1
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,831
[ZOMBIES GROWLING]

2
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:38,840
[SCOFFS]

3
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,433
COLUMBUS:
<i>Welcome to Zombieland.</i>

4
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,593
[♪♪♪]

5
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,400
<i>Back for seconds?
After all this time?</i>

6
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,551
<i>Well, what can I say,
but thank you.</i>

7
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,913
<i>You have a lot of choices when it comes to zombie
entertainment, and we appreciate you picking us.</i>

8
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,676
<i>So you know how Eskimos have
a bunch of words for snow?</i>

9
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,276
[COLUMBUS SPEAKS ON-SCREEN TEXT]

10
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,831
<i>The only reason we've survived
the last several years</i>

11
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:10,920
<i>is that we've gotten to know our bloodthirsty enemies
better than we know ourselves.</i>

12
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,437
<i>In the time since we last saw you,
zombies have evolved,</i>

13
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,194
<i>so we've given them different names.</i>

14
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:22,958
<i>This lady here is getting chased
by the dumbest Z there is, what we call a Homer.</i>

15
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,510
<i>In a world without YouTube,
who isn't entertained by a Homer?</i>

16
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,471
<i>Unfortunately, for every Homer,
there's a Hawking,</i>

17
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,593
<i>as in Stephen.</i>

18
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:53,397
<i>Or maybe his slightly less accomplished sister, Beatrix,
who's still got some brains left to figure shit out.</i>

19
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,550
Open, open!

20
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,309
[GROANS]

21
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,360
<i>Clever girl.</i>

22
00:02:18,361 --> 00:02:19,361
[SCREAMS]

23
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,274
<i>Okay. Last one.</i>

24
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,272
<i>Whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that?</i>

25
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:29,396
<i>Okay, all right.
Well, this time, let's play Name That Zombie.</i>

26
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,470
Hello?

27
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,160
Hello?

28
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,880
<i>The Ninja. Silent, deadly.</i>

29
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,270
<i>The first thing you hear is your own scream.</i>

30
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,750
[SCREAMING]

31
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,912
[♪♪♪]

32
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,070
<i>You can imagine how thrilled we were
to crack the zombie code.</i>

33
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,680
<i>But life is about more than just survival.</i>

34
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:08,235
<i>Ever since we were evicted from our normal lives,
I'd been searching for a place to put down roots.</i>

35
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:13,354
<i>My old pal Tallahassee has this saying,
"Go big or go home."</i>

36
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,677
<i>It's not his signature phrase,
but it did give me an idea.</i>

37
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,114
<i>Why not go big...</i>

38
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,270
<i>and go home?</i>

39
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,631
[♪♪♪]

40
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:55,633
<i>♪ End of passion play, crumbling away ♪</i>

41
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,111
<i>♪ I'm your source of self-destruction ♪</i>

42
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:04,040
<i>♪ Veins that pump with fear
Sucking darkest clear ♪</i>

43
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,591
<i>♪ Leading on your death's construction ♪</i>

44
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,119
<i>♪ Taste me you will see ♪</i>

45
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,712
<i>♪ More is all you need ♪</i>

46
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:17,477
<i>♪ Dedicated to how I'm killing you ♪</i>

47
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,919
<i>♪ Come crawling faster ♪</i>

48
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,395
<i>♪ Obey your master ♪</i>

49
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,155
<i>♪ Your life burns faster ♪</i>

50
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,597
<i>♪ Obey your master, master! ♪</i>

51
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,236
<i>♪ Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings ♪</i>

52
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,593
<i>♪ Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams ♪</i>

53
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,354
<i>♪ Blinded by me, you can't see a thing ♪</i>

54
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,194
<i>♪ Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream ♪</i>

55
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,632
<i>♪ Master, master! ♪</i>

56
00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,039
<i>♪ Master of puppets, I'm pulling your strings ♪</i>

57
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,077
<i>♪ Twisting your mind and smashing your... ♪♪</i>

58
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,077
Hail to the motherfucking chief.

59
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,520
[♪♪♪]

60
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,069
COLUMBUS:
<i>There are worse places to hang your hat.</i>

61
00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:12,069
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

62
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,160
Wait, why does he get to be president?

63
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:19,871
I would have made a damn fine president.
Kissed a few hands, shook a few babies.

64
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,879
- You would have brought a real dignity to the office.
- Thank you.

65
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:28,080
You don't have what it takes. I'll be president.
And I nominate Little Rock as my VP.

66
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,631
So that means I get to be president
if you get killed by zombies.

67
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,839
That wasn't what I was thinking
when I offered the position, but yes.

68
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,274
<i>I have this rule: Enjoy the little things.</i>

69
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,791
<i>Which is what we spent a lot of time doing
in those early days at the White House.</i>

70
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,840
<i>And it was a really special time,
making a house our home.</i>

71
00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:52,717
♪ Happy birthday to ♪

72
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:56,111
Shooting up, not to. All right. Nice!

73
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,276
<i>Wichita and I fell into
our own version of domestic bliss.</i>

74
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,432
<i>Well, not quite bliss, but domesticity to be sure.</i>

75
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:11,150
- Did Abe's blindfold fall off again?
- No, it did not fall off. I took it off.

76
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,391
It's so creepy. He just stares at us all night.

77
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,632
That stare emancipated the slaves, okay?
And it ended the Civil War.

78
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,791
We should be grateful he's gawking at us.

79
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,475
Remember what happened
the last time you took the blindfold off?

80
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,399
- You made me sleep on the Lincoln couch?
- Mm-hm.

81
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,436
[PAPER TEARS]

82
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:32,680
- Is that better?
- Much better.

83
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,114
Good.

84
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,920
TALLAHASSEE: <i>I love you so much, baby.</i>
- Sorry.

85
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:40,590
You are so gorgeous.

86
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,717
We really need to find you someone.

87
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:47,477
That's where you're wrong.
Any romance left in me belongs to the Beast here.

88
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,951
Okay. Well, then we need to find someone for me.

89
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,072
Shouldn't be a problem,
long as you're open to dating zombies.

90
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:00,437
So you're saying what?
I'm never gonna find a boyfriend,

91
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,477
or get married, have a family?

92
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:06,156
We're your family, so one out of three ain't bad.

93
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,319
<i>Little Rock had a strong desire to leave the nest.</i>

94
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,519
<i>And let's just say Tallahassee wasn't
the most understanding father figure.</i>

95
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,636
Little Rock!

96
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,315
<i>But for better or worse, we were a family.</i>

97
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:22,235
<i>And for the first time since the virus,
we were living somewhere truly safe,</i>

98
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,677
<i>making every day feel like...
Well, like Christmas morning.</i>

99
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:26,840
[♪♪♪]

100
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,754
Hello? Ho-ho-ho!

101
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,240
Merry Christmas!

102
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,959
- Hey, Tal.
- Santa.

103
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:37,794
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
A pony?

104
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:40,634
I'd like you to stop calling me "little girl."

105
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,872
Well, technically, you are little and you're a girl.

106
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,670
Well, I am not a little girl,
but do you know what I would like?

107
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,911
I don't give a fuck what you'd like.

108
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:51,994
<i>Not to sound too sentimental,</i>

109
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:57,155
<i>but those days at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
may have been the best days of my life,</i>

110
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,833
<i>and that's counting pre-Z.</i>

111
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:01,760
Wait a second.

112
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,120
Oh, my God. No.

113
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:07,680
A first-edition Tolkien, and you wrote in it.

114
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,638
There's my name right there,
marring this perfectly preserved paper.

115
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:15,470
Thank you. And yours too.
You didn't stop. Thank you so much.

116
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,557
TALLAHASSEE:
It's a bit touching.

117
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:22,475
Hey, I couldn't find any wrapping paper,
but don't worry about it.

118
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,871
Just tear it open. It doesn't matter.
It's only Taft.

119
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,360
He was our fattest president,

120
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:31,320
so there's a lot left over
if you need some wrapping paper.

121
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,790
Columbus, I didn't get anything from you.

122
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,800
Just what I wanted. Another gun.

123
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:41,920
Oh, hey, well, not just any gun. A Colt 45.

124
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:45,750
And not just any Colt 45. The King's.

125
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,914
- England? Denmark? Lichtenstein?
- There's only one king.

126
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:54,119
Elvis Aaron fucking Presley, the greatest who ever lived.

127
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,713
The king of kings.

128
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,872
He gave this gun to Nixon
when he visited the White House,

129
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:03,840
and I give it to you, locked and loaded.

130
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:07,277
Yeah, he used to shoot that Colt in his backyard.

131
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,677
King's palace, Memphis, Tennessee.
I tell you about Graceland?

132
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,434
- Only a hundred times.
- We're gonna go there together someday.

133
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,671
Actually, I'm gonna go shoot this right now.

134
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,878
I think I saw some Zs down by the reflecting pool.

135
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,633
- Well, I'll go with.
- I'll go by myself.

136
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:24,430
- It's Christmas.
- It's not fucking Christmas. It's November 17th.

137
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,951
<i>Little Rock was on the hunt, all right,
for people her own age.</i>

138
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:34,432
<i>And the thing is, they were out there.
We just made it a point to keep our distance.</i>

139
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,274
<i>Which would kind of suck
if you were the one stuck in the nest.</i>

140
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,559
COLUMBUS:
God, this is really terrifying,

141
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,279
but totally unrealistic.

142
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,480
Hey, she'll be fine.

143
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,515
Wish she didn't remind me so much of me.

144
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,831
Hey, come on. What's wrong with you?

145
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:56,560
Nothing.

146
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,630
All right. I wasn't gonna do this now.

147
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:08,237
Okay. Look, you always say that, like, I play it too safe,

148
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,915
and I know we've been in, like, a bit of a rut lately.

149
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:15,998
So I thought, what better way to spice things up than to...

150
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,199
Get married?

151
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:26,160
- Yeah, well, I was gonna say, "Get married!" Yay.
- Is that the Hope diamond?

152
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:30,154
I certainly hope it is. I want you to be Miss Ohio.
Or I guess Mrs. Ohio.

153
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,550
This is so unfair. You know how I feel about this.

154
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,154
- What?
- We've talked about this.

155
00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:39,360
In my limited, but absurdly painful experience,
married people only do one thing.

156
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:42,239
- What, fight? We already do that.
- Get divorced.

157
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,358
I don't see us going that route.
I mean, where would we find the lawyers?

158
00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:51,190
- I don't know what to say.
- Well, don't say anything. Yet.

159
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,557
Okay? This was my fault. I put you on the spot.

160
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:58,111
Just think about it,
and let me know whenever you're ready.

161
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,318
Everything will work out exactly as it's supposed to.

162
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,553
[♪♪♪]

163
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,039
[WHISTLING]

164
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:21,718
Hey, Buttercup. What's wrong?
Get a little too much eggnog last night?

165
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,315
- Bad news.
- Bad news?

166
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,757
Well, you know what cancels out bad news?
Good news.

167
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,390
- Today is the day that Wichita says...
- Adios.

168
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,640
Hm?

169
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,276
"Dear C and T, we feel like total shit about leaving.

170
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,556
Sorry, not good at notes. W and LR."

171
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,920
Well, yeah.
"Not good at notes" is a pretty huge understatement.

172
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,916
You know he's gonna take this Beast thing pretty hard.

173
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:55,118
Well, he should learn to not get so attached.

174
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,837
Never get attached. Remember?
That was the problem with Columbus, he got too attached.

175
00:11:59,960 --> 00:12:05,240
- Well, with Tallahassee, it's like he thinks he's my dad.
- Sure, but you are so lucky you don't have a boyfriend.

176
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:10,076
Have you seen him use Q-tips?
His bedtime routine took an hour.

177
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,958
- Stop.
- What? God, sorry.

178
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,157
- No, stop! Stop!
- Oh!

179
00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:19,513
[♪♪♪]

180
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:21,670
Namaste.

181
00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:25,520
Hi.

182
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:31,318
COLUMBUS:
<i>Wichita leaving hit me like a shotgun blast.</i>

183
00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,040
<i>So after weeks of feeling sorry for myself,</i>

184
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,079
<i>I thought a little retail therapy might help
get her off my mind.</i>

185
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:40,597
It's not like I immediately wanted to start,
like, wedding planning or anything.

186
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:41,796
I'm not crazy.

187
00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,349
And who wants to get married in the winter?
Spring, sure.

188
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:49,839
- Although my hair and the humidity...
- Oh, my God! Man, I cannot listen to this shit anymore.

189
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,072
- My God, it's been over a month.
- Yeah, I'm bereft.

190
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:56,153
Okay, I'm giving you one more day
to mope around,

191
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,074
and then you gotta snap the fuck out of it.

192
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:03,074
This whole "finding a home" idea of yours
has made us soft.

193
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,311
And by us, I mean you.

194
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:09,434
It's high time that we nut up and hit the road again.
And by we, I mean me.

195
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,991
That's where I belong. On my own. Lone wolf.

196
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,912
You're welcome to tag along.

197
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:18,397
- Yeah, but when they come back, we won't be here.
- They are never coming back.

198
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,677
[GROWLING]

199
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:26,040
- I got it.
- No, no, no.

200
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,120
Okay.

201
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,197
Yeah, it was good. You shot your alcohol with your gun.

202
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,151
Not bad, huh?

203
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,790
No. Not bad, but definitely no ZKOTY.

204
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,910
<i>ZKOTY, that is "Zombie Kill of the Year."</i>

205
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,469
<i>Like a junkie in search of a higher high,</i>

206
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:03,439
<i>Tallahassee is no longer happy
with Zombie Kill of the Week.</i>

207
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:07,560
<i>Which, if you're keeping score,
just went to Dave Sanderman of Riverside, Iowa.</i>

208
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,791
<i>You may wanna set down the Milk Duds for this one.</i>

209
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,155
You dead, zombie!

210
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,232
Whoo-whee, pig!

211
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,236
<i>Congratulations, Dave.</i>

212
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,312
Listen, I never told you this before.
In fact, I never told anybody.

213
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:29,918
But I have Native American blood
coursing through my veins.

214
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:34,357
- Like, right now?
- Yeah. Right now.

215
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:40,037
Blackfoot Indian to be exact.
The freest men in history.

216
00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:45,878
Mid-1800s, roamed the plains,
no houses, no laws, no possessions,

217
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:49,749
no chiefs to report to, no wives to listen to.

218
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,035
They listened...

219
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,875
to the call of the buffalo.

