1 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,642 Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain, Rusty Griswold. 2 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,407 Hope you've enjoyed your 18-minute flight from South Bend. 3 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,882 We'll be touching down at Chicago's Midway very shortly. 4 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,441 We'd like to thank you for flying with us today... 5 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,366 because at Econo Air, we're working hard to win back your trust. 6 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,561 - Harry, you mind taking over while I hit the lav? - Sure thing, Rusty. 7 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:14,131 Thank you very much. 8 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,570 - Oh, and Rusty. - Mm-hm. 9 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,964 I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week. 10 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,360 I was happy to do it. 11 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,842 You know, just because corporate says you're too old to fly doesn't make it true. 12 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,082 You're more qualified than us younger guys. 13 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,481 - Means a lot to me. - Sure thing. 14 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,240 - Oh, and Rusty. - Mm-hm. 15 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:39,082 I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week. 16 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,645 Yeah. 17 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,410 You bet. 18 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,801 Dad, is that the pilot? 19 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,086 It sure is. 20 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,686 - He just came from the cockpit. - Whoa. 21 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,044 - Hey there, little guy. - Hi. 22 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,929 Is this your first time on a plane? 23 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,445 We were planning on driving... 24 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,843 but, uh, Tyler here has been begging us to go on his first airplane. 25 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,126 - Oh, is that right? - Uh-huh. 26 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,011 Do you think I can be a pilot when I grow up? 27 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,003 Heh. Yeah, well, I don't see why not. 28 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,721 You just have to study hard and listen to your parents, all right? 29 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,490 - Okay, heh. - Sorry about that. 30 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:19,449 - Little bit of rough air. - It's okay. 31 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:20,681 Yeah, yeah. 32 00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,365 Don't worry about it, heh. 33 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,567 Hey, we call that "turbulence," all right? 34 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,245 That's when the plane passes... 35 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,131 So sorry. 36 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,806 Okay, you folks enjoy the rest of your flight. 37 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:43,487 Let me give you a hand. 38 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,883 Can you please stay the fuck away from us? 39 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,248 Harry, you took us up to 60,000 feet. What are you doing? 40 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,481 Oh, Rusty. 41 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,440 I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week. 42 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:17,001 Or the time that Pan Continental put us up at the Ritz in Barcelona. 43 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,891 You know, I'll tell you one thing about the Spanish women: 44 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,441 - They, uh, love them some airline pilots. - Heh. They do. 45 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,921 I never took the uniform off, except when I did. 46 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:37,726 Ladies. 47 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,528 All full. You have to wait for the next one. 48 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,250 - But I was... - You were what? 49 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,885 I'll catch the next one. 50 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,122 See you around, Econo Air. 51 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,690 - The third time this month. - I know. 52 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,127 You have to do something about him. He's always picking on me. 53 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:16,284 I know he is. I'm so sorry, honey. Hey. 54 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,608 - Hi. What's going on here? - You'll see. 55 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,967 Kevin, get down here, please. 56 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,044 - Look what Kevin did to my guitar. - Aw. Not again? 57 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,567 God. You told Mom and Dad? 58 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,085 You have such a vagina. 59 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:30,089 Okay, enough, enough. 60 00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,760 Now, young man we talked about the bullying of your older brother. 61 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,447 That's right. We don't make fun of someone just because they're little different from us. 62 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,406 - I don't have a vagina. - I'm just saying, even if you did... 63 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,564 it wouldn't be okay for Kevin to tease you about your vagina. 64 00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:45,041 Now why are you making it sound like I have a vagina? 65 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,931 I know you don't have a vagina. I'm not doing that. 66 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,766 - Kevin, apologize to your brother, please. - Fine. I'm sorry. 67 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:53,001 Now go to your room. 68 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,646 Ah. I was in my fucking room. 69 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,963 - Whoa, hey, Kevin? Get back down here. - Ah. 70 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:01,687 Now listen. 71 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,047 There are a lot of boys who are born with vaginas. 72 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,486 It's very hard for them. 73 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,644 - Honey. Why? - It's a teachable moment, hon. 74 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,644 Gender fluidity, right? It's a very serious issue. 75 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,326 - I'm not gender-fluid. - It doesn't matter if you are. 76 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,801 The point is your mom and I would love you... 77 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,167 even if you were completely blank down there. 78 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,243 Okay that's not, this is... 79 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:23,811 Kevin, just go to your room. 80 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,360 Hey, James, don't get your gender fluid on me. 81 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,284 - Awesome. - Stop. It's not a fluid. 82 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,090 And what about my guitar? 83 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,730 It's ruined. 84 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,525 Let me have a look. 85 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:45,610 There you go. That'll do for now. 86 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,525 Now get washed up. The Petersons are coming over for dinner. 87 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:50,641 Okay, baby. 88 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,643 Oh, gosh. I'll get you a new guitar, okay? 89 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,963 - Oh, use the Vitamix. The dry bit. - Just grind it. Yeah. 90 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,726 Sheila. 91 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,602 - So do you have to work tomorrow? - So, um, Sheila. 92 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,570 - I want to go to the movies with my friends. - Sheila. 93 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,326 - What? - Do you like school this year? 94 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:11,527 It's okay. 95 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,041 "So do you like school this year?" 96 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,931 That's seriously what you sound like. Just shut up. 97 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,522 God, I'm telling you, Russ, you've gotta get one of these go-kart kits. 98 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:23,727 - What? - Oh, yeah. 99 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,906 Gary and I spent the last 2 months building this thing. 100 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,730 We took her out this morning for the first time. 101 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,848 Holy moly. 102 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,722 - Fun? - No, no, it was terrible. Yeah, it was fun. 103 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,605 Hot damn, it's a go-kart. 104 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,969 G-man, get over here. 105 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,162 - G-man, G-man, G-man. - Uh-oh. 106 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,402 Oh, my God, my G-man. I love him. 107 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:47,410 Get in there. What? 108 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,283 What? What? Get in there. Get in there. 109 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,126 Oh, man. I love you so much. 110 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:58,206 Tell Mr. Griswold how dope our go-kart is. 111 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,365 It's got a Zanardi chassis and a 4-stroke Briggs & Stratton engine. 112 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,723 - Wow, and you guys built this together? - We worked on it every day... 113 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,248 after homework and toothbrushing. I love... Get over here, man. 114 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,482 Work it, Sugar Ray. Come on, Sugar Ray. 115 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,529 He's working me over. 116 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,490 I'm gonna eat your face! 117 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,005 Kevin, James, get over here. 118 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,247 No. 119 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,765 Come on, heh. Oh, there you are. 120 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,684 - Dad, stop. What are you doing? - Come on, man, we're sparring. 121 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,611 - We do this all the time. - No. We never do this. 122 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,202 - Hey, don't hit your old man. - I don't wanna be a part of this. 123 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,645 What are you doing?! 124 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,723 - This is how accidents happen. - Sacrifice! 125 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,770 Dad, let go of me. Stop. Why did you do that? 126 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,881 I'm sorry, man. Come on. I was just fooling around. 127 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,769 - That wasn't fun. - Like we always do. 128 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:52,331 We never do that. 129 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,324 Hey, what do you say you and I build a go-kart together? 130 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,206 If we have to. 131 00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,886 Yeah, all right, G-man, heh! 132 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,281 Get out of here. Get out of here, G-man. 133 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,447 Did you just steal my son's nickname? 134 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,447 I'm not sure about... Oh, shoot. Dang it. 135 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,082 Wow, your ring is getting loose, there, Deb. Are you losing weight? 136 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,322 Yeah. I am. You know what I've been doing? 137 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,527 Spinning. 138 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,087 Yeah, it's a great stress reliever. 139 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,925 I'm gonna tell you what's an even greater stress reliever. 140 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,889 And that is a week in Paris. 141 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,486 Oh, my gosh! I saw that on Instagram. 142 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,130 All your pictures were so great. 143 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,560 - So you did see them. - Yeah. 144 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:38,008 Cause that's funny, because I was gonna ask how come you didn't like any of them. 145 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,844 What do you mean? I just said I did. 146 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,970 All my other friends, uh, who saw my Paris pics, they clicked "like." 147 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,925 You were the only one who didn't click "like." 148 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,886 Oh. I guess I just didn't get around to actually clicking "like" on them. 149 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,765 Okay, because look at this one. Now, in this one we have... 150 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,167 - Sheila and Gary wearing berets. - I know. 151 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,051 - Right? - Heh. I like that one so much. It's so cute. 152 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,248 - But you didn't "like" it. - Okay. 153 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,562 Now here are the 4 of us at the Arc de Triomphe. 154 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,560 Didn't "like" that. Didn't "like" my children. Didn't "like" my man kissing on me. 155 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:10,327 I promise you the second you guys leave I am gonna go upstairs online... 156 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,205 and I am gonna click "like" on every single one of them. 157 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,610 Honestly, honey, it really makes no difference to me. 158 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,690 So are you guys going anywhere special this summer? 159 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,842 No. I wish. Yeah. No. 160 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,801 We are renting the same cabin that we've been renting for 10 years in Cheboygan, Michigan. 161 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,401 The boys call it "Che-boring," Michigan. 162 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,970 - Isn't that funny? - Why don't you just go someplace else? 163 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:39,489 No, we can't. Rusty loves it so much. I'd break his heart if I told him we hate the cabin. 164 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:42,211 - Oh, boy. I understand. - Yeah. 165 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,849 I understand. Well, you know what the good news is? 166 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,121 Hmm? 167 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:51,211 Honestly, even if you go there and you don't have a great time, baby... 168 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,762 at least you know that I will click "like" on all your photos. 169 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,524 Jesus Christ, Nancy. 170 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:57,887 Look! 171 00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,526 Look! 172 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,360 What the fuck is this?! 173 00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:03,887 Louie! 174 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:17,049 What the fuck is this?! Hey, madam. 175 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,841 How much capellini are you throwing away?! 176 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:25,210 What are you doing, Melinda?! What are you doing?! 177 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,125 Guys, I have exciting news. 178 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,407 James has AIDS? 179 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,528 What? No. That's horrible. 