If you define it, I'm probably a hoarder.
♪
I've been living with mouse poop for, God,
20 years probably.
This is just disgusting.
I really didn't realize how bad it was.
That's nasty.
My mom is also a hoarder.
You're putting those with things that I want to keep.
-This is keep. -[Laughing]
It's not a joke, Dad.
This is a man who has a
really difficult time being real.
♪
Grow up, you know?
How many winter coats do you need?
-As many as we have here. -Be the adult here.
I'm not giving away my parka.
For once, be the adult.
Don't ask me any more questions.
♪
You're not interested in letting go of anything.
-Why are we doing this? -I don't know.
I think that we understand something about
mental illness that a lot of people don't.
If somebody's thinking we're getting rid of a lot of stuff...
That's not gonna happen.
♪
My name is David, and I like to collect things.
♪
I think it's partly because we were very poor
when I was a kid.
♪
So, I just, I like to have nice things.
Collector plates...
Tiffany style lamps...
Christmas figurines.
I think David and I have
a common interest in quality things.
My name is Elizabeth, and I am David's wife.
When you walk into the house, it's full of stuff.
♪
A lot of stuff.
My wife and I are not really into cleaning.
♪
I maybe resent being called a hoarder.
But, ah...
if you define it, I'm probably...
a hoarder.
♪
The kitchen, nobody uses it anymore.
So, it's not a real priority to clean it up.
♪
I don't cook.
We're a microwave family. We eat out a lot.
It's not a really healthy diet.
Too much milk.
♪
TVs came out when I was about ten,
and so I've had a TV almost my whole life,
and I just got addicted to it.
And, I'm unabashedly not worried about it.
I mean, if it shortens my life, it shortens my life.
That looks like a nice pillow.
I think Elizabeth might like it.
♪
There's a channel on television that
you can call in and, and order things.
I've been using it for many years.
And, David does that as well.
59.99 is a good price for silk.
I like to buy my stuff from the shopping channel.
They have a lot of good buys.
You can spread the payments out as well,
so you're just paying a few bucks a month.
I think I'll go and order it...
before she does.
I'm Wendy, and I'm David's middle daughter.
It's so maddening knowing that
they just pick up the phone and...
next thing you know, there's 20 parcels
in the front hall just...
with nowhere to go.
♪
I have so many collectibles,
but a lot of the things are still in boxes.
I like to buy stuff on sale.
I hate paying full price for anything.
But Elizabeth, if she wants it, she'll pay full price.
She's never worried about paying for stuff
because she didn't do it.
I always did that, I handled the money.
David never really restricted me,
or said things about what I should or should not buy.
If I needed or wanted something,
I would just go and buy it.
She doesn't worry about spending money.
I talked to her many times,
but I don't know what she's buying.
A lot of the stuff that's there, he doesn't use it.
He doesn't need it.
You ask her and everything's his.
You ask him, everything's hers.
And, that's not the case.
They want to put blame somewhere...
and it's just, it's on both of them.
My sisters and I have all tried at some point to have a
conversation with them before about cleaning stuff up and,
wanting what's best for them and...
nothing came from it, so...
♪
The doctor said the house had to be cleared out or
he would have the fire department come...
and condemn it.
It pissed me off.
David doesn't see the necessity of
getting rid of stuff.
It doesn't bother him, but it bothers me terribly.
♪
We met in 1976.
She was quiet.
I would say on the plain-ish side.
I told my mother that he was kind of corny.
She said, "You have to give him a chance."
It wasn't love at first sight.
I don't think there was any one thing where
the light suddenly went on.
She was really a nice person.
She was nice back then.
I was ready to settle down and...
he asked me to marry him, so I said, "Yes."
[Laughing] I gave him a chance and,
it all ended up...
in today, ha.
Well, we probably haven't been that close for a while.
We don't really spend a lot of time together.
♪
The family room is where I spend most of my time.
I do a lot of my financial planning and
paying bills and stuff in that room.
So, it's piled around me.
Heading down into the basement,
you'll see there's boxes.
A lot of them are full of magazines and papers.
There's stuff everywhere.
It's not safe.
The kids used to use that as their playroom
when they were smaller.
But they haven't been over for a long time.
We have three daughters.
♪
My girls have delighted me, from the time they were born.
[Crying] I'm a proud mom.
[Laughing] Yeah.
The girls won't bring their kids over here.
They don't come over here either.
♪
Like, I've got lots of Disney collectibles,
but their moms don't want them getting hurt,
something falling on them, or they fall over something
and hurt themselves.
Ah!
I've almost fallen a couple of times.
You never know when you're going to trip.
Actually, I found it nice to have a lot of stuff
lying around 'cause...
[Laughing] ...it breaks the fall a bit.
I almost kicked the bucket!
I'm Kathy, and I'm David's eldest daughter.
Any raccoons out here?
My dad, I don't know if he believes in
going to talk about your feelings.
Hello?
No response. [Laughing]
His way of coping is just to make a joke out of it.
Maybe I should just stay out here all night.
[Laughing]
He's never really talked about his feelings.
We don't say, "I love you's," we don't hug.
It's just the way it's always been so,
I guess in our family we don't really need to say
we love each other to know that we do.
♪
I find being in the house difficult.
There's just so much stuff.
And then on top of that, it's the smell and the dust.
Layers and layers of old dust.
You can't vacuum because
there's just too much stuff everywhere.
There's no carpet visible to vacuum.
♪
The dining room, we used to be able to
sit in there as a family.
And then, once we moved out,
we just started going to our houses for dinner.
We couldn't rearrange everything every time
we wanted to go over to their house.
As much as he wanted to be the host for everything,
it just took so long, and it just stopped happening.
♪
And I think that was a bit disappointing.
Just having the people in the house,
I think is what my dad wanted.
Yeah.
We have a lot of friends in the, in the house-
from the outside, dropping deposits.
Mice usually in the kitchen.
There's also pee that has got a very,
very toxic chemical in it.
It's just like arsenic, it's so poisonous.
I've been living with mouse poop for, God,
20 years probably.
I remember one time there was this thing of flour.
We made our cookies with it, and...
then we looked at the flour and it was like,
what's this- what are these things in the flour?
Nobody knew.
And it was mouse droppings.
Breathing in mouse poo, and breathing in mold,
that can't be good for your health.
I have bad sinuses, but I don't blow my nose
because I get nosebleeds, so I spit it up.
So, there's lots of dirty Kleenex.
To recycle the boxes,
you have to take out the plastic and flatten them.
And I just don't get around to doing that.
[Elizabeth] I think the house is killing him.
I think it's part of the reason that
I ended up being sick.
♪
When I got home, I had to wash all the dishes.
And just standing by the sink,
I felt faint because I was so exhausted.
And there were cereal boxes lined all up on the table,
and then there were empty boxes...
all piled up by the garbage cans.
And, we didn't have just one garbage can,
we had three garbage cans now.
He doesn't take the garbage out every week.
If he doesn't feel like it, he doesn't take it out.
I didn't even want to eat downstairs sometimes
because it smells so bad.
I said, "I'm going to hire a cleaning lady."
He said, "We don't need a cleaning lady."
I said, "The floors are disgusting."
He said, "Who cares?"
But I don't like living like that.
I couldn't stand living like that.
♪
I was pissed.
Elizabeth's doctor laid down an ultimatum.
The house was not healthy for...
Elizabeth, and it had to be cleaned up.
And he said, "If it's not, I'm going to call the
authorities in, and have the place condemned."
♪
Then it would be forcefully cleaned...
and sold.
