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♪ ♪
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So this storm front
could change course and make
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Landfall this weekend.
We're in wait-and-see mode.
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Either way,
don't get mad at me about it.
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Just doing my best.
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Aw, scott baggs seems
really vulnerable right now.
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-That's hot.
-Hey, mr. Fisch.
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Hello, burger lady. Tiny people.
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-Hi.
-Hello.
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Bob. How are you, bob?
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Uh, good?
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Good, good, good.
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Uh, is this about the rent?
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Sorry, linda put
a smiley face on the check.
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I-I thought it was too much.
Was it too much?
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-Is that why you're here?
-No.
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-I enjoyed it.
-I knew it.
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What are you doing
this weekend, bob?
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Nothing fun or interesting
or cool, right?
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Uh, probably not. Why?
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Well, I need a private chef.
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For private cooking.
At a private location.
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And, yes,
you will need to sign this nda.
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Nda? "no ding-a-lings allowed"?
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Wait, are-are you asking me
to cater an event or something?
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-Yes. A camping event.
-Oh, camping.
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It's actually more
like fancy camping.
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"flancing," I call it, with,
let's just say,
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A secret club
of powerful members.
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A brotherhood, really.
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The blood oath was fun,
but messy.
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Mr. Fischoeder,
are you in the illuminati?
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You can tell us,
we're on the wait-list.
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Ha-ha. No.
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Those guys wish
they were in the babylon league.
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-The babalong league?
-Babylon.
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Like the ancient, uh, thing.
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Oh...
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Yes, a bunch of powerful men
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Letting our hair down
and picking the next president
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Over s'mores and cocktails
and naughty jokes.
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None of that makes me want to
take this catering gig. Sorry.
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Bob, I need you.
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I sort of kind of forgot
that we voted last year
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To each bring our own chefs
from now on
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Since everyone's got
their "dietary restrictions."
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And the other members
already picked over
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The best chefs in town,
so now I'm asking you.
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-Thank you?
-Name your price.
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-A billion dollars.
-No.
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-A million dollars.
-No.
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-A billion dollars.
-She just said that.
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How about $973?
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-That's very specific.
-It's the price
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For a new condenser
for the walk-in,
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Which apparently we need.
The one we have is
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Ready to go to that walk-in
in the sky.
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Right, I guess
ignoring that horrible sound
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Isn't gonna fix it.
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-Boring, but sold.
-Really?
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So, bob, do we have a deal?
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Uh, okay.
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-I guess I'll do it.
-Yay.
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Wait, they said there might
be a storm. Aren't you worried
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-About the weather?
-Y-you don't really need
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To worry about the weather
when you know the people I know.
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-They take care of all that.
-Wait, what?
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Oh, and bob, whip up
a custom cocktail, will you?
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It-it's kind of...
Part of the whole thing.
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Think refreshing, yet sour.
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-Manly, yet whimsical.
-Uh, a cocktail. Uh, okay.
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And gin. Lots of gin.
And call it something clever.
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The things we'll do
for a condenser.
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-I mean, you'll do.
-Yup.
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Okay, come aboard!
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Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, put this on.
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-[bob] all right.
-Okay, now come aboard.
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[bob] but I have a blindfold on.
Uh, I can't see.
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[fischoeder]
you should've thought of that
before you put the blindfold on.
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[bob]
okay, I'll try-- ow.
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-[fischoeder] I don't know why
you stepped there.
-[bob] ow!
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[fischoeder]
you're bad at this.
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-No peeking.
-I'm not.
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-What? Speed up? Okay.
-Aah!
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No peeking!
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Can I take the blindfold off?
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I'd love to be able
to see things again.
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Eh, fine.
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Oh, my god, we're on a cliff.
Mr. Fischoeder, what if I fell?
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Well, that would've
been embarrassing for me.
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I'd be the idiot
whose chef fell off the cliff.
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So, my, uh, custom cocktail is,
uh, going in my mouth soon?
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Yeah. It was actually
kind of fun to come up with.
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I-I hope you like it.
It's gin and mint
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And a dash of pickle juice.
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I call it "the league
of ex-brine-inary gentlemint."
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Mmm... I think we should
call it the ring-a-ding.
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Mm, fine.
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Uh, you know,
I haven't had any reception
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Since we got to the island.
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Is there a place where I--
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Oh, there's no cell phone
reception on the island.