220
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,758
And they hunted those buffalo

221
00:14:56,840 --> 00:15:02,279
by herding them off the cliff to their deaths.

222
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,878
The great buffalo jump.

223
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,440
Oh.

224
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:12,515
I don't know why I never told anyone
about my Blackfoot blood.

225
00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:15,235
I guess it's a sacred little secret.

226
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,792
Honestly, you're the first paleface
I have genuinely trusted

227
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,432
because you've always been there for me.
You care and you really listen.

228
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,354
<i>Unless you're in a 4D theatre,</i>

229
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:29,990
<i>there is no way I can communicate
how bad Z-land smells,</i>

230
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,436
<i>which is why I like candles so much.</i>

231
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:36,116
<i>Today, maybe a frosty gingerbread or a Bahama breeze.</i>

232
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,200
Mmm.

233
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:38,591
[CLATTERING]

234
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:39,796
- Whoa!
- Ah!

235
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,351
Oh, my God! Please forgive me. It's fake fur!

236
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,671
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I thought you were a...

237
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,877
- You thought I was a zombie?
- Yeah.

238
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,751
Oh, my God, no. I don't even eat meat.
I'm a vegetarian. Vegan, actually.

239
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,516
- Sorry. Hi, I'm Columbus.
- Madison.

240
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,996
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. Oh.

241
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,675
All right. We're hugging. So soon.
Nice to meet you.

242
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,036
It's nice to touch a human.

243
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,760
TALLAHASSEE: Don't mind me.
- Oh, hello. If I can have my body?

244
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,151
Hi, sorry. This is Tallahassee. This is Madison.
Madison, Tallahassee.

245
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,839
Is this your dad?

246
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:16,870
For shit's sake, slightly older, better-looking friend.

247
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,599
- Cute.
- You live here?

248
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:23,038
No, Paul Blart. I live in the freezer in Pinkberry.

249
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,591
It keeps the zombies out, though it is awfully chilly.

250
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,876
Do you ever consider turning it off?

251
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:30,831
[SCOFFS]

252
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,176
Couldn't find the switch, like, anywhere.
Just hoping the electricity would run out.

253
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,193
I know, it's amazing.
As long as it rains, the dams give us power.

254
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:38,953
Apparently not brain power.

255
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:47,077
I feel like you're being super judgy.
Like, I'm getting a real anti-me vibe off of you.

256
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,038
- Are you?
- Oh, my God. There it was again.

257
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,191
- Yeah, I saw it.
- And that's hurtful, okay?

258
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,437
I'm, like, really good at surviving.

259
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:58,231
I carry a can of mace with me everywhere I go.
And I can run really, really fast.

260
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,040
Probably because I used to do a lot of hot yoga
and SoulCycle.

261
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:04,158
Cardio! Sorry, I do a lot of cardio too.

262
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:10,197
It's actually my number one rule, which is so dorky.
But I have rules for surviving Zombieland.

263
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,280
- Really?
- Yeah.

264
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:12,231
So do I!

265
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,073
You have rules for surviving Zombieland?

266
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:16,675
Actually, mine is just mostly stay in the freezer.

267
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:17,955
Oh.
MADISON: Ha, ha.

268
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:22,030
You know, we actually set up camp,
like, down the road, like, at the White House.

269
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:23,310
Ah-ah.

270
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,536
MADISON: The White House? Oh, my God.
- Would you wanna come and, like, hang out?

271
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,517
- I would love that.
- Cool.

272
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,796
Okay. How many rules do you have?

273
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,349
- You wanna know about my rules?
- I wanna hear all of them.

274
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,672
- Well, number two is double tap.
- Double tap.

275
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,594
- Double tap, yes.
- Double tap you.

276
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,680
You got me.

277
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,313
I'm murdered.

278
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,474
<i>Okay, yeah, I know what you're thinking.
She's absolutely not my type.</i>

279
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,313
<i>But after Wichita broke my heart,</i>

280
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:53,231
<i>I was just excited to talk to somebody who smelled
like a candle, and not whisky and gunpowder.</i>

281
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,434
So Wichita and Little Rock left. It leaves just us guys again.
You know, bachelors.

282
00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,035
This guy. You know, making a mess.

283
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,955
Which actually brings me to rule number 53, Wet-Naps.

284
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,319
- Whoa.
- Yeah.

285
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:11,396
- I can't believe that you keep all this stuff in your head.
- Thank you.

286
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,039
- It's amazing.
- Thank you.

287
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,430
- You know, you're really lucky.
- What?

288
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:19,434
That you found someone so smart to take care of you.

289
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,877
Most people your age,
they get left all by themselves,

290
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:25,031
and that can be so sad.

291
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:28,477
Yeah. I am so lucky.

292
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,516
- Hey, can we have a little summit in the Oval Office?
- Yeah.

293
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:39,079
You guys, I can't believe we're in the White House.
This is soy random.

294
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,696
TALLAHASSEE:
<i>You got to broom this girl.</i>

295
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,074
You know why she's still alive?

296
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,312
Because zombies eat brains, and she ain't got any!

297
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,996
All right? It doesn't matter
because I'm hitting the road come sunup.

298
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,594
MADISON: Columbus?
- Yes?

299
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,399
Could you maybe give me a tour?

300
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:55,837
Whoa, this is the Oval Office.

301
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,639
Why do they call it that?

302
00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:01,796
- You ready?
- You ready?

303
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,234
- I'm ready too.
- I'm ready.

304
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:04,356
- Great.
- Too.

305
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,077
COLUMBUS: Let's go.
- He's kind of funny.

306
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,238
COLUMBUS: Yeah, he's great. Try not to speak to him.
- Okay.

307
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,154
The main attraction. Ta-da.

308
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,478
The Lincoln bedroom.
And believe it or not, Lincoln never even slept here.

309
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,076
- I didn't actually want a tour, silly.
- What?

310
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,355
- Hi.
- Hi.

311
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,320
COLUMBUS:
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

312
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,835
- What's the matter?
- I don't know.

313
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,640
- Don't you think that I'm pretty?
- Yes, you're very pretty.

314
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,519
You're like "the girl in Apartment 406" pretty.

315
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,751
I just... I feel kind of guilty.

316
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,559
Because of Jesus?

317
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,120
I know ways around that.

318
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:47,799
- No, no. I... Please. I can't.
- Okay, look, I've been alone in a freezer for years.

319
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,994
So either we're doing this right now,
or I am biting the bullet, and I am doing the old guy.

320
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:54,760
Okay.

321
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:59,476
MADISON: God! You're so hot! Oh my God!
- It's the humidity.

322
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:00,596
MADISON:
Oh, yeah!

323
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,159
[THUMPING AND MADISON MOANING]

324
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,510
Holy...

325
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,149
Nutting up, definitely not shutting up.

326
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,151
MADISON:
Yeah!

327
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,240
[BANG IN DISTANCE]

328
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,351
[♪♪♪]

329
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,430
[COLUMBUS YELLS]

330
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,715
Shit.

331
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,235
Sorry, it's Washington's old flintlock.

332
00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,960
It's a gift to Dwight D. Eisenhower
from the emperor of Japan.

333
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:36,190
Oh, touché.

334
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,711
- I heard a strange noise.
- Yeah, I've been hearing some strange noises too.

335
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,991
Oh, yeah. That was us having sex.

336
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,196
Rule number one.

337
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,075
Yeah, maybe rule number 32 for her.

338
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:48,711
What? Hey.

339
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,154
[CREAKING]

340
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,833
Okay. Ready?

341
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,117
Go!
TALLAHASSEE: Okay, let's go. Come on.

342
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,998
Oh, fuck.

343
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,080
Shit.

344
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,679
Honey, I'm home.

345
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,719
Oh, my God, you're back.
I mean, you're back or whatever. That's cool.

346
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:06,712
I'm not staying. I just came to get weapons.

347
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,440
- At 1:00 in the morning?
- Yeah, after a month missing.

348
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:11,909
Little Rock's gone.

349
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:14,880
[♪♪♪]

350
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,831
It was great.
It felt so good to be on the move again.

351
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,994
Yeah, we've been having, like,
a really good time here too, right? Together.

352
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,630
We picked up someone new. Just a boy.

353
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:40,191
He's a couple years older than Little Rock,
and he's from Berkeley.

354
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,351
- Berkeley?
- Mm-hm.

355
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:43,590
♪ Don't worry ♪

356
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,672
TALLAHASSEE: <i>You said Berkeley?</i>
WICHITA: <i>Yes.</i>

357
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,229
TALLAHASSEE:
<i>Berke-fucking-ley?</i>

358
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,589
WICHITA:
<i>He plays the guitar.</i>

359
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,752
Shut the fuck up right now!
I know what you're about to tell me.

360
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,150
She's dating a musician!

361
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:02,234
Hey, come on, dude. Don't you think
you're, like, overreacting maybe, like, a little bit?

362
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:09,676
Yeah. Yeah. No, I could be overreacting.
I'm sorry. You're right.

363
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,155
You go ahead.

364
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,674
And he's a pacifist.

365
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,550
He has survived on a strict policy
of conflict avoidance, like Gandhi.

366
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:25,032
No!

367
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,959
Birkenstock sandals, wheatgrass!

368
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,191
Fucking basketballs!

369
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,511
[SCREAMS]

370
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:43,316
No, I really... I have nothing against pacifists.

371
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,076
I just wanna beat the shit out of them.

372
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:52,315
♪ This is my message to you ♪♪

373
00:22:55,760 --> 00:23:00,516
Wow, I mean... You have a beautiful voice.

374
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,069
- Thank you very much. Thank you.
- Yeah.

375
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,597
Hey, have you ever heard of this place, Graceland?

376
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,798
Elvis was a fraud. He ripped off the black man.

377
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,439
Oh. I don't know.
I've just always wanted to go there.

378
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,910
Yeah, me too. Yeah.

379
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,795
- Graceland would be cool.
- Yeah. Yeah, it would be.

380
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,393
I was adamant it was a dumb idea,
so I did what I never do with her.

381
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,638
I told her no.
And you can probably guess what happened next.

382
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,479
<i>She left a note, and then she hit the road.</i>

383
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,354
Does anyone else get the irony in that?

384
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,400
Huh?

385
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,280
I'm so worried, you guys.

386
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:55,717
They're travelling all that way,
and all they have is a fucking guitar.

387
00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,993
Yeah, with no intention of ever swinging it at anything.
You know, because he's a hippie.

388
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:04,034
- She's supposed be killing the dead, not following them.
- Oh, God.

389
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:07,431
- There's something going on out there.
- What?

390
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:12,470
Berkeley told us about this new kind of zombie
that's stronger, and faster,

391
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,200
and deadlier and better adapted to the hunt.

392
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:20,797
What? I'm sorry, but that sounds totally made up.
I mean, if you want us to come with you, just, like, ask us.

393
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:24,880
- Honestly, I just came back for guns and ammunition.
- Sure. Come on. Stop begging. We'll do it.

394
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,872
- You know, this is all your fault.
- Me?

395
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,350
- If you hadn't pushed her away...
- Well, not exactly.

396
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,558
No, I didn't just run from him.
She ran from you too.

397
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:35,160
What?

398
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:41,078
You... You mean well, but you're kind of overbearing.

399
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,040
- Oh, right. I'm overbearing?
- She's not a kid anymore.

400
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:49,591
Yeah, she's not a kid, but I don't know,
it sounds like she needs us.

401
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,956
Whatever. We're gonna go get her.

402
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,155
We ride at dawn.

403
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,720
Once she's safe, I'm going my own way.

404
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,871
So no goodbye, just like...

405
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,758
- Yeah, I'm terrible at notes.
- A lame note.

406
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,560
Yeah, I know. You mentioned that in the note.

407
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,440
I...

408
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,792
I might have overreacted a little bit.

409
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,270
I mean, the proposal kind of spooked me.

410
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,352
You know what I'm trying to say.

411
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,798
Oh, God. I'm sorry.

412
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,752
You know how hard it is for me to say that

413
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:31,914
because I hate women who are always apologising
for things they have no reason to apologise for.

414
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:37,678
But in this particular instance,
I actually am really sorry.

415
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,592
[♪♪♪]

416
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,672
Well, thank you. That actually does mean a lot.

417
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,951
I don't know. Maybe this could be like a...

418
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:46,713
Like a turning point for us.

419
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,552
Yeah, maybe.

420
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:51,950
Columbus, you coming back to bed?

421
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,273
[♪♪♪]

422
00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:58,920
Wow.

423
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:00,909
Oh, boy.

424
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,832
I mean, wow!

425
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,876
Glad we had this little talk. Real turning point.

426
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:12,720
Hi.

427
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,319
- Is that your sister?
- Oh, fuck.

428
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,555
- You definitely don't need any help. Cool.
- No, I've got it.

429
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:26,994
The Beast is back.

430
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,118
I cannot wait to get my hands behind the...

431
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,152
What the fuck?

432
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,319
No, no, no.

433
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,838
No way is that GD minivan
even sniffing at Graceland,

434
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:48,110
home to perhaps America's finest automobile,
Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.

435
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:54,997
No. You know, it takes a real man
to drive a pink Cadillac.

436
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,753
Might make that a rule of my own.

437
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,471
On second thought, fuck that, rules are for pussies.

438
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,638
- Nothing personal.
- How could it not be personal? That's my whole thing.

439
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,952
- Yeah, you're right. It was personal.
- Yeah. Come on. It's gonna be okay.

440
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:09,874
<i>Even Tallahassee knows
beggars can't be choosers.</i>

441
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,874
<i>Vehicles with working batteries and parts
are way scarcer nowadays,</i>

442
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:16,395
<i>thanks to years of neglect and decline.</i>

443
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:17,550
Breakaway mirror.

444
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,393
<i>We can't be so picky anymore.</i>

445
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,597
- Clear.
- What? Oh, okay.

446
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,796
Boo-ya!

447
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:23,880
COLUMBUS:
Okay.

448
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,755
This never happened.

449
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,480
COLUMBUS: I'll get the door.
- I got it. I'm gonna lay in the back.

450
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,158
- Oh, catch.
- Oh!

451
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,914
MADISON:
Shoot. Ha, ha. I got it!

452
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,391
What in the butt?

453
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,233
- Ah, shit.
- What?

454
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,470
- Hi!
- Hi.

455
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:46,676
[MADISON CHUCKLES]

456
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,480
Are we dropping her off
at a no-kill animal shelter or something?

