1 00:00:02,819 --> 00:00:04,753 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:20,095 --> 00:00:22,003 LOUISE: Okay, off to school. 3 00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,838 Again. It's like every day with that place. 4 00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,391 At least part of the day will be taken up with that assembly. 5 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,344 Right. Assemblies are... always so not boring. 6 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,012 -I love assembling. -What assembly? 7 00:00:31,106 --> 00:00:33,014 It's called the "College Is Cool" assembly. 8 00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:35,425 I-I guess they want us to think college is cool. 9 00:00:35,444 --> 00:00:37,536 Well, then they should have called it "Coolidge." 10 00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:38,929 College? Already? 11 00:00:39,022 --> 00:00:40,781 But you're too young to think about that. 12 00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,115 I think college sounds kind of fun. 13 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,600 You get to live in a dorm. 14 00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:45,452 I've always wanted to wear flip-flops in the shower. 15 00:00:45,604 --> 00:00:46,861 You don't need to go off to college. 16 00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:49,122 Stay home with us. Wear flip-flops here. 17 00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:50,532 Our tub is disgusting. 18 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,609 Lin, relax. They're not going today. 19 00:00:52,628 --> 00:00:54,035 It's still a ways off. 20 00:00:54,129 --> 00:00:56,113 Yeah, right. What, like ten years? 21 00:00:56,206 --> 00:00:57,205 -Four years. -Oh, God. 22 00:00:57,299 --> 00:00:58,465 Well, we better head out. 23 00:00:58,617 --> 00:01:00,208 Oh, yeah, don't want to miss a minute. Bye. 24 00:01:00,286 --> 00:01:01,968 -Bye, Mom. -GENE: Bye, Mama. -No, kids, don't go! 25 00:01:02,121 --> 00:01:03,562 Oh, God. Oh, God. 26 00:01:04,139 --> 00:01:05,898 (sighs) My babies! 27 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,734 -(hyperventilating) -Lin. Breathe. 28 00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:10,402 Easy. 29 00:01:10,629 --> 00:01:11,403 (Linda sighs) 30 00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:12,738 Linda? You okay? 31 00:01:12,965 --> 00:01:14,631 You've been making that sound a lot. 32 00:01:14,724 --> 00:01:15,723 Yeah, Teddy. 33 00:01:15,818 --> 00:01:17,634 I'm just thinking about how our children 34 00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:20,061 are gonna leave us one day, and then we'll be all alone. 35 00:01:20,155 --> 00:01:21,747 With each other? 36 00:01:21,824 --> 00:01:22,823 I guess. 37 00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:23,990 Yeah, you'll-you'll still have me. 38 00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:25,809 -And me. -Well, more me. 39 00:01:25,828 --> 00:01:26,660 Yeah, probably more you. 40 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:28,145 -BOB: Mm. -Eh, I better get going. 41 00:01:28,163 --> 00:01:29,588 Two funerals this weekend. 42 00:01:29,665 --> 00:01:30,981 Oh, was it a murder-suicide? 43 00:01:31,150 --> 00:01:32,407 -Geez. -Teddy. -Sorry, sorry. 44 00:01:32,484 --> 00:01:33,667 My mom got me hooked on Dateline. 45 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,986 Good show. You get to see a lot of the country. 46 00:01:36,079 --> 00:01:37,078 Um... bye? 47 00:01:37,172 --> 00:01:38,430 Bye! Enjoy your funerals. 48 00:01:38,582 --> 00:01:40,415 -(entry bell chimes) -Hi. Uh, my car broke down. 49 00:01:40,509 --> 00:01:42,676 Can I use your phone to call a tow truck? 50 00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,494 Oh, no. Course you can, hon. 51 00:01:44,663 --> 00:01:46,163 I'll get you the number of the tow guy we like. 52 00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:48,332 -Head Shoulders Knees and Tows. -Thank you so much. 53 00:01:48,350 --> 00:01:50,350 My son gave me a fancy phone, 54 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,018 but I never remember to charge it. 55 00:01:52,171 --> 00:01:54,504 I'm like that with toilets. I never remember to flush 'em. 56 00:01:54,673 --> 00:01:56,115 Yeah, technology, right? 57 00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,433 Oh, hi, I'm at Bob's Burgers on, um... 58 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,360 -On Ocean Avenue. -On Ocean Avenue. 59 00:02:00,512 --> 00:02:03,013 ...on Ocean Avenue, and I need a tow truck. 60 00:02:03,031 --> 00:02:04,531 Yes, my name is Bea Cromwell. 61 00:02:04,608 --> 00:02:06,850 -Huh. Your name sounds familiar. -Really? 62 00:02:06,852 --> 00:02:09,353 Eh, maybe it's just 'cause it reminds me of bees. 63 00:02:09,446 --> 00:02:10,537 (whispering): I'm leaving. Bye, Bob. 64 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,038 -Bye, Linda. -Yeah, it's a gray Toyota. 65 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:13,132 -Bye, Teddy. -Bye, Teddy. 66 00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:14,358 Don't do a murder-suicide. 67 00:02:14,376 --> 00:02:15,542 -We won't. -Probably won't. 68 00:02:15,694 --> 00:02:17,027 Okay. Thank you. Bye. 69 00:02:17,045 --> 00:02:18,545 -Are they coming? -Yes. 70 00:02:18,697 --> 00:02:20,881 They said they're busy today, so it'll be around 45 minutes. 71 00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,141 Is it okay if I wait here? 72 00:02:22,368 --> 00:02:24,125 -Sure. Coffee? -Okay. Thanks. 73 00:02:24,219 --> 00:02:25,793 -So, you live nearby? -Um... 74 00:02:25,888 --> 00:02:27,663 -No, Connecticut. -Ooh, Connecticut. 75 00:02:27,665 --> 00:02:29,873 Did you know it's spelled "Connect-icut"? 76 00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:31,299 -Weird, huh? -Uh... yup. 77 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,634 What is that? You print out a whole book? 78 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,895 Uh... yeah, in-in a way, it's a manuscript. 79 00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:36,380 Ooh, you're a writer? 80 00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:37,823 Were you sick of writing in Connecticut? 81 00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:39,065 Too much nice foliage? 82 00:02:39,218 --> 00:02:40,734 Sometimes stuff's just too nice. 83 00:02:40,886 --> 00:02:42,402 No, I'm in town for a reading of one of my books. 84 00:02:42,554 --> 00:02:45,055 Oh, what do you write? Maybe I've read your stuff. 