180 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,882 - I'd be excited. - Well, what is it? What is it? 181 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,805 - The 4 of us are gonna take a little trip. - Paris. 182 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,962 Hmm. No, much better. 183 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,249 We're driving to Walley World. 184 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,522 - What? - This family's in a rut. 185 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:21,524 We gotta shake things up, right? Spend a little quality time. 186 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,809 Of course it wouldn't hurt for the boys to learn to get along a little better. 187 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,361 - Uh, by locking them in a car together? - Yeah. 188 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,966 - This is some bullshit right here! - Hey, language. 189 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,164 Well, it is. I'm gonna miss the first week of wrestling practice. 190 00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:35,402 We'll find a wrestling range along the way, heh. 191 00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:36,971 That's not even a thing. 192 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,283 And, Dad, no offense, but I just don't wanna do my first big road trip... 193 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,363 to some corporate theme park, you know? 194 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:48,209 I'd like to explore the real America, like Jack Kerouac or the Merry Pranksters. 195 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,522 - Don't say weird shit! - Ah. Ow! 196 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,324 Kevin, bullying! Guys, come on. 197 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,723 My trip to Walley World when I was a kid was the best time I ever had. 198 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:59,930 So you just wanna redo your vacation from 30 years ago? 199 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,401 Don't you think that's gonna be kind of a letdown? 200 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,962 No, no, no. We're not redoing anything. This will be completely different. 201 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,444 For one thing, the original vacation had a boy and a girl. This one has two boys. 202 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:14,366 And I'm sure that there will be lots of other differences. 203 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,524 - I've never even heard of the original vacation. - Doesn't matter. 204 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,684 The new vacation will stand on its own, okay? 205 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,087 Come on, honey. 206 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,402 What do you say? We can drive out and fly back. 207 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,249 Oh, what the heck, heh. 208 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,926 Couldn't be as bad as that stupid cabin, right, honey? 209 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,491 - That's the spirit. - All right. 210 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,284 Ugh. Fuck me. 211 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,807 Are we gonna drive all that way in your little car dad? 212 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,965 Not exactly. 213 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,363 Come on, guys, heh. How come you didn't follow me just then? 214 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,206 - Oh, you wanted us to? - Yeah, that's why I dangled the key like that. 215 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,010 - Oh, well... - Why else would I...? 216 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,003 You could've just said, "Come with me." 217 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,129 Look what your dad rented. 218 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,280 What the hell is that? 219 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,487 Kevin. 220 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,362 - That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer. - Did you say "Tartan," honey? 221 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,409 Yeah. Tartan's the Honda of Albania. 222 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,329 Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad? 223 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,687 It turns out renting a family car on Memorial Day weekend... 224 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,765 doesn't leave you with a lot of options. But this baby is pretty sweet. 225 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,481 It's got all the latest Albanian technology. Check it out. Plug-in hybrid. 226 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,529 Oh, wow, eco-friendly. Good. 227 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:32,641 So any time we run out of juice, we can just pull right over, and plug in. 228 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:34,689 I don't know what that is. 229 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:36,888 Never seen an outlet for that, heh. 230 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,366 Should it retract, or...? 231 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,205 You would think it would retract. It just... 232 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:42,771 No, it doesn't. 233 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:44,291 Cupholder? 234 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:48,286 I think you coil it. You just coil it like that. Right? Then you close it right up. 235 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,363 Doesn't matter. Still got two gas tanks. 236 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,887 - Why two? - Carry twice as much gas. 237 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,601 - Why not just have one big tank? - It's twice the gas, buddy. 238 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,603 Actually the same volume. Two small... 239 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,410 It has 6 ashtrays. 240 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:02,806 6, wow. 241 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,803 Hope you guys like smoking. 242 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,444 - Right? - Yeah. 243 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,489 What's with all the mirrors? 244 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,287 Safer. 245 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,171 But... 246 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,961 Oh. And this is amazing. I can control the entire car from the fob. 247 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,164 - What do all the buttons mean? - No clue. But we'll figure it out. 248 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,561 Honey, is that a swastika on there? 249 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:25,768 Yeah. We won't use that. 250 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,566 This is my favorite part. 251 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,204 - Slam the door on my arm. - Heh. What? 252 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,887 It has a sensor. It won't let you slam the door on your arm or leg. 253 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,850 - Honey, I'm not doing that. - The rental guy showed me. Just do it. 254 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,365 - Okay. - Do it! 255 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,171 - Do it. - This is kind of fun. 256 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,367 Slam it. 257 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,721 All right. There you go. 258 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,491 - Oh! Oh! - Oh, my God! 259 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,130 - Oh, my gosh! - Goddamn it! 260 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,130 Oh, my God! Why did you have me do that?! 261 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,443 Oh, I didn't have the sensor activated. 262 00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,331 - Okay. - I'm an idiot. 263 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,562 - Do it again. - No, absolutely not. 264 00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:04,087 - It'll be fine. I just activated it. - No, I'm not gonna do it. 265 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:05,765 - Don't be chicken. - Fine. 266 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,728 - Shit! - Heh. 267 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,241 - Why did you do that? - Really? 268 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:13,640 You're right. I'm sorry, heh. 269 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:17,481 - Ugh! Nobody slam their arm in the door. - Can I slam it on James balls? 270 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,206 - You admit I have balls? - Yeah they hang out of your vagina. 271 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:22,442 - You two stop that. Please. - Plenty of time for that. 272 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,450 - Go get packed. We're hitting the road today. - Okay. 273 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,080 Guess we're leaving today. All right. Let's go, guys. 274 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,531 Huh. 275 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,650 Hey, honey. What's all that? 276 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,007 Well, uh, this is my dream journal... 277 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,491 whimsy log... 278 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:48,880 wish diary... 279 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:50,087 my poems. 280 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:55,201 And, uh, this bad boy is going to be a stream-of-consciousness travel log, so... 281 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,006 Yeah. 282 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,403 Come on, honey. Every boy that age has a stack of diaries. 283 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,250 Okay, gang. 284 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,802 Seat belts on. 285 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:07,846 Two full tanks of gas. 286 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,331 Honey, GPS check? 287 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,806 Yes, yes. Roger that. Okay. 288 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,842 Your destination is 2560 miles ahead. 289 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,571 Walley World, here we come. 290 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,330 Well, we're almost out of gas. 291 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,362 What? How is that possible? We've been driving for less than an hour. 292 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,322 Hey dad, what's so special about Walley World? 293 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,165 I mean, we have plenty of theme parks at home. 294 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:16,281 Well, Walley World is home of the one and only Velociraptor. 295 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,204 What the hell is that? 296 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,330 It's only the newest, scariest roller coaster in the country. 297 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,645 450 feet tall, 110 miles an hour... 298 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,962 triple corkscrew loop. 299 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,050 Yeah. Oh, hey, look at this. 300 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,851 Looks like we got ourselves a little old convoy. 301 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,365 Let's say hi. 302 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,406 - Oh, my goodness. It has a CB radio in it? - Yeah, comes standard in all Prancers. 303 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,403 - This way we can talk to truckers. - Okay. 304 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,040 Now, guys, you just have to speak their lingo. 305 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,005 I'm gonna ask him if there's any police up ahead. 306 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,123 Breaker 1-9 to Rubber Ducky. 307 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,806 You got any Smokey the Bears in your kitchen? Over. 308 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,327 You're clean and green for the next 20 klicks. 309 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,084 - Ha-ha. He replied! - I know! 310 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,847 - What did that even mean? - I have no idea, but who cares? 311 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,731 - He seems nice. - He does seem nice, doesn't he? 312 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,723 Copy that, good buddy. Over. 313 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,087 - Can I try, Dad? - Yeah, course. 314 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,049 When you finish talking, say "over." 315 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,850 - Okay. Cool. - Okay. 316 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:16,087 Breaker 1-9, my friend Jessie says all truck drivers are rapists. 317 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,004 - Are you a rapist? - Kevin, no, no. 318 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,366 Sorry. Over. 319 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,522 - No, no, no. - What are you doing? 320 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,286 - What? It's a question. - Well, you're ruining it. 321 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,607 Sorry about that there, good buddy. 322 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,687 You know how little boys are when their mouths get going, heh. I don't... 323 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:33,808 Not to imply that you are... 324 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,485 fond of when little boys' mouths get going in any way. 325 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,923 I am not suggesting that you are a sex offender. 326 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,570 - Or a pedophile. - Okay, no. 327 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,286 Yeah, so that's the CB radio, guys. 328 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:48,124 Neat, huh? 329 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,762 - Hey, Dad, what's a pedophile? - Hmm. Well, Kevin, when a man and a boy... 330 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,208 - love each other very much... - No. No. 331 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,682 - I have to piss. - Me too. 332 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,888 Go with him, please, and keep an eye on him. 333 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,371 - Okay. - Thank you. 334 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,889 Look at that. The boys are bonding already. 335 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,445 Isn't this the best? 336 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,090 Yeah. 337 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:17,647 Do you remember, back when you were just getting your pilot's license... 338 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,450 and you and I would sit there... 339 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:24,128 and we'd talk about all those, like, overseas trips we would take and stuff? 340 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:28,361 Yeah, of course that's when I thought I was gonna fly for one of the big guys. 341 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,444 I know it's not the most glamorous airline, but Econo Air... 342 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,085 it's been pretty good to us. 343 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:37,929 As far as I'm concerned, right here with you and the boys, this is paradise. 344 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,683 - There was a hole in the side of my stall. - Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole. 345 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:46,764 - Russ, no. - All right, let's hit the road. 346 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,488 Go to sleep! Go to sleep! 347 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,162 What's wrong with you?! 348 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,164 I wanted to see how long you could hold your breath before you black out. 349 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,766 Don't do that. I could have died. 350 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:52,285 Whatever. 351 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,002 Goddamn it. Kevin! 352 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,248 Hey, honey, why'd we get off the highway? 353 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,609 Oh I thought it would be fun for the kids to see where you went to college. 354 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,684 Oh, God. Why would that be fun for them, honey? 355 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,810 You could give us a tour. Maybe one of them could study there one day. 356 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,002 Oh, no. No way, man. 357 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,004 I've got my sights set on something a little more Ivy League. 358 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,527 Oh. Little fucker. 