457
00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:53,837
Come on, she's a human being.
We're not gonna, like, leave her here alone.

458
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,992
- Yeah, we can't just leave Columbus' girlfriend.
- Okay.

459
00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,389
A minivan. Nice.

460
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,075
I won't feel guilty.
You left me in the harshest way possible.

461
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,351
- You recovered pretty quickly.
- Well, thank you.

462
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:05,510
Can you help me?

463
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,000
- I got it.
- Okay.

464
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,430
- It's just, like, heavy. Thank you.
- No problem.

465
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,797
- Go ahead, get in.
- Okay. You are so nice.

466
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,758
Makkapitew, Askuwheteau, Sunukkuhkau...

467
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,274
Is he having a seizure?

468
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:31,515
I'm trying out Blackfoot names,
so full shushy or you go back in your mall fridge.

469
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:32,920
Okay.
COLUMBUS: Oh.

470
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,834
I didn't tell you. We met at the mall.

471
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:39,072
Yeah. I was living there.

472
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:40,992
Like <i>Dawn of the Dead.</i>

473
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,471
Last I checked, it's the post-acropolis.

474
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:49,874
- It was so sad when the acropolis struck.
- Yeah, I know.

475
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:54,432
Hey, Madison, can you remind me, when we first met,
did you point a gun at me and steal my car?

476
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:59,595
No. When we first met,
I told you you were really smart.

477
00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:03,117
- Oh, yeah.
- And then I slept with you.

478
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,793
That's right. You did.

479
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:06,519
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]

480
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,034
MADISON:
Road trip! Here we go!

481
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,316
TALLAHASSEE:
This is gonna be a long drive.

482
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,274
I love the smell of gunpowder in the morning.

483
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,920
I'm more of a patchouli oil guy myself.

484
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,114
You don't... You don't have weed, do you?

485
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,432
I've always wanted to smoke
way too much weed.

486
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,275
Do I look like the type of person
that would have weed on me?

487
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,036
- Oh, no. I w... That... I'm sorry, that was...
- Boom, yeah.

488
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,996
- Of course I do. Oh, I love weed.
- You got me there.

489
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,754
- Look. I mean, look at me.
- Yeah.

490
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,956
I just wanted to say it's really nice
to have another woman around.

491
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:57,670
Yeah.

492
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,832
Like, to talk about relationships.

493
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,196
- Recipes.
- Rings.

494
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:06,396
Oh, my God.

495
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,153
Oh, my God.
COLUMBUS: Oh, shit.

496
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:10,880
MADISON:
I know.

497
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:14,192
I found it in the bedside drawer.
I think it belonged to the first lady or...

498
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:19,309
You know what? I think you're right.
It did belong to the first lady.

499
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,519
Well, I think it was given to the first lady,
but she heartlessly rejected it.

500
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,832
What kind of idiot would turn down a ring like this?

501
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,992
Maybe an idiot
who didn't wanna be weighed down.

502
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,834
Anchored. Chained to something immobile.
TALLAHASSEE: Hm.

503
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:36,360
[BRAKES SCREECH,
THEN CAR HORN HONKS]

504
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,717
COLUMBUS: Oh, shit. Are you okay?
- Oh, shoot!

505
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,393
Forgot the seatbelt rule.

506
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,711
So she knows the rules?

507
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,519
I mean, I told her just a few of them.

508
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,434
- Seventy-three. Are there more?
- Nope, that's it.

509
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,956
- I gotta check this out.
- You guys have spent a lot of time together, huh?

510
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,560
That's sweet.

511
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,075
You're cute together. I like it.

512
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:00,835
Aww.

513
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,912
[♪♪♪]

514
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:10,594
This looks promising.

515
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,554
He's so flexible.

516
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,871
That's what's so great about him.
He's very bendy.

517
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,158
- Ohio, whenever you're done with that...
- What? Yeah.

518
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:30,280
Ah!

519
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,474
COLUMBUS:
What? No. No, no, no. No way. Nonstarter.

520
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,517
You know how I feel about clowns.

521
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,398
- No, not that.
- What?

522
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,358
TALLAHASSEE: That.
- Oh.

523
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,000
Looks good.

524
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,679
MADISON: Can I see?
TALLAHASSEE: Hm?

525
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,029
Can I see?

526
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,157
Yeah. Here you go.

527
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,240
Yeah.

528
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:52,320
[MADISON GASPS]

529
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,318
MADISON:
The old man is so tiny.

530
00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,596
Can you see that?
MADISON: Ha, ha, ha.

531
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,837
What's-his-name, you're so tiny.

532
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,515
Now you're not. Now you are.

533
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,592
Now you're not. Now you are. Now you're not.

534
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,637
Tiny. Big. Tiny!

535
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,997
- She is adorable.
- She is. I'm lucky.

536
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:13,878
Tiny. Big. Tiny.

537
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,416
COLUMBUS:
Look, you're overreacting, okay?

538
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:18,874
Madison's not, like, a real thing.

539
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,714
It was just circumstance.
It was, like, a lack of options.

540
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:23,757
- You could say the same thing about us.
- What?

541
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,754
- Circumstance, lack of options.
- Really? You really think that?

542
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,396
Whereas you two seem like soul mates.
Destined to share deep, intellectual thoughts.

543
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:35,156
Maybe you're right, maybe we are soul mates,
okay? Because she's nice, all right?

544
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,551
And I'm nice. And you're not. You're mean.

545
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,030
- Whatever. I'm not mean.
- Yeah, you're kind of mean.

546
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:42,600
Well, my sister is missing.

547
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,479
She could be dead,
and you're screwing some Forever 21-year-old.

548
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,712
- So if I wanna be mean, I'll be mean.
- I don't have the right shoes for this.

549
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:51,674
- Oh, you could borrow a pair of my strappy sandals.
- Really?

550
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:52,760
Mm-hm.

551
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,110
Kidding. You... She was ki...
You guys are all very sarcastic.

552
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,272
Yeah, they're not nice people.
Sorry about that. Just try to ignore them.

553
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:02,360
TALLAHASSEE:
Yeah. Yeah.

554
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,750
- Ignore us.
- Please, God, ignore us.

555
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:05,956
See? Mean.

556
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:08,520
[♪♪♪]

557
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:10,797
All right!

558
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,439
This is what I'm talking about.

559
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,876
We're finally gonna be riding in style.

560
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,476
You guys, I partied with 3 Doors Down
in one of these. It was so...

561
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,320
[CAR ALARM WAILING]
TALLAHASSEE: Oh, shit.

562
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:26,076
MADISON:
What?

563
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:27,360
[TALLAHASSEE CLICKS ALARM OFF]

564
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,456
Man, we're getting good at this.
TALLAHASSEE: Columbus.

565
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,480
COLUMBUS:
Tallahassee.

566
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,476
The hood is 12 o'clock, trunk is 6. You're our eyes.
COLUMBUS: Yes.

567
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,792
Hey, don't worry, you guys.

568
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,873
They are much more afraid of us
than we are of them.

569
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,634
God, that is not even remotely true.

570
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,313
Well, what do I do?

571
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,631
- You know how cheerleaders form a pyramid?
- Yeah.

572
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:51,037
- You know how the three on the bottom anchor the pyramid?
- Oh, yeah.

573
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,033
I don't give a shit what you do,
just stay out of my way.

574
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:56,430
Okay, 8 o'clock. Eight o'clock.

575
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,752
Did you say the front was 12?
Oh, fuck me. Sorry. Two o'clock.

576
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,719
Eleven! Eleven! Seven-thirty!

577
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:04,837
Six o'clock. Six!

578
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:06,036
I'll get 6.

579
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:09,160
Shit. One-fifteen.

580
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:11,510
One-thirteen, 1:20. I don't know.
It's moving that way.

581
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,035
MADISON: Why is everyone shouting numbers?
- Eleven!

582
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,000
MADISON: Twelve!
- Six!

583
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:18,676
Two o'clock!

584
00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:20,200
Eight.

585
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,153
Six o'clock.
TALLAHASSEE: Shit.

586
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:28,679
COLUMBUS:
One o'clock. Six-thirty.

587
00:34:30,720 --> 00:34:32,359
Ten! Eight!

588
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,750
- Eight o'clock! Eight!
- Shit.

589
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:36,760
Shit!

590
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:41,640
[SCREAMS]

591
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,160
- Narsty!
- Thank you.

592
00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:46,151
You're welcome.

593
00:34:46,240 --> 00:34:47,071
COLUMBUS:
One o'clock!

594
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,356
Two-thirty! Three! One!

595
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:52,480
Okay. I'll get 3.

596
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:55,840
Right on time, Columbus.

597
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:58,350
One o'clock! Ten-thirty!

598
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,795
Eleven! Eleven!

599
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:04,519
Actually, you know what, it's a Homer.

600
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:08,037
Abort! Abort 11. Don't waste a bullet.
WICHITA: Hawking!

601
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,476
- Hawking!
- What? Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

602
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,520
Ha-ha-ha! Yay!

603
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,710
- Ah! He's trying to bite me!
- Ninja! Ninja!

604
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,120
MADISON:
Oh, my God!

605
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:26,831
You saved me.

606
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:28,274
All right. Settle down.

607
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:29,794
[GROWLING]

608
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,510
- Hey, Tal, 1 o'clock.
- Pardon me, Pop-Tart.

609
00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,193
Not quite done yet.

610
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,073
[♪♪♪]

611
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:47,875
What the fuck?

612
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,352
Try to dodge me, motherfucker.

613
00:35:56,160 --> 00:36:02,191
<i>This was our first T-800,
named for the Terminator it-fucking-self.</i>

614
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:05,274
- Tal?
- Yup?

615
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:12,354
<i>T-800s were a mutated strain of zombie,</i>

616
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,678
<i>stronger, deadlier and harder to kill.</i>

617
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,270
One plus one is still two, right?

618
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,074
<i>They were the apex predator,
top of the food chain.</i>

619
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,994
<i>Single-minded and relentless
like their namesake,</i>

620
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:38,438
<i>once they locked on to a target,
T-800s stopped at nothing to devour their prey.</i>

621
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,750
What the ever-loving fuck?

622
00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,360
Ew.

623
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,674
<i>Seeing that T-800 firsthand
was all the more worrisome</i>

624
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:03,312
<i>knowing that Little Rock was out there
with nothing but a hippie and a guitar.</i>

625
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:08,912
♪ Like a rolling stone ♪♪

626
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:14,477
Okay. That song is amazing.

627
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:15,596
Did you write that?

628
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:20,237
Wa... Was that a dumb question?

629
00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:23,358
- Sorry, I was like 11 when the zombies took over.
- Not a dumb question.

630
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:26,512
I was laughing because you think
I'd play you some stupid cover song.

631
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:27,756
No, of course I wrote it.

632
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,912
If you love that,
then you're really gonna love this.

633
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,755
But it's a work in progress, so be gentle.

634
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:40,991
♪ If I leave here tomorrow ♪

635
00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:47,873
♪ Would you still remember me? ♪♪

636
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,877
<i>♪ Well, I must be travelling on now ♪</i>

637
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,477
A poem by Tallahassee.

638
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:03,830
<i>Travelling to Graceland in comfort and class</i>

639
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:08,711
<i>That Pontiac Trans Sport can kiss my ass</i>

640
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,917
Whoo-hoo!

641
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,117
Here we go, baby!

642
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,438
Let's go see the King and let's go get Little Rock!

643
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,519
<i>♪ 'Cause I'm as free... ♪♪</i>

644
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,075
[ALL GASP]

645
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,434
- Did... Did we just get...
- Shorter?

646
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:34,994
I say we take the clown car.

647
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,637
No, no, no. No! That is a deal-breaker.
No fucking clowns!

648
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:45,474
[♪♪♪]

649
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:51,159
In moments of great dishonour such as this,

650
00:38:51,240 --> 00:38:55,996
ancient samurai warriors
were required to commit seppuku,

651
00:38:56,080 --> 00:39:01,075
or ritual suicide by disembowelment.

652
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,434
MADISON:
My mom had this car.

653
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:09,273
WICHITA: So did mine.
COLUMBUS: So did mine.

654
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:10,680
[MADISON CHUCKLES]

655
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,078
TALLAHASSEE:
Fucking minivan.

656
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,152
MADISON:
Back on the road. Yay.

657
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:18,669
[CHUCKLES]

658
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,991
I've always wanted to start a business

659
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:34,791
where strangers drive strangers
around in their car for money.

660
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,872
Let's say you were really drunk
and you needed a ride home.

661
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:42,317
You'd just get online
and hop right in with a stranger.

662
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,000
And they'd take you anywhere you wanna go.

663
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:47,037
Oh, yeah. Who then kills you.

664
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:50,477
- Yeah.
- They'd have gum or, like, lollipops.

665
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:52,074
That was what my parents taught me.

666
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:57,673
They were like, "If a stranger offers you
candy or gum, get in their car." Great idea.

667
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,197
If they try to murder you, you can have
a point system, so you can rate them.

668
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:03,749
If they try to murder you,
like, "You get zero points."

669
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,277
- But if they don't try to murder you, "You get five points."
- Okay.

670
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:09,670
Madison, I think it is a very good idea.

671
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:15,438
- That's... No, I cannot see that going wrong.
- All I'm saying is the taxi industry was very flawed.

672
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:16,520
[BELCHES]

673
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:20,636
- Uh.
- Are you okay?

674
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:24,316
I think I'm, like, hot. I'm hot.
COLUMBUS: Yeah?

675
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:28,440
Mm-hm. I'm so used to being in the freezer all the time.
Get this off.

676
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,751
Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah, that makes sense.

677
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:32,718
[TUMMY GRUMBLES, FARTS, THEN BELCHES]

678
00:40:34,240 --> 00:40:35,469
[♪♪♪]

679
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:38,469
I feel funny. My tongue...

680
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,512
My tongue... My tongue...

681
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,593
Hey, boss? You're gonna wanna pull over.
TALLAHASSEE: Yeah?

682
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:45,591
- No.
- Pull over.

683
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,911
- No, we're making good progress here.
- Pull over!

684
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,072
- Yeah, yeah.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.

685
00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:58,440
- Oh.
- Oh.

686
00:40:58,560 --> 00:40:59,560
Chunkage.

687
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:01,398
I don't know, maybe she'll pull through.

688
00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:04,592
What do you mean? You are the one
who always says "don't take chances."

689
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,435
So who wants to do the honours?

690
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:16,557
I mean, personally, I wouldn't mind,
but I don't want you guys calling me selfish.