85 00:02:45,224 --> 00:02:46,498 You write any of those audiobooks? 86 00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:49,817 I've written, uh, in a few different genres, actually. 87 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,728 -Kids' books, adult fiction... -(gasps) 88 00:02:51,747 --> 00:02:55,232 You're Bea Cromwell! I know how I know your name! 89 00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:56,900 You wrote Snail and Newt. 90 00:02:56,993 --> 00:02:58,752 Oh, my God...! 91 00:02:58,904 --> 00:03:01,738 Yeah, well, that was many, many years ago, yes, yes. 92 00:03:01,757 --> 00:03:03,740 Bob, this is Bea Cromwell. 93 00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:05,166 She wrote all the Snail and Newts. 94 00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:07,186 Uh, yes, I-I heard you screaming. 95 00:03:07,337 --> 00:03:09,671 Uh, our family has really enjoyed your books. 96 00:03:09,765 --> 00:03:12,098 Aw, we must have read Snail and Newt to our kids 97 00:03:12,251 --> 00:03:13,767 100 times when they were little. 98 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,028 "Snail and Newt gaze at the sweet strawberry tart. 99 00:03:16,179 --> 00:03:17,529 "'You don't think they'll be mad 100 00:03:17,756 --> 00:03:19,531 "if we take a nibble, right, Snail?' 101 00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:20,682 "'I don't think so, Newt. 102 00:03:20,776 --> 00:03:22,034 "'What if they left it for us? 103 00:03:22,261 --> 00:03:23,702 "Then it would be rude for us not to eat it,' 104 00:03:23,929 --> 00:03:24,761 "replied Snail. 105 00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:25,946 "'I hate being rude. 106 00:03:26,098 --> 00:03:27,447 "We'd better eat the whole thing.' 107 00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:29,099 Snail and Newt begin to devour the tart..." 108 00:03:29,268 --> 00:03:31,192 "Finally, there it was, the mysterious treasure 109 00:03:31,286 --> 00:03:33,770 "they had hiked, biked and climbed to find. 110 00:03:33,863 --> 00:03:35,380 "'We're rich,' said Newt. 111 00:03:35,532 --> 00:03:37,607 "'I do hope we don't get hoity-toity,' said Snail. 112 00:03:37,626 --> 00:03:40,610 (yawning): "'Yes. Hoity or toity, 113 00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:42,446 but not both,' said Newt." 114 00:03:42,464 --> 00:03:45,557 (Bob snoring) 115 00:03:45,709 --> 00:03:47,208 -Dad, wake up! -Dad, Dad. -Keep reading. 116 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,560 Ah! Sorry, sorry. I'm awake. 117 00:03:48,787 --> 00:03:50,729 "The pond was quiet. The loudest sound was 118 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,397 "the crickets in the long grass. 119 00:03:52,549 --> 00:03:55,216 "Snail held Newt's hand as the changes gripped him 120 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:58,144 "and he became a true creature of the under-pond. 121 00:03:58,313 --> 00:03:59,980 (crying): "'Newt. 122 00:04:00,132 --> 00:04:02,983 "'Newt, I would give anything to go with you. 123 00:04:03,135 --> 00:04:04,576 If only I could...'" 124 00:04:04,728 --> 00:04:06,303 I'm sorry, Bob. You take it. 125 00:04:06,321 --> 00:04:07,654 "'If only I could.' 126 00:04:07,806 --> 00:04:09,564 "And when Newt couldn't stay in the open air 127 00:04:09,658 --> 00:04:11,975 "for another moment, he let go of Snail 128 00:04:12,068 --> 00:04:14,494 "and slipped under the surface of the pond. 129 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,496 (sniffles): 'Goodbye, Newt.'" 130 00:04:16,573 --> 00:04:17,647 God, it got me, too. 131 00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:18,999 Those are the best books 132 00:04:19,151 --> 00:04:20,333 about snails and newts ever written. 133 00:04:20,486 --> 00:04:21,909 So, is that what your reading is for? 134 00:04:22,004 --> 00:04:23,595 -Did you write another one? -Oh, uh, no. 135 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,413 I-I loved writing those books, 136 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,991 but I wrote them years ago when my kids were little. 137 00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:30,385 I-I write dramatic thrillers now for adults. 138 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,604 Books for adults? I guess that's a thing. 139 00:04:32,756 --> 00:04:33,772 Yes. Yes, it is. 140 00:04:33,999 --> 00:04:35,832 My new book is about a middle-aged librarian 141 00:04:35,851 --> 00:04:38,460 who learns mixed martial arts to infiltrate the mob 142 00:04:38,462 --> 00:04:40,261 and break up a rare books crime ring. 143 00:04:40,355 --> 00:04:41,688 Yeah, that book sounds good. 144 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,007 I didn't really listen to what you said it was about, 145 00:04:44,026 --> 00:04:45,342 but, Bea, 146 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,101 the Snail and Newt books were magical. 147 00:04:47,195 --> 00:04:49,362 -Uh, thanks. I don't... -And if you can make that kind of magic, 148 00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:50,831 why would you ever stop? 149 00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:53,292 You think David Copperfield would say, "No more magic" 150 00:04:53,443 --> 00:04:55,368 and never pull out another dove from his blouse? 151 00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:57,037 You're very sweet, Linda, sort of, 152 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,539 but I'm not writing another Snail and Newt book. 153 00:04:59,691 --> 00:05:01,449 But maybe? Maybe? 154 00:05:01,543 --> 00:05:03,302 Am I seeing a nod? Was that a nod? 155 00:05:03,529 --> 00:05:05,137 Lin, you're the one who's nodding. 156 00:05:05,364 --> 00:05:08,307 Yeah, okay. All right, okay. 157 00:05:08,534 --> 00:05:10,216 GENE (singsongy): Pizza day, a-pizza day. 158 00:05:10,369 --> 00:05:11,718 I've been chanting this all morning, 159 00:05:11,870 --> 00:05:14,871 and the teachers love it 'cause it's pizza day. 160 00:05:14,964 --> 00:05:16,540 (gasps) Ah. Crap. 161 00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:17,799 Huh. Look at Mr. Frond. 162 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,651 Okay. So far I hate this game. 163 00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:21,545 Yeah, I sort of wish there was more to it. 164 00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:23,679 What has he got there? Why is he acting so squirmy? 165 00:05:23,681 --> 00:05:25,715 -Let's go make him squirmier. -But it's pizza day! 166 00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,551 It's in the Constitution. 