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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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♪ Thanksgiving, it's Thanksgiving ♪
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♪ And we're putting
smiles on old people's ♪
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♪ Old person faces. ♪
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Not that I don't want to
go to the Elegant Doily
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old people's home... I mean,
I love doilies and all...
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But why are we doing this
on Thanksgiving again?
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Ginger went there last Thanksgiving
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and said it was very rewarding.
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You know, play checkers with old people,
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let 'em pinch your cheeks,
talk about their favorite wars.
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It's good to give back a
little since we have so much.
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So much of what, exactly?
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Napkins, maybe? We did just stock up.
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Giving back sounds nice. I wish
I could give back to Merryl,
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but she left the Elegant Doily
and moved in with her boyfriend.
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Do you still say "boyfriend"
when they're in their 90s?
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You say "elderberry."
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Plus, your father and
I will probably end up
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in a home someday.
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It'll be a nice little preview.
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Oh, no, we'll never
be able to afford that.
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I'm excited to get back
home and get cracking
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on that maple glaze for the turkey.
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Man, Thanksgiving is the best holiday.
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There in the kitchen, the
excitement, the adrenaline.
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Oh, yeah. You're all fun in
the kitchen on Thanksgiving.
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Just, uh, getting a snack, uh...
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Hot plate! Hot plate! Out of the way!
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- Hey, Dad, do you think I could...
- Ask your mother!
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- Dinner's in 20 minutes!
- Aah!
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- No, no, no. 30.
- Aah!
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So, what would you say is
the minimum amount of time
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we can spend at the Elegant Doily?
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Don't you worry your pretty
little hairy neck, Bob.
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We'll get you home soon so you
can start doing your cooking.
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Oh, is my neck that hairy right now?
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Yeah, it's probably time to harvest.
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Yep. Just like I remembered it.
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Oh, this is where all the carpet is.
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Got-dang it. Give me
my damn orange soda!
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Oh, hi, Sergeant Bosco.
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Are you here visiting
your very pleasant mom?
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Yeah, but she won't
come out of her room.
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And if Mother doesn't do
Thanksgiving activities
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with her nursing home friends today,
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she'll gripe about it all year long!
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You having soda troubles?
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You know, the front's just glass.
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- You could smash it.
- Louise.
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- Or shoot it.
- Interesting, interesting.
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Let me help you with that.
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This machine is quite
the quarter gobbler.
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Ooh, stretchy keys. That's fun.
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Here you go.
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Ah, yeah. Get in there, fructose.
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Thanks, Deirdre. Wish me luck.
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Oh, you're Deirdre. I'm Linda.
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- We spoke on the phone.
- Linda.
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And this must be your lovely family.
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We prefer "hot family," thank you.
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Well, we are thankful you're
helping us out this morning.
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Follow me. I'll get you all set up.
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Oh, I left the hard candies in the car.
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Old people still like hard candy, right?
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They love to unwrap them
whenever it's very quiet.
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You go ahead. I'll
catch up. I'll catch up.
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You will be helping out with
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a very important Thanksgiving job:
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making the paper turkey decorations.
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Gotcha. Do you want sturdy
turkeys or flirty turkeys?
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Deirdre, it's Paul.
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Mr. Thompson said that you said
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that he didn't have to
wear pants on holidays.
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No, I said always pants all the time.
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- Disagree.
- Hi. How are you?
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Nice... nice turkey.
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You worry about your own turkey, fella.
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You want me to carry you? I could.
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I've been doing several push-ups a day
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before I take a shower.
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Probably against the sink.
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Yeah, against the sink. So what?
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Hi. I couldn't help overhearing
your loud conversation.
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Seems like someone doesn't want
to join all the Thanksgiving fun.
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I'm Linda. My family's here today,
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giving back... no big deal.
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- So, can I help?
- My son has a gun.
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- Don't mess with us.
- Mother.
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Do you want two pounds of hard candy?
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Take the candy. Get rid of the lady.
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Close the door.
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I'm having real trouble
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making turkey waddles that
don't look like testicles.
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- Me, too.
- Come on! Come on!
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Is that Zeke?
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Is he wrestling his grandma?
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- Ah, come on!
- Hey, Zeke.
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- Hey, Tina, girl. Louise. G-man.
- Doctor.
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Did your grandparents
move in here or something?
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Tell 'em to watch out...
The hazing process is crazy.
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Nah, we're making paper turkeys
with testicles on their chins.
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- Oh, cool.
- What are you doing?
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Every year, my grandma
and the other elders watch
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the OMG Mall Group Thanksgiving
Day Parade on the TV.
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Oh, the OMGMGTDP? I love that parade.
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Yeah, but the cable's out.
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Did you fix the cable yet, Zeke?
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Sorry, Grandma.
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I'm giving it all I got,
but it's just not enough.
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I'm sorry, everyone.
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We're not gonna be able to
watch the parade this year.
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Oh, no.
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Man, that's a lot of frowning.
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- And new wrinkles, I bet.
- Dang it!
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I wish I was a wizard so
I could give these angels
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the parade they deserve.
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No OMGMGTDP on TGD? That's BS!
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It would be nice to do something nice.
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Maybe that's how we could
do our giving back-ing.
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Maybe we could try to do
some kind of entertainment?
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Not a parade, but like a parade?
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These people want a
parade, specifically.
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They do have parade face.
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Hmm, we know they've got
some basic art supplies,
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and we've got our charisma.
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And a deep knowledge of
the American songbook.
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Are we doing a parade? I
think we're doing a parade.
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Well, I'm here all day.
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And I've cut enough
turkey face testicles
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for a lifetime, so I'm in.