691
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:21,118
Hey, come on. She is a living, thinking being. Okay?
She's a living being.

692
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:25,911
Look, I know you guys are in love or whatever,

693
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,310
but in two minutes, she's gonna become a:

694
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:29,590
[GROWLS]

695
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:34,553
A zombie, not a velociraptor.
And it's the right thing to do.

696
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:40,318
If you love something, you shoot it in the face
so it doesn't become a flesh-eating monster.

697
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,275
I know.
TALLAHASSEE: She's making a good point.

698
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:49,799
Maybe it's time for you to be the Brave Little Toaster.

699
00:41:50,720 --> 00:41:52,677
[MADISON GRUNTS]

700
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:59,469
<i>They say when something bad happens,
you have three choices:</i>

701
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,110
<i>Let it define you, destroy you or strengthen you.</i>

702
00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:08,353
<i>Time to teach Lennie about the rabbits.</i>

703
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,159
[GROANING]

704
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:17,430
- No! Don't come with me! Don't come with me!
- Madison, Madison, please.

705
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,751
- Madison, please. Please, please.
- Don't hurt me!

706
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:21,274
- No, no, no!
- Wait. Listen to me!

707
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:22,480
- Please. Wait.
- No, no, no!

708
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,671
- Madison, just wait.
- I'm a monster.

709
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,479
- I'm a monster.
- Please, please, please.

710
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,075
Listen. I realise that we don't know
each other that well.

711
00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:33,791
I mean, well, we do in the biblical sense, yes.
But I think you're a really great person.

712
00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:37,836
Well, not now.

713
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,320
[SCREAMS]

714
00:42:40,240 --> 00:42:41,390
I'm sorry.

715
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:43,680
[GUNFIRE]

716
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,320
Thanks.

717
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,959
Can we just...

718
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,750
- I'm so sorry.
- All right. Just... Come on, come on, let's go.

719
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:18,354
I'm not gonna lie and say
that I'm broken up about it, but...

720
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:22,598
I am sorry.

721
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,672
- She didn't deserve that.
- Thanks, man.

722
00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:25,796
- Thanks.
- He's right.

723
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,389
That's a terrible way to go, even for...

724
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,880
- Oh, come on. It's Madison. You know that.
- Madison. Madison.

725
00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:37,431
Yes, you know that, okay? Her name is Madison.
Or her name was Madison.

726
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,477
You know, and she was a real person, okay?

727
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,349
She had, you know,
complex feelings and emotions and interests.

728
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:48,555
You know, she liked dolphins and rainbows, you know?
And double rainbows.

729
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,916
I'm agreeing. It's sad.

730
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:52,992
- Okay.
- That is obviously not what I wanted.

731
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,720
- What is it that you do want?
- I wanna find my sister.

732
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:56,870
Me too.

733
00:43:56,960 --> 00:43:58,599
- Good.
- Good.

734
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,036
- Good. Great. Awesome.
- Great, in fact. Great.

735
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:02,918
This is gonna be a long drive.

736
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:04,999
[♪♪♪]

737
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:15,200
WICHITA:
This is it.

738
00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:21,235
Hey, little buddy, don't be cruel to me
for waking you up, but we're here.

739
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,034
Oh! Oh, my God.

740
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,271
Oh, my God.

741
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:34,239
Every choice I've ever made in my life
has been leading me to this moment right here,

742
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:37,199
right now, 3764 Elvis Presley Boulevard.

743
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,677
I feel like a 1954 teenybopper.

744
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:41,910
And here comes...

745
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,520
No.

746
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,272
No, no, no!

747
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,955
Hey, dude, if you need a moment or...

748
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,635
Oh, my God. No Graceland.

749
00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:57,359
No Beast.

750
00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,160
No Little Rock.
TALLAHASSEE: No Little Rock?

751
00:45:00,240 --> 00:45:06,714
Am I not allowed one cock-sucking
duck-fucking little break in this world?

752
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,837
You're not the only one that's upset.

753
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:12,596
Just... Just drive. Drive, drive. Drive now!

754
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,558
Get away from here. Go!

755
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,477
<i>Graceland was a pile of rubble,</i>

756
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:23,951
<i>Little Rock was still missing,
and we were unsure of our next move.</i>

757
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,680
<i>But sometimes, you just have to follow the signs.</i>

758
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:27,760
Hm.

759
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:30,912
When Z-land serves you lemons...

760
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:35,356
Hey, Florida, 11 o'clock.

761
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:39,954
What?

762
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:44,114
Hound Dog Hotel. Oh, what a bunch of bull.

763
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,879
- Whoa! The Beast!
- Little Rock!

764
00:45:56,760 --> 00:45:59,400
TALLAHASSEE:
Damn. Wow,

765
00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:03,440
for a place that ain't Graceland,
it sure looks a hell of a lot like Graceland.

766
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:06,672
- Yeah, it does.
- Here's the idea. We'll split up. I'll go this way.

767
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,479
No, no, no. I should talk to her.

768
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:11,951
- I'm her sister. I'll talk to her first. You guys stay here.
- Sound.

769
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:16,274
Bop, bop, bop!

770
00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:19,035
- Little respect.
- Why? He's dead probably.

771
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,631
Oh. Oh, for you. Okay.

772
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,237
- This is so degrading.
- It's not for me.

773
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:27,356
Yeah, I know.

774
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,034
Okay.

775
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:33,750
- Oh, yeah. That's not... Push it.
- Smells like a wet dog died.

776
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:35,672
- I am. Okay.
- Square peg, round hole. Stop.

777
00:46:35,760 --> 00:46:36,760
Sorry.

778
00:46:41,200 --> 00:46:43,715
Oh, my God. It's uncanny.

779
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,075
This is incredible.

780
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,630
It's a perfect fit. I feel like Cinderella at the ball.

781
00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:52,952
What, are you jealous that I have
the exact same size shoe as Elvis Presley?

782
00:46:53,960 --> 00:46:57,431
No. It's not like those are Elvis' actual shoes.

783
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:02,280
Sorry.

784
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,550
[♪♪♪]

785
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:25,837
♪ Well, I never been to Spain ♪

786
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,596
[PLAYING TUNE ON PIANO]

787
00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:30,276
Little Rock?

788
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:38,711
♪...ladies are insane there ♪

789
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:45,076
♪ And they sure know how to use it ♪

790
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:54,510
♪ Well, I've never been to heaven ♪♪

791
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:56,116
[SCREAMS]

792
00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:00,031
- Start talking.
- You first.

793
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,270
- Hi, my name's Tallahassee.
- Nevada.

794
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,995
- Which part?
- Nevada's as close as you get.

795
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:07,992
Now, what are you doing in the Hound Dog?

796
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:11,118
I got a thing for the King.

797
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:14,273
No, no, no, don't shoot my friends.

798
00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:18,075
- Anybody else in here with you?
- No, no. Just us.

799
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:20,629
We're all civilised people.
Let's just put the guns down.

800
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,553
Why the hell are you wearing
Elvis' actual shoes?

801
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:25,756
Comfort.

802
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,477
- You live here?
- Yeah.

803
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:32,200
So that car out front,
the girl who was driving it, is she...

804
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:35,673
Gone. She and that poser peace lover of hers...

805
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,353
- Berkeley.
- Berkeley.

806
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:39,589
...took off a few days ago.

807
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:42,832
And trust me, they shouldn't have.
It's not safe out there.

808
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,719
- Damn it.
- Why didn't they take the Beast?

809
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:51,637
- He said it was too "establishment."
- Oh, I will kill that little fart snack myself.

810
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:55,993
You're lucky I didn't do the same to you. Seriously.
You know how close I came to Murraying you?

811
00:48:57,320 --> 00:48:58,595
[♪♪♪]

812
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:00,396
To what-ing him?

813
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,238
Murraying him.

814
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:06,279
You know, when you shoot someone
because you think they're a zombie.

815
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,158
Apparently, that's how Bill Murray died.

816
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:12,831
Wow. God, who's Bill Murray?
I never... I don't even know what that is.

817
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:17,039
Oh, the actor. That's so sad.
I don't read, like, <i>Variety</i> or anything.

818
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,715
So sad. Sorry if you knew him.
If you didn't, I'm still sorry.

819
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,474
It's sad when anybody dies.
Sounds like an urban legend though.

820
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:25,200
- It happened.
- I doubt it. It's weird. What?

821
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:34,231
I'll say this about Murray,
if I ever find out who did him, I'm gonna do him.

822
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,835
Me too. I'll be... You first, but me second.

823
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,754
Don't listen to this guy.
He's killed more celebrities than cocaine.

824
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:43,151
The girl that was here before,
did she say where she was going?

825
00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:48,076
No, but that idiot Berkeley wouldn't shut up about it.

826
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,870
Babylon is a commune, safe haven,
protected on all sides.

827
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:55,271
Completely pacifist.
No guns or violence of any kind.

828
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:59,036
A lot of young people too, you know.
Generation Z living in peace and harmony.

829
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:00,236
Yeah, it sounds cool.

830
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:06,317
I know you had your heart set on this Graceland,
but this is <i>mucho, mucho</i> better.

831
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,916
[GROWLING]

832
00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:18,839
This is a very good replica of the King's Jungle Room,
where he recorded his last two albums.

833
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:22,675
<i>From Elvis Presley Boulevard, Memphis, Tennessee</i> and...

834
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:23,760
And <i>Moody Blue.</i>

835
00:50:24,920 --> 00:50:26,240
You know your Elvis.

836
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:30,559
Every lover of the King has a story.

837
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:33,080
What's yours?

838
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,393
My mama took me to see Elvis when I was a kid.
Something about him.

839
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:40,871
- Attitude, the music...
- The hips, the ass.

840
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,317
Well, I was 10, but, you know, with Elvis,
there is something for everyone.

841
00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:49,599
Cut to later, I'm in high school.
And my buddy Frankie Hammond says:

842
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:52,872
"Do your Elvis."

843
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,237
I said, "We're in a library. It's gonna be loud."

844
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,916
He convinces me.
He starts tapping his pencil, and I get up.

845
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:08,955
♪ You ain't nothing but a hound dog
Crying all the time ♪

846
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:10,076
[SCATS]

847
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:14,359
Everybody starts gathering around and clapping,
and I jumped on a table.

848
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:15,794
I finish off with a flourish.

849
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:20,193
♪ You ain't never caught a rabbit
You ain't no friend of mine ♪♪

850
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:21,111
[NEVADA DRUMS]

851
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:24,432
Yeah! And the whole place, thunderous applause.

852
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,632
And up comes the cutest girl in the school,

853
00:51:27,720 --> 00:51:31,839
Robin Rogers,
who never gave me the time of day before.

854
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:34,151
She plants a kiss on my cheek.

855
00:51:34,240 --> 00:51:38,439
And for a moment, just one, I felt like the King.

856
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,313
I suddenly feel a little jealous of Robin Rogers.

857
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:47,432
Ahem. You don't say.

858
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,233
I don't know about you...

859
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,558
but I feel my temperature rising.

860
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:57,236
[CHOKES]

861
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:03,112
[♪♪♪]

862
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:05,920
This is Babylon.

863
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,640
Oh, like those ancient hanging gardens.

864
00:52:09,360 --> 00:52:11,477
- Huh?
- Of Babylon.

865
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:14,712
No, no. It's named for that cool David Gray song.

866
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,757
Man, I wish I'd written that one.

867
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,674
No guns allowed is our one rule.

868
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,036
That, and no group sex.
MAN: All right. Hand them over.

869
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:27,560
Here you go.

870
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:31,156
No guns. No guns. Just hugs.

871
00:52:31,240 --> 00:52:32,993
Then welcome.

872
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:37,438
Come on, señorita. You're gonna love this place.
It's completely safe and entirely organic.

873
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:39,193
LITTLE ROCK: This is so cool.
- All right.

874
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,000
We're gonna melt your guns over here
and then give you a pendant.

875
00:52:42,080 --> 00:52:43,816
LITTLE ROCK: They melt it?
BERKELEY: Yeah, they melt it.

876
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,240
It's a symbolic thing.

877
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,438
BERKELEY:
Goodbye, violence. Hello, peace.

878
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:52,514
Once we're done here, we'll take you up to the rooftop.
I hope you like stairs.

879
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:53,636
MAN:
That's good.

880
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,676
- Thanks.
- Welcome to Babylon.

881
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,592
Let me show you the way.

882
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:02,796
Right on.

883
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,358
[♪♪♪]

884
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:08,913
Hey, brother. What's up?

885
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,798
LITTLE ROCK: Hi.
BERKELEY: Yeah.

886
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:34,999
Wake up, my little blue suede baby.
It's now or never.

887
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:36,080
Hoo!

888
00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:39,358
My friends say you're sleeping like a tired pup.

889
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:40,874
[CAR HORN PLAYING TUNE]

890
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:42,590
What the fuck?

891
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:43,830
[CAR REVS]

892
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:45,240
Shit.

893
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,396
Oh, no, no, no!

894
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,392
This is not happening!

895
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:59,518
This is not fucking happening!

896
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,671
Hey, motherfucker, that's my ride!

897
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:07,552
Oh, my apologies, tiny Elvis.
Just didn't expect anything to be parked in my driveway.

898
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:08,830
Your driveway?

899
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,080
That's right. My driveway.

900
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:16,756
Well, that's funny. When I parked in it,
no one told me to pull out.

901
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:20,430
Well, actually, it's my driveway.

902
00:54:20,520 --> 00:54:22,239
Hey, Nevada.

903
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:27,196
But see, when I'm in town, I use it.

904
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:30,637
Well, I'm in town now, and I'm using it.

905
00:54:30,720 --> 00:54:35,670
Keep talking like this, and I can arrange
so neither of you ever uses my driveway again.

906
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,912
- I don't think they're talking about the driveway.
- No, I don't think so.

907
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,390
- You happy now? Great. Good move.
- Satisfied? Good job.

908
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:44,234
- Is it me, or does he kind of remind you of...?
- Yeah, it's weird.

909
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,994
- I don't like you at all.
- I don't like you at all.

910
00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:48,355
It's not weird, it's creepy.

911
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:53,271
- It's like an un-funhouse mirror.
- I think you double-parked or more perpendicular-parked.

912
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:55,317
- Hope we don't get a ticket.
- Whoa.

913
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,392
- Calm down. It's okay.
- I'm just ragging you.

914
00:54:57,520 --> 00:54:59,989
- What is going on here?
- What?