167 00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:28,552 Okay, fine. 168 00:05:28,645 --> 00:05:30,220 -Uh, Mr. Frond? -(gasps) 169 00:05:30,238 --> 00:05:31,979 What you got behind your back there? 170 00:05:32,074 --> 00:05:33,481 Uh-- Nothing. Ah! 171 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,833 Is that cat food? 172 00:05:35,060 --> 00:05:36,168 Yes. That's my lunch. 173 00:05:36,319 --> 00:05:37,561 Adults eat different things. 174 00:05:37,579 --> 00:05:39,487 So we've got that to look forward to. 175 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:40,747 (groaning) 176 00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:42,248 GENE: Cat food and a cat toy? 177 00:05:42,401 --> 00:05:43,658 You're really into the culture. 178 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,827 -Yep. Uh-huh. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Frond. 179 00:05:45,921 --> 00:05:47,328 -What's going on here? -Nothing! 180 00:05:47,422 --> 00:05:49,514 Okay, then I guess we'll just follow you 181 00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,408 and watch you during your eat and play time. 182 00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:52,851 (quietly): All right, all right, listen. 183 00:05:52,928 --> 00:05:54,761 My cat is stuck in the tree in front of school, 184 00:05:54,913 --> 00:05:57,522 and I'm trying to lure him down before anyone finds out. 185 00:05:57,749 --> 00:06:00,100 Why is your cat stuck in a tree at school? 186 00:06:00,252 --> 00:06:01,768 (whispering): I had to bring him. 187 00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,362 Dr. Bojangles has one more day of his allergy meds, 188 00:06:03,513 --> 00:06:05,346 and he needs it every three hours. 189 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,699 I tried to sneak him into work with me, but he got out. 190 00:06:07,926 --> 00:06:09,534 -He's very athletic. -(groaning) 191 00:06:09,686 --> 00:06:10,869 I don't know where he gets it from, 192 00:06:11,096 --> 00:06:12,371 but it's definitely not from me. 193 00:06:12,598 --> 00:06:13,872 Anyway, he climbed up the tree in front of the school, 194 00:06:14,023 --> 00:06:15,448 and now he's stuck up there. 195 00:06:15,601 --> 00:06:17,601 And if Principal Spoors finds out I brought Dr. Bojangles 196 00:06:17,694 --> 00:06:19,861 to school again, I'll be in so much trouble. 197 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,122 He's weird about bringing cats to school. 198 00:06:22,198 --> 00:06:23,607 I have to get him down during lunch 199 00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:25,550 because I'm supposed to be "available for counseling" 200 00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:27,386 fourth period, and then it's the assembly 201 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,295 and I have to introduce the college people. 202 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,056 And they want me to say, "Make some noise 203 00:06:31,207 --> 00:06:32,373 for continuing education," 204 00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,059 and I just don't think I can pull off 205 00:06:34,210 --> 00:06:35,710 -the phrase "make some noise." -No, you can't. 206 00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:37,470 So you're just gonna go to the front of the school 207 00:06:37,623 --> 00:06:39,547 where everyone in the school can see you 208 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,307 'cause of this thing called windows, 209 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,143 and you're gonna be holding some cat food 210 00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:44,403 and jiggling a cat toy? 211 00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:46,463 And jiggling your moneymaker, probably. 212 00:06:46,481 --> 00:06:47,722 You need a cover story. Like, for instance, 213 00:06:47,816 --> 00:06:50,984 a guidance counselor and a few students outside, 214 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:54,079 doing something that is totally normal and not cat-related. 215 00:06:54,306 --> 00:06:56,915 -Interesting. -And maybe all these kind students 216 00:06:57,066 --> 00:06:58,992 receive in return for helping is 217 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,402 a couple of "get out of detention free" cards? 218 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,480 What the heck is a "get out of detention free" card? 219 00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:05,165 To get us out of future detentions. 220 00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:07,259 Doesn't it sound like something that should already exist? 221 00:07:07,486 --> 00:07:08,760 No, I-I can't bribe kids 222 00:07:08,837 --> 00:07:11,488 with "get out of detention free" cards. They're not real. 223 00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:13,247 Plus, it would be unethical. Okay, it's a deal. 224 00:07:13,341 --> 00:07:14,824 -Yes! -Let me at that thing! 225 00:07:14,843 --> 00:07:16,342 -(grunting) -(tuts) 226 00:07:16,495 --> 00:07:18,495 (quietly): Bob, look what I got from upstairs. 227 00:07:18,588 --> 00:07:20,772 -Snail and Newt. -Wait, you went up to the apartment? 228 00:07:20,999 --> 00:07:23,257 So nobody was watching the front of the house. 229 00:07:23,351 --> 00:07:24,834 (shushes) I'm gonna remind her 230 00:07:24,853 --> 00:07:27,520 how special these books are so she'll write another one. 231 00:07:27,673 --> 00:07:29,339 Or you could just stop pressuring her 232 00:07:29,432 --> 00:07:30,932 and let her do what she wants to do? 233 00:07:31,026 --> 00:07:32,509 Well, in my plan I'm helping children 234 00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:34,511 and bringing families together, and in your plan... 235 00:07:34,529 --> 00:07:36,346 -Well, your plan sucks, no offense. -Hmm. 236 00:07:36,364 --> 00:07:38,457 (singsongy): Hey, Bea, look what I got. 237 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,517 Oh, Snail and Newt. Yeah, there it is. 238 00:07:40,535 --> 00:07:42,961 -Yeah, look at it. You wrote this. -Yes. 239 00:07:43,112 --> 00:07:45,188 (as Newt): Hey, Bea, it's me Newt. Remember me? 240 00:07:45,281 --> 00:07:46,298 -Mm... -(phone rings) 241 00:07:46,449 --> 00:07:47,966 (as Snail): I'm Snail, I've got 242 00:07:48,117 --> 00:07:48,692 -a little hat on my head. -Bob's Burgers. 243 00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:49,693 I just, um... 244 00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:51,470 Actually, I need to use the restroom. 245 00:07:51,697 --> 00:07:53,287 Uh, would you keep an eye out for the tow truck? 246 00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:54,881 Sure thing, my little Bea Author. 