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Good thing I brought my bass drum.
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Guess what, everyone.
The parade is back on.
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Not on TV, though.
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Oh, boy. Tough crowd.
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Your turkey is... I
would just start over.
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Oh, my God.
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Hi. Can you cook lots of food? No?
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Hey. Feel like cooking
a ton of food? No?
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Can anyone here cook lots of food?
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Um, I can.
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So, yeah, our cook had to step out
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for just a few minutes... Probably more.
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Her water broke.
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She's in labor... At the hospital.
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And it turns out our
other cook is the father,
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so he's probably out
for the day as well.
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So there's no one to
cook all of this food
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- for the whole place.
- Right.
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- On Thanksgiving.
- Yes.
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- Well, I'm happy to do it.
- Really?
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I mean, even if you just made the turkey
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and maybe mashed potatoes,
that would be amazing.
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Sure. Sure. Yeah, I
think I can handle it.
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I-I actually have a restaurant.
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That's incredible. We are so lucky.
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Well, we're not a popular restaurant.
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- Neither are we.
- We-we don't make a lot of money.
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Neither do I. Anyway, thank you.
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Hi, kitchen. I'm-I'm Bob.
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Uh, let's get into it.
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No, that sounded lame. Sorry, kitchen.
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It's okay.
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You're cooking Thanksgiving?
For the whole place?
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I know! I'm like the guy in
the audience who can play guitar
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and the band says, "Can
anyone play guitar?"
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- And I go onstage, and it's amazing.
- Yeah, it's just like that, Bob.
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We can have our own dinner
at home a little late, right?
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Sure, but just keep it simple in there.
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You know how you get on Thanksgiving.
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You get a little amped up.
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What do you mean? I'm amped down.
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You're gonna need some
help. I'll come soon.
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Sergeant Bosco's mom and I are
just starting to hit it off.
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When will she leave?
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Wait, aren't the kids with you?
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No. They left me with the paper turkeys
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and a guy who was kind of mean.
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All right, I got to go.
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Knifey's ready to get dicey.
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You want us to be in the kitchen
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cooking with Dad on Thanksgiving?
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No, thank you very much.
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He doesn't want anyone in the kitchen
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with him on Thanksgiving.
He's a lone wolf.
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But slightly more
hairy and more vicious.
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Okay, I know your father can be...
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00:06:30,992 --> 00:06:32,492
- A Thankszilla?
- A Thankszilla.
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But at least one of you needs to
go in there and help out, okay?
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00:06:35,371 --> 00:06:36,973
Ugh. Fine. Hand farts?
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00:06:36,998 --> 00:06:39,028
- Weakest one goes with Dad?
- Yeah. - Sure.
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00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:43,722
- No!
- Yes. - Ha!
193
00:06:43,747 --> 00:06:44,838
I've been practicing.
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Damn these tiny hands!
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I don't want to cook with Thankszilla.
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Y'all hand-farting?
I like to hand-fart.
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00:06:53,307 --> 00:06:54,955
Dad? Mom told me to come in here
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00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:57,228
to help you... In a
kitchen, on Thanksgiving.
199
00:06:57,253 --> 00:06:59,473
- Thoughts? Concerns?
- Oh, okay. Great.
200
00:06:59,498 --> 00:07:00,997
Oh, you don't seem so excited.
201
00:07:01,022 --> 00:07:02,535
Maybe I should just go.
202
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,668
No, no, I mean, I
probably do need the help.
203
00:07:04,693 --> 00:07:06,762
And it could be fun. Also, I feel like
204
00:07:06,787 --> 00:07:08,937
I got a good handle on
everything, schedule-wise.
205
00:07:08,939 --> 00:07:11,829
I guess, in a way, I've been
training my whole life for this.
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00:07:11,854 --> 00:07:13,153
So, there's potatoes
207
00:07:13,178 --> 00:07:14,771
- for mashed potatoes.
- Good eye.
208
00:07:14,796 --> 00:07:17,112
I found sausage, so we'll
make sausage stuffing.
209
00:07:17,131 --> 00:07:19,341
- There's turkey breasts.
- Put a bra on those.
210
00:07:19,366 --> 00:07:21,450
There's green beans.
There's cranberry sauce.
211
00:07:21,468 --> 00:07:23,209
Oh, you're probably
gonna want a headband,
212
00:07:23,229 --> 00:07:25,545
'cause we're in the eye of the storm.
213
00:07:25,564 --> 00:07:27,720
- Settle down, tiger.
- Hey. They have one of these.
214
00:07:27,745 --> 00:07:30,002
Whoa, what's that? Some
kind of kitchen gun?
215
00:07:30,027 --> 00:07:33,103
Sort of. It's a torch used
for finishing crème brûlée.
216
00:07:33,128 --> 00:07:35,007
It shoots fire when
you press this button.
217
00:07:35,032 --> 00:07:36,292
Let me see, let me see, let me see.
218
00:07:36,317 --> 00:07:38,756
Hey, you know, I was gonna
make sweet potato casserole,
219
00:07:38,781 --> 00:07:41,147
and we could use this to
brown the marshmallows on top.
220
00:07:41,172 --> 00:07:43,778
A gun that makes fire? Yes, please.
221
00:07:43,803 --> 00:07:45,800
Should we make fire with it right now?
222
00:07:45,825 --> 00:07:47,553
No, we have lots to do before that.
223
00:07:47,578 --> 00:07:49,522
But, tell you what, how would you like
224
00:07:49,547 --> 00:07:51,564
to be Captain Casserole
and learn how to make it?
225
00:07:51,589 --> 00:07:54,440
Does, uh, Captain Casserole
get to shoot the fire gun?