915
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:02,072
- What do you mean, "what"?
- What?

916
00:55:02,160 --> 00:55:04,914
- Does he not remind you of...?
- Hello everyone.

917
00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:07,120
Of... Of what?

918
00:55:07,240 --> 00:55:09,471
- This is Albuquerque. I'm Flagstaff.
- Howdy.

919
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:10,755
Hey. I'm Columbus.

920
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:11,840
Oh, great.

921
00:55:13,720 --> 00:55:16,155
This is Tallahassee, Wichita,
and I guess you know Nevada.

922
00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:18,471
- Yes, I do.
- Easy, cowboy.

923
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:24,158
So sorry about your ex-car. I guess,
as I like to say, expect the unexpected.

924
00:55:25,240 --> 00:55:26,754
- It's one of my commandments.
- Oh.

925
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:29,231
Commandments?
FLAGSTAFF: Yeah.

926
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:32,313
Just sort of guidelines for staying alive.
I've got loads of them.

927
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:34,915
- Interesting.
- Yeah, number one is teamwork.

928
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:38,750
- Teamwork. That's so great.
- Thanks. I actually spent a long time thinking about it.

929
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:41,960
I have rules, you know, which is, like, less biblical.
FLAGSTAFF: Love rules.

930
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,236
Without rules, everything's chaos.

931
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,750
Thank you.
TALLAHASSEE: Columbus has quite a few rules.

932
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:47,910
I do.
FLAGSTAFF: Awesome.

933
00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:48,831
Like what?

934
00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:51,276
- I don't wanna toot my own horn.
- Go on, toot, toot.

935
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:53,477
- Let me toot for him.
- Thank you.

936
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:56,473
- Number one, cardio.
- That's right.

937
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,630
Cardio. Okay.

938
00:55:57,720 --> 00:55:59,677
- What?
- I don't mean to laugh.

939
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:03,754
It's just that cardiovascular fitness
is his number 29,

940
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:07,112
meaning he has 28 other commandments
that he finds more important,

941
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:09,715
like, say, what's one of your great ones?

942
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,154
Number 12.

943
00:56:11,240 --> 00:56:14,711
The world is your bathroom, meaning you can
just whip it out wherever you want,

944
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:15,677
and just have at it.

945
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:19,390
Oh, just whip it out wherever you want!
That sounds a little uncouth.

946
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:23,673
The "whip it out" part's for guys, obviously.
If you're a woman, you can reveal it.

947
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:26,911
- Whichever.
- I have beware of bathrooms.

948
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,117
Yeah, I'm just generally careful around them.

949
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,080
- We don't have to compare. It's not a competition.
- Doesn't have to be.

950
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,271
But number 18 is limber up.

951
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:36,192
- But that's...
- That's fine. I have warm up.

952
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:40,718
Again, not a competition,
but commandment number 45 for me is,

953
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:41,870
well, mind your manners.

954
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:44,720
Just because it's the apocalypse
doesn't mean you have to be rude.

955
00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:47,634
Yeah, keep your hands to yourself, number 42.
Do you have sunscreen?

956
00:56:47,720 --> 00:56:49,518
- Just shade.
- Shade. Of course.

957
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:52,479
It's free. It's everywhere. Yeah.
Number two, double tap.

958
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:55,997
- I have number five, confirm your kill.
- Confirm your kill.

959
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,959
- Avoid perishables. Do you have that?
- Sorry. Ziploc bags.

960
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:01,111
- Same thing, different word. Yeah.
- Yeah. Exactly.

961
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:03,317
I probably would shy away
from the word "Ziploc"

962
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:05,033
because I try to avoid name brands.

963
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:08,113
Okay, great.
So, what brought you guys back so soon?

964
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:11,113
We was headed for the Rockies,
but the goddamn Bolts...

965
00:57:11,240 --> 00:57:12,276
Bolts?

966
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,670
ALBUQUERQUE: Yeah.
- Yeah, the zombies out on the plains.

967
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:16,797
They're a lot tougher than what we're used to.

968
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:21,909
I guess because of all the running and hunting.
So we call them Bolts, as in Usain.

969
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:25,391
As in pretty fucking athletic.
COLUMBUS: Oh, yeah. No, that makes total sense.

970
00:57:25,480 --> 00:57:27,995
- We actually call them T-800s.
<i>- Terminator.</i> Yes! I love it.

971
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:30,600
COLUMBUS: Really?
- Yes. Literally my favourite movie. Well, <i>T2.</i>

972
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,439
- Yeah, <i>T2</i> is my second favourite movie.
- What's number one?

973
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:35,750
It's <i>Fantasia.</i>

974
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:42,075
Well, anyhow, the Bolts' food sources are running low,
so they're pushing east, which is <i>no bueno.</i>

975
00:57:42,160 --> 00:57:44,152
You know what else is <i>no bueno?</i>

976
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:46,992
You murdered the Beast.

977
00:57:47,120 --> 00:57:52,434
ALBUQUERQUE: Yeah, well, let me call AAA for you.
I'm sure they'll be right over.

978
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:54,751
So you have to play your cards as...

979
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:57,878
That onesie was starting to cut off my circulation.

980
00:57:57,960 --> 00:57:59,838
To your vagina?

981
00:57:59,920 --> 00:58:00,797
Your vagina.

982
00:58:00,880 --> 00:58:05,557
- What'll you have, Florida?
- He strikes me as the lemon drop type.

983
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:08,519
You know, something with an umbrella
or something like that.

984
00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:12,190
- I heard "something with an umbrella." Make it two.
- Three please. Three.

985
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:13,600
So that's your sidekick.

986
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:15,856
ALBUQUERQUE:
That there's my partner.

987
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:21,035
You might look at Flagstaff and think,
"Oh, he's a little slight, diminutive."

988
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:24,909
Effeminate even, but he's a real beast in battle.
Yeah.

989
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:27,469
Come on now. You're being sweet.
You sweet, sweet man.

990
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:28,835
- Thank you.
- Well, I love you.

991
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:29,717
Love you too.

992
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:35,359
Yeah, you know, Tubbs to my Crockett over here.
He may look a little bookish, but he's an animal too.

993
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:38,035
He eats zombies for breakfast,
shits them out by lunch.

994
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:39,037
COLUMBUS:
Cheers.

995
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:41,197
He shits out everything by lunch.

996
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:44,111
[BANGING]

997
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:45,840
What the hell was that?

998
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:49,473
[♪♪♪]

999
00:58:50,600 --> 00:58:52,216
NEVADA:
They must have fucking followed you.

1000
00:58:52,240 --> 00:58:54,197
Oh, God, those are T-800s.

1001
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:56,078
Or at the very least T-700s.

1002
00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,834
- There actually was no T-700.
- Yeah, T-800's the first model.

1003
00:58:58,920 --> 00:59:02,436
- This is great, having two of you.
- Okay.

1004
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:04,477
Time to nut up or shut up.

1005
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:07,354
That saying's very 2009.

1006
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:12,354
Okay. We got this.

1007
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:13,640
Ho!

1008
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,991
You don't send a boy to do a man's job.

1009
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:18,356
We brought them here. We'll take care of it.

1010
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:20,830
Yeah, you know what? Have at them.

1011
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:23,998
- Yeah, you have a safe word in case things go bad?
- Ha. That's good.

1012
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:27,517
- Come on, Flag, let's show these fuckers how it's done.
- Sure. You got it, boss.

1013
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,275
<i>Hasta la vista,</i> baby<i>. Terminator 2.</i>

1014
00:59:31,360 --> 00:59:32,510
Remember?

1015
00:59:32,600 --> 00:59:33,600
Whoo! Ready, buddy?

1016
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,114
He's so cool.

1017
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,116
ALBUQUERQUE: Whoo! Hell!
FLAGSTAFF: Suck these bullets!

1018
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:39,560
ALBUQUERQUE:
Come on! Get you some!

1019
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:42,957
Anybody else find those two uniquely annoying?
ALBUQUERQUE: Get it!

1020
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:45,191
Uniquely? No.

1021
00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:48,799
Well, I don't love their chances.

1022
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:51,600
And they ignored rule 52,
don't be afraid to ask for help.

1023
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:53,911
FLAGSTAFF:
Get fucked in the face, bitch! Whoo!

1024
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:55,434
- Flagstaff?
- Yeah, boss?

1025
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:58,638
You made the all-star team today.
I mean, no kidding.

1026
00:59:58,720 --> 00:59:59,949
Unbelievable job.

1027
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,920
And is it me, or are those Bolts
just getting meaner by the day?

1028
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:05,275
They're full-blown dickheads.

1029
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:09,195
I got an action shot of you
that's going right into the scrapbook.

1030
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:10,555
This is gonna be a good one.

1031
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:15,840
You just keep raising the bar, and that's why
we will continue to ride these highways together.

1032
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,230
- I'm so proud of you.
- Well, I learned from the best.

1033
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:19,151
Oh, come on now.

1034
01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:21,596
Nice work, Querq.
ALBUQUERQUE: Thank you. Thank you.

1035
01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:25,680
- This is gonna be a hell of a shot.
- It's so cool he let you wear the hat.

1036
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:28,194
NEVADA: Querq?
ALBUQUERQUE: Yeah?

1037
01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:30,317
I think you got a little something here.

1038
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:32,469
[♪♪♪]

1039
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:34,240
Oh, what that?

1040
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:39,111
Oh, yeah, that's just... That's just a tattoo.

1041
01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:47,953
- Sorry, you got a tattoo of a zombie bite?
- No, it's just a tattoo I got one night in Bernalillo.

1042
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:53,073
All right, everybody. Just take it easy.

1043
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:55,072
Everything's fine.

1044
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:57,880
Nevada, why don't you whip up some of your signature...

1045
01:00:57,960 --> 01:00:59,599
[GRUNTS, THEN GROWLS]

1046
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:04,111
All right. That was a little weird, huh?

1047
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:07,600
- Yeah.
- All right. Just calm down.

1048
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,831
We'll just kind of have a drink, you know.

1049
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:13,992
So we can just kind of celeb... Celeb...

1050
01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:21,358
Excuse me.
It's okay. It's just nerves from the fight. Just...

1051
01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:26,438
You guys, I think Albuquerque might be infected.

1052
01:01:26,520 --> 01:01:28,239
Me? I'm infected?

1053
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:30,589
You got bit twice.

1054
01:01:30,680 --> 01:01:31,511
Flagstaff!

1055
01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:34,638
No, no, no. That's a lie.
Trust me. Okay? Trust me.

1056
01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:38,396
- I don't get bit. I never get bit.
- I know. I don't get bit either. We're slippery.

1057
01:01:38,480 --> 01:01:39,800
- See?
- I know. Are you okay?

1058
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:41,917
- I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I'm fine.
- You are?

1059
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,151
- I'm fine.
- Okay. Okay, guys, he's fine. He's fine.

1060
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,799
No, he's not fine. No.

1061
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:50,794
No. Flagstaff, you're starting to look
like a T-800<i>. Terminator 2.</i>

1062
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:54,275
No. No, no, no!

1063
01:01:55,560 --> 01:01:56,560
No!

1064
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:00,672
Move! Move! Get out of the way.

1065
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:08,360
No! No!

1066
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,833
Flagstaff, you're breaking
like 10 commandments right now!

1067
01:02:19,080 --> 01:02:21,390
This is for what you did to the Beast!

1068
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:24,520
COLUMBUS:
Sorry!

1069
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:27,430
- How you doing?
- Bad!

1070
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:29,034
- How are you?
- Bad!

1071
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:32,757
Sorry, shoes. Sorry, Elvis.

1072
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:36,880
[GASPS]

1073
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:40,680
Oh, shit.

1074
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,599
- How you doing now?
- Still bad! You wanna switch?

1075
01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:47,672
Switch? How would that benefit me?

1076
01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:57,520
Shit!

1077
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:05,551
Help!

1078
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:08,678
- Shoot him! Shoot him!
- I don't wanna hit you!

1079
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:14,470
Shit.

1080
01:03:14,600 --> 01:03:17,240
Gun, gun, gun! Shit!

1081
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:22,038
TALLAHASSEE:
Stop shooting! I got this!

1082
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:23,600
Great, because I'm reloading!

1083
01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:35,712
Don't swing! Don't swing! Don't swing!
Swing!

1084
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:37,480
Shit.

1085
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:41,114
No, no, no, not me! Not me! Oh, fuck!

1086
01:03:41,200 --> 01:03:43,317
NEVADA:
<i>Hasta la vista,</i> baby.

1087
01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:46,671
[IMITATING ELVIS]
Thank you. Thank you very much.

1088
01:03:47,920 --> 01:03:49,400
Those guys were dicks.

1089
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:53,320
TALLAHASSEE [IN NORMAL VOICE]: Great job.
- Thank you.

1090
01:03:54,240 --> 01:03:56,436
- Can I wear the hat?
- Oh, negatory.

1091
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:57,357
Cool.

1092
01:03:57,440 --> 01:03:59,079
Zombie Kill of the Year?

1093
01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:04,960
<i>Sorry. Not with the performance just turned in
by Matteo Bianchi of Pisa, Italy.</i>

1094
01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:08,915
[IN ITALIAN]
Help! I'm a lost tourist with two defenceless children.

1095
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:11,200
Help!

1096
01:04:14,200 --> 01:04:16,431
Fucking sons of bitches!

1097
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:21,992
COLUMBUS:
<i>Yeah, yeah. That Pisa.</i>

1098
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:23,912
You won't eat me.

1099
01:04:24,560 --> 01:04:26,279
Not today!

1100
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:34,753
Go fuck yourselves!

1101
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:37,559
COLUMBUS:
Bravisimmo, <i>Mateo.</i>

1102
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:45,839
Ahh. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!
COLUMBUS: Jesus, Big Fat Death is right.

1103
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:48,560
That thing is, like, a huge rollover risk.

1104
01:04:48,640 --> 01:04:49,640
It is.

1105
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:52,960
Hey, dude, I think you should
ask her to come with us.

1106
01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:57,117
- No, no, no.
- Come on. I think they make a nice match.

1107
01:04:57,200 --> 01:05:01,160
Look, what have I been telling you guys?
I'm trying to shed baggage, not pick it up.

1108
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:05,752
- Yeah.
- Besides, she wouldn't do that. She's not the type.

1109
01:05:08,960 --> 01:05:10,553
Stay safe, Sunshine State.

1110
01:05:12,440 --> 01:05:13,590
Excuse me.

1111
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:20,033
Stay dangerous, Nevada.

1112
01:05:20,120 --> 01:05:21,120
[NEVADA CHUCKLES]

1113
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:32,160
Okay. Hey, no offence, but my sister is still out there.

1114
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:34,670
Wanna hit the old road.

1115
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:38,196
If by some miracle you don't die...

1116
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:42,520
there's always room in my driveway.

1117
01:05:45,120 --> 01:05:46,634
I best stay alive.

1118
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:51,039
Okay, you're back. Good.

1119
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,157
So do you know how to drive one of these things?

1120
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:58,952
I'm gonna just pop that puppy off of there
and then you guys can jump in.

1121
01:05:59,040 --> 01:06:00,040
Nice.

1122
01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:05,354
She's a big old stallion, but I can tame her.

1123
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:11,915
[♪♪♪]

1124
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:13,880
TALLAHASSEE:
Whoo!

1125
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:18,920
Oh, shit.

1126
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:25,476
I think he's got the hang of it.
TALLAHASSEE: Shit!

1127
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:27,960
- No. No, no.
- No, no, no.

1128
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:30,839
TALLAHASSEE:
Goddamn motherfucker!

1129
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:31,920
WICHITA:
Got it.

1130
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:41,350
Fuck, fuck, fuck!

1131
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:42,715
Fuck!

1132
01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:44,393
Maybe you should leave a note.

1133
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:47,149
That's your department.

1134
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:48,320
[COLUMBUS CHUCKLES]

1135
01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:55,477
I... I just can't do it.

1136
01:06:55,560 --> 01:06:56,880
Yeah. I'll drive.

1137
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:05,199
What was that?

1138
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:07,510
Satisfying.

1139
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:10,359
[♪♪♪]

1140
01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:17,115
Teamwork. Always put the team first.
I can't believe I didn't have that. Stupid.

1141
01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,510
You know, if Flagstaff was so great,

1142
01:07:19,600 --> 01:07:25,995
then where was the undeniably gorgeous
but emotionally inaccessible Kansas City?

1143
01:07:26,120 --> 01:07:29,909
I don't know. Maybe she split because she thought
they had a random relationship.

1144
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:36,435
Or maybe she was just about to come back
under the thinly veiled cover of needing guns and ammo.

1145
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:39,238
Wait, what are you getting at?

1146
01:07:40,160 --> 01:07:43,312
I think you're smart enough to figure it out...

1147
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:44,629
COLUMBUS:
Oh, my God.

1148
01:07:44,720 --> 01:07:46,200
You gotta be kidding me.

1149
01:07:47,200 --> 01:07:48,270
You gotta be kidding me.

1150
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:53,878
- You gotta be kidding me!
- You gotta be fucking kidding me.

1151
01:07:53,960 --> 01:07:55,440
Why the hell is she still alive?

1152
01:07:55,520 --> 01:07:58,274
Oh, my God, I literally missed you guys.

1153
01:07:58,440 --> 01:08:00,318
- Yay!
- Oh, my God.

1154
01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:05,240
Just... No, just look ahead.

1155
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:07,994
Hi, old guy!

1156
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:09,400
Let's hang out.

1157
01:08:09,520 --> 01:08:13,036
It is so weird to see you.
The last time I saw you, you were like a...

1158
01:08:13,120 --> 01:08:14,793
- You were a zombie.
- I wish.

1159
01:08:14,880 --> 01:08:16,837
Stupid nut allergy.

1160
01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:18,479
- Nut allergy?
- Yeah.

1161
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:21,029
Yeah, I think it was the trail mix that Wichita gave me.

1162
01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:23,191
Yeah, who knew there were nuts in trail mix.

1163
01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:25,192
MADISON:
Not me. I thought it was vegan.

1164
01:08:25,320 --> 01:08:30,679
I kept trying to tell you it was only an allergic reaction,
but you thought I was trying to bite you.

1165
01:08:30,760 --> 01:08:33,594
- Yeah, well...
- Not that you minded last time.

1166
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:35,360
[TALLAHASSEE GRUNTS]

1167
01:08:35,440 --> 01:08:37,238
Thank you for shooting over my head.

1168
01:08:37,320 --> 01:08:39,391
I was reallyjust trying to scare you off.

1169
01:08:39,480 --> 01:08:41,278
You're not gonna get rid of me that easy.

1170
01:08:41,360 --> 01:08:43,033
Oh, no!
MADISON: Ha, ha, ha.

1171
01:08:43,120 --> 01:08:48,878
There I was hiding in the woods,
when I thought, "I used to live in a freezer,

1172
01:08:48,960 --> 01:08:50,917
so why not a freezer on wheels?"

1173
01:08:51,000 --> 01:08:52,992
Can't argue with that logic.

1174
01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:54,958
I really miss this.

1175
01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:58,390
- Was that sarcasm?
- Was it?

1176
01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:00,520
Mm-hm.

1177
01:09:05,000 --> 01:09:07,595
Why wouldn't we just move to an island?

1178
01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:11,469
- That's a really good idea.
- Because then there wouldn't be zombies.

1179
01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:14,632
- Of course.
- We should go to Temptation Island.

1180
01:09:16,440 --> 01:09:18,397
Hey, hey, hey.

1181
01:09:18,480 --> 01:09:19,311
- What?
- Hey, hey.

1182
01:09:19,400 --> 01:09:21,198
- Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
- Hey, hey.

1183
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:23,919
Just... Just eyes on the road.

1184
01:09:24,000 --> 01:09:26,640
Do you want me to change the CD or anything?

1185
01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:28,279
Is this a CD playing?

1186
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:30,875
- Yeah. It's Port... It's Portishead.
- What is this?

1187
01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:34,191
- This is Portishead?
- Yeah. You know what's funny?

1188
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:39,190
I used to think it was called "Portashed" until I went
to one of the concerts, and she explained.

1189
01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:40,879
Yeah, I would think "Portasheed."

1190
01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:42,917
- Right. Yeah, that's funny.
- Yeah.

1191
01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:47,591
<i>It was obvious to me that Wichita
and I were meant to be together,</i>

1192
01:09:47,680 --> 01:09:50,673
<i>which is why Madison's return
could not have been worse timing.</i>

1193
01:09:50,800 --> 01:09:55,955
<i>Of course, I was glad she wasn't a zombie.
But couldn't she have just gone back to her mall fridge?</i>

1194
01:09:58,520 --> 01:10:01,080
Hey. Hey, look, look, look. Look.

1195
01:10:01,800 --> 01:10:03,075
[♪♪♪]

1196
01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:05,760
Look.

1197
01:10:09,440 --> 01:10:11,591
We made it to Baby-lon.

1198
01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:17,397
<i>If you hear more than the usual excitement
in my voice, it's for two reasons.</i>

1199
01:10:17,480 --> 01:10:21,315
<i>One, we may have caught up to Little Rock,
for real this time.</i>

1200
01:10:21,440 --> 01:10:27,277
<i>And two, we may have finally found our forever home,
which is what I've been looking for all along.</i>

1201
01:10:28,920 --> 01:10:31,196
- Babylon.
- I love that song.

1202
01:10:32,200 --> 01:10:33,680
This place is soy cute.

1203
01:10:39,720 --> 01:10:41,951
COLUMBUS: Jesus!
- What the fuck?

1204
01:10:42,040 --> 01:10:45,158
- Enjoy the little things.
- My bags were in there!

1205
01:10:45,240 --> 01:10:47,914
- No, they weren't.
- No guns allowed!

1206
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:49,800
[LAUGHS]

1207
01:10:50,080 --> 01:10:52,595
I like this place already.
You got a sense of humour.

1208
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:54,273
No guns allowed.

1209
01:10:54,400 --> 01:10:58,917
I'm not giving up my guns under any circumstances,
period-o.

1210
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:01,834
Well, then, there's no way you're getting up to Babylon.

1211
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,037
You know, you could always wait in the car.

1212
01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:09,552
Do you wanna see Little Rock or not?

1213
01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:27,790
TALLAHASSEE: There she is.
BERKELEY: I wouldn't know. I'm on a 40-day bowel blast.

1214
01:11:27,880 --> 01:11:28,880
Little Rock.

1215
01:11:30,160 --> 01:11:32,356
- Hey.
- Hi.

1216
01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:35,736
What are you guys doing here?
TALLAHASSEE: I am so glad you're safe.

1217
01:11:35,760 --> 01:11:37,956
- Wow, okay.
- Oh, my God.

1218
01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:39,040
- Come here.
- Hi.

1219
01:11:39,120 --> 01:11:42,955
- No, seriously, what are you guys doing here?
- Hey, we don't leave each other.

1220
01:11:43,040 --> 01:11:44,599
I know, I know. I'm really sorry.

1221
01:11:44,680 --> 01:11:47,320
- Make me a pact. No more notes. Ever.
- No more notes. Ever.

1222
01:11:47,400 --> 01:11:48,675
- Ever. Great.
- Okay.

1223
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:50,717
Just so you guys know, there's no group sex.

1224
01:11:51,960 --> 01:11:53,997
- Okay, fine, group sex.
- No!

1225
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:58,512
Hey, Wichita. That means you're Columbus,
and that makes you Tallahassee.

1226
01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:00,512
- Berkeley?
- You're from Berkeley?

1227
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:02,557
- You're Berkeley?
- No, come on.

1228
01:12:02,640 --> 01:12:04,597
What are the chances we're both from Berkeley?

1229
01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:06,576
TALLAHASSEE: Berkeley!
- Calm down, calm down. Okay?

1230
01:12:06,600 --> 01:12:11,675
Thank you guys for coming to check up on me, I guess.
But you have to understand these people are peaceful,

1231
01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:16,118
and they're friendly and nice. And honestly,
I don't think you're gonna fit in here.

1232
01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:19,557
- They melted our fucking weapons!
- This is exactly what I meant.

1233
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,155
Guys, I think we should stay.

1234
01:12:22,240 --> 01:12:24,914
- You don't get a vote.
- I do get a vote.

1235
01:12:25,000 --> 01:12:27,037
Haven't you ever heard of women suffering?

1236
01:12:27,120 --> 01:12:28,440
Women suffrage?

1237
01:12:29,440 --> 01:12:31,272
- No, honey.
- Oh, boy.

1238
01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:32,953
- Who the hell is this?
- I'm Madison.

1239
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:34,554
- Don't say it.
- You'll love this.

1240
01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:37,280
- Don't say it.
- That's Columbus' girlfriend.

1241
01:12:37,360 --> 01:12:38,656
It's official.
LITTLE ROCK: Wow.

1242
01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:41,320
You reallyjust didn't waste any time, did you?

1243
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:44,040
- Well, thank you for your vote.
- And you're welcome.

1244
01:12:44,120 --> 01:12:48,433
Okay. I'm late for my drum circle, so I gotta go.
WOMAN: Hey, Little Rock!

1245
01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:50,239
LITTLE ROCK:
Sorry about that.

1246
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:03,950
<i>Seeing Little Rock safe
and surrounded by friends her own age,</i>

1247
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:06,271
<i>Tallahassee realised his nest was now empty.</i>

1248
01:13:07,320 --> 01:13:10,438
<i>And he began to hear the call of the buffalo.</i>

1249
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:17,720
MAN:
All right, I'm ready!

1250
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:22,560
Come on, don't be so Gloria Glum.
I told you guys I was leaving.

1251
01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:24,632
So, what, you're just gonna split?

1252
01:13:27,080 --> 01:13:30,835
It's time. Gotta set out on my own adventures.

1253
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:32,752
Little Rock's safe,

1254
01:13:32,840 --> 01:13:35,878
and a lone wolf's gotta hunt.

1255
01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:38,434
So where are you gonna go?

1256
01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:41,513
The direction's the destination. West.

1257
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:45,554
West is that way.

1258
01:13:47,000 --> 01:13:50,516
Yeah. Anyway, like the title of a great Phil Collins song,

1259
01:13:50,600 --> 01:13:54,389
"If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free."

1260
01:13:54,480 --> 01:13:56,551
- Pretty sure that wasn't him.
- Pretty sure it was.

1261
01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:58,996
- No, it was someone else.
- Pretty sure it was him.

1262
01:14:00,920 --> 01:14:02,593
Yeah. Peace.

1263
01:14:04,720 --> 01:14:07,235
I'm not much for goodbyes, so...

1264
01:14:07,320 --> 01:14:10,996
- Yeah, just don't say the pig thing.
- Keep your tits dry.

1265
01:14:11,080 --> 01:14:13,390
- Oh, okay.
- Didn't see that coming, right?

1266
01:14:13,480 --> 01:14:14,880
I would've rather the pig thing.

1267
01:14:20,360 --> 01:14:21,360
Hey.

1268
01:14:22,560 --> 01:14:25,075
Hey, don't do nothing I wouldn't not do.

1269
01:14:26,640 --> 01:14:28,757
- You get what I'm saying.
- Not really, no.

1270
01:14:28,840 --> 01:14:30,433
No? Okay.

1271
01:14:31,560 --> 01:14:34,519
Anyway, gonna miss you guys.

1272
01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:36,319
[MADISON SOBBING]

1273
01:14:42,800 --> 01:14:45,554
- I will never forget you, what's-his-name.
- See you, pals.

1274
01:14:45,640 --> 01:14:48,678
- It's Tallahassee. I told you that.
- Sally Tally!

1275
01:14:58,920 --> 01:15:02,800
♪ Give me a home
Where the buffalo roam ♪

1276
01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:07,352
♪ And the deer and the antelope play ♪

1277
01:15:07,480 --> 01:15:11,838
♪ Where seldom is heard, a discouraging word ♪

1278
01:15:11,920 --> 01:15:13,513
♪ And the skies are not... ♪

1279
01:15:13,600 --> 01:15:15,273
[THUMP]

1280
01:15:21,240 --> 01:15:22,390
T-800s.

1281
01:15:25,240 --> 01:15:26,390
That decides it.

1282
01:15:40,520 --> 01:15:42,318
♪ Kumbaya ♪

1283
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:45,558
♪ Kumbaya, Buddha ♪

1284
01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:46,835
Everybody.

1285
01:15:46,920 --> 01:15:48,593
♪ Kumbaya ♪♪

1286
01:15:50,560 --> 01:15:51,560
MAN:
Coming to you.

1287
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:54,832
There it is. Let's start again.

1288
01:15:54,920 --> 01:15:57,754
Oh, it's all right. I got it. Excuse me.