247 00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:57,291 -Get it? She does. -Okay, thanks. 248 00:07:57,385 --> 00:07:58,718 -(door closes) -Uh, that was the tow truck. 249 00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,312 They're pulling up now, I think. 250 00:08:00,463 --> 00:08:02,481 Already? No, no, no, no, no, no! 251 00:08:02,557 --> 00:08:05,391 Hi. Uh, I know this is a little weird, 252 00:08:05,544 --> 00:08:07,877 but could you come back in a few minutes or half an hour? 253 00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:10,137 Uh, no, that's not how this works. 254 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,473 No, I know, but it's important. You understand. 255 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:14,475 -Uh, just come back in a bit. -No... 256 00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:16,995 Listen, what if I told you Bea Cromwell isn't gonna write 257 00:08:17,146 --> 00:08:19,664 any more Snail and Newt books unless we change her mind? 258 00:08:19,891 --> 00:08:21,333 Yeah... I'm gonna drive away. 259 00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:22,501 -But you're coming back? -Nope. 260 00:08:22,728 --> 00:08:25,078 Oh! No, wait! Ah, you left. 261 00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,396 -(entry bell chimes) -Oh, boy. Okay. 262 00:08:26,565 --> 00:08:28,398 Did you just do what I think you did? 263 00:08:28,567 --> 00:08:29,490 Mm... 264 00:08:29,584 --> 00:08:31,009 -Still no tow truck? -(sighs) Not yet. 265 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,752 (laughs nervously) 266 00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:35,055 -More like a slow truck, right? -Oh, my God. 267 00:08:38,927 --> 00:08:40,744 (quietly): Lin, you sent Bea Cromwell's tow truck away. 268 00:08:40,762 --> 00:08:42,503 Are we holding her hostage now? I mean, are you? 269 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,338 Uh, I'm gonna tell the police it was all you. 270 00:08:44,432 --> 00:08:45,749 -I just work here. -I didn't mean to. 271 00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,526 I mean, I did, but different. It just happened. 272 00:08:47,677 --> 00:08:49,753 (whispering): We need to get Bea's tow truck back here. 273 00:08:49,771 --> 00:08:51,530 Okay, yes, let's call them. 274 00:08:51,681 --> 00:08:52,939 -Or... -Or what? 275 00:08:53,108 --> 00:08:54,348 -We call them in a little bit. -What? No. 276 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:55,867 This is already happening, Bob. 277 00:08:56,094 --> 00:08:58,203 And I was making progress, pre-progress. 278 00:08:58,430 --> 00:08:59,871 I just need a little more time. 279 00:09:00,098 --> 00:09:02,115 -(groans) I don't like it. -It's fine. 280 00:09:02,191 --> 00:09:04,543 -Bea? You want to have a burger while you wait? -Oh! 281 00:09:04,694 --> 00:09:07,045 You know, the tow truck really should be here any second. 282 00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:08,696 I'd, um, I'd hate for you to make a burger 283 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,532 -and I can't stay to eat it. -Oh, don't worry about that. 284 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:14,127 Bob loves making burgers, even if they don't get eaten. 285 00:09:14,279 --> 00:09:16,446 Sometimes he just makes 'em and throws 'em right in the trash. 286 00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:18,131 -Right, Bob? -No, I don't do that. 287 00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,116 -Sometimes. -Never done that. 288 00:09:20,135 --> 00:09:21,893 -Make her a burger, please. -Yup. 289 00:09:22,045 --> 00:09:23,377 -Look! (smooches) -(cat meowing) 290 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:25,471 -(making weird noises) -LOUISE: Well, I for one 291 00:09:25,624 --> 00:09:28,458 love these outdoor guidance counseling sessions. 292 00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:30,627 You under a tree, standing on a ladder, 293 00:09:30,645 --> 00:09:33,146 facing away from us, teaching us about self-confidence. 294 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,316 -And trees. -Yup, there's nothing odd about this at all. 295 00:09:36,468 --> 00:09:38,635 Darn it. He's too scared to play with his toy, 296 00:09:38,804 --> 00:09:40,728 and he's not hungry enough to come for the food. 297 00:09:40,897 --> 00:09:42,396 I've never felt that way in my life. 298 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,748 -I need a taller ladder. -(school bell rings) 299 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,700 -No! The bell. -Wait, wait, wait, we can do this. 300 00:09:45,811 --> 00:09:48,235 We'll just skip our last class before assembly. 301 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,996 No. No. No skipping class. 302 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,405 Oh... the assembly. 303 00:09:51,499 --> 00:09:53,483 Principal Spoors will know if I'm not there. 304 00:09:53,576 --> 00:09:55,501 Why do I have to be so good at introducing assemblies? 305 00:09:55,654 --> 00:09:58,430 Dr. Bojangles, I need you to either come down 306 00:09:58,581 --> 00:10:00,432 in the next 35 minutes or stay up there 307 00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:02,842 for the next two hours, for your own safety. 308 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,328 But I don't know if you're understanding any of this. 309 00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:07,330 He probably got the gist. He seems smart. 310 00:10:07,423 --> 00:10:09,423 -He is a doctor. -It's an honorary degree. 311 00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:12,110 I gave it to him, and I can take it away. 312 00:10:12,261 --> 00:10:13,445 There's so much more they could do. 313 00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:15,780 These two characters, they've got legs. 314 00:10:16,007 --> 00:10:17,449 Well, not Snail, but, you know, like, uh... 315 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,118 Snail and Newt go to dental hygienist school. 316 00:10:20,269 --> 00:10:21,694 Kids like that, right? 317 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:24,530 Or what about if Snail and Newt inherit a haunted mansion? 318 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,292 Oh, I know! They could find a human baby 319 00:10:27,443 --> 00:10:29,276 and raise it up to be a country music star. 320 00:10:29,371 --> 00:10:31,630 Maybe I should call the tow truck company again? 321 00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:34,023 -It has been a while. May I use your...? -No. 322 00:10:34,042 --> 00:10:35,616 I can't call the tow truck? 