226
00:07:54,465 --> 00:07:56,723
- She does, eventually.
- Then call me Captain.
227
00:07:56,748 --> 00:07:59,467
Wait, do I outrank you?
Oh, that's embarrassing.
228
00:07:59,492 --> 00:08:01,176
Uh-oh. Now we're behind schedule.
229
00:08:01,201 --> 00:08:02,901
Uh, let's kick it in gear, okay?
230
00:08:02,926 --> 00:08:04,329
You-you sure you don't want a headband?
231
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:06,880
Ooh, you know, I hear
that all the cool seniors
232
00:08:06,905 --> 00:08:08,284
are hanging out in the rec room today.
233
00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:10,319
You want to go check
out that scene? I do.
234
00:08:10,344 --> 00:08:12,917
No! I'm not going until Gary calls.
235
00:08:12,942 --> 00:08:13,901
Who's Gary?
236
00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:15,639
- My brother.
- My other son.
237
00:08:15,664 --> 00:08:17,170
That's it, I'm carrying you out.
238
00:08:17,195 --> 00:08:19,587
What? No. Uh, Sergeant Bosco,
239
00:08:19,612 --> 00:08:21,871
would you come look at
these pretty flowers with me?
240
00:08:21,962 --> 00:08:23,749
I bought those. I've already seen 'em.
241
00:08:24,077 --> 00:08:25,260
Come on.
242
00:08:25,285 --> 00:08:26,389
Okay, this is not going great.
243
00:08:26,414 --> 00:08:28,303
Don't you do hostage negotiations?
244
00:08:28,328 --> 00:08:31,296
- This is a hostage negotiation, right?
- I guess.
245
00:08:31,321 --> 00:08:33,066
So, what's the first
step in one of those?
246
00:08:33,091 --> 00:08:35,108
Establish a rapport to gain their trust.
247
00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:36,796
Hello. She's your mother.
248
00:08:36,821 --> 00:08:38,526
Right, so too late for that.
249
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:39,889
Well, well, wh-what's after that?
250
00:08:39,931 --> 00:08:42,339
Asking open-ended questions
to give them a sense of control
251
00:08:42,364 --> 00:08:43,454
and feel them out.
252
00:08:43,601 --> 00:08:45,083
Okay. All right.
253
00:08:45,178 --> 00:08:47,603
So, Lillian, do you like
254
00:08:47,743 --> 00:08:49,935
- open-ended questions?
- No.
255
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,758
- That's a closed-ended question, Linda.
- Oh, right.
256
00:08:53,063 --> 00:08:54,383
How are the sweet potatoes coming?
257
00:08:54,456 --> 00:08:56,214
Good, but I should
check the marshmallows,
258
00:08:56,233 --> 00:08:57,465
make sure they're ripe.
259
00:08:57,490 --> 00:08:59,459
Mmm. Tough to tell. Mmm!
260
00:08:59,478 --> 00:09:00,736
No eating, more peeling.
261
00:09:00,761 --> 00:09:03,154
Oh, they have brussels
sprouts. I can roast those.
262
00:09:03,179 --> 00:09:04,717
Wait, you want to add another dish?
263
00:09:04,742 --> 00:09:06,299
Yeah, it'll complement the stuffing.
264
00:09:06,318 --> 00:09:07,647
If we hustle, we can do it.
265
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,302
Okay, I'm gonna need you to shift from
266
00:09:09,304 --> 00:09:11,183
sweet potato casserole
duty to brussels sprouts.
267
00:09:11,208 --> 00:09:14,732
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm
Captain Casserole. I took an oath.
268
00:09:14,752 --> 00:09:16,918
- I need you to wash these.
- Feels like a demotion.
269
00:09:16,943 --> 00:09:18,472
Really get in there, and-and hurry.
270
00:09:18,497 --> 00:09:19,479
How's it going in here?
271
00:09:19,498 --> 00:09:20,997
- Eh.
- Going great.
272
00:09:21,071 --> 00:09:23,255
Welcome to the Almost OMG Mall Group
273
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:24,886
Thanksgiving Day Parade.
274
00:09:24,911 --> 00:09:26,813
We've got a hell of
a show for you today.
275
00:09:26,838 --> 00:09:29,093
Let's go to Tina, who's
on the parade route. Tina?
276
00:09:29,118 --> 00:09:31,776
Thank you. I'm here with a
very special person, Ruth.
277
00:09:31,801 --> 00:09:33,735
Ruth, where did you travel from today?
278
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,453
- Room 3.
- Wow.
279
00:09:35,478 --> 00:09:36,977
And you, Zeke's grandma?
280
00:09:37,002 --> 00:09:39,309
- Room 9.
- That's so far.
281
00:09:39,334 --> 00:09:41,425
Gene, tell me where the
parade's gonna go today.
282
00:09:41,445 --> 00:09:43,147
Well, we're gonna start
over here by the bookcase.
283
00:09:43,171 --> 00:09:45,745
We're gonna run around the
room, and then we're gonna stop.
284
00:09:45,770 --> 00:09:47,242
It should take about three hours.
285
00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:49,823
Good news. The cream of
tartar was just hiding,
286
00:09:49,848 --> 00:09:51,811
so we can make biscuits from scratch.
287
00:09:51,836 --> 00:09:53,441
- How's the chopping coming?
- Pretty good.
288
00:09:53,466 --> 00:09:55,282
You got to line 'em up just so,
289
00:09:55,307 --> 00:09:56,774
and then... hi-ya!
290
00:09:56,799 --> 00:09:58,625
- Oh.
- That's the best one so far.
291
00:09:58,644 --> 00:10:00,460
Oh, my God. Those should
really be in the oven.