359 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,246 - What, Ma? - I love you. That's what I said. 360 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,084 - I love you too. - I said, I love you. 361 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,810 Let's just see how far it is. 362 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:43,041 - You are 9.2 miles from your destination. - All right. Check the best route. 363 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,691 Oh, I changed the language. 364 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,211 That's not it, heh. 365 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:54,286 What is that? 366 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:59,163 - Uh, I don't know. Korean? - Oh, God, it's horrible. Just please turn it off. 367 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,051 The menu's all in Korean now. I don't know what to press. 368 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,282 Why is it so much angrier than the other voices? 369 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,487 Why don't we just...? 370 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,166 Honey, it doesn't like when you touch it, okay? 371 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,891 Just leave it alone. Let it calm down. 372 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,844 Wow, this place has not changed a bit. 373 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,402 - Isn't that sorority row? - Hmm. 374 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,130 Let's go check out your house. 375 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,449 Oh, no, honey. Don't you think we should get back on the road? 376 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,682 No, come on. It'll be fun. 377 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,081 It's just a boring old house. 378 00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,005 Yeah, that's what's up. 379 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,004 I cannot believe that they are still doing this. 380 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,211 What is it? 381 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,211 Uh, it is the Tri-Pi Chug Run. 382 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,562 You have to chug a big pitcher of beer... 383 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,769 and then you have to get through the course as fast as you can. 384 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,321 And you did this? Because you hardly drink. 385 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,881 No, yeah. But, honey, it's for charity, see? 386 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,331 Hi. Would you like to donate to ass burgers? 387 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,284 Oh, no. We're just stopping by. 388 00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:28,602 I was a Tri-Pi a long time ago, so... 389 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,327 In fact, the Chug Run was my idea. 390 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,608 - It was? - Yeah. 391 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:37,049 - Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher? - Yeah. 392 00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:38,721 Oh, my shit. 393 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:41,008 Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you! 394 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,401 Guys, come here! Bring over the book! 395 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,524 - It's Debbie fucking Fletcher. - How do you know who I am? 396 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,650 Oh, my God, are you kidding me? You're like a legend at Tri-Pi. 397 00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:52,565 - You're Debbie Do-Anything! - Debbie Do-Anything? 398 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,768 - Go play. - Yeah, look. 399 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:57,844 - See? - Oh, God. 400 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,083 - Is it true you climbed the clock tower naked? - Of course not. 401 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,402 Did you really show your tits to anyone who asked? 402 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,642 - Honey, we should go. - Hang on. 403 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,725 - I heard you stuck a finger in the dean's dick. - Did you really burn down Taco Bell? 404 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,524 I heard you fucked Anthony Hopkins. 405 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,967 I heard that, if people bop you on your head... 406 00:26:14,120 --> 00:26:16,043 gold coins come out of your butt. 407 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,043 - Okay, ladies, heh. - What? 408 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,806 I think I know my wife pretty well, and she wouldn't have done any of those things. 409 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:27,090 But you know what? What's important is not whether I did them or I didn't do them. 410 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,847 What's important is that you guys are idolizing very bad behavior here. 411 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,731 Uh, ew, you don't sound like Debbie Do-Anything. 412 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,450 I had a feeling she was all hype. 413 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,682 Bet she didn't even come up with the Chug Run. 414 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,444 Hey, wait a minute. Excuse me. 415 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,763 I did come up with the Chug Run, all right? 416 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,001 And I ran it. 417 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:45,486 - Sure you did. - No, I did. 418 00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,404 - In 16 seconds, okay? - Okay, hon. 419 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,480 - Prove it. - She can't do it now. She's old. 420 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:51,721 Excuse me, girl? 421 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,526 I didn't mean it like that. I just mean... you're old. 422 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,161 Oh, yeah. 423 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,891 Never heard that laugh before. I don't like it. 424 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:04,121 Hold my bag. Uh-uh. 425 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,568 Why? You're not actually going on this thing. 426 00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:11,202 Yes, I am. This Chug Run raised thousands of dollars for charity, all right? 427 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,166 I might not have gotten good grades while I was here, but at least I did something. 428 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,762 It sounds like you did a lot. You stuck your finger in the dean's penis. 429 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:23,130 It's not important what I stuck my finger in and what I burnt down alright. What is important right now... 430 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,250 - is that these bitches are disrespecting me. Am I right? - "Bitches"? 431 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:27,606 Bring it on. 432 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,528 No one's calling me old. Fuck you. 433 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,729 All right, boobs, pitcher. Let's go. Come on, come on, come on. 434 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,881 Tri-Pi, motherfuckers! 435 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,644 Oh, Jesus Christ. 436 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,330 3! 2! 1! 437 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:19,165 Oh, honey. 438 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:34,000 What's Mom doing? 439 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,891 She's, uh, teaching these bitches a lesson. 440 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,244 This is the best thing I've ever seen. 441 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:54,721 Go! Go! Go! 442 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:03,046 Why is she puking so much? 443 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,164 It's for ass burgers. 444 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:21,687 Tri-Pi, motherfuckers. 445 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,926 Mom, you should try and stay hydrated. 446 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,971 What? What are you doing? 447 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:44,730 How about some tunes? 448 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,801 Oh, my God. I can't believe it. 449 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,724 I love this song. 450 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,645 Guys, it's Seal. 451 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,083 Heh. Everybody sing it with me. 452 00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:02,571 There used to be a graying tower Alone on the sea 453 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:03,767 Come on, guys. 454 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:09,609 You became The light on the dark side of me 455 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,000 Deb? 456 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:15,649 Love remained A drug that's the high and not... 457 00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:16,847 Guys? No? 458 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,168 Did you know that when it snows 459 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,481 Kevin? James? 460 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:21,846 My eyes become large 461 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,365 Is this a man or a woman singing? 462 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:26,171 It's a man. And the coolest man ever. 463 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:27,810 He overcame lupus. 464 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:34,286 Baby, I compare you To a kiss from a rose on the gray 465 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,205 I can't believe no one in this family wants to sing. 466 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,522 ...stranger it feels, yeah. 467 00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:40,920 Batman Forever? 468 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,526 ...that your rose is in bloom 469 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:44,806 Val Kilmer. 470 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,442 A light hits the gloom on the gray 471 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:54,440 He's come back to kill us. 472 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,483 - Gun it, Russ! - Gunning it. 473 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,610 You gotta go faster, Dad! Go faster! 474 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,240 - The Prancer doesn't go any faster! - What do we do?! 475 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,209 Maybe if I press this rabbit button... 476 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,806 - ...it'll give it a boost or something. - Yes, try it. 477 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,651 - Why is there a button for that? - And why is it a rabbit? 478 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:17,881 Okay... 479 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:19,929 - Uh, rocket. Here you go. Try that. - Yes. 480 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:21,647 What? What's happening? 481 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,404 - Why am I swiveling? - I don't know! 482 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,050 - Grab the wheel! - It won't stop! 483 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,124 - Hit the gas! Hit the gas! - Okay, I'm trying to hit... 484 00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:33,249 We're gonna die! 485 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:39,723 - Okay, I got the wheel. I got the wheel. - Okay, okay. 486 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:41,845 Okay, what are we gonna do? 487 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,929 - I have an idea. - What? 488 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:45,770 - Handbrake turn. - What? 489 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:49,931 Pull the wheel left, yank the handbrake, do a 180, cross the median, drive right past him. 490 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,686 - You know how to do that, Dad? - If Vin Diesel can do it, so can I. 491 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,002 - Why are you as good as Vin Diesel? - Hang on. 492 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,927 That's not what I was trying to do. 493 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,481 - Everybody okay? - Oh, shit! 494 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,603 - Go, Dad! Go, go! - Oh, my God. 495 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,050 - Oh, shit! - Goddamn it. 496 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,491 All right, boys. This is you. 497 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,166 - I call both beds. - You get one bed. 498 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:03,527 If you guys need anything, Mom and I are right next door. 499 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,729 Oh, uh, I think I saw a hot tub, Dad. Is it okay if I take a soak? 500 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,204 Yeah. Yeah, sure. 501 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:11,522 But if anyone tries to shove you in their car... 502 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:13,808 give them a good scratch like I showed you. 503 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:15,007 - I will. - All right. 504 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:16,321 - Attaboy. - Thanks. 505 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,530 So... 506 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:24,282 how come you never told me about the whole Debbie Do-Anything thing? 507 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,528 Heh. Come on, that was so long ago. 508 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,126 Yeah, but it's part of who you are... 509 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,964 and I wanna know all about you. 510 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,363 All right. Well, that's fair. What do you wanna know? 511 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,522 How many guys did you sleep with before me? 512 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:38,250 No, no, no. 513 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,129 - No, no, no. - Oh, come on. 514 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,203 Come on. That's not important. 515 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,886 - No, I know. But I'm just... - You really need to know? 516 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,730 - It just... - Oh, okay. 517 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:48,684 - I'm just curious. - Okay, okay. 518 00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:51,481 Um, let's see. 519 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:57,681 And then... 520 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,124 Kind of taking you a little while, heh. 521 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,681 Okay, uh, so around... 522 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,360 - Th... - 3. 523 00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:09,204 3. That's actually reassuring, because, heh, it's the same as me. 524 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,721 No, didn't say 3. 525 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:14,489 13? 13? 526 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,802 - Nope. - And it's not 3? 527 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:18,200 It's around 30. 528 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:19,725 30! Phew. 529 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:21,571 Wow, holy cow. 530 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:24,485 See, now I feel like you're judging me. 531 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:25,880 I'm judging me. 532 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,407 - Your number is so much higher than mine. - Yes, it is a big number... 533 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,166 but it doesn't matter. Honey, it doesn't matter. 534 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,085 You're so cool. I feel like a loser. 535 00:34:36,240 --> 00:34:38,720 You are not a loser, okay? 536 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:42,885 Yeah? Because, uh, I had to work pretty hard just to get those 3. 537 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,601 Had to take care of Jenny's grandfather for months before she slept with me. 538 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,445 - And he was racist. - Please, don't base it on me. 539 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:52,170 I was, like, crazy back then. 540 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,728 I was completely immature and acting out... 541 00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,645 and just really, like, free with my body... 542 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,962 and that's just not who I am anymore. 