323 00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:37,802 They actually called while you were in the bathroom. 324 00:10:38,029 --> 00:10:39,804 -They did? -Yeah, I forgot to tell you. 325 00:10:40,031 --> 00:10:41,547 Oops. They're running a little late 326 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,808 because, uh... one of their tow trucks broke down. 327 00:10:44,035 --> 00:10:46,311 Can you believe it? A tow truck needing a tow truck. 328 00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:47,812 That's like a doctor needing a doctor. 329 00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,372 Wait, they probably do. 330 00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:51,132 Where were we? Oh! What about, uh... 331 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:54,043 -Snail and Newt meet a time-traveling spider monkey? -No. 332 00:10:54,137 --> 00:10:56,488 Who can tell me what this constellation is? 333 00:10:56,639 --> 00:10:58,064 -The Big Dipper? -No. 334 00:10:58,216 --> 00:10:59,473 -Oh. -Follow the laser. 335 00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:00,474 The Medium Dipper? 336 00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:02,735 Anyone besides Peter? It's Leo. 337 00:11:02,888 --> 00:11:03,903 He's a lion. See? 338 00:11:04,147 --> 00:11:05,830 Kind of looks like a cat? Sort of? Not really. 339 00:11:05,982 --> 00:11:07,891 I mean, I don't know who named these things, 340 00:11:07,909 --> 00:11:10,243 -but, you know, maybe cats used to look different? -(gasps) 341 00:11:10,395 --> 00:11:12,486 -Yes, Gene? -Uh... nothing. 342 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:15,899 I just love Leos-- DiCaprio, da Vinci. 343 00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:17,233 Anyway, go on. 344 00:11:17,402 --> 00:11:19,344 Do you think she's starting to change her mind at all? 345 00:11:19,495 --> 00:11:21,087 -She's coming around, right? -I mean, 346 00:11:21,239 --> 00:11:23,831 she said, "I'm gonna go work on my manuscript by myself," 347 00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:26,184 and then she sat in the farthest booth away 348 00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:28,169 and she hasn't made eye contact since. 349 00:11:28,263 --> 00:11:29,670 I just thought if I could show her 350 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,097 how much we love the books... 351 00:11:31,249 --> 00:11:33,416 Lin, I think she's clear on how much we love the books. 352 00:11:33,435 --> 00:11:35,585 So maybe it's time to... Hmm? 353 00:11:35,678 --> 00:11:37,587 -(groans) -You're doing the right thing, 354 00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:40,198 after not doing the right thing so, so much. 355 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,201 Bea? I'm gonna give the tow truck another call. 356 00:11:43,428 --> 00:11:44,536 Okay. Thank you. 357 00:11:44,763 --> 00:11:47,113 Hi, I'm calling from Bob's Burgers on Ocean Avenue. 358 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,782 (quietly): And, uh, we would like the truck to come back. 359 00:11:49,935 --> 00:11:51,710 Uh, can I get you something else? 360 00:11:51,937 --> 00:11:54,379 More coffee? Some ice cream? Napkins? 361 00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:57,031 Sorry, I-I'm just saying things that we have. 362 00:11:57,125 --> 00:11:58,550 Thank you, no. 363 00:11:58,701 --> 00:12:00,218 (whispering): No, you don't need to talk to her. 364 00:12:00,369 --> 00:12:02,612 I'll pay extra, just-- Okay, fine. Hold on. 365 00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:04,205 -Um, Bea? -Yeah? 366 00:12:04,299 --> 00:12:06,132 They, uh, want to talk to you. 367 00:12:06,284 --> 00:12:07,392 BOB: Oh, God. 368 00:12:07,543 --> 00:12:09,469 Uh, you have to let go of it from your end. 369 00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:11,378 -Sorry, yeah. -What are we gonna do? 370 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,639 Just keep smiling like everything's fine. 371 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:16,234 Yes, I want the truck. I've been waiting for a long... 372 00:12:16,311 --> 00:12:17,961 What do you mean cancel again? 373 00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:19,812 -Oh, no. -(whispers): Keep smiling. Keep smiling. 374 00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:23,390 I definitely want the truck as soon as possible. Thank you. 375 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,077 Well, I'm gonna wait outside. No reason. 376 00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:27,804 Yup. Makes sense. 377 00:12:27,822 --> 00:12:29,230 Bea, I'm sorry. Let me explain! 378 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,807 Oh, you're coming at me. Um... 379 00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:34,068 No, I know what I did was a lot, but let me explain. 380 00:12:34,162 --> 00:12:36,329 Oh! Oh, oh, look! Uh... (stammers) 381 00:12:36,481 --> 00:12:38,481 Snail keychain. Hey, that's cute. 382 00:12:38,574 --> 00:12:40,407 And now you've got my keys. Please just, um... 383 00:12:40,502 --> 00:12:42,001 I'd like-- I'd like to leave now! 384 00:12:42,153 --> 00:12:43,911 -Uh, Lin, maybe... -No, Bea. 385 00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:44,929 You don't understand... 386 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,247 You can't keep me trapped in here. 387 00:12:46,341 --> 00:12:48,099 Stop! Don't come any closer. 388 00:12:48,251 --> 00:12:50,417 -(groaning) -Bea, don't leave. 389 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,178 I mean, you can go if you want to, but don't. 390 00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:53,605 I'm not saying that in a scary way. 391 00:12:53,756 --> 00:12:55,014 Don't run away from me! 392 00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:56,566 -(screaming) -Bea! 393 00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:02,280 Bea, I'm sorry! Come back inside! 394 00:13:02,431 --> 00:13:03,597 I'll give you your keys, we can talk about this! 395 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:04,783 Leave me alone! 396 00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:06,433 -Lin, stop chasing her. -I'm not chasing her. 397 00:13:06,528 --> 00:13:08,953 I'm helping her. I'm fine, it's fine. 398 00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:11,848 -Bea! -Uh... I-I got-- I got to go inside. 