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We paid a lot of money for that.
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You can make your tiktoks
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When you get home, bob.
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-That's not what I--
-come, come.
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Bring the ring-a-ding!
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Yup, yup. Sure.
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Sticky nicky mcarthur.
How's the family?
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Which one? [laughs]
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Hubert "the hammer"
hammerschmidt.
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How were the hearings?
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Some people are going to prison.
Not me.
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-Brother calvin.
-Downtown randolph brackenbrown.
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-There he is.
-Here I am.
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Soggie auggie sharfenheimer.
The gang's all here.
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Calvin, no chefs
at the sacred circle.
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They're supposed
to stay at the tents.
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Can I keep him?
The liquor pitcher's
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All sweaty;
I don't want to hold it.
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Let's have a taste.
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The cocktail will
decide his fate.
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Oh, uh, okay.
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Mmm. Exquisite. He can stay.
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Why does
your chef look so familiar?
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Was he working the omelet
station at your last sex party?
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-What?
-No. Bob's a burger man.
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Well, those were good omelets.
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And a hell of a sex party.
Just really well-organized.
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I went a bit more upscale
with my private chef.
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I brought sergio, from sergio.
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-Heard of it.
-Me, too.
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He's making llama
because I only eat llama now.
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-Oh, enough about the llama!
-More llama drama?
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Mr. I brought a live llama
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Can't seem to talk
about anything else.
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-You're gonna
slaughter it here?
-No.
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For every one that I eat,
I adopt a live one.
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-Some people don't get it.
-Yeah, I don't get it.
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-I'm one of those people.
-Sergio gets it.
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Well, what do you say,
fellas, shall we, uh,
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Tell the chefs to start cooking?
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We'll have our feast,
then let out our inner beast.
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[August] feast and beast.
I love that they rhyme.
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[thunder crashes]
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Not bad, burger-meister.
I saw randolph eyeing my dinner.
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-He barely touched his llama.
-Oh. Thanks.
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-What are you doing, cleaning?
Pfft-- square.
-Yup.
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I just took a bunch
of drugs, bob. A bunch.
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All mixed together
in a cast-iron cauldron
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That we heated over the fire.
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That's how people do drugs.
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That seems to make sense
for what this is.
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-Can you do my face paint?
-Uh, sure.
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-Wha-- what's this for?
-Tradition! Ritual!
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Make me look like simon lebon
in "hungry like the wolf."
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I'm just gonna-- do a stripe.
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Oh, you're moving.
So that-- that looks good.
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Feeling strong. Very strong.
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[wind whooshing]
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Whoa. Speaking of strong.
Geez, this is--
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It's-- I think
it's about to rain.
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-Uh, do you-- do you feel drops?
-It's starting, bob.
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It's starting.
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-So, this is a storm, I think.
-[dance music playing]
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The one you said
wasn't gonna happen?
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[fischoeder laughs]
I love electronic dance music!
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Great.
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Still nothing from your father.
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How's he even supposed
to grill burgers
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In a storm like this?
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When you don't listen
to scotty baggs,
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You end up with soggy buns.
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He's on a camping weekend
with rich people.
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I assume
there are butlers that hold
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Umbrellas over all the buns.
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Speaking of buns, why are
we not eating post-dinner,
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Pre-bedtime snacks right now?
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My hand keeps doing this,
but there's nothing in it.
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I'll go get something.
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I'll go with you
so it's not just crackers.
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-No offense.
-What?
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We had carrots that one time.
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Dad left a lot of bar things.
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-It's like we live in
a nightclub now.
-Yeah.
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Your dad was sir mix-a-lologist
last night.
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It was quite the cocktail party.
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If you like a cocktail party
where it's just you
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-And the person making drinks.
-Are those a real thing?
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I thought cocktail parties were
just in movies and tv shows.
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Oh, yeah, someone
invites you to their house,
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And they made snacks
and they made a playlist
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And you have to pretend
you like their music.
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You'll go to them
when you're a little older.
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It's how adults socialize.
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Until they have kids.
Then you don't do anything.
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I don't understand, why is
it called a cocktail party?
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Why isn't it called
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A "hanging out and talking"
party?
200
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Is that what you guys are doing?
201
00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,624
'cause the snacks are...
Taking a while.
202
00:06:57,793 --> 00:06:59,292
Snacks are coming,
they're coming.
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00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,919
They call 'em cocktail parties
204
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Because some grown-ups
have a drink to loosen up.
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00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,173
But don't have too many 'cause
then you don't get invited back.
206
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,134
And don't
monopolize the conversation,
207
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Don't stay too late,
don't get there too early.
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00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,637
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
should I be writing this down?
209
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,139
-You're freaking me out.
-Don't wear brown and black.
210
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,932
Never look into someone's eyes.
211
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,600
Bring your own fork
and briefcase.
212
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:16,935
-Of course.
Everyone knows that.
-Huh. Huh. Huh...
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00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:18,687
And leave one
of your shoes as a gift.
214
00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,230
-But you got to hide it.
-Aah! I don't get it.
215
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:21,815
How does everyone know
all this stuff?
216
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,693
No, no, no, don't listen to
them, they're messing with you.
217
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,403
But I can show you everything
you need to know.
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00:07:26,521 --> 00:07:28,363
You want to have
a mocktail party?
219
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,407
Kids, meet me in
the living room in ten minutes.
220
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Wear something nice.
221
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How much cleavage is
too much cleavage?
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-Your call.
-Ooh...
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This'll probably be
just as fancy
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As the party
your dad's at right now.
225
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[thunder crashes]
226
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,085
Oh, my god, oh, my god.
227
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:46,006
Huh? What?!
228
00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,425
[panting]
229
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,302
[dance music playing]
230
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Mr. Fischoeder,
people are leaving.
231
00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:54,181
Boats are leaving.
They-- they took the llama,
232
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,057
-And they left!
-Bob! Bob!
233
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,684
You're saying too many words.
234
00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,061
Close this part,
shake that part.
235
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:02,689
Look at hubert, he's all hips.
And drugs.
236
00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,232
Mr. Fischoeder, I'm worried
237
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,609
That this storm
is gonna get worse,
238
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:08,320
And we're on an island,
and our phones don't work.
239
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,989
-And that's bad.
-No. That's good.
240
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:12,491
That's why we're here.
241
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:13,742
You just don't have
enough face paint on.
242
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:14,910
It keeps you dry.
243
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,912
Haven't you noticed
I'm completely dry?
244
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,873
-Have you asked yourself
how that's possible?
-Uh-oh.
245
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,626
[all howling]
246
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,004
You are all very stoned.
247
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:27,797
Okay, I'm gonna
go pack everything
248
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:29,841
Onto your boat
and then we should go.
249
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,052
And everyone else
should go soon, too.
250
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,846
I will be right back
to get you and whoever
251
00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:37,265
Wants to live tonight, okay?
252
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:41,436
Oh, boy, tent not looking good.
253
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,980
[grunting]
254
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,441
And the boats are sinking.
255
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,151
Mr. Fischoeder?
256
00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:50,195
Hello?
257
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,073
M-mr. Fischoeder?
258
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,993
Is that blood? Oh, my god.
259
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,537
-Bob.
-Huh?
260
00:08:58,664 --> 00:08:59,663
-Turn off your light.
-What?
261
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:02,832
-Why?
-Shh. He's hunting us.
262
00:09:02,918 --> 00:09:04,793
He took a bite
out of randolph's arm.
263
00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:06,253
-Who took a bite?
-Hubert.
264
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,963
He's gone completely wild.
265
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,631
He's turned into
some sort of animal
266
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:10,966
With eddie bauer pants on.
267
00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:13,260
Okay, well, I have to tell you
about your boat.
268
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:15,637
[growling]
269
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,597
-Oh...
-Shh.
270
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,642
[snarling]
271
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,686
[hubert shouting, growling]
272
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,105
[bob muffled]
oh, my god!
273
00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,861
This is awful.
This is so, so awful.
274
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,947
We're trapped
on this island with that?
275
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,657
Why did I say yes to this?
276
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,534
-Ugh, this is gonna get
infected.
-[fischoeder] shush.
277
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,245
-Calvin, you don't have
any antibiotics, do you?
-No.
278
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:43,540
Seems like kind of a nerdy thing
to pack on a boys' weekend.
279
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,208
Ah, it hurts. Aah!
280
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,710
What's the point of taking drugs
281
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:48,837
If you feel pain when
someone bites your shoulder?
282
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,130
Should we make
our way to the boats?
283
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,631
This has been fun,
but, bob, I think
284
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,133
You were saying
something about packing up?
285
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,884
There's no boats,
mr. Fischoeder.
286
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,678
That's what I was trying
to tell you.
287
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,263
They're all gone
or they're smashed.
288
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,848
-What? Why didn't you tell me?
-I did!
289
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,517
-You were on drugs.
-Don't blame the drugs!
290
00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:05,437
-What boats are gone? Who left?
-A lot of people.
291
00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:08,189
The private chefs are all gone,
I think. Other people.
292
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,692
They saw the storm and they left
'cause they're smart.
293
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:12,527
-Who's this guy?
-He's sober.
294
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,529
-Oh...
-Shush.
295
00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,364
-[bushes rustling]
-[roars]
296
00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:18,491
-Aah!
-Run!
297
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:20,535
You're not an animal, hubert!
298
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:21,745
You're an episcopalian.
299
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,538
[growling]
300
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:28,043
[hubert howling]
301
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,630
You know what we need?
A couple more ring-a-dings.
302
00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,548
[linda]
looking nice.
303
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,550
Looking very sophisticated.
304
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,886
Gene, liking the shorts
with dad's jacket.
305
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,763
Mm-hmm. Business dad-ual.
306
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,806
And I invented
a new way to tie a tie.
307
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,475
It makes the old way
look stupid.
308
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,810
All right, now that we have
some drinks in hand,
309
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:47,771
Let's do some role-play.
Tina, stand there.
310
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,147
-You're the host.
-I'm the host?
311
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,440
Just for this, just for this.
312
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,776
Okay, I'm the first guest
to arrive. You ready?
313
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,986
-Ding-dong.
-Hello.
314
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,447
Hi, honey. Mwah.
I'm 30 minutes early. Mwah.
315
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,032
Here's a bottle of wine that
someone gave me as a gift.
316
00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:00,492
Is that what you're gonna
wear tonight?
317
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,118
-Um...
-Aren't you gonna put on music?
318
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,828
-Oh...
-Can I help out
with snacks or anything?
319
00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:05,455
-What?
-No? Okay, can I see
what you have
320
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,915
-In the fridge?
I haven't had dinner.
-Wait...
321
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,291
Also, I blocked
your neighbor's driveway.
322
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,251
-He's cool, right? And scene.
-Oh, uh...
323
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:11,836
Do's and don'ts. Call 'em out.
324
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,421
What did I do right,
what did I do wrong?
325
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,547
Um, you showed up early.
326
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,174
-That's nice.
-No, no, no.
327
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,051
Showing up 30 minutes early
is worse
328
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:19,678
Than showing up an hour late.
329
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,721
-Aah!
-Just take the time
they tell you to arrive,
330
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:23,556
Add 30 minutes, and you're good.
331
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:24,599
What else? Call 'em out!
332
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:25,809
Don't be like how you were.
333
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,560
More specifically.
What did I do wrong?
334
00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:28,728
Everything after hello?
335
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:29,938
Correct.
Let's do another one,
336
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,231
Let's do another one.
337
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,607
Louise, stand here.
We're both guests.
338
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,025
You're waiting for the bathroom.
339
00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,276
I come up behind you.
340
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,361
Hi, I'm drunk.
341
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,780
Will you hold up
my hair while I puke?
342
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,782
-And scene.
-She seems fun.
343
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,326
Okay, let's stop for a minute.
344
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:45,328
I can't see where we're going.
345
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:46,788
But I don't want
to use the lamp
346
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,456
Because the bitey guy
might see us.
347
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:51,209
-The "bitey guy" has
a name, bob.
-Ugh.
348
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,669
God, I wish we had our guns.
349
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,421
Not to kill him, just
to shoot him a little bit.
350
00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:56,172
Yeah,
why don't you have your guns?
351
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,841
Uh, I thought
that was part of your
352
00:11:57,926 --> 00:11:59,718
-Group dynamic.
-No guns on the island.
353
00:11:59,803 --> 00:12:03,138
Our insurance covers us
for drugs or guns. But not both.
354
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:04,806
Can we stay here? Are we hidden?
355
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,391
-Uh, I think we're hidden.
-Found you.
356
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,809
-Ah!
-Yeah, we could hear
357
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,310
Your voices all
the way from over there.
358
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,229
You two get bit at all?
Still just me?
359
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,565
-Stop asking that!
-Mosquitos love me, too.
-[twig snaps]
360
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,525
-What was that?