292
00:10:00,479 --> 00:10:02,720
- Here, let me take that.
- Hey, I was just...
293
00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:04,222
You don't say "hi-ya" at all?
294
00:10:04,316 --> 00:10:05,504
Uh, you know what?
295
00:10:05,529 --> 00:10:07,036
Louise, why don't I
chop the rest of these?
296
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:08,555
We can use a couple of
the ones you chopped.
297
00:10:08,579 --> 00:10:10,412
Crap. I gotta preheat the oven.
298
00:10:10,437 --> 00:10:12,363
Louise, watch out. Sorry,
I need to get through.
299
00:10:12,410 --> 00:10:14,618
- And there's Thankszilla.
- What? Huh?
300
00:10:14,643 --> 00:10:17,477
Nothing. I'm just gonna
go to the bathroom.
301
00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:19,496
- I'll let you know how it goes.
- Okay, great.
302
00:10:19,572 --> 00:10:21,998
Come out of your room
and go join your friends.
303
00:10:22,023 --> 00:10:24,098
I repeat, go join your friends.
304
00:10:24,186 --> 00:10:26,630
I'm not leaving until Gary calls.
305
00:10:26,655 --> 00:10:29,310
Gary, Gary, Gary. Eh, I give up.
306
00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:31,410
What? No, no giving up.
307
00:10:31,435 --> 00:10:33,721
- Tell me more about Gary.
- I'll tell you.
308
00:10:33,746 --> 00:10:35,483
He's a big-shot tanning salon owner
309
00:10:35,508 --> 00:10:37,249
who won't visit his
mother on Thanksgiving
310
00:10:37,274 --> 00:10:39,028
even though he lives ten minutes away!
311
00:10:39,053 --> 00:10:41,168
And he changed his Netflix password.
312
00:10:41,186 --> 00:10:42,646
That's terrible.
313
00:10:42,671 --> 00:10:44,534
Why won't Gary visit you?
314
00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:46,097
Well, this one would tell you
315
00:10:46,116 --> 00:10:47,754
it's because I'm a mean old lady.
316
00:10:47,779 --> 00:10:49,043
What? No.
317
00:10:49,068 --> 00:10:50,946
- That's not true.
- No, it is.
318
00:10:50,971 --> 00:10:52,431
You'd be a mean old lady, too,
319
00:10:52,456 --> 00:10:54,181
if your kids didn't visit you
320
00:10:54,199 --> 00:10:55,435
and you're shivering all the time
321
00:10:55,459 --> 00:10:57,350
because it's freezing in here!
322
00:10:57,369 --> 00:11:00,187
Just wait, Linda. It'll
happen to you, too.
323
00:11:00,205 --> 00:11:01,296
No, it won't.
324
00:11:01,346 --> 00:11:02,937
It is chilly in here, though.
325
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:05,002
Oh, my God, it's already happening!
326
00:11:05,027 --> 00:11:07,095
Oh, Bob, I'm gonna be a grumpy old lady,
327
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,453
and you probably will, too.
328
00:11:08,472 --> 00:11:10,030
What are... what are you talking about?
329
00:11:10,055 --> 00:11:11,341
The kids aren't gonna visit us
330
00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:12,894
when we're in an old folks' home
331
00:11:12,919 --> 00:11:14,344
'cause we'll be grumpy and cold.
332
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:16,461
Okay, that-that might
not be a today problem.
333
00:11:16,555 --> 00:11:19,257
How are you doing in there?
Is Louise helping you?
334
00:11:19,282 --> 00:11:21,655
"Help" is a strong word, but yeah.
335
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,278
I mean, wait a minute. She was.
336
00:11:23,303 --> 00:11:25,636
- She might have left.
- Oh, my God, see?
337
00:11:25,731 --> 00:11:27,214
They don't want to be with us.
338
00:11:27,239 --> 00:11:28,859
It's already happening.
339
00:11:28,884 --> 00:11:31,165
She just went to the bathroom,
I think. She's coming back.
340
00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:32,530
You're keeping it simple, right, Bob?
341
00:11:32,554 --> 00:11:33,903
You're not going crazy in there?
342
00:11:33,928 --> 00:11:35,406
Simple-ish.
343
00:11:35,431 --> 00:11:37,955
Bob, if Louise comes back in,
take it extra easy with her.
344
00:11:37,980 --> 00:11:39,984
We want our kids to visit
us when we live here.
345
00:11:40,004 --> 00:11:42,006
We still can't afford it, but I'll be...
346
00:11:42,031 --> 00:11:44,852
easy like Sunday morning...
You know, Thursday morning.
347
00:11:44,877 --> 00:11:47,377
I'm leaving. I'm gonna go
arrest somebody else's mom
348
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:48,635
and pretend it's you.
349
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:50,828
Bob, I got to go. Get
Louise, but go easy.
350
00:11:50,848 --> 00:11:52,572
All right, I need everyone to imagine
351
00:11:52,591 --> 00:11:54,490
we're Shriners driving tiny cars.
352
00:11:54,515 --> 00:11:55,406
Beep-beep!
353
00:11:55,438 --> 00:11:57,167
- Louise!
- Uh-oh. He found me.
354
00:11:57,192 --> 00:11:58,870
- Hey, Dad.
- We're Shrining.
355
00:11:58,895 --> 00:12:00,653
I was totally headed to the kitchen,
356
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:02,678
but now I got to drive this tiny car.
357
00:12:02,703 --> 00:12:05,104
Yeah, but maybe you can, um, come back.