399 00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,774 But remember you can also come inside 400 00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,518 and stop doing all of this. 401 00:13:15,537 --> 00:13:16,686 I'll be right in. 402 00:13:16,688 --> 00:13:18,187 It's gonna be fine. Everything's fine! 403 00:13:18,356 --> 00:13:20,873 If this is goodbye, I love you. 404 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:23,876 RAPPER: ♪ Come gather round, everyone ♪ 405 00:13:24,029 --> 00:13:26,137 ♪ We're gonna tell you why college is cool and fun ♪ 406 00:13:26,364 --> 00:13:28,214 ♪ It isn't just for squares who get good grades ♪ 407 00:13:28,366 --> 00:13:30,550 ♪ It's for super hip kids with skateboards and shades ♪ 408 00:13:30,702 --> 00:13:32,869 Damn, they're getting me excited about college. 409 00:13:33,038 --> 00:13:34,295 -Really? -Tina! Louise! 410 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,796 (whispering): Don't go into the assembly. 411 00:13:35,890 --> 00:13:37,982 I know how to get Dr. Bojangles out of the tree. 412 00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:39,633 Ms. Twitchell's laser pointer. 413 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:42,045 She let me borrow it because I said I want to do science now. 414 00:13:42,138 --> 00:13:44,564 So if you see her, tell her I'm doing science now. 415 00:13:44,716 --> 00:13:46,215 Gene, you brilliant bastard. 416 00:13:46,234 --> 00:13:49,068 I can almost smell those "get out of detention free" passes, 417 00:13:49,220 --> 00:13:51,571 and they smell like getting out of detention for free. 418 00:13:51,723 --> 00:13:53,573 Gosh, I guess we have to miss the assembly 419 00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:55,166 to go help Mr. Frond again. 420 00:13:55,393 --> 00:13:57,076 -Ugh, too bad. -Yeah. 421 00:13:57,228 --> 00:13:58,652 Oh, you were being sarcastic. 422 00:13:58,730 --> 00:14:00,321 But won't we get in trouble for skipping the assembly? 423 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,840 Frond won't let that happen. 424 00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:05,176 Plus, Tina, Dr. Bojangles' life hangs in the balance, literally. 425 00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:07,086 If only we could show Dr. Bojangles 426 00:14:07,238 --> 00:14:08,513 that "hang in there" kitty cat poster. 427 00:14:08,664 --> 00:14:10,331 Okay, fine. Let's go find Mr. Frond. 428 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,850 Isn't he emceeing the assembly? 429 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,092 Well, he's not here, 430 00:14:13,244 --> 00:14:14,501 so he must be in hair and makeup? 431 00:14:14,596 --> 00:14:16,337 BRANCA: Why do you need such a tall ladder? 432 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,689 -You could fall and get hurt. -(grunts) 433 00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,357 I told you, it's very important, 434 00:14:19,584 --> 00:14:21,100 but I also can't tell you anything about it. 435 00:14:21,252 --> 00:14:23,194 Mr. Frond, I can't let you do this. 436 00:14:23,346 --> 00:14:25,438 You know how uncoordinated you are. 437 00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:27,423 -In-in a cute way. It's endearing. -(school bell rings) 438 00:14:27,516 --> 00:14:29,926 Now, let's go enjoy the assembly together, eh? 439 00:14:29,944 --> 00:14:30,869 Aah! 440 00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,261 The assembly. 441 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,854 Damn, he's not here either. 442 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:34,947 Cat, yes. Frond, no. 443 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,398 Unless the cat ate him? 444 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,042 Eh, there'd be signs of a struggle 445 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,693 and bits of sweater vest everywhere. 446 00:14:39,787 --> 00:14:41,379 -LOUISE: We'll just have to do this ourselves. -(meows) 447 00:14:41,606 --> 00:14:43,623 I'm gonna call us The Pointer Sisters 448 00:14:43,775 --> 00:14:45,550 -because I'm so excited! -(meows) 449 00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:46,718 Oh, it's not working. 450 00:14:46,869 --> 00:14:48,127 -That cat's broken. -Give me that. 451 00:14:48,279 --> 00:14:49,946 You can't just flick it around. 452 00:14:50,039 --> 00:14:51,205 You got to flirt a little. 453 00:14:51,299 --> 00:14:52,615 TINA: I'd date that dot. 454 00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:54,800 Bea? Let me in, please. 455 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:57,378 -Mort! -MORT: Uh... Uh, hi, Linda! 456 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,380 -LINDA: Hi, Mort! -Leave me alone! 457 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,307 LINDA: I just want to talk to you, Bea! 458 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,901 Mort? Come on, let me in. 459 00:15:03,052 --> 00:15:04,068 We're not letting her in. 460 00:15:04,295 --> 00:15:05,978 (straining): Mort, can you tell Bea 461 00:15:06,131 --> 00:15:08,798 I'm a very nice, normal person? 462 00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:11,058 There you go, follow that dot, 463 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,301 you adorable idiot. 464 00:15:12,470 --> 00:15:13,970 Tina, get ready to try and grab him. 465 00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:17,156 Uh... Gene, it seems like you two have more in common, 466 00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:18,750 so maybe you should try. 467 00:15:18,826 --> 00:15:21,477 Okay. Here I come, Dr. Bojangles. 468 00:15:21,496 --> 00:15:24,738 Permission to put my hands in your armpits? 469 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,907 -Oh. -Wow. -Okay. 470 00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,986 Now, you just have to carry him all the way to Frond's office. 471 00:15:30,079 --> 00:15:33,339 Try to make him look like... a kid who needs counseling? 472 00:15:33,491 --> 00:15:35,416 If anyone asks, you're having trouble 473 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,510 adjusting to your parents' new living situation. 474 00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:38,937 And it's not your fault. 475 00:15:39,088 --> 00:15:40,438 I don't hear her anymore. 476 00:15:40,589 --> 00:15:42,440 Maybe she realized that she was scaring you 477 00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:43,942 and she went back to the restaurant? 478 00:15:44,169 --> 00:15:45,944 She's usually a nice person, when she's not scary. 