Did you fart, bob?
-No.
361
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:18,361
That was a twig snapping.
Farts don't sound like that.
362
00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:19,654
Some do.
363
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,073
-[hubert roaring]
-[all cry out]
364
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,616
-That hurts!
-Told you.
365
00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:27,370
-Stop biting us, hubert!
-And put some clothes on.
366
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,539
[hubert howling]
367
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,250
All right. Uh, I think
we have to go on offense.
368
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:34,169
If we keep running,
he's just gonna keep
369
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,754
Jumping out of the bushes
and biting us.
370
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,589
-"us"? Have you been bitten?
-Oh, hush.
371
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,799
You were pretty pissy
about some of us talking
372
00:12:39,885 --> 00:12:41,509
About our bites
just, like, a moment ago.
373
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:44,304
-Listen to bob. I'm nominating
him for captain.
-What?
374
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:46,139
He's the least drugged-up
of all of us.
375
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,348
-Who's bob?
-Me.
376
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,142
But I don't want to be captain.
377
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:50,143
I just want to live.
378
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,561
Listen, this hubert guy.
379
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:53,521
Ca-can we catch him somehow?
Trap him?
380
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,440
If we can tie him up
till the drugs wear off
381
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,150
Then all we'll have
to deal with is the storm.
382
00:12:57,235 --> 00:13:00,195
That gives a slightly better
chance of surviving the night.
383
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,572
Trapping hubert. Hmm... Not bad.
384
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:05,784
-True. Good idea, captain.
-To set a trap we need bait.
385
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:07,368
[all except bob]
not it!
386
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,203
Wait, what?
387
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:09,537
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
388
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:10,830
Bad plan, bad plan!
389
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,582
Just a little more beef
on the eyebrows
390
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,626
To make him seem extra tasty,
and I think we're done.
391
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:18,213
[August]
I'm giving him a beef mustache
on top of his real mustache.
392
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,799
Clever! And the trap is baited.
393
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,676
No, your captain says no.
No human bait, no human bait.
394
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,595
Sorry, bob, the captain
doesn't have voting rights.
395
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:29,224
-I'll never forget you, captain.
-Oh, my god.
396
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,230
Guys, please untie me.
I don't like this.
397
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:36,439
[fischoeder]
don't worry, bob.
398
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:38,107
We're not gonna
let hubert eat you.
399
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,859
I mean, not all of you.
Just nibble long enough
400
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,945
So that we can grab him
and tie him up.
401
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,196
Ten to 15 bites max.
402
00:13:43,281 --> 00:13:44,614
It's just, the "not it" thing.
403
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:45,824
I wasn't ready.
404
00:13:45,951 --> 00:13:47,784
Should we count one, two, three?
Do-over?
405
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,702
-[all except bob] one, two,
three, not it!
-Damn it.
406
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:51,287
[linda]
okay, let's review.
407
00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,997
How many drinks do you have
at a cocktail party?
408
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,041
-Depends on your body weight?
-And zodiac sign.
409
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,669
-Your age plus one.
-No, no, no, two and a half.
410
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,921
First one loosens you up.
Second one, nurse it.
411
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,674
Last one, put it down, don't
finish it, you don't need it.
412
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,133
But don't put in on the stereo
413
00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:05,802
Or any furniture where
it's gonna leave a little ring.
414
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:07,595
Make a big show
of looking for a coaster.
415
00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,222
-What's a coaster?
-We don't have any.
416
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,724
But some people do. Some people
care about their furniture.
417
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,643
But where-- where do I put this?
418
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:14,978
I'm pouring mine in the plant.
419
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,312
No, no, plants don't like
sweet drinks.
420
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,647
-Just hard liquor?
-Tina, hold onto it.
421
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,107
Pretend it's your second.
422
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,441
Okay, let me think, what's next?
423
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,777
Ooh, I'm gonna throw
my keys into the key bowl.
424
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,279
I think it's
something grown-ups do when
425
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,530
They want to meet
sigourney weaver.
426
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:26,698
I'm loosening my tie.
427
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,867
Dad's missing a wild night.
428
00:14:28,994 --> 00:14:30,034
[straining]
429
00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,036
How did you tie this so well?
430
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,079
You're all so stoned.
431
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:35,456
I had a friendship bracelet
period.
432
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:36,833
Calvin doesn't wear his.
