposed to tease you?
544
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,606
It's what sailors do.
It's what friends do.
545
00:18:45,631 --> 00:18:46,934
You think we're friends?
546
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,776
Sure, we are. But,
Teddy, you stand here,
547
00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:50,460
and you tell us how
you fell off the ship,
548
00:18:50,555 --> 00:18:51,870
and then you fall off the ship.
549
00:18:51,895 --> 00:18:53,615
I mean, how does that even happ...
550
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,292
Oh, my God! Should you
551
00:18:55,316 --> 00:18:56,398
jingle the clingy clangy?
552
00:18:56,423 --> 00:18:58,687
The-the jingle bellies?
Jingle the thingy.
553
00:18:58,712 --> 00:19:01,212
Oh, right.
554
00:19:01,237 --> 00:19:03,705
Little more slack over
here, Billy! Let it out!
555
00:19:03,729 --> 00:19:06,643
Copy that! Tony, keep that
strap above your chest!
556
00:19:06,668 --> 00:19:09,031
Otherwise, your nipples
are liable to chafe!
557
00:19:09,056 --> 00:19:10,239
Trust me on that one!
558
00:19:10,264 --> 00:19:11,959
Raul, how're we doing with your line?
559
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,445
My hands are greasy
from the hors d'oeuvres.
560
00:19:13,469 --> 00:19:15,135
I can't get a grip. Schmitty lookalike,
561
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,396
- tie this off for me, will you?
- Oh, um, I-I-I don't...
562
00:19:18,416 --> 00:19:20,296
- I don't know...
- Come on, Dad. You can do it.
563
00:19:20,321 --> 00:19:21,877
- Maybe.
- We believe in you.
564
00:19:21,902 --> 00:19:24,161
- Stick the knots landing.
- It's okay, Bob.
565
00:19:24,255 --> 00:19:25,570
I'll come over.
566
00:19:25,590 --> 00:19:27,572
No, I can... I can do this.
567
00:19:27,597 --> 00:19:30,052
The rabbit comes up from his hole,
568
00:19:30,077 --> 00:19:32,089
runs around the tree,
569
00:19:32,114 --> 00:19:35,057
then goes back into his hole and...
570
00:19:35,082 --> 00:19:36,782
I did it!
571
00:19:36,807 --> 00:19:40,256
I did it! Knot teacher
guy, look! I did it!
572
00:19:40,281 --> 00:19:42,507
- Well, I'll be.
- I totally get the tree part now.
573
00:19:42,532 --> 00:19:45,567
- He can do the easiest knot.
- And the rabbit. Take that, Schmitty.
574
00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:46,683
Geez, I guess I was wrong.
575
00:19:46,777 --> 00:19:49,640
It is, uh, kind of easy
to fall off this ship.
576
00:19:49,665 --> 00:19:51,924
So, you guys teased me
because we were friends?
577
00:19:51,949 --> 00:19:54,358
What? Of course. We served together.
578
00:19:54,434 --> 00:19:55,676
We're bonded for life.
579
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,143
I mean, we were all kids then, Teddy.
580
00:19:57,145 --> 00:19:59,847
And you were a little older.
We-we looked up to you.
581
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,865
And I was scared out of
my mind about serving,
582
00:20:01,959 --> 00:20:03,517
but then you showed me
you could make a mistake
583
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:05,035
and still be a great sailor.
584
00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:06,605
Gave me a lot of confidence.
585
00:20:06,630 --> 00:20:09,056
- Wow. I had no idea.
- Hey, Double-Dip.
586
00:20:09,081 --> 00:20:10,747
I got something for you.
587
00:20:11,861 --> 00:20:13,861
- The bell? Really?
- Yeah.
588
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,319
It'll remind you of the good old days
589
00:20:15,455 --> 00:20:16,546
and also today
590
00:20:16,699 --> 00:20:18,433
when you fished out Mr. Slips Ahoy.
591
00:20:18,458 --> 00:20:19,900
Mr. Slips Ahoy over here.
592
00:20:19,924 --> 00:20:20,770
- That's pretty good.
593
00:20:20,794 --> 00:20:22,794
Let's just pretend you
sent a request letter
594
00:20:22,813 --> 00:20:24,872
and it has all the
right signatures on it.
595
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,464
But maybe put it down your pants
596
00:20:26,484 --> 00:20:27,921
till you get off the ship, please.
597
00:20:27,946 --> 00:20:29,870
- Can I hide it in my jacket?
- No. Pants.
598
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,378
Yeah, pants is better.
Put it in your pants.
599
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,638
- Come on.
- Okay, I'll try. Thank you.
600
00:20:33,658 --> 00:20:35,140
Aw, Teddy got the bell.
601
00:20:35,159 --> 00:20:37,142
- All because of me.
- I mean...
602
00:20:37,161 --> 00:20:38,765
Thank you for your service, Mom.
603
00:20:38,790 --> 00:20:40,030
If I fall off the ship,
604
00:20:40,055 --> 00:20:41,855
do you think that lady
will give me a torpedo?
605
00:20:41,891 --> 00:20:43,869
Hey, maybe you should reach out
to your old friends, too, Mom.
606
00:20:43,893 --> 00:20:45,294
And then you can make up
and wear matching jackets.
607
00:20:45,318 --> 00:20:48,061
I would, sweetie, but I TP'd
Debbie Bernardini's house
608
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,063
after they started calling
me Death by Chocolate.
609
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,408
And I peed on her bike.
But I shouldn't have.
610
00:20:52,433 --> 00:20:54,749
Kids, do the Teddy
thing, not the Mama thing.
611
00:20:54,774 --> 00:20:56,302
Oh, and I called them
at 2:00 in the morning
612
00:20:56,326 --> 00:20:58,287
every night for a year and
pretended I was a killer.
613
00:20:58,311 --> 00:20:59,310
Geez, Linda.
614
00:20:59,329 --> 00:21:00,996
That's what friends do?
615
00:21:01,021 --> 00:21:04,189
♪ Double-Dip, Double-Dip ♪
616
00:21:04,409 --> 00:21:07,985
♪ One false step, and I
fell right off the ship ♪
617
00:21:08,079 --> 00:21:10,413
♪ Double-Dip, Double-Dip ♪
618
00:21:10,507 --> 00:21:14,417
♪ Turns out it's pretty
easy to make a second trip ♪
619
00:21:14,569 --> 00:21:16,085
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
620
00:21:16,238 --> 00:21:17,639
♪ Look who went and
soaked their drawers ♪
621
00:21:17,663 --> 00:21:19,163
♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪
622
00:21:19,257 --> 00:21:21,165
♪ Got rescued, but
my nipples chafed ♪
623
00:21:21,259 --> 00:21:24,019
♪ Double-Dip, that's right, Double-Dip ♪
624
00:21:24,246 --> 00:21:25,832
- ♪ No one else to blame ♪
- ♪ Double, Double-Dip ♪
625
00:21:25,856 --> 00:21:27,764
♪ Took me two falls
in to get that name ♪
626
00:21:27,916 --> 00:21:31,026
♪ Double-Dip, that's
me, Double-Dip ♪
627
00:21:31,177 --> 00:21:32,580
♪ When you're in
trouble, on the double ♪
628
00:21:32,604 --> 00:21:34,029
♪ Call the Double-Dip. ♪
629
00:21:34,054 --> 00:21:37,054
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --