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After some
hard-hitting journalism,
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{\an8}we can report that smoky eye
is hotter than shimmer eye.
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{\an8}And now, "The Tina Table,"
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{\an8}a chat with one of Wagstaff's snooze-makers.
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{\an8}I mean newsmakers.
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{\an8}Mr. Branca is
back at the table
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{\an8}to tell us about some of his
most memorable mopping moments.
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{\an8}One time, the mop part fell off.
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{\an8}-I was just a man with a stick.
- Whoa.
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- Can we do math instead? Please.
- Fractions!
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Yikes.
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{\an8}Just turning it down a little.
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Little more, a little more.
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{\an8}- Hoo-boy.
- Next time, part three
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{\an8}of my interview with Mr. Branca.
Stuff he's found in the trash.
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{\an8}It's mostly what you'd expect.
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{\an8}I think I'll leave the makeup on.
I like it.
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{\an8}So, uh, Tina,
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{\an8}"The Tina Table" is getting tired.
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{\an8}I mean, it's a little splintery on this side,
but I'm careful. Ow.
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{\an8}Not the actual table, the segment.
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{\an8}You're losing the kids.
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{\an8}From what I hear in the faculty lounge,
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{\an8}classroom fidgeting is up 40%.
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{\an8}The fifth grade switches over
to a screen saver
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{\an8}of a kelp forest when you come on.
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{\an8}But that is a good screen saver.
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{\an8}It is, but unless you can deliver
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{\an8}a fresh, fun interview
that kids want to watch,
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{\an8}I'm gonna have to ax the "Table."
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{\an8}- The actual table, or--
- The segment.
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{\an8}- Oh.
- Well, eh, maybe both.
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{\an8}I'll have to get it out of here somehow.
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{\an8}I can't believe
"The Tina Table" might get cancelled.
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{\an8}- I know.
- Crazy, yeah.
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{\an8}Hey, Jimmy Jr., you enjoyed
today's "Tina Table," right?
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{\an8}I kind of missed it.
I was watching Zeke
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{\an8}try to put his elbow in his mouth,
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{\an8}which no one has ever done.
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{\an8}I'll get there. I can do it.
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{\an8}But Tina, if you do get kicked off,
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{\an8}you should make a giant stink on air.
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{\an8}- The best kind of stink.
- Like when Channel 13 rebooted
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{\an8}Get On Up with Chuck and Pam,
and then Pam got kicked off
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{\an8}and it was just Get On Up Chuck.
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Today, we're losing
a valued member of our Channel 13 family.
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Pam is leaving to spend
more time being fired.
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You do one what should have been
award-winning story
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on work safety violations at Channel 13,
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and suddenly,
they're not renewing your contract.
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Yes, Pam, you always tell it like it is,
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even though that grip
was clearly standing
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in the wrong place underneath that thing
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and so was that other guy that other time.
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Chuck, you're literally a worm with eyes--
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You all right, Sully?
He's all right.
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Come on, what a pro.
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I don't want to get Pammed.
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I've got to find a good interview.
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Maybe Zeke, if he can make
that elbow thing happen?
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Damn. Not looking good.
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And every part of the body
is cut off and lying there.
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Feet, ears, nose.
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Looks like someone took apart
a big Mr. Potato Head.
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- Whoa.
- Um, what are you talking about?
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B-Bob, please.
Quiet during the movie.
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Oh, you're doing that thing
where Linda describes
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a horror movie to you
because you're too scared to go see it.
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Yes, Bob, I love horror movies,
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but I can't actually watch them
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'cause I'll lie awake in bed all night
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waiting for the thing in the movie
to come murder me.
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- So, I need to do it this way.
- Makes perfect sense.
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So, the mouth part is still on the head,
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and it's talking to the girl, like,
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"I'm still gonna kill you!"
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So she picks up the head
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and rolls it down the hill and says,
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"That was the seventh
weirdest thing I ever saw."
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- And that's Saw VII.
- Wow.
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Saw VII was even better than Saw VI,
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when the girl saw that other thing.
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- Hmm.
- Well, I'm gonna put my adrenaline rush
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to good use and go snake a drain.
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- Bye.
- Bye.
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The Saw movies are about
someone who saw stuff?
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You know I can't watch
the movies as fast
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as Teddy wants to hear about them.
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Yeah, but Lin, you're just making stuff up.
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So? Teddy's happy and I enjoy it.
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- It's a perfect system.
- I guess,
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if he wasn't tipped off
by your Friday the 13th
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where Jason goes on a shopping spree.
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Oh, and he tells the snooty saleslady,
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"You work on commission, right?
Big mistake. Huge."
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- And then he stabs her with a credit card.
- Yep.
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Ms. Schnur, is, uh, Principal Spoors in?
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Thought I'd follow up in person
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on my follow-up phone call
on my other calls.
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I really want to show him
the project I've been working on.
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Mr. Frond, sometimes it's important
to listen to the silence.
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I'll just sit here and wait for him.
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Oh, goody for me.
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Hi, Ms. Schnur.
So, I kind of desperately need
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a cool person to interview
and I thought, "Hey,
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who's cooler than Principal Spoors?"
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He does like
Wagstaff School News.
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- He even watches "The Tina Table."
- Oh, great.
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- But he doesn't do interviews.
- Oh.
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- Like Beyoncé.
- Okay, thanks.
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Uh, Tina, could I see you in my office?
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Oh, is this because
I seem a little down?
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What? No. I mean-I mean, sure.
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So, it's perfect.
I need Principal Spoor's eyeballs,
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you need a big interview.
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So, interview me on "The Tina Table."
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I guess what you're working on
does sound kind of interesting.
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Do you think you could also
put your elbow in your mouth?
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- What?
- Never mind. Let's do it.
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{\an8}Sally Marshall, Tilda Stroot
and Lenny DeStefano.
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{\an8}So if you did not hear your name,
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{\an8}you're not invited
to Jocelyn's birthday party.
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{\an8}But you can still give me a present.
Just kidding.
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{\an8}Unless you really want to,
then I'll take it.
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{\an8}And now, ugh,
"The Tina Table."
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{\an8}-My guest today is Mr. Frond, the--
- Imagine.
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{\an8}-Oh.
- Imagine a world where everyone
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{\an8}has a guidance counselor
just a click away, ready to share
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{\an8}the most precious gift of all, counseling.
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{\an8}-Imagining it.
- Now imagine a video game...
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- Video game?
- that can tell you
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who you are and what's wrong with you,
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just like I would,
based on how you play.
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{\an8}-And how does it work if you're--
- Stop imagining.
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{\an8}-Oh.
- Because it's right here.
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{\an8}Working with top-notch
software developers,
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{\an8}I have created The Final Frond-tier.
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{\an8}In the game,
you try to protect a convoy of spaceships
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{\an8}-from space pirates.
- And that's counseling
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{\an8}-because, um...
- The best way to show you
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{\an8}is for you to play.
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{\an8}-Okay.
- Just follow the prompts.
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Your decisions will tell the program
what it needs to know.
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"Your fleet is attacked and you take damage
to your power plant."
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"Do you send remaining power
to shields,
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send remaining power to lasers
or attempt to negotiate?"
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- What's the right choice?
- Full power to lasers.
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{\an8}-"Game over.
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{\an8}"You have arrived
with two ships remaining in your convoy."
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{\an8}Okay. Two is better than none.
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{\an8}-[chuckles]
- Evaluating emotional profile.
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You are conscientious,
a truth finder.
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Something to work on,
maybe you care too much?
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Wow. Nailed me.
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Thanks for being my guest,
and that's the "Table."
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And we're clear.
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Principal Spoors.
Y-You saw it?
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You loved it?
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Well, it could use a little more testing--
What's that?
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Roll it out without more testing?
Sounds good.
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I want to play space games to find out
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- what's wrong with me.
- You should.
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I just heard from the fifth grade.
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They didn't switch over
to the kelp forest once.
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- You did it, Tina.
- I did?
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Keep it up and I might expand the "Table."
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You mean, the segment or the--
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- Both!
- Great.
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Can you believe it?
Principal Spoors approved $75 in funding.
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- My game's a hot start-up.
- What?
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You have issues with aggression.
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Something to work on,
taking it down a notch.
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Aggression? Huh.
Maybe I am aggressive... Ow.
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Not interested in the game, Henry?
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I don't use computers
to understand my feelings.
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I use computers to escape my feelings.
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I use chicken shawarma to escape my feelings.
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Who's got two tightly clenched
fists and aggression issues?
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- This guy.
- Aggression?
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Rudy, that doesn't sound like you.
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No, I think it does, Louise.
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Sorry, didn't mean to
take your head off like that.
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- Damned aggression.
- Rudy, chill.
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You are an introvert.
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Hey, everyone, I'm an introvert!
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You have issues
with sibling rivalry.
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Ooh, that's what I got.
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- You are a conformist.
- What?
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Something to work on,
not being a pushover.
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Pushover? I'll push you over, computer.
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So, the game said
I'm too closed off emotionally.
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I was thinking maybe we could have
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a long talk about life sometime?
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Sure! Uh, I mean, sure. Cool. Cool.
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So the babysitter's boyfriend says,
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"Bummer, the power's out.
But I got some delicious bean dip
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I left in my car. I'll pop out and get it."
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No, buddy, don't get the delicious bean dip.
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Oh, intermission, Teddy.
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I got to take this, it's Gayle.
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Her cats don't like the new litter
and I said I'd help mediate on speaker.
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Linda, you can't stop in the middle.
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I'm gonna lose my goose bumps.
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Uh, hey, m-maybe Bob can finish it.
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- He, uh, saw it, too.
- What?
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00:07:50,594 --> 00:07:53,137
- Uh, no, I-I... I can't.
- Sure you can.
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00:07:53,138 --> 00:07:55,598
It's the latest Scream one.
The one with the bean dip?
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00:07:55,599 --> 00:07:57,600
- Okay... Uh, fine.
- Yay.
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I'm on, Gayle.
Can everyone hear me?
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- Hi, it's Aunt Linda...
- Uh, okay, so,
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00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:05,107
uh, um, uh, the-the babysitter
is waiting for the guy.
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And, uh, she looks out the window,
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and there-there's, um,
a different guy there.
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Uh, maybe I'll wait for Linda.
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No offense, but you're ruining it.
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No, no, no, I-I just thought of...
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I, uh, remembered what happened.
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- I... I got it.
- Doesn't seem like it.
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Uh, then, her "boyfriend"
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comes back and sits down next to her.
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And he hands her a bowl
and a tortilla chip.
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00:08:24,377 --> 00:08:26,170
- Yeah?
- And she looks down,
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and it's not bean dip,
it's her boyfriend's intestines!
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- Ahhh!
- And just then,
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00:08:31,468 --> 00:08:32,885
the high school glee club
pulls up in a van,
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and they're all singing a cappella,
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so they don't hear her screaming.
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Their singing blends
with her screams, Teddy.
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- It harmonizes.
- Oh, my God.
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This is the best movie
I've never seen.
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I just felt so alive, Lin.
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I didn't know where I was going,
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I just knew I was gonna get there.
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00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:51,278
I mean, some of your details
were a little much, what I heard.
235
00:08:51,279 --> 00:08:53,113
Like, the blood dripping off the machete
236
00:08:53,114 --> 00:08:56,200
making the killer flash back
to a melting ice cream cone his mother bought him?
237
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:57,701
- I mean, come on.
- That's symbolism.
238
00:08:57,702 --> 00:08:59,288
- That's just craft.
- Stupid.
239
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,580
Hey, my cute stuffs, how was school?
240
00:09:01,581 --> 00:09:03,374
Good. I reported on a computer game
241
00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:05,042
that tells you all about yourself and now
242
00:09:05,043 --> 00:09:06,585
"The Tina Table's" back on top, baby!
243
00:09:06,586 --> 00:09:08,420
But does it tell us about ourselves?
244
00:09:08,421 --> 00:09:09,799
I mean, it's a computer,
245
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,175
it probably knows what it's doing.
246
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:13,634
- Huh. Me, a conformist?
- Well...
247
00:09:13,635 --> 00:09:15,886
It said I'm a "studious bookworm."
248
00:09:15,887 --> 00:09:17,265
There, see? Uh, wait.
249
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,267
People do have hidden qualities.
250
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,517
Like, I didn't know until today that I was
251
00:09:21,518 --> 00:09:24,228
- a master horror storyteller.
- Here we go.
252
00:09:24,229 --> 00:09:27,106
I got to do a follow-up on that game.
It's total "Table" candy.
253
00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:30,861
And I got to go studiously
use the toilet. Sir, madam.
254
00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:33,404
My expose into how banana
and kiwi smoothies
255
00:09:33,405 --> 00:09:35,116
taste together is being cut
256
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,366
{\an8}to bring you an expanded "Tina Table."
257
00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:40,327
{\an8}And I'm cool with that
because the game says
258
00:09:40,328 --> 00:09:43,249
{\an8}I'm easygoing and generous.
259
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,958
{\an8}Welcome back, Mr. Frond.
New look?
260
00:09:45,959 --> 00:09:47,920
{\an8}It's tech visionary-ish.
261
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:49,587
{\an8}Same with the stubble.
262
00:09:49,588 --> 00:09:52,172
{\an8}-Not seeing any stubble, but--
- It-it... It's there.
263
00:09:52,173 --> 00:09:54,300
{\an8}-So, The Final Frond-tier--
- Thanks for asking, Tina.
264
00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:56,802
{\an8}I am honored to announce my proposal
265
00:09:56,803 --> 00:10:00,431
{\an8}to rename the computer lab
the iFrond Counseling
266
00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:02,975
{\an8}and Unattended Emotional
Diagnostic Center.
267
00:10:02,976 --> 00:10:06,480
{\an8}Catchy? So, can you talk more
about how the game works?
268
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:08,731
{\an8}Uh, you know, the computer computes.
269
00:10:08,732 --> 00:10:10,941
{\an8}- Uh-huh.
- Excuse the jargon.
270
00:10:10,942 --> 00:10:12,401
{\an8}And can you say anything
about those top-notch
271
00:10:12,402 --> 00:10:13,944
{\an8}software developers you mentioned?
272
00:10:13,945 --> 00:10:15,615
{\an8}So, what you're basically asking
273
00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,783
{\an8}is what does it feel like
to change the world?
274
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:19,452
{\an8}To disrupt the paradigm?
275
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:23,037
{\an8}-That wasn't really what I was--
- It feels humbling
276
00:10:23,038 --> 00:10:25,583
{\an8}-slash Nobel-ish?
277
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,374
Hey, Tina, great interview,
278
00:10:27,375 --> 00:10:29,168
but what's with the tough questions?
279
00:10:29,169 --> 00:10:31,962
You do remember the first rule
of TV journalism, right?
280
00:10:31,963 --> 00:10:34,089
- Floss?
- Keep it puffy and fun.
281
00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:35,507
Which I call "fuffy."
282
00:10:35,508 --> 00:10:37,343
But isn't it sort of weird that Mr. Frond
283
00:10:37,344 --> 00:10:39,305
- won't even answer how he--
- Uh, ah-ah-ah.
284
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:40,890
That's not fuffy.
285
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,640
Plus, I played The Final Frond-tier,
286
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:44,850
and it told me I have
major trust issues, Tina.
287
00:10:44,851 --> 00:10:47,647
So from now on,
I'm just believing anything anyone says.
288
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:52,568
{\an8}♪ Ooh, the Frond-tier nation ♪
289
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,820
{\an8}♪ Yeah, math equation ♪
290
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,867
♪ Movie summarization ♪
291
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,455
♪ Wood restoration ♪
292
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,790
♪ Oh, yeah! ♪
293
00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:07,333
Andy, you're not sitting with Ollie?
294
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,083
No, we think we're in a fight
295
00:11:09,084 --> 00:11:10,793
so we're giving each other space.
296
00:11:10,794 --> 00:11:12,336
Thank you for the space, Ollie.
297
00:11:12,337 --> 00:11:13,629
You're welcome. I miss you!
298
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,673
I miss you, too! You look pretty.
299
00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:16,965
Yeah, things are weird now.
300
00:11:16,966 --> 00:11:18,133
Hi, I'm letting you know
301
00:11:18,134 --> 00:11:19,968
my birthday party is canceled.
302
00:11:19,969 --> 00:11:21,889
I'm so sad, but I'm an introvert.
303
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:25,057
Hey, Jimmy Junior, want to wrestle me
over there in front of Chloe Barbash?
304
00:11:25,058 --> 00:11:26,767
Gotta warn you, I'm aggressive.
305
00:11:26,768 --> 00:11:28,811
- Ow.
- I don't want to wrestle,
306
00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:30,521
but I would discuss
my vulnerabilities with you.
307
00:11:30,522 --> 00:11:32,022
- Does that help?
- Mmm.
308
00:11:32,023 --> 00:11:33,899
Okay, things are a little off, but...
309
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:35,651
Kids are told some crap about themselves
310
00:11:35,652 --> 00:11:38,155
and believe it just because
a video game said so?
311
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:40,157
It's like that thing, uh,
312
00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:42,199
with the pill that doesn't do anything.
313
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,660
- Tic Tacs?
- Placebo. The placebo effect.
314
00:11:44,661 --> 00:11:47,079
And come on,
top-notch software people?
315
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,872
Do we really think Mr. Frond's gonna
316
00:11:48,873 --> 00:11:50,457
get ahold of top-notch anything?
317
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:51,959
Hey, there's Mr. Frond now.
318
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,836
Walking out carrying a bunch of juice boxes.
319
00:11:53,837 --> 00:11:55,631
- Must be nice.
- Hmm.
320
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,299
I've got sugar.
321
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,343
I don't want any more sugar.
I just want
322
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,468
to take a break, see the outside world.
323
00:12:01,469 --> 00:12:02,970
Not too outside, but still.
324
00:12:02,971 --> 00:12:05,139
You can take a break
when the stupid game works, Henry.
325
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:07,017
We can't keep faking it forever.
326
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,350
- Faking it?
- Ahhh!
327
00:12:08,351 --> 00:12:09,935
Mr. Frond!
328
00:12:09,936 --> 00:12:11,939
Also, are those juice boxes spoken for?
329
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:17,818
I knew it! Final Frond-tier.
More like Fraud-tier.
330
00:12:17,819 --> 00:12:20,112
It was all fake?
And your top-notch software developers
331
00:12:20,113 --> 00:12:21,989
are a 13-year-old boy?
332
00:12:21,990 --> 00:12:23,240
I work in a school.
333
00:12:23,241 --> 00:12:24,952
It's not like I meet any adults.
334
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:28,036
Mr. Frond wanted a quick prototype
to show Principal Spoors.
335
00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:29,747
I cranked it out over recess
336
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:32,124
in exchange for pizza
and a college recommendation.
337
00:12:32,125 --> 00:12:34,251
But it's just a beta
with no back end.
338
00:12:34,252 --> 00:12:37,129
Excuse me, our father's
a beta with no back end.
339
00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:40,257
He had me fake your results
to look good on air, Tina.
340
00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:43,218
Everybody else has
gotten something random I took off the Internet.
341
00:12:43,219 --> 00:12:44,928
But, Mr. Frond, why?
342
00:12:44,929 --> 00:12:47,389
I was gonna finish the game,
but then Spoors wanted it
343
00:12:47,390 --> 00:12:49,349
right away so I was like,
"Okay, cool."
344
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,518
Well, I hope you don't
mind open containers,
345
00:12:51,519 --> 00:12:53,562
'cause Tina's gonna
blow the lid off this.
346
00:12:53,563 --> 00:12:54,938
You can't prove anything.
347
00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:57,024
And Henry signed
a nondisclosure agreement.
348
00:12:57,025 --> 00:12:59,067
I really should have run that
by my lawyer.
349
00:12:59,068 --> 00:13:00,152
My lawyer's my mom.
350
00:13:00,153 --> 00:13:02,321
Besides, Tina,
we've both benefited.
351
00:13:02,322 --> 00:13:03,739
It's a great story.
352
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:06,992
And Henry's probably just
one pizza away from finishing
353
00:13:06,993 --> 00:13:09,119
the nerd part, and I'll do
the psychobabble part.
354
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,829
Psychobabble,
qu'est-ce que c'est?
355
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:12,456
And, hey, Principal Spoors
is in talks
356
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:14,082
with the superintendent
to roll out the game
357
00:13:14,083 --> 00:13:16,168
across the whole
school district.
358
00:13:16,169 --> 00:13:18,003
I could announce
it on "The Tina Table."
359
00:13:18,004 --> 00:13:21,175
The only thing
that's gonna roll is your head, Mr. Frond.
360
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,133
Tina, this is when we leave.
361
00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:25,012
With all the sass you can muster.
362
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:28,263
Oh, zero sass.
363
00:13:28,264 --> 00:13:29,558
A different approach.
364
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:30,976
So there's a lot of buzz
365
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,309
about this new one that's streaming,
366
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,686
Subcutaneous Evil.
I heard the director
367
00:13:34,687 --> 00:13:36,063
is from around here someplace.
368
00:13:36,064 --> 00:13:38,232
I think they're even gonna do
a special screening with the guy.
369
00:13:38,233 --> 00:13:39,650
I'll tell it.
I saw it last night.
370
00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:42,444
Or I could tell it,
'cause we saw it together, right?
371
00:13:42,445 --> 00:13:43,987
Yeah, but I noticed
you were kinda nodding off
372
00:13:43,988 --> 00:13:45,823
during the fun,
interesting parts,
373
00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:48,033
and then woke up for
the long-winded, heavy-handed parts.
374
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:50,285
Hmm. That's funny 'cause
I remember you being awake for
375
00:13:50,286 --> 00:13:52,871
more of the tangential stuff
that took the movie off track.
376
00:13:52,872 --> 00:13:54,706
You guys sound like you need to get more sleep.
377
00:13:54,707 --> 00:13:56,875
So, it's set
in a French village in the Middle Ages.
378
00:13:56,876 --> 00:13:59,920
We hear Latin chanting.
It's a midnight exorcism.
379
00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:01,755
Then a scream,
and the priest is flung out
380
00:14:01,756 --> 00:14:03,382
a stained glass window.
381
00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:05,509
Then the camera
pulls back and we see
382
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:07,719
this is all just a dumb movie
a bunch of hot college kids
383
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:09,638
are watching on TV at a cabin.
384
00:14:09,639 --> 00:14:11,515
And they turn it off and say,
"That's the worst movie
385
00:14:11,516 --> 00:14:13,183
- we've ever seen."
- Classic.
386
00:14:13,184 --> 00:14:15,769
Then the girl who looks like
a young Meg Ryan but dances
387
00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:17,396
like a young Jennifer Grey
that comes up later,
388
00:14:17,397 --> 00:14:19,439
says, "Where are the extra-pointy
389
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,275
marshmallow skewers we brought?"
390
00:14:21,276 --> 00:14:23,193
But it doesn't matter
because she drops through a hole
391
00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:25,362
in the floor that leads to
another dimension. A dumb one.
392
00:14:25,363 --> 00:14:27,656
Meanwhile, there's an ancient
monastery next door...
393
00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:29,408
That's suddenly hit
by a meteor,
394
00:14:29,409 --> 00:14:30,576
- and there's nothing left.
- Mmm.
395
00:14:30,577 --> 00:14:32,121
This movie's wild. I love it.
396
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,662
I don't know what to do!
397
00:14:33,663 --> 00:14:35,330
If I take the game down
on the air,
398
00:14:35,331 --> 00:14:36,834
that's not very fuffy
and I could lose the show.
399
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,377
And are things
really that bad now?
400
00:14:38,502 --> 00:14:40,212
Tammy's much less awful than usual.
401
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:42,506
And-and Jimmy Junior's been
very emotionally available.
402
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:44,590
Last night he had me on
the phone for an hour telling me
403
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:46,758
about every time he's cried
since he was six years old.
404
00:14:46,759 --> 00:14:48,176
It was a little much, actually, but...
405
00:14:48,177 --> 00:14:50,637
Tina, Mr. Frond
is messing with nature.
406
00:14:50,638 --> 00:14:53,056
I heard Andy and Ollie peed
in separate urinals.
407
00:14:53,057 --> 00:14:55,225
And Ms. Twitchell says
I need to work on reducing
408
00:14:55,226 --> 00:14:57,561
my classroom participation.
Is that bad?
409
00:14:57,562 --> 00:14:59,563
Ugh! I wish I had someone to talk to
410
00:14:59,564 --> 00:15:01,066
who's been in this situation.
411
00:15:01,275 --> 00:15:02,482
Oh! Maybe you can.
412
00:15:02,483 --> 00:15:05,402
So, keep it fuffy,
or tell it like it is and lose everything?
413
00:15:05,403 --> 00:15:06,862
What do you think, Pam?
414
00:15:06,863 --> 00:15:08,866
It's kind of all up to you now.
415
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,199
So you're not my Postmates?
416
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,161
No, it's Tina, Gene and Louise.
Again, we've met a few times.
417
00:15:14,162 --> 00:15:15,662
And you got my address how?
418
00:15:15,663 --> 00:15:18,999
We called the station and said we were you,
and we forgot our address.
419
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,335
Great. Look, um, Tina,
420
00:15:21,336 --> 00:15:23,670
I think, inside,
you already know what to do.
421
00:15:23,671 --> 00:15:26,214
TV journalism is a sacred trust.
422
00:15:26,215 --> 00:15:29,384
When I left Channel 13,
all I had was my pride.
423
00:15:29,385 --> 00:15:33,055
I was scared. I didn't know
if there was life after TV.
424
00:15:33,056 --> 00:15:34,514
- And you know what?
- Yeah?
425
00:15:34,515 --> 00:15:36,058
- There isn't.
- What?
426
00:15:36,059 --> 00:15:37,851
Not being on TV sucks.
427
00:15:37,852 --> 00:15:40,187
It's 4:00 and I'm not even dressed yet.
428
00:15:40,188 --> 00:15:42,981
I don't remember when I put
on this sweatshirt. Monday?
429
00:15:42,982 --> 00:15:46,234
You need to do
whatever you can to stay on that box.
430
00:15:46,235 --> 00:15:47,363
Okay, bye, Pam.
431
00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,154
Do you guys see my Postmates?
432
00:15:49,155 --> 00:15:50,405
So, uh, great.
433
00:15:50,406 --> 00:15:52,157
We know not to listen to her, right?
434
00:15:52,158 --> 00:15:53,742
Tina, don't listen to Pam.
435
00:15:53,743 --> 00:15:55,496
Tina? Tina.
436
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,747
I'm, uh, I'm glad
you came to your senses.
437
00:15:58,748 --> 00:16:00,540
This is a win-win for us both.
438
00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:02,834
- Right.
- How's my cat hair situation?
439
00:16:02,835 --> 00:16:04,546
- Bad.
- Darn it.
440
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,051
Guys, we're on in five. Big smiles.
441
00:16:11,052 --> 00:16:12,511
The news is about smiles.
442
00:16:12,512 --> 00:16:15,013
- Tina, please, you have to stop him.
- Louise, no.
443
00:16:15,014 --> 00:16:16,515
- I'm keeping it fuffy.
- Ugh.
444
00:16:16,516 --> 00:16:17,849
Is she allowed in here?
445
00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:19,935
Uh, she is not.
Tammy, some muscle?
446
00:16:19,936 --> 00:16:21,728
Mmm. Sorry, you have to go.
447
00:16:21,729 --> 00:16:23,480
Do you want one of
my pre-show banana chips?
448
00:16:23,481 --> 00:16:25,273
- I'm generous.
- Ugh!
449
00:16:25,274 --> 00:16:27,192
Oh, I missed a call
from Teddy last night.
450
00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:28,652
- Like a booty call?
- What?
451
00:16:28,653 --> 00:16:30,070
Like when your booty accidentally
452
00:16:30,071 --> 00:16:31,780
calls someone from your pocket.
453
00:16:31,781 --> 00:16:34,159
Lin, that's not...
There's a message. Oh, no.
454
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,492
- Oh, no.
- What?
455
00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:36,827
He said he was about to head out
456
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:39,287
to that special director's screening
of Subcutaneous Evil.
457
00:16:39,288 --> 00:16:41,498
But... But we already told him the movie.
458
00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:44,126
He said we made it sound so exciting
he had to go see it.
459
00:16:44,127 --> 00:16:45,460
Damn it, we're too good.
460
00:16:45,461 --> 00:16:47,421
Now he knows
we made everything up.
461
00:16:47,422 --> 00:16:50,173
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know. Should we move?
462
00:16:50,174 --> 00:16:51,510
Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.
463
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:55,804
- Bob, Linda.
- Teddy, hi.
464
00:16:55,805 --> 00:16:57,431
Hey, buddy.
465
00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:59,599
Uh, so, uh, di-did you
go to that screening
466
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,893
or-or bail
at the last minute, maybe?
467
00:17:01,894 --> 00:17:04,187
- No, I went to it, Bob.
- Great, great, great.
468
00:17:04,188 --> 00:17:06,273
- Oh, good.
- I bet that was like
469
00:17:06,274 --> 00:17:08,859
a director's cut, uh,
with, uh, all new scenes.
470
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:10,652
Probably felt like
a different movie, even, right?
471
00:17:10,653 --> 00:17:11,737
It did.
472
00:17:11,738 --> 00:17:13,447
That came up later at the Q and A.
473
00:17:13,448 --> 00:17:14,865
Hi. Hello.
474
00:17:14,866 --> 00:17:17,409
Uh, my question is, uh,
what the hell is going on?
475
00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:20,245
Yeah, right, and my follow-up
is why are you lying?
476
00:17:20,246 --> 00:17:21,830
- Okay, that--
- Where's the real movie?
477
00:17:21,831 --> 00:17:23,081
Why? Why'd you do it?
478
00:17:23,082 --> 00:17:24,166
We're so sorry, Teddy.
479
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,500
We just couldn't keep up.
480
00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:27,335
We've got kids, we go to bed early.
481
00:17:27,336 --> 00:17:28,672
And it was fun?
482
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,505
Eh, yeah, I get it.
483
00:17:30,506 --> 00:17:32,424
- You do?
- Actually...
484
00:17:32,425 --> 00:17:35,385
I was sitting there last night
and, sure, I was terrified.
485
00:17:35,386 --> 00:17:37,137
But I was kind of bored, too.
486
00:17:37,138 --> 00:17:38,847
You were bored and terrified?
487
00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:40,849
Yeah, it was so formulaic.
488
00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:43,060
No magic.
Your movie was way better.
489
00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:44,978
Aw. But who told it better?
490
00:17:44,979 --> 00:17:48,273
Well, you both have a style
that adds a certain charm.
491
00:17:48,274 --> 00:17:49,858
- Right. But seriously.
- Yeah.
492
00:17:49,859 --> 00:17:51,568
- Uh... Uh...
- I mean, come on.
493
00:17:51,569 --> 00:17:53,195
- Say it.
- Don't make me choose!
494
00:17:53,196 --> 00:17:54,821
- All right, all right.
- Anyway,
495
00:17:54,822 --> 00:17:57,115
hey, there's this new
Halloween movie. You guys see it?
496
00:17:57,116 --> 00:17:58,408
- We saw it.
- Yeah, we saw it.
497
00:17:58,409 --> 00:17:59,910
So... what happens?
498
00:17:59,911 --> 00:18:01,703
It's set a hundred years ago.
499
00:18:01,704 --> 00:18:03,497
- And Michael Myers' great-great-grandfather...
- Yeah?
500
00:18:03,498 --> 00:18:06,083
...also escapes from an insane asylum.
501
00:18:06,084 --> 00:18:08,710
And it's Valentine's Day
and he's in love.
502
00:18:08,711 --> 00:18:10,879
Halloween takes place
on Valentine's Day?
503
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,549
Wow! A twist already.
504
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,758
{\an8}So, we're in talks and soon,
505
00:18:14,759 --> 00:18:16,885
{\an8}kids all over the school district
will be playing
506
00:18:16,886 --> 00:18:19,304
{\an8}- The Final Frond-tier.
- Great.
507
00:18:19,305 --> 00:18:21,348
{\an8}Hey, why don't you play
The Final Frond-tier
508
00:18:21,349 --> 00:18:22,516
right here on "The Tina Table"?
509
00:18:22,517 --> 00:18:24,351
Me play? That's fun.
510
00:18:24,352 --> 00:18:25,977
Creator playing his creation.
511
00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:28,146
- Fuffy. I like it.
- Uh, let's see.
512
00:18:28,147 --> 00:18:31,525
A mutiny has broken out
on one of the convoy ships.
513
00:18:31,526 --> 00:18:35,405
Uh-oh, mutiny.
He just got handed a hot potato.
514
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:38,073
{\an8}- Oh, no. Everyone got space cholera.
515
00:18:38,074 --> 00:18:40,075
{\an8}Darn. Well, that happens.
516
00:18:40,076 --> 00:18:42,287
{\an8}-Let's hear your profile.
- Evaluating.
517
00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:45,457
You are unstable and amoral.
518
00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:46,957
{\an8}Probably dangerous.
519
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:49,000
{\an8}Wha...
It's-it's a glitch.
520
00:18:49,001 --> 00:18:52,003
{\an8}Something to work on,
staying away from everyone.
521
00:18:52,004 --> 00:18:53,380
{\an8}I always knew.
522
00:18:53,381 --> 00:18:55,717
{\an8}No.
It's... It's wrong. It's... It's a bug.
523
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,384
{\an8}Kids have been playing all week.
524
00:18:57,385 --> 00:18:59,719
{\an8}- How could it be a bug?
- Well, it's still in beta.
525
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,179
But it's rolling out district-wide.
526
00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:02,889
Is it ready or not, Mr. Frond?
527
00:19:02,890 --> 00:19:05,350
{\an8}Of course it is.
I-I'm disrupting the paradigm.
528
00:19:05,351 --> 00:19:08,770
{\an8}I'm...
No one tells you how hot these things are.
529
00:19:08,771 --> 00:19:10,983
{\an8}Well?
530
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,985
{\an8}All right. It's all lies!
531
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,193
The game just says
random gibberish.
532
00:19:15,194 --> 00:19:17,445
It's... It's all a big lie.
533
00:19:17,446 --> 00:19:19,573
Phew. It was exhausting
being aggressive.
534
00:19:19,574 --> 00:19:22,534
Oh, thank God. I'm great,
everyone else is...
535
00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,452
Crap. It's Principal Spoors.
536
00:19:24,453 --> 00:19:25,662
I'll just let it go to voice mail.
537
00:19:25,663 --> 00:19:26,872
I think he's watching us live
538
00:19:26,873 --> 00:19:29,291
- right now in his office.
- Oh f--
539
00:19:29,292 --> 00:19:32,210
I can't believe Mr. Frond
said "fart" on the air.
540
00:19:32,211 --> 00:19:33,503
Ye-Yes sir, I...
541
00:19:33,504 --> 00:19:35,088
I understand.
We tell the school board
542
00:19:35,089 --> 00:19:36,800
you were just kidding
about the rollout,
543
00:19:36,925 --> 00:19:39,134
and I-I won't touch
the computers anymore.
544
00:19:39,135 --> 00:19:41,471
And I'll change out of
the turtleneck immediately.
545
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,013
But your neck is better turtled.
546
00:19:43,014 --> 00:19:44,723
I thought you were on my side, Tina.
547
00:19:44,724 --> 00:19:46,224
You and Louise argued about it.
548
00:19:46,225 --> 00:19:48,101
Fake fight.
To get you to drop your guard.
549
00:19:48,102 --> 00:19:49,603
I was gonna change the world.
550
00:19:49,604 --> 00:19:50,812
You could have been part of it.
551
00:19:50,813 --> 00:19:52,147
But if you have to lie and cheat
552
00:19:52,148 --> 00:19:53,648
and cut corners to change the world,
553
00:19:53,649 --> 00:19:55,650
wh-what kind of world
are you left with anyway?
554
00:19:55,651 --> 00:19:57,444
Crap, I wish I'd thought
of that on the air.
555
00:19:57,445 --> 00:19:59,321
You're right. You're right!
556
00:19:59,322 --> 00:20:00,780
Weird vibe over here.
557
00:20:00,781 --> 00:20:02,532
So, great buzz on the "Table."
558
00:20:02,533 --> 00:20:05,368
It was courageous
but also fun but also newsy.
559
00:20:05,369 --> 00:20:07,287
Which I've decided
to call "curfuewsy."
560
00:20:07,288 --> 00:20:09,289
- That saves time.
- Curfuewsy!
561
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:10,584
If you say it twice, I don't know
562
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,042
if it still saves time. It's fine.
563
00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:14,753
Tina, how did you know
the game would say all that stuff about me?
564
00:20:14,754 --> 00:20:16,421
I took care of that part.
565
00:20:16,422 --> 00:20:18,548
Like you had Henry fix my results.
566
00:20:18,549 --> 00:20:22,054
And now, I'm free of you forever.
567
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:25,098
But you're still gonna write
my college recommendation, right?
568
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,516
Yeah, fine.
569
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:28,518
Party's back on.
Don't wear that, though.
570
00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,729
Party's back on.
Just you, not you, sorry.
571
00:20:30,854 --> 00:20:33,357
Hey, Tina, I know we blocked
out two hours tonight
572
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:35,275
to talk about times I felt stuff.
573
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,776
- Yeah, um...
- But Zeke got new sneakers
574
00:20:37,777 --> 00:20:39,402
that make a cool squeaky sound,
575
00:20:39,403 --> 00:20:42,072
so I was gonna watch him
do some sneaker squeaks.
576
00:20:42,073 --> 00:20:43,990
- I'm gonna squeak out!
- Oh, phew.
577
00:20:43,991 --> 00:20:45,951
I mean, cool.
578
00:20:45,952 --> 00:20:47,744
The game was right about one thing.
579
00:20:47,745 --> 00:20:49,579
Tina, you are kind of a truth finder.
580
00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:50,664
And I'm bookish.
581
00:20:50,665 --> 00:20:52,082
- No. Uh-uh.
- No. Hey, Mr. Branca.
582
00:20:52,083 --> 00:20:54,876
Next "Tina Table", you, me, dustpans?
583
00:20:54,877 --> 00:20:56,294
I'll bring my favorite one.
584
00:20:56,295 --> 00:20:58,171
- You know what I named it?
- Dusty?
585
00:20:58,172 --> 00:20:59,422
Have we already talked about this?
586
00:20:59,423 --> 00:21:00,884
Hey, save it for the show.
587
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:04,805
♪ Conscientious truth finder ♪
588
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,846
♪ 'Twas The Final Frond-tier ♪
589
00:21:06,847 --> 00:21:10,352
♪ Finding truth conscientiously ♪
590
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,562
♪ Watch my dreams disappear ♪
591
00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:15,315
♪ Hunting down facts and such ♪
592
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,069
♪ I could have made the world better ♪
593
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:21,738
♪ One problem, I care too much ♪
594
00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:24,700
♪ Time to take off my ♪
595
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,910
- ♪ Time to take off my ♪
- ♪ Time to take off your ♪
596
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:28,996
- ♪ Take off my ♪
- ♪ Take off your ♪
597
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:32,541
{\an8}- ♪ Turtleneck sweater ♪
- ♪ Turtleneck sweater. ♪
598
00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:34,167
{\an8}A lot of cat hair.