543 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:02,525 That's not who we are. 544 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,365 Well, we're pretty free with our bodies. 545 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:06,931 But you have to admit... 546 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,168 I feel like we've gotten... 547 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:14,283 like, less free with our bodies. 548 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,647 But we have sex every week with our bodies. 549 00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:18,330 We do. But... 550 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,689 I mean, it's gotten a little routine, babe. 551 00:35:21,840 --> 00:35:26,050 You know, you always are lighting that same Yankee Candle and everything. 552 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:31,206 And I don't know, it might be nice to mix it up a little bit every once in a while. 553 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,521 Okay? No big deal. 554 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,648 I'm gonna go take a shower, okay? 555 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,689 I'm gonna take one with you. 556 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,684 - Hmm? - Uh... We'll have sex in it. 557 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,444 Yeah. In the shower. 558 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,762 How's that for getting free with our bodies, Debbie Do-Anything? 559 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:48,524 - I like that. - Yeah. 560 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,250 Oh, Russ. 561 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:54,488 Just be careful not to drop the soap. 562 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:55,971 Oh, I won't. 563 00:35:58,360 --> 00:35:59,521 What? 564 00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,443 - This is fun and different. - I know. It is. 565 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:06,570 You are so cute when you get excited about stuff. 566 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,167 You're, like, so cute always. 567 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,641 Aw, honey. 568 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:17,610 Oh, my... Holy shit! Are those mushrooms?! 569 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:18,886 Looks like somebody... 570 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:20,929 - blew their head off in there. - Oh, God. 571 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:23,450 So should we, uh...? 572 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:25,329 Should we get in or...? 573 00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,249 No, right, heh? 574 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,007 Yeah. I'm gonna see if there's something to clean that with. 575 00:36:32,160 --> 00:36:34,242 Hmm. Maybe the housekeeping left a... 576 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,244 Oh, well, here's a Brillo Pad. 577 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:38,811 I'll just... 578 00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,450 - Russ. - Yeah. 579 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:41,886 That's not a Brillo Pad. 580 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,326 It's a ball of pubic hair. 581 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:47,644 - Oh, my gosh. - There's so much of it. 582 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:51,043 Who has that much pubic hair? It's not even possible. 583 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:53,567 No, not one person. That's all different colors. 584 00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,602 That's from like 30 different guys. 585 00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,444 Oh, shut up, Russ. 586 00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:01,051 No. I'm sorry. 587 00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:04,044 Through the curtains hanging in the window 588 00:37:04,240 --> 00:37:08,245 In the evening on a Friday night 589 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,930 Little light shining through the window 590 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:18,206 Lets me know everything's gonna be all right 591 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:23,883 Summer breeze makes me feel fine 592 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,484 Blowing through the jasmine in my mi... 593 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:28,727 You're pretty good. 594 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:33,687 Jeez, sorry. 595 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,161 I, uh, heh, didn't mean to scare you. 596 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:39,649 - Hi. - Hi. 597 00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:43,122 - You were in the Jeep. - And you were in that plastic bag. 598 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:45,928 That was my stupid brother. 599 00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:47,923 Gotcha. Big brothers suck. 600 00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:49,161 Oh, no. 601 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,641 Yeah, big, heh. 602 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:52,961 I'm Adena. 603 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:54,846 James. 604 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,008 - I have a penis. - What? 605 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:58,685 It's on your guitar. 606 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,202 - Same brother. - What an asshole. 607 00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:03,964 Yeah. 608 00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:05,804 You wanna go in? 609 00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,325 Absolutely. 610 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,243 Well, what have we here? 611 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,607 Little Romeo and Juliet situation? 612 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,920 My name's Russ. Pleased to meet you both. 613 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,482 I'm just a stranger, passing through town. 614 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,247 But I couldn't help noticing how incredibly handsome this young man is. 615 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,243 What's your story? You got a girlfriend? 616 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:28,686 No. 617 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,569 What? No girlfriend? 618 00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:34,047 Cute boy like that? Somebody's gonna snatch you up. 619 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:35,884 - Do you want me to call the cops? - No. 620 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,605 And he plays guitar? 621 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:39,171 Dream boy. 622 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,086 - Make a muscle. - I'd... 623 00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:42,366 - Do it. - ...rather not. 624 00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,204 Take your shirt off. Make a muscle. 625 00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:46,169 - I really don't want to. - Don't be shy. 626 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,129 - Show us what you're working with. - All right. 627 00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,965 Um, I should go. 628 00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,648 Are you sure that you'll be okay? 629 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,040 I think so. 630 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,611 Okay. 631 00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:01,646 Bye. 632 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:03,287 Dang it. 633 00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:06,644 - Dad, why would you do that? - Saw you talking to her. 634 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,883 - Figured you could use a wingman. - I didn't need a wingman. 635 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,761 - Well, heh, looks like you did. She left. - That's because you were approaching... 636 00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:15,968 You know, James, when I was your age... 637 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,643 Grandpa Clark sat me down and we had a little chat. 638 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:25,044 Seeing you with that girl made me realize that we haven't had that chat yet. 639 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:26,690 - We don't need that chat. - Yeah? 640 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,248 Come on, I know it's embarrassing, but it'd be a lot more embarrassing... 641 00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:33,244 if you found yourself tummy to tummy with a lady friend... 642 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,244 - and didn't know what goes where. - I know what goes where. 643 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:37,526 - You do? - Uh-huh. 644 00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:38,966 - You sure? - Yep. 645 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,964 All right, all right. Well, I just want you to know... 646 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:46,170 I'm here to answer any questions you might have about that stuff. 647 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,840 No matter how uncomfortable it seems. 648 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:52,405 Yeah, okay. 649 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,609 - Yeah, right. Here it comes. - Yeah. All right. Okay. 650 00:39:56,080 --> 00:40:00,688 Uh, there were some kids at school who were talking about... 651 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:01,921 rim jobs. 652 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,323 - Hmm. - So, what's that? What's a rim job? 653 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,443 - Rim jobs. - Yeah. 654 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,161 - Is that R-I-M? - Mm-hm. 655 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:13,643 Rim job. Country of origin. 656 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,207 I don't know. Um, America. 657 00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,010 Can I hear it in a sentence? 658 00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:21,248 - What's a rim job, Dad? - Oh. 659 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,042 Well, rim job. 660 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,927 I would guess a rim job is when you kiss someone with your mouth closed. 661 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:31,731 Right? So you're only using the rim of your mouth. 662 00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:33,891 - That's it? - Sure. 663 00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:37,169 It felt like it was something way dirtier. 664 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,288 No, I mean, what else could it be? 665 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:41,326 Any other questions? 666 00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,084 I guess not. 667 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:44,645 Good talk, James. 668 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,165 Now, I hope you're not too old to let your dad give you... 669 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:51,810 a good-night rim job. 670 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:09,251 Looks like we might get to Aunt Audrey's before dinner. 671 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,004 Will Uncle Stone be there? 672 00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,242 Yeah, I suppose he will. 673 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,563 - Uncle Stone is cool. - You have to be cool to be a celebrity. 674 00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,009 Heh. He's not exactly a celebrity. 675 00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:21,208 I mean, he's a local weatherman. That's all. 676 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:24,204 Uh, actually, Audrey said that the networks are interested in him. 677 00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:25,407 - Yeah? - Oh, yeah. 678 00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:26,965 All right. Well, good for him. 679 00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,488 - Mom You think Uncle Stone will let me ride his horse? - I don't see why not. 680 00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,007 - Do you think I can shoot his guns? - No, you cannot. 681 00:42:33,720 --> 00:42:37,281 Too bad. I would've shot you right off that fucking horse. 682 00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,603 I never would've imagined my sister marrying such a conservative. 683 00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:46,287 Yeah, but just because Stone's political beliefs are different than ours... 684 00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,727 doesn't mean he's not good-looking. I... 685 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:50,649 A good person. 686 00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,331 - You said it. - Uh, honey... 687 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:55,527 Hey, look at that! 688 00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,490 Hot springs up ahead. We've always wanted to do that. 689 00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,762 Oh, honey, we don't wanna be late to Audrey's. 690 00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,082 So we're a few minutes late. 691 00:43:03,240 --> 00:43:07,040 We're on vacation. Right? Come on. Let's have some fun. 692 00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:08,807 Okay. 693 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,808 - Oh. Look at the line. - This will take forever. 694 00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:22,282 Come on, guys. How often do we get to soak in hot water? 695 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:23,930 Every time we take a bath. 696 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:26,528 No, this is different, okay? This is natural. 697 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,160 This water was heated in Mother Nature's bowels. 698 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:30,651 Oh. Gross. 699 00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,088 There's gotta be another way in. 700 00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,725 I'm gonna ask this gentleman. I bet he'd know. 701 00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,365 Excuse me, sir. 702 00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:39,851 - Hi there. - Hey. Hi. 703 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:44,170 Hey, we were wondering. Is there another entrance to the hot springs? 704 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:46,561 Like a secret entrance the locals use? 705 00:43:46,720 --> 00:43:50,884 - Line can get pretty long this time of year, huh? - Yeah. Yeah, it sure can. 706 00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:52,451 Yeah, I'll tell you what you'll do. 707 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,683 Uh, can you see that dirt road? That path there on the left? 708 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:58,446 - Yeah. - If you just follow that all the way up... 709 00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,443 that'll take you to the hot springs. 710 00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,489 All right, perfect. Thank you. 711 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,610 Oh, no, no. You bet. Y'all have a good time. 712 00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,728 - Oh, will do, heh. - Heh. 713 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:09,490 Hey, what's your pet rat's name? 714 00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:11,324 Is my pet what? 715 00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:14,246 What the fuck? What the fuck?! What the fuck?! 716 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:16,761 I don't know him. 717 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,166 Honey, are you sure about this? I mean, nobody else is going this way. 718 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:35,810 Yeah, well, most people think inside the box. 719 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,681 But you know who thinks outside the box? 720 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,683 Uncle Stone? 721 00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,491 Me. Your father. 722 00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,242 Um, honey, I don't see any hot springs. 723 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,324 Well, the guy said it was right at the end of this road, so... 724 00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:58,690 Well, the guy also did not know he had a rat on his shoulder, so there's that. 725 00:44:58,880 --> 00:44:59,927 Hold on. 726 00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,280 Wow, honey, this is beautiful. 727 00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:13,886 - Isn't it? - Yeah. 728 00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:16,605 All right, everyone. 729 00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:19,240 In your bathing suits. Now! Heh. 730 00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:24,366 Looks like we found our own private hot spring. 731 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,602 - I say we call it "Griswold Springs." - Heh. 732 00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:32,371 - The water's perfect. - Oh, my God. It's so nice. 733 00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,284 Why does it smell like rotten eggs? 734 00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,920 - That's the sulfur, buddy. It's natural. - Yeah. 735 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,162 Yeah. And it's really good for you too. 736 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,051 Actually, the minerals that are in this mud here... 737 00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,123 they draw toxins out of your body. 738 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:45,807 Can you believe that? 739 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:47,121 Cool, right? 740 00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:52,247 Oh, wow. 741 00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,567 Mm. This is perfect. 742 00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:58,644 It's exactly what we needed. 743 00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,041 Oh, yeah. Good call, Griswold. 744 00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:05,882 - Oh, man. - Yeah. 745 00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:08,281 - Oh, yeah. That's it. - That's it. That's it. 746 00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,966 I can feel my body detoxifying. 747 00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:17,207 You know... 748 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,767 it tastes a little shitty, but I think that's part of it. That's okay. 749 00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:23,485 This is wonderful. 750 00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:30,682 That is the stuff. 751 00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:32,761 What is that, honey? 752 00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,843 On your ear. What's on your ear? 753 00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:36,241 What is that? 754 00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:38,966 It's an ear! 755 00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,009 Look, James. Found a dart. 756 00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:44,565 Are you crazy? 757 00:46:44,720 --> 00:46:47,326 Oh, my God! Everybody out of Griswold Springs! 758 00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:49,448 - Get out of the poop! - That was nasty! 759 00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:51,687 All over me! 760 00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,089 I don't like Griswold Springs. 761 00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:56,487 Is that our car alarm? 762 00:46:58,560 --> 00:46:59,721 What? 763 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,689 Ugh. How come that local guy didn't tell us there are thieves in these woods? 764 00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:06,927 Oh, right. 765 00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:09,407 He took my guitar. 766 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,449 Oh, my God. He took all our money, Russ. 767 00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:13,369 All right, not a best-case scenario. 768 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:14,851 But, hey. 769 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,604 He left your book. 770 00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:20,128 So, I guess we get the last laugh. 771 00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:21,327 Oh, really, honey? 772 00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,727 We're naked and covered in human waste. 773 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:26,884 Oh, come on, sweetheart. We don't know that it's human. 774 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,290 This is so embarrassing. I feel like your cousin Eddie's family. 775 00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:41,081 It's no big deal. We'll just tell Stone and Audrey what happened. 776 00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,810 Kids, remember what happened? 777 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:45,401 We pulled over to rescue a baby from a burning car... 778 00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,564 and somebody stole all of our stuff while we were distracted. 779 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,331 And why are we naked and covered in feces? 780 00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,005 I don't remember. 781 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,481 That's right. We don't remember. 782 00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:15,565 Oh, my God. 783 00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:18,569 Oh, come on. 784 00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:24,490 - What're we gonna do? - Can you give me a hand with this? Please? 785 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,246 Just... Yeah. 786 00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:28,925 Oh, gosh. 787 00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,526 - I can't. I can't get it off. - Just use your spit. 788 00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:32,846 Oh, okay. 789 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:35,601 Focus on the balls. 790 00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,922 If you guys wanna stop, that'd be good too. 791 00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:42,167 Stay on the balls. I've got the shaft. 792 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:44,201 Hi, y'all! 793 00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:46,644 Hey. Oh, my goodness. Hi. 794 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,165 What happened? 795 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,086 Well, that's a... 796 00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,009 It's a crazy story... 797 00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:53,889 Dad got scammed by a guy at a park. 798 00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,247 - Kevin. - Same old Rusty. 799 00:48:56,400 --> 00:48:57,890 You'd buy water from a faucet. 800 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:04,128 Anyway, you guys look disgusting. 801 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,879 I have some clothes I was gonna give to the church... 802 00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:08,928 if you guys wanna borrow some of those. 803 00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,570 - Great. Thank you, Audrey. - Yeah. 804 00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:12,728 - Come on inside. - All right. 805 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:14,609 Boy, y'all stink. 806 00:49:18,240 --> 00:49:20,129 Oh, I don't like that. 807 00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:24,323 Man, this place makes our house look like shit. 808 00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:29,845 Well, Kevin, that's only because a dollar goes much further out here than it does in Chicago. 809 00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,131 Especially when you make a lot more of them, heh. 810 00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:35,440 Just messing with you. 811 00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:38,683 Shoot, you boys are growing faster than a weed under a faucet. 812 00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,605 - You still rassling, son? - Uh-huh. 813 00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:43,484 Uh-huh. Oh, come on. Show me what you got. 814 00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:51,331 - Hey, Kevin. Get off your brother, please. - They're just having themselves a rassle. 815 00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:54,529 - It's what brothers do. - Hey, oh, look at you guys. 816 00:49:54,720 --> 00:49:58,167 Hot damn. Debbie Griswold. You just keep getting prettier. 817 00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,482 - Oh, stop. - No, I mean it. 818 00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,890 You could make hot water come out of the cold faucet. 819 00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:07,530 Oh, heh. That's very sweet. 820 00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:10,286 You know, I remember the night you first wore that dress. 821 00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,721 - You remember that night? - I remember that night. 822 00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,645 - I'll never forget that night. - Neither will I, baby. 823 00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,131 You're my fucking husband. 824 00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:19,368 Oh, betcha, I am. I'm your caveman. 825 00:50:20,840 --> 00:50:22,649 I'll rip you in half. 826 00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:25,648 I wanna have all your babies. 827 00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:27,928 Oh, baby. 828 00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:32,326 I hit the fucking jackpot with you. 829 00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:34,403 Oh, God, what I'm gonna do to you tonight. 830 00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,401 Who wants to see Stone's man cave? 831 00:50:40,480 --> 00:50:41,527 Yeah. 832 00:50:41,720 --> 00:50:43,165 Is this Charlton Heston? 833 00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,322 Yep, Chuck was a good friend. 834 00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,729 I can't tell you how many nights we spent drinking bourbon together... 835 00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,848 and crying about the state of this country. 836 00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,606 It's true, they did. They literally cried together. 837 00:50:53,760 --> 00:50:56,843 Hmm. Somehow I don't see you crying, though, Stone. 838 00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:58,525 Yeah, that's, uh... 839 00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,489 That's kind of embarrassing, right? 840 00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:02,930 Not embarrassing to me. 841 00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:06,169 Even the strongest faucet sometimes lets out a few drops, heh. 842 00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,561 What is with these faucets? 843 00:51:08,720 --> 00:51:10,404 Everyone thought that F-4 twister... 844 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,006 - was gonna bypass Harris County. - Not my Stone. 845 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:17,882 I had a feeling that that low-pressure system was gonna make a beeline for Mission Bend. 846 00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:22,605 Thanks to my report, those people had an extra 15 minutes to evacuate. 847 00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:26,168 - Ah. - Governor Perry said he saved 2000 lives. 848 00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:29,130 That's how many we lost at Pearl Harbor... 849 00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,489 so basically he stopped Pearl Harbor. 850 00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:35,371 That's when the national news called. Now, between us... 851 00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:36,726 it's looking good. Ain't it, honey? 852 00:51:38,880 --> 00:51:42,521 Course none of that would've been possible without my sugar mama here... 853 00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,524 working day and night to put me through meteorology school. 854 00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:48,809 I liked working, baby. I didn't mind it one bit. 855 00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,082 Well, you never have to do it again, darling. 856 00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:52,890 But it kind of gave me purpose. 857 00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:54,849 Nope, never again. That is a promise. 858 00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:59,046 Wow, Uncle Stone, I may not agree with your politics... 859 00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:02,249 - but that doesn't mean I don't admire you. - Well, thank you James. 860 00:52:02,400 --> 00:52:06,291 But the man you should admire the most is sitting right next to you. 861 00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:08,524 But there's nobody there. 862 00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:11,160 Oh, I don't mean that chair. I mean your pa right here. 863 00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:12,560 Okay, heh. 864 00:52:12,720 --> 00:52:14,768 - He doesn't save anybody's life. - Doesn't he? 865 00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:19,525 Well, every time he flies that little plane of his, he's saving lives by not crashing. 866 00:52:19,680 --> 00:52:20,806 And in my book... 867 00:52:21,360 --> 00:52:22,646 that makes him a hero. 868 00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,761 Thank you. You know, a lot of people actually... 869 00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:30,323 Not to mention, he also snagged himself one sweet slice of foxy pie in your mama there. 870 00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:33,484 You gotta stop that today. Stop it. 871 00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:37,046 You know what I always wanted to know was... 872 00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,803 when did you first know the weather? 873 00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:43,207 You all right, Deb? 874 00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:45,323 - What? - Hey, there's a cow. 875 00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:48,564 Oh, not a cow. That's a steer. 876 00:52:48,720 --> 00:52:52,770 That there is $6000 worth of juicy, purebred Angus beef. 877 00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:57,443 It's Stone's new passion, raising cattle. He's even named them. 878 00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:01,087 Uh-huh. Old Sebastian here loves him some ribs. 879 00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:02,441 Here you go, boy. 880 00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:04,762 Yeah. Oh, that's it. 881 00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:10,130 - Dad, isn't that...? - Cannibalism? Yeah. 882 00:53:10,280 --> 00:53:14,126 If you boys wanna get up early tomorrow, you can watch me herd these suckers into the corral. 883 00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,163 - Oh! - Wait a minute, wait a minute. 884 00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:17,731 You herd them yourself? 885 00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:19,490 Heh, I'm a man, aren't I? 886 00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,051 Yes. 887 00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:25,687 Uh, hey, Stone, not sure if you need a hand out there, but I'd love to help. 888 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:29,128 Sure thing Rus. If you're up for it I can always use an extra set of hands. 889 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,762 Well, I was born with an extra set of hands. 890 00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:35,523 That's an odd thing to say, heh. 891 00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,447 But I reckon this'll be the highlight of your trip. 892 00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:42,207 Well, the real highlight, of course, will be when we get to Walley World... 893 00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:46,405 and I take my family on the Velociraptor. 894 00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,246 I think it is so weird. I don't know why you want to go back to Walley World... 895 00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:51,845 after Dad flipped out there. 896 00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:56,170 Audrey, Dad flipped out because he loved us and wanted us to be close. 897 00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:59,130 And we were. And that's all I want for my family. 898 00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,444 You're such a clown. 899 00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:03,965 You're a clown. 900 00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:05,929 Babe, baby, I think Rusty's right. 901 00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:10,483 You know, family is the most important thing there is. 902 00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:12,489 Little something... 903 00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:17,721 Maybe we'll take baby Cooper on a trip this summer. 904 00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:19,166 Yeah, not to Walley World. 905 00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:21,010 - Oh, God, no. - Because that'd be stupid. 906 00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,367 That'd be stupid. How about Paris? 907 00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:29,210 And then we get back I can maybe get a part-time job? 908 00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,284 Well, not while there's breath in my body, sweetheart. 909 00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:39,691 You know, honey, I am really happy for your sister. 910 00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:40,927 - Yeah? - Seriously. 911 00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:43,924 She and Stone seem really in love. It's nice. 912 00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:47,084 These pants Stone gave me are really stretched out in the crotch. 913 00:54:47,240 --> 00:54:49,402 Weird. Why would they be stretched out in the...? 914 00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:51,210 - God, I don't know. - Holy shit. 915 00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,647 How much you think they paid for this house? 916 00:54:54,960 --> 00:54:58,442 Whoa. Oh, okay, whoa. 917 00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:00,762 Oh, should I see if Audrey has a Yankee Candle? 918 00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:03,571 Fuck the Yankee Candle. I wanna do this now. 919 00:55:04,720 --> 00:55:07,963 - Oh, God, you're so sexy. Oh, my God. - Oh, what has gotten into you? 920 00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:10,446 What? What, what? 921 00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:12,885 This is because of him, isn't it? 922 00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,411 What? Who? 923 00:55:15,240 --> 00:55:16,810 Because of who? 924 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:18,331 Because of Stone. 925 00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,801 - What? - That's why you're jumping my bones. 926 00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:23,048 - You're thinking of him. - That's ridiculous. 927 00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:25,248 Then how come the one night we're with him... 928 00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:29,883 - you turn into some kind of sexual character? - I don't know where you're going with this but I can... 929 00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,407 - Where's your wedding ring? - Oh, my God. 930 00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:34,927 Before we got here, you took off your wedding ring? 931 00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,048 No, I didn't, Rusty. It was loose. 932 00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:38,645 You remember how loose it was? 933 00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:40,882 And I must've just dropped it somewhere. 934 00:55:41,040 --> 00:55:44,089 What was the plan Deb? Show up with no ring, he'll think you're single? 935 00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:46,891 How will he think I'm single if I'm here with my husband and my two chidren? 936 00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:48,724 I don't know. It was your plan. 937 00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:50,962 It was not my pl... Okay. 938 00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:57,371 Yes, Stone is an impressive man, okay? 939 00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,449 But I married you, Rusty. 940 00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:01,841 And I am so sorry that I lost my ring... 941 00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:05,931 but I would never, ever, ever take it off on purpose. 942 00:56:08,640 --> 00:56:10,961 I know, I know. I just... 943 00:56:13,240 --> 00:56:15,766 I freaked out. I'm sorry. I just... 944 00:56:17,080 --> 00:56:18,320 We'll get you another ring. 945 00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:20,170 I liked that one. 946 00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,324 Hey, y'all decent? 947 00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:25,931 - Yes. Hi. - Hey. 948 00:56:26,080 --> 00:56:29,846 Okay. Just wanted to make sure y'all had everything you needed for the night. 949 00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:31,686 Yep. 950 00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:33,806 All right. 951 00:56:34,560 --> 00:56:37,769 Man, it sure is beautiful here this time of year, ain't it? 952 00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:41,121 And quiet. Listen. 953 00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:43,211 You hear that? 954 00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,801 - No. - Exactly. It's perfect silence. 955 00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,240 Hmm. 956 00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:52,082 Yeah, yeah. 957 00:56:52,240 --> 00:56:56,165 Well, uh, TV remote. Okay, let me show you. 958 00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:58,448 I've got, uh, channels... 959 00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:00,051 and the volume. 960 00:57:00,200 --> 00:57:01,565 On. Off. 961 00:57:02,080 --> 00:57:04,003 - Pretty straightforward. - Yeah. 962 00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:06,367 - Yeah. - Great. 963 00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:07,567 All right. 964 00:57:07,720 --> 00:57:11,520 Well, uh, if you get thirsty, there's fresh milk in the fridge... 965 00:57:11,680 --> 00:57:14,684 and have yourselves a good night. 966 00:57:14,840 --> 00:57:16,968 - Uh-huh. - Okay. 967 00:57:17,160 --> 00:57:19,322 - Night, Stone. - Good night, Stone. 968 00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:21,166 Man. 969 00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,251 Yeah. 970 00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:28,521 Okay. 971 00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:34,250 He totally just came in here to show off his six-pack. 972 00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:39,691 Hey, morning. 973 00:57:39,880 --> 00:57:41,882 Ugh, barely. 974 00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:43,769 How come you gotta do this at 6 a.m.? 975 00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:46,127 Well, I gotta be at the station by 7:30... 976 00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:48,931 for Stone Crandall's AccuWeather Report. 977 00:57:49,760 --> 00:57:51,603 Hey, you ever ride one of these things? 978 00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:54,011 No, never have. 979 00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:58,882 But, uh, can't imagine it's more complicated than an Airbus A318. 980 00:57:59,040 --> 00:58:01,566 Heh, yeah, well, that's the spirit. 981 00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:05,042 Now, the key here is to move back and forth along the edge of the herd. 982 00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:08,329 You keep your distance, though. You don't want to spook them. 983 00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:10,130 Got it. 984 00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:11,645 Okay. 985 00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:13,801 Are there helmets? 986 00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,442 Yeah, I keep them with the tampons. 987 00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:18,445 Just basic safety. 988 00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:27,285 This is exciting! 989 00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,211 It's my favorite way to start the day. 990 00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:32,449 This, and making love to your sister. 991 00:58:33,080 --> 00:58:34,320 Thank you for that. 992 00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:40,491 Come on, let's go! 993 00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:43,527 It looks like we got us a couple of mavericks. 994 00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:46,524 You take the one on the left. I'll take the one on the right. 995 00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,523 Unless you need my help with yours. 996 00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:50,125 No, I think I got it. 997 00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:52,328 Last one to the corral's a rotten cowpoke. 998 00:58:58,440 --> 00:58:59,885 Let's go! 999 00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:02,122 Go! Get up! Get up! Get up! Let's go! 1000 00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:04,847 Whoa! 1001 00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:13,526 Hey! 1002 00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,160 Holy shit! 1003 00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:18,961 Oh, my gosh! 1004 00:59:26,160 --> 00:59:27,810 Is the cow okay? 1005 00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:31,083 No, the cow's not okay, Russ. You drove plumb through him. 1006 00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:32,810 Oh, no, Sebastian. 1007 00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:36,611 Gross. 1008 00:59:50,560 --> 00:59:51,846 Hey, gang, uh... 1009 00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:54,921 Maybe for lunch we could find a burger place. 1010 00:59:55,200 --> 00:59:56,964 You know, like a, uh... 1011 00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:00,246 Like a drive-through burger place. 1012 01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:04,527 I don't know, Dad. I think we should, uh... 1013 01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:06,921 steer clear of that. 1014 01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:09,726 - Good one, James. - All right, enough, you guys. 1015 01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:13,327 Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just move on. 1016 01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:16,968 - Oh, I got one. - Yeah? Let's hear it. 1017 01:00:17,360 --> 01:00:19,442 James is a piece of shit. 1018 01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:21,682 You kind of missed the point there, buddy. 1019 01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:01,765 - Hey, hey. - What? What is it? What's wrong? 1020 01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:03,126 - Is everything okay? - Yeah. 1021 01:01:03,280 --> 01:01:04,770 - No, nothing's wrong. - Okay. 1022 01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:06,968 - Well, what? - I have an idea. 1023 01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:10,130 And it's gonna sound crazy, but hear me out, okay? 1024 01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:11,930 - Okay. - Okay. 1025 01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,007 We're right near the Four Corners Monument... 1026 01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:18,084 which is where four states come together in one spot. 1027 01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:20,846 - So? - Let's go have sex on it. 1028 01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:22,521 What? Heh. 1029 01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:27,486 Yeah, that way we can make love in four states at the same time. 1030 01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:28,721 Wait. 1031 01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:30,730 You're serious? 1032 01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,489 Yeah. I mean, you're the one who said we should mix it up. 1033 01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:37,644 What's more mixed-up than sex on a public monument? 1034 01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:40,682 Um, pretty sure Debbie Do-Anything would do it. 1035 01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:42,962 Okay, well, Debbie Do-Anything was a dumbass. 1036 01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,168 Maybe that's what we need. 1037 01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:47,402 To be dumbasses together. 1038 01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:50,050 What about the kids? 1039 01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:52,450 Well, Kevin's kind of a dumbass. 1040 01:01:52,640 --> 01:01:53,766 No, no, honey. 1041 01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:56,002 What are we gonna do about them? 1042 01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:58,442 They're fine. They're fast asleep. 1043 01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:00,967 We'll be back before they know we're gone. 1044 01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:02,886 - Okay. - Yeah? 1045 01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:04,610 All right, let's do it. 1046 01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:22,206 Mom? 1047 01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:24,287 Dad? 1048 01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:31,724 - James? - Mom? 1049 01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:36,563 - Adena? - Are you, like, stalking me or something? 1050 01:02:36,720 --> 01:02:38,802 No. What? No. 1051 01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:40,689 I'm kidding. 1052 01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:41,921 - Relax, heh. - Oh! 1053 01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:49,402 Hey, what happened with that perv who was hitting on you in Arkansas? 1054 01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:52,369 That was actually my dad. 1055 01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:55,402 He was trying to be my wingman. 1056 01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:57,801 Oh, my God. 1057 01:02:58,560 --> 01:03:00,961 He's a really shitty wingman. 1058 01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:06,441 So no guitar tonight? 1059 01:03:07,160 --> 01:03:08,810 It got stolen. 1060 01:03:09,440 --> 01:03:10,930 That sucks. 1061 01:03:11,880 --> 01:03:13,689 I really liked hearing you play. 1062 01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:16,167 You did? 1063 01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:18,971 Yeah, I've always had a thing for musicians. 1064 01:03:21,640 --> 01:03:23,768 Well, good... 1065 01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,890 because I've always had a thing for... 1066 01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:29,005 pretty girls. 1067 01:03:31,760 --> 01:03:33,205 Well played. 1068 01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,727 See? You don't need a wingman. 1069 01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:47,685 Here it is. 1070 01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:49,804 Oh, my God. This is so illegal. 1071 01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,770 - I know, it's so hot, right? - Yeah. 1072 01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:54,365 I am hard as a faucet right now. 1073 01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:58,930 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Oh. No. I like it. 1074 01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:00,127 - Yeah? - Yeah. 1075 01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:01,327 - Yeah? - I do. 1076 01:04:01,520 --> 01:04:03,921 - You like it when I slap that ass? - I do, I do, heh. 1077 01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,368 - Good. I'm gonna beat the shit out of your ass. - Whoa, Russ. 1078 01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:09,409 Okay, right here? 1079 01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:17,485 - We're about to have sex outside. - I know. Heh, I know. 1080 01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:20,211 - Do you want me to put a finger in? - In what? 1081 01:04:20,360 --> 01:04:21,486 - Never mind. - Okay, okay. 1082 01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:23,371 Y'all wanna keep it down? 1083 01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:26,126 - Yeah! Yeah! - Hey, watch it, man! 1084 01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,760 - Get your leg off me! - You're so slippery and sweaty! 1085 01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:32,003 If you're here to have sex on the Corners, we're next. Get in line. 1086 01:04:32,240 --> 01:04:33,685 - Oh, my gosh. - Oh, God. 1087 01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:39,690 Oh, God! 1088 01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,209 Oh, God! They're in every state! 1089 01:04:42,360 --> 01:04:43,771 So many boobies out here! 1090 01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:45,410 You two! Freeze! 1091 01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:46,766 Go, go, go! 1092 01:04:46,920 --> 01:04:47,967 Hands up! 1093 01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:49,963 - Run! Honey, run! - Get your shoe! 1094 01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,441 Drop the flashlight! 1095 01:04:52,600 --> 01:04:56,525 You do know public indecency is a crime in the state of Utah? 1096 01:04:56,680 --> 01:04:57,727 Yes. Sorry, officer. 1097 01:04:57,880 --> 01:05:01,009 - See, we're married, and we wanted to just... - Save it for the judge. 1098 01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:05,404 It makes me sick how you deviants show up and desecrate this holy place every night. 1099 01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:08,006 - Turn around. Hands behind your back. - What? 1100 01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:09,810 Not so fast, Tommy. 1101 01:05:09,960 --> 01:05:12,440 Shoot for sherbet. What are you doing here, Kyle? 1102 01:05:12,600 --> 01:05:16,207 These people are clearly in the state of Colorado. That's my jurisdiction. 1103 01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:18,169 Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle. 1104 01:05:18,360 --> 01:05:21,045 Look at her left foot. Smack-dab in Arizona. 1105 01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:24,090 You weed-legalizing, Mile-High piece of shit. 1106 01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:27,289 - Hey, there's no reason for that language. - Oh I'm sorry, Officer Mormon. 1107 01:05:27,480 --> 01:05:28,925 You don't like that? I have an idea. 1108 01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,487 Why don't you plug up your ears with Mitt Romney's dick? 1109 01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:32,886 - Ha, ha. - Hey. 1110 01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:36,368 Oh, looks like New Mexico decided to wake up from his siesta. 1111 01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:39,524 - What's to be the trouble? - Tell you what the trouble is, dreamcatcher. 1112 01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:42,081 You are wearing entirely too much goddamn turquoise. 1113 01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:43,605 Hey, we can do this without... 