433
00:14:36,877 --> 00:14:38,751
It just doesn't really go
with anything I own.
434
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,420
-[hubert howling]
-[shushing] quiet.
435
00:14:40,505 --> 00:14:41,880
-Quiet.
-He sounds hungrier.
436
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,465
Guys, guys,
le-let's do this differently.
437
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,175
May-maybe we dig a hole?
Put a tarp across?
438
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,469
-Oh, but who wants
to dig a hole?
-[bob groans]
439
00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:49,679
I should never have come here.
440
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,764
I just needed a new condenser.
441
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,433
Hmm...
442
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,269
I'm gonna go, uh,
put some more meat on him.
443
00:14:56,313 --> 00:14:57,687
I think we missed a few spots.
444
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,981
Give him a beard.
To go with the mustache.
445
00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:02,609
-Here I am, putting meat on you.
-What are you doing?
446
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,111
-I'm taking your wallet
in case he kills you.
-What?
447
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:07,030
Kidding. I'm untying you.
448
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,407
And some meat there,
and some more meat here.
449
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,950
Thank you. But why?
450
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,536
I don't know.
Guess my buzz is wearing off.
451
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:15,038
And someone needs to cook
breakfast in the morning.
452
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:17,165
[hubert roars, howls]
453
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:18,833
Now hubert sounds horny?
454
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,503
-Go, go, run.
-Ah! You didn't untie my feet.
455
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,297
-I thought it would be funny.
-Aah!
456
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:26,591
The bait's getting away!
The bait's getting away!
457
00:15:26,676 --> 00:15:28,134
-Calvin?
-Sorry, fellas!
458
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,178
He's my chef. Food before dudes.
459
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,472
-Let's get 'em!
We'll use both as bait!
-Yes!
460
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:35,642
You hear that, calvin?
You just joined d'bait club.
461
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,477
[August]
oh, that's good.
462
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,104
Oh. Oh, boy.
463
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,356
They seemed really ticked off.
464
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,691
I hope they don't
vote me out of the club.
465
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,944
The kicking-out ceremony
is brutal.
466
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,278
-So much singing.
-Sorry.
467
00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:49,989
But also, this club
doesn't seem great, so...
468
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:52,951
I can see how the biting thing
has been a bit of a downer.
469
00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:56,079
No, all of it. Your people.
And the way you are.
470
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,748
-And the things you do.
-Quietly run the world?
471
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,334
Really well, with no problems?
We actually have an award party.
472
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:04,337
We all get trophies. We're gonna
need a chef for that, too, bob.
473
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:05,672
Oh, don't worry,
it's a different island.
474
00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:06,923
Oh, my goodness, the boathouse!
475
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:08,383
-What boathouse?
-The one on the other side
476
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,218
Of the island
that has a boat in it.
477
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,636
-You're just
remembering this now?
-Yes.
478
00:16:11,763 --> 00:16:13,346
Well, it's old. No one uses it.
479
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,640
And, uh-- and there
may be just a dinghy there,
480
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,225
But still, worth a shot?
Row home?
481
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:19,602
-Get to my house tonight
in time for a nightcap?
-[stammers]
482
00:16:19,688 --> 00:16:22,522
I don't think we should go out
in the open ocean in a dinghy.
483
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,983
-In... A bad storm.
-Aw, the weather's calming down.
484
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:27,402
And it's not exactly
the open ocean.
485
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,988
Yeah, it is. We're, like,
an hour away from the mainland.
486
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:31,072
More like five minutes.
487
00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:32,573
Maybe 15 in the dinghy.
488
00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:33,908
Depends on who's rowing. Not it.
489
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:36,411
What? Then why did it
take us so long?
490
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,037
You've never had
a secret island, have you?
491
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,122
You can't blindfold someone and
492
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:40,373
Then go five minutes away.
493
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,500
-I did a few laps.
-Oh, my god.
494
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:44,002
Well, do you--
do you think we could
495
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:45,294
Fit everybody on the dinghy?
496
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:47,630
Yeah.
Anyway, I think I know the way.
497
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,048
Should we talk and walk,
but quietly?
498
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,426
Because of the multiple
parties hunting us?
499
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:52,802
Oh, and while
we're walking, maybe, uh,
500
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,179
You can think of a reasonable
partial refund for me
501
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,640
-Since it looks like
you won't be cooking breakfast.
-Ugh.
