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[♪ theme music playing]
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[Tammy] After some
hard-hitting journalism,
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{\an8}we can report that smoky eye
is hotter than shimmer eye.
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{\an8}And now, "The Tina Table,"
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{\an8}a chat with one of Wagstaff's snooze-makers.
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{\an8}[chuckles] I mean newsmakers.
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{\an8}[clears throat] Mr. Branca is
back at the table
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{\an8}to tell us about some of his
most memorable mopping moments.
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{\an8}One time, the mop part fell off.
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{\an8}-I was just a man with a stick.
- Whoa.
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- Can we do math instead? Please.
- Fractions!
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Yikes.
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{\an8}[Labonz] Just turning it down a little.
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Little more, a little more.
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{\an8}- Hoo-boy.
- Next time, part three
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{\an8}of my interview with Mr. Branca.
Stuff he's found in the trash.
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{\an8}It's mostly what you'd expect.
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{\an8}I think I'll leave the makeup on.
I like it.
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{\an8}So, uh, Tina,
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{\an8}"The Tina Table" is getting tired.
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{\an8}I mean, it's a little splintery on this side,
but I'm careful. Ow.
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{\an8}Not the actual table, the segment.
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{\an8}You're losing the kids.
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{\an8}From what I hear in the faculty lounge,
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{\an8}classroom fidgeting is up 40%.
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{\an8}The fifth grade switches over
to a screen saver
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{\an8}of a kelp forest when you come on.
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{\an8}But that is a good screen saver.
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{\an8}It is, but unless you can deliver
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{\an8}a fresh, fun interview
that kids want to watch,
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{\an8}I'm gonna have to ax the "Table."
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{\an8}- The actual table, or--
- The segment.
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{\an8}- Oh.
- Well, eh, maybe both.
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{\an8}I'll have to get it out of here somehow.
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{\an8}[sighs]
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{\an8}I can't believe
"The Tina Table" might get cancelled.
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{\an8}- I know.
- Crazy, yeah.
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{\an8}Hey, Jimmy Jr., you enjoyed
today's "Tina Table," right?
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{\an8}I kind of missed it.
I was watching Zeke
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{\an8}try to put his elbow in his mouth,
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{\an8}which no one has ever done.
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{\an8}[strains] I'll get there. I can do it.
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{\an8}- [laughs]
- [groans]
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{\an8}But Tina, if you do get kicked off,
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{\an8}you should make a giant stink on air.
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{\an8}- The best kind of stink.
- Like when Channel 13 rebooted
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{\an8}Get On Up with Chuck and Pam,
and then Pam got kicked off
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{\an8}and it was just Get On Up Chuck.
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Today, we're losing
a valued member of our Channel 13 family.
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Pam is leaving to spend
more time being fired.
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You do one what should have been
award-winning story
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on work safety violations at Channel 13,
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and suddenly,
they're not renewing your contract.
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Yes, Pam, you always tell it like it is,
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even though that grip
was clearly standing
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in the wrong place underneath that thing
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and so was that other guy that other time.
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Chuck, you're literally a worm with eyes--
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- [clattering]
- [man grunts]
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You all right, Sully?
He's all right.
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- Come on, what a pro.
- [groans]
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I don't want to get Pammed.
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I've got to find a good interview.
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Maybe Zeke, if he can make
that elbow thing happen?
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- [grunting]
- Damn. Not looking good.
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[Linda] And every part of the body
is cut off and lying there.
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Feet, ears, nose.
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Looks like someone took apart
a big Mr. Potato Head.
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- Whoa.
- Um, what are you talking about?
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B-Bob, please.
Quiet during the movie.
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Oh, you're doing that thing
where Linda describes
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a horror movie to you
because you're too scared to go see it.
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Yes, Bob, I love horror movies,
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but I can't actually watch them
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'cause I'll lie awake in bed all night
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waiting for the thing in the movie
to come murder me.
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- So, I need to do it this way.
- Makes perfect sense.
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So, the mouth part is still on the head,
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and it's talking to the girl, like,
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"I'm still gonna kill you!"
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So she picks up the head
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and rolls it down the hill and says,
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"That was the seventh
weirdest thing I ever saw."
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- And that's Saw VII.
- Wow.
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Saw VII was even better than Saw VI,
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when the girl saw that other thing.
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- Hmm.
- Well, I'm gonna put my adrenaline rush
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to good use and go snake a drain.
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- Bye.
- Bye.
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The Saw movies are about
someone who saw stuff?
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You know I can't watch
the movies as fast
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as Teddy wants to hear about them.
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Yeah, but Lin, you're just making stuff up.
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So? Teddy's happy and I enjoy it.
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- It's a perfect system.
- I guess,
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if he wasn't tipped off
by your Friday the 13th
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where Jason goes on a shopping spree.
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Oh, and he tells the snooty saleslady,
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"You work on commission, right?
Big mistake. Huge."
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- And then he stabs her with a credit card.
- Yep.
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Ms. Schnur, is, uh, Principal Spoors in?
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Thought I'd follow up in person
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on my follow-up phone call
on my other calls.
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I really want to show him
the project I've been working on.
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Mr. Frond, sometimes it's important
to listen to the silence.
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I'll just sit here and wait for him.
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Oh, goody for me.
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Hi, Ms. Schnur.
So, I kind of desperately need
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a cool person to interview
and I thought, "Hey,
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who's cooler than Principal Spoors?"
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He does like
Wagstaff School News.
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- He even watches "The Tina Table."
- [Tina] Oh, great.
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- But he doesn't do interviews.
- Oh.
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- Like Beyoncé.
- [sighs] Okay, thanks.
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Uh, Tina, could I see you in my office?
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Oh, is this because
I seem a little down?
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What? No. I mean-I mean, sure.
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So, it's perfect.
I need Principal Spoor's eyeballs,
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you need a big interview.
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So, interview me on "The Tina Table."
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I guess what you're working on
does sound kind of interesting.
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Do you think you could also
put your elbow in your mouth?
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- What?
- Never mind. Let's do it.
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{\an8}Sally Marshall, Tilda Stroot
and Lenny DeStefano.
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{\an8}So if you did not hear your name,
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{\an8}you're not invited
to Jocelyn's birthday party.
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{\an8}But you can still give me a present.
Just kidding.
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{\an8}Unless you really want to,
then I'll take it.
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{\an8}And now, ugh,
"The Tina Table."
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{\an8}-My guest today is Mr. Frond, the--
- Imagine.
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{\an8}-Oh.
- Imagine a world where everyone
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{\an8}has a guidance counselor
just a click away, ready to share
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{\an8}the most precious gift of all, counseling.
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{\an8}-Imagining it.
- Now imagine a video game...
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- Video game?
- that can tell you
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who you are and what's wrong with you,
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just like I would,
based on how you play.
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{\an8}-And how does it work if you're--
- Stop imagining.
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{\an8}-Oh.
- Because it's right here.
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{\an8}Working with top-notch
software developers,
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{\an8}I have created The Final Frond-tier.
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{\an8}In the game,
you try to protect a convoy of spaceships
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{\an8}-from space pirates.
- And that's counseling
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{\an8}-because, um...
- The best way to show you
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{\an8}is for you to play.
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{\an8}-Okay.
- Just follow the prompts.
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Your decisions will tell the program
what it needs to know.
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"Your fleet is attacked and you take damage
to your power plant."
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"Do you send remaining power
to shields,
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send remaining power to lasers
or attempt to negotiate?"
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- What's the right choice?
- Full power to lasers.
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{\an8}- [computer chiming]
-"Game over.
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{\an8}"You have arrived
with two ships remaining in your convoy."
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{\an8}Okay. Two is better than none.
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{\an8}-[chuckles]
- [computer] Evaluating emotional profile.
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[computer] You are conscientious,
a truth finder.
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Something to work on,
maybe you care too much?
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Wow. Nailed me.
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Thanks for being my guest,
and that's the "Table."
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- [kid] And we're clear.
- [phone vibrates]
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Principal Spoors.
Y-You saw it?
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You loved it?
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Well, it could use a little more testing--
What's that?
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Roll it out without more testing?
Sounds good.
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I want to play space games to find out
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- what's wrong with me.
- You should.
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I just heard from the fifth grade.
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They didn't switch over
to the kelp forest once.
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- You did it, Tina.
- I did?
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Keep it up and I might expand the "Table."
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You mean, the segment or the--
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- Both!
- Great.
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Can you believe it?
Principal Spoors approved $75 in funding.
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- My game's a hot start-up.
- What?
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[computer] You have issues with aggression.
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Something to work on,
taking it down a notch.
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Aggression? Huh.
Maybe I am aggressive... Ow.
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Not interested in the game, Henry?
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I don't use computers
to understand my feelings.
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I use computers to escape my feelings.
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I use chicken shawarma to escape my feelings.
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Who's got two tightly clenched
fists and aggression issues?
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- This guy.
- Aggression?
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Rudy, that doesn't sound like you.
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No, I think it does, Louise.
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Sorry, didn't mean to
take your head off like that.
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- Damned aggression.
- Rudy, chill.
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[computer] You are an introvert.
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Hey, everyone, I'm an introvert!
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[computer] You have issues
with sibling rivalry.
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- Ooh, that's what I got.
- [grunts]
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- [computer] You are a conformist.
- What?
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Something to work on,
not being a pushover.
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Pushover? I'll push you over, computer.
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So, the game said
I'm too closed off emotionally.
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I was thinking maybe we could have
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a long talk about life sometime?
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Sure! Uh, I mean, sure. Cool. Cool.
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[Linda] So the babysitter's boyfriend says,
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"Bummer, the power's out.
But I got some delicious bean dip
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I left in my car. I'll pop out and get it."
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- [phone vibrates]
- No, buddy, don't get the delicious bean dip.
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Oh, intermission, Teddy.
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I got to take this, it's Gayle.
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Her cats don't like the new litter
and I said I'd help mediate on speaker.
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Linda, you can't stop in the middle.
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I'm gonna lose my goose bumps.
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Uh, hey, m-maybe Bob can finish it.
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- He, uh, saw it, too.
- What?
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- Uh, no, I-I... I can't.
- Sure you can.
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It's the latest Scream one.
The one with the bean dip?
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- Okay... Uh, fine.
- Yay.
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I'm on, Gayle.
Can everyone hear me?
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- Hi, it's Aunt Linda...
- Uh, okay, so,
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uh, um, uh, the-the babysitter
is waiting for the guy.
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And, uh, she looks out the window,
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and there-there's, um,
a different guy there.
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Uh, maybe I'll wait for Linda.
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No offense, but you're ruining it.
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No, no, no, I-I just thought of...
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I, uh, remembered what happened.
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- I... I got it.
- Doesn't seem like it.
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Uh, then, her "boyfriend"
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comes back and sits down next to her.
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And he hands her a bowl
and a tortilla chip.
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- [Teddy] Yeah?
- [Bob] And she looks down,
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and it's not bean dip,
it's her boyfriend's intestines!
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- Ahhh!
- And just then,
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the high school glee club
pulls up in a van,
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and they're all singing a cappella,
231
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:36,932
- so they don't hear her screaming.
- [girl screaming in distance]
232
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,476
Their singing blends
with her screams, Teddy.
233
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,228
- It harmonizes.
- Oh, my God.
234
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,271
This is the best movie
I've never seen.
235
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:44,981
[Bob] I just felt so alive, Lin.
236
00:08:44,982 --> 00:08:46,358
I didn't know where I was going,
237
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,901
I just knew I was gonna get there.
238
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:51,279
I mean, some of your details
were a little much, what I heard.
239
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,114
Like, the blood dripping off the machete
240
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:56,201
making the killer flash back
to a melting ice cream cone his mother bought him?
241
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:57,702
- I mean, come on.
- That's symbolism.
242
00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,288
- That's just craft.
- Stupid.
243
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,581
Hey, my cute stuffs, how was school?
244
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,375
Good. I reported on a computer game
245
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,043
that tells you all about yourself and now
246
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,586
"The Tina Table's" back on top, baby!
247
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:08,421
But does it tell us about ourselves?
248
00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:09,799
I mean, it's a computer,
249
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,175
it probably knows what it's doing.
250
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,635
- Huh. Me, a conformist?
- Well...
251
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,887
It said I'm a "studious bookworm."
252
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,265
There, see? Uh, wait.
253
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,267
People do have hidden qualities.
254
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,518
Like, I didn't know until today that I was
255
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,229
- a master horror storyteller.
- Here we go.
256
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:27,107
I got to do a follow-up on that game.
It's total "Table" candy.
257
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:30,861
And I got to go studiously
use the toilet. Sir, madam.
258
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:33,405
My expose into how banana
and kiwi smoothies
259
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,116
taste together is being cut
260
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,367
{\an8}to bring you an expanded "Tina Table."
261
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:40,328
{\an8}And I'm cool with that
because the game says
262
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:43,249
{\an8}I'm easygoing and generous.
263
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,959
{\an8}Welcome back, Mr. Frond.
New look?
264
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,920
{\an8}It's tech visionary-ish.
265
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,588
{\an8}Same with the stubble.
266
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,173
{\an8}-Not seeing any stubble, but--
- It-it... It's there.
267
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:54,301
{\an8}-So, The Final Frond-tier--
- Thanks for asking, Tina.
268
00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:56,803
{\an8}I am honored to announce my proposal
269
00:09:56,804 --> 00:10:00,432
{\an8}to rename the computer lab
the iFrond Counseling
270
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,976
{\an8}and Unattended Emotional
Diagnostic Center.
271
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:06,480
{\an8}Catchy? So, can you talk more
about how the game works?
272
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,732
{\an8}Uh, you know, the computer computes.
273
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,942
{\an8}- [Tina] Uh-huh.
- Excuse the jargon.
274
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,402
{\an8}And can you say anything
about those top-notch
275
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,945
{\an8}software developers you mentioned?
276
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,615
{\an8}So, what you're basically asking
277
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,783
{\an8}is what does it feel like
to change the world?
278
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:19,452
{\an8}To disrupt the paradigm?
279
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:23,038
{\an8}-That wasn't really what I was--
- It feels humbling
280
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,583
{\an8}-slash Nobel-ish?
- [scoffs]
281
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,375
Hey, Tina, great interview,
282
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:29,169
but what's with the tough questions?
283
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,963
You do remember the first rule
of TV journalism, right?
284
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,090
- Floss?
- Keep it puffy and fun.
285
00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:35,508
Which I call "fuffy."
286
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,344
But isn't it sort of weird that Mr. Frond
287
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,305
- won't even answer how he--
- Uh, ah-ah-ah.
288
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:40,890
[chuckles] That's not fuffy.
289
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,641
Plus, I played The Final Frond-tier,
290
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,851
and it told me I have
major trust issues, Tina.
291
00:10:44,852 --> 00:10:47,647
So from now on,
I'm just believing anything anyone says.
292
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:52,568
{\an8}♪ Ooh, the Frond-tier nation ♪
293
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,820
{\an8}♪ Yeah, math equation ♪
294
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,867
♪ Movie summarization ♪
295
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,455
♪ Wood restoration ♪
296
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,790
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
297
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,333
Andy, you're not sitting with Ollie?
298
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,084
No, we think we're in a fight
299
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,794
so we're giving each other space.
300
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:12,337
Thank you for the space, Ollie.
301
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,630
You're welcome. I miss you!
302
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,674
I miss you, too! You look pretty.
303
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,966
Yeah, things are weird now.
304
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,134
[Jocelyn] Hi, I'm letting you know
305
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,969
my birthday party is canceled.
306
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,889
I'm so sad, but I'm an introvert.
307
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:25,058
Hey, Jimmy Junior, want to wrestle me
over there in front of Chloe Barbash?
308
00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:26,768
Gotta warn you, I'm aggressive.
309
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,812
- [shouts] Ow.
- I don't want to wrestle,
310
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,522
but I would discuss
my vulnerabilities with you.
311
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,023
- Does that help?
- Mmm.
312
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,900
Okay, things are a little off, but...
313
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,652
Kids are told some crap about themselves
314
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:38,155
and believe it just because
a video game said so?
315
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,157
It's like that thing, uh,
316
00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:42,200
with the pill that doesn't do anything.
317
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,661
- Tic Tacs?
- Placebo. The placebo effect.
318
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:47,080
And come on,
top-notch software people?
319
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,873
Do we really think Mr. Frond's gonna
320
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,458
get ahold of top-notch anything?
321
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,960
Hey, there's Mr. Frond now.
322
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,837
Walking out carrying a bunch of juice boxes.
323
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,631
- Must be nice.
- Hmm.
324
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,299
I've got sugar.
325
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,343
I don't want any more sugar.
I just want
326
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,469
to take a break, see the outside world.
327
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,971
Not too outside, but still.
328
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,140
You can take a break
when the stupid game works, Henry.
329
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:07,017
We can't keep faking it forever.
330
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,351
- [Tina] Faking it?
- Ahhh!
331
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:09,936
Mr. Frond!
332
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,939
Also, are those juice boxes spoken for?
333
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,819
I knew it! Final Frond-tier.
More like Fraud-tier.
334
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,113
It was all fake?
And your top-notch software developers
335
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,990
are a 13-year-old boy?
336
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,241
I work in a school.
337
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:24,952
It's not like I meet any adults.
338
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:28,037
Mr. Frond wanted a quick prototype
to show Principal Spoors.
339
00:12:28,038 --> 00:12:29,748
I cranked it out over recess
340
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,125
in exchange for pizza
and a college recommendation.
341
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,252
But it's just a beta
with no back end.
342
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:37,130
Excuse me, our father's
a beta with no back end.
343
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,258
He had me fake your results
to look good on air, Tina.
344
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:43,219
Everybody else has
gotten something random I took off the Internet.
345
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,929
But, Mr. Frond, why?
346
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:47,390
I was gonna finish the game,
but then Spoors wanted it
347
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:49,350
right away so I was like,
"Okay, cool."
348
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:51,519
Well, I hope you don't
mind open containers,
349
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,563
'cause Tina's gonna
blow the lid off this.
350
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:54,939
You can't prove anything.
351
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,025
And Henry signed
a nondisclosure agreement.
352
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:59,068
I really should have run that
by my lawyer.
353
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:00,153
My lawyer's my mom.
354
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,322
Besides, Tina,
we've both benefited.
355
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,740
It's a great story.
356
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,993
And Henry's probably just
one pizza away from finishing
357
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:09,120
the nerd part, and I'll do
the psychobabble part.
358
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,830
Psychobabble,
qu'est-ce que c'est?
359
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:12,457
And, hey, Principal Spoors
is in talks
360
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,083
with the superintendent
to roll out the game
361
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,169
across the whole
school district.
362
00:13:16,170 --> 00:13:18,004
I could announce
it on "The Tina Table."
363
00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:21,175
The only thing
that's gonna roll is your head, Mr. Frond.
364
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,134
Tina, this is when we leave.
365
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,012
With all the sass you can muster.
366
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:28,264
- [groans]
- Oh, zero sass.
367
00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:29,558
A different approach.
368
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,976
[Teddy] So there's a lot of buzz
369
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,310
about this new one that's streaming,
370
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:34,687
Subcutaneous Evil.
I heard the director
371
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:36,064
is from around here someplace.
372
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:38,233
I think they're even gonna do
a special screening with the guy.
373
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:39,651
I'll tell it.
I saw it last night.
374
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,445
Or I could tell it,
'cause we saw it together, right?
375
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:43,988
Yeah, but I noticed
you were kinda nodding off
376
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,824
during the fun,
interesting parts,
377
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,034
and then woke up for
the long-winded, heavy-handed parts.
378
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:50,286
Hmm. That's funny 'cause
I remember you being awake for
379
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,872
more of the tangential stuff
that took the movie off track.
380
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,707
- [Linda scoffs]
- You guys sound like you need to get more sleep.
381
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:56,876
So, it's set
in a French village in the Middle Ages.
382
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:59,921
We hear Latin chanting.
It's a midnight exorcism.
383
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,756
Then a scream,
and the priest is flung out
384
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,383
a stained glass window.
385
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:05,510
[Linda] Then the camera
pulls back and we see
386
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,720
this is all just a dumb movie
a bunch of hot college kids
387
00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:09,639
are watching on TV at a cabin.
388
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,516
And they turn it off and say,
"That's the worst movie
389
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:13,184
- we've ever seen."
- [Teddy] Classic.
390
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,770
[Linda] Then the girl who looks like
a young Meg Ryan but dances
391
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:17,397
like a young Jennifer Grey
that comes up later,
392
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,440
says, "Where are the extra-pointy
393
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:21,276
marshmallow skewers we brought?"
394
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,194
[Bob] But it doesn't matter
because she drops through a hole
395
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:25,363
in the floor that leads to
another dimension. A dumb one.
396
00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,657
Meanwhile, there's an ancient
monastery next door...
397
00:14:27,658 --> 00:14:29,409
[Linda] That's suddenly hit
by a meteor,
398
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:30,577
- and there's nothing left.
- [Bob] Mmm.
399
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,121
This movie's wild. I love it.
400
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,663
[Tina] I don't know what to do!
401
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,331
If I take the game down
on the air,
402
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,834
that's not very fuffy
and I could lose the show.
403
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,377
And are things
really that bad now?
404
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,212
Tammy's much less awful than usual.
405
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:42,506
And-and Jimmy Junior's been
very emotionally available.
406
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:44,591
Last night he had me on
the phone for an hour telling me
407
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,759
about every time he's cried
since he was six years old.
408
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,177
It was a little much, actually, but...
409
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:50,638
Tina, Mr. Frond
is messing with nature.
410
00:14:50,639 --> 00:14:53,057
I heard Andy and Ollie peed
in separate urinals.
411
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:55,226
And Ms. Twitchell says
I need to work on reducing
412
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,562
my classroom participation.
Is that bad?
413
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,564
Ugh! I wish I had someone to talk to
414
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,066
who's been in this situation.
415
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,483
Oh! Maybe you can.
416
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:05,403
So, keep it fuffy,
or tell it like it is and lose everything?
417
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:06,863
What do you think, Pam?
418
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,866
It's kind of all up to you now.
419
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,200
[Pam] So you're not my Postmates?
420
00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:14,162
No, it's Tina, Gene and Louise.
Again, we've met a few times.
421
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,663
And you got my address how?
422
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:19,000
We called the station and said we were you,
and we forgot our address.
423
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,336
Great. Look, um, Tina,
424
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,671
I think, inside,
you already know what to do.
425
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:26,215
TV journalism is a sacred trust.
426
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:29,385
When I left Channel 13,
all I had was my pride.
427
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:33,056
I was scared. I didn't know
if there was life after TV.
428
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,515
- And you know what?
- Yeah?
429
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:36,059
- There isn't.
- What?
430
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,852
Not being on TV sucks.
431
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:40,188
It's 4:00 and I'm not even dressed yet.
432
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,982
I don't remember when I put
on this sweatshirt. Monday?
433
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:46,235
You need to do
whatever you can to stay on that box.
434
00:15:46,236 --> 00:15:47,363
Okay, bye, Pam.
435
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,155
Do you guys see my Postmates?
436
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,406
So, uh, great.
437
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:52,158
We know not to listen to her, right?
438
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,743
Tina, don't listen to Pam.
439
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,496
Tina? Tina.
440
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,748
I'm, uh, I'm glad
you came to your senses.
441
00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:00,541
This is a win-win for us both.
442
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,835
- Right.
- How's my cat hair situation?
443
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,546
- Bad.
- Darn it.
444
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,052
Guys, we're on in five. Big smiles.
445
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,512
The news is about smiles.
446
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,014
- Tina, please, you have to stop him.
- Louise, no.
447
00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:16,516
- I'm keeping it fuffy.
- Ugh.
448
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:17,850
Is she allowed in here?
449
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,936
Uh, she is not.
Tammy, some muscle?
450
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,729
Mmm. Sorry, you have to go.
451
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:23,481
Do you want one of
my pre-show banana chips?
452
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,274
- I'm generous.
- Ugh!
453
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:27,193
Oh, I missed a call
from Teddy last night.
454
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,653
- Like a booty call?
- What?
455
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,071
Like when your booty accidentally
456
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,781
calls someone from your pocket.
457
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:34,159
Lin, that's not...
There's a message. Oh, no.
458
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,493
- Oh, no.
- What?
459
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:36,828
He said he was about to head out
460
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,288
to that special director's screening
of Subcutaneous Evil.
461
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,499
But... But we already told him the movie.
462
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,127
He said we made it sound so exciting
he had to go see it.
463
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:45,461
Damn it, we're too good.
464
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,422
Now he knows
we made everything up.
465
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:50,174
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know. Should we move?
466
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:51,510
Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.
467
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:52,636
- [entry bells jingle]
- [both scream]
468
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,805
- Bob, Linda.
- Teddy, hi.
469
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,432
- Hey, buddy.
- [weak chuckle]
470
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,600
Uh, so, uh, di-did you
go to that screening
471
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,894
or-or bail
at the last minute, maybe?
472
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:04,188
- No, I went to it, Bob.
- Great, great, great.
473
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,274
- Oh, good.
- I bet that was like
474
00:17:06,275 --> 00:17:08,860
a director's cut, uh,
with, uh, all new scenes.
475
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,653
Probably felt like
a different movie, even, right?
476
00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:11,738
It did.
477
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,448
That came up later at the Q and A.
478
00:17:13,449 --> 00:17:14,866
Hi. Hello.
479
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,410
Uh, my question is, uh,
what the hell is going on?
480
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:20,246
Yeah, right, and my follow-up
is why are you lying?
481
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:21,831
- Okay, that--
- Where's the real movie?
482
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,082
Why? Why'd you do it?
483
00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:24,167
We're so sorry, Teddy.
484
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,501
We just couldn't keep up.
485
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:27,336
We've got kids, we go to bed early.
486
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:28,672
And it was fun?
487
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,506
Eh, yeah, I get it.
488
00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:32,425
- You do?
- Actually...
489
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:35,386
I was sitting there last night
and, sure, I was terrified.
490
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,138
But I was kind of bored, too.
491
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,848
You were bored and terrified?
492
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,850
Yeah, it was so formulaic.
493
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:43,061
No magic.
Your movie was way better.
494
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,979
Aw. But who told it better?
495
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:48,274
Well, you both have a style
that adds a certain charm.
496
00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,859
- Right. But seriously.
- Yeah.
497
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,569
- Uh... Uh...
- I mean, come on.
498
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,196
- Say it.
- Don't make me choose!
499
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,822
- All right, all right.
- Anyway,
500
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:57,116
hey, there's this new
Halloween movie. You guys see it?
501
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,409
- We saw it.
- Yeah, we saw it.
502
00:17:58,410 --> 00:17:59,911
So... what happens?
503
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,704
It's set a hundred years ago.
504
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,498
- And Michael Myers' great-great-grandfather...
- Yeah?
505
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:06,084
...also escapes from an insane asylum.
506
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,711
[Linda] And it's Valentine's Day
and he's in love.
507
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:10,880
[Bob] Halloween takes place
on Valentine's Day?
508
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,549
[Teddy] Wow! A twist already.
509
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,759
{\an8}So, we're in talks and soon,
510
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,886
{\an8}kids all over the school district
will be playing
511
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,305
{\an8}- The Final Frond-tier.
- Great.
512
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:21,349
{\an8}Hey, why don't you play
The Final Frond-tier
513
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,517
right here on "The Tina Table"?
514
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:24,352
Me play? That's fun.
515
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:25,978
Creator playing his creation.
516
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:28,147
- Fuffy. I like it.
- Uh, let's see.
517
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:31,526
A mutiny has broken out
on one of the convoy ships.
518
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:35,405
Uh-oh, mutiny.
He just got handed a hot potato.
519
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:38,074
{\an8}- [game chimes]
- Oh, no. Everyone got space cholera.
520
00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,076
{\an8}Darn. Well, that happens.
521
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:42,287
{\an8}-Let's hear your profile.
- [computer] Evaluating.
522
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:45,457
You are unstable and amoral.
523
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:46,958
{\an8}Probably dangerous.
524
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,001
{\an8}Wha... [chuckles nervously]
It's-it's a glitch.
525
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:52,004
{\an8}Something to work on,
staying away from everyone.
526
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:53,381
{\an8}I always knew.
527
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,717
{\an8}No. [chuckles]
It's... It's wrong. It's... It's a bug.
528
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,385
{\an8}Kids have been playing all week.
529
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,720
{\an8}- How could it be a bug?
- Well, it's still in beta.
530
00:18:59,721 --> 00:19:01,180
But it's rolling out district-wide.
531
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:02,890
Is it ready or not, Mr. Frond?
532
00:19:02,891 --> 00:19:05,351
{\an8}Of course it is.
I-I'm disrupting the paradigm.
533
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,771
{\an8}I'm... [groans]
No one tells you how hot these things are.
534
00:19:08,772 --> 00:19:10,983
{\an8}- [whimpers]
- Well?
535
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,985
{\an8}All right. It's all lies!
536
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,194
The game just says
random gibberish.
537
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,446
It's... It's all a big lie.
538
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:19,574
Phew. It was exhausting
being aggressive.
539
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:22,535
Oh, thank God. I'm great,
everyone else is... [blows raspberry]
540
00:19:22,536 --> 00:19:24,453
- [phone chiming]
- Crap. It's Principal Spoors.
541
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:25,663
I'll just let it go to voice mail.
542
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:26,873
I think he's watching us live
543
00:19:26,874 --> 00:19:29,292
- right now in his office.
- Oh f--
544
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:32,211
I can't believe Mr. Frond
said "fart" on the air.
545
00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:33,504
Ye-Yes sir, I...
546
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,089
I understand.
We tell the school board
547
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,800
you were just kidding
about the rollout,
548
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:39,135
and I-I won't touch
the computers anymore.
549
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,471
And I'll change out of
the turtleneck immediately.
550
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,014
But your neck is better turtled.
551
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,724
I thought you were on my side, Tina.
552
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,225
You and Louise argued about it.
553
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,102
Fake fight.
To get you to drop your guard.
554
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,604
I was gonna change the world.
555
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:50,813
You could have been part of it.
556
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,148
But if you have to lie and cheat
557
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,649
and cut corners to change the world,
558
00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,651
wh-what kind of world
are you left with anyway?
559
00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:57,445
Crap, I wish I'd thought
of that on the air.
560
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:59,322
You're right. You're right!
561
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,781
Weird vibe over here.
562
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,533
So, great buzz on the "Table."
563
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:05,369
It was courageous
but also fun but also newsy.
564
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:07,288
Which I've decided
to call "curfuewsy."
565
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:09,290
- That saves time.
- Curfuewsy!
566
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:10,584
If you say it twice, I don't know
567
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,043
if it still saves time. It's fine.
568
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,754
Tina, how did you know
the game would say all that stuff about me?
569
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,422
- I took care of that part.
- [gasps]
570
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:18,549
Like you had Henry fix my results.
571
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:22,054
And now, I'm free of you forever.
572
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:25,098
But you're still gonna write
my college recommendation, right?
573
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,516
Yeah, fine.
574
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,518
Party's back on.
Don't wear that, though.
575
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,729
Party's back on.
Just you, not you, sorry.
576
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:33,357
Hey, Tina, I know we blocked
out two hours tonight
577
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,275
to talk about times I felt stuff.
578
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,777
- Yeah, um...
- But Zeke got new sneakers
579
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:39,403
that make a cool squeaky sound,
580
00:20:39,404 --> 00:20:42,073
so I was gonna watch him
do some sneaker squeaks.
581
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,991
- I'm gonna squeak out!
- Oh, phew.
582
00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,952
- I mean, cool.
- [both laughing]
583
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,745
The game was right about one thing.
584
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,580
Tina, you are kind of a truth finder.
585
00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:50,665
And I'm bookish.
586
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,083
- No. Uh-uh.
- No. Hey, Mr. Branca.
587
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,877
Next "Tina Table", you, me, dustpans?
588
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:56,295
I'll bring my favorite one.
589
00:20:56,296 --> 00:20:58,172
- You know what I named it?
- Dusty?
590
00:20:58,173 --> 00:20:59,423
Have we already talked about this?
591
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,884
Hey, save it for the show.
592
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:04,805
♪ Conscientious truth finder ♪
593
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,847
♪ 'Twas The Final Frond-tier ♪
594
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:10,352
♪ Finding truth conscientiously ♪
595
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,562
♪ Watch my dreams disappear ♪
596
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,315
♪ Hunting down facts and such ♪
597
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,069
♪ I could have made the world better ♪
598
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:21,738
♪ One problem, I care too much ♪
599
00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:24,700
♪ Time to take off my ♪
600
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,910
- ♪ Time to take off my ♪
- ♪ Time to take off your ♪
601
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:28,996
- ♪ Take off my ♪
- ♪ Take off your ♪
602
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,541
{\an8}- ♪ Turtleneck sweater ♪
- ♪ Turtleneck sweater. ♪
603
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,167
{\an8}[Frond] A lot of cat hair.