♪
Yeah, I was not happy with that meeting.
♪
She just is thinking of herself all the time.
It's just, "Me, me, me, me."
I couldn't clean anymore.
Physically, I'm not able to cook.
I just decided, I can't live here anymore.
We're paying for her accommodation and food...
chef prepared meals.
All the disposable income that we had before now
is going to pay for her home.
I think she just wants to go there and do nothing.
I wish that she was still here,
even if we weren't getting along,
'cause we could do stuff that would make both of us happy.
We could go out and buy meals, and order in meals,
and buy Christmas presents and stuff.
[Elizabeth] I don't know whether I would ever
want to move back to my home again.
He wants to be in charge,
but I don't think he's fit to be in charge, really.
He's let our house go into shambles.
That's the biggest possession of our life...
and he's let it go into shambles.
♪
[Kathy] I'm worried about him- if anything were
to happen to him, if he were to fall...
There's no one there to hear him or to help him.
The situation is fairly serious because
my mom now is no longer living there.
♪
[David] If I don't clean the house,
the doctor's going to phone up fire,
and get them to come in and
declare the house un-livable.
Then it would be forcefully cleaned.
And I don't have a choice, what goes and what stays.
♪
I'm Natasha Sharma.
I'm a therapist with a doctorate
in clinical psychology.
I specialize in behavioral disorders, including hoarding.
[Knocking]
I know that he's doing this...
because he's kind of being forced to,
but I'm hoping that something good's gonna come out of it.
-David? -Yes.
-Hi, I'm Natasha. -Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well. May I come in?
-Sure. -Thank you, thank you so much.
The first thing that kind of hits me is there's
a stuffiness about it.
There's dust everywhere, and right away,
my breathing is not the same as when I was outside.
There is a ton of stuff.
I'm just visually overstimulated by things.
-How are you feeling? -Okay, a little stressed.
Yeah? What's, what's stressing you?
What's feeling stress-y?
Just where things are gonna go and that, so...
What's your reason for doing this?
I was ambushed by Elizabeth's doctor, and...
they said the house had to be cleaned up,
and if it wasn't cleaned up, they were going to
call the city and condemn the place.
I really didn't have a choice,
but the place needs to be cleaned up because...
Yeah, yeah.
Would you be willing to take me on a tour of your home,
so that I could get to know
you and your home a bit better?
Yeah, okay. Start in the living room?
♪
So, this is a lot better than it was,
but it's still not ideal.
We were just putting stuff here that we had accumulated.
I put Christmas out and never really put it away.
Do you use this space at all?
-No. -No?
No, nobody will come over.
We have seven grandchildren, and they don't let them
come over because of the mess.
Would you like them to come over?
Well, we'd like them to come over when, when they can.
We used to have Christmas dinner here.
That's the dining room.
So, this would have been where the
dining room table would be, like...?
-Is it there, under there? -The dining room table is there.
-Yeah, yeah, it's there. -Okay.
And it's quite a squeeze to get everybody in because of
the china cabinets on either side, which I collect.
David thinks of himself as a collector, but in my view,
he's clearly demonstrating hoarding behaviors.
A collector is someone who shows a great deal of pride
in what they've purchased,
and they display and organize it
in a way that reflects that.
Whereas the way David stores things that he's purchased
is disorganized and cluttered.
I'm a collector, and Elizabeth is a shopper.
What's the difference?
I buy stuff that I like to collect and maybe
pass on as gifts and things, and keep.
Like, I collect Tiffany-style lamps.
And Elizabeth is buying stuff for herself.
A lot of things are about her.
It sounds like you are disappointed in the
quality of your relationship.
It's been...
a challenge.
In the mid 80s, she was, she was not well.
And finally, they diagnosed her with chronic fatigue.
She had two hip replacements as well.
They finally replaced the hip.
David clearly had a vision of how his life was going to go.
And when Elizabeth got sick early on,
I think this really shattered the vision that he had.
How did you feel?
Oh, it was hard because she didn't do a lot of things,
and it's hard to tell whether she...
was not, didn't want to do them and wasn't
gonna do them, or she was unable to do them.
David has developed resentment,
and is now taking it out on Elizabeth by
creating almost a false narrative about her,
that this is all her fault, her shopping.
And this is where I spend most of my life...
Ah! Looking at the TV.
I'm just going to step over this, so I can...
There we go, okay.
Okay...
Are you in your, are you in your chair?
-This is my spot. -This is your spot, okay.
Here's all my stuff.
Okay, it's it all right with you if I just kind of...
Don't touch anything.
You don't want me to touch anything?
-Well, it's... -I won't.
-It's kind of...
-I know where it is. -Okay, oh, okay.
So, tell me about that.
Tell me about that, when you say you know where-
The stuff I'm working on is here.
I have to get them all together and
go to the bank, and...
Can you find what you're looking for in this,
when you...?
Yeah, yeah, there's my chequebook.
How long does it take you? Can you find it-
It takes a few minutes to get it all organized.
And then over here,
I noticed you've got more Kleenex boxes.
Yeah, if you recycle Kleenex boxes,
you got to take the plastic out.
-And then flatten them. -Flatten the box.
Yeah, and it takes time to do all that, so...
The more you let them pile up,
then it becomes a massive job.
Whereas, if you build that habit of, you know...
Yeah, and hence, here we are.
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
-Yeah. -Okay.
This is a man who has
a really difficult time being real.
He turns everything into a joke.
We will resume the magical mystery tour.
[Chuckling]
Is this like this all the time,
with the entryway blocked?
Yeah.
Did you ever cook in this, in this kitchen?
Okay.
I have eggs in the fridge there that are
probably eight months old.
This bacon, I don't know how long it's been in here.
Wow...
Oh, there, okay.
"December 0-2".
Okay, so that- is that 2002?
It's just 20 years it's been sitting in there.
That bacon has been in your fridge for 20 years?
I guess so.
I think that's what the date tells us.
So, tell me why you think it's there.
For the same reason I keep the Kleenex boxes.
I'm lazy.
I'm just too lazy to get rid of it,
most of it, yeah, the bacon...
David has developed a narrative that he's lazy,
and all of this is Elizabeth's fault.
He's even gone so far as to question
whether or not Elizabeth is actually sick.
This is a woman who has had chronic fatigue
for most of their marriage,
and recently underwent open heart surgery.
This is Elizabeth's room.
[Natasha] To suggest that she
may not actually be sick
is a complete sign of denial.
In order to get their home decluttered,
I'm going to have to help David change his mind and
take more responsibility.
So, she was, this was the room that she was living in?
And before that, she was-
you were sleeping in the same bedroom?
Yeah, for a few years. Couple years.
And how did you feel when she moved over here?
We annoyed each other. We both snored, badly.
-Okay, okay. -[Laughing]
We were, we were both bad snorers.
And so, I had to work-
Is that the only reason that she...?
Well, yeah, I think- Well, I...
I don't know, I mean, who knows?
-She made the decision. -When you say, "who knows..."
-Yeah. -The people we live with-
She made the decision and, I lived with it.
When you say, "Who knows,"
'cause you've said that a few times-
But it was good for both of us.
So, we both got something from that,
'cause she disturbed me.
I have a question for you.
Do you find it difficult to get into sort of
some deeper conversations?
Because I notice that when I kind of want to go somewhere
that's a little more serious, that you...
kind of hijack us and take it to a different-
We didn't take, we didn't do a lot of serious
conversations about stuff.
We didn't talk about stuff like that.
We didn't talk about much.