502
00:16:57,726 --> 00:16:59,308
[hubert howling nearby]
503
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,935
God, I hate that he does that.
504
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,771
No boathouse there.
No boathouse there.
505
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:05,606
I also hate when you do that.
506
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,026
It makes me think that you don't
know where we're going.
507
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,861
Am I thinking of the right
boathouse? Darn.
508
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,195
And now it's starting
to seem like
509
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,739
-Something I made up.
-What?!
510
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,033
-Well, we had
a nice walk, anyway.
-[bob groaning]
511
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:16,784
-Oh, there it is!
-Oh.
512
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,369
I'm pretty sure
this is the boathouse
513
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,663
With the dinghy inside.
Wait, was it a dinghy?
514
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:23,407
Or was it a disco?
Now, that was a cool boathouse.
515
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,584
-Hey!
-What the...
516
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:27,211
-Quit it!
-Ow!
-Geez, samuel, too far.
517
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,588
Oh, I thought we were doing
518
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,256
The whole
whacky-whacky-stick-thing.
519
00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,633
Nope? Okay, well, "sorry."
520
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:33,926
[fischoeder]
no need. I didn't even feel it.
521
00:17:34,012 --> 00:17:35,428
[bob]
you didn't get hit, I did.
522
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:36,846
[fischoeder]
oh, well,
523
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,222
-Then apology accepted.
-[bob] oh, my god.
524
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,686
Guys, I really don't like
being tied up.
525
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:44,896
I tried to express that earlier
526
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,189
When you tied me up
the first time.
527
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:47,857
Tied up twice in the same day.
528
00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,275
Is that a record for you?
Not for me.
529
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,943
And you people are
not listening to me.
530
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,737
There's a boat in the boathouse.
We can use it
531
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,197
To get off the island.
532
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,157
The bait's trying
to trick us again.
533
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,283
Sorry, bait.
534
00:17:57,368 --> 00:17:59,327
Might. There might be
a boat in there.
535
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:00,453
Stop saying that!
536
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,121
Can someone
just go and look inside?
537
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,873
-All the way over there?
-I'll go.
538
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,583
It's the least bitten thing
I can do.
539
00:18:05,668 --> 00:18:07,627
I can't believe
you were gonna leave us, calvin.
540
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,254
And to think, I was going
to let you taste my llama.
541
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:12,006
We weren't. We were
gonna get everybody.
542
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:15,134
-Yeah, everybody... Ish.
-It's here! I call front!
543
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,637
-Wonderful. I call
not-next-to-auggie.
-Hey.
544
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:20,431
Sorry. It's just,
you know how you are in boats.
545
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,642
Okay, come on,
calvin and calvin's chef.
546
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:25,478
-You can hop to the boathouse,
right?
-Bye-bye, babylon island.
547
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:27,522
See you next year!
And good luck to you, hubert,
548
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:28,606
Wherever you are.
549
00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:29,649
You'll be getting a bill
550
00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,942
From my dermatologist!
551
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,778
No, no, guys.
Y-you can't leave your friend.
552
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:35,154
-Mmm, "friend"?
-I don't know why we're
553
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,115
-Calling him a friend.
-Professional acquaintance.
554
00:18:37,242 --> 00:18:38,533
I am married to his sister.
555
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,576
But can we get going?
Discuss it on the boat?
556
00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:41,953
You-- you can't leave hubert.
557
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:43,204
He could get hurt.
558
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,373
Or possibly die.
You would all feel bad.
559
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,667
I won't feel that bad.
Because I will be in my bed.
560
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,794
You got to make some
tough decisions sometimes.
561
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:51,754
You got to be strong,
burger guy.
562
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,214
That's what this island's
all about.
563
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,382
-Mm-hmm.
-Sure.
564
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,425
You guys think
a little compassion is weak?
565
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:57,885
A little decency?
566
00:18:58,012 --> 00:19:00,138
I-it might not be easy,
but it's definitely strong.
567
00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:01,764
That-that's what I think.
568
00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,391
Should we just start backing
towards the boathouse?
569
00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:06,435
-Nod and step, nod and step.
-[groaning]
570
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:10,022
I think the self-righteous,
high-horsed burger man is right.
571
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,607
It would be wrong,
and not strong,
572
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,192
For us to leave hubert behind.
573
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:14,318
-Hey.
-Whoa.
-Oh.