1114 01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:47,287 - disrespecting each other's traditions. - Oh, go fuck your wives, Tommy. 1115 01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:49,886 This is what I'm telling you guys. Every night we do this. 1116 01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:53,931 You know what this border represents? It's just an idea. That's all I'm saying. 1117 01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:57,846 - If it's just an idea, then I'll just get the perp... - Ah! My house! 1118 01:05:58,000 --> 01:05:59,286 - Hey! - Stay out of my state buddy. 1119 01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:02,171 - What are you gonna do now? - Get your feet off of my state! 1120 01:06:02,320 --> 01:06:03,651 You wanna stomp on my foot?! 1121 01:06:03,800 --> 01:06:05,370 - You back... - Is that what you want? 1122 01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:07,005 Hey, I wasn't even in it! 1123 01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:09,686 Don't you kick in here! Don't start... 1124 01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:11,046 How about this, then, huh? 1125 01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:14,328 - We got a live weapon! - Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 1126 01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:16,926 - Think I'm afraid of that? - I'm not afraid of you. 1127 01:06:17,080 --> 01:06:19,560 - How about that, huh? - Oh, yeah, like I'm afraid? 1128 01:06:22,440 --> 01:06:25,205 - Are we...? I don't want it in my mouth. - Let's not do that ok. 1129 01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,409 - I'll take that all in, dude. - That's enough! Everyone get down! 1130 01:06:28,560 --> 01:06:31,962 - Get down on the ground! Get down! - Get down! Get down on the ground! 1131 01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,566 I'm cooperating! I'm the one who's cooperating! 1132 01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:37,570 - You get down too. You get down too. - Get down on the ground! 1133 01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:39,125 - Hands where? - Your right side. 1134 01:06:39,280 --> 01:06:40,691 - Sides or front? - Side to side. 1135 01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,285 - Let's do this. - Everyone down? 1136 01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:44,681 - Okay. - I think I'm done. 1137 01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:52,091 You can really see all the stars out here. 1138 01:06:53,040 --> 01:06:54,121 Yeah. 1139 01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:59,484 So, what do you feel like doing? 1140 01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:02,206 Heh. I don't know. 1141 01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:11,682 Can I give you a rim job? 1142 01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:15,969 - Whoa. - No. 1143 01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:18,280 - What? - I don't know. 1144 01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:20,920 - What's wrong with you? - I don't know. I'm sorry. 1145 01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:22,770 What did you wanna do? 1146 01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:26,288 I don't know. I thought maybe we could... 1147 01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:27,601 kiss or something? 1148 01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:29,808 Well, yeah, that's what I thought I... 1149 01:07:29,960 --> 01:07:31,803 Yeah. Okay. 1150 01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:37,126 Ow. 1151 01:07:37,360 --> 01:07:39,089 Where's Mom and Dad, dork? 1152 01:07:39,280 --> 01:07:41,282 I don't know Kevin. Just go back inside the thing. 1153 01:07:41,440 --> 01:07:43,442 You were about to let that dingus kiss you? 1154 01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:45,250 Shut up, Kevin. 1155 01:07:45,400 --> 01:07:48,051 - Who is that? - My stupid little brother. 1156 01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,567 I thought you said he was your big brother. 1157 01:07:50,720 --> 01:07:52,882 - I... Damn it! - Dingus. 1158 01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:56,089 - Why do you take that from him? - What am I supposed to do hit him back? 1159 01:07:56,240 --> 01:07:58,083 - He's a little kid. - He's a little shit. 1160 01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:03,087 - You don't have to let him push you around. - I kind of thought I was taking the high road. 1161 01:08:03,240 --> 01:08:06,608 Yeah, that seems to be working out for you. 1162 01:08:07,720 --> 01:08:08,960 You know what? 1163 01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:13,570 Fuck it. 1164 01:08:15,200 --> 01:08:17,487 Okay, so you wanna do this now? 1165 01:08:17,640 --> 01:08:19,563 Bring it, bitch. 1166 01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:22,447 Wait, what? 1167 01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:23,806 No, no, no. 1168 01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:28,161 Wow, this is so easy. You are such a little boy. 1169 01:08:29,600 --> 01:08:32,524 Unh! There's gonna be a few changes Kevin, all right? No more bullying. 1170 01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:35,047 - Stop it. I'm telling Mom. - Shut your mouth. 1171 01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:36,361 You gonna stop bullying? 1172 01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:38,090 You're hurting my tummy. 1173 01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:40,527 Say you're gonna stop, you little piece of... 1174 01:08:40,760 --> 01:08:42,728 - ass. - Wait, what? 1175 01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:44,769 - "Piece of ass"? - You know what I mean. 1176 01:08:45,360 --> 01:08:47,488 What are you doing to my face? 1177 01:08:47,680 --> 01:08:49,045 - This hurts, doesn't it? - Dude. 1178 01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:52,647 - How do you like your ears getting messed up with? - It's really not that bad. 1179 01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:55,883 - I'll tap you right on the forehead. - That's not how you even beat someone up. 1180 01:08:56,040 --> 01:08:57,565 Very dehumanizing. 1181 01:08:57,720 --> 01:08:59,563 Your forehead's gonna be so sore. 1182 01:08:59,720 --> 01:09:01,609 Stop it! What are you doing?! 1183 01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:05,207 - How do you like your lips getting tickled? - This is really weird. 1184 01:09:05,360 --> 01:09:07,089 Just smush your cheeks. 1185 01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:11,131 - You gonna stop bullying? - Fine, I'll stop bullying. Just stop doing this. 1186 01:09:13,520 --> 01:09:14,646 Thank you, Adena. 1187 01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:16,086 This has been... 1188 01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:18,124 the best night of my life. 1189 01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:25,809 Weird fucking family. 1190 01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:29,564 Well, that was awful. 1191 01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:34,808 At least the kids never woke up. 1192 01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:46,930 Passengers on the left side of the Prancer will notice... 1193 01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:49,327 the Grand Canyon out the window. 1194 01:09:49,480 --> 01:09:52,609 That's right. Last stop before Walley World. 1195 01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:05,767 So, guys... 1196 01:10:05,920 --> 01:10:09,083 when we visited the Grand Canyon when I was a kid... 1197 01:10:09,240 --> 01:10:11,322 we barely had a chance to look at it. 1198 01:10:11,480 --> 01:10:13,244 This time... 1199 01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:15,801 we're gonna do a whole lot more than look. 1200 01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:18,881 - Oh, cool. - Sweet. 1201 01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:26,089 Hi, folks! Hi! 1202 01:10:26,280 --> 01:10:28,203 All right, let's see, who do we got here? 1203 01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:29,771 You must be... 1204 01:10:29,920 --> 01:10:31,570 the Fung family. 1205 01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:32,921 Huh? 1206 01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:36,122 I'm just messing! You're the Griswolds, right? 1207 01:10:36,280 --> 01:10:37,566 Yes, that's right. 1208 01:10:37,720 --> 01:10:41,611 Heh, right. The little guy's face was like, "Fungs?" 1209 01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:45,881 Anyway, I'm Chad. I'm gonna be your guide. 1210 01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:48,771 - Okay. Hi, Chad. - You couldn't have come on a better day. 1211 01:10:48,920 --> 01:10:50,160 I'll get you all geared up. 1212 01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:52,482 And, guess what, the river's running way high... 1213 01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:55,206 so I think we're in for a pretty sweet ride, guys. 1214 01:10:55,360 --> 01:10:56,885 - Let's roll. - All right. 1215 01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:58,610 Let's do this. 1216 01:10:58,800 --> 01:11:01,770 Okay, gang, joke time is over. Let's get serious for a second. 1217 01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,651 Just go over a couple safety procedures before we hit the water. 1218 01:11:04,800 --> 01:11:08,930 First off, do any of you know this river? Because this is actually my first time. 1219 01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:12,568 I'm kidding, ha, ha. 1220 01:11:12,760 --> 01:11:16,242 Been doing this about 3 and a half years. Know the river inside and out ok. 1221 01:11:16,400 --> 01:11:18,767 Got my guide certificate from a Cracker Jack box. 1222 01:11:20,280 --> 01:11:22,760 Guys, it's a joke. See the little kid's face? He's all: 1223 01:11:22,960 --> 01:11:24,962 "A Cracker Jack box? A what?!" 1224 01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:29,322 All you gotta do is follow my instructions out there... 1225 01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:32,086 and we got a 50-50 chance of coming back alive. 1226 01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:36,526 I'm kidding, guys. See the little kid's face, he's all: 1227 01:11:36,680 --> 01:11:39,570 "I'm coming back alive! I don't wanna die!" 1228 01:11:40,920 --> 01:11:43,366 Sorry, hang on a second. I'm getting a call from my fiancee here. 1229 01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:46,524 Actually we just got engaged 2 weeks ago, so I think I'm gonna take this... 1230 01:11:46,680 --> 01:11:49,729 or the river's not gonna be the only hot water I'm in today. 1231 01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:51,845 River's actually very cold. 1232 01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:53,047 Hey, boo. 1233 01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:55,770 - Wow, this is awesome. - Ah. 1234 01:11:55,920 --> 01:11:59,891 We're about to set sail through one of America's greatest aquatic treasures. 1235 01:12:00,080 --> 01:12:02,367 - Kevin, don't hit your brother. - I didn't. 1236 01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:06,691 You heard what he said about the "aquatic treasures," right? 1237 01:12:06,880 --> 01:12:09,087 - Yeah. - And you didn't wanna hit him? 1238 01:12:11,440 --> 01:12:13,044 - Well, that's progress. - Wow. 1239 01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:16,124 I don't understand, though. Like, what are you even saying? 1240 01:12:16,360 --> 01:12:18,249 But just like that? 1241 01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:20,767 I love you. You love me. 1242 01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:24,208 Tanya, please. Please, just let's think about this for a second, honey. 1243 01:12:24,400 --> 01:12:27,609 You're all that I have in this world. Tanya, no, babe. 1244 01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:31,401 No, Tanya, no. Please, don't hang up. No, no! Goddamn it! 1245 01:12:51,720 --> 01:12:53,722 Who's ready to go on the river? 1246 01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:56,651 Um, are you okay, Chad? 1247 01:12:56,800 --> 01:12:58,165 Oh, yeah. 1248 01:12:58,320 --> 01:13:00,607 Turns out I'm not engaged anymore. 1249 01:13:00,760 --> 01:13:01,841 So... 1250 01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:05,166 All aboard. 1251 01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:08,330 I don't know about this, Russ. 1252 01:13:08,920 --> 01:13:10,410 Oh, come on. 1253 01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:11,920 He's kidding. 1254 01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:08,162 Get it together! 1255 01:14:24,680 --> 01:14:25,920 Oh, shit. 1256 01:14:27,720 --> 01:14:29,609 Everybody out of the boat. 1257 01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:52,690 Can we go home now? 1258 01:14:52,880 --> 01:14:53,927 What? 1259 01:14:54,120 --> 01:14:55,929 We're a day away from Walley World. 1260 01:14:56,080 --> 01:14:59,004 Dad, I don't think any of us really care about Walley World. 1261 01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:02,084 The boys are right, Russ. I mean, we almost died back there. 1262 01:15:02,240 --> 01:15:04,641 I mean, isn't it time that we just cut our losses? 1263 01:15:05,120 --> 01:15:07,726 I cannot believe what I'm hearing. 1264 01:15:08,080 --> 01:15:09,411 Oh, my God. 1265 01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:15,090 Huh! All right, that has to be a sign, right? We were meant to finish this trip. 1266 01:15:15,280 --> 01:15:17,442 Come on, guys, everybody sing it with me. 1267 01:15:17,600 --> 01:15:23,642 There used to be a graying tower Alone on the sea 1268 01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:26,361 We're losing the station. 1269 01:15:26,520 --> 01:15:28,090 - We're not losing anything. - Yes... 1270 01:15:28,240 --> 01:15:30,083 We just have to listen a little harder! 1271 01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:33,962 Love remained A drug... 1272 01:15:34,120 --> 01:15:35,929 Okay, no, no, no. It's gone. It's gone. 1273 01:15:36,080 --> 01:15:37,366 - Just let it go. - Fine. 1274 01:15:37,520 --> 01:15:40,922 Just thought we could all sing Seal together like normal families do. 1275 01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:44,124 - Oh, crap. - Now what? 1276 01:15:44,280 --> 01:15:47,329 - We're almost out of gas. - Oh, my God. 1277 01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:48,567 It's all right. 1278 01:15:48,720 --> 01:15:52,520 I'm sure we will find a place to fill up around here before we run out. 1279 01:15:54,480 --> 01:15:55,561 Man. 1280 01:15:56,160 --> 01:15:57,730 No signal at all. 1281 01:15:59,920 --> 01:16:02,241 Wonder if the Prancer has roadside assistance. 1282 01:16:02,440 --> 01:16:06,206 - How would we even call them? - Maybe it's one of the buttons on the fob. 1283 01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:08,567 Seriously? You're gonna keep pressing buttons? 1284 01:16:08,720 --> 01:16:11,690 - Well, we never tried the top hat. - Oh, jeez. 1285 01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:13,881 Oh, my God! 1286 01:16:15,440 --> 01:16:17,647 Well, now we know what the top hat does. 1287 01:16:18,560 --> 01:16:22,121 I'm not gonna do the swastika. All that's left is the muffin. 1288 01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:25,971 Come on, muffin. 1289 01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:29,846 - What? - It started. 1290 01:16:30,000 --> 01:16:31,445 - Yes. - All right. 1291 01:16:31,600 --> 01:16:33,887 Oh, must be the extra gas tank. 1292 01:16:34,040 --> 01:16:35,087 - Right? - The muffin. 1293 01:16:35,240 --> 01:16:36,844 Dad to the rescue. 1294 01:16:37,000 --> 01:16:38,650 Thank God. Wait, where's it going? 1295 01:16:38,800 --> 01:16:39,961 Wait! Wait a minute! 1296 01:16:41,520 --> 01:16:42,806 - Make it stop! - I don't know how! 1297 01:16:42,960 --> 01:16:44,371 I'll hit the muffin again! 1298 01:17:05,040 --> 01:17:08,283 - All right, we can handle this. - Oh, no, no, no. Please, don't say that. 1299 01:17:08,440 --> 01:17:11,762 Do not say that we can handle this, Russ. Okay? 1300 01:17:11,920 --> 01:17:13,445 - We can. - No, we can't! 1301 01:17:13,600 --> 01:17:14,886 We can't! 1302 01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:18,123 From the moment we left for this trip, nothing has gone right. 1303 01:17:18,320 --> 01:17:20,891 Can you please just admit that this was a mistake? 1304 01:17:22,520 --> 01:17:25,000 But it wasn't. Right? We all wanted to go. 1305 01:17:25,200 --> 01:17:26,361 - I didn't. - Me neither. 1306 01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:27,567 Me neither. 1307 01:17:27,720 --> 01:17:28,801 You wanted to go. 1308 01:17:28,960 --> 01:17:33,010 All right, I think tempers are getting a little hot right now. We just have to, uh... 1309 01:17:34,720 --> 01:17:36,165 We just all have to... 1310 01:17:38,600 --> 01:17:40,045 Fuck me! 1311 01:17:40,440 --> 01:17:41,646 I give up! 1312 01:17:41,840 --> 01:17:44,002 All I wanted to do was take my fucking family... 1313 01:17:44,160 --> 01:17:47,004 on a fucking trip to Walley World, and ride the fucking Velociraptor! 1314 01:17:47,200 --> 01:17:49,965 Ow. There's a rock in that. 1315 01:17:52,120 --> 01:17:55,329 I guess I'm the asshole for trying to bring my family closer together. 1316 01:17:55,520 --> 01:17:59,047 What do I get? Kids who don't wanna be with me, and a wife who's miserable. 1317 01:17:59,200 --> 01:18:00,804 - Russ... - Oh, come on, Debbie. 1318 01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:05,409 You know it's true. You think you settled for me. You think I'm a loser regional pilot. 1319 01:18:05,560 --> 01:18:06,846 Well, guess what. 1320 01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:09,651 I get offers from international carriers all the time... 1321 01:18:09,880 --> 01:18:11,882 and I turn them down. Why? 1322 01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:14,765 I don't wanna be away from you and the kids that long. 1323 01:18:14,960 --> 01:18:16,291 I'm an idiot. 