Why do you think that you and Elizabeth
have stayed married all these years?
Well, I think...
we have our, our differences, and...
but all in all, you know, we have the kids and...
it's a lot of hassle to get divorced,
and bad financial things can happen.
So, I just didn't really want to get into that.
And I don't- you'll have to ask her
what her reasons for staying was.
Do you have love for her? Do you love her?
I would say no. I would-
If she was in danger,
I would give up my life to protect her.
But...
I don't think that we really love each other...
anymore...
and I'm not sure we ever did, really.
As a therapist, this cleanup is gonna be about me
working with two hoarding individuals,
but it's also going to be about my working with
a couple, and helping them to come together
and work as a team.
-You want to see my bedroom? -Yes, let's see your room.
It's a little crowded with stuff.
♪
There's the bed, it's made for the day.
And this is Mom and Dad.
Yeah, you've got this photo, like,
really prominently displayed.
My dad, the war pilot.
World War II.
Trained in Britain.
Mom was English, and was a war bride.
What was your mom like?
Oh, she was, she was a wonderful person.
She, she was just so friendly.
She was a workaholic.
She cleaned, and...
this would have disgusted her and
would never have got like that.
You grew up in a home that looked very different.
Oh, yeah, when people came to visit,
if they were sitting on the couch or something,
after they left, she'd get out the vacuum,
vacuum everywhere they'd been and where they walked.
David's mom's behavior and David's behavior
appear to be different, but actually,
the underlying motivation is the same,
and that is the compulsive need to
control their environment.
You loved her a lot, I think.
-Yeah, yeah. -Yeah.
She was just a great person.
It's going to be very hard to change his overall mindset,
and ensure that this is not just a cleanup,
but a lifelong change.
♪
I think it's been about 15 years since
we've seen large sections of the floor.
[Wendy] I don't want to find him one day,
lying in a pile or under a pile.
[Kathy] No one should have to live in those conditions.
Hoarding disorder's defined by three elements.
The first is a compulsive need to purchase and
acquire new items.
The second, is the items that are accumulated
in the home are disorganized and cluttered.
And the third, is the need to save and keep those items.
And it's very distressing to part with those things.
♪
My stomach is in knots, but I don't know
if it was not eating during the day,
or eating breakfast at 9 o'clock at night.
But it was kind of quick for breakfast.
You didn't eat until 9 last night?
-You didn't have anything? -Not really.
Oh, David, that's not good for you.
I know.
Stressed out. Tired.
Not sleeping.
♪
My name is Effy Terry.
I'm an organizing expert, and I specialize in
ADHD and hoarding disorder.
-Hello, everyone. -Hi!
I want to introduce you all to Effy.
Effy is a professional organizer,
and she's going to talk to you a little bit more
about what she does.
My job is to help you with your physical possessions-
What you want to keep and what you want to let go of.
So, what I'd like to do at this point is ask Kathy and
Wendy to give me a tour, if that's okay with you?
-Sure. -That sounds good.
Wow.
When I entered the house, it looked like
a surly child had just thrown things about.
I think we are in for a rocky road ahead.
And this does not look very safe here.
I'll try to inch in here.
Not really sure where to stand.
Whoops, avalanche!
And is this how you remember the room
when you were growing up?
It was not this bad.
It was always a bit cluttered.
Like, he always had the stuff, the ornaments.
My mom is also interested in the figurines.
That's actually how her and my dad bonded.
Have you ever attempted to remove things from the home?
We've always tried to remove things.
So, for example, there was those huge stacks of papers.
We had a cat, and the cat had destroyed them.
They were all, they were just...
-Shredded. -Shredded papers.
So, we tried to get rid of those,
and it took a long time for him to accept
that they were garbage.
Okay.
She has fallen down the stairs a couple of times
or tripped down them.
Yeah, and all of these things are tripping hazards.
-Yeah. -All of the paper
I'll move this out of the way for you.
Whose room is this that we're going into now?
This is my mom's room.
It used to be Wendy's bedroom, though,
when we were younger.
-Okay. -It's been sad to see...
...the house we grew up in,
basically become a garbage pile.
Wow.
[Kathy] This is where my dad sleeps and
was my parents' bedroom...
when we were growing up.
[Coughing]
[Wendy] Careful... Uh-oh.
There's a lot of things I still recognize, like this.
This plate reminded my mom of her, her father.
It's just lying here on the pile of Kleenex boxes.
♪
-[Coughing] -Are you doing okay?
It feels like you're, you're breathing is a little...
Yeah, it's, I have allergies and so,
it's very dusty up here.
And I don't know, probably it's been
15, 20 years since they vacuumed.
So, my dad's way of dealing with it
is to buy air purifiers.
An air purifier is just not going to cut it.
What are your goals in all of this?
Like, how is this affecting you?
I don't want this to be my problem one day.
So, when they're gone...
someone's going to have to deal with it.
I don't want this for their retirement.
I know that it weighs on him heavily, and...
he's stuck.
For him to have picked up the phone to call and
ask for help was huge.
I can see, although you will leave the house today,
this doesn't leave you.
The clutter doesn't leave you.
-The smell won't either. -[Laughing]
-It's sad. -It is sad.
You're absolutely right, it is sad.
Of course, I love my dad, it's just...
sometimes he makes it really hard.
I wouldn't be here if I didn't love him,
I don't think any of us would be.
This is- we could have all just walked away years ago
and washed their hands of it, and we haven't.
So, this is the kitchen.
-That's nasty. -Don't look at it!
♪
[Wendy] It's so disgusting.
How can you make a meal in there?
Like, how do you find a pot to cook in?
[Effy] And I do see evidence of mouse droppings.
-Yeah, a lot. -It's so repulsive.
[Coughing]
♪
I'm just...
If you're having trouble breathing,
let's just get you outside.
Okay, yeah, the air quality in here is not very good,
so I just need a break.
♪
My allergies are acting up, so I have like-
I feel like I have a frog in my throat,
so I just needed some fresh air for a bit
because I'm not used to it anymore, so...
I needed a break.
I don't think there's a lot of mouse poop upstairs.
No, it's from the dust.
Oh, the dust, okay, there's dust everywhere.
I'm allergic to dust and mold and all that stuff,
so I needed a break.
Yeah, there's a, it's...
I don't know about mold, but it's probably dust upstairs.
He'll sit and listen, and he won't say anything.
And then he'll just be like, "No, it's my way."
Yeah.
For our own kind of sanity, you just have to let it go.
♪
Sometimes, not for everyone,
but sometimes for some people,
they may have experienced a really
adverse event in their life.
Do you think there is anything about the way
you grew up that is connected to...
this behavior?
I didn't have a lot.
My family moved around every couple of years,
my father was...
a doctor in the armed forces and, every two years...
we moved to a different city or province.
As a kid, we were very, very poor.
I didn't like to live that way.
So, when I got started work and
started getting money, then...
I found...
having things, and keeping them-
I don't like to get rid of them because
you never know when you can use them again,
and I just feel that's a waste.
I think it's a narrative I can certainly understand,
but I also think it's a way for you to rationalize...
buying and holding onto the stuff.
You know, to actually-
And you are saying that's a bad thing?
Mhm- Well, I'm not saying it's bad.
I'm not gonna say anything's bad,
but I am gonna say it's not healthy.
The healthier you are, the more you can
give and be to those you love.
So, when you take that mindset,
it doesn't feel so wasteful or shameful
to throw something away.
-Does that make sense? -Oh, perfectly.
David, any additional thoughts?
-No. -Okay.