358
00:12:05,129 --> 00:12:07,693
We'll definitely keep having
fun like we were before
359
00:12:07,718 --> 00:12:10,093
and, uh, maybe even more fun.
360
00:12:10,112 --> 00:12:12,521
I mean, I'd love to,
but there's that rule
361
00:12:12,546 --> 00:12:15,588
that you can't have less than
four Shriners cars in a parade.
362
00:12:15,613 --> 00:12:17,296
Shriners three cannot be.
363
00:12:17,321 --> 00:12:19,822
Just waiting on those other tiny cars.
364
00:12:19,847 --> 00:12:20,764
Here I come.
365
00:12:20,789 --> 00:12:22,874
Look at all these smiling faces.
366
00:12:22,899 --> 00:12:24,171
I-I-I got to go.
367
00:12:24,196 --> 00:12:25,921
Also, you got to go,
368
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,750
because there's a lot of
things unwatched right now.
369
00:12:28,775 --> 00:12:30,749
Ugh. Fine. I'm coming.
370
00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:33,195
I don't even know why he
wants me in there anyway.
371
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:34,985
Apparently, I'm not
doing anything right.
372
00:12:35,018 --> 00:12:37,184
Uh-oh. Shriner pileup.
373
00:12:37,209 --> 00:12:40,337
But if he kicks me out, then I'm free.
374
00:12:40,362 --> 00:12:42,838
Yes! I'm going to be such a bad cook
375
00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,786
that Thankszilla will banish
me from Kitchenland in no time.
376
00:12:45,825 --> 00:12:48,352
- Ha!
- Okay, time to Shrine, Gene!
377
00:12:48,377 --> 00:12:51,095
Feel that tiny car energy!
378
00:12:53,548 --> 00:12:55,266
Okay, time to baste the breasts.
379
00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:56,837
Do you want me to leave you guys alone?
380
00:12:56,862 --> 00:12:58,782
It's actually a really
important job, Louise.
381
00:12:58,807 --> 00:13:00,704
We use the baster to suck up the juices
382
00:13:00,729 --> 00:13:03,212
and then evenly distribute them like so.
383
00:13:03,237 --> 00:13:04,996
Got it. Let me take a whack at this.
384
00:13:05,021 --> 00:13:06,348
Oh. Okay.
385
00:13:06,373 --> 00:13:08,048
Oh, whoops. Did I get it?
386
00:13:08,073 --> 00:13:11,566
Uh, nope, but I'm easy
like Thursday morning.
387
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,924
Oops. Missed the meat completely.
388
00:13:13,949 --> 00:13:16,632
Oh, that must be so frustrating for you.
389
00:13:16,657 --> 00:13:18,280
Why don't you try again?
390
00:13:18,305 --> 00:13:21,950
I'm-I'm very relaxed about
all this cooking stuff.
391
00:13:21,975 --> 00:13:24,874
Okay. Whoa. Missed again.
392
00:13:24,899 --> 00:13:27,491
Boy, you should need a
license for this thing.
393
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:29,198
Good job. That's done.
394
00:13:29,293 --> 00:13:31,367
Okay, uh, let's, uh, keep going.
395
00:13:31,536 --> 00:13:33,295
Uh, look at all that stuff we're making.
396
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,204
- Over there.
- Oh, great.
397
00:13:35,229 --> 00:13:37,120
Just closing the oven.
398
00:13:37,145 --> 00:13:38,645
Oh, and now I'm being told
399
00:13:38,670 --> 00:13:40,710
some really cool marching
band is ready to perform.
400
00:13:40,735 --> 00:13:43,340
- Good for them.
- Two, three, four.
401
00:13:44,826 --> 00:13:46,601
Just imagine the thousands of hours
402
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,512
they must have practiced
for this very day.
403
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:51,220
Are you kidding me?
They got a flag waver?
404
00:13:51,245 --> 00:13:52,411
Hot damn.
405
00:13:52,436 --> 00:13:54,632
Wow, if I was watching
this, I'd be impressed.
406
00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:56,520
And what the huh?
407
00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:59,303
A gymnastics squad?
408
00:13:59,323 --> 00:14:02,415
All right, how about you
stir the cranberry sauce?
409
00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:03,550
I'm gonna use this guy.
410
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,362
This is good for stirring, right?
411
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:06,553
Nope. Nope. Nope.
412
00:14:06,571 --> 00:14:07,996
Ooh, this one's bigger.
413
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:11,034
- Let's use you.
- Uh, that wooden spoon looks like fun.
414
00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:12,938
And now, no parade can be complete
415
00:14:12,963 --> 00:14:15,388
without a song from a
hit Broadway musical.
416
00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:17,063
Get ready for some singing!
417
00:14:17,082 --> 00:14:18,731
One, two, three, four!
418
00:14:18,750 --> 00:14:21,997
♪ Here we are on Broadway ♪
419
00:14:22,022 --> 00:14:25,497
♪ It's a street but also
a place with musicals ♪
420
00:14:25,522 --> 00:14:26,739
♪ Like Oklahoma ♪
421
00:14:26,758 --> 00:14:29,258
♪ That's a state
but also a musical ♪
422
00:14:29,353 --> 00:14:31,259
♪ And Rent, which is a musical ♪
423
00:14:31,284 --> 00:14:33,567
♪ And also a thing you have to pay ♪
424
00:14:33,592 --> 00:14:36,168
- ♪ The end. ♪
- ♪ Oh, end. ♪
425
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:39,487
Oh, God. We bombed.
426
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:40,731
They're just giving
us grandparent claps.
427
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,755
To be fair, we told
them this was a parade,
428
00:14:42,780 --> 00:14:44,751
and we didn't have
any floats or balloons.