1289
01:15:57,840 --> 01:15:58,910
Yes. I got it.

1290
01:15:59,000 --> 01:16:01,071
- You're supposed to kick it back.
- Really?

1291
01:16:01,200 --> 01:16:03,795
- You never seen hacky sack?
- Oh, I thought it's like hopscotch.

1292
01:16:05,800 --> 01:16:08,395
- Salty Taffy's back!
- Holy shit!

1293
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:11,917
Hey, T-800s, a whole swarm of them,
heading right this way.

1294
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:16,199
Those goddamn fireworks
might as well be a dinner bell!

1295
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:20,752
Stop the fireworks! Stop the music!
Everybody shut the fuck up!

1296
01:16:20,840 --> 01:16:21,876
Shut up.

1297
01:16:21,960 --> 01:16:23,519
Question:

1298
01:16:23,640 --> 01:16:26,155
Did you melt all the weapons?

1299
01:16:26,240 --> 01:16:28,630
Yeah, that's how we made these
cool peace thingies.

1300
01:16:28,720 --> 01:16:30,552
- Oh, Jesus.
- My guns!

1301
01:16:30,640 --> 01:16:34,520
Hey. Hello. I got something going.
I think I might have a plan.

1302
01:16:35,480 --> 01:16:36,675
What?

1303
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:39,592
I got nothing. I'm just a songwriter.

1304
01:16:39,680 --> 01:16:41,478
No. No, you're a song transcriber.

1305
01:16:41,560 --> 01:16:43,313
- Listen, Berkeley?
- Yeah?

1306
01:16:43,400 --> 01:16:45,153
I don't think this is gonna work out.

1307
01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:48,995
Even 12-year-olds know who Bob Dylan is,
you fucking poser.

1308
01:16:49,080 --> 01:16:53,199
Oh, my God. I'm not gonna lie,
I have truly enjoyed this moment,

1309
01:16:53,280 --> 01:16:54,760
but there are zombies approaching.

1310
01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:58,920
Okay. Civil War general,
you must know how to fight?

1311
01:16:59,000 --> 01:17:00,195
Sure.

1312
01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:02,840
Poverty, sexism, social injustice.

1313
01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:06,236
- We could try running.
- I'm done running.

1314
01:17:06,320 --> 01:17:09,392
I mean, what good is a home if you can't stay in it?

1315
01:17:09,520 --> 01:17:10,954
- Columbus.
- Yes, Thor?

1316
01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:13,714
You're making me cry right now.

1317
01:17:13,800 --> 01:17:15,200
- No, please don't.
- Oh, my God.

1318
01:17:15,280 --> 01:17:17,158
Okay. I moved through it.

1319
01:17:17,240 --> 01:17:19,709
Now from where I stand,
there's only one thing we can do.

1320
01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:21,598
Group sex. Right?

1321
01:17:22,920 --> 01:17:23,920
No.

1322
01:17:26,000 --> 01:17:27,275
We'll fight them.

1323
01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:31,398
You'll be the first to die,
but I like your enthusiasm.

1324
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:34,154
- You might die.
- Thank you for your sacrifice.

1325
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:39,551
TALLAHASSEE:
All right, everybody, listen up.

1326
01:17:39,640 --> 01:17:43,475
They outnumber us 100 times,
but they ain't got what we do.

1327
01:17:43,560 --> 01:17:44,391
Guns?

1328
01:17:44,480 --> 01:17:45,755
- We don't have guns.
- What?

1329
01:17:45,840 --> 01:17:50,198
What we do have is heart, brains
and biodiesel.

1330
01:17:50,280 --> 01:17:53,990
<i>We're gonna light these zombies up
like it's the Fourth of July.</i>

1331
01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:58,233
Then we hit the stragglers.
What we do is we form a gauntlet.

1332
01:17:58,640 --> 01:18:02,031
Ha! One, two, three.

1333
01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:04,555
- Then we mop them up.
- Sick.

1334
01:18:04,640 --> 01:18:07,474
- This is gonna work, right?
- It has to.

1335
01:18:08,960 --> 01:18:11,031
[♪♪♪]

1336
01:18:17,720 --> 01:18:19,074
Rolling.

1337
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:26,555
- Keep screwing.
- Yeah, I am.

1338
01:18:26,680 --> 01:18:27,680
- Keep screwing.
- I am.

1339
01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:44,280
TALLAHASSEE:
No turning back now.

1340
01:18:45,960 --> 01:18:46,996
LITTLE ROCK:
There we go.

1341
01:18:47,080 --> 01:18:48,080
TALLAHASSEE:
Nice.

1342
01:18:51,360 --> 01:18:53,352
Yeah. Oh, that's gonna work.

1343
01:18:56,280 --> 01:18:57,191
Oh, that's pretty.

1344
01:18:57,280 --> 01:19:00,432
That means the zombies are coming!
MADISON: Okay, you guys, they're coming!

1345
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:03,479
- Time to nut up or shut up.
- You need a new line.

1346
01:19:04,960 --> 01:19:06,792
Let's kick some dicks.

1347
01:19:06,880 --> 01:19:09,554
Just because it rhymes
doesn't make it a great catchphase.

1348
01:19:09,680 --> 01:19:12,195
- What's her problem?
- I don't know. I like it when it rhymes.

1349
01:19:14,840 --> 01:19:16,797
Here we go.
TALLAHASSEE: Okay.

1350
01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:34,710
The zombies are coming!

1351
01:19:34,800 --> 01:19:36,216
BERKELEY: Oh, dear.
MADISON: Look out, guys!

1352
01:19:36,240 --> 01:19:39,074
- Here they come. They're coming!
- Battle stations!

1353
01:19:42,600 --> 01:19:43,600
Light them up!

1354
01:20:00,040 --> 01:20:02,680
TALLAHASSEE:
Let's go, let's go! Get up to safety.

1355
01:20:17,840 --> 01:20:19,115
Here we go.

1356
01:20:31,560 --> 01:20:32,560
Okay now, blow!

1357
01:20:34,440 --> 01:20:38,116
Come on. Now would be an ideal time to blow.

1358
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:40,760
LITTLE ROCK: It's not working.
- Damn.

1359
01:20:46,680 --> 01:20:47,511
God.

1360
01:20:47,600 --> 01:20:49,034
Holy shit. It worked.

1361
01:20:49,120 --> 01:20:50,120
Oh, my God.

1362
01:20:51,800 --> 01:20:55,271
- Okay. Here, now we mop up the stragglers.
- Okay. Yeah.

1363
01:20:55,960 --> 01:20:57,838
[GROWLING]

1364
01:20:58,720 --> 01:21:01,872
Oh, shit. Would those be considered the stragglers?

1365
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:03,912
TALLAHASSEE:
Oh, boy. Here they come.

1366
01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:06,160
Get ready.

1367
01:21:16,760 --> 01:21:19,719
Kill those motherfuckers!

1368
01:21:34,040 --> 01:21:36,271
Well, guys, I hate to say this.

1369
01:21:37,480 --> 01:21:39,915
I think this might be the end of the road.

1370
01:21:42,680 --> 01:21:44,160
- Come here.
- I love you guys.

1371
01:21:44,240 --> 01:21:46,277
WICHITA: I love you more.
- We had a hell of a run.

1372
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:50,514
Oh, my God. They're gonna die.

1373
01:21:54,320 --> 01:21:56,835
[CAR HORN PLAYING TUNE]

1374
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:07,870
Hey!

1375
01:22:14,720 --> 01:22:17,155
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

1376
01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:19,232
Thank God for rednecks!

1377
01:22:27,680 --> 01:22:29,273
- Need a ride?
- Oh, yeah.

1378
01:22:29,360 --> 01:22:30,360
- Get in.
- Let's go!

1379
01:22:34,920 --> 01:22:37,320
Are y'all strapped in yet?
COLUMBUS: Yep. Strapping in now.

1380
01:22:38,280 --> 01:22:39,350
Rule four. Got it.

1381
01:22:39,440 --> 01:22:41,830
- You too.
- I'm not a pussy like Columbus.

1382
01:22:41,920 --> 01:22:42,956
Nothing personal.

1383
01:22:44,320 --> 01:22:46,596
- Oh, God!
- Seatbelts are there for a reason.

1384
01:22:46,680 --> 01:22:47,909
Yep.

1385
01:22:51,400 --> 01:22:53,073
I think I'm feeling a little nauseous.

1386
01:22:53,160 --> 01:22:55,516
- Can somebody crack a window maybe?
- Oh, no, you don't.

1387
01:22:57,480 --> 01:22:59,039
Little Rock, roll down the window.

1388
01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:00,560
If you get sick, we all get sick.

1389
01:23:04,800 --> 01:23:06,519
Okay, okay. Oh, God.

1390
01:23:06,640 --> 01:23:10,111
Could you just pull over so I can get eaten by zombies?
It'll be more comfortable.

1391
01:23:13,640 --> 01:23:14,869
Whoo!

1392
01:23:15,840 --> 01:23:17,274
- Oh, shit. Watch out!
- Do it!

1393
01:23:25,160 --> 01:23:28,471
NEVADA: Yee-ha!
- Oh, my God, you are sexy.

1394
01:23:28,560 --> 01:23:30,631
Can you not say "sexy"? I'm already nauseous.

1395
01:23:35,880 --> 01:23:37,360
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

1396
01:23:38,680 --> 01:23:40,512
Shit. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1397
01:23:40,640 --> 01:23:41,640
Shit.

1398
01:23:41,680 --> 01:23:43,160
Oh, shit.
WICHITA: You guys okay?

1399
01:23:43,240 --> 01:23:46,392
- Thank you for flying Big Fat Death.
- Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

1400
01:23:46,480 --> 01:23:48,551
I told you these things
were a huge rollover risk.

1401
01:23:48,640 --> 01:23:50,233
NEVADA: We gotta move!
- Come on!

1402
01:23:50,320 --> 01:23:53,119
Hurry! Hurry! They're coming!

1403
01:23:53,200 --> 01:23:55,136
WICHITA: Oh, no!
TALLAHASSEE: Come on! Here they come!

1404
01:23:55,160 --> 01:23:56,799
- Go, go, go!
- Shit.

1405
01:23:57,840 --> 01:23:59,115
- Come on!
- Oh, shit!

1406
01:23:59,200 --> 01:24:00,200
TALLAHASSEE:
Come on!

1407
01:24:01,640 --> 01:24:03,074
Oh, shit!
NEVADA: Shit!

1408
01:24:11,480 --> 01:24:12,480
Thank you.

1409
01:24:13,600 --> 01:24:15,751
- Yes!
- Here they come!

1410
01:24:20,640 --> 01:24:22,552
- Go, get in. Go, go, go!
- Go, go, go!

1411
01:24:26,360 --> 01:24:27,396
NEVADA:
Run!

1412
01:24:30,320 --> 01:24:33,472
I'm out of bullets!
TALLAHASSEE: Guys, go! I'm right behind you!

1413
01:24:36,480 --> 01:24:39,632
Get in position! Form the gauntlet! I'll hold them off!

1414
01:24:43,240 --> 01:24:45,152
<i>Donkey Kong,</i> motherfuckers!

1415
01:25:10,920 --> 01:25:12,991
<i>You can't write the history of Zombieland</i>

1416
01:25:13,080 --> 01:25:15,879
<i>without telling the story
of one momentous day.</i>

1417
01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:19,833
<i>The day one free man
made the ultimate sacrifice</i>

1418
01:25:19,920 --> 01:25:24,995
<i>and paid respect to the Blackfoot ancestors
he may or may not have had.</i>

1419
01:25:27,000 --> 01:25:31,995
<i>The day he led the first, the last, the only
great American zombie jump.</i>

1420
01:25:40,960 --> 01:25:42,838
[YELLS]

1421
01:26:00,560 --> 01:26:02,233
Zombie Kill of the Year?

1422
01:26:02,320 --> 01:26:03,913
<i>Century.</i>

1423
01:26:04,000 --> 01:26:06,515
<i>Only one problem. Well, okay, two.</i>

1424
01:26:09,840 --> 01:26:11,069
Oh!

1425
01:26:16,080 --> 01:26:17,736
NEVADA: Tallahassee!
COLUMBUS: Hang on, we're coming.

1426
01:26:17,760 --> 01:26:19,035
LITTLE ROCK:
Hold on.

1427
01:26:19,840 --> 01:26:21,136
Help! I'm falling!
COLUMBUS: Shit!

1428
01:26:21,160 --> 01:26:22,958
WICHITA:
We can't help you.

1429
01:26:23,040 --> 01:26:24,474
TALLAHASSEE:
Guys! Help me!

1430
01:26:24,560 --> 01:26:26,950
- Shit. What should we do?
- Throw something at them.

1431
01:26:27,040 --> 01:26:29,714
Oh, shit. Okay. Shit. Sorry.

1432
01:26:29,840 --> 01:26:30,717
[GRUNTS]

1433
01:26:30,800 --> 01:26:32,837
You hit me in the nuts with a hacky sack.

1434
01:26:32,920 --> 01:26:33,751
Sorry.
WICHITA: What?

1435
01:26:33,840 --> 01:26:36,514
I'm losing my grip. I'm gonna fall.

1436
01:26:37,800 --> 01:26:40,190
No! Oh, no!

1437
01:26:40,280 --> 01:26:41,280
[GUNSHOT]

1438
01:26:54,200 --> 01:26:55,680
Long live the King.

1439
01:26:57,360 --> 01:26:58,680
Oh.
MADISON: Ugh.

1440
01:26:59,200 --> 01:27:01,032
Guys, I'm still here!

1441
01:27:01,120 --> 01:27:03,032
Give me your hand!
WICHITA: Hold my arm.

1442
01:27:03,120 --> 01:27:05,840
LITTLE ROCK: Kick your foot out.
- Goddamn it, Columbus!

1443
01:27:05,960 --> 01:27:08,640
Point your toe!
TALLAHASSEE: Human chain, this is a terrible idea!

1444
01:27:09,600 --> 01:27:12,160
WICHITA: I can't reach.
- Kick it, kick it. I got it.

1445
01:27:12,240 --> 01:27:13,310
TALLAHASSEE:
Pull, pull.

1446
01:27:13,840 --> 01:27:15,160
Okay. I got you.

1447
01:27:15,800 --> 01:27:17,075
Okay.

1448
01:27:17,160 --> 01:27:19,277
Oh, man. Are you okay?