I can't get a sense of a particularly triggering event
that caused this.
This seems to be a pattern that has developed
over a long period of time.
They're going to have to recognize that they both have
a problem, and come together as a couple...
and I think that it's going to be very difficult.
I want to know, David, from you-
are you thinking that because
Elizabeth is no longer here,
that we're going to be moving out most of her things,
or only her things?
Gonna be equal- we're getting rid of nothing.
[Laughing] No, we are.
So, that's kind of contradictory-
I'm not having anything to say about her stuff.
If she wants to keep it, it can stay here.
I agree, like, David can keep
whatever he wants of his things...
Not that he's going to use them every day,
but just that they won't be lying around and
blocking the stairway.
What I'm hearing is you enabling each other to
let your things stay, and I want it to be the reverse.
I want you guys to kind of cheer each other on,
and know that you can let this stuff go.
If somebody's thinking we're getting rid of a lot of stuff,
that's not going to happen.
Okay, I mean-
You can talk until you're blue in the face.
It ain't gonna happen.
♪
Good morning, everyone. So great to see you all.
We are here to help you reclaim your house,
and reclaim your life.
No pressure.
♪
-I'm ready to help. -Awesome.
We have a big job ahead of us,
and I really want to emphasize that this process
is not just about letting go of your things.
It's also about letting go of the past,
so that you can build a better future.
-Sure. -"Sure"?
-Yes. -You sound...
Wishy washy? Oh, good.
-Yeah! -Then, that was perfect.
Okay, is that how you're feeling?
-I'm fine. -Okay.
I'm going to really need you to be very real with me
in this process, okay?
-I don't have that button. -I'm going to push it.
-Oh. -You've got one.
I'm going to push that button, David.
Okay.
For David to make a really radical change,
he's going to have to get out of his comfort zone.
And I'm just not sure if David is going to
be able to do that.
Elizabeth, how about you? How are you feeling?
Are you ready to get rid of some stuff?
I'm ready.
I think my mom is closer to parting with her things.
I think that after her heart surgery, she...
reflected on what was important to her.
Whereas, my dad hasn't had that life changing experience.
Extreme Clean Group is here.
There are 15 of us, total, so we're a good team.
Lots of people here to help.
Do you give the family and the cleaners and myself
permission to, right away,
get rid of certain things, like garbage? Elizabeth?
-Yes. -Yes.
What is garbage to you, David?
-Old Kleenex boxes. -Okay.
Have a good treasure trove of those all over the house.
Okay. And you used the word treasure,
but they're not treasures.
-It's a joke. -It's garbage, okay.
[Laughing]
He makes his jokes now, and they're not funny anymore.
I think we're good to go, if everybody's ready to go?
-How are we feeling, family? -We're ready to go!
-Natasha? -I'm good to go.
-Let's do this! -Alright!
Pass...
[Indistinct speaking] ...a nice green.
If it's a yes, let me know.
Otherwise, I'll put it on the top here.
Oh, no.
Pillows that have got like soil marks on them
and weird stains?
Throw it out.
-There's no insignia? -No, that's plastic.
-No, they can go. -No, I don't want it.
That's garbage.
♪
Significant document.
That's not significant.
Oh, okay. No, I'm keeping it.
Why do you want to keep that?
It's a payslip.
From your retired job, what's the year on it?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -2011.
I think Natasha would probably want to
talk to you about that one.
-Natasha? -Yeah.
Okay...
He is not willing to listen to reason a lot of the time.
That's why we're in the situation where we are today.
David, sorry, can you bring that document back over?
Is that going in a keep pile or a trash pile?
-That's where he put it. -Okay.
Tell me why you want to keep this.
If you're both going to be on my back about it,
then I'll let it go.
Otherwise, I would have just put it in the keep pile.
-But, see, but- -That's why we're here.
I have all my payslips,
back from when I started working, so...
I just have them in case I need them for something.
What might you need them for?
Ah...
Show what income I was making during certain periods.
Might need it for court or something, you never know.
When you say, "You never know,"
you're right, you never know.
We can't predict everything.
We can't control everything.
So, if you try, it's just going to become overwhelming,
and this is all going to happen again.
I might throw them out later, I don't know, not today.
So you're not going to do it?
-No. -Why not?
Because I don't want to.
Do you want the house to go back to looking like this
after we've packed up and gone?
-Hopefully not. -Okay, that's good.
Do you think you could try...
Just try, just try putting it into the trash?
It's not supposed to feel comfortable.
I'm going to ask you, do this for me.
I want you to take the-
I don't think we're at that point in our relationship.
I want you to do it for me then.
You know what? That's, that's a really good point.
If you're not going to do this for me,
if you're not going to do this for you, or for me...
can you do this for her?
Hm...
I think I'd do it for you before her.
-Well, that's sad of you. -[Laughing]
It's not a joke, Dad, like...
For it to be kidding, I have to think it's funny,
and I don't think it's funny.
Oh, okay. Not worried about it today.
It's that big.
We can't even get David to throw away
one single document.
How are we going to get him to tackle
the entire houseful of stuff?
♪
Okay, is it like a tax document?
Very early in the sorting process,
we can't even get David to throw away
one single document.
It's one little document.
If he can't get through that decision making,
he's not going to be able to maintain the house
that we're working so hard right now to clean.
-[Laughing] -It's not a joke, Dad.
What's really happening here, is that Kathy is feeling like
that document is more important than her.
I would like you to move past this,
and not have to talk about every single paper.
So, I just want you to put it in the bag
because you really don't need it.
Like, you have to trust me that
I know that you don't need that.
♪
One document, that's it.
♪
Okay.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
It's a great start.
But, we have a whole house to get to.
♪
The couch that's in the hallway,
the flowered couch, are we okay to get rid of that?
-Yeah. -It's okay to get rid of it?
Yeah, don't throw it out.
That was my grandma's couch, it's an antique.
What do you want to happen to it?
-Donate it to somewhere. -Okay.
Great, thank you.
♪
-What are you looking at? -[Shuddering] Ugh!
It may have been contaminated...
-Oh, unbelievable! -...by mouse poop, so...
This is unbelievable!
So, don't touch anything, please. Come on in.
This is just disgusting.
Was this not like this
when you were living here, Elizabeth?
Well, it was, but I only used
this certain place on the counter.
But they still use that toaster...
that was sitting on the counter.
And there's more, like...
there's more here, too.
Yep, yep.
It's easy to ignore, and it's easy to just...
pretend like it's not there.
And sometimes we become clutter blind,
or we become blind to what's right in front of us.
The mice in the home is very dangerous.
Mouse poo is very bad for your health.
And mice like to chew.
So, mice will chew through cables, through wiring.
They can literally burn down your house.
I know you're concerned, it's concerning.
How are you feeling after this?
Just checking in to see how you're doing.
It's quite overwhelming, really.
What's overwhelming, Elizabeth?
Ha! Do you have to ask? Ha-ha! Yeah...
-Everything, everything. -It's a lot, it's a lot.
The mouse poo, the filth, the...
the carpets, everything.
♪
Wow, where did all this come from?
Your house. Dad, do you want his coat?
Do think there's a mouse in it?
I don't know.
Do you want the empty medication bottles?
-No. -Those can go.
So, you don't want this one anymore?
Well, let me try it on.
As the afternoon unfolds, I see momentum building.
Things are coming out of the house and
decisions are being made.
Oh, yes, that's an old fashioned thing.
I guess we don't need it anymore.
But, they're also spending a lot of time on each item,
and it's really creating a bottleneck in the process.
-That's the giveaway pile. -Really?
-She's giving away her parka? -It's not a parka.
I'm not giving away my parka.
How many winter coats do you need?
-As many as we have here. -I'm dying over here.
Didn't we go through these this morning?
-I don't know. -Holy.
Where's my keepers? On the ground?
Yes, because she needed- I needed to prove to her
that she had three coats in there already.
Wonderful teamwork.
♪
I didn't mean to stop your progress,
but I just want to check in with you all.
-How do you feel this is going? -Slowly.
Mm-hm. What's, what's holding it up?
I think having to go through every single item...
and inspect it.
I don't remember what I've got, so...
This stuff has been adding up for 40 years or,
you know, over the 40 years. -42.
-Yeah. -42.
Do you see the amount of stuff that's coming out?
Do you see it as a problem, or do you see it as-
-There's a lot of stuff. -Okay, okay.
I'm not interested in emptying out
the house specifically, really.
No, you can't have an empty house.
There's things that I don't...
I don't think we need to get rid of.
Sure, but you don't even live in this house anymore.
So, what you need is what's in your residence.
Yes, but this is my home, too.
Sure, but you don't need to use it as a storage unit.
Well, I can, though.
Whatever's there and whatever's mine,
I want a choice.
If I want, if I want six- if there are six coats and,
and I'm happy with them, I'll take all six.
We just want you to make better choices.
I think that's what she's trying to say.
Are you saying my choices are wrong?
We want you to have a new definition of
what's right for you, okay, a better one.
I like the old definition.
-Is it working out for you? -Sure.
Then why are we here?
♪
I think my parents need to really re-evaluate how they
see things and what they need and what they want.
Well, when I get up to my bedroom and
I start going through clothing,
I'm not getting rid of a lot of stuff.
No one's telling you to get rid of things that
you want to wear and that fit you,
but we're challenging you to get rid of the volume.
Okay, I'm agreeable to that,
but I want to be able to choose what I'm-
Yes, you can choose. You're allowed to choose.
But if it's not your size, it's going.
-No. -Yes!
No.
You don't get a say either in what she keeps.
I don't care what she thinks, it's what I think.
-It's what I think. -No, it's her clothes!
-It's what she thinks! -Well, whatever.
Whatever she thinks, that-
It's whatever I think for my choices.
Okay, but we're talking about her right now.
I'm just saying she shouldn't be boxed in
if she doesn't want to be.
If she, if she's happy with those criteria, then fine.
I'll speak for myself.
I mean, I just did so, don't worry about me.
♪
Can we get on with it?
I'm sorry, but it's 20 to 6, and...
I eat at 6, so I want to be back there by 6.
So, if you're done for today,
then let's send you back to the home.
[Natasha] Elizabeth suddenly shows signs of
being a lot more resistant.
My concern is that she might be more of a bottleneck
than we originally thought she would be.
I don't think we're going to get through it all.
At this point...
I don't know that I'm as hopeful as I was.
Kathy and Wendy, can I ask you one more question?
Why is this so important to you?
I feel like this stuff is just weighing you down.
-It's weighing us down! -It's holding you back from...
-Reaching my full potential? -Yes.
It's actually keeping all of us here from
reaching our full potential, in life.
This, this has to get cleaned out.
How? Can you tell them how? Tell them.
Because....
Because this weighs on Wendy and I,
that we have to deal with it, that,
that it's something coming in the future,
this big kind of...
disaster that we're going to have to handle.
♪
Can you hear what she's trying to say?
Yeah, yeah.
Your daughters are worried about you.
And we love them for it.
-You need to go. -Okay, alright.
Go get your dinner.
If they can't get it together this time, like it's, I'm out.
It's too much. We all have our own lives.
We have our families. So, like, this is it.
I don't know that I can do it again.
♪
No one should have to live in those conditions.
That bacon has been in your fridge for 20 years?
-I guess so. -It's not safe.
♪
The choices he makes are very poor.
59.99 is a good price for silk.
And I don't know who he respects enough
to listen to their counsel...
-Can I throw it out? -No
[Wendy] Because it's obviously not us.
-Why not? -Because I don't want to.
Well, let, let me try it on.
My mom is also a hoarder.
I'm not giving away my parka.
She can really dig her heels in as well.
♪
I'm not getting rid of a lot of stuff.
If they can't get it together this time, like I'm out.
I don't care what she thinks.
There is a real danger that
this family will lose their home.
♪
Okay. David, what I'd like to do is
set up an efficient sorting station here.
You have four options:
Keep, donate, garbage,
collectibles in the white van.
-Is that clear? -Yes.
I really want you to push yourself,
because I don't want you to
end up in this situation again.
I want you to be able to enjoy your retirement,
your grandchildren, your family.
So really, this is a golden opportunity for you to really
dig a little deeper because this will all be for nothing
if something has not changed for you here.
♪
So, it's two against one, is that what we're saying?
No, we're all here for you, David.
Oh, oh... Oh, okay.
Will your mom- will your wife be here today at any point?
I think she was a bit tired from yesterday,
so she's going to, I think, take the morning off and
join us later in the day when she has a bit more energy.
Okay, we will focus on your stuff.
Does that sound like a good plan?
Sure.
♪
Okay, so... Garbage, garbage.
Royal family, collectible
Okay, you don't need to look at every one 'cause
this is going to take six years.
What are we doing with DVDs?
Keeper.
So, you're going to keep all the CDs and DVDs?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -He says, "Keep".
He had to see what's in the whole box.
Ah! Yeah, there's earwigs,
there's earwigs in those, so...
I hate earwigs!
Christmas tree light show timer?
Oh, yeah. Keeper.
-Christmas is coming. -Keep.
My dad was very poor, and I think that's kind of
where the love of Christmas comes in,
because that was the only time of the year that
they probably got presents and...
they celebrated and...
he has happy memories of that.
And the fact that he can now buy gifts for other people,
and be generous when he wants to...
that's important to him.
Coasters, do you need...?
-Yeah, they're gifts. -Eight packs of coasters?
You're getting a coaster set for Christmas.
-I don't want them. -So, you're not getting one.
-Okay, perfect. -Keeper, all of them.
So, I think I need a third party here to help with
some of this decision making now.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Keep.
[Natasha] Kathy wants an expert to decide
what goes and what stays.
The problem with this is that decision making
is an emotional process.
If he doesn't experience the discomfort that comes with
making tough decisions, he's never going to
get in touch with what he feels
in order to do this on his own.
You want to go in and get something to eat, Kath?
No, I want to go home.
♪
How's it going?
I think we're keeping too many things.
-Okay. -[Laughing]
-What, what are you keeping? -Everything.
Are you keeping things that are gifts or that you
bought as gifts, but you haven't given them away-
Haven't given them away yet, but will give them away.
I know you believe that, and you might even be right,
but you know that the donation pile goes to
places that gives stuff away...
to people who need it, right.
So, you're still giving it away.
You're still being that charitable, philanthropic guy.
-It feels nice to give, right? -To my family.
I don't really care, otherwise.
But what if your family doesn't want it?
Somebody will want it.
If you don't want it, Sheila will take it.
I don't think so.
I can speak for my sisters, knowing that-
what they would want,
but he just has to listen to me.
Okay... You can listen again-
No, I'm not listening. We're done listening today.
-Okay, okay. -Garbage.
What's this? Do you know what this is?
So, I'm done if we're not listening anymore.
♪ [Suspenseful]
♪
I just want you to listen, 'cause we're not-
it's getting frustrating.
I'll listen, your turn to talk.
-Your turn to talk. -Yes, it is.
We're having a conversation about gifts this morning.
My sense is that David is using this gift-giving reason
as an excuse to hold on to his stuff.
If we can't get him to untie himself from this idea,
he's going to re-hoard the house again,
or keep what he already has.
So, I'm done if we're not listening anymore.
Okay. Where, where's Wendy?
She won't be coming if you're not going to listen.
I'm listening.
Okay, then we're not gonna joke about it.
To you, to you.
It's not a joke, and if you're not going to listen,
then we're done, like you can't-
That mat of keep is going to fill up very quickly.
There are many, many, many, many,
many more boxes coming.
So, once that mat's full, what are you going to do?
Get another mat?
No, no, that's not the right answer.
Oh, okay. It's not that many items.
But they add up, Dad.
When you say there's not that much stuff,
that's the mindset that has led you to rationalize this.
It feels good to give stuff away, right?
It really feels good.
You know what else feels good?
Hugging your grandchildren in your home.
♪
Okay, I'll try.
Okay.
♪
Are you leaving, Kath?
-I'm exhausted already. -Kath?
♪
Is there anything in there that's worthwhile
that you want to save?
Like, I see you saving The Beatles one?
Sheila's working full-time,
and she doesn't have the time to take off work.
She came when she could.
And it's more emotional for her, too,
because she's quite close to David.
-Get rid of. -Too cerebral.
Hello!
I don't think she could ever confront him like
Kathy and Wendy have done, and told him,
you know, you have to, you know,
bite the bullet and start somewhere...
'cause he'd be just quite happy to do nothing.
Highly effective people. Ow, ow, ow!
-Sorry. -"Highly defective people".
-Oh, okay. -Defective.
Maybe we should keep this one.
Okay.
In our family, we don't really communicate
that well with emotional things.
What do you care about Pope John Paul?
But, we know he does appreciate us.
It's just, that's the way he is.
-Can we donate this? -Sure.
I would have to say that my dad definitely showed
a lot of progress.
What did I do with the purse that was down here?
Can we focus on the task at hand, please?
I've got to look through this box here.
My mom, on the other hand, she just can't really focus
on certain things, and she'll get sidetracked.
Those are all bags and
I wondered if anybody wants them.
I know what they are. Are you keeping it or not?
You don't need to open them all.
They're all the same.
♪
Well, they don't take up much room,
I'll just put it back in a room upstairs.
I don't have to get rid of everything
just because they're here. There's grey, there's pink...
-You're live in one room. -Yes.
-One bedroom -I'm not bringing them with me.
You're putting those with things that I want to keep.
This is keep!
Those are uncertain. This is keep.
-Hello... -Hi!
-How are you? -Okay.
Good, good.
I see, I came over 'cause I
saw a lot of purses coming out.
50% of it is my house. Do you understand that?
That's what's going through my mind.
I know.
So, things that I think I might like,
I don't have the money to buy anything now.
Most of these purses are worth 300 bucks each, okay?
That's where I'm coming from. And I'm getting a bit upset,
so don't question me on this.
It's always been her way.
If she, if it's something she doesn't want to hear,
she just tunes it out. She'll just want to move on.
What does it mean to you,
when you say the house is 50% yours?
Like, what's, what's important about that for you?
I'm too upset to talk about that right now,
so don't ask me any more questions.
I'm just going to go through these,
get it over with, and that's it.
She's trying to help you, Mom.
I know she's trying to help me, but I...
She's trying to help you work through
the quantity of what you want to keep.
She didn't work. For most of her life,
she collected a disability check,
and my dad's always felt like he owned the money
because he, he made the money.
So, it's his money.
But that's not the way it is.
So, she wants to be clear that it's not just
his money, it's their money.
And that's where it's stemming from.
Is, is that true, what Wendy said?
-That, that's a good summary. -Okay.
What's heartbreaking about what Elizabeth is saying,
is that there are so many women of her generation
who are in the same boat, the ones who stayed home,
they raised the kids, they kept the house,
they did the cleaning, and were never appreciated for
the contributions they made to the family and the home.
This is not about the purses for Elizabeth,
it's what the purses represent.
♪
Okay, I'm going back to the residence.
-Okay. -Why do you want to go?
I feel like I just got here.
My back is sore and I'm tired.
But you're, you can sit down.
I feel like we didn't get rid of
as much stuff today as we could have.
When you came out of the hospital,
and you've said like, "Oh, I don't care about
this stuff anymore, I just want it gone.
I don't care."
Yes, I know.
But now you're seeing it and like...
you're keeping a lot of stuff.
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
I can't think. I was in tears when I got back,
I was so exhausted yesterday.
And I almost missed dinner,
and now it's 6 o'clock and it's my dinner time,
and I don't want to sit here for dinner.
-This is a limited time, okay? -I know, I know.
We have one and a half days left after today.
-Okay. -So all this...
one and a half days, and we haven't touched on
your clothes and a lot of your bedroom.
So, like, we need to make some decisions.
And having you say, "I want this,
this is important to me," it's frustrating.
I feel like sometimes their possessions
mean more than our opinions.
We just want what's best for them,
and we're trying to tell them that.
You have to make the decision...
I'm not going to make any decisions.
...that you don't want these things...
because if you don't make the decision-
I want to go home and eat. I'm leaving.
I don't think you're leaving.
There's nobody here to drive you.
♪
You can't leave every single time we start
having an important conversation.
That doesn't get anywhere.
That just prolongs the process.
That stops it, that stops progress.
I don't care that you're annoyed.
-I'm annoyed. -I know...
I'm here cleaning your 45 years of garbage.
-[Laughing] Yes, I know. -You think that's funny?
-No, it's not funny. -I don't think it's funny.
It's sick, it's sick, it's really sick.
-It's disgusting! -Yeah.
♪
Well, I'm, I'm just not up to this now.
Okay. Go home, have something to eat.
Have a good night's sleep.
And we'll see you at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning.
Okay.
I feel like I didn't get anywhere.
I feel like I'm wasting my breath.
9.30, would that be alright?
I'll see you in the morning.
Okay...
Okay.
When she gets like that...
it's like a child, you just have to wait until
the mood has passed.
-Okay, thank you. -See you tomorrow.
-Okay, bye. -Thanks for coming today.
Thank you, bye.
They really enable each other.
Instead of pushing each other to do better,
it's kind of like, "Let's just give up.
There's too much stuff. We can't do anything about it."
So, it doesn't give me hope that...
we're going to see much change.
It's definitely frustrating to see them both check out.
Like, I want to check out, I don't want to be here.
I don't want to be going through their stuff and
having to ask them for every single item,
"Do you want this? Do you want this?
Why is this important to you?"
Like, grow up, you know?
Be the adult here.
For once, be the adult.
♪
We've got a whole lawn of decisions,
and a whole bunch of stuff more to bring out.
We need to hustle, all of us.
We'd like for you to give your daughters permission...
to take control of everything that's on the lawn,
so that the two of you can go upstairs into your bedroom
where your most personal belongings are
and focus there.
I think if we don't do it this way,
we are not going to get this job done.
And you are going to lose this home, David.
♪
-Can you see that? -I can see it.
Yeah.
So, can you give permission to make full decisions
about everything that's on the lawn?
Yeah, that's a good idea.
[Laughing] That's a yes, yes or no?
-Mm-hm. -Um...
Yes.
I'm not sure if he's being honest and sincere.
But if it gets him upstairs, it's good enough for now.
♪
-Yucky! -Yes, yucky.
Mice were in here, too. They're everywhere.
♪
This is garbage. These are garbage.
Garbage. I don't even want to look in it.
Let's keep this and, maybe one day he'll use it.
♪
Garbage.
I'm happy they delegated it because...
they would have inspected every single thing when it
was obviously disgusting and needed to be thrown away.
Let's get rid of it.
♪
Ah, yeah, I'm keeping those.
Oh, my gosh.
Elizabeth is walking down memory lane.
She's getting bogged down in photos,
and it's understandable, but it's really
slowing her down because she's reminiscing
about every single one of them.
What's that, David? Garbage?
-Yep, Kleenex boxes. -Kleenex boxes.
Alright, 1, 2...
3, 4...
5, 6, 7, 8.
7 packs of unopened place mats.
They don't take much room, I'll keep them.
They do take up room.
Ah, you're keeping the wreath, right? Christmas?
♪
Yeah, he'll want that.
Yeah, and this is, what is that, perfume?
Yeah, that's garbage. Garbage.
Ew, earwig.
That's garbage. Bye!
So, we're getting through stuff, eh?
Look at that, wow!
Yeah, we're getting done. We're getting done.
-That's right! -Wow!
So, how are you feeling?
Ah... tired.
Yeah? You did amazing,
you did good work up there today.
Well, when people use the word "die"...
you have to decide which way you're going to go.
The doctor said they'd just come in and
throw everything out...
and clean the house, and then you...
they may sell the house, too.
[Effy] Yes, that's absolutely right.
[David] So, yeah.
So, I didn't want to do that.
♪
You can tell that a lot more progress is being made
in his room. There's floor space.
♪
You can't see the progress in my mom's room yet.
I've never lived with regrets.
I got the life that I always wanted, and...
I've had a lot of very special times with my girls...
when I reflect upon it.
It brings back happy memories.
Do you want to keep these cards?
Yes.
It's like she wants to squeeze out
the last memory from it...
before she lets it go.
And she needs the items, so she doesn't lose the memory.
For her to recognize that, herself, is the challenge.
We're making progress.
We're getting there, but we need to keep...
not looking at every single magazine.
Garbage.
After she had had her heart surgery, she was like,
"Oh, I don't need this, didn't even know I had this.
I didn't even remember this."
So, for her to now attach importance to those things,
it just feels like it's false importance.
Here's Grandma's recipe.
Fudgesicles and cherry squares.
In Mummy's writing. Do you want it?
I don't want to say none of her things are important.
There are some special items, but it's defining
what the special items are, versus everything else,
'cause right now to her, everything is special.
♪
-How's it going in here? -Good.
I think what's happening is, you're getting a little bit
distracted by remembering stuff, which is natural.
We all do that when we discover treasures.
But remember, it's going to slow things down.
Yes, just leave me, please. You're starting to upset me.
-Okay, okay. -So, leave me.
♪
It's our last full day and, when I try to give Elizabeth
some tips on how she can sort through some of these
things faster, she gets defensive pretty quickly.
I don't know what to say or how to answer you.
And I'm not interested in talking to you
because you upset me.
Okay.
♪
I got stressed at one point, but she came back later.
Elizabeth, can I just talk to you for a second?
Sure.
And we talked and, I think we got things settled.
I mean, I remember what it was like
when the kids were little.
What was it like? Yeah, tell me about that.
It was very busy from morning till night.
The way to connect with Elizabeth is to talk with her.
And when I walk down memory lane with her,
she's a lot more open to suggestions.
Do you want me to put all of those in that
into that folder?
Yes, 'cause I don't need to look at them now.
And I'm not going to keep them all.
♪
That's David.
-Hi, David. -Hi.
-How are you? -Good.
My name is Diana Fuller.
I am a certified personal property appraiser.
-Nice to meet you. -Yes.
I am here as an appraiser, to look at some items
that you have that might be of value?
Okay...
♪
I'm not really looking to sell a lot.
Well, she's just gonna talk to you about the value.
Okay, ah...
So, do you want to give me a tour and
we can sort of walk around?
-Would that be all right? -Okay.
I could see that David was pretty stressed.
A lot of times when I'm walking into a home
like this, someone has already passed away.
They have fallen, they can't get up.
They can't get to the phone or find the phone...
And, they end up dying and their children find them.
And David and I did discuss that.
So, for me, it was wonderful to be able to come here and
meet David today, because often
I don't have that opportunity.
So, let's take a look.
What about these figurines here that you've got?
Oh, yeah.
Her arm is, is broken,
so there's really no value to this, at all.
I don't even remember getting those.
So, there's really no connection for you
with something like that?
Yeah, some of them.
So, that might be something that you might be
willing to dispose of?
There are some collectibles that are of higher value.
So, your floor lamp,
you'd probably get about $250.
For your small lamp,
you'd probably get about 125.
So, Dad, are you going to part with any of these things?
Like, have you decided to let any of these things go?
Probably not.
So, because- like, it's just a kind of waste of time
right now, because if everything is being held on to,
and you're not interested in letting go of anything,
why are we doing this?
I don't know.
Is there anything in here that you could part with?
Probably not.
David, let's go back to the morning.
What was the biggest factor that we're doing this for?
So I can live a good life.
Not just a good life.
-A live life? -Yes!
Like, these things are all going to collect dust.
Your lamps and all the things that are here,
they're still part of the clutter, right?
You don't want the mouse feces.
You don't want the pests and the rodents.
You need to circle back to what you said
was important to you.
He's still joking about stuff.
Yes. You're still making this a joke.
-Is your life a joke to you? -Yeah, one big joke.
♪
Come on, now you're shutting down.
Yeah.
I think we're done on this one.
I understand that what I'm asking them to do
is difficult, but if they're not in the moment and
they're not willing to listen, they just say no and
they move on and they try to change the subject.
That's been going on for 30 years so,
for me, that's what's hard.
♪
I think that my parents do shut down,
and it is wasted breath to argue with them
once they're at that point.
I pulled this piece out,
which is the child's sewing machine.
Oh, yeah, that's, that's the original box even.
Yeah, and it's in here, the, "Sew Handy".
It's great.
I had them for Kathy and Wendy when they were little...
'cause I would sew, and I was teaching them how to sew.
-Is that one valuable here? -It is, yeah.
So, you're looking at about $125, $150 at auction.
It's in, brand new,
still has the original needles, everything.
So, that's, that's what collectors look for.
So, do you want to part with it?
-Yeah, sure. -That's great.
But give me the money, not him. [Laughing]
We can do that, we can do that.
♪
Elizabeth is holding up
her end of this bargain right now.
She's taken something that is a collectible,
it's important to her, and she's letting it go.
And it's got memories for me, too.
♪
Whoopee.
Well, it's special to her.
-Yeah, well, yeah. -David, it's not funny.
-Yeah, it is. -Not really.
No, it's not funny. She's- your wife is in tears.
She's sentimental about something that
we just spoke about, yet she's willing to do...
the hard thing...
that she's just done, which is to let that go.
It was very difficult for me, but I won't be
using those things anymore, so...
why not get the money for them?
So, why don't we take a look at a couple of your lamps?
How about you pick one lamp here and we'll open it up?
He's kind of watching, he's observing,
but he seems adamant he's not going to
give away his lamps.
Let's just go with this one. Oh, it's already open.
Oh, look how pretty that is.
-They're all pretty. -Yeah, they are.
I would think at auction, we can get $200, maybe more.
That's a huge return.
They're not doing anything in a cupboard
downstairs in your basement.
These can be enjoyed by somebody else now.
Yeah.
And you could put that cash in your pocket.
I feel like, I feel like we're not
influencing your dad at all.
Like, I'm just kind of...
yeah, I know, I can see it all over your face.
I think this is where your change happens.
Right here.
If you can give away one of these lamps,
you will have shown real change.
♪
No.
♪
David is digging down.
He has no intention of giving up even a single lamp.
This is a hard thing to do.
-One? -One.
This is the moment where David...
shows us- and himself-
whether he has the ability to change or not.
The person that this goes to, if we're just selling it,
really has no connection to me.
So, when I give them away,
I give them away to people I know,
that I know will like them, and then I'm happy.
Got it.
You want the emotional goodies that come with
picking this up and handing it to someone and
seeing their facial expression when they...
Yeah, they'll be happy,
and I'll be happy I gave it to them.
I wish that could happen for you, I do,
because I think that what you just said is beautiful.
I just don't think it's going to happen.
Okay, then it won't go anywhere.
I do think it's going to happen.
I think you're going to feel some joy and some pride
in giving it to me to take to auction.
And that would make me feel really good.
I think she has a great idea because I would feel good.
[Kathy] I would feel good if you gave that away.
You have three people in this room to connect to,
right now, by giving away this lamp.
We are here in flesh and blood.
♪
One, to start?
Can definitely start with one.
-One is a start. -Yeah.
Okay, we'll let her have this one.
-Okay. -Okay.
♪
-Way to go. -Amazing!
[Laughing]
It may seem like a small thing,
like, what's the big deal?
It's just one out of your 45 lamps.
[Laughing] There we go.
But for David, that was a huge moment,
and that was a really big win.
You've done a really great thing today,
so it's a really good start.
-Thank you. -Yeah, you're welcome.
I'm hoping that once he realizes it wasn't that hard
to let it go, maybe he can get there again and
start giving more stuff away.
♪
Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness,
oh, my goodness.
That's so sad.
Oh, these people were living with mice like this.
This was in your living room.
So...
this died, decomposed,
and you never even smelled it.
That's disgusting.
That is disgusting, that's-
I don't want you to live like this.
Garbage, garbage.
Keep, keep.
The word of the day is overdrive.
We need to hustle, or they will lose their house.
Gosh, I haven't seen any of these for years.
We can take one piece away, how about that?
Sure.
You're okay to part with that piece?
Well, yeah.
We're running out of time, and I think that we have a
bit more in us to kind of give a final push.
How many times have you used this in the last two years?
-Zero. -Zero, excellent.
-That can go. -Okay, great.
♪
It's very possible that they'll be a bit angry after this,
if there's certain things they can't find,
but I'm willing to take that initial blow back to
get the house in the proper condition.
♪
All right, everyone from cleaning crew,
come with me, please.
I just wanted to ask one question outside,
have we loaded the bin and the donations?
Donation truck's loaded up and gone for delivery.
-Wonderful. -We have to do another run.
And the garbage is in the bin?
-Yeah. -Okay, guys, let's go.
All right!
Extreme Clean Group, amazing team.
We took out over 12 tons of stuff from that house,
and that wasn't including donations.
That's three dumpsters,
24,000 pounds of stuff.
I really hope it stays out.
♪
I think the whole experience was definitely worth it.
Trying at times, but we worked together as a team,
and I hope that having a clean house will motivate him
to keep on top of it, so it never gets like that again.
♪
-You may discard the chair. -Excellent.
I'm concerned that once everyone's gone,
he'll start to try replace some of the items
that he's gotten rid of.
Time will tell, but...
[Sighing] I'm concerned.
The house smells fresh and clean.
The mouse droppings are gone.
The air quality has improved, and the house is
no longer slowly killing David.
♪
Wow, look at that floor shine.
-Unbelievable! -There you go.
That looks a little better, eh?
It looks a lot better.
-Wow. -Wow!
♪
It's all tidy now and bright and cheery.
-Oh! -Wow!
The fine china's out, wow! What did they do?
-Amazing! -They cleaned.
It was a shock. It was absolutely beautiful.
I thought I was in a show home or something.
[Laughing] Oh...
Wow!
It was a mess, and it was dangerous.
We needed to change it.
Now we have a fresh start.
And I'm gonna try and not recreate it.
I haven't seen the carpet in so long in this room.
It was almost like an archive of every year...
of the life, being unburied as you took stuff off the top.
Ah, this looks amazing.
All the disgusting mess was gone.
There's a lot of hope for the future, I think.
I would say a significant improvement.
Yes.
My dad seemed very open to keeping things
the way that they are.
-An office. -Look at this.
-Wow. -That's so awesome.
The house just looks so much bigger than it did before.
Oh, my gosh.
This is wonderful.
♪
A flood of memories came back.
I hadn't seen them for such a long time.
It was...
down memory lane for me, really.
I felt just tears of joy.
Your new bedroom.
New and improved.
Wow, that's nice. Whoa!
By seeing the end result, I'm hoping that that will
help them overcome those feelings of loss.
That they'll be able to move past...
any blame that they might...
put on us for making them get rid of their stuff.
When I came in this room with you the first time,
there was... -Sh!
There was no walkway.
Every day you got, like jumped over.
It's not much of a challenge anymore.
The worry that we have for you is now kind of dissipated.
And I think...
you will be happier and, as a result,
we will be happier, too.
Yeah.
I just adore the three of you.
And...
you're what has made me happy.
The most treasured part of my life is
going through the years that I spent with you.
Those are the memories that I want to remember forever.
And you will.
Having us around, having the grandkids around.
Yeah.
And now we can make more memories
coming into this house.
Yes, right.
This is a very positive change for both of you.
-It is, yeah. -Yeah.
It's, it's really good.
And we hope that, yeah, you'll spend
more time over here, if you can.
I know that my dad loves us.
While it is very hard for him to say it,
I still feel it from him and I think that's
as important as saying it.
I would die for my kids...
you know, I love them that much.
And my wife.
I think one of the best ways...
that the two of you...
can show how much you appreciate your family,
is to look after yourselves, and to really
address the underlying issues...
that brought you here in the first place.
And so with that, we would like to
offer the option of aftercare.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
I agree, yeah.
I'm going to try to be a better person and...
not let the papers pile up over my head.
So, yeah, that's what I think I learned.
♪
There's my girls! Come in and see our new house.
-You seem pretty excited. -Hi!
-Hello. -Hello.
-Hello, Grandpa. -Scarlett, how are you?
Good to see you.
My grandkids coming over, they usually don't do that,
so to have them over was just amazing.
I just talked about you girls.
I said, "I can hardly wait to show Anabelle and Scarlett,
they've never been in our house because it was..."
-We've been in your house. -Did it look like this?
-Not like this though! -No! [Laughing]
Go on in.
Do you remember what the house looked like before?
It's going to be life changing for him.
Now we can have the family moments that
we haven't had for a while,
and he, he's going to have to get used to it.
-Go! -3, 2, 1, go!
Look at this, wow. So much room, eh?
The house looks so amazing.
Four days is kind of not something that you think can
make a significant difference when you looked at the house
from the beginning, and it really did,
that was a life changing clean out.
The roof seems lower now that everything's gone,
I don't know.
A huge weight has been lifted off of our shoulders.
I'm hoping that he'll be able to come out of his shell
a bit more now that he's not...
suffocating under all of the things that he had.
It was hard to do this, but I am more than happy
the way it turned out.
-You're going to come back? -No.
-Oh, okay. -[Laughing]
♪