479 00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:48,095 -Hmm. -What do you say we open the door? 480 00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:49,355 I mean, this is a business, 481 00:15:49,524 --> 00:15:51,282 and sometimes people come in here, alive ones. 482 00:15:51,509 --> 00:15:52,867 Uh... okay. 483 00:15:53,769 --> 00:15:55,602 And... there you go. No Linda. 484 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,937 -Here I am! -Oh, God! 485 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,514 Sorry. Was that not fun? 486 00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:00,183 That was supposed to be fun. Look, Bea. 487 00:16:00,351 --> 00:16:02,961 I'm just here to give you your keys and say I'm really sorry. 488 00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,370 Okay, fine. Thank you. 489 00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,539 So sorry the tow truck guy left 'cause of me, 490 00:16:06,691 --> 00:16:07,690 and I didn't tell you. 491 00:16:07,709 --> 00:16:09,025 It's only because of the books. 492 00:16:09,118 --> 00:16:10,376 And I won't take up any more of your time, 493 00:16:10,453 --> 00:16:11,861 but it's $6.50 for the burger. 494 00:16:11,879 --> 00:16:13,972 I'm j-- I'm just kidding. It's on Mort. Right, Mort? 495 00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:15,364 -Wait, what? -Oh, I'm kidding. 496 00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:16,975 Burger's on the house, of course. 497 00:16:17,126 --> 00:16:19,051 You see? I'm a fun person. 498 00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:20,144 Yeah, you're delightful. 499 00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:22,054 Thank you. Hey, let's start over. 500 00:16:22,207 --> 00:16:23,873 Clean slate. Hi, I'm Linda, 501 00:16:23,891 --> 00:16:26,225 and I haven't held you hostage in my restaurant at all today. 502 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,728 -Mm-hmm. -And so what's your name, Bea Cromwell? 503 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,046 -(sneezes) -Bless you. 504 00:16:30,139 --> 00:16:31,214 Oh, there's the allergies. 505 00:16:31,307 --> 00:16:32,231 This guy needs his medicine. 506 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,825 The divorce has been hard on him. 507 00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:35,551 Ah, almost there. 508 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,404 -SCHNUR: What's happening here? -(all gasp) 509 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,666 So, you'll maybe consider writing another Snail and Newt? 510 00:16:41,817 --> 00:16:45,169 Uh-huh. Whatever I have to say until you're gone. 511 00:16:45,321 --> 00:16:48,064 Aw, great. Well, so nice to meet you. 512 00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:50,399 -Mm-hmm. -Here's your keys. 513 00:16:50,401 --> 00:16:52,343 We're good, right? I feel like we're good. 514 00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:54,012 Should we hug? Let's have a hug. 515 00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:55,996 Uh... no, no, no. 516 00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:57,498 (Linda and Bea grunting) 517 00:16:57,592 --> 00:16:59,166 I'll, uh, be right back. 518 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,184 -Sorry. -(entry bell chimes) 519 00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:02,245 MORT: All right. Okay. 520 00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:03,670 -Hi, Bob. -BOB: Yep. 521 00:17:03,806 --> 00:17:06,441 That's pretty much what I pictured was happening here. 522 00:17:10,605 --> 00:17:13,756 Uh, Bea, I'm so sorry about what my wife did, 523 00:17:13,775 --> 00:17:15,867 but maybe you could let her go? 524 00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:17,109 Lin, are you okay? 525 00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:18,369 (straining): I'm fine. I'm great. 526 00:17:18,521 --> 00:17:20,038 Where'd you learn how to do that? 527 00:17:20,265 --> 00:17:23,115 I studied Krav Maga when I was researching my latest book. 528 00:17:23,268 --> 00:17:25,117 Very cool. I took a bike safety class 529 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:26,435 at the rec center. 530 00:17:26,454 --> 00:17:29,196 -Kind of similar. -Bea? Uh, M-Ms. Cromwell? 531 00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,456 L-Linda's not as dangerous 532 00:17:30,608 --> 00:17:32,458 as she might have seemed to you before. 533 00:17:32,610 --> 00:17:34,627 Canceling my tow truck? Taking my keys? 534 00:17:34,779 --> 00:17:36,220 I also picked up a hair of yours 535 00:17:36,447 --> 00:17:38,130 that fell off your head to show the kids later. 536 00:17:38,283 --> 00:17:39,706 Sorry, I know it's weird. 537 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,875 I just feel safer if we do this until the tow truck comes, 538 00:17:41,969 --> 00:17:43,452 -and maybe the police. -I get it. 539 00:17:43,621 --> 00:17:46,046 I still don't know what cat you're talking about. 540 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,066 -Oh, this cat. -Uh-huh. 541 00:17:48,217 --> 00:17:50,810 No animals at school. Wait a second. 542 00:17:50,962 --> 00:17:52,219 I recognize you. 543 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,797 Did Mr. Frond bring his cat to school again? 544 00:17:54,890 --> 00:17:56,074 -No, no. -What, no? -No, no. 545 00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:57,967 He looked at me when I said Mr. Frond. 546 00:17:58,060 --> 00:17:59,726 See? There. He just did it again. 547 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,746 This is our... science project. 548 00:18:01,897 --> 00:18:03,155 Yeah. We made it? 549 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,308 -Pretty good, huh? -Oh, dear Lord. 550 00:18:05,442 --> 00:18:08,477 (stammers) How dare you bring a cat to school? 551 00:18:08,496 --> 00:18:10,088 You probably thought I'd go easier on you 552 00:18:10,239 --> 00:18:12,072 because he looks just like my cat, 553 00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:14,741 but you can't bring a cat onto school property. 554 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,503 Everyone knows that. I'll handle this, Ms. Schnur. 555 00:18:17,655 --> 00:18:19,839 You three march yourselves into my office. 556 00:18:19,991 --> 00:18:21,157 I'm calling your parents. 557 00:18:21,175 --> 00:18:22,675 I mean, don't be too hard on them. 558 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,827 No, no. I'm none too pleased. 559 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,345 -None too pleased! -(sneezes) 560 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,590 It's a good thing I have allergy medicine for you, 561 00:18:29,758 --> 00:18:31,425 cat I've never met in my life. 562 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,777 In. In. In. In. 563 00:18:32,928 --> 00:18:34,170 All right. 