429
00:14:44,776 --> 00:14:46,656
- And very little parading.
- It's true.
430
00:14:46,681 --> 00:14:48,088
They could probably press charges.
431
00:14:48,113 --> 00:14:49,590
Floats and balloons. Gosh darn it,
432
00:14:49,614 --> 00:14:51,264
we need to do floats
and balloons somehow.
433
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:52,444
It's Thanksgiving, and we're
434
00:14:52,469 --> 00:14:54,080
supposed to be doing the giving part.
435
00:14:54,105 --> 00:14:56,338
The Garfield balloon himself
couldn't have said it better.
436
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:57,931
Uh, guess what. We're not done.
437
00:14:57,956 --> 00:15:00,668
Actually, this was the
finale before the finale.
438
00:15:00,693 --> 00:15:02,545
- The pre-finale.
- The pre-nale.
439
00:15:02,570 --> 00:15:05,422
So don't go anywhere. This
parade will be right back.
440
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:06,590
With floats and balloons.
441
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:07,994
- Oh, okay.
- All right.
442
00:15:08,019 --> 00:15:09,477
We don't have any of those things.
443
00:15:09,571 --> 00:15:10,904
We're definitely getting sued.
444
00:15:10,998 --> 00:15:13,666
Okay, so just keep stirring
the green beans like this
445
00:15:13,691 --> 00:15:15,961
so they don't burn, but also you want
446
00:15:15,986 --> 00:15:18,566
to keep them spread
out so they cook evenly.
447
00:15:18,591 --> 00:15:21,466
Got it. So, like this, Papa?
448
00:15:21,491 --> 00:15:22,566
Is this good?
449
00:15:22,591 --> 00:15:25,326
- Is this spread out enough?
- Mm-hmm. Kind of.
450
00:15:25,346 --> 00:15:27,070
I hadn't thought of doing it that way.
451
00:15:27,089 --> 00:15:30,459
Just a big pile all the
way over to the side.
452
00:15:30,484 --> 00:15:33,243
Oh, that cutting board's
gonna fall. Go catch it.
453
00:15:33,262 --> 00:15:36,096
How about we race to where
your friends are, huh?
454
00:15:36,121 --> 00:15:37,804
I bet you a dollar I'm faster.
455
00:15:37,829 --> 00:15:38,937
Gary could beat you.
456
00:15:38,962 --> 00:15:40,210
He keeps in shape.
457
00:15:40,235 --> 00:15:41,976
Unlike Mr. Orange Soda over here.
458
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:43,400
Eats like a five-year-old.
459
00:15:43,425 --> 00:15:45,062
That's it!
460
00:15:45,087 --> 00:15:49,593
Lillian, stop talking about your
precious Gary who isn't here.
461
00:15:49,618 --> 00:15:50,852
Sergeant Bosco is here
462
00:15:50,871 --> 00:15:52,687
visiting you, bringing you flowers.
463
00:15:52,707 --> 00:15:54,467
And you've got friends
down the hall somehow,
464
00:15:54,492 --> 00:15:55,834
though it's hard to imagine.
465
00:15:55,859 --> 00:15:57,219
So why don't you spend Thanksgiving
466
00:15:57,269 --> 00:15:59,378
with people who want
to spend it with you?
467
00:15:59,403 --> 00:16:00,764
I'm gonna go find my kids.
468
00:16:00,789 --> 00:16:02,175
And the only reason they won't visit me
469
00:16:02,199 --> 00:16:03,584
in a nursing home when I'm old is
470
00:16:03,609 --> 00:16:05,711
'cause I won't be able
to afford to live in one.
471
00:16:05,736 --> 00:16:06,902
Happy Thanksgiving.
472
00:16:07,279 --> 00:16:09,279
I don't know where she's
getting any of that.
473
00:16:09,298 --> 00:16:10,464
I'm on your side.
474
00:16:10,489 --> 00:16:12,121
Okay, the turkey needs
a couple more minutes.
475
00:16:12,146 --> 00:16:14,262
Same with the brussels. And
you're holding the pickles
476
00:16:14,286 --> 00:16:16,314
above the mashed potatoes.
Uh, I'll just take that.
477
00:16:16,339 --> 00:16:17,856
Yeah, if you don't like flavor.
478
00:16:17,881 --> 00:16:19,768
Looks like some pickle
juice might have fallen in.
479
00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:20,899
Hopefully not.
480
00:16:20,924 --> 00:16:22,453
The sweet potato
casserole should be ready.
481
00:16:22,478 --> 00:16:24,529
And now it's time to
brown the marshmallows.
482
00:16:24,554 --> 00:16:25,554
Oh, yes!
483
00:16:25,579 --> 00:16:27,612
The fire gun. Let's do this.
484
00:16:27,637 --> 00:16:29,366
Captain Casserole reporting for duty.
485
00:16:29,391 --> 00:16:31,893
Oh, uh, it's just that we only
get one shot at this, Louise,
486
00:16:31,912 --> 00:16:33,728
and if we don't get
it right, it's ruined,
487
00:16:33,748 --> 00:16:35,655
so I-I'd better just do it.
488
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:37,246
And also, you know, it's not that fun.
489
00:16:37,271 --> 00:16:39,620
What? No, I can be really careful!
490
00:16:39,645 --> 00:16:42,813
Dad, come on. I was being
bad at cooking on purpose.
491
00:16:42,831 --> 00:16:44,089
Let me do it, please.
492
00:16:44,241 --> 00:16:46,908
You-you... you were
being bad on purpose?
493
00:16:46,933 --> 00:16:48,963
Yes. So you would kick me out.
494
00:16:48,988 --> 00:16:50,245
You wanted me to kick you out?