1449
01:27:19,360 --> 01:27:21,158
- Yeah.
- That was amazing.

1450
01:27:22,240 --> 01:27:23,276
Thank you.

1451
01:27:24,480 --> 01:27:25,550
Hey.

1452
01:27:28,800 --> 01:27:29,800
You kept the gun?

1453
01:27:29,880 --> 01:27:32,111
How could I give up my favourite
Christmas present?

1454
01:27:32,200 --> 01:27:33,953
Why didn't you pull it out sooner?

1455
01:27:34,040 --> 01:27:37,033
I forget about it but... I smoked a lot of weed.

1456
01:27:38,680 --> 01:27:40,194
Chip off the old block.

1457
01:27:43,440 --> 01:27:44,440
Yes.

1458
01:27:45,280 --> 01:27:46,077
Yes?

1459
01:27:46,160 --> 01:27:47,719
Oh, yes, yes?

1460
01:27:48,760 --> 01:27:49,796
Yes, yes.

1461
01:27:51,320 --> 01:27:52,390
Yes, yes, yes?

1462
01:27:52,480 --> 01:27:54,278
- Yes. Yes.
- Yes?

1463
01:27:54,360 --> 01:27:55,635
- Really?
- Mm.

1464
01:27:57,840 --> 01:27:59,559
What changed your mind?

1465
01:27:59,640 --> 01:28:02,439
Because Zombieland or not,
we're meant to be together.

1466
01:28:05,800 --> 01:28:10,670
So basically, that means this belongs to her.

1467
01:28:10,760 --> 01:28:11,760
Oh. Huh.

1468
01:28:12,000 --> 01:28:13,000
Cool.

1469
01:28:13,720 --> 01:28:15,234
Thank you.

1470
01:28:15,320 --> 01:28:16,320
Okay.

1471
01:28:19,160 --> 01:28:21,117
- Okay. Are you ready?
- Yeah.

1472
01:28:21,200 --> 01:28:22,270
- Okay. I'm good.
- Okay.

1473
01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:24,869
- Yeah, do the damn thing. Yeah.
- Okay.

1474
01:28:24,960 --> 01:28:25,837
Great.

1475
01:28:25,920 --> 01:28:28,037
- Which hand do I...?
- This one.

1476
01:28:28,120 --> 01:28:29,554
- Okay.
- Okay, yes. Here we go.

1477
01:28:34,160 --> 01:28:35,196
Wow.

1478
01:28:36,640 --> 01:28:37,640
Come here.

1479
01:28:41,280 --> 01:28:43,511
- Ah.
- Nicely done.

1480
01:28:44,600 --> 01:28:48,480
I'm gonna walk that little spitfuck down the aisle.

1481
01:28:48,560 --> 01:28:50,233
It's a good thing you didn't die, then.

1482
01:28:51,600 --> 01:28:52,600
Washoe County.

1483
01:28:55,080 --> 01:28:57,037
- What?
- Washoe County, Nevada.

1484
01:28:58,840 --> 01:28:59,717
Reno.

1485
01:28:59,800 --> 01:29:01,792
Biggest little city in the world.

1486
01:29:09,200 --> 01:29:10,429
- Just go for it.
- Thank you.

1487
01:29:10,520 --> 01:29:11,520
- Sweet.
- Oh, my God.

1488
01:29:13,760 --> 01:29:14,591
What? What?

1489
01:29:14,680 --> 01:29:16,319
- Oh, my gosh!
- Shit!

1490
01:29:21,160 --> 01:29:23,595
- Homer. It's a long way down.
- Our work here is done.

1491
01:29:24,960 --> 01:29:26,440
Let's party.

1492
01:29:26,520 --> 01:29:28,079
- Come on!
- Yeah!

1493
01:29:29,160 --> 01:29:30,160
WICHITA:
Wait for me.

1494
01:29:30,640 --> 01:29:32,632
[♪♪♪]

1495
01:29:53,240 --> 01:29:58,235
Elvis' 1955 Fleetwood Series 60.

1496
01:29:58,320 --> 01:30:02,439
Every hair on my body feels like a little wang.

1497
01:30:02,520 --> 01:30:04,796
LITTLE ROCK: Yikes.
- Where to?

1498
01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:07,234
How about home?

1499
01:30:07,320 --> 01:30:08,151
Home?

1500
01:30:08,240 --> 01:30:09,640
- Yeah.
- Yes, good idea.

1501
01:30:11,560 --> 01:30:12,560
Where's home?

1502
01:30:14,240 --> 01:30:15,913
I think we're already there.

1503
01:30:17,240 --> 01:30:21,280
<i>Because if our adventures had taught us
about anything, it was home.</i>

1504
01:30:21,360 --> 01:30:25,513
<i>Wichita didn't need to be afraid of it.
I didn't need to keep looking for it.</i>

1505
01:30:25,600 --> 01:30:29,276
<i>Because home isn't a place,
it's the people you're with.</i>

1506
01:30:29,400 --> 01:30:33,360
<i>I guess that's why they're called your homies.
And my homies are pretty fucking awesome.</i>

1507
01:30:33,440 --> 01:30:36,433
<i>So till next time, this is Columbus, Ohio,</i>

1508
01:30:36,520 --> 01:30:39,911
<i>on behalf of Wichita, Little Rock, Reno
and Tallahassee,</i>

1509
01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:42,913
<i>saying</i> hasta la vista, <i>baby.</i>

1510
01:30:43,920 --> 01:30:45,752
<i>That one's for you, Flagstaff.</i>

1511
01:30:47,280 --> 01:30:49,078
[♪♪♪]

1512
01:30:52,000 --> 01:30:56,153
<i>♪ Lord Almighty
I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>

1513
01:30:58,760 --> 01:31:02,754
<i>♪ Higher, higher
It's burning through to my soul ♪</i>

1514
01:31:05,600 --> 01:31:07,831
COLUMBUS:
<i>Oh, hey. Yeah, sorry. One more thing.</i>

1515
01:31:07,920 --> 01:31:10,435
<i>I'm actually feeling a little guilty
about what Nevada said.</i>

1516
01:31:10,520 --> 01:31:13,592
<i>You know, about Murraying a certain you-know-who?</i>

1517
01:31:13,680 --> 01:31:16,878
<i>Yeah, my bad. I blew a hole through
the finest comic actor of our generation.</i>

1518
01:31:16,960 --> 01:31:19,714
<i>But I would love to make it up to you, to all of you.</i>

1519
01:31:19,800 --> 01:31:22,634
<i>And for that, we gotta go back to 2009.</i>

1520
01:31:26,320 --> 01:31:29,677
Welcome, everyone,
to the <i>Garfield 3: Flabby Tabby</i> junket.

1521
01:31:29,760 --> 01:31:31,353
You'll each have five minutes.

1522
01:31:31,440 --> 01:31:35,400
Please keep your questions focused on the film
and don't go off-topic.

1523
01:31:35,480 --> 01:31:40,714
The idea of a trilogy was something...
As an artist, you think the great ones:

1524
01:31:40,800 --> 01:31:42,200
<i>Godfather</i> and...

1525
01:31:43,960 --> 01:31:44,791
<i>Lethal Weapon.</i>

1526
01:31:44,880 --> 01:31:48,635
But the question is, why in the world <i>Garfield 3?</i>

1527
01:31:48,720 --> 01:31:50,916
- Can this be just between us?
- Yes.

1528
01:31:51,000 --> 01:31:52,957
Drugs cost money.

1529
01:31:53,040 --> 01:31:57,637
And I have to say, as an actor, how many
of your nine lives do you think you have left?

1530
01:31:57,720 --> 01:32:00,189
Well, I've done three of these. Three <i>Garfields.</i>

1531
01:32:01,080 --> 01:32:02,230
So that's six.

1532
01:32:02,320 --> 01:32:04,198
The essence of Garfield, I think...

1533
01:32:04,280 --> 01:32:05,280
MURRAY:
Right.

1534
01:32:05,360 --> 01:32:07,477
...is the hairball.

1535
01:32:07,560 --> 01:32:09,950
Didn't I say? I had a feeling this would come up.

1536
01:32:10,040 --> 01:32:12,032
[IN SPANISH]
Can you give me a hairball?

1537
01:32:14,520 --> 01:32:16,637
Don't wanna do the hairball,
get it out of the way?

1538
01:32:16,760 --> 01:32:18,399
- No.
- Can you try now?

1539
01:32:18,480 --> 01:32:20,995
- Give me a little hairball now?
- Come on.

1540
01:32:21,360 --> 01:32:22,510
[HACKS]

1541
01:32:23,880 --> 01:32:24,996
Come on.

1542
01:32:28,600 --> 01:32:29,875
[HACKS]

1543
01:32:30,880 --> 01:32:32,917
You know, how about if I did it with you?

1544
01:32:33,000 --> 01:32:34,912
- Okay. Come on. Come on.
- That was close.

1545
01:32:35,000 --> 01:32:36,514
We'll do a selfie together.

1546
01:32:38,480 --> 01:32:39,516
Great. Great.

1547
01:32:41,560 --> 01:32:42,789
[ROKER HEAVES]

1548
01:32:42,920 --> 01:32:43,990
You all right, man?

1549
01:32:45,760 --> 01:32:46,910
All over the mike.

1550
01:32:47,040 --> 01:32:50,317
Can we get a baby wipe for Al?
Maybe move him back to his room, please?

1551
01:32:51,840 --> 01:32:53,718
[GROWLING]

1552
01:32:57,120 --> 01:32:58,998
Huge fan, Mr. Roker.

1553
01:33:01,240 --> 01:33:05,280
All right, Tim, let's get out of here.
Somebody get my car. I'm ready to go.

1554
01:33:05,360 --> 01:33:07,829
- I've never seen Al Roker behave that way.
- That was crazy.

1555
01:33:07,920 --> 01:33:10,037
Sometimes it feels like
it's you against the world.

1556
01:33:10,120 --> 01:33:11,793
- Oh, my God.
- I think it is.

1557
01:33:18,440 --> 01:33:19,476
Oh, dear.

1558
01:33:20,880 --> 01:33:22,473
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

1559
01:33:22,800 --> 01:33:23,800
Excuse me?

1560
01:33:24,960 --> 01:33:27,236
[♪♪♪]

1561
01:33:27,880 --> 01:33:29,553
<i>♪ Do what you like ♪</i>

1562
01:33:32,240 --> 01:33:33,390
Nice.

1563
01:33:39,200 --> 01:33:40,200
WOMAN:
Help me!

1564
01:33:42,400 --> 01:33:45,074
Bill Murray! I love some of your films.
Please help me!

1565
01:33:48,280 --> 01:33:49,919
I ain't afraid of no ghost.

1566
01:33:54,440 --> 01:33:56,477
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

1567
01:34:00,680 --> 01:34:02,592
I hate Mondays.

1568
01:34:03,720 --> 01:34:07,794
<i>♪ Lord Almighty
I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>

1569
01:34:10,440 --> 01:34:14,320
<i>♪ Higher, higher
It's burning through to my soul ♪</i>

1570
01:34:16,880 --> 01:34:21,272
<i>♪ Girl, girl, girl
You're gonna set me on fire ♪</i>

1571
01:34:23,440 --> 01:34:27,434
<i>♪ My brain is flaming
I don't know which way to go ♪</i>

1572
01:34:29,960 --> 01:34:36,150
<i>♪ And your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of the choir ♪</i>

1573
01:34:36,680 --> 01:34:40,674
<i>♪ And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ♪</i>

1574
01:34:43,800 --> 01:34:47,714
<i>♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
I feel my temperature rising ♪</i>

1575
01:34:48,600 --> 01:34:49,600
<i>Yeah</i>

1576
01:34:50,200 --> 01:34:54,240
<i>♪ Well, help me, I'm flaming
I must be a hundred and nine ♪</i>

1577
01:34:57,080 --> 01:35:01,120
<i>♪ Burning, burning, burning
And nothing can cool me ♪</i>

1578
01:35:03,840 --> 01:35:08,312
<i>♪ I just might turn to smoke
But I feel fine ♪</i>

1579
01:35:09,920 --> 01:35:16,030
<i>♪ Because your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of a choir ♪</i>

1580
01:35:16,800 --> 01:35:20,874
<i>♪ And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ♪</i>

1581
01:35:21,960 --> 01:35:22,960
<i>♪ Yeah ♪</i>

1582
01:35:33,240 --> 01:35:34,310
<i>♪ Burning love ♪</i>

1583
01:35:37,240 --> 01:35:41,154
<i>♪ It's coming closer
The flames are now reaching my body ♪</i>

1584
01:35:43,600 --> 01:35:47,594
<i>♪ Please won't you help me
I feel like I'm slipping away ♪</i>

1585
01:35:50,320 --> 01:35:54,553
<i>♪ It's hard to breathe
And my chest is a-heaving ♪</i>

1586
01:35:57,120 --> 01:36:01,273
<i>♪ Lord, have mercy
I'm burning a hole where I lay ♪</i>

1587
01:36:03,520 --> 01:36:09,517
<i>♪ 'Cause your kisses lift me higher
Like a sweet song of a choir ♪</i>

1588
01:36:10,360 --> 01:36:14,400
<i>♪ And you light my morning sky
With your burning love ♪</i>

1589
01:36:15,160 --> 01:36:17,629
<i>♪ Yeah, your burning love ♪</i>

1590
01:36:19,560 --> 01:36:20,960
<i>♪ Your burning love ♪</i>

1591
01:36:23,320 --> 01:36:26,074
<i>♪ I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1592
01:36:26,600 --> 01:36:29,354
<i>♪ I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1593
01:36:30,040 --> 01:36:32,839
<i>♪ Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1594
01:36:33,520 --> 01:36:39,517
<i>♪ I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1595
01:36:40,160 --> 01:36:42,675
<i>♪ Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love ♪</i>

1596
01:36:43,000 --> 01:36:44,275
<i>♪ Burning love ♪</i>

1597
01:36:45,320 --> 01:36:47,835
<i>♪ Yeah
Burning love ♪♪</i>

1598
01:36:55,320 --> 01:36:57,312
[♪♪♪]

1599
01:38:34,800 --> 01:38:37,952
[GAGGING]

1600
01:38:40,360 --> 01:38:42,670
Oh, <i>pardon.</i> En español, it's like:

1601
01:38:43,400 --> 01:38:44,993
[GAGGING]

1602
01:38:50,400 --> 01:38:52,596
P... P... Pardon my accent.