574
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:17,071
And I have an idea that I hate,
575
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,198
But you will all like.
576
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,033
[samuel]
he's right. I really do like it.
577
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,035
-He's just good bait.
-I know.
578
00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,370
I kind of want to eat him.
579
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,913
[fischoeder]
third tie-up of the day, bob.
580
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,582
-You've tied my tie-up record.
-Thank you.
581
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,000
[hubert snarling]
582
00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,752
Oh, here he comes.
And now he's nude.
583
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,462
He's in good shape, isn't he?
584
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,673
Everyone ready?
Everyone ready with the tarp?
585
00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:36,966
You guys don't look ready.
586
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,302
-Where is the tarp?
-Oh, right, the tarp.
587
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,304
-Where did we put that?
-Oh, my god.
588
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:43,306
-Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh.
-What are you doing in here?
589
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,558
We're practicing how to get
out of a boring conversation.
590
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:47,977
Which is actually really fun.
You should come back.
591
00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:49,562
I can't, mom, I can't.
592
00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:51,272
I don't know how I'm gonna
remember all this stuff.
593
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,815
I'm never gonna be able
to be an adult.
594
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,442
A-and no one
is ever gonna want me
595
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:55,651
At their cocktail party.
596
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:56,903
How am I gonna remember to come
597
00:19:57,030 --> 00:19:58,946
A half-hour late, use a coaster,
don't double-dip,
598
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,406
Ask people questions
about themselves,
599
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:01,490
Two and a half drink max,
600
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:03,534
Make sure the bathroom door
is locked
601
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,369
Before you pee, thank the host
and don't be the last one out?
602
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,496
It's too much.
I can't remember it all!
603
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:09,790
Tina, that was everything
from top to bottom.
604
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,292
-You did it.
-I did?
605
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,960
Did the party move in here?
606
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,087
-Yeah, this is where
the cool kids are.
-Where are they hiding?
607
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,089
Now teach us how
to make nice with the cops
608
00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:18,299
When they come about the noise.
609
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,926
Ooh, yeah, let's do that one.
610
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:22,178
I'll be the cops.
What's going on here?!
611
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,138
Hello, officer, does this dance
612
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,848
Make you want to join the party?
613
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:28,392
Oh, wow, yeah.
That changes everything.
614
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:31,020
-[gene and linda grunting]
-this seems realistic.
615
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,610
Sorry again about your arm,
bob, is it?
616
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,404
-Yup.
-Just send me the doctor's
bill like the rest of them.
617
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:42,573
Does anyone else want
to go get ice cream?
618
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:43,741
-Yes.
-Ooh, ice cream.
619
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,201
-Love this guy
-my treat.
620
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:47,328
-Anyone have any extra pants?
-I'd like to go home.
621
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,829
No. You know where
the secret island is now.
622
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:50,206
I'm afraid we have to kill you.
623
00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:52,458
-What?!
-[fischoeder] kidding.
624
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:53,292
But you do have
to come for ice cream.
625
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:54,961
It won't be any fun without you.
626
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,629
[randolph] yeah, who will we
fling our sprinkles at?
627
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:58,214
[bob]
oh, great.
628
00:20:58,341 --> 00:21:02,051
♪ ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding,
ring-a-ding-ding ♪
629
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,512
-[hubert howling]
-♪ ring-a-ding, ring-a-ding ♪
630
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,264
♪ ring-a-ding-ding ♪
631
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:08,641
♪ ♪
632
00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,518
-[linda] ding-dong.
-[tina] hello.
633
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,937
[linda] hi, honey.
I'm 30 minutes early.
634
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:14,897
Here's a bottle of wine that
someone gave me as a gift.
635
00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:16,232
Is that what you're gonna
wear tonight?
636
00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:17,608
Aren't you gonna put on music?
637
00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:19,485
Can I help out with snacks
or anything?
638
00:21:19,529 --> 00:21:21,904
No? Okay. Can I see
what you have in the fridge?
639
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,614
I haven't had dinner.
Also, I blocked
640
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,449
Your neighbor's driveway.
He's cool, right?
641
00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:27,410
He's cool, right?
He's cool, right?
642
00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:29,453
He's cool, right? He's cool,
right?
643
00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:31,372
-He's cool, right?
He's cool, right?
-[hubert howling]
644
00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:32,614
Captioning sponsored by
bento box entertainment
645
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:34,041
And toyota.