495
00:16:50,264 --> 00:16:52,672
Yeah. I did before, but now I don't.
496
00:16:52,767 --> 00:16:54,076
Why would you do that?
497
00:16:54,101 --> 00:16:56,043
Let's talk about it after
you give me that thing.
498
00:16:56,068 --> 00:16:57,176
No, definitely not.
499
00:16:57,201 --> 00:16:58,824
I'm doing this.
500
00:16:58,849 --> 00:17:00,732
Since you don't want to be here so badly
501
00:17:00,757 --> 00:17:03,971
that you'd purposely mess up the
most beautiful meal of the year.
502
00:17:03,996 --> 00:17:06,330
- None of us wanted to be in here.
- What?
503
00:17:06,355 --> 00:17:07,832
The only reason I'm
here at all is because
504
00:17:07,856 --> 00:17:09,281
I had the softest hand fart.
505
00:17:09,306 --> 00:17:10,676
I-I don't know what that means,
506
00:17:10,701 --> 00:17:12,077
but I'm just gonna finish
everything else myself.
507
00:17:12,102 --> 00:17:13,988
Fine! That's clearly how you wanted it
508
00:17:14,013 --> 00:17:16,196
from the beginning, you Thankszilla.
509
00:17:16,221 --> 00:17:18,605
- Bye. Bye!
- Bye.
510
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,122
I imagined that door slamming.
511
00:17:21,147 --> 00:17:23,006
I'm just gonna say it. Slam!
512
00:17:26,688 --> 00:17:29,094
This is beautiful. You kids.
513
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:30,879
Uh, don't blow your
nose on the toilet paper.
514
00:17:30,904 --> 00:17:32,463
- We need it for the float.
- Oh.
515
00:17:32,488 --> 00:17:33,927
This is supposed to be a float?
516
00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:35,561
If you really squint
and then shut your eyes.
517
00:17:35,586 --> 00:17:37,740
Louise, you're not
helping in the kitchen?
518
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,536
Nope. I'm back. What are we doing?
519
00:17:39,555 --> 00:17:41,124
We're aiming for the
moon is what we're doing.
520
00:17:41,148 --> 00:17:43,890
Or at least to get that one
guy to stop snoring at us.
521
00:17:44,291 --> 00:17:46,393
Hi, turkey. It's just me in here now.
522
00:17:46,487 --> 00:17:49,359
God, you're even more beautiful
than you were five minutes ago.
523
00:17:49,384 --> 00:17:51,134
Yeah, because you cooked me perfectly
524
00:17:51,158 --> 00:17:53,875
and you're a great
chef and a great father
525
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:56,199
and also unconventionally handsome.
526
00:17:56,224 --> 00:17:58,508
Thanks. Uh, you didn't
have to say all that.
527
00:17:58,533 --> 00:18:00,517
Hey, I wasn't even gonna be a dish,
528
00:18:00,542 --> 00:18:02,649
and now look at me. Thank you.
529
00:18:02,674 --> 00:18:04,463
You're welcome, brussels sprouts.
530
00:18:04,487 --> 00:18:07,483
I do very much enjoy
cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
531
00:18:07,508 --> 00:18:08,985
And you're so good at it.
532
00:18:09,009 --> 00:18:10,584
Thanks, green beans.
533
00:18:10,609 --> 00:18:11,987
But honestly, I-I might not be
534
00:18:12,012 --> 00:18:15,899
the easiest to be around
in the kitchen on T-Day.
535
00:18:15,924 --> 00:18:17,385
Are you kidding?
536
00:18:17,409 --> 00:18:19,667
I love being in the kitchen
with you on T-Day, Bob.
537
00:18:19,687 --> 00:18:21,509
And I love calling it T-Day.
538
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,074
I-I don't know, mashed potatoes.
539
00:18:23,098 --> 00:18:24,668
I feel like maybe you
guys are just kind of
540
00:18:24,692 --> 00:18:26,099
telling me what I want to hear.
541
00:18:26,124 --> 00:18:28,099
No, we love you. You're the best.
542
00:18:28,124 --> 00:18:30,696
Leave your family, Bob.
We'll run away together.
543
00:18:30,721 --> 00:18:32,657
I mean, that might be nice
544
00:18:32,682 --> 00:18:34,228
for a little while, stuffing,
545
00:18:34,253 --> 00:18:36,512
but I don't want to run away with food.
546
00:18:36,537 --> 00:18:39,596
You should. We could
make you happy, Bob.
547
00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:40,909
This is getting weird.
548
00:18:40,933 --> 00:18:42,505
I-I think I'd better go talk to Louise.
549
00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:44,306
I'm just gonna put some foil
over you guys real quick.
550
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:45,670
No, no, no!
551
00:18:45,695 --> 00:18:47,362
Shh. No, it's okay.
552
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:48,933
You guys need to stay warm.
553
00:18:48,957 --> 00:18:50,809
Is this collection of
inflated rubber gloves
554
00:18:50,834 --> 00:18:52,609
the best parade balloon ever?
555
00:18:52,628 --> 00:18:54,679
No, but is it a parade balloon?
556
00:18:54,704 --> 00:18:56,100
- Probably.
- Hi, guys.
557
00:18:56,125 --> 00:18:58,775
- Louise, can we talk?
- Sorry, we're busy.
558
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,095
- Just for a sec.
- Uh, I'm in the float zone, Dad,
559
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:04,121
so unless you're a float or
a balloon, I don't see you.
560
00:19:04,123 --> 00:19:05,880
Can't tell. Can't tell if we got there,
561
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:08,233
but gosh darn it, it's
too late to stop now,
562
00:19:08,258 --> 00:19:09,694
'cause we're rolling!