564 00:18:34,188 --> 00:18:36,263 So, uh, you're really good at this. 565 00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:38,432 -What's it called again? -Krav Maga. 566 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,860 Maybe Snail and Newt could do, uh, Kraw Magoo. 567 00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,845 -That would be fun. Ow. -Hey, Lin? 568 00:18:42,938 --> 00:18:46,365 Uh, I know how much you-- we all loved those books, 569 00:18:46,517 --> 00:18:47,792 but she doesn't really need to write 570 00:18:47,943 --> 00:18:49,368 any more Snail and Newt, does she? 571 00:18:49,445 --> 00:18:51,370 I mean, you know, someday we'll have grandkids. 572 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,798 Hopefully, uh, like, 20 years from now, 573 00:18:54,025 --> 00:18:55,875 but you'll get to read them the books 574 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:57,376 if you're not in jail. 575 00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:59,879 Bea, maybe you could let her go? 576 00:18:59,973 --> 00:19:01,622 And I could hold her down for you? 577 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,291 -W-Would that be helpful? -I know I went overboard. 578 00:19:04,385 --> 00:19:06,310 It's just I-I thought if you could write a book, 579 00:19:06,537 --> 00:19:08,704 another book, we could be back in our bed, 580 00:19:08,797 --> 00:19:11,632 all-all snuggling and crying and laughing again, 581 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,819 and maybe no one has to grow up and leave and go to college. 582 00:19:14,970 --> 00:19:16,988 I know it doesn't make sense. I know. 583 00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:19,181 Lin, if it helps, I'm pretty sure 584 00:19:19,183 --> 00:19:21,884 at least two of our kids are gonna have to live at home 585 00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:23,219 for a long time. 586 00:19:23,312 --> 00:19:25,312 I just wish I could freeze those moments 587 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,814 and go back and live in 'em a little longer. 588 00:19:27,909 --> 00:19:29,834 You know? Before it's all gone 589 00:19:30,061 --> 00:19:32,244 and we end up here at Mort's. 590 00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,079 Get to end up here. Friend prices. 591 00:19:34,232 --> 00:19:36,174 It makes me sad, 592 00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:37,341 and then I did all this stuff. 593 00:19:37,568 --> 00:19:40,327 -I'm-I'm sorry, Bea. -Listen, Linda. 594 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:41,570 My kids are in college now. 595 00:19:41,664 --> 00:19:43,406 And, yeah, it's different, and I miss them. 596 00:19:43,424 --> 00:19:44,924 And they definitely don't call me enough, 597 00:19:45,076 --> 00:19:46,075 but it's also good. 598 00:19:46,093 --> 00:19:47,410 Is it? It sounds awful. 599 00:19:47,578 --> 00:19:49,745 -Your life sounds awful. -Okay, just stop. 600 00:19:49,764 --> 00:19:52,415 It's good because this is what's supposed to happen. 601 00:19:52,583 --> 00:19:53,916 They're supposed to grow up. 602 00:19:53,935 --> 00:19:56,861 Stuff changes, and then you enjoy the changes. 603 00:19:57,012 --> 00:19:58,696 And I do so much less laundry now. 604 00:19:58,847 --> 00:20:00,606 -Oh, yeah. -That does sound nice. 605 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,091 (sniffles) Thank you, Bea. 606 00:20:02,184 --> 00:20:05,703 I can't feel my arms or my neck anymore, but thank you. 607 00:20:06,597 --> 00:20:09,373 Bye, Bea! Maybe I'll come by your reading! 608 00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:10,857 -BEA: No! -I'll just stop by. 609 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,268 Ooh, gosh, she's strong. 610 00:20:12,286 --> 00:20:13,878 I love that she put you in a full nelson. 611 00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,529 I love that you were in a full nelson. 612 00:20:15,623 --> 00:20:17,548 I want to reenact what happened all night. 613 00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:19,884 Children's book authors. Great at grappling, huh? 614 00:20:20,035 --> 00:20:21,368 And spelling, I bet. 615 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,203 So, uh, how was the college assembly? 616 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,781 Was it awful, I hope? Just kidding. 617 00:20:25,874 --> 00:20:27,874 Sort of. I mean, it's good if you're excited. 618 00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,727 What's exciting is, we're gonna be able to get in anywhere 619 00:20:29,954 --> 00:20:32,212 because our records are going to be spotless, 620 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:34,214 thanks to our friend Dr. Bojangles. 621 00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,067 -Who? -He's a cat who's also a doctor. 622 00:20:36,294 --> 00:20:39,645 Okay. I'm a little worried about that. 623 00:20:40,556 --> 00:20:42,573 ♪ Every moment we're together ♪ 624 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,410 ♪ Is another moment I will treasure ♪ 625 00:20:46,562 --> 00:20:49,822 ♪ Snail and Newt in any weather ♪ 626 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,141 ♪ But too bad it's not forever ♪ 627 00:20:52,159 --> 00:20:55,160 ♪ Because someday you'll have to go ♪ 628 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,739 ♪ And live your life, though it kills me so ♪ 629 00:20:58,907 --> 00:21:02,151 ♪ I don't know how I will go on ♪ 630 00:21:02,169 --> 00:21:05,629 ♪ Why get out of bed if you are gone? ♪ 631 00:21:05,782 --> 00:21:07,840 LINDA: What about Snail and Newt try stand-up? 632 00:21:07,992 --> 00:21:11,677 Oh, oh! Snail and Newt get fun haircuts. Two tight perms. 633 00:21:11,829 --> 00:21:14,663 Snail and Newt go on tour with Guns N' Roses. 634 00:21:14,682 --> 00:21:16,682 Snail and Newt start a fight club. 635 00:21:16,834 --> 00:21:18,776 Snail and Newt go to Buffalo. 636 00:21:18,853 --> 00:21:21,094 Oh, Snail and Newt eat too much mac and cheese, 637 00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,688 and then they can't poop. 638 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,007 Oh, Snail and Newt go to couples' counseling 639 00:21:25,026 --> 00:21:26,450 and they work it all out. 640 00:21:26,527 --> 00:21:29,120 ♪ But every moment we're together ♪ 641 00:21:29,347 --> 00:21:32,290 ♪ Is another moment I will treasure. ♪ 642 00:21:32,366 --> 00:21:33,457 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 643 00:21:33,609 --> 00:21:34,750 and TOYOTA.