1324 01:18:16,440 --> 01:18:20,729 I should take one of those jobs and fly off to the Pyramids of Zambezi... 1325 01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:23,321 and the Lost Gardens of... 1326 01:18:23,480 --> 01:18:24,766 wherever the fuck! 1327 01:18:25,400 --> 01:18:26,686 Just forget it. 1328 01:18:26,840 --> 01:18:29,127 Forget this whole stupid trip. 1329 01:18:30,040 --> 01:18:31,644 You people are on your own. 1330 01:18:31,800 --> 01:18:34,041 I'm sure you'll find a better husband and father. 1331 01:18:34,200 --> 01:18:36,965 A cowboy with a huge six-pack... 1332 01:18:37,120 --> 01:18:39,122 who will take you to Paris... 1333 01:18:39,280 --> 01:18:40,770 and wrestling... 1334 01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:43,085 and books. 1335 01:18:43,280 --> 01:18:44,361 What...? 1336 01:18:44,880 --> 01:18:46,211 Wait, where are you going? 1337 01:18:46,400 --> 01:18:48,050 Fuck if I know! 1338 01:18:48,520 --> 01:18:50,921 Ow. God! 1339 01:18:51,280 --> 01:18:54,409 These tumbleweeds are all filled with things that are hard! 1340 01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:03,687 What the...? 1341 01:19:11,160 --> 01:19:12,730 Oh, no. 1342 01:19:14,600 --> 01:19:15,761 Help. 1343 01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:17,360 Help. 1344 01:19:18,080 --> 01:19:19,320 Help! 1345 01:19:19,600 --> 01:19:21,090 Help! 1346 01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:22,567 Stop! 1347 01:19:22,720 --> 01:19:24,210 Come on. Go, go, go. 1348 01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:26,245 Help! 1349 01:19:28,480 --> 01:19:29,527 No! 1350 01:19:31,360 --> 01:19:32,771 Help! 1351 01:19:44,240 --> 01:19:45,651 - Don't you kill him! - Dad! 1352 01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:47,251 I'm so sorry. 1353 01:19:47,400 --> 01:19:49,846 When I called you a pedophile, I was... 1354 01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:51,047 No! No, no, no! 1355 01:19:51,200 --> 01:19:54,010 No! Not in front of my family! 1356 01:19:55,240 --> 01:19:57,720 Your wife left this in a truck stop in Missouri. 1357 01:19:58,120 --> 01:19:59,724 Thought you might want it back. 1358 01:20:00,520 --> 01:20:02,045 Oh, my God. 1359 01:20:02,320 --> 01:20:03,765 Wait, wait. 1360 01:20:03,920 --> 01:20:05,490 Is that my ring? 1361 01:20:07,040 --> 01:20:09,691 This man's been trying to return it to us the whole time. 1362 01:20:11,080 --> 01:20:13,208 I don't know how I could ever thank you. 1363 01:20:13,360 --> 01:20:14,850 No thanks necessary. 1364 01:20:15,200 --> 01:20:16,929 It was on my way. 1365 01:20:17,120 --> 01:20:18,246 So you're not a rapist? 1366 01:20:23,440 --> 01:20:25,488 Looks like your car's pretty messed up. 1367 01:20:26,640 --> 01:20:27,801 Where you headed? 1368 01:20:28,800 --> 01:20:30,040 Um... 1369 01:20:31,760 --> 01:20:33,364 Home, I guess. 1370 01:20:33,520 --> 01:20:36,888 Well, I can take you as far as San Francisco. Will that help? 1371 01:20:38,920 --> 01:20:41,764 Yeah. Yeah, that'll work. 1372 01:20:42,200 --> 01:20:43,247 Thank you. 1373 01:20:43,440 --> 01:20:44,646 All right, come on, guys. 1374 01:20:44,800 --> 01:20:45,881 Thank you. 1375 01:20:49,120 --> 01:20:51,487 - He still didn't answer me. - Oh, Kevin. 1376 01:21:07,520 --> 01:21:10,285 Well, thanks for the ride. Really appreciate it. 1377 01:21:10,440 --> 01:21:13,887 You never told us why you keep that teddy bear on the front of your truck. 1378 01:21:14,040 --> 01:21:16,725 - Oh, yeah. - It makes the kids feel more comfortable. 1379 01:21:16,880 --> 01:21:18,405 Oh, yeah? You have kids? 1380 01:21:18,600 --> 01:21:19,806 Nope. 1381 01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:22,090 Right. Take care. 1382 01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:30,004 Well, I guess that's that. 1383 01:21:30,160 --> 01:21:32,925 Yeah. We'll get a flight home tomorrow. 1384 01:21:33,080 --> 01:21:35,686 Do not stay here. It's the worst bed and breakfast that we've ever been to. 1385 01:21:35,840 --> 01:21:39,606 They ought to shut this place down. The owner is a lunatic. 1386 01:21:40,120 --> 01:21:41,929 You all come back now, you hear? 1387 01:21:43,480 --> 01:21:46,165 Hey, look who made it. 1388 01:21:46,320 --> 01:21:48,721 Ellen! Oh, there you are. They're here. 1389 01:21:48,920 --> 01:21:50,001 Hi, Dad. 1390 01:21:50,160 --> 01:21:52,128 - We were so happy to get that call. - Hi. 1391 01:21:52,280 --> 01:21:53,725 How was your trip? 1392 01:21:53,880 --> 01:21:55,564 - It's a long story. - Give me a hug. 1393 01:21:55,760 --> 01:21:57,842 - Hi, Grandpa. - Oh. Come here, you two. 1394 01:21:58,000 --> 01:22:00,765 Oh, my gosh. You're getting so big. 1395 01:22:00,920 --> 01:22:03,400 - Come on, let's go inside. - Grandpa, you don't have to. 1396 01:22:03,600 --> 01:22:05,045 - No, I can do it. Really. - Russ. 1397 01:22:05,200 --> 01:22:07,521 - Clark. - Oh, no. I got this. 1398 01:22:07,680 --> 01:22:08,920 I'm fine. 1399 01:22:09,160 --> 01:22:11,049 This really hurts. 1400 01:22:11,200 --> 01:22:14,124 Then the muffin made the car explode, but it didn't really matter. 1401 01:22:14,320 --> 01:22:16,846 Our luggage and all of our stuff had already been stolen... 1402 01:22:17,000 --> 01:22:20,083 - by the guy with the rat on his shoulder. - Even took my guitar. 1403 01:22:20,240 --> 01:22:22,049 Oh, James, that's terrible. 1404 01:22:22,200 --> 01:22:24,806 A musician without his instrument is as bad as... 1405 01:22:25,000 --> 01:22:26,843 a shoemaker without a toilet seat. 1406 01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,883 Ah, I may have something for you. 1407 01:22:41,960 --> 01:22:43,325 It's very fragile. Look. 1408 01:22:43,520 --> 01:22:45,761 - You take care of that. - Wow, Grandpa. 1409 01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:47,524 Thank you so much. 1410 01:22:47,680 --> 01:22:49,170 - Cool. - Yeah. 1411 01:22:49,360 --> 01:22:52,364 Doesn't look like much, but that's a very special guitar. 1412 01:22:52,520 --> 01:22:55,410 - It was given to me by Bob Dillon. - The Bob Dylan? 1413 01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:56,891 No, a Bob Dillon. 1414 01:22:57,040 --> 01:22:59,088 D-I-L-L-O-N. 1415 01:22:59,280 --> 01:23:00,884 - An accountant friend of mine. - Oh. 1416 01:23:01,080 --> 01:23:03,447 But it was given to him by Jimmy Hendricks. 1417 01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:05,807 - The Jimi Hendrix? - No. 1418 01:23:06,120 --> 01:23:09,203 So how's the B-and-B business going? 1419 01:23:09,360 --> 01:23:12,648 Oh, we love it, are you kidding? It's a great fit for us. We love visitors. 1420 01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:15,810 We love having people around to care for. We're people people. 1421 01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:19,328 - Hey, guys. You mind if we join you? - We're occupied right now. Beat it. 1422 01:23:22,280 --> 01:23:24,931 Ah, alright guys it's getting late. Go to bed, okay? 1423 01:23:25,080 --> 01:23:26,730 - Okay. - Yeah. I'll run you upstairs. 1424 01:23:26,880 --> 01:23:30,601 - Good night, Grandma and Grandpa. Thank you. - Nighty-night. Sleep tight. 1425 01:23:31,720 --> 01:23:34,485 Ah, well, you've certainly had an adventure. 1426 01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:37,007 Well, yes. "Adventure" is one way to put it. 1427 01:23:38,600 --> 01:23:40,443 - How's Audrey? - Oh, she's great. 1428 01:23:40,920 --> 01:23:43,491 Yeah, she and Stone, they seem to be very happy. 1429 01:23:43,640 --> 01:23:45,051 Key word there is "seem." 1430 01:23:45,200 --> 01:23:48,204 - What do you mean? - Their marriage is a sham. 1431 01:23:48,360 --> 01:23:50,647 - What? - Well, they sleep around on each other. 1432 01:23:50,800 --> 01:23:53,167 - Been doing it for years. - Oh, my gosh. 1433 01:23:53,320 --> 01:23:58,611 I just wish Audrey had found a more solid marriage like you and Rusty. 1434 01:24:13,200 --> 01:24:15,202 Hey, Russ, can we talk? 1435 01:24:16,960 --> 01:24:20,203 I knew we had some problems. Is it this bad? 1436 01:24:21,560 --> 01:24:23,767 Is our marriage dying? 1437 01:24:23,920 --> 01:24:25,206 No. 1438 01:24:25,760 --> 01:24:28,331 No, a marriage only dies when you stop trying. 1439 01:24:28,480 --> 01:24:30,801 And you have never stopped trying. 1440 01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:33,210 I just think... 1441 01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:34,850 maybe I did. 1442 01:24:35,360 --> 01:24:36,407 What do you mean? 1443 01:24:37,240 --> 01:24:39,402 I've only been thinking about myself, you know? 1444 01:24:39,560 --> 01:24:42,609 I wanted to change the routine, and go on exotic trips and... 1445 01:24:42,800 --> 01:24:45,167 Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. 1446 01:24:46,680 --> 01:24:51,049 I was crazy to think I could make us closer by locking us in a car for a week. 1447 01:24:51,200 --> 01:24:53,168 No, but you were doing that for us. 1448 01:24:53,320 --> 01:24:58,770 You have been trying so hard to make this trip memorable for me and the kids... 1449 01:24:58,920 --> 01:25:01,491 - and I didn't appreciate that. - But why would you? 1450 01:25:01,640 --> 01:25:04,803 I mean, I've put you through some serious shit. 1451 01:25:04,960 --> 01:25:07,611 Literally, a pool of shit in Arkansas. 1452 01:25:10,600 --> 01:25:12,523 You deserve better. 1453 01:25:13,480 --> 01:25:15,562 What, better than you? 1454 01:25:15,920 --> 01:25:20,323 How many men would sacrifice their careers for their family like you have? 1455 01:25:20,640 --> 01:25:22,927 Oh, I didn't sacrifice anything. 1456 01:25:23,360 --> 01:25:25,567 I have everything I've ever wanted. 1457 01:25:38,080 --> 01:25:40,128 - Debbie. - Yeah? 1458 01:25:40,320 --> 01:25:43,210 Will you continue to be my wife? 1459 01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:45,328 I wondered when you'd give that back to me. 1460 01:25:45,480 --> 01:25:47,642 I was wondering if you still wanted it. 1461 01:25:47,800 --> 01:25:48,961 I do. 1462 01:25:56,960 --> 01:25:58,007 Wait a minute. 1463 01:25:58,160 --> 01:25:59,286 Are we gonna do this? 1464 01:25:59,440 --> 01:26:01,807 Oh, yeah. I'm gonna pound the shit out of you. 1465 01:26:01,960 --> 01:26:03,121 - Russ. - What? 1466 01:26:03,280 --> 01:26:04,725 Lock the door. 1467 01:26:04,880 --> 01:26:07,724 I'm gonna lock the shit out of that door. 1468 01:26:11,000 --> 01:26:13,480 - Hey, Dad. - Morning, Rusty. 1469 01:26:13,640 --> 01:26:17,850 Could you drive us to the airport this afternoon? There's a flight back to Chicago at 4. 1470 01:26:18,000 --> 01:26:19,411 Chicago? 1471 01:26:19,560 --> 01:26:21,289 What about Walley World? 1472 01:26:21,440 --> 01:26:24,808 Oh, no. We've, uh, had enough. 1473 01:26:24,960 --> 01:26:28,760 - This trip's been a nightmare. - Well, that's what family vacations are. 1474 01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:31,321 - But you can't give up, Russ. - Well, why not? 1475 01:26:31,480 --> 01:26:36,520 I mean, they always say "it's not the destination, it's the journey," right? 1476 01:26:36,680 --> 01:26:37,920 The journey sucks. 1477 01:26:38,080 --> 01:26:40,651 That's what makes you appreciate the destination. 1478 01:26:40,840 --> 01:26:43,207 You had a dream to take your family to Walley World. 1479 01:26:43,360 --> 01:26:45,488 Never let that go. 1480 01:26:45,640 --> 01:26:47,165 I know I didn't. 1481 01:26:51,440 --> 01:26:54,250 How would we even get to Walley World? We don't have a car. 1482 01:26:54,400 --> 01:26:55,845 Hey, come on. 1483 01:26:57,520 --> 01:26:59,045 You leave that to me. 1484 01:27:10,120 --> 01:27:11,804 Oops, wrong door. 1485 01:27:26,880 --> 01:27:28,882 Could I, uh, take the Nissan? 1486 01:27:29,040 --> 01:27:31,611 Ha, ha. No, no. 1487 01:27:43,160 --> 01:27:45,481 Wait, Dad, I thought we were going to the airport. 1488 01:27:45,640 --> 01:27:48,371 Boys, when your father makes you a promise, he keeps it. 1489 01:27:48,520 --> 01:27:50,568 - That's not right. - This sucks. 1490 01:28:10,680 --> 01:28:14,002 - Wow, this place is huge. - Ha, ha. 1491 01:28:14,160 --> 01:28:15,844 This is dope as fuck. 1492 01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:17,161 Kevin. 1493 01:28:17,920 --> 01:28:19,922 Told you you guys would love it, right? 1494 01:28:20,440 --> 01:28:21,646 Hey, Dad. 1495 01:28:23,000 --> 01:28:25,651 - It really is dope as fuck. - I know, right? 1496 01:28:25,800 --> 01:28:26,961 - Guys! - Oh, wait! 1497 01:28:32,240 --> 01:28:33,571 There she is. 1498 01:28:33,720 --> 01:28:35,370 The Velociraptor. 1499 01:28:36,000 --> 01:28:38,810 - I can't believe we actually made it. - Heh, I know. 1500 01:28:40,360 --> 01:28:42,761 - You guys ready for the ride of your life? - Oh, yeah. 1501 01:28:42,960 --> 01:28:45,247 If I'm being honest, it looks a little daunting. 1502 01:28:45,400 --> 01:28:47,926 - Come on. Race you to the ride. - Yeah, go, go! Faster! 1503 01:28:48,080 --> 01:28:49,320 Come on! 1504 01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:04,922 Two more hours, guys. 1505 01:29:09,480 --> 01:29:11,608 Oh, my gosh. 1506 01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:14,240 - All right, guys. Get psyched. - Yes. 1507 01:29:14,400 --> 01:29:16,846 This is it. This is why we came all this way. 1508 01:29:21,320 --> 01:29:22,890 Excuse us. 1509 01:29:24,240 --> 01:29:26,971 - What was that? - Last ride tonight. Park's closing. 1510 01:29:27,120 --> 01:29:28,531 - No, we were next. - What? 1511 01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:32,721 - That's not okay. - Should be a misunderstanding. 1512 01:29:33,000 --> 01:29:34,525 Hey, excuse me. 1513 01:29:34,720 --> 01:29:36,404 You just cut in front of us. 1514 01:29:36,920 --> 01:29:40,129 No, see, we bought the Platinum Pass so we get to skip the lines. 1515 01:29:40,280 --> 01:29:41,691 Fifth time today on this one. 1516 01:29:41,840 --> 01:29:46,721 Right, well, we just drove 2500 miles to ride this ride... 1517 01:29:47,160 --> 01:29:48,969 so you can't just take our spot. 1518 01:29:49,520 --> 01:29:51,045 Wait a minute, you... 1519 01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:52,526 Econo Air. 1520 01:29:52,680 --> 01:29:53,841 Yeah? 1521 01:29:54,360 --> 01:29:56,886 Good to see you. All right, I'll tell you what. 1522 01:29:57,040 --> 01:30:00,567 Why don't you and your family go fuck yourselves? 1523 01:30:05,840 --> 01:30:07,001 I'm sorry, guys. 1524 01:30:09,520 --> 01:30:10,681 Oh, my God! 1525 01:30:13,240 --> 01:30:14,366 Okay. 1526 01:30:14,760 --> 01:30:16,125 You're a dead man. 1527 01:30:24,880 --> 01:30:27,042 - Get off! - Oh, it's on. 1528 01:30:27,200 --> 01:30:28,247 Kevin, no! 1529 01:30:31,880 --> 01:30:33,291 No, you're not gonna fight. 1530 01:30:33,440 --> 01:30:36,205 - I'm not gonna stand here like a little bitch. - What? 1531 01:30:36,720 --> 01:30:37,801 Oh, shit. 1532 01:31:12,120 --> 01:31:14,964 No, Kevin. Kevin, no. Kevin, come on. 1533 01:31:17,480 --> 01:31:19,642 You people are fucking crazy. 1534 01:31:19,800 --> 01:31:22,690 - What kind of a family are you? - We're the Griswolds. 1535 01:31:22,840 --> 01:31:24,365 See you around... 1536 01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:26,363 you piece of ass. 1537 01:31:27,800 --> 01:31:29,211 - Let's do this. - All right. 1538 01:31:29,360 --> 01:31:33,046 - I haven't been in a fight like that for years. - First car, all right. 1539 01:31:33,840 --> 01:31:36,207 Man, our family fucked that family up. 1540 01:31:36,360 --> 01:31:39,125 - We did. - Did you see how I scratched that girl's arm? 1541 01:31:39,280 --> 01:31:41,806 Oh, I saw it, honey. You gave her a good scratch. 1542 01:31:41,960 --> 01:31:44,247 My fingers still hurt a little, but I'll be okay. 1543 01:31:44,400 --> 01:31:45,447 Oh, boy. Here we go. 1544 01:31:45,640 --> 01:31:47,642 - Hold on. - Oh, gosh! 1545 01:32:14,440 --> 01:32:19,321 There used to be A graying tower alone on the sea 1546 01:32:20,560 --> 01:32:27,284 You became The light on the dark side of me 1547 01:32:27,440 --> 01:32:33,846 Love remained A drug that's the high and not the pill 1548 01:32:34,000 --> 01:32:36,651 But did you know That when it snows 1549 01:32:36,800 --> 01:32:42,648 My eyes become large And the light that you shine can be seen? 1550 01:33:08,400 --> 01:33:10,482 - Russ? - Yeah? 1551 01:33:10,640 --> 01:33:13,530 Is it supposed to stay upside-down like this? 1552 01:33:13,680 --> 01:33:15,409 Yeah, I don't think so. 1553 01:33:15,600 --> 01:33:16,681 Oh. 1554 01:33:16,880 --> 01:33:18,769 Dad, are we stuck? 1555 01:33:19,040 --> 01:33:20,690 Looks that way, pal. 1556 01:33:21,720 --> 01:33:23,882 My eyes, they're starting to bulge. 1557 01:33:24,040 --> 01:33:25,963 I'm sure they'll have us down any minute. 1558 01:33:31,800 --> 01:33:35,361 Well, guys, what'd you think of Walley World? 1559 01:33:38,040 --> 01:33:39,166 Yeah. 1560 01:33:40,760 --> 01:33:44,890 Listen, boys, I can't tell you how much it's meant to me to spend all this time with you. 1561 01:33:45,360 --> 01:33:47,488 I love you more than anything in the world. 1562 01:33:47,680 --> 01:33:50,843 And if I could, I'd spend every single day with you. 1563 01:33:51,880 --> 01:33:53,484 So we'll see you in a week. 1564 01:33:54,440 --> 01:33:57,410 - Wait, what's going on? - Petersons will pick you up at O'Hare... 1565 01:33:57,560 --> 01:34:00,450 - and you'll stay with them. - Where are we going? 1566 01:34:00,640 --> 01:34:03,610 Someplace I should've taken you a long time ago. 1567 01:34:03,760 --> 01:34:06,047 How did you get free tickets to Paris? 1568 01:34:06,240 --> 01:34:08,049 I used my connections as a pilot. 1569 01:34:08,240 --> 01:34:10,527 Oh, you're amazing, heh. 1570 01:34:11,200 --> 01:34:15,171 Well, you are my queen, and you deserve to be treated like one. 1571 01:34:20,600 --> 01:34:23,809 I know it's not exactly first-class... 1572 01:34:24,200 --> 01:34:26,487 - or coach... - Honey... 1573 01:34:26,720 --> 01:34:29,326 - it's perfect. - Yeah? 1574 01:34:39,640 --> 01:34:40,721 So... 1575 01:34:41,120 --> 01:34:42,360 how long is the flight? 1576 01:34:42,520 --> 01:34:43,851 12 hours. 1577 01:34:45,320 --> 01:34:46,651 Perfect.