563
00:19:09,719 --> 00:19:11,052
Bye, Dad. Hee-yah!
564
00:19:11,221 --> 00:19:14,139
How about a totally sincere
round of applause for the float?
565
00:19:14,164 --> 00:19:17,136
The theme is... a mountain
of medical supplies.
566
00:19:17,161 --> 00:19:19,537
Look at all the things
they got on that thing.
567
00:19:20,822 --> 00:19:22,365
And how about these glove balloons, huh?
568
00:19:22,390 --> 00:19:24,110
Eat your heart out, giant Snoopy.
569
00:19:24,135 --> 00:19:25,895
I'm still light-headed
from blowing these up.
570
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,420
Oh, so full of air, those balloons.
571
00:19:28,547 --> 00:19:31,458
Uh, and I'm another balloon.
572
00:19:31,483 --> 00:19:32,996
Do what?
573
00:19:33,021 --> 00:19:34,780
What's that balloon supposed to be?
574
00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:36,929
- Oh, um...
- Ignore him.
575
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:39,097
He's not really in the
parade. He's the chef.
576
00:19:39,249 --> 00:19:41,059
The mean chef who works alone.
577
00:19:41,084 --> 00:19:44,315
Um, my balloon is
a-a character named...
578
00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:45,581
Sorry, Louise.
579
00:19:45,606 --> 00:19:47,486
Sorry Louise? Is that Pixar?
580
00:19:47,511 --> 00:19:48,918
What the hell is this?
581
00:19:48,943 --> 00:19:50,667
Aw, Lillian, you left your room.
582
00:19:50,686 --> 00:19:51,979
Kind of regret it now.
583
00:19:52,004 --> 00:19:53,520
- Hey, Lillian.
- Hi, Ernie.
584
00:19:53,672 --> 00:19:54,762
What's this crap show?
585
00:19:54,856 --> 00:19:57,432
The TV's broken, and
then I had a great nap.
586
00:19:57,526 --> 00:19:58,675
Louise, hey.
587
00:19:58,677 --> 00:20:00,281
I-I really want to say something.
588
00:20:00,306 --> 00:20:03,200
Uh, I'm sorry I was a
little bit of a Thankszilla.
589
00:20:03,225 --> 00:20:05,008
I really did want you to
be in the kitchen with me
590
00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:07,017
and maybe even to
teach you a few things.
591
00:20:07,110 --> 00:20:09,496
You know, I pictured us
bustling around in there,
592
00:20:09,521 --> 00:20:11,372
high-fiving with spatulas,
593
00:20:11,397 --> 00:20:14,970
but I was way too much of a
cook and not enough of a dad.
594
00:20:14,995 --> 00:20:18,695
Well, I guess I was kind of a jerk, too.
595
00:20:18,788 --> 00:20:20,728
Sorry. For what it's worth,
596
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,857
every other day of the year,
you're a pretty great dad.
597
00:20:23,882 --> 00:20:25,626
Though you're kind of a
monster on Easter, too.
598
00:20:25,646 --> 00:20:27,282
And Russian May Day.
599
00:20:27,307 --> 00:20:28,768
Do parades normally talk this much?
600
00:20:28,793 --> 00:20:32,138
Let's give it up for the
Sorry Louise balloon over here.
601
00:20:32,163 --> 00:20:33,801
Late entry. Crowd favorite.
602
00:20:33,821 --> 00:20:35,303
Wow.
603
00:20:35,322 --> 00:20:36,971
What an amazing parade. You loved it.
604
00:20:36,996 --> 00:20:38,882
We gave back. It counts. You're welcome.
605
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:41,898
Uh-oh, the wind's blowing
this balloon off course.
606
00:20:41,923 --> 00:20:43,197
Look out.
607
00:20:43,222 --> 00:20:46,556
Oh, I was wondering where
all the medical supplies went.
608
00:20:49,797 --> 00:20:51,463
God, I freaking love Thanksgiving.
609
00:20:51,488 --> 00:20:52,579
Aw.
610
00:20:52,604 --> 00:20:53,983
Hey, Louise, there's one more thing
611
00:20:54,008 --> 00:20:55,398
I need your help with in the kitchen.
612
00:20:55,417 --> 00:20:56,543
What's that?
613
00:20:57,759 --> 00:20:59,109
Captain Casserole!
614
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:00,904
Woo-hoo-hoo!
615
00:21:00,922 --> 00:21:04,074
♪ Captain Casserole flings
her fiery fire flame ♪
616
00:21:04,167 --> 00:21:07,410
♪ And makes other kitchen
helpers look so lame ♪
617
00:21:07,504 --> 00:21:10,413
♪ With her million-degree
super butane torch ♪
618
00:21:10,432 --> 00:21:12,916
♪ All marshmallows
will soon be scorched ♪
619
00:21:12,934 --> 00:21:17,029
♪ After Captain Casserole
flings her fiery flame ♪
620
00:21:17,084 --> 00:21:20,825
♪ Captain Casserole flings
her fiery fire flame ♪
621
00:21:20,850 --> 00:21:24,261
♪ Every single marshmallow
will be maimed ♪
622
00:21:24,279 --> 00:21:26,763
♪ With a thousand
degrees of butane blast ♪
623
00:21:26,782 --> 00:21:28,242
♪ She'll knock marshmallows ♪
624
00:21:28,267 --> 00:21:30,100
♪ Right on their ♪
625
00:21:30,125 --> 00:21:31,861
♪ After Captain Casserole
flings her fiery flame. ♪
626
00:21:31,953 --> 00:21:32,619
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --