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♪ ♪
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[eerie keyboard music playing]
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[tina]
louise belcher,
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The myth, the legend,
the fourth grader.
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And just possibly,
the best archer in the world?
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I first encountered her online,
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Performing incredible
trick shots,
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And I was like, "whoa."
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[yelps]
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[tina]
with millions of views
and a rapidly growing fan base,
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This internet hotshot
is right on target
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To become the most famous archer
on the planet.
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In her most-watched video
by far, she performs
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This near-miracle of a shot,
which she calls
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"the off-the-wall
flipparoo how-do-you-do."
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Oh, wow.
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[tina]
but for many of us captivated
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By her amazing talent,
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The question remains:
"who is louise belcher,
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And how is she so good?"
which is actually two questions.
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Louise works here,
with her parents,
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In this dingy diner
in a shabby seaside town.
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Our documentary crew--
who is unrelated to her
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In any way
because she is an only child--
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Visited her here,
to see firsthand
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How louise is able to pull off
her incredible shots,
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And to learn more about
the woman behind the bow.
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Or bow-hind, um, if you will.
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Before I was a world-class
archer-- not my words,
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Just repeating what I see
in the comments on my videos.
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Anyway, before all that,
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I was, and still am,
just a girl whose family runs
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A weird-smelling
burger restaurant.
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[tina] [sniffs] yeah, I'm
getting that. Is that normal?
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It's normal,
but it's not on purpose.
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But yeah,
even though now I'm famous
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And people everywhere envy me,
I lead a humble life.
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I go to school, I work here,
I refill ketchups and mustards.
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I don't mind the ketchups,
but I'm not a mustard person.
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And I don't respect people
who are.
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-[gags]
-so interesting.
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Anyway, back to archery.
How'd you get into it?
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My mom and dad bought me
an archery set as a present.
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It's kind of the best thing
they've ever done for me.
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They finally figured out
how to be good parents,
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And I'm proud of them for that.
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We told her, "please never
shoot it in the apartment,
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Or the restaurant."
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I-I don't know why we aren't
enforcing that rule.
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I think it's fun.
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I like a little indoor
restaurant archery.
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That's our thing now.
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-And burgers. Also, burgers.
-Mm.
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[tina] so how long have you been
archery-ing now?
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Oh, gosh. Huh.
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Ba-ba-ba, hmm.
A month, at least?
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And you're already so good. Wow.
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Wait, gene, let me give you
another "wow."
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Wow. Okay, yeah,
let's use that one.
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That's for the documentary
about this documentary.
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Everyone's doing those now.
It's called a "double-doc."
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Or a "tur-doc-en."
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[gene]
I call it a "stalk-u-
docu-rockumentary"
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For reasons that will
become clear when I release
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My rock-opera podcast about
the making of this doc.
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Have I properly
introduced my bow?
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-This is greta gar-bow.
-[tina] yes, you have
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Introduced us to greta.
A few times.
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-We've got enough of that.
-Do you want me to do
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-A cool slow-motion walk again?
-No, I think we're good.
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You know we actually do
the slow-mo in editing.
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You don't have to walk
that slow.
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-Right. Right.
-[gene] I liked it.
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[tina]
also, this is our third day
of shooting,
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And we already have
so much footage of you walking
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And talking about your bow
and to your bow.
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But she's so strong and pretty.
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What? Oh, sorry.
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She's strong and pretty
and thoughtful and funny.
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Okay, maybe we get some shots
of you actually shooting?
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Finally? Not to be pushy,
but let's definitely do that.
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Okay, sure, but you've got
the videos I made, right?
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The ones that everyone
on the internet loves?
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Maybe you can just use those?
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-Yeah, that's not gonna--
-also... [sighs]
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My arm is feeling
kind of creaky today.
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I, uh, hurt it
doing homework last night.
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-I should probably cut that out.
-[linda] no.
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Yep, yep, uh-huh, no problem,
just, uh...
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We seem to be shooting
a documentary about an archer
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And we have no archery shots.
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Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
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[gene]
maybe if I do a lot of zooms,
nobody will notice?
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Like this: Whoa, whoa,
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-Whoa, whoa.
-[banging on door]
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[moans]
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Oh, it's teddy.
Hi, teddy. It's locked.
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We're closed, teddy.
Does he look weird to you?
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-[moaning]
-[linda] not too much more weird
than usual.
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Teddy, we're closed.
We're cleaning up.
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[moaning]
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[gene]
he's hangry.
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[tina]
well, we can't film
with all this noise.
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Should we tell him he has
to leave? He won't like it.
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I don't know if he knows
there's other restaurants.
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[tina]
what's wrong with him?
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Should I shoot some of this
as b-roll?
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We already got so much
of this guy eating earlier,
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But I guess it's something.
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Oh, hey, teddy.
I think they're closed.
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Judging by the closed sign.
[chuckles]
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-[teddy growls]
-[linda] oh, god!
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-[screaming]
-[bob] teddy!
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What are you doing?
Stop eating mort.
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-He's never done that before,
has he?
-No.
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I mean, he did growl at mort
that one time
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-For sitting on his stool.
-[tina] oh, my god.
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Is he undead? Is he a zombie?
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Oh, no, more zombies!
It must be a zombie apocalypse!
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[linda]
aw, nuts.
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[gene]
ugh, and I'm wearing this?
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[tina]
yeah, this could be
very not good for us.
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But, I mean,
if it's gonna happen,
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We're in the safest spot
we could be because we're with
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One of the best archers
in the world.
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[gene]
who? Oh, right, louise.
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The one we're doing
the documentary about.
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-[tina] yeah.
-Oh, yeah, we're so safe.
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-Phew, am I right? [chuckles]
-[tina] yeah. [chuckles]
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-So, so safe.
-Uh-huh.
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Yep. Yep. Yep.
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Should we cut the cameras?
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Focus on surviving
this whole deal?
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Cut the cameras? Are you crazy?
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A zombie apocalypse is exactly
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What this snoozer
of a doc needed.
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Now we can get you shooting
all the zombies with arrows,
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Saving our lives and stuff.
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I mean, I'm sorry
that mort guy got eaten.
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Sorry, mort guy. But, you know,
he's gonna be in a movie, so...
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-Uh-huh. Gr-great.
-[gene] should I keep rolling?
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Yes, keep rolling.
But don't get eaten.
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But if you do get eaten,
you know, try to keep rolling.
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-Safely.
-Sounds good.
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Okay, fine, but we don't know
what's going on out there.
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This might not even be zombies.
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This could be, like,
rabies or something.
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-Brains.
-[tina] pretty sure
he just said "brains."
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Okay, so they're zombies.
Clearly, this is zombies.
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-[linda] yep.
-[bob] yeah.
-Seems like it is.
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Poor mort. Poor teddy.
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Uh, might be poor us, too.
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I'm feeling like this glass
is not zombie-proof.
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[tina]
it's pretty thick, right?
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-[moaning]
-[glass cracks]
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-Oh, my god.
-[tina] sorry.
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I guess not so thick.
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-[pounding on glass]
-[gene] ooh, that beat's funky.
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[gene beatboxing]
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♪ dugga-dugga, dugga-dugga,
dugga-dugga-do... ♪
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Go away, zombies.
Nobody wants you here.
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What do we do?
Cover the windows?
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Barricade ourselves in?
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-What can we use?
-[linda] burgers?
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-[all] what?
-Fine. Buns?
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-Uh, tables?
-[tina] that's a great idea.
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Right. Yes, uh, that's fine.
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Uh, let's take apart the tables,
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Because it's
a zombie apocalypse.
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[louise] yeah, dad,
we're taking apart the tables.
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[bob]
no, I know, I know.
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I-I'm just, it's... It's a lot.
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But, uh, okay, let's do it.
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Too bad we can't hire teddy
to help us.
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-Brains.
-What do you say, teddy,
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-One last handyman job?
-Brains!
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-Nope.
-We'll figure it out.
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We'll use kitchen utensils
as tools?
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[gene]
great idea.
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♪ ♪
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Brains!
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[gene]
that seems like
enough barricading.
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You don't want
to over-barricade.
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I don't hear anything.
I think they left.
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And if zombies do get in,
louise will protect us
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With her amazing archery skills.
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00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:05,382
Yeah, but we really don't know
how to kill them yet.
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Maybe they love
being shot by arrows.
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Maybe it's like
a deep-tissue massage for them.
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[tina]
oh, no, isn't there a back door?
Should we barricade that?
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It's steel, a-and locked.
I checked it.
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This is the only way in here.
And we do have food and water.
193
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We should be okay. As long as
we don't have to open this up.
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-[pounding on door]
-[rudy] open up! Open up!
195
00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:23,900
-[bob] oh.
-Rudy?
-[andy/ollie] let us in!
196
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:25,777
[louise]
andy and ollie? Are you zombies?
197
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,155
-No! We're running from them!
-Ugh.
198
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,823
We just finished
boarding this up.
199
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,283
Tell them to run
to the back door.
200
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,118
-You there?
-[rudy] we're here!
201
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,161
-[louise] he's there.
-Wait, but what if
202
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:35,245
There are zombies eating him?
203
00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:36,746
That's why I got the frying pan.
204
00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,290
If there's zombies,
I'll pan 'em.
205
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:39,833
Why don't you show us on dad
what you're gonna do to them?
206
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,501
-I was gonna go like this.
-Ow.
207
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,627
-And then I was gonna
come down hard.
-Lin.
208
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:43,712
-What?
-Stop.
209
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:46,047
Everybody ready?
One, two, three.
210
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:47,174
-Thank you!
-Thank you!
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[tina]
any zombies out there?
212
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,218
[bob]
I don't see any.
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00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,387
All right,
let's lock this back up.
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[moaning]
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00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,557
[tina]
holy crap. Who is that?
216
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,809
[andy]
that's our brother.
He wants to eat us.
217
00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,769
-He's a zombie now.
-He sure is.
218
00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:01,313
We're gonna be
dad's new favorites.
219
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:02,939
-Dad's dead.
-Oh, yeah.
220
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,274
[moaning]
221
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-[tina] damn.
-[bob] uh, closing this.
222
00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:07,319
-Uh-huh.
-[bob] tina.
223
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:08,653
-Mmm.
-Tina.
224
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:11,823
Okay, so, we're in
a zombie apocalypse situation.
225
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,658
And we're not sure
how to kill them.
226
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,202
Some of us say arrows.
227
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:17,329
Some of us are weirdly insistent
that it might not be arrows.
228
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:19,372
But I feel like
we should give it a shot,
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00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:20,916
So to speak. [chuckles]
230
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I'm freaking out.
I don't want to die.
231
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,045
Or un-die. How long
do we have to stay here?
232
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,506
-What if we run out of food?
-We're in a restaurant, rudy.
233
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,925
My mom and dad are making
all of us burgers right now.
234
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,051
Oh. Hi.
235
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,636
-Hi.
-Okay, I'm cool.
236
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,764
I am the cool guy you do not
regret letting in. [chuckles]
237
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,307
-Great.
-Oh, my god, what's that smell?!
238
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,808
That's just the way
our restaurant smells.
239
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:40,810
Okay. That's fine. That's great.
I'm doing good.
240
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:42,479
[ollie]
my poor sweet andy.
241
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,231
-You got bit.
-Just a little.
242
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,274
Am I gonna turn into a zombie?
243
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,235
If you do,
promise to bite me first,
244
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,278
-And then we'll both be zombies.
-Ooh.
245
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,030
And if anyone asks
about the bite,
246
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,074
We'll just say
that you work in construction
247
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,450
And it's a hazard of the job.
248
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,202
-He works in construction!
-I work in construction!
249
00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:59,329
-It's a hazard of the job!
-It's a real job that I have!
250
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,331
-[gene] okay, bros.
-[objects crashing]
251
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,250
[bob]
oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
252
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,502
[tina]
how did they break through that?
We did such good barricading.
253
00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:07,379
[gene]
it's like the zombies
don't even appreciate
254
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:08,838
How long it took us
to do all that.
255
00:09:08,966 --> 00:09:10,382
[linda]
kids, go to the basement!
256
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:11,716
There's some crap down there
that we can use
257
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:13,176
To reinforce this, I think.
258
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,012
There's, uh, an old mop
and, uh, a lot of toilet paper.
259
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,847
What are we gonna do
with toilet paper?
260
00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:19,558
-I don't know.
-[gene] tp their houses?
261
00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,518
I'll go.
Rudy, andy, ollie, come with me.
262
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,645
-[both] yay!
-[rudy] wow, you're excited.
263
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,105
-We like going places.
-I get it.
264
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,481
[tina]
gene, go with them.
265
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,650
Help, but keep filming.
Uh, but also, help.
266
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:29,943
Filming is helping.
267
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,195
Grab anything you can.
268
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,446
[strains]
269
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,782
[moaning]
270
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,952
Andy, what's wrong?
Is your zombie bite acting up?
271
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,495
Zombie bite?
Did you say "zombie bite"?
272
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,248
I said "construction site
injury." that's what I said.
273
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:46,459
-Uh, it sounded like you said
"zombie bite."
-I heard that, too.
274
00:09:46,545 --> 00:09:48,962
-Well, that's ridiculous.
-I think it's happening!
275
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,046
[moaning]
276
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,539
[louise]
oh, crap.
277
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,633
-[gene screams]
-let's go, let's go, let's go!
278
00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:56,177
-Uh-huh.
-[gene] yep, yep.
279
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,637
Brains!
280
00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:01,266
Is that a-a fun nickname,
'cause you think I'm smart?
281
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,684
Brains!
282
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,644
Yep. Ow! I love you.
283
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:07,397
Ow! Love you. Ow! Not the ears.
284
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,649
[moaning]
285
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,735
[straining]
286
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,236
Okay, basement
is off-limits now.
287
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,281
We locked it, but yeah,
two small zombies in there.
288
00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:19,159
So how's it going here?
289
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,871
-It's going really well.
-Yep.
290
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:25,165
Louise, do something,
with the pointy sticks
291
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:26,916
That you can shoot really fast
through the air.
292
00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:28,409
That would be helpful.
293
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:29,961
Uh... [grunts]
294
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,588
-Salt?
-I don't know!
295
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,672
-Ow.
-Pepper?
296
00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,090
-I don't know.
-Mustard?
297
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:37,135
Stop judging the things
we're throwing at zombies!
298
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:38,803
[wailing]
299
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:40,180
-[louise] ha!
-[tina] huh.
300
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,306
[rudy]
zombies don't like mustard.
301
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,307
Of course they don't. Who does?
302
00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,558
[bob]
mustard is great.
303
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,810
Don't start
this argument again, louise.
304
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,312
-Agree to disagree.
-[linda] I hate to interrupt,
305
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,939
But I think you kids
should make a run for it.
306
00:10:50,067 --> 00:10:51,941
Oh. Yeah. Uh, okay.
307
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,319
Uh, your mom and I are
gonna stay here and, uh,
308
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:57,113
Hold these guys off,
and we-we got this.
309
00:10:57,199 --> 00:11:01,192
Uh, this is no problem, but
you should all go, really fast.
310
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,911
Well, what about my really cool
mustard breakthrough?
311
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,080
-Too many zombies.
-[gene] tmz.
312
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,665
[strains] but it was
a really good breakthrough.
313
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:09,668
Go! Maybe out the back door
and make a run for it!
314
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,044
Oh! The fire escape.
315
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,379
Back door, get on the dumpster,
316
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:14,172
Get to the ladder
of the fire escape somehow,
317
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,508
Lower it, get everybody up
and then pull it back up?
318
00:11:16,635 --> 00:11:18,677
-[gene] can you write
all that down for us?
-What?
319
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,512
-Uh, no.
-Everyone, just go.
320
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:23,306
Go now. And, uh, we'll, uh,
we'll meet you up there.
321
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,433
-Okay, louise?
-Huh. Huh. Huh.
322
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,477
-Oh, boy.
-Sounds like a lot of climbing,
323
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:28,770
But all right.
324
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:31,064
Okay.
We'll see you guys up there.
325
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:32,232
-[bob] yep.
-Uh-huh.
326
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:33,650
-[tina] we have to go now!
-Okay.
327
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,110
[linda]
but if we're not up soon,
328
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,904
Don't go to bed too late,
and stay out of my room.
329
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,656
Hey, watch it!
330
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:42,158
[tina]
wait for me!
331
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,786
I'll climb up.
332
00:11:44,955 --> 00:11:46,371
Someone else, come up
and get on my shoulders.
333
00:11:46,498 --> 00:11:47,706
Do you know how to lower
the ladder?
334
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:48,957
[louise]
of course I do. Do you know
335
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,208
How many fires we've had
in our house?
336
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,543
-A lot.
-[gene] good for you?
337
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,670
Maybe hurry? Just to try that?
338
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,213
-Get on my back.
-[grunting]
339
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:58,633
-Uh, hurry, hurry.
-[gene] yes, please.
340
00:11:58,760 --> 00:11:59,801
[louise]
going as fast as we can.
341
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:02,262
-Yep. Mm-hmm. Yep.
-[louise grunts]
342
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,097
-Okay, I'm up.
-Climb up here.
343
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,057
-Ladder?
-[louise] watch out.
344
00:12:06,143 --> 00:12:07,642
Thanks for the heads-up,
right after it happened.
345
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:10,270
-[strains]
-[louise] quick, quick, quick!
346
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,105
-Come on, gene.
-[rudy] oh, boy.
347
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,023
-[whimpering]
-[shouts]
348
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,775
-They got me!
-[tina] louise, shoot him!
349
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,069
-Shoot me? Why?
-Not you! The zombie!
350
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,238
[tina]
louise, shoot the zombie
with your bow and arrow!
351
00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,115
Oh, yeah, I'd be into that.
352
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,743
Uh, uh... [straining]
353
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,873
-I can't do it.
-[tina] what are you
talking about?
354
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,917
I'm a fraud.
I'm an archery fraud.
355
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,627
-[tina/gene] what?
-I can't pull the string back.
356
00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:37,046
I'm not strong enough.
I can't do archery at all.
357
00:12:37,132 --> 00:12:38,298
[rudy]
I didn't catch all that.
358
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:39,549
Zombies are getting
kind of loud,
359
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,509
But are you gonna
shoot the arrow soon?
360
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,094
Now's good for me.
361
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,266
-[wailing]
-I'm sorry.
362
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:49,309
I'm a fraudy fraud pants.
363
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,102
I can't do any archery stuff.
364
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,646
Okay, now I heard
"I can't do archery stuff."
365
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,106
That's disappointing.
366
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,649
[tina]
give me that arrow.
367
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,067
[grunting]
368
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,528
-Here.
-I don't know if it works
without the bow part.
369
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,072
Use it like a spear
or something. I don't know.
370
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,866
Okay. [grunts]
371
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,910
[shouts] brains!
372
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:09,662
He doesn't seem to mind
that I did that to him.
373
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,831
Isn't that a thing?
Getting them in the head?
374
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:14,375
He's shaking his head no.
[shouts]
375
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:15,668
-Uh...
-[louise] rudy!
376
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,295
-I'm so sorry.
-[rudy] ow!
377
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:20,673
It's fine. Ow! It's my fault
for being the slowpoke.
378
00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,342
Ow! It's actually not that bad.
379
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,927
-[gene] really?
-I mean, it's pretty bad.
380
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:26,346
But I don't want to be
remembered as a complainer.
381
00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,431
[screaming]
382
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,975
[gene]
at least he went peacefully?
383
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:32,602
[tina]
[grunts] why didn't you just
384
00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:33,853
Tell us the truth, louise?
385
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,438
[louise]
I was embarrassed, okay?
386
00:13:35,524 --> 00:13:38,274
It's embarrassing. I mean,
I'm really bad at archery.
387
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,943
Like, I can't pull
the string back
388
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,362
And I haven't been able
to do it even once.
389
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:43,822
So you just made
a bunch of fake videos?
390
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:46,199
I was gonna make real videos,
but that didn't work out.
391
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,992
Because of the whole
"being terrible at it" thing.
392
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:50,161
There was a lot of editing,
come to think of it.
393
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:52,205
One time, I did sort of see
a hand moving the arrow
394
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,706
-Through the air.
-Yeah.
395
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:56,918
But, hey, it turns out arrows
don't kill zombies anyway,
396
00:13:57,045 --> 00:13:58,795
So what are you gonna do?
397
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,922
I guess we're safe up here.
398
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,549
For now?
399
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,259
-[sighs]
-[distant moaning]
400
00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:05,593
[quietly]
she seems pretty sad.
401
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,929
Yeah, probably because
she let everybody die.
402
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,223
♪ I'm a fraud ♪
403
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:11,641
[tina]
wait, what's happening?
404
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:13,101
♪ I'm a phony ♪
405
00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:15,186
Are you singing
in a documentary?
406
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:17,522
-♪ I'm a sham, a scam ♪
-[gene beatboxing]
407
00:14:17,649 --> 00:14:20,316
♪ yes, ma'am,
and I'm full of baloney ♪
408
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:23,111
Okay, now gene seems to be
laying down a beat.
409
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:27,115
♪ but if you could see
who I had hoped to be ♪
410
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,910
♪ the me that's me
more perfectly ♪
411
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:35,874
♪ why can't I be the me
I want to be? ♪
412
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,584
[tina]
okay, maybe we get back
413
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,586
-To watching out for--
-♪ and in this world... ♪
414
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,170
-Louise!
-Right. Right. Right.
415
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:42,964
-[sighs] focus.
-[gene] uh-oh.
416
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,340
They're climbing up
on the dumpster.
417
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,050
And now they're reaching
for the ladder!
418
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:48,595
[both moaning]
419
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,847
They might be figuring out
how to give each other a boost.
420
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:53,016
-[tina] what? How?
-They're doing this thing.
421
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,767
For, like, here's the church,
here's the steeple,
422
00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,102
Open the doors,
look at all the people?
423
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,478
Don't make this about religion.
424
00:14:57,647 --> 00:14:59,772
Well, I mean, we know
one thing they don't like.
425
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,190
-Paying taxes?
-Mustard.
426
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:03,568
But you know who does?
My parents.
427
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:06,946
Spicy, yuck. Honey, yuck.
Yellow, yuck.
428
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,240
So many half-empty jars
of mustard.
429
00:15:09,367 --> 00:15:10,617
[gene]
they're coming up fast!
430
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:12,160
Might've been too long
on how you don't like
431
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,536
Each individual jar of mustard.
432
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:14,954
Sorry. Here, take these.
433
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:17,040
-Squirt it on them!
-[gene screams]
434
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,499
-[moaning]
-[louise] ha!
435
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,460
How does that cut
the mustard, you punk?
436
00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,211
-We condi-meant to do that.
-[gene] nice.
437
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,464
[grunts]
uh, we need to fall back.
438
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,673
We need higher ground.
439
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,175
[gene]
you mean the stevie wonder song?
440
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,593
Do we even have a cd player?
441
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,386
We need higher
mustard-squirting ground.
442
00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:32,004
[tina]
where is higher
mustard-squirting ground?
443
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:34,265
Follow me! Up there.
444
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,186
Can we lock the door?
445
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,479
I would've been able
to lock the door
446
00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,439
If my parents hadn't made me
take the lock off.
447
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,232
You lock yourself in your room
to watch every season
448
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,944
Of american horror story
one time...
449
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,987
-[tina] oops, my mustard.
-Oh, no, one's getting in.
450
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,280
Okay, so we're not great
at barricading.
451
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,823
[gene]
we're barely-cading.
452
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,909
-[moaning]
-[tina] hello.
453
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:54,535
I mean,
I'm gonna squirt you now.
454
00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:56,162
-[air sputters]
-that was the thing.
It wasn't me.
455
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,705
-[moans]
-it wasn't!
456
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:59,749
-[air sputtering]
-crap, crap, crap.
457
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,167
[gene]
uh, this isn't good.
458
00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:02,418
[tina]
oh, god,
I don't want to get eaten.
459
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,545
I guess there are
worse ways to go.
460
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,880
No, this is probably the worst.
461
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,091
Ugh, I don't want to die!
462
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,427
-[tina] wow.
-[gene] you want to get
another one?
463
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:13,346
-That was a little breathy.
-Wow.
464
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,223
Never mind.
The first one was better.
465
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:21,187
Louise, you did it!
What did you-- how did--
466
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:24,107
I did it this way,
which I've never tried before.
467
00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:25,358
-[tina] thank you.
-Sure.
468
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,609
If I let you get eaten,
469
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,528
Who was gonna finish
the documentary about me?
470
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,446
[gene]
I mean, I'm sure rudy and andy
471
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,073
And ollie and your parents
wished you figured out
472
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,200
That foot thing a little
earlier, but that's fine.
473
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,161
-[moaning]
-[louise] okay, sounds like
we've got more company.
474
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,663
Gene, you squirt mustard here.
475
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,832
-On your nice clean bedspread?
-It's not that clean.
476
00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,542
Tina, you dip the arrows,
hand them to me,
477
00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:44,293
And I kill the bastards.
Go, go, go, go.
478
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:47,505
By the way, how many mustard
arrows are we allowed to eat?
479
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:48,881
-None.
-Copy that.
480
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,758
[louise]
♪ she's good at archery now ♪
481
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,918
♪ she's good at archery now,
she's good at archery now ♪
482
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,762
♪ she's good at archery now ♪
483
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,305
♪ she's good at archery now,
she's good at archery now ♪
484
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,307
♪ she's good at archery now ♪
485
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,059
♪ she's good at archery now,
she's good at archery ♪
486
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,894
♪ 'cause she's using
her foot somehow. ♪
487
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,813
[tina panting]
488
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,565
[tina]
is that it? Are we safe?
489
00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,234
I hope so, because, um,
I only have one arrow left.
490
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,986
[tina] and we're down to
the last of the mustard.
491
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,572
And some of us showed a lot of
restraint not eating any of it.
492
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,073
[bob and linda moaning]
493
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,867
[louise]
oh, no. It's my parents.
494
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,243
[gene]
they're still a cute couple.
495
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:18,369
[tina]
you only have one arrow!
496
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,038
How are you gonna
get two people?
497
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:23,332
Sorry, mom and dad. I love you,
but I got to do this.
498
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:26,002
♪ ♪
499
00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:31,549
[gene]
any more zombies out there?
500
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,968
-It's okay if there's not.
-[tina] you saved us!
501
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,762
I mean, you had to kill
your zombie parents,
502
00:17:35,930 --> 00:17:37,346
But you did
your famous trick shot.
503
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:38,806
"the off-the-wall flipparoo
how-do-you-do."
504
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,433
For real! And you saved us.
505
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,393
[gene] and we probably got
a clean shot of it.
506
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,936
-[objects crashing]
-uh-oh.
507
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,646
-There they are. Darn it.
-[zombies moaning]
508
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,315
Don't you guys have a hobby?
509
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:49,400
-[mort] brains.
-Oh, right, brains.
510
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:51,569
Shoot. Um, listen.
511
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,696
Stay hidden. Barricade the door.
512
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:55,031
Better than we did before.
513
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,741
I'm gonna draw them
away from here
514
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,442
And, I guess, go out fighting.
515
00:17:58,536 --> 00:17:59,869
-[tina] wait, what?
-Don't argue.
516
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:01,496
-There's no time.
-I'll tell your story.
517
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,748
I mean, I won't,
'cause I'll probably be dead,
518
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,291
Um, but hopefully someone will?
519
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:07,668
Not gene, 'cause if I'm dead,
he'll probably be dead, too.
520
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,504
-[gene] yep.
-But, you know, someone else?
521
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,297
Someone who's great at editing
and senses
522
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:13,299
What my incredible vision
for telling this story was?
523
00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:14,926
And hopefully isn't
into star wipes
524
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,178
-Or anything like that.
-Yeah, yeah, got it.
525
00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:19,347
[moaning and screaming]
526
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:20,515
[camera thuds]
527
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,726
[moaning and screaming fade]
528
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,979
Wow, that was... Great.
529
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,648
Dark. Pretty dark.
530
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:29,941
Yeah, but so good.
531
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,652
-It's not done. Shh!
-What? I-I thought--
532
00:18:32,737 --> 00:18:34,320
-[tina] gene?
-[gene] yeah?
533
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,280
-[tina] did you get bitten?
-No. Did you?
534
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:38,783
-[tina] no. Louise?
-[louise] [sighs] yeah?
535
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,993
-[tina] did they bite you?
-No. I think...
536
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,037
No. They stepped on me
a lot, though.
537
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:45,081
[tina] can you see if
my camera's still rolling?
538
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:46,707
Yep, looks like it.
539
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,377
-So did all the zombies
just leave?
-[louise] oh, my god.
540
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,420
It must be because
we have mustard all over us.
541
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:53,589
They didn't want to eat us
because of the mustard.
542
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:54,966
I don't have it all over me.
543
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:56,968
[tina] you have a little, um--
never mind.
544
00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,845
Okay, new plan.
We go down to the restaurant.
545
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:01,180
We get some more mustard
and a few more arrows,
546
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,224
And, uh, [scoffs]
we save the world.
547
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:05,977
-[tina] we do?
-I have a thing to do later,
but okay.
548
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,354
[tina] hey, louise.
Do you like mustard now?
549
00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:09,981
No. I'm with the zombies
on this one.
550
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,024
[gene] should we cover ourselves
with chicken satay
551
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,568
And see if
the zombies hate that, too?
552
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,486
What if we just get you
some chicken satay?
553
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:16,904
[gene]
mmm.
554
00:19:17,031 --> 00:19:19,615
[upbeat keyboard music playing]
555
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,075
-Eh?
-Love it.
556
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,910
It's perfect.
I'm so proud of my little
557
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:25,288
Writer-director-producer-
stunt coordinators.
558
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:27,790
Sorry, we didn't go with
the "everyone dies" ending, dad.
559
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,792
Totally fine.
It's just a genre standard
560
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:31,794
And a political statement,
but I understand
561
00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:34,046
You guys were probably
facing pressure
562
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,464
-From the studio.
-This guy.
563
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:37,300
You give him a role,
and all of a sudden
564
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,426
-He's giving notes.
-It's fine.
565
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,969
I love it.
Mustard didn't deserve
566
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,054
Any of that,
but I'm trying to overlook it.
567
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,848
I still don't quite get
why you didn't just
568
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,350
Make yourself good at archery
from the beginning, louise.
569
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,519
Well, that was the plan
at one time,
570
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:51,355
When I thought I was gonna be
really good at archery.
571
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:53,774
But turns out
I couldn't pull the string
572
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,819
Back far enough to make
an arrow go... Anywhere.
573
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:57,862
I remember that day.
574
00:19:57,989 --> 00:19:59,780
A lot of grunts,
and then a lot of tears.
575
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:00,907
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
576
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,408
But then,
we got the crew together,
577
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,076
And we had a meeting,
and we said
578
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,411
We could either scrap production
579
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:06,871
Or we could work this
into the story.
580
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,331
And then we thought
of the foot thing,
581
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,874
And then we knew
we had our ending.
582
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,500
Which by the way,
good for power,
583
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,668
Not good for accuracy.
584
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:14,128
The arrow goes everywhere.
585
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:15,504
Hey, you guys were good, too,
by the way.
586
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:18,216
-Yeah, we were.
-I still have mustard in my ear.
587
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:19,467
Or maybe that was from before.
588
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:21,427
Also, it was really nice of us
to take apart
589
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,179
The entire restaurant
for your barricade scene.
590
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:26,140
Uh, I didn't see any mention
of that in the credits,
591
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,433
But that-that-that's fine.
592
00:20:27,518 --> 00:20:28,809
I think it's coming up
in the "special thanks."
593
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,978
-It just says "ken."
-oh, right.
594
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,147
Well, ken's sending this
to his agent, so...
595
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,608
Also, did you thank teddy,
mort, rudy, jimmy jr.,
596
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,236
Andy and ollie enough?
Because they worked really hard.
597
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,488
They're locked for the sequel.
That's where the money is.
598
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,573
And, oh, I'm so sorry
that they had to be
599
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,575
Part of a touching tale
of how you can feel like
600
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,661
A failure and then
overcome your weakness
601
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,371
With feet and determination.
602
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,039
And we're having
the cast and crew screening
603
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,123
Tomorrow at the restaurant?
604
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:52,583
With free burgers? Right, dad?
605
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,627
-[bob] wait, what?
-[gene] it's in your contract.
606
00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:57,129
[upbeat keyboard music playing]
607
00:20:58,216 --> 00:21:01,259
[teddy]
♪ brains ♪
608
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:03,511
♪ ♪
609
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:07,974
♪ brains ♪
610
00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:09,892
[tina] ♪ it must be
a zombie apocalypse! ♪
611
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,186
♪ ♪
612
00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:21,112
[moaning]
613
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:24,740
[screaming]
614
00:21:24,826 --> 00:21:26,409
Captioning sponsored by
bento box entertainment
615
00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:27,994